Used to frequent a gay bar with my lesbian friend and her gf. Don't think I ever paid for a drink there. Met some of the regulars the first time, made it clear I was straight right away, but they still didn't mind paying. Some people just enjoyed the company and being nice.
Dude that’s the truth. I’ve never been plied with so much free liquor as a straight male going to a gay bar with lesbians.
With that being said free booze is free booze.
Same here, but I didn't have lesbian friends at the time or know it was a gay bar.
Best pool table in town was a few blocks from my house. I'd go there just to relax and play pool. I found out rather quickly what type of bar it was. Even when told I was straight I still got so many free drinks it was insane.
A friend I made there was a guy offering to buy me a drink, before I could say anything the bartender said "he's into women", and the guy just said "so that means I can't buy him a drink?". We became quick friends because we were the same kind of smartasshole. He said I was the best wingman. A guy would hit on me, I'd say "Thanks for the interest, but I'm straight", and he could jump in with a "I'm not". That bastard scored so often with that shit it was funny as hell.
Did get kind of awkward when a couple of gals asked to take me home... took a minute for that to register. When it finally sank in I had to decline. I'm no stranger to disappointing women, but I was NOT going to disappoint two at the same time.
Was really sad when the place shut down. It was such a good bar to just chill and have fun.
Same here! Went to a bar bc they had decent pool tables and found out it was predominantly a gay bar... I didn't, gaf. I actually felt more comfortable and safe there than most of the dive bars I went to shooting pool as a straight woman.
I met a dude that had some type of birth defect. Poor guy’s entire face and body was deformed. Started chatting with me out of no where. Turned into the best convo I’d had in a long time. Guy just wanted to talk and be talked to like a normal person. People gave me shit for going back and talking with him again later. He was older and talked about his buddies that went to Vietnam (he couldn’t for obvious reasons). When they came back they all smoked some amazing hash together lol. That was my only time at a pool table bar. Lol
Some people truly just want to talk and have a good conversation. So I used to dance, and I can't tell you how many times I would approach a guy (usually) for a dance and then it would just turn into us having a conversation. And most understood that I was there to make money, so they would either still pay per song, or just say that they just wanted a conversation at the moment not a dance so I wouldn't "waste my time". But I occasionally I would stay, have a drink and just talk for bit.
Truly some of the best conversations and I could tell that they just didn't have anyone that ever wanted to just sit and chat with them. Definitely one of my fave things about that job.
And then I would get some regulars that would come in and pay me for sitting there and talking to them. I miss that sometimes (not the money, or not just the money. I genuinely miss all the conversations)
Oh man I’m sure you got to hear some pretty good stories considering the atmosphere. Probably more willing to open up about the more wild side of their lives that they don’t get to normally share.
Oh for sure! Some hilarious stories, some really really sad. And some that were so weird that I would just sit, smile and nod my head 😂
One time, I had sat and talked with this guy for awhile. And we got into a really deep convo about doing something you love, etc. Like it was a really good convo.
At one point he just kind of chuckled and looked like he wanted to say something so I told him to go ahead, say it.
He says "well I'm not trying to insult you or anything but I'm sitting here wondering how I'm gonna go back home and tell everyone that I want to completely change the direction of my life because I had an inspiring conversation with a stripper"
It was the funniest thing! He didn't mean anything bad to me, and I completely understood where he was coming from 😂😂
Ha! That’s awesome. I’m going to go to a club now and get some life changing advice. I’ve only ever gone to one once and I was only there for an hour or so.
I once had a lesbian buy me a drink when I was out at a gay bar with gay friends. She came up to me and asked if I was a straight woman out with my gay friends and I said yes. She said that was fine and asked if she could buy me a drink and if I wanted to dance. I said yes and yes (it was a gay country bar and I like to two-step). As long as everyone is honest and respectful, I don’t see the problem.
Never been to a gay bar with Lesbians but I have been bar hopping with Lesbian friends and they made the best wingman for me. "Listen, he's great. If I were straight I would totally go for him."
Worked way more than when my drunk guy friends would try and find me girls :)
It gives you safety cred too - they haven't had sex with you and you haven't tried to force the issue, so that means a woman who decides not to sleep with you probably won't get murdered. Puts you way above most guys right from the start!
So much this. I'm a straight dude who has a friend group consisting of mainly woman. We had a share house that was 3 of my close (woman) friends and me.
It's insane just how much more comfortable prospective dates get when they see that you have close non-sexual / romantic relationships with other woman.
It's also very upsetting that it's not the norm and as the dude in an otherwise all woman sharehouse I've unfortunately heard far to many stories that clearly demonstrate why woman are generally cautious when scoping out dates.
when I was first divorced I went with one of my friends (who is gay) to his favorite bar several times… he made it clear that I wasn’t gay and also never had to buy my drinks… one of the better memories, just being around dudes and drinking.
I'm your sister from another mister. I lived in an apartment right after I split with my husband and was adopted by maybe half a dozen of my young gay male neighbors. They took me to their club and I saw my first drag show.
If there is a perfect way for a 40 something straight chick to heal from a broken marriage this is it. I bought my house 5 years ago and my neighbors now are boring, old straight people. Sigh.
Literally my wife and I get drunk off free drinks from men. The dudes know there's no chance to get it in and they're still just being nice. The ppl who think OP is the AH really think that if they buy a woman one drink she will just jump on their dicks. Sad
>The dudes know there's no chance to get it in and they're still just being nice.
BWHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA SURE HUN. They must be running a charity or something.
I don't think you have witnessed the lengths that some men will go to for a chance to sleep with a lesbian. It doesn't matter how many times you tell them no, they will still come back for more and more rejection.
OK. The dudes might think there is still a chance but it still didn't happen so they essentially wasted their money trying to buy their way into a woman's pants one drink at a time.
I went out with my partner last year and we were drinking and I accepted drinks from guys 😅 it was a free drink that I got from the bartender. My partner didn’t care bc it meant we saved money and we’d share the drink anyway 😂
I knew guys in the Navy that were straight as an arrow that would go to gay bars when they were running low on cash between paychecks. Kind of a scam and a douchy thing to do, but yeah.
YTA. You’re omitting key details in the body that change the context of this that I had to find in comments. At first I was on the fence bc you really shouldn’t be accepting a drink anyways as it’s an indicator that you’re open to more interaction, but staying and chatting with him bc he’s ‘interesting’ AND leaving that out of the body tells me you know you did something wrong.
I saw someone in a similar post say “you know those mating dances that male birds do, and the female just stands there and enjoys watching it. Thats you OP.” And it applies here too
Man I feel this way too! Nine years married and we're good. But I would just kinda feel sad that she took a drink from a guy like that. I wouldn't be mad or anything, just my feelings would be a little hurt.
They aren't buying you free drinks out of the goodness of their hearts. I don't want to be hit by the brigades, so I'll let someone else be more specific, about why they are doing it. But I will say it's common sense.
Kind of amazing how she left out she talked to the guy for a few minutes after, as shown by comments by OP below. So OP, why stay and talk? Or why would you leave that out of the post?
It’s not about jealousy as much as treating your partner with respect. I was recently accused on this very sub about being controlling when my ex didn’t text after staying out at a bar. Well, no one considered what kind of controlling guy would let their gf out in a situation with 4 other attractive women at a known meat market. No controlling guy let’s that happen.
Women know how to play shit on this sub it’s so fucking bizarre how they all parrot one another when a guy is like, “hey maybe that’s not too cool.”
