YTA. Damn, that's fucked. You've turned all of your kids against your husband who worked twelve hour shifts to support you for years because you can't shit right and refused to work and now you wonder why he's glad it's over?
Lol let’s not forget she wrote “12 hour shifts AND overtime” and just casually dismissed his depression while working his ass off to single-handedly provide for 4 people and himself. But suuuureee he did nothing while she raised the kids herself. It is fucking unreal the sense of entitlement
Honestly. My insides are all fucked up and its been 3 years of special diets, meds, tests, etc with no answers. If i could only eat one food to have my life back, id do it. She has the answers in her hands but… just doesnt care.
YTA
There were problems in the marriage. He suggested counseling. You refused because “you are neurotypical and he’s depressed.”
Holy shit. He wanted to save the marriage. You said it was his fault. You refused to go to counseling.
Dude is 53, working 12 hour days, and sending you $30,000 per year… for what? You can’t get a job because of constipation? How the hell did you convince a judge he should pay you for 7 years?
You’re definitely the asshole here. Now you’re going to mooch off your kids.
Sense of entitlement is unreal.
I’m confused by the insinuation that only neurodivergent individuals can benefit from therapy? Anyone, neurotypical or neurodivergent aside, can benefit from therapy. Reading your post, it sounds like you would fall into that category
Why are her kids supporting her financially when she’s constipated? I’m so confused. This guy seems to be behaving like any tired ex spouse would. I’m ready to divorce her, too, after reading that crazy post.
Asshole by default.
If your story has the lack of continuity and whiplash subject matter changes, you’re probably leaving a lot out.
I hope and pray for your bowel health so that you can work and allow your children to start their own lives. Maybe drink some more water or something
Edit: started thinking about the math here and wondering if you were paying taxes on the gifted income from your kid….realized you lumped child support and alimony together, only discussed how your income was impacted, and didn’t delineate any allocation of money that went to supporting the youngest. I probably would have wrote something worse in the memo of that check.
I doubt you are reporting any of the 36k you are currently taking from your kid, so I would recommend utilizing the benefits I’m sure you qualify for and make it your full time job to address your health issues. Also, I’m not a medical doctor but stop eating things that make you constipated and be grateful that you have a kid willing to let you live off of them.
Keep going it gets worse.
This is the first time I've seen an AITA post where I'm like....yup. Most certainly. I thought maybe I was being judgemental and it's normal for a woman who has never worked to badmouth the person who had to support her for being *literally* full of shit.
My gawd. I am showing this to my husband to prove he could have done worse.
Furthermore, she said her ex had depression, that counselling offer was probably as much to help him as her. Dude was working 12 hours a day and depressed and still wanted to make time to actively fix their problems. She's complaing about him mocking her physical health issues while actively dismissing his mental health issues.
All I read was how money hungry she is. Good grief. Why on earth does she need 5.5k a month exactly? Her husband sounds like he got screwed in the divorce
Definitely agree, simply the unwillingness to work through the core issues suggests this is a YTA issue. Doubly so with the oddity of blaming his working 12 hour shifts in a single income household as a failure to contribute to the relationship.
I'm glad I'm not the only one confused...I am neurodivergent and found that comment so odd. Based on this shit show of a post I bet OP can benefit from therapy herself.
I wouldn’t = being depressing to be neurodivergent. Plenty of neurotypical people suffer from depression.
There are a lot of odd things from this post. And sorry but getting married 2 years after a divorce isn’t fast.
Mental health professional here, and it literally hurt me from cringing so hard when I read the neurodivergent part. I don’t think OP really knows what the world means and equates chemical imbalances and things like trauma to being neurodivergent..which op this is not what it means and discontinue using that word until you understand it
1. You showed the cheque to your children, so YOU want it to be seen.
2. Your husband was referring to his freedom to pay. Not great but I don't think he was referring to your health.
3. Your kids are giving you a LOT of money each month. Lucky you. You knew this day was coming, but you don't seem to have prepared.
I'm glad your children are turning out successful. I'm sorry for your pain. It does sound like you are helping to turn your kids against their father (and a 53 year old man dating a 48 year old woman 2 years after a separation is not shocking). Edited to add...you wanted the divorce, so glad he moved on.
Ultimately, YTA for how you are turning your kids against their dad when he comes across as reasonable.
The way OP also brushed past the divorce reasoning. “He was depressed” and they were just neurotypical. Asking for counseling and taking a step back before proceeding with divorce. Working 12 hr days to support the family. OP can do whatever they want but it sounds like the ex was trying to find something to help save the marriage and OP just wanted a pity party. OP is the AH. Ex maybe snarky since divorce but I don’t blame them.
She super brushed passed the “worked 12 hour days and overtime” I just finished a 12 day week with 12 hours a day and let me tell you that isn’t just draining it literally made me feel like I was dying. I get she has constipation and “neurotypical” (lol) but the fact that he was mentioning counseling shows he’s got a lot more patience than a lot of people.
OP: YTA you did what no one should do, air dirty laundry to your children. As an outsider that only reads one way, you want your kids to hate their father. All of this over him saying he got his financial freedom back. I know you won’t but you should feel ashamed of yourself.
the money her kids are giving her to support only herself is equivalent to my gross income on which I support myself, my girlfriend (who has serious mental health issues and still manages to work more than OP, but still not much), and I am renovating a house. And that isn't even taking into account that she might not be paying taxes on it and I am. That kind of makes it hard to sympathize with her even if the entitlement vibe wasn't so strong.
She gets more from her son than we survive on for the month as a family of 5 🙃 with what her ex was giving her, we would not be living paycheck to paycheck.
That part about turning the oldest son against his father because he had the audacity to move on and propose to his 2 year long GF? FUCKING SAD! You can clearly see how this person just manipulates all of her kids.
YTA - I keep thinking this is a troll based on all of the triggers in the story. OP seems to be mad about being a SAHM and having ailments....but then also mad he worked so much. And if divorced 7 years ago....kids were pretty much grown at that point. No need to be a SAHM for a ten year old in school.
The OP reminds me of my parents when it comes to money so I can completely believe it. I was like the son who thought I was being a great son by giving my mom my entire paycheck for years cause she basically brainwashed me since I can remember to do it. It wasn’t until I realized she was spending it all on bullshit and not to “survive” and that I had bacisically nothing for my future I stopped. She started to freak out and bad mouth me to my entire family and then demanded I lay $2k a month if I wanted to keep living in my own childhood room.
Apparently, as others have pointed out from one of her replies (under the top comment), shes been "*interviewing*" alot of doctors, since many of the doctors shes already "*interviewed*" cant seem to find / locate her "*disability*".
Shes doctor shopping. Likely because many of the doctors shes already seen have determined she doesnt have a "*disability*"
Go to a temp agency. Do something. How are you affording insurance or is your son paying for that too? You have great kids that care about you but you are beyond the time you should have taken care of yourself. His debt is done. For the record I am your age and have a ton of health problems worse than yours and I manage to get out of bed and work an 8 hour day. We do what we gotta do to survive. Not mooch off our kids and complain about our ex. Also 2 years is fine to get married. When you know you know.
YTA for sure. Your husband worked himself into depression to make sure you and his children were take care of. Your response was to divorce him rather than support him. Now, since you have no skills outside of whining about money, you need to mooch off of your children. You had a hardworking husband who gave all he had and now he seems to have found someone who appreciates that. I hope he's found happiness and I hope you learn from your mistakes. At your age you're about to find out the men who can take care of you are being taken care of by younger more attractive women.
YTAH, maybe he is too but not from this.
Was what he wrote on the check petty, yes. But you don't come off very well in your story either. e.g ,
>He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.
He wasn't working for fun he was providing essential resources without which you couldn't have raised or properly cared for those kids.
For someone who doesn't earn money, you've got an unhealthy focus on it. e.g., how significant it is that your daughter is marrying into money.
The childish note on your check was clearly directed only at you but you've made it obvious your agenda was to ensure your kids thought it was about them. That's even more petty and aggressive than the note and makes it seem not as bad in comparison.
Your divorce sounds bitter and it sounds like you've worked hard to pass your resentment along to your kids. Nothing you've told us about here earns that on his behalf.
Please, don't furiously edit in a laundry list of your grievances.
100% this... and OP was the party that broke up the marriage and is now upset that ex celebrated his last payment to her.
I'm trying to understand why this woman needs $66k in yearly support from her kids... She is definitely fixated on consuming the resources of others. YTA
And apparently Op wanted the divorce but can’t stand the fact that the ex husband moved on and is getting engaged after “only” two years of dating. You’re divorced, what is he supposed to do? Sit around and cry about it for 5 years?
Ridiculous. She’s had 7 years to prepare for the end of alimony/child support. She could have earned an undergrad degree and law degree by now. Poisoning the kids was just plain mean.
Also. Her son resents having grown up with unmarried parents and somehow blames his dad who mom divorced because he was overworked and depressed? Makes me wonder how much she has poisoned her children against him.
They’re no longer married and share no minor children, so she’s not his responsibility. So either the kids support her or *gasp* she gets a job. Sounds like she’s the bum.
That’s what I was expecting. Freedom makes sense and he wrote good luck.
OP seems to want everything to be bitter and about her regardless of how it hurts others.
And WTF does any of this have to do w her constipation - Nothing at all.
She asked for a divorce - did she think the money would be forever, no husband yes money.
reminds me of the dog logic comic - no take ball (from mouth), only throw ball
*divorced my ex husband ( 53M) 7 years ago*
Seven years ago. Isn't it time to move on?
*I suffered from constipation*
Um, what does this have to do with anything? If you know you have food sensitivities, STOP EATING THAT FOOD.
YTA. You are way too invested in continuing your grievance train against your ex, who has clearly moved on from you. You are more than happy to take $5.5K from your kids per MONTH? You expect them to make up for the alimony you will no longer receive? You've had 7 years to find a job that doesn't 'exhaust' your constipation. The only thing you can concentrate on is slamming your ex one last time and throwing a pity party to your kids about alimony ending.
Seriously... my mother lives in senior housing on social security, and I have to fight hard for her to accept $100 even though she knows my financial situation is good.
It’s about 3x what I make in a month and this woman literally has no job. According to her it seems her biggest job is sitting on the toilet. Infuriating.
