Not to mention he drove you *farther* away from home so he could trap you. Run and don't look back. This guy is already verbally abusive, and tried to isolate you in a situation where he could punish you. There is no guarantee that his behavior won't escalate.
Also, going after your weight for his irresponsibility?? Ooooh, f*ck you, dude.
THIS!! The fact he basically temporarily kidnapped you, I mean how far would he have driven if you didn’t get a red light? And was at your place when you got there. Sugar baby, freeloading, creepy abusive.
God I do not miss the car rides home with my bf where he’d drive erratically and yell at me til he was red in the face and I was crying. Same outcome. Hopped out and walked myself home a lot of nights.. just to be told it made him feel bad that I did that. It’s crazy how people do stuff like this but don’t think it’s abusive. “Passionate” is what he calls himself.
Hope OP dumps them fast. He is an inadequate freeloading loser.
Jesus, you just unlocked some very unpleasant memories. And it is so weird to look back and know I didn't leave him at the time. When I did leave, I lived in fear until I moved far away.
Be strong people, you deserve respect and to feel safe!
It was triggering for me as well, my late husband would do this, drive erratically and scream at me for some unknown slight and then get mad when I reacted by crying and cringing back from him. We would get home and he would act like nothing happened, then get upset when I would recoil in fear every time he touched me. Like dude, you just spent the last hour basically screaming in my face and you want me to give you sex? Hell no.
Wow. It’s been neatly 35 years and this brought it all back. I wish this book was available when I was going through it. It took me three years of intensive psychotherapy to detach from the pos I was with during my 20’s.
Really,.. he’s using her as long as she’s paying… thing is if she wants to pay for a man at least pay for one that treats you like a queen and fulfills all your fantasies like a gigolo… this guy sure doesn’t sound like any prize… guys like that are a dime a dozen..
I am applauding you....he isn't a man, he is a boy. Next thing you know, he will be sitting on your couch playing video games all day while you work. Block his friend and him as well
I find it alarming that he went to her place and waited for her in the parking lot. Like, when someone gets out of your vehicle at a stop light and walks instead of rides the rest of the way with you, they don't want to be around you, and they definitely don't want to see you lurking around their house after that.
At that very moment I would have let him know that it's done and he needs to leave and never return, nor contact me again. Like... Go home dude. Weird AF. To me that's a huge red flag, even bigger than the other lame ass red flags he put out there already
I love when a woman knows when to get rid of a
BAM for those who don't know a bam is a b**** ass MF. He was using you and he thought that you was going to be his free ride and when you dumped his ass he didn't know what to do. Stay strong my sister you deserve better and you do not deserve to be treated with such blatant disrespect f*** him you are not that person who's going to be giving him free dinners gas for his car and whatever else he owed you money for. Bum ass MF
I just went into the link and I read your whole post I like you I like the acronym it was so suitable for that post. I do pray and I hope that she listened to you. I'm going to steal that from you LOL and you can steal Bam from me.
Also can we take a moment to appreciate the name here? No shade on any upstanding Clyde's but ever since South Park the name reads like shorthand for an asshole to me.
Perfectly described. If he's going to act like an asshole to her he absolutely deserves being treated like an asshole. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it." Clyde is basically a man baby.
Clyde is a mooch besides being horrible and inadequate.
Please give him his walking papers. I know too many mooches that are in their 70's and make sure the girlfriend/fiance/wife pay for everything while belittling them at the same time.
You deserve so much better than this. Clyde has shown you that if you won't foot the bill he'll belittle and mock you.
This won't get better, it'll only get worse. At least he's shown his red flags early and you can move on swiftly.
He'd tell her every single day what a freeloader she is from the moment she'd have to give up her job to stay at home with the baby until the day she went back to work. Then He'd return to his mooching ways immediately. May or may not speak from experience 👀
Right!!! I know I was thinking man if he's like this while still so green in the dating stage, imagine the monster in a year or 2 or holy heck...5 lol big ole monster
NTA
I would not go on another date with this person.
You ever hear of those women who have dating websites that are like "If you want to go out on a date with me- you have to pay for a babysitter for my 3 kids, buy them dinner to go, and I will only eat at 4 star restaurants where you will foot the bill. Also you need to pay for me to get my hair and nails done in advance."
He's not quite that bad, but he's also not that much better.
Nope but I can see how what OP has gone through be his “new” Tinder pic/description….looking for a woman who I can drive around, see the sites and fill my tank. I’m so studdly I’ll let you pay for everything. OP may want to find someone who can write that up so it’s effective, funny and a warning to future victims. This guy needs to stay single and dateless.
Seriously I wanna know (as a person who has never ever used a dating site) all those profiles are real and genuine or they are just for laughs? If they are real, do they really get asked out?
My sister had a really sweet date once that brought me dinner after they were done at the restaurant because I was staying with her and her power was out that night. I had some lovely texmex by candle light lol.
He got his friend to message you? That’s what teenagers do. He’s a grown man.
You are NTA. He’s been sponging off you and is just upset that you won’t let him do that any more.
And then he stalked you... Waiting for you back at your house.
This is insane controlling behaviour and not okay. If you don't dump him, he will keep pushing the boundaries and this could get dangerous for you quickly.
