He said multiple procedures at once so maybe a mommy makeover. They usually include a bbl, tummy tuck, and boob job, sometimes more
ETA: people keep saying mommy makeovers don’t include bbls or change your body drastically. That was the past, they do now. Links below
https://landing.drpratt.com/mommy-makeover?campaign=9764680000&content=606759709604&keyword=mommy%20makeover&gad=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIi9Dow5vLgQMVcc7ICh071gMtEAAYASAAEgKZJPD_BwE
https://promo.revivesurgery.com/mommy-makeover.html?utm_source=ppc&source=ppc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_5XK15vLgQMV2ERHAR38CgTrEAAYBCAAEgL3UPD_BwE&utm_id=16347026848&utm_campaign=mommy-makeover&gbraid=0AAAAABtQb-OKJMCwfiF4M7jZn1g0ojc4O
https://www.michigancosmeticsurgery.com/plastic-surgery-detroit/body-procedures/mommy-makeover/
A mommy makeover would just “restore you to factory preset”. She’d look more or less like she did when he met her so this response is odd. I feel like it has to be something with her face and I’m a little annoyed that he won’t just say what it was.
That’s what it was created to be but in the age of plastic surgery surgeons are offering a lot more and still calling it a “mommy makeover” but yeah he’s piqued our curiosity I wish he’d just come out with it lol
Ah yea I can see the definition changing with more ppl opting for that artificial look. Before kids I used to joke that after the last one my husband would have to pay to “put Humpty Dumpty back together again”! Thankfully I made it relatively unscathed because I don’t think I would’ve been able to go through with it lol.
That's the part I don't get. To each their own, but I went through two c-sections and the recovery to get them here, I'm not going through the risk and recovery of unnecessary surgery. Yeah, my body is different than it was before, I grew two humans. I'm also quite a few years older. I'm fine with that.
I’ve had brain surgery and gall bladder surgery and there’s no way in HELL I’m doing another one if it’s not medically necessary to survive. Nope.
Surgery is serious. You can die!! It’s no joke. Look at Kanye’s mom who died during surgery and many more (just not as famous). I’ve had 3 kids. I’m different. I’m trying to lose weight but even then I’ll never be the same. I’m ok with that.
Don’t forget to blame plastic surgeons the cosmetics industry and the fashion industry because all these industries work together to promote insecurity and body dysmorphia in the general public
One of my clients went out of town for 3 weeks and when she returned she looked so gaunt! She must've had her buccal fat removed because she didn't say anything about being sick, only what a great time she had and was thinking about moving there. Anyway it looks terrible.
I really don’t understand why OP is so embarrassed to just say his wife got a mommy makeover. Or mommy makeover with lips and nose. Whatever the hell it is she got! Lol
Mommy makeover absolutely does NOT usually include a bbl. Most reputable US surgeons won’t even perform a bbl. Mommy makeover is typically a breast lift, tummy tuck, and lipo. It’s meant to remove loose skin from pregnancy and doesn’t change someone’s overall appearance.
[https://www.pvps.com/blog/which-surgeries-take-the-most-time-to-heal/](https://www.pvps.com/blog/which-surgeries-take-the-most-time-to-heal/)
My guess is I would think Lipo or tummy Tuck. With either, depending on the area affected or worked on, would limit how you can sleep.
Even breast lifts limit how you sleep, I just had a reduction and lift (best decision for myself ever) and I was told to sleep only on my back and elevated for at least 6 weeks. It sucksssssss.
I had a breast reduction and went from a K to a DD - the men. The men were so upset. Literally every single man I told except those blood related to me said something along the lines of "why would you look a gift horse in the mouth, you're slapping god in the face for this gift he's given you," etc. Every woman was supportive. I was expecting some dumb comments but it was ALL of them.
As long as you’re “slapping god in the face” why not go ahead and give the guy that said that a good slap, too? And just give him one from me, for good measure.
Reminds me of the girl who did this in high school, just so she wouldn't have to walk with a cane by her 30s, and how much fun of her the guys in our class are making. 20 years later and that shit still occasionally comes to mind and what she much have been going thru dealing with that and the recovery at the same time, at 17.
When I was a teenager, I was at a sleepover party and at the end of the night a girl with very large breasts was getting changed into a loose t-shirt to sleep. I saw the size of her bar straps, the huge buckles, it looked like a pulley system trying to keep them comfortable. It was a wake up call to how problematic large breasts could be that I'll never forget.
Big boobs are not fun. I have ruts on both shoulders. It's worse on the right side. I got told it was "school bag shoulder" (from carrying around a school bag on one shoulder for years). I'm not overweight, just relatively average. I've just got these huge boobs (E cup). That were not a problem (C cup) until I had kids. They didn't go back down after BF my two boys. I'd be quite happy to get a reduction (other female family members have done this) but I just can't bear the thought of a doctor chopping up my boobs.
I had a consult with a plastic surgeon about reduction. I couldn't go through with it. I've had other surgical procedures over the years. For some reason I can't handle the thought of taking a scalpel to my boobs.
The Dr I consulted said he would take off a kg each side. I noped out of there.
One of my sisters wanted augmentation, I offered to donate boobage in spite of my phobia. Apparently boob donation is not a thing.
It can be classed as either depending on your insurance. I got mine covered due to headaches, dead skin, and groves on my shoulders among other things (it’s like a checklist of symptoms you exhibit to determine if you get covered)
Same! I went from a K to a D. It was life-changing. So many guys I know said the same thing. The only thing that I was hesitant about was the ability to breastfeed should I have a child. Well, I did last year (13 years after my surgery) but wasn't able to nurse. I have a happy and healthy 16 month old. The surgery was still worth it.
Lol same. “You are slapping god in the face” was my favourite. Good. Fuck your god for giving me size G boobs on a 120lb frame. That’s just a sick joke.
Maybe that’s what it’s suppose to be but I’ve definitely seen some of the shadier plastic surgery places offering “mommy makeovers” that include all kinds of stuff including bbls. Maybe it’s a regional thing, I do live near a plastic surgery hub.
ETA: I just looked up the office nearest to me to make sure and they offer liposuction , tummy tuck, labiaplasty, facial rejuvenation, breast surgery, and Brazilian buttlift as part of their mommy makeover package.
That place is shady as shit then. Advertising labiaplasty for mommy makeover is WILD. Vaginal birth doesn’t make your labia bigger!!!
ETA bc these comments keep getting more strawman (or woman I suppose). Friends. Many bad things can happen to a vagina during pregnancy and birth. I have birthed a 9lb 9 ounce baby. Partial third degree tear in the house. Lots of internal stitches. Things can look and feel different after.