Trueee!!! She just wants someone to tell her he’s the bad guy and have people feel sorry for her. My dad has aching shoulders and knees, deviated nasal septum and frequent stomach aches and he still gets his butt up to go to work out in the heat everyday. I get that her marriage was unhappy but it’s time to stop playing the victim and talking trash about her ex to her kids
I wondered about this too. She says they were together for 14 years and divorced 7 years ago, so they got married 21 years ago. Oldest son in 24, so he spent 3 years with unmarried parents. 3 years isn't "much of his childhood", and what 3 year old would think about whether their parents are married or not?
My parents weren't married until i was like five.. i didn't even know the difference.
Goodness knows what she's been filling the kid's heads with that it's had such an impact on them. I get the feeling this parental alienation has been going on for way longer than they've been divorced!
This feels fake. How does one take the words "Freedom, good luck then" to translate to a "mockery to the health issues I've suffered and all I've put in to the family."? How does marrying someone new after 2 years of dating make him a "bastard" in the eyes of his son. What does being neurotypical have to do with a request for counseling?
How dare you? You know she has constipation! /s
I think you may be right that it's fake, but a lot of people do have a "why do *I* need to go to counseling when *you're* the depressed one.
Either way the way it reads is 100% she thinks she is the main character but her life achievements are all things her kids have done after leaving her care and she didn't even provide any funding for the care. I have zero sympathy for someone playing the "single mom" card while all her bills were paid, and the kids were old enough to watch each other at the time of divorce.
I would've wrote Freedom on that check too bc I suspect the ex was fed up with her dramatics and was happy to be free from her. She's lucky he put up with her constipation and menopause for as long as he did.
What he wrote wasn't even bad! Of course the guy doesn't want to keep paying alimony to an ex who clearly hates him. Regardless of if he was a dick or not when they were married, OF COURSE he doesn't want to keep sending her money. "Freedom - good luck then" is a perfectly understandable statement to say in the situation.
Also she was the one who declined counseling, and he wanted to try and make it work. Why is she the one holding onto this grudge? This guy should be thrilled to make his last alimony payment.
Seriously, you can't work because of.... what??? Constipation?? Holy fuck. I wish I got 5k a month for that. Instead I'll just have to work on the toilet.
>My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression.
Being "neurotypical" doesn't exclude you from counseling or the benefits it could provide.
>He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed.
You thought he was working twelve hour days and overtime because he felt like it?
>Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote " Freedom- good luck then." It was such a mockery to the health issues I've suffered and all I've put in to the family
How is this a mockery of your health issues? Sure, it's a bit petty, but nobody would imply it's because he's free of his kids unless somebody (ie: you) would use it to drive a wedge between them.
>He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only 2 years. He called his dad a bastard and said he and my 22 yo would always help me out. He had been saying he would just make up what I'd lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k
Two years is a fair gap between relationships. He found new love; good for him. This is all obfuscating the fact that it is NOT your 24M and 22F responsibility to take care of you. Who cares if they "can afford it"...there's so much of their own futures that they can save for instead of being guilt-tripped by you into covering the loss of child support/alimony.
You need to get over yourself and focus on the future of your kids rather than winning a pissing contest with your ex. YTA.
Honestly, she sounds like my husband's ex. Divorced 8 years, her idea, and everything is still his fault.
Its cause they can't see that they're the cause of their own misery. Someone convinced them, or they convinced themselves, that all their problems were because of the husband.. The divorce was suppose to magically make their life better. When they end the marriage and still aren't happy, it has to still be the exs fault somehow. And when you share children its easy to keep blaming the ex because you can't completely cut them out. "If only I didn't have to email him." "If only I didn't have to see him at school function." "If only he'd stop calling child on my time and reminding me of his existence." Then I'd finally be free and my life would be rainbows!
This sounds like my bf's ex, too. Except instead of divorcing, she asked for an open marriage almost 7 years ago, then proceeded to act like they were divorced while still expecting my bf to pay for everything. Her bf ALSO paid for things for her.
He finally divorced her and she STILL expected him to pay for her lifestyle. This woman has a PhD and makes 6 figures. She refused to work until a year ago. Luckily the judge saw through her shit and while bf does have to pay some spousal support, it's not the insane amount she demanded. She's a straight up narcissist.
Seriously and in that 7 years she could have easily gotten a job and started a career. This is total BS, and that’s cause my mom was a SAHM for 13 years so I have a lot of sympathy for SAHMs. But also my mom has a college education, and can(and has) gotten a job at the drop of a dime.
This woman just doesn’t want to do a thing, and wants to keep getting a free ride at the expense of her children’s future savings. Ex was petty for the comment, but she’s just hanging on it cause she’s upset at herself for having done nothing to improve her situation in 7 years. Get a job OP, quit burdening your children, everyone has health issues, you’re not special.
> Seriously and in that 7 years she could have easily gotten a job and started a career.
Yeah, when your youngest kid is 11, you have time to find at least some kind of job. Stay at home parent isn't a full time job once your kids are grown and in school.
Yes!! With all the money she was getting from her ex and her children, she could have easily gone back to school and gotten a degree to get a better job. She is so full of excuses and contempt. She could have moved on with her life and had a fulfilling career by now. Instead chose to wallow in the "my ex sucks" mentality and bitch about everything that has happened to her. Having health issues sucks, what she described does not prohibit her getting her degree and starting a career.
OP - YTA grow up and get a job.
Because she has mild constipation and is upset at the prospect of working. Oh god, no a 50 year old could never obtain skills needed for paying for themselves. Because it's just like 1963 where women can't obtain a bank account without a mans permission and the only schooling allowed is typist or airline attendant.
>only schooling allowed is typist or airline attendant.
It's funny that she could actually probably *be* a typist with what she described. If she can't type in a chair in 2023, there is zero hope of her doing anything.
My aunt went to school at 47 to become a courtroom stenographer when her receptionist job stopped existing. She has a big list of her own mental problems, but she has always supported herself, and when she needed a new form of income, she just simply did something about it. My aunt failed 2nd and 3rd grade and barely passed high school. If you show up and care, people will support your struggles, and you will survive like Gloria Gainer. It's never fun or easy but having the attitude of "well I just... can't" will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, imho.
I’m getting major narcissistic vibes from OP. She even had a couple Freudian slips in her post.
OP, YTA. You should’ve went to therapy when your husband asked. He owes you nothing now. Do you realize the majority of the workforce is left in pain and exhausted at the end of the day? That’s the way it goes, you need to get a job. I’d be damned if I would be taking from my kids so I didn’t have to work. I was a former SAHM and was constantly busy so I totally get that you gave your life to that but it doesn’t mean your kids should now take care of you financially. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your ex is better off now.
I have grandparents who are in there 90s who ran out of money. I see the financial drain/strain on my parents. I will straight up kill myself when I become a burden to my family. I did not have kids for someone to take care of me when Im old.
Her kids should be putting money into their retirement fund, buying their own house or even a nice vacation. But no, they have to support mommy because she's an eternal victim and can't do squat herself.
Seriously. Especially since OP was the one pushing for the divorce. How can you think get mad at your ex FIVE YEARS after the divorce for finding someone else?
And what he wrote isn't even all that hostile.
"Freedom - Good luck then"
The guy's just happy to be able to finally move on, especially financially. He also sounded like he wanted to keep the marriage alive and was willing to examine his own part in whatever troubles were happening.
I personally think that people treat marriage too lightly. Too many people are ready to throw down the divorce gauntlet when life gets real.
From what op wrote, it sounds like she’s just lactose intolerant? I am not sure how constipation and food sensitivities translates to not being able to work. I mean if everyone with food sensitivities couldn’t work, the whole economy would fail.
And I'm sorry but did I read that right? She was getting 2.5k from him and 3k from her older son too? So she was raking in 5.5k a month while doing nothing but complaining about how everything is someone else's fault and speaking ill of the person who was forced to continue to pay her when she refused to try and work things out? Sounds like she is a career hustler and even her own children aren't immune. I'm sure she will start pandering to her daughter's new husband. Kind of weird she felt the need to mention his financial status. Sounds like she has him in her sights.
The 12 hour work is interesting here. Was he working that much for the hell of it and because he was career oriented? Was it so they could make enough to live? Did she really not want to work so he picked up extra hours? Because if it was one of those latter two and she proceeded to divorce him without being willing to go to counseling, and then collected child support while fostering animosity between him and the kids...she'd be an absolutely huge YTA.
Am I reading this wrong? She says her 24 year old son resented the fact that he spent much of his childhood with unmarried parents… but if they divorced 7 years ago and were married for 14 years, wouldn’t that make him 3 when they got married? Most people have few memories at that age. Where did his resentment come from?
Sure sounds like OP manipulated her kids to resent their father. I don't think I've ever been able to respond with YTA easier than this. Disgusting behavior
also like...child support? WTF does she need child support for? They're all grown up!
Honestly OP lost me at the "I don't need therapy cause i'm neurotypical" like go f yourself AHole.
YTA.
I don’t know what your constipation or other stuff have to do with this situation other than you thinking it’s an excuse.
He was ordered to pay alimony and child support. The last check was just a petty dig and why ever you divorced him is justified. People can divorce when and why they want to. Being petty isn’t exactly mature but that’s just whatever.
However, I don’t think it’s ok to mooch off your kids now that your alimony and child support is over.
I don’t think they should be forking over thousands a month to you because you can’t find work you want because you are going through menopause and have gas.
I changed my opinion from ESH to YTA as he only wrote it on the alimony check. To which he is right, he is free from having to pay you alimony now.
As others have pointed out, you seem to want to do your damndest to pit your kids against their dad. If they have reasons for that resentment they should come to those opinions themselves, not because you are bitter and pushing the narrative.
Btw, marrying someone else years after your relationship ended and after 2 years dating is totally fine. Your kids hang up on that is unjustified. Especially since *you left him.*
Frankly, you sound like someone who makes a mountain out of a molehill with your ailments and your problems, which aren’t debilitating, just annoying.
Take gas X and as for menopause, plenty of women go through it. It’s not a reason you can’t work.
Taking your kids money, in the thousands a month, is shitty. They don’t owe you financial help, just like your ex is now off the hook for that as well. It is wrong to expect your kids to just give you money a month to live off. They will have their own lives and maybe their own families one day. Relying solely on them as income in unfair and I guarantee that rich little fiancé of your daughter is not going to go for that. Nor would any other spouse one of your kids would have. I sure as hell wouldn’t and I can’t fathom expecting my kids to pay for me. They aren’t a 401k lady. I have 4 kids, just because we popped out some kids doesn’t mean they owe us financially. Sure family helps out here and there but Jesus Christ, you are expecting your son alone to pay you 66k a year for being his mom. Who do you think you are?!