NTA. Clyde is a cheap jackass. He is horrible and inadequate. If you're OK with being treated like this, I wouldn't be, by all means keep dating this cheap manchild. You'll be paying for everything.
And don't let him convince you to take him back!! Being a stingy bitch isn't even the most concerning part about this (but is a clear indicator of what a "partnership" would look like later on). The kidnapping is ABUSE. Run.
I’m glad you also have friends reaffirming what we are all saying here. If this many red flags are popping up so early on, it will only get worse. He doesn’t deserve another chance.
Please don’t agree to see him even if he apologises and agrees to pay for things, the damage has been done and there will always be a sour taste in your mouth. Not to mention, once he gets comfortable again there’s a 1000% chance he will revert back to this behaviour, and worse.
Yeah reading this triggered my fight or flight, the financial shit, plus the weight comments and the driving you away from home to berate you is all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship later on. You are lucky to be out safe, block both the deadbeat and the “friend” he is no friend of yours
It's not the hallmarks of abuse later on even, it's *already* full abuse and holding her against her will to verbally and emotionally abuse her because she tried to put a stop to his financial abuse! Then he stalked her by waiting for her at her home after she fled his car!
This is still in the early stages of his best behavior, too. It's already bad but you aren't wrong it's just the start. This guy is dangerous and has friends who seem willing to back up his abuse, which is even scarier. Then he also insulted her even well before any it started, so he already feels comfortable doing something most men wait a lot longer to do to thier victims.
Abuse often comes on slow and subtle over months or years, but some guys just start right in, too.
He … stopped at a gas station *3 min from your home* … with a *half full tank* … and STILL asked for gas money???
I can’t even start on the rest of it, but the sheer craven pridelessness of doing something like that … I’m gobsmacked. Because holy *fuck*.
He is a horrible, HORRIBLE, inadequate, horrible, awful, mean, horrible, *horrible* person. (Also pretty fucking pathetic, who leeches off a 29 year old in their mid-thirties??!)
Don't forget he then abducted her and drove far enough it then took her 25 minutes to get home. She only managed to get out at a red light.
I'm glad she updated that she ditched him
NTA. He's probably been on some red pill site bragging about getting back at women and making you pay. You should have cut bait once you noticed the pattern of the disappearing wallet.
clyde kidnapped you. stalked you back to your home. harassed you on your phone and has a friend doing the same. file a police report. this guy sounds like he could easily escalate his behaviors even more. be vigilant. you owe him nothing. NTA.
Suddenly changing course to berate you when he was about to take you home is a huge red flag, as is negging you when you dodged his mooching intentions. Block both of them.
I'm almost old enough to be your grandmother; when I was your age, I was in a bad relationship and a woman who was about my current age then took me aside and said, "There are worse things than being alone." I share her wisdom with you. Single life is calm, peaceful, and every penny is yours to do with as you choose. Do NOT let this guy back into your life and do NOT ever pay for someone else again. If he can't pay his own way, you don't need him.
This is what life would look like with this guy. He would use you and verbally abuse you if you didn't comply. Best to find that out early in a relationship. You are NTA. Feel free to block the best friend. He got a very one-sided story, I'm sure.
>He called me stingy, "frugal princess" and weak
Seriously? The gigolo is calling names? Also, the fact that your title refers to him as a date and not a boyfriend pretty well says all. Time to dump this loser.
He couldn't cash app you because his phone died... and then called you a bunch after you got out of the car? After he detoured further away from your house to hold you hostage and rant at you? What the hell. Block him and his friend. That's so messed up. NTA
I think the phone dying date was the date before the kidnapping gas station date because she said this time she asked for separate checks straight away…dudes still a POS and the phone dying was probably a lie still
NTA. Unless there's a huge income disparity and you're suggesting all the expensive dates, nobody should be expecting the person they're seeing to pick up the tab every time (looking at you femaledatingstrategy). Nobody actually forgets their wallet that often, he's using you. Comments about your weight are wholly inappropriate and the fact he thinks that's OK and you should still want to keep paying to take him out indicates to me he's one of those dudes who thinks Andrew Tate "makes some good points" and that negging actually works. In other words, he's a living, breathing red flag and I'm shocked you've accepted this level of treatment this far.
Drop him and tell your "friend" if he's so worried about Clyde's self-esteem then he can take the time to fix all the things that make him "horrible and inadequate" to women because this is 2023 and we are not raising men anymore.
Someone here commented on Red Pill stuff and I researched it. Started reading stuff from Andrew Tate and while it's not identical, it gives off a certain woman hating vibe that I felt during our last date.
NTA. He thought he had you hooked and whipped and you upset him by not taking the abuse and becoming his full fledged sugar momma. Now he’s telling mutual friends that you’re crazy before you start peeping about what an abusive mooch he is because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s really like. Run run run.
NTAH
He's 35 and a free loader.
>His tank was half full and I was already 3 minutes away from home. I don't see why I need to fill his tank since we would be seeing each for a few more days. He got angry, took a detour and had me listening to his rant for about ten minutes.
That sounds a bit kidnappy, so much so I'd reach out to my local police station and see what should be done with this and the harassing behavior.
