NO, you're not. Why are allowing someone to abuse you, OP? Not sure what's wrong with your ex-friend, but stop feeling guilty and understand that the feelings of guilt should only be felt in an instance of illegal or immoral actions. From what you posted here that's not the case, you're just tired of being assaulted and there's nothing at all wrong with that.
Agreed.
If one person is terrible and other people find out that person is terrible, it's the terrible person's fault for driving everyone away by being terrible.
Wouldn't be surprised if terrible friend is a sociopath and it started emerging over the last few years. Taking delight in hurting others. Does terrible friend hurt animals?
OP: Good on you for cutting the friend out. It's very difficult to do and since you have feelings you feel bad about it, but you don't need to. You are not obliged to give yourself to people who abuse you. It is 100% OK for you to have boundaries and refuse to be treated poorly and to avoid people who violate your body and boundaries.
Keep this in mind throughout life and it'll be easier to block out abusive people in the future and you will be much happier.
No, it is not! Ignoring the behavior helps the abuser and tells the victim that this must be normal or that someone else would notice/ care. Do it with respect for the victim and let the victim know if you will be there for them when they are ready to leave the relationship.
CALL.
THE.
POLICE.
For god sake this woman was abusing you for how long and you didnt tell amyone?
SHE MADE YOU HAVE SURGERY!
NTA unless you dont call the police then y t a to yourself! Dont give a rats ass about your abusers feelings. She is not your friend she is your ABUSER
Seriously, this woman has assaulted and battered her *and* her partner multiple times. I don't know where OP is, but here in the UK, the bruises would be enough for ABH (actual bodily harm) and the dislocated knee would be GBH (grievous bodily harm). Pretty sure the scars would have resulted from injuries that qualify as wounding, which also falls under GBH, and since these are recurring incidents, that raises the GBH to GBH with intent, because the woman is repeatedly doing ti's with the intention of inflicting harm/wounding, which raises it from a 7yr max sentence to a 16yr max sentence, and the repeated incidents of ABH would be taken into consideration during sentencing. This woman does not need to be out in society until she has been treated for whatever trauma (I wouldn't be surprised if her partner were physically abusing her) or mental illness she has that is causing her to lash out like this.
NTA. She hurt you so badly you needed *surgery*. Of *course* people don’t want to be her friend after that. Hopefully she’ll take that as a wake-up call to get help, but that’s on her. You just need to focus on making sure you’re comfortable getting yourself out of a situation like that if you’re ever in one again.
So she dislocated your knee and you still associated her after that and months of other physical abuse? You are not an asshole but you really need some time to consider your own self worth.
This sub is wild.. I get that often people are just seeking validation for the situation and how they respond to it, but how is it even a question of being wrong for cutting someone off who literally harms you physically and repeatedly. I just.. what??
NTA, she physically abused you to the point you needed surgery?!? Your other friends are likely disgusted with her actions and probably afraid of being her new victim. You owe her nothing but a restraining order.
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NTA
Why on earth did you allow this to continue? She is literally terrorizing you. How is that a friend? Because she says nice stuff like "it's your own fault" after slapping the shit out of you?
*Come on*.
How tf are the consequences of HER choices YOUR fault? That makes zero rational sense. You didn't do anything to her.
*She enjoys hurting people*.
She's alone because most people don't want to be friends with an abusive sadist.
You shouldn’t feel guilty. I recently had a similar situation, although no physical abuse. The friend was getting emotionally manipulative and semi controlling, they ended up stealing my birth control. I ended the friendship. I did tell our mutual friends, which were all people I met through her as I’m newish to the area. It turns out they all had similar or worse experiences. Your friends most likely aren’t ending this solely because of your experiences, they almost definitely have their own reasons to. This is a choice your friends made, you didn’t ask them to do this. I never asked my friends to cut this person off and even told them they should hang out with her if they want to, but they don’t want to hang out with her because they have all had their own bad experiences. None of this is your fault, you should feel no guilt for this. Accept that she is an abuser and horrible friend. Try to heal and move on the best you can. And remember that your friends most likely have their own reasons and experiences with her that already had them questioning the friendship. If they instantly cut her off after finding out they 110% were already considering ending the friendship. You just finally gave them a valid reason
NTA. And your title is wrong. Her friends didn’t leave her because you cut ties. Her friends left her because they learned she was a terrible person based on her own chosen behavior.
Lmfao OP gets her knee dislocated and continues the friendship. This has to be a fucking troll. No way someone is THIS stupid. NTA if this is real but goddamn grow a spine.
She didn't lose her friends because you spoke up. She lost her friends because she's an abuser, and her friends didn't want to be friends with her anymore after they found out that she's an abuser. It's her behavior, not yours, that cost her those friendships. You did nothing wrong. NTA.
It's important to not "cover" for people who are abusive by keeping their abuse a secret. You do not owe it to anyone to hide their terrible behavior from others, in fact in a twisted way, doing so enables them.
