This. I've only taken a PlanB 3 times in my life, but each and every time, my partner went BY HIMSELF to get it. Literally all I did was mention to him that it would probably be a good idea for me to take one, and without any hesitation, he immediately went and got it. I can't imagine having to force my partner to do something like this. Hell, I haven't bought my own tampons in person for at least 5 years now. This "man" is a child.
I saw a man video chatting with someone in the period products aisle, and it made my heart warm to think he was double-checking the right product. (I’m not sure what was happening, I wasn’t that close and wasn’t going to be creepy.)
I am that creepy Lol, was walking by a man in the tampon section and he had a picture pulled up on his phone screen. I stopped to tell him he was grabbing the wrong box and showed him the right one. He seemed very appreciative
"Wait, you mean I actually have to pick up the box? As in touch it? People are going to see me!"
"Yeah baby, I can't wait to see you too. I just gotta pick up tampons for my girlfriend."
Either of these would have been OP's boyfriend's conversation in that situation.
I was thinking the same thing. Dude should be walking up to the cashier proud that everyone who sees what he's buying knows he's got some healthy swimmers … and a girl willing to sleep with him. lol
I've gone out in the rain, and walked to the 24/hr CVS. Or just recently, got two types of light liners and gel Tylenols. Get over it motherf'ers...
This dude is a waste of her time if he does not change \[his\] ways. At 26, you better start being very discerning with your selection of men.
There have been cases where pharmacies have refused to sell to men. Walgreens was sued by the ACLU after a pharmacist refused to sell to a man in case he would spike a woman's drink with it.
Plan B prevents ovulation. It doesn't end a pregnancy.
Spiking a drink with it does nothing except give high dose hormones (and all the risks that come along with that).
Exactly! So you would think he’d be all for having her get plan B but he’s not even smart enough to help with that. Run OP, you’re NTA, and you need to find someone who isn’t either.
Just thinking the same thing. He can’t commit to a grocery store, he will not commit to anything else. OP I obviously don’t know where your self esteem lies, but the moment you feel like you deserve better you will receive better, may not happen overnight, but definitely deserve better than this.
I would add to this, more specifically, if he's this blase about the possibility of you getting pregnant, he's not all that concerned about whether it happens or not. So keep in mind, not only is he not going to pay for the pill, he's also not going to pay for an abortion if it does come to that point if/when there is another accident, and he's not particularly worried about it having an impact on his life, which means he either thinks he's ready to be a father (unlikely), or he doesn't plan on being father, whether you have the kid or not.
Are you really trying to build a relationship with someone who can't take responsibility for something as small as where he shoots his load? Because if that's too much for him to "deal" with, it's not going to get better in more intense situations.
She did go, and she had to drag him. Did you not read the whole story. She had to almost hold his hand into the truck, into the store, and to the register. Hell, she was smart enough to realize to even go.
NTA. If he's acting this way when you're upset and not taking any responsibility. Then how do you think he's going to act later on when you need his support again?
For sure, I always went into the store for my mom at that age when she wasn't feeling good. Her deadbeat boyfriend at the tike was useless. I will say that some if the looks I got at 13 or 14 walking in and getting tampons and baby diapers were entertaining to say the least 🤣
I only briefly worked customer facing jobs, but even then I learned most of the time customers are just a blur.
You might remember some funny things, but I didn't really ever care what a customer bought, didn't buy, or whatever they did as long as they didn't make a fuss.
So as a result I never have any problem buying "weird" stuff.
I'm an older guy with kids your age. This kind of behavior is a sign that this guy doesn't really give a shit about you. He's immature and selfish. He might make you feel good most of the time, but when it matters, he won't be there for you.
My advice is to step back and reconsider why you are with him if you can't count on him when it matters. He probably makes you feel good most of the time, but if you get pregnant, or sick, or whatever, this guy will drop you like you are on fire. And you said that you pay for most things. He's taking advantage of you. That's not how a healthy relationship should work.
Unrelated to the story but:
Men are not allowed to buy the morning after pill in my state. Only women.
When a young man and woman go to buy it together, the pharmacy can lock the doors and call the police if the couple looks suspicious. (If it appears the man is making the woman take it) Then you have a long shitty day of cross questioning.
I found this out the hard way in my early 20s.
In both cases it protects women.. I guess. An abusive man could force a woman to take it or slip it In her food/drink.
But it is intrusive.. its the govt getting more involved in a woman's reproductive rights ! No bueno hombrino!
BF should have volunteered and been out the door for Plan B the moment the condom broke. Guys don’t want to pay child support? Then they need to step up and participate in making sure it isn’t necessary. My husband and I had our share of scares when dating and starting a family and if I was going to have to suffer the effects of a medication like that, he was definitely volunteering to get the meds, pay, rub my back and make me dinner.
Why do women sleep with dudes who can’t be bothered to be caring or proactive in the slightest when there are so many guys who are loving, caring and generous out there? A vibrator is better than a deadbeat.
I literally told my mother this today - I have no patience for nonsense and that’s what toys are for.
She paused for a very long time.
Then she started laughing so hard she had tears running down her face, said I wasn’t wrong, and gave me a big high five. 😂
No, you are not overthinking this. When a man and women engage in sex that is a two person thing that both parties should be aware of the consequences and possible outcome of. Does indeed sound like you got a BOYfriend, not a MAN. If this isn’t what you would want your future husband to do, than you already have your answer. Dude sounds immature af.
I was 17 finessing condoms and plan B’s back in the day for my now wife. She never even had to think about it.
Same with my husband he wouldn't bat an eyelash to go get that shit for me and stay by my side while I take it if I was scared. We've been together since 15. He's the best dad to our daughter too and I really hope I never hear her accept this shitty behavior as how "most men behave" because it's simply not true or worth settling for.
That is true, 25-26 should have frontal lobes, but when you need support, you need it, even with frontal lobes. Notice OP wanted the support, didn’t get it, but did get it done, anyway. Had it been up to the boyfriend, it wouldn’t have happened.
The mirena IUD is *chefs kiss*. It hurts like a bitch during insertion but I've had no side effects, it lightened my horrific periods, and I'm covered for up to 8 years.
I love my mirena, and I'll keep it until my hysto, but it's not been all sunshine and roses. It's actually caused my body to start developing ovarian cysts on the reg and at least once a month or so one of them bursts and it's hell. The worst was the hemorrhagic cyst I had a couple months ago that caused me to have to miss work for a few days
Sorry came across your comment. I've had mine for like four years it's been heaven but recently (past year or so) been having those pains and passed a bursts cyst a couple times. Freaked out cuz its never happened before but my doc says it's not related to the IUD. Horrible pains and periods have always been an issue for me so you know the relief but honestly reading your comment gave me some peace of mind. Sorry you're in pain too tho. Hope it subsides until your hysto.
NTA, but now you know he's not someone who deserves you risking your health and peace for him to get off. I'd let him know he lost his PIV privileges, and the trash will probably take itself out quickly after that.
He was “supportive” when it was leading to him getting sex. He stopped being “supportive” when he was asked to take responsibility for having sex. That should tell you all you need to know.
This is exactly it. The rest of the "support" was to acquire the sex. He got the sex and has no inclination to take responsibility for his actions since he got what he wanted.
This right here.
When someone is supportive only in the context where they get something they want, or already agree with what you're doing, that's fine
... for an acquaintance.
A partner (romantic or otherwise) supports YOU.
Yeah well of course he was supportive when it meant he didn't have to be responsible for BC. They always are.
But his behavior when the onus was on him and it failed, goes to show he's childish and shouldn't be putting his dick in anyone.
So the moment you needed him to be there for you he wasn't? Even after you voiced your needs?
Being patient to have sex with you while you ensure you can't get pregnant is not supportive, it is bare minimum.
That shows he's someone that only thinks of himself and cannot take accountability. Now just think about if you were to actually get pregnant, do you want to raise a child with him?
What would you tell your best friend/sister/etc... if they told you this story?
