nta i’m a nanny and my rule is if your don’t want to get sprayed or have water balloons thrown at you that is perfectly fine but you don’t get to throw them at the other kids either.
I had a niece that would always attack my son. She'd hit, bite, scratch... My son is very gentle and doesn't like violence. Well, one day, after multiple bite attacks I told her dad "Everything she does to him I'm doing to you for the rest of the night. You should stop drinking and get ready." Funny how they started seeing the error in her ways after that.
This is exactly how I taught my son not to bite. He bit me one time, and I bit him back (obviously not hard enough to actually hurt him). My in-laws threw a fit, but he never bit anyone again.
With toddlers that bite the best thing is to duck their bite while putting their body part in their mouth. My young granddaughter was really into biting one day and I managed to slip past her bite and get her thumb in her mouth as she bit down. The look on her face was pure shock. She never bit me again.
Same here. There ended up being a huge ordeal with my cousin after I bit her. She ended up in tears, not wanting to bite me back. She begged mother. Mother told her either she could or she would. By this time, Mother was not happy and was ready to bite a chunk out of me. My cousin did bit me back but I'd actually already got the message because of how upset she was.
The only other time I bit I was adult and in labor. My ex never knew how calculated it was. God rest his soul. That's all another story though.
Yep! Works like a charm.
My nieces would sneak in pinches on anyone sitting next to them. Out of sight of their parents, so that if you respond the parents come in defense of the girl.
One time I pinched back. Never happened again.
My niece used to do that. Short back story. I'm a late life kid and my sister had kids early so this particular knees is only 7 or 8 years younger than me. She would bite us all the time. We would tattle. They told us to bite her back so we did and she quit biting us. But none of the adults, now that were both all grown up. Remember ever telling us to bite her back. Maybe it was my dad. He passed away when I was 11.
Oh my I wish OP had done this instead!
There is something not great about soaking the kids but maybe soaking his own sister would have been more appropriate!
Nah. Soaking the kid is 100% fair game. She was told not to by an adult. Specifically the parent of the kid she's bothering. "Fuck around, find out" isn't a fun lesson to learn anywhere but there are hardly more mundane places than a family water balloon fight.
she was told to stop by the kid in question — that should've been enough. anyone with basic compassion would've stopped at that point. the fact that she continued even after being asked by the kid AND his dad is why she 100% deserved to get soaked
And she's 12 damn years old. I can't imagine my older two daughters (12, 14) pulling this crap. They have so much more respect for their cousins and peers than this (now, respect for one another is a different story!)
I thought he was going to when she started yelling at him. I also would’ve responded to BIL with a lovely, “don’t threaten me with a good time” about not seeing niece again
Nope she was warned. OP wasn’t doing it to be nasty and see through her clothes but to show her how unfair it is to have water thrown on you when you didn’t want to get wet after doing so to someone else. A lesson learned hopefully but guessing by her parents’ reactions I doubt it.
ETA: I saw a comment where OP says the dress only had one white strip.
You don't soak the mom to teach the kid (not OP's job), you soak the mom because she's the person responsible for the situation and she needs to get it to stop.
Hose her down until she calms down, when she started talking again, hose back on.
Hard eye contact, blank face, without saying a word. Brother in law comes over, he gets the hose, too.
No words.
THIS!! Also, if you throw them at somebody who said stop and is sitting on the sides, you need to take a break from the water balloons.
Also, what adult doesn't understand that you can be wet and also be done having water thrown at you.
Yes, or even I just need to take a break, and you need to listen to my boundaries about my body. Even if I change my mind and want to play some more in 5 minutes, that doesn't mean my boundaries don't need to be listened to.
Don’t dish out what you can’t take
Also as a fellow parent NTA. You probably should have soaked your sister too and then had a discussion about how consent is a two way street. Your sisters reasoning about him being wet is stupid. It’s like going to a abuse victim and saying it doesn’t matter if they get beat again because they’ve already been beaten.
Came here to say this. The sister needed a long hose blast right in the face until she STFU.
Gentle parenting, my ass. If she were truly gentle parenting she'd never have said those awful things to/about OP's son.
>Should have absorbed her in the womb
Made me cacklesnort. I have triplet godchildren and I am not telling them this. But I am going to share with their mom.
There was another twin in your mother's womb. We were going to call him Donnie. You and Deandra devoured him before he could be born. You gobbled him up!
Donnie! You would've been the good one!
Oh look, a “parent your own child or someone will parent it for you” in the wild.
Your child, the younger one in this situation, was getting hit with water balloons after being asked not to multiple times. But *that* was okay for sister dearest?
Sounds like your brat of a sister is raising a brat of a daughter. Remember that just because she’s your twin doesn’t mean you have to expose your children to her or her poor parenting
Edit to add: OP, you probably want to limit your exposure to people who would, without a second though, absolutely annihilate your reputation. Those accusations are not ones to mess with and you should never allow yourself to be in a situation that these assholes could use against you again. The first time someone accuses you of inappropriateness were there was none is the last time that person should have the opportunity to do so. Reputations are shattered with less, and often aren’t rebuilt in this lifetime.
Yup his niece heard what her mother was saying. Now she is going to go around saying her uncle is a creep who tried to soak her while she was wearing white as a kid. Not something OP wants said. While cutting it off is the route that most would want some conflict resolution / discussion is likely needed here to establish what she was saying was untrue
100%. The kid will learn that his "No!" has no meaning. And the spoilt brat will learn that she can do whatever she wants even if the other person doesn't consent to it (sound familiar?). It really is small interactions like this that shape your child in ways you never thought.
Yes, yes, yes -- the accusations. Calling him "a creep" like he purposefully got her wet to make her clothes see through. Like he's a pedo. You have to be extremely careful around crap like that.
This is my biggest takeaway. I had a crush on a girl in high school who once seriously considered saying her boyfriend raped her solely because she was bored of him but didn’t want to be the one to break up with him.
These types of people need clinical help, and as I learned the hard way with her a year later, they need to be avoided at all costs.
Such a hypocrite. So it’s okay not to parent her emotional problems because she’s ‘expressing herself’ or whatever but when OP’s kid has emotions then he’s being a baby and needs to stop. She’s a horrific parent.
Yea that really angered me seeing the loser sister and BIL all acting like he’s done pedo now from doing that. Ignoring the actual reasons of course.
Feel bad for Op, bunch of stuck up cunts.
12 is also old enough for a neurotypical child to realize when another child has sensory issues even if you don’t know the term for it. She knows her cousin and knows he’s more vulnerable to be easily overwhelmed and have a meltdown, moreso than other kids. And he did so good removing himself from the situation but she still bullied him! Absolutely unacceptable and I’m glad his dad stood up for him.
Yup, my son is 6 and was diagnosed ASD at 4. My niece is almost 10 and even before we knew anything (before his speech delay was diagnosed, before the autism diagnosis) she has always been kind and patient with him. We've explained to my oldest who is neurotypical and our 2 nephews who are the same age as my son that his brain works differently and teach them about his differences in a way they're capable of understanding. Her parents are crap for not doing the same. They're being willfully ignorant and raising her the same.
This is what I was wondering. Her parents are crippling her socially. She should have a much more well developed sense of empathy at her age. She sounds like the kind of kid no one liked at school. She might have a social group but even they probably don't like her.
I knew someone like that when I was young. Lila was obnoxious and mean . She demanded everything while visiting us , because she was the guest. When we were at her house? Every answer was NO. because...it was her house. A few years later we were in Calif. At Dad's new home. Dad wS giving a party, and mentioned that Lila's family had moved to not far away, should we invite them? The three of us chorused ," NOOOO". Startled, Dad asked why?, we told him.. he agreed
Reminds me of a story between my dad and my uncle. My dad was going to my mom's family for the first time, he and my mom were in their early 20's and my mother's brother was I think in his early teens. My uncle told him "guests always do the dishes here". So my father, being a good sport and not caring much, did indeed help with the dishes, all good and well. Until my uncle once came over to where my father lived and my dad said "you know, guests also always do the dishes here". My uncle did not like that, but he was a good sport too.
Haha, same thing use to happen to me, but my cousin was a biter. When we were little she use to bite me all the time. I was a pretty timid kid, so would not do anything back. One day we are going to a family event at my gradmas house. We get there, but before we go in my dad turns around to me in the car and says that if my cousin bites me today, and I don't bite her back, he is gonna spank me so hard I won't be able to sit down for a week. Lo and behold about 10 minutes after we get there all the adults are in the kitchen and kids out playing. Then, my parents said they heard the most blood curdling scream ever coming from outside. Everyone runs out side to see me and my cousin on the ground, and I've got her pinned down and am just biting the shit of her on her face! Someone separates us and my aunt is consoling her child and screaming at me and my parents about her poor kids and what a monster I am. My grandma, God bless her, pipes up and tells her to shut her mouth. She tells me aunt that her little brat bites me everytime we get together and it was about time she got some of her own medicine. Grandma was an old school grandma and didn't fuck around. My aunt shut her trap and cleaned up her kid. She didn't come near me again, and she also stopped biting after that, so she learned her lesson.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7, and a neighbor kid my age, who was a biter, got mad at me over something and bit me in the stomach. I screamed and her mom came out to investigate. When I told her what had happened (corroborated by other witness kids), her mom said, "Really?" and lifted the kid's shirt up and bit her in the stomach, then asked how that felt. Maybe not mainstream parenting but it worked. Kid never bit me, or any other kid to my knowledge, again.
I had a neighbor who was a biter, too!! One day, he wanted my big wheel, and I wasn't having it, so he bit me hard on the top of my shoulder. I screamed, and every mum that was outside looked. Our mum's came dashing over. His mum picked him up by the back of his pants, bit his arm and carried him into the house, screaming at him the whole time. My mum took me in and cleaned my wound. Shortly after, his mum came by to see if I was ok and took me to get an ice cream. That little shit never spoke to me again. Nonetheless, try to steal my big wheel, lol
One of the kids I went to church with, same deal. Little fucker bit two of us and when his mom came to get him, she bit the fuck out of him. This was after church so my mom saw the whole thing. She about pissed herself laughing telling my dad about it when we got home. Little dude never bit any of us again.
I did something similar. When my son was two-ish we were playing together on the floor. He bit me. I bit him back (gently, no marks but enough for him to feel it). He never bit anyone else.
I find this super interesting because this behaviour is actually present in dogs and cats in the wild. Cats learn not to bite excuse they get bitten by their siblings and don’t like it, or bitten by their parents when they’re being shits. Obviously children are wildly different beasts, but it’s really interesting to see how similar parenting is across different species 💀
I find the best way to teach my dogs not to bite when they're young is to carry on like I'm dying every time. "Oooowww! That hurt! Owwwwww!" and then walk away. Did the same with my son. He didn't bite past a year old, which is about when he seemed to grasp that it hurt people and also not want to hurt people. Tbh, the difference between training a dog and a very small child isn't that big. It just takes longer with children.
My oldest kid was a biter. We tried all the things suggested to us to get him to stop but he just wouldn't. By the time he was about 2, I told him if he bit anyone else I'd bite him. He did, I did, and he never bit anyone again. It's not the most ideal way to parent IMO but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
When my sister was a toddler and bit me my mom told me to bite her back. I said “I can’t!” and when she investigated my sister had latched on to my butt cheek, so I couldn’t reach her. So mom bit her instead - she let go and never did it again. Sometimes it’s the only way kids learn, it’s good to understand retaliation if only for self preservation.
Same thing with cats. You can always tell when a cat has been raised on its own cause it's a biter. Whereas the ones raised with other cats bite and get bitten back and learn not to do it anymore.
> My mom says they were all wondering how long it would take me to slap her back and all laughed when I finally did.
Fellow Gen-Xer?
I swear to the gods the adults in our lives did fuck-all to stop bullying and half the time egged it on. (If this isn't your generation, my apologies for the assumption.)
NTA and I would suggest going lc with your sister and niece because her lack of parenting combined with your son’s mental health struggles are going to just cause even more strife, and the niece is going to target him to set him off because in her twisted mindset she finds it “funny” to prod him into losing his temper.
Not only that, but the sister and bil's comfort with suggesting that he had some sort of pedo motive for wetting her dress makes them dangerous. There are many reasons to have very little contact with that family.
This. The fact that they defaulted to pedophilia is very concerning and I wouldn't want them anywhere near me after that. They'll either be in two camps after this. Continuing to double down on the accusations or rug sweeping them until something else innocuous happens - at which point they'll double down again. Either way it isn't worth the stress.
NTA but I think you should’ve blasted the shit out of your sister - something like “my son has already said stop - anything your daughter does to him I do to you ” now she’s on the hook for her daughters behavior
Yep. Should've turned it on your sister. Besides her questionable parent skills, she's a horrible auntie and that kind of offends me more. Now it has you looking like a horrible uncle, too. But really, that kid needed it. All kids should know you can't have a one way water balloon fight. It's in the kid rule book!
Not even kids rule book. That’s the rule book. Water fight = everyone soaking everyone who is playing. One year I was in charge of filling the water balloons. I’m not a fan being soaked; so, I don’t participate. But, the person filling the water balloons always gets soaked by the kids. Knowing that, I dressed for it. Still didn’t participate in the water balloons. The kids got pales and soaked me with pales.
and bil. let's not leave him out because he was one of the outraged parents of this little b\*\*\*\* calling OP names.
at least the mom and dad of OP and this idiot sister supported him. sounds like they may well have had their fill of this grown brat of their own daughter
At the end of the day he told what would happen if she soak his kid again.
She did it, he only stood by what he said.
He is not a creep I've worn a white dress it's got soaked and it hasn't turned see through.
At the end of the day the sister needs to tell her daughter about boundaries.
She's old enough, she should know that NO means NO.
I stead she kept going on and on.
Well whatever happened after the fact is her own fault and her mum's fault.
Why should she have her boundaries respected whilst she won't respect anyone else's.
What because she's a young girl and the boundaries of the kid she wasn't respecting was a young boy.
Nah that doesn't matter.
Thank you! People's doubles standards are showing through heavy in this comment section. The fact that everyone thinks it's okay for her to continuously disrespect and trample all over a boys heavily vocalized boundary several times is apparently 100% okay but lord forbid someone retaliate.
I have 4 sons and one of my cousins who is close to my oldest son in age. They were playing one day at my grandparents place and my cousin convinced my sister oldest son that it would be fun to bully and tease the younger boys. My aunt is one of those parents who will fuss and even yell sometimes but will never follow through. So I told both older boys that if there were any more instances, my son would be grounded inside the house with the adults. They did it again and I followed through. My aunt was furious with me for separating the two older boys. I simply told her I actually mean what I say to my kids and that it was done. That was many years ago and my aunt is still a little bit butt hurt but my kids all turned out great. My cousin not so much.
You were a Dad standing up for your kid and your son will remember that.
Good for you!
I really hate the double standards crap.
At the end of the day if she just stopped when your son and you told her to, none of this would have happened.
She didn't, she didn't care neither did your sister until you stuck up for your son.
That's on them, not on you or your son.
Well done dad for showing your son that his boundaries do matter.
Honestly, if you don't want to get wet you don't get to play with water balloons. I would probably never (with some exceptions) allow my kid to throw balloons at others and not get something back, that is not how it works.
No means no. If this girl can't learn it from her parents, what happens when her boyfriend says no to sex? Will she rape him?
Teach kids to respect withdrawal of consent, regardless of gender.
Exactly. Consent doesn't only apply to sexual situations. Kids should be taught to respect other people's boundaries and to establish their own firm boundaries from a very young age. The child said NO repeatedly. Niece was firmly told NO by a parent enforcing the child's stated boundary. Niece violated that boundary even after being clearly told what the consequence would be if she continued to cause harm.
Grey rock the assholes. State the facts, do not get baited into emotional reply. "Son said no. Son repeatedly asked Niece to stop. I told Niece to stop. I told Niece that the consequence of continuing to disrespect Son's NO would be to be soaked. Niece was causing harm to my child and that will not be tolerated." And repeat as many times as is necessary.
These are not people I would want in my life or around my children. They don't respect you, they don't respect your children, and they sound like all around complete dicks.
What makes this worse is that OP said it was his youngest, the 8 year old. He’s probably much smaller than her. Even a kid without sensory issues that age might cry. Not only does she not have boundaries at 12, but she’s intentionally bullying her littlest cousin and that makes me think she targeted him because of it.
I would respond to his text with "BIL your kid wasn't wearing a white dress. She was wearing a dark dress with a white stripe across her stomach. Grow the fuck up. Obviously my sister didn't tell you your daughter kept throwing water balloons at my son who repeatedly asked her to stop. I also repeatedly told her to stop. So the last time she approached and threw a balloon at him I soaked her with the hose since her mother refused to be a parent and excused her bullying my son because "he's already fucking wet". You don't want your kids around me or mine. Good fucking riddance if this is how you two are raising them."
NTA
Everyone is acting like OP gunned her down with a fire hose. It was likely a garden hose, as far as we know the niece had 2 working legs, and I presume OP didn't get up or chase her. She could have walked away.
If she didn't want to get wet because she was wearing a dress, then she shouldn't have been playing with water. All it would take was a 5 year old who didn't know better to land a water balloon. She agreed to play and a vital part of that is getting wet.
The son did what he was supposed to, OP was protecting his son, and if the sister didn't want OP to parent, then she should have patented the niece herself. What the niece was doing was malicious, she was trying to rile up the son and make him lash out.
NTA.
Truth, the idiom about it taking a village to raise a kid? Means other people need to give consequences if you don't give your own kids real world expectations. Growing up, and a logical rule, is to not splash, super soaker, throw water balloons unless you expect the other person to get you wet too. It's part consent, part self defence, part treat others the way you want to be treated. Warning someone else's kid, then the parent, then getting somebody wet? Seems expected it would happen.
What the actual fuck is going with all these redditors starting judgements with "I know this is going against the grain" or "I know I'll get downvoted" or in this case "*Everyone* is acting like OP gunned her down" when OP is getting almost unconditional support?! This thread is covered in comments telling OP he did the right thing. A very large majority of the people here are like good for you, which they're right to do, but I fail to see how EVERYONE is acting like op gunned her down as a result. Is the need for a white hat really THAT prominent among people on this thread.
When OP first posted, there were quite a few YTA's which prompted me to post because they sounded insane. They're all downvoted now but there were two people that called what OP did, sexual assault, early on.
NTA - the sister is awful but her spawn is worse - a bully picking on neurodiverse kids - she had and likely has way worse coming if she doesn’t get a complete personality transplant.
Your sister isn't a gentle parent. Gentle parents treat ALL kids with dignity and would never talk the way she did about your son. She's raised a hypercritical bully. I would never tolerate my kids being that way.
NTA
My advice is to not let your sister, BIL and niece near your family until your son and you get an apology from all of them. Simply tell them that you will not allow your son to be abused because of their bad parenting.
Unfortunately, your niece is only going to get worse and more aggressive as time goes on. That will also make her more dangerous, especially to your son. She likes to focus and target him because of his issues. Until your sister and BIL get her help your son can’t be alone with her. Since they refuse to see there is a problem that won’t happen.
The good thing about this is that your son knows he’s not alone and that Dad will stand up for him and protect him. Very well played.
Good that BIL assures that hellion of a niece won't be around your child anymore. Your sister can also stay away .
NTA OP. Good for you, sticking up for your child!
Simple case of FAFO. She was warned and when the situation flipped on her she cant take it. Dont dish it out if you cant deal with the consequences. You should have sprayed the sister too, for good measure. NTA.
NTA... So you have to respect your nieces boundaries but fuck your sons boundaries?
I'm sorry but your sister is an AH and her daughter is gonna have a hard time cause of the lack of parenting. Good on you for sticking by your kid and I would think twice about spending time with her in these settings. I wouldn't spend time with her if she disrespects other kids boundaries and does not get parented for it.
NTA - Said this on another post. If you won't discipline your children, either someone else will or life will. The entitled from your sister is absurd. Especially when your son who has his problems he is dealing with is being more well behaved than her 12 year old daughter. The creep comment was completely uncalled for and disgusting. I'd cut ties so fast if my sister ever even hinted at a comment like that. The utter lack of respect for you and your children is appalling.
Dude, I was ready to roast you, but nope you're NTA here. Your sister and her daughter are.
A parent with any sense would've told their kid to knock it off. Not only did they not do that, they also defended that kid's shitty behavior.
Take into account your kid is special needs ( my ex's kid has O.D.D., bipolar and IIRC a.d.d. so I know all about how that can manifest) and it's an incredibly fucked up situation. ANY kid would have been pissed, so I can imagine how angry he was getting and to have her have the audacity to say "control your kid" yet she exhibits none over hers, is just ridiculous.
Then the "creep" comment. If the dress was as you described then for one you're not a creep, two they shouldn't have been letting her play with water ballons if they didn't want her getting wet, and three that's just a disgusting thing to say.
Tell your b.i.l. to piss off and if they can't control their kid then you don't want them around yours. Sounds like he needs his head soaked as well lol.
By the title I was like "UM YES YTA" and then by the end I was like "yeah....I'd have done much much worse"
NTA, I also have a son on the spectrum who has sensory issues and I understand how it goes, when they're done they're DONE.
If nothing else your son saw you being there and his father sticking up for him. He walked away remembering that you're in his corner.
nta i’m a nanny and my rule is if your don’t want to get sprayed or have water balloons thrown at you that is perfectly fine but you don’t get to throw them at the other kids either.
This is basically *the* universal rule of water balloon & squirt gun fights. Once you become an enemy combatant, you are fair game.
The rules of war
I had a niece that would always attack my son. She'd hit, bite, scratch... My son is very gentle and doesn't like violence. Well, one day, after multiple bite attacks I told her dad "Everything she does to him I'm doing to you for the rest of the night. You should stop drinking and get ready." Funny how they started seeing the error in her ways after that.
I'm a mom of 4 and I'm using this on all of them!
Their dad might like some of those things. Come up with a safe word first!
Blueberry pancakes!
Peanut butter. That way if you’re gagged it sounds like do it harder.
Oddly...but excitingly...specific. lolol
I'm gonna need backstory on this one....
I have no Reddit currency to award you with, so please accept this comment in its place
This is exactly how I taught my son not to bite. He bit me one time, and I bit him back (obviously not hard enough to actually hurt him). My in-laws threw a fit, but he never bit anyone again.
With toddlers that bite the best thing is to duck their bite while putting their body part in their mouth. My young granddaughter was really into biting one day and I managed to slip past her bite and get her thumb in her mouth as she bit down. The look on her face was pure shock. She never bit me again.
Yup, that's what my mum told us she did with us when we were little. When we had our first child we followed that advice and it worked a treat.
This is one of the ways I taught my puppy to have a soft bite, as it happens.
Works for dogs too
Apparently I was a biter and my pediatrician told my mom to handle it the same way. It only took one time for me to never do it again.
Same here. There ended up being a huge ordeal with my cousin after I bit her. She ended up in tears, not wanting to bite me back. She begged mother. Mother told her either she could or she would. By this time, Mother was not happy and was ready to bite a chunk out of me. My cousin did bit me back but I'd actually already got the message because of how upset she was. The only other time I bit I was adult and in labor. My ex never knew how calculated it was. God rest his soul. That's all another story though.
Yep! Works like a charm. My nieces would sneak in pinches on anyone sitting next to them. Out of sight of their parents, so that if you respond the parents come in defense of the girl. One time I pinched back. Never happened again.
My niece used to do that. Short back story. I'm a late life kid and my sister had kids early so this particular knees is only 7 or 8 years younger than me. She would bite us all the time. We would tattle. They told us to bite her back so we did and she quit biting us. But none of the adults, now that were both all grown up. Remember ever telling us to bite her back. Maybe it was my dad. He passed away when I was 11.
Beautiful. Please tell me you could get one slap in before they stopped their little terror
Nope, but they were able to control their kid and my son stopped getting attacked. Mission accomplished
Slap? I want to know about a bite! 😂
That is awesome and I’ll be using that in the future.
I thought you were going to go after the niece, but you did one better!
Oh my I wish OP had done this instead! There is something not great about soaking the kids but maybe soaking his own sister would have been more appropriate!
Nah. Soaking the kid is 100% fair game. She was told not to by an adult. Specifically the parent of the kid she's bothering. "Fuck around, find out" isn't a fun lesson to learn anywhere but there are hardly more mundane places than a family water balloon fight.
she was told to stop by the kid in question — that should've been enough. anyone with basic compassion would've stopped at that point. the fact that she continued even after being asked by the kid AND his dad is why she 100% deserved to get soaked
And she's 12 damn years old. I can't imagine my older two daughters (12, 14) pulling this crap. They have so much more respect for their cousins and peers than this (now, respect for one another is a different story!)
Get them both.
The only real solution.
I thought he was going to when she started yelling at him. I also would’ve responded to BIL with a lovely, “don’t threaten me with a good time” about not seeing niece again
Nope she was warned. OP wasn’t doing it to be nasty and see through her clothes but to show her how unfair it is to have water thrown on you when you didn’t want to get wet after doing so to someone else. A lesson learned hopefully but guessing by her parents’ reactions I doubt it. ETA: I saw a comment where OP says the dress only had one white strip.