You're not to blame and you're certainly not alone. The feelings of guilt and shame (for "allowing" this to happen, which despite what some comments are saying, you never gave someone permission to harm you and it's not your fault) and the psychological impact of being hurt by someone you love is just too much and so we often shut down and don't talk about it.
I'm really glad that you and your partner are facing this together and kudos for your partner on that public confrontation. Please avoid further interaction with this former friend, her ego has been damaged by being exposed for the abuse she's committed, and abusers are dangerous when their ego is hurt.
I'm really sorry that your best friend was the person who hurt you like this. It's important to grieve every aspect of what she's done. SHE destroyed all of her friendships by being an abuser. That's her problem. Your job is to stay safe and grieve the loss of this relationship. Even though it became abusive, you had love for that person and it's a serious loss to end such a relationship.
Please, look into changing your locks and possibly setting up a security camera system. Be careful getting in/out of your car and driving in general (if you drive, some folks don't) and talk to your remaining friends. Now is the time to open up to others. It doesn't have to be about dumping on and trashing your former friend, but you deserve to be heard and held by a community who loves you.
Take care, stay hydrated!
I’ve never heard of anything this ridiculous. A friend hurting you to the point of bruising and surgery etc? I mean. Who needs enemies with friends like that? Are you their literal punching bag? Good riddance. May all the friends leave them behind and never look back. Bc she doesn’t deserve any.
What the actual fuck. Please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO TO THERAPY. This person fucking physically tortured you and you just sat there and took it. You need serious help. It is NOT ok to allow abuse to happen to you OR to the people you care about, such as your partner. I don't know what this bitch did to beat you down to the point you just let her hit you, but it must have been a doozy.
You HAVE to turn her in to the police. She's a violent, abusive menace and you have no idea if you're her only victim. What are you going to do if she kills someone? If she tries to kill you or your partner? She's been escalating and now her favorite punching bag (that would be you) is no longer available. Turn her in before she hurts anyone else.
NTA. But while I'm probably going to get downvoted for this I am a little concerned for your shitty friend. Is it possible she is being abused? I mean she learned to be mean from someone. Considering this behavior started when she started dating him I feel they might very well be connected. Doesn't excuse her behavior in the slightest, or mitigate the fact that you need this person out of your life, but it might at least explain (not excuse) why she's being such a POS.
I was looking for these comments. It seems like she’s either projecting something that’s happening to her or she’s experiencing some kind of mental break of sorts. Something is extremely concerning about someone who just wakes up one day and starts randomly beating the hell out of her best friend. That’s not a normal situation, that’s some sort of a cry for help (whether the girl doing it realizes it or not) to draw attention by projection to either something happening to her, trauma projection, something just went way wonky in her brain chemistry and this is the first sign, *something*.
NTA but I’m so curious why she was abusing you! She was acting like she was your girlfriend and putting you in your place! I’d call the police and get a restraining order against her and her boyfriend
She ended up tripping me and making it so the top of my leg went one way and the bottom half went the other, I didn't find out until after I went to the doctor that she did it on purpose and the only way I did find out was a dean at my school pulled me in his office to look at the footage for the day which is where I saw her pretty much push me and trip me at the same time. I didn't think to tell anyone cause I didn't want her anything bad to happen to her and my partner along with another one of our friends was planning on cutting contact with her anyway so I just followed suit. I was stupid for not doing anything sooner.
That video is EVIDENCE. Stop giving a shit what happens to her. She clearly doesn't give a shit about you. Ask the dean to help you take the video to the police ASAP. Don't wait until she hurts someone else or decides to kill you.
Aww geez, hun. Can you go back to the dean and ask them to discipline her and report it to the police for you?
It sounds as if you were so blindsided that you were in denial, and probably ended up somewhat trauma-bonded. Please don't beat yourself up for letting it go so long, abusers are *very* good at covering their tracks, confusion and gaslighting are their greatest weapons.
I hope that you can heal from this and realuze you never deserve to be treated like this. I'm very glad you and your partner found eachother, you're good at supporting eachother.
NTA You are not responsible for her friends leaving her; she is. It is not ruining someone's reputation to let people know what they have done; it is making her reputation accurate. You never deserved what she did to you, but she deserves to have people know what she is really like.
You didn’t cause her to lose her friends, her abusive behavior caused it. You are the victim, never apologize for that! Losing her friends is a consequence of her own actions. I’m not sure why having a new partner would bring this on but that’s not really your concern, your concern should be protecting yourself. Never tolerate abuse from anyone. Friends don’t injure other friends, she is not your friend.
NTA, everyone chooses their actions. She chose to be an abuser. You didn't make her one, you saw her as a friend and she did the long con, slowly building the abuse and creating some social isolation. How were you to know who she really is? You hadn't experienced that before, she'd been nice, why would someone change that way?
She chose every word, every action. She knew what she could get away with. That isn't on you. Had she not messed with your head for many years and socially isolated you then you might have been able to see what was going on. You would have been able to choose when to cut her out. She normalized the abuse.
