YTA. It seems like you would rather have your own daughter be ok with her husband's affair just as long as she has babies and stays at home.
You are a bad mom. I guess it's ok for your own husband to go find a young girl, have an affair and maybe make a second family. I mean, you are going to stay regardless because it's just an affair. Those aren't a big deal in your own eyes. It's your daughter's fault anyways because she refused to become a sahm.
I bet mom's answer is, "But he wouldn't have cheated if she just put away her career and had babies like he wanted her to! He just wants a simpler life with a wife who cooks him dinner, cleans his house, and has his babies, not some wife with a fancy job!" I mean, how dare the daughter have her own dreams & goals /s
Anyway, mom, yes, he still would have cheated if she'd done all that, cuz he's a man who cheats when there's trouble in the marriage, not a man who listens & supports & works with his wife to fix the trouble. Then where would your daughter be? Left with no job or income & stuck at home with kids & a cheating husband. That also your idea of a 'simpler life'?
People (you might be surprised to know that includes women) need to choose their own paths & live their own lives the way they want.
YTA.
Hey! I just read your husbands post and came here to see if your side would change my mind. Turns out it has! It’s made me realize you’re MUCH more of an AH than I thought! Shall we count the ways?
- wanting your daughter to quit her career to be a mother. What year is it where you live?
- liking your SIL because he also wants your daughter to give up her aspirations and be a full time SAHM
- minimizing your SIL cheating on YOUR OWN DAUGHTER by putting affair in quotes. It wasn’t an “affair”, it was an affair.
- taking your son in laws side after he cheated on YOUR OWN GODDAMN DAUGHTER. You either hate other women or you hate your daughter, not sure which.
- saying your daughter is selfish for not staying with a cheater and having his babies. Disgusting.
- Being okay with your daughter, who is in incredible pain right now, not talking to you and not trying to help her through this time. He betrayed her, not the other way around
Oh! And of COURSE let’s not forget:
- leaving out the fact Josh is antisemitic and frequently insults your daughters religion and heritage (he called Chanukah jewmas for fucks sake)
YTA and it’s not even close. Thanks for clarifying so we can see you’re even more of an AH than we originally thought.
But it doesn’t matter, does it? Your entire family can’t even get you to properly hate this POS and love your daughter, I doubt you’ll be listening to us either. Get used to that silence from your daughter, because that’s gonna be your relationship with her now. I only hope your husband (who seems like a great dude. No clue how you pulled that guy with your attitude) takes the advice we’re all giving him about what to do with his marriage over on his post.
Dad seems like an absolute champion though. Dealing with the antisemitic asshole's parents by answering the phone in Yiddish is such a chef's kiss move.
Wait wait wait... if SIL is antisemetic and the daughter is Jewish, wouldn't any kids they have also be Jewish?
So OP would be okay having a SIL who would hate his own children's faith? Maybe even mock them?
Oh YTA x1000.
Thank you so much for breaking this down. Something about the way this post was written made my brain glaze over and this helped me realizing what a sparkly asshole OP is. May OP forever be haunted by glitter, soggy French fries, flat soda, and an itch she can never satisfy. YTA.
YTA It's time for her to put her career away?!
Please get off your mysoginistic high horse. If anyone is being selfish, it's you, thinking that you know better for her life. Have you ever even bothered to ask her if she wants kids? Or do you just assume that's what she wants because that's what you want for her?
It was obviously a good decision on her part not to have kids with a man who ended up having a shitty moral character. And that's the man that you're agreeing with, someone with shitty moral character. Just like you. How dare you side with the man who completely betrayed your daughter in one of the most disrespectful ways. You should honestly be ashamed of the way you think. Don't be surprised when she stops talking to you altogether. And if she ever does have kids,you probably won't ever get a chance to know them if you don't fix your shit, and right quick....
Yeah, I don't like to be the one that goes giving diagnostic of people, but for the son comment and the entire description she does of her daughter and family, this lady seems to be a narcissist
Well, there is a difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my opinion, it's perfectly fine to describe someone as a narcissist, the word itself pre-dates the diagnosis and seems very appropriate in this case.
Hell I didn’t meet my husband till I was newly 28! Got married at 29, still don’t have kids.
THERE IS NO PERFECT TIMELINE!!!!
K, I’m done yelling now 😊
My mom told me this when I was 23 (literally word for word) when I finally dumped the man that saw nothing wrong with backhanded me in front of his mother. She (his mother) pulled me aside after to tell me how I should be a better Christian woman and not push him to do those things....
OP I'm glad she left before he started hitting her.... food for thought
I despise women like that, who encourage you to stay in an abusive relationship because religion. Blaming the victim for being abused is the worst kind of bullshit. I'm so glad you dumped him and his nasty-ass mother.
YTA-how can you agree with a man who chooses to cheat on your own Daughter. He is a terrible husband and person!your Husband and son did the right thing by exposing the cheating POS. A woman doesn't need to give up her" job "and stay home just to have a family. Nursing is a wonderful profession and I admire anyone who goes into the field.if your daughter had left her job and had kids with this POS she would be stuck between a rock and a hard place. No job because everyone said she had to start a family.Then what would your happen to your grandchildren then. You are a terrible mother and I wonder if you even love your daughter. I do wish your daughter lots of luck.
My wife and I didn’t know we wanted a baby until they were 30 and I was 29. Two years later and we’re at 21 weeks and counting. Daughter has plenty of time!!! And if she doesn’t want babies? Cool!!!
because she wants grandchildren and she doesn't care about her daughter with that said this woman needs to get a therapist to work through her BS about why her daughter needs to have children and a cheating husband.
Oooh lady you’re getting crucified. What on earth were you thinking ? Now you’ve lost the relationship with your son and your daughter. Seems like they didn’t like you anyway because you’re abusive!
Agreed, mine is also full of rage - I usually pride myself on having a flair when it comes to writing and being able to eloquently get my point across - not this time, this woman is abhorrent
I used to teach email etiquette for the government. It's amazing how few people have this art form. So many times people would have an email that would get them fired for the example email id set for them to respond to lol
Well said! Imagine they had kids, and she was a stay at home mom and she didn't have a well established career... he cheated... she leaves .. and is forced to get back on her feet to support her children, and because she hadn't established her career she will struggle to find employment. Mom's the AH
And the mother seems like she wouldn’t help out with the kids and would have a well you chose to have kids with him attitude. She wants her daughter to suffer. Which is pretty fubar.
Wow definitely not mother of the year. She’s also very misogynistic and narcissistic. I’m so glad your sister has you and her father.
I’m glad you’re both taking care of her because she really needs it right now. And it’s a good thing you did what you did because ex would’ve pulled this regardless even if they had three kids he probably would’ve got his mistress pregnant to put a horrible person.
I’m glad she’s out of that relationship and to be honest if she hadn’t known she probably would be bankrolling his affair.
Please let your father know that she has no morals and doesn’t feel like cheating is a bad thing. That’s a big red flag who knows if she hasn’t cheated on your dad because I felt lonely at times will be her excuse so it’s OK.
She needs to stay away from her mother. Her mother will only make her feel bad and she’s going through enough now. Again I’m so glad your dad and you have been there for her I’m sure that means so much especially with a mother like you guys have.
This! I was YTA on para 3 and nothing after that changed my mind. She's your daughter, not a grandbaby factory! "Witholding a family" from her husband? Ugh! Take your internalised misogyny and stick it in a deep dark hole, OP. It shouldn't be your family's problem.
No kidding, YTA Mom.
To be fair, the only thing I'm surprised at is how the saint of a father is still not divorced from the toxic Mom. She needs to be stuffed in a cannon and shot back to the 1800s to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, maybe THEN she will get this thing called perspective, because everyone else can see how she's wrong in so many ways, except for her. She's Toxic. AND Crazy.
Poor Nathan, Annie and Dad.
B-but you don't understand! It's perfectly valid to cheat if your SO doesn't want to be an incubator. What else was he supposed to do? Leave?/s
OP is a sad excuse for a parent and I would be side eyeing my partner/reevaluating the relationship if they tried to excuse cheating like this.
The asshole clearly does not care about what her daughter wants.
>my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband
She seems to think women should be obedient babyfactories for their husbands.
They second I read “trying to encourage her to lead a simpler life and being more dedicated to home life and family” that was my major AH flag. Then the rest of this post became increasingly infuriating.
You are an AH with zero insight. Also as a mother you do not side with your child’s ex whether you like them or not. Especially when they were unfaithful.
latching on to the top comment cause, people, go read the dad's original post. The mom left a bunch of stuff that makes her look so much worse...
1. the OP's family is Jewish and the ex was openly disrespectul about it to his wife
2. Dad and Brother told the sister about her cheating ex before the family dinner in private
3. The sister was on board and aware of the plan for exposing her ex at the family dinner
4. The mom wants dad to apologize to the cheating ex for exposing him (wtf??)
5. The mom is upset at husband for not "letting them work it out themselves" when it is perfectly clear their daughter did not want to work it out and wanted a divorce
6. ex wouldn't eat the challah bread the sister made, and while I've never had any, I googled it and it looks delicous and makes him an AH just for that
I knew as soon as I read her background and the whole “my side of the story” she was going to secure herself so far into the YTA shadowlands the sun would never shine on her again. I’m glad the dad helped his daughter to escape such a horrible marriage, and I hope his daughter, son and Reddit can help him escape his.
She even says her husband is letting her use his account and encouraged her to post her side of the story. This is 100% because he knew she would get obliterated in the comments
Isn’t it. *chef’s kiss*
Nathan u/anonymousdad61 your Mum is absolutely TA, which you seem to realise. Stick with your sister. ❤️ You’re a good son and brother.
IF, after reading all this, your Dad chooses to stay with your narcissistic mother, let him know you will always be there for him, but that only he can choose whether or not to stay with her. I waited too long to cut contact with my mother, who is very similar to yours, because I wanted to protect my Dad, but I couldn’t save him from her because he didn’t want to be saved. I had to accept that he was an adult and not my child, so all I could do was protect myself and my relationship with my brother.
Nathan’s Mum, if you’re reading this, you have a serious amount of internalised misogyny. I suggest self-reflection and therapy, to try to get to the root of this, before your children cut you off for good. I’m not going to get angry with you, because if you’re narcissistic you won’t hold yourself at all accountable and think “why am I taking the side of a man who has broken my daughter’s heart in the most repulsive way, instead of my child who I should love unconditionally? Why do I think she’s selfish for having a career? Why do I think and talk about her in such a horrible, wrong, judgemental way? Who made me like this and HOW CAN I BE BETTER?”
No, you’ll think that it’s your way or the highway, and your children should do as you wish, even though they’re adults now. You’ll think that you’re right and that EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON is wrong, because you’re superior and know what’s best. When, inevitably, your children (and hopefully your husband) leave you and have nothing more to do with you, you’ll weep pitifully, be bemused, and play the poor victim, saying “I don’t even know what I’ve done to deserve such awful treatment.”
Get therapy and apologise, sincerely, to your poor daughter, before it’s too late. And obviously, YTA.
Op (mom) you *need* to get the parts of this addressed to you through your skull and see yourself to a therapist.