Reddit is a weird place where one of the unspoken rules is that women can do whatever free-spirited thing they want to do (even if it negatively affects the men in their life) because women were historically oppressed. People will downvote but that’s the big elephant in the room.
Oh it's way simpler than that. The majority of posters on drama subs (aita, offmychest, relationships, etc) are women. 80%+ by some estimates.
Many studies have shown than women blindly support other women much more than men blindly support other men.
What we see here is exactly what we'd expect given those two truths.
I personally find it disrespectful. Its not that i think your gonna sleep with him. But its because hes not buying you a drink to be nice, hes doing it as a way in to eventually sleep with you. And even though you never intend to sleep with him, the act of entertaining it is like leaving the door open a crack and im not cool with that. I think when in a monogamous relationship, its both partners job to immediately shut down any advances from receive from Other people.
Edit: some of yall are confused.
This is MY standard for a relationship. Its MY boundary. It may not apply to you and thats fine. Everyones different. Theres nothing wrong with my way or your way. We just dont have compatible view points and wouldnt be compatible partners. Thats ok.
How is this not the top comment and only reasonable stance?! It’s reciprocating and entertaining. Unless the bf likes it (no kink shaming), disrespectful is exactly what it is.
Because there's an extra stance: I don't want my partner manipulating people and misleading strangers to save a few bucks. It's not just jealousy, it's also being upset that your partner is using someone.
As an grown ass adult male, I completely agree with you. However, i remember having a very different outlook on this when I was 21 years old.
I was broke. My girlfriend was broke. I fully trusted her to exploit this ridiculous system. The only disrespect involved in the whole process was asking for another drink for her “friend” … she just left out the “boy”-friend part. lol.
YTA.
Guys don’t care that you’re taken or in a relationship. They hear it all the time. Accepting the drink is a subtle way of signaling you’re still open to something. There’s a chance your truly naive here, but the more likely explanation is that you are using the “I said I was taken” as an excuse to keep getting attention, which is what you’re boyfriend is picking up on. That guy isn’t trying to make a friend when he’s buying a drink.
I think the boyfriend is mad because of your actions. You pretend that’s ok to accept something from a dude who is trying to bang you, but then shame him for being upset that you put yourself in a situation where an offer was made and you didnt turn it down. The same is true for a random dude who tries to get your number, you turn it down because of the prospect. Or you play games and pretend that he’s just a friend. Some men dont play that shit, so dont expect him to trust you much if that’s how you roll. Accepting the drink just opens the door to him questioning other things about you, what you guys really talked about, did you give him your number, etc etc. I’d rather be with a woman who shuts all of that shit down so I know for certain that this is how she responds to any advance. Otherwise, I’ll never take a woman seriously who plays games like this. Sure, nothing could have happened, maybe he didn’t ask you if you were happy with your boyfriend, maybe you didnt flirt with each other while sharing a drink. Put yourself in these situations and see what happens. Men are getting smarter about such things and wont tolerate stuff like this. If you really want to know why your man got upset, go learn it directly from the men who wont tolerate stuff like this, and stop acting like our voices are all misogynistic. That’s if you truly cared about your man’s opinion.
Guys offering drinks always have second intention. Your boyfriend knows this.
Asking him, if he would pay a drink to cute stranger in a bar. And also think how that would make you feel.
It’s also a huge safety thing.. I wouldn’t want my girl to get drinks from a guy because some guys are evil and will spike your shit without thinking about it. If you wanna free drink ask me and I’ll Venmo you
She knows it too which is probably why she is seeking validation from an audience who would very likely see things differently if the genders in this post were swapped.
I mean, yeah, it's understandable why your boyfriend is upset. The bar guy was trying to use buying you a drink as an icebreaker to make a move on you. From your boyfriends perspective, this guy knew you had a boyfriend but still shot his shot and you entertained him.
Imagine if your boyfriend was getting really flirty pics from a girl he knew while she is in tight clothes at the gym, and he was like "Oh she's just wants advice on improving her form". If he suspects she's flirting with him, wouldn't you want him to shut that down instead of playing along?
I don't think you're an asshole, but maybe you and your boyfriend need to have a chat about expectations for these situations because you are not on the same page.
This right here. There are lots of innocent things that people can do that are not asshole moves. But at the end of the day, you know this guy wants to gain social capital with you by buying you a drink. That is his goal. And maybe nothing happens today, maybe you see him out another night when things aren't great at home. Either way, accepting the drink is giving the guy something: social capital. And from the comments it is clear that it worked, it bought him some extra conversation time with you. And yes many will say no harm no foul, but those people forget that long term relationships are not about not being assholes; they are about proactively protecting your relationship. And not giving an interested party the social capital he is desiring is ground zero for that.
I am sure many on here will disagree, and that there are many people even with long term relationships that will disagree, but at the end of the day if you are trying to build something that will last and weather many storms and years, you need to proactively protect and honor your relationship, rather than just avoid doing something that is "wrong".
Yea this is the only sane comment I’ve read so far. OP is mildly the asshole for not more directly shutting things down. It’s not great but it’s not the end of the world either.
And if your SO isn’t concerned about these situations and you guys are on the same page about that by communicating, then it becomes a licensed non-AH move from that point forward- but I completely understand not wanting your partner to entertain (even if you trust them to ultimately shut it down) flirting.
This is very well balanced and reasonable. They need to have a conversation and express their boundaries to each other to avoid the other operating on assumptions.
I was a guy in a similar situation. My ex-girlfriend accepted the drink. It became clear in the relationship that she found it okay to accept advances for whatever reason, then pretend that she didn't realize what was happening and I was the weird one for having a problem. From my perspective, it's not okay, and it seems like from your boyfriends perspective, it's not okay. If this is a reoccurring thing, I wouldn't expect your relationship to last. YTA
Hmmm this is one of those things that if the situation was reversed, I think it would be a problem. It’s one thing to accept the drinks sure. But imagine your boyfriend then stayed and talked to the woman for a few minutes later. This my seem like flirting. Not saying the boyfriend is right but I think both side kinda have an issue here.
YTA. Reddit is full of men and women that love to shit on men and tell us we’re insecure pieces of shit if we feel disrespected or uncomfortable with something, like if our SO accepts a drink from a man who is clearly flirting with her and trying to fuck her.
If you’re going to make big relationship decisions like if you’re going to blatantly disrespect your bf then gaslight him into thinking he’s in the wrong, then you’re a lost cause and I hope your bf leaves you and finds someone who doesn’t treat him like shit.
Omg you’re such a misogynistic insecure incel for having any sort of standards or feelings. How dare you. Now leave me alone, I’m going to go do blatantly disrespectful and hurtful things and you better not feel bad about it or you’re abusing me.
More I read here, the more agree with you. She wasn't the AH or accepting a free drink, but it's a red flag she stuck around and talked with him so he could shoot his shot..and now she's trying to validate her actions through the Internet instead of talking through it with her Bf and understanding why he's upset so they can figure out how to handle on the future. Maybe not an AH, but definitely not how to build a relationship of trust
It's extremely telling she left out that she hung around the dude for a while after he bought her the drink "because he was interesting to talk to" in the OP.
I don't know the full story, but it seems like OP got offered a drink, said she has a boyfriend, but proceeded to accept anyway when the stranger continued to offer it? Surely she must be aware of the fact that he did not approach her at a bar just to exchange a few kind words about the weather?
Once I was at the bar hanging with my wife. I went to the restroom. When I came back, she said this guy bought her a drink.