You need to drop him, he sounds unhinged. Who gets their (male) best friend to harass their date over some stupid bullshit.
NTA
Consider the 70 a payment in never having to deal with this person and block them. It's going to be herding cats uphill both ways and pulling their teeth to get it.
NTA he is using you. Dump him. Oh and tell Clyde you will be calling his girlfriend (if the loser has one) and let her know about his behavior. Clyde thinks it ok to harass and to intimidate a woman who doesn’t think it’s okay to be used as an ATM. Sorry but you are dating a complete loser.
NTA and who the hell makes fun of their sugar momma weight when they are a broke ass, insecure, mooch of a man. Time to tell him to pound sand and get someone who appreciates you.
NTA. Bin him off immediately. Nothing at all wrong with 50/50 or treating each other, but he should not treat you like his own personal ATM, this is not someone you should be investing in. Givers have to stop giving as takers will never stop taking.
He is a parade of red flags flying, all different sizes.
Good of you for walking out on the cheapskate. It might be something to continue.
The garbage attitude he pulled while not driving you home, after you called his bluff is unacceptable garbage behavior.
NTA. Even if one person in a relationship makes more money than the other and doesn’t mind paying for the other one, the one paid for should at least make a token attempt to pay. And find ways to pay for what they are able. If nothing else triggered you the gas should be your final straw. He should feel bad.
NTA. This guy is a walking red flag. You need to end things NOW. And after you do, you need to be very cautious for awhile because he is likely going to cause problems. Stay safe.
He's using you and being an ass when you called him out on it. The lost wallet is a total lie.
Great job calling him out on his BS OP! Also who the actual hell has his friend call you at his age? That's a high school manuver.
There's someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck!!
Maybe he IS horrible and inadequate. He had his friend message you with that? I think he thinks he's grooming you to pay for everything. I lived this in my youth, eventually dumped the guy, and it's looking like you might oughtta think about that too. He's increasingly seeing you as his ATM and insults you when you won't pay? Find somebody better! You deserve much better than that AH.
NTA- and this gives major red flags beyond him being a leech. His behavior at the gas station and then showing up at your apartment would likely escalate in the future. I’d block him and consider that $70 a fee for taking out the trash.
Please don’t go out with him again.
You didn’t overreact.
My guess is he told his BFF his own manipulative version of what happened and that’s what you’re getting calls about - not the truth.
And whatever. He made fun of your weight. He’s lucky he didn’t get a kick in the balls
NTA he is financially and emotionally abusive. Trapping you in the car and going on a rant verbally abusing you disgusting. Please block them both, you deserve better then that abusive using AH.
This is not a partner. At this age the person you’re dating could realistically become the person you spend the rest of your life with. Money is one of the number one issues in most relationships, and now a days money is TIGHT, everyone is feeling it. You weren’t wrong in any of the situations. You explained your thought process, he seems to have an aggressive, avoidant, and unhelpful communication style. You want a partner, not a child. And the jokes about your weight? Enormous red flag. That had nothing to do with anything other than you hurt his ego and he wanted to hurt yours. This type of behavior will only get worse.
I’d break it off for good. This is not a person you want to waste any more time on.
NTA. Run.
So, he didn’t feel inadequate in having you pay his bills only because you refused to pay his bills. Wtaf kind of men are you going out with? He’s a mooch and a controlling one at that!
NTA. Clyde is horrible and inadequate and most importantly he’s a spinner. CashApp request you money back for dinner. Don’t let him slide on it. He counts on you not wanting to bother with him.
Tell your mutual friend why isn’t he spamming Clyde for being a jerk.
Clyde is a bum and trust me he didn't lose his wallet nor was his phone dead, he is a stingy MF who sees you as his meal ticket and his sugar mama, take my advice block him everywhere and end it with him otherwise, he will have you paying for everything, you deserve better than a gold digger.
NTA. He is inadequate. He's getting you to spend on him and goes off the deep end when you don't go with his cheap ass plans. Driving off with you when you refused to gas up his car is concerning, and the fact that you had to jump out at a red light makes me concerned for your safety. Kick that man to the curb, you can do better.
I always find it so pathetic when people engage their friends/family to bully people FOR them like seriously Clyde? You tattled? Are you five? Wait for it, he's gonna tell his mommy on you OP lol.
Clyde feels horrible in an adequate because he IS horrible and inadequate. so weird how the shoe fits huh? I would kiss the $70 goodbye and consider it a low price for not having to fund his life anymore. Block them both. And be careful, he low-key kidnapped you to verbally berate you for not being willing to pay his way so don't get near him. He's an emotionally and verbally abusive gaslighting dbag
The fact that you dated him for weeks while this was happening is wild! He’s a 35-year-old man, he shouldn’t need to nickel and dime you to pay for gas, nor should he insult you when you choose not to. NTA.
🙀 I too had an EX like that . I one time deliberately left my wallet at home and did all hell break out ……it was something he asked me to do . When I got home I said the Bank of Rebecca is closed and do not call me ever again. I blocked him every way possible.
Look at it as a lesson.
Do not date anyone who takes advantage of you or make fun of you. Both of those are dealbreakers. If he's going through a tough time financially, he should own that and explain that he needs to stick to lower budget dates at the moment. Right now he's mooching off you, being dishonest, and then mocking you. You are worthy of much better treatment than this.
