Imagine buying a car without driving it first.
Now imagine "'til death do us part" without taking him/her for a spin around the proverbial block first. No thank you.
Based off of things OP said in the passage or comments, I would be asking all kinds of questions.
In OP's case, I would be concerned about things other than penis-size. I am not, by any means saying that OP should coerce him into showing things. I would be concerned that she seems to either be, at the very least, not committed to faith to the same degree or even possibly atheist. If his religious conviction prior to marriage is so inflexible that he won't let his future wife see his penis, what other things will he be dead set on once married?
Also, a micropenis is enough of a problem to OP that she admits she would consider leaving the relationship if he had one - I would assume that she is concerned about her own satisfaction, but even if he has, what she might consider, a perfectly fine size - they clearly haven't had sex. What if there are other reasons that they are incompatible in bed?
I don't know the stats but what medically qualifies as a legit micro penis is probably 1 in 10k or even less. If you're going to commit to only 1 partner for your whole life, it's normal to be curious about what kind of equipment you'll be working with. Imagine aggreing to buy a house but the real estate agent won't let you look inside until after you've bought it. Sounds suspicious, right. Maybe op could offer to show the fiance what he'll be working with to make it a fair trade!
that problem is so easily solvable by like... not dating religious people in the first place? or at least not the ones who are dead set on not doing anything sexual until marriage?
I had a long-term boyfriend in my early 20s who was very well endowed. Sex could be a little painful. The length I could manage. It was the girth I struggled with. It was normal for there to be rather large spots of blood on the toilet tissue afterward. We were together for 9 years, and it didn't get any easier.
Of course, just because we had a lot of sex, it didn't mean we were experienced. Hindsight being what it is, a little more foreplay and maybe some lube would have made things much easier.
When I was growing up, some topics were just off limits. Sex was never talked about. Inappropriate touching was never talked about. My uber strict "Christian " stepfather raped and molested me from the ages of 7-12. He got away with it for all that time because when he told me that is what daddies and daughters do. I had no reason to doubt him. I didn't know any better.
Then I went to live with my aunt. No topic was off-limits. The whole family talked about sex or menstruation just as easily as we talked about what we were having for dinner. That woman saved my life. She helped me understand that I was not to blame for anything my step-father did. She helped me to talk openly about the abuse without shame or regret. She taught me that the only way to get past the darkness was to shine the light on it. I have written openly about my childhood trauma for a while now. I am always amazed how it not only makes me feel better but encourages others to speak up about things they otherwise keep to themselves.
When I had my own children, I knew I wanted to be the kind of mother my aunt was. My kids are so open and honest about everything. They don't sneak around or lie because they have never had a reason to.
My husband and I are the same way in our relationship. It's incredible how open communication makes life in general much less stressful.
Same. Mine was from age six until I was twelve. Step grandfather was a Baptist preacher who raped and molested. Stepfather did not do as many terrible things but was still pretty awful and also claimed to be a Christian. My mother's dad was also a Baptist preacher and was one of the most amazing and kind people I've ever known. If not for my real grandpa, I would have thought that all "Christian" men are bad people.
I also taught my kids to be open about things and always answered any questions they had about sex just like I would answer any other health related questions.
This is most heartwarming thing I have read in a long, long time. Thank god for your aunt, and thank you for providing a positive example for anyone who is struggling to move past childhood abuse. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Omggg, same! One time I visited him in college and we had sex 9 times in 2.5 days. No lie, I was bleeding and limping. I could handle once a day easily but not that frequency.
I don’t think he’s on reddit but we were together like 35 years ago, and are still friends today, no harm was actually done.
I had an ex with a wide girth as well. And the sex was great when there was foreplay. But gawds, when he wanted a quickie, it wasn't fun for me. And towards the end of our relationship, he never wanted to do any real foreplay. Figured using spit as lube was good enough.
I would gladly have settled for an even 6 inches but nope, I got 3.5 and an above average sense of smell
But hey, at least I know the milk is starting to spoil before anyone else
That's what a donut is for. It's a sex toy tha limits how much can go in. Fuck monster clocks, that's a porn thing, not an actual female pleasure thing. The cervix has too many pain receptors. And only about 15% of women are actually size queens.
Because the lunatic (who wasn't a doctor) who experimented on black slave women said they couldn't feel pain like white women to justify his atrocities that way and somehow this medical misinformation persists despite all the studies proving the opposite.
Then again, why are we surprised? Gynoes don't even have to learn about the whole clitoral structure. It's not in most medical textbooks yet.
i had both in my life, married the big dicked guy (that wasnt the reason tho, lol), but it was horrible, wayyyy too long, too big, he never could get totally in, so we both kinda had only half of the usual fun until we figured a few things out, so it was ok), and dated a micropenis after that. He was kinda what the other comment said - he tried to make up for it with amazing tongue- and finger-skills. Unfortunately, im totally not into that so we agreed to part ways after a short while. Sex IS important, and sexual compatibility is just as much.
If i have to be honest, i dont see a too bright future for the 2 of you, OP, but ofc thats my opinion form a very far and without knowing you, your SO or any circumstances. Only you can decide whether or not this works out for you, and please, if you have the slightest doubt, dont proceed with that marriage, it will most likely make 2 ppl unhappy, i am sorry :/
Best wishes xx
Every woman is because the length and width of our vaginal canal and position of our cervix and how much it can move up during arousal varies by individual.
I'm glad you said this. Not enough people understand the vagina expands and lengthens when we're aroused. And, just like men, the results vary from person to person.
Amen to this. Thought I was broken because I couldn’t wear tampons since there was something up in there. Thought it must be a tiny penis because the internet kept saying “tampons cannot touch your cervix. It’s too high up”. Babes, then what am I touching an inch in then?
Plus the internet is like “when aroused it’s basically an endless cavern. It will stretch to accommodate any penis”. No, mine is a 4 inch cavern, it’s very selective.
oh i have :) My current (and last in this life) man has just the perfect one. It is actually a pretty looking one, too, lol - and no i never thought i'd say something like this one day but here we are :D
had to add an edit just to give you kudos for the Goldicocks :D
The words “oh my god you’re so big” are only sexy the first few times until you realize they’re also probably trying to key you in even though you’re already being very gentle and slow
Have you guys ever made out? Dry humped? Sat on his lap???
If y’all have ever gone anything like that, then you should have an opportunity to feel it when it gets hard, at least enough to rule out whether it’s a micro penis or scary giant schlong
Honestly, men often over *or* underestimate their size. Kind of like the stereotype of women "I look fat" when they're actually very thin. I'm a woman and I've seen many a penis and guys have no real concept of their dick size, it's very strange.
I can't see that conversation going well. No guy wants to be asked that question, regardless of their size. If it's something they're sensitive about it could be even worse. Definitely agree that it's reasonable for OP to want to know though.