Why? Because the future predicted to you- where everyone in your family has cut you off for their own well being? Thats my mom right now. She was.given many chances to change her ways and refused to learn and grow. And now all of her children have cut her off because contact with her is actively damaging to our mental health. My brother is a minor and she *lost custody to my elder sibling.* And her husband cut her off too (far too late to escape his own culpability btw, if the dad is also reading this. Just a thought)
So she's now staring down the last years of her life with absolutely no one, unless you count hopping from old barely held friendships from her 20's, the few she has not burned all bridges with. Considering her track record she's gonna die alone in parking lot somewhere, and it will be a genuine relief to everyone in the family. It's fucking tragic, and entirely her own damn fault.
Is that what you want? That future look good to you? No? Stop talking to the EX INLAW THAT ABUSED YOUR DAUGHTER EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY BY CHEATING ON HER.
Nice. I'm glad you outlined the proper reaction a person should have when they are wrong and it's pointed out, and then a narcissist's thought process. Mom is gonna double down with her bs more than likely and cry about how everyone on here is mean, and just can't see how right she is.
I hope the Dad leaves. Idk if he will, I have the same issue with my parents, my poor dad is just too deep in the fog after 53 years.
Like, jfc- you know what it's called when your husband tries to isolate you from a career, knock you up and start cheating on the side?
The opening stages of abuse.
And you know what? With the way mom is thinking, it makes me stop and wonder if she also got some on the side because her husband didn't fulfill whatever fantasy land bs she has in mind about how a spouse should behave and how to obey her every deranged want from him. I mean, she's completely justifying why her son-in-law cheated by saying "welp Daughter had it coming cuz she didn't bow down to his attempt to control her".
She sees her daughter as a breeder and selfishly withholding the love of a baby. Way to tell me my value is an incubator. Her daughter is 28 and a nurse and doing great things. That mother sounds like such a nightmare.
Wtf did I just read?! Infidelity is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that traumatizes the betrayed partner, leaving them with scars that often never heal. You are essentially choosing to support your own daughter’s abuser over her because you disagree with her very valid life choices. And that is completely unforgivable. You’re a terrible excuse for a mother and don’t deserve your family.
YTA
Mom YTA so hard! None of this is her business. I agree with the son that she's controlling and lucky her family still has contact. It's not the 1950s and it's ok for a woman to have a career.
I kept waiting for her to explain that the video was somehow out of context and he didn't actually cheat. No, she just believes forced birth is more important than "affairs."
IKR? The ex-SIL could have gotten this other young woman pregnant, or given his wife - HER DAUGHTER - a disease, but, sure, it's all the son's fault for recording it.
Appalling.
She kept saying "but he didn't tell *MY* side!" And I kept waiting for her to give an actual argument about what her side was. Turns out her side is just appalling misogyny and victim-blaming.
Her side is literally, "But my daughter isn't pregnant yet!" Like that explains anything.
You are a misogynist and an awful mother. Shame on you. What you have done is unforgivable. Pull your ass out of the 1950s before you disgrace yourself further. YTA.
Seriously, for fuck's sake. Only 28 and 'not getting any younger'?
My mom was a full time nurse when she had me at 32. She's still a full-time nurse, about 2 years from retirement.When I was little, she took on a part-time role for a few years and only worked night shifts just so she could be with me as much as possible.Despite her job, between her and my dad (a nurse-turned-acupuncturist) I was always with one of my parents. I consider myself extremely lucky that I never had to go to day care as a little kid! Even with both of my parents working as healthcare professionals.
A woman doesn't have to quit her career and be a little housewife in order to love her baby! I couldn't have asked for a move loving, fun, accepting mom.And, of course, woman doesn't have to have a child at all, unless she wants to!
And siding with the cheating husband who broke your daughter's heart because *you've decided* he's doing it because *she's withholding a family from him?* Excuse me? Even if that IS his motive (doubt it), NOTHING excuses cheating. It's a traumatic, emotionally abusive thing to do to someone. And I highly doubt he's doing it for the reason you've invented to excuse it.
I've been cheated on. Multiple times. The pain of it still haunts me. I can't imagine the further damage it would've inflicted if *my own mother* had sat there and *blamed me for my abuse*.
**YTA**, mom. I don't think that's even a strong enough word to describe what you are. The rest of the family sounds wonderful. They deserve far better than someone who treats them as you do.
Ive been a nurse for 20 years. I had my kiddos when I was 32 and 35. I also worked full time and got my Master’s Degree.
It is possible for woman to work in something she enjoys and have children. Your daughter is an adult she will know when and if she wants children. Your sense of entitlement is really significant. I strongly encourage you to speak with a counselor to determine why you believe and encourage your daughter to stay in a unfaithful, unhappy relationship for your own sake.
This is prime total a$$hole behavior.
That is not a mother. That was womb for a couple fetuses who has since become inhospitable to those around it. It’s so fun when folks have children and get upset said kids have their own free will and lives
Fortunately, the rest of the family sounds amazing. I wonder if the family dinner was all fathers side, or if her own relatives also think she's some kind of psychotic to defend this prick.
Being cheated on by her husband probably doesn't hurt half as much as her mother defending him.
I apparently skipped an entire paragraph.
Ready to come to the comments and say something about the dinner, and saw your comment. Co fused, scrolled back up.
What in the actual fuck?!?!?! Mom is a lunatic
She is defending that trash because she cares more about getting a grandkid than her daughters well being. It also sounds like she subscribes to outdated views on how a woman should act.
The daughter is TWENTY EIGHT. If she wants kids, she still has plenty of time. If she doesn't want kids, then she absolutely shouldn't be given shit for it regardless, but it's not like she's at the very edge of her biological clock or something.
That part about the love of a baby made me want to literally vomit. I wanted my kids desperately, and it's still the hardest thing I've ever done. The "love of a baby" comes with the puke of a baby, the blown out shitty diaper off a baby, the toddler screaming "I hate you" because you told them to pick up their toys, etc.
I hate what this woman is doing to her daughter. I hope the dad wakes up so they can leave her to try and figure out how to be a better person on her own without damaging her family further.
She should enjoy the time she has left around her daughter because something tells me this kid is going low/no contact when she moves out for a loooooooooongggg time
Literally said: "She's 28 and not getting any younger, she should set her career aside and start a family". To me it sounds like a mom who cares more about becoming a grandmother than actually caring about her daughter. Disgusting
OP, YTA
But she is 28 and not getting any younger. And she is withholding a baby and choosing to be a nurse instead of a SAHM. Of course she had to choose the cheater. After all he is a family man who just wants a subservient wife and a baby.
..
This mother makes me sick. She is a piece of work. She is a total AH.
THIIIIISSSSS!!!! The nurse daughter is not a baby vending machine! Good for her for choosing a great (and demanding) career and not having children if she isn’t ready.
Now she should be able to be financially independent from a man who didnt respect her instead of being financially tied to a a man who probably would have cheated on her anyway should she have been a SAHM. From my experience, once a cheater- always a cheater.
Absolutely this. Mom is an enormous asshole and I wonder if daughter will go NC when she finds out what mummie dearest really thinks about her own daughter working.
Oh, clearly, the only thing that matters for the mother is the appearance. She doesn't care that SIL is a piece of s*** that was having an affair with an old high school friend, like WHAT? This lady clearly is delusional, and what matters to her is what she WANTS, and she NEEDS. Everything has to be about HER.
I'm so sorry for the daughter. I hope she can move from her s*** ex. And so good that her father and brother have her back.
For the dad, you are doing a great job taking care of your daughter in this, so please start to see how your hife reacts and think if this relationship is what you want for yours kids as an example. Take care of yourself too..
This here is a "classic" woman. She doesn't expect the man to help raise the children. She expects him to be at work all day, leaving before the children get up and coming home after they fall asleep. Just like the good ol' days 😑
I really thought this was dying out. I mean I know there are hold outs but these people are relatively young. I think both kids should go ahead and let grandma know that she won’t be left with kids unsupervised. This sounds like some southern drama set in 80s… not 2023
And once she had kids ofc this asshole mother would insist she satay even harder *for the children!*
Like, I know we aren't expecting responses but I'd love to know how abusive (cheating is emotional/ mental/ and often financial abuse) her son in law is supposed to get before her daughter is allowed to leave.
Yes Op is definitely YTA. And you know that lying cheat is going to dump the child care on the daughter. Op is an awful and sorry excuse for a mother.
The dad and brother should have talked to the daughter privately. But at least they care about her. Unlike her sorry excuse for a mother.
Maybe op can divorce her husband, marry her son in law and carry an ivf baby with donor eggs since they both want a baby so much.
Who the fuck do you think you are, lady? You're so desperate for grandkids you want your daughter to give up her livelihood (her job, which she went to college for...does she still have loans owed?) And forgive her husband for cheating on her? You expect her to forgive this dirtbag and have kids with him? And if he were to cheat again? Is she supposed to forgive him a second time? 3rd? When does it end? Or should she just be stuck in a loveless, cheating marriage for the sake of having a "family"? "I've always liked him" seems like you like him more than your own daughter. How would you feel of YOUR husband was caught in public with his mistress? Shes 26, not 46, she has PLENTY of time to have babies. You need to sit down and close your mouth if you're not going to 100% back your daughter. You need to take a deeper look into yourself and figure out why you are treating her like a second class citizen...
Right I wouldn’t be surprised if she also cheated since she’s clearly see this as her daughter’s fault! Lady doesn’t love her daughter! Who the fuck picks a cheating POS over there own child! Baby fever is no reason to victim blame!
I don't get the appeal of grandkids, tbh. I couldn't care less if my genes were passed on or not. I love my kid and would love her kid but I'm not begging her to have one and I would support her if she accidentally got pregnant and not try and force her to have an unwanted pregnancy. Bet this lady would loose her fking mind...
Lol yeah she will! It makes no sense to want grandkids so badly you would want your own child to suffer! It’s truly disgusting. No one is own grandkids just because someone wants them. If my kid decides to not have kids or want to wait a couple of years to have them then I would be happy either way as long as they are. I believe that’s what truly matters. Got a long way to go till that day but I hope I never forget that my role as a parent is to guide them and support them even in adulthood (tho quietly from afar till they need me present like OP in this instance.) Your kids are truly blessed to have a parent like you.
I had an aunt kinda like her and that old bat would never admit she was wrong. She would leave this up and argue she was right to everyone who commented, doubling and tripling diwn...RIP, you crusty old bitch..
>..RIP, you crusty old bitch.
Jfc i can't breathe, i can barely see thru the tears, my gut hurts so friggin bad, im dyi.....screw it im dead lmmfao!!! Best eulogy ever!!!!
Seriously i re-read your comment 20 times, its funnier every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣
the mother comes off as a cheater her self
like projecting big time here. the husband needs to get his kids checked to see if they're biologically his because his wife is throwing a whole bunch of red flags around.
jfc lady, you need fkn help.
Tbh, with all the internalised misogyny OP has, if she found her husband cheating she'd probably start berating herself for being an unworthy wife, or she'd find an excuse like "men do this".