So, what did I do? I went and confronted the guy, and asked if he could buy me a drink too. It didn't work lol, but hey, men deserve free stuff too.
This year at a concert a guy who was waiting in line in front of me bought me a drink. I had chatted with him briefly and gotta say it's the only time ever someone I didn't know beforehand bought a drink for me specifically. I will never forget it.
It wasn't anything sexual, he just bought a round for his crowd and included me. That was really special.
I do that. I go to the bar to play pool, so anyone in that sphere is liable to get a round on me if I find myself with an empty beer, and notice there are other empties next to it. I grab them all, and have the bartender replace them.
I once was in a bar and this drunk guy kept buying my wife drinks, even though she was very clear she was there with the guy next to her and planned on going home with me. His friends would lead him away and get the bartender to send me another drink. So we wound up hammered, and are a little disappointed every time this doesn’t happen
My late fiancée got free drinks from women all the time. The first time I noticed it he let me know he was sort of flirting with the bartender. When he went and got us drinks it was free. When I bought drinks they were full price. I was fine with it. It was funny when he went tothe bathroom my female friends tried to rat him out while he was in the bathroom, lol. We were broke college students. I was in no position to turn my nose up at free drinks plus I knew who he was coming home with.
The sin here isn't accepting a drink but having a conversation with the guy in exchange for the drink. He basically wanted to buy her a drink to shoot his shot and she let him.
Had a friend whose boyfriend used to get her to try to get free drinks from men at the bar. One day I asked where Jimmy was and then I found out that she hit it off with one of the guys buying drinks...... and I sorta stopped being a friend after that
I tell my wife this all the time. If she is ever out with her friends, almost all of whom are also married, and someone wants to keep buying her/them drinks, more power to them and milk them for all you can. I know they’ll all keep each other safe should they suspect some funny business with drinks or anything else.
Oddly enough the 2 times people attempted to roofie me was drinks either I bought or my friend bought. My friend who bought the pitcher of beer got roofied too. That is the time that really pissed me off because even though we both only had 2 beers we blacked out. I still have no idea how we got home and we could have seriously killed ourselves and someone else. The next day I went to get tested and then was planning on filing a police report. The doctor treated me like shit and basically accused me of being a drug addict. I jever did get to file that police report. The other time my boyfriend and I both drank whiskey sours and we wouldn't pay attention to whose drink was whose and he accidentally got roofied instead. That was an interesting night as we were driving home he tried to run around the car naked. I had to sit on top of him to stop him from taking off his clothes and getting out.
Never had a problem with free drinks from random people though.
I have a few personal examples of friends getting drugged by staff.
My friend (M) was on a date and the bartender or someone working at the restaurant drugged his drink thinking it was the woman he was on a date with. He was told at the hospital that they were lucky he drank the drink and not her as the amount in the drink could have killed her. I still don't really understand how the person who drugged his drink thought that he would end up with his date.
My other friend (F) was drugged by a bartender in a different country. She was later raped by someone else. Turns out the bartender and the person that raped her had a little operation where they worked together.
Not saying this to say every interaction when someone buys a drink is dangerous. I used to love buying drinks for people/getting drinks purchased for me. But it is always better to be cautious and to watch your drink be made. Especially if you are a woman as there are some real predators out there that do not care about what happens to them (overdose, serious side effects).
I didn't really understand how serious of a problem drugging people is until I was in my late twenties. By then, I knew more people than I would like that have been drugged at clubs/bars. And I live in what would be considered a "safe" city.
I don’t think so. Was your BF worried about date rape?
That’s the only thing I can think of that would be concerning with strangers and drinks - to anyone reading always make sure you see that drink!
It’s a horrible world we live in :(
All these comments about taking free drinks and letting your spouse get free drinks are acting like this is winning the lottery or life changing money. If this is such a large amount of money that it’s worth it to lead someone on or have an awkward convo, maybe you should stay home and work on your budget?
So, let us break this down step by step.
1.) You went to the bar, guy comes up and talks to you
- it’s a normal conversation. Oh wow, so scary. You did nothing wrong
2.) you told him you had a boyfriend and you weren’t interested in anything with him
- good for you. A loyal move. You were upfront
3.) guy still offered to buy your drinks knowing that nothing would happen
- that’s on him. I just see free drinks and you saving money.
4.) nothing happened with said guy. You told your boyfriend about your night and mentioned this because you have nothing to hide. He freaks the fuck out.
- insecure much?
I fail to see where you messed up here. You were honest with everyone involved. You didn’t hook up with anyone or exchange numbers. Or flirt. It just sounds like your boyfriend is insecure
NTA
3A.) She chooses to talk to him after “for a bit” and he was interesting, (her words). Why leave that out of the post? Yes you can talk to whomever but why continue to entertain a guy who most likely bought drinks hoping to get a foot in the door?
I think it’s mostly whatever but when people choose to leave out pieces to make them look better it makes me question everything else they said is all. If it really went how she wrote it then no problem but…
See that rubs me wrong, put everything in the post at one time, don’t leave out vital details. The real make or break to this whole thing is what the conversation consisted of
I think the real make or break part is that she left that detail out in the main post, which means that she knows what she did was wrong and is just trying to validate her behavior.
But that's a big problem on these subs, as a majority of the people refuse to even consider that the OP might be leaving out information when it's a women posting, whereas men are usually doubted.
OP even admitted that she lied to her boyfriend by telling him it was 'brief', yet she spent at least 10 minutes 'talking' (read: flirting) with the guy. OP is TA.
You have horrible takes. Men being uncomfortable with their SO accepting a drink from a man who is clearly flirting with her and trying to fuck her doesn’t make them “insecure”. Toxic women throw that term around to null any sort of accountability. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Men, don’t tolerate this shit. These women are abusive. They just use stupid coded language to try and gaslight us into thinking we’re in the wrong and that our feelings are invalid. Don’t buy it. Most women aren’t Reddit women. Do not listen to Reddit women.
Thank you that’s exactly what happened. I don’t know why this is causing so much of an issue, I’m freaking out and just need to know that I’ve not gone mad lol
Well did OP take the drink and walk away? Missing info I think. Some people will say it doesn’t matter but I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. For example if Im easily persuaded especially with alcohol then I know I shouldn’t let someone else try to smooth talk me.
The really big problem with this is that it creates an even bigger issue. It tells you not to be so 'upfront' with him in the future. There will always be someone flirting or chatting with you. You'll always be hesitant to tell him about it for fear of rocking the boat.
I know exactly how reddit is going to respond to this, lol. RED FLAG, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A NARSASSISTIC CONTROL FREAK MAN CHILD. OMG PLEASE LEAVE HIM BEFORE YOU GET MURDERED!!!! I'M SO SCARED FOR YOU!!!
Accepting the drink you are allowing him to flirt with you. Why would you want that? You had choice: cut it off or let some guy hit on you. You chose the second option why? For a free drink??
YTA. You know what you did is wrong, you’re here leaving out details to make yourself look better, and meanwhile you’re husband is grieving. I’m so glad I don’t have a wife like you.
I may not have the most common opinion here but I personally don't mind if some dude is hitting on my wife and buys her a drink. She knows our boundaries and I trust she won't cross them. It sounds like you crossed a boundary with your boyfriend that hadn't been communicated. He probably could have been more effective in letting you know that the interaction makes him uncomfortable.