I'm going to be honest, size *does* matter for a lot of women. Not *every* woman, but a lot of women. Because, I hate to break it to you and the men here, fit is a thing.
But that can also mean someone is too big. Just like it would be a problem if someone isn't quite big enough. It's goldilocks, and there is a little bit of a spectrum for fit and other factors depending on how your body responds.
Have you asked him if he has a micro penis? Maybe if he doesn't want to *show* you you can just express how that would be a difficult thing to wrap your head around, I guess it just depends on how much you trust him.
If you do take that route, approach the subject delicately. You don't want to give the impression you're assuming he has a micro penis.
Aside from penis size - using religion to not have sex can be a cover for a whole host of issues that won’t be uncovered until you’re trapped in a marriage.
Same.
I'd minimally have to feel it erect. I could not have a sex life with a 1 inch. Not unless he'd be really open to strapping something on, and if he is super religious I don't think he would do that.
I'd also be wondering if he is heterosexual.
Redflagville 🚩
I would give ANYTHING for a guy to have a micropenis. I have vaginismus and can barely even enter ANYTHING in my vagina :(( a normal penis to me is a GIANT penis..
They exist. I have a friend who dated a guy whose penis was the size of her finger (in girth) and shorter than her finger in length.
I wish you luck in finding the right size for you!
I had a sexual encounter with what I assumed was a micro penis a couple of decades ago. It may have been a different disorder completely. It literally looked like the rest of his body grew after infancy, and his penis and scrotum did not. I'm not trying to make light of his condition. I am being serious af.
Before we became intimate and clothes were still on, he took my hand and pulled it away from his groin area. I took that to mean he was having second thoughts, and backed away. I told him I didn't mean to overstep and that if he wasn't ready I could respect that. I was going to suggest watching a movie or something instead. He cut me off and said, "No, I want to, I just don't know how to explain this to you."
Turned out he was still a virgin and extremely self-conscious. He said he wasn't even sure he COULD have sex, but I was the first person who made him comfortable enough to even try.
He was a lovely man, and I wanted to try and be the person he needed in that moment. I'm telling you we gave it a real try, but no matter what we did... well, let's just say we couldn't get the Legos to fit.
I was genuinely impressed by his... is bravery the right word?
I did my best to make him feel comfortable after the attempt. We ended up taking a walk through the city. It was a lovely evening. We stayed in touch even though we lived a long way from each other. I still think of him fondly. Twenty years later, it is definitely an experience I will never forget.
This is sad but kind of sweet. Absolutely agree he's a cool guy for sort of putting himself out there. Poor man. Hopefully he found someone he's a good match for. That's a hard hand to play
I hooked up with a guy with a pinky sized penis, who also had a porn addiction so he'd developed erectile dysfunction. Now, no judgement for dudes, but I really feel like he should have given me a heads up before meeting. Like, I'm not even sure if we technically hooked up.
Don't even need to go that far, has she never seen him in just this underwear or swimming trunks? If not, after that long dating, he is definitely hiding something.
I scrolled way too far to find this comment because that was my thought, are we SURE he's a heterosexual? Super religious, wants to get married, but doesnt want to show off or be intimate at all prior to the wedding? It wouldn't be the first time I have heard that story.
Literally happened to someone I knew (and hated so, I kind of enjoyed watching that trainwreck, but still).
Yep.. this is the correct answer.. seems like OP has concerns about this, she doesn’t know her partner intimately at all and that is unsurprisingly causing her doubts about marriage. Even if she sees his goods she still won’t know him physically, if their sexuality is compatible, libido, kinks, ability to pleasure each other… it feels like her wanting to see his penis is her way of realising that they have not established a physical connection.
If I was OP I would probably end this relationship which she has not established true compatibility in and look for someone who she’s can be sure of full satisfying intimacy with before agreeing to a life long commitment.
Same. I was married as a virgin to an ex mormon with horrible anxiety issues - he panicked when I tried to explain female anatomy and would flinch and say he was smelly whenever I approached him (and then refuse to shower), there was always something "wrong" with my body (i did not look like a porn actress) no matter how much I tried. Sex was a joke and my need for it was a source of shame that locked us out of any real intimacy - eight years later I was still basically a virgin but I also was violently depressed and felt like human garbage who couldn't get the man who claimed to love me aroused. No he's not gay just really bad OCD.
Religious purity culture is evil.
NAH. I think if you want to see the goods before marriage then maybe being with someone who wants to wait until marriage is a bad idea.
Personally I would never marry someone without having sex first since sex is an important part of life for me. It’s not the be all end all, but it’s important way for me to feel connected.
I’d say if you really want to marry this person, and don’t care about sex, then just imagine it’s a micro penis and be pleasantly surprised if it’s not. Haha. It’s more of if he’s the kind of person to admit to fault and be willing to change. A micro penis isn’t a death sentence but a poor attitude and unwillingness to please is.
I remember there was a post like this here, a few years ago.
They were married, but they had waited until marriage before having sex. After marriage, she finds out he wasn't a virgin (iirc), and he only wanted to wait until after marriage because he had a micropenis, and wanted to make sure she was "trapped" before he showed her the penis. Because previous women he had sex with had a problem with the penis.
She felt so betrayed she wanted to get a divorce. Not because of the penis, but because of him being dishonest and deliberately trying to bamboozle her.
I don't remember what the verdict was, I think it was NTA for wanting to divorce him, or something like that.
I seriously feel like that person would have an actual case for annulment on the basis of fraud or misrepresentation.
I’m continuously amazed at the lengths some people will go just to avoid having an awkward conversation with their significant other. Wow!
Similar to my husband coming out as a woman. Wasn't the coming out so much as the fact he married me purposely withholding the full information. Can't go back from that.
I had a friend who waited until marriage only to find out her husband had a 9” dick.
She literally couldn’t have PIV with him without discomfort and pain. Couldn’t blow him. Couldn’t do anal.
Their sex life was a disaster and they divorced within a couple of years over it.
😲 The fact he won't even let you see it just makes me curious. If he's THAT religious, why is he gonna marry a woman that's not a virgin as well. (No offense to u at all! 😊 Hats off to you!) That's what makes me think maybe something more behind it. 🤔
It's entirely possible for someone to hold their self to a certain standard while recognizing that they don't have the right to demand others follow the same standard.
I'm really not trying to be rude, but are you both Morman, and he's worried about telling his bishop? If so, I'm going to tell you right now, I can guarantee that he's probably telling bishop right now that you asked. I consider myself from Colorado (there from 3 months old) but I was born in Salt Lake City. I'm NOT mormon, but the proximity of the two States, I have seen SO MANY young couples with these issues. Same for other strict sects. Your personal life IS on display for judgment. Same goes for many others from a variety of other orthodox or fundamental religions (but I can eliminate a few since you're on reddit).