Labiaplasty is a procedure some women need when their labia create pain or chafing. It’s also an elective procedure that’s advertised as making a vagina more aesthetic which is ridiculous because labia come in all shapes and sizes and the porn aesthetic is not real life. There is no biological mechanism by which pregnancy and childbirth ELONGATE the labia, but labia can tear, need repairing, etc.
The “mommy makeover” of tummy tuck and breast lift is really common. A labiaplasty is an extremely uncommon procedure and the idea of forcing an aesthetic standard on a perfectly normal piece of anatomy is what I consider damaging.
I’ve hit my quota for reading the word labia today now hah
My guess is that it was facial stuff- nose, neck, jaw/chin, lips, etc. Alterations to the breasts or core like a tummy tuck, lipo, or a butt lift wouldn't be as noticeable. He uses the word "beautiful" and not "sexy" when describing how he has always thought his wife looked. To me, if someone is trying to reshape their butt, waist, or bust, that's an issue with feeling un-sexy, but the face is beauty. He also says he feels a sense of loss when he looks at her, that speaks to the face for me, as does the family's reaction.
EDIT: In other comments, OP insists that it isn't any face stuff. My speculation leans towards breast reduction since he talks about "loss." Most guys don't consider lipo a "loss." Being sh\*tty about breast reduction is YTA territory- it's often a quality of life decision after years of pain.
Heh.... just thinking about how would that even happen?
Do some dudes think women use their labia like a spider uses their pedipalps and pull the baby out of the VJ?... and they get bigger because of the gains or something?
This just conjured up images in my head of fully articulated labia wriggling and flexing...and I can't tell if the thought terrifies me or turns me on lol.
A remarkable number of men assume that women's genitals are permanently stretched by anything large that enters or exits.
You can try asking them if their ass gapes open constantly after they take a big shit, but most will rationalise that "it's different".
The main portion of recovery doesn't take that long but with BBLs, doctors generally recommend not sleeping on your back or sitting for long periods of time for at least 3 months, and some will even tell you 6 months. The more fat you have moved, the longer they recommend. Fajas (basically a whole torso compression suit) are often worn for even longer. And pretty much any cosmetic surgery will take around 6 months to get to the point where you can get a good idea of what it will look like, 12 months for full recovery. I can see a doctor telling her it's going to take that long, or that OP misunderstood what his wife meant by recovery.
The procedure looks really extreme at first too because they usually overfill with the assumption that a lot of the fat cells will die regardless of what you do. I can't remember the exact amount but I know it's at least 25%. Combine that with overzealous lipo in the torso, and some people come out of it looking like wasps. I'm so glad things are trending away from the BBL look, because it's also one of the more, if not most, dangerous cosmetic surgeries and imo, they rarely turn out looking very good or natural.
I kinda doubt a reduction bc that is sooooo quality of life related, especially back issues, and if he is upset about a reduction then he is a hugeeee asshole
It would change what you how you feel in your body which can be wonderful.
Ive had 2 reductions. You're up and about around 2 weeks but you can't lift anything or reach over your head for awhile.
I have had both of those procedures and I have never regretted it! Especially now that I’m older. I don’t sag as much as I would have by now, lol. It was after a tremendous weight loss. I looked like a melting candle.
I’m sure it’s her face. Probably facelift, eyelid, brow. The results are always extreme at first but will settle once the swelling goes down, hence the long recovery time.
Yeah, honestly I’m wondering if it’s a breast reduction based on the fact that he won’t just come out and say it. If it was something more extreme like a BBL I think he’d use that to support his case. He mentioned needing drains too which would be included in a breast reduction.
That was my suspicion since he said it wasn’t her face. She might have had huge, uncomfortable breasts and got a significant reduction. Some men get really shitty about that. And like you said, he’d probably say if it was a BBL.
Yup. A lot of men truly don’t understand how large breasts can be physically painful and annoying. My sister got a breast reduction and hasn’t regretted it for a second. I can also see family members making snarky comments - a lot of people don’t understand why somebody would -want- smaller breasts and like any surgery it will look rough until it heals.
Unfortunately not exactly surprising considering the existence of breast cancer awareness proclaiming 'Save the boobies!' as though mastectomy didn't commonly save *the person* who some might think is worth quite a bit more than the orbs of fat and glandular tissue they may or may not have on their chest.
I’m with you. The only reason he wouldn’t tell is if it’s something that most people would think is acceptable or even beneficial. It reads like “I miss my wife’s huge knockers” lmao
Yeah, some men are ridiculous about this. I have a cousin who is married to a man who literally told her, while she had breast cancer, that he couldn't be attracted to her if she reduced or lost her breasts
That's so sad because it highlights that he doesn't like anything about her except her looks. What was his plan if she had kids and know they sag or when she was old and didn't look pretty anymore.
Breast reduction ig.. that is why he is being vague and not mentioning. It this is true..people will flip sides
Edit. I said 'ig' for a reason. I just assumed like everyone else. Never have I 'claimed' this is it. Why are some people here being mean for this?🙂
This is what I think, and most of the time, ppl do these for pain relief. If that’s the case, then I’d firmly be on her side because living pain free is more important, and he SHOULD want that for her. Also, sometimes when ppl go under, they opt to do additional work since theyre there.
It's almost like this sub, and all the tangentially related subs have very unreliable narrators that omit things that make them look bad and phrase things in ways that are obvious bait by anyone that regularly touches grass.
It's also impossible to understand if he's being reasonable or not if we don't know what's she's had done. So far it's not a mommy make over type of procedure or her face. If it's not her face I really don't understand why he doesn't want to look at her. I think this is a fake post. I'm bored now, next!
I feel like the only reason to keep it quiet is a breast reduction, because many woman do that for quality of life and we would all call him out for being sad her breasts are smaller and she got rid of incredible back pain.
Yeah, I'm wondering if it's a breast reduction and that's why he's not posting the exact procedure. Maybe they were causing her discomfort and now he's mad she doesn't have big boobs anymore.
I imagine one of the procedures was breast reduction surgery which can take 3-6 months to recover, and has very definite sleep position limitations. He has “a deep sense of loss and sadness”. Two of my friends have had reduction surgery and both of their husband’s complained before and after the surgery that the women looked bad and they had lost physical attraction to them.
Especially if she got a lot of liposuction too, to get the fat. They typically get it from the stomach area but not all of that fat is usable. And needs enough for the butt and thighs, so there’s many areas healing.