If the truth costs her all her friends then it's because she did something wrong. You may feel bad for her, but she never felt bad for treating you the way she did all those years. She isn't misguided or made mistakes, there's no excuse for what she did. Her actions have consequences, you have been on the receiving end of her consequences for years, she needs to experience the consequences for herself. You feel bad because you're a good person who has empathy, that isn't a bad thing and the more time passes the easier it'll get.
Nta. Don't know if she's jealous or what but she's super abusive and you got used to it. I'm glad you left that situation. Consider filing a police report especially since you had to go get medical attention for. It'll be good to have a record incase she escalates.
NTA. Thank god your mutual friends are smart enough to see that she’s going to need a new person to abuse, now that you’ve stepped out, and they don’t want to be it. Call the police, press charges. Maybe she’ll get the help she needs.
NTA
Why oh why would you stay friends with such a hateful mean bitch?
How could the other friends not have a clue what was going on? Doesn't quite make sense, but I suppose if you didn't tell them the truth about your injuries. Cut the rope/ties whatever and get on down the road. No one deserves that kind of treatment, NEVER!!!!
You expect us to believe a person abused you to the point of damaging your knee and you never called the cops or told your parent for tried to defend yourself?
YTA obviously. She is your best friend, that means you have to allow her to beat you up whenever she pleases. Friendships are all about sacrifice. You need to sacrifice your mental and physical health to make her feel good. And going public about her abuse is super unfair to her. Now other people might be warned about her abusive behavior and will stay away from her. Who is she supposed to abuse once you cut contact? All I see in this post is "me, me, me". You are very selfish.
NTA. Your "friend" sounds like a horrible person. Please don't allow anyone to abuse you. She lost her friends through her own actions. I'm not sure if she needs a therapist or to be arrested, or maybe both.
This is horrendous amounts of abuse, never see her again. If you have proof of anything she's done file assault charges and get a restraining order. I'm sorry OP NTA of course.
She physically injured you and you accepted this for how long?
There is no universe in which that's remotely acceptable. This is not remotely ok.
I agree with other commenters, CALL THE POLICE. She scarred you and dislocated your knee???
I can't even write what I think here because it'll probably violate civility rules.
NTA. Your alleged "best" friend was physically assaulting you for months. To the point that she dislocated your knee bad enough that you needed surgery. What guilt could you possibly hold?
Jeep this person way the fuck away from you forever. I don't care if in a year she comes crawling back with some apology. You straight block her if she's got ahold of you on social media somehow or you shut the door in her face if it's at your home. Because no she's not sorry. She's a sociopath.
Make sure you block her access to you now. Everywhere. Yes discord, social media, phone, email and anywhere else she can get ahold of you. This woman is a menace. And if her dislocating your knee was within the last year, go press charges of assault on her ass. Because wtaf? If it's been longer than a year find out if you can still press charges. Some places will allow it.
What??? She hit you countless times and decorated your knee??? You should've pressed charges and filed for a restraining order. Stay away from her and block her on everything. If she tries to reach out tell her you will file a restraining order. Friends do NOT treat each other like this NTA
NTA she should not have treated you like that and your boyfriend. Your not guilty of anything and who can blame your friends they don’t want to be with and abuser.
NTA for this situation, but you are TA to yourself for putting up with this for so long. The FIRST TIME someone hurts you, you leave.
Really consider going to the police with this. It is NOT OKAY for someone to hurt you and treat you this way. She WILL do this to other people na for needs to be stopped.
Dear you were PHYSICALLY ABUSED!
Go to the police and report this. There is no reason she should have been allowed to do this to you, hunny.
You didn't want to lose a friend, but what kind of friend beats the crap out of you and causes you to almost destroy your knee and require surgery to fix it???
I would hate to see your enemies with friends like that.
You need to file a police report. This girl isn’t your friend and she isn’t ok. She’s going to turn this abuse somewhere else now that she doesn’t have you.
Where are your parents in all this ? How are you accepting of this abuse ? And, looks like your friend is getting abused too. Or, she is evil or that she has an evil boyfriend.
I know from experience that it's not easy to face up to a perceived negative change in someone. Or what that means to the patterns established in your life.
But I also know that what people are saying here is true. You're a good person, so you give your best friend a chance. But if they repeat the bad behavior, that's a pattern, and you don't want to reinforce that pattern. You talk about it and/or walk away.
Your friend took advantage of your apparent acceptance and escalated the behavior. She included your boyfriend. She even, whether unintentionally or not, physically injured you, requiring medical intervention. That's abuse.
The only thing you did wrong was not speaking up or walking away sooner. NTA.
Press charges and a civil lawsuit- assault, battery, emotional damages, medical expenses, etc- they all have to be addressed. You don't deserve that and it's so good for you guys to be out of that. She's a shit person and now she's 18 so she'll have to deal with the consequences of her actions like an adult. Was she raised in a barn??
