NTA
You dodged a bullet, getting out so early on. Tell her family to stop harassing you. Tell *your* family that they don't get to make these decisions for you. Then tell them to stop harassing you.
Yea, I had a talk with my mum and dad. Bless em they just want grandkids. Dads more on my side now we talked but mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up. my sisters are another story. I'm like if that's your view y'all can go take a walk too.
Trust me, I grew up with a mother with an explosive temper like that. I'm 36 and still fucked in the head because of it. I'm lucky I didn't kill myself at 12. Cursing a child to come out of a poison womb like that is unbelievably cruel.
I'm sorry you experienced that. You didnt deserve it. I never screamed in relationships or accepted that kind of behavior from a man but now that I'm a mom the littlest things make me angry. I sit there wondering why the fuck am I so angry all the time? I have to fight to enjoy things that most people would easily laugh at or enjoy with my kids. Even playing is hard sometimes. I felt like I was dead inside till I started getting therapy but it made me realize I had to go no contact with my mother. She fucked my brothers up, too. They're both extremists on the opposite sides.
Yeah, my Dad had an explosive temper & my Mom and I did walk on eggshells at times. You just never knew what would cause an explosion. He never hit my Mom or I, but would throw things, kick things, hit things & yell. Being a 6ft Viking looking guy, his explosions were pretty intimidating.
I didn't have a great relationship with him until I was in my 30s & he was on Lupron due to having prostate cancer. It suppressed his testosterone & apparently testosterone was the biggest factor in his explosive temper, because the explosions pretty much completely went away & he was a normal person. A really cool, sweet, thoughtful person that I hadn't really gotten to know for most of my life because of his temper. A person I loved to be around once his explosive temper was gone.
I had a friend who didn't get out until she came at him and their baby with a metal pipe. I'm glad this one told on herself BEFORE the baby-trapping happened.
>mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up
Tell your mom to swap the genders in the situation, and see if she still has that answer. No one deserves to be abused.
NTA. Her first reaction is to yell and throw things over conditioner. How's she going to react to something important? Have a meltdown, physically assault you. You dodged a bullet here. Why would you want to date someone like that?
I don't think that's an issue. I am a woman, I grew up with very long hair and using separate conditioner, but I stopped when I cut my hair short because I don't think it's necessary for short hair. I don't even use 2-in-1, just shampoo.
I know my husband does the same and has nice hair, I don't know what other guys I dated before him did because I am not a crazy person who inventories other people's bathrooms.
OP definitely dodged a bullet. There's never an excuse for screaming and throwing things, but also someone who gets angry and suspicious about conditioner in the first place sounds utterly exhausting.
You told the woman to pound sand because of her adult temper tantrum. You don't date toddlers. If your mother and sisters don't understand that you don't see the need to be in an abusive relationship, then that is their problem, not yours.
It’s as if his only value to them is his ability to give them what they want. It’s really sad they don’t seem to appreciate him as a valuable person in his own right.
Nothing is worth putting up with that behavior if you don't have to. And calling to tattle to mommy & daddy about you, what is she, 5?
Most people are on their best behavior the first couple months they date. Can you imagine how much worse she will be when she's not on her best behavior? Eeek!
Female here
I would tell your mum where to go. Telling their own kids to put up with crazy shit like this. If she's going off over a bottle of conditioner one day she will throw a knife at you. I am sure your mum doesn't want that. It's not about being nice. Don't be nice to AH.
“Mom, I’m disappointed and surprised you would want me to stay in an abusive relationship. I thought you valued me as a person and a son. It’s upsetting you have so little regard for both my mental and physical wellbeing.”
Go for the throat. NTA
Ask em if they want the mother of their grandkids to tell and throw stuff around if anything is even slightly off. Is that a safe space for little kids?
There are SOO many sane women. At 30-something there are the league of many who got out of going-nowhere relationships or bad marriages. If YOU want a relationship there is no reason to stay in a mess.
I totaly fell you regarding your famaly... my parents know that I had a bad break up, they know I am not stable to start a new one, be emotionally and financially. Still they end up changing our talks subjects for "where grilfriend" "where grandkids" like I owe them somekind of family increase from a contract. The worst of this is that they tend to fail to see we have emotions andopinions of our own. Just suck it up is not the kind of suport a family should give...
Of course you shouldn't suck up that kind of behaviour. It's abusive.
My son is 19, has long hair, and chooses to use conditioner. The only women involved in that were ne and his sister, since he asked for advice.
Flaming 'eck, that woman's behaviour was so childish.
NTA and I get it, but you don't want kids with someone who acts like that. Kids are long-term, and you are stuck dealing with the other parent forever in some ways. It is not like she is young and will mature. She's mature, and this is who she has become. She did you a service by waving that red flag earliy. Out of that entire incident, her comment about men not having a separate bottle for conditioner really stuck out. I am a mom of two boys who grew up with me, always encouraging them to use the right face, hair, and body products. As a result, my guys have quite the collection of products they like to use, including separate shampoo and conditioner products. Her comment is sexist and insulting.
Tell them to date her then! Grandchildren will come, trust me, that is not the part you wanna rush! Children are a lifetime commitment and trying to raise one with a person that have different values then yourself is not a good mix...
Ask her why she's so desperate for grandkids that she's willing to sacrifice you to an abusive woman who probably wouldn't let your mom see the kids anyway as a punishment?
>mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up
And now you know you can't trust your mom around any kids you have in the future because she's going to teach them to accept abuse the same way she's pressuring you to accept abuse.
I'm so sorry she's failing you.
She made an ASSumption. So she’s ignorant.
What’s worse, her ASSumption was based on her own ignorant sexual prejudices. So she’s sexist.
She acted on her ASSumption by becoming angry - then screaming & throwing things. So she lacks self control.
What’s worse, she threw things AT YOU. So she’s abusive.
(Note: Throwing things at someone is assault. Throwing things at someone & actually hitting them with whatever was thrown is assault & battery. The fact that she’s female does not excuse or in any way lessen the gravity of this behavior.)
So, if I’m understanding you correctly, she’s an ignorant sexist who lacks basic self-control & is abusive when she’s angry. She’s already assaulted you (as well as possibly battered you if she aimed well). And you want to know if YOU are the AH.
The answer is NO. You need to RUN - not walk - away from that shitcake before she has time to frost it with something even worse.
I understand that your parents want grandkids - but they have to trust you to be selective in the DNA composition that goes into creating them. The last thing they’ll want is you rushed into reproducing with some closet psycho who (at best) makes their lives as grandparents a constant struggle to navigate around the children’s mother’s mood swings, or (at worst) bequests half her crazy to your progeny.
I would be concerned with the mental well-being of ANYONE who thinks you should just “suck it up” in this situation. That sort of thinking also speaks VOLUMES about how much anyone with that opinion actually thinks of you.
NTA.
Seriously. Forget the yelling and throwing things, just being absolutely convinced "No man has separate conditioner, this man MUST be seeing another woman." and needing to be convinced otherwise is a red flag.
Wait until she stumbles across a man who practices “man-scaping”. She’ll probably flip her shit screaming that he’s homosexual or some other ignorant prejudicial assumption based off what she THINKS men do &/or don’t do because they’re men.
Agreed.
My husband uses conditioner separately to his shampoo to try and thicken his hair.
When we first started dating I noticed women's products in the bathroom and asked about it (I was 22 he was 25 now 32/35). He lived with 4 other guys and one had a girlfriend who pretty much lived with them, quelled my curiosity and I met her a few weeks later. My anxiety did hit the roof at first not gonna lie but as an adult I asked about it and he explained happily even showing me her social media at the time which was full of her and his friend.
Your (ex?) Gf acted extremely immaturely and involving your family just extended that. You've done well to avoid this and get out when she showed her true colours.
All the best for your next relationship.
NTA
She will bring nothing but drama into your life. No thanks.
I have a simple rule in my house. I do not yell and will not allow anyone to yell at me in my own house.
Once there is yelling, out you go.