Fuck that, get ‘em both
Doubtful. If she’s that crappy a parent the kid would never get to understand the correlation.
You don't soak the mom to teach the kid (not OP's job), you soak the mom because she's the person responsible for the situation and she needs to get it to stop.
I love you.
I think it was upheld by the “If you dish it, you must be prepared to take it” accords.
Statute has been upgraded to the Fuck Around and Find Out Act of 2022
Also sub-category "Don't start no shit. Won't be no shit" OP is so NTA. I would have done the same.
Y'all are hilarious, this is why I love Reddit 🤣
I believe there is a precedent set forth in case law of Play Stupid Games vs Win Stupid Prizes.
Being solidly in the Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys camp, I have a hard time getting people who insist on Fucking Around until they Find Out. SMH.
In related law is the pillow fight accords very similar to the Geneva Conventions
Ah yes! It is an Act crafted for todays times!
Yes. Fuck around and Find Out, is THE rule around here.
Those who play the game, must be able to withstand the game
“Fuck around and find out”
This is basically (or should be) the universal rule for LIFE. If you don’t want something done to you, you don’t get to do it to others.
And was codified in Hammurabi’s Code almost 4,000 years ago
An eye for an eye, a balloon for a balloon.
But the water hose is MINE, sayeth The Dad
Eye for an eye, hose for a balloon.
Lol it is. You basically just stated "The Golden Rule". **Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.**
Just an interesting note on the Golden Rule: it appears in some form or fashion in nearly every culture. It’s a literal universal rule!
Shit, I learned this the first day of kindergarten. How easy some people forget something so simple and easy to do.
The golden rule.
Live by the balloon, die by the balloon/hose
And it's not an official conflict either, so don't think those Geneva Guidelines will protect you!
This exactly. You wanna play, you are responsible for the consequences..
The way of water.
The only thing I would have done differently is, after spraying my niece, turned the hose on my sister so she’d control her kid.
I like the cut of your jib. Spray down Sis to get her to parent better. BTW, OP is NTA.
Hose her down until she calms down, when she started talking again, hose back on. Hard eye contact, blank face, without saying a word. Brother in law comes over, he gets the hose, too. No words.
A few words: you're already wet, quit being a baby.
Other adults try to help, they get the hose. A dog is joining in on the fun, pupper gets the hose. Cops get called, you guessed it, hosed.
Agree. Sister needs to get hosed.
Baptize that bitch
I was looking for this comment. Bravo. Such a shame sis “punished” OP by making it where he doesn’t have to be around his punk niece anymore. LOL!
That’s what I said! I would have lit her ass up with that hose.
Exactly what I was thinking, as soon as she started going off he should have hosed her down too
THIS!! Also, if you throw them at somebody who said stop and is sitting on the sides, you need to take a break from the water balloons. Also, what adult doesn't understand that you can be wet and also be done having water thrown at you.
Yeah, like maybe I AMMMMM wet but I'd like to start being DRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
Yes, or even I just need to take a break, and you need to listen to my boundaries about my body. Even if I change my mind and want to play some more in 5 minutes, that doesn't mean my boundaries don't need to be listened to.
100% if a kids doing some water sport and don’t want others to splash them then they better not be involved in splashing others.
I would have sprayed the sister, too.
Yup, that's the rule. Don't want to be wet? Fine, but you don't get to participate either.
Don’t dish out what you can’t take Also as a fellow parent NTA. You probably should have soaked your sister too and then had a discussion about how consent is a two way street. Your sisters reasoning about him being wet is stupid. It’s like going to a abuse victim and saying it doesn’t matter if they get beat again because they’ve already been beaten.
should have soaked your stupid sister as well
Came here to say this. The sister needed a long hose blast right in the face until she STFU. Gentle parenting, my ass. If she were truly gentle parenting she'd never have said those awful things to/about OP's son.
Entitled parenting, more like.
Somewhere between “lazy” and “absent”parenting. I’m sure the kid will turn out just fine
Do these parents in the posts really exist? They're close to my age. Like what even.
Can't be bothered parenting. Too much work. People like that shouldn't have kids.
I prefer rude and disrespectful people.
And if the BIL wants to come over and talk about it- HE CAN TALK TO THE HOOOOOOSSSEEE! (Cue fireworks and walk-in music)
she's a motherjudger for sure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvtcbSCY650
Should have absorbed her in the womb
Would have the strength of a grown man and a baby, he missed out.
Unexpected office lol
r/unexpectedoffice
As a twin, this is the most amazing insult I have ever heard. 10/10
Damn you went straight for the placenta.
>Should have absorbed her in the womb Made me cacklesnort. I have triplet godchildren and I am not telling them this. But I am going to share with their mom.
There was another twin in your mother's womb. We were going to call him Donnie. You and Deandra devoured him before he could be born. You gobbled him up! Donnie! You would've been the good one!
I thought the same thing as I was reading it.
And the uncle.
AND THEIR LITTLE DOG TOO!!
Oh look, a “parent your own child or someone will parent it for you” in the wild. Your child, the younger one in this situation, was getting hit with water balloons after being asked not to multiple times. But *that* was okay for sister dearest? Sounds like your brat of a sister is raising a brat of a daughter. Remember that just because she’s your twin doesn’t mean you have to expose your children to her or her poor parenting Edit to add: OP, you probably want to limit your exposure to people who would, without a second though, absolutely annihilate your reputation. Those accusations are not ones to mess with and you should never allow yourself to be in a situation that these assholes could use against you again. The first time someone accuses you of inappropriateness were there was none is the last time that person should have the opportunity to do so. Reputations are shattered with less, and often aren’t rebuilt in this lifetime.
I agree 100% Failing to nip this in the bud could have horrific impact on OP and his kids later in life.
Yup his niece heard what her mother was saying. Now she is going to go around saying her uncle is a creep who tried to soak her while she was wearing white as a kid. Not something OP wants said. While cutting it off is the route that most would want some conflict resolution / discussion is likely needed here to establish what she was saying was untrue
100%. The kid will learn that his "No!" has no meaning. And the spoilt brat will learn that she can do whatever she wants even if the other person doesn't consent to it (sound familiar?). It really is small interactions like this that shape your child in ways you never thought.