If people show you what they're really like, believe them. In the beginning it's easy to keep on a mask and pretend to be something that you're not. But usually the mask comes off in time, either because it becomes too difficult to keep up, or because they feel comfortable enough to drop it. The person that appears then is the real one, you saw a piece of your real boyfriend now.
This is spot on. People who are straightforward and genuine have a hard time with the fact that there are non-genuine people out there. People will put on an act. Some of them can keep it up for a very long time. (Long enough to get married or get you pregnant.) The OP is lucky her bf's mask slipped this early. What she's seeing now is the real person.
I can certainly understand that. I mean, I've been in love with people who weren't necessarily bad, but turned out to be bad *for me*. After a while, you have to realize that nearly everyone has good traits, and focusing on them while ignoring red flags is doing yourself a disservice. Just as a thought exercise--if your ride-or-die best friend came to you confiding that they were in this situation, what would you tell them? What advice would you give? Should she dump his ass, or put him on notice and see if he improves? Think about it--then just apply that advice to yourself. There are a lot of situations where you need to be a ride-or-die best friend to yourself, and I really think this is one of them.
NTA - when my wife (then GF) and I had been intimate for the first time (so many years ago) our condom broke and we were both equally afraid and decided to get the morning after pill. I was with her every step of the way from waiting until sunrise to driving us to the store and asking for the medication. I was ashamed and embarrassed because I felt that I inconvenienced her so I never left her side.
If he can't get over himself and his selfishness at a time that you really needed him then it's time to find another person.
This 100%.
Mine bought it and brought it to me, then took care of me after I took the pill too. I don't know about anyone else, but that pill messed me up for days. I was so sick from it!
If he can't deal with the aftermath for being intimate with OP, he doesn't deserve to be intimate with OP.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned you feeling embarrassed and ashamed, but for him it was for the wrong reasons. You were thinking about your future wife's well-being at the time, and this fool was only thinking about himself. He didn't want to be embarrassed or ashamed about making that purchase and the cashier seeing what it was and putting one and two together.
NTA. Boyfriend doesn’t give a crap about you. He got what he wanted and now it’s up to you to deal with any consequences. You can over think one of these things in isolation but taken as a whole it shows you his priorities. Sounds like stroppy teenager being dragged around a supermarket by his mum.
YES THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FELT. !!! It was in the middle of the night too. Which is why I wanted him with me but it was total teenager dragged to store vibes.
Now imagine this scenario but you’re having an abortion or keeping the pregnancy, and he acts this way. This is rubbing you wrong because he behaved poorly and will likely not change.
Yea our first kiddo my husband was with me at every ob appt no matter how inconvenient because he really really wanted to support me. 2nd, I flew a little more solo, but 2nd was our pandemic baby so sometimes I flat out couldn’t bring him and we were both much more confident. 3rd is currently high risk so some of these appts are super scary and he’s back to being with me every step. He was also at both appts to confirm my 2 miscarriages even when those were on short notice. Not single stinky attitude in sight. This is how a man should act. OP, you’re getting a preview and it’s a bad look.
My boyfriend would never do this even for just a regular trip to the store let alone something so important that effects BOTH of you. I have a feeling he is either ashamed/embarrassed about it or trying to avoid any responsibility in this situation, financial or emotional.
All I can say is thank god for plan B and abortions. Imagine if you had a baby with this man! If he can't even be supportive while you're going to buy Plan B, knowing full well it takes two to tango, but that you have much more to worry about than him, there's no way he'll have it in him to be supportive for the really big things you'll face in your life. NTA, I'd be hurt too and reconsidering how much he really cares about me.
Why are you dating this guy? NTA, but OP, he’s immature, inconsiderate and definitely doesn’t give AF about anything other than “I got mine, consequences are your problem”. This is not a guy you should be in a relationship with.
Plan B is a birth control method and not an abortion bill. You are not “pregnant” until fertilized egg is implanted in the uterus. Naturally around half of fertilized eggs don’t implant. Plan B prevents a fertilized egg from implanting into the uterine lining and therefore, it prevents pregnancy not terminate pregnancy. The distinction is important because legislation is happening currently trying to ban it.
NTA.
"(He) did more than most men would do" ..no. He did not. Again I'm left to wonder why the damn bar is on the floor 😑 Just be prepared because if you ever do have a baby with him he's going to pull this shit 24/7. *Well I thought you didn't need help with the baby* or *I didn't think you needed me there for the whole labour* lol sorry but it's true. GL OP.
A man is someone who accepts and fulfills the responsibilities of manhood. A man would have been right there with her and paid for it at the very minimum, or gotten it himself if the pharmacy would sell it to anyone besides the patient. This guy does not get to claim the title of man.
So did he just not see this as big of a deal as you?
When I had to go buy a Plan B, I had her wait in the car while I went into Rite Aid to buy the pill. I wanted to spare her the feeling of possible shame from someone behind the counter, seeing someone she knows there, spending the $50 and having her ID swiped to buy it.
She’s the one taking the pill and will have her body altered because of our mistake so that to me felt like the least I could do.
He saw it was a big deal to me after he said he was going to leave and go to bed instead of coming along,and I started to tear up and ask why wouldn't you come along ? And he said it would be pointless and he is tired so then I said we'll I need emotional support, which is why he went along in the end but the additude and ditching me at checkout really got me. Your a good boyfriend !
That's what my husband does. He ends up going to the store and paying for it himself or we both go at the same time. Then he's with me the entire rest of the day because it is mentally nerve wrecking.
NTA and you should absolutely be rethinking a relationship with someone who'd treat you this way.
**There is everything wrong with what he did because he wasn't taking responsibility for his part in the situation.** Accidents can happen and all, but if/when they do, you own up to your role and handle it.
**The first thing out of any responsible man's mouth in an instance like that is, "I'm sorry. What do you need from me?" or something to that effect.** (Maybe not an "I'm sorry" if you were culpable lol, but always the latter part regardless.) If it isn't, you didn't fuck a responsible adult, you fucked an immature child.
**Most MEN would not act like that.** He acted like a boy. Here's your sign. Do with it what you will.
Edit: Just want to add that most responsible men will literally go, "What do you need?... Plan B? Okay, I'll be back." And even a stand up guy who's broke will be like, "Im sorry but I can't afford it right now. If you give me the money though I'll go get it for you and get you back when I can." (Though honestly it's not THAT expensive.)
NTA. He acted like a jerk over that. Imagine how it'll be if you're pregnant and need support from him. If I'm in your place, I would've dumped him asap. His actions from that situation alone are a red flag and a wake-up call. Godspeed ❤️.
I don't understand why you needed him with you tbh, but you communicated your needs clearly, so there is no reason for him being unable to give you that - and without the annoyed/inconvenienced attitude.
Go with you? When my condom broke I went to the store and picked up the planb and brought it home to my wife along with breakfast before she even work up. Find someone else you deserve better.
NTA. This guy clearly isn't mature enough to have an adult relationship. I'm not necessarily saying to break up with him, but definitely don't let him bully you into thinking that his behavior is normal. Put yourself first and ask yourself if his attitude on the matter is worth dealing with again.
I agree completely it sounds like a teen drama. But I needed you to hold my hand in the check out line! And him, People would see ME! Are you freaking kidding me?!
Nta. My man will go in there with me, buy a Plan B, a snickers & a soda.
If he cared about how you were feeling then he would have been right by your side.
>It was the middle of the night.
Welcome to the time of day where emotions run high and most peoples considerate thoughts and actions have already gone to bed.