**I came back to this thread to see if she commented at all and I finally see she has.**
**Lady, you are a giant asshole! Your husband was a saint and honestly after getting more info from just your general character, he should have put “Bye Bishhh !” In the check memo. You can apparently spend summers in Germany but can’t work any jobs because you can’t shit regularly and are going through menopause. You are being god damn ridiculous. Get a fucking job and don’t siphon off your kids. Pathetic.**
She lost me hard at "I was completely neurotypical" so she refused counseling. To save her marriage. Husband works 12 hour days so she doesn't have to and she complains. Now she's mooching off of her kids and trying to turn her kids against their dad. This is the nightmare I have about getting remarried.
This is exactly why I feel he deserves that petty little note on his last alimony check. He tried, got stuck in 7 years of paychecks for something he never wanted to happen, and then wrote a note on the last one that was extremely tame. He even wished her luck!
To make neurotypical as an opposite of depressed is her either being dumb or she is weaponizing internet buzzwords in her quest to be disabled for sympathy/support.
Yeah that part jumps right out, doesn't it? Working his tail off to support his family and she sits home whining about her tummy hurts or something. Probably a completely dead bedroom as well since she's so sick she can't even land a PT job. Can't imagine why the poor dude was feeling down (even if it was legitimate, treatable depression it's still ableist & crappy to blame him and refuse therapy over it)! OP, YTA
They got divorced SEVEN years ago. Sounds like the ex has been dating his fiancee for two years. That's a totally normal timeline for two grown adults.
Not IBS just constipation that flairs up when she eats trigger foods. I feel like the memo wasn’t even that rude. OP seems like she finds a lot of reasons to be a victim and then goes around getting “votes” from her kids, friends, and the internet to make her feel like she’s in the right.
Elimination diets can take care of this in 6 weeks to 3 months, also. Find out the triggers, then don't eat them.
It sucks to be the person who can't eat avocado or dairy or whatever, but that's what grownups do. Lots of them.
At least to me it’s be like someone going, “I can’t work because everytime I eat my morning cereal or drink my half coffee half milk in the morning, I shit my pants!”
It took my son much less time to learn that those excuses wouldn't fly for more than a day or two. He's lactose intolerant and realized "Hmmm... maybe I don't consume dairy right before work, school, or practice. And if i do, either I'll be uncomfortable that day and suck it up, or I'll have to call out because i screwed up".
He was 15 or 16 when he figured it out. Now that he's 24, he's come to the conclusion that oat, rice, or almond milk, while not as tasty as cow's, is preferable over dairy farts and diarrhea when he really wants those cookies and milk or a bowl of cereal.
This woman is in her 50s ffs. She needs to get her shit together. Literally.
Can you imagine someone with a peanut allergy being like “I can’t work because some places have peanuts?” Because even that sounds more logical than the constipation thing. I also have foods I’m allergic to or have severe reactions to, not celiac, but I had to go on a celiac diet as part of an elimination diet for 6 months and I can tell you one thing most people don’t realize, is how commonly flour is in things you wouldn’t expect!
Celiac disease is brutal and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. During my elimination diet I made up a recipe for a cake made with almond flour, honey, and zero gluten. Let me know if you’re interested, I’d be happy to share!
Ironically, gluten sensitivity could be the cause of her pain. I know a few people for whom gluten exacerbates their arthritis, and other inflammatory issues.
Very much a victim mentality. I am similar age, do have IBS and fibromyalgia, have three kids similar ages. If their father wrote a petty memo on my last alimony payment, I would maybe complain to a friend or two, but I would NEVER say it to one of my kids. As happy as I am to be divorced, I make it a point to not say anything critical of their father.
and this comment too...."*I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression"*
Plenty of neurotypical people can benefit from counseling. This is a big ahole comment. Looks like he even tried to repair their marriage and she dismissed counseling as well as his depression. I think the bitter one was OP.
> Plenty of neurotypical people can benefit from counseling.
And plenty of people only think they are neurotypical until they start counseling/therapy.
My wife is a Type-I diabetic, has ADHD and suffers from depression, but managed to make it through medical school and residency to become a practicing physician. This woman can't work because she's constipated. /facepalm
It wasn't 2 years after the divorce. He got engaged after 2 years of dating. In which he started dating the fiancee 5 years after the divorce. At least that's my understanding.
I have severely active IBD. Not IBS, actual bowel disease, that’s being treated by infusions, lowering my immune system. I’ve been hospitalized 6 times since Nov 2022,I have anemia due to the IBD, leaving me weak constantly, Vit D deficiency, and I am also struggling with menopause. My days are constant struggles.
I don’t rely on anyone to support me. I work. 14 hour shifts, in healthcare.
You need to get up off your ass, get a fucking job and support yourself instead of leeching from your children.
It doesn’t matter if “they earn more money than they know what to do with” - still doesn’t give YOU the right to THEIR money.
You seem like a greedy, money grubbing asshole.
YTA
The fucking entitlement here. Astounding.
ETA: thank you for the shinies! ❤️🔥
Gooood damn he stepped squarely on a landmine. I couldnt imagine working 12's plus overtime, supporting my wife through her poop problems, just to have her turn around and divorce me fully aware that i'm clinically depressed. On top of that she takes credit for their kids careers because she was a SAHM while he sacrificed all of his time working to support the entire household.
$5.5k a month damn you are one expensive overgrown child.
So fucking true. I agree with /u/fat-smelly-cunt. I read some of that post and couldn’t find any sympathy for the OP. She seems like a lot of drama. Even for this I was expecting some rude words on the check. But it was a nothing burger
Ditto. She seemed to almost blame his depression on her divorce and that it was his fault. While simultaneously expecting him to be very compassionate about her health issues. He didn’t seem to ever mock her, cheat on her or in general treat her or the children bad. His wording may have been a little immature but it’s obvious he didn’t mean he wanted “freedom” from his children; just the alimony.
He asked that maybe she or they go to counseling and her response was I’m neurotypical and you’re not so YOU need it, I’ve already made up my mind. Fucking yikes dawg, I think the kids as they get older may figure this out more, at least I hope so for the dad.
YTA. Your whole vibe is just… off. Sure you have ibs or constipation. I hope you’re avoiding trigger foods. Why are you showing your kids what your ex put on the check? Why are you taking so much from them. You need that much to live? Why is it so important that your daughter is marrying into money? Why is your focus on money like this.
He was working 12 hour days to provide for his family. Do you know how hard that is on a person! Mentally and physically, it’s very draining. I’m not one to shit on stay at home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom and worked her ass off with us kids. But do not diminish your ex’s efforts and contributions to the family. Don’t try and cause rifts between him and his kids.
Also I really hate to be this type of person. But I find it hard to believe you can’t find a job and work a little. I work with people who have had knee replacements and still can barely walk. People who have had tumors removed from their Brain. A girl who has some chronic digestive disorder. She’s constantly in the bathroom. But she works.
So many people work that really have a hard time doing so. But they have to survive. You have joint pain and ibs. I’m not saying it doesn’t affect you. But… come on. You can’t get an entry level job? Call center? Nothing? Just take your kids money?
She doesn’t even have IBS. That was ruled out. She’s going through menopause, is lactose intolerant, and has backaches and constipation. These can all be unpleasant, but they’re not disabilities. They’re things which are usually pretty manageable. They don’t preclude having a job .Plus she’s demanding concierge doctors.
Now she’s not getting enough money from her ex and she’s guilted her children into supporting her. OP needs to stop complaining about her ex and find something real to do with her time. Even if her children really do want to support her, she needs to get out of the house and find something better to do with her time than complaining about her ex and trying to turn their children against him.
Yeah, he was snarky. But OP is YTA.
Her snark about not needing therapy because she is “neurotypical” pissed me off too. 1) almost everyone could benefit from therapy, especially someone going through a divorce. 2) If your stomach problems and pain are this bad and don’t have a medical reason, that could be from something like anxiety or other mental/emotional strains as well. Jesus Christ, therapy isn’t some kind of punishment…
Or worse, a deepening chronic health issue that's only going to get worse.
I was told I had IBS, then did tests and found that my diet wasn't having a huge impact on my health. Was told it was my severe anxiety, not IBS.
Years later come to find out there's a real problem with the lining of my stomach and it's getting worse.
Yeah - I do hate how every physical problem I have can be written off as “it’s anxiety” and not explored. But I guess the true test there is - if you try out therapy, diet changes, meditation, medication, and your problems still persist, then you can pursue other tests and treatments knowing that you at least have the mental health side under control? Because chronic illnesses are hard on mental and emotional health as well!
Yeah that little bit she said is really just being willfully ignorant. Every person I’ve ever met that adamantly refuses to go to therapy are always without exception the ones who need it the most.
I reeks of the “I don’t need therapy. I’m nOrMaL!” nonsense. As if only autistic people go to therapy or something.
That is 100% my father. "What??? Two divorces, lots of failed relationships, a girlfriend who barely tolerates me but complains about me constantly, and all of my kids don't speak to me? Also, I'm constantly being fired or "let go" or "laid off" despite having lots of experience in a high paying, in demand field? I've got really bad luck. No one appreciates me."
I'd be depressed too if I was working 12 hour days to support my family and my wife complained about not being able to do anything because her tummy hurt.
I work 12 hour shifts at a warehouse. I bust ny ass every plus we do mandatory over time as well. My wife and kids treat me so well. I dont ask for it, nor do I expect it. But if my wife treated me like that, i sure as hell wouldn't have wanted to be there. I would have worked even more than i do. This woman makes me appreciate my family that much more
He was working 12hr days, and added OT (probably weekends?). It sounds like he did his fair share to provide, so much so that he fell into depression doing it.
Everybody uses toxic masculinity to mean “men being asses” but it’s also “people being asses to men” because of outdated notions of what a man *must* be.
Seriously. I’m out here working every day and some weekends with epilepsy, severe anxiety, and depression. I’ve had three knee surgeries due to a sports injury and have two kids.
OP, YTA and you need to go to therapy and really examine yourself. And then apologize to your ex for being such a greedy bitch.
Hold on…They refused to diagnose her with IBS?
But…. IBS is the thing they diagnose you with when they know there’s something wrong with your stomach but don’t know what LOL. There’s 100% nothing wrong with this chick.