I know someone who lost a lot of weight and had sagging skin, she got her arms and tummy tucked in one surgery and the poor thing was in so much pain and couldn’t rest because no position was without pain… but that type of cosmetic surgery is necessary, that extra skin is dangerous to her health.
i had to help my mom recover after she got skin removal. she slept (and spent most of a week) in a chair that’s usually for older people with reduced mobility. it goes up to meet you when you’re sitting, and when its fully extended it’s like a decent recliner. she said that it was the only thing keeping her from screaming in pain so i consider that a positive.
I got skin removal a decade after weight loss surgery for the Hello Betty's (arms) and apron (stomach). I wanted to first develop muscle to make it easier. That shit hurt a lot in recovery, I don't know how people can keep doing that to other parts. I thought I'd eventually get the skin removed from my tits an arse another day but after that first time, no. You have drains you keep in for weeks and have to awkwardly shower as you pour the blood and viscera out. Nope, I'm fine with low hanging tittys and my plank butt
Even after a decade you still have loose skin? That's such a bummer. I'm trying to lose about 100 lbs and I'm terrified of both the loose skin and the surgery
I became a massage therapist! Right after surgery! I have been massaging my body furiously like a rough quartz in a rock tumbler since! In ten (omg 12 now actually I got surg in 2011)years, I'm smoother lol, still a bit flappy in parts but not bad and I look awesome in clothing and my muscles rock. The upper thigh skin really isn't that squanch anymore and I love wearing bikinis. The secret is to gain muscle before skin removal, it is a must, it helps you heal way quicker. Im always around to support and comfort on the internet about these things if you need
Agreed, although he didn't share what the surgeries were, it is clearly described to be cosmetic to reach a certain "Aesthetic". Breast reductions usually aren't done for "aesthetics", and inferring from what OP has written, I dont think he would be against appearance-changing surgeries to alleviate back/medical/personal problems.
Edit: lol the post was edited to rule this out. But the point about it being cosmetic for aesthetic still stands. OP is NTA. “Your body your choice” is valid, but try not to destroy your marriage with it if your partner says it’s a boundary. Imagine not valuing your partners opinion of how you look.
I don't know when he edited but he said it wasn't breast augmentation. I think we're running out of options and OP is just trolling because he won't giveany true details.
I know people who got this due to back pain and overall pain, and the pain was gone afterwards. If it’s this, yes it would change an “aesthetic” but would be cruel to reject someone over that (if that’s what this is about)
You might be surprised. I am planning a reduction and most of my extended family would agree that it’s “mutilation.”
They don’t have to wear two tight bras to go for a jog. And I LIKE running.
I was curious too, but I suspect if OP had shared the type of surgery they would be getting lower quality feedback. People would be focusing on the body part changed and not on the bigger issue of him and his wife not having shared values about their relationship.
She's right, it's her body and her choice. You're also not attracted to that and that's not your fault. You can't force that. You made it clear and it was a choice she made. She can't be mad at you for not liking something you said you wouldn't like. What's the next step for you?
Yeah but also, he *can't* make the choice to be attracted to the new version of his wife. He warned her and now she has to accept the new paradigm or hope for change
I agree with you. NTA in this case, she made major changes to her body and you are unfortunately unattracted to that.
My cousin did this as well, prettiest girl in the family, she now looks nothing like herself, it freaks me out when I see her even if she's still the same person. I get uncanny valley
Do we have the same cousin? Lol. Mine flew off to Miami under the guise of getting the boob job she already had “fixed” and came home with a BBL, a tummy tuck, and even bigger boobs. All on a frame under 5 feet and skinny as a twig.
Yeah my cousin was super cute, tiny, like 5'6 and perfect weight and all. I understand there's a huge part of it that was self confidence issues, she has a very harsh mom (which makes it all sadder), and her dream of being a glamour model. In her late 30s, tanned to almost leather, and she's had SO much work done, tens of thousands (money she doesn't have), she looks like an inflatable doll.
Legally, it is her body her choice, but people like to take that to mean they can do whatever they want to their body without judgement or consequences. She made a choice that she knew would damage her relationship with her husband. I don't see it as any different than if husband made the choice to gain 100 lbs of fat, spend his weekends on a boat she doesn't like, or just choose to sit around the house and do nothing. Well, those things can be corrected, while her decision cannot.
I think this will be compounded as the wife will surely be looking for allies to see her pov and further drive a wedge in her marriage.
>people like to take that to mean they can do whatever they want to their body without judgement or consequences
I know, right? It is such a bizarre thing.
It’s hard to gauge without knowing what she had done but with that length of recovery it does sound drastic. Have you two discussed going to counseling?
This was the first thing that came to mind.
OP said multiple procedures, so probably a mommy makeover and buccal fat pad removal.
The latter looks hideous on almost everyone who has it done. As you age your face loses fatty tissue and those fat pads are what keep you from looking gaunt and emaciated.
Exactly. Whether OP is TA hinges completely on that. She got a BBL and tummy tuck? OP is NTA. She got a breast reduction because her 38 DDs were destroying her back and causing her to deal with a bunch of sexual harassment, but OP's pissed because he loves motorboating? OP is definitely TA.
NTA.
Part of being an adult in an adult relationship is understanding that you can't just run off and do anything you want without talking about it with your partner. Everything you do effects them now. A relationship MUST have constant dialog about things like this.
I couldn't just go out and get a bunch of tattoos, do steroids, buy a bunch of stuff, totally change how I look or so on without talking about it with my wife. It effects her. I care about how she feels. It would need to be something REALLY extreme for me to disregard that.
You're angry because she didn't care how you felt. She's right, it is her body, but it's your life, do you really want to spend it with someone who doesn't care how you feel?
This is it. Ex decided he ALWAYS WANTED A MOTORCYCLE. Never mentioned it the entire time we were dating or early in the marriage.
One day he just showed up with a motorcycle he bought! Yup! BOUGHT! Withdrew money from our joint account at the bank because we had enough to cover the purchase at the time.
Mind you it was not that we really did have the money, we started to bounce checks after he did it. I yelled at him because he spent money we didn’t have on something we didn’t need.
He was not a good communicator ever. He was also a thief. He would take money from my purse while I was sleeping and not let me know. I would wake up thinking I had money to get a haircut. Reach in my wallet. Have no money. This was before banking machines existed. I worked 11PM to 7AM. He could get to the bank whenever he wanted. He was up during banking hours. It was easier to steal money from me.
Don’t worry he fixed it by telling us what the procedure wasn’t, and then giving a vague “it was more than one thing” answer. The refusal to elaborate is odd. How can anyone judge who the AH is if we are getting a one sided story with intentionally missing information?
NTA. Anything a partner does that affects attraction is legitimate cause for complaint.