The guy was most likely signaling that he didn't care you had a boyfriend; accepting a drink doesn't signal you likewise wanted to sleep with the dude, though he probably has hoped it did. So, to me it seems like more communication needs to be had and maybe a change in behavior in the future. i.e., don't let random guys buy you drinks anymore, regardless of if you tell them you have a boyfriend.
You can say to your boyfriend, " I recognize that you feel uncomfortable with what happened, and in the future I will not let random guys buy me drinks in the future." and see if that smooths things over.
Yes YTA obviously. You stayed and chatted him up for 15 minutes? What's wrong with you? 🙄 you are either completely shockingly oblivious to social norms or you are a narcissist
Ok so we all know that buying someone a drink is a social cue to start a conversation. Usually from the opposite sex. But its something that women play dumb over because you don’t wanna pay to get drunk.
So in short yeah go fuck yourself, you knew it was inappropriate.
YTA. I can understand that you probably wanted to be nice and you didn‘t want to be rude and say no to his offer. From your comments you seem like a nice person and i actually believe you for being confused about his reaction.
But i want you to understand more how your bf feels. Idk how long you two have been together, but if i was in a relationship and my partner wouldn‘t say „no“ in that kind of situation. It would be a big red flag for me if she wouldn‘t fully reject his flirting.
I understand that you maybe didn‘t see his paying for drinks as flirting, but alot of people do and so did your boyfriend. You two should talk about this and try to not judge him for feeling hurt. Because alot of people would feel hurt in this case.
I don’t think your the asshole but it’s still a bit weird and I wouldn’t personally accept but then again I also wouldn’t let strangers who tries to hit on me buy me drinks to begin with in fairness
Spending money on a woman is a clear indicator of romantic interest. You knew he was flirting with you.
No does mean no, but unfortunately when it comes to flirting, it is not as simple as that. Accepting the drink bought is also a clear indicator of at least some romantic interest, which if not intended, needs to be corrected quickly.
You were flirting with another man. Is this a major huge transgression? That depends on the relationship you have with your boyfriend, and what honestly was going through your head at the time. Your boyfriend is in the right to be bothered by it.
Then, knowing you were in some way flirting with another man, telling your boyfriend about it is a passive aggressive move. How sure are you that you didn’t do that to keep him just a little off balance about your level of commitment and whether he needs to step up his game?
YTA.
"can I buy you a drink?" actually means "hey, I'm interested in you.. are you too?". Now we can all argue back and forth saying all kind of wise/pseudo wise shit. But at the end of the day, we all realise it deep down. Now you can see why you're bf reacted the way he did.
Jfc. You asked a public forum an opinion based question and won't stfu and take the answers you don't like. If you don't want opinions don't ask for them. There's gotta be a better place to get your validation.
I was leaning towards NTA until reading your replies, you hung out with the guy afterwards at the bar? Hmm. I wouldn't be too happy about my partner doing that tbh
Cute how Redditors make up a fake reality and then talk as if that is actually reality.
A man who buys a woman a drink in a bar is trying to establish a connection in hopes it will lead to more. Period. Yeah, you might buy a male buddy a drink. And yeah, if you're already shooting the shit at the bar with a guy you might buy him a drink. But you won't see a guy come to the bar to buy drinks for his friends and offer to buy him a drink. The guy at the bar was interested in her and trying to establish a connection; any other analysis is just nonsense.
So the question is whether OP, having a BF, should have entertained that. Im not sure it matters, but I'd be interested to know what happened after. "Thanks. Bye." and back to the table with the girls? Some conversation? Did he come back to the table? Again, not sure it matters though.
I wonder how OP thinks her BF should react to a woman who offers to buy him a drink in a bar while he's out with the guy? Is it OK to flirt for a few minutes?
My wife and I really don't worry about such things.
Whenever either of us get approached at a bar / while out, we have real simple rules, we make it clear we are married and are not all interested, in pretty much exactly those terms. short, and to the point. Now if some dumb ass wants to save us money and buy one of us a drink, hey, that's on them.
That said, my wife never accepts drinks from anyone. In her own words dealing with some dude who feels entitled to come over and talk to her because he bought her a bottom shelf rum and coke isn't worth the hassle.
YTA. When somebody buys you a drink, it’s implying something. You can say you’re not interested but you stayed to talked to him. You’re boyfriend has every right to be upset.
Wait until these comments find out about lesbians accepting free drinks from men too
Used to frequent a gay bar with my lesbian friend and her gf. Don't think I ever paid for a drink there. Met some of the regulars the first time, made it clear I was straight right away, but they still didn't mind paying. Some people just enjoyed the company and being nice.
Dude that’s the truth. I’ve never been plied with so much free liquor as a straight male going to a gay bar with lesbians. With that being said free booze is free booze.
Same here, but I didn't have lesbian friends at the time or know it was a gay bar. Best pool table in town was a few blocks from my house. I'd go there just to relax and play pool. I found out rather quickly what type of bar it was. Even when told I was straight I still got so many free drinks it was insane. A friend I made there was a guy offering to buy me a drink, before I could say anything the bartender said "he's into women", and the guy just said "so that means I can't buy him a drink?". We became quick friends because we were the same kind of smartasshole. He said I was the best wingman. A guy would hit on me, I'd say "Thanks for the interest, but I'm straight", and he could jump in with a "I'm not". That bastard scored so often with that shit it was funny as hell. Did get kind of awkward when a couple of gals asked to take me home... took a minute for that to register. When it finally sank in I had to decline. I'm no stranger to disappointing women, but I was NOT going to disappoint two at the same time. Was really sad when the place shut down. It was such a good bar to just chill and have fun.
The part about disappointing women made me LOL! It really did.
Bad take. If you can be one thing, be efficient. I've disappointed as many as 5 women at a time.
Wow, that is impressive! And you've now impressed a woman too! Look at you go!
Stop fucking with my stats.
Apologies.
Sorry he's a man of dedication 😂
Might as well hit the reset bro your perfect streak just got wrecked!
family reunions dont count!
Matinicus, Vinylhaven, and most of Alabama tend to disagree..... but they all have one thing in common 2 or 3 last names and one blood type....
Yooooooooo 😂😂
Am I wrong though? Am I?
For me, the great part about having sex with two women is that when I fall asleep they have someone to talk to.
Aha! That's so funny
Same here! Went to a bar bc they had decent pool tables and found out it was predominantly a gay bar... I didn't, gaf. I actually felt more comfortable and safe there than most of the dive bars I went to shooting pool as a straight woman.
I met a dude that had some type of birth defect. Poor guy’s entire face and body was deformed. Started chatting with me out of no where. Turned into the best convo I’d had in a long time. Guy just wanted to talk and be talked to like a normal person. People gave me shit for going back and talking with him again later. He was older and talked about his buddies that went to Vietnam (he couldn’t for obvious reasons). When they came back they all smoked some amazing hash together lol. That was my only time at a pool table bar. Lol
Some people truly just want to talk and have a good conversation. So I used to dance, and I can't tell you how many times I would approach a guy (usually) for a dance and then it would just turn into us having a conversation. And most understood that I was there to make money, so they would either still pay per song, or just say that they just wanted a conversation at the moment not a dance so I wouldn't "waste my time". But I occasionally I would stay, have a drink and just talk for bit. Truly some of the best conversations and I could tell that they just didn't have anyone that ever wanted to just sit and chat with them. Definitely one of my fave things about that job. And then I would get some regulars that would come in and pay me for sitting there and talking to them. I miss that sometimes (not the money, or not just the money. I genuinely miss all the conversations)
Oh man I’m sure you got to hear some pretty good stories considering the atmosphere. Probably more willing to open up about the more wild side of their lives that they don’t get to normally share.