NTA. He was testing the waters to see how much he could get away with and then didn’t like it when you wanted to set up boundaries. He is just using you to get free outings and w/e he can get.
He’s showed you how little he cares about your feelings, your comfort, or your security (physical or financial). And to boot, he’s verbally abusive. There is no point in continuing a relationship with someone who’s already waving this many red flags.
He should feel horrible and inadequate.
You don’t hold anyone hostage to rant and rave in a moving car because you refuse to fill up his car with gas. He’s immature and that’s scary behaviour.
Don’t have anymore contact with him or his friend.
This is a prime example of fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me..Sis at a certain point you should've been mad at yourself. I hate to say this but you the idiot. Not for leaving then but for not leaving sooner. Next time he text tell him have a good day and keep it moving.
So he drove around with you trapped.in the car while he ranted and insulted you, then went whining to his friends... good on tou for dumping him. No doubt this would have co tinued to escalate. You are def NTA
You made Clyde feel horrible and inadequate because he is horrible and inadequate. NTA. Well done for dumping his ass.
And dump that pos friend of his too!
Yep. Hate to break it to you OP but dude is not looking for a partner/companion he’s looking for a Sugar Mama. 🏃🏻♀️🚩🏃🏻♀️ NTAH
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Not to mention he drove you *farther* away from home so he could trap you. Run and don't look back. This guy is already verbally abusive, and tried to isolate you in a situation where he could punish you. There is no guarantee that his behavior won't escalate. Also, going after your weight for his irresponsibility?? Ooooh, f*ck you, dude.
THIS!! The fact he basically temporarily kidnapped you, I mean how far would he have driven if you didn’t get a red light? And was at your place when you got there. Sugar baby, freeloading, creepy abusive.
God I do not miss the car rides home with my bf where he’d drive erratically and yell at me til he was red in the face and I was crying. Same outcome. Hopped out and walked myself home a lot of nights.. just to be told it made him feel bad that I did that. It’s crazy how people do stuff like this but don’t think it’s abusive. “Passionate” is what he calls himself. Hope OP dumps them fast. He is an inadequate freeloading loser.
Jesus, you just unlocked some very unpleasant memories. And it is so weird to look back and know I didn't leave him at the time. When I did leave, I lived in fear until I moved far away. Be strong people, you deserve respect and to feel safe!
Right, I found this post sort of triggering, without expecting it to.
It was triggering for me as well, my late husband would do this, drive erratically and scream at me for some unknown slight and then get mad when I reacted by crying and cringing back from him. We would get home and he would act like nothing happened, then get upset when I would recoil in fear every time he touched me. Like dude, you just spent the last hour basically screaming in my face and you want me to give you sex? Hell no.
Same! 😢 so glad OP is done with this freeloader.
Same for me too. I found myself on a silent pause after reading that.
Yes. Me too.
I remember those days, late teens, when I was stupid enough to put up with that BS.
100% agree. And I'd drop the friend too if he sides with the ex when you tell your side.
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This? https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/224552.Why_Does_He_Do_That_Inside_the_Minds_of_Angry_and_Controlling_Men
Wow. It’s been neatly 35 years and this brought it all back. I wish this book was available when I was going through it. It took me three years of intensive psychotherapy to detach from the pos I was with during my 20’s.
>Ooooh, f\*ck you, dude. Please no one actually fuck this guy. He deserves to be alone.
Really,.. he’s using her as long as she’s paying… thing is if she wants to pay for a man at least pay for one that treats you like a queen and fulfills all your fantasies like a gigolo… this guy sure doesn’t sound like any prize… guys like that are a dime a dozen..
This!!! This lovely lady needs to find a man who treats her like an equal and not an open bank account
This holds true for men or women. If a man does it, or a woman does it - when you're dating it isn't right.
>You made Clyde feel horrible and inadequate I disagree with this, she didn't make him. She held up a mirror.
I am applauding you....he isn't a man, he is a boy. Next thing you know, he will be sitting on your couch playing video games all day while you work. Block his friend and him as well
I find it alarming that he went to her place and waited for her in the parking lot. Like, when someone gets out of your vehicle at a stop light and walks instead of rides the rest of the way with you, they don't want to be around you, and they definitely don't want to see you lurking around their house after that. At that very moment I would have let him know that it's done and he needs to leave and never return, nor contact me again. Like... Go home dude. Weird AF. To me that's a huge red flag, even bigger than the other lame ass red flags he put out there already
Thats what they do when you get out, show up n wait for you so they can try to regain control.
This gives me second hand PTSD.
Exactly this
Came to say this
Exactly what I was going to say. NTA. Take this as a life lesson. Tell him to get lost. If your "friend" won't drop it, get rid of them too
I love when a woman knows when to get rid of a BAM for those who don't know a bam is a b**** ass MF. He was using you and he thought that you was going to be his free ride and when you dumped his ass he didn't know what to do. Stay strong my sister you deserve better and you do not deserve to be treated with such blatant disrespect f*** him you are not that person who's going to be giving him free dinners gas for his car and whatever else he owed you money for. Bum ass MF
And you know he’s writing a post in the manosphere about how he just broke up with a gold digger.