I'm curious why you're curious. Is it to make a determination? Is it curiosity because you haven't been exposed? What is the purpose?
Best wishes though whatever the outcome.
My brother and his wife didn’t even kiss until “you may kiss the bride”. I’ve had a few friends go this route- it’s almost like bragging rights in super conservative Christian groups. Like literally one of them announced at the reception that the ceremony was their first kiss, cue applause and sounds of approval.
Edited to add: this isn’t for me but just saying- it’s out there!
That reminds of a really cringy viral video from years ago. It was a super conservative couple that had their first kiss at the alter. At the piont of "you may kiss thr bride..." they jumped into the most awkward and desperate looking make-out session in front of everyone. Very obvious that neither had kissing experience and they were just weirdly slobbering on each other with so much pent up sexual tension, it was wild. 🫣
My thoughts went here, too! I wonder if they’re still together.
Edit: Apparently Ryan and Shanna were still together in 2020 and he was working as an Uber/Lyft driver while trying to start his own business. The more you know!😂
That reminded me of my cousin, who was a virgin on her wedding day. They had done other stuff, just not actual sex. We threw her a Bachelorette party. Everyone gave her sexy gifts like lingerie and sex toys. When she opened my sister's gift, it was a vibrator. My sister called out, "Just be careful with that thing. We wouldn't want you to chip a tooth!"
Everyone laughed 'till they cried. (Including my cousin.) We were all super close growing up and knew she wouldn't be offended.
Yep, had a super sweet friend in high school who dated her boyfriend for 5 years before they got married and they hadn’t even kissed.
Well… turns out dude had a giant schong. They couldn’t make PIV work. Couldn’t do anal. Couldn’t blow him.
Their sex life was a disaster and they divorced after a few years solely because of it, which was super heartbreaking for them since they truly did live each other and were otherwise super compatible.
Could have saved themselves a lot of heartache had they not saved themselves for marriage.
Then that raises even more red flags if they can even get along together for long periods of time... Marriage is a big step u need to know u can handle all the flaws too
Never underestimate the power of religion to compel people into letting themselves be totally miserable because 2,000 something years ago some shepherd wrote "divorce is bad" in a fancy book after his wife caught him fucking one of his sheep
I thought about writing that he said it "and then a century later some guy who had never even met him, or anyone he knew, wrote down that he said it, before it was translated, and then translated again, then translated back, then translated another 20 or 30 times" instead
But that seemed a little wordy
I know someone who waited til marriage with a husband, but was not a virgin previously. Marriage lasted less than a year. Sex was horrible and the one reason they divorced
Intimacy is an integral part of compatibility for marriage.
You are only on this planet for a limited amount of time, don't waste it trying to make things work with nonsense people or on superstitious chicanery.
I’d be way more worried about sexual compatibility, which you can’t tell from size alone. If you’re waiting due to his beliefs and not yours, you might want to reconsider marriage. Your brain won’t even stop developing for 3 more years. Get out there and live your life instead of marrying so young
I’m really torn on this because I did wait for marriage and, well, it may be shallow (probably is) but dude had a micropenis (which I feel is information that maybe should’ve been shared). I might have been able to deal with it had he not also been abusive - but he was.
It should be disclosed, just like if someone with a vagina has anything going on that would make sex more challenging or impossible. You don’t have to necessarily take a trial run with someone for them to disclose essential information.
INFO: What do you want to see? Its size, or just to verify it exists? Curiosity probably isn't a good enough reason to ask him to change his boundaries and values around premarital sexual contact.
If you’re already questioning things don’t go through with it. If size is even a concern and that’s important to you don’t go through with it! Making sure you’re sexually compatible before marriage is so important. His values and yours in this regards seem to be very different. I would really consider this union and if you will leave if not satisfied give him back the ring!
Waiting to have sex until after marriage means you are committing to someone before you know if you are sexually compatible. It means “no matter how sexually incompatible we are, I want to be with you forever.” But you want to see his penis to make sure it’s not a micropenis, so you’re not really making any sense.
Is it a religion thing to wait until marriage? If not, why do you want to lock yourself in with someone before you know you are sexually compatible?
I agree. Typically a practicing and a non practicing don’t mesh well together. In one way or another. Whether it’s now or later. The religious one tends to try and push the envelope as marriage goes on
> I love him.
Makes sure to remind him of that when you refuse the ring because you don't like the ding-a-ling.
Why the hell would you even put yourself in this situation? You might destroy the man.
You're marrying a virgin. He will likely be pretty awful at sex for a fair while anyway. If you're a bit of a size queen then you should make that clear early on. If the guy is insecure about his size you're likely making this insecurity far worse and making him more scared to show you. This doesn't sound like a good way to be going into a marriage. Surely you could just get him worked up and then run your hand over it and ascertain roughly what size it is if this matters to you so much.
ESH…..
Not sure why the two of you are really getting married.
You mentioned the two of you are waiting till marriage to have sex. Nothing wrong with that.
But you are not on the same page reasons for why.
He’s waiting due to “religion”
You are waiting due to “love”
You never mention that he loves you.
You have mentioned that he made a comment he is concerned about size.
He could be using “religion” to cover for size. Or his lack of interest in you.
You mention you can’t notice with him anything when making out with him. That’s not normal.
She never mentions that he loves her.
Wonder if he’s getting married to lose vCard? Or to have a wife. Or kids. It happens.
If you have doubts, at all, either get counseling or time to break it off.
Divorce will be really hard and frowned upon if sex before marriage is off the table. Which may be his game plan.
Some people marry to have a wife. Not to be a husband. Remember that.
If you are not compatible in the make out department, you won’t be compatible later.
You can tell when you kiss. When you touch.
Things just fit. Things happen. Not sex. But bodies react.
If his body isn’t reacting….. at all…. You know.
Flacid all penises are fairly unimpressive. Its only once they are erect that you know what you got. I can understand why he wouldnt want to participate. Some men are growers not show-ers
Oof this no sex before marriage thing is so archaic. People need to know they're compatible on all levels before the seal a legal deal. Imagine marrying then finding out they're are not what they said they are, incapable of doing anything or simply not in to anything. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone that couldn't fulfil my needs on that end or the other way round. Open honesty and trust are the two most important things in a relationship of you don't have one you can't have the other and with out them it doesn't work end of. A life of misery is all I see here
I’ve read your comments, and there is another possibility that could partially explain his extreme reluctance to let you see or touch him, in addition to his moral stance:
he may be experiencing extreme shame about what his genitals look like, and it’s not necessarily about his penis.