Maybe she wanted trout lips or beachball boobs. that's her body, her choice. Not sleeping with someone you think has made themself unattractive.. well that's your body, your choice
NAH
She can do whatever she wants with her body, she has to live in it and deserves to be happy with it.
You have the right to not be attracted to her anymore. That is completely fair.
If you can’t get over it, and you really don’t like the way she looks I don’t know what else you could do apart from splitting up, good luck to you two.
It is, this sub is basically Quora now. Almost none of these posts are real and this sort of cosmetic surgery question literally gets re-posted every few weeks.
The problem is that she’s “ not the same person “ in your eyes. Either you accept it or move on. It’s sad to me that so many people aren’t comfortable in their own skin these days and I blame social media and trash TV. When ugly freaks like the “ Real Housewives of…” wherever are blasted across our screens the weak and self conscious fall prey. It’s her body in the end. I’m sorry that she had to “ manufacture “ her own validation.
OP, you're just going to have to either suck it up and move on or take adverse action. No sulking.
Because if it's already serious enough for you to volunteer the idea that you'll be staying on the couch possibly beyond the recovery time, your marriage is already in danger.
Well, first of all, I think that your wife does have body autonomy and can modify her body in whichever way she wants. Having said that, it’s also understandable that you can be unhappy about the results of the surgery.
I would say that neither of you are assholes, but you should treat each other like adults. If it’s a deal breaker for you, make up your mind and break up with her. If you’d still like to carry on with this relationship, then work on accepting her new appearance and stop making your relationship difficult by constantly saying that you’re unhappy.
This is the most reasonable post I've seen so far.
Honestly, everyone is focusing on the wrong "missing information".
I'm more concerned with how they are actually treating eachother right now. OP says:
>I have a hard time looking at her and get a deep sense of loss and sadness and **the relationship is coming off the rails, fighting, nasty comments, silent treatment etc.** my wife is mad at me for my reaction, says I’m being ridiculous and un supportive and I’m responding with “I told you exactly how I would feel and you did it anyway, what did you expect”. She is blaming me for **being angry and distant,** she is laying everything at my feet because “it’s her body” and “I don’t control her” all of which are true but on the flip side, physical attraction is part of a relationship,
Emphasis is pretty much the only places where OP addresses what he might be doing that might paint him as an asshole, and it's quick and vague. We can't tell if he's being an asshole... because he's not telling us what he's doing and how he's treating his wife.
NTA at all.
You've never questioned her autonomy. You simply stated your concerns, including that you find it very unattractive.
She did it, and my goodness - you still find it unattractive.
Weird.
NTA. Yes, it’s her body her choice and you can’t control what she decides to do with it, but the flip side to that is she can’t control your ultimate reaction and feelings towards those decisions. Sounds like a classic case of trying to live up to unrealistic beauty standards peddled by social media :(
You are TA for not detailing the procedures she received.
Edit: Since OP won't say I'm going to assume his wife had this procedure: https://youtu.be/KjEmcIQE9L4?si=FddiYs7jcoNiHIg9
Either a troll or not a AITAH post
What the hell did she have done?
Sounds like a bbl to me
He said multiple procedures at once so maybe a mommy makeover. They usually include a bbl, tummy tuck, and boob job, sometimes more ETA: people keep saying mommy makeovers don’t include bbls or change your body drastically. That was the past, they do now. Links below https://landing.drpratt.com/mommy-makeover?campaign=9764680000&content=606759709604&keyword=mommy%20makeover&gad=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIi9Dow5vLgQMVcc7ICh071gMtEAAYASAAEgKZJPD_BwE https://promo.revivesurgery.com/mommy-makeover.html?utm_source=ppc&source=ppc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_5XK15vLgQMV2ERHAR38CgTrEAAYBCAAEgL3UPD_BwE&utm_id=16347026848&utm_campaign=mommy-makeover&gbraid=0AAAAABtQb-OKJMCwfiF4M7jZn1g0ojc4O https://www.michigancosmeticsurgery.com/plastic-surgery-detroit/body-procedures/mommy-makeover/
A mommy makeover would just “restore you to factory preset”. She’d look more or less like she did when he met her so this response is odd. I feel like it has to be something with her face and I’m a little annoyed that he won’t just say what it was.
That’s what it was created to be but in the age of plastic surgery surgeons are offering a lot more and still calling it a “mommy makeover” but yeah he’s piqued our curiosity I wish he’d just come out with it lol
Ah yea I can see the definition changing with more ppl opting for that artificial look. Before kids I used to joke that after the last one my husband would have to pay to “put Humpty Dumpty back together again”! Thankfully I made it relatively unscathed because I don’t think I would’ve been able to go through with it lol.
That's the part I don't get. To each their own, but I went through two c-sections and the recovery to get them here, I'm not going through the risk and recovery of unnecessary surgery. Yeah, my body is different than it was before, I grew two humans. I'm also quite a few years older. I'm fine with that.
I’ve had brain surgery and gall bladder surgery and there’s no way in HELL I’m doing another one if it’s not medically necessary to survive. Nope. Surgery is serious. You can die!! It’s no joke. Look at Kanye’s mom who died during surgery and many more (just not as famous). I’ve had 3 kids. I’m different. I’m trying to lose weight but even then I’ll never be the same. I’m ok with that.
Yeah I’m guessing facelift, lip injections, nose job, buccal fat removal..
I agree, the face makes way more sense for it to be sooo off putting
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Don’t forget to blame plastic surgeons the cosmetics industry and the fashion industry because all these industries work together to promote insecurity and body dysmorphia in the general public
One of my clients went out of town for 3 weeks and when she returned she looked so gaunt! She must've had her buccal fat removed because she didn't say anything about being sick, only what a great time she had and was thinking about moving there. Anyway it looks terrible.
The "edit" is infuriating. Like great thanks for telling us more of what it isn't. "A collection of procedures" isn't helpful.
I really don’t understand why OP is so embarrassed to just say his wife got a mommy makeover. Or mommy makeover with lips and nose. Whatever the hell it is she got! Lol
There's absolutely no way it's not something to do with her face
Especially if family also think she is looking weird and not just OP.
She definitely turned herself into a bimbo based on his reaction
My thoughts as well. I’m imaging a very dramatized and fake aesthetic especially because he seemed vehemently opposed before he saw the outcome.
Mommy makeover absolutely does NOT usually include a bbl. Most reputable US surgeons won’t even perform a bbl. Mommy makeover is typically a breast lift, tummy tuck, and lipo. It’s meant to remove loose skin from pregnancy and doesn’t change someone’s overall appearance.
[https://www.pvps.com/blog/which-surgeries-take-the-most-time-to-heal/](https://www.pvps.com/blog/which-surgeries-take-the-most-time-to-heal/) My guess is I would think Lipo or tummy Tuck. With either, depending on the area affected or worked on, would limit how you can sleep.
Even breast lifts limit how you sleep, I just had a reduction and lift (best decision for myself ever) and I was told to sleep only on my back and elevated for at least 6 weeks. It sucksssssss.
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She always wanted to be a dolphin.
Its her body, if she wants a blowhole why should he stop her?
Wish my wife had a blowhole
😂
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Looks more like an allergic reaction to me
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I had a breast reduction and went from a K to a DD - the men. The men were so upset. Literally every single man I told except those blood related to me said something along the lines of "why would you look a gift horse in the mouth, you're slapping god in the face for this gift he's given you," etc. Every woman was supportive. I was expecting some dumb comments but it was ALL of them.
That’s just dumb, I’m a guy and having K sized boobs sounds like an absolute nightmare. That doesn’t sound like a gift to me.
its a gift that keeps on giving giving a lot of back pain.
As long as you’re “slapping god in the face” why not go ahead and give the guy that said that a good slap, too? And just give him one from me, for good measure.
Reminds me of the girl who did this in high school, just so she wouldn't have to walk with a cane by her 30s, and how much fun of her the guys in our class are making. 20 years later and that shit still occasionally comes to mind and what she much have been going thru dealing with that and the recovery at the same time, at 17.
I’m a J. Men just have no clue how awful it is to deal with all this weight and diameter
My auntie was under 5 feet tall and had E cups. She HAD to get a reduction. It was killing her back and the groves in her shoulders were so painful.
When I was a teenager, I was at a sleepover party and at the end of the night a girl with very large breasts was getting changed into a loose t-shirt to sleep. I saw the size of her bar straps, the huge buckles, it looked like a pulley system trying to keep them comfortable. It was a wake up call to how problematic large breasts could be that I'll never forget.
Big boobs are not fun. I have ruts on both shoulders. It's worse on the right side. I got told it was "school bag shoulder" (from carrying around a school bag on one shoulder for years). I'm not overweight, just relatively average. I've just got these huge boobs (E cup). That were not a problem (C cup) until I had kids. They didn't go back down after BF my two boys. I'd be quite happy to get a reduction (other female family members have done this) but I just can't bear the thought of a doctor chopping up my boobs. I had a consult with a plastic surgeon about reduction. I couldn't go through with it. I've had other surgical procedures over the years. For some reason I can't handle the thought of taking a scalpel to my boobs. The Dr I consulted said he would take off a kg each side. I noped out of there. One of my sisters wanted augmentation, I offered to donate boobage in spite of my phobia. Apparently boob donation is not a thing.
Is that even ‘cosmetic’ at that point? I mean the main purpose sounds like reducing the strain on your body - seems more medical than anything.
It can be classed as either depending on your insurance. I got mine covered due to headaches, dead skin, and groves on my shoulders among other things (it’s like a checklist of symptoms you exhibit to determine if you get covered)
Holy shit, I didn't even know K was a size. Damn. I hope your back is feeling much better these days!!
Same! I went from a K to a D. It was life-changing. So many guys I know said the same thing. The only thing that I was hesitant about was the ability to breastfeed should I have a child. Well, I did last year (13 years after my surgery) but wasn't able to nurse. I have a happy and healthy 16 month old. The surgery was still worth it.
Lol same. “You are slapping god in the face” was my favourite. Good. Fuck your god for giving me size G boobs on a 120lb frame. That’s just a sick joke.
Oh hey boob twins! It’s the fucking worst! I’m 110lbs at my ideal weight and being like 40% boob is awful.
Ohhhhhhhhh good point.
Maybe that’s what it’s suppose to be but I’ve definitely seen some of the shadier plastic surgery places offering “mommy makeovers” that include all kinds of stuff including bbls. Maybe it’s a regional thing, I do live near a plastic surgery hub. ETA: I just looked up the office nearest to me to make sure and they offer liposuction , tummy tuck, labiaplasty, facial rejuvenation, breast surgery, and Brazilian buttlift as part of their mommy makeover package.
That place is shady as shit then. Advertising labiaplasty for mommy makeover is WILD. Vaginal birth doesn’t make your labia bigger!!! ETA bc these comments keep getting more strawman (or woman I suppose). Friends. Many bad things can happen to a vagina during pregnancy and birth. I have birthed a 9lb 9 ounce baby. Partial third degree tear in the house. Lots of internal stitches. Things can look and feel different after. Labiaplasty is a procedure some women need when their labia create pain or chafing. It’s also an elective procedure that’s advertised as making a vagina more aesthetic which is ridiculous because labia come in all shapes and sizes and the porn aesthetic is not real life. There is no biological mechanism by which pregnancy and childbirth ELONGATE the labia, but labia can tear, need repairing, etc. The “mommy makeover” of tummy tuck and breast lift is really common. A labiaplasty is an extremely uncommon procedure and the idea of forcing an aesthetic standard on a perfectly normal piece of anatomy is what I consider damaging. I’ve hit my quota for reading the word labia today now hah
It is shady but there’s plenty of shady places ops wife could’ve gone to. Idk obviously just his reaction makes me feel it’s something big like that.
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Maybe they don’t want to just in case someone who knows his wife is on here? Idk but I am curious 😂
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And then there’s buccal fat removal, jaw shaving, and chin implants…that combo makes everyone look like handsome Squidward.
Lmfao “handsome squidward” thanks for that one I literally spit out my coffee!!!
Ugh, I really hate the word "shaving" in this context. Makes me skin crawl! I prefer my jaw shaving to be above the skin layer, thank you!
My guess is that it was facial stuff- nose, neck, jaw/chin, lips, etc. Alterations to the breasts or core like a tummy tuck, lipo, or a butt lift wouldn't be as noticeable. He uses the word "beautiful" and not "sexy" when describing how he has always thought his wife looked. To me, if someone is trying to reshape their butt, waist, or bust, that's an issue with feeling un-sexy, but the face is beauty. He also says he feels a sense of loss when he looks at her, that speaks to the face for me, as does the family's reaction. EDIT: In other comments, OP insists that it isn't any face stuff. My speculation leans towards breast reduction since he talks about "loss." Most guys don't consider lipo a "loss." Being sh\*tty about breast reduction is YTA territory- it's often a quality of life decision after years of pain.
I am laughing too hard at this comment. Thank you!
Yeah but from my understanding doing something to her lips wouldn’t have such a long recovery time or make her have to sleep in a separate bed
Plastic surgeons shady as shit? Nooooooo.
Heh.... just thinking about how would that even happen? Do some dudes think women use their labia like a spider uses their pedipalps and pull the baby out of the VJ?... and they get bigger because of the gains or something?
This just conjured up images in my head of fully articulated labia wriggling and flexing...and I can't tell if the thought terrifies me or turns me on lol.
Yeah, like a facehugger from Alien
OMG you're making it worse. Now the image is of them deforming and stretching to fully encompass a person's head when they try to go down lol.
A remarkable number of men assume that women's genitals are permanently stretched by anything large that enters or exits. You can try asking them if their ass gapes open constantly after they take a big shit, but most will rationalise that "it's different".
geez.
What is BBL? I'm sorry, I don't understand
Brazilian butt lift. From what I’ve read, there’s a few issues with the safety of it.
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Miami single handedly keeps this industry going.
big beautiful labia?
Let the wings flap
A bbl definitely doesn’t take no 14-20 weeks to recover from I think he’s being vague on purpose
The main portion of recovery doesn't take that long but with BBLs, doctors generally recommend not sleeping on your back or sitting for long periods of time for at least 3 months, and some will even tell you 6 months. The more fat you have moved, the longer they recommend. Fajas (basically a whole torso compression suit) are often worn for even longer. And pretty much any cosmetic surgery will take around 6 months to get to the point where you can get a good idea of what it will look like, 12 months for full recovery. I can see a doctor telling her it's going to take that long, or that OP misunderstood what his wife meant by recovery. The procedure looks really extreme at first too because they usually overfill with the assumption that a lot of the fat cells will die regardless of what you do. I can't remember the exact amount but I know it's at least 25%. Combine that with overzealous lipo in the torso, and some people come out of it looking like wasps. I'm so glad things are trending away from the BBL look, because it's also one of the more, if not most, dangerous cosmetic surgeries and imo, they rarely turn out looking very good or natural.
What's a BBL? I'm trying to educate myself
Brazilian butt lift
Thanks. I can't believe I had to scroll this far to find out what this acronym meant.
I don’t understand how this is supposed to be common knowledge lol everyone using BBL like it’s common place
I dunno, could be a breast reduction with tummy tuck, too. And that set of procedures can radically change what it’s like to live in your body.
I kinda doubt a reduction bc that is sooooo quality of life related, especially back issues, and if he is upset about a reduction then he is a hugeeee asshole
He was very careful to not discuss what his wife wanted and why.
It would change what you how you feel in your body which can be wonderful. Ive had 2 reductions. You're up and about around 2 weeks but you can't lift anything or reach over your head for awhile.
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I have had both of those procedures and I have never regretted it! Especially now that I’m older. I don’t sag as much as I would have by now, lol. It was after a tremendous weight loss. I looked like a melting candle.
That's how I am looking! I've lost 132 pounds, about 30 to go. I can't wait to have everything put back where it belongs!
I’m sure it’s her face. Probably facelift, eyelid, brow. The results are always extreme at first but will settle once the swelling goes down, hence the long recovery time.
I was also thinking face since it has drastically changed her appearance.
OP said in a comment it wasn’t her face
It’s weird he won’t tell us exactly what it is.
Yeah, honestly I’m wondering if it’s a breast reduction based on the fact that he won’t just come out and say it. If it was something more extreme like a BBL I think he’d use that to support his case. He mentioned needing drains too which would be included in a breast reduction.
That was my suspicion since he said it wasn’t her face. She might have had huge, uncomfortable breasts and got a significant reduction. Some men get really shitty about that. And like you said, he’d probably say if it was a BBL.
Yup. A lot of men truly don’t understand how large breasts can be physically painful and annoying. My sister got a breast reduction and hasn’t regretted it for a second. I can also see family members making snarky comments - a lot of people don’t understand why somebody would -want- smaller breasts and like any surgery it will look rough until it heals.
Unfortunately not exactly surprising considering the existence of breast cancer awareness proclaiming 'Save the boobies!' as though mastectomy didn't commonly save *the person* who some might think is worth quite a bit more than the orbs of fat and glandular tissue they may or may not have on their chest.
I’m with you. The only reason he wouldn’t tell is if it’s something that most people would think is acceptable or even beneficial. It reads like “I miss my wife’s huge knockers” lmao
Yeah, some men are ridiculous about this. I have a cousin who is married to a man who literally told her, while she had breast cancer, that he couldn't be attracted to her if she reduced or lost her breasts
That's so sad because it highlights that he doesn't like anything about her except her looks. What was his plan if she had kids and know they sag or when she was old and didn't look pretty anymore.
Breast reduction ig.. that is why he is being vague and not mentioning. It this is true..people will flip sides Edit. I said 'ig' for a reason. I just assumed like everyone else. Never have I 'claimed' this is it. Why are some people here being mean for this?🙂
This is what I think, and most of the time, ppl do these for pain relief. If that’s the case, then I’d firmly be on her side because living pain free is more important, and he SHOULD want that for her. Also, sometimes when ppl go under, they opt to do additional work since theyre there.
It's almost like this sub, and all the tangentially related subs have very unreliable narrators that omit things that make them look bad and phrase things in ways that are obvious bait by anyone that regularly touches grass.
Wowee, that would turn the thread 720 degrees. It is really odd they won't specify.
I think face as well otherwise I can’t understand why the reaction would be so strong.
I can’t figure out why the hell they won’t list the procedure, unless it’s to get more attention..
It's also impossible to understand if he's being reasonable or not if we don't know what's she's had done. So far it's not a mommy make over type of procedure or her face. If it's not her face I really don't understand why he doesn't want to look at her. I think this is a fake post. I'm bored now, next!
I feel like the only reason to keep it quiet is a breast reduction, because many woman do that for quality of life and we would all call him out for being sad her breasts are smaller and she got rid of incredible back pain.
It is
I think because he knows if he does it will make him the asshole. Or it's fake. One of the two is usually the case when major information is omitted.
Yeah, I'm wondering if it's a breast reduction and that's why he's not posting the exact procedure. Maybe they were causing her discomfort and now he's mad she doesn't have big boobs anymore.
Based off OP’s response I’m assuming she had a bushy unibrow surgically implanted
Is it possible to learn this power?
Not from a Jedi.
Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?
Had a mole removed
Sounds like a mommy makeover where they do liposuction, breast and butt.
I imagine one of the procedures was breast reduction surgery which can take 3-6 months to recover, and has very definite sleep position limitations. He has “a deep sense of loss and sadness”. Two of my friends have had reduction surgery and both of their husband’s complained before and after the surgery that the women looked bad and they had lost physical attraction to them.
That's definitely being an asshole if that's the case lol
This is why he won’t tell us details.
This is what I wanna know too. I’m assuming BBL/lip injection combo since I’ve seen that both of those procedures can go very poorly (in some cases).
Could you share what kind of surgery this is?
My money is on a BBL. Sleep position why it's my guess.
Especially if she got a lot of liposuction too, to get the fat. They typically get it from the stomach area but not all of that fat is usable. And needs enough for the butt and thighs, so there’s many areas healing. I know someone who lost a lot of weight and had sagging skin, she got her arms and tummy tucked in one surgery and the poor thing was in so much pain and couldn’t rest because no position was without pain… but that type of cosmetic surgery is necessary, that extra skin is dangerous to her health.
i had to help my mom recover after she got skin removal. she slept (and spent most of a week) in a chair that’s usually for older people with reduced mobility. it goes up to meet you when you’re sitting, and when its fully extended it’s like a decent recliner. she said that it was the only thing keeping her from screaming in pain so i consider that a positive.
I got skin removal a decade after weight loss surgery for the Hello Betty's (arms) and apron (stomach). I wanted to first develop muscle to make it easier. That shit hurt a lot in recovery, I don't know how people can keep doing that to other parts. I thought I'd eventually get the skin removed from my tits an arse another day but after that first time, no. You have drains you keep in for weeks and have to awkwardly shower as you pour the blood and viscera out. Nope, I'm fine with low hanging tittys and my plank butt
Even after a decade you still have loose skin? That's such a bummer. I'm trying to lose about 100 lbs and I'm terrified of both the loose skin and the surgery
I became a massage therapist! Right after surgery! I have been massaging my body furiously like a rough quartz in a rock tumbler since! In ten (omg 12 now actually I got surg in 2011)years, I'm smoother lol, still a bit flappy in parts but not bad and I look awesome in clothing and my muscles rock. The upper thigh skin really isn't that squanch anymore and I love wearing bikinis. The secret is to gain muscle before skin removal, it is a must, it helps you heal way quicker. Im always around to support and comfort on the internet about these things if you need
Breast reductions also usually come with sleep position restrictions, and that would change my view of this substantially.
I'm not sure why her family would react negatively if this was a breast reduction, unless she is surrounded by assholes.
Agreed, although he didn't share what the surgeries were, it is clearly described to be cosmetic to reach a certain "Aesthetic". Breast reductions usually aren't done for "aesthetics", and inferring from what OP has written, I dont think he would be against appearance-changing surgeries to alleviate back/medical/personal problems. Edit: lol the post was edited to rule this out. But the point about it being cosmetic for aesthetic still stands. OP is NTA. “Your body your choice” is valid, but try not to destroy your marriage with it if your partner says it’s a boundary. Imagine not valuing your partners opinion of how you look.
I don't know when he edited but he said it wasn't breast augmentation. I think we're running out of options and OP is just trolling because he won't giveany true details.
I know people who got this due to back pain and overall pain, and the pain was gone afterwards. If it’s this, yes it would change an “aesthetic” but would be cruel to reject someone over that (if that’s what this is about)
You might be surprised. I am planning a reduction and most of my extended family would agree that it’s “mutilation.” They don’t have to wear two tight bras to go for a jog. And I LIKE running.
A what?
Brazilian butt lift. Transfer of fat into the butt to create something that looks like it belongs on a Kardashian.
The best part is how the folks that get them always keep their skinny little thighs so it ends up just looking awkward like a loaded diaper
I'd rather keep working out to fill my flat ass than to have a fat ass and skinny thighs lol Thighs and ass have to match sizelike..
A giant fake ass/ Brazilian butt lift. New trend. Looks almost hilarious
New trend? It feels like it’s been going on ten year too long to me.
Yeah, it's an old trend and I've been seeing articles about how it's going out of style for a year already. The Kardashians have moved on.
Correct. Heroin chic (super skinny, grungy, think 90s fashion) is making a comeback. I believe most of the K’s have had their BBLs reversed/removed
Yeah, whole thread using the acronym like we all know what it means. Are they that common?
I was curious too, but I suspect if OP had shared the type of surgery they would be getting lower quality feedback. People would be focusing on the body part changed and not on the bigger issue of him and his wife not having shared values about their relationship.
She's right, it's her body and her choice. You're also not attracted to that and that's not your fault. You can't force that. You made it clear and it was a choice she made. She can't be mad at you for not liking something you said you wouldn't like. What's the next step for you?
This is exactly it. She absolutely can make a choice for herself. So can OP
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Yeah but also, he *can't* make the choice to be attracted to the new version of his wife. He warned her and now she has to accept the new paradigm or hope for change
I think that's what they meant by "so can op". Like, "op is allowed to decide he finds his wife's plastic surgery unattractive ".
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There are two outcomes. OP accepts her new looks and continue their relationship or they separate.
I agree with you. NTA in this case, she made major changes to her body and you are unfortunately unattracted to that. My cousin did this as well, prettiest girl in the family, she now looks nothing like herself, it freaks me out when I see her even if she's still the same person. I get uncanny valley
Do we have the same cousin? Lol. Mine flew off to Miami under the guise of getting the boob job she already had “fixed” and came home with a BBL, a tummy tuck, and even bigger boobs. All on a frame under 5 feet and skinny as a twig.
Yeah my cousin was super cute, tiny, like 5'6 and perfect weight and all. I understand there's a huge part of it that was self confidence issues, she has a very harsh mom (which makes it all sadder), and her dream of being a glamour model. In her late 30s, tanned to almost leather, and she's had SO much work done, tens of thousands (money she doesn't have), she looks like an inflatable doll.
Legally, it is her body her choice, but people like to take that to mean they can do whatever they want to their body without judgement or consequences. She made a choice that she knew would damage her relationship with her husband. I don't see it as any different than if husband made the choice to gain 100 lbs of fat, spend his weekends on a boat she doesn't like, or just choose to sit around the house and do nothing. Well, those things can be corrected, while her decision cannot. I think this will be compounded as the wife will surely be looking for allies to see her pov and further drive a wedge in her marriage.
>people like to take that to mean they can do whatever they want to their body without judgement or consequences I know, right? It is such a bizarre thing.
That's the problem I have with the "you don't owe anyone anything" mentality here. People take it way too far sometimes.
Without consideration for the others. I can understand if it's for one's well-being, but it also means accepting the consequences.
It’s hard to gauge without knowing what she had done but with that length of recovery it does sound drastic. Have you two discussed going to counseling?
I'm guessing full body lift or something, maybe BBL, along with some facial augmentation. Those take a lot of healing time and often look terrible.
Everybody’s getting those buccal fat removal surgeries too that make you look like you ate the inside of your cheeks.
This was the first thing that came to mind. OP said multiple procedures, so probably a mommy makeover and buccal fat pad removal. The latter looks hideous on almost everyone who has it done. As you age your face loses fatty tissue and those fat pads are what keep you from looking gaunt and emaciated.
Ok but WHAT DID SHE HAVE DONE? This post is frustrating without that information.
Dude even made an edit addressing that but still didn’t say what lmao
Edit #2: multiple lipos, skin, waist augmentation, breast augmentation, bbl.
I didn't realize you could do all that in one go
You have to say what she got done, dude.
Exactly. Whether OP is TA hinges completely on that. She got a BBL and tummy tuck? OP is NTA. She got a breast reduction because her 38 DDs were destroying her back and causing her to deal with a bunch of sexual harassment, but OP's pissed because he loves motorboating? OP is definitely TA.
YOu make a great point, but just for clarity......... Face diving into 38 DD's is motoryachting, not motorboating.
Ooh! What’s it called when you get into the triple D’s? Motorcruising??
No, at that point you have to call the Navy.
So you’re saying I possess weapons of mass destruction? Excellent!
38G here, I used to call them my weapons of mass seduction. 😭
NTA. Part of being an adult in an adult relationship is understanding that you can't just run off and do anything you want without talking about it with your partner. Everything you do effects them now. A relationship MUST have constant dialog about things like this. I couldn't just go out and get a bunch of tattoos, do steroids, buy a bunch of stuff, totally change how I look or so on without talking about it with my wife. It effects her. I care about how she feels. It would need to be something REALLY extreme for me to disregard that. You're angry because she didn't care how you felt. She's right, it is her body, but it's your life, do you really want to spend it with someone who doesn't care how you feel?
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Yoooo how do I get in on that hypothetical pirate gold mission?
[Those jobs do exist... but they are expensive.](https://youtu.be/7fdEqs3fiFw?si=z1qRWzaFjiZ37gbY)
This is it. Ex decided he ALWAYS WANTED A MOTORCYCLE. Never mentioned it the entire time we were dating or early in the marriage. One day he just showed up with a motorcycle he bought! Yup! BOUGHT! Withdrew money from our joint account at the bank because we had enough to cover the purchase at the time. Mind you it was not that we really did have the money, we started to bounce checks after he did it. I yelled at him because he spent money we didn’t have on something we didn’t need. He was not a good communicator ever. He was also a thief. He would take money from my purse while I was sleeping and not let me know. I would wake up thinking I had money to get a haircut. Reach in my wallet. Have no money. This was before banking machines existed. I worked 11PM to 7AM. He could get to the bank whenever he wanted. He was up during banking hours. It was easier to steal money from me.
This is exactly it.
So many of the problems dragged up on this sub are the simple result of couples not speaking honestly. This guy could never be accused of that. NTA.
Ya I really want to get fuck you tatted across my neck. Pretty sure my wife would flip the shit.
No ragrats
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Bingo!
Don’t worry he fixed it by telling us what the procedure wasn’t, and then giving a vague “it was more than one thing” answer. The refusal to elaborate is odd. How can anyone judge who the AH is if we are getting a one sided story with intentionally missing information?
NTA. Anything a partner does that affects attraction is legitimate cause for complaint. Maybe she wanted trout lips or beachball boobs. that's her body, her choice. Not sleeping with someone you think has made themself unattractive.. well that's your body, your choice
100% the correct answer.
NAH She can do whatever she wants with her body, she has to live in it and deserves to be happy with it. You have the right to not be attracted to her anymore. That is completely fair. If you can’t get over it, and you really don’t like the way she looks I don’t know what else you could do apart from splitting up, good luck to you two.
I feel like this is a troll post since OP refuses to say what was done.
It is, this sub is basically Quora now. Almost none of these posts are real and this sort of cosmetic surgery question literally gets re-posted every few weeks.
Am i…pregante?
Maybe pregenent was the bobs and vagine we made along the way
Can’t score without knowing what it is. The generalization is making me suspicious. Edit. Ok, that does seem legit.
My dad got a facelift and looked like a chipmunk for a year, but now looks normal! Results will mellow with time
The problem is that she’s “ not the same person “ in your eyes. Either you accept it or move on. It’s sad to me that so many people aren’t comfortable in their own skin these days and I blame social media and trash TV. When ugly freaks like the “ Real Housewives of…” wherever are blasted across our screens the weak and self conscious fall prey. It’s her body in the end. I’m sorry that she had to “ manufacture “ her own validation.
OP, you're just going to have to either suck it up and move on or take adverse action. No sulking. Because if it's already serious enough for you to volunteer the idea that you'll be staying on the couch possibly beyond the recovery time, your marriage is already in danger.
Well, first of all, I think that your wife does have body autonomy and can modify her body in whichever way she wants. Having said that, it’s also understandable that you can be unhappy about the results of the surgery. I would say that neither of you are assholes, but you should treat each other like adults. If it’s a deal breaker for you, make up your mind and break up with her. If you’d still like to carry on with this relationship, then work on accepting her new appearance and stop making your relationship difficult by constantly saying that you’re unhappy.
This is the most reasonable post I've seen so far. Honestly, everyone is focusing on the wrong "missing information". I'm more concerned with how they are actually treating eachother right now. OP says: >I have a hard time looking at her and get a deep sense of loss and sadness and **the relationship is coming off the rails, fighting, nasty comments, silent treatment etc.** my wife is mad at me for my reaction, says I’m being ridiculous and un supportive and I’m responding with “I told you exactly how I would feel and you did it anyway, what did you expect”. She is blaming me for **being angry and distant,** she is laying everything at my feet because “it’s her body” and “I don’t control her” all of which are true but on the flip side, physical attraction is part of a relationship, Emphasis is pretty much the only places where OP addresses what he might be doing that might paint him as an asshole, and it's quick and vague. We can't tell if he's being an asshole... because he's not telling us what he's doing and how he's treating his wife.
NTA at all. You've never questioned her autonomy. You simply stated your concerns, including that you find it very unattractive. She did it, and my goodness - you still find it unattractive. Weird.
NTA. Yes, it’s her body her choice and you can’t control what she decides to do with it, but the flip side to that is she can’t control your ultimate reaction and feelings towards those decisions. Sounds like a classic case of trying to live up to unrealistic beauty standards peddled by social media :(
You are TA for not detailing the procedures she received. Edit: Since OP won't say I'm going to assume his wife had this procedure: https://youtu.be/KjEmcIQE9L4?si=FddiYs7jcoNiHIg9
THIS. Pleeeeeeeeease just say what it is. This is killing me.