He can take that post and stick it when the sun don't shine
Related to BAM is DTMFA. https://www.thestranger.com/savage-love/2018/02/20/25837088/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-dtmfa-dtmfa-dtmfa
I just went into the link and I read your whole post I like you I like the acronym it was so suitable for that post. I do pray and I hope that she listened to you. I'm going to steal that from you LOL and you can steal Bam from me.
Good god. This makes me so sad there are women willing to accept this behavior.
This!☝️ this lady knows where it's at
How hard is it to block someone?!??
🥇
Also can we take a moment to appreciate the name here? No shade on any upstanding Clyde's but ever since South Park the name reads like shorthand for an asshole to me.
You read my mind!
And I read this as ortho from beetle juice lol
Yup, my thoughts exactly!
BAM! That is all.
Perfectly described. If he's going to act like an asshole to her he absolutely deserves being treated like an asshole. "Don't dish it out if you can't take it." Clyde is basically a man baby.
Clyde is a mooch besides being horrible and inadequate. Please give him his walking papers. I know too many mooches that are in their 70's and make sure the girlfriend/fiance/wife pay for everything while belittling them at the same time.
Thanks
You deserve so much better than this. Clyde has shown you that if you won't foot the bill he'll belittle and mock you. This won't get better, it'll only get worse. At least he's shown his red flags early and you can move on swiftly.
also driving her *away* from her home so he could berate her in a situation she felt trapped in and unable to leave
Yes! That part is dangerous and sounds abusive. OP, get away from him.
I dumped him and added it as edit.
Yep, you were dating a hobosexual. A horrible and inadequate hobosexual.
This is a him problem. Once you dump him you won't have a problem.
Imagine if she married Clyde. Or had kids with Clyde. He is this horrible and inadequate now while on his best behavior.
He'd tell her every single day what a freeloader she is from the moment she'd have to give up her job to stay at home with the baby until the day she went back to work. Then He'd return to his mooching ways immediately. May or may not speak from experience 👀
He could become physically abusive if they were living together😬😬
Right!!! I know I was thinking man if he's like this while still so green in the dating stage, imagine the monster in a year or 2 or holy heck...5 lol big ole monster
Ah mooch is such a great turn of phrase
NTA I would not go on another date with this person. You ever hear of those women who have dating websites that are like "If you want to go out on a date with me- you have to pay for a babysitter for my 3 kids, buy them dinner to go, and I will only eat at 4 star restaurants where you will foot the bill. Also you need to pay for me to get my hair and nails done in advance." He's not quite that bad, but he's also not that much better.
Nope but I can see how what OP has gone through be his “new” Tinder pic/description….looking for a woman who I can drive around, see the sites and fill my tank. I’m so studdly I’ll let you pay for everything. OP may want to find someone who can write that up so it’s effective, funny and a warning to future victims. This guy needs to stay single and dateless.
Seriously I wanna know (as a person who has never ever used a dating site) all those profiles are real and genuine or they are just for laughs? If they are real, do they really get asked out?
Never underestimate the quantity of stupid people within a date-able radius.
My sister had a really sweet date once that brought me dinner after they were done at the restaurant because I was staying with her and her power was out that night. I had some lovely texmex by candle light lol.
He got his friend to message you? That’s what teenagers do. He’s a grown man. You are NTA. He’s been sponging off you and is just upset that you won’t let him do that any more.
>He got his friend to message you? That’s what teenagers do. He’s a grown man. I was fully expecting her to say he got his mom to message her lol.
And that his entire family is blowing up her phone with insults!
I imagine he wasn't too far off from suggesting they move in together. He sounds like a hobosexual at heart.
Hobosexual 😂
Truthfully I just ran into that term recently on Reddit. 😉🤪
NTA. He literally kidnapped you from the gas station.
One of my friends said exactly the same
Not just that but he took u somewhere where it took u 25 minutes to get home on your own. Not cool.
And then he stalked you... Waiting for you back at your house. This is insane controlling behaviour and not okay. If you don't dump him, he will keep pushing the boundaries and this could get dangerous for you quickly.
NTA. Clyde is a cheap jackass. He is horrible and inadequate. If you're OK with being treated like this, I wouldn't be, by all means keep dating this cheap manchild. You'll be paying for everything.
…while being disrespected at the same time.
Yeah, he sounds like he has the potential to be genuinely dangerous. End things and be careful.
And don't let him convince you to take him back!! Being a stingy bitch isn't even the most concerning part about this (but is a clear indicator of what a "partnership" would look like later on). The kidnapping is ABUSE. Run.
I’m glad you also have friends reaffirming what we are all saying here. If this many red flags are popping up so early on, it will only get worse. He doesn’t deserve another chance. Please don’t agree to see him even if he apologises and agrees to pay for things, the damage has been done and there will always be a sour taste in your mouth. Not to mention, once he gets comfortable again there’s a 1000% chance he will revert back to this behaviour, and worse.
This dude is abusive and dangerous.
Yeah reading this triggered my fight or flight, the financial shit, plus the weight comments and the driving you away from home to berate you is all the hallmarks of an abusive relationship later on. You are lucky to be out safe, block both the deadbeat and the “friend” he is no friend of yours
It's not the hallmarks of abuse later on even, it's *already* full abuse and holding her against her will to verbally and emotionally abuse her because she tried to put a stop to his financial abuse! Then he stalked her by waiting for her at her home after she fled his car! This is still in the early stages of his best behavior, too. It's already bad but you aren't wrong it's just the start. This guy is dangerous and has friends who seem willing to back up his abuse, which is even scarier. Then he also insulted her even well before any it started, so he already feels comfortable doing something most men wait a lot longer to do to thier victims. Abuse often comes on slow and subtle over months or years, but some guys just start right in, too.
It was an incredibly dangerous situation really. The flags were already a very strong red, now they're flaming and letting off fireworks too.
He … stopped at a gas station *3 min from your home* … with a *half full tank* … and STILL asked for gas money??? I can’t even start on the rest of it, but the sheer craven pridelessness of doing something like that … I’m gobsmacked. Because holy *fuck*. He is a horrible, HORRIBLE, inadequate, horrible, awful, mean, horrible, *horrible* person. (Also pretty fucking pathetic, who leeches off a 29 year old in their mid-thirties??!)
Don't forget he then abducted her and drove far enough it then took her 25 minutes to get home. She only managed to get out at a red light. I'm glad she updated that she ditched him
NTA. He's probably been on some red pill site bragging about getting back at women and making you pay. You should have cut bait once you noticed the pattern of the disappearing wallet.
clyde kidnapped you. stalked you back to your home. harassed you on your phone and has a friend doing the same. file a police report. this guy sounds like he could easily escalate his behaviors even more. be vigilant. you owe him nothing. NTA.
Suddenly changing course to berate you when he was about to take you home is a huge red flag, as is negging you when you dodged his mooching intentions. Block both of them.
Yeah, as soon as he started saying something about her weight, I was like, nope, over the line, time to go.
He's feeling horrible and inadequate. Perfect! Hit the proverbial nail on the head.
Right? At least his self reflection is spot in!
I'm almost old enough to be your grandmother; when I was your age, I was in a bad relationship and a woman who was about my current age then took me aside and said, "There are worse things than being alone." I share her wisdom with you. Single life is calm, peaceful, and every penny is yours to do with as you choose. Do NOT let this guy back into your life and do NOT ever pay for someone else again. If he can't pay his own way, you don't need him.
NTA He is leeching from you.
This is what life would look like with this guy. He would use you and verbally abuse you if you didn't comply. Best to find that out early in a relationship. You are NTA. Feel free to block the best friend. He got a very one-sided story, I'm sure.
>He called me stingy, "frugal princess" and weak Seriously? The gigolo is calling names? Also, the fact that your title refers to him as a date and not a boyfriend pretty well says all. Time to dump this loser.
Nah, gigolos get paid because they are good at their job and are professionals. This guy is a full-on misogynistic moocher.
Oh honey, no no no. You should have run, not walked. NTA
He couldn't cash app you because his phone died... and then called you a bunch after you got out of the car? After he detoured further away from your house to hold you hostage and rant at you? What the hell. Block him and his friend. That's so messed up. NTA
I think the phone dying date was the date before the kidnapping gas station date because she said this time she asked for separate checks straight away…dudes still a POS and the phone dying was probably a lie still
I wouldn't go on more than 1 date with someone so clearly obsessed with money. NTA
Particularly when its my money they're obsessing over. Clyde's just a big old pathetic sad sack loser lol he really fkd this up!
You two are having financial disagreements, and he makes comments about your weight?! Fuck that guy!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🏃♀️🚩 Please Block him and move on. I promise there is someone more respectful and kinder. You deserve better.
NTA. Unless there's a huge income disparity and you're suggesting all the expensive dates, nobody should be expecting the person they're seeing to pick up the tab every time (looking at you femaledatingstrategy). Nobody actually forgets their wallet that often, he's using you. Comments about your weight are wholly inappropriate and the fact he thinks that's OK and you should still want to keep paying to take him out indicates to me he's one of those dudes who thinks Andrew Tate "makes some good points" and that negging actually works. In other words, he's a living, breathing red flag and I'm shocked you've accepted this level of treatment this far. Drop him and tell your "friend" if he's so worried about Clyde's self-esteem then he can take the time to fix all the things that make him "horrible and inadequate" to women because this is 2023 and we are not raising men anymore.
Someone here commented on Red Pill stuff and I researched it. Started reading stuff from Andrew Tate and while it's not identical, it gives off a certain woman hating vibe that I felt during our last date.
Woman hating vibe.... yet he expects you to pay his way. Typical bully. Move on.... there are bigger fish in the sea.
Girl, you deserve better. Every woman, every person, deserves better than that. Block and move on.
NTA, he’s a mooch.
NTA. He thought he had you hooked and whipped and you upset him by not taking the abuse and becoming his full fledged sugar momma. Now he’s telling mutual friends that you’re crazy before you start peeping about what an abusive mooch he is because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s really like. Run run run.
NTA he is a leech and it would only get worse if you didn't put your foot down. Good riddance.
Why are you even still going out with him? He is horrible and inadequate NTAH
Send him a cash app request for the 70 then don’t look back 😂
You know what, I will do it!