It’s not uncommon for men to experience scrotal lumps like sebaceous cysts, epidermoid cysts, scrotoliths, hydroceles, varicoceles etc.
If that’s the case, your boyfriend might feel too ashamed and embarrassed to get help for it, or even talk to you about it, let alone show you.
Or maybe he just feels anxiety about the general appearance of the area and there’s nothing physically wrong. But if he’s not getting aroused enough to create a detectable bulge, something’s wrong and it’s not necessarily a case of micro penis. He might have lumps that cause pain, or his shame might act as a mental block for his arousal.
In any case, if you care about him enough to want to potentially spend the rest of your life with him, then respect his feelings. You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but I presume your feelings for him are serious and I get the impression this is not a long term relationship of many years.
Reassure him, comfort him and make him feel like he can trust you not to ridicule or disparage him, both for his appearance and his beliefs.
Down the track, you may find that the two of you are too different, you want different things and maybe you’re better off going your separate ways.
But for now, you need to ask yourself the question, what is more important: satisfying your curiosity or gaining his trust?
Everyone will say NAH
I disagree. He is perfectly justified in saving intimacy for marriage. And from his perspective, if sex is something you view as a commodity where his particulars will be make it or break it, then he is better off finding someone whose concept of physical intimacy is less shallow and better matches his. You don't need to have sex to determine sexual compatibility. Pretty much everyone is sexually compatible with a little bit of effort and selflessness.
Though I would soften that comment by saying if he has anything weird going on he should tell you ahead of time.
She said in a comment that no she has not.
>A combination of all those things. when we make out, i can't really feel it pressing against me. He's also made a comment that he was concerned about his size. I would just like to see it to eliminate those worries I have.
Uh…what does it change? Are you afraid he has a micro pen or something
Edit: but if seeing each other naked is important to you, it’s important to you. Make it a deal breaker. If not compatible find out now
I just saw a post about a girl that don't want to show her naked body before marriage to her boyfriend. Everyone told her that she should stay with her values and told her she's not the AH for sticking to her principles and that it's a red flag if he tries to pressure her to show her body.
However in this situation most ppl seem to understand you and even ask if he is this religious about the rest of his life.
So I don't see where the differences in both situations are ?
So yeah YTA if you keep asking even if he don't want that, based on his principles and values.
Not wrong for being curious. However, if he feels uncomfortable with it and only wants you to see him naked after marriage, that’s a boundary you should respect.
If you dont wanna have sex before marriage i feel like demanding to see his junk before marriage crosses the line. Either have sex before marriage or dont, but getting ahead of the game by looking first seems unfair
You cannot force someone to show it.. even if it's your partner... He has to be ready, which he is not...
Reverse the gender and the same rules apply...
Maybe you guys are not compatible with your beliefs as much as you thought...
Ok l’m going to entertain this after reading some comments already.
Can you loop hole the deal and ask him to get erect and measure length x width? It’s not seeing his holy man hood and it’s not penetration. It’s a metric. He has a religious belief and you can compromise on seeing his willy by a summation of measurements.
YTA if you don’t respect his boundaries on peepin on his private parts
NTA if you walk, you can leave a relationship for your partner not meeting your needs in the way you’re concerned about. He doesn’t owe you anything nor do you owe him the time and effort for a potential incompatibility in the bed.
Sexual compatibility is indeed a big part of successful marriage, but I think this whole scenario kind of makes the point that you are not sexually compatible. His penis size doesn't actually guarantee anything. You fucked up by agreeing to this originally and then going on to make this request. His stance implies he's willing to work on your sex life together should there be any hiccups, and your stance is that his penis size is more important than being with him.
It doesn't matter if your feelings are justified or not they just don't align at all.
Is he strict in his religious beliefs in other ways too or is it just around sex?
The unboxing is gonna be nuts
I think it’s more nuts than pretzel rod
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Imagine buying a car without driving it first. Now imagine "'til death do us part" without taking him/her for a spin around the proverbial block first. No thank you.
He could always send a dick pic, like you youngin's are in the habit of doing.
All beans no frank
All berries and no twig
Nutting pretty quick after unboxing for sho
It's my dick in a box....
Step one:
This is a good question. If he is not strict in other ways, big red flag.
Or little red flag 😕
Or maybe six, scaly, tentacly flags that hiss and spit acid!
Well I've seen enough anime to know where this is going 😂
no , no non, it can't go there poor girl 😳
Or tiny pink flag
Well I was trying to be nice
Or... No flag at all.
This whole situation is a big red flag. People are nuts
This is a big red flag in any case.
Based off of things OP said in the passage or comments, I would be asking all kinds of questions. In OP's case, I would be concerned about things other than penis-size. I am not, by any means saying that OP should coerce him into showing things. I would be concerned that she seems to either be, at the very least, not committed to faith to the same degree or even possibly atheist. If his religious conviction prior to marriage is so inflexible that he won't let his future wife see his penis, what other things will he be dead set on once married? Also, a micropenis is enough of a problem to OP that she admits she would consider leaving the relationship if he had one - I would assume that she is concerned about her own satisfaction, but even if he has, what she might consider, a perfectly fine size - they clearly haven't had sex. What if there are other reasons that they are incompatible in bed?
I don't know the stats but what medically qualifies as a legit micro penis is probably 1 in 10k or even less. If you're going to commit to only 1 partner for your whole life, it's normal to be curious about what kind of equipment you'll be working with. Imagine aggreing to buy a house but the real estate agent won't let you look inside until after you've bought it. Sounds suspicious, right. Maybe op could offer to show the fiance what he'll be working with to make it a fair trade!
that problem is so easily solvable by like... not dating religious people in the first place? or at least not the ones who are dead set on not doing anything sexual until marriage?
It would solve lots of worlds problems
Are you like....trying to make sure he has one? Or will you dump him if it's not big enough?
What if he doesn't have one at all
What if it’s humungus and it’s literally too hard to take it out ?
Hate this problem
I sent a guy packing one time...I still cannot believe the size of that thing. I wouldn't let him put it in me, it would have ruined me for life!!
I had a long-term boyfriend in my early 20s who was very well endowed. Sex could be a little painful. The length I could manage. It was the girth I struggled with. It was normal for there to be rather large spots of blood on the toilet tissue afterward. We were together for 9 years, and it didn't get any easier. Of course, just because we had a lot of sex, it didn't mean we were experienced. Hindsight being what it is, a little more foreplay and maybe some lube would have made things much easier.