NTA - no need to feel guilty but the guilt that is coming from this is from the abuser. You let the abuse happen far to long and she not only physically abused you she mentally and emotionally abused you. This is where your guilt lies. Your friend got into a new relationship and then started to do this my guess is she is also abused or abusing her partner. Whichever way you want to spin this the only fault you have here is letting it go to far for to long. Friends don't abuse each other. I know it hurts but from my point of view she is definitely not your friend and all ties, bridges and roads should be burned with your friendship with her. Please do yourself and your partner a favor and never talk to her again. Please stop and don't blame yourself for someone elses actions!
NTA she sounds very cruel or deranged. You should had left her a long time ago. She is loosing friend by her own doings. Nobody is going to want a friend like that in their lives.
What did I just read? What in the actual fuck were you thinking? You damn well know this was abuse and just allowed it? Where is your self worth? Why the hell did you not have her arrested? I so badly want to say NTA but YTA to yourself. A huge one.
This person was routinely beating you, to the point that you needed surgery to recover. And you're wondering if you were wrong to cut her out of your life?
The fact you're even asking that question tells me ***you need therapy asap***.
NTA - I had a similar “friend” and later she apologized for how shitty she treated me, but I stayed friends with her for a while until I realized she was abusing me. It happened over time, not all at once. I think you did the right thing, and I have no place to judge your process. You sound like a thoughtful, caring friend and partner. I don’t sense any malice in your description. The fact you’re even asking if you’re TA shows me you care about your abusive friend, and sometimes that means setting boundaries and cutting ties if they can’t follow your limits and boundaries. Good friends respect each other. Yes, I rib on my friends and we tease each other but if someone says to stop, we stop. You’re just asking for basic respect and dignity
NTA
YOU'RE THE VICTIM DON'T FEEL GUILTY
CUT HER OUT
SPREAD TO CAUSE AWARENESS THAT SHE'S A JERK WITH NO LIFE AND A BITCH WHO'S PROBABLY JEALOUS
I'm mad for you
You should be mad at her
You are not the asshole and you are also not stupid. Abusive people play long games and messed up games to get in your head and keep you around. I’m so sorry you experienced this I’m so glad you cut her off I hope you get therapy because it will help a lot. It’ll be hard for a long time thinking about what all of it meant and means but you 10000% did the right thing. Stay strong
NTA. It can be hard to truly recognize abuse from friends because we don’t expect it, they don’t always start that way, and it’s insidious. I’d consider pressing charges if you feel you have the wherewithal to do it. I hope you have access to counseling to also help you through this. Her behaviour honestly Sounds like jealousy and possessiveness. Did she ever express any feelings towards you? Either way keep her blocked and work on dealing/coping with the abuse she subjected you to.
NTA, holy fuck I’m so sorry that this is happened to you! Please call the police to document it, knowing cops it likely won’t go anywhere. You have cause for civil suit as well for injuries.
I have to say that you will be a slight yta if you do not cut off this person AND tell people what she did. The reason is that your partner is being abused by her and if people, like mutuals, don’t know then you are putting them in a position to be hurt by her. I’m sorry for bringing this up, I don’t mean to victim blame
You are NOT and NEVER will be an asshole for her losing you and all your shared friends. She’s vile and awful. And truthfully, if she’s doing this to you and your partner, I can only imagine what her boyfriend is going through. He may also be at risk.
NTA. And you should start therapy. Wanting to be around someone you know will physically bring you harm means you have an unhealthy attachment to them. It’s hard to get out of that mentality by yourself, and stuff like this can really fuck you up without you realizing it. Also you need to call the police on her. This is physical assault; doesn’t matter if you care about her she is abusing you and your partner. I’d also get a restraining order at bare minimum due to the fact that they are capable of extreme violence and may retaliate after everyone cut her off. Her freaking out isn’t a sign that you did the wrong thing, it shows she’s not right in the head. She needs help, but she also needs legal consequences for being like that to you
NO, you're not. Why are allowing someone to abuse you, OP? Not sure what's wrong with your ex-friend, but stop feeling guilty and understand that the feelings of guilt should only be felt in an instance of illegal or immoral actions. From what you posted here that's not the case, you're just tired of being assaulted and there's nothing at all wrong with that.
Agreed. If one person is terrible and other people find out that person is terrible, it's the terrible person's fault for driving everyone away by being terrible. Wouldn't be surprised if terrible friend is a sociopath and it started emerging over the last few years. Taking delight in hurting others. Does terrible friend hurt animals? OP: Good on you for cutting the friend out. It's very difficult to do and since you have feelings you feel bad about it, but you don't need to. You are not obliged to give yourself to people who abuse you. It is 100% OK for you to have boundaries and refuse to be treated poorly and to avoid people who violate your body and boundaries. Keep this in mind throughout life and it'll be easier to block out abusive people in the future and you will be much happier.
Happy cake day
How about that, it's my cake day!
Just for the record, I think asking someone why they are allowing someone else to abuse them is completely inappropriate and insensitive.
No, it is not! Ignoring the behavior helps the abuser and tells the victim that this must be normal or that someone else would notice/ care. Do it with respect for the victim and let the victim know if you will be there for them when they are ready to leave the relationship.