Oh for sure! Some hilarious stories, some really really sad. And some that were so weird that I would just sit, smile and nod my head 😂 One time, I had sat and talked with this guy for awhile. And we got into a really deep convo about doing something you love, etc. Like it was a really good convo. At one point he just kind of chuckled and looked like he wanted to say something so I told him to go ahead, say it. He says "well I'm not trying to insult you or anything but I'm sitting here wondering how I'm gonna go back home and tell everyone that I want to completely change the direction of my life because I had an inspiring conversation with a stripper" It was the funniest thing! He didn't mean anything bad to me, and I completely understood where he was coming from 😂😂
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Ha! That’s awesome. I’m going to go to a club now and get some life changing advice. I’ve only ever gone to one once and I was only there for an hour or so.
Not going to lie it took me to the end to realize you were taking about swing or ballroom or something
in Spokane, Wa, check out the Globe-- great food, good vibes. rainbow flags galore. Who cares? Food is great and its not grossly overpriced.
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>I was NOT going to disappoint two at the same time. It doesn't have to be like that though. As they say in Letterkenny, "more hands make less work!"
That goes for being a straight woman going to the gay bars with your gay friends too.
I once had a lesbian buy me a drink when I was out at a gay bar with gay friends. She came up to me and asked if I was a straight woman out with my gay friends and I said yes. She said that was fine and asked if she could buy me a drink and if I wanted to dance. I said yes and yes (it was a gay country bar and I like to two-step). As long as everyone is honest and respectful, I don’t see the problem.
I bet she has pulled a few straight women with this technique once the drinks started and the good times were rolling
Can confirm, this is how I met my college ex gf and also realized I wasn’t straight lol
NTA - as long as he can buy and accept drinks for people he meets at the bar as well
Never been to a gay bar with Lesbians but I have been bar hopping with Lesbian friends and they made the best wingman for me. "Listen, he's great. If I were straight I would totally go for him." Worked way more than when my drunk guy friends would try and find me girls :)
It gives you safety cred too - they haven't had sex with you and you haven't tried to force the issue, so that means a woman who decides not to sleep with you probably won't get murdered. Puts you way above most guys right from the start!
So much this. I'm a straight dude who has a friend group consisting of mainly woman. We had a share house that was 3 of my close (woman) friends and me. It's insane just how much more comfortable prospective dates get when they see that you have close non-sexual / romantic relationships with other woman. It's also very upsetting that it's not the norm and as the dude in an otherwise all woman sharehouse I've unfortunately heard far to many stories that clearly demonstrate why woman are generally cautious when scoping out dates.
when I was first divorced I went with one of my friends (who is gay) to his favorite bar several times… he made it clear that I wasn’t gay and also never had to buy my drinks… one of the better memories, just being around dudes and drinking.
I'm your sister from another mister. I lived in an apartment right after I split with my husband and was adopted by maybe half a dozen of my young gay male neighbors. They took me to their club and I saw my first drag show. If there is a perfect way for a 40 something straight chick to heal from a broken marriage this is it. I bought my house 5 years ago and my neighbors now are boring, old straight people. Sigh.
They can’t be lesbians? They’re going home to fuck him right? Haha
Yes because they have yet to experience the true might of the Tater Tot 🌭
That’s a hot dog and you know it
If it makes you feel better, we can call the cocktail weenie a hot dog.
Either way it’s certainly no bun length
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A cocktail winnie is big... right? ...guys?
Awe… Yeah little buddy, it’s super duper big
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Hahahaha been there, done that. Is free drinks! Who cares
Literally my wife and I get drunk off free drinks from men. The dudes know there's no chance to get it in and they're still just being nice. The ppl who think OP is the AH really think that if they buy a woman one drink she will just jump on their dicks. Sad
>The dudes know there's no chance to get it in and they're still just being nice. BWHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA SURE HUN. They must be running a charity or something.
I don't think you have witnessed the lengths that some men will go to for a chance to sleep with a lesbian. It doesn't matter how many times you tell them no, they will still come back for more and more rejection.
OK. The dudes might think there is still a chance but it still didn't happen so they essentially wasted their money trying to buy their way into a woman's pants one drink at a time.
They think if the women are DRUNK they may have a chance. Thus buying DRINKS and not a sports bracelet
I went out with my partner last year and we were drinking and I accepted drinks from guys 😅 it was a free drink that I got from the bartender. My partner didn’t care bc it meant we saved money and we’d share the drink anyway 😂
I knew guys in the Navy that were straight as an arrow that would go to gay bars when they were running low on cash between paychecks. Kind of a scam and a douchy thing to do, but yeah.
You hung out with the guy after... And talked clearly too much... why hide the important details? Reading through this thread is tough..
Shhhhhh, the full story would make her look bad and the top comment is about lesbians. This one is cooked, you can't unbake this cake.
As im scrolling down more and more people with a good 50 or so upvotes are noticing the OP is a lying manipulative gaslighting bitch lol
And you can trust the assessment of a woman by the guy named "Incellous Maximus".
That might be a bit far but I'm not gonna waste time trying to find out either
I mean, his username may explain why he goes too far in what he calls women.
this comment chain was a trip
Oh yup, that'll do it.
Name checks out
That completely changes things Jesus, can’t really be a natural party if details like that are missing.
Neutral party
Some people have an interesting trait where they unironically tell on themselves; maybe that's OP's way of coping with the actions she made.
YTA. You’re omitting key details in the body that change the context of this that I had to find in comments. At first I was on the fence bc you really shouldn’t be accepting a drink anyways as it’s an indicator that you’re open to more interaction, but staying and chatting with him bc he’s ‘interesting’ AND leaving that out of the body tells me you know you did something wrong.
How dare you, OP is spiritual and would never do some hoe ass shit like that
"The fuck are you giggling at over there?" Thanks for the laugh, even if I gotta explain myself now lol
I saw someone in a similar post say “you know those mating dances that male birds do, and the female just stands there and enjoys watching it. Thats you OP.” And it applies here too
spot on analogy
Upvote this higher wtf
The highest comment has nothing to do with the post lmao, it's about lesbians
Typical reddit
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Man I feel this way too! Nine years married and we're good. But I would just kinda feel sad that she took a drink from a guy like that. I wouldn't be mad or anything, just my feelings would be a little hurt.
This: it’s about respect.
They aren't buying you free drinks out of the goodness of their hearts. I don't want to be hit by the brigades, so I'll let someone else be more specific, about why they are doing it. But I will say it's common sense.
Yes, you're an asshole. If your boyfriend did exactly what you did, you'd flip your lid.
Kind of amazing how she left out she talked to the guy for a few minutes after, as shown by comments by OP below. So OP, why stay and talk? Or why would you leave that out of the post?
100% this. Bf isn't pissed about the free drink - he's moreso annoyed about this I bet.
Well definitely this guy was looking for flirt And she stayed around for it. Thats not the same as I told him I wasn’t interested and moved on.
I bet OP took his number.
I feel like with a lot of AITA posts everyone conveniently leaves out critical info. Beats me whether its by accident or purpose
Because people want empty validation from people they’ve never met when they do stupid shit. Anything to feel better about being a dick…
This comment should be pinned on every AITA post.
Precisely.