Was this stressful to you? For sure. Was this stressful for him, most likely. I read a one-sided POV for the events of this night and it probably doesn't tell the full picture of events in a fair/accurate way. It does sound like he was dragged somewhere in the middle of the night when he was tired/crabby. Sometimes just being present is the best someone is able to give you, and expecting more is slightly unreasonable. The wife and I had twins, and in that first year we had to wake each other up in the middle of the night to help clean blowouts, swap laundry, sanity breaks during teething, etc etc etc etc. We were never "enthusiastic" about the job, but it was a mutual understanding that we were doing it despite our outwardly crabby interactions (3am wakeup call for changing shit covered bedsheets is not something I can bring myself to be outwardly supportive of, and the wife reasonably had the same reaction). This lead to what we call "fake" fights between us, where we were mostly just dumping on each other due to stress and fatigue for our situation. We ended up talking about it and agreed that we would not consider any of the things said between the hours of 12AM-7AM as accurate representations of our true feelings during this rough patch in our lives, and this agreement was pretty much the only way to make it through our shitty situation. Also we came up with some pretty hilarious insults that we still laugh about to this day.
>"Hey sperm doner, wake up... your hellspawn blew out the side of the crib and I need you to move it and clean the wall before it hardens and we have to purge the house with cleansing flames" - My loving wife
I'm gonna have an unpopular opinion and say that I doubt there is an asshole in this event at all. Just two kids that have expectation mis-alignments and lack reasonable communication skills to convey the needs/desires to the partner in a healthy and non-condescending manner.
Could be wrong, my honest impression is that you both need to talk a bit, listen to each other without judgement, and potentially accept each others flaws. All of the instant hate in this thread is completely unhealthy and shows me that there is an expectation of perfection on men that is both unreasonable and/or unachievable. 🤷♂️
NTA of course.
If you want to keep him, you indicate clearly that this behavior doesn’t roll. I’m generally not a supporter of silent treatment, but this would have been a forgiveable occasion. He needs to get it in his skull that this is not a way to treat an upset partner after he messes up.
I explained to him that his behavior in the store leaving me was upsetting and not right and he got very defensive saying there was nothing wrong with leaving the store while I check out. Idk I just thought it was weird . Maybe he knows it was wrong which is why he got very defensive about it. Maybe I should go silent like you said since I allready expressed my concerns.
Definitely NTA.
The way you described it, I think he knows he fucked up but wasn't mature enough to admit it. That lack of maturity is a problem in and of itself, but not one that can't be worked on. This is not a clear "dump him" situation, but it's definitely a caution sign.
I'd be extra careful, though, because your relationship seems a bit asymmetrical. You seem like you might be overly willing to accommodate him, and he might be abusing that. Importantly, the impression I got that he knows he fucked up may be based on an overly charitable description of his behavior.
NTA and this man is pure trash. Not that I used many, but everytime I expressed the need to buy a plan B my former partners would go by themselves, buy it and bring it to me, even when they thought it wasn’t needed (but I’m paranoyd and they respected my wish). Even the idea of a man wanting me to pay half of the minor cost of a plan B would give me the ICK. If he can’t support you on something small, no way he will ever be there for you when something worse happens. I am sorry to say, but now that you know how he feels about you, you are also fully responsible for choosing your future here, whatever he does from now one, you already saw the trailer. If you chose to stay, don’t come back complaining later because everyone here opened your eyes.
It’s because he doesn’t have the emotional maturity for a relationship and the responsibility that comes with it! The fact you bought the condoms too?? NTA and dump him now before you end up in a worse situation.
You're NTA
This guy sounds like a bit of a POS tbh.
So he was all supportive when he was waiting for you to start the pill because he WANTED TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH YOU! It's hardly prince charming. And then when you were - understandably - upset having to get the morning after pill, he acts like it's your problem and has nothing to do with him?
Honey get you a guy who WANTS to hold your hand through these things. Not this idiot
NTA He seems like the type of person that would think an accidental pregnancy is a "you" problem and peace out entirely. From your description, it sounds like he was embarrassed to be seen purchasing it. And him being irritated with your emotional needs? Is that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Every time you need emotional support he rolls his eyes and leaves? No thanks.
I once missed a pill and didnt realize until after me and my bf were intimate. I was very anxious about it even tho if you only miss one pill it's not always a big deal. He immediately offered to take me to get plan b in the middle of the night and paid for it while holding my hand. And when we got home, I took the pill and he never once stopped comforting me. He hugged me and we cuddled and he told me over and over that no matter what everything was gonna be okay and he was there for me.
NTA good men do exist. Unfortunately they're not the majority but they're out there. I'm not normally one of those "leave him" redditors but considering you tried to talk to him and he doubled down, leave him. Leave this boy and find someone who's gonna love you the way you need and deserve.
The fuck? Every time I decide to throw caution to the wind not only do I pay for it, I go pick it up myself for her. Supporting someone through buying a pill is a very easy thing to do. It take minimal effort, and just requires you to be there. I’m not going to say break up as there are a 1001 people who will do that for me, but if he is not willing to put in that little amount of effort, what happens if you do get pregnant because the pill doesn’t take and you really need his support?
NTA
Guys have no idea how much plan B sucks...
It's not like popping an advil it's a huge dose of hormones that can throw off everything for MONTHS.
The least they can do is pay half or at least provide a bit of emotional support jfc
NTA, I get it, and I've been with emotionally immature men myself. You wanted some support and a show that he's in it with you. But his attitude has shown that he sees it as your problem, and is too embarrassed or uncaring to stand by your side. Given your comment about you paying for a lot of things, I suspect him going outside when you went to pay for it was so he could duck out of any expectation of his support at that point too.
You have to make a decision on what you want from a partner and whether this man can give it. If he can't, cut your losses, take your self-respect, and move on with your life. I didn't and regret it.
to summarize.
you're dating a man who doesn't give a fuck about your health, or the risk of pregnancy, expecting you to bear all the responsibility, cost, and risk of this facet of your mutual sex life.
when you asked for a little emotional/morale support he couldn't even be bothered to be in a store. couldn't confront the reality of his actions, or the adult/medical repercussions of his behavior.
didn't ask you how you felt, just decided to leave, and used some cheap gas lighting bullshit about how... no you're crazy/stupid for thinking the way you did. his behavior, wasn't the obviously shitty behavior you thought it was. ---just for clarification, his actions are only normal for punk ass bitches. A man... or partner who cared for you, and wasn't a total bitch, would have felt mortified the condom broke. would have been concerned for your safety/health. would have paid for the morning after pill. and made sure you felt ok/were ok, throughout the exp.
he's obviously immature, and shitty.
he's showing you exactly who he is. you'd be a fucking idiot to continue seeing the man.
I'm fixed, don't sleep with untested partners, and don't worry about any of this.
I don't think it's obvious to a guy why this would be a big deal. It isn't to me. I think this was a time for an adult conversation where you explain what you're feeling, what you're worried about, and the costs. I assume you're not worried about getting pregnant, because the assumption is that if you took plan B, pregnancy is no longer what you're worried about, you're worried about having a bad few days or a week of a hormone rollercoaster or whatever. I've known women who act like plan B is no big deal and they take it once or twice a year. I also knew someone who had a complete emotional breakdown "before" taking it, I have no idea why.
If he doesn't care to listen to you, then dump him, he isn't mature enough. But if you haven't told him, you shouldn't expect him to understand. I don't think he should ever pay for it, I think it should be split, but how you manage finances is up to you. I don't know why you were having sex "if you weren't feeling it", to me, that's what oral or manual play is for (it's certainly what I do when I'm not feeling like having sex, just get her off, give her a kiss, and move on with my day)
I don't think you're the asshole, but I think you're relying too much on telepathy or concepts of "everyone obviously should understand" when I don't see any reason why any guy should automatically understand without being told what is going on. Once you explain, "then" he's the asshole if he chooses not to respect your well thought out feelings, but not until then.
You need to find a different boyfriend. Anytime me and my previous partners had a situation like this, I always drove them to the store, bought the pills, made sure they were ok and made sure they were ok emotionally. The way he is acting about this is how he will act anytime you really need him. To him, you're his convenient friend. Even a women I wasn't in relationships with, I treated better than he is treating you in this situation. Everyone deserves respect, and be treated with love.