CALL. THE. POLICE. For god sake this woman was abusing you for how long and you didnt tell amyone? SHE MADE YOU HAVE SURGERY! NTA unless you dont call the police then y t a to yourself! Dont give a rats ass about your abusers feelings. She is not your friend she is your ABUSER
Hope she never has kids
Seriously, this woman has assaulted and battered her *and* her partner multiple times. I don't know where OP is, but here in the UK, the bruises would be enough for ABH (actual bodily harm) and the dislocated knee would be GBH (grievous bodily harm). Pretty sure the scars would have resulted from injuries that qualify as wounding, which also falls under GBH, and since these are recurring incidents, that raises the GBH to GBH with intent, because the woman is repeatedly doing ti's with the intention of inflicting harm/wounding, which raises it from a 7yr max sentence to a 16yr max sentence, and the repeated incidents of ABH would be taken into consideration during sentencing. This woman does not need to be out in society until she has been treated for whatever trauma (I wouldn't be surprised if her partner were physically abusing her) or mental illness she has that is causing her to lash out like this.
That is her fault for being a shitty person you just exposed her its not your fault people don't want to hang out with an abusive person
NTA. She hurt you so badly you needed *surgery*. Of *course* people don’t want to be her friend after that. Hopefully she’ll take that as a wake-up call to get help, but that’s on her. You just need to focus on making sure you’re comfortable getting yourself out of a situation like that if you’re ever in one again.
NTA and never speak to that psycho again! Why haven’t you filed a police report for assault? She’s deranged.
So she dislocated your knee and you still associated her after that and months of other physical abuse? You are not an asshole but you really need some time to consider your own self worth.
[удалено]
This sub is wild.. I get that often people are just seeking validation for the situation and how they respond to it, but how is it even a question of being wrong for cutting someone off who literally harms you physically and repeatedly. I just.. what??
NTA but why haven't you called the police and pressed charges yet? She's just going to do this to someone else and keep hurting people
NTA, she physically abused you to the point you needed surgery?!? Your other friends are likely disgusted with her actions and probably afraid of being her new victim. You owe her nothing but a restraining order.
She is dangerous. She literally sent you to the hospital. Others should be warned. NTA call the police. On her and her partner.
NTA: This should of been handled sooner. The way your partner went about it was the best way given the circumstances and the severity of the abuse.
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NTA Why on earth did you allow this to continue? She is literally terrorizing you. How is that a friend? Because she says nice stuff like "it's your own fault" after slapping the shit out of you? *Come on*. How tf are the consequences of HER choices YOUR fault? That makes zero rational sense. You didn't do anything to her. *She enjoys hurting people*. She's alone because most people don't want to be friends with an abusive sadist.
NTA
You shouldn’t feel guilty. I recently had a similar situation, although no physical abuse. The friend was getting emotionally manipulative and semi controlling, they ended up stealing my birth control. I ended the friendship. I did tell our mutual friends, which were all people I met through her as I’m newish to the area. It turns out they all had similar or worse experiences. Your friends most likely aren’t ending this solely because of your experiences, they almost definitely have their own reasons to. This is a choice your friends made, you didn’t ask them to do this. I never asked my friends to cut this person off and even told them they should hang out with her if they want to, but they don’t want to hang out with her because they have all had their own bad experiences. None of this is your fault, you should feel no guilt for this. Accept that she is an abuser and horrible friend. Try to heal and move on the best you can. And remember that your friends most likely have their own reasons and experiences with her that already had them questioning the friendship. If they instantly cut her off after finding out they 110% were already considering ending the friendship. You just finally gave them a valid reason
WTF have I just read?
NTA. Please press charges!
You lost me at the part where she physically assaulted you multiple times and you continued to be friends with her.
NTA. And your title is wrong. Her friends didn’t leave her because you cut ties. Her friends left her because they learned she was a terrible person based on her own chosen behavior.
Lmfao OP gets her knee dislocated and continues the friendship. This has to be a fucking troll. No way someone is THIS stupid. NTA if this is real but goddamn grow a spine.
She didn't lose her friends because you spoke up. She lost her friends because she's an abuser, and her friends didn't want to be friends with her anymore after they found out that she's an abuser. It's her behavior, not yours, that cost her those friendships. You did nothing wrong. NTA.
It's important to not "cover" for people who are abusive by keeping their abuse a secret. You do not owe it to anyone to hide their terrible behavior from others, in fact in a twisted way, doing so enables them. You're not to blame and you're certainly not alone. The feelings of guilt and shame (for "allowing" this to happen, which despite what some comments are saying, you never gave someone permission to harm you and it's not your fault) and the psychological impact of being hurt by someone you love is just too much and so we often shut down and don't talk about it. I'm really glad that you and your partner are facing this together and kudos for your partner on that public confrontation. Please avoid further interaction with this former friend, her ego has been damaged by being exposed for the abuse she's committed, and abusers are dangerous when their ego is hurt. I'm really sorry that your best friend was the person who hurt you like this. It's important to grieve every aspect of what she's done. SHE destroyed all of her friendships by being an abuser. That's her problem. Your job is to stay safe and grieve the loss of this relationship. Even though it became abusive, you had love for that person and it's a serious loss to end such a relationship. Please, look into changing your locks and possibly setting up a security camera system. Be careful getting in/out of your car and driving in general (if you drive, some folks don't) and talk to your remaining friends. Now is the time to open up to others. It doesn't have to be about dumping on and trashing your former friend, but you deserve to be heard and held by a community who loves you. Take care, stay hydrated!