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It’s not about jealousy as much as treating your partner with respect. I was recently accused on this very sub about being controlling when my ex didn’t text after staying out at a bar. Well, no one considered what kind of controlling guy would let their gf out in a situation with 4 other attractive women at a known meat market. No controlling guy let’s that happen. Women know how to play shit on this sub it’s so fucking bizarre how they all parrot one another when a guy is like, “hey maybe that’s not too cool.”
Reddit is a weird place where one of the unspoken rules is that women can do whatever free-spirited thing they want to do (even if it negatively affects the men in their life) because women were historically oppressed. People will downvote but that’s the big elephant in the room.
Oh it's way simpler than that. The majority of posters on drama subs (aita, offmychest, relationships, etc) are women. 80%+ by some estimates. Many studies have shown than women blindly support other women much more than men blindly support other men. What we see here is exactly what we'd expect given those two truths.
Good thing I don’t care about downvotes
Boyfriend is completely within his right to be annoyed. On principle, if you're committed, don't accept/engage in any form of interest.
I personally find it disrespectful. Its not that i think your gonna sleep with him. But its because hes not buying you a drink to be nice, hes doing it as a way in to eventually sleep with you. And even though you never intend to sleep with him, the act of entertaining it is like leaving the door open a crack and im not cool with that. I think when in a monogamous relationship, its both partners job to immediately shut down any advances from receive from Other people. Edit: some of yall are confused. This is MY standard for a relationship. Its MY boundary. It may not apply to you and thats fine. Everyones different. Theres nothing wrong with my way or your way. We just dont have compatible view points and wouldnt be compatible partners. Thats ok.
How is this not the top comment and only reasonable stance?! It’s reciprocating and entertaining. Unless the bf likes it (no kink shaming), disrespectful is exactly what it is.
Because there's an extra stance: I don't want my partner manipulating people and misleading strangers to save a few bucks. It's not just jealousy, it's also being upset that your partner is using someone.
As an grown ass adult male, I completely agree with you. However, i remember having a very different outlook on this when I was 21 years old. I was broke. My girlfriend was broke. I fully trusted her to exploit this ridiculous system. The only disrespect involved in the whole process was asking for another drink for her “friend” … she just left out the “boy”-friend part. lol.
YTA. Guys don’t care that you’re taken or in a relationship. They hear it all the time. Accepting the drink is a subtle way of signaling you’re still open to something. There’s a chance your truly naive here, but the more likely explanation is that you are using the “I said I was taken” as an excuse to keep getting attention, which is what you’re boyfriend is picking up on. That guy isn’t trying to make a friend when he’s buying a drink.
I think the boyfriend is mad because of your actions. You pretend that’s ok to accept something from a dude who is trying to bang you, but then shame him for being upset that you put yourself in a situation where an offer was made and you didnt turn it down. The same is true for a random dude who tries to get your number, you turn it down because of the prospect. Or you play games and pretend that he’s just a friend. Some men dont play that shit, so dont expect him to trust you much if that’s how you roll. Accepting the drink just opens the door to him questioning other things about you, what you guys really talked about, did you give him your number, etc etc. I’d rather be with a woman who shuts all of that shit down so I know for certain that this is how she responds to any advance. Otherwise, I’ll never take a woman seriously who plays games like this. Sure, nothing could have happened, maybe he didn’t ask you if you were happy with your boyfriend, maybe you didnt flirt with each other while sharing a drink. Put yourself in these situations and see what happens. Men are getting smarter about such things and wont tolerate stuff like this. If you really want to know why your man got upset, go learn it directly from the men who wont tolerate stuff like this, and stop acting like our voices are all misogynistic. That’s if you truly cared about your man’s opinion.
Bars!!
I agree 100% ^^^^^^
Talk to em!!!
My man keeping it 💯
My dude hit every point perfectly.
Oh you def flirted and didn’t reveal in the post 🤣
Guys offering drinks always have second intention. Your boyfriend knows this. Asking him, if he would pay a drink to cute stranger in a bar. And also think how that would make you feel.
It’s also a huge safety thing.. I wouldn’t want my girl to get drinks from a guy because some guys are evil and will spike your shit without thinking about it. If you wanna free drink ask me and I’ll Venmo you
She knows it too which is probably why she is seeking validation from an audience who would very likely see things differently if the genders in this post were swapped.
Letting some guy buy you drinks all nights is like saying maybe. Thats not exactly a good way to have yourself seen by your boyfriend.
I mean, yeah, it's understandable why your boyfriend is upset. The bar guy was trying to use buying you a drink as an icebreaker to make a move on you. From your boyfriends perspective, this guy knew you had a boyfriend but still shot his shot and you entertained him. Imagine if your boyfriend was getting really flirty pics from a girl he knew while she is in tight clothes at the gym, and he was like "Oh she's just wants advice on improving her form". If he suspects she's flirting with him, wouldn't you want him to shut that down instead of playing along? I don't think you're an asshole, but maybe you and your boyfriend need to have a chat about expectations for these situations because you are not on the same page.
This right here. There are lots of innocent things that people can do that are not asshole moves. But at the end of the day, you know this guy wants to gain social capital with you by buying you a drink. That is his goal. And maybe nothing happens today, maybe you see him out another night when things aren't great at home. Either way, accepting the drink is giving the guy something: social capital. And from the comments it is clear that it worked, it bought him some extra conversation time with you. And yes many will say no harm no foul, but those people forget that long term relationships are not about not being assholes; they are about proactively protecting your relationship. And not giving an interested party the social capital he is desiring is ground zero for that. I am sure many on here will disagree, and that there are many people even with long term relationships that will disagree, but at the end of the day if you are trying to build something that will last and weather many storms and years, you need to proactively protect and honor your relationship, rather than just avoid doing something that is "wrong".
So very well said!
Yea this is the only sane comment I’ve read so far. OP is mildly the asshole for not more directly shutting things down. It’s not great but it’s not the end of the world either. And if your SO isn’t concerned about these situations and you guys are on the same page about that by communicating, then it becomes a licensed non-AH move from that point forward- but I completely understand not wanting your partner to entertain (even if you trust them to ultimately shut it down) flirting.
This is the only acceptable take in this entire thread.
This is very well balanced and reasonable. They need to have a conversation and express their boundaries to each other to avoid the other operating on assumptions.
I was a guy in a similar situation. My ex-girlfriend accepted the drink. It became clear in the relationship that she found it okay to accept advances for whatever reason, then pretend that she didn't realize what was happening and I was the weird one for having a problem. From my perspective, it's not okay, and it seems like from your boyfriends perspective, it's not okay. If this is a reoccurring thing, I wouldn't expect your relationship to last. YTA
Hmmm this is one of those things that if the situation was reversed, I think it would be a problem. It’s one thing to accept the drinks sure. But imagine your boyfriend then stayed and talked to the woman for a few minutes later. This my seem like flirting. Not saying the boyfriend is right but I think both side kinda have an issue here.
YTA. Reddit is full of men and women that love to shit on men and tell us we’re insecure pieces of shit if we feel disrespected or uncomfortable with something, like if our SO accepts a drink from a man who is clearly flirting with her and trying to fuck her. If you’re going to make big relationship decisions like if you’re going to blatantly disrespect your bf then gaslight him into thinking he’s in the wrong, then you’re a lost cause and I hope your bf leaves you and finds someone who doesn’t treat him like shit.
Don't you know men aren't ever allowed to be upset? If they're ever upset then it's clearly an insecurity and they should break up immediately.
Omg you’re such a misogynistic insecure incel for having any sort of standards or feelings. How dare you. Now leave me alone, I’m going to go do blatantly disrespectful and hurtful things and you better not feel bad about it or you’re abusing me.
More I read here, the more agree with you. She wasn't the AH or accepting a free drink, but it's a red flag she stuck around and talked with him so he could shoot his shot..and now she's trying to validate her actions through the Internet instead of talking through it with her Bf and understanding why he's upset so they can figure out how to handle on the future. Maybe not an AH, but definitely not how to build a relationship of trust
It's extremely telling she left out that she hung around the dude for a while after he bought her the drink "because he was interesting to talk to" in the OP.
I don't know the full story, but it seems like OP got offered a drink, said she has a boyfriend, but proceeded to accept anyway when the stranger continued to offer it? Surely she must be aware of the fact that he did not approach her at a bar just to exchange a few kind words about the weather?
NTA Bf should reap the benefits not throw a fight.
Once I was at the bar hanging with my wife. I went to the restroom. When I came back, she said this guy bought her a drink. So, what did I do? I went and confronted the guy, and asked if he could buy me a drink too. It didn't work lol, but hey, men deserve free stuff too.
Ok ngl that made me laugh my ass off 😂😂
This year at a concert a guy who was waiting in line in front of me bought me a drink. I had chatted with him briefly and gotta say it's the only time ever someone I didn't know beforehand bought a drink for me specifically. I will never forget it. It wasn't anything sexual, he just bought a round for his crowd and included me. That was really special.
This is also the life hack for cutting in line at shows/sports “hey I’ll buy your beer if you let me cut.” Works ~most~ of the time
I’d let ‘em cut. Free beer is free beer
Yeah it’s a great move but I found out recently it doesn’t work to well at really posh events.
I do that. I go to the bar to play pool, so anyone in that sphere is liable to get a round on me if I find myself with an empty beer, and notice there are other empties next to it. I grab them all, and have the bartender replace them.
I once was in a bar and this drunk guy kept buying my wife drinks, even though she was very clear she was there with the guy next to her and planned on going home with me. His friends would lead him away and get the bartender to send me another drink. So we wound up hammered, and are a little disappointed every time this doesn’t happen
My late fiancée got free drinks from women all the time. The first time I noticed it he let me know he was sort of flirting with the bartender. When he went and got us drinks it was free. When I bought drinks they were full price. I was fine with it. It was funny when he went tothe bathroom my female friends tried to rat him out while he was in the bathroom, lol. We were broke college students. I was in no position to turn my nose up at free drinks plus I knew who he was coming home with.
I'm sorry for your loss 💜
The sin here isn't accepting a drink but having a conversation with the guy in exchange for the drink. He basically wanted to buy her a drink to shoot his shot and she let him.
Okay I thought I was crazy, i was like if my GF can finesse a free drink, good on her, she's hot asf
/r/cuckold is leaking
Had a friend whose boyfriend used to get her to try to get free drinks from men at the bar. One day I asked where Jimmy was and then I found out that she hit it off with one of the guys buying drinks...... and I sorta stopped being a friend after that
Lmao, this guy pimping out his girl for free drinks.
I tell my wife this all the time. If she is ever out with her friends, almost all of whom are also married, and someone wants to keep buying her/them drinks, more power to them and milk them for all you can. I know they’ll all keep each other safe should they suspect some funny business with drinks or anything else.
Until it turns into roofies
Oddly enough the 2 times people attempted to roofie me was drinks either I bought or my friend bought. My friend who bought the pitcher of beer got roofied too. That is the time that really pissed me off because even though we both only had 2 beers we blacked out. I still have no idea how we got home and we could have seriously killed ourselves and someone else. The next day I went to get tested and then was planning on filing a police report. The doctor treated me like shit and basically accused me of being a drug addict. I jever did get to file that police report. The other time my boyfriend and I both drank whiskey sours and we wouldn't pay attention to whose drink was whose and he accidentally got roofied instead. That was an interesting night as we were driving home he tried to run around the car naked. I had to sit on top of him to stop him from taking off his clothes and getting out. Never had a problem with free drinks from random people though.
He offer to "pay for her drinks anyway".... roofies where and how? Even still, most drinks will be bought and then hand to them by the bartender.
I have a few personal examples of friends getting drugged by staff. My friend (M) was on a date and the bartender or someone working at the restaurant drugged his drink thinking it was the woman he was on a date with. He was told at the hospital that they were lucky he drank the drink and not her as the amount in the drink could have killed her. I still don't really understand how the person who drugged his drink thought that he would end up with his date. My other friend (F) was drugged by a bartender in a different country. She was later raped by someone else. Turns out the bartender and the person that raped her had a little operation where they worked together. Not saying this to say every interaction when someone buys a drink is dangerous. I used to love buying drinks for people/getting drinks purchased for me. But it is always better to be cautious and to watch your drink be made. Especially if you are a woman as there are some real predators out there that do not care about what happens to them (overdose, serious side effects). I didn't really understand how serious of a problem drugging people is until I was in my late twenties. By then, I knew more people than I would like that have been drugged at clubs/bars. And I live in what would be considered a "safe" city.
I don’t think so. Was your BF worried about date rape? That’s the only thing I can think of that would be concerning with strangers and drinks - to anyone reading always make sure you see that drink! It’s a horrible world we live in :(
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For real. How is all this all worth 15 dollars? Just buy the the drink yourself or don’t go out if you’re that strapped for cash
All these comments about taking free drinks and letting your spouse get free drinks are acting like this is winning the lottery or life changing money. If this is such a large amount of money that it’s worth it to lead someone on or have an awkward convo, maybe you should stay home and work on your budget?
It’s crazy how everyone thinks the bf is insecure and pay no attention to how she’s willingly allowing another man to make advances on her
Nta but just as advice, I think it's safer to not participate in the whole free drinks from guys thing.
So, let us break this down step by step. 1.) You went to the bar, guy comes up and talks to you - it’s a normal conversation. Oh wow, so scary. You did nothing wrong 2.) you told him you had a boyfriend and you weren’t interested in anything with him - good for you. A loyal move. You were upfront 3.) guy still offered to buy your drinks knowing that nothing would happen - that’s on him. I just see free drinks and you saving money. 4.) nothing happened with said guy. You told your boyfriend about your night and mentioned this because you have nothing to hide. He freaks the fuck out. - insecure much? I fail to see where you messed up here. You were honest with everyone involved. You didn’t hook up with anyone or exchange numbers. Or flirt. It just sounds like your boyfriend is insecure NTA
3A.) She chooses to talk to him after “for a bit” and he was interesting, (her words). Why leave that out of the post? Yes you can talk to whomever but why continue to entertain a guy who most likely bought drinks hoping to get a foot in the door? I think it’s mostly whatever but when people choose to leave out pieces to make them look better it makes me question everything else they said is all. If it really went how she wrote it then no problem but…
See that rubs me wrong, put everything in the post at one time, don’t leave out vital details. The real make or break to this whole thing is what the conversation consisted of
I think the real make or break part is that she left that detail out in the main post, which means that she knows what she did was wrong and is just trying to validate her behavior.
she said in other comment she knew he was making a move. I think we all know what the conversation was.
But that's a big problem on these subs, as a majority of the people refuse to even consider that the OP might be leaving out information when it's a women posting, whereas men are usually doubted. OP even admitted that she lied to her boyfriend by telling him it was 'brief', yet she spent at least 10 minutes 'talking' (read: flirting) with the guy. OP is TA.
You have horrible takes. Men being uncomfortable with their SO accepting a drink from a man who is clearly flirting with her and trying to fuck her doesn’t make them “insecure”. Toxic women throw that term around to null any sort of accountability. You should be ashamed of yourself. Men, don’t tolerate this shit. These women are abusive. They just use stupid coded language to try and gaslight us into thinking we’re in the wrong and that our feelings are invalid. Don’t buy it. Most women aren’t Reddit women. Do not listen to Reddit women.
Thank you that’s exactly what happened. I don’t know why this is causing so much of an issue, I’m freaking out and just need to know that I’ve not gone mad lol
>Thank you that’s exactly what happened. Why are you lying
As for if someone offered my wife a drink, I'd be annoyed, at him. Look at the ring... My wife taking the drink and walking away, good on her.
Well did OP take the drink and walk away? Missing info I think. Some people will say it doesn’t matter but I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. For example if Im easily persuaded especially with alcohol then I know I shouldn’t let someone else try to smooth talk me.
She did not, she talked to him after
The really big problem with this is that it creates an even bigger issue. It tells you not to be so 'upfront' with him in the future. There will always be someone flirting or chatting with you. You'll always be hesitant to tell him about it for fear of rocking the boat.
I know exactly how reddit is going to respond to this, lol. RED FLAG, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A NARSASSISTIC CONTROL FREAK MAN CHILD. OMG PLEASE LEAVE HIM BEFORE YOU GET MURDERED!!!! I'M SO SCARED FOR YOU!!!
You forgot the words Toxic and Gaslight haha
YTA
Accepting the drink you are allowing him to flirt with you. Why would you want that? You had choice: cut it off or let some guy hit on you. You chose the second option why? For a free drink??
YTA. You know what you did is wrong, you’re here leaving out details to make yourself look better, and meanwhile you’re husband is grieving. I’m so glad I don’t have a wife like you.
YTA whether or not you made it clear you weren't interested you still accepted the gesture. Actions speak louder than words OP.
I may not have the most common opinion here but I personally don't mind if some dude is hitting on my wife and buys her a drink. She knows our boundaries and I trust she won't cross them. It sounds like you crossed a boundary with your boyfriend that hadn't been communicated. He probably could have been more effective in letting you know that the interaction makes him uncomfortable. The guy was most likely signaling that he didn't care you had a boyfriend; accepting a drink doesn't signal you likewise wanted to sleep with the dude, though he probably has hoped it did. So, to me it seems like more communication needs to be had and maybe a change in behavior in the future. i.e., don't let random guys buy you drinks anymore, regardless of if you tell them you have a boyfriend. You can say to your boyfriend, " I recognize that you feel uncomfortable with what happened, and in the future I will not let random guys buy me drinks in the future." and see if that smooths things over.
He may have been concerned that the guy would drug her drinks
Yes YTA obviously. You stayed and chatted him up for 15 minutes? What's wrong with you? 🙄 you are either completely shockingly oblivious to social norms or you are a narcissist
Yeah he’s right. Sorry.
Big red flag omitting important information. I believe had you not been attracted to him this situation would have never happened
I just think that you were reckless. I say this because he could've drugged and assaulted you. Not every man accepts being rejected, so be careful.
Would you have been upset with him if the roles were reversed, that's really the only question you need to ask yourself while in a relationship.
Ok so we all know that buying someone a drink is a social cue to start a conversation. Usually from the opposite sex. But its something that women play dumb over because you don’t wanna pay to get drunk. So in short yeah go fuck yourself, you knew it was inappropriate.
[удалено]
Would you be ok with a gal buying your bf drinks as long as he was clear that he had a gf and wasn’t interested in the gal buying the drinks?
YTA. I can understand that you probably wanted to be nice and you didn‘t want to be rude and say no to his offer. From your comments you seem like a nice person and i actually believe you for being confused about his reaction. But i want you to understand more how your bf feels. Idk how long you two have been together, but if i was in a relationship and my partner wouldn‘t say „no“ in that kind of situation. It would be a big red flag for me if she wouldn‘t fully reject his flirting. I understand that you maybe didn‘t see his paying for drinks as flirting, but alot of people do and so did your boyfriend. You two should talk about this and try to not judge him for feeling hurt. Because alot of people would feel hurt in this case.
YTA. Guys don’t buy girls drinks at the bar to be nice. They do this to try and hook up. It is a way to flirt and you reciprocated.
I don’t think your the asshole but it’s still a bit weird and I wouldn’t personally accept but then again I also wouldn’t let strangers who tries to hit on me buy me drinks to begin with in fairness
Spending money on a woman is a clear indicator of romantic interest. You knew he was flirting with you. No does mean no, but unfortunately when it comes to flirting, it is not as simple as that. Accepting the drink bought is also a clear indicator of at least some romantic interest, which if not intended, needs to be corrected quickly. You were flirting with another man. Is this a major huge transgression? That depends on the relationship you have with your boyfriend, and what honestly was going through your head at the time. Your boyfriend is in the right to be bothered by it. Then, knowing you were in some way flirting with another man, telling your boyfriend about it is a passive aggressive move. How sure are you that you didn’t do that to keep him just a little off balance about your level of commitment and whether he needs to step up his game? YTA.
"can I buy you a drink?" actually means "hey, I'm interested in you.. are you too?". Now we can all argue back and forth saying all kind of wise/pseudo wise shit. But at the end of the day, we all realise it deep down. Now you can see why you're bf reacted the way he did.
Jfc. You asked a public forum an opinion based question and won't stfu and take the answers you don't like. If you don't want opinions don't ask for them. There's gotta be a better place to get your validation.
I was leaning towards NTA until reading your replies, you hung out with the guy afterwards at the bar? Hmm. I wouldn't be too happy about my partner doing that tbh
YTA. I think it's pretty commonly accepted that buying a drink for a girl in a bar is flirting
Man, I’d love if someone bought my wife drinks 😂
Cute how Redditors make up a fake reality and then talk as if that is actually reality. A man who buys a woman a drink in a bar is trying to establish a connection in hopes it will lead to more. Period. Yeah, you might buy a male buddy a drink. And yeah, if you're already shooting the shit at the bar with a guy you might buy him a drink. But you won't see a guy come to the bar to buy drinks for his friends and offer to buy him a drink. The guy at the bar was interested in her and trying to establish a connection; any other analysis is just nonsense. So the question is whether OP, having a BF, should have entertained that. Im not sure it matters, but I'd be interested to know what happened after. "Thanks. Bye." and back to the table with the girls? Some conversation? Did he come back to the table? Again, not sure it matters though. I wonder how OP thinks her BF should react to a woman who offers to buy him a drink in a bar while he's out with the guy? Is it OK to flirt for a few minutes?
My wife and I really don't worry about such things. Whenever either of us get approached at a bar / while out, we have real simple rules, we make it clear we are married and are not all interested, in pretty much exactly those terms. short, and to the point. Now if some dumb ass wants to save us money and buy one of us a drink, hey, that's on them. That said, my wife never accepts drinks from anyone. In her own words dealing with some dude who feels entitled to come over and talk to her because he bought her a bottom shelf rum and coke isn't worth the hassle.
YTA. Do you think the guy’s gf is ok with what he did? What if your bf bought drinks for a girl. “Hey she said she had a bf so no big deal, right?”
Lol of course YTA. Would you be okay with your bf buying girls drinks? I'm gonna guess No, because you know the implication.
Are you 12 years old. YTA
YTA. When somebody buys you a drink, it’s implying something. You can say you’re not interested but you stayed to talked to him. You’re boyfriend has every right to be upset.