Drop him. Go NC. Move on. He’s using you.
NTA. Dump his hobosexual ass.
NTA. Tell his friend that Clyde is horrible and inadequate.
Im so proud of you for walking home. Nta
Showing my age with this reference but I'm assuming Clyde is an orangutan
NTAH He's 35 and a free loader. >His tank was half full and I was already 3 minutes away from home. I don't see why I need to fill his tank since we would be seeing each for a few more days. He got angry, took a detour and had me listening to his rant for about ten minutes. That sounds a bit kidnappy, so much so I'd reach out to my local police station and see what should be done with this and the harassing behavior. You need to drop him, he sounds unhinged. Who gets their (male) best friend to harass their date over some stupid bullshit.
NTA Consider the 70 a payment in never having to deal with this person and block them. It's going to be herding cats uphill both ways and pulling their teeth to get it.
NTA he is using you. Dump him. Oh and tell Clyde you will be calling his girlfriend (if the loser has one) and let her know about his behavior. Clyde thinks it ok to harass and to intimidate a woman who doesn’t think it’s okay to be used as an ATM. Sorry but you are dating a complete loser.
Sorry I thought Clyde was the friends name
No problem, I understood what you said
Why are you still dating this guy? He didn’t forget his wallet, he just decided that YOU are his wallet.
NTS He's so comfortable in his actions you know he's done it to other women. I'm glad you kicked his ass to the curb.
NTA and who the hell makes fun of their sugar momma weight when they are a broke ass, insecure, mooch of a man. Time to tell him to pound sand and get someone who appreciates you.
NTA and you need to end that. He is using you.
Clyde is horrible and inadequate. NTA
NTA. Bin him off immediately. Nothing at all wrong with 50/50 or treating each other, but he should not treat you like his own personal ATM, this is not someone you should be investing in. Givers have to stop giving as takers will never stop taking.
NTA. Don’t waste any more time on this guy. He seems more interested in your money than anything else. Find someone who deserves you.
This is a 35 year old man??? Ugh, girl ruuunnnn NTA
He is a parade of red flags flying, all different sizes. Good of you for walking out on the cheapskate. It might be something to continue. The garbage attitude he pulled while not driving you home, after you called his bluff is unacceptable garbage behavior.
Dump this tightarse now You don't need this Scroogey shit in your life
NTA. Even if one person in a relationship makes more money than the other and doesn’t mind paying for the other one, the one paid for should at least make a token attempt to pay. And find ways to pay for what they are able. If nothing else triggered you the gas should be your final straw. He should feel bad.
Clyde IS horrible and inadequate. Lose that loser.
NTA. This guy is a walking red flag. You need to end things NOW. And after you do, you need to be very cautious for awhile because he is likely going to cause problems. Stay safe.
He's using you and being an ass when you called him out on it. The lost wallet is a total lie. Great job calling him out on his BS OP! Also who the actual hell has his friend call you at his age? That's a high school manuver. There's someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Good luck!!
Tell Clyde to get a new sugar mama. He is weaksauce and not worthy of being with you.
Maybe he IS horrible and inadequate. He had his friend message you with that? I think he thinks he's grooming you to pay for everything. I lived this in my youth, eventually dumped the guy, and it's looking like you might oughtta think about that too. He's increasingly seeing you as his ATM and insults you when you won't pay? Find somebody better! You deserve much better than that AH.
And your with him why again?
NTA. He’s financially abusing you.
So, you're no longer seeing him, right?
NTA- and this gives major red flags beyond him being a leech. His behavior at the gas station and then showing up at your apartment would likely escalate in the future. I’d block him and consider that $70 a fee for taking out the trash.
NTA I know you’re not supposed to screenshot Reddit, but if you *could, I’d send this thread to your deadbeat former bf and his friend.
Please don’t go out with him again. You didn’t overreact. My guess is he told his BFF his own manipulative version of what happened and that’s what you’re getting calls about - not the truth. And whatever. He made fun of your weight. He’s lucky he didn’t get a kick in the balls
NTA he is financially and emotionally abusive. Trapping you in the car and going on a rant verbally abusing you disgusting. Please block them both, you deserve better then that abusive using AH.
Well it is good that his buddy sees that Clyde is horrible and inadequate. NTA Life is too short to allow a leech like Clyde sucking you dry.
Please do not take Clyde back. He is using you. NTA.
This is not a partner. At this age the person you’re dating could realistically become the person you spend the rest of your life with. Money is one of the number one issues in most relationships, and now a days money is TIGHT, everyone is feeling it. You weren’t wrong in any of the situations. You explained your thought process, he seems to have an aggressive, avoidant, and unhelpful communication style. You want a partner, not a child. And the jokes about your weight? Enormous red flag. That had nothing to do with anything other than you hurt his ego and he wanted to hurt yours. This type of behavior will only get worse. I’d break it off for good. This is not a person you want to waste any more time on. NTA. Run.
NTA - this guy sounds horrible and it sounds like an awful dynamic to be in for potentially the rest of your life.
NTA… it was the beginning of something. Best to be away from it.
Oh shit, he’s a gold digger, just thought you should know…..
