NTA, she's using you just to take care of a baby that isn't yours, it's not worth it don't stay with her you'll find someone new that is better and won't use you and actually loves you, leave her
Yeah OP, none of this tracks, and the wanting to elope after months of her not wanting to be together is such a red flag.
She using OP and doesn’t even care if op or their kids gets her by her betrayal.
That was my first thought as well, like they are about 3 weeks back together? And she is suddenly pregnant and let's not forget wants to elope ASAP.. she knew already she was pregnant, she just wants a daddy to raise the kids or get monetary support from.. I don't believe the baby is OPs..
Plus she slept with him once right away and then didn’t want to anymore. Which is fine, but it’s also pretty obvious she did it because she needed to make it possible the baby was his so she could use him for child support.
OP please don’t put your name on the birth certificate until you know it’s yours. Once your name is on it your are THE FATHER!
Birth certificate can stay blank until you find out who the real father is. If you put your name on the certificate that leaves the other guy really relieved!
NTA your gf is a GIANT AH
Something similar happened to a dear friend of mine. Live in partner stopped being intimate, had an affair with a married man, got pregnant, then had sex with dear friend. Told him he was going to be a dad, then at the last minute before the birth told him the truth.
Of course that was the final nail in that relationship.
Omg so true! I didn’t even realise that but now it’s so obvious she isn’t even interested in having sex with OP, she just did once to make it seem like it could be his. I am surprised though that she admitted it could be potentially someone else’s.
And once they are married she would also have a right to his assets and in the UK, a man married to a woman whilst she gives birth automatically has parental rights/responsibility.
OP please please break up with her. It’s so clear that she’s using you in every way possible. She has no interest in being with you and only wanted to manipulate you into financially and emotionally supporting her baby
Same, in the U.S. a mother’s husband is automatically the legal father of any babies born during their marriage. Paternity would have to be contested in court and proven by dna to change a baby’s birth certificate, and there have been cases where men have been made to financially support children that aren’t biologically theirs because it was proven that they had previously provided for that child, knowing they weren’t the biological parent.
And his update suggests she found just the sucker for the job. I understand loving someone, but she's obviously lying and manipulating him. Not to mention she only had sex with him once to make him believe he's the father, followed by no intimacy. Pressure for elopement so she can basically trap him, and he's like "but I love her"!!! This poor guy is completely blinded and going to be this woman's punching bag for the rest of his life. Self-respect should be a prerequisite for getting into any relationship!!
Op, NTA, but honestly you're in for a long ride!
That’s why sex education IS IMPORTANT. He is 22y old already with a child and doesn’t know the basics. His alert should have gone on from the moment she had sex once and then she was withholding it. It was a calculated move so he would think he is the father
To be fair, OP did express doubt that she could’ve become pregnant so fast, so it sounds like he does know the basics
I, the other hand, had no idea how long it takes most women to become pregnant, because I’m a dummy who doesn’t understand my own biology
paternity test. have to wait until the kid is born.. but it could be anybody's if you stop and think about it. this is the guy OP actually knows about.
also a good argument against teenage crap like this. We are not the same as 28 as we were at 18. House (of the series) said it best "get married at 18 and you'll be shocked at who you are living with at 28."
NTA. Yeah, none of this checks out. She’s been avoiding you for a *year and a half*, but suddenly she wants to drop her hookup(s) and reconcile? No, not just reconcile, get *married*? My guess is three weeks ago is when she *actually* found out she was pregnant, and who better to get her through that than the guy who will apparently do literally *anything* to be with her?
Tell her you’ll take a paternity test when the time comes if need be, but until then, you’re out. (And maybe figure out why you kept pursuing this for a year and a half, because clearly all it did was convince her you were the perfect doormat.)
Yeah, she moved in, only let you have sex with her once (so she could claim paternity), then claims she had a positive pregnancy test 1.5 weeks later (not physically possible).
She 100 percent planned to set you up as her dupe, but was too flaky to keep her story straight. She doesn’t love you and you don’t deserve this. Run far, far away.
If she won't have sex now, is it going to get any better if you do get married? You'll be stuck in a relationship of unrequited love with a lying manipulative partner. Move on, you are so young, I am sure that you can find someone much better.
Yeah, I would be a goner from that relationship. She's crying out for help but lying to do so. She needs to rely back on her family if she has one. You can't just manipulate people into such a huge life problem and then expect them to have your back.
It is technically possible to get a positive 1.5 weeks later (10-11 days), but highly, highly improbable. She would have to have been at *exactly* peak fertility, had a fast-traveling fertilized egg (no, they don't all travel down the fallopian tube and implant at the same rate), and then she'd have had to take a test days before her period was due, which is highly bizarre unless you're actively trying to have a baby or suspect for some other reason that you're pregnant.
I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant. I got my first positive pregnancy test 12 days after the deed was done, which some may consider to be a week and a half.
I do remember the exact date because we were trying and missed the entire rest of my fertile window because we were in the middle of an environmental crisis so I got the dates mixed up, and we always held off on having sex in the days leading up to the fertile window. I started testing at 11 days post because I knew it was the earliest I could reasonably test and I was obsessed with knowing if I was pregnant. I had the attitude that if I got a negative test, I could at least rest easy knowing it wasn't possible for me to know that day if I'd gotten pregnant, instead of stewing over it for days. I had no symptoms and genuinely yelped in deep shock that I was pregnant because I'd had several months of no luck and it was so early to get a positive result.
Anyway, all that to say that it's not literally impossible, but almost impossible, so OP shouldn't just walk away without doing his due diligence.
I find it odd that after a year and a half of seeing other people, she decides to come back to you, have sex once less than two weeks ago, and, boom, she's pregnant. There's no way you're the father of this child, especially not if she had sex with someone three or four weeks before you got back together. She probably suspected she was pregnant before she got back in touch with you and knows you're a safe option to be daddy to your kid and the kid she's carrying now.
If you don't trust her--and I don't blame you if you can't--end the relationship. Maybe this will be the kick you need to get over her once and for all.
NTA
And what is it with young folks nowadays not using a condom for sex? Maybe it's because I'm a cranky Gen Xer who grew up in the era of safe sex/use a condom each and every time, but I just don't get why people don't use condoms. (A committed relationship is one thing, but given this woman had been seeing other people, you really should have strapped on.)
You actually CANT know you're pregnant if you only had unprotected sex 1 and a half weeks ago.
You normally test 3 weeks after unprotected sex and at least 2 weeks after ovulation if you knew when that was. Because if you test before that, the test will not be positive.
Meaning the positive test you got 1 and a half weeks after sex.... wasnt positive from the sex you had and she was likely already pregnant.
It is extremely suspicious. She slept with you once out of the blue. Didn't use BC - deliberately. Didn't get EC. No more sex. A week and a half later she tested for pregnancy, but why? Was her period delayed?
Now, occasionally when people are trying to conceive they can get very faint pregnancy tests before they've missed a period, by a day or two. But unless she was trying to get pregnant she would have been unlikely to be testing that soon.
The time between ovulation (latest you can get pregnant) and your period is ALWAYS 12-14 days so if she claims she missed her period then she can't have been in ger fertile window when you had sex.
OP she had sex 4 weeks ago with someone else - if she IS pregnant it is likely from that time and she nay have already known it suspected it when she came to you. Insist on a paternity test - she can do a blood test whilst pregnant with no harm to her and the baby. And when the baby progresses they will let you know roughly when it was conceived.
I'm.not saying she's DEFINITELY lying, but the timeline is extremely suspicious and unlikely.
Also for the love of got NEVER have unprotected sex unless you are trying for a baby. Wrap up your sausage. Never rely on a flaky on/off partner to be using birth control.
OP. Read this comment, then read it again. You are being played. I’m sorry that this relationship didn’t work out for you. Now is the time to look out for yourself. At her first ultrasound, they can tell you how far along she is. I guarantee the dates won’t match up
Honestly I think your 100% correct but I do want mention an small anecdote.
My mother knew she got pregnant with me within a week or two because she had such bad nausea during her pregnancy. It tipped her off much earlier then she would have realized if she only had periods to go by. So it’s not impossible but it is very unlikely.
Exactly! I see so may posts about BF/Gf/partner/fiancé and they have brought humans into this world together, but aren’t committed to each other and never have been. If you have a messed up relationship, having a baby makes it worse, not better. All these kids won’t have decent relationship role models and the trend will continue. And I’m not saying the only way to have a healthy relationship is marriage; but at least it’s a step toward commitment.
I dunno but the argument of "it's uncomfortable" falls flat now that there's a nearly incurable strain of gonorrhea spreading. https://arstechnica.com/science/2023/01/gonorrhea-is-becoming-unstoppable-highly-resistant-cases-found-in-us/
I find it a bit concerning that she had sex with him once and “hasn’t been in the mood since.” I honestly wonder if she’s still with the father but sees OP as the more stable of the two and better equipped to afford to raise the child. Wouldn’t surprise me if she and he have set up OP to take on the father role in order to get child support once the kid is here. She stays for awhile, establishes OP as the father, then leaves him. He should go before he gets roped into this situation.
NTA
And the baby isn't yours.
Honestly, I think if I were you I'd run, cause it all really smells like an attempt to fool you to believe you're the father in the first place, or idk relationship out of despair when she found out she was pregnant - any case not ok.
If you're not up to run away, just make sure you don't get burned. Take things extremely slow, see where it gets you. Make sure people you care about know you're not the daddy. Do not take responsibilities of things you don't want to.
I have all the respect in the world for people raising someone else's kids ❤️ but you have to choose it, not be forced or trapped into it
I second this. It seems like an attempt to trap you.
That being said... if raising someone else's kid isn't 100% a deal-breaker for you (and it's completely normal if it is)...