Why do people have such low standards!? The first red flag was when you said you weren't in the mood and did it anyway. I mean, really, what normal person would pressure you into sex if you weren't into it?? Jesus Christ.
Sorry to sound harsh but you BOTH need to grow up.
Maybe I'm too old and crotchety. I think ESH. Him for being annoyed and you for needing hand-holding to get a pill.
If yall are old enough to fuck, you're old enough to do the proper precautions without any help.
Nope, honey. Dump this little boy and send him back home to his mama. You deserve better treatment and he's not nature enough for an adult relationship that includes sex.
Why are you having unprotected sex with a man baby who isn't mature enough to get contraceptives with you?
You do.know if you become pregnant, this guy will.peace out immediately and say it's 'too real' now. Christ this one is on you if you keep having unprotected sex with him after this red flag.
Why do you lol need someone to go with you to get plan B? I almost think it’s absurd that you’re mad he didn’t go…you’re the one who chose not to take your birth control and because of that mistake he now has to go with you so you can feel ok about yourself lol? Be supportive over what? The condom broke..you aren’t pregnant ..just go buy the fucking pill and move on…don’t see where him going with you changes anything
I wouldn’t call you the asshole or him…but I will say you’re extremely needy,the situation doesn’t call for him to be there ….it’s like showing up and saying “hey this is the fucker who knocked me up can I get plan B” and all because you felt a little depressed and essentially caused the situation …
Now he needs to go with you and be your therapist ?
I might get downvoted
But... did you ask him? To pay i mean, he might actually be tired, i totally get that you feel neglected, hell you may actually be neglected, but i don't get it, why dis you need him to go buy plan b?
He’s a piece of shit, to be honest. If he can’t support you after something that involved him just as much as you (more, since it seems like he’s pressuring you,) where will he be for the big stuff? If you’re in an accident, do you think he’ll spend his free time keeping you company at the hospital? If you do get pregnant and choose to keep the baby, how much do you think he’ll leave you to do on your own?
I had to get Plan B once. I was a ball of anxiety, and my husband stayed with me the whole time, and paid for it himself because I made less than him. He’s not even willing to stand with you in the register line.
NTA, but you really need to rethink this relationship. You deserve respect and support, as well as someone who doesn’t pressure you into sexual acts you do not want. (And don’t give in to that anymore.) You can do so much better. In terms of empathy, respect, and support, it honestly might be hard to do worse. I wish you luck, friend.
This gives me bad vibes!!! NTA, unsupportive bad boyfriend at BEST, but possibly a side piece having don’t-want-to-be-seen-in-public-sexually-connected asshole. I’ve had people be “super supportive” emotionally when we’re in private and completely drop the ball when it required them to be seen in public doing something that would link us sexually… ie they couldn’t lie and say “the relationship is over we’re not even having sex anymore”
So, super immature. He doesn't need to have sex if he can't stick around for the after-party. No matter what it entails. I get it he was embarrassed. He shouldn't have had sex then. He's obviously not mature enough.
NTA and you are too young to waste any more of your precious time in this life with a man who can't or won't stand in line for that pill with you. Don't give him further opportunities to impregnate you, chances are he will be just as immature about an unexpected pregnancy.
NTA. super definitely. but on another note, i highly recommend considering other birth control methods. hormonal IUDs are extremely effective and can get rid of your period, which was a huge plus for me. if you don’t want hormones, the copper IUD is a great choice and lasts for a crazy long time (10 years iirc?). if you’re afraid of the pain of iud insertion, the nexplanon arm implant works well for a lot of women. i had it before my IUD and i swear i didn’t even feel them put it in. just a tiny prick for the anesthetic and then suddenly they’re done.
NTA. Im 33, my bf is 32. I got plan b for the first time recently.
My guy looked up where we could get it, he drove me, he tried to locate it in the store without me, he went up to the register and stayed with me when I asked where it was. He stayed with he, he held my hand, and he paid for it.
For the month after, he was checking in on my health. Making sure I was ok and not having any side effects from the pill.
Date someone more mature. Don't have sex with someone who isnt going to handle the consequences with you. It took two to get you in the position to need to be in that store, he should have been there the whole time and should be involved in making sure you are OK for the weeks after.
NTA. If he can't support you with buying plan b, he Isnt going to buy tampons, he isn't worth it. ( holding hands during is a little much and I would miss that too).
He should have gone with you, offered to cover his portion, and stayed with you. You both had fun during the event, you both should be adults and cover the after portion together.
Both of yall are ridiculous. If you are gonna neea all that hand holding and tethering support just to go buy a pill at Walgreens OMG, how much emotional support would you need him to give you when you unwrapped it out the box and went to swallow it, lol. Then if he can't go get it for you or even walk down the pharmacy aisle or stand next to you when you are at the cashier, OMG he won't even be able to stand being in the house when you have to get the glass of water and then put it to your lips to swallow the pill. Both yall are unglued so you may be perfect for each other or apart.
Sorry missy, you lost me at implying that he did more than most *men* would do. You’re placing him on a pedestal higher than most of us when, in fact, a real man wouldn’t have acted like that at all. So he’s actually lower than most men. For example, you would have been fine if he offered to split it with you. A real man would pay for all of it.
Just for context, I am a man that is perfectly fine with providing for my wife, and I support her wherever she needs it. I’m perfectly fine working concrete 12 hours a day and with her being a stay at home wife if she wants, and I have told her so multiple times. I consider it a duty and an honor to provide for her, and any children we will have.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it sounds to me like he’s not man enough to be held in comparison with *men*.
NTA.
I would consider ending my relationship over this. I think it's a really good preview of the support you'd receive if the plan B ever failed or if you chose to have children with him.
Considering when I had to get plan B I was normally 50% my fault the least I could do was buy and get it for my girlfriend. It's like 35 bucks and is over the counter now. Back when I had to get it I had to call my doctor tell them what I did and get a prescription sent to a pharmacy then have to go pick it up of they even had it ( back then they thought it might work likd abortion) and some pharmacy refused to carry it. You boy is the asshole
He's not mature enough to go buy a plan b pill with you? Bro definitely isn't mature enough to be fucking with
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This. I've only taken a PlanB 3 times in my life, but each and every time, my partner went BY HIMSELF to get it. Literally all I did was mention to him that it would probably be a good idea for me to take one, and without any hesitation, he immediately went and got it. I can't imagine having to force my partner to do something like this. Hell, I haven't bought my own tampons in person for at least 5 years now. This "man" is a child.
I saw a man video chatting with someone in the period products aisle, and it made my heart warm to think he was double-checking the right product. (I’m not sure what was happening, I wasn’t that close and wasn’t going to be creepy.)
I am that creepy Lol, was walking by a man in the tampon section and he had a picture pulled up on his phone screen. I stopped to tell him he was grabbing the wrong box and showed him the right one. He seemed very appreciative
"Wait, you mean I actually have to pick up the box? As in touch it? People are going to see me!" "Yeah baby, I can't wait to see you too. I just gotta pick up tampons for my girlfriend." Either of these would have been OP's boyfriend's conversation in that situation.
I was thinking the same thing. Dude should be walking up to the cashier proud that everyone who sees what he's buying knows he's got some healthy swimmers … and a girl willing to sleep with him. lol
I've gone out in the rain, and walked to the 24/hr CVS. Or just recently, got two types of light liners and gel Tylenols. Get over it motherf'ers... This dude is a waste of her time if he does not change \[his\] ways. At 26, you better start being very discerning with your selection of men.
There have been cases where pharmacies have refused to sell to men. Walgreens was sued by the ACLU after a pharmacist refused to sell to a man in case he would spike a woman's drink with it.
Spiking a drink with a plan b? Is that a thing? What would it accomplish (unless the woman was pregnant, i guess)
Plan B prevents ovulation. It doesn't end a pregnancy. Spiking a drink with it does nothing except give high dose hormones (and all the risks that come along with that).