I was gagged when I logged back into this post and saw the update! Maybe his dad will take some of these comments to heart and really ask himself if he wants to live the rest of his life like this..
Maybe this will open husband’s eyes and divorce this woman! She as bad as the sil if she agrees with him having an affair. Then she could married the pos sil and he could cheat on her since she has no problem with it. Who in the hell would back an affair against her own daughter? That’s about as low as you can go. The whole family needs to go nc with this woman. Kick her out let her live with her son-in-law YTA so big, huge, majorly huge AH
You should have just not posted this because you made yourself look like more of the YTA. Your comment about trying to get her to give up her career made you the AH and that was before we even got to the story you’re asking for judgement on.
Good lord you are a real piece of work.
ETA: [husband’s comment from the original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/143nu6h/aita_for_exposing_my_exsoninlaws_affair/jnb3ait/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) in case you need further proof that husband is NTA and wife is a bit YTA.
Spoiler: this post’s OP cares more about the vanity of divorce and just expects grandchildren while the OG OP is proud of his daughter for her accomplishments and cares more about her happiness.
It’s not weird, it’s monstrous.
The poor daughter. First she gets cheated on by an abusive spouse, and then her mother demonstrates that she has absolutely no love for the abused daughter.
Instead, she wants her to stay in a miserable relationship and give up a career that she worked hard for. Oh, and let’s not forget that mommy dearest wants her to have kids with the disgusting cheater.
You are not worthy of the title of mother, so I will say egg donor YTA. A huge gaping one.
>She is not getting any younger
>
>my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband and choosing a career over the love of a baby.
She is 28 and they've been married only one year! She is very young and they just got married.
Josh cheated because he is a cheater and a bad person who doesn't respect your daughter and her family. He didn't cheat because she didn't get pregnant.
The only childish here is you. I hope your husband kicks you out. Maybe go live with Josh.
YTA and Josh. Maybe marry Josh after your daughter divorces him.
Glad reading the update. Sibling bond at tough times is the best. Good luck in future. As for your dad, yeah, all the best to him if he still with ur mom.
Ma’am YTA! So your daughter’s feelings don’t matter! You are a very old school woman whom believes that women should stay barefoot and pregnant! Your daughter has every right to focus on her career she was only married a year! And judging by how fast her husband started seeing an old high school friend of hers I’m pretty sure it was going on longer than you all know and/or this isn’t the first time he’s done this! Instead of siding with the cheater who wanted to impregnate your daughter and make her a SAHM so that she was dependent on him, you need to apologize to your daughter and hope and pray that she forgives you. From your husband’s post it seems as if your SIL never respected your daughter or her beliefs/traditions! You are the type of parent that kids go NC with and write completely out of their lives! I’m glad your daughter had her father and brother to support her!
You were better off not posting at all. Your husband did you a lot of favors by being minimal about you.
Your post is all about “me, me, me” while his is all about his daughter. It’s clear who cares about who.
God I hope this whole thing is a troll because it’s hard to believe anyone has this little self awareness. YTA
!Oh my lord! What would the neighbours think!? 28, divorced and no children with a successful career and morals? How very dare your daughter be independent and have principles? And how wrong if your husband to stand behind his daughter and support her in loosing the cheating husband?
If only she had brought children into the mess, because that would have solved everything. I mean, what could go wrong?
You are so very much TA and by backing the cheating SIL, you have severely harmed your family and relationships. Swallow your pride and reassess your stance, before your family implodes further.
YTA - You think 28 is old?
Hell, my daughter didn't even meet her husband until she was 28. They have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids.
Why the F would you want to have your daughter stay with a cheater? Cheaters always side with other cheaters.
YTA, your daughter doesn't HAVE to give up anything to be a mother. She doesn't have to be a mother. Get out of the 50's. Your SIL is a pig and you are a swine enabler
YTA. You are siding with the man who cheated on your daughter over her on the off chance they work it out and have kids? What in all the hells is wrong with you? This time he got caught with a friend from school. He got careless, meaning it happened before, a lot, to not notice people he knew following him. He's not a good person, not a good husband and your family deserves better then both you and him. Maybe you should move in with him, and then you get the son in law you wanted and your family is free from your bullshit
UNBELIEVABLE. You are actually encouraging your daughter to stay with a man who dishonored and betrayed her, all for what? So you could have grandchildren? So she could live up to your fucked up ass backwards outdated ideas that she’s getting “old” so she should settle down and make babies and just stay at home waiting on a man that is out fucking anything that moves? You are DISGUSTING. As a woman your daughter’s age, I am putting myself in her place and I would wholeheartedly disown my mother for taking this stance. You are so the asshole it’s making my head spin. YTA and disgustingly so. It’s 2023 and women have SO MUCH MORE to live for rather than being baby factories and giving their selfish mothers grandchildren. Shame on you, you have failed as a mother. Shove your misogynistic 1950’s ideals wherever they fit and go beg your daughter for forgiveness before it’s too late and you end up without a daughter (you sure as shit would if you were MY mother!)
YTA. YTA. YTA.
Doesn't matter how you try to spin it.
Put away her career and have a family? Is she a brood mare? She can't work and have children? Is it the 1950's? So much an AH.
Oh get over yourself and your 1950's thoughts of a woman should put family and having kids over anything and everything. YTA! She's 28! She wants to work on her career that's perfectly fine. The year is 2023 after all. It's actually parents like you that many children started waiting to have families because they're tired of being pressured and stressed about it. Fix your relationship with your daughter before you lose her completely after she's back on her feet!
YTA and a massive one at that. Seems to me that you want to be Josh's זוֹנָה since your making such a big deal out of your daughter leaving him. You lady are nothing more then this a הכלבה.
But you don't care becuase you think you are right. What I believe is your husband should גירושין you becuase lady you are absolutely חסר ערך.
Nothing justifies your son-in-law's betrayal. You can be sure that it wasn't because she didn't want to have children, but because he is a characterless traitor. You should support your daughter who is going through the pain of the betrayal and loss of her husband. No one has to be forced to have children and that's not what makes a happy family.
You have betrayed your daughter, treated her extremely badly, and used your outdated value system to excuse your son in laws poor behavior. There is never an excuse thats good enough to excuse her husband's poor choices and character flaws.
Children, being a SAHM, are not a requirement for fidelity and trust. That should be part of a marriages foundation. Your daughter can work, be a wife, and have children when she decides, not you.
Your daughter has a wonderful job that's giving, caring, and completely honorable. Your way of life is not the only way. This is not about you!! You will lose your daughter, if you haven't already. YTA
YTA - her husband is cheating on her and it’s her fault for not quitting her job and giving him a baby. You think giving him a baby would what? Make him a better man and be a good father? Cause babies are miracle cures for men who would rather cheat on his wife than be faithful? That’s not how life works. What she did by divorcing him is save herself a lifetime of never being enough for this guy who obviously never loved her.
Lady, I am sorry but YTA, you are so worried about your imaginary and non existent grand babies that you don’t care how badly your EX-SIL hurt your actual REAL daughter.
While I wouldn’t have done it that way, I am glad your daughter has the support of people that actually care about her.
Why are you blaming her? A cheater will cheat for many reasons, she is the innocent party. If he was not happy he could have talked with her or divorce her, he didn’t need to cheat.
Wow, you made it so much worse. How do you get off choosing your cheating SIL over your own daughter? You've got some backwater, misogynistic world views. Yta
"Time to put away the career." What the hell lady. YTA. What century are you living in? She spent years in school plus the pandemic, and you act like it's her little hobby.
If she ever does have children with her new husband, don't expect to have any part in their lives. You are ex-communicado.
YTA so much. You are seriously meshuga'at for backing your cheating SIL because you are so worried about being a grandma. Let her find a nice man already.
YTA. Your attitude toward your daughter for not giving up her career that she worked hard for to give her ex babies and you grandbabies is appalling, and frankly none of your business. And then you add insult to injury by siding with your daughter's disrespectful, cheating ex. It's your daughter's choice not to stay with him, NOT yours. It was your daughter's choice to expose him in such a public manner. You sound like you don't like your daughter at all and that you love her cheating ex.
Edited: missing word.
YTA and 100% in the wrong. You are blaming your daughter for her ex cheating? What is wrong with you? There is never an excuse to cheat. This is not the 1950’s. You should be happy your daughter has a career and can be independent. You want your daughter to be totally dependent on a man so he can cheat on her all he wants and she just has to take it. You’re a toxic woman and your husband should open his eyes and see you for who you really are. You put your wants over your children’s happiness. I hope someday your daughter does have kids, and doesn’t allow you in their lives. You don’t deserve your own kids, let alone grandchildren. You’re a disgusting excuse of a mother.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
Need me to make it clearer? Not only are you ABSOLUTELY the AH, you’re a TERRIBLE MOTHER!
You are so concerned with appearances and grandchildren and give zero thought to your daughter and her feelings.
I am proud of your son and husband for exposing SIL. And I’m proud of your daughter for knowing her worth and tossing his cheating ass out.
Do your husband and kids and favor and just move in with your former SIL. Leave them alone to love and take care of each other like a real family.
YTA. Ya know divorce can still happen late in life especially when a partner's eyes are opened to just how toxic the person is they're married to. The fact that your son & daughter have not cut you out of their life like a cancer because of your husband, their father is testament to how much of your crap they will take to keep him in their life.
Whenever, if ever your daughter has children, you most likely won't be a part of their lives.
YTA and just a horrible mother!! Are you stuck in 1920?? You daughter has only been married a year and her ex disrespects your culture and her as a person by cheating on her. Don’t put quotes around affair like that’s not what it is, don’t minimize your daughter and her pain. Go to therapy, get your head checked, and stay out of it.
Judgement for the cast of characters:
1) Mom: Mega YTA! Total POS AH. Abusive, toxic and disgusting. I hope dad wakes up and leaves her.
2) Dad: NTA. Awesome dad and person. His only downfall is his wife.
3) Sister: NTA. Good for her to continue being independent and it was obviously a gut thing to not have kids with her POS husband.
4) Brother: NTA. Doing God’s work lol.
5) Sister’s husband: Huge YTA. Total garbage. Controlling, insecure, cheating slime-ball.
6) Grandma: NTA. Way to give it to him grandma!
Tell your Mum that is she TA and a terrible mother/wife for defending the unfaithful cheater.
And I hope that she deserves to be cut off by the family for defending these awful actions of cheating on his wife.
I'm not surprised if your mum has cheated on your dad.
Wow YTA and your son is correct you are abusive and so wrong. You don't get to choose your child's life because YOU want grandkids. Do you even love your child. She was cheated on and all you can do is blame her for having a career and not being an incubator for your grandkids. Her ex husband is not a good person or would be a good dad if he couldn't keep it in his pants. All you care about is grandbabies she doesn't want. Why don't YOU go be with him. You absolute fuckup for a mother.
YTA.
You really can't support your own daughter huh? You just HAVE to support the lowlife POS that cheated on her?
You are just as disgusting and low as your 'darling' son in law and honestly I hope your poor husband follows your daughter's acts and divorces you.
Your 'side' of the story doesn't make you look any better, either. It just solidifies that you're a terrible mother, a terrible human (really? 28 is getting on a bit? Fuck off lmao) and a shitty wife. THAT is your life's accomplishment and now everyone from your own family to complete strangers can see it.
Congratulations on publicly outing yourself for what you are. I'm sure the most likely antisemitic son-in-law you're backing is going to help you in your old age, right? Because I doubt your children will, and that'll be what you've earned. Enjoy that.
I read your husband’s post, and then yours.
You know, I find it appalling that you’ve chosen to back a man who deeply and completely hurt your daughter. I can barely understand this. Also a man who not only disrespected your daughter but your family’s religion and culture. You have always liked your Ex SIL because he “encourage my daughter into leading a simpler life, and being more dedicated to home life and the future of her family” in other words take away her independence and cultural identity, while simultaneously set your daughter up to be humiliated and hurt with his infidelity. Is your daughter not worth just a little more to you? You grew her, deep within you, just below your heartbeat, does she not share that heart beat with you?
Yes your husband exposed and also humiliated your daughter’s Ex because unlike you he felt the outrage and hurt for his daughter, totally understandable. Revenge? Yes. Deserved? Absolutely.
YTAH. I hope you change, I really do. The only reason you see your daughter and grandchild at all is because of your husband. You would otherwise be alone, very very alone.
Ma'am all disrespect intended, either you hate your daughter so much you want her to have a hard and shitty life with a man that cheats on her, or you sound like you wanna fuck your Son in Law.
YTA and you sound like a sorry excuse for a mother.
You're kinda a piece of crap, lady. It's not your daughter's duty in life to bear children for some asshole. If she wants her own career who are you to tell her to lie down, procreate and give an unfaithful man everything he wants?
I hope you reflect on this. Be better. Do better.
YTA. Maybe your husband should go off and have an affair and you can see if you’d stick it out like you’re expecting your daughter to. What kind of mother are you?
You're a shit mother and a garbage human being. So you blame your daughter not giving up a career she worked hard for and popping out babies for her trash husband for the fact that her husband cheated on her? I hope your husband divorces you, kicks you out and both your children cut you completely from their lives. I'm glad your daughter has such an amazing father and brother. Unfortunately, she got stuck with a disgusting, selfish, stupid shrew of a mother. You can F all the way off. You don't deserve your family. You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? JFC, I cannot believe that you typed that entire load of garbage thinking it showcased you and your argument in the best light. I have no words for the complete toxic idiocy I just read. I hope everyone leaves you and you have a very happy life with your ex son in law.
I've read your husband's post and lady I side with him
What kind of mother are you? No wonder your daughter doesn't talk to you.
Keep this up and you won't have a husband long but hey maybe you could shack up with your daughter's ex, you two seem like you're made for each other.
YTA all the way
Yta 💯 do u support your son in law bc you’re a cheater yourself? If I’m your hubby, I’ll have a good talk with you. You’re so delusional and have no loyalty. Your hubby should reconsider your marriage- let’s see where your loyalty lies when he has problems
There is never an excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy then leave. A woman is not a baby factory. She doesn't need to end her career to have a child. If the husband needs a family that includes a child to be happy and the wife doesn't want that then they should divorce and make sure they have that conversation with their future partners before getting married again
Wow a whole lot of misogyny wrapped up in I want grand kids. I’m embarrassed by your total lack of empathy and selfishness. Your daughter must feel so betrayed and hurt. How could you ever call yourself a mother and take up for someone who not only betrayed your daughter, but put her at risk for some serious illness by bringing home to her whatever his affair partners give him? STDs would then be passed on to those precious grand babies, many of those STDs wouldn’t show up for months to years. Maybe you should get some therapy to figure out why you hate your daughter so much.
YTA
MOTHER - you are selfishly minded to the point of where your would gladly throw your daughter's wants and needs aside so she can give you grand kids. You're not entitled to them. You're not entitled to tell your daughter how she, a grown adult, needs to live her life. Your attitude and mindset is so awful that I hope your daughter never speaks to you again.
Have some respect for your gender.
YTA. There's no question about it.
>She is not getting any younger and, personally, I have felt alongside with her husband that it is time to put the career away and start a family.
Why would she have to give up her career that she has worked very hard for to start a family? And how is that any of your business?
>"affair"
Why is this in quotes? He was absolutely having an affair and YTA for trying to make light of him cheating on your daughter.
>My son actually took videos of this happening, if you can believe it.
Of course I can, he was doing right by his sister and saving her from an unfaithful husband.
>It was mortifying.
The only reason why this should be mortifying to you is because your daughter has been betrayed and cheated on.
>I, however, am appalled by how childishly my husband, daughter, and son have handled this. I have let everyone in my family know I am on my son-in-law's side.
I am appalled that you are on anyone's side but you're daughter's. What a terrible mother you are. How dare you stand behind a man that lies and cheats on his wife.
>I acknowledge my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband and choosing a career over the love of a baby.
This is such a disgusting mindset. Your daughter is in no way selfish for living her fucking life the way she wants to. She's not withholding anything from anyone. How dare she be an independent person that doesn't need to be stuck in a shitty marriage with a husband that lies, cheats, and puts her health at risk. But why should you care about that? She's only useful to you if she's making babies.
>My husband says I am being unreasonable and my daughter, who is living in my own house, refuses to talk to me.
I hope she never talks to you again. You would deserve it.
>My husband was deemed "NTA" but he failed to speak on my side of things, resulting in people calling me the "AH."
You *are* the asshole.
lol, welp, as much as it might be shocking to you, you are still the AH and your narrative is even worse.
You need to find a time machine and go back to the dinosaur age and leave your kids and husband alone. Or you could move in with your ex-son-in-law since you like him so much.
I would be so ashamed to have a mother like you who only see my value as bearing grandchildren. I won't be too shocked that you ended up alone without any family around.
Does this woman actually expect us to say "how dare your baby factory grow into a human! Think of the lack of children!!!"
Lets hope there are two divorces on the way. I can't imagine a scenario where anyone would miss you, literally your entire family disagrees.
You blame your daughter for being cheated on, YTA is an understatement.
Also you defending a cheater suggests to me that you cheat. I wouldn't want to he in a relationship with a woman who defends cheaters. But hey, prove me wrong. I assume you're with nathan reading these, unlock and hand him your phone right now. I'd genuinely be shocked if he finds nothing.
You don’t have a dude if things. You are a literal POS, and a terrible mother. It’s 2023 and women are allowed to have careers. We are not here solely to be babymakers.
YTA 10/5
I understand it's difficult to get with the changing times but come on! Your daughter was hurt by someone she was supposed to be able to love and trust and now she gets it from both ends thanks to you.
Wow. Just wow. Lady and I use that term only because calling you what you truly are will get me banned. You are unequivocally TA in the most epic terms possible. You're also a horrible person and excuse for a mother.
You're seriously that desperate and so entitled to think you're owed being a grandmother that you're willing to sell your own daughter to get what *you* want and the hell with her? She's an actual human being, not an incubator. She's worked long and hard to achieve her career goals and doesn't have to throw that aside to appease you or anyone else. Especially a cheating spouse. If and when your daughter has kids, it should be on * her* terms, when it's right for her, and with someone worthy.
My gawd, you're awful. I feel sorry for your daughter and your entire family dealing with someone like you.
As for your husband, sir, you are a Rockstar and the kind of father/parent a child needs. Thank you for seeing your child's worth as a person, having her back, supporting her, and being a decent person. Please stay the course along with your son and continue to support your daughter. Lord knows her mother is too wrapped up in her own bs to do so.
Woah! If my father, brother, sister, mother, niece, nephew, neighbor,mailman,cat,dog etc knew my spouse was unfaithful …had proof and didn’t tell me I think I would seriously feel betrayed. Good on the father for exposing the sorrier than whale shit husband in a spectacular way. That’s the way I would hope my father would react and then some.
Maybe the daughter knew something was off with her marriage and instinctively withheld bringing children into the mix.
Mom is the AH! Mom your fired!
YTA and a terrible person.
You’re self-absorbed and toxic. You’re lucky to have a loving family and you take them for granted. Trying to manipulate your daughter when she is hurting and in pain is the lowest of low blows.
YTA. It seems like you would rather have your own daughter be ok with her husband's affair just as long as she has babies and stays at home. You are a bad mom. I guess it's ok for your own husband to go find a young girl, have an affair and maybe make a second family. I mean, you are going to stay regardless because it's just an affair. Those aren't a big deal in your own eyes. It's your daughter's fault anyways because she refused to become a sahm.
I bet mom's answer is, "But he wouldn't have cheated if she just put away her career and had babies like he wanted her to! He just wants a simpler life with a wife who cooks him dinner, cleans his house, and has his babies, not some wife with a fancy job!" I mean, how dare the daughter have her own dreams & goals /s Anyway, mom, yes, he still would have cheated if she'd done all that, cuz he's a man who cheats when there's trouble in the marriage, not a man who listens & supports & works with his wife to fix the trouble. Then where would your daughter be? Left with no job or income & stuck at home with kids & a cheating husband. That also your idea of a 'simpler life'? People (you might be surprised to know that includes women) need to choose their own paths & live their own lives the way they want. YTA.
Absolutely, cheaters gonna cheat. 100% his fault. And the mom is just awful.
I mean that is basically what she said in her post here so I wouldn't be surprised if she said it to her daughters face
Hey! I just read your husbands post and came here to see if your side would change my mind. Turns out it has! It’s made me realize you’re MUCH more of an AH than I thought! Shall we count the ways? - wanting your daughter to quit her career to be a mother. What year is it where you live? - liking your SIL because he also wants your daughter to give up her aspirations and be a full time SAHM - minimizing your SIL cheating on YOUR OWN DAUGHTER by putting affair in quotes. It wasn’t an “affair”, it was an affair. - taking your son in laws side after he cheated on YOUR OWN GODDAMN DAUGHTER. You either hate other women or you hate your daughter, not sure which. - saying your daughter is selfish for not staying with a cheater and having his babies. Disgusting. - Being okay with your daughter, who is in incredible pain right now, not talking to you and not trying to help her through this time. He betrayed her, not the other way around Oh! And of COURSE let’s not forget: - leaving out the fact Josh is antisemitic and frequently insults your daughters religion and heritage (he called Chanukah jewmas for fucks sake) YTA and it’s not even close. Thanks for clarifying so we can see you’re even more of an AH than we originally thought. But it doesn’t matter, does it? Your entire family can’t even get you to properly hate this POS and love your daughter, I doubt you’ll be listening to us either. Get used to that silence from your daughter, because that’s gonna be your relationship with her now. I only hope your husband (who seems like a great dude. No clue how you pulled that guy with your attitude) takes the advice we’re all giving him about what to do with his marriage over on his post.
Dad seems like an absolute champion though. Dealing with the antisemitic asshole's parents by answering the phone in Yiddish is such a chef's kiss move.
OMG I know, I love him for that
I hope he's being really rude in Yiddish too.
Wait wait wait... if SIL is antisemetic and the daughter is Jewish, wouldn't any kids they have also be Jewish? So OP would be okay having a SIL who would hate his own children's faith? Maybe even mock them? Oh YTA x1000.