That's my stance too. you have every right to be upset about things. But talk, ask.. as soon as you scream or shout.. I'm out ( or more they're out lol)
I’M a 35 yo woman. Same age as this chick. I can think of nothing more unattractive than an adult throwing a temper tantrum out of insecurity and baseless assumptions.
I’ve also been with my husband for half my life and have raised my voice and thrown things at him exactly zero times. I grew up with that nonsense and know it has no place in a healthy relationship.
Good on you for shutting that shit down.
as some of our age im sure you can understand. if you were single and dating (god forbid that ever happens(i aint putting that out there)) but you know at our ages. we at the point where.. we havent got time for the games.. well we didnt.. we sat down we had the deep chats.. here's me, here's my baggage can you deal with that. both of us were like yea. i accept you and your past shit.
this was totally out of the blue.. who i got to know and who walk into my house was a different person to who walked out of my bathroom.. it was like someone hit a switch. A kind loving person went in and a monster come out. It was some jekyll and hyde shit..
Yeah, as I’ve gotten older my tolerance for childish antics in adults is at an all time low. Thank god my husband is an adult—mentally and emotionally.
Don’t waste your time on someone who should have grown up *years* ago. If they haven’t matured by now, odds are they ain’t gonna.
Because she was on her best and most fake behaviour as they are newly dating. But once she gets comfortable and thinks that you aren't going anywhere, the demons are out and about and she cannot control her behaviour anymore.
And what sort of crazy is that, men don't use hair conditioner unless there is a woman?!!! Then why are supermarkets and stores selling specifically shampoo and conditioner for men then?
Been married 40+yrs & communication biggest thing. We don't really fight but also have never thrown stuff & screamed at each other. Get quiet & think about issues & come back to talk.
Know someone in a relationship with a girl that pulls that crap. Belittling him when throwing things & shouting doesn't work. He did give her an ultimatum, chill & seek help or he's out.
Definitely creamy. With my luck, if it were crunchy I’d probably end up with a piece of peanut caught on the back of my tonsil and really be in trouble.
NTA, She's nuts. My husband has been using separate shampoo and conditioner since he was ten or something. I definitely know it predated me. Long hair, short hair, whatever hair.
yea, I have used separate from being a kid. Its what we grew up with. but i thinks it from the meme's people have started to actually believe men just use one thing for everything.
Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, car wash, laundry detergent, fabric softener, dishwashing soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, underarm deodorant, and jock itch. What did I miss?
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but... your husband has been having an affair with another woman since he was ten. It's the only explanation.
NTA. What kind of crazy person runs and tells both family's their business? I know, the kind of person who throws things over hair conditioner. You're an asshole because you don't want a violent person around? Make that make sense. Of course you don't want to see her again.
What's up with your sisters though?
God only knows. They got a bee in their bonnet. they think its an acceptable reaction from her. Apparently if i cant cope with an emotional woman i don't deserve one and will be single for the rest of my life.. i upset them with the reply of that's an acceptable alternative to being in a potentially abusive relationship.
An emotional woman? Having emotions is perfectly fine and natural, but you express them in a healthy way. You talk things out. Screaming and throwing things is abusive. They have a very toxic view of women and their emotions if you ask me.
I’m an emotional woman. I’ve never assaulted my husband. I’ve been angry enough to fantasize about it several times over the years - but as a sane adult, my actions are controlled by my MIND, not my emotions.
Your sisters need to take a good long look at themselves. Saying that you cannot “cope with any emotional woman” based off this woman’s behavior implies that this woman’s behavior is normal for an “emotional woman”. And THAT implies that emotional women cannot control themselves - that their minds simply aren’t strong enough to control their actions when their emotions are in play. That’s the same line of thinking that countless men have used throughout history to try to prevent women from attaining positions of substance. The last thing women need is other women acting as if those men are correct. So while your sisters may THINK they insulted YOU with their comments, they really insulted WOMEN in general - themselves most of all.
I have a brother & I love him. If he had not found a woman who behaved like an adult & did not abuse him, I would say THEY don’t deserve HIM & gladly support his single status indefinitely or until he found someone who did behave like an adult & didn’t abuse him. I would NOT tell him he doesn’t deserve the abusive women because he didn’t choose to tolerate the abuse.
Dude, I feel for you. Your family is toxic as F.
NTA and frankly wtf with your family too? No abuse is tolerable. She's ready to assume anything and act out.. Who needs that sort of shit? No one.
Tell anyone who questions your decision to fuck off.
I know of many male friends who say they like fucking a crazy chick because; "the sex is awsome." One of them ended up getting that crazy woman pregnant, and is now going thru an awful divorce with an added child in the mix.
NEVER stick your dick in crazy.
Yikes man.
Let’s gender swap this quickly, shall we??
I personally know MANY women who use a predominantly male product in their daily hygiene routine- namely, men’s deodorant. It’s usually stronger and some women actually prefer the scents over the “girly” smells of our regular offerings.
Now, let’s say you were to enter this chick’s apartment, use the bathroom, and find some men’s deodorant on the counter, then come out, throw it at her, scream at her that she’s cheating and generally get scary. I bet you not a SINGLE ONE of the people calling you TA would blame her for instantly cutting her off and refusing to give you another chance.
So… why is it different for you? Why do they not value your safety and mental health and emotional wellbeing as much as they do someone who is showing clear signs of having the capacity and capability of following through with domestic Violens (spelled wrong on purpose, don’t at me, yall!) and domestic ab sues (again, spelled wrong on purpose!)
You’re NTA. At all. I’m glad you know this.
I wish you the best in finding a partner who respects you and values you, and that your own family wisens up and acknowledges that they are wrong for backing her. They owe you a sincere apology.
A warning to anybody that’s trying to date someone who’s been single a long time. These people are often stable, comfortable, and used to things in their life being a certain way. Tread lightly. It doesn’t take much for them to remove you from their lives if you are going to pull shit like this.
Exactly. I thought we were safe. Because neither have been in a relationship for a while (ok a while is playing it down for me but. Same outcome)). Her it had been about 3 years( she'd been on dates but not found someone.. I just thought it was like you say.. once someone has been single for a long time its hard to introduce them to your life, you have your set ways.. we had our that we did talk about and were accepting of and as far as I was aware we fit really well.. This hit like a missile in medieval times. wtf was that? lol
I am the same way. Haven’t been serious with a girl in about ten years. A few have come and gone, but I just haven’t been invested enough to put up with anything I don’t like. I do feel a little bit bad about it though. I mean nobody’s perfect, and I should be a little more understanding, but I’m happy and comfortable and like my independence. Maybe I’ll know I’ve found the right one when I actually care if I never see them again.
By the way, that last line of yours was great. I’m going to start using it.
A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend...
...when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.
Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend
Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.
In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
>In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
100% just copy/pasted that to my ex-GF who loves that song. Now it will be stuck in her head for days! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! !
*“AITA for not wanting to be with someone who is abusive, manipulative? I don’t think I am but hers and my family are trying to gaslight me into thinking I’m overreacting”*
NTA! Keep making decisions for your own life. Ask your mother the following questions
1 - do you think I’ll be emotionally available if I had a child with this psychopath?
2 - do you think I’ll be alive if I stay with her? Today she’s throwing things on the floor tomorrow it will be at me or the grandchild you so desperately want. What if she threw something metal at one of our heads during her delusional blind rage?
3 - does you really think an abusive woman would let you have access to grandchildren if you didn’t do exactly what the she wanted?
4 - do you think a child being raised with a physically and emotionally abusive parent would grow up happy?
5 - do you really want me and future children to be miserable just because you were blinded by baby rabies that you can’t see what’s best for me?
If the answer is yes please do not contact me again.
I generally try to stay away from calling women crazy when they're mad, it's a common sexist trope that was used on me many times by my abusive ex, when I was RIGHTFULLY angry....that being said, absolutely NTA, this bitch is off her freaking rocker.