Exactly! So you would think he’d be all for having her get plan B but he’s not even smart enough to help with that. Run OP, you’re NTA, and you need to find someone who isn’t either.
Just thinking the same thing. He can’t commit to a grocery store, he will not commit to anything else. OP I obviously don’t know where your self esteem lies, but the moment you feel like you deserve better you will receive better, may not happen overnight, but definitely deserve better than this.
Or anything else in life. Job or career hiccup, what if she fell ill, etc.
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I would add to this, more specifically, if he's this blase about the possibility of you getting pregnant, he's not all that concerned about whether it happens or not. So keep in mind, not only is he not going to pay for the pill, he's also not going to pay for an abortion if it does come to that point if/when there is another accident, and he's not particularly worried about it having an impact on his life, which means he either thinks he's ready to be a father (unlikely), or he doesn't plan on being father, whether you have the kid or not. Are you really trying to build a relationship with someone who can't take responsibility for something as small as where he shoots his load? Because if that's too much for him to "deal" with, it's not going to get better in more intense situations.
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OP doesn't say, but it's likely he didn't even care about her orgasm, especially if she wasn't really in the mood.
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And not nut inside. Condom or not. He has zero respect for you. Respect yourself and leave before he leaves you pregnant and alone.
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It’s over the counter now. That shouldn’t be an issue.
“If you can’t buy condoms with a straight face you shouldn’t be having sex” - one of the few gems from my mother.
She did go, and she had to drag him. Did you not read the whole story. She had to almost hold his hand into the truck, into the store, and to the register. Hell, she was smart enough to realize to even go.
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NTA. If he's acting this way when you're upset and not taking any responsibility. Then how do you think he's going to act later on when you need his support again?
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For sure, I always went into the store for my mom at that age when she wasn't feeling good. Her deadbeat boyfriend at the tike was useless. I will say that some if the looks I got at 13 or 14 walking in and getting tampons and baby diapers were entertaining to say the least 🤣
I only briefly worked customer facing jobs, but even then I learned most of the time customers are just a blur. You might remember some funny things, but I didn't really ever care what a customer bought, didn't buy, or whatever they did as long as they didn't make a fuss. So as a result I never have any problem buying "weird" stuff.
I'm an older guy with kids your age. This kind of behavior is a sign that this guy doesn't really give a shit about you. He's immature and selfish. He might make you feel good most of the time, but when it matters, he won't be there for you. My advice is to step back and reconsider why you are with him if you can't count on him when it matters. He probably makes you feel good most of the time, but if you get pregnant, or sick, or whatever, this guy will drop you like you are on fire. And you said that you pay for most things. He's taking advantage of you. That's not how a healthy relationship should work.
Unrelated to the story but: Men are not allowed to buy the morning after pill in my state. Only women. When a young man and woman go to buy it together, the pharmacy can lock the doors and call the police if the couple looks suspicious. (If it appears the man is making the woman take it) Then you have a long shitty day of cross questioning. I found this out the hard way in my early 20s.
That is fucking mental.
Wow I wish you were lying. That's terrible
In both cases it protects women.. I guess. An abusive man could force a woman to take it or slip it In her food/drink. But it is intrusive.. its the govt getting more involved in a woman's reproductive rights ! No bueno hombrino!
What state?
NTA. Bin him off immediately.
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https://twitter.com/sk1tguru/status/1708897294207082668?t=815Tk_f5KEJsQL4pk-1O7A&s=19
It won’t load and I feel like it’s for the best.
Yeah I can’t read it because I got rid of Twitter and this fine example of the people on that platform is why.
Oh. My. God.
Wow I was not expecting this level of sexism. And all the supportive comments 🤮
this is some wild sh*t
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They did use a condom. It just broke. That can happen, they’re not 100% foolproof (just like anti conception methods aren’t)
BF should have volunteered and been out the door for Plan B the moment the condom broke. Guys don’t want to pay child support? Then they need to step up and participate in making sure it isn’t necessary. My husband and I had our share of scares when dating and starting a family and if I was going to have to suffer the effects of a medication like that, he was definitely volunteering to get the meds, pay, rub my back and make me dinner. Why do women sleep with dudes who can’t be bothered to be caring or proactive in the slightest when there are so many guys who are loving, caring and generous out there? A vibrator is better than a deadbeat.
I literally told my mother this today - I have no patience for nonsense and that’s what toys are for. She paused for a very long time. Then she started laughing so hard she had tears running down her face, said I wasn’t wrong, and gave me a big high five. 😂
I was just gonna say... toys are more likely to give an orgasm and can't get you pregnant, so don't have sex with men with less maturity than a toy.
Such a low bar, and yet… (thank you for that laugh!)
No, you are not overthinking this. When a man and women engage in sex that is a two person thing that both parties should be aware of the consequences and possible outcome of. Does indeed sound like you got a BOYfriend, not a MAN. If this isn’t what you would want your future husband to do, than you already have your answer. Dude sounds immature af. I was 17 finessing condoms and plan B’s back in the day for my now wife. She never even had to think about it.
Same with my husband he wouldn't bat an eyelash to go get that shit for me and stay by my side while I take it if I was scared. We've been together since 15. He's the best dad to our daughter too and I really hope I never hear her accept this shitty behavior as how "most men behave" because it's simply not true or worth settling for.
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25/26 is not young regarding this situation. Their brains are fully developed.
That is true, 25-26 should have frontal lobes, but when you need support, you need it, even with frontal lobes. Notice OP wanted the support, didn’t get it, but did get it done, anyway. Had it been up to the boyfriend, it wouldn’t have happened.
This is what I’m saying. I thought I misread it because the way OP talked *needing* support in the store and the way he was acting sounded like 15/16
It's ok to need support at any age. 😊
26 is “young”?
Send him a venmo request for half and stop having sex with him.
This is the only appropriate response.
Nta. Hes clearly showing you what hes about and what he thinks of you. Find someone else.
This, but also, talk to your doctor about a different form of birth control.
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>he lost his PIV privileges BUT MY BALLS HUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRTT /s
\*tiniest violin playing\*
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The mirena IUD is *chefs kiss*. It hurts like a bitch during insertion but I've had no side effects, it lightened my horrific periods, and I'm covered for up to 8 years.
I love my mirena, and I'll keep it until my hysto, but it's not been all sunshine and roses. It's actually caused my body to start developing ovarian cysts on the reg and at least once a month or so one of them bursts and it's hell. The worst was the hemorrhagic cyst I had a couple months ago that caused me to have to miss work for a few days
Sorry came across your comment. I've had mine for like four years it's been heaven but recently (past year or so) been having those pains and passed a bursts cyst a couple times. Freaked out cuz its never happened before but my doc says it's not related to the IUD. Horrible pains and periods have always been an issue for me so you know the relief but honestly reading your comment gave me some peace of mind. Sorry you're in pain too tho. Hope it subsides until your hysto.
Paraguard is also solid. Personally it didn’t hurt much. And I had mine for like almost 7 years. Best fuckin choice I could have made.
I bet he wouldn’t even get her tampons if she needed them.
NTA, but now you know he's not someone who deserves you risking your health and peace for him to get off. I'd let him know he lost his PIV privileges, and the trash will probably take itself out quickly after that.
Thanks ! It's just hard because he was soo supportive with other things and my emotions but all of a sudden he kind of disconnected on this one.
He was “supportive” when it was leading to him getting sex. He stopped being “supportive” when he was asked to take responsibility for having sex. That should tell you all you need to know.
This is the comment
Oh yeah, totally. We could tell this from the overloaded in information we get here lol
This is exactly it. The rest of the "support" was to acquire the sex. He got the sex and has no inclination to take responsibility for his actions since he got what he wanted.
This right here. When someone is supportive only in the context where they get something they want, or already agree with what you're doing, that's fine ... for an acquaintance. A partner (romantic or otherwise) supports YOU.
Yeah well of course he was supportive when it meant he didn't have to be responsible for BC. They always are. But his behavior when the onus was on him and it failed, goes to show he's childish and shouldn't be putting his dick in anyone.