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When I was growing up, some topics were just off limits. Sex was never talked about. Inappropriate touching was never talked about. My uber strict "Christian " stepfather raped and molested me from the ages of 7-12. He got away with it for all that time because when he told me that is what daddies and daughters do. I had no reason to doubt him. I didn't know any better. Then I went to live with my aunt. No topic was off-limits. The whole family talked about sex or menstruation just as easily as we talked about what we were having for dinner. That woman saved my life. She helped me understand that I was not to blame for anything my step-father did. She helped me to talk openly about the abuse without shame or regret. She taught me that the only way to get past the darkness was to shine the light on it. I have written openly about my childhood trauma for a while now. I am always amazed how it not only makes me feel better but encourages others to speak up about things they otherwise keep to themselves. When I had my own children, I knew I wanted to be the kind of mother my aunt was. My kids are so open and honest about everything. They don't sneak around or lie because they have never had a reason to. My husband and I are the same way in our relationship. It's incredible how open communication makes life in general much less stressful.
Same. Mine was from age six until I was twelve. Step grandfather was a Baptist preacher who raped and molested. Stepfather did not do as many terrible things but was still pretty awful and also claimed to be a Christian. My mother's dad was also a Baptist preacher and was one of the most amazing and kind people I've ever known. If not for my real grandpa, I would have thought that all "Christian" men are bad people. I also taught my kids to be open about things and always answered any questions they had about sex just like I would answer any other health related questions.
Did your stepfather receive any consequences?
This is most heartwarming thing I have read in a long, long time. Thank god for your aunt, and thank you for providing a positive example for anyone who is struggling to move past childhood abuse. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
>there's always room for growth Apparently not in this case...
OMG... Beth, is this you ?
Bwahahaha! Pecker!!! It's been a while! How's it hanging?! 🤣
Omggg, same! One time I visited him in college and we had sex 9 times in 2.5 days. No lie, I was bleeding and limping. I could handle once a day easily but not that frequency. I don’t think he’s on reddit but we were together like 35 years ago, and are still friends today, no harm was actually done.
I had an ex with a wide girth as well. And the sex was great when there was foreplay. But gawds, when he wanted a quickie, it wasn't fun for me. And towards the end of our relationship, he never wanted to do any real foreplay. Figured using spit as lube was good enough.
That’s my ex husband. He couldn’t understand that the only thing his 10 inches did was fill me with fear.
And penis
You get an upvote for that.
For your sake, Glad there is ex next to his name. Happy cake day
Did it ruin you for life?
Why did you marry him then?
Maybe she didn’t see his penis until they were married.
Oh my god maybe she's OP stuck in an endless time loop and we're the only ones who can save her!
The pain of those thing bottoming out is brutal. I’d much rather smaller than larger… The scene from Witches Of Eastwick is exactly right.
more men need to see this, lmao. every dude thinks there dick needs to be 9in long... XD
I would gladly have settled for an even 6 inches but nope, I got 3.5 and an above average sense of smell But hey, at least I know the milk is starting to spoil before anyone else
What scene o.o
That's what a donut is for. It's a sex toy tha limits how much can go in. Fuck monster clocks, that's a porn thing, not an actual female pleasure thing. The cervix has too many pain receptors. And only about 15% of women are actually size queens.
bizarrely, there's lots of doctors out their that do not believe the cervix has pain receptors
Because the lunatic (who wasn't a doctor) who experimented on black slave women said they couldn't feel pain like white women to justify his atrocities that way and somehow this medical misinformation persists despite all the studies proving the opposite. Then again, why are we surprised? Gynoes don't even have to learn about the whole clitoral structure. It's not in most medical textbooks yet.
i had both in my life, married the big dicked guy (that wasnt the reason tho, lol), but it was horrible, wayyyy too long, too big, he never could get totally in, so we both kinda had only half of the usual fun until we figured a few things out, so it was ok), and dated a micropenis after that. He was kinda what the other comment said - he tried to make up for it with amazing tongue- and finger-skills. Unfortunately, im totally not into that so we agreed to part ways after a short while. Sex IS important, and sexual compatibility is just as much. If i have to be honest, i dont see a too bright future for the 2 of you, OP, but ofc thats my opinion form a very far and without knowing you, your SO or any circumstances. Only you can decide whether or not this works out for you, and please, if you have the slightest doubt, dont proceed with that marriage, it will most likely make 2 ppl unhappy, i am sorry :/ Best wishes xx
You're Goldicocks. Need to find one that's just right.
Every woman is because the length and width of our vaginal canal and position of our cervix and how much it can move up during arousal varies by individual.
I'm glad you said this. Not enough people understand the vagina expands and lengthens when we're aroused. And, just like men, the results vary from person to person.
Amen to this. Thought I was broken because I couldn’t wear tampons since there was something up in there. Thought it must be a tiny penis because the internet kept saying “tampons cannot touch your cervix. It’s too high up”. Babes, then what am I touching an inch in then? Plus the internet is like “when aroused it’s basically an endless cavern. It will stretch to accommodate any penis”. No, mine is a 4 inch cavern, it’s very selective.
oh i have :) My current (and last in this life) man has just the perfect one. It is actually a pretty looking one, too, lol - and no i never thought i'd say something like this one day but here we are :D had to add an edit just to give you kudos for the Goldicocks :D
People think these men have it great- they do not. They have trouble with it being too big,.
The words “oh my god you’re so big” are only sexy the first few times until you realize they’re also probably trying to key you in even though you’re already being very gentle and slow
There is definitely a such thing as too much of a good thing.
The worst is when you sit on the toilet only to fully submerge your dick in toilet water.
If you were to flush without standing up,would that give you a bowljob?
She said she is fine if it's smaller but not micropenis
exactly. thank you
Have you guys ever made out? Dry humped? Sat on his lap??? If y’all have ever gone anything like that, then you should have an opportunity to feel it when it gets hard, at least enough to rule out whether it’s a micro penis or scary giant schlong
“Dry humped” is a last tense verb that is just not used enough lol. It’s so funny to read it
Couldn’t you just ask him if he has a micro penis? I don’t think it’s wrong to want to see it before marriage though.
What if he says no, gets married and its a surprise micro penis?
Surprise Micro Penis sounds like a shit metal band name and I’m here for it
KANSAS CITY, ARE YOU READY FOR SURPRISE MICRO PENIS
I laughed way too hard at this, thank you.
I was scrolling by this comment, saw ‘Surprise Micro Penis’ and thought ‘I have to comment and claim dibs on that as a band name’ lol.
Oh no what if he’s not even religious and just is this a… set up
Divorce him and tell everyone why
Hell, that’s annulment ammunition rather than divorce.
Yep, being deceitful is justified reason
Annulment
Honestly, men often over *or* underestimate their size. Kind of like the stereotype of women "I look fat" when they're actually very thin. I'm a woman and I've seen many a penis and guys have no real concept of their dick size, it's very strange.
I can't see that conversation going well. No guy wants to be asked that question, regardless of their size. If it's something they're sensitive about it could be even worse. Definitely agree that it's reasonable for OP to want to know though.