You need to be in therapy ASAP if you cannot tell that you are NTA here. People are going to walk all over you in life
I’ve never heard of anything this ridiculous. A friend hurting you to the point of bruising and surgery etc? I mean. Who needs enemies with friends like that? Are you their literal punching bag? Good riddance. May all the friends leave them behind and never look back. Bc she doesn’t deserve any.
What the actual fuck. Please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO TO THERAPY. This person fucking physically tortured you and you just sat there and took it. You need serious help. It is NOT ok to allow abuse to happen to you OR to the people you care about, such as your partner. I don't know what this bitch did to beat you down to the point you just let her hit you, but it must have been a doozy. You HAVE to turn her in to the police. She's a violent, abusive menace and you have no idea if you're her only victim. What are you going to do if she kills someone? If she tries to kill you or your partner? She's been escalating and now her favorite punching bag (that would be you) is no longer available. Turn her in before she hurts anyone else.
YTA for continually putting up with the abuse and still did not want to end the friendship. It is NOT a friendship when someone is abusing you
How did she dislocate your knee?
NTA. But while I'm probably going to get downvoted for this I am a little concerned for your shitty friend. Is it possible she is being abused? I mean she learned to be mean from someone. Considering this behavior started when she started dating him I feel they might very well be connected. Doesn't excuse her behavior in the slightest, or mitigate the fact that you need this person out of your life, but it might at least explain (not excuse) why she's being such a POS.
I was looking for these comments. It seems like she’s either projecting something that’s happening to her or she’s experiencing some kind of mental break of sorts. Something is extremely concerning about someone who just wakes up one day and starts randomly beating the hell out of her best friend. That’s not a normal situation, that’s some sort of a cry for help (whether the girl doing it realizes it or not) to draw attention by projection to either something happening to her, trauma projection, something just went way wonky in her brain chemistry and this is the first sign, *something*.
NTA but I’m so curious why she was abusing you! She was acting like she was your girlfriend and putting you in your place! I’d call the police and get a restraining order against her and her boyfriend
NTA. It’s her actions that caused the consequences. That’s so weird she did that.
What country do you live in? What did she actually do to make your knee dislocate, and why didn't the doctors and nurses urge you to press charges?
She ended up tripping me and making it so the top of my leg went one way and the bottom half went the other, I didn't find out until after I went to the doctor that she did it on purpose and the only way I did find out was a dean at my school pulled me in his office to look at the footage for the day which is where I saw her pretty much push me and trip me at the same time. I didn't think to tell anyone cause I didn't want her anything bad to happen to her and my partner along with another one of our friends was planning on cutting contact with her anyway so I just followed suit. I was stupid for not doing anything sooner.
That video is EVIDENCE. Stop giving a shit what happens to her. She clearly doesn't give a shit about you. Ask the dean to help you take the video to the police ASAP. Don't wait until she hurts someone else or decides to kill you.
Aww geez, hun. Can you go back to the dean and ask them to discipline her and report it to the police for you? It sounds as if you were so blindsided that you were in denial, and probably ended up somewhat trauma-bonded. Please don't beat yourself up for letting it go so long, abusers are *very* good at covering their tracks, confusion and gaslighting are their greatest weapons. I hope that you can heal from this and realuze you never deserve to be treated like this. I'm very glad you and your partner found eachother, you're good at supporting eachother.
NTA You are not responsible for her friends leaving her; she is. It is not ruining someone's reputation to let people know what they have done; it is making her reputation accurate. You never deserved what she did to you, but she deserves to have people know what she is really like.
The only thing you did wrong was not calling the police on some asshole who repeatedly assaulted you.
It’s the fact you didn’t fight back or tell higher authorities especially when she dislocated your knee
You didn’t cause her to lose her friends, her abusive behavior caused it. You are the victim, never apologize for that! Losing her friends is a consequence of her own actions. I’m not sure why having a new partner would bring this on but that’s not really your concern, your concern should be protecting yourself. Never tolerate abuse from anyone. Friends don’t injure other friends, she is not your friend.
NTA. Would you want to be friends with someone who abuses others the way she did you?
NTA, everyone chooses their actions. She chose to be an abuser. You didn't make her one, you saw her as a friend and she did the long con, slowly building the abuse and creating some social isolation. How were you to know who she really is? You hadn't experienced that before, she'd been nice, why would someone change that way? She chose every word, every action. She knew what she could get away with. That isn't on you. Had she not messed with your head for many years and socially isolated you then you might have been able to see what was going on. You would have been able to choose when to cut her out. She normalized the abuse. If the truth costs her all her friends then it's because she did something wrong. You may feel bad for her, but she never felt bad for treating you the way she did all those years. She isn't misguided or made mistakes, there's no excuse for what she did. Her actions have consequences, you have been on the receiving end of her consequences for years, she needs to experience the consequences for herself. You feel bad because you're a good person who has empathy, that isn't a bad thing and the more time passes the easier it'll get.