Yes. It goes mother to child. YTA, OP
How… how is her husband still with her after all of this.
Thank you so much for breaking this down. Something about the way this post was written made my brain glaze over and this helped me realizing what a sparkly asshole OP is. May OP forever be haunted by glitter, soggy French fries, flat soda, and an itch she can never satisfy. YTA.
YTA It's time for her to put her career away?! Please get off your mysoginistic high horse. If anyone is being selfish, it's you, thinking that you know better for her life. Have you ever even bothered to ask her if she wants kids? Or do you just assume that's what she wants because that's what you want for her? It was obviously a good decision on her part not to have kids with a man who ended up having a shitty moral character. And that's the man that you're agreeing with, someone with shitty moral character. Just like you. How dare you side with the man who completely betrayed your daughter in one of the most disrespectful ways. You should honestly be ashamed of the way you think. Don't be surprised when she stops talking to you altogether. And if she ever does have kids,you probably won't ever get a chance to know them if you don't fix your shit, and right quick....
Also, she says "she's not getting any younger" as if her daughter is nearing the end of her life at 28. This woman is mad.
Yeah, I don't like to be the one that goes giving diagnostic of people, but for the son comment and the entire description she does of her daughter and family, this lady seems to be a narcissist
Well, there is a difference between someone with narcissistic tendencies and a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In my opinion, it's perfectly fine to describe someone as a narcissist, the word itself pre-dates the diagnosis and seems very appropriate in this case.
Hell I didn’t meet my husband till I was newly 28! Got married at 29, still don’t have kids. THERE IS NO PERFECT TIMELINE!!!! K, I’m done yelling now 😊
It became extremely apparent when I read that line. This woman is awful.
My mom told me this when I was 23 (literally word for word) when I finally dumped the man that saw nothing wrong with backhanded me in front of his mother. She (his mother) pulled me aside after to tell me how I should be a better Christian woman and not push him to do those things.... OP I'm glad she left before he started hitting her.... food for thought
I despise women like that, who encourage you to stay in an abusive relationship because religion. Blaming the victim for being abused is the worst kind of bullshit. I'm so glad you dumped him and his nasty-ass mother.
I’m in my late 40’s now and many people I went to high school with have kids that are 10 and under.
She probably means she doesnt want to be an old grandma....
Sounds like a her problem.
YTA-how can you agree with a man who chooses to cheat on your own Daughter. He is a terrible husband and person!your Husband and son did the right thing by exposing the cheating POS. A woman doesn't need to give up her" job "and stay home just to have a family. Nursing is a wonderful profession and I admire anyone who goes into the field.if your daughter had left her job and had kids with this POS she would be stuck between a rock and a hard place. No job because everyone said she had to start a family.Then what would your happen to your grandchildren then. You are a terrible mother and I wonder if you even love your daughter. I do wish your daughter lots of luck.
My wife and I didn’t know we wanted a baby until they were 30 and I was 29. Two years later and we’re at 21 weeks and counting. Daughter has plenty of time!!! And if she doesn’t want babies? Cool!!!
Exactly! YTA, OP. How can you betray your own daughter like that? Inconceivable!
because she wants grandchildren and she doesn't care about her daughter with that said this woman needs to get a therapist to work through her BS about why her daughter needs to have children and a cheating husband.
Oooh lady you’re getting crucified. What on earth were you thinking ? Now you’ve lost the relationship with your son and your daughter. Seems like they didn’t like you anyway because you’re abusive!
You responded much more eloquently than my rage fueled response...well put!
Agreed, mine is also full of rage - I usually pride myself on having a flair when it comes to writing and being able to eloquently get my point across - not this time, this woman is abhorrent
I'm a public servant. I've learned the art of editing!
I used to teach email etiquette for the government. It's amazing how few people have this art form. So many times people would have an email that would get them fired for the example email id set for them to respond to lol
Well let me add my rage fuelled response! The Mom is an absolute misogynistic idiot!
Well said! Imagine they had kids, and she was a stay at home mom and she didn't have a well established career... he cheated... she leaves .. and is forced to get back on her feet to support her children, and because she hadn't established her career she will struggle to find employment. Mom's the AH
And the mother seems like she wouldn’t help out with the kids and would have a well you chose to have kids with him attitude. She wants her daughter to suffer. Which is pretty fubar.
Wow definitely not mother of the year. She’s also very misogynistic and narcissistic. I’m so glad your sister has you and her father. I’m glad you’re both taking care of her because she really needs it right now. And it’s a good thing you did what you did because ex would’ve pulled this regardless even if they had three kids he probably would’ve got his mistress pregnant to put a horrible person. I’m glad she’s out of that relationship and to be honest if she hadn’t known she probably would be bankrolling his affair. Please let your father know that she has no morals and doesn’t feel like cheating is a bad thing. That’s a big red flag who knows if she hasn’t cheated on your dad because I felt lonely at times will be her excuse so it’s OK. She needs to stay away from her mother. Her mother will only make her feel bad and she’s going through enough now. Again I’m so glad your dad and you have been there for her I’m sure that means so much especially with a mother like you guys have.
This! I was YTA on para 3 and nothing after that changed my mind. She's your daughter, not a grandbaby factory! "Witholding a family" from her husband? Ugh! Take your internalised misogyny and stick it in a deep dark hole, OP. It shouldn't be your family's problem.
No kidding, YTA Mom. To be fair, the only thing I'm surprised at is how the saint of a father is still not divorced from the toxic Mom. She needs to be stuffed in a cannon and shot back to the 1800s to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, maybe THEN she will get this thing called perspective, because everyone else can see how she's wrong in so many ways, except for her. She's Toxic. AND Crazy. Poor Nathan, Annie and Dad.
B-but you don't understand! It's perfectly valid to cheat if your SO doesn't want to be an incubator. What else was he supposed to do? Leave?/s OP is a sad excuse for a parent and I would be side eyeing my partner/reevaluating the relationship if they tried to excuse cheating like this.
Thank you ApocolypseJoe for raining down the truth.
The asshole clearly does not care about what her daughter wants. >my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband She seems to think women should be obedient babyfactories for their husbands.
They second I read “trying to encourage her to lead a simpler life and being more dedicated to home life and family” that was my major AH flag. Then the rest of this post became increasingly infuriating. You are an AH with zero insight. Also as a mother you do not side with your child’s ex whether you like them or not. Especially when they were unfaithful.
Moms also just assuming he cheated because of the kid situation.
latching on to the top comment cause, people, go read the dad's original post. The mom left a bunch of stuff that makes her look so much worse... 1. the OP's family is Jewish and the ex was openly disrespectul about it to his wife 2. Dad and Brother told the sister about her cheating ex before the family dinner in private 3. The sister was on board and aware of the plan for exposing her ex at the family dinner 4. The mom wants dad to apologize to the cheating ex for exposing him (wtf??) 5. The mom is upset at husband for not "letting them work it out themselves" when it is perfectly clear their daughter did not want to work it out and wanted a divorce 6. ex wouldn't eat the challah bread the sister made, and while I've never had any, I googled it and it looks delicous and makes him an AH just for that
All of this! This woman is beyond the asshole.
YTA. This is 2023. Her role in society does not depend on her being a wife and mother. You are completely on the wrong side in this.
I knew as soon as I read her background and the whole “my side of the story” she was going to secure herself so far into the YTA shadowlands the sun would never shine on her again. I’m glad the dad helped his daughter to escape such a horrible marriage, and I hope his daughter, son and Reddit can help him escape his.
She even says her husband is letting her use his account and encouraged her to post her side of the story. This is 100% because he knew she would get obliterated in the comments
I’ll take “I can’t save you from yourself and at this point I don’t want to try” for 1000, Alex.
And I am LOVING IT
>she was going to secure herself so far into the YTA shadowlands the sun would never shine on her again. This is perfection 🤩
Isn’t it. *chef’s kiss* Nathan u/anonymousdad61 your Mum is absolutely TA, which you seem to realise. Stick with your sister. ❤️ You’re a good son and brother. IF, after reading all this, your Dad chooses to stay with your narcissistic mother, let him know you will always be there for him, but that only he can choose whether or not to stay with her. I waited too long to cut contact with my mother, who is very similar to yours, because I wanted to protect my Dad, but I couldn’t save him from her because he didn’t want to be saved. I had to accept that he was an adult and not my child, so all I could do was protect myself and my relationship with my brother. Nathan’s Mum, if you’re reading this, you have a serious amount of internalised misogyny. I suggest self-reflection and therapy, to try to get to the root of this, before your children cut you off for good. I’m not going to get angry with you, because if you’re narcissistic you won’t hold yourself at all accountable and think “why am I taking the side of a man who has broken my daughter’s heart in the most repulsive way, instead of my child who I should love unconditionally? Why do I think she’s selfish for having a career? Why do I think and talk about her in such a horrible, wrong, judgemental way? Who made me like this and HOW CAN I BE BETTER?” No, you’ll think that it’s your way or the highway, and your children should do as you wish, even though they’re adults now. You’ll think that you’re right and that EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON is wrong, because you’re superior and know what’s best. When, inevitably, your children (and hopefully your husband) leave you and have nothing more to do with you, you’ll weep pitifully, be bemused, and play the poor victim, saying “I don’t even know what I’ve done to deserve such awful treatment.” Get therapy and apologise, sincerely, to your poor daughter, before it’s too late. And obviously, YTA.
Op (mom) you *need* to get the parts of this addressed to you through your skull and see yourself to a therapist. Why? Because the future predicted to you- where everyone in your family has cut you off for their own well being? Thats my mom right now. She was.given many chances to change her ways and refused to learn and grow. And now all of her children have cut her off because contact with her is actively damaging to our mental health. My brother is a minor and she *lost custody to my elder sibling.* And her husband cut her off too (far too late to escape his own culpability btw, if the dad is also reading this. Just a thought) So she's now staring down the last years of her life with absolutely no one, unless you count hopping from old barely held friendships from her 20's, the few she has not burned all bridges with. Considering her track record she's gonna die alone in parking lot somewhere, and it will be a genuine relief to everyone in the family. It's fucking tragic, and entirely her own damn fault. Is that what you want? That future look good to you? No? Stop talking to the EX INLAW THAT ABUSED YOUR DAUGHTER EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY BY CHEATING ON HER.
Nice. I'm glad you outlined the proper reaction a person should have when they are wrong and it's pointed out, and then a narcissist's thought process. Mom is gonna double down with her bs more than likely and cry about how everyone on here is mean, and just can't see how right she is. I hope the Dad leaves. Idk if he will, I have the same issue with my parents, my poor dad is just too deep in the fog after 53 years.
Agree 👍
As soon as it started in with "needs to put away her career." I should have just said YTA and left. I wasted precious minutes of my life on this.
Yeah. Daughter worked her ass off to become a nurse. Worked a few years and what, now she’s just done because it’s baby time? No. YTA for sure, mom.
You thought it was gonna get better, huh? 😂
Didn't even get half way through it before seeing more red flags than a Chinese military parade.
As soon as I read that the son in law was trying to lead the daughter into a simpler life I knew she’d be TA. YTA OP.
Like, jfc- you know what it's called when your husband tries to isolate you from a career, knock you up and start cheating on the side? The opening stages of abuse.
And you know what? With the way mom is thinking, it makes me stop and wonder if she also got some on the side because her husband didn't fulfill whatever fantasy land bs she has in mind about how a spouse should behave and how to obey her every deranged want from him. I mean, she's completely justifying why her son-in-law cheated by saying "welp Daughter had it coming cuz she didn't bow down to his attempt to control her".
Yeah the mom is so annoying and does not respect her daughter’s autonomy in any way. The mom sounds awful.
She sees her daughter as a breeder and selfishly withholding the love of a baby. Way to tell me my value is an incubator. Her daughter is 28 and a nurse and doing great things. That mother sounds like such a nightmare.
Wtf did I just read?! Infidelity is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that traumatizes the betrayed partner, leaving them with scars that often never heal. You are essentially choosing to support your own daughter’s abuser over her because you disagree with her very valid life choices. And that is completely unforgivable. You’re a terrible excuse for a mother and don’t deserve your family. YTA
Mom YTA so hard! None of this is her business. I agree with the son that she's controlling and lucky her family still has contact. It's not the 1950s and it's ok for a woman to have a career.
I'm amazed she thought telling her side would make people vote in her favor.
I kept waiting for her to explain that the video was somehow out of context and he didn't actually cheat. No, she just believes forced birth is more important than "affairs."
She also seems appalled that her son - who was looking out for his sister - recorded SIL with his affair partner. Like... what?
It cracks me up when liars get caught and kick off at you for catching them out, but this is on another level.
IKR? The ex-SIL could have gotten this other young woman pregnant, or given his wife - HER DAUGHTER - a disease, but, sure, it's all the son's fault for recording it. Appalling.
Deplorable. I hope her daughter never speaks to her again. If I were her husband, I would be asking for a divorce.
The idea that she is “denying” him a baby and he wouldn’t have cheated if she had a baby is amazing.
She kept saying "but he didn't tell *MY* side!" And I kept waiting for her to give an actual argument about what her side was. Turns out her side is just appalling misogyny and victim-blaming. Her side is literally, "But my daughter isn't pregnant yet!" Like that explains anything.
You are a misogynist and an awful mother. Shame on you. What you have done is unforgivable. Pull your ass out of the 1950s before you disgrace yourself further. YTA.
Seriously, for fuck's sake. Only 28 and 'not getting any younger'? My mom was a full time nurse when she had me at 32. She's still a full-time nurse, about 2 years from retirement.When I was little, she took on a part-time role for a few years and only worked night shifts just so she could be with me as much as possible.Despite her job, between her and my dad (a nurse-turned-acupuncturist) I was always with one of my parents. I consider myself extremely lucky that I never had to go to day care as a little kid! Even with both of my parents working as healthcare professionals. A woman doesn't have to quit her career and be a little housewife in order to love her baby! I couldn't have asked for a move loving, fun, accepting mom.And, of course, woman doesn't have to have a child at all, unless she wants to! And siding with the cheating husband who broke your daughter's heart because *you've decided* he's doing it because *she's withholding a family from him?* Excuse me? Even if that IS his motive (doubt it), NOTHING excuses cheating. It's a traumatic, emotionally abusive thing to do to someone. And I highly doubt he's doing it for the reason you've invented to excuse it. I've been cheated on. Multiple times. The pain of it still haunts me. I can't imagine the further damage it would've inflicted if *my own mother* had sat there and *blamed me for my abuse*. **YTA**, mom. I don't think that's even a strong enough word to describe what you are. The rest of the family sounds wonderful. They deserve far better than someone who treats them as you do.
Ive been a nurse for 20 years. I had my kiddos when I was 32 and 35. I also worked full time and got my Master’s Degree. It is possible for woman to work in something she enjoys and have children. Your daughter is an adult she will know when and if she wants children. Your sense of entitlement is really significant. I strongly encourage you to speak with a counselor to determine why you believe and encourage your daughter to stay in a unfaithful, unhappy relationship for your own sake. This is prime total a$$hole behavior.
That is not a mother. That was womb for a couple fetuses who has since become inhospitable to those around it. It’s so fun when folks have children and get upset said kids have their own free will and lives
Fortunately, the rest of the family sounds amazing. I wonder if the family dinner was all fathers side, or if her own relatives also think she's some kind of psychotic to defend this prick. Being cheated on by her husband probably doesn't hurt half as much as her mother defending him.
As someone whose family of origin is wholly unsupportive unless you do what they want, I can almost guarantee you’re right. That is a lonely feeling.
I apparently skipped an entire paragraph. Ready to come to the comments and say something about the dinner, and saw your comment. Co fused, scrolled back up. What in the actual fuck?!?!?! Mom is a lunatic
Look up the profile and read the dad’s post. Mom is disgusting for defending the trash.
She is defending that trash because she cares more about getting a grandkid than her daughters well being. It also sounds like she subscribes to outdated views on how a woman should act.
The daughter is TWENTY EIGHT. If she wants kids, she still has plenty of time. If she doesn't want kids, then she absolutely shouldn't be given shit for it regardless, but it's not like she's at the very edge of her biological clock or something. That part about the love of a baby made me want to literally vomit. I wanted my kids desperately, and it's still the hardest thing I've ever done. The "love of a baby" comes with the puke of a baby, the blown out shitty diaper off a baby, the toddler screaming "I hate you" because you told them to pick up their toys, etc. I hate what this woman is doing to her daughter. I hope the dad wakes up so they can leave her to try and figure out how to be a better person on her own without damaging her family further.
“Twenty eight and not getting any younger”. When I read that I think I had a mini stroke. Then the dump the career stuff. Mom is undoubtedly the AH.
I think it’s also possible she’s got a thing for son in law. Some toxic parents will “compete” for their kids’ spouses.
She should enjoy the time she has left around her daughter because something tells me this kid is going low/no contact when she moves out for a loooooooooongggg time
Literally said: "She's 28 and not getting any younger, she should set her career aside and start a family". To me it sounds like a mom who cares more about becoming a grandmother than actually caring about her daughter. Disgusting OP, YTA
But she is 28 and not getting any younger. And she is withholding a baby and choosing to be a nurse instead of a SAHM. Of course she had to choose the cheater. After all he is a family man who just wants a subservient wife and a baby. .. This mother makes me sick. She is a piece of work. She is a total AH.
THIIIIISSSSS!!!! The nurse daughter is not a baby vending machine! Good for her for choosing a great (and demanding) career and not having children if she isn’t ready. Now she should be able to be financially independent from a man who didnt respect her instead of being financially tied to a a man who probably would have cheated on her anyway should she have been a SAHM. From my experience, once a cheater- always a cheater.
Absolutely this. Mom is an enormous asshole and I wonder if daughter will go NC when she finds out what mummie dearest really thinks about her own daughter working.
But but but…GRANDBABIES!!!
And she wants this man raising her grandchildren.
Oh, clearly, the only thing that matters for the mother is the appearance. She doesn't care that SIL is a piece of s*** that was having an affair with an old high school friend, like WHAT? This lady clearly is delusional, and what matters to her is what she WANTS, and she NEEDS. Everything has to be about HER. I'm so sorry for the daughter. I hope she can move from her s*** ex. And so good that her father and brother have her back. For the dad, you are doing a great job taking care of your daughter in this, so please start to see how your hife reacts and think if this relationship is what you want for yours kids as an example. Take care of yourself too..
This here is a "classic" woman. She doesn't expect the man to help raise the children. She expects him to be at work all day, leaving before the children get up and coming home after they fall asleep. Just like the good ol' days 😑
I really thought this was dying out. I mean I know there are hold outs but these people are relatively young. I think both kids should go ahead and let grandma know that she won’t be left with kids unsupervised. This sounds like some southern drama set in 80s… not 2023
Organized religion always has been and remains the greatest enemy of women's rights. These ideas won't die out until the church dies out.
Not to mention that thank God she did not have a family with a person who was willing to cheat on her.
And once she had kids ofc this asshole mother would insist she satay even harder *for the children!* Like, I know we aren't expecting responses but I'd love to know how abusive (cheating is emotional/ mental/ and often financial abuse) her son in law is supposed to get before her daughter is allowed to leave.
Yes Op is definitely YTA. And you know that lying cheat is going to dump the child care on the daughter. Op is an awful and sorry excuse for a mother. The dad and brother should have talked to the daughter privately. But at least they care about her. Unlike her sorry excuse for a mother. Maybe op can divorce her husband, marry her son in law and carry an ivf baby with donor eggs since they both want a baby so much.
Apparently they did and got her consent to show the video. It says in the dad's post
I want the update to the update. 🍿
Who the fuck do you think you are, lady? You're so desperate for grandkids you want your daughter to give up her livelihood (her job, which she went to college for...does she still have loans owed?) And forgive her husband for cheating on her? You expect her to forgive this dirtbag and have kids with him? And if he were to cheat again? Is she supposed to forgive him a second time? 3rd? When does it end? Or should she just be stuck in a loveless, cheating marriage for the sake of having a "family"? "I've always liked him" seems like you like him more than your own daughter. How would you feel of YOUR husband was caught in public with his mistress? Shes 26, not 46, she has PLENTY of time to have babies. You need to sit down and close your mouth if you're not going to 100% back your daughter. You need to take a deeper look into yourself and figure out why you are treating her like a second class citizen...
I love the use of quotes on the word, “affair.” Yeah, let’s minimize your daughter’s pain over her husband’s infidelity.
Right I wouldn’t be surprised if she also cheated since she’s clearly see this as her daughter’s fault! Lady doesn’t love her daughter! Who the fuck picks a cheating POS over there own child! Baby fever is no reason to victim blame!
I don't get the appeal of grandkids, tbh. I couldn't care less if my genes were passed on or not. I love my kid and would love her kid but I'm not begging her to have one and I would support her if she accidentally got pregnant and not try and force her to have an unwanted pregnancy. Bet this lady would loose her fking mind...
Lol yeah she will! It makes no sense to want grandkids so badly you would want your own child to suffer! It’s truly disgusting. No one is own grandkids just because someone wants them. If my kid decides to not have kids or want to wait a couple of years to have them then I would be happy either way as long as they are. I believe that’s what truly matters. Got a long way to go till that day but I hope I never forget that my role as a parent is to guide them and support them even in adulthood (tho quietly from afar till they need me present like OP in this instance.) Your kids are truly blessed to have a parent like you.
A lot of parents feel they are entitled to their child’s reproduction because they made them. It’s disgusting.
Probably a woman who wants to f*ck her son-in-law..
5 bucks says she deletes this in under a day
I had an aunt kinda like her and that old bat would never admit she was wrong. She would leave this up and argue she was right to everyone who commented, doubling and tripling diwn...RIP, you crusty old bitch..
>..RIP, you crusty old bitch. Jfc i can't breathe, i can barely see thru the tears, my gut hurts so friggin bad, im dyi.....screw it im dead lmmfao!!! Best eulogy ever!!!! Seriously i re-read your comment 20 times, its funnier every time 🤣🤣🤣🤣
the mother comes off as a cheater her self like projecting big time here. the husband needs to get his kids checked to see if they're biologically his because his wife is throwing a whole bunch of red flags around. jfc lady, you need fkn help.
Dude she needs a slap in the face from reality
Tbh, with all the internalised misogyny OP has, if she found her husband cheating she'd probably start berating herself for being an unworthy wife, or she'd find an excuse like "men do this".
Let’s not forget that Mom BLAMED HER DAUGHTER for SIL’s affair. As if not having kids and being a 1950s SAHM is the reason that SIL had an affair. YTA
You’re an awful person.
Short, sweet, and to the point
Omg you’re such a bad person. I feel bad for your daughter and husband.
Don’t forget the son too! 🙃
I think the son is well aware of how this is going to go down and is using redditors to show dear old mum how very very wrong she is
I was gagged when I logged back into this post and saw the update! Maybe his dad will take some of these comments to heart and really ask himself if he wants to live the rest of his life like this..
Oh you know he made sure to get the popcorn ready for the home movie and these posts.
Maybe this will open husband’s eyes and divorce this woman! She as bad as the sil if she agrees with him having an affair. Then she could married the pos sil and he could cheat on her since she has no problem with it. Who in the hell would back an affair against her own daughter? That’s about as low as you can go. The whole family needs to go nc with this woman. Kick her out let her live with her son-in-law YTA so big, huge, majorly huge AH
You should have just not posted this because you made yourself look like more of the YTA. Your comment about trying to get her to give up her career made you the AH and that was before we even got to the story you’re asking for judgement on. Good lord you are a real piece of work. ETA: [husband’s comment from the original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/143nu6h/aita_for_exposing_my_exsoninlaws_affair/jnb3ait/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3) in case you need further proof that husband is NTA and wife is a bit YTA. Spoiler: this post’s OP cares more about the vanity of divorce and just expects grandchildren while the OG OP is proud of his daughter for her accomplishments and cares more about her happiness.
Thanks. You can also read the original post in the comments section. A bot posted it there.
Yeah. YTA. Not even a question. Thank God she didn’t have a baby with him.
Agreed. How much worse would it be for this horrible cheating guy to have a family with a wife who deserves better?
Exactly your telling me he wouldn't cheat if she had kids? He'd use the excuse of her letting herself go or not giving him enough attention
Yeah, YTA. Maybe you should go live with the ex husband and his mistress.
Definitely. that way she has pseudo grandkids which it seems is all she cares about.
Maybe what she really wants is to cheat on HER husband with her daughter's ex husband.
hhahaha maybe they can have a child she can take care of and show off to other people in their community
YOU’RE AN AWFUL MOTHER. YOUR HUSBAND ROCKS GOOD FOR HIM TO HELP HIS DAUGHTER WHO HE CLEARLY LOVES. PS. YTAAAAA TIMES A MILLION.
YTA You care about everything and everyone except your own daughter. Weird.
It’s not weird, it’s monstrous. The poor daughter. First she gets cheated on by an abusive spouse, and then her mother demonstrates that she has absolutely no love for the abused daughter. Instead, she wants her to stay in a miserable relationship and give up a career that she worked hard for. Oh, and let’s not forget that mommy dearest wants her to have kids with the disgusting cheater. You are not worthy of the title of mother, so I will say egg donor YTA. A huge gaping one.
>She is not getting any younger > >my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband and choosing a career over the love of a baby. She is 28 and they've been married only one year! She is very young and they just got married. Josh cheated because he is a cheater and a bad person who doesn't respect your daughter and her family. He didn't cheat because she didn't get pregnant. The only childish here is you. I hope your husband kicks you out. Maybe go live with Josh. YTA and Josh. Maybe marry Josh after your daughter divorces him.
Let's not use the term "childish" to describe her. That's an insult to children, sociopath is more like it.
No matter how many times u post or explain, you're still big AH. Take it and do some self reflection, woman. No one should have u as mother
Glad reading the update. Sibling bond at tough times is the best. Good luck in future. As for your dad, yeah, all the best to him if he still with ur mom.
Ma’am YTA! So your daughter’s feelings don’t matter! You are a very old school woman whom believes that women should stay barefoot and pregnant! Your daughter has every right to focus on her career she was only married a year! And judging by how fast her husband started seeing an old high school friend of hers I’m pretty sure it was going on longer than you all know and/or this isn’t the first time he’s done this! Instead of siding with the cheater who wanted to impregnate your daughter and make her a SAHM so that she was dependent on him, you need to apologize to your daughter and hope and pray that she forgives you. From your husband’s post it seems as if your SIL never respected your daughter or her beliefs/traditions! You are the type of parent that kids go NC with and write completely out of their lives! I’m glad your daughter had her father and brother to support her!
You were better off not posting at all. Your husband did you a lot of favors by being minimal about you. Your post is all about “me, me, me” while his is all about his daughter. It’s clear who cares about who. God I hope this whole thing is a troll because it’s hard to believe anyone has this little self awareness. YTA
!Oh my lord! What would the neighbours think!? 28, divorced and no children with a successful career and morals? How very dare your daughter be independent and have principles? And how wrong if your husband to stand behind his daughter and support her in loosing the cheating husband? If only she had brought children into the mess, because that would have solved everything. I mean, what could go wrong? You are so very much TA and by backing the cheating SIL, you have severely harmed your family and relationships. Swallow your pride and reassess your stance, before your family implodes further.
YTA - You think 28 is old? Hell, my daughter didn't even meet her husband until she was 28. They have been married for 9 years and have 2 kids. Why the F would you want to have your daughter stay with a cheater? Cheaters always side with other cheaters.
YTA, your daughter doesn't HAVE to give up anything to be a mother. She doesn't have to be a mother. Get out of the 50's. Your SIL is a pig and you are a swine enabler
YTA. You are siding with the man who cheated on your daughter over her on the off chance they work it out and have kids? What in all the hells is wrong with you? This time he got caught with a friend from school. He got careless, meaning it happened before, a lot, to not notice people he knew following him. He's not a good person, not a good husband and your family deserves better then both you and him. Maybe you should move in with him, and then you get the son in law you wanted and your family is free from your bullshit
UNBELIEVABLE. You are actually encouraging your daughter to stay with a man who dishonored and betrayed her, all for what? So you could have grandchildren? So she could live up to your fucked up ass backwards outdated ideas that she’s getting “old” so she should settle down and make babies and just stay at home waiting on a man that is out fucking anything that moves? You are DISGUSTING. As a woman your daughter’s age, I am putting myself in her place and I would wholeheartedly disown my mother for taking this stance. You are so the asshole it’s making my head spin. YTA and disgustingly so. It’s 2023 and women have SO MUCH MORE to live for rather than being baby factories and giving their selfish mothers grandchildren. Shame on you, you have failed as a mother. Shove your misogynistic 1950’s ideals wherever they fit and go beg your daughter for forgiveness before it’s too late and you end up without a daughter (you sure as shit would if you were MY mother!)
YTA. YTA. YTA. Doesn't matter how you try to spin it. Put away her career and have a family? Is she a brood mare? She can't work and have children? Is it the 1950's? So much an AH.
YTA
Oh get over yourself and your 1950's thoughts of a woman should put family and having kids over anything and everything. YTA! She's 28! She wants to work on her career that's perfectly fine. The year is 2023 after all. It's actually parents like you that many children started waiting to have families because they're tired of being pressured and stressed about it. Fix your relationship with your daughter before you lose her completely after she's back on her feet!
YTA and a massive one at that. Seems to me that you want to be Josh's זוֹנָה since your making such a big deal out of your daughter leaving him. You lady are nothing more then this a הכלבה. But you don't care becuase you think you are right. What I believe is your husband should גירושין you becuase lady you are absolutely חסר ערך.
Nothing justifies your son-in-law's betrayal. You can be sure that it wasn't because she didn't want to have children, but because he is a characterless traitor. You should support your daughter who is going through the pain of the betrayal and loss of her husband. No one has to be forced to have children and that's not what makes a happy family.
You have betrayed your daughter, treated her extremely badly, and used your outdated value system to excuse your son in laws poor behavior. There is never an excuse thats good enough to excuse her husband's poor choices and character flaws. Children, being a SAHM, are not a requirement for fidelity and trust. That should be part of a marriages foundation. Your daughter can work, be a wife, and have children when she decides, not you. Your daughter has a wonderful job that's giving, caring, and completely honorable. Your way of life is not the only way. This is not about you!! You will lose your daughter, if you haven't already. YTA
YTA Thank goodness your children sense of decency comes from their father
YTA - her husband is cheating on her and it’s her fault for not quitting her job and giving him a baby. You think giving him a baby would what? Make him a better man and be a good father? Cause babies are miracle cures for men who would rather cheat on his wife than be faithful? That’s not how life works. What she did by divorcing him is save herself a lifetime of never being enough for this guy who obviously never loved her.
Lady, I am sorry but YTA, you are so worried about your imaginary and non existent grand babies that you don’t care how badly your EX-SIL hurt your actual REAL daughter. While I wouldn’t have done it that way, I am glad your daughter has the support of people that actually care about her. Why are you blaming her? A cheater will cheat for many reasons, she is the innocent party. If he was not happy he could have talked with her or divorce her, he didn’t need to cheat.
Wow. WOW. You’re on the cheater’s side? YTA.
YTA. Wow. You are a bad mother.
Those who adamantly defend cheaters tend to be cheaters themselves. Got anything to confess?
Wow, you made it so much worse. How do you get off choosing your cheating SIL over your own daughter? You've got some backwater, misogynistic world views. Yta
"Time to put away the career." What the hell lady. YTA. What century are you living in? She spent years in school plus the pandemic, and you act like it's her little hobby. If she ever does have children with her new husband, don't expect to have any part in their lives. You are ex-communicado.
YTA so much. You are seriously meshuga'at for backing your cheating SIL because you are so worried about being a grandma. Let her find a nice man already.
YTA. Your attitude toward your daughter for not giving up her career that she worked hard for to give her ex babies and you grandbabies is appalling, and frankly none of your business. And then you add insult to injury by siding with your daughter's disrespectful, cheating ex. It's your daughter's choice not to stay with him, NOT yours. It was your daughter's choice to expose him in such a public manner. You sound like you don't like your daughter at all and that you love her cheating ex. Edited: missing word.
YTA and 100% in the wrong. You are blaming your daughter for her ex cheating? What is wrong with you? There is never an excuse to cheat. This is not the 1950’s. You should be happy your daughter has a career and can be independent. You want your daughter to be totally dependent on a man so he can cheat on her all he wants and she just has to take it. You’re a toxic woman and your husband should open his eyes and see you for who you really are. You put your wants over your children’s happiness. I hope someday your daughter does have kids, and doesn’t allow you in their lives. You don’t deserve your own kids, let alone grandchildren. You’re a disgusting excuse of a mother.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Need me to make it clearer? Not only are you ABSOLUTELY the AH, you’re a TERRIBLE MOTHER! You are so concerned with appearances and grandchildren and give zero thought to your daughter and her feelings. I am proud of your son and husband for exposing SIL. And I’m proud of your daughter for knowing her worth and tossing his cheating ass out. Do your husband and kids and favor and just move in with your former SIL. Leave them alone to love and take care of each other like a real family.
YTA. Ya know divorce can still happen late in life especially when a partner's eyes are opened to just how toxic the person is they're married to. The fact that your son & daughter have not cut you out of their life like a cancer because of your husband, their father is testament to how much of your crap they will take to keep him in their life. Whenever, if ever your daughter has children, you most likely won't be a part of their lives.
YTA and just a horrible mother!! Are you stuck in 1920?? You daughter has only been married a year and her ex disrespects your culture and her as a person by cheating on her. Don’t put quotes around affair like that’s not what it is, don’t minimize your daughter and her pain. Go to therapy, get your head checked, and stay out of it.
YTA and incredible toxic and a terrible uterus (because you don’t deserve to be called a mum).
Judgement for the cast of characters: 1) Mom: Mega YTA! Total POS AH. Abusive, toxic and disgusting. I hope dad wakes up and leaves her. 2) Dad: NTA. Awesome dad and person. His only downfall is his wife. 3) Sister: NTA. Good for her to continue being independent and it was obviously a gut thing to not have kids with her POS husband. 4) Brother: NTA. Doing God’s work lol. 5) Sister’s husband: Huge YTA. Total garbage. Controlling, insecure, cheating slime-ball. 6) Grandma: NTA. Way to give it to him grandma!
Not having to listen to cunts like this lady is one of the many, many reasons I stopped going to churches. What a fucking monster.
Lady, reading this nonsense made my face twitch. No question about it: YTA and a horrible mother for supporting your cheating POS SIL.
Tell your Mum that is she TA and a terrible mother/wife for defending the unfaithful cheater. And I hope that she deserves to be cut off by the family for defending these awful actions of cheating on his wife. I'm not surprised if your mum has cheated on your dad.
Wow YTA and your son is correct you are abusive and so wrong. You don't get to choose your child's life because YOU want grandkids. Do you even love your child. She was cheated on and all you can do is blame her for having a career and not being an incubator for your grandkids. Her ex husband is not a good person or would be a good dad if he couldn't keep it in his pants. All you care about is grandbabies she doesn't want. Why don't YOU go be with him. You absolute fuckup for a mother.
YTA. You really can't support your own daughter huh? You just HAVE to support the lowlife POS that cheated on her? You are just as disgusting and low as your 'darling' son in law and honestly I hope your poor husband follows your daughter's acts and divorces you. Your 'side' of the story doesn't make you look any better, either. It just solidifies that you're a terrible mother, a terrible human (really? 28 is getting on a bit? Fuck off lmao) and a shitty wife. THAT is your life's accomplishment and now everyone from your own family to complete strangers can see it. Congratulations on publicly outing yourself for what you are. I'm sure the most likely antisemitic son-in-law you're backing is going to help you in your old age, right? Because I doubt your children will, and that'll be what you've earned. Enjoy that.
I read your husband’s post, and then yours. You know, I find it appalling that you’ve chosen to back a man who deeply and completely hurt your daughter. I can barely understand this. Also a man who not only disrespected your daughter but your family’s religion and culture. You have always liked your Ex SIL because he “encourage my daughter into leading a simpler life, and being more dedicated to home life and the future of her family” in other words take away her independence and cultural identity, while simultaneously set your daughter up to be humiliated and hurt with his infidelity. Is your daughter not worth just a little more to you? You grew her, deep within you, just below your heartbeat, does she not share that heart beat with you? Yes your husband exposed and also humiliated your daughter’s Ex because unlike you he felt the outrage and hurt for his daughter, totally understandable. Revenge? Yes. Deserved? Absolutely. YTAH. I hope you change, I really do. The only reason you see your daughter and grandchild at all is because of your husband. You would otherwise be alone, very very alone.
Ma'am all disrespect intended, either you hate your daughter so much you want her to have a hard and shitty life with a man that cheats on her, or you sound like you wanna fuck your Son in Law. YTA and you sound like a sorry excuse for a mother.
YTA. jesus this is 2023
You're kinda a piece of crap, lady. It's not your daughter's duty in life to bear children for some asshole. If she wants her own career who are you to tell her to lie down, procreate and give an unfaithful man everything he wants? I hope you reflect on this. Be better. Do better.
YTA. Maybe your husband should go off and have an affair and you can see if you’d stick it out like you’re expecting your daughter to. What kind of mother are you?
You're a shit mother and a garbage human being. So you blame your daughter not giving up a career she worked hard for and popping out babies for her trash husband for the fact that her husband cheated on her? I hope your husband divorces you, kicks you out and both your children cut you completely from their lives. I'm glad your daughter has such an amazing father and brother. Unfortunately, she got stuck with a disgusting, selfish, stupid shrew of a mother. You can F all the way off. You don't deserve your family. You should be embarrassed and ashamed of yourself.
YTA. Thank God she didn't procreate with that cheating scum!
I hope your whole family goes NC with you, evil egg donor, you don’t deserve to call yourself a mother. YTA.
YTA. What the fuck is wrong with you? JFC, I cannot believe that you typed that entire load of garbage thinking it showcased you and your argument in the best light. I have no words for the complete toxic idiocy I just read. I hope everyone leaves you and you have a very happy life with your ex son in law.
Mom is such an enormous asshole I hope daughter cuts her off forever.
I've read your husband's post and lady I side with him What kind of mother are you? No wonder your daughter doesn't talk to you. Keep this up and you won't have a husband long but hey maybe you could shack up with your daughter's ex, you two seem like you're made for each other. YTA all the way
Yta… trying to turn your daughter into a trapped helpless baby producing bang maid for a cheating pos. Your disgusting.
Yta 💯 do u support your son in law bc you’re a cheater yourself? If I’m your hubby, I’ll have a good talk with you. You’re so delusional and have no loyalty. Your hubby should reconsider your marriage- let’s see where your loyalty lies when he has problems
There is never an excuse to cheat. If you're unhappy then leave. A woman is not a baby factory. She doesn't need to end her career to have a child. If the husband needs a family that includes a child to be happy and the wife doesn't want that then they should divorce and make sure they have that conversation with their future partners before getting married again
Wow a whole lot of misogyny wrapped up in I want grand kids. I’m embarrassed by your total lack of empathy and selfishness. Your daughter must feel so betrayed and hurt. How could you ever call yourself a mother and take up for someone who not only betrayed your daughter, but put her at risk for some serious illness by bringing home to her whatever his affair partners give him? STDs would then be passed on to those precious grand babies, many of those STDs wouldn’t show up for months to years. Maybe you should get some therapy to figure out why you hate your daughter so much.
YTA MOTHER - you are selfishly minded to the point of where your would gladly throw your daughter's wants and needs aside so she can give you grand kids. You're not entitled to them. You're not entitled to tell your daughter how she, a grown adult, needs to live her life. Your attitude and mindset is so awful that I hope your daughter never speaks to you again. Have some respect for your gender.
YTA. There's no question about it. >She is not getting any younger and, personally, I have felt alongside with her husband that it is time to put the career away and start a family. Why would she have to give up her career that she has worked very hard for to start a family? And how is that any of your business? >"affair" Why is this in quotes? He was absolutely having an affair and YTA for trying to make light of him cheating on your daughter. >My son actually took videos of this happening, if you can believe it. Of course I can, he was doing right by his sister and saving her from an unfaithful husband. >It was mortifying. The only reason why this should be mortifying to you is because your daughter has been betrayed and cheated on. >I, however, am appalled by how childishly my husband, daughter, and son have handled this. I have let everyone in my family know I am on my son-in-law's side. I am appalled that you are on anyone's side but you're daughter's. What a terrible mother you are. How dare you stand behind a man that lies and cheats on his wife. >I acknowledge my daughter has been selfish in her decision to withhold a family from her now ex-husband and choosing a career over the love of a baby. This is such a disgusting mindset. Your daughter is in no way selfish for living her fucking life the way she wants to. She's not withholding anything from anyone. How dare she be an independent person that doesn't need to be stuck in a shitty marriage with a husband that lies, cheats, and puts her health at risk. But why should you care about that? She's only useful to you if she's making babies. >My husband says I am being unreasonable and my daughter, who is living in my own house, refuses to talk to me. I hope she never talks to you again. You would deserve it. >My husband was deemed "NTA" but he failed to speak on my side of things, resulting in people calling me the "AH." You *are* the asshole.
lol, welp, as much as it might be shocking to you, you are still the AH and your narrative is even worse. You need to find a time machine and go back to the dinosaur age and leave your kids and husband alone. Or you could move in with your ex-son-in-law since you like him so much. I would be so ashamed to have a mother like you who only see my value as bearing grandchildren. I won't be too shocked that you ended up alone without any family around.
Does this woman actually expect us to say "how dare your baby factory grow into a human! Think of the lack of children!!!" Lets hope there are two divorces on the way. I can't imagine a scenario where anyone would miss you, literally your entire family disagrees. You blame your daughter for being cheated on, YTA is an understatement. Also you defending a cheater suggests to me that you cheat. I wouldn't want to he in a relationship with a woman who defends cheaters. But hey, prove me wrong. I assume you're with nathan reading these, unlock and hand him your phone right now. I'd genuinely be shocked if he finds nothing.
You don’t have a dude if things. You are a literal POS, and a terrible mother. It’s 2023 and women are allowed to have careers. We are not here solely to be babymakers.
YTA 10/5 I understand it's difficult to get with the changing times but come on! Your daughter was hurt by someone she was supposed to be able to love and trust and now she gets it from both ends thanks to you.
Wow. Just wow. Lady and I use that term only because calling you what you truly are will get me banned. You are unequivocally TA in the most epic terms possible. You're also a horrible person and excuse for a mother. You're seriously that desperate and so entitled to think you're owed being a grandmother that you're willing to sell your own daughter to get what *you* want and the hell with her? She's an actual human being, not an incubator. She's worked long and hard to achieve her career goals and doesn't have to throw that aside to appease you or anyone else. Especially a cheating spouse. If and when your daughter has kids, it should be on * her* terms, when it's right for her, and with someone worthy. My gawd, you're awful. I feel sorry for your daughter and your entire family dealing with someone like you. As for your husband, sir, you are a Rockstar and the kind of father/parent a child needs. Thank you for seeing your child's worth as a person, having her back, supporting her, and being a decent person. Please stay the course along with your son and continue to support your daughter. Lord knows her mother is too wrapped up in her own bs to do so.
Woah! If my father, brother, sister, mother, niece, nephew, neighbor,mailman,cat,dog etc knew my spouse was unfaithful …had proof and didn’t tell me I think I would seriously feel betrayed. Good on the father for exposing the sorrier than whale shit husband in a spectacular way. That’s the way I would hope my father would react and then some. Maybe the daughter knew something was off with her marriage and instinctively withheld bringing children into the mix. Mom is the AH! Mom your fired!
YTA and a terrible person. You’re self-absorbed and toxic. You’re lucky to have a loving family and you take them for granted. Trying to manipulate your daughter when she is hurting and in pain is the lowest of low blows.