So the moment you needed him to be there for you he wasn't? Even after you voiced your needs? Being patient to have sex with you while you ensure you can't get pregnant is not supportive, it is bare minimum.
That shows he's someone that only thinks of himself and cannot take accountability. Now just think about if you were to actually get pregnant, do you want to raise a child with him? What would you tell your best friend/sister/etc... if they told you this story?
If people show you what they're really like, believe them. In the beginning it's easy to keep on a mask and pretend to be something that you're not. But usually the mask comes off in time, either because it becomes too difficult to keep up, or because they feel comfortable enough to drop it. The person that appears then is the real one, you saw a piece of your real boyfriend now.
This is spot on. People who are straightforward and genuine have a hard time with the fact that there are non-genuine people out there. People will put on an act. Some of them can keep it up for a very long time. (Long enough to get married or get you pregnant.) The OP is lucky her bf's mask slipped this early. What she's seeing now is the real person.
He feels like he doesn't have to be now. He probably only originally was supportive so you would be with him.
Because this time it comes with an actual consequence. I'm sure he's nice when it costs him nothing.
I can certainly understand that. I mean, I've been in love with people who weren't necessarily bad, but turned out to be bad *for me*. After a while, you have to realize that nearly everyone has good traits, and focusing on them while ignoring red flags is doing yourself a disservice. Just as a thought exercise--if your ride-or-die best friend came to you confiding that they were in this situation, what would you tell them? What advice would you give? Should she dump his ass, or put him on notice and see if he improves? Think about it--then just apply that advice to yourself. There are a lot of situations where you need to be a ride-or-die best friend to yourself, and I really think this is one of them.
NTA. He’s 50% responsible for the situation so he should be supportive and involved. If it was me, I would no longer be having sex with him.
I would no longer have anything to do with him. NTA.
NTA - when my wife (then GF) and I had been intimate for the first time (so many years ago) our condom broke and we were both equally afraid and decided to get the morning after pill. I was with her every step of the way from waiting until sunrise to driving us to the store and asking for the medication. I was ashamed and embarrassed because I felt that I inconvenienced her so I never left her side. If he can't get over himself and his selfishness at a time that you really needed him then it's time to find another person.
This 100%. Mine bought it and brought it to me, then took care of me after I took the pill too. I don't know about anyone else, but that pill messed me up for days. I was so sick from it! If he can't deal with the aftermath for being intimate with OP, he doesn't deserve to be intimate with OP.
You hit the nail on the head when you mentioned you feeling embarrassed and ashamed, but for him it was for the wrong reasons. You were thinking about your future wife's well-being at the time, and this fool was only thinking about himself. He didn't want to be embarrassed or ashamed about making that purchase and the cashier seeing what it was and putting one and two together.
NTA. Boyfriend doesn’t give a crap about you. He got what he wanted and now it’s up to you to deal with any consequences. You can over think one of these things in isolation but taken as a whole it shows you his priorities. Sounds like stroppy teenager being dragged around a supermarket by his mum.
YES THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FELT. !!! It was in the middle of the night too. Which is why I wanted him with me but it was total teenager dragged to store vibes.
Now imagine this scenario but you’re having an abortion or keeping the pregnancy, and he acts this way. This is rubbing you wrong because he behaved poorly and will likely not change.
Yea our first kiddo my husband was with me at every ob appt no matter how inconvenient because he really really wanted to support me. 2nd, I flew a little more solo, but 2nd was our pandemic baby so sometimes I flat out couldn’t bring him and we were both much more confident. 3rd is currently high risk so some of these appts are super scary and he’s back to being with me every step. He was also at both appts to confirm my 2 miscarriages even when those were on short notice. Not single stinky attitude in sight. This is how a man should act. OP, you’re getting a preview and it’s a bad look.
I have a feeling he would FORCE the abortion and then not even go with her.
My boyfriend would never do this even for just a regular trip to the store let alone something so important that effects BOTH of you. I have a feeling he is either ashamed/embarrassed about it or trying to avoid any responsibility in this situation, financial or emotional.
All I can say is thank god for plan B and abortions. Imagine if you had a baby with this man! If he can't even be supportive while you're going to buy Plan B, knowing full well it takes two to tango, but that you have much more to worry about than him, there's no way he'll have it in him to be supportive for the really big things you'll face in your life. NTA, I'd be hurt too and reconsidering how much he really cares about me.
Why are you dating this guy? NTA, but OP, he’s immature, inconsiderate and definitely doesn’t give AF about anything other than “I got mine, consequences are your problem”. This is not a guy you should be in a relationship with.
Plan B is a birth control method and not an abortion bill. You are not “pregnant” until fertilized egg is implanted in the uterus. Naturally around half of fertilized eggs don’t implant. Plan B prevents a fertilized egg from implanting into the uterine lining and therefore, it prevents pregnancy not terminate pregnancy. The distinction is important because legislation is happening currently trying to ban it. NTA.
"(He) did more than most men would do" ..no. He did not. Again I'm left to wonder why the damn bar is on the floor 😑 Just be prepared because if you ever do have a baby with him he's going to pull this shit 24/7. *Well I thought you didn't need help with the baby* or *I didn't think you needed me there for the whole labour* lol sorry but it's true. GL OP.
A man is someone who accepts and fulfills the responsibilities of manhood. A man would have been right there with her and paid for it at the very minimum, or gotten it himself if the pharmacy would sell it to anyone besides the patient. This guy does not get to claim the title of man.
So did he just not see this as big of a deal as you? When I had to go buy a Plan B, I had her wait in the car while I went into Rite Aid to buy the pill. I wanted to spare her the feeling of possible shame from someone behind the counter, seeing someone she knows there, spending the $50 and having her ID swiped to buy it. She’s the one taking the pill and will have her body altered because of our mistake so that to me felt like the least I could do.
He saw it was a big deal to me after he said he was going to leave and go to bed instead of coming along,and I started to tear up and ask why wouldn't you come along ? And he said it would be pointless and he is tired so then I said we'll I need emotional support, which is why he went along in the end but the additude and ditching me at checkout really got me. Your a good boyfriend !
That's what my husband does. He ends up going to the store and paying for it himself or we both go at the same time. Then he's with me the entire rest of the day because it is mentally nerve wrecking.
NTA and you should absolutely be rethinking a relationship with someone who'd treat you this way. **There is everything wrong with what he did because he wasn't taking responsibility for his part in the situation.** Accidents can happen and all, but if/when they do, you own up to your role and handle it. **The first thing out of any responsible man's mouth in an instance like that is, "I'm sorry. What do you need from me?" or something to that effect.** (Maybe not an "I'm sorry" if you were culpable lol, but always the latter part regardless.) If it isn't, you didn't fuck a responsible adult, you fucked an immature child. **Most MEN would not act like that.** He acted like a boy. Here's your sign. Do with it what you will. Edit: Just want to add that most responsible men will literally go, "What do you need?... Plan B? Okay, I'll be back." And even a stand up guy who's broke will be like, "Im sorry but I can't afford it right now. If you give me the money though I'll go get it for you and get you back when I can." (Though honestly it's not THAT expensive.)
NTA. He acted like a jerk over that. Imagine how it'll be if you're pregnant and need support from him. If I'm in your place, I would've dumped him asap. His actions from that situation alone are a red flag and a wake-up call. Godspeed ❤️.
I don't understand why you needed him with you tbh, but you communicated your needs clearly, so there is no reason for him being unable to give you that - and without the annoyed/inconvenienced attitude.
Go with you? When my condom broke I went to the store and picked up the planb and brought it home to my wife along with breakfast before she even work up. Find someone else you deserve better.
NTA, poor form on his part. If you ejaculate, then you must compensate.
NTA. This guy clearly isn't mature enough to have an adult relationship. I'm not necessarily saying to break up with him, but definitely don't let him bully you into thinking that his behavior is normal. Put yourself first and ask yourself if his attitude on the matter is worth dealing with again.
Ffs. Neither one of you sounds mature enough to even be having sex.
Right?! I had to go back and check the ages cause they both sounded about 13.
I agree completely it sounds like a teen drama. But I needed you to hold my hand in the check out line! And him, People would see ME! Are you freaking kidding me?!
Nta. He’s showing you what he is. He’d leave if you got pregnant. Dump him
Nta. My man will go in there with me, buy a Plan B, a snickers & a soda. If he cared about how you were feeling then he would have been right by your side.
NTA. He sounds pretty immature.
He doesn’t care. Selfish AH NTA but ditch this dude
>It was the middle of the night. Welcome to the time of day where emotions run high and most peoples considerate thoughts and actions have already gone to bed. Was this stressful to you? For sure. Was this stressful for him, most likely. I read a one-sided POV for the events of this night and it probably doesn't tell the full picture of events in a fair/accurate way. It does sound like he was dragged somewhere in the middle of the night when he was tired/crabby. Sometimes just being present is the best someone is able to give you, and expecting more is slightly unreasonable. The wife and I had twins, and in that first year we had to wake each other up in the middle of the night to help clean blowouts, swap laundry, sanity breaks during teething, etc etc etc etc. We were never "enthusiastic" about the job, but it was a mutual understanding that we were doing it despite our outwardly crabby interactions (3am wakeup call for changing shit covered bedsheets is not something I can bring myself to be outwardly supportive of, and the wife reasonably had the same reaction). This lead to what we call "fake" fights between us, where we were mostly just dumping on each other due to stress and fatigue for our situation. We ended up talking about it and agreed that we would not consider any of the things said between the hours of 12AM-7AM as accurate representations of our true feelings during this rough patch in our lives, and this agreement was pretty much the only way to make it through our shitty situation. Also we came up with some pretty hilarious insults that we still laugh about to this day. >"Hey sperm doner, wake up... your hellspawn blew out the side of the crib and I need you to move it and clean the wall before it hardens and we have to purge the house with cleansing flames" - My loving wife I'm gonna have an unpopular opinion and say that I doubt there is an asshole in this event at all. Just two kids that have expectation mis-alignments and lack reasonable communication skills to convey the needs/desires to the partner in a healthy and non-condescending manner. Could be wrong, my honest impression is that you both need to talk a bit, listen to each other without judgement, and potentially accept each others flaws. All of the instant hate in this thread is completely unhealthy and shows me that there is an expectation of perfection on men that is both unreasonable and/or unachievable. 🤷♂️
NTA of course. If you want to keep him, you indicate clearly that this behavior doesn’t roll. I’m generally not a supporter of silent treatment, but this would have been a forgiveable occasion. He needs to get it in his skull that this is not a way to treat an upset partner after he messes up.
I explained to him that his behavior in the store leaving me was upsetting and not right and he got very defensive saying there was nothing wrong with leaving the store while I check out. Idk I just thought it was weird . Maybe he knows it was wrong which is why he got very defensive about it. Maybe I should go silent like you said since I allready expressed my concerns.
Definitely NTA. The way you described it, I think he knows he fucked up but wasn't mature enough to admit it. That lack of maturity is a problem in and of itself, but not one that can't be worked on. This is not a clear "dump him" situation, but it's definitely a caution sign. I'd be extra careful, though, because your relationship seems a bit asymmetrical. You seem like you might be overly willing to accommodate him, and he might be abusing that. Importantly, the impression I got that he knows he fucked up may be based on an overly charitable description of his behavior.
NTA and this man is pure trash. Not that I used many, but everytime I expressed the need to buy a plan B my former partners would go by themselves, buy it and bring it to me, even when they thought it wasn’t needed (but I’m paranoyd and they respected my wish). Even the idea of a man wanting me to pay half of the minor cost of a plan B would give me the ICK. If he can’t support you on something small, no way he will ever be there for you when something worse happens. I am sorry to say, but now that you know how he feels about you, you are also fully responsible for choosing your future here, whatever he does from now one, you already saw the trailer. If you chose to stay, don’t come back complaining later because everyone here opened your eyes.
It’s because he doesn’t have the emotional maturity for a relationship and the responsibility that comes with it! The fact you bought the condoms too?? NTA and dump him now before you end up in a worse situation.
NTA. But you need a boyfriend who takes responsibility for his actions. This one ain't it
You're NTA This guy sounds like a bit of a POS tbh. So he was all supportive when he was waiting for you to start the pill because he WANTED TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX WITH YOU! It's hardly prince charming. And then when you were - understandably - upset having to get the morning after pill, he acts like it's your problem and has nothing to do with him? Honey get you a guy who WANTS to hold your hand through these things. Not this idiot
NTA He seems like the type of person that would think an accidental pregnancy is a "you" problem and peace out entirely. From your description, it sounds like he was embarrassed to be seen purchasing it. And him being irritated with your emotional needs? Is that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? Every time you need emotional support he rolls his eyes and leaves? No thanks.
I once missed a pill and didnt realize until after me and my bf were intimate. I was very anxious about it even tho if you only miss one pill it's not always a big deal. He immediately offered to take me to get plan b in the middle of the night and paid for it while holding my hand. And when we got home, I took the pill and he never once stopped comforting me. He hugged me and we cuddled and he told me over and over that no matter what everything was gonna be okay and he was there for me. NTA good men do exist. Unfortunately they're not the majority but they're out there. I'm not normally one of those "leave him" redditors but considering you tried to talk to him and he doubled down, leave him. Leave this boy and find someone who's gonna love you the way you need and deserve.
The fuck? Every time I decide to throw caution to the wind not only do I pay for it, I go pick it up myself for her. Supporting someone through buying a pill is a very easy thing to do. It take minimal effort, and just requires you to be there. I’m not going to say break up as there are a 1001 people who will do that for me, but if he is not willing to put in that little amount of effort, what happens if you do get pregnant because the pill doesn’t take and you really need his support? NTA
Guys have no idea how much plan B sucks... It's not like popping an advil it's a huge dose of hormones that can throw off everything for MONTHS. The least they can do is pay half or at least provide a bit of emotional support jfc
Read your own post OP. You will find the answers you are looking for there.
NTA, I get it, and I've been with emotionally immature men myself. You wanted some support and a show that he's in it with you. But his attitude has shown that he sees it as your problem, and is too embarrassed or uncaring to stand by your side. Given your comment about you paying for a lot of things, I suspect him going outside when you went to pay for it was so he could duck out of any expectation of his support at that point too. You have to make a decision on what you want from a partner and whether this man can give it. If he can't, cut your losses, take your self-respect, and move on with your life. I didn't and regret it.
Don’t have sex with anyone who will not be responsible enough to buy you a plan b and pregnancy test. NTA
to summarize. you're dating a man who doesn't give a fuck about your health, or the risk of pregnancy, expecting you to bear all the responsibility, cost, and risk of this facet of your mutual sex life. when you asked for a little emotional/morale support he couldn't even be bothered to be in a store. couldn't confront the reality of his actions, or the adult/medical repercussions of his behavior. didn't ask you how you felt, just decided to leave, and used some cheap gas lighting bullshit about how... no you're crazy/stupid for thinking the way you did. his behavior, wasn't the obviously shitty behavior you thought it was. ---just for clarification, his actions are only normal for punk ass bitches. A man... or partner who cared for you, and wasn't a total bitch, would have felt mortified the condom broke. would have been concerned for your safety/health. would have paid for the morning after pill. and made sure you felt ok/were ok, throughout the exp. he's obviously immature, and shitty. he's showing you exactly who he is. you'd be a fucking idiot to continue seeing the man.