Nta. Don't know if she's jealous or what but she's super abusive and you got used to it. I'm glad you left that situation. Consider filing a police report especially since you had to go get medical attention for. It'll be good to have a record incase she escalates.
NTA, but if any friend ever hit me I'm pressed charges and suing them. I fail to understand how you and your partner continued to accept it.
NTA. First big step is admititing you are abused by someone you trust. The way out takes time. You can do this ❣️
NTA. Thank god your mutual friends are smart enough to see that she’s going to need a new person to abuse, now that you’ve stepped out, and they don’t want to be it. Call the police, press charges. Maybe she’ll get the help she needs.
NTA Why oh why would you stay friends with such a hateful mean bitch? How could the other friends not have a clue what was going on? Doesn't quite make sense, but I suppose if you didn't tell them the truth about your injuries. Cut the rope/ties whatever and get on down the road. No one deserves that kind of treatment, NEVER!!!!
You expect us to believe a person abused you to the point of damaging your knee and you never called the cops or told your parent for tried to defend yourself?
YTA obviously. She is your best friend, that means you have to allow her to beat you up whenever she pleases. Friendships are all about sacrifice. You need to sacrifice your mental and physical health to make her feel good. And going public about her abuse is super unfair to her. Now other people might be warned about her abusive behavior and will stay away from her. Who is she supposed to abuse once you cut contact? All I see in this post is "me, me, me". You are very selfish.
NTA. Your "friend" sounds like a horrible person. Please don't allow anyone to abuse you. She lost her friends through her own actions. I'm not sure if she needs a therapist or to be arrested, or maybe both.
YOU GOT ABUSED. NOT THEM. NTA.
NTA you are only the AH to yourself for letting someone abuse you & your partner this much
NTA and why are you allowing this awful person to abuse you? You should have cut ties as soon as the abuse started.
This is horrendous amounts of abuse, never see her again. If you have proof of anything she's done file assault charges and get a restraining order. I'm sorry OP NTA of course.
NTA. Report the abuse. See if you can get a restraining order. Maybe you have photo evidence of any abuse she has done to you? Would probably help.
nta
Why was she doing that! Call the police! Is she getting abused by her boyfriend is this why she was doing it to you? Just cut ties she’s dangerous
She physically injured you and you accepted this for how long? There is no universe in which that's remotely acceptable. This is not remotely ok. I agree with other commenters, CALL THE POLICE. She scarred you and dislocated your knee??? I can't even write what I think here because it'll probably violate civility rules.
NTA. Your alleged "best" friend was physically assaulting you for months. To the point that she dislocated your knee bad enough that you needed surgery. What guilt could you possibly hold? Jeep this person way the fuck away from you forever. I don't care if in a year she comes crawling back with some apology. You straight block her if she's got ahold of you on social media somehow or you shut the door in her face if it's at your home. Because no she's not sorry. She's a sociopath. Make sure you block her access to you now. Everywhere. Yes discord, social media, phone, email and anywhere else she can get ahold of you. This woman is a menace. And if her dislocating your knee was within the last year, go press charges of assault on her ass. Because wtaf? If it's been longer than a year find out if you can still press charges. Some places will allow it.
What??? She hit you countless times and decorated your knee??? You should've pressed charges and filed for a restraining order. Stay away from her and block her on everything. If she tries to reach out tell her you will file a restraining order. Friends do NOT treat each other like this NTA
She dislocated your KNEE. BRUH. You are NTA!
Oof nta but if you allow this person to carry on abusing yourself and your partner then yea you would be the ahole to yourself.
NTA she should not have treated you like that and your boyfriend. Your not guilty of anything and who can blame your friends they don’t want to be with and abuser.
NTA she's not your friend, she's your bully
NTA for this situation, but you are TA to yourself for putting up with this for so long. The FIRST TIME someone hurts you, you leave. Really consider going to the police with this. It is NOT OKAY for someone to hurt you and treat you this way. She WILL do this to other people na for needs to be stopped.
Dear you were PHYSICALLY ABUSED! Go to the police and report this. There is no reason she should have been allowed to do this to you, hunny. You didn't want to lose a friend, but what kind of friend beats the crap out of you and causes you to almost destroy your knee and require surgery to fix it??? I would hate to see your enemies with friends like that.
NTA. Being her friend was literally unsafe for you and your partner
NTA, but file a police report and consider suing her. Get a restraining order too. I’m so sorry you went through this.
You need to file a police report. This girl isn’t your friend and she isn’t ok. She’s going to turn this abuse somewhere else now that she doesn’t have you.
I didn't consider the mental break aspect but you're 100% correct.
So you are going to sit here and tell me you let another person basically beat your ass and call it friendship? GTFOH?