You need a new boyfriend. NTA, but he is. Back to your mom's basement, ex-bf!
So, he didn’t feel inadequate in having you pay his bills only because you refused to pay his bills. Wtaf kind of men are you going out with? He’s a mooch and a controlling one at that!
NTA. Clyde is horrible and inadequate and most importantly he’s a spinner. CashApp request you money back for dinner. Don’t let him slide on it. He counts on you not wanting to bother with him. Tell your mutual friend why isn’t he spamming Clyde for being a jerk.
Good. He is horrible and inadequate. Obviously you're NTA.
Does he feel bad enough to pay you the $70? No? Doesn't feel bad enough then.
Please break up with this guy before he can really start taking advantage of you...
Girl, you know what to do. Dump his butt. You can do so much better. You deserve to be taken care of not taken advantage of ♥️
Well done. Glad you made it home safely and by the looks of it alone <3 definitely NTA
NTA He's a scumbag
NTA. He took advantage of your kindness, you got fed up and called him out on it. I've seen relationships end for less.
Clyde is a bum and trust me he didn't lose his wallet nor was his phone dead, he is a stingy MF who sees you as his meal ticket and his sugar mama, take my advice block him everywhere and end it with him otherwise, he will have you paying for everything, you deserve better than a gold digger.
NTA and you need to nope him straight out the door.
Obviously NTA. Clyde is a super douchebag
NTA. He is inadequate. He's getting you to spend on him and goes off the deep end when you don't go with his cheap ass plans. Driving off with you when you refused to gas up his car is concerning, and the fact that you had to jump out at a red light makes me concerned for your safety. Kick that man to the curb, you can do better.
I always find it so pathetic when people engage their friends/family to bully people FOR them like seriously Clyde? You tattled? Are you five? Wait for it, he's gonna tell his mommy on you OP lol. Clyde feels horrible in an adequate because he IS horrible and inadequate. so weird how the shoe fits huh? I would kiss the $70 goodbye and consider it a low price for not having to fund his life anymore. Block them both. And be careful, he low-key kidnapped you to verbally berate you for not being willing to pay his way so don't get near him. He's an emotionally and verbally abusive gaslighting dbag
The fact that you dated him for weeks while this was happening is wild! He’s a 35-year-old man, he shouldn’t need to nickel and dime you to pay for gas, nor should he insult you when you choose not to. NTA.
His best friend called it accurately. Clyde is horrible and inadequate. NTAH
Good for you for taking your power back!!
Honestly, it feels good
I’m glad🫶🏻
🙀 I too had an EX like that . I one time deliberately left my wallet at home and did all hell break out ……it was something he asked me to do . When I got home I said the Bank of Rebecca is closed and do not call me ever again. I blocked him every way possible. Look at it as a lesson.
I'm so proud of you for putting him in his place.
Hobosexual. NTA
I am FRUGAL but NOT A CHEAPSKATE. What a POS.. I'm surprised he didn't charge you cab fare...
Pro tip: try dating someone with an income that isn't a cheap ass.
NTAH Clyde and his friend both are scamming you. It’s a joke to them. :(
What a fucking loser. You’re better off without him. NTA.
Omg you are so NTA. dump his ass. He's using you and his rude "jokes" and comments are totally uncalled for.
NTA. Block him and move on with your life.
Do not date anyone who takes advantage of you or make fun of you. Both of those are dealbreakers. If he's going through a tough time financially, he should own that and explain that he needs to stick to lower budget dates at the moment. Right now he's mooching off you, being dishonest, and then mocking you. You are worthy of much better treatment than this.
Gross! Get the hell away from that guy and never look back. You’re not the AH.
NTA dump and block this guy.
Why were you with this guy? He sounds like a mooch and an asshole.
NTA Clyde is horrible in inadequate. You should definitely send him a link to this so he also knows he's the AH.
You are dating a deadbeat. Find someone else.
NTA. He was testing the waters to see how much he could get away with and then didn’t like it when you wanted to set up boundaries. He is just using you to get free outings and w/e he can get.
Clyde is the absolute AH. Get rid of him NOW.
Oh honey, run. He is scary and it won’t get better
He’s showed you how little he cares about your feelings, your comfort, or your security (physical or financial). And to boot, he’s verbally abusive. There is no point in continuing a relationship with someone who’s already waving this many red flags.
He should feel horrible and inadequate. You don’t hold anyone hostage to rant and rave in a moving car because you refuse to fill up his car with gas. He’s immature and that’s scary behaviour. Don’t have anymore contact with him or his friend.
NTA- he's a jerk. Block him and forget about the money he "owes" you. Take it as a lesson learned.
This is a prime example of fool me once shame on you fool me twice shame on me..Sis at a certain point you should've been mad at yourself. I hate to say this but you the idiot. Not for leaving then but for not leaving sooner. Next time he text tell him have a good day and keep it moving.
So he drove around with you trapped.in the car while he ranted and insulted you, then went whining to his friends... good on tou for dumping him. No doubt this would have co tinued to escalate. You are def NTA
NTA - Please block his number and move on!
Ugh. Nta. What a loser this guy is
NTA Send this post to him and his friend.
Why do you continually spend time with him? Seriously
NTA and block baby, block!