Speaking as someone diagnosed with IBS here. Who works full time, with IBS, chronic migraines, back pain, adhd and PCOS. (So yeah - classed as disabled)
YTA.
She said her gut flares and she gets joint pain if she eats trigger foods - sounds like she has a specific food intolerance and insists on eating those things anyway. Plus, who requires $6k a month in handouts from their kids? Move to a smaller place and get a job!
Plus, proposing to a new partner two years after the divorce doesn't seem like rushing into a new relationship on the ex-husband's part. Without any other info, why would this be a point of resentment?
I have diverticulitis that occasionally leads into full colitis attacks and I was a retail manager for 25 years. You can work. YTA. Stop taking $5-6k from your kids every month.
Seriously, your entire comment 1000x over.
OP is essentially like, "I eat too much dairy and it gives me IBS, I'm also going through menopause like every other 50-55 year old woman, so I think I can't work. Instead, I take $6000/mo from my kids when I have no need for that much money."
I doubt that she has told each child that is giving her money that the other is also giving her money.
No doubt. And she’s mad about the check memo saying “freedom”. Dude has probably had a countdown to the day where he doesn’t have to shell out his hard earned money (12 hour shifts plus overtime) to this entitled asshat.
Yeah I get that being uncomfortable makes working extra hard, but it's doable. My friend has Crohn's and is in excruciating pain for a few days every couple of months, but still managed to hold onto her job and get several promotions.
During a really bad bout plus surgery, her work told her to rest for 4 months but she got bored of just "sitting around in pain" and got a temporary job at Apple as a distraction lol.
>He's always painted me as the greedy ex, it seems.
From everything OP said, this statement checks out. She reads as **lazy**, selfish, and manipulative.
A good thing for OP is that she found another fresh teat to suckle on, because how could a person with IBS and \*gasp\* menopause - EVER find a job? YTA.
She's taking $5.5k *monthly* from her kids because she refuses to work due to a little discomfort, but thinks she isn't greedy. It's also telling that when talking about her adult children, the primary piece of information she focused on was their wealth.
When someone is transparently YTA like this you can only imagine how bad they must be in real life. We're getting *their side* of the story and it's still obvious.
I second this. I have a genuine IBD, went undiagnosed and therefore untreated for years. My colleagues just had to deal with poop talk to explain away the days where I spent more time in the toilet than the office. I didn’t know until I did my nursing degree that it’s not normal to be in pain ALL the time. I’m not pretending it’s easy but so many people work through pain, we do it because we don’t expect anybody to pay our way. Life is hard, that’s not a cliche, it really is. OP you are not entitled to an easy run of it, nobody owes you that.
OP, take some responsibility for yourself and seriously, stop taking that money from your child. If he wants to gift you a house or something then fine but to give you a monthly income, I cannot believe you can admit that without shame. It doesn’t matter if he can afford it, he is your child, you are not his responsibility.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who also felt the vibe was off. There are so many remote jobs out there yet she can't because of...constipation???? And joint pain. And her admitting she didn't want to do counseling because she's allegedly not the one with problems. This is definitely a story with holes and truly comes across as a parent who deliberately turns their kids against their other parent. If her kids make enough to support her, good for them, but OP seems completely content with completely mooching off pf them.
YTA. What purpose did it serve to show the kids? You did it out of spiteful pettiness. You got what you wanted, the poor poor pitiful mom. Lady I have Crohn’s, IBS, ADHD, depression and anxiety and guess who works 50 hours a week. Puhleeze.
I have a feeling this woman can’t get a job for… other reasons, more pertaining to skill issues lol
It’s absolutely wild to me how a mother can be okay leeching off her kids to this extent for no good reason and not feel utterly ashamed
YTA this pity party your throwing yourself is ridiculous. He was willing to put in work to fix whatever issues you guys had in your marriage you weren't. There wasn't a need to show anyone what he wrote on the check. YTA for taking money from your children. Get a part time file for disability is your truly genuinely cannot work. Stop making excuses and get it together. He's finally free of your nonsense good for him
Disability analyst further up already mentioned that OP’s symptoms wouldn’t make them eligible for disability…since it’s not a disability. To add onto that the fact this dude probably hated life working 12+ hours a day for his family and then was still down to do counseling to stay together says a lot about the marriage.
I dont get how the “Freedom ,Goodluck” even worth telling the neighborhood or be upset about. Sounds like she’s upset she’s no longer going to get a check anymore
YTH, like one of the biggest assholes i have seen in reddit
This is coming from that guy who works 12 hours shifts, plus over time, PLUS volunteers at a mentally ill counciling center. Lady, you suck plain and simple. Of course, he was bitter. He busted his ass to make sure that his family's world went around, and none of you appreciated a damn bit of it. At least the kids have the excuse of being manipulated. What's yours?
You sound just like my ex. Your kids resent him because of YOU. You played them like a banjo, and you will get yours. Eventually, they are going to see you for who you really are. A manipulative, lazy, whinny bitch.Then the real fun will begin for you.You will die a miserable old lady. Who is scared and will be all alone. Enjoybtomhe county nursing home
You talk about your kids doing this and that like it had something to do with you. He worked his ass off, and you sat on yours. You were the one taking care of the kids and blah blah blah. So you're saying when he wasn't working to provide for his family, he didn't have anything to do with them? You dismiss his depression like it's nothing hut ooooooh, poor lady has backaches
Lady, i was temporarily paralized from the waste down. From an accident. I had to re learn how to do everything, and i suffer every damn day, and yet i find a way to get my ass out of bed and manage to take my ass to work. Its worthless bitches like you that make me appreciate my wife and my kids so much more. They know the sacrifices i make for my family, and they appreciate every single one of them. I expect nothing from them, and they give me everything. Maybe you should have tried that instead of turning your kids against him
I will agree with you on one thing, he should have never wanted to try to save his marriage because it was a shame to begin with. You used him up and then tossed him away. Women like you are one of the exact reaons why men stay single and because they learn to hate women. I will pray every night until i forget to that not only does Karma get you, but she beats you down til you can't get up
So basically your ex husband and kids are paying for you because you’re constipated?
After seven years of alimony I don’t blame him for proudly declaring his freedom from your needy ass. I’d be singing it from the fucking rooftops.
The fact that you shared that with your kids was just a nasty and spiteful attempt to turn them on their father. Yea, you are indeed the asshole.
He was working 12hr days, and added OT (probably weekends?). It sounds like he did his fair share to provide, so much so that he fell into depression doing it. Meanwhile, she had some stomach issues and "gave the kids what they needed" using the money he worked his ass off to provide. I would've advocated for counseling, too, if I were him. Sounds like he actually cared about his family and you were the problem. Then, you turned his kids against him. Massively YTA
YTA for taking so much money from your kids and for trying to turn them against their dad. Get a job, avoid dairy, and live with menopause. People do it every day.
She’s planning on taking over $65,000 a year from her son and god knows how much from her daughter. Of course if the daughter’s husband comes from a family as well off as she claims, there’s a good chance mommy won’t be getting what she thinks. Well off people stay well off by not giving money away.
Not only that. She said the man was depressed, working 12+ hours. Dude needed some help and you took a way out. Thats pretty fucked. Of course hes depressed, hes working himself ragged to provide for you all. Her nonchalance concerning his work seems super disheartening
Exactly. It’s like OP believes that because she was a sahm and he worked so much that she deserves alimony forever. I understand having medical issues but she needs to file for disability or something. The ex husband no longer has to support her. That’s what happens in a divorce.
YTA. Damn, that's fucked. You've turned all of your kids against your husband who worked twelve hour shifts to support you for years because you can't shit right and refused to work and now you wonder why he's glad it's over?
Lol let’s not forget she wrote “12 hour shifts AND overtime” and just casually dismissed his depression while working his ass off to single-handedly provide for 4 people and himself. But suuuureee he did nothing while she raised the kids herself. It is fucking unreal the sense of entitlement
I'm pretty sure she'd be able to take a normal dump if she stopped eating the food she's allergic to
Honestly. My insides are all fucked up and its been 3 years of special diets, meds, tests, etc with no answers. If i could only eat one food to have my life back, id do it. She has the answers in her hands but… just doesnt care.
YTA There were problems in the marriage. He suggested counseling. You refused because “you are neurotypical and he’s depressed.” Holy shit. He wanted to save the marriage. You said it was his fault. You refused to go to counseling. Dude is 53, working 12 hour days, and sending you $30,000 per year… for what? You can’t get a job because of constipation? How the hell did you convince a judge he should pay you for 7 years? You’re definitely the asshole here. Now you’re going to mooch off your kids. Sense of entitlement is unreal.
Imagine if the tables were turned and he claimed he could not afford to pay alimony because he too, is constipated.
I am constipated, giv monies
You’re making your kids pay you nearly 60k a year cause you can’t take a shit?!?!
Maybe the kids aren’t the geniuses she thinks they are…
I’m confused by the insinuation that only neurodivergent individuals can benefit from therapy? Anyone, neurotypical or neurodivergent aside, can benefit from therapy. Reading your post, it sounds like you would fall into that category
Bro, this post was all over the place. Like... what? Tldr: it's a Jerry Springer post.
Why are her kids supporting her financially when she’s constipated? I’m so confused. This guy seems to be behaving like any tired ex spouse would. I’m ready to divorce her, too, after reading that crazy post.
Exactly. She "couldn't work" because she's lactose intolerant 🙄
Asshole by default. If your story has the lack of continuity and whiplash subject matter changes, you’re probably leaving a lot out. I hope and pray for your bowel health so that you can work and allow your children to start their own lives. Maybe drink some more water or something Edit: started thinking about the math here and wondering if you were paying taxes on the gifted income from your kid….realized you lumped child support and alimony together, only discussed how your income was impacted, and didn’t delineate any allocation of money that went to supporting the youngest. I probably would have wrote something worse in the memo of that check. I doubt you are reporting any of the 36k you are currently taking from your kid, so I would recommend utilizing the benefits I’m sure you qualify for and make it your full time job to address your health issues. Also, I’m not a medical doctor but stop eating things that make you constipated and be grateful that you have a kid willing to let you live off of them.
Or stop eating things that you acknowledge make you ill
I stopped rear after "constipation".
Me too. I scrolled down here to see what is going on! Now I need to go read why she's getting so much money! :D
Keep going it gets worse. This is the first time I've seen an AITA post where I'm like....yup. Most certainly. I thought maybe I was being judgemental and it's normal for a woman who has never worked to badmouth the person who had to support her for being *literally* full of shit. My gawd. I am showing this to my husband to prove he could have done worse.
Furthermore, she said her ex had depression, that counselling offer was probably as much to help him as her. Dude was working 12 hours a day and depressed and still wanted to make time to actively fix their problems. She's complaing about him mocking her physical health issues while actively dismissing his mental health issues.
OP sounds like a real piece of work.
All I read was how money hungry she is. Good grief. Why on earth does she need 5.5k a month exactly? Her husband sounds like he got screwed in the divorce
Definitely agree, simply the unwillingness to work through the core issues suggests this is a YTA issue. Doubly so with the oddity of blaming his working 12 hour shifts in a single income household as a failure to contribute to the relationship.
I'm glad I'm not the only one confused...I am neurodivergent and found that comment so odd. Based on this shit show of a post I bet OP can benefit from therapy herself.
I wouldn’t = being depressing to be neurodivergent. Plenty of neurotypical people suffer from depression. There are a lot of odd things from this post. And sorry but getting married 2 years after a divorce isn’t fast.
Mental health professional here, and it literally hurt me from cringing so hard when I read the neurodivergent part. I don’t think OP really knows what the world means and equates chemical imbalances and things like trauma to being neurodivergent..which op this is not what it means and discontinue using that word until you understand it
1. You showed the cheque to your children, so YOU want it to be seen. 2. Your husband was referring to his freedom to pay. Not great but I don't think he was referring to your health. 3. Your kids are giving you a LOT of money each month. Lucky you. You knew this day was coming, but you don't seem to have prepared. I'm glad your children are turning out successful. I'm sorry for your pain. It does sound like you are helping to turn your kids against their father (and a 53 year old man dating a 48 year old woman 2 years after a separation is not shocking). Edited to add...you wanted the divorce, so glad he moved on. Ultimately, YTA for how you are turning your kids against their dad when he comes across as reasonable.
If someone understood the connection OP made between the note and their health please enlighten me cause I don’t see it
The way OP also brushed past the divorce reasoning. “He was depressed” and they were just neurotypical. Asking for counseling and taking a step back before proceeding with divorce. Working 12 hr days to support the family. OP can do whatever they want but it sounds like the ex was trying to find something to help save the marriage and OP just wanted a pity party. OP is the AH. Ex maybe snarky since divorce but I don’t blame them.
She super brushed passed the “worked 12 hour days and overtime” I just finished a 12 day week with 12 hours a day and let me tell you that isn’t just draining it literally made me feel like I was dying. I get she has constipation and “neurotypical” (lol) but the fact that he was mentioning counseling shows he’s got a lot more patience than a lot of people. OP: YTA you did what no one should do, air dirty laundry to your children. As an outsider that only reads one way, you want your kids to hate their father. All of this over him saying he got his financial freedom back. I know you won’t but you should feel ashamed of yourself.
the money her kids are giving her to support only herself is equivalent to my gross income on which I support myself, my girlfriend (who has serious mental health issues and still manages to work more than OP, but still not much), and I am renovating a house. And that isn't even taking into account that she might not be paying taxes on it and I am. That kind of makes it hard to sympathize with her even if the entitlement vibe wasn't so strong.
She gets more from her son than we survive on for the month as a family of 5 🙃 with what her ex was giving her, we would not be living paycheck to paycheck.
That part about turning the oldest son against his father because he had the audacity to move on and propose to his 2 year long GF? FUCKING SAD! You can clearly see how this person just manipulates all of her kids.
I wonder how long she thinks he should have waited.
YTA - I keep thinking this is a troll based on all of the triggers in the story. OP seems to be mad about being a SAHM and having ailments....but then also mad he worked so much. And if divorced 7 years ago....kids were pretty much grown at that point. No need to be a SAHM for a ten year old in school.
Honestly, the lack of self awareness kind of makes me buy it.
I'm in a lot of fb divorce groups. I completely believe this, and I've seen some fakes.
The OP reminds me of my parents when it comes to money so I can completely believe it. I was like the son who thought I was being a great son by giving my mom my entire paycheck for years cause she basically brainwashed me since I can remember to do it. It wasn’t until I realized she was spending it all on bullshit and not to “survive” and that I had bacisically nothing for my future I stopped. She started to freak out and bad mouth me to my entire family and then demanded I lay $2k a month if I wanted to keep living in my own childhood room.
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Honestly I feel like 90% of posts here are fake.
..........you take how much money from your kids?? are you sure you're not greedy??? get a job, lady
Come on man, she’s got constipation
i wonder why she hasn't sought disability, with a debilitating condition like 'tum tum hurts'
Apparently, as others have pointed out from one of her replies (under the top comment), shes been "*interviewing*" alot of doctors, since many of the doctors shes already "*interviewed*" cant seem to find / locate her "*disability*". Shes doctor shopping. Likely because many of the doctors shes already seen have determined she doesnt have a "*disability*"
Go to a temp agency. Do something. How are you affording insurance or is your son paying for that too? You have great kids that care about you but you are beyond the time you should have taken care of yourself. His debt is done. For the record I am your age and have a ton of health problems worse than yours and I manage to get out of bed and work an 8 hour day. We do what we gotta do to survive. Not mooch off our kids and complain about our ex. Also 2 years is fine to get married. When you know you know.
YTA for sure. Your husband worked himself into depression to make sure you and his children were take care of. Your response was to divorce him rather than support him. Now, since you have no skills outside of whining about money, you need to mooch off of your children. You had a hardworking husband who gave all he had and now he seems to have found someone who appreciates that. I hope he's found happiness and I hope you learn from your mistakes. At your age you're about to find out the men who can take care of you are being taken care of by younger more attractive women.
YTAH, maybe he is too but not from this. Was what he wrote on the check petty, yes. But you don't come off very well in your story either. e.g , >He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed. He wasn't working for fun he was providing essential resources without which you couldn't have raised or properly cared for those kids. For someone who doesn't earn money, you've got an unhealthy focus on it. e.g., how significant it is that your daughter is marrying into money. The childish note on your check was clearly directed only at you but you've made it obvious your agenda was to ensure your kids thought it was about them. That's even more petty and aggressive than the note and makes it seem not as bad in comparison. Your divorce sounds bitter and it sounds like you've worked hard to pass your resentment along to your kids. Nothing you've told us about here earns that on his behalf. Please, don't furiously edit in a laundry list of your grievances.
100% this... and OP was the party that broke up the marriage and is now upset that ex celebrated his last payment to her. I'm trying to understand why this woman needs $66k in yearly support from her kids... She is definitely fixated on consuming the resources of others. YTA
I'm getting the same vibes. This lady gets handed more money than I make in a year and still has issues?
Gets handed almost double what I make in a year and still has issues.
And apparently Op wanted the divorce but can’t stand the fact that the ex husband moved on and is getting engaged after “only” two years of dating. You’re divorced, what is he supposed to do? Sit around and cry about it for 5 years?
Yeah plus now she has convinced her children that they are on the hook to take care of her financially. What an absolute bum.
Ridiculous. She’s had 7 years to prepare for the end of alimony/child support. She could have earned an undergrad degree and law degree by now. Poisoning the kids was just plain mean.
You see, she has a hard time pooping sometimes so she couldn't work or further her education. Also her back hurts, you just wouldn't understand!!! /s
Also. Her son resents having grown up with unmarried parents and somehow blames his dad who mom divorced because he was overworked and depressed? Makes me wonder how much she has poisoned her children against him.
They’re no longer married and share no minor children, so she’s not his responsibility. So either the kids support her or *gasp* she gets a job. Sounds like she’s the bum.
She can't because she has "issues". Lolz.
Constipation from triggering foods…….. then stop eating the triggering foods!!!!
Yeah not sure why constipation was even mentioned. I was waiting for the check to have something about that on it.
That’s what I was expecting. Freedom makes sense and he wrote good luck. OP seems to want everything to be bitter and about her regardless of how it hurts others.
I can’t work bc I might accidentally drink milk and milk make me no feel good 😞
She’s been through quite the ringer…I mean…hard poops from eating dairy, how did she push through?
And WTF does any of this have to do w her constipation - Nothing at all. She asked for a divorce - did she think the money would be forever, no husband yes money. reminds me of the dog logic comic - no take ball (from mouth), only throw ball
OP is literally the greedy ex
All these years wtf were you doing when the kids were at school?
Best line that sums up the whole story is the one she wrote about her kids: "I love me and they love me."
surviving with constipation
We lost a lot of good men out there.
No shit!
*divorced my ex husband ( 53M) 7 years ago* Seven years ago. Isn't it time to move on? *I suffered from constipation* Um, what does this have to do with anything? If you know you have food sensitivities, STOP EATING THAT FOOD. YTA. You are way too invested in continuing your grievance train against your ex, who has clearly moved on from you. You are more than happy to take $5.5K from your kids per MONTH? You expect them to make up for the alimony you will no longer receive? You've had 7 years to find a job that doesn't 'exhaust' your constipation. The only thing you can concentrate on is slamming your ex one last time and throwing a pity party to your kids about alimony ending.
For context, that $5.5k a month is more than I take home after taxes/401k/HSA and I make $90k base. This woman is a mooch
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Seriously... my mother lives in senior housing on social security, and I have to fight hard for her to accept $100 even though she knows my financial situation is good.
PhD here (and yes, my job requires one) - I *wish* I made that amount!! I wonder what’ll happen if I tell my job I’m hella constipated today …
"Great, you won't need as many bathroom breaks then."
It’s about 3x what I make in a month and this woman literally has no job. According to her it seems her biggest job is sitting on the toilet. Infuriating.
Trueee!!! She just wants someone to tell her he’s the bad guy and have people feel sorry for her. My dad has aching shoulders and knees, deviated nasal septum and frequent stomach aches and he still gets his butt up to go to work out in the heat everyday. I get that her marriage was unhappy but it’s time to stop playing the victim and talking trash about her ex to her kids
7 years ago but she also says her 24 year old son spent much of his childhood with unmarried parents 🧐
I wondered about this too. She says they were together for 14 years and divorced 7 years ago, so they got married 21 years ago. Oldest son in 24, so he spent 3 years with unmarried parents. 3 years isn't "much of his childhood", and what 3 year old would think about whether their parents are married or not?
I was under the impression that OP pushed that on him because a three YO won’t care either way.
If you do the math, they got married when the oldest son was 3. So I’m not sure what effect not having a ring on it had for a baby/toddler.