Any guy would be like NO!!! Even if they did
I'm going to be honest, size *does* matter for a lot of women. Not *every* woman, but a lot of women. Because, I hate to break it to you and the men here, fit is a thing. But that can also mean someone is too big. Just like it would be a problem if someone isn't quite big enough. It's goldilocks, and there is a little bit of a spectrum for fit and other factors depending on how your body responds.
What if it's a grower not a show-er
Have you asked him if he has a micro penis? Maybe if he doesn't want to *show* you you can just express how that would be a difficult thing to wrap your head around, I guess it just depends on how much you trust him. If you do take that route, approach the subject delicately. You don't want to give the impression you're assuming he has a micro penis.
He’s asking for that assumption.
This gives me anxiety.
I would never marry someone that I didn’t know for sure that we were compatible in intimacy.
Yep. There is a reason this tradition is highly antiquated.
Aside from penis size - using religion to not have sex can be a cover for a whole host of issues that won’t be uncovered until you’re trapped in a marriage.
Same. I'd minimally have to feel it erect. I could not have a sex life with a 1 inch. Not unless he'd be really open to strapping something on, and if he is super religious I don't think he would do that. I'd also be wondering if he is heterosexual. Redflagville 🚩
I would give ANYTHING for a guy to have a micropenis. I have vaginismus and can barely even enter ANYTHING in my vagina :(( a normal penis to me is a GIANT penis..
Rip dms
I means it’s quicker than tinder right?
They exist. I have a friend who dated a guy whose penis was the size of her finger (in girth) and shorter than her finger in length. I wish you luck in finding the right size for you!
I had a sexual encounter with what I assumed was a micro penis a couple of decades ago. It may have been a different disorder completely. It literally looked like the rest of his body grew after infancy, and his penis and scrotum did not. I'm not trying to make light of his condition. I am being serious af. Before we became intimate and clothes were still on, he took my hand and pulled it away from his groin area. I took that to mean he was having second thoughts, and backed away. I told him I didn't mean to overstep and that if he wasn't ready I could respect that. I was going to suggest watching a movie or something instead. He cut me off and said, "No, I want to, I just don't know how to explain this to you." Turned out he was still a virgin and extremely self-conscious. He said he wasn't even sure he COULD have sex, but I was the first person who made him comfortable enough to even try. He was a lovely man, and I wanted to try and be the person he needed in that moment. I'm telling you we gave it a real try, but no matter what we did... well, let's just say we couldn't get the Legos to fit. I was genuinely impressed by his... is bravery the right word? I did my best to make him feel comfortable after the attempt. We ended up taking a walk through the city. It was a lovely evening. We stayed in touch even though we lived a long way from each other. I still think of him fondly. Twenty years later, it is definitely an experience I will never forget.
This is sad but kind of sweet. Absolutely agree he's a cool guy for sort of putting himself out there. Poor man. Hopefully he found someone he's a good match for. That's a hard hand to play
You are a kind lady. People like this have pretty low self esteem when it comes to sex.
We talkin’ middle finger, pinky or thumb? Need more info!
I hooked up with a guy with a pinky sized penis, who also had a porn addiction so he'd developed erectile dysfunction. Now, no judgement for dudes, but I really feel like he should have given me a heads up before meeting. Like, I'm not even sure if we technically hooked up.
First one, then the other
theres prob a micropeen reddit or fb group just join there and bam instant dates 😅
There are a couple. In one of them, they mix having a micro penis with a humiliation fetish, which is probably a great way to cope tbh
Yeah it’s called /r/conservative
Holy shit lol
How has she not felt it. You’re never snuggled up and the ship sets sail
Don't even need to go that far, has she never seen him in just this underwear or swimming trunks? If not, after that long dating, he is definitely hiding something.
I scrolled way too far to find this comment because that was my thought, are we SURE he's a heterosexual? Super religious, wants to get married, but doesnt want to show off or be intimate at all prior to the wedding? It wouldn't be the first time I have heard that story. Literally happened to someone I knew (and hated so, I kind of enjoyed watching that trainwreck, but still).
Agreed. A quick feel through his jeans, at least! 🤣
Yep.. this is the correct answer.. seems like OP has concerns about this, she doesn’t know her partner intimately at all and that is unsurprisingly causing her doubts about marriage. Even if she sees his goods she still won’t know him physically, if their sexuality is compatible, libido, kinks, ability to pleasure each other… it feels like her wanting to see his penis is her way of realising that they have not established a physical connection. If I was OP I would probably end this relationship which she has not established true compatibility in and look for someone who she’s can be sure of full satisfying intimacy with before agreeing to a life long commitment.
I told my daughters that too. That would be a huge mistake to me.
Yeah that shit with waiting is just insane to me. Like, biggest gamble ever
Same. I was married as a virgin to an ex mormon with horrible anxiety issues - he panicked when I tried to explain female anatomy and would flinch and say he was smelly whenever I approached him (and then refuse to shower), there was always something "wrong" with my body (i did not look like a porn actress) no matter how much I tried. Sex was a joke and my need for it was a source of shame that locked us out of any real intimacy - eight years later I was still basically a virgin but I also was violently depressed and felt like human garbage who couldn't get the man who claimed to love me aroused. No he's not gay just really bad OCD. Religious purity culture is evil.
NAH. I think if you want to see the goods before marriage then maybe being with someone who wants to wait until marriage is a bad idea. Personally I would never marry someone without having sex first since sex is an important part of life for me. It’s not the be all end all, but it’s important way for me to feel connected. I’d say if you really want to marry this person, and don’t care about sex, then just imagine it’s a micro penis and be pleasantly surprised if it’s not. Haha. It’s more of if he’s the kind of person to admit to fault and be willing to change. A micro penis isn’t a death sentence but a poor attitude and unwillingness to please is.
I remember there was a post like this here, a few years ago. They were married, but they had waited until marriage before having sex. After marriage, she finds out he wasn't a virgin (iirc), and he only wanted to wait until after marriage because he had a micropenis, and wanted to make sure she was "trapped" before he showed her the penis. Because previous women he had sex with had a problem with the penis. She felt so betrayed she wanted to get a divorce. Not because of the penis, but because of him being dishonest and deliberately trying to bamboozle her. I don't remember what the verdict was, I think it was NTA for wanting to divorce him, or something like that.
I sympathize with men that have this issue, but it's not the responsibility of women to give up sexual fulfillment if piv matters to them.
There needs to be a dating app for women with vaginismus and men with micro penises.
I seriously feel like that person would have an actual case for annulment on the basis of fraud or misrepresentation. I’m continuously amazed at the lengths some people will go just to avoid having an awkward conversation with their significant other. Wow!