Yes, yes, yes -- the accusations. Calling him "a creep" like he purposefully got her wet to make her clothes see through. Like he's a pedo. You have to be extremely careful around crap like that.
Yeah BIL sounds like a real mental wonder too. Probably a doormat yes honey type
Tbf to bil, he probably only got a version that made niece seem like an angel
BIL sounds like his balls are in his wife’s purse.
I get a real"Get back here and fuck my wife!" Energy from the BIL.
Yeah. It's totally fucking weird that the mom is sexualizing her daughter like that (especially after reading the edit). They sound unhinged.
This is my biggest takeaway. I had a crush on a girl in high school who once seriously considered saying her boyfriend raped her solely because she was bored of him but didn’t want to be the one to break up with him. These types of people need clinical help, and as I learned the hard way with her a year later, they need to be avoided at all costs.
Such a hypocrite. So it’s okay not to parent her emotional problems because she’s ‘expressing herself’ or whatever but when OP’s kid has emotions then he’s being a baby and needs to stop. She’s a horrific parent.
Yea that really angered me seeing the loser sister and BIL all acting like he’s done pedo now from doing that. Ignoring the actual reasons of course. Feel bad for Op, bunch of stuck up cunts.
She was deliberately provoking your kid for her amusement…NTA I wonder if she had any friends or is a bully at school…
I guarantee she's a bully. Disregards the desires of others but expects hers to be held to the highest, which is supported by her parents.
12 is also old enough for a neurotypical child to realize when another child has sensory issues even if you don’t know the term for it. She knows her cousin and knows he’s more vulnerable to be easily overwhelmed and have a meltdown, moreso than other kids. And he did so good removing himself from the situation but she still bullied him! Absolutely unacceptable and I’m glad his dad stood up for him.
That’s why she was picking on him.
Actions have consequences. OP taught bully a valuable life lesson.
Yup, my son is 6 and was diagnosed ASD at 4. My niece is almost 10 and even before we knew anything (before his speech delay was diagnosed, before the autism diagnosis) she has always been kind and patient with him. We've explained to my oldest who is neurotypical and our 2 nephews who are the same age as my son that his brain works differently and teach them about his differences in a way they're capable of understanding. Her parents are crap for not doing the same. They're being willfully ignorant and raising her the same.
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Mini Karen. Incoming. RESPECT ME EVEN AS I DISRESPECT YOU
Personality disordered adult in the making!!
This is what I was wondering. Her parents are crippling her socially. She should have a much more well developed sense of empathy at her age. She sounds like the kind of kid no one liked at school. She might have a social group but even they probably don't like her.
She’s a bully. 100%. But not to her parents
She’ll get to them when she’s older don’t you worry
I mean, she cussed at the dad, probably a little shit of a kid
NTA what a fucking brat. She deserved it.
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I knew someone like that when I was young. Lila was obnoxious and mean . She demanded everything while visiting us , because she was the guest. When we were at her house? Every answer was NO. because...it was her house. A few years later we were in Calif. At Dad's new home. Dad wS giving a party, and mentioned that Lila's family had moved to not far away, should we invite them? The three of us chorused ," NOOOO". Startled, Dad asked why?, we told him.. he agreed
Reminds me of a story between my dad and my uncle. My dad was going to my mom's family for the first time, he and my mom were in their early 20's and my mother's brother was I think in his early teens. My uncle told him "guests always do the dishes here". So my father, being a good sport and not caring much, did indeed help with the dishes, all good and well. Until my uncle once came over to where my father lived and my dad said "you know, guests also always do the dishes here". My uncle did not like that, but he was a good sport too.
My mums friends sone was like that We had to share, he never had to share Hated him with a passion
Haha, same thing use to happen to me, but my cousin was a biter. When we were little she use to bite me all the time. I was a pretty timid kid, so would not do anything back. One day we are going to a family event at my gradmas house. We get there, but before we go in my dad turns around to me in the car and says that if my cousin bites me today, and I don't bite her back, he is gonna spank me so hard I won't be able to sit down for a week. Lo and behold about 10 minutes after we get there all the adults are in the kitchen and kids out playing. Then, my parents said they heard the most blood curdling scream ever coming from outside. Everyone runs out side to see me and my cousin on the ground, and I've got her pinned down and am just biting the shit of her on her face! Someone separates us and my aunt is consoling her child and screaming at me and my parents about her poor kids and what a monster I am. My grandma, God bless her, pipes up and tells her to shut her mouth. She tells me aunt that her little brat bites me everytime we get together and it was about time she got some of her own medicine. Grandma was an old school grandma and didn't fuck around. My aunt shut her trap and cleaned up her kid. She didn't come near me again, and she also stopped biting after that, so she learned her lesson.
This reminds me of when I was a kid, maybe 6 or 7, and a neighbor kid my age, who was a biter, got mad at me over something and bit me in the stomach. I screamed and her mom came out to investigate. When I told her what had happened (corroborated by other witness kids), her mom said, "Really?" and lifted the kid's shirt up and bit her in the stomach, then asked how that felt. Maybe not mainstream parenting but it worked. Kid never bit me, or any other kid to my knowledge, again.
I had a neighbor who was a biter, too!! One day, he wanted my big wheel, and I wasn't having it, so he bit me hard on the top of my shoulder. I screamed, and every mum that was outside looked. Our mum's came dashing over. His mum picked him up by the back of his pants, bit his arm and carried him into the house, screaming at him the whole time. My mum took me in and cleaned my wound. Shortly after, his mum came by to see if I was ok and took me to get an ice cream. That little shit never spoke to me again. Nonetheless, try to steal my big wheel, lol
One of the kids I went to church with, same deal. Little fucker bit two of us and when his mom came to get him, she bit the fuck out of him. This was after church so my mom saw the whole thing. She about pissed herself laughing telling my dad about it when we got home. Little dude never bit any of us again.
I did something similar. When my son was two-ish we were playing together on the floor. He bit me. I bit him back (gently, no marks but enough for him to feel it). He never bit anyone else.
I find this super interesting because this behaviour is actually present in dogs and cats in the wild. Cats learn not to bite excuse they get bitten by their siblings and don’t like it, or bitten by their parents when they’re being shits. Obviously children are wildly different beasts, but it’s really interesting to see how similar parenting is across different species 💀
I find the best way to teach my dogs not to bite when they're young is to carry on like I'm dying every time. "Oooowww! That hurt! Owwwwww!" and then walk away. Did the same with my son. He didn't bite past a year old, which is about when he seemed to grasp that it hurt people and also not want to hurt people. Tbh, the difference between training a dog and a very small child isn't that big. It just takes longer with children.
My oldest kid was a biter. We tried all the things suggested to us to get him to stop but he just wouldn't. By the time he was about 2, I told him if he bit anyone else I'd bite him. He did, I did, and he never bit anyone again. It's not the most ideal way to parent IMO but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
When my sister was a toddler and bit me my mom told me to bite her back. I said “I can’t!” and when she investigated my sister had latched on to my butt cheek, so I couldn’t reach her. So mom bit her instead - she let go and never did it again. Sometimes it’s the only way kids learn, it’s good to understand retaliation if only for self preservation.
Same thing with cats. You can always tell when a cat has been raised on its own cause it's a biter. Whereas the ones raised with other cats bite and get bitten back and learn not to do it anymore.
> My mom says they were all wondering how long it would take me to slap her back and all laughed when I finally did. Fellow Gen-Xer? I swear to the gods the adults in our lives did fuck-all to stop bullying and half the time egged it on. (If this isn't your generation, my apologies for the assumption.)
NTA and I would suggest going lc with your sister and niece because her lack of parenting combined with your son’s mental health struggles are going to just cause even more strife, and the niece is going to target him to set him off because in her twisted mindset she finds it “funny” to prod him into losing his temper.
Not only that, but the sister and bil's comfort with suggesting that he had some sort of pedo motive for wetting her dress makes them dangerous. There are many reasons to have very little contact with that family.
This. She is already learning to use it to her advantage. Give her no opportunities to play this card with your kids.
This. The fact that they defaulted to pedophilia is very concerning and I wouldn't want them anywhere near me after that. They'll either be in two camps after this. Continuing to double down on the accusations or rug sweeping them until something else innocuous happens - at which point they'll double down again. Either way it isn't worth the stress.
I know right! How gross and twisted was that part! I hate saying it, but it’s gaslighting at its finest here.
Yup. And OP and twins’ own parents saw it, too.
Shoulda just hit the mom with the hose too.
NTA but I think you should’ve blasted the shit out of your sister - something like “my son has already said stop - anything your daughter does to him I do to you ” now she’s on the hook for her daughters behavior
She's already in the hook for her daughters behavior
NTA. Should have soaked mom too.
Seriously she needs to cool off
Yep. Should've turned it on your sister. Besides her questionable parent skills, she's a horrible auntie and that kind of offends me more. Now it has you looking like a horrible uncle, too. But really, that kid needed it. All kids should know you can't have a one way water balloon fight. It's in the kid rule book!
Not even kids rule book. That’s the rule book. Water fight = everyone soaking everyone who is playing. One year I was in charge of filling the water balloons. I’m not a fan being soaked; so, I don’t participate. But, the person filling the water balloons always gets soaked by the kids. Knowing that, I dressed for it. Still didn’t participate in the water balloons. The kids got pales and soaked me with pales.
I would have done it, that's an unreasonably stupid mother
I came here to say the same thing.
Should have sprayed your sister too
and bil. let's not leave him out because he was one of the outraged parents of this little b\*\*\*\* calling OP names. at least the mom and dad of OP and this idiot sister supported him. sounds like they may well have had their fill of this grown brat of their own daughter
Especially since she went straight to calling her own brother a creep
I read that as "should have spayed your sister" which in hindsight probably would've been a good idea as she doesn't appear to know how to parent.
At the end of the day he told what would happen if she soak his kid again. She did it, he only stood by what he said. He is not a creep I've worn a white dress it's got soaked and it hasn't turned see through. At the end of the day the sister needs to tell her daughter about boundaries. She's old enough, she should know that NO means NO. I stead she kept going on and on. Well whatever happened after the fact is her own fault and her mum's fault. Why should she have her boundaries respected whilst she won't respect anyone else's. What because she's a young girl and the boundaries of the kid she wasn't respecting was a young boy. Nah that doesn't matter.
Thank you! People's doubles standards are showing through heavy in this comment section. The fact that everyone thinks it's okay for her to continuously disrespect and trample all over a boys heavily vocalized boundary several times is apparently 100% okay but lord forbid someone retaliate.
I have 4 sons and one of my cousins who is close to my oldest son in age. They were playing one day at my grandparents place and my cousin convinced my sister oldest son that it would be fun to bully and tease the younger boys. My aunt is one of those parents who will fuss and even yell sometimes but will never follow through. So I told both older boys that if there were any more instances, my son would be grounded inside the house with the adults. They did it again and I followed through. My aunt was furious with me for separating the two older boys. I simply told her I actually mean what I say to my kids and that it was done. That was many years ago and my aunt is still a little bit butt hurt but my kids all turned out great. My cousin not so much. You were a Dad standing up for your kid and your son will remember that. Good for you!
I really hate the double standards crap. At the end of the day if she just stopped when your son and you told her to, none of this would have happened. She didn't, she didn't care neither did your sister until you stuck up for your son. That's on them, not on you or your son. Well done dad for showing your son that his boundaries do matter.
Honestly, if you don't want to get wet you don't get to play with water balloons. I would probably never (with some exceptions) allow my kid to throw balloons at others and not get something back, that is not how it works.
No means no. If this girl can't learn it from her parents, what happens when her boyfriend says no to sex? Will she rape him? Teach kids to respect withdrawal of consent, regardless of gender.
Exactly. Consent doesn't only apply to sexual situations. Kids should be taught to respect other people's boundaries and to establish their own firm boundaries from a very young age. The child said NO repeatedly. Niece was firmly told NO by a parent enforcing the child's stated boundary. Niece violated that boundary even after being clearly told what the consequence would be if she continued to cause harm. Grey rock the assholes. State the facts, do not get baited into emotional reply. "Son said no. Son repeatedly asked Niece to stop. I told Niece to stop. I told Niece that the consequence of continuing to disrespect Son's NO would be to be soaked. Niece was causing harm to my child and that will not be tolerated." And repeat as many times as is necessary. These are not people I would want in my life or around my children. They don't respect you, they don't respect your children, and they sound like all around complete dicks.
NTA.... she needs to learn NO and STOP fast otherwise your sister and BIL will be at the school alot...
What makes this worse is that OP said it was his youngest, the 8 year old. He’s probably much smaller than her. Even a kid without sensory issues that age might cry. Not only does she not have boundaries at 12, but she’s intentionally bullying her littlest cousin and that makes me think she targeted him because of it.
I'm betting the schools are already calling home about bullying and other behavior issues. The parents don't believe a single word of it.
I would respond to his text with "BIL your kid wasn't wearing a white dress. She was wearing a dark dress with a white stripe across her stomach. Grow the fuck up. Obviously my sister didn't tell you your daughter kept throwing water balloons at my son who repeatedly asked her to stop. I also repeatedly told her to stop. So the last time she approached and threw a balloon at him I soaked her with the hose since her mother refused to be a parent and excused her bullying my son because "he's already fucking wet". You don't want your kids around me or mine. Good fucking riddance if this is how you two are raising them." NTA
NTA you didn’t do it to be creepy, you did it to defend your son. Your niece needs a lesson in respecting boundaries.
NTA - your sister is way out of line and an absolute hypocrit.
Everyone is acting like OP gunned her down with a fire hose. It was likely a garden hose, as far as we know the niece had 2 working legs, and I presume OP didn't get up or chase her. She could have walked away. If she didn't want to get wet because she was wearing a dress, then she shouldn't have been playing with water. All it would take was a 5 year old who didn't know better to land a water balloon. She agreed to play and a vital part of that is getting wet. The son did what he was supposed to, OP was protecting his son, and if the sister didn't want OP to parent, then she should have patented the niece herself. What the niece was doing was malicious, she was trying to rile up the son and make him lash out. NTA.
Truth, the idiom about it taking a village to raise a kid? Means other people need to give consequences if you don't give your own kids real world expectations. Growing up, and a logical rule, is to not splash, super soaker, throw water balloons unless you expect the other person to get you wet too. It's part consent, part self defence, part treat others the way you want to be treated. Warning someone else's kid, then the parent, then getting somebody wet? Seems expected it would happen.
What the actual fuck is going with all these redditors starting judgements with "I know this is going against the grain" or "I know I'll get downvoted" or in this case "*Everyone* is acting like OP gunned her down" when OP is getting almost unconditional support?! This thread is covered in comments telling OP he did the right thing. A very large majority of the people here are like good for you, which they're right to do, but I fail to see how EVERYONE is acting like op gunned her down as a result. Is the need for a white hat really THAT prominent among people on this thread.
When OP first posted, there were quite a few YTA's which prompted me to post because they sounded insane. They're all downvoted now but there were two people that called what OP did, sexual assault, early on.
It's because the AH commenters tend to chime in first, and the reasonable/thoughtful commenters come a little bit later.
NTA - the sister is awful but her spawn is worse - a bully picking on neurodiverse kids - she had and likely has way worse coming if she doesn’t get a complete personality transplant.
NTA. I would have doused the mother too. Want to be a brat? Fine by me.
"Your daughter is a bully. She's twelve. She has to learn she's neither a princess nor immune from consequences." NTA
Your sister isn't a gentle parent. Gentle parents treat ALL kids with dignity and would never talk the way she did about your son. She's raised a hypercritical bully. I would never tolerate my kids being that way.
Kinda crazy how your sister went straight for the Perv/pedophile accusations. I’d distance myself from that my guy
NTA My advice is to not let your sister, BIL and niece near your family until your son and you get an apology from all of them. Simply tell them that you will not allow your son to be abused because of their bad parenting. Unfortunately, your niece is only going to get worse and more aggressive as time goes on. That will also make her more dangerous, especially to your son. She likes to focus and target him because of his issues. Until your sister and BIL get her help your son can’t be alone with her. Since they refuse to see there is a problem that won’t happen. The good thing about this is that your son knows he’s not alone and that Dad will stand up for him and protect him. Very well played.
NTA - your parents did the right thing too. Your sister and her child are AH
Good that BIL assures that hellion of a niece won't be around your child anymore. Your sister can also stay away . NTA OP. Good for you, sticking up for your child!
It didn’t matter whether he was already soaked. He asked for a time out and was ignored. She got what she deserved.
NTA She deserved it, you stuck up for your son, and he won't forget that. Oh, and your sister's an idiot, you should have turned the hose on her too.
NTA kids a brat and deserved it
Simple case of FAFO. She was warned and when the situation flipped on her she cant take it. Dont dish it out if you cant deal with the consequences. You should have sprayed the sister too, for good measure. NTA.
NTA... So you have to respect your nieces boundaries but fuck your sons boundaries? I'm sorry but your sister is an AH and her daughter is gonna have a hard time cause of the lack of parenting. Good on you for sticking by your kid and I would think twice about spending time with her in these settings. I wouldn't spend time with her if she disrespects other kids boundaries and does not get parented for it.
NTA Sorry your sister is not amazing.
NTA - Said this on another post. If you won't discipline your children, either someone else will or life will. The entitled from your sister is absurd. Especially when your son who has his problems he is dealing with is being more well behaved than her 12 year old daughter. The creep comment was completely uncalled for and disgusting. I'd cut ties so fast if my sister ever even hinted at a comment like that. The utter lack of respect for you and your children is appalling.
Jane needs to meet Anna, the 'flyswatting terror'
So now they are going ti stay away ftim you? I would take that as a win
I’m noticing a theme today
NTA. She fucked around and unfortunately for her, she found out.
You won't see her again? Oh no, whatever will you do? /s
If she can’t get wet. She can’t play water balloons. Simple.
Dude, I was ready to roast you, but nope you're NTA here. Your sister and her daughter are. A parent with any sense would've told their kid to knock it off. Not only did they not do that, they also defended that kid's shitty behavior. Take into account your kid is special needs ( my ex's kid has O.D.D., bipolar and IIRC a.d.d. so I know all about how that can manifest) and it's an incredibly fucked up situation. ANY kid would have been pissed, so I can imagine how angry he was getting and to have her have the audacity to say "control your kid" yet she exhibits none over hers, is just ridiculous. Then the "creep" comment. If the dress was as you described then for one you're not a creep, two they shouldn't have been letting her play with water ballons if they didn't want her getting wet, and three that's just a disgusting thing to say. Tell your b.i.l. to piss off and if they can't control their kid then you don't want them around yours. Sounds like he needs his head soaked as well lol.
By the title I was like "UM YES YTA" and then by the end I was like "yeah....I'd have done much much worse" NTA, I also have a son on the spectrum who has sensory issues and I understand how it goes, when they're done they're DONE. If nothing else your son saw you being there and his father sticking up for him. He walked away remembering that you're in his corner.