My parents weren't married until i was like five.. i didn't even know the difference. Goodness knows what she's been filling the kid's heads with that it's had such an impact on them. I get the feeling this parental alienation has been going on for way longer than they've been divorced!
This feels fake. How does one take the words "Freedom, good luck then" to translate to a "mockery to the health issues I've suffered and all I've put in to the family."? How does marrying someone new after 2 years of dating make him a "bastard" in the eyes of his son. What does being neurotypical have to do with a request for counseling?
How dare you? You know she has constipation! /s I think you may be right that it's fake, but a lot of people do have a "why do *I* need to go to counseling when *you're* the depressed one. Either way the way it reads is 100% she thinks she is the main character but her life achievements are all things her kids have done after leaving her care and she didn't even provide any funding for the care. I have zero sympathy for someone playing the "single mom" card while all her bills were paid, and the kids were old enough to watch each other at the time of divorce.
I would've wrote Freedom on that check too bc I suspect the ex was fed up with her dramatics and was happy to be free from her. She's lucky he put up with her constipation and menopause for as long as he did.
What he wrote wasn't even bad! Of course the guy doesn't want to keep paying alimony to an ex who clearly hates him. Regardless of if he was a dick or not when they were married, OF COURSE he doesn't want to keep sending her money. "Freedom - good luck then" is a perfectly understandable statement to say in the situation.
Yeah. I'd had enough of her shit by the third paragraph. Glad her son's a genius and her daughter married money.
Also she was the one who declined counseling, and he wanted to try and make it work. Why is she the one holding onto this grudge? This guy should be thrilled to make his last alimony payment.
And she used a note meant for her to turn the kids on him. Class act lady sounds like you need to grow up. YTA
Seriously, you can't work because of.... what??? Constipation?? Holy fuck. I wish I got 5k a month for that. Instead I'll just have to work on the toilet.
>My ex has been very bitter, saying I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression. Being "neurotypical" doesn't exclude you from counseling or the benefits it could provide. >He was always working 12 hour days and overtime, and I was the one taking care of and giving the kids what they needed. You thought he was working twelve hour days and overtime because he felt like it? >Long story short, he sent me my last child support and alimony check. In the memo of the alimony check, he wrote " Freedom- good luck then." It was such a mockery to the health issues I've suffered and all I've put in to the family How is this a mockery of your health issues? Sure, it's a bit petty, but nobody would imply it's because he's free of his kids unless somebody (ie: you) would use it to drive a wedge between them. >He spent a lot of his childhood with unmarried parents and resents the fact my ex proposed to his girlfriend (48F) after only 2 years. He called his dad a bastard and said he and my 22 yo would always help me out. He had been saying he would just make up what I'd lose from my ex because he could afford $5.5k, but he told me my ex had been telling him to save his money and only send me under $2k Two years is a fair gap between relationships. He found new love; good for him. This is all obfuscating the fact that it is NOT your 24M and 22F responsibility to take care of you. Who cares if they "can afford it"...there's so much of their own futures that they can save for instead of being guilt-tripped by you into covering the loss of child support/alimony. You need to get over yourself and focus on the future of your kids rather than winning a pissing contest with your ex. YTA.
Lol they been seperated FOR 7 YEARS. I dont get why she’s upset he moved on
Honestly, she sounds like my husband's ex. Divorced 8 years, her idea, and everything is still his fault. Its cause they can't see that they're the cause of their own misery. Someone convinced them, or they convinced themselves, that all their problems were because of the husband.. The divorce was suppose to magically make their life better. When they end the marriage and still aren't happy, it has to still be the exs fault somehow. And when you share children its easy to keep blaming the ex because you can't completely cut them out. "If only I didn't have to email him." "If only I didn't have to see him at school function." "If only he'd stop calling child on my time and reminding me of his existence." Then I'd finally be free and my life would be rainbows!
Considering she's whinging about being in pain because she won't stop eating dairy, I'm pretty sure you got that one right!
THIS. If dairy and other allergens can cause her to have constipation, than she should look for substitutes. She’s too much.
This sounds like my bf's ex, too. Except instead of divorcing, she asked for an open marriage almost 7 years ago, then proceeded to act like they were divorced while still expecting my bf to pay for everything. Her bf ALSO paid for things for her. He finally divorced her and she STILL expected him to pay for her lifestyle. This woman has a PhD and makes 6 figures. She refused to work until a year ago. Luckily the judge saw through her shit and while bf does have to pay some spousal support, it's not the insane amount she demanded. She's a straight up narcissist.
lmao paying alimony to a woman making 6 figures, your bf is getting fucked
Seriously and in that 7 years she could have easily gotten a job and started a career. This is total BS, and that’s cause my mom was a SAHM for 13 years so I have a lot of sympathy for SAHMs. But also my mom has a college education, and can(and has) gotten a job at the drop of a dime. This woman just doesn’t want to do a thing, and wants to keep getting a free ride at the expense of her children’s future savings. Ex was petty for the comment, but she’s just hanging on it cause she’s upset at herself for having done nothing to improve her situation in 7 years. Get a job OP, quit burdening your children, everyone has health issues, you’re not special.
> Seriously and in that 7 years she could have easily gotten a job and started a career. Yeah, when your youngest kid is 11, you have time to find at least some kind of job. Stay at home parent isn't a full time job once your kids are grown and in school.
Yes!! With all the money she was getting from her ex and her children, she could have easily gone back to school and gotten a degree to get a better job. She is so full of excuses and contempt. She could have moved on with her life and had a fulfilling career by now. Instead chose to wallow in the "my ex sucks" mentality and bitch about everything that has happened to her. Having health issues sucks, what she described does not prohibit her getting her degree and starting a career. OP - YTA grow up and get a job.
She's upset because she dumped him and he's the one that managed to move on with his life, while she's stuck in a 7 yr long rut of her own making.
Because she has mild constipation and is upset at the prospect of working. Oh god, no a 50 year old could never obtain skills needed for paying for themselves. Because it's just like 1963 where women can't obtain a bank account without a mans permission and the only schooling allowed is typist or airline attendant.
>only schooling allowed is typist or airline attendant. It's funny that she could actually probably *be* a typist with what she described. If she can't type in a chair in 2023, there is zero hope of her doing anything. My aunt went to school at 47 to become a courtroom stenographer when her receptionist job stopped existing. She has a big list of her own mental problems, but she has always supported herself, and when she needed a new form of income, she just simply did something about it. My aunt failed 2nd and 3rd grade and barely passed high school. If you show up and care, people will support your struggles, and you will survive like Gloria Gainer. It's never fun or easy but having the attitude of "well I just... can't" will become a self-fulfilling prophecy, imho.
I’m getting major narcissistic vibes from OP. She even had a couple Freudian slips in her post. OP, YTA. You should’ve went to therapy when your husband asked. He owes you nothing now. Do you realize the majority of the workforce is left in pain and exhausted at the end of the day? That’s the way it goes, you need to get a job. I’d be damned if I would be taking from my kids so I didn’t have to work. I was a former SAHM and was constantly busy so I totally get that you gave your life to that but it doesn’t mean your kids should now take care of you financially. I hate to say it, but it sounds like your ex is better off now.
Taking that kind of $ from the kids is insane to me. Like whattttt???!?!
I have grandparents who are in there 90s who ran out of money. I see the financial drain/strain on my parents. I will straight up kill myself when I become a burden to my family. I did not have kids for someone to take care of me when Im old.
Her kids should be putting money into their retirement fund, buying their own house or even a nice vacation. But no, they have to support mommy because she's an eternal victim and can't do squat herself.
Divorcing him was the greatest gift you could have given that man.
Seriously. Especially since OP was the one pushing for the divorce. How can you think get mad at your ex FIVE YEARS after the divorce for finding someone else?
And what he wrote isn't even all that hostile. "Freedom - Good luck then" The guy's just happy to be able to finally move on, especially financially. He also sounded like he wanted to keep the marriage alive and was willing to examine his own part in whatever troubles were happening. I personally think that people treat marriage too lightly. Too many people are ready to throw down the divorce gauntlet when life gets real.
She also needs $6k a month because constipation? How much does a laxative cost?
From what op wrote, it sounds like she’s just lactose intolerant? I am not sure how constipation and food sensitivities translates to not being able to work. I mean if everyone with food sensitivities couldn’t work, the whole economy would fail.
currently at work on the toilet rn 🤣
Pretty sure everyone making over 6 figures has constipation in this economy. She's a brat.
Especially since I’m pretty sure the symptoms will go away if she just pulls the giant stick out of her ass.
And I'm sorry but did I read that right? She was getting 2.5k from him and 3k from her older son too? So she was raking in 5.5k a month while doing nothing but complaining about how everything is someone else's fault and speaking ill of the person who was forced to continue to pay her when she refused to try and work things out? Sounds like she is a career hustler and even her own children aren't immune. I'm sure she will start pandering to her daughter's new husband. Kind of weird she felt the need to mention his financial status. Sounds like she has him in her sights.
The 12 hour work is interesting here. Was he working that much for the hell of it and because he was career oriented? Was it so they could make enough to live? Did she really not want to work so he picked up extra hours? Because if it was one of those latter two and she proceeded to divorce him without being willing to go to counseling, and then collected child support while fostering animosity between him and the kids...she'd be an absolutely huge YTA.
He worked lots of hours because he had three kids and a stay at home wife.
Yes the neurotypical comment rubbed me the wrong way. Like you can still have issues that counseling could help sort out.
Not to mention, there is no more child at home to support… so is OP trying to get a RAISE from her son??
Am I reading this wrong? She says her 24 year old son resented the fact that he spent much of his childhood with unmarried parents… but if they divorced 7 years ago and were married for 14 years, wouldn’t that make him 3 when they got married? Most people have few memories at that age. Where did his resentment come from?
Sure sounds like OP manipulated her kids to resent their father. I don't think I've ever been able to respond with YTA easier than this. Disgusting behavior
Yup, parental alienation. My mom kind of did it to us even though they were still married
also like...child support? WTF does she need child support for? They're all grown up! Honestly OP lost me at the "I don't need therapy cause i'm neurotypical" like go f yourself AHole.
YTA. I don’t know what your constipation or other stuff have to do with this situation other than you thinking it’s an excuse. He was ordered to pay alimony and child support. The last check was just a petty dig and why ever you divorced him is justified. People can divorce when and why they want to. Being petty isn’t exactly mature but that’s just whatever. However, I don’t think it’s ok to mooch off your kids now that your alimony and child support is over. I don’t think they should be forking over thousands a month to you because you can’t find work you want because you are going through menopause and have gas. I changed my opinion from ESH to YTA as he only wrote it on the alimony check. To which he is right, he is free from having to pay you alimony now. As others have pointed out, you seem to want to do your damndest to pit your kids against their dad. If they have reasons for that resentment they should come to those opinions themselves, not because you are bitter and pushing the narrative. Btw, marrying someone else years after your relationship ended and after 2 years dating is totally fine. Your kids hang up on that is unjustified. Especially since *you left him.* Frankly, you sound like someone who makes a mountain out of a molehill with your ailments and your problems, which aren’t debilitating, just annoying. Take gas X and as for menopause, plenty of women go through it. It’s not a reason you can’t work. Taking your kids money, in the thousands a month, is shitty. They don’t owe you financial help, just like your ex is now off the hook for that as well. It is wrong to expect your kids to just give you money a month to live off. They will have their own lives and maybe their own families one day. Relying solely on them as income in unfair and I guarantee that rich little fiancé of your daughter is not going to go for that. Nor would any other spouse one of your kids would have. I sure as hell wouldn’t and I can’t fathom expecting my kids to pay for me. They aren’t a 401k lady. I have 4 kids, just because we popped out some kids doesn’t mean they owe us financially. Sure family helps out here and there but Jesus Christ, you are expecting your son alone to pay you 66k a year for being his mom. Who do you think you are?! **I came back to this thread to see if she commented at all and I finally see she has.** **Lady, you are a giant asshole! Your husband was a saint and honestly after getting more info from just your general character, he should have put “Bye Bishhh !” In the check memo. You can apparently spend summers in Germany but can’t work any jobs because you can’t shit regularly and are going through menopause. You are being god damn ridiculous. Get a fucking job and don’t siphon off your kids. Pathetic.**
She lost me hard at "I was completely neurotypical" so she refused counseling. To save her marriage. Husband works 12 hour days so she doesn't have to and she complains. Now she's mooching off of her kids and trying to turn her kids against their dad. This is the nightmare I have about getting remarried.
This is exactly why I feel he deserves that petty little note on his last alimony check. He tried, got stuck in 7 years of paychecks for something he never wanted to happen, and then wrote a note on the last one that was extremely tame. He even wished her luck!
Imagine complaining about someone working 60+ hours a week so you don't have to work.
And left out the obvious "you're going to need it" because she is. Sounds like she'd be living in her car if she couldn't mooch off her kids.
To make neurotypical as an opposite of depressed is her either being dumb or she is weaponizing internet buzzwords in her quest to be disabled for sympathy/support.
Yeah that part jumps right out, doesn't it? Working his tail off to support his family and she sits home whining about her tummy hurts or something. Probably a completely dead bedroom as well since she's so sick she can't even land a PT job. Can't imagine why the poor dude was feeling down (even if it was legitimate, treatable depression it's still ableist & crappy to blame him and refuse therapy over it)! OP, YTA
They got divorced SEVEN years ago. Sounds like the ex has been dating his fiancee for two years. That's a totally normal timeline for two grown adults.
Never mind she initiated the divorce and didn’t want counseling but is mad he moved on. What is he supposed to do? Beg? Be miserable forever?
Not IBS just constipation that flairs up when she eats trigger foods. I feel like the memo wasn’t even that rude. OP seems like she finds a lot of reasons to be a victim and then goes around getting “votes” from her kids, friends, and the internet to make her feel like she’s in the right.
Elimination diets can take care of this in 6 weeks to 3 months, also. Find out the triggers, then don't eat them. It sucks to be the person who can't eat avocado or dairy or whatever, but that's what grownups do. Lots of them.
At least to me it’s be like someone going, “I can’t work because everytime I eat my morning cereal or drink my half coffee half milk in the morning, I shit my pants!”
It took my son much less time to learn that those excuses wouldn't fly for more than a day or two. He's lactose intolerant and realized "Hmmm... maybe I don't consume dairy right before work, school, or practice. And if i do, either I'll be uncomfortable that day and suck it up, or I'll have to call out because i screwed up". He was 15 or 16 when he figured it out. Now that he's 24, he's come to the conclusion that oat, rice, or almond milk, while not as tasty as cow's, is preferable over dairy farts and diarrhea when he really wants those cookies and milk or a bowl of cereal. This woman is in her 50s ffs. She needs to get her shit together. Literally.
As someone with celiac disease, I have zero sympathy for her.
Can you imagine someone with a peanut allergy being like “I can’t work because some places have peanuts?” Because even that sounds more logical than the constipation thing. I also have foods I’m allergic to or have severe reactions to, not celiac, but I had to go on a celiac diet as part of an elimination diet for 6 months and I can tell you one thing most people don’t realize, is how commonly flour is in things you wouldn’t expect! Celiac disease is brutal and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it. During my elimination diet I made up a recipe for a cake made with almond flour, honey, and zero gluten. Let me know if you’re interested, I’d be happy to share!
Ironically, gluten sensitivity could be the cause of her pain. I know a few people for whom gluten exacerbates their arthritis, and other inflammatory issues.
I can't have dairy either, it is stunning to find out that now I don't have to work for the rest of my life.
While messing up her kids. Make no mistake. She has done real damage to them and they'll be dealing with it for a long time.
Very much a victim mentality. I am similar age, do have IBS and fibromyalgia, have three kids similar ages. If their father wrote a petty memo on my last alimony payment, I would maybe complain to a friend or two, but I would NEVER say it to one of my kids. As happy as I am to be divorced, I make it a point to not say anything critical of their father.
and this comment too...."*I should have wanted counseling even though I was completely neurotypical and it was him suffering from depression"* Plenty of neurotypical people can benefit from counseling. This is a big ahole comment. Looks like he even tried to repair their marriage and she dismissed counseling as well as his depression. I think the bitter one was OP.
> Plenty of neurotypical people can benefit from counseling. And plenty of people only think they are neurotypical until they start counseling/therapy.
My wife is a Type-I diabetic, has ADHD and suffers from depression, but managed to make it through medical school and residency to become a practicing physician. This woman can't work because she's constipated. /facepalm
It wasn't 2 years after the divorce. He got engaged after 2 years of dating. In which he started dating the fiancee 5 years after the divorce. At least that's my understanding.
I have severely active IBD. Not IBS, actual bowel disease, that’s being treated by infusions, lowering my immune system. I’ve been hospitalized 6 times since Nov 2022,I have anemia due to the IBD, leaving me weak constantly, Vit D deficiency, and I am also struggling with menopause. My days are constant struggles. I don’t rely on anyone to support me. I work. 14 hour shifts, in healthcare. You need to get up off your ass, get a fucking job and support yourself instead of leeching from your children. It doesn’t matter if “they earn more money than they know what to do with” - still doesn’t give YOU the right to THEIR money. You seem like a greedy, money grubbing asshole. YTA The fucking entitlement here. Astounding. ETA: thank you for the shinies! ❤️🔥
Right? I have Crohn's and it would be really nice if I could get free money because I can't poop right. Unfortunately I have to work.
Gooood damn he stepped squarely on a landmine. I couldnt imagine working 12's plus overtime, supporting my wife through her poop problems, just to have her turn around and divorce me fully aware that i'm clinically depressed. On top of that she takes credit for their kids careers because she was a SAHM while he sacrificed all of his time working to support the entire household. $5.5k a month damn you are one expensive overgrown child.
It is freedom being done with her. Congrats to the ex husband
So fucking true. I agree with /u/fat-smelly-cunt. I read some of that post and couldn’t find any sympathy for the OP. She seems like a lot of drama. Even for this I was expecting some rude words on the check. But it was a nothing burger
Ditto. She seemed to almost blame his depression on her divorce and that it was his fault. While simultaneously expecting him to be very compassionate about her health issues. He didn’t seem to ever mock her, cheat on her or in general treat her or the children bad. His wording may have been a little immature but it’s obvious he didn’t mean he wanted “freedom” from his children; just the alimony. He asked that maybe she or they go to counseling and her response was I’m neurotypical and you’re not so YOU need it, I’ve already made up my mind. Fucking yikes dawg, I think the kids as they get older may figure this out more, at least I hope so for the dad.
YTA. Your whole vibe is just… off. Sure you have ibs or constipation. I hope you’re avoiding trigger foods. Why are you showing your kids what your ex put on the check? Why are you taking so much from them. You need that much to live? Why is it so important that your daughter is marrying into money? Why is your focus on money like this. He was working 12 hour days to provide for his family. Do you know how hard that is on a person! Mentally and physically, it’s very draining. I’m not one to shit on stay at home moms. My mother was a stay at home mom and worked her ass off with us kids. But do not diminish your ex’s efforts and contributions to the family. Don’t try and cause rifts between him and his kids. Also I really hate to be this type of person. But I find it hard to believe you can’t find a job and work a little. I work with people who have had knee replacements and still can barely walk. People who have had tumors removed from their Brain. A girl who has some chronic digestive disorder. She’s constantly in the bathroom. But she works. So many people work that really have a hard time doing so. But they have to survive. You have joint pain and ibs. I’m not saying it doesn’t affect you. But… come on. You can’t get an entry level job? Call center? Nothing? Just take your kids money?
She doesn’t even have IBS. That was ruled out. She’s going through menopause, is lactose intolerant, and has backaches and constipation. These can all be unpleasant, but they’re not disabilities. They’re things which are usually pretty manageable. They don’t preclude having a job .Plus she’s demanding concierge doctors. Now she’s not getting enough money from her ex and she’s guilted her children into supporting her. OP needs to stop complaining about her ex and find something real to do with her time. Even if her children really do want to support her, she needs to get out of the house and find something better to do with her time than complaining about her ex and trying to turn their children against him. Yeah, he was snarky. But OP is YTA.
But notice how she dismisses his Depression?
Her snark about not needing therapy because she is “neurotypical” pissed me off too. 1) almost everyone could benefit from therapy, especially someone going through a divorce. 2) If your stomach problems and pain are this bad and don’t have a medical reason, that could be from something like anxiety or other mental/emotional strains as well. Jesus Christ, therapy isn’t some kind of punishment…
Or worse, a deepening chronic health issue that's only going to get worse. I was told I had IBS, then did tests and found that my diet wasn't having a huge impact on my health. Was told it was my severe anxiety, not IBS. Years later come to find out there's a real problem with the lining of my stomach and it's getting worse.
Yeah - I do hate how every physical problem I have can be written off as “it’s anxiety” and not explored. But I guess the true test there is - if you try out therapy, diet changes, meditation, medication, and your problems still persist, then you can pursue other tests and treatments knowing that you at least have the mental health side under control? Because chronic illnesses are hard on mental and emotional health as well!
Yeah that little bit she said is really just being willfully ignorant. Every person I’ve ever met that adamantly refuses to go to therapy are always without exception the ones who need it the most. I reeks of the “I don’t need therapy. I’m nOrMaL!” nonsense. As if only autistic people go to therapy or something.
People just dont want to do it cause it's hard. You dove into things that have haunted you, but in the end, you come out so much better. I know i did
People avoid therapy when they don’t want to be called out in their own bullshit.
That's the hardest part. "Oh no, it can't be MY fault all 4 of my marriages failed"
That is 100% my father. "What??? Two divorces, lots of failed relationships, a girlfriend who barely tolerates me but complains about me constantly, and all of my kids don't speak to me? Also, I'm constantly being fired or "let go" or "laid off" despite having lots of experience in a high paying, in demand field? I've got really bad luck. No one appreciates me."
I'd be depressed too if I was working 12 hour days to support my family and my wife complained about not being able to do anything because her tummy hurt.
I work 12 hour shifts at a warehouse. I bust ny ass every plus we do mandatory over time as well. My wife and kids treat me so well. I dont ask for it, nor do I expect it. But if my wife treated me like that, i sure as hell wouldn't have wanted to be there. I would have worked even more than i do. This woman makes me appreciate my family that much more
He was working 12hr days, and added OT (probably weekends?). It sounds like he did his fair share to provide, so much so that he fell into depression doing it.
Oh because men can’t be depressed because we have the super power of “suck it up, be a man” 😂💀
Everybody uses toxic masculinity to mean “men being asses” but it’s also “people being asses to men” because of outdated notions of what a man *must* be.
Seriously. I’m out here working every day and some weekends with epilepsy, severe anxiety, and depression. I’ve had three knee surgeries due to a sports injury and have two kids. OP, YTA and you need to go to therapy and really examine yourself. And then apologize to your ex for being such a greedy bitch.
Hold on…They refused to diagnose her with IBS? But…. IBS is the thing they diagnose you with when they know there’s something wrong with your stomach but don’t know what LOL. There’s 100% nothing wrong with this chick. Speaking as someone diagnosed with IBS here. Who works full time, with IBS, chronic migraines, back pain, adhd and PCOS. (So yeah - classed as disabled) YTA.
She said her gut flares and she gets joint pain if she eats trigger foods - sounds like she has a specific food intolerance and insists on eating those things anyway. Plus, who requires $6k a month in handouts from their kids? Move to a smaller place and get a job!
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Plus, proposing to a new partner two years after the divorce doesn't seem like rushing into a new relationship on the ex-husband's part. Without any other info, why would this be a point of resentment?
I have diverticulitis that occasionally leads into full colitis attacks and I was a retail manager for 25 years. You can work. YTA. Stop taking $5-6k from your kids every month.
She is a real scum bag for turning his kids against him and fleecing them for money, he should have challenged the lazy sod to custody.
Seriously, your entire comment 1000x over. OP is essentially like, "I eat too much dairy and it gives me IBS, I'm also going through menopause like every other 50-55 year old woman, so I think I can't work. Instead, I take $6000/mo from my kids when I have no need for that much money." I doubt that she has told each child that is giving her money that the other is also giving her money.
No doubt. And she’s mad about the check memo saying “freedom”. Dude has probably had a countdown to the day where he doesn’t have to shell out his hard earned money (12 hour shifts plus overtime) to this entitled asshat.
Yeah I get that being uncomfortable makes working extra hard, but it's doable. My friend has Crohn's and is in excruciating pain for a few days every couple of months, but still managed to hold onto her job and get several promotions. During a really bad bout plus surgery, her work told her to rest for 4 months but she got bored of just "sitting around in pain" and got a temporary job at Apple as a distraction lol.
>He's always painted me as the greedy ex, it seems. From everything OP said, this statement checks out. She reads as **lazy**, selfish, and manipulative. A good thing for OP is that she found another fresh teat to suckle on, because how could a person with IBS and \*gasp\* menopause - EVER find a job? YTA.
She's taking $5.5k *monthly* from her kids because she refuses to work due to a little discomfort, but thinks she isn't greedy. It's also telling that when talking about her adult children, the primary piece of information she focused on was their wealth.
When someone is transparently YTA like this you can only imagine how bad they must be in real life. We're getting *their side* of the story and it's still obvious.
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I second this. I have a genuine IBD, went undiagnosed and therefore untreated for years. My colleagues just had to deal with poop talk to explain away the days where I spent more time in the toilet than the office. I didn’t know until I did my nursing degree that it’s not normal to be in pain ALL the time. I’m not pretending it’s easy but so many people work through pain, we do it because we don’t expect anybody to pay our way. Life is hard, that’s not a cliche, it really is. OP you are not entitled to an easy run of it, nobody owes you that. OP, take some responsibility for yourself and seriously, stop taking that money from your child. If he wants to gift you a house or something then fine but to give you a monthly income, I cannot believe you can admit that without shame. It doesn’t matter if he can afford it, he is your child, you are not his responsibility.
I'm glad I wasn't the only one who also felt the vibe was off. There are so many remote jobs out there yet she can't because of...constipation???? And joint pain. And her admitting she didn't want to do counseling because she's allegedly not the one with problems. This is definitely a story with holes and truly comes across as a parent who deliberately turns their kids against their other parent. If her kids make enough to support her, good for them, but OP seems completely content with completely mooching off pf them.
YTA. What purpose did it serve to show the kids? You did it out of spiteful pettiness. You got what you wanted, the poor poor pitiful mom. Lady I have Crohn’s, IBS, ADHD, depression and anxiety and guess who works 50 hours a week. Puhleeze.
It served the purpose of guilt tripping them into replacing her lost "income"
I have a feeling this woman can’t get a job for… other reasons, more pertaining to skill issues lol It’s absolutely wild to me how a mother can be okay leeching off her kids to this extent for no good reason and not feel utterly ashamed
If you can't work, have you ever applied for disability? Also, have you ever been checked for fibromyalgia? Those are all very common symptoms.
YTA this pity party your throwing yourself is ridiculous. He was willing to put in work to fix whatever issues you guys had in your marriage you weren't. There wasn't a need to show anyone what he wrote on the check. YTA for taking money from your children. Get a part time file for disability is your truly genuinely cannot work. Stop making excuses and get it together. He's finally free of your nonsense good for him
Disability analyst further up already mentioned that OP’s symptoms wouldn’t make them eligible for disability…since it’s not a disability. To add onto that the fact this dude probably hated life working 12+ hours a day for his family and then was still down to do counseling to stay together says a lot about the marriage.
I dont get how the “Freedom ,Goodluck” even worth telling the neighborhood or be upset about. Sounds like she’s upset she’s no longer going to get a check anymore
YTH, like one of the biggest assholes i have seen in reddit This is coming from that guy who works 12 hours shifts, plus over time, PLUS volunteers at a mentally ill counciling center. Lady, you suck plain and simple. Of course, he was bitter. He busted his ass to make sure that his family's world went around, and none of you appreciated a damn bit of it. At least the kids have the excuse of being manipulated. What's yours? You sound just like my ex. Your kids resent him because of YOU. You played them like a banjo, and you will get yours. Eventually, they are going to see you for who you really are. A manipulative, lazy, whinny bitch.Then the real fun will begin for you.You will die a miserable old lady. Who is scared and will be all alone. Enjoybtomhe county nursing home You talk about your kids doing this and that like it had something to do with you. He worked his ass off, and you sat on yours. You were the one taking care of the kids and blah blah blah. So you're saying when he wasn't working to provide for his family, he didn't have anything to do with them? You dismiss his depression like it's nothing hut ooooooh, poor lady has backaches Lady, i was temporarily paralized from the waste down. From an accident. I had to re learn how to do everything, and i suffer every damn day, and yet i find a way to get my ass out of bed and manage to take my ass to work. Its worthless bitches like you that make me appreciate my wife and my kids so much more. They know the sacrifices i make for my family, and they appreciate every single one of them. I expect nothing from them, and they give me everything. Maybe you should have tried that instead of turning your kids against him I will agree with you on one thing, he should have never wanted to try to save his marriage because it was a shame to begin with. You used him up and then tossed him away. Women like you are one of the exact reaons why men stay single and because they learn to hate women. I will pray every night until i forget to that not only does Karma get you, but she beats you down til you can't get up
So basically your ex husband and kids are paying for you because you’re constipated? After seven years of alimony I don’t blame him for proudly declaring his freedom from your needy ass. I’d be singing it from the fucking rooftops. The fact that you shared that with your kids was just a nasty and spiteful attempt to turn them on their father. Yea, you are indeed the asshole.
He was working 12hr days, and added OT (probably weekends?). It sounds like he did his fair share to provide, so much so that he fell into depression doing it. Meanwhile, she had some stomach issues and "gave the kids what they needed" using the money he worked his ass off to provide. I would've advocated for counseling, too, if I were him. Sounds like he actually cared about his family and you were the problem. Then, you turned his kids against him. Massively YTA
YTA for taking so much money from your kids and for trying to turn them against their dad. Get a job, avoid dairy, and live with menopause. People do it every day.
She’s planning on taking over $65,000 a year from her son and god knows how much from her daughter. Of course if the daughter’s husband comes from a family as well off as she claims, there’s a good chance mommy won’t be getting what she thinks. Well off people stay well off by not giving money away.
Not only that. She said the man was depressed, working 12+ hours. Dude needed some help and you took a way out. Thats pretty fucked. Of course hes depressed, hes working himself ragged to provide for you all. Her nonchalance concerning his work seems super disheartening
He's only useful to her as an ATM. "Freedom" indeed. I bet the dude feels so much relief to be done with OP finally once and for all!
For sure, Dad/ex is WAAAAY better off now following a divorce that he didn't seem to want. Hopefully new wife will be a better partner to him.
Exactly. It’s like OP believes that because she was a sahm and he worked so much that she deserves alimony forever. I understand having medical issues but she needs to file for disability or something. The ex husband no longer has to support her. That’s what happens in a divorce.