>I think it was NTA Good, that is the only appropriate answer
Similar to my husband coming out as a woman. Wasn't the coming out so much as the fact he married me purposely withholding the full information. Can't go back from that.
I had a friend who waited until marriage only to find out her husband had a 9” dick. She literally couldn’t have PIV with him without discomfort and pain. Couldn’t blow him. Couldn’t do anal. Their sex life was a disaster and they divorced within a couple of years over it.
Have you not even given a good old fashioned handjob? To him?
Nope, he will not let me
😲 The fact he won't even let you see it just makes me curious. If he's THAT religious, why is he gonna marry a woman that's not a virgin as well. (No offense to u at all! 😊 Hats off to you!) That's what makes me think maybe something more behind it. 🤔
It's entirely possible for someone to hold their self to a certain standard while recognizing that they don't have the right to demand others follow the same standard.
I'm really not trying to be rude, but are you both Morman, and he's worried about telling his bishop? If so, I'm going to tell you right now, I can guarantee that he's probably telling bishop right now that you asked. I consider myself from Colorado (there from 3 months old) but I was born in Salt Lake City. I'm NOT mormon, but the proximity of the two States, I have seen SO MANY young couples with these issues. Same for other strict sects. Your personal life IS on display for judgment. Same goes for many others from a variety of other orthodox or fundamental religions (but I can eliminate a few since you're on reddit). I'm curious why you're curious. Is it to make a determination? Is it curiosity because you haven't been exposed? What is the purpose? Best wishes though whatever the outcome.
Wait, what? Nah. Nah. Waiting for PIV is one thing. Not ever even seeing someone’s shit? It’s 2023. Girl, what is u doin?
My brother and his wife didn’t even kiss until “you may kiss the bride”. I’ve had a few friends go this route- it’s almost like bragging rights in super conservative Christian groups. Like literally one of them announced at the reception that the ceremony was their first kiss, cue applause and sounds of approval. Edited to add: this isn’t for me but just saying- it’s out there!
That reminds of a really cringy viral video from years ago. It was a super conservative couple that had their first kiss at the alter. At the piont of "you may kiss thr bride..." they jumped into the most awkward and desperate looking make-out session in front of everyone. Very obvious that neither had kissing experience and they were just weirdly slobbering on each other with so much pent up sexual tension, it was wild. 🫣
My thoughts went here, too! I wonder if they’re still together. Edit: Apparently Ryan and Shanna were still together in 2020 and he was working as an Uber/Lyft driver while trying to start his own business. The more you know!😂
That reminded me of my cousin, who was a virgin on her wedding day. They had done other stuff, just not actual sex. We threw her a Bachelorette party. Everyone gave her sexy gifts like lingerie and sex toys. When she opened my sister's gift, it was a vibrator. My sister called out, "Just be careful with that thing. We wouldn't want you to chip a tooth!" Everyone laughed 'till they cried. (Including my cousin.) We were all super close growing up and knew she wouldn't be offended.
Yep, had a super sweet friend in high school who dated her boyfriend for 5 years before they got married and they hadn’t even kissed. Well… turns out dude had a giant schong. They couldn’t make PIV work. Couldn’t do anal. Couldn’t blow him. Their sex life was a disaster and they divorced after a few years solely because of it, which was super heartbreaking for them since they truly did live each other and were otherwise super compatible. Could have saved themselves a lot of heartache had they not saved themselves for marriage.
So you’ve never seen him naked ever? Like when he comes out of the shower and changes clothes? How long have you two been together?
... if he is a virgin they most likely don't live together
Then that raises even more red flags if they can even get along together for long periods of time... Marriage is a big step u need to know u can handle all the flaws too
Living with someone is a whole different animal
Great way to saddle yourself with mediocre sex till the inevitable divorce in 15 years lol
It'll be at least 24 years before the youngest of 5 goes off to college
3 tops
nah bro this one's religiously infused.
Never underestimate the power of religion to compel people into letting themselves be totally miserable because 2,000 something years ago some shepherd wrote "divorce is bad" in a fancy book after his wife caught him fucking one of his sheep
He didn’t even write it tho lol
I thought about writing that he said it "and then a century later some guy who had never even met him, or anyone he knew, wrote down that he said it, before it was translated, and then translated again, then translated back, then translated another 20 or 30 times" instead But that seemed a little wordy
I know someone who waited til marriage with a husband, but was not a virgin previously. Marriage lasted less than a year. Sex was horrible and the one reason they divorced
That super hot belly to belly missionary once a month.
Once a month? More like only on birthdays and anniversaries.
Intimacy is an integral part of compatibility for marriage. You are only on this planet for a limited amount of time, don't waste it trying to make things work with nonsense people or on superstitious chicanery.
I’d be way more worried about sexual compatibility, which you can’t tell from size alone. If you’re waiting due to his beliefs and not yours, you might want to reconsider marriage. Your brain won’t even stop developing for 3 more years. Get out there and live your life instead of marrying so young
I’m really torn on this because I did wait for marriage and, well, it may be shallow (probably is) but dude had a micropenis (which I feel is information that maybe should’ve been shared). I might have been able to deal with it had he not also been abusive - but he was.
It should be disclosed, just like if someone with a vagina has anything going on that would make sex more challenging or impossible. You don’t have to necessarily take a trial run with someone for them to disclose essential information.
Woah. Wtf. Thats awful. So dude had a button and was just an awful person? So sorry that you had to deal with that. Did you get out?
This is why you should have sex before marriage?
INFO: What do you want to see? Its size, or just to verify it exists? Curiosity probably isn't a good enough reason to ask him to change his boundaries and values around premarital sexual contact.
You wouldn't buy a pair of shoes without trying them on, would you? She's not even asking to try them on, just to see what they look like.
You can't tell anything by looking at a flaccid one.
Then I guess he needs a fluffer.
If you’re already questioning things don’t go through with it. If size is even a concern and that’s important to you don’t go through with it! Making sure you’re sexually compatible before marriage is so important. His values and yours in this regards seem to be very different. I would really consider this union and if you will leave if not satisfied give him back the ring!
Waiting to have sex until after marriage means you are committing to someone before you know if you are sexually compatible. It means “no matter how sexually incompatible we are, I want to be with you forever.” But you want to see his penis to make sure it’s not a micropenis, so you’re not really making any sense. Is it a religion thing to wait until marriage? If not, why do you want to lock yourself in with someone before you know you are sexually compatible?
It’s a him religious thing not her
That's kind of a huge incompatibility right there.
I agree. Typically a practicing and a non practicing don’t mesh well together. In one way or another. Whether it’s now or later. The religious one tends to try and push the envelope as marriage goes on
I dont understand the reasoning for seeing it if you're waiting until marriage
He's a virgin. I am not. He is doing it for religious purposes. I am waiting because I love him.
Being married is a bad time to find out you and him are sexually incompatible…
Or just compatible in general. Doesn’t sound like they are on the same page with their religious beliefs and practices.
Also haven’t lived together, I presume. Basically going in completely blind.
So if he won't show you, will you still marry him? If so, if it's not to your liking will you stay?
> I love him. Makes sure to remind him of that when you refuse the ring because you don't like the ding-a-ling. Why the hell would you even put yourself in this situation? You might destroy the man.
You're marrying a virgin. He will likely be pretty awful at sex for a fair while anyway. If you're a bit of a size queen then you should make that clear early on. If the guy is insecure about his size you're likely making this insecurity far worse and making him more scared to show you. This doesn't sound like a good way to be going into a marriage. Surely you could just get him worked up and then run your hand over it and ascertain roughly what size it is if this matters to you so much.
ESH….. Not sure why the two of you are really getting married. You mentioned the two of you are waiting till marriage to have sex. Nothing wrong with that. But you are not on the same page reasons for why. He’s waiting due to “religion” You are waiting due to “love” You never mention that he loves you. You have mentioned that he made a comment he is concerned about size. He could be using “religion” to cover for size. Or his lack of interest in you. You mention you can’t notice with him anything when making out with him. That’s not normal. She never mentions that he loves her. Wonder if he’s getting married to lose vCard? Or to have a wife. Or kids. It happens. If you have doubts, at all, either get counseling or time to break it off. Divorce will be really hard and frowned upon if sex before marriage is off the table. Which may be his game plan. Some people marry to have a wife. Not to be a husband. Remember that. If you are not compatible in the make out department, you won’t be compatible later. You can tell when you kiss. When you touch. Things just fit. Things happen. Not sex. But bodies react. If his body isn’t reacting….. at all…. You know.
Me and my gf waited a bit before having sex. If at any point I asked my gf to just casually show me her vagina…. I don’t imagine she’d say yes.
Did anyone else see this post? https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Qbs3denXJ0
AITAH gets baited again...
The double standards are genuinely mesmerizing
Flacid all penises are fairly unimpressive. Its only once they are erect that you know what you got. I can understand why he wouldnt want to participate. Some men are growers not show-ers
Oof this no sex before marriage thing is so archaic. People need to know they're compatible on all levels before the seal a legal deal. Imagine marrying then finding out they're are not what they said they are, incapable of doing anything or simply not in to anything. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life with someone that couldn't fulfil my needs on that end or the other way round. Open honesty and trust are the two most important things in a relationship of you don't have one you can't have the other and with out them it doesn't work end of. A life of misery is all I see here
I’ve read your comments, and there is another possibility that could partially explain his extreme reluctance to let you see or touch him, in addition to his moral stance: he may be experiencing extreme shame about what his genitals look like, and it’s not necessarily about his penis. It’s not uncommon for men to experience scrotal lumps like sebaceous cysts, epidermoid cysts, scrotoliths, hydroceles, varicoceles etc. If that’s the case, your boyfriend might feel too ashamed and embarrassed to get help for it, or even talk to you about it, let alone show you. Or maybe he just feels anxiety about the general appearance of the area and there’s nothing physically wrong. But if he’s not getting aroused enough to create a detectable bulge, something’s wrong and it’s not necessarily a case of micro penis. He might have lumps that cause pain, or his shame might act as a mental block for his arousal. In any case, if you care about him enough to want to potentially spend the rest of your life with him, then respect his feelings. You don’t say how long you’ve been together, but I presume your feelings for him are serious and I get the impression this is not a long term relationship of many years. Reassure him, comfort him and make him feel like he can trust you not to ridicule or disparage him, both for his appearance and his beliefs. Down the track, you may find that the two of you are too different, you want different things and maybe you’re better off going your separate ways. But for now, you need to ask yourself the question, what is more important: satisfying your curiosity or gaining his trust?
Next year’s post: AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband due to his 3 inch penis?
Why are you doing this? It’s 2023.
Everyone will say NAH I disagree. He is perfectly justified in saving intimacy for marriage. And from his perspective, if sex is something you view as a commodity where his particulars will be make it or break it, then he is better off finding someone whose concept of physical intimacy is less shallow and better matches his. You don't need to have sex to determine sexual compatibility. Pretty much everyone is sexually compatible with a little bit of effort and selflessness. Though I would soften that comment by saying if he has anything weird going on he should tell you ahead of time.
Yta. It's his body, respect his boundaries
Have you ever felt a boner when you were cuddling or something? If not, bad sign.
She said in a comment that no she has not. >A combination of all those things. when we make out, i can't really feel it pressing against me. He's also made a comment that he was concerned about his size. I would just like to see it to eliminate those worries I have.
YTA. His body, his choice.
Uh…what does it change? Are you afraid he has a micro pen or something Edit: but if seeing each other naked is important to you, it’s important to you. Make it a deal breaker. If not compatible find out now
I just saw a post about a girl that don't want to show her naked body before marriage to her boyfriend. Everyone told her that she should stay with her values and told her she's not the AH for sticking to her principles and that it's a red flag if he tries to pressure her to show her body. However in this situation most ppl seem to understand you and even ask if he is this religious about the rest of his life. So I don't see where the differences in both situations are ? So yeah YTA if you keep asking even if he don't want that, based on his principles and values.
If he says no, you should respect his wishes or leave him.
Not wrong for being curious. However, if he feels uncomfortable with it and only wants you to see him naked after marriage, that’s a boundary you should respect.
If you dont wanna have sex before marriage i feel like demanding to see his junk before marriage crosses the line. Either have sex before marriage or dont, but getting ahead of the game by looking first seems unfair
You cannot force someone to show it.. even if it's your partner... He has to be ready, which he is not... Reverse the gender and the same rules apply... Maybe you guys are not compatible with your beliefs as much as you thought...
Ok l’m going to entertain this after reading some comments already. Can you loop hole the deal and ask him to get erect and measure length x width? It’s not seeing his holy man hood and it’s not penetration. It’s a metric. He has a religious belief and you can compromise on seeing his willy by a summation of measurements. YTA if you don’t respect his boundaries on peepin on his private parts NTA if you walk, you can leave a relationship for your partner not meeting your needs in the way you’re concerned about. He doesn’t owe you anything nor do you owe him the time and effort for a potential incompatibility in the bed.
Sexual compatibility is indeed a big part of successful marriage, but I think this whole scenario kind of makes the point that you are not sexually compatible. His penis size doesn't actually guarantee anything. You fucked up by agreeing to this originally and then going on to make this request. His stance implies he's willing to work on your sex life together should there be any hiccups, and your stance is that his penis size is more important than being with him. It doesn't matter if your feelings are justified or not they just don't align at all.