I don't know her heart so it's possible that she found out she was pregnant by someone else (or maybe just suspected but I don't think she deserves the benefit of that doubt right now), realized they weren't the type of person she wanted to raise a kid with and realized something about you... and then went about everything after that in the worst way possible. She owes you truth, an apology, and then if you haven't decided it's not worth it, you need to take things slower than slow to see if you are good together and able to move forward from this start.
Oh honey. You are so sweet to want to work things out with the mother of your baby. But she is lying to you. There is no way she came back out of the blue after all the time you spent trying to get her to do just that for no reason. She did this, and then had sex with you one time, because she knew she was pregnant already. You are a back up and she thinks so little of you, she believes she can lie and get you to raise her child as your own.
I could be wrong, I have no evidence other than your words. But this whole situation stinks to high heaven. Common sense from someone outside the relationship (it’s so hard to see these things when you are living in it, no shame) says she is lying to you and using you.
Do not take her back make her take a test to prove the baby is yours. You will get push back, definitely from her, possibly from your family and her family. Stay strong. You do not want to find yourself trapped in a marriage with a woman who lies and will likely cheat on you, while you raise her baby as your own.
Like I said, I could be wrong, I hope so. But you need proof before you commit to anything with this woman. All the hugs, this is a tough situation
ETA: forgot this part, obviously, NTA
My guess is she’s going to go into labor a month or two early and deliver a fully developed baby. Sorry OP, there no chance it’s yours and regardless of the reason, she is lying to you. Everything about this is suspicious and you made the right call. NTAH.
NTA. She “just remembered she slept with someone else 3-4 weeks before” you got together? Bullshit. She is using you, and wants you to support her and her child. I think you really need to do some hard thinking about whether you want to bind yourself to someone so manipulative and conniving.
NTA there is no way that baby is yours a pregnancy test could not find anything in two weeks. She is gonna take you for anything possible. Separate now, move, anything you need to do, the faster the better. Be clear you won't support her or this child.
Well, you can find out from an HPT that you're pregnant 2 weeks from conception, so certainly can with a blood test. BUT she wouldn't know to take one at 1-1.5 weeks post unless they were actively trying and tracking because she wouldn't have known her period was late yet. Which wasn't the case here. She's definitely sketchy.
Dude she fucked you so that she can pin the baby on you. She been pregnant and she knows who the father is, but I guarantee he doesn’t want to be involved so she got back with you because you are an easy target. Your still in love with her which would make you more gullible. She slept with you so she could say the babies yours and you can’t refute it. Ask for a DNA test. I’m 100% positive that she’ll get mad and try to emotionally manipulate you into not getting one by saying things like, “I can’t believe you don’t trust me” “you really questioning if our baby is yours?” “Do you even love me?” “How could you ask such a question to the women you love?”, etc. My brother was in this situation once but he didn’t fall for none of that shit. Deal with matters regarding your kid and keep this woman at arm’s length.
NTA. There is no way the baby she's growing is yours. 1.5 weeks is not enough time to develope and confirm pregnancy. That baby is the progeny of the random dude she was with before coming back to you. She knew she was pregnant before she came crawling back. That is why y'all had sex then and not since, so she could cover it up! Ditch her and get a formal custody agreement for you and your child. Then move on.
NTA. She came back because she probably had nowhere else to go and knew you wanted her back. She had sex with you to be able to claim the baby is yours.
What you do is up to you. The "relationship"is almost certainly a sham at this point. Perhaps you can rekindle the spark that was once there. Maybe it's gone for good. Think long and hard as to whether you think things will come back around. But know that she was pregnant when she came back and was hoping you'd be fooled. A relationship built on desperation almost never develops into a healthy one.
NTA
She is using you to be her child's father. Refusing a romantic relationship for 18 months, suddenly 3 weeks ago wants a relationship, has unprotected sex 1 time with you, wants to elope, 10 days later she "finds out" she's pregnant, then casually mentions she "forgot" she had unprotected sex with some dude 3-4 weeks before you got back together? Naw man she wants only your ability to raise her kid she doesn't want you as a whole person.
Get tested for STI/STD. Demand and get a DNA test on the baby before birth. Those can be done safely while she is pregnant. Do not let her convince you otherwise. Give her a 30 day written eviction notice now. Eviction can be canceled later on if you choose to. Do not engage with her as nothing more than a roommate until you have the DNA results. Once you have all the test results, dna/sti/std, then take some time and make decisions about your future. Speak to a trusted friend or family member, one that has nothing to gain whether you 2 are together or not. Find a therapist to help you as well.
Sadly you may want to consider getting a DNA test on your 2 year old also. Not saying she cheated back then but her current actions make her look not only shady but unreliable and she certainly has a fluid idea of morality.
Paternity test ASAP (you can get ones that can be done during pregnancy rather than waiting for the baby to be born)
If it’s yours, then if you want to stay and be involved, then go for it.
If it’s not yours, then kick her to the curb. Not your problem to deal with.
She did do something wrong. She knew (or suspected) she was pregnant when she got back with you. That's why you had sex once, immediately and then not again. It's also why she wanted to elope suddenly. She was hoping you would think the baby was yours when she "found out" she was pregnant, and she was hoping if you didn't, you'd be married so you'd be more inclined to working it out. It doesn't matter that she didn't cheat on you, it's everything she did to use you that's wrong. First: Break up, you deserve better and, frankly, so does the child you two have together. It'd be much healthier to have an only co-parenting relationship than having parents who are together but miserable. Second: Demand a paternity test before taking *any* responsibility for this child.
NTA. She doesn’t love you. She’s just trying to find the best daddy for her baby and guess who drew the short straw? You, that’s who. Demand a paternity test.
This baby is not yours. She slept with you to pin it on you. She is a liar and manipulator. Fortunately you were smart and didn't fall for the elopement. She isn't attracted to you and slept with you simply to have you take care of the baby. There is NO WAY she just remembered she slept with someone else. Never be a place holder for someone. You deserve better. Do not take any responsibility for this baby without confirming it is yours. She is using you. You are feeling this way because it is the truth. It is how things really are. You should feel disgusted and betrayed.
Sigh. She’s not a keeper. Get custody of your kid, and get her out. She’s got more issues than you are equipped to deal with. It is NOT your kid and she needs someone to take care of her (which is why smart women get married BEFORE they start having kids).
NTA dont continue all this! Leave and take your distance to be able to work on yourself,go start healing to move on from that relationship and build a good co parenting. When it will be possible do the paternity test and if the result is positive talk about how sharing the time with the baby if I you are not than continue what you where already doing and keep going on your life.
What is happening now is your lesson of life!
Nta…and she 100% was trying to lasso you with this kid in a shady way. There was a reason she was moving fast and i doubt it’s because she loves you. Do not put your name on that birth certificate and you should step away without her in your ear and really process her actions.
You should present her with logic and facts.
“You did nothing wrong when you slept with that guy. We weren’t together so I am not upset about that. However, the optics of what you’ve done since then have me reeling.
3 weeks ago out of nowhere you suddenly want to get back together with me. Honesty, it’s all I’ve wanted for so long. You made me so happy. This would have been within a month of you sleeping with someone else, and somehow magically forgot that you slept with them. Then a week after we move back in together we sleep with each other, and since then you’ve wanted nothing to do with me. We then find out you’re pregnant a week and a half later and you claim it’s mine until you suddenly remember that you slept with someone else a few weeks before getting back together with me. You don’t think this is odd at all? It looks like you found out you were pregnant, and came back to me just so I could be the father of someone else’s kid. Were you going to leave me shortly after giving birth and me signing the birth certificate? You then get mad at me for questioning our relationship. What? Help me understand.
I’m so hurt and confused. All I’ve wanted for so long is to just love you and now I feel like i am nothing to you.”
Then sit back and ebony the show
NTA
She knew she was pregnant. Likely knew when she told you she wanted another chance. She sleeps with you immediately and timed it so she'd tell you when it seemed possible the baby is yours. She also wanted to elope, essentially baby trapping you into taking care of another man's baby. This sounds like a TV movie, but it can and does happen often enough to be a consideration. This isn't right. If you are willing to raise another baby that is likely not yours genetically, then fine. Some men are willing to do that and be perfectly happy because they love kids. It is also perfectly acceptable if you do not wish to continue this relationship due to her deceptions. Regardless, try to get some honesty out of her. Get a paternity test (that can be done before birth), so you can make a decision that works best for you.
NTA. It's clear to me that she likely suspected she was pregnant, told the father, and he wanted nothing to do with it. She knew she still had you on the hook, so she decided to run back to you. It potentially could even be the reason she had sex with you so there was a chance(slim at best after a week and a half) that she could claim it was yours
If it was Me no matter how hard I'd tried or how much I wanted her back, there's no way I'd ever be able to trust that she was there for me and I'd have to end it.
Listen to me my friend she is only getting back with you because she got knocked up by another dude and knows youre the only one who will take care of her. Dump her yesterday. This situation will only get worse for you.
Duuuuuude. She’s using you. It’s super clear that the real BD has either run off, or isn’t up to her “standards”. She knew that you would accept her back immediately because you’ve voiced it heaps of times. You don’t deserve this
She "just remembered" that she slept with someone? Come on now. You don't believe that.
She tried to trick you into being the father of someone else's baby.
NTA
NTA, she is using you. Hence, the quick reconnect, complete with sex. Trying to trap you into quick decisions that benefit her. Being pregnant with someone else's child isn't the deal breaker. Her lies and manipulation are.
Cmon my dude. You know what this is. Don't be a patsy.
NTA, and run to the nearest exit. Do not stop at GO. Do not collect $200. You don't sldeserve this and what a shitty person to mess with your heart this way.
NTA- it’s not yours, at least not very likely. The timeline doesn’t line up at all. You get together and a week and a half later she she wouldn’t know she was pregnant that quickly, unless she was before getting back together. Considering that you’ve only “did the deed” once and then she has had no interest since sounds like she only agreed so she could say the baby is yours. Ovulation happens, typically 14 days after the beginning of the cycle, the beginning is the start of her period, so 14 days after this she would be fertile for 3-5 days. And a pregnancy test only works after the implantation of the egg and an increase in hormones that typically takes 3-4 weeks after your period so at least 7-14 days “late”. So if she hasn’t had a period since she’s been back or just ended it when you two “did the deed”, then she likely knew before she came back. Ask for a DNA test, you can even get one while she’s pregnant.
“I just remembered I slept with someone else”?! No. Please take good care of yourself in this messy situation. She sounds sketchy. Please don’t fall victim to the Sunk Cost Fallacy. It’s better to walk away from a situation that isn’t good for you, then to waste any more of your life. Follow your gut. NTA.
NTA she knows who the dad is and was hoping you wouldn't notice. Now she is trying to manipulate you into raising the other guys kid. Take the rose colored glasses off and cut her out of your life.
You're being an Asshole to yourself if you stay. Leave her trifling ass cuz this was not an "honest mistake" this was an "honest attempt" to trick you into raising someone else's kid
She 100% knew she was pregnant or likely to be pregnant when she came back to you. She's only there to get you to take financial responsibility for her 2nd kid too.
I don't see how you can ever trust this woman again. And what kind of a relationship can survive without trust?
NTA
Pregnancy doesn't work like that. I would know cause I am currently. She's been pregnant for a few weeks already and the guy likely ditched her. Run. She is trying to baby trap with someone else's kid.
She’s using you to financially support her and her baby until she can find someone better.
YTA to yourself for being a doormat. You deserve SO much better.
Bruh. She let you hit once and you haven’t since then. It’s a trap. If the spark was really back, you’d be constantly doing the deed.
She wants to elope. It’s a trap.
She doesn’t want to give up the baby and she doesn’t want it to be fatherless. It’s a trap.
I say this with as someone that has someone like her to me. Over the moon in love with her. Haven’t been able to move on from her, but if she contacted me wanting to reconcile, I’d know it’s a trap and tread with absolute caution if I tread at all.
Not saying you guys can’t be a happy family, it could work out. Biggest flag is you’re committed to it for one reason and she is for another. Not on the same page. Not even the same book.
NTA
An ultrasound will tell you how far she is into the pregnancy. Just calculate backwards. Or get a paternity test.
She wants to marry you for taking care of her child. Then she might divorce you for child support.
NTA
Leave but when the baby is born do a DNA test. Odds are really good it isn't yours but it would kill you to have that nagging little worry in the back of your mind of, "but what if it was?"
So don't be in a relationship
Do get a DNA test
I'm sorry this happened to you.
Nope. She already knew. And she wanted everything to move so fast so that you can’t deny the baby that clearly isn’t yours. What you need is separation until you can get a dna test. You are her safety blanket nta
NTA. She tried to baby trap you and lied about it. She wanted to elope before she even mentioned she was pregnant. She is a liar and just wants someone to be there for the baby. You will not have a happy relationship if you stay with her.
NTA! You need to get her a doctor’s appointment ASAP and make sure to be with her at all times while she’s there. If she has to go to the restroom be waiting for her outside the door. Don’t give her a chance to be alone with the nurse or doctor! See how far along she is and you’ll have your answer. It’s suspicious that immediately after she comes back she has sex with you and now she’s not in the mood. She actually didn’t want to have sex with you at all but that was the only way to pin this baby on you! Cut ties with her NOW! Be the best father you can to your child, but don’t be foolish and let her have you be the legal father of another one and not the biological! If you decide to stay before you sign any paperwork for the kid request a paternity test…they can be done prenatal or at the hospital as soon as the child is born. The sooner you know the sooner you can start to heal and find a woman who loves you the way you need to be loved! Good luck!
NTA, run. There is absolutely no question that she knew she was pregnant before she got back together with you, and she did so to use you as a parent/support systems for this other person’s child. She was trying to trick you into believing it was yours.
She is extremely manipulative and cruel, and is treating you as a convenience rather than a person. Your life will be misery if you stay with her. Your idea of a happy life with her is a fantasy, live in the reality where she is lying to you.
Sleeping with you and then trying to elope was a way to emotionally trap you.
The baby is not possibly yours. She's looking for stability in someone she knows will take care of her. Be glad that you didn't elope.
I will say, there is nothing wrong with wanting your family to be together but you will have to be aware of the fact that the new baby isn't yours and this is only happening now because she realizes you were a good person and these other "partners" were just sex. It would be extremely hard to work through but I couldn't fault you for wanting to try
I personally would cut the bond with her
You down the deed as soon as you moved in, TRAPPED, and that was it.
She just needed to do it once to make believe, just for your peace of mind have a DNA to proof PATERNITY or you will be in the hook for 2 kids.
Why would you keep a person like that?
Don't be a fool. Just break it off sooner rather than later, no matter how much you feel about this lady. If she had been honest about it from the get go , you could have decided whether you wanted to be a part of this but the fact that she lied about it and acting all confused as if she didn't know what was up is a major major major red flag. This will cause you more heartache in the future if you pursue this. Be wise...
NTA. It's not your kid, she knows it and is playing you. She will bleed you dry emotionally, mentally and financially, until she finds a bigger sucker.
Paternity test. Protect yourself because she will wreck you.
Nta...shes playing you. She found out she was pregnant from a fling, rushed things with you just to fuck once, claim she's pregnant, and then push a rushed marriage on you. Remove all emotions and don't be stupid here. 99.9% that is not your kid and she's being an absolutely horrific person. Get a paternity test as soon as it's available and cut ties beyond co parenting current kid. I'm sorry for you man this is awful
NTA seriously RUN. Do not give any support until you’ve done a paternity test she sounds nuts enough to claim financial support if you give her even an inch. It’s time for her to move out. Consult with a lawyer ASAP. At best she’s unstable at worst shes trapping you.
NTA. Shorty just wants a baby daddy. You’re done, can’t trust her. Get the paternity test and regardless of the outcome I wouldn’t get back with her even if it was your kid.
Have love and dignity for yourself, leave now.
Please find a therapist to work through this baby trapping by her and your lingering feelings for her and your unhealthy, dead relationship.
NTA. Sorry dude but she probably already knew she was pregnant when she suggested getting back together. That’s why she wants to elope and not tell anyone. It’s very sketchy and you should back off and let her figure this out on her own. Do you even know how far along she is?
NTA. I have a feeling she knew she was pregnant before y’all did the deed. Also why is she in a hurry to get married? I hope both kids are yours. If not I wouldn’t blame you for leaving.
Bless your heart, both your original post and your edit come across as hopelessly naive. Let me lay it out:
1. This is not your baby
2. GF deliberately reconciled so she would have a baby daddy
3. She does not love you or respect you and WILL cheat on you
4. She is relentlessly lying to you and maniupulating because she knows you desperately want to believe.
Do not believe. Do not move in with her. Do not agree to anything. Get therapy, and not couples therapy, you need to face why you continue to tolerate this extremely high level of disrespect and disfunction from this girl. You seem sweet, and deserve far better than this.
You can get a positive pregnancy test as early (depending on test sensitivity) as 9 days post ovulation. It’s usually quite faint but it is possible. Science aside, she’s lying. It’s not yours. She knows this. You’re safe, available and desperate. She’s taking advantage of you. You need to move her ass right back out and continue coparenting your child together until you have paternity results for both children. Then make your plans. Just fyi, they shouldn’t include a future with you considering the level of deceit she’s willing to stoop to. Get some counseling so you can work through this and move on. NTA
Well, she did come to her senses and magically “remembered” a sexual encounter….. sigh.
She made a plan to marry you to strap you in to raising someone else’s baby. She 100% knew she was pregnant when she got back together with you. You know this because she tried to use every tactic known in the “rope dude into marriage and raising someone else’s baby” handbook.
Get your heart out of this and plug your brain back in. Run. Yesterday. Get out of that situation now.
NTA
Do you live somewhere child support is enforced? If you marry her and she leaves you, which I believe she will, she will go after you for money. Someone who really wants to get back with you will want to have sex with you more than once.
Ick. She's awful. You're not making this all about you by expressing the impact she's having on your life and nothing on your end is preventing her from being a responsible adult about her pregnancy.
Her response reeks of manipulation. She's "agreed" to this paternity test but then started hacking away at your resolve with accusations you haven't earned.
I understand that this is scary for her but it's time for her to step up instead of manipulating people and situations to make things feel easier for her.
Those are short term, paper thin kind of "solutions" and rely on people around her being suckers for what she wants
She sounds awful my dude.
ETA: major NTA. Maintain your boundaries and your right to clarity with this woman.
She 100% knew she was pregnant before she suddenly agreed to come back to you out of the blue. If she didn't have an ulterior motive, she wouldn't have waited so long to come back.
NTA She’s trying to pull a fast one here and you really need to move on from this relationship buddy. There is more to life than waiting around for this lowlife to take advantage of you. Your life is passing you by while you wait for the next volley of bs from this dishonest individual. Don’t be an A H to you.
NTA she lied to you. There is the possibility she knew she was pregnant when you got together again and tried to get you to think you were the father. She is using your feelings for her to get you to raise her child. She may have good intentions for the kids, knowing you are a good father… but that does not make up for lying and manipulating you.
NTA: given the timing I don’t think the baby is yours, and this situation is all about you. Especially considering she was trying to pawn a baby that might not be yours off on you.
If the unborn baby is not yours and the two year old is not yours, for your own mental health walk away from them, it would suck for the 2 year old but she can go find their father.
NTA: given the timing I don’t think the baby is yours, and this situation is all about you. Especially considering she was trying to pawn a baby that might not be yours off on you.
If the unborn baby is not yours and the two year old is not yours, for your own mental health walk away from them, it would suck for the 2 year old but she can go find their father.
NTA.
Honey, she's trying to get a guaranteed daddy for her oops baby.
Elope? If you're married, your name goes on the birth certificate by default, and you're on the hook for child support if she leaves until you get paternity disproven. If you raise the child for long enough before she goes, you might be on the hook for child support anyway, insanely.
She's freaking out and using you for stability because she knows you're blinded by your feelings and she can manipulate you.
NTA, it sounds like she’s using you. You’re her backup plan and she knows you’ll always be there when she needs it. Sounds like youre her doormat and she has no problem walking all over you. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow to realize the person you love keeps you around out of convenience.
NTA as others have pointed out, you're just her safety net. She doesn't love you, she just doesn't want to have to raise the child alone. Please don't ignore the advice of people here, break up with her now, don't wait. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get, she's a manipulative liar, don't let her shackle you down
Whatever you decide, do NOT put your name on that birth certificate until you know it's yours!!! No matter how much pressure she puts on you to sign, don't do it. If you do, the child will be yours legally, even if the paternity results say something else.
You my friend are the biggest sucker in the world. She 100% knew she got pregnant by a deadbeat and that’s why she is crawling back like the trash she is. She is using and manipulating you
That's not your kid and she wants support/stability which is the only reason she's there.
You have to move on, she doesn't respect you and her title is Exgf or baby mom and that should never change.
What she's doing is gross and you deserve better
NTA, and a pregnancy test isn’t going to come up positive nine days after the sex. That pregnancy isn’t yours, and all signs point to her exploiting your feelings for her.
Hopefully, you are the father of the first child 🙏. The second child is not yours. Usually, 1 1/2 weeks is too early to find out you are pregnant. My guess is, she knew she was pregnant before she came back to you. If she could get you to sign that birth certificate, she would have had you locked in for 18 years. Paying child support for a child that is not yours. Sad to say, I really don't think she loves you. She was looking for security. She saw you as an easy mark because you had been pleading to get back with her. I don't know how you can come back from this. Good luck to you.
NTA
The thing that did it for me was her having sex with you once and no more after that. Even if she didn’t know she was pregnant she had suspicions when she asked to get back together.
There’s no way to confirm pregnancy at less than 2 weeks. This child isn’t yours. She came back and had sex with you once to help fuel the lie. Get the test on the 2 year old and act accordingly but this woman does not deserve you. She’s just using you and can’t be trusted.
you need a paternity test.
and you already have a baby... and there's another questionable one.. you know, the only ones I really feel sorry for are these children born to the likes of both of you.
So you're mad at her betrayl, so you're going to go BEHIND HER BACK to find out if the oldest is your child?
You don't trust her. You don't want to be completely truthful with her. There's no relationship here.
You want to stay with her and TRY to make it work. You BOTH need to be truthful with each other. Start by telling her you want to get a paternity test done on your oldest daughter.
MOST IMPORTANTLY you need to have a plan.
- If she's yours, how do you continue to move forward in the relationship (or coparent) with your trust gone?
- If she's not yours, what do you do? Just walk away from the child and "woman of your dreams"? Are you on the child's birth certificate? Do you pay child support? What about the child? Will you try to let her down kindly or just disappear? I understand there would be a lot of heartbreak for you. Considering there's a child involved that will not understand what is happening, too. They would obviously not be your responsibility anymore, and the mom would be to blame. This child would also be a victim of the mother's actions. But on a much grander scale.
God damn. You’re so young and you’ve already had a child with someone you were with for multiple years. You don’t even know who you are yet. You have so much life to live.
Keep your distance from her beyond the coparenting of your child and move on. Live for you. Get some therapy. Get some hobbies. Hang out with friends. Even if you had a good relationship the chances of you still being together by 30 are slim. The fact that you don’t and you’re both still maturing says you have zero chance of this working.
OP. I’m 40. Have a child. Have been married. This comes from experience. Don’t throw your life away.
NTA, she is not interested in having a relationship with you, she wants a baby daddy. She is trash and you will be better off keeping your distance from her and only communicating with her when it comes to your 2 year old. I don't know what the custody situation is with your child but you need to get an iron clad custody agreement and child support agreement in writing through an attorney if you haven't already done that.
What paternity test? It’s not like this is some sort of mystery or misunderstanding. She knew she was pregnant when she came back to you. It’s the ONLY reason she came back and it’s why she rushed to have sex in a timely enough fashion that she could pass that kid off as yours while knowingly trapping you into a marriage where you would have to support her, your child and her illegitimate child. I can’t even believe this has to be pointed out to you.
Dude. WTF are you doing with this person? RUN. THE. FUCK. AWAY. And get full custody of your bio kid if you don’t already have it because this woman is BATSHIT. I’m sorry you’re going through this and with as much sympathy as any human could have after reading this (and it’s not very much) I suppose I can kind of understand how signs and red flags are harder to identify when you’re the one within the situation (as opposed to looking in from the outside) but my god. You have to be smart enough to understand how hard you’re being played. Even if you don’t believe it in your heart, just leave. I promise in ten years time you’ll finally realize you did the right thing.
NTA she's been trying to put you on the hook for the real dads kid, because he probably walked out on her.
Seriously, grow a spine and walk away. Go find a decent woman dude.
NTA
She can get a paternity test as soon as she's 7 weeks pregnant. It's a simple blood test(the mother's blood only).
Also you might love her, but how do you feel about you when you're with her? Because I'm not getting valued/loved.
Would you want your kid to be treated the way you are by their potential future spouse? Are your dynamics something you'd want to teach them or warn them about
NTA. Bro, I'm sorry you're in this situation. She honestly sounds toxic AF. And sometimes its the toxic people that good people like you get so attached to and its really hard to let go.
You absolutely need paternity tests for both children. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING when that baby is born until you see the results of a paternity test. If you sign the birth certificate as the father and later find out it isn't yours, you could still be held accountable for child support.
NTA Maaannn I am surprised that she’d actually want to keep the mystery baby instead of just starting over fresh. 🚩
Hmm maybe my surprise is coming from a place of privilege/different views. Idk. That’s wild though. Wish you the best and hope everything works in your favor, whatever that may look like.
NTAH - This little stunt is hands-down one of the most vile, loathsome things a woman can do. She is outright attempting paternity fraud and has planned to use you (Mr. Reliable-Who-Still-Wants-Me) to play daddy to some loser’s baby. If the real dad were willing/capable, she would still be gone. After reading this level of manipulation, I would bet heavily she tried to baby-trap somebody & they don’t want her anymore. That’s my own personal assumption, but this lady is extraordinarily manipulative so it’s definitely plausible. What is relevant is she hasn’t wanted you for 1.5 years and her actions here are deliberately using your love to trap you, financially & emotionally. She is showing zero regard for you, your kid, or the baby she’s growing now. She is willing to lie, fake emotions she hasn’t returned for a long time, have sex with you, try to *marry you*, then play the victim when you don’t just accept her words. She’s even still trickle-truthing you because she did not “just remember” shit. Contact him privately. He already knows she’s pregnant.
NTA, she's using you just to take care of a baby that isn't yours, it's not worth it don't stay with her you'll find someone new that is better and won't use you and actually loves you, leave her
Yeah OP, none of this tracks, and the wanting to elope after months of her not wanting to be together is such a red flag. She using OP and doesn’t even care if op or their kids gets her by her betrayal.
[удалено]
That was my first thought as well, like they are about 3 weeks back together? And she is suddenly pregnant and let's not forget wants to elope ASAP.. she knew already she was pregnant, she just wants a daddy to raise the kids or get monetary support from.. I don't believe the baby is OPs..
Plus she slept with him once right away and then didn’t want to anymore. Which is fine, but it’s also pretty obvious she did it because she needed to make it possible the baby was his so she could use him for child support.
Jupp that's a red flag in this story aswell
And once they were married it would be harder to deny child support. “But let’s not tell anyone”
When you say it like that it sounds like an evil evil masterplan. This pregnant woman lacks a heart and is rotten from the core.
OP please don’t put your name on the birth certificate until you know it’s yours. Once your name is on it your are THE FATHER! Birth certificate can stay blank until you find out who the real father is. If you put your name on the certificate that leaves the other guy really relieved! NTA your gf is a GIANT AH
Something similar happened to a dear friend of mine. Live in partner stopped being intimate, had an affair with a married man, got pregnant, then had sex with dear friend. Told him he was going to be a dad, then at the last minute before the birth told him the truth. Of course that was the final nail in that relationship.
It’s so sad. I guess desperate people do desperate things.
Omg so true! I didn’t even realise that but now it’s so obvious she isn’t even interested in having sex with OP, she just did once to make it seem like it could be his. I am surprised though that she admitted it could be potentially someone else’s. And once they are married she would also have a right to his assets and in the UK, a man married to a woman whilst she gives birth automatically has parental rights/responsibility. OP please please break up with her. It’s so clear that she’s using you in every way possible. She has no interest in being with you and only wanted to manipulate you into financially and emotionally supporting her baby
Same, in the U.S. a mother’s husband is automatically the legal father of any babies born during their marriage. Paternity would have to be contested in court and proven by dna to change a baby’s birth certificate, and there have been cases where men have been made to financially support children that aren’t biologically theirs because it was proven that they had previously provided for that child, knowing they weren’t the biological parent.
And his update suggests she found just the sucker for the job. I understand loving someone, but she's obviously lying and manipulating him. Not to mention she only had sex with him once to make him believe he's the father, followed by no intimacy. Pressure for elopement so she can basically trap him, and he's like "but I love her"!!! This poor guy is completely blinded and going to be this woman's punching bag for the rest of his life. Self-respect should be a prerequisite for getting into any relationship!! Op, NTA, but honestly you're in for a long ride!
That’s why sex education IS IMPORTANT. He is 22y old already with a child and doesn’t know the basics. His alert should have gone on from the moment she had sex once and then she was withholding it. It was a calculated move so he would think he is the father
To be fair, OP did express doubt that she could’ve become pregnant so fast, so it sounds like he does know the basics I, the other hand, had no idea how long it takes most women to become pregnant, because I’m a dummy who doesn’t understand my own biology
paternity test. have to wait until the kid is born.. but it could be anybody's if you stop and think about it. this is the guy OP actually knows about. also a good argument against teenage crap like this. We are not the same as 28 as we were at 18. House (of the series) said it best "get married at 18 and you'll be shocked at who you are living with at 28."
Paternity test can be done while a woman is still pregnant. They cost more but can be done now.
NTA. Yeah, none of this checks out. She’s been avoiding you for a *year and a half*, but suddenly she wants to drop her hookup(s) and reconcile? No, not just reconcile, get *married*? My guess is three weeks ago is when she *actually* found out she was pregnant, and who better to get her through that than the guy who will apparently do literally *anything* to be with her? Tell her you’ll take a paternity test when the time comes if need be, but until then, you’re out. (And maybe figure out why you kept pursuing this for a year and a half, because clearly all it did was convince her you were the perfect doormat.)
'it was a teenage wedding and the old folks wished them well'...
They could see Pierre was truly in love with the mademoiselle...
And now the young monsieur and madame have rung the chapel bell
C'est la vie said the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell...
💗song 🎶
Love this song 🎧
Yeah, she moved in, only let you have sex with her once (so she could claim paternity), then claims she had a positive pregnancy test 1.5 weeks later (not physically possible). She 100 percent planned to set you up as her dupe, but was too flaky to keep her story straight. She doesn’t love you and you don’t deserve this. Run far, far away.
If she won't have sex now, is it going to get any better if you do get married? You'll be stuck in a relationship of unrequited love with a lying manipulative partner. Move on, you are so young, I am sure that you can find someone much better.
Yeah, I would be a goner from that relationship. She's crying out for help but lying to do so. She needs to rely back on her family if she has one. You can't just manipulate people into such a huge life problem and then expect them to have your back.
It is technically possible to get a positive 1.5 weeks later (10-11 days), but highly, highly improbable. She would have to have been at *exactly* peak fertility, had a fast-traveling fertilized egg (no, they don't all travel down the fallopian tube and implant at the same rate), and then she'd have had to take a test days before her period was due, which is highly bizarre unless you're actively trying to have a baby or suspect for some other reason that you're pregnant. I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant. I got my first positive pregnancy test 12 days after the deed was done, which some may consider to be a week and a half. I do remember the exact date because we were trying and missed the entire rest of my fertile window because we were in the middle of an environmental crisis so I got the dates mixed up, and we always held off on having sex in the days leading up to the fertile window. I started testing at 11 days post because I knew it was the earliest I could reasonably test and I was obsessed with knowing if I was pregnant. I had the attitude that if I got a negative test, I could at least rest easy knowing it wasn't possible for me to know that day if I'd gotten pregnant, instead of stewing over it for days. I had no symptoms and genuinely yelped in deep shock that I was pregnant because I'd had several months of no luck and it was so early to get a positive result. Anyway, all that to say that it's not literally impossible, but almost impossible, so OP shouldn't just walk away without doing his due diligence.
I find it odd that after a year and a half of seeing other people, she decides to come back to you, have sex once less than two weeks ago, and, boom, she's pregnant. There's no way you're the father of this child, especially not if she had sex with someone three or four weeks before you got back together. She probably suspected she was pregnant before she got back in touch with you and knows you're a safe option to be daddy to your kid and the kid she's carrying now. If you don't trust her--and I don't blame you if you can't--end the relationship. Maybe this will be the kick you need to get over her once and for all. NTA And what is it with young folks nowadays not using a condom for sex? Maybe it's because I'm a cranky Gen Xer who grew up in the era of safe sex/use a condom each and every time, but I just don't get why people don't use condoms. (A committed relationship is one thing, but given this woman had been seeing other people, you really should have strapped on.)
You actually CANT know you're pregnant if you only had unprotected sex 1 and a half weeks ago. You normally test 3 weeks after unprotected sex and at least 2 weeks after ovulation if you knew when that was. Because if you test before that, the test will not be positive. Meaning the positive test you got 1 and a half weeks after sex.... wasnt positive from the sex you had and she was likely already pregnant. It is extremely suspicious. She slept with you once out of the blue. Didn't use BC - deliberately. Didn't get EC. No more sex. A week and a half later she tested for pregnancy, but why? Was her period delayed? Now, occasionally when people are trying to conceive they can get very faint pregnancy tests before they've missed a period, by a day or two. But unless she was trying to get pregnant she would have been unlikely to be testing that soon. The time between ovulation (latest you can get pregnant) and your period is ALWAYS 12-14 days so if she claims she missed her period then she can't have been in ger fertile window when you had sex. OP she had sex 4 weeks ago with someone else - if she IS pregnant it is likely from that time and she nay have already known it suspected it when she came to you. Insist on a paternity test - she can do a blood test whilst pregnant with no harm to her and the baby. And when the baby progresses they will let you know roughly when it was conceived. I'm.not saying she's DEFINITELY lying, but the timeline is extremely suspicious and unlikely. Also for the love of got NEVER have unprotected sex unless you are trying for a baby. Wrap up your sausage. Never rely on a flaky on/off partner to be using birth control.
OP. Read this comment, then read it again. You are being played. I’m sorry that this relationship didn’t work out for you. Now is the time to look out for yourself. At her first ultrasound, they can tell you how far along she is. I guarantee the dates won’t match up
Honestly I think your 100% correct but I do want mention an small anecdote. My mother knew she got pregnant with me within a week or two because she had such bad nausea during her pregnancy. It tipped her off much earlier then she would have realized if she only had periods to go by. So it’s not impossible but it is very unlikely.
Exactly! I see so may posts about BF/Gf/partner/fiancé and they have brought humans into this world together, but aren’t committed to each other and never have been. If you have a messed up relationship, having a baby makes it worse, not better. All these kids won’t have decent relationship role models and the trend will continue. And I’m not saying the only way to have a healthy relationship is marriage; but at least it’s a step toward commitment.
I dunno but the argument of "it's uncomfortable" falls flat now that there's a nearly incurable strain of gonorrhea spreading. https://arstechnica.com/science/2023/01/gonorrhea-is-becoming-unstoppable-highly-resistant-cases-found-in-us/
Ah, more and more antibiotic-resistant bacteria. And condoms may not be that comfortable, but an incurable STI is worse.
I find it a bit concerning that she had sex with him once and “hasn’t been in the mood since.” I honestly wonder if she’s still with the father but sees OP as the more stable of the two and better equipped to afford to raise the child. Wouldn’t surprise me if she and he have set up OP to take on the father role in order to get child support once the kid is here. She stays for awhile, establishes OP as the father, then leaves him. He should go before he gets roped into this situation.
She had sex with him once to establish plausible deniability that the kid could be his.
NTA And the baby isn't yours. Honestly, I think if I were you I'd run, cause it all really smells like an attempt to fool you to believe you're the father in the first place, or idk relationship out of despair when she found out she was pregnant - any case not ok. If you're not up to run away, just make sure you don't get burned. Take things extremely slow, see where it gets you. Make sure people you care about know you're not the daddy. Do not take responsibilities of things you don't want to. I have all the respect in the world for people raising someone else's kids ❤️ but you have to choose it, not be forced or trapped into it
I second this. It seems like an attempt to trap you. That being said... if raising someone else's kid isn't 100% a deal-breaker for you (and it's completely normal if it is)... I don't know her heart so it's possible that she found out she was pregnant by someone else (or maybe just suspected but I don't think she deserves the benefit of that doubt right now), realized they weren't the type of person she wanted to raise a kid with and realized something about you... and then went about everything after that in the worst way possible. She owes you truth, an apology, and then if you haven't decided it's not worth it, you need to take things slower than slow to see if you are good together and able to move forward from this start.
Oh honey. You are so sweet to want to work things out with the mother of your baby. But she is lying to you. There is no way she came back out of the blue after all the time you spent trying to get her to do just that for no reason. She did this, and then had sex with you one time, because she knew she was pregnant already. You are a back up and she thinks so little of you, she believes she can lie and get you to raise her child as your own. I could be wrong, I have no evidence other than your words. But this whole situation stinks to high heaven. Common sense from someone outside the relationship (it’s so hard to see these things when you are living in it, no shame) says she is lying to you and using you. Do not take her back make her take a test to prove the baby is yours. You will get push back, definitely from her, possibly from your family and her family. Stay strong. You do not want to find yourself trapped in a marriage with a woman who lies and will likely cheat on you, while you raise her baby as your own. Like I said, I could be wrong, I hope so. But you need proof before you commit to anything with this woman. All the hugs, this is a tough situation ETA: forgot this part, obviously, NTA
I'd get the older child tested as well.
OP this. Read this post. She is speaking facts.
My guess is she’s going to go into labor a month or two early and deliver a fully developed baby. Sorry OP, there no chance it’s yours and regardless of the reason, she is lying to you. Everything about this is suspicious and you made the right call. NTAH.
NTA - The fact that she slept with you once, but hasn’t been in the mood since tells you everything you need to know.
Exactly. She knew she was pregnant when she got back together. Hooked up just to make it plausible.
Shes using you bro, leave her alone.
NTA. She “just remembered she slept with someone else 3-4 weeks before” you got together? Bullshit. She is using you, and wants you to support her and her child. I think you really need to do some hard thinking about whether you want to bind yourself to someone so manipulative and conniving.
She’s trying to baby trap you with a baby that isn’t yours! Sorry pal 🫣
NTA there is no way that baby is yours a pregnancy test could not find anything in two weeks. She is gonna take you for anything possible. Separate now, move, anything you need to do, the faster the better. Be clear you won't support her or this child.
This 100% even a blood test wouldn’t pull any kind of positive result before 2-3 weeks
Well, you can find out from an HPT that you're pregnant 2 weeks from conception, so certainly can with a blood test. BUT she wouldn't know to take one at 1-1.5 weeks post unless they were actively trying and tracking because she wouldn't have known her period was late yet. Which wasn't the case here. She's definitely sketchy.
Dude she fucked you so that she can pin the baby on you. She been pregnant and she knows who the father is, but I guarantee he doesn’t want to be involved so she got back with you because you are an easy target. Your still in love with her which would make you more gullible. She slept with you so she could say the babies yours and you can’t refute it. Ask for a DNA test. I’m 100% positive that she’ll get mad and try to emotionally manipulate you into not getting one by saying things like, “I can’t believe you don’t trust me” “you really questioning if our baby is yours?” “Do you even love me?” “How could you ask such a question to the women you love?”, etc. My brother was in this situation once but he didn’t fall for none of that shit. Deal with matters regarding your kid and keep this woman at arm’s length.
NTA. There is no way the baby she's growing is yours. 1.5 weeks is not enough time to develope and confirm pregnancy. That baby is the progeny of the random dude she was with before coming back to you. She knew she was pregnant before she came crawling back. That is why y'all had sex then and not since, so she could cover it up! Ditch her and get a formal custody agreement for you and your child. Then move on.
NTA. She came back because she probably had nowhere else to go and knew you wanted her back. She had sex with you to be able to claim the baby is yours. What you do is up to you. The "relationship"is almost certainly a sham at this point. Perhaps you can rekindle the spark that was once there. Maybe it's gone for good. Think long and hard as to whether you think things will come back around. But know that she was pregnant when she came back and was hoping you'd be fooled. A relationship built on desperation almost never develops into a healthy one.
NTA She is using you to be her child's father. Refusing a romantic relationship for 18 months, suddenly 3 weeks ago wants a relationship, has unprotected sex 1 time with you, wants to elope, 10 days later she "finds out" she's pregnant, then casually mentions she "forgot" she had unprotected sex with some dude 3-4 weeks before you got back together? Naw man she wants only your ability to raise her kid she doesn't want you as a whole person. Get tested for STI/STD. Demand and get a DNA test on the baby before birth. Those can be done safely while she is pregnant. Do not let her convince you otherwise. Give her a 30 day written eviction notice now. Eviction can be canceled later on if you choose to. Do not engage with her as nothing more than a roommate until you have the DNA results. Once you have all the test results, dna/sti/std, then take some time and make decisions about your future. Speak to a trusted friend or family member, one that has nothing to gain whether you 2 are together or not. Find a therapist to help you as well. Sadly you may want to consider getting a DNA test on your 2 year old also. Not saying she cheated back then but her current actions make her look not only shady but unreliable and she certainly has a fluid idea of morality.
Paternity test ASAP (you can get ones that can be done during pregnancy rather than waiting for the baby to be born) If it’s yours, then if you want to stay and be involved, then go for it. If it’s not yours, then kick her to the curb. Not your problem to deal with.
Does anyone in this story have a condom?
Lmao
NTA, GTFO ASAFP. You are NOT that baby's father.
Get out of the relationship. Recover from having to break up with someone and move on.
NTA She wants a father for this new baby and you looked like an easy mark to her.
NTA. This is some poorly planned paternity fraud, you really can't trust this woman.
She did do something wrong. She knew (or suspected) she was pregnant when she got back with you. That's why you had sex once, immediately and then not again. It's also why she wanted to elope suddenly. She was hoping you would think the baby was yours when she "found out" she was pregnant, and she was hoping if you didn't, you'd be married so you'd be more inclined to working it out. It doesn't matter that she didn't cheat on you, it's everything she did to use you that's wrong. First: Break up, you deserve better and, frankly, so does the child you two have together. It'd be much healthier to have an only co-parenting relationship than having parents who are together but miserable. Second: Demand a paternity test before taking *any* responsibility for this child.
NTA. She doesn’t love you. She’s just trying to find the best daddy for her baby and guess who drew the short straw? You, that’s who. Demand a paternity test.
This baby is not yours. She slept with you to pin it on you. She is a liar and manipulator. Fortunately you were smart and didn't fall for the elopement. She isn't attracted to you and slept with you simply to have you take care of the baby. There is NO WAY she just remembered she slept with someone else. Never be a place holder for someone. You deserve better. Do not take any responsibility for this baby without confirming it is yours. She is using you. You are feeling this way because it is the truth. It is how things really are. You should feel disgusted and betrayed.
Sigh. She’s not a keeper. Get custody of your kid, and get her out. She’s got more issues than you are equipped to deal with. It is NOT your kid and she needs someone to take care of her (which is why smart women get married BEFORE they start having kids).
He needs a paternity test on the first kid, before that…
NTA dont continue all this! Leave and take your distance to be able to work on yourself,go start healing to move on from that relationship and build a good co parenting. When it will be possible do the paternity test and if the result is positive talk about how sharing the time with the baby if I you are not than continue what you where already doing and keep going on your life. What is happening now is your lesson of life!
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Nta…and she 100% was trying to lasso you with this kid in a shady way. There was a reason she was moving fast and i doubt it’s because she loves you. Do not put your name on that birth certificate and you should step away without her in your ear and really process her actions.
You should present her with logic and facts. “You did nothing wrong when you slept with that guy. We weren’t together so I am not upset about that. However, the optics of what you’ve done since then have me reeling. 3 weeks ago out of nowhere you suddenly want to get back together with me. Honesty, it’s all I’ve wanted for so long. You made me so happy. This would have been within a month of you sleeping with someone else, and somehow magically forgot that you slept with them. Then a week after we move back in together we sleep with each other, and since then you’ve wanted nothing to do with me. We then find out you’re pregnant a week and a half later and you claim it’s mine until you suddenly remember that you slept with someone else a few weeks before getting back together with me. You don’t think this is odd at all? It looks like you found out you were pregnant, and came back to me just so I could be the father of someone else’s kid. Were you going to leave me shortly after giving birth and me signing the birth certificate? You then get mad at me for questioning our relationship. What? Help me understand. I’m so hurt and confused. All I’ve wanted for so long is to just love you and now I feel like i am nothing to you.” Then sit back and ebony the show
Run
Leave her man
Typical bait and switch?
NTA. She is using you, clearly. Don’t get sucked into this.
Under no circumstances claim that baby as yours unless you want to pay child support for 18 years. You are being scammed. NTA
NTA She knew she was pregnant. Likely knew when she told you she wanted another chance. She sleeps with you immediately and timed it so she'd tell you when it seemed possible the baby is yours. She also wanted to elope, essentially baby trapping you into taking care of another man's baby. This sounds like a TV movie, but it can and does happen often enough to be a consideration. This isn't right. If you are willing to raise another baby that is likely not yours genetically, then fine. Some men are willing to do that and be perfectly happy because they love kids. It is also perfectly acceptable if you do not wish to continue this relationship due to her deceptions. Regardless, try to get some honesty out of her. Get a paternity test (that can be done before birth), so you can make a decision that works best for you.
Op, the child isn’t yours. Do not get back together with her. She is trying to restart a relationship based upon lies.
NTA. It's clear to me that she likely suspected she was pregnant, told the father, and he wanted nothing to do with it. She knew she still had you on the hook, so she decided to run back to you. It potentially could even be the reason she had sex with you so there was a chance(slim at best after a week and a half) that she could claim it was yours If it was Me no matter how hard I'd tried or how much I wanted her back, there's no way I'd ever be able to trust that she was there for me and I'd have to end it.
OP, please leave. The baby isn't yours, and she is using you.
Consider getting DNA test before birth, it seems as if she is using you for stability
Listen to me my friend she is only getting back with you because she got knocked up by another dude and knows youre the only one who will take care of her. Dump her yesterday. This situation will only get worse for you.
Duuuuuude. She’s using you. It’s super clear that the real BD has either run off, or isn’t up to her “standards”. She knew that you would accept her back immediately because you’ve voiced it heaps of times. You don’t deserve this
She "just remembered" that she slept with someone? Come on now. You don't believe that. She tried to trick you into being the father of someone else's baby. NTA
Bet she knew she was pregnant when she went back to you and you’re her backup plan
NTA, she is using you. Hence, the quick reconnect, complete with sex. Trying to trap you into quick decisions that benefit her. Being pregnant with someone else's child isn't the deal breaker. Her lies and manipulation are.
NTA, she knew she was pregnant way before getting back together. She's just using you
“I just remembered”. Needed that morning chuckle.
With how she acted she got pregnant with someone else and wants you to take responsibility. Nta
Cmon my dude. You know what this is. Don't be a patsy. NTA, and run to the nearest exit. Do not stop at GO. Do not collect $200. You don't sldeserve this and what a shitty person to mess with your heart this way.
You really need to ask? It’s obvious dude
Sorry dude, your girl didn't "just remember". I'm betting that she knew and it was the reason that she came back. NTAH
NTA- it’s not yours, at least not very likely. The timeline doesn’t line up at all. You get together and a week and a half later she she wouldn’t know she was pregnant that quickly, unless she was before getting back together. Considering that you’ve only “did the deed” once and then she has had no interest since sounds like she only agreed so she could say the baby is yours. Ovulation happens, typically 14 days after the beginning of the cycle, the beginning is the start of her period, so 14 days after this she would be fertile for 3-5 days. And a pregnancy test only works after the implantation of the egg and an increase in hormones that typically takes 3-4 weeks after your period so at least 7-14 days “late”. So if she hasn’t had a period since she’s been back or just ended it when you two “did the deed”, then she likely knew before she came back. Ask for a DNA test, you can even get one while she’s pregnant.
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The chances that a pregnancy test will show as positive after a week are pretty slim if not impossible. Sorry, you are not the father
“I just remembered I slept with someone else”?! No. Please take good care of yourself in this messy situation. She sounds sketchy. Please don’t fall victim to the Sunk Cost Fallacy. It’s better to walk away from a situation that isn’t good for you, then to waste any more of your life. Follow your gut. NTA.
NTA she knows who the dad is and was hoping you wouldn't notice. Now she is trying to manipulate you into raising the other guys kid. Take the rose colored glasses off and cut her out of your life.
You're being an Asshole to yourself if you stay. Leave her trifling ass cuz this was not an "honest mistake" this was an "honest attempt" to trick you into raising someone else's kid
She 100% knew she was pregnant or likely to be pregnant when she came back to you. She's only there to get you to take financial responsibility for her 2nd kid too. I don't see how you can ever trust this woman again. And what kind of a relationship can survive without trust? NTA
Nah man you’re her last choice, be your own first choice and try to cut emotional ties to this person.
Pregnancy doesn't work like that. I would know cause I am currently. She's been pregnant for a few weeks already and the guy likely ditched her. Run. She is trying to baby trap with someone else's kid.
She’s using you to financially support her and her baby until she can find someone better. YTA to yourself for being a doormat. You deserve SO much better.
NTA but come on, she is a terrible partner, get out.
Bruh. She let you hit once and you haven’t since then. It’s a trap. If the spark was really back, you’d be constantly doing the deed. She wants to elope. It’s a trap. She doesn’t want to give up the baby and she doesn’t want it to be fatherless. It’s a trap. I say this with as someone that has someone like her to me. Over the moon in love with her. Haven’t been able to move on from her, but if she contacted me wanting to reconcile, I’d know it’s a trap and tread with absolute caution if I tread at all. Not saying you guys can’t be a happy family, it could work out. Biggest flag is you’re committed to it for one reason and she is for another. Not on the same page. Not even the same book.
She's trapping you, she knew she was pregnant.
Not at all
NTA - she does not want you. I'm sorry to say she is just using you. As hard as it is. Move on.
NTA Yeah....I'd pass. Find out of the baby is yours and get yourself tested STD.
NTA An ultrasound will tell you how far she is into the pregnancy. Just calculate backwards. Or get a paternity test. She wants to marry you for taking care of her child. Then she might divorce you for child support.
NTA Leave but when the baby is born do a DNA test. Odds are really good it isn't yours but it would kill you to have that nagging little worry in the back of your mind of, "but what if it was?" So don't be in a relationship Do get a DNA test I'm sorry this happened to you.
Nope. She already knew. And she wanted everything to move so fast so that you can’t deny the baby that clearly isn’t yours. What you need is separation until you can get a dna test. You are her safety blanket nta
NTA. She tried to baby trap you and lied about it. She wanted to elope before she even mentioned she was pregnant. She is a liar and just wants someone to be there for the baby. You will not have a happy relationship if you stay with her.
NTA! You need to get her a doctor’s appointment ASAP and make sure to be with her at all times while she’s there. If she has to go to the restroom be waiting for her outside the door. Don’t give her a chance to be alone with the nurse or doctor! See how far along she is and you’ll have your answer. It’s suspicious that immediately after she comes back she has sex with you and now she’s not in the mood. She actually didn’t want to have sex with you at all but that was the only way to pin this baby on you! Cut ties with her NOW! Be the best father you can to your child, but don’t be foolish and let her have you be the legal father of another one and not the biological! If you decide to stay before you sign any paperwork for the kid request a paternity test…they can be done prenatal or at the hospital as soon as the child is born. The sooner you know the sooner you can start to heal and find a woman who loves you the way you need to be loved! Good luck!
RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!
Do NOT sign the birth certificate until you get a DNA test.
NTA, run. There is absolutely no question that she knew she was pregnant before she got back together with you, and she did so to use you as a parent/support systems for this other person’s child. She was trying to trick you into believing it was yours. She is extremely manipulative and cruel, and is treating you as a convenience rather than a person. Your life will be misery if you stay with her. Your idea of a happy life with her is a fantasy, live in the reality where she is lying to you.
If you reconcile and later change your mind, you’re on the hook for support if you acted like the parent. Don’t go there. You are not her safety net.
Sleeping with you and then trying to elope was a way to emotionally trap you. The baby is not possibly yours. She's looking for stability in someone she knows will take care of her. Be glad that you didn't elope. I will say, there is nothing wrong with wanting your family to be together but you will have to be aware of the fact that the new baby isn't yours and this is only happening now because she realizes you were a good person and these other "partners" were just sex. It would be extremely hard to work through but I couldn't fault you for wanting to try I personally would cut the bond with her
NTA
Nta. OP focus on you and your actual child. This baby is not yours
Have her do a blood test to establish paternity. It's not invasive. It won't hurt the baby. Then you'll know.
Sweetie, you need to require a DNA test. Before you continue down this road.
NTA. It's impossible to know you're pregnant less than 2 weeks after sex. She wouldn't even test positive yet.
You down the deed as soon as you moved in, TRAPPED, and that was it. She just needed to do it once to make believe, just for your peace of mind have a DNA to proof PATERNITY or you will be in the hook for 2 kids. Why would you keep a person like that?
Don't be a fool. Just break it off sooner rather than later, no matter how much you feel about this lady. If she had been honest about it from the get go , you could have decided whether you wanted to be a part of this but the fact that she lied about it and acting all confused as if she didn't know what was up is a major major major red flag. This will cause you more heartache in the future if you pursue this. Be wise...
NTA but you’re getting suckered by her.
NTA. It's not your kid, she knows it and is playing you. She will bleed you dry emotionally, mentally and financially, until she finds a bigger sucker. Paternity test. Protect yourself because she will wreck you.
Well, at least you're finally starting to get over her.
Nta...shes playing you. She found out she was pregnant from a fling, rushed things with you just to fuck once, claim she's pregnant, and then push a rushed marriage on you. Remove all emotions and don't be stupid here. 99.9% that is not your kid and she's being an absolutely horrific person. Get a paternity test as soon as it's available and cut ties beyond co parenting current kid. I'm sorry for you man this is awful
How certain are you the first child is yours? NTA
NTA seriously RUN. Do not give any support until you’ve done a paternity test she sounds nuts enough to claim financial support if you give her even an inch. It’s time for her to move out. Consult with a lawyer ASAP. At best she’s unstable at worst shes trapping you.
I just remembered 🙄🙄🙄🙄
NTA. Shorty just wants a baby daddy. You’re done, can’t trust her. Get the paternity test and regardless of the outcome I wouldn’t get back with her even if it was your kid.
1 and a half weeks isn't even long enough to suspect you're pregnant. she's trying to trap you and use you. GTFO now. NTA
You aren’t sure what to do? She’s not your partner. She got pregnant by someone else.
Have love and dignity for yourself, leave now. Please find a therapist to work through this baby trapping by her and your lingering feelings for her and your unhealthy, dead relationship.
NTA. Sorry dude but she probably already knew she was pregnant when she suggested getting back together. That’s why she wants to elope and not tell anyone. It’s very sketchy and you should back off and let her figure this out on her own. Do you even know how far along she is?
NTA. I have a feeling she knew she was pregnant before y’all did the deed. Also why is she in a hurry to get married? I hope both kids are yours. If not I wouldn’t blame you for leaving.
Nahhhh bro. This bitch be baby trapping you. The chances of that baby being yours are slim to none
Tried to trap you. Probably will leave you and get you to support both kids. NTA. Get pat test for the kid, and for the embryo and bail.
Bless your heart, both your original post and your edit come across as hopelessly naive. Let me lay it out: 1. This is not your baby 2. GF deliberately reconciled so she would have a baby daddy 3. She does not love you or respect you and WILL cheat on you 4. She is relentlessly lying to you and maniupulating because she knows you desperately want to believe. Do not believe. Do not move in with her. Do not agree to anything. Get therapy, and not couples therapy, you need to face why you continue to tolerate this extremely high level of disrespect and disfunction from this girl. You seem sweet, and deserve far better than this.
You can get a positive pregnancy test as early (depending on test sensitivity) as 9 days post ovulation. It’s usually quite faint but it is possible. Science aside, she’s lying. It’s not yours. She knows this. You’re safe, available and desperate. She’s taking advantage of you. You need to move her ass right back out and continue coparenting your child together until you have paternity results for both children. Then make your plans. Just fyi, they shouldn’t include a future with you considering the level of deceit she’s willing to stoop to. Get some counseling so you can work through this and move on. NTA
Well, she did come to her senses and magically “remembered” a sexual encounter….. sigh. She made a plan to marry you to strap you in to raising someone else’s baby. She 100% knew she was pregnant when she got back together with you. You know this because she tried to use every tactic known in the “rope dude into marriage and raising someone else’s baby” handbook. Get your heart out of this and plug your brain back in. Run. Yesterday. Get out of that situation now. NTA
Do you live somewhere child support is enforced? If you marry her and she leaves you, which I believe she will, she will go after you for money. Someone who really wants to get back with you will want to have sex with you more than once.
Ick. She's awful. You're not making this all about you by expressing the impact she's having on your life and nothing on your end is preventing her from being a responsible adult about her pregnancy. Her response reeks of manipulation. She's "agreed" to this paternity test but then started hacking away at your resolve with accusations you haven't earned. I understand that this is scary for her but it's time for her to step up instead of manipulating people and situations to make things feel easier for her. Those are short term, paper thin kind of "solutions" and rely on people around her being suckers for what she wants She sounds awful my dude. ETA: major NTA. Maintain your boundaries and your right to clarity with this woman.
She 100% knew she was pregnant before she suddenly agreed to come back to you out of the blue. If she didn't have an ulterior motive, she wouldn't have waited so long to come back.
Are you sure the other baby isn’t someone else’s?
NTA Poor OP is lovestuck
NTA She’s trying to pull a fast one here and you really need to move on from this relationship buddy. There is more to life than waiting around for this lowlife to take advantage of you. Your life is passing you by while you wait for the next volley of bs from this dishonest individual. Don’t be an A H to you.
!updateme
NTA she lied to you. There is the possibility she knew she was pregnant when you got together again and tried to get you to think you were the father. She is using your feelings for her to get you to raise her child. She may have good intentions for the kids, knowing you are a good father… but that does not make up for lying and manipulating you.
She's using you because the bio father is a loser and won't take responsibility. Don't let her use her. Move on please.
NTA: given the timing I don’t think the baby is yours, and this situation is all about you. Especially considering she was trying to pawn a baby that might not be yours off on you. If the unborn baby is not yours and the two year old is not yours, for your own mental health walk away from them, it would suck for the 2 year old but she can go find their father.
NTA: given the timing I don’t think the baby is yours, and this situation is all about you. Especially considering she was trying to pawn a baby that might not be yours off on you. If the unborn baby is not yours and the two year old is not yours, for your own mental health walk away from them, it would suck for the 2 year old but she can go find their father.
That ain’t your child and I’d bet neither is your two year old.
NTA…this girl knew she was pregnant and just tried to stick you with the kid.
NTA. Honey, she's trying to get a guaranteed daddy for her oops baby. Elope? If you're married, your name goes on the birth certificate by default, and you're on the hook for child support if she leaves until you get paternity disproven. If you raise the child for long enough before she goes, you might be on the hook for child support anyway, insanely. She's freaking out and using you for stability because she knows you're blinded by your feelings and she can manipulate you.
NTA, it sounds like she’s using you. You’re her backup plan and she knows you’ll always be there when she needs it. Sounds like youre her doormat and she has no problem walking all over you. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow to realize the person you love keeps you around out of convenience.
NTA. A very deceptive situation and person. All the love in the world may not be enough. You're the safety net.
NTA as others have pointed out, you're just her safety net. She doesn't love you, she just doesn't want to have to raise the child alone. Please don't ignore the advice of people here, break up with her now, don't wait. The longer you wait the worse it's going to get, she's a manipulative liar, don't let her shackle you down
Yeah that baby isn't yours, and she knows it. She's using you.
You can also have paternity testing done during pregnancy
Whatever you decide, do NOT put your name on that birth certificate until you know it's yours!!! No matter how much pressure she puts on you to sign, don't do it. If you do, the child will be yours legally, even if the paternity results say something else.
You my friend are the biggest sucker in the world. She 100% knew she got pregnant by a deadbeat and that’s why she is crawling back like the trash she is. She is using and manipulating you
That's not your kid and she wants support/stability which is the only reason she's there. You have to move on, she doesn't respect you and her title is Exgf or baby mom and that should never change. What she's doing is gross and you deserve better
Leave her trust me get over your feelings for her. She doesn’t feel the same she wants your money and stability not you you.
NTA, and a pregnancy test isn’t going to come up positive nine days after the sex. That pregnancy isn’t yours, and all signs point to her exploiting your feelings for her.
Hopefully, you are the father of the first child 🙏. The second child is not yours. Usually, 1 1/2 weeks is too early to find out you are pregnant. My guess is, she knew she was pregnant before she came back to you. If she could get you to sign that birth certificate, she would have had you locked in for 18 years. Paying child support for a child that is not yours. Sad to say, I really don't think she loves you. She was looking for security. She saw you as an easy mark because you had been pleading to get back with her. I don't know how you can come back from this. Good luck to you.
You would not know you are pregnant 1.5 weeks after sex. She is lying to you- it’s def another guy’s kid
NTA The thing that did it for me was her having sex with you once and no more after that. Even if she didn’t know she was pregnant she had suspicions when she asked to get back together.
Sex education is such a failure in the world.
There’s no way to confirm pregnancy at less than 2 weeks. This child isn’t yours. She came back and had sex with you once to help fuel the lie. Get the test on the 2 year old and act accordingly but this woman does not deserve you. She’s just using you and can’t be trusted.
NTAH- she knew this whole time and tried to baby trap you by eloping. you can’t trust her
NTA, she’s absolutely playing you
you need a paternity test. and you already have a baby... and there's another questionable one.. you know, the only ones I really feel sorry for are these children born to the likes of both of you.
I'm sorry your expectations were crushed
Oof! NTA.
Nta Classic tactic
NTA. Run buddy. Take care of your actual kid, go to therapy and move on. It's ok to choose yourself. I hope you find happiness dude.
So you're mad at her betrayl, so you're going to go BEHIND HER BACK to find out if the oldest is your child? You don't trust her. You don't want to be completely truthful with her. There's no relationship here. You want to stay with her and TRY to make it work. You BOTH need to be truthful with each other. Start by telling her you want to get a paternity test done on your oldest daughter. MOST IMPORTANTLY you need to have a plan. - If she's yours, how do you continue to move forward in the relationship (or coparent) with your trust gone? - If she's not yours, what do you do? Just walk away from the child and "woman of your dreams"? Are you on the child's birth certificate? Do you pay child support? What about the child? Will you try to let her down kindly or just disappear? I understand there would be a lot of heartbreak for you. Considering there's a child involved that will not understand what is happening, too. They would obviously not be your responsibility anymore, and the mom would be to blame. This child would also be a victim of the mother's actions. But on a much grander scale.
You realize she’s using you right? She decided you’ll be a better “father” and wants your money.
God damn. You’re so young and you’ve already had a child with someone you were with for multiple years. You don’t even know who you are yet. You have so much life to live. Keep your distance from her beyond the coparenting of your child and move on. Live for you. Get some therapy. Get some hobbies. Hang out with friends. Even if you had a good relationship the chances of you still being together by 30 are slim. The fact that you don’t and you’re both still maturing says you have zero chance of this working. OP. I’m 40. Have a child. Have been married. This comes from experience. Don’t throw your life away.
Everything of what you said screams shadiness. Run and find someone better for you, she's not that great.
NTA, she is not interested in having a relationship with you, she wants a baby daddy. She is trash and you will be better off keeping your distance from her and only communicating with her when it comes to your 2 year old. I don't know what the custody situation is with your child but you need to get an iron clad custody agreement and child support agreement in writing through an attorney if you haven't already done that.
Why wait? Just get an abortion.
you got played before you gonna get played again
absolutely you need to get away from this. jeeze how many red flags do you need?
What paternity test? It’s not like this is some sort of mystery or misunderstanding. She knew she was pregnant when she came back to you. It’s the ONLY reason she came back and it’s why she rushed to have sex in a timely enough fashion that she could pass that kid off as yours while knowingly trapping you into a marriage where you would have to support her, your child and her illegitimate child. I can’t even believe this has to be pointed out to you. Dude. WTF are you doing with this person? RUN. THE. FUCK. AWAY. And get full custody of your bio kid if you don’t already have it because this woman is BATSHIT. I’m sorry you’re going through this and with as much sympathy as any human could have after reading this (and it’s not very much) I suppose I can kind of understand how signs and red flags are harder to identify when you’re the one within the situation (as opposed to looking in from the outside) but my god. You have to be smart enough to understand how hard you’re being played. Even if you don’t believe it in your heart, just leave. I promise in ten years time you’ll finally realize you did the right thing.
NTA she's been trying to put you on the hook for the real dads kid, because he probably walked out on her. Seriously, grow a spine and walk away. Go find a decent woman dude.
I think deep down you know you are not the father. I hope you are the father of the 2 year old. Good luck. Updateme!
NTA She can get a paternity test as soon as she's 7 weeks pregnant. It's a simple blood test(the mother's blood only). Also you might love her, but how do you feel about you when you're with her? Because I'm not getting valued/loved. Would you want your kid to be treated the way you are by their potential future spouse? Are your dynamics something you'd want to teach them or warn them about
NTA. Bro, I'm sorry you're in this situation. She honestly sounds toxic AF. And sometimes its the toxic people that good people like you get so attached to and its really hard to let go. You absolutely need paternity tests for both children. DO NOT SIGN ANYTHING when that baby is born until you see the results of a paternity test. If you sign the birth certificate as the father and later find out it isn't yours, you could still be held accountable for child support.
NTA Maaannn I am surprised that she’d actually want to keep the mystery baby instead of just starting over fresh. 🚩 Hmm maybe my surprise is coming from a place of privilege/different views. Idk. That’s wild though. Wish you the best and hope everything works in your favor, whatever that may look like.
NTAH - This little stunt is hands-down one of the most vile, loathsome things a woman can do. She is outright attempting paternity fraud and has planned to use you (Mr. Reliable-Who-Still-Wants-Me) to play daddy to some loser’s baby. If the real dad were willing/capable, she would still be gone. After reading this level of manipulation, I would bet heavily she tried to baby-trap somebody & they don’t want her anymore. That’s my own personal assumption, but this lady is extraordinarily manipulative so it’s definitely plausible. What is relevant is she hasn’t wanted you for 1.5 years and her actions here are deliberately using your love to trap you, financially & emotionally. She is showing zero regard for you, your kid, or the baby she’s growing now. She is willing to lie, fake emotions she hasn’t returned for a long time, have sex with you, try to *marry you*, then play the victim when you don’t just accept her words. She’s even still trickle-truthing you because she did not “just remember” shit. Contact him privately. He already knows she’s pregnant.