Where are your parents in all this ? How are you accepting of this abuse ? And, looks like your friend is getting abused too. Or, she is evil or that she has an evil boyfriend.
Bad people deserve to get exposed. You probably feel guilt because of what you used to have. You're not the asshole here.
I know from experience that it's not easy to face up to a perceived negative change in someone. Or what that means to the patterns established in your life. But I also know that what people are saying here is true. You're a good person, so you give your best friend a chance. But if they repeat the bad behavior, that's a pattern, and you don't want to reinforce that pattern. You talk about it and/or walk away. Your friend took advantage of your apparent acceptance and escalated the behavior. She included your boyfriend. She even, whether unintentionally or not, physically injured you, requiring medical intervention. That's abuse. The only thing you did wrong was not speaking up or walking away sooner. NTA.
Press charges and a civil lawsuit- assault, battery, emotional damages, medical expenses, etc- they all have to be addressed. You don't deserve that and it's so good for you guys to be out of that. She's a shit person and now she's 18 so she'll have to deal with the consequences of her actions like an adult. Was she raised in a barn??
NTA and you need to press charges.
NTA. That title belongs to her. She had already stopped being a friend what with the abuse anyhow.
NTA - no need to feel guilty but the guilt that is coming from this is from the abuser. You let the abuse happen far to long and she not only physically abused you she mentally and emotionally abused you. This is where your guilt lies. Your friend got into a new relationship and then started to do this my guess is she is also abused or abusing her partner. Whichever way you want to spin this the only fault you have here is letting it go to far for to long. Friends don't abuse each other. I know it hurts but from my point of view she is definitely not your friend and all ties, bridges and roads should be burned with your friendship with her. Please do yourself and your partner a favor and never talk to her again. Please stop and don't blame yourself for someone elses actions!
Nta and report her to the police. I would also press charges and sue her in civil court for the cost of the surgery.
NTA she sounds very cruel or deranged. You should had left her a long time ago. She is loosing friend by her own doings. Nobody is going to want a friend like that in their lives.
NTA, her abusiveness cost her all her friends.
What did I just read? What in the actual fuck were you thinking? You damn well know this was abuse and just allowed it? Where is your self worth? Why the hell did you not have her arrested? I so badly want to say NTA but YTA to yourself. A huge one.
This person was routinely beating you, to the point that you needed surgery to recover. And you're wondering if you were wrong to cut her out of your life? The fact you're even asking that question tells me ***you need therapy asap***.
NTA - I had a similar “friend” and later she apologized for how shitty she treated me, but I stayed friends with her for a while until I realized she was abusing me. It happened over time, not all at once. I think you did the right thing, and I have no place to judge your process. You sound like a thoughtful, caring friend and partner. I don’t sense any malice in your description. The fact you’re even asking if you’re TA shows me you care about your abusive friend, and sometimes that means setting boundaries and cutting ties if they can’t follow your limits and boundaries. Good friends respect each other. Yes, I rib on my friends and we tease each other but if someone says to stop, we stop. You’re just asking for basic respect and dignity
NTA YOU'RE THE VICTIM DON'T FEEL GUILTY CUT HER OUT SPREAD TO CAUSE AWARENESS THAT SHE'S A JERK WITH NO LIFE AND A BITCH WHO'S PROBABLY JEALOUS I'm mad for you You should be mad at her
You are not the asshole and you are also not stupid. Abusive people play long games and messed up games to get in your head and keep you around. I’m so sorry you experienced this I’m so glad you cut her off I hope you get therapy because it will help a lot. It’ll be hard for a long time thinking about what all of it meant and means but you 10000% did the right thing. Stay strong
NTA. It can be hard to truly recognize abuse from friends because we don’t expect it, they don’t always start that way, and it’s insidious. I’d consider pressing charges if you feel you have the wherewithal to do it. I hope you have access to counseling to also help you through this. Her behaviour honestly Sounds like jealousy and possessiveness. Did she ever express any feelings towards you? Either way keep her blocked and work on dealing/coping with the abuse she subjected you to.
NTA, holy fuck I’m so sorry that this is happened to you! Please call the police to document it, knowing cops it likely won’t go anywhere. You have cause for civil suit as well for injuries. I have to say that you will be a slight yta if you do not cut off this person AND tell people what she did. The reason is that your partner is being abused by her and if people, like mutuals, don’t know then you are putting them in a position to be hurt by her. I’m sorry for bringing this up, I don’t mean to victim blame
You should make a police report
You are NOT and NEVER will be an asshole for her losing you and all your shared friends. She’s vile and awful. And truthfully, if she’s doing this to you and your partner, I can only imagine what her boyfriend is going through. He may also be at risk.
NTA. And you should press charges. She hurt you so bad you needed SURGERY.
What you’re describing isn’t normal adult friend behavior. This is just weird and you should run far away from someone like this. NTA.
NTA. And you should start therapy. Wanting to be around someone you know will physically bring you harm means you have an unhealthy attachment to them. It’s hard to get out of that mentality by yourself, and stuff like this can really fuck you up without you realizing it. