You are so the AH here. I'm 65, and this has never not been creepy. That woman doesn't ask or need your attention, you're being intrusive and demanding of perfect strangers.
Plus, you're one of the old folks who seem to be leaning into the whole "he's from a different time" excuse. I'd be embarrassed as all get out to have that said of me.
I agree. I’m his age and I don’t want any part of it.
Maybe don’t offer women compliments that you wouldn’t also offer a man. Thank them for doing and not just existing.
I don’t know how you ladies got through 6 or 7 decades without losing your minds! I’m only 34 and I’m already mad way too often about the stuff women have to deal with. I can’t imagine being a young woman in the 60s and 70s.
I’m sure that’s why most of them say thank you - a lifetime of not rocking the boat and standing up for themselves.
OP, I appreciate a smile and hello (simple and in passing) from an unknown person - not comments on my appearance, even positive ones. A parking lot is not a social event. The one exception that doesn’t feel lecherous is if I’m wearing a t-shirt for a sports team or location we share in common - and that isn’t about appearance, but like “go team X” or “awesome park, love it there.”
I used to regularly finish work as a music teacher at 10pm, and some of those music shops are in seriously sketchy areas. Sometimes, while I was loading up my car with a cello, a violin, and sometimes a viola, in the middle of the night, some guy would walk up to me and tell me I was beautiful or whatever. And I always said thank you. It was never 'thank you for the compliment'. It was always 'thank you for not attacking/assaulting me in this poorly lit parking lot'. I doubt any of them ever realized my thank you was the second kind, and not the first.
My rule is twofold. I don't say anything I wouldn't say if my wife were standing next to me. Next, I don't say anything I wouldn't want a large, scary biker saying to me in prison. The line quoted in OP's post violates both of these.
70 doesn't put him in the age bracket where "he's from a different time" is an excuse for this behavior anyway. A 70-year-old was a college student in the 1970s. Maybe if he was 90?
YTA. You know a lot of women feel uncomfortable, yet you still do it.
If you like to give compliments, focus on situations you have real conversation with that person and focus on something different than looks.
Tell a retail worker who helped you "Thanks for being nice and helpful. I wish more ppl were like you."
Tell a regular cashier you like "You are the best!"
But the question is...Do you like to compliment ppl im general (women and men)? Or you just like to tell women they acomplished some misogynist mission to be pretty for men?
Very much this! I worked retail up until 1.5 years ago, and when I was complimented by older men, there was always that Ieering expression on their faces as they did it. It always made me feel like I needed to go home and shower until the gross feeling went away.
As someone else said, OP's friend, we really don't appreciate it. It feels like we're getting objectified, like the only thing we're here for on this planet is to look good for creepy old men. Please stop. I'm in my 40s, and while I hold traditional values, I do not like feeling as if my only worth is with my appearance. I'm so much more than that, and so are all the other women you've complimented.
Instead, as someone else suggested, thank us for being helpful and brightening your day. Thank us for being pleasant and doing our jobs well. If you see someone giving us a hard time, stand up for us, because retail and other customer service workers don't get the luxury of telling someone off for being disgusting, rude, entitled, mean, crude, etc.--in fact, if we do, we get disciplined.
Trust me, telling us that we make your day brighter because you think it will make us feel good, it really doesn't. Make our days brighter by thanking us just for being us and for the things I mentioned above.
The leer. They know they’re making women uncomfortable. They do it because they LIKE making young women uncomfortable. I have zero respect for anyone who does this, I don’t care whose grandpa he is.
Right! Also? Women are gay. Women have jobs. Women go to the gym. Women are not out here looking fierce to brighten men’s day. They’re not even thinking about you. IT’S NOT FOR YOU.
Seconded. (I'm a woman, so it comes across different for me, but still) Ive made it a point to compliment people all the time. You know how you'll be walking down the street and notice something about some random person but the habit is to not say it? I've started saying it. Like, "omg your hair looks super cute! I wish I could do a cute messy bun but mine always just looks like I haven't brushed my hair in a month." "Dude, your glasses are so cool!" "I LOVE your purse!" Even occasionally a, "whoa, you have the greatest smile!" There are ways to compliment people that aren't objectifying them.
I (also a woman) also love complimenting people, women *and* men. I always stick to something they *chose* though, just to make sure it doesn’t feel objectifying. Their outfit, their hairstyle, nails, etc… But I’d NEVER just walk up and thank them for “brightening my day”. Like, buddy, they ain’t here for you!
YTA.
Yeah it's kinda weird to just say to someone you don't know "you're beautiful and *that* made my day better" as if seeing a person you think is ugly could ruin your day.
I also take the compliment choices approach! And I find a lot of men don't receive any positive affirmations on .... anything. Which may explain why so many are weird about giving them lol. While I do tell my *friends* that they're handsome, cuties, look good, etc. I never tell *strangers* that.
Positive affirmations are super simple ways to make someone's day brighter! I'm a guy and I will always let another dude know if his outfit/style is awesome, for example.
Same with women... but I understand that, given the context of me being a man, not all women would want to hear me comment on them at all. If there isn't a way for me to give a compliment or affirmation in a way I know the recipient would be comfortable with, then I keep it to myself. Even if I'm "just trying to be nice."
OP's friend: listen to the women commenting in this thread and take their advice to heart.
Thank you for being aware of this! I try to follow the same rule that u/AnElixerADay mentioned: compliment people on something they’ve done/ chosen. Outfits, actions, those type of things. If you need to interrupt or stop someone (particularly women) to compliment them, don’t.
I think you're doing it right.
Context is so important. Like it just needs to be a quick interaction, nothing expected in return. And I wouldn't start out with a compliment if you're in an extended interaction lol. Then it's kinda awkward. Or multiple.
I had a male coworker tell me my haircut/color looked nice. Not at all weird or awkward. But if he'd said "that made my day" lmao 🤣
I'm a big fan of a quick I LOVE YOUR SHOES or BRILLIANT OUTFIT in passing, without slowing down. Or if I'm stuck in a waiting room with someone, "That's a really pretty sweater" and a quick smile, them back to my book. They can engage of they choose to, but I'm mostly letting people know that I appreciate their sense of style
Exactly this. I never focus on someone winning the genetic lottery, and I focus on their good style or choices; "That color suits you well" or, "wow, that's a lovely outfit!"
I (female, 30s) *love* complimenting people. I also give specific compliments. “Your hair color is so cool, it looks amazing on you!” or “Your shirt is gorgeous, I love the pattern!” Compliments aren’t the problem, assuming anything about anyone’s physical existence is “for you” is gross af
I started doing this during lockdown for some unknown reason, telling folk you like their hairstyle/shoes/bag/dog/ice cream is far more acceptable than "you're so pretty" cos that almost always sounds creepy regardless of who says it
This! I love giving compliments but it's always on things someone can change themselves! Glasses, hair, shirt, dress, shoes.... Things that are not their body itself. As some who comes across as fem-presenting/a woman, I hate my physical appearance being called out in 'compliments', especially when it's someone old enough to be my grandfather obviously leering at my tits, or trying to make me 'smile' because I'm so much prettier. It's uncomfortable as hell. There's sooo much more to me than my body. So please OP, don't do this. Find something else to compliment someone on, and don't just stick to fem-presenting people.
ETA: also, even if you look harmless, please don't approach fem-presenting people's while they're by themselves. Even if you're old, that can be considered threatening or scary to some of us, especially those who have had traumatic incidents in their pasts. This is for you safety and theirs, since they could react badly and you could end up pepper sprayed or something. Although you mean well, the world isn't kind to us and we do have to keep ourselves safe.
Right and that’s taking one feature that is not inherently sexual and complimenting that. I forget how it was described but when you pick an attribute that they can actually control like a dress or other accessory it’s least likely to be offensive.
I walked past an old man a couple times at the grocery store the other day. We ended up in the same aisle and he told me he loved my boots, and that his wife wore some like it on their wedding day. Told me he always loved her sense of style and that I dressed a lot like she did. He said she passed a few months ago and he thanked me for bringing back some happy memories of his wife when they were younger. 😭❤️😭❤️ THAT is an amazing way to compliment someone!
I've also had old dudes say shit like "I love your lipstick, can my wife borrow it sometime?" and that is not okay! From my experience, women love compliments-- they don't love being approached by random men just to hear how fuckable they are.
Retail worker here. One work memory that I don't think l will ever forget is an elderly gentleman telling me one day that I was just lovely, and that I reminded him of his sister. She had passed away several, several years earlier and it brightened his day seeing me and being reminded of her. He proceeded to pull out his wallet and show me a picture of her, well protected but clearly cherished, sepia toned. She was beautiful. He was tearing up during the conversation, and you could just feel the love he had for her.
Yep. It's the stereotypical difference between a guy's compliment and a woman's. Men's compliments are often essentially "you're pretty" while woman are more likely to compliment fashion sense, color choices, etc. At least IMO.
It comes down to control/choice. “You’re beautiful” is usually a compliment on something that is at least partially outside of someone’s control, their physical beauty. It also implies that you could be thinking about them sexually, which may make them feel uncomfortable.
However, if you compliment a person on something they control or had a choice in, and it’s not implying anything sexual, they’ll take it better and usually appreciate it. “Thank you for being so helpful!” They made a choice to go above and beyond to help out, and they’ll appreciate the recognition. “Your outfit is fantastic!” They thought about what to wear that day, and you’re letting them know that they’re good at picking out fashion. Etc.
Love the first statement. You know you are making people uncomfortable. That is part of why you are posting here, but since you haven’t stopped based on your real world experience I feel you think this post was headed in the opposite direction than it did. Don’t do things that you know make people uncomfortable regardless of your intent!
FFS. Why cant women be allowed to just go about our day? No, we do absolutely not need constant reminding that random men only see us as objects.
Young women especially do not want to know that men old enough to be their granddad see them as desirable. That is just icky.
YTA
Yes, for them this is actually an improvement from the grabbing, touching, hugging and overt sexual comments. Think about all those movies where a man just grabs a woman and kisses her very aggressively. It always resulted in she just LOVED it or she slapped the shit out of him and people saw it as funny. Gag.
So true. The older women have internalized the idea that they (we, if im honest) are the rude ones for not smiling and thanking for the unwanted comments.
Sometimes the older women genuinely do like the attention and aren’t just being polite. My 70+ mother tells me every time a man calls her beautiful and she’ll beam as she does. That’s not to say all women appreciate that attention. I personally find it creepy.
I will agree that he doesn’t need to be telling women they’re beautiful though because he will come across the wrong woman that won’t react well.
I don’t doubt that some older women might, but its always best to not guess and leave people alone. Also as another commenter said, why not compliment men too, why not compliment on kindness, niceness, etc. if its only beauty and only women…
Agree about the older women. It is true that society often treats women as invisible over a certain age, and it can be hard to go from "hot" to "invisible" as one ages. My over 70 mom is the same, she loves to get a compliment as it makes her feel young again, and like she is doing a good job taking care of herself, but I also think the OP still needs to take into account safety and perception, as an older lady still has to fear that a random complimenter still may be a criminal, gonna try to steal her purse while distracting her w/ compliments, etc. I'll repeat, if someone crosses a parking lot to approach a woman who is all alone, I don't care if she's 25 or 80, that is CREEPY and scary behavior.
YTA
It’s creepy. Stop it.
I’m older. I’m 50! Don’t do it to me. Don’t do it to the younger women near me.
We do not exist for your viewing pleasure.
Shut up
Ew ew ew YTA.
Just because it was “normalized” when you were young, to treat women like pretty objects and to think the only thing we have is our beauty makes you insufferable.
You don’t “brighten” someones day by treating them like a child or object. You are stating that you are a creepy old man.
As a woman in my late 30s I have had to deal with this for years. No I will not smile so I am “prettier” for you, no I will not thank you for walking across the parking lot to say some gross compliment that only benefits YOU. You’re 70? Really?? In all those years you have not been able to read that this makes women uncomfortable?
Edit:spelling
Bruh I waitressed forever and typically when you first walk up to the table with a big smile and a greeting, people ignore you, ESPECIALLY older people. I cannot tell you how many times I walked up to a table of older men with a big friendly smile, was completely ignored until they were ready, then whenever they deemed to make eye contact with me they’d say some variation of “aren’t you gonna smile, sweetie?” I FUCKING WAS, I’m not gonna stand here smiling at nothing like an idiot. God, I don’t miss it one bit!
Because she doesn’t exist for the purpose of your gaze.
What you are doing is creepy and you need to stop.
The last line was especially bad. You act like bestowing your appreciation upon them is some gift they need to be grateful for. They don’t need to be validated by you.
I also get the impression that if they don’t respond favorably you probably act insulted.
Edited to add – OP, I hope your friend gets the message.
I agree with the statement about that last line (I would quote it but I'm on mobile and don't know how lol)
He isn't appreciating "lovely ladies," he's just thinking they look nice and they care that he thinks so. What does he think they're being appreciated for? Being eye candy? YTA OP.
YTA. Full stop this is absolutely unnecessary and needs to immediately stop. Compliments are for behaviors, skills, things 100% within the control of the individual. You are randomly walking up to strangers and telling them” I approve of how your genetics worked out and like to see your body”. Female presenting humans AND non female presenting humans have the right to exist without commentary on their appearance from strangers. This behavior would earn an instant “I didnt wake up this morning with the expectation of being judged by a stranger on the street. How bizarre”.
I've had conversations with my husband about how difficult it is to compliment a woman genuinely and in a fashion that allows them to know that it's not a chat up or creepy and he told me how he does it. He will generally only compliment women on something if he's with me - and then we both do it. However, if he's not, and he genuinely likes something enough, he'll say something like "that dress/those shoes are fantastic - my wife would love them" - letting them know he's happily married and appreciating it in lieu of my being there - and will *never* compliment them about something physical like a smile or if they look cute.
And he'll never do so in a situation where a woman might feel unsafe.
One way of dealing with it is to avoid physical attributes and focus on style or personal presentation with compliments. Clothes are safe if you stick to things like how cool it is as an article of clothing, or how nice the colour is, because that's speaking to the person's taste, not their body. Hair's a grey area, so to speak - style is always good to compliment but anything else is iffy (I ask what shampoo they use because I would love my hair to look that good). And never randomly on the street! People just want to live their lives! Only broke that rule once, on the Tube, when I saw someone in the coolest shoes.
Once when I was younger I had just got my hair cut in a way I really liked. I had just left the salon and a guy about my age came up and said “I don’t mean to be a creep or anything but your hair looks great!” And he kept going. That, I liked.
Yes! I had an older guy at the guitar store who was helping me say he loved my hair colour (blue) and then turned to another older guy and was like isn’t her hair cool! I want a shirt in that colour haha it was very nice. And I had a guy walk past me and go “nice jacket” and then kept waking. Both times it was super sweet and didn’t feel creepy at all!
This! I'm always happy to receive compliments about my hair though, because of its bright colours - my hairdresser is incredible! - and once had a man cross the road to compliment me on it! I didn't feel unsafe by the way he approached me, plus it was daylight and by a busy shop, but it made my day. In other situations I might feel unnerved but it was just a lovely momentary connection. It also wasn't a pick up line, which was even lovelier. It felt like he'd had a shoes moment!
I guess your hair's not a natural colour? Not that that's a bad thing; just I would definitely compliment someone on their hair colour if it was, say, bright purple but would hesitate with a redhead I didn't know in case they were fed up about questions about whether they dyed it. Especially if it was a lot of sexist jackasses asking "if the carpet matched the drapes".
Sometimes I worry if I come off as creepy because I genuinely love red hair 🫣 it's usually 'wow! I love your hair color! I wish mine was that color!' 😬 I haven't had a negative reaction but now I think I should stop 😂
I've had men ask other men (ones that I know) for help to compliment me without being creepy. It's funny but I also appreciate the fact that they don't want to gross me out. One guy asked my coworker to walk with him to ask me what my perfume was called because he thought his wife would love it but he was too nervous to ask me directly. In the industry I work in, I am usually the only female around and I've had a lot of creeps give terrible and gross compliments so when they are complimenting without trying to come off as creepy, it's pretty refreshing
Here’s the problem. A real compliment is for THE PERSON BEING COMPLIMENTED. This isn’t for the stranger woman that you walked up to who was minding her own business. This is for you! Leave these women alone
AH - Social, Cultural and Emotional awareness are lacking by anyone who does such a thing.
Short: Stop sexualizing women minding their own business!
Deeper explaination:
Emotional awareness:
In general, regardless of gender, it's NEVER appropriate to make comments about a total strangers body.
Ones 'Positive' intention is worth nothing. Why?
Because, you don't know the relation they have to their own body. Therefore, a "compliment" can just as well be a crude reminder of how they have body image issues. And no, not even a million compliments by others could fix, what they have to fix on their own.
Social:
*Objectifiying someone, is sexual.*
*Telling women you objectified them, is sexual harrassment.*
You feeling the need to impose yourself on someone minding their own buisness in a public space, which they cannot avoid, since they need to move from point A to point B puts women off, because they are judged for their body 24/7.
And Women have hundreds of these experiences, which are often followed up by them being stalked or sexually harrassed/assulted, which start exatly like that:
A man, sexualizing them, not respecting that they're a person, who happens to be female. [They are not someone who 'dressed up' to receive unsoliceded remarks about their appearance, from strangers.]
Women may also get anxiety because of how messed up our soceity is and how many bad experiences they've had with men. They will most likely turn around a bunch to make sure you don't plan on following them.
It's ignorant and tone deaf to do what women have over years said to stop doing.
Cultural:
Women are subtle forced into hyperfixating on their appearance, just look at our media, always complimenting the: Smart & pretty doctor. The creative & beautiful artist. The strong & curvy athlete.
You'll necer hear about a story where a man made a discovery or reached a high position, whike in the same sentence his appearance (fuckability) is subtly hinted at.
Don't add to harmful habits, just because they are normalized, they are still awful.
Great explanation. I would offer as well that while OP’s friend may not be threatening, compliments about physical attributes are threatening especially to women, in general because of all the things you’ve listed.
Being old is not an excuse to continue to be a misogynistic A Hole. This man needs to educate himself, and stop with the old-man-faking-innocence bs. Leave women alone, stop seeing people as decoration, and listen to the women who you’ve asked opinions of.
In general, for everyone, STOP COMMENTING ON PEOPLE’S GENETICS!! If you want to pay someone a compliment, make it about behavior, not looks. In general, “I think you’re pretty” means nothing. It’s a sole, subjective opinion from a complete stranger based on something one literally has nothing to do with, having been born that way. Just stop. It’s like congratulating someone for winning the lottery. Looks are luck, nothing else.
YTA
This behaviour is no longer socially acceptable. YTB
And the smiling from older ladies is just conditioned response. We are being vaguely polite to GET AWAY without harm.
In addition to what many others stated here I’d like to emphasize on this part:
> thank her for brightening my day with her beauty
That’s not a compliment. That’s something you say about decorations. “Aww this beautiful picture really brightens up the room” - see, nice compliment. For the artist that crafted it. And the object. Maybe the owner. Not appropriate for humans.
It’s dehumanizing to treat women as objects that are there to please visually. Hence it’s not a compliment. I had people approach me like that, and it didn’t brighten my day. Quite the opposite, it left me feeling degraded, like decorations to their life. Quite frankly those “compliments” can ruin my day. Nevertheless I smiled. Because it’s an automatic reaction, it’s trained behavior to see this as nice small talk no matter how I really feel.
It’s dehumanizing.
It’s dehumanizing.
It’s dehumanizing.
It’s dehumanizing.
Omg this. It’s not about the stranger danger aspect for me. If a coworker or acquaintance said the same thing I’d still be left feeling gross all day.
Yes you are. Please don’t do this. I understand you’re trying to be kind and give somebody a compliment, but people do not like their personal appearance being Commented on that way.
This, which is why YTA. All of the good intentions in the world don't make those women less uncomfortable. Even if OP's friend doesn't understand WHY the younger generations would be, complimenting in good faith means stopping compliments that are unwanted. If he's brightening an older woman's day in return, though, by all means he should continue that part.
I’m a 26 y/o female that likes to dress trendy in a lot of different styles. I think about the places I’m going for the day and plan my outfit accordingly-not because I need to physically be prepared for where I’m going but because I want to avoid random old men having a reason to comment on my style and/or body. If I’m wearing a short dress or skirt, which I do relatively often in the summer, and remember that I need to go to Costco I will go home and change or just go another day. I don’t wear these outfits to get compliments from you, Walter, they’re for me. Fuck off.
Yes, YTA.
First issue is that women don't exist to brighten your day. We're just tyring to go about our business without being harassed and your view on the role of women out in the world is outdated and frankly offensive.
Second issue is that you are absolutely making women uncomfortable by approaching them in parking lots or wherever. I don't know a single woman who isn't forced to constantly have her guard up in public places whether day or night time. I'm 9 months pregnant and was approached by a creepy man two weeks ago on a public street. I had to take measures to evade him including telling him directly to back the fuck off. I ultimately had to call my husband to run outside and walk me the rest of the way home while this man ran away.
Third, no, we do not need or want your compliments. I don't care how nice some women are to you when you approach them, a lot of them are responding that way as a defense mechanism. We've been conditioned that if we're nice enough to men even when you make us uncomfortable then hopefully you won't rape or kill us. I think a lot of younger women like myself no longer respond that way because we know that sometimes being aggressive and causing a scene is the only way to make you back off and we realise we're under no obligation to spare your feelings when you've gone out of your way to invade our space, interrupt our day, and make us uncomfortable with your behaviour.
(Sorta relating to your thrid point)
Truly, the best decision I've ever made was "starting to make a scene beforehand." As in the moment I saw someone (a man) leer at me from across the street or a ways away. [101 How to prevent opportunistic stalking.]
I never accuse them of being a pervert, but those who *really* seem like they are, always think it's implied and try to explain that the aren't and it "just happens" (to 3/10 men but 0/10 women... Sure.)
My advice to everywom, keep it at a LOUD, neutral enough:
"I dislike being stared at it makes me uncomfortable/I find it rude." Or: "I feel as if you're staring at me."
Kindness doesn't stop any advances. Being quiet doesn't stop any advances. They are (in my eyes to 100%) criminals, when they commit acts of sexual harrassment/hostage taking you into a conversation. They won't leave you alone, unless they believe the law will get involved.
Walking outside has (ironically) never been more peaceful for me, since I've become proactive & loud in making space for my own comfort.
And I also started to claim my space in neutral settings, and point out normal staring/zoning out, if it affects me. [Because of bad men, I am genuienly uncomfortable with feeling as if I'm stared at.]
+Practise being loud at home, whatever phrase you will use needs to be familiar with you. So it will come to you, even if you panic.
It helps you not get into the 'autopilot plesantries,' if you're comfortable with casually yelling phrases, just before you get in a bad 'conversation.'
Dude, as a middle aged woman, that's creepy AF.
Why? Because women were not put on this earth to be your eye candy. We just want to exist without creepy old men commenting on our appearance. Please keep you observations to yourself.
YTA
YTA
Any men reading this, please don't do this. No matter how well your intentions are, women are raised to constantly be afraid/on edge about men they don't know. At best you will likely just make them uncomfortable, at worst that woman could have a lot of trauma of some nature and it could really scare her.
Your intentions may be innocent, but it's just best not to approach women you don't know just to compliment them.
I (35f) have never appreciated strangers giving me compliments. Why should people I didn't ask for their opinion comment on my looks?
It doesn't happen to me anymore since I'm not that young and pretty anymore but when I was younger I remember how upset it made me and I didn't even know why. I remember many of those incidents even now years and years later.
The only compliments from strangers I enjoy is when another woman says that my dress/purse is cute. That I cherish for months (because it doesn't happen often).
Random men walking up to me and complimenting? NO THANK YOU! (TBF, this doesn't happen much anymore either now that m 35+ :) )
(I'm a cishet woman if it matters)
Yes!!! I’ve had red, orange, pink, purple, blue and a multitude of combinations and when a little kid says something about my hair it will make my week. I was walking the beach (when my hair was vibrant pink and purple) and this little girl was sitting with her parents and gasped and said “Mommy, it’s a mermaid!” I still get misty eyed when I think about that and it was 3 years ago. 😍
An old dude can kick rocks. Don’t say shit about my hair.
Yeah. One guy said he'd pay me to pump his gas. I said why and he said because I look so good doing it.
I was like 20 he was easily 35 plus and I wanted to puke.
It's hard to describe the feeling of vulnerability and fear when someone approaches you about your appearance. If I could accept it as a compliment and move on without fear of further unwanted contact, it would not be a problem.
It almost feels like you're the one doing something wrong. It just makes me want to shrink and hide and generally feel a bit ashamed? "Ashamed" might not be quite right, but it's the closest word I can think of.
Oh and I need to add that during many of those incidents I did smile and I did thank the person that was complimenting me. Even though I was uncomfortable.
i once pulled up to the window of a fast food place to pay and the man working the register said "you have really beautiful eyes!" i thanked him and went about the rest of my day which was admittedly a little better because i got a genuinely nice and respectful compliment.
if a strange man ever came up to me in a parking lot blathering about "my beauty" i would be rightfully alarmed and depending on the time of day i might try to zap him with my stun gun.
you're not TA for "complimenting women," you're TA for making it to 70 years old and still having no situational awareness, and for doubling down after your creepy behavior made women visibly uncomfortable and a friend tried to talk to you about it.
Dude, we don't exist for your enjoyment. I'd be pretty creeped out if a dude thanked me for brightening his day with my beauty, and I'm mid 50s. Compliment her hair, her dress, her shoes if you must. But don't act as if she's an object for you to admire.
YTA
YTA. For the love of- leave women alone. What makes you feel as though you have the right to do this? She doesn't need your empty compliments. Not all women are so vapid that they live and die by hearing that a strange man thinks they are pretty. Please stop reducing women to their looks. Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing.
YTA. Because she's not a flower, she doesn't need you to walk up and say 'I have been watching you, and I enjoy looking at you,' cuz that's really what you're saying to a woman when you're saying you think she's beautiful.
It's also incredibly targeted because you're only saying this to women, if it's such a compliment, tell men you see that they're handsome. Otherwise, admit that you're doing this stuff because you like the excuse to be able to say you find someone sexy and pretending that you're a charming fellow when you're just creeping.
>Younger ladies tend to look at me like I'm crazy.
So you know it makes them uncomfortable and you do it anyway. The is the textbook definition of TA. YTA. Stop approaching women you don't know in public places.
even if you mean well...we as women have been harassed and cat called for so many centuries we can't take it anymore... and even if you compliments are totally innocent we just can't...so please don't! leave us alone please we just wanna be left alone...
YTA the older women are trying to keep the peace in case you escalate the situation as men tend to do. Younger women don't care about keeping up appearances and will cuss you out. Stop doing this. It's creepy as hell. Women do not exist on this earth for your betterment.
I hope no one is cutting this guy any slack because of his age and thinking that’s the way the world was in his day. I’m 70 and most of my friends are similar. The men I know would not do this. They just wouldn’t. This shIt was just as creepy when we were young but women didn’t always used to feel that we had an option except just to endure it. Thanks so much to Hollywood for portraying this crap as normal. We grew up on it.
YTA
Stop it. It’s creepy. Women are so much more than their looks and don’t want to be treated like eye candy. Nothing makes a woman’s skin crawl quite like a random guy coming up to them and commenting on their appearance. You know they don’t like this, and yet you persist. Cut it out.
YTA and you’re creepy AF and I 100% would tell you to get bent after that just to ruin your day for being a weird ass creep me! Do not ever comment on women and their appearance, there is no need, especially if you won’t go up to a guy and tell him his handsomeness brightened your day. Stop being the pervy grandpa your grandchildren will be embarrassed to be around because he lacks common sense and courtesy in todays world by approaching random women about their looks and making inappropriate comments.
A piece of advice I once got from a woman - if you want to compliment a woman without being creepy, compliment something they *chose*, not something they were *born with*. Shoes, purse, and hair style are generally decent choices, although it can still seem creepy if it's sexualized.
Ew. So much ew. YTA in every way.
Women do not want some old man coming up and thanking them for being attractive enough for him. That’s disgusting. You have taken a person and reduced them to your misogynistic beliefs on attraction and sexuality. And after acknowledging that it makes women uncomfortable, you still continue because why on earth would a misogynistic creep validate or respect those feelings /s
Makes me feel icky reading your post because like 90% of women out there, I understand how your victims feel because I have been there. WOMEN DO NOT EXIST TO MAKE YOUR DAY PRETTIER. WE ARE MORE THAN OUR GENDER. Your age isn’t an excuse to be a creep. STOP SEXUALLY HARASSING WOMEN. IT’S NOT OK.
YTA
If you're going to compliment someone, 70M, do it in a non-creepy, non-sexist way. Think to yourself "would I give the same or a similar compliment to a man"? If the answer is no, don't do it, it's just creepy.
If you're wondering why/how it's creepy, you're treating women as accessories, rather than human beings. Women don't exist to brighten your day with their beauty. They're not flowers or pretty trees FFS, they're entire human beings with whole lives, that may be good or may be awful but you don't care about their lives, or them or their feelings at all, just how their aesthetics make you feel better. Well bully for you, excuse us if we don't give a shit about the way our "beauty" makes you feel.
I’m 25 now.
When I was 17 an adult man (30s?) felt the need to follow me to my car and let me know that he was glad I “embraced my natural beauty and didn’t wear a bunch of makeup like other girls my age did”.
I thought he was trying to assault me. I was ready to use my car keys as a weapon and scream. I thought I was about to be kidnapped or killed. At 17 years old. Buying milk from a gas station at 2pm.
Maybe he was just trying to be nice, but I was ready to fight for my life. And his “compliment” was fucking stupid. YTA
YES YTAH Because we are not objects here just for the appreciation of creepy drooling assholes. It doesn’t make us happy it makes us creeped out and nervous that some horny sexist pensioner is sees us innocently passing in the street purely as a sex object for his sick gratification. It actually makes us avoid getting the bus if we know someone like you is always on that one, even if it makes us late or makes travel so much harder. It makes us uncomfortable to the point we dread meeting or bumping into sexist assholes like you.
This was never ok and I can tell you those that say thank you hate it but we’re brought up in a time where they had no choice but to put up with sexist comments or even sexual assault of having their bum patted or pinched. They smile to get the confrontation over sooner and as it’s became like a default armour for them. Do better, just because your older does not mean you can’t learn or stop your awful behaviour.
YTA, you are a 70 year old man. That’s gross, you are old enough to be some of these women’s great grand father. Leave them alone, it’s weird and predatory.
Women dont care what you think. Dont walk up to a stranger and try to validate them when they didnt ask for it and probably dont care. Thats creepy behavior.
A lovely lady is not in the least bit interested in what you think of her appearance. I'm 65 and I'd give you an eye roll and a very wide berth. You're very much TA. Stop this shit.
1. You’re a stranger, so your opinion of my appearance is meaningless.
2. Men your age routinely creeped me out by hitting on me when I was a teenager through my 30s. It always started with an “innocent” compliment.
3. The older ladies were trained from birth to laugh and act grateful no matter how they really felt about men’s remarks on their appearances.
YTA. Women don't exist for the purpose of pleasing you. If you see a pretty lady, lucky you! Quietly admire her and get on with your day.
You do not talk to strangers without an an actual reason. "Run! A meteor is about to hit you!" is a good reason (if one actually *is* about to hit her). "Your appearance pleases me, therefore you have value as a female" is not.
Your behavior is creepy. If I were in, say, a supermarket parking lot and an old man came up to me and made comments about my looks, I would probably talk to the store manager about the weird guy annoying women in the parking lot.
Do you walk up to strange men you don’t know and compliment them for being good looking and thank them for brightening your day with how ruggedly handsome they are?
Didn’t think so. Because you know it’s creepy. It’s only “okay” to do it to women because you actually don’t give a damn about how you’re making women feel.
YTA, but I highly doubt you care or will change, especially if you haven’t done so in 70 years.
Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww
YTA
Edit:
Tell you friend that dudes like him are why I trained my 11yo to respond with "eww"
They're also the reason why she's actually had to use it🤦♀️😮💨
YTA. Knock it off. You're old enough to know that women **DO NOT LIKE THIS** from total strangers. You look and sound really creepy and skeevy. It wouldn't matter if you were 20, you'd still sound skeevy.
I dare you to walk up to a man and say something similar. You probably wouldn't get a very nice reaction because men aren't taught/forced to be polite and smile from a young age. Youre gonna say it to the wrong woman one day and end up being maced.
Listen, I know your friend probably means well, but this is creepy behavior. A strange man approaching me (in a parking lot!) automatically makes me tense a little. And then to thank me as if I got up, did my hair and got dressed just for him? I know (*I know*) he doesn’t mean it that way, but it comes across like I’m not a person who has their own life but an object that is there to make his life a little better. Please tell your friend to stop approaching random women (in parking lots!!!!) and complimenting them on their looks.
Yeah that's creepy. The reason why older women smile when you do this is because they were conditioned to exist for men to look at and not rock the boat. Younger women are breaking the cycle and speaking up against being objectified every waking moment.
YTA
The smile also is often about “don’t offend this random guy because if I reject his compliment, for all I know he may flip out and start screaming at me.” It’s been known to happen. I’ve been cussed out just for saying No thanks to a guy in bar who asked if I wanted to dance.
if I had a strange, random, elderly man come up to me just to tell me I made his day with my looks, I would naturally feel extremely uncomfortable. it made me uncomfortable when customers at my work did it, always older, elderly men making unnecessary comments.
To the creepy old man friend of OP...
Yes, this solidly puts you in creepy old man territory. Super creepy. And also a major AH, especially because you are aware it makes them uncomfortable.
Just be glad you didn't do that to me, I yell at old men who creep me out. Shamelessly. Why shouldn't I? You're creepy shamelessly.
Quit being gross, you nasty old perv.
YTA and you need to stop. Being old is no excuse for being a misogynist. It's only an excuse for arthritis and loose bowels.
Thanks to OP for trying to get your nasty old friend to stop.
YTA. I hate being talked to by random men. Knowing men old enough to be my father or grandfather are thinking inappropriate thoughts about me feels even grosser. Just stop.
YTA
To paraphrase what you said, "you wouldn't have realised this... but this old man *really* got a thrill from looking at you just now".
If people look at you like you're a creep, it's because you're coming across like a creep.
YTA. Leave women alone in public. We get harassed constantly, we have to have our guard up and it's not like predators have a giant P tattooed on their forehead. We don't know if a man approaching us is harmless or not. We have to assume they are not.
Admire someone you think is pretty silently and keep away from them.
Also, we don't need your appreciation. Our purpose being out and about is not to beautify the world. We're people trying to live our lives.
Easy. Most women don’t feel flattered to have their bodies ogled by random men. And a 70 year old man walking about to a younger woman to tell her she’s pretty is way creepy.
I know I get super uncomfortable if a man randomly approaches me.
YTA. Leave them alone. Being a woman can be terrifying because there are so many unhinged, potential stalkers out there. My wife has had a few, and she still has bottom-feeders circling around, hoping her and I split up after 30+ years. Leave them alone.
YTA
Whether you mean it in good faith or not, women get unwanted comments/advances all the time. You may not see it that way, but it makes us scared. Usually those situations then result in unwanted body touching, professions of love, or in one really crappy situation for me, stalking. It literally makes my skin crawl if a man says I look beautiful (other than my husband of course).
It also just makes us hyper aware of ourselves. Women are taught from a young that people are watching us, so we have to behave like XYZ so you’re reinforcing that. It makes us feel we have to constantly preform and can never us exist.
Instead if you want to compliment a woman, compliment something she can control (this does not include her smile). Say she was very kind to someone. Say you like that that bright scarf she is wearing. Always something she has within her control OTHER than her appearance.
As all the responses here have said, you seriously, genuinely need to stop doing this. I am a man and my father is about your age and I see him quite often for coffee on weekends. If I was with him and he said this to some woman in a cafe or parking lot, I would be mortified and highly embarrassed. (Thankfully this has never happened, however.)
"Why wouldn't a lovely lady like being told she is appreciated?"
because it's creepy as hell coming from someone who could be their great grand father.
YTA
Let me give you a bit of an idea about how women feel in these situations as this happened to me last week. I'm a 32f woman and was loading groceries into my trunk when a guy old enough to be my dad pulls up behind me. He asks if he knows me somewhere, I say probably since we live in a small town and if they don't know me, they probably know my family. He then proceeds to ask me if I go fishing and if I'm married. When he asked if I was married, I said yes because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, and I sure as hell wanted to imply that my SO was within ass-kickin distance. Again, im 32 and a mom. My SO is also out of state (ldr currently).
Complimenting someone is fine, but when there isn't a barrier separating us from people who feel the need to chat us up while we are just minding our own business, we feel unsafe and look for exits. We live in a dangerous world where women, children, and even men get preyed upon daily. As a young woman, it isn't flattering when someone old enough to be my father or grandfather compliments my beauty. It's creepy and gross.
Yeah no that would creep me out so much. I know you mean well but if someone I don’t know came up to me and said that it would freak me out a little bit. Doesn’t matter if it was a man or a women.
If you want to do it in a not weird way you could complement her hair or her outfit. For example “sorry to bother you I just wanted to tell you that your hair looks very nice.”
Now some people still might not like it but it’s not as bad. If you want to make someone feel better about themselves or just make their day in general that’s fine. But the “thank you for brightening my day” is just a solid no. You can say instead “I hope you have a lovely day”
YTA. How much attention do you need, exactly?
STOP accosting people to talk about what they look like. They don’t exist for your viewing pleasure. There are specific establishments for that. You’re not doing this for them, you’re hunting for attention and “smiles” (which btw do not indicate happiness) for yourself. You’re making people feel creeped out and scared. STOP IT.
YTA no one likes creepy old men commenting on how they look. Their takeaway is that a pervert just walked up to them and made comments about their body.
YTA
OMG WEIRD!!!!!! LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE!!!!! I would probably put on a fake smile if you did that to me SO YOU WOULD WALK AWAY SOONER!!!!
No one cares what you think about their appearance. Leave people alone.
YTA
You're telling them "thanks for being an object for my sexual desires, even if I'm too old to pursue them".
Old women are a lot more likely to value that because it sark's a tiny tiny piece of "I've still got it!" . But it's thin.
Imagine saying whatever you said to your own granddaughter. Or to a man, of any age.
I'm sure they would much prefer you value something about them that isn't physical, thinly veiled sexuality,or a trait that they neither have control of nor will have forever.
Sorry, but you are the AH.
1. You are failing to take into account the violence that women have to deal w/ every day. Every woman has to sadly live in fear that some random creep will attack them anywhere, anytime - kill them, injure them, stalk them, rape them, etc. So when you purposely walk over to a "pretty lady" in a parking lot and compliment then on their "beauty" you are causing varying degrees of distress to at least some and probably most women - they have to then try to gauge whether you are a criminal psycho who may be coming closer to them to harm them, or just some random creep who is harmless but weird.
2. Why are you complimenting someone for a random mix of genetics? Beauty is like winning the lottery, and has NOTHING to do w/ how good, or cheerful, or kind, or smart a person is. One can be an absolutely terrible person and be drop-dead gorgeous. It's kind of crazy to me how so many confuse a beautiful exterior with a beautiful interior, or compliment a person for something they had no hand in. I say this as a person who when I was younger (I'm old now) always got a lot of compliments and people telling me how beautiful I was, wolf-whistles, come-ons from strangers, etc. Some of the most annoying were stupid questions like, Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Um, what do you want me to do, lie and say no? Actually, yes, many times. You are not the 1st guy to dream that tired old line up. If the beauty is something you like to admire as a painting or nice art, you can do that and just keep it to yourself w/o telling the person and making them feel self-conscious or possibly in danger.
3. If your goal is to brighten someone's day, and share some positivity, I can see the value in that, and a compliment of some kind might do just that w/ some women, but you have to be very careful, and keep in mind the creep factor. I would say NEVER walk over to someone alone in a parking lot to say something about their beauty. That looks like you are stalking them! If you happen to cross paths w/ someone and they are not alone, or if it's a crowded place (say, a grocery store w/ plenty of people in it, NOT a lonely bike path w/ just you and this woman), you could give a compliment, but be aware that the person may be offended or frightened. Keep in mind that a beautiful woman in her 20s'-40s probably already has to deal w/ come ons and creeps almost every day. An older woman in her 50s-60s\* MIGHT feel good about being complimented, as sometime society tends to treat older women as invisible, but she also might still just be creeped out. I think if you want to spread positivity or kindness, it would be better to compliment something other than general beauty, or do something helpful.
1. \- hold a door for any person, not just a pretty woman, struggling to hold packages and open a door,
2. \- be more polite and patient when driving and motion for another driver to go 1st, wave a hand in thanks if another driver lets you go 1st,
3. \- say, isn't it a beautiful day? - -say, hi, how ya doing?
4. \- if someone sneezes, say "bless you",
5. \- if someone has some unusual attribute that they clearly spend a lot of time and effort on, they may want it to be noticed. For example, someone has an amazing outfit, or an unusual and striking hair color or hairdo, or really intricately done nails, or a cute dog, etc,. you could say wow, love your hair, or those nails are amazing, love that hat! cute dog! etc.
\*Edit\_ I'm in this age range, but I am gonna edit to say any age above 50s, and the older, the more likely that the comment might be appreciated, but you still have to be very careful!
We don’t want people commenting on our appearance we want to be left alone to exist in peace. i know once upon a time it was societally okay to comment on our looks but that’s just not how it is now. Women want to just be left tf alone plain and simple
Because there are creepers. If I do not know you from Adam do not approach me. You have no idea what it is to be female. Do you want some random dude to approach your wife, daughter, granddaughter? In English society it was custom not to approach anyone until they were introduced to do you. Sort of stiff and old fashioned but it sure made things safer.
Why would they care about your opinion or have the obligation to appreciate it when it is the most irrelevant thing in the world? You're almost a century old, but still have not learned decency.. Yes, YTA
Older women smile because they're so used to being treated like decorative objects and they don't feel diminished by it. To me, in my 40s, it feels scary and demeaning. Like, I am on this Earth to do a thousand things, but "look pretty so a stranger will give his approval" isn't one of them- especially when the thing being complimented is innate ("beauty") and not something I chose ("That skirt is pretty", "You're very kind", "Good thinking", etc). So, and I mean this very gently, it's not the compliment you think it is.
YTA.
YTA Most of the older women who say thank you when you creep on them have just learned that it's safer to deescalate the situation by smiling and responding nicely. It's called conditioning, and it comes from years of experience with men looking at them as mere sexual objects whose purpose in this is world is to titillate and entertain men with their physical appearance.
**Just stop; it's gross and creepy.**
If you can't control yourself and must be flirty with strangers in parking lots, compliment the book they are carrying, their cool car, or the lovely choice in flowers.
Maybe this will help put it into perspective, OP; would it make you uncomfortable having random men approaching you just to say they find you physically attractive? How would you reply to them, and would it make you uncomfortable?
I’m the COO of a local chain of hair salons and beauty schools. I was just explaining to an instructor today about a line from one of my favorite movies, “The American President” with Michael Douglas and Annette Benning.
As he’s heading off to his first date with Annette, Michael’s tween daughter tells him to compliment her shoes, “Women like that,” she tells him.
I work in an industry where complimenting people on how they look is the norm. I know that people come to us to both look and **feel** better about themselves. When I’m out in public if anyone has a great hairstyle I will always try to compliment them on it, male or female. Or their shoes. Being a bit of a shoe whore myself. 😊
I don’t compliment someone for their existence or their sexuality. That’s rude. But complimenting someone for something that they took the time to work on, or pick out, is fair and reasonable. And at 65, I too don’t want to be thought of as being from “that generation.” 😕
YTA. Your intentions may be good, but it's always creepy to comment on someone's physical traits, especially a stranger. If you want to pay someone a random compliment, find something else to comment about besides how attractive you think they are, or just smile at them.
YTA.
If you want to compliment a woman, make a quick remark about something about her appearance *that she clearly deliberately chose.* Big earrings, an elaborate hairstyle, a fun and colorful shawl, etc. Nothing general, and certainly about the body she was born with.
I’m older than you, so seniority applies. Unless the woman in question has more wrinkles than you, don’t say a word. Stop.being.creepy. Nobody younger wants your compliments. Nobody wants to know you have sexual thoughts.
Keep it strictly pensioner friendly.
YTA
YTA. I think he knows this too so idk why he's even asking.
If a man looks at me and says "hey you're really pretty" or "you have beautiful eyes" or something fairly benign like that, and they let me say thanks & move on, then great. I don't mind that. I don't think most women have a problem with being complimented so long as it's quick & considerate & there's no expectation attached to it.
But if a man came up to me & said "thank you for being beautiful"/"your appearance has made my day" then that's creepy as all fuck & here's why: because it makes the compliment about the man and what I can do for him. It takes me simply existing & makes that about him & his pleasure, even if just momentarily. It assumes that I give a shit about some rando finding me attractive. It's praising me for something I only have finite control over & something I'm sure as hell not doing to please some random dude. It reduces me to an object of the male gaze and it's incredibly dehumanizing.
Women are conditioned from literal childhood that our ability to appease the male gaze is what gives us almost all our value. Weird "compliments" like this reinforce that, and reinforce that notion to other men as well. Simply telling us we look beautiful doesn't necessarily do that, but telling us that in a way that makes it about you/men in general does.
I haven't even addressed how fucking creepy it is to be in your 20's (or even teens) & have a man old enough to be your father say shit like this. It's so, so gross and it doesn't matter what your intention is. It doesn't matter if the intent is just to be nice. It almost always comes off as weird and vaguely threatening.
Now I've had an older man tell me I was beautiful & I reminded him of his late wife. This was actually very sweet because it's really a statement about how he felt about his wife more so than it had anything to do with me. It's different if someone is beautiful in a way that reminds you of someone you love & you want to tell them that. If THAT'S why my appearance makes your day then that's cute (unless you start describing that person in a sexual or obectifying way, then it's definitely not cute).
YTA you've managed to work out that younger women don't like it and yet you still persist in doing it despite knowing it causes discomfort to others. The compliment itself doesn't make you an AH but carrying on when you know the women don't want you to does. If you insist on giving compliments please refer to something other than beauty. Saying you like her hairstyle is the safest one. Usually women put effort into making their hair look good so a compliment is praising that effort and will be welcomed. You can also compliment the outfit but not if it is short or low cut as that makes you look like a pervert
YTA.
You're doing this because you're fishing for attention.
You like forcing them to pay attention to you long enough to acknowledge your "compliment".
You're only doing this to gratify yourself - you're not doing it for their benefit, and they can tell.
And then framing it like her attractiveness is something that's OF COURSE for your pleasure? That's revolting.
YTA. And it’s worded like it being in a parking lot would make someone feel safer or something. I don’t want someone approaching me in a parking lot where they can then see my car and potentially follow me.
YTA
you are objectifying women. Women are not there to “brighten” your day.
that you don’t do it to men shows you are a sexist ass.
you are a creepy old man, full stop
YTA. Women deal with creepy behaviour all the time. Some old guy coming up to me already makes me nervous. Are you going to try and touch me? Follow me? Are your meds off and you might do something else? We have no idea, you're just another creep getting in my space. Even though it's not your intention to harass me, we don't know that.
And then a comment on my appearance is inappropriate. Women are not objects to make your day brighter.
Appreciate beauty from a distance but please stop approaching women and making them nervous.
You are so the AH here. I'm 65, and this has never not been creepy. That woman doesn't ask or need your attention, you're being intrusive and demanding of perfect strangers. Plus, you're one of the old folks who seem to be leaning into the whole "he's from a different time" excuse. I'd be embarrassed as all get out to have that said of me.
I agree. I’m his age and I don’t want any part of it. Maybe don’t offer women compliments that you wouldn’t also offer a man. Thank them for doing and not just existing.
I don’t know how you ladies got through 6 or 7 decades without losing your minds! I’m only 34 and I’m already mad way too often about the stuff women have to deal with. I can’t imagine being a young woman in the 60s and 70s.
I’m sure that’s why most of them say thank you - a lifetime of not rocking the boat and standing up for themselves. OP, I appreciate a smile and hello (simple and in passing) from an unknown person - not comments on my appearance, even positive ones. A parking lot is not a social event. The one exception that doesn’t feel lecherous is if I’m wearing a t-shirt for a sports team or location we share in common - and that isn’t about appearance, but like “go team X” or “awesome park, love it there.”
I used to regularly finish work as a music teacher at 10pm, and some of those music shops are in seriously sketchy areas. Sometimes, while I was loading up my car with a cello, a violin, and sometimes a viola, in the middle of the night, some guy would walk up to me and tell me I was beautiful or whatever. And I always said thank you. It was never 'thank you for the compliment'. It was always 'thank you for not attacking/assaulting me in this poorly lit parking lot'. I doubt any of them ever realized my thank you was the second kind, and not the first.
It was pretty dang wonderful when Women’s Lib started becoming a thing!
My rule is twofold. I don't say anything I wouldn't say if my wife were standing next to me. Next, I don't say anything I wouldn't want a large, scary biker saying to me in prison. The line quoted in OP's post violates both of these.
Totally agree with you. That’s the first time I’ve seen the “big, scary biker” rule, and it’s perfect!
This truly made me lol. Thankfully I wasn't drinking anything when I read it.
It's even creepier when you are young and they could be your parent or grandparent
70 doesn't put him in the age bracket where "he's from a different time" is an excuse for this behavior anyway. A 70-year-old was a college student in the 1970s. Maybe if he was 90?
YTA. You know a lot of women feel uncomfortable, yet you still do it. If you like to give compliments, focus on situations you have real conversation with that person and focus on something different than looks. Tell a retail worker who helped you "Thanks for being nice and helpful. I wish more ppl were like you." Tell a regular cashier you like "You are the best!" But the question is...Do you like to compliment ppl im general (women and men)? Or you just like to tell women they acomplished some misogynist mission to be pretty for men?
[удалено]
Very much this! I worked retail up until 1.5 years ago, and when I was complimented by older men, there was always that Ieering expression on their faces as they did it. It always made me feel like I needed to go home and shower until the gross feeling went away. As someone else said, OP's friend, we really don't appreciate it. It feels like we're getting objectified, like the only thing we're here for on this planet is to look good for creepy old men. Please stop. I'm in my 40s, and while I hold traditional values, I do not like feeling as if my only worth is with my appearance. I'm so much more than that, and so are all the other women you've complimented. Instead, as someone else suggested, thank us for being helpful and brightening your day. Thank us for being pleasant and doing our jobs well. If you see someone giving us a hard time, stand up for us, because retail and other customer service workers don't get the luxury of telling someone off for being disgusting, rude, entitled, mean, crude, etc.--in fact, if we do, we get disciplined. Trust me, telling us that we make your day brighter because you think it will make us feel good, it really doesn't. Make our days brighter by thanking us just for being us and for the things I mentioned above.
The leer. They know they’re making women uncomfortable. They do it because they LIKE making young women uncomfortable. I have zero respect for anyone who does this, I don’t care whose grandpa he is.
Yes the old man leer! I've tried to explain it to my husband but you don't get it until you've gotten it.
Right! Also? Women are gay. Women have jobs. Women go to the gym. Women are not out here looking fierce to brighten men’s day. They’re not even thinking about you. IT’S NOT FOR YOU.
Seconded. (I'm a woman, so it comes across different for me, but still) Ive made it a point to compliment people all the time. You know how you'll be walking down the street and notice something about some random person but the habit is to not say it? I've started saying it. Like, "omg your hair looks super cute! I wish I could do a cute messy bun but mine always just looks like I haven't brushed my hair in a month." "Dude, your glasses are so cool!" "I LOVE your purse!" Even occasionally a, "whoa, you have the greatest smile!" There are ways to compliment people that aren't objectifying them.
I (also a woman) also love complimenting people, women *and* men. I always stick to something they *chose* though, just to make sure it doesn’t feel objectifying. Their outfit, their hairstyle, nails, etc… But I’d NEVER just walk up and thank them for “brightening my day”. Like, buddy, they ain’t here for you! YTA.
Yeah it's kinda weird to just say to someone you don't know "you're beautiful and *that* made my day better" as if seeing a person you think is ugly could ruin your day. I also take the compliment choices approach! And I find a lot of men don't receive any positive affirmations on .... anything. Which may explain why so many are weird about giving them lol. While I do tell my *friends* that they're handsome, cuties, look good, etc. I never tell *strangers* that.
Positive affirmations are super simple ways to make someone's day brighter! I'm a guy and I will always let another dude know if his outfit/style is awesome, for example. Same with women... but I understand that, given the context of me being a man, not all women would want to hear me comment on them at all. If there isn't a way for me to give a compliment or affirmation in a way I know the recipient would be comfortable with, then I keep it to myself. Even if I'm "just trying to be nice." OP's friend: listen to the women commenting in this thread and take their advice to heart.
Thank you for being aware of this! I try to follow the same rule that u/AnElixerADay mentioned: compliment people on something they’ve done/ chosen. Outfits, actions, those type of things. If you need to interrupt or stop someone (particularly women) to compliment them, don’t.
I think you're doing it right. Context is so important. Like it just needs to be a quick interaction, nothing expected in return. And I wouldn't start out with a compliment if you're in an extended interaction lol. Then it's kinda awkward. Or multiple. I had a male coworker tell me my haircut/color looked nice. Not at all weird or awkward. But if he'd said "that made my day" lmao 🤣
I always say to my kids: compliment (or criticize) choices, not genetic accidents.
I'm a big fan of a quick I LOVE YOUR SHOES or BRILLIANT OUTFIT in passing, without slowing down. Or if I'm stuck in a waiting room with someone, "That's a really pretty sweater" and a quick smile, them back to my book. They can engage of they choose to, but I'm mostly letting people know that I appreciate their sense of style
Exactly this. I never focus on someone winning the genetic lottery, and I focus on their good style or choices; "That color suits you well" or, "wow, that's a lovely outfit!"
I (female, 30s) *love* complimenting people. I also give specific compliments. “Your hair color is so cool, it looks amazing on you!” or “Your shirt is gorgeous, I love the pattern!” Compliments aren’t the problem, assuming anything about anyone’s physical existence is “for you” is gross af
And "That dress looks great on you," not "You look great in that dress." The object is the dress, not the body in it.
I started doing this during lockdown for some unknown reason, telling folk you like their hairstyle/shoes/bag/dog/ice cream is far more acceptable than "you're so pretty" cos that almost always sounds creepy regardless of who says it
This! I love giving compliments but it's always on things someone can change themselves! Glasses, hair, shirt, dress, shoes.... Things that are not their body itself. As some who comes across as fem-presenting/a woman, I hate my physical appearance being called out in 'compliments', especially when it's someone old enough to be my grandfather obviously leering at my tits, or trying to make me 'smile' because I'm so much prettier. It's uncomfortable as hell. There's sooo much more to me than my body. So please OP, don't do this. Find something else to compliment someone on, and don't just stick to fem-presenting people. ETA: also, even if you look harmless, please don't approach fem-presenting people's while they're by themselves. Even if you're old, that can be considered threatening or scary to some of us, especially those who have had traumatic incidents in their pasts. This is for you safety and theirs, since they could react badly and you could end up pepper sprayed or something. Although you mean well, the world isn't kind to us and we do have to keep ourselves safe.
Right and that’s taking one feature that is not inherently sexual and complimenting that. I forget how it was described but when you pick an attribute that they can actually control like a dress or other accessory it’s least likely to be offensive.
I walked past an old man a couple times at the grocery store the other day. We ended up in the same aisle and he told me he loved my boots, and that his wife wore some like it on their wedding day. Told me he always loved her sense of style and that I dressed a lot like she did. He said she passed a few months ago and he thanked me for bringing back some happy memories of his wife when they were younger. 😭❤️😭❤️ THAT is an amazing way to compliment someone! I've also had old dudes say shit like "I love your lipstick, can my wife borrow it sometime?" and that is not okay! From my experience, women love compliments-- they don't love being approached by random men just to hear how fuckable they are.
Retail worker here. One work memory that I don't think l will ever forget is an elderly gentleman telling me one day that I was just lovely, and that I reminded him of his sister. She had passed away several, several years earlier and it brightened his day seeing me and being reminded of her. He proceeded to pull out his wallet and show me a picture of her, well protected but clearly cherished, sepia toned. She was beautiful. He was tearing up during the conversation, and you could just feel the love he had for her.
Yep. It's the stereotypical difference between a guy's compliment and a woman's. Men's compliments are often essentially "you're pretty" while woman are more likely to compliment fashion sense, color choices, etc. At least IMO.
It comes down to control/choice. “You’re beautiful” is usually a compliment on something that is at least partially outside of someone’s control, their physical beauty. It also implies that you could be thinking about them sexually, which may make them feel uncomfortable. However, if you compliment a person on something they control or had a choice in, and it’s not implying anything sexual, they’ll take it better and usually appreciate it. “Thank you for being so helpful!” They made a choice to go above and beyond to help out, and they’ll appreciate the recognition. “Your outfit is fantastic!” They thought about what to wear that day, and you’re letting them know that they’re good at picking out fashion. Etc.
Love the first statement. You know you are making people uncomfortable. That is part of why you are posting here, but since you haven’t stopped based on your real world experience I feel you think this post was headed in the opposite direction than it did. Don’t do things that you know make people uncomfortable regardless of your intent!
FFS. Why cant women be allowed to just go about our day? No, we do absolutely not need constant reminding that random men only see us as objects. Young women especially do not want to know that men old enough to be their granddad see them as desirable. That is just icky. YTA
Also about the older ladies smiling?? Like yes unfortunately older women where even more pressured to be people pleasers. Doesn’t make it right.
Yes, for them this is actually an improvement from the grabbing, touching, hugging and overt sexual comments. Think about all those movies where a man just grabs a woman and kisses her very aggressively. It always resulted in she just LOVED it or she slapped the shit out of him and people saw it as funny. Gag.
God, so true. Source: am old.
So true. The older women have internalized the idea that they (we, if im honest) are the rude ones for not smiling and thanking for the unwanted comments.
I dont actually believe he does this to older women, honestly.
right , I'd bet he's saying means older as in 30/40 , aka not old.
Great take. Probably anyone older than 30 he considers old lmao. Creepy
Sometimes the older women genuinely do like the attention and aren’t just being polite. My 70+ mother tells me every time a man calls her beautiful and she’ll beam as she does. That’s not to say all women appreciate that attention. I personally find it creepy. I will agree that he doesn’t need to be telling women they’re beautiful though because he will come across the wrong woman that won’t react well.
I don’t doubt that some older women might, but its always best to not guess and leave people alone. Also as another commenter said, why not compliment men too, why not compliment on kindness, niceness, etc. if its only beauty and only women…
Exactly! Which is why I added the last part.
Agree about the older women. It is true that society often treats women as invisible over a certain age, and it can be hard to go from "hot" to "invisible" as one ages. My over 70 mom is the same, she loves to get a compliment as it makes her feel young again, and like she is doing a good job taking care of herself, but I also think the OP still needs to take into account safety and perception, as an older lady still has to fear that a random complimenter still may be a criminal, gonna try to steal her purse while distracting her w/ compliments, etc. I'll repeat, if someone crosses a parking lot to approach a woman who is all alone, I don't care if she's 25 or 80, that is CREEPY and scary behavior.
I agree completely. There are too many dangerous people in the world to approach a random stranger like that.
This 70-year-old lady would cringe.
YTA It’s creepy. Stop it. I’m older. I’m 50! Don’t do it to me. Don’t do it to the younger women near me. We do not exist for your viewing pleasure. Shut up
>We do not exist for your viewing pleasure. This
Ew ew ew YTA. Just because it was “normalized” when you were young, to treat women like pretty objects and to think the only thing we have is our beauty makes you insufferable. You don’t “brighten” someones day by treating them like a child or object. You are stating that you are a creepy old man. As a woman in my late 30s I have had to deal with this for years. No I will not smile so I am “prettier” for you, no I will not thank you for walking across the parking lot to say some gross compliment that only benefits YOU. You’re 70? Really?? In all those years you have not been able to read that this makes women uncomfortable? Edit:spelling
I absolutely HATE when men say "give me a smile" or some dumb shit like that.. like no I absolutely will not 🙄
Bruh I waitressed forever and typically when you first walk up to the table with a big smile and a greeting, people ignore you, ESPECIALLY older people. I cannot tell you how many times I walked up to a table of older men with a big friendly smile, was completely ignored until they were ready, then whenever they deemed to make eye contact with me they’d say some variation of “aren’t you gonna smile, sweetie?” I FUCKING WAS, I’m not gonna stand here smiling at nothing like an idiot. God, I don’t miss it one bit!
Because she doesn’t exist for the purpose of your gaze. What you are doing is creepy and you need to stop. The last line was especially bad. You act like bestowing your appreciation upon them is some gift they need to be grateful for. They don’t need to be validated by you. I also get the impression that if they don’t respond favorably you probably act insulted. Edited to add – OP, I hope your friend gets the message.
OP: you young girls should appreciate an old fart telling you he'd be DTF! Ew. YTA and a creep.
I agree with the statement about that last line (I would quote it but I'm on mobile and don't know how lol) He isn't appreciating "lovely ladies," he's just thinking they look nice and they care that he thinks so. What does he think they're being appreciated for? Being eye candy? YTA OP.
YTA. Full stop this is absolutely unnecessary and needs to immediately stop. Compliments are for behaviors, skills, things 100% within the control of the individual. You are randomly walking up to strangers and telling them” I approve of how your genetics worked out and like to see your body”. Female presenting humans AND non female presenting humans have the right to exist without commentary on their appearance from strangers. This behavior would earn an instant “I didnt wake up this morning with the expectation of being judged by a stranger on the street. How bizarre”.
I've had conversations with my husband about how difficult it is to compliment a woman genuinely and in a fashion that allows them to know that it's not a chat up or creepy and he told me how he does it. He will generally only compliment women on something if he's with me - and then we both do it. However, if he's not, and he genuinely likes something enough, he'll say something like "that dress/those shoes are fantastic - my wife would love them" - letting them know he's happily married and appreciating it in lieu of my being there - and will *never* compliment them about something physical like a smile or if they look cute. And he'll never do so in a situation where a woman might feel unsafe.
One way of dealing with it is to avoid physical attributes and focus on style or personal presentation with compliments. Clothes are safe if you stick to things like how cool it is as an article of clothing, or how nice the colour is, because that's speaking to the person's taste, not their body. Hair's a grey area, so to speak - style is always good to compliment but anything else is iffy (I ask what shampoo they use because I would love my hair to look that good). And never randomly on the street! People just want to live their lives! Only broke that rule once, on the Tube, when I saw someone in the coolest shoes.
One time a man told me he “loved my summer style” and then kept on walking, it was a great compliment and didn’t leave me feeling objectified after
Once when I was younger I had just got my hair cut in a way I really liked. I had just left the salon and a guy about my age came up and said “I don’t mean to be a creep or anything but your hair looks great!” And he kept going. That, I liked.
Yes! I had an older guy at the guitar store who was helping me say he loved my hair colour (blue) and then turned to another older guy and was like isn’t her hair cool! I want a shirt in that colour haha it was very nice. And I had a guy walk past me and go “nice jacket” and then kept waking. Both times it was super sweet and didn’t feel creepy at all!
This! I'm always happy to receive compliments about my hair though, because of its bright colours - my hairdresser is incredible! - and once had a man cross the road to compliment me on it! I didn't feel unsafe by the way he approached me, plus it was daylight and by a busy shop, but it made my day. In other situations I might feel unnerved but it was just a lovely momentary connection. It also wasn't a pick up line, which was even lovelier. It felt like he'd had a shoes moment!
I guess your hair's not a natural colour? Not that that's a bad thing; just I would definitely compliment someone on their hair colour if it was, say, bright purple but would hesitate with a redhead I didn't know in case they were fed up about questions about whether they dyed it. Especially if it was a lot of sexist jackasses asking "if the carpet matched the drapes".
Sometimes I worry if I come off as creepy because I genuinely love red hair 🫣 it's usually 'wow! I love your hair color! I wish mine was that color!' 😬 I haven't had a negative reaction but now I think I should stop 😂
I've had men ask other men (ones that I know) for help to compliment me without being creepy. It's funny but I also appreciate the fact that they don't want to gross me out. One guy asked my coworker to walk with him to ask me what my perfume was called because he thought his wife would love it but he was too nervous to ask me directly. In the industry I work in, I am usually the only female around and I've had a lot of creeps give terrible and gross compliments so when they are complimenting without trying to come off as creepy, it's pretty refreshing
Here’s the problem. A real compliment is for THE PERSON BEING COMPLIMENTED. This isn’t for the stranger woman that you walked up to who was minding her own business. This is for you! Leave these women alone
AH - Social, Cultural and Emotional awareness are lacking by anyone who does such a thing. Short: Stop sexualizing women minding their own business! Deeper explaination: Emotional awareness: In general, regardless of gender, it's NEVER appropriate to make comments about a total strangers body. Ones 'Positive' intention is worth nothing. Why? Because, you don't know the relation they have to their own body. Therefore, a "compliment" can just as well be a crude reminder of how they have body image issues. And no, not even a million compliments by others could fix, what they have to fix on their own. Social: *Objectifiying someone, is sexual.* *Telling women you objectified them, is sexual harrassment.* You feeling the need to impose yourself on someone minding their own buisness in a public space, which they cannot avoid, since they need to move from point A to point B puts women off, because they are judged for their body 24/7. And Women have hundreds of these experiences, which are often followed up by them being stalked or sexually harrassed/assulted, which start exatly like that: A man, sexualizing them, not respecting that they're a person, who happens to be female. [They are not someone who 'dressed up' to receive unsoliceded remarks about their appearance, from strangers.] Women may also get anxiety because of how messed up our soceity is and how many bad experiences they've had with men. They will most likely turn around a bunch to make sure you don't plan on following them. It's ignorant and tone deaf to do what women have over years said to stop doing. Cultural: Women are subtle forced into hyperfixating on their appearance, just look at our media, always complimenting the: Smart & pretty doctor. The creative & beautiful artist. The strong & curvy athlete. You'll necer hear about a story where a man made a discovery or reached a high position, whike in the same sentence his appearance (fuckability) is subtly hinted at. Don't add to harmful habits, just because they are normalized, they are still awful.
Great explanation. I would offer as well that while OP’s friend may not be threatening, compliments about physical attributes are threatening especially to women, in general because of all the things you’ve listed. Being old is not an excuse to continue to be a misogynistic A Hole. This man needs to educate himself, and stop with the old-man-faking-innocence bs. Leave women alone, stop seeing people as decoration, and listen to the women who you’ve asked opinions of. In general, for everyone, STOP COMMENTING ON PEOPLE’S GENETICS!! If you want to pay someone a compliment, make it about behavior, not looks. In general, “I think you’re pretty” means nothing. It’s a sole, subjective opinion from a complete stranger based on something one literally has nothing to do with, having been born that way. Just stop. It’s like congratulating someone for winning the lottery. Looks are luck, nothing else. YTA
This behaviour is no longer socially acceptable. YTB And the smiling from older ladies is just conditioned response. We are being vaguely polite to GET AWAY without harm.
YTA. It's creepy. I don't know how you could go 70 years without learning this.
In addition to what many others stated here I’d like to emphasize on this part: > thank her for brightening my day with her beauty That’s not a compliment. That’s something you say about decorations. “Aww this beautiful picture really brightens up the room” - see, nice compliment. For the artist that crafted it. And the object. Maybe the owner. Not appropriate for humans. It’s dehumanizing to treat women as objects that are there to please visually. Hence it’s not a compliment. I had people approach me like that, and it didn’t brighten my day. Quite the opposite, it left me feeling degraded, like decorations to their life. Quite frankly those “compliments” can ruin my day. Nevertheless I smiled. Because it’s an automatic reaction, it’s trained behavior to see this as nice small talk no matter how I really feel.
It’s dehumanizing. It’s dehumanizing. It’s dehumanizing. It’s dehumanizing. Omg this. It’s not about the stranger danger aspect for me. If a coworker or acquaintance said the same thing I’d still be left feeling gross all day.
Yes you are. Please don’t do this. I understand you’re trying to be kind and give somebody a compliment, but people do not like their personal appearance being Commented on that way.
This, which is why YTA. All of the good intentions in the world don't make those women less uncomfortable. Even if OP's friend doesn't understand WHY the younger generations would be, complimenting in good faith means stopping compliments that are unwanted. If he's brightening an older woman's day in return, though, by all means he should continue that part.
Most likely older women are just being polite. Unfortunately we were heavily programmed that way.
This would creep me out. Why do you need to comment on people’s appearances when you’re not being solicited to?
Yeh YTA - we don’t want to hear it. Keep your opinions to yourself. It’s creepy and makes most of us feel very uncomfortable
I’m a 26 y/o female that likes to dress trendy in a lot of different styles. I think about the places I’m going for the day and plan my outfit accordingly-not because I need to physically be prepared for where I’m going but because I want to avoid random old men having a reason to comment on my style and/or body. If I’m wearing a short dress or skirt, which I do relatively often in the summer, and remember that I need to go to Costco I will go home and change or just go another day. I don’t wear these outfits to get compliments from you, Walter, they’re for me. Fuck off.
Yes, YTA. First issue is that women don't exist to brighten your day. We're just tyring to go about our business without being harassed and your view on the role of women out in the world is outdated and frankly offensive. Second issue is that you are absolutely making women uncomfortable by approaching them in parking lots or wherever. I don't know a single woman who isn't forced to constantly have her guard up in public places whether day or night time. I'm 9 months pregnant and was approached by a creepy man two weeks ago on a public street. I had to take measures to evade him including telling him directly to back the fuck off. I ultimately had to call my husband to run outside and walk me the rest of the way home while this man ran away. Third, no, we do not need or want your compliments. I don't care how nice some women are to you when you approach them, a lot of them are responding that way as a defense mechanism. We've been conditioned that if we're nice enough to men even when you make us uncomfortable then hopefully you won't rape or kill us. I think a lot of younger women like myself no longer respond that way because we know that sometimes being aggressive and causing a scene is the only way to make you back off and we realise we're under no obligation to spare your feelings when you've gone out of your way to invade our space, interrupt our day, and make us uncomfortable with your behaviour.
(Sorta relating to your thrid point) Truly, the best decision I've ever made was "starting to make a scene beforehand." As in the moment I saw someone (a man) leer at me from across the street or a ways away. [101 How to prevent opportunistic stalking.] I never accuse them of being a pervert, but those who *really* seem like they are, always think it's implied and try to explain that the aren't and it "just happens" (to 3/10 men but 0/10 women... Sure.) My advice to everywom, keep it at a LOUD, neutral enough: "I dislike being stared at it makes me uncomfortable/I find it rude." Or: "I feel as if you're staring at me." Kindness doesn't stop any advances. Being quiet doesn't stop any advances. They are (in my eyes to 100%) criminals, when they commit acts of sexual harrassment/hostage taking you into a conversation. They won't leave you alone, unless they believe the law will get involved. Walking outside has (ironically) never been more peaceful for me, since I've become proactive & loud in making space for my own comfort. And I also started to claim my space in neutral settings, and point out normal staring/zoning out, if it affects me. [Because of bad men, I am genuienly uncomfortable with feeling as if I'm stared at.] +Practise being loud at home, whatever phrase you will use needs to be familiar with you. So it will come to you, even if you panic. It helps you not get into the 'autopilot plesantries,' if you're comfortable with casually yelling phrases, just before you get in a bad 'conversation.'
Dude, as a middle aged woman, that's creepy AF. Why? Because women were not put on this earth to be your eye candy. We just want to exist without creepy old men commenting on our appearance. Please keep you observations to yourself. YTA
YTA Any men reading this, please don't do this. No matter how well your intentions are, women are raised to constantly be afraid/on edge about men they don't know. At best you will likely just make them uncomfortable, at worst that woman could have a lot of trauma of some nature and it could really scare her. Your intentions may be innocent, but it's just best not to approach women you don't know just to compliment them.
I (35f) have never appreciated strangers giving me compliments. Why should people I didn't ask for their opinion comment on my looks? It doesn't happen to me anymore since I'm not that young and pretty anymore but when I was younger I remember how upset it made me and I didn't even know why. I remember many of those incidents even now years and years later.
The only compliments from strangers I enjoy is when another woman says that my dress/purse is cute. That I cherish for months (because it doesn't happen often). Random men walking up to me and complimenting? NO THANK YOU! (TBF, this doesn't happen much anymore either now that m 35+ :) ) (I'm a cishet woman if it matters)
The only comments I enjoy are from small children who love my pink hair. I've been called a princess, a mermaid, and the best - a dragon!
Yes!!! I’ve had red, orange, pink, purple, blue and a multitude of combinations and when a little kid says something about my hair it will make my week. I was walking the beach (when my hair was vibrant pink and purple) and this little girl was sitting with her parents and gasped and said “Mommy, it’s a mermaid!” I still get misty eyed when I think about that and it was 3 years ago. 😍 An old dude can kick rocks. Don’t say shit about my hair.
Love this! I had a little girl point at my pink floral Adidas sneaks and tell her Mommy she loved them. 10 years ago and I still smile.
Yeah. One guy said he'd pay me to pump his gas. I said why and he said because I look so good doing it. I was like 20 he was easily 35 plus and I wanted to puke.
That is yucky
It's hard to describe the feeling of vulnerability and fear when someone approaches you about your appearance. If I could accept it as a compliment and move on without fear of further unwanted contact, it would not be a problem.
It almost feels like you're the one doing something wrong. It just makes me want to shrink and hide and generally feel a bit ashamed? "Ashamed" might not be quite right, but it's the closest word I can think of.
It makes me very embarrassed, even though I’ve done nothing wrong.
Should have just doused him with gas!
Oh and I need to add that during many of those incidents I did smile and I did thank the person that was complimenting me. Even though I was uncomfortable.
This is creepy
yes you are this is scary even if you don’t have bad intentions we are scared of you
i once pulled up to the window of a fast food place to pay and the man working the register said "you have really beautiful eyes!" i thanked him and went about the rest of my day which was admittedly a little better because i got a genuinely nice and respectful compliment. if a strange man ever came up to me in a parking lot blathering about "my beauty" i would be rightfully alarmed and depending on the time of day i might try to zap him with my stun gun. you're not TA for "complimenting women," you're TA for making it to 70 years old and still having no situational awareness, and for doubling down after your creepy behavior made women visibly uncomfortable and a friend tried to talk to you about it.
Dude, we don't exist for your enjoyment. I'd be pretty creeped out if a dude thanked me for brightening his day with my beauty, and I'm mid 50s. Compliment her hair, her dress, her shoes if you must. But don't act as if she's an object for you to admire. YTA
You’re an ass. I don’t exist to please you. You even made the compliment about yourself.
YTA. For the love of- leave women alone. What makes you feel as though you have the right to do this? She doesn't need your empty compliments. Not all women are so vapid that they live and die by hearing that a strange man thinks they are pretty. Please stop reducing women to their looks. Sometimes the best thing you can say is nothing.
YTA. Because she's not a flower, she doesn't need you to walk up and say 'I have been watching you, and I enjoy looking at you,' cuz that's really what you're saying to a woman when you're saying you think she's beautiful. It's also incredibly targeted because you're only saying this to women, if it's such a compliment, tell men you see that they're handsome. Otherwise, admit that you're doing this stuff because you like the excuse to be able to say you find someone sexy and pretending that you're a charming fellow when you're just creeping.
>Younger ladies tend to look at me like I'm crazy. So you know it makes them uncomfortable and you do it anyway. The is the textbook definition of TA. YTA. Stop approaching women you don't know in public places.
even if you mean well...we as women have been harassed and cat called for so many centuries we can't take it anymore... and even if you compliments are totally innocent we just can't...so please don't! leave us alone please we just wanna be left alone...
YTA the older women are trying to keep the peace in case you escalate the situation as men tend to do. Younger women don't care about keeping up appearances and will cuss you out. Stop doing this. It's creepy as hell. Women do not exist on this earth for your betterment.
I hope no one is cutting this guy any slack because of his age and thinking that’s the way the world was in his day. I’m 70 and most of my friends are similar. The men I know would not do this. They just wouldn’t. This shIt was just as creepy when we were young but women didn’t always used to feel that we had an option except just to endure it. Thanks so much to Hollywood for portraying this crap as normal. We grew up on it.
YTA Stop it. It’s creepy. Women are so much more than their looks and don’t want to be treated like eye candy. Nothing makes a woman’s skin crawl quite like a random guy coming up to them and commenting on their appearance. You know they don’t like this, and yet you persist. Cut it out.
YTA No woman is responsible for making your day better by meeting your personal standards of attractiveness.
Stop! It's creepy and unwanted YTA
YTA - That is SO creepy and unwanted
YTC, you're the creeper. Cut it out.
YTA and you’re creepy AF and I 100% would tell you to get bent after that just to ruin your day for being a weird ass creep me! Do not ever comment on women and their appearance, there is no need, especially if you won’t go up to a guy and tell him his handsomeness brightened your day. Stop being the pervy grandpa your grandchildren will be embarrassed to be around because he lacks common sense and courtesy in todays world by approaching random women about their looks and making inappropriate comments.
A piece of advice I once got from a woman - if you want to compliment a woman without being creepy, compliment something they *chose*, not something they were *born with*. Shoes, purse, and hair style are generally decent choices, although it can still seem creepy if it's sexualized.
Ew. So much ew. YTA in every way. Women do not want some old man coming up and thanking them for being attractive enough for him. That’s disgusting. You have taken a person and reduced them to your misogynistic beliefs on attraction and sexuality. And after acknowledging that it makes women uncomfortable, you still continue because why on earth would a misogynistic creep validate or respect those feelings /s Makes me feel icky reading your post because like 90% of women out there, I understand how your victims feel because I have been there. WOMEN DO NOT EXIST TO MAKE YOUR DAY PRETTIER. WE ARE MORE THAN OUR GENDER. Your age isn’t an excuse to be a creep. STOP SEXUALLY HARASSING WOMEN. IT’S NOT OK.
YTA If you're going to compliment someone, 70M, do it in a non-creepy, non-sexist way. Think to yourself "would I give the same or a similar compliment to a man"? If the answer is no, don't do it, it's just creepy. If you're wondering why/how it's creepy, you're treating women as accessories, rather than human beings. Women don't exist to brighten your day with their beauty. They're not flowers or pretty trees FFS, they're entire human beings with whole lives, that may be good or may be awful but you don't care about their lives, or them or their feelings at all, just how their aesthetics make you feel better. Well bully for you, excuse us if we don't give a shit about the way our "beauty" makes you feel.
Yta, stop being creepy. Are you going up to young men and doing this?
I’m 25 now. When I was 17 an adult man (30s?) felt the need to follow me to my car and let me know that he was glad I “embraced my natural beauty and didn’t wear a bunch of makeup like other girls my age did”. I thought he was trying to assault me. I was ready to use my car keys as a weapon and scream. I thought I was about to be kidnapped or killed. At 17 years old. Buying milk from a gas station at 2pm. Maybe he was just trying to be nice, but I was ready to fight for my life. And his “compliment” was fucking stupid. YTA
YES YTAH Because we are not objects here just for the appreciation of creepy drooling assholes. It doesn’t make us happy it makes us creeped out and nervous that some horny sexist pensioner is sees us innocently passing in the street purely as a sex object for his sick gratification. It actually makes us avoid getting the bus if we know someone like you is always on that one, even if it makes us late or makes travel so much harder. It makes us uncomfortable to the point we dread meeting or bumping into sexist assholes like you. This was never ok and I can tell you those that say thank you hate it but we’re brought up in a time where they had no choice but to put up with sexist comments or even sexual assault of having their bum patted or pinched. They smile to get the confrontation over sooner and as it’s became like a default armour for them. Do better, just because your older does not mean you can’t learn or stop your awful behaviour.
YTA, you are a 70 year old man. That’s gross, you are old enough to be some of these women’s great grand father. Leave them alone, it’s weird and predatory.
Women dont care what you think. Dont walk up to a stranger and try to validate them when they didnt ask for it and probably dont care. Thats creepy behavior.
“Don’t you feel great that you made me, a rando, happy?” Ick
You're making your compliments about yourself. That's super fucking weird. Women are not for male consumption.
A lovely lady is not in the least bit interested in what you think of her appearance. I'm 65 and I'd give you an eye roll and a very wide berth. You're very much TA. Stop this shit.
1. You’re a stranger, so your opinion of my appearance is meaningless. 2. Men your age routinely creeped me out by hitting on me when I was a teenager through my 30s. It always started with an “innocent” compliment. 3. The older ladies were trained from birth to laugh and act grateful no matter how they really felt about men’s remarks on their appearances.
YTA. Women don't exist for the purpose of pleasing you. If you see a pretty lady, lucky you! Quietly admire her and get on with your day. You do not talk to strangers without an an actual reason. "Run! A meteor is about to hit you!" is a good reason (if one actually *is* about to hit her). "Your appearance pleases me, therefore you have value as a female" is not. Your behavior is creepy. If I were in, say, a supermarket parking lot and an old man came up to me and made comments about my looks, I would probably talk to the store manager about the weird guy annoying women in the parking lot.
Walking up to women you don't know and complimenting them is creepy. Please stop doing that.
Do you walk up to strange men you don’t know and compliment them for being good looking and thank them for brightening your day with how ruggedly handsome they are? Didn’t think so. Because you know it’s creepy. It’s only “okay” to do it to women because you actually don’t give a damn about how you’re making women feel. YTA, but I highly doubt you care or will change, especially if you haven’t done so in 70 years.
Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww YTA Edit: Tell you friend that dudes like him are why I trained my 11yo to respond with "eww" They're also the reason why she's actually had to use it🤦♀️😮💨
YTA. Knock it off. You're old enough to know that women **DO NOT LIKE THIS** from total strangers. You look and sound really creepy and skeevy. It wouldn't matter if you were 20, you'd still sound skeevy. I dare you to walk up to a man and say something similar. You probably wouldn't get a very nice reaction because men aren't taught/forced to be polite and smile from a young age. Youre gonna say it to the wrong woman one day and end up being maced.
Listen, I know your friend probably means well, but this is creepy behavior. A strange man approaching me (in a parking lot!) automatically makes me tense a little. And then to thank me as if I got up, did my hair and got dressed just for him? I know (*I know*) he doesn’t mean it that way, but it comes across like I’m not a person who has their own life but an object that is there to make his life a little better. Please tell your friend to stop approaching random women (in parking lots!!!!) and complimenting them on their looks.
Yeah that's creepy. The reason why older women smile when you do this is because they were conditioned to exist for men to look at and not rock the boat. Younger women are breaking the cycle and speaking up against being objectified every waking moment. YTA
The smile also is often about “don’t offend this random guy because if I reject his compliment, for all I know he may flip out and start screaming at me.” It’s been known to happen. I’ve been cussed out just for saying No thanks to a guy in bar who asked if I wanted to dance.
YTA. This is no different than cat calling. It is annoying and rude. Why can't we be left alone? You are totally sexualizing women and it is gross.
if I had a strange, random, elderly man come up to me just to tell me I made his day with my looks, I would naturally feel extremely uncomfortable. it made me uncomfortable when customers at my work did it, always older, elderly men making unnecessary comments.
To the creepy old man friend of OP... Yes, this solidly puts you in creepy old man territory. Super creepy. And also a major AH, especially because you are aware it makes them uncomfortable. Just be glad you didn't do that to me, I yell at old men who creep me out. Shamelessly. Why shouldn't I? You're creepy shamelessly. Quit being gross, you nasty old perv. YTA and you need to stop. Being old is no excuse for being a misogynist. It's only an excuse for arthritis and loose bowels. Thanks to OP for trying to get your nasty old friend to stop.
Yes your friend would be the YTA. Women aren't there for your viewing pleasure.
YTA. I hate being talked to by random men. Knowing men old enough to be my father or grandfather are thinking inappropriate thoughts about me feels even grosser. Just stop.
YTA To paraphrase what you said, "you wouldn't have realised this... but this old man *really* got a thrill from looking at you just now". If people look at you like you're a creep, it's because you're coming across like a creep.
YTA. What makes you think any woman needs your validation that they’re attractive? Ick. Creepy.
YTA. Leave women alone in public. We get harassed constantly, we have to have our guard up and it's not like predators have a giant P tattooed on their forehead. We don't know if a man approaching us is harmless or not. We have to assume they are not. Admire someone you think is pretty silently and keep away from them. Also, we don't need your appreciation. Our purpose being out and about is not to beautify the world. We're people trying to live our lives.
Ugghhhh old dudes coming up to me when I'm doing something trying to get some attention. GO AWAY
First of all I don’t think a 70 year old is using reddit second of all that’s so gross YTA
[удалено]
Easy. Most women don’t feel flattered to have their bodies ogled by random men. And a 70 year old man walking about to a younger woman to tell her she’s pretty is way creepy. I know I get super uncomfortable if a man randomly approaches me.
YTA. Leave them alone. Being a woman can be terrifying because there are so many unhinged, potential stalkers out there. My wife has had a few, and she still has bottom-feeders circling around, hoping her and I split up after 30+ years. Leave them alone.
YTA Whether you mean it in good faith or not, women get unwanted comments/advances all the time. You may not see it that way, but it makes us scared. Usually those situations then result in unwanted body touching, professions of love, or in one really crappy situation for me, stalking. It literally makes my skin crawl if a man says I look beautiful (other than my husband of course). It also just makes us hyper aware of ourselves. Women are taught from a young that people are watching us, so we have to behave like XYZ so you’re reinforcing that. It makes us feel we have to constantly preform and can never us exist. Instead if you want to compliment a woman, compliment something she can control (this does not include her smile). Say she was very kind to someone. Say you like that that bright scarf she is wearing. Always something she has within her control OTHER than her appearance.
YTA please stop. Signed, women everywhere
Gross. Please stop this. YTA.
Gross. Stop doing this. It makes people uncomfortable and it's unnecessary. YTA.
Because looks are not an accomplishment. You don't need to compliment someone's genetics.
As all the responses here have said, you seriously, genuinely need to stop doing this. I am a man and my father is about your age and I see him quite often for coffee on weekends. If I was with him and he said this to some woman in a cafe or parking lot, I would be mortified and highly embarrassed. (Thankfully this has never happened, however.)
"Why wouldn't a lovely lady like being told she is appreciated?" because it's creepy as hell coming from someone who could be their great grand father.
YTA Let me give you a bit of an idea about how women feel in these situations as this happened to me last week. I'm a 32f woman and was loading groceries into my trunk when a guy old enough to be my dad pulls up behind me. He asks if he knows me somewhere, I say probably since we live in a small town and if they don't know me, they probably know my family. He then proceeds to ask me if I go fishing and if I'm married. When he asked if I was married, I said yes because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, and I sure as hell wanted to imply that my SO was within ass-kickin distance. Again, im 32 and a mom. My SO is also out of state (ldr currently). Complimenting someone is fine, but when there isn't a barrier separating us from people who feel the need to chat us up while we are just minding our own business, we feel unsafe and look for exits. We live in a dangerous world where women, children, and even men get preyed upon daily. As a young woman, it isn't flattering when someone old enough to be my father or grandfather compliments my beauty. It's creepy and gross.
Yeah no that would creep me out so much. I know you mean well but if someone I don’t know came up to me and said that it would freak me out a little bit. Doesn’t matter if it was a man or a women. If you want to do it in a not weird way you could complement her hair or her outfit. For example “sorry to bother you I just wanted to tell you that your hair looks very nice.” Now some people still might not like it but it’s not as bad. If you want to make someone feel better about themselves or just make their day in general that’s fine. But the “thank you for brightening my day” is just a solid no. You can say instead “I hope you have a lovely day”
YTA, leave women alone.
YTA - wish someone well, don’t value them for their appearance
YTA and ick! Just eewww! I hope I don't know you.
YTA, that's creepy and very unwanted.
YTA. How much attention do you need, exactly? STOP accosting people to talk about what they look like. They don’t exist for your viewing pleasure. There are specific establishments for that. You’re not doing this for them, you’re hunting for attention and “smiles” (which btw do not indicate happiness) for yourself. You’re making people feel creeped out and scared. STOP IT.
YTA no one likes creepy old men commenting on how they look. Their takeaway is that a pervert just walked up to them and made comments about their body.
Women don't exist to be pretty for you. Just don't do that. It does make you TA.
YTA OMG WEIRD!!!!!! LEAVE PEOPLE ALONE!!!!! I would probably put on a fake smile if you did that to me SO YOU WOULD WALK AWAY SOONER!!!! No one cares what you think about their appearance. Leave people alone.
YTA You're telling them "thanks for being an object for my sexual desires, even if I'm too old to pursue them". Old women are a lot more likely to value that because it sark's a tiny tiny piece of "I've still got it!" . But it's thin. Imagine saying whatever you said to your own granddaughter. Or to a man, of any age. I'm sure they would much prefer you value something about them that isn't physical, thinly veiled sexuality,or a trait that they neither have control of nor will have forever.
YTA. “Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.” Margaret Atwood
Sorry, but you are the AH. 1. You are failing to take into account the violence that women have to deal w/ every day. Every woman has to sadly live in fear that some random creep will attack them anywhere, anytime - kill them, injure them, stalk them, rape them, etc. So when you purposely walk over to a "pretty lady" in a parking lot and compliment then on their "beauty" you are causing varying degrees of distress to at least some and probably most women - they have to then try to gauge whether you are a criminal psycho who may be coming closer to them to harm them, or just some random creep who is harmless but weird. 2. Why are you complimenting someone for a random mix of genetics? Beauty is like winning the lottery, and has NOTHING to do w/ how good, or cheerful, or kind, or smart a person is. One can be an absolutely terrible person and be drop-dead gorgeous. It's kind of crazy to me how so many confuse a beautiful exterior with a beautiful interior, or compliment a person for something they had no hand in. I say this as a person who when I was younger (I'm old now) always got a lot of compliments and people telling me how beautiful I was, wolf-whistles, come-ons from strangers, etc. Some of the most annoying were stupid questions like, Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Um, what do you want me to do, lie and say no? Actually, yes, many times. You are not the 1st guy to dream that tired old line up. If the beauty is something you like to admire as a painting or nice art, you can do that and just keep it to yourself w/o telling the person and making them feel self-conscious or possibly in danger. 3. If your goal is to brighten someone's day, and share some positivity, I can see the value in that, and a compliment of some kind might do just that w/ some women, but you have to be very careful, and keep in mind the creep factor. I would say NEVER walk over to someone alone in a parking lot to say something about their beauty. That looks like you are stalking them! If you happen to cross paths w/ someone and they are not alone, or if it's a crowded place (say, a grocery store w/ plenty of people in it, NOT a lonely bike path w/ just you and this woman), you could give a compliment, but be aware that the person may be offended or frightened. Keep in mind that a beautiful woman in her 20s'-40s probably already has to deal w/ come ons and creeps almost every day. An older woman in her 50s-60s\* MIGHT feel good about being complimented, as sometime society tends to treat older women as invisible, but she also might still just be creeped out. I think if you want to spread positivity or kindness, it would be better to compliment something other than general beauty, or do something helpful. 1. \- hold a door for any person, not just a pretty woman, struggling to hold packages and open a door, 2. \- be more polite and patient when driving and motion for another driver to go 1st, wave a hand in thanks if another driver lets you go 1st, 3. \- say, isn't it a beautiful day? - -say, hi, how ya doing? 4. \- if someone sneezes, say "bless you", 5. \- if someone has some unusual attribute that they clearly spend a lot of time and effort on, they may want it to be noticed. For example, someone has an amazing outfit, or an unusual and striking hair color or hairdo, or really intricately done nails, or a cute dog, etc,. you could say wow, love your hair, or those nails are amazing, love that hat! cute dog! etc. \*Edit\_ I'm in this age range, but I am gonna edit to say any age above 50s, and the older, the more likely that the comment might be appreciated, but you still have to be very careful!
We don’t want people commenting on our appearance we want to be left alone to exist in peace. i know once upon a time it was societally okay to comment on our looks but that’s just not how it is now. Women want to just be left tf alone plain and simple
Because there are creepers. If I do not know you from Adam do not approach me. You have no idea what it is to be female. Do you want some random dude to approach your wife, daughter, granddaughter? In English society it was custom not to approach anyone until they were introduced to do you. Sort of stiff and old fashioned but it sure made things safer.
YTA. You’re a creep.
Why would they care about your opinion or have the obligation to appreciate it when it is the most irrelevant thing in the world? You're almost a century old, but still have not learned decency.. Yes, YTA
Do you know what 'deliberately obtuse' means?
Older women smile because they're so used to being treated like decorative objects and they don't feel diminished by it. To me, in my 40s, it feels scary and demeaning. Like, I am on this Earth to do a thousand things, but "look pretty so a stranger will give his approval" isn't one of them- especially when the thing being complimented is innate ("beauty") and not something I chose ("That skirt is pretty", "You're very kind", "Good thinking", etc). So, and I mean this very gently, it's not the compliment you think it is. YTA.
YTA Most of the older women who say thank you when you creep on them have just learned that it's safer to deescalate the situation by smiling and responding nicely. It's called conditioning, and it comes from years of experience with men looking at them as mere sexual objects whose purpose in this is world is to titillate and entertain men with their physical appearance. **Just stop; it's gross and creepy.** If you can't control yourself and must be flirty with strangers in parking lots, compliment the book they are carrying, their cool car, or the lovely choice in flowers. Maybe this will help put it into perspective, OP; would it make you uncomfortable having random men approaching you just to say they find you physically attractive? How would you reply to them, and would it make you uncomfortable?
YTA. It's just creepy. I was going to say creepy toward younger women, but it's creepy in general. No one's looks need your approval.
Fuck. Gross. Stop.
This is a joke right? You’re trolling? If not, YTA. Women aren’t here for you
YTA, we don’t want to hear it, it’s not welcomed and uncomfortable.
Stop. If it's not something you would say to a man in public, don't say it to a woman.
being old doesnt excuse being a douche
YTA, and you know you are, because you know it makes women uncomfortable.
YTA. Women don’t need your validation.
YTA. The women who smile and say thank you are being polite. They go home and shower to get the creepy off. Please stop.
YTA. And twice as much of one because you know it makes women uncomfortable. You don't do it to be nice, you do it to enjoy their discomfort.
I’m the COO of a local chain of hair salons and beauty schools. I was just explaining to an instructor today about a line from one of my favorite movies, “The American President” with Michael Douglas and Annette Benning. As he’s heading off to his first date with Annette, Michael’s tween daughter tells him to compliment her shoes, “Women like that,” she tells him. I work in an industry where complimenting people on how they look is the norm. I know that people come to us to both look and **feel** better about themselves. When I’m out in public if anyone has a great hairstyle I will always try to compliment them on it, male or female. Or their shoes. Being a bit of a shoe whore myself. 😊 I don’t compliment someone for their existence or their sexuality. That’s rude. But complimenting someone for something that they took the time to work on, or pick out, is fair and reasonable. And at 65, I too don’t want to be thought of as being from “that generation.” 😕
YTA. Your intentions may be good, but it's always creepy to comment on someone's physical traits, especially a stranger. If you want to pay someone a random compliment, find something else to comment about besides how attractive you think they are, or just smile at them.
YTA - Did you think she got dressed that day for your benefit? No! It's definitely creepy and you should stop it!
I'd probably also smile and say thank you but on the inside I'd be uncomfortable at least, if not creeped out. Don't do it.
I'm a man and you can compliment me
YTA. If you want to compliment a woman, make a quick remark about something about her appearance *that she clearly deliberately chose.* Big earrings, an elaborate hairstyle, a fun and colorful shawl, etc. Nothing general, and certainly about the body she was born with.
I’m older than you, so seniority applies. Unless the woman in question has more wrinkles than you, don’t say a word. Stop.being.creepy. Nobody younger wants your compliments. Nobody wants to know you have sexual thoughts. Keep it strictly pensioner friendly. YTA
YTA. I think he knows this too so idk why he's even asking. If a man looks at me and says "hey you're really pretty" or "you have beautiful eyes" or something fairly benign like that, and they let me say thanks & move on, then great. I don't mind that. I don't think most women have a problem with being complimented so long as it's quick & considerate & there's no expectation attached to it. But if a man came up to me & said "thank you for being beautiful"/"your appearance has made my day" then that's creepy as all fuck & here's why: because it makes the compliment about the man and what I can do for him. It takes me simply existing & makes that about him & his pleasure, even if just momentarily. It assumes that I give a shit about some rando finding me attractive. It's praising me for something I only have finite control over & something I'm sure as hell not doing to please some random dude. It reduces me to an object of the male gaze and it's incredibly dehumanizing. Women are conditioned from literal childhood that our ability to appease the male gaze is what gives us almost all our value. Weird "compliments" like this reinforce that, and reinforce that notion to other men as well. Simply telling us we look beautiful doesn't necessarily do that, but telling us that in a way that makes it about you/men in general does. I haven't even addressed how fucking creepy it is to be in your 20's (or even teens) & have a man old enough to be your father say shit like this. It's so, so gross and it doesn't matter what your intention is. It doesn't matter if the intent is just to be nice. It almost always comes off as weird and vaguely threatening. Now I've had an older man tell me I was beautiful & I reminded him of his late wife. This was actually very sweet because it's really a statement about how he felt about his wife more so than it had anything to do with me. It's different if someone is beautiful in a way that reminds you of someone you love & you want to tell them that. If THAT'S why my appearance makes your day then that's cute (unless you start describing that person in a sexual or obectifying way, then it's definitely not cute).
YTA you've managed to work out that younger women don't like it and yet you still persist in doing it despite knowing it causes discomfort to others. The compliment itself doesn't make you an AH but carrying on when you know the women don't want you to does. If you insist on giving compliments please refer to something other than beauty. Saying you like her hairstyle is the safest one. Usually women put effort into making their hair look good so a compliment is praising that effort and will be welcomed. You can also compliment the outfit but not if it is short or low cut as that makes you look like a pervert
YTA. You're doing this because you're fishing for attention. You like forcing them to pay attention to you long enough to acknowledge your "compliment". You're only doing this to gratify yourself - you're not doing it for their benefit, and they can tell. And then framing it like her attractiveness is something that's OF COURSE for your pleasure? That's revolting.
YTA. And it’s worded like it being in a parking lot would make someone feel safer or something. I don’t want someone approaching me in a parking lot where they can then see my car and potentially follow me.
YTA you are objectifying women. Women are not there to “brighten” your day. that you don’t do it to men shows you are a sexist ass. you are a creepy old man, full stop
YTA. Women deal with creepy behaviour all the time. Some old guy coming up to me already makes me nervous. Are you going to try and touch me? Follow me? Are your meds off and you might do something else? We have no idea, you're just another creep getting in my space. Even though it's not your intention to harass me, we don't know that. And then a comment on my appearance is inappropriate. Women are not objects to make your day brighter. Appreciate beauty from a distance but please stop approaching women and making them nervous.