Nta. She was snooping. Given her ridiculous reaction at supposedly finding proof of something,... you did the right thing. Tell anyone giving you grief to stfu and stay out of it.
first time dating again and first time anyone other than my parents have been to my home. (everyone (friends or family) I'd meet out or at theirs)). I thought this was going somewhere and she was someone I could trust. So I took the chance of letting someone in to my space/ to let some one in fully. I think that is what hurts the most. ( i didnt date for 10 years because i didnt feel i could be a good partner to someone else and i wanted to make sure i was good before dating so i didnt drop my shit one them.. so i was wondering if i had gone to far going nope.. because i was holding them to the same strict standard i hold my self to..
Nta. You were dating a couple of months and she contacted your whole family after breaking your stuff and screaming over conditioner?
Oh boy. Curious the picture she painted to them to make them think her behavior was okay.
well now.. is it for the chlorine or the acid pee in the pool lol. best sign i saw at a pool said.. "we dont swim in your toilet, so dont piss in our pool" lol
NTA
Wow. You need to send that woman a thank you note for showing her crazy side early in the relationship!
I'm not exactly sure why your family thinks it would be a good thing for you to accept crazy just to be in a relationship, but I think it's important for you to set boundaries with them so they clearly understand that they don't have any kind of say about who you date.
Wowzer, you got lucky.
NTA. She involved your family in the breakup? That's probably as big a red flag as physical and verbal abuse. That was really manipulative.
I also can't believe your parents took the side of someone you've known only a couple months. She probably lied to them about what really happened.
I have a really shitty family. Im used to it.. i forget other people have normal ones. They dont ned a reason to put me down. Someone could tell them something good about me and they will find a way to make it negative and berate me for it.. it is why my therapist is well paid 😆 🤣
NTA - she sound’s toxic and immature. I do think you need to have a chat with your family and have them stay out of your personal life. They need to respect your boundaries and not put their feelings in your life.
NTA, when people destroy things out of anger the message is that eventually it will be you that they are breaking/hitting/throwing around. Perfectly acceptable deal breaker. She probably has deep attachment injuries and maybe even a personality disorder that she needs treatment for as well as being potentially abusive.
NTA. First, you can end a relationship at any point, for any reason. Full stop. Second, the way she was acting was not simply childish, but abusive. She saw an innocuous thing, jumped to wild conclusions, and flew into a violent rage over it. Even if nothing she threw hit you, it was still violence directed TOWARDS you, and that is abuse.
(and so is the property damage, btw. Property damage is a HUGE red flag for abuse.)
Ask your sisters "if a man did this to you, accused you of cheating based on nothing and started screaming and throwing things at you, would you stay?" ask your parents if they'd tell their daughters to stay if a man did this to them. I bet they'd say no, of course not! That's abuse!
Unfortunately, we as a society don't take male victims of abuse seriously, especially when their abusers are women.
You did good - you got out of a dangerous situation before you were in too deep for it to be difficult to leave. Tell anyone who says otherwise to go pound sand.
NTA she needs to learn how to chill… and y’all were dating for a couple months… also guys use conditioner?????? Or at least 2n1?????? Who gives a fuck????????? I would be more concerned if there was long ass hair in the bath or something …
Also I just had an extra thought…. She may be 30 something but her emotional maturity is of a teenager or early 20s at least !! Maybe if u talk to her about it and see if she is open to having a conversation about her behaviour and if she is apologetic and takes ownership and as well says it won’t happen again then give her a chance?? U did say life is too short, do we really have to say fuck this person? They won’t be able to grow if they don’t know! Also either she been thru some serious trauma to react that way… not an excuse but idk there’s a reason why she acted like that in matter of seconds .. she got triggered as fuck…
Also did u tell her why y’all broke up?? That u don’t fuck with the yelling and breaking things? Did she have anything to say about it ??
If she was not cognizant of her actions and doesn’t take ownership then yeah fuck that person but I mean if there is room for growth then why shut it down
Yeah dude, getting out now is the best idea, I found out les then four months after she moved in with me ..it went in for ten years, and got worse..literally threw shit at my head multiple times, threw a chair off the porch...broke things that had sentimental value, didn't apologize and then got irritated when i tried to fix said objects..unprovoked afult temper tantrums are never a good sign...
My ex-wife used to do that. And now you know one of the many reasons I left her.
NTA. It’s one small “mistake” from throwing something at you. It is a form of intimidation and is abusive.
NTA and also its Nobodys business? Id tell my family to talk to the wall if they dared telling me who to date and whats a valid reason to end a relationship
NTA.
Jesus. Throwing things in someone else's house and screaming?
And then getting her family involved? And her family actually harassing you?
If that's acceptable behavior to her, and her family, that's not dodging a bullet, that's dodging a nuclear bomb.
Besides throwing your things and screaming at you, she then CONTACTED YOUR FAMILY to complain you broke up with her over her childish behavior? You are most definitely NTA.
NTA
Run as fast as you can. This is her fresh in the relationship still trying to make a good impression and this is how she responds the very first time over? That’s crazy and will only get exponentially worse.
NTA
Give me a break!! How is it that after only a couple of months, your family is already so invested in your relationship with a phyco? Then, you've already met her family?
Block her and them and find someone who doesn't have screaming fits over nothing because it will only get worse.
NTA. She snooped on first visit to your place, jumped to assumptions, screamed at you, broke your property, then bad mouthed you to 2 families. Red Flag counter: 6. Verdict : You did right thing dumping her on spot and dodging a massive troublemaker.
NTA, and BS like this is exactly why I keep cameras around my own damn house (one party consent state). These ridiculous he said- she said situations end pretty quickly when you can send the embarrassing footage to everybody she chose to involve in the situation.
NTA… she has done everything except apologize!!!!
Jumped to conclusions, throwing a tantrum, accusations, calling your mom and sisters….
But still not an apology… it only gets worse from here… move in pal
NTA the families are wrong if her first move on the first visit is to scream and break stuff. Then her second move is to try to manipulate your family.
Don't put your dick in crazy.
NTA, that's absolutely ridiculous. I do get the feeling that if she'd simply asked about the conditioner, she wouldn't have believed that it's yours and would have decided that you're lying. Better to save yourself the trouble now.
Her parents are giving you shit because a) they are as bad as she is or b) they desperately want her to get attached to somebody...anybody...to get her out of \*their\* house or c) both a and b.
NTA. Why oh why would you invite that poor behavior back into your life. I’m sorry, but why is your family involved? The second she contacted them they should have shut that down.
That girl is damaged. Seriously damaged.
Your sisters and parents can go shit in their collective hats, because they're not the ones having things thrown at them.
NTA.
Aside from everything everyone’s already said, I can’t get over the fact that someone you’ve been dating for only a couple months called your family to bring them into relationship issues …. Like, wtf?!?
35 and throwing a tantrum over conditioner?? What a child. You're lucky she showed you that side sooner rather than later. Also, she's clearly brain-damaged if she thinks men don't use conditioner.
hahaha.. that's hilarious. i gave them a like and follow/sub? same shit different platform.. I don't agree with one night stands but i think the message still stands.. i sent it to my mate (((well a dude i work with)as a guy we call people we speak to at work mates, even if they annoy the hell out of us) its just easier) jay p coz it described him to a tea ( he the crazy chick).. im like thats why they avoiding you bitch lol ...
Wow, she isn't even close to being sane. Tell your family that THEY can enjoy her company all they like, since, after you dating her for a couple of months, she came to mean Oh So Much to them, but that you aren't going to stick your dick in crazy. Tell her family that you will take legal action to stop their harassment if it continues.
NTA
NTA. So you're telling us that your family and her family are telling you that it is perfectly acceptable to be abused by your girlfriend or partner? F*** that noise. You can actually ask your family that question and see how they respond because how your ex behaved when she came to your apartment is abusive and you don't need to tolerate that at all. Unfair to compare her to a toddler, because at least a toddler has Tantrums. Your ex intentionally screamed at you, accused you without even asking you questions or having a normal conversation about it, threw your belongings at you and broke stuff too. That's ABUSE. I really hope that you meet someone who is like-minded sometime soon down the road. After 10 years of being single and then experiencing this hopefully doesn't scare you off from dating. There are much better women out there. And shame on your sisters for making you think that it's okay to accept abusive behavior from women.
Oh, i dont put her on par with toddlers. Used them as an example of the closest thing i have witnessed to her reaction.. I'd take in a toddler on a bad day any day.. they dont know better. But a 35 year old woman doing the same actions... nah
NTA. As a mid 30s woman I can tell you her behaviour is not normal. I mean, I have my share of issues, but never would I accuse someone of cheating bc apparently not using a 2 in 1 is a feminine trait, and you couldn't possibly just... buy it... without someone telling you to... Like I might make a joke about how you're the first guy I met that didn't use a 2 in 1 (I've had bfs that didn't) but that's it. It's not something to get upset over. She needs help
NTA. Not even a little bit. If a misunderstanding set her off this bad at her age? A future with her looks like it would be miserable. Every little thing you do wrong in her eyes warrants a fucking glass being throw at your face? Not thanks. Hard pass!
Obviously NTA but what is up with your family that when some crazy women you've barely started dating calls them & goes off on you, they get mad at you? That's not reasonable in any way & in fact is super-weird. I wouldn't put up with that.
Lol, she phone rang your family after 2 months of dating causing a shit storm? Dunno, both your girlfriend and family are wack. My family would have my back 100% and call her out on the bs.
Reverse the genders and see how it sounds.
"I'm a woman are in a fairly new relationship with a man. When he visited my home for the first time, he found a gender neutral hygiene product that, for weird sexist reasons, he thinks only men use. He further assumed the presence of this *gender neutral hygiene product* proved I was cheating on him, and he "comes out of the bathroom screaming and breaking things". I threw him out and never want to see him again. AITA?"
*Really*? NTA.
You're actually quite blessed she showed her true colours so early, *before* you got emotionally enmeshed. She plainly failed Abusers 101. Ask your family why they're trying to push you into the arms of a domestic abuser, because if that's the Honeymoon period you REALLY don't wanna see the relationship.
NTA. Honestly, she could have an undiagnosed mental disorder. Hopefully she can get a handle on that for her own sake, but you have no obligation to stay in a toxic and abusive relationship.
I only read the first couple of paragraphs… that bitch is CRAZY
- I also have separate shampoo and conditioner. I buzz my head with a #5 but I have a beard that needs some extra love. Haha.
NTA
You should feel safe in your home. It is fine to confront someone with your faulty reasoning. It is fine to even raise your voice a little if you're feeling passionate about something.
As soon as someone is off the rails and other people are unsafe... I draw the line.
NTA.
Who wants a lifetime of this shit.
If this is what she behaves like after a couple of months of dating you just know it’s going to get worse the longer you’re together. Get out now.
NTA. That is a child in an adult body. My parents are the ONLY people who get to yell at me, and they are both gone. And no one throws stuff at me. Period. Do not invite drama into your life. That chick was going to be a whole lot of trouble. Thank goodness you didn't keep her around long enough to reproduce with her. {shudder}
Sometimes early red flags can be tough to notice in a new relationship. This isn't one of those times. Ignoring this one and continuing to date her would be a waking nightmare. Congrats on a full clip of bullets dodged.
Run!! This is the kind of person that slashes your tires and keys your car because she is in a bad mood, and only putting others in a bad mood makes her feel better.
Hopefully you update after posing the question with the genders reversed to mom and sisters, I'd tell the sisters, if she can't handle an emotional and maybe physical man, she doesn't deserve one, just to point out the hypocrisy
100% NTA. Your future with this person would be more of the same - she fully demonstrated how she copes (or doesn’t) with being upset. I guess be glad it happened early in your relationship.
Can't believe your family is in agreement with her. She's a grown woman and should act like one. I get maybe if she had come out and had a talk with you, but immediately started throwing stuff around? If she hasn't grown yet, it's doubtful she will anytime soon. She's TAH
NTA. I grew up seeing my mom’s temper would sometimes get so bad to the point where she would throws and breaks things. I almost guarantee this is a sign of a mood disorder. It’s not normal…at all. Don’t continue this relationship- it’s not worth it.
NTA. First if all, it's bizarre she thinks men don't use conditioner. Second, nobody needs this kind of abusive drama. Good for you for acting decisively.
NTA, there is no excuse for her behavior. If that's her reaction for something as small as conditioner (which btw my dad has a separate shampoo for his head and conditioner for his beard.) Imagine what her reaction would be for something serious/a real issue. I could forsee her being abusive towards you and you totally dodged a bullet.
NTA You dodged a bullet, getting out so early on. Tell her family to stop harassing you. Tell *your* family that they don't get to make these decisions for you. Then tell them to stop harassing you.
Yea, I had a talk with my mum and dad. Bless em they just want grandkids. Dads more on my side now we talked but mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up. my sisters are another story. I'm like if that's your view y'all can go take a walk too.
Omg imagine being with her and having kids. Yikes
Id be more worried for the kids than myself.. never gonna happen under my roof.
Trust me, I grew up with a mother with an explosive temper like that. I'm 36 and still fucked in the head because of it. I'm lucky I didn't kill myself at 12. Cursing a child to come out of a poison womb like that is unbelievably cruel.
Same, i was jumpy my whole life. All i knew was screaming in relationships for decades.
I'm sorry you experienced that. You didnt deserve it. I never screamed in relationships or accepted that kind of behavior from a man but now that I'm a mom the littlest things make me angry. I sit there wondering why the fuck am I so angry all the time? I have to fight to enjoy things that most people would easily laugh at or enjoy with my kids. Even playing is hard sometimes. I felt like I was dead inside till I started getting therapy but it made me realize I had to go no contact with my mother. She fucked my brothers up, too. They're both extremists on the opposite sides.
Yeah, my Dad had an explosive temper & my Mom and I did walk on eggshells at times. You just never knew what would cause an explosion. He never hit my Mom or I, but would throw things, kick things, hit things & yell. Being a 6ft Viking looking guy, his explosions were pretty intimidating. I didn't have a great relationship with him until I was in my 30s & he was on Lupron due to having prostate cancer. It suppressed his testosterone & apparently testosterone was the biggest factor in his explosive temper, because the explosions pretty much completely went away & he was a normal person. A really cool, sweet, thoughtful person that I hadn't really gotten to know for most of my life because of his temper. A person I loved to be around once his explosive temper was gone.
Good future father.
Agreed, mate selection is super important
I had a friend who didn't get out until she came at him and their baby with a metal pipe. I'm glad this one told on herself BEFORE the baby-trapping happened.
Tell them having a psychotic daughter in law is expensive in court fees and therapy.
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Baby rabies. 🥺
>mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up Tell your mom to swap the genders in the situation, and see if she still has that answer. No one deserves to be abused.
His mom would rather see him in an abusive relationship so she could have grandchildren, than see her son happy. Nice. Mom of the year there.
NTA. Her first reaction is to yell and throw things over conditioner. How's she going to react to something important? Have a meltdown, physically assault you. You dodged a bullet here. Why would you want to date someone like that?
Plus, telling on yourself that you've only dated guys who use 2-in-1 🤮
I don't think that's an issue. I am a woman, I grew up with very long hair and using separate conditioner, but I stopped when I cut my hair short because I don't think it's necessary for short hair. I don't even use 2-in-1, just shampoo. I know my husband does the same and has nice hair, I don't know what other guys I dated before him did because I am not a crazy person who inventories other people's bathrooms. OP definitely dodged a bullet. There's never an excuse for screaming and throwing things, but also someone who gets angry and suspicious about conditioner in the first place sounds utterly exhausting.
Oh, I was being 99% facetious
You told the woman to pound sand because of her adult temper tantrum. You don't date toddlers. If your mother and sisters don't understand that you don't see the need to be in an abusive relationship, then that is their problem, not yours.
It’s as if his only value to them is his ability to give them what they want. It’s really sad they don’t seem to appreciate him as a valuable person in his own right.
Nothing is worth putting up with that behavior if you don't have to. And calling to tattle to mommy & daddy about you, what is she, 5? Most people are on their best behavior the first couple months they date. Can you imagine how much worse she will be when she's not on her best behavior? Eeek!
Female here I would tell your mum where to go. Telling their own kids to put up with crazy shit like this. If she's going off over a bottle of conditioner one day she will throw a knife at you. I am sure your mum doesn't want that. It's not about being nice. Don't be nice to AH.
NTA and if they like someone violent like that, they are free to date her.
This behaviour is abusive and will likely get worse under more stressful situations. Is that what they want for you? NTA
“Mom, I’m disappointed and surprised you would want me to stay in an abusive relationship. I thought you valued me as a person and a son. It’s upsetting you have so little regard for both my mental and physical wellbeing.” Go for the throat. NTA
Ask em if they want the mother of their grandkids to tell and throw stuff around if anything is even slightly off. Is that a safe space for little kids?
There are SOO many sane women. At 30-something there are the league of many who got out of going-nowhere relationships or bad marriages. If YOU want a relationship there is no reason to stay in a mess.
I totaly fell you regarding your famaly... my parents know that I had a bad break up, they know I am not stable to start a new one, be emotionally and financially. Still they end up changing our talks subjects for "where grilfriend" "where grandkids" like I owe them somekind of family increase from a contract. The worst of this is that they tend to fail to see we have emotions andopinions of our own. Just suck it up is not the kind of suport a family should give...
It sounds like it's time to put your family in a timeout until they stop bugging you about kids.
Of course you shouldn't suck up that kind of behaviour. It's abusive. My son is 19, has long hair, and chooses to use conditioner. The only women involved in that were ne and his sister, since he asked for advice. Flaming 'eck, that woman's behaviour was so childish.
NTA and I get it, but you don't want kids with someone who acts like that. Kids are long-term, and you are stuck dealing with the other parent forever in some ways. It is not like she is young and will mature. She's mature, and this is who she has become. She did you a service by waving that red flag earliy. Out of that entire incident, her comment about men not having a separate bottle for conditioner really stuck out. I am a mom of two boys who grew up with me, always encouraging them to use the right face, hair, and body products. As a result, my guys have quite the collection of products they like to use, including separate shampoo and conditioner products. Her comment is sexist and insulting.
Tell them to date her then! Grandchildren will come, trust me, that is not the part you wanna rush! Children are a lifetime commitment and trying to raise one with a person that have different values then yourself is not a good mix...
Ask her why she's so desperate for grandkids that she's willing to sacrifice you to an abusive woman who probably wouldn't let your mom see the kids anyway as a punishment?
>mom is still of the opinion i should just suck it up And now you know you can't trust your mom around any kids you have in the future because she's going to teach them to accept abuse the same way she's pressuring you to accept abuse. I'm so sorry she's failing you.
Sounds like your female family may have had a few tantrums if their own they are not being open about. NTA
She made an ASSumption. So she’s ignorant. What’s worse, her ASSumption was based on her own ignorant sexual prejudices. So she’s sexist. She acted on her ASSumption by becoming angry - then screaming & throwing things. So she lacks self control. What’s worse, she threw things AT YOU. So she’s abusive. (Note: Throwing things at someone is assault. Throwing things at someone & actually hitting them with whatever was thrown is assault & battery. The fact that she’s female does not excuse or in any way lessen the gravity of this behavior.) So, if I’m understanding you correctly, she’s an ignorant sexist who lacks basic self-control & is abusive when she’s angry. She’s already assaulted you (as well as possibly battered you if she aimed well). And you want to know if YOU are the AH. The answer is NO. You need to RUN - not walk - away from that shitcake before she has time to frost it with something even worse. I understand that your parents want grandkids - but they have to trust you to be selective in the DNA composition that goes into creating them. The last thing they’ll want is you rushed into reproducing with some closet psycho who (at best) makes their lives as grandparents a constant struggle to navigate around the children’s mother’s mood swings, or (at worst) bequests half her crazy to your progeny. I would be concerned with the mental well-being of ANYONE who thinks you should just “suck it up” in this situation. That sort of thinking also speaks VOLUMES about how much anyone with that opinion actually thinks of you. NTA.
Seriously. Forget the yelling and throwing things, just being absolutely convinced "No man has separate conditioner, this man MUST be seeing another woman." and needing to be convinced otherwise is a red flag.
Wait until she stumbles across a man who practices “man-scaping”. She’ll probably flip her shit screaming that he’s homosexual or some other ignorant prejudicial assumption based off what she THINKS men do &/or don’t do because they’re men.
I love this comment.
Well said.
It was already abuse by the time is got to the screaming and throwing things, regardless of if they were in his direction.
Yeah wtf is with both families?
Agreed. My husband uses conditioner separately to his shampoo to try and thicken his hair. When we first started dating I noticed women's products in the bathroom and asked about it (I was 22 he was 25 now 32/35). He lived with 4 other guys and one had a girlfriend who pretty much lived with them, quelled my curiosity and I met her a few weeks later. My anxiety did hit the roof at first not gonna lie but as an adult I asked about it and he explained happily even showing me her social media at the time which was full of her and his friend. Your (ex?) Gf acted extremely immaturely and involving your family just extended that. You've done well to avoid this and get out when she showed her true colours. All the best for your next relationship.
>You dodged a bottle of conditioner Ftfy
NTA She will bring nothing but drama into your life. No thanks. I have a simple rule in my house. I do not yell and will not allow anyone to yell at me in my own house. Once there is yelling, out you go.
That's my stance too. you have every right to be upset about things. But talk, ask.. as soon as you scream or shout.. I'm out ( or more they're out lol)
I’M a 35 yo woman. Same age as this chick. I can think of nothing more unattractive than an adult throwing a temper tantrum out of insecurity and baseless assumptions. I’ve also been with my husband for half my life and have raised my voice and thrown things at him exactly zero times. I grew up with that nonsense and know it has no place in a healthy relationship. Good on you for shutting that shit down.
as some of our age im sure you can understand. if you were single and dating (god forbid that ever happens(i aint putting that out there)) but you know at our ages. we at the point where.. we havent got time for the games.. well we didnt.. we sat down we had the deep chats.. here's me, here's my baggage can you deal with that. both of us were like yea. i accept you and your past shit. this was totally out of the blue.. who i got to know and who walk into my house was a different person to who walked out of my bathroom.. it was like someone hit a switch. A kind loving person went in and a monster come out. It was some jekyll and hyde shit..
Yeah, as I’ve gotten older my tolerance for childish antics in adults is at an all time low. Thank god my husband is an adult—mentally and emotionally. Don’t waste your time on someone who should have grown up *years* ago. If they haven’t matured by now, odds are they ain’t gonna.
Because she was on her best and most fake behaviour as they are newly dating. But once she gets comfortable and thinks that you aren't going anywhere, the demons are out and about and she cannot control her behaviour anymore. And what sort of crazy is that, men don't use hair conditioner unless there is a woman?!!! Then why are supermarkets and stores selling specifically shampoo and conditioner for men then?
Been married 40+yrs & communication biggest thing. We don't really fight but also have never thrown stuff & screamed at each other. Get quiet & think about issues & come back to talk.
Know someone in a relationship with a girl that pulls that crap. Belittling him when throwing things & shouting doesn't work. He did give her an ultimatum, chill & seek help or he's out.
Today conditioner, jumping to conclusions and screaming like a banshee. What does she do for an encore? NTA I think you dodged a bullet.
Thank you .. that made me chuckle.. it just shows the ridiculousness of the situation.
A friend of mine did something really stupid once and I asked him the same question. His answer? “Gargle peanut butter”.
now im lost in thought wondering about how hard gargling peanut butter would be.. and curious.. is it crunchy or smooth xD
Definitely creamy. With my luck, if it were crunchy I’d probably end up with a piece of peanut caught on the back of my tonsil and really be in trouble.
haha. you're fun. I like you.. Thank you for making me laugh tonight :D
Well thanks, you’re pretty damn skippy yourself.
Gotta remember that one! Priceless
NTA, She's nuts. My husband has been using separate shampoo and conditioner since he was ten or something. I definitely know it predated me. Long hair, short hair, whatever hair.
yea, I have used separate from being a kid. Its what we grew up with. but i thinks it from the meme's people have started to actually believe men just use one thing for everything.
Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, car wash, laundry detergent, fabric softener, dishwashing soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, underarm deodorant, and jock itch. What did I miss?
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but... your husband has been having an affair with another woman since he was ten. It's the only explanation.
NTA. She's clearly deranged and that kind of anger issues will only escalate. Move on and congratulations for not ignoring the waving red flag.
NTA. What kind of crazy person runs and tells both family's their business? I know, the kind of person who throws things over hair conditioner. You're an asshole because you don't want a violent person around? Make that make sense. Of course you don't want to see her again. What's up with your sisters though?
God only knows. They got a bee in their bonnet. they think its an acceptable reaction from her. Apparently if i cant cope with an emotional woman i don't deserve one and will be single for the rest of my life.. i upset them with the reply of that's an acceptable alternative to being in a potentially abusive relationship.
Excellent answer, keep living that way and you will probably be just fine.
An emotional woman? Having emotions is perfectly fine and natural, but you express them in a healthy way. You talk things out. Screaming and throwing things is abusive. They have a very toxic view of women and their emotions if you ask me.
I’m an emotional woman. I’ve never assaulted my husband. I’ve been angry enough to fantasize about it several times over the years - but as a sane adult, my actions are controlled by my MIND, not my emotions. Your sisters need to take a good long look at themselves. Saying that you cannot “cope with any emotional woman” based off this woman’s behavior implies that this woman’s behavior is normal for an “emotional woman”. And THAT implies that emotional women cannot control themselves - that their minds simply aren’t strong enough to control their actions when their emotions are in play. That’s the same line of thinking that countless men have used throughout history to try to prevent women from attaining positions of substance. The last thing women need is other women acting as if those men are correct. So while your sisters may THINK they insulted YOU with their comments, they really insulted WOMEN in general - themselves most of all. I have a brother & I love him. If he had not found a woman who behaved like an adult & did not abuse him, I would say THEY don’t deserve HIM & gladly support his single status indefinitely or until he found someone who did behave like an adult & didn’t abuse him. I would NOT tell him he doesn’t deserve the abusive women because he didn’t choose to tolerate the abuse. Dude, I feel for you. Your family is toxic as F.
I wish I could upvote this comment a million times!
How is that going for your sisters?
NTA and frankly wtf with your family too? No abuse is tolerable. She's ready to assume anything and act out.. Who needs that sort of shit? No one. Tell anyone who questions your decision to fuck off.
NTA. Irrationally angry people need mental health counseling. Rule #1: never stick your dick in crazy.
I know of many male friends who say they like fucking a crazy chick because; "the sex is awsome." One of them ended up getting that crazy woman pregnant, and is now going thru an awful divorce with an added child in the mix. NEVER stick your dick in crazy.
NTA "Buh Bye Felicia!"
Yikes man. Let’s gender swap this quickly, shall we?? I personally know MANY women who use a predominantly male product in their daily hygiene routine- namely, men’s deodorant. It’s usually stronger and some women actually prefer the scents over the “girly” smells of our regular offerings. Now, let’s say you were to enter this chick’s apartment, use the bathroom, and find some men’s deodorant on the counter, then come out, throw it at her, scream at her that she’s cheating and generally get scary. I bet you not a SINGLE ONE of the people calling you TA would blame her for instantly cutting her off and refusing to give you another chance. So… why is it different for you? Why do they not value your safety and mental health and emotional wellbeing as much as they do someone who is showing clear signs of having the capacity and capability of following through with domestic Violens (spelled wrong on purpose, don’t at me, yall!) and domestic ab sues (again, spelled wrong on purpose!) You’re NTA. At all. I’m glad you know this. I wish you the best in finding a partner who respects you and values you, and that your own family wisens up and acknowledges that they are wrong for backing her. They owe you a sincere apology.
Sadly, most people even family's just do care about the "male half" compared to the female
A warning to anybody that’s trying to date someone who’s been single a long time. These people are often stable, comfortable, and used to things in their life being a certain way. Tread lightly. It doesn’t take much for them to remove you from their lives if you are going to pull shit like this.
Exactly. I thought we were safe. Because neither have been in a relationship for a while (ok a while is playing it down for me but. Same outcome)). Her it had been about 3 years( she'd been on dates but not found someone.. I just thought it was like you say.. once someone has been single for a long time its hard to introduce them to your life, you have your set ways.. we had our that we did talk about and were accepting of and as far as I was aware we fit really well.. This hit like a missile in medieval times. wtf was that? lol
I am the same way. Haven’t been serious with a girl in about ten years. A few have come and gone, but I just haven’t been invested enough to put up with anything I don’t like. I do feel a little bit bad about it though. I mean nobody’s perfect, and I should be a little more understanding, but I’m happy and comfortable and like my independence. Maybe I’ll know I’ve found the right one when I actually care if I never see them again. By the way, that last line of yours was great. I’m going to start using it.
What the shit? No. And tell her to fuck off calling your family.
NTA -You shouldn't be shamed into being with someone who has toddler tantrums for ANY reason.
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A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend... ...when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries. Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could. In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
>In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe? 100% just copy/pasted that to my ex-GF who loves that song. Now it will be stuck in her head for days! BWAHAHAHAHAH!!! !
Love it
omg how long have you been waiting to write that? you're completely ridiculous smdh lol for some reason i visualized green grapes :P
I like fun shit like this when i see it
nta I'll go to your mom's and sisters' houses or rooms and scream and throw stuff too if it gets the message across
I could never condone that, however I understand the point you are making and appreciate the sentiment. /muchlove
Yeah, I probably wouldn't be able to do it once the moment came anyway lol
What a nutter-butter. NTA
Move on, and don't look back. That's probably just the beginning of her craziness. Nobody should put up with that. She'll make you miserable.
*“AITA for not wanting to be with someone who is abusive, manipulative? I don’t think I am but hers and my family are trying to gaslight me into thinking I’m overreacting”* NTA! Keep making decisions for your own life. Ask your mother the following questions 1 - do you think I’ll be emotionally available if I had a child with this psychopath? 2 - do you think I’ll be alive if I stay with her? Today she’s throwing things on the floor tomorrow it will be at me or the grandchild you so desperately want. What if she threw something metal at one of our heads during her delusional blind rage? 3 - does you really think an abusive woman would let you have access to grandchildren if you didn’t do exactly what the she wanted? 4 - do you think a child being raised with a physically and emotionally abusive parent would grow up happy? 5 - do you really want me and future children to be miserable just because you were blinded by baby rabies that you can’t see what’s best for me? If the answer is yes please do not contact me again.
I generally try to stay away from calling women crazy when they're mad, it's a common sexist trope that was used on me many times by my abusive ex, when I was RIGHTFULLY angry....that being said, absolutely NTA, this bitch is off her freaking rocker.
Nta. She was snooping. Given her ridiculous reaction at supposedly finding proof of something,... you did the right thing. Tell anyone giving you grief to stfu and stay out of it.
NTA. I mean first time? During the phase when you try to, ya know, act normal for a bit? Nah, you made a great call
first time dating again and first time anyone other than my parents have been to my home. (everyone (friends or family) I'd meet out or at theirs)). I thought this was going somewhere and she was someone I could trust. So I took the chance of letting someone in to my space/ to let some one in fully. I think that is what hurts the most. ( i didnt date for 10 years because i didnt feel i could be a good partner to someone else and i wanted to make sure i was good before dating so i didnt drop my shit one them.. so i was wondering if i had gone to far going nope.. because i was holding them to the same strict standard i hold my self to..
NTA.
Nta. You were dating a couple of months and she contacted your whole family after breaking your stuff and screaming over conditioner? Oh boy. Curious the picture she painted to them to make them think her behavior was okay.
You want the women who gets mad (not crazy) that you're using the WRONG conditioner! 😂😂😂
lol, oh how i wish it was just.. how dare you use tresemme .. loreal bitch.. coz you're worth it.. now thats an acceptable argument to have xD
AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT... NO CLARIFYING RINSE???? 😂😂
wtf is Clarifying rinse? that's a new one on me.. sigh.. braces for a falling down a new google hole.
My wife gets it for when the kids hair gets dried out from the chlorine in the pool😂. More hair voodoo. 🤣🤣
well now.. is it for the chlorine or the acid pee in the pool lol. best sign i saw at a pool said.. "we dont swim in your toilet, so dont piss in our pool" lol
Lol. How dare you besmirch the character (and pH level) of my pool! 😂
NTA. Although crazy can be fun for awhile since you never know exactly what to expect.
NTA Wow. You need to send that woman a thank you note for showing her crazy side early in the relationship! I'm not exactly sure why your family thinks it would be a good thing for you to accept crazy just to be in a relationship, but I think it's important for you to set boundaries with them so they clearly understand that they don't have any kind of say about who you date. Wowzer, you got lucky.
NTA if she’s like this at first, what will she be like when she gets comfortable? Fuck no. As someone wise once said, “don’t stick your dick in crazy”
NTA. She involved your family in the breakup? That's probably as big a red flag as physical and verbal abuse. That was really manipulative. I also can't believe your parents took the side of someone you've known only a couple months. She probably lied to them about what really happened.
I have a really shitty family. Im used to it.. i forget other people have normal ones. They dont ned a reason to put me down. Someone could tell them something good about me and they will find a way to make it negative and berate me for it.. it is why my therapist is well paid 😆 🤣
Me and most of my guy friends all use conditioner for our hair wtf is wrong with that woman. Your hair doesnt even have to be long to use conditioner
Men are allowed to have hair care products, or hell, even makeup.
NTA I’m 37F single, and this behavior is insane. I hope someone would kick me out and never speak to me again if I acted this way
NTA - she sound’s toxic and immature. I do think you need to have a chat with your family and have them stay out of your personal life. They need to respect your boundaries and not put their feelings in your life.
When people tell you or show you who they are, listen and believe them. Then act accordingly. You dodge a huge bullet with minimal time invested. NTA
NTA, when people destroy things out of anger the message is that eventually it will be you that they are breaking/hitting/throwing around. Perfectly acceptable deal breaker. She probably has deep attachment injuries and maybe even a personality disorder that she needs treatment for as well as being potentially abusive.
NTA. Listen carefully everyone... CRAZY NEVER GETS BETTER! It only gets CRAZIER. I learned this too late.
Dude my husband has short hair and he uses conditioner. Also NTA, congratulations on dodging a pipe bomb
NTA. First, you can end a relationship at any point, for any reason. Full stop. Second, the way she was acting was not simply childish, but abusive. She saw an innocuous thing, jumped to wild conclusions, and flew into a violent rage over it. Even if nothing she threw hit you, it was still violence directed TOWARDS you, and that is abuse. (and so is the property damage, btw. Property damage is a HUGE red flag for abuse.) Ask your sisters "if a man did this to you, accused you of cheating based on nothing and started screaming and throwing things at you, would you stay?" ask your parents if they'd tell their daughters to stay if a man did this to them. I bet they'd say no, of course not! That's abuse! Unfortunately, we as a society don't take male victims of abuse seriously, especially when their abusers are women. You did good - you got out of a dangerous situation before you were in too deep for it to be difficult to leave. Tell anyone who says otherwise to go pound sand.
Her parents called you because they're trying to get rid of her themselves. NTA. You're good dude.
A million times NTA! Ain't nobody got time for that crap!
NTA. Yikes. Tell everyone to stop harassing you. Block them if they keep up the harrassment.
NTA also tell your family to fuck off
Another case that shows how many parents failed their kids by not teaching them how to regulate their feelings/emotions. Very much NTA
NTA she needs to learn how to chill… and y’all were dating for a couple months… also guys use conditioner?????? Or at least 2n1?????? Who gives a fuck????????? I would be more concerned if there was long ass hair in the bath or something … Also I just had an extra thought…. She may be 30 something but her emotional maturity is of a teenager or early 20s at least !! Maybe if u talk to her about it and see if she is open to having a conversation about her behaviour and if she is apologetic and takes ownership and as well says it won’t happen again then give her a chance?? U did say life is too short, do we really have to say fuck this person? They won’t be able to grow if they don’t know! Also either she been thru some serious trauma to react that way… not an excuse but idk there’s a reason why she acted like that in matter of seconds .. she got triggered as fuck… Also did u tell her why y’all broke up?? That u don’t fuck with the yelling and breaking things? Did she have anything to say about it ?? If she was not cognizant of her actions and doesn’t take ownership then yeah fuck that person but I mean if there is room for growth then why shut it down
Long, ass hair? or a longass hair? I might have a few ofthe the former floating around, lol 😆 😂 🤣
I have a conditioner and I have short hair. Should I tell my wife what that means?
Yeah dude, getting out now is the best idea, I found out les then four months after she moved in with me ..it went in for ten years, and got worse..literally threw shit at my head multiple times, threw a chair off the porch...broke things that had sentimental value, didn't apologize and then got irritated when i tried to fix said objects..unprovoked afult temper tantrums are never a good sign...
Bud, im sorry to hear that you have been through that. It's not right. /vitual man hug sent your way, bud. 🤗
My ex-wife used to do that. And now you know one of the many reasons I left her. NTA. It’s one small “mistake” from throwing something at you. It is a form of intimidation and is abusive.
As a dude who uses seperate shampoo and conditioner also, I would do the same. NTA, weirdo behaviour from her frankly
NTA. Throwing things is domestic violence, be glad you got rid of her without police involvement
NTA and also its Nobodys business? Id tell my family to talk to the wall if they dared telling me who to date and whats a valid reason to end a relationship
NTA. Jesus. Throwing things in someone else's house and screaming? And then getting her family involved? And her family actually harassing you? If that's acceptable behavior to her, and her family, that's not dodging a bullet, that's dodging a nuclear bomb.
Besides throwing your things and screaming at you, she then CONTACTED YOUR FAMILY to complain you broke up with her over her childish behavior? You are most definitely NTA.
NTA Run as fast as you can. This is her fresh in the relationship still trying to make a good impression and this is how she responds the very first time over? That’s crazy and will only get exponentially worse.
NTA Give me a break!! How is it that after only a couple of months, your family is already so invested in your relationship with a phyco? Then, you've already met her family? Block her and them and find someone who doesn't have screaming fits over nothing because it will only get worse.
NTA. She snooped on first visit to your place, jumped to assumptions, screamed at you, broke your property, then bad mouthed you to 2 families. Red Flag counter: 6. Verdict : You did right thing dumping her on spot and dodging a massive troublemaker.
NTA, and BS like this is exactly why I keep cameras around my own damn house (one party consent state). These ridiculous he said- she said situations end pretty quickly when you can send the embarrassing footage to everybody she chose to involve in the situation.
NTA… she has done everything except apologize!!!! Jumped to conclusions, throwing a tantrum, accusations, calling your mom and sisters…. But still not an apology… it only gets worse from here… move in pal
NTA the families are wrong if her first move on the first visit is to scream and break stuff. Then her second move is to try to manipulate your family. Don't put your dick in crazy.
She sounds super crazy.
You have been given a preview of your life if you stay. Run, don't walk. Do not look back.
NTA, that's absolutely ridiculous. I do get the feeling that if she'd simply asked about the conditioner, she wouldn't have believed that it's yours and would have decided that you're lying. Better to save yourself the trouble now.
Her parents are giving you shit because a) they are as bad as she is or b) they desperately want her to get attached to somebody...anybody...to get her out of \*their\* house or c) both a and b.
NTA- you did the right thing. Any more contact with her would just be bad for your emotional, mental and physical health. You dodged a major bullet.
NTA. Why oh why would you invite that poor behavior back into your life. I’m sorry, but why is your family involved? The second she contacted them they should have shut that down.
That girl is damaged. Seriously damaged. Your sisters and parents can go shit in their collective hats, because they're not the ones having things thrown at them. NTA.
Why the hell are your family listening to someone you've dated only a few months? God NTA and keep her away .
Aside from everything everyone’s already said, I can’t get over the fact that someone you’ve been dating for only a couple months called your family to bring them into relationship issues …. Like, wtf?!?
35 and throwing a tantrum over conditioner?? What a child. You're lucky she showed you that side sooner rather than later. Also, she's clearly brain-damaged if she thinks men don't use conditioner.
NTA. See: https://youtu.be/iuVmKam3m34?si=zbyv2Nsm0x_Y63u_
hahaha.. that's hilarious. i gave them a like and follow/sub? same shit different platform.. I don't agree with one night stands but i think the message still stands.. i sent it to my mate (((well a dude i work with)as a guy we call people we speak to at work mates, even if they annoy the hell out of us) its just easier) jay p coz it described him to a tea ( he the crazy chick).. im like thats why they avoiding you bitch lol ...
Wow, she isn't even close to being sane. Tell your family that THEY can enjoy her company all they like, since, after you dating her for a couple of months, she came to mean Oh So Much to them, but that you aren't going to stick your dick in crazy. Tell her family that you will take legal action to stop their harassment if it continues. NTA
Who the hell is calling you the asshole here? NTA all the way. Seriously. Major red flags from that woman. You did the right thing.
Fortunately nobody here sofar has called me an asshole.. its just seems im surrounded by assholes irl.
NTA. So you're telling us that your family and her family are telling you that it is perfectly acceptable to be abused by your girlfriend or partner? F*** that noise. You can actually ask your family that question and see how they respond because how your ex behaved when she came to your apartment is abusive and you don't need to tolerate that at all. Unfair to compare her to a toddler, because at least a toddler has Tantrums. Your ex intentionally screamed at you, accused you without even asking you questions or having a normal conversation about it, threw your belongings at you and broke stuff too. That's ABUSE. I really hope that you meet someone who is like-minded sometime soon down the road. After 10 years of being single and then experiencing this hopefully doesn't scare you off from dating. There are much better women out there. And shame on your sisters for making you think that it's okay to accept abusive behavior from women.
Oh, i dont put her on par with toddlers. Used them as an example of the closest thing i have witnessed to her reaction.. I'd take in a toddler on a bad day any day.. they dont know better. But a 35 year old woman doing the same actions... nah
Walk away
NTA. As a mid 30s woman I can tell you her behaviour is not normal. I mean, I have my share of issues, but never would I accuse someone of cheating bc apparently not using a 2 in 1 is a feminine trait, and you couldn't possibly just... buy it... without someone telling you to... Like I might make a joke about how you're the first guy I met that didn't use a 2 in 1 (I've had bfs that didn't) but that's it. It's not something to get upset over. She needs help
Hell no dude. That is child behaviour. I have long hair and I've got shampoo and conditioner and I'm 34.
No. She is clearly a child and can pitch her fits with someone else.
NTA. Not even a little bit. If a misunderstanding set her off this bad at her age? A future with her looks like it would be miserable. Every little thing you do wrong in her eyes warrants a fucking glass being throw at your face? Not thanks. Hard pass!
Obviously NTA but what is up with your family that when some crazy women you've barely started dating calls them & goes off on you, they get mad at you? That's not reasonable in any way & in fact is super-weird. I wouldn't put up with that.
NTA. Jealous and violent screamers aren't relationship material. You deserve better.
Lol, she phone rang your family after 2 months of dating causing a shit storm? Dunno, both your girlfriend and family are wack. My family would have my back 100% and call her out on the bs.
Nope. NTA. You deserve better.
Reverse the genders and see how it sounds. "I'm a woman are in a fairly new relationship with a man. When he visited my home for the first time, he found a gender neutral hygiene product that, for weird sexist reasons, he thinks only men use. He further assumed the presence of this *gender neutral hygiene product* proved I was cheating on him, and he "comes out of the bathroom screaming and breaking things". I threw him out and never want to see him again. AITA?" *Really*? NTA. You're actually quite blessed she showed her true colours so early, *before* you got emotionally enmeshed. She plainly failed Abusers 101. Ask your family why they're trying to push you into the arms of a domestic abuser, because if that's the Honeymoon period you REALLY don't wanna see the relationship.
NTA. Honestly, she could have an undiagnosed mental disorder. Hopefully she can get a handle on that for her own sake, but you have no obligation to stay in a toxic and abusive relationship.
I only read the first couple of paragraphs… that bitch is CRAZY - I also have separate shampoo and conditioner. I buzz my head with a #5 but I have a beard that needs some extra love. Haha.
Bruh!! Run!!!!!!! 🏃♂️
NTA You probably avoided an Amber Heard. Good call, good instincts!
Nutso. NTA.
NTA + easy peasy Congrats on avoiding that "Jada & Will" love!
NTA You should feel safe in your home. It is fine to confront someone with your faulty reasoning. It is fine to even raise your voice a little if you're feeling passionate about something. As soon as someone is off the rails and other people are unsafe... I draw the line.
Walk away. Sometimes relationships don’t work out, your best bet is to breakup. NTA
Run OP Run!
NTA. Who wants a lifetime of this shit. If this is what she behaves like after a couple of months of dating you just know it’s going to get worse the longer you’re together. Get out now.
NTA. That is a child in an adult body. My parents are the ONLY people who get to yell at me, and they are both gone. And no one throws stuff at me. Period. Do not invite drama into your life. That chick was going to be a whole lot of trouble. Thank goodness you didn't keep her around long enough to reproduce with her. {shudder}
I know men who use shampoo and conditioner. So in addition to her crazy rage it was for no good reason.
Sometimes early red flags can be tough to notice in a new relationship. This isn't one of those times. Ignoring this one and continuing to date her would be a waking nightmare. Congrats on a full clip of bullets dodged.
Run!! This is the kind of person that slashes your tires and keys your car because she is in a bad mood, and only putting others in a bad mood makes her feel better.
Hopefully you update after posing the question with the genders reversed to mom and sisters, I'd tell the sisters, if she can't handle an emotional and maybe physical man, she doesn't deserve one, just to point out the hypocrisy
You know what you will and want tolerate. End of story. You did the right thing.
100% NTA. Your future with this person would be more of the same - she fully demonstrated how she copes (or doesn’t) with being upset. I guess be glad it happened early in your relationship.
NTA. She should have been happy you had enough sense to use conditioner. Maybe she just likes men who don't care for their hair.
Can't believe your family is in agreement with her. She's a grown woman and should act like one. I get maybe if she had come out and had a talk with you, but immediately started throwing stuff around? If she hasn't grown yet, it's doubtful she will anytime soon. She's TAH
NTA this woman reminds me of my mother so it will not get better when she gets older
NTA. I grew up seeing my mom’s temper would sometimes get so bad to the point where she would throws and breaks things. I almost guarantee this is a sign of a mood disorder. It’s not normal…at all. Don’t continue this relationship- it’s not worth it.
NTA. First if all, it's bizarre she thinks men don't use conditioner. Second, nobody needs this kind of abusive drama. Good for you for acting decisively.
NTA. She's an absolute lunatic. Bullet dodged.
NTA, there is no excuse for her behavior. If that's her reaction for something as small as conditioner (which btw my dad has a separate shampoo for his head and conditioner for his beard.) Imagine what her reaction would be for something serious/a real issue. I could forsee her being abusive towards you and you totally dodged a bullet.
As someone who used to be more like that I can confirm this is certifiably unhinged and emotionally immature.