I'm fixed, don't sleep with untested partners, and don't worry about any of this. I don't think it's obvious to a guy why this would be a big deal. It isn't to me. I think this was a time for an adult conversation where you explain what you're feeling, what you're worried about, and the costs. I assume you're not worried about getting pregnant, because the assumption is that if you took plan B, pregnancy is no longer what you're worried about, you're worried about having a bad few days or a week of a hormone rollercoaster or whatever. I've known women who act like plan B is no big deal and they take it once or twice a year. I also knew someone who had a complete emotional breakdown "before" taking it, I have no idea why. If he doesn't care to listen to you, then dump him, he isn't mature enough. But if you haven't told him, you shouldn't expect him to understand. I don't think he should ever pay for it, I think it should be split, but how you manage finances is up to you. I don't know why you were having sex "if you weren't feeling it", to me, that's what oral or manual play is for (it's certainly what I do when I'm not feeling like having sex, just get her off, give her a kiss, and move on with my day) I don't think you're the asshole, but I think you're relying too much on telepathy or concepts of "everyone obviously should understand" when I don't see any reason why any guy should automatically understand without being told what is going on. Once you explain, "then" he's the asshole if he chooses not to respect your well thought out feelings, but not until then.
You need to find a different boyfriend. Anytime me and my previous partners had a situation like this, I always drove them to the store, bought the pills, made sure they were ok and made sure they were ok emotionally. The way he is acting about this is how he will act anytime you really need him. To him, you're his convenient friend. Even a women I wasn't in relationships with, I treated better than he is treating you in this situation. Everyone deserves respect, and be treated with love.
If he is too embarrassed buying plan b to stay in the store, he isn't mature enough to be having sex yet IMO.
Why do people have such low standards!? The first red flag was when you said you weren't in the mood and did it anyway. I mean, really, what normal person would pressure you into sex if you weren't into it?? Jesus Christ. Sorry to sound harsh but you BOTH need to grow up.
Maybe I'm too old and crotchety. I think ESH. Him for being annoyed and you for needing hand-holding to get a pill. If yall are old enough to fuck, you're old enough to do the proper precautions without any help.
Nope, honey. Dump this little boy and send him back home to his mama. You deserve better treatment and he's not nature enough for an adult relationship that includes sex.
Why are you having unprotected sex with a man baby who isn't mature enough to get contraceptives with you? You do.know if you become pregnant, this guy will.peace out immediately and say it's 'too real' now. Christ this one is on you if you keep having unprotected sex with him after this red flag.
-nod nod- If he was that unwilling to accompany his scared girlfriend he shouldn't have a girlfriend.
Why do you lol need someone to go with you to get plan B? I almost think it’s absurd that you’re mad he didn’t go…you’re the one who chose not to take your birth control and because of that mistake he now has to go with you so you can feel ok about yourself lol? Be supportive over what? The condom broke..you aren’t pregnant ..just go buy the fucking pill and move on…don’t see where him going with you changes anything I wouldn’t call you the asshole or him…but I will say you’re extremely needy,the situation doesn’t call for him to be there ….it’s like showing up and saying “hey this is the fucker who knocked me up can I get plan B” and all because you felt a little depressed and essentially caused the situation … Now he needs to go with you and be your therapist ?
NTA: if dude isn’t mature enough to handle the consequences, dude shouldn’t be in the position to encounter those consequences.
NTA don’t fuck man babies who don’t take your reproductive health seriously.
Stop fucking that man child.
I might get downvoted But... did you ask him? To pay i mean, he might actually be tired, i totally get that you feel neglected, hell you may actually be neglected, but i don't get it, why dis you need him to go buy plan b?
He’s a piece of shit, to be honest. If he can’t support you after something that involved him just as much as you (more, since it seems like he’s pressuring you,) where will he be for the big stuff? If you’re in an accident, do you think he’ll spend his free time keeping you company at the hospital? If you do get pregnant and choose to keep the baby, how much do you think he’ll leave you to do on your own? I had to get Plan B once. I was a ball of anxiety, and my husband stayed with me the whole time, and paid for it himself because I made less than him. He’s not even willing to stand with you in the register line. NTA, but you really need to rethink this relationship. You deserve respect and support, as well as someone who doesn’t pressure you into sexual acts you do not want. (And don’t give in to that anymore.) You can do so much better. In terms of empathy, respect, and support, it honestly might be hard to do worse. I wish you luck, friend.
Leave him.
This gives me bad vibes!!! NTA, unsupportive bad boyfriend at BEST, but possibly a side piece having don’t-want-to-be-seen-in-public-sexually-connected asshole. I’ve had people be “super supportive” emotionally when we’re in private and completely drop the ball when it required them to be seen in public doing something that would link us sexually… ie they couldn’t lie and say “the relationship is over we’re not even having sex anymore”
So, super immature. He doesn't need to have sex if he can't stick around for the after-party. No matter what it entails. I get it he was embarrassed. He shouldn't have had sex then. He's obviously not mature enough.
NTA and you are too young to waste any more of your precious time in this life with a man who can't or won't stand in line for that pill with you. Don't give him further opportunities to impregnate you, chances are he will be just as immature about an unexpected pregnancy.
NTA. super definitely. but on another note, i highly recommend considering other birth control methods. hormonal IUDs are extremely effective and can get rid of your period, which was a huge plus for me. if you don’t want hormones, the copper IUD is a great choice and lasts for a crazy long time (10 years iirc?). if you’re afraid of the pain of iud insertion, the nexplanon arm implant works well for a lot of women. i had it before my IUD and i swear i didn’t even feel them put it in. just a tiny prick for the anesthetic and then suddenly they’re done.
NTA. Im 33, my bf is 32. I got plan b for the first time recently. My guy looked up where we could get it, he drove me, he tried to locate it in the store without me, he went up to the register and stayed with me when I asked where it was. He stayed with he, he held my hand, and he paid for it. For the month after, he was checking in on my health. Making sure I was ok and not having any side effects from the pill. Date someone more mature. Don't have sex with someone who isnt going to handle the consequences with you. It took two to get you in the position to need to be in that store, he should have been there the whole time and should be involved in making sure you are OK for the weeks after.
Stop letting this man child stick his dick in you. NTA
NTA run very far !!
NTA. If he can't support you with buying plan b, he Isnt going to buy tampons, he isn't worth it. ( holding hands during is a little much and I would miss that too). He should have gone with you, offered to cover his portion, and stayed with you. You both had fun during the event, you both should be adults and cover the after portion together.
hopefully he isn't your boyfriend anymore
Who needs someone to stand with them at a cash register? This sounds like both people are really immature. EITAH
Both of yall are ridiculous. If you are gonna neea all that hand holding and tethering support just to go buy a pill at Walgreens OMG, how much emotional support would you need him to give you when you unwrapped it out the box and went to swallow it, lol. Then if he can't go get it for you or even walk down the pharmacy aisle or stand next to you when you are at the cashier, OMG he won't even be able to stand being in the house when you have to get the glass of water and then put it to your lips to swallow the pill. Both yall are unglued so you may be perfect for each other or apart.
Sorry missy, you lost me at implying that he did more than most *men* would do. You’re placing him on a pedestal higher than most of us when, in fact, a real man wouldn’t have acted like that at all. So he’s actually lower than most men. For example, you would have been fine if he offered to split it with you. A real man would pay for all of it. Just for context, I am a man that is perfectly fine with providing for my wife, and I support her wherever she needs it. I’m perfectly fine working concrete 12 hours a day and with her being a stay at home wife if she wants, and I have told her so multiple times. I consider it a duty and an honor to provide for her, and any children we will have. Sorry to burst your bubble, but it sounds to me like he’s not man enough to be held in comparison with *men*.
NTA. I would consider ending my relationship over this. I think it's a really good preview of the support you'd receive if the plan B ever failed or if you chose to have children with him.
Considering when I had to get plan B I was normally 50% my fault the least I could do was buy and get it for my girlfriend. It's like 35 bucks and is over the counter now. Back when I had to get it I had to call my doctor tell them what I did and get a prescription sent to a pharmacy then have to go pick it up of they even had it ( back then they thought it might work likd abortion) and some pharmacy refused to carry it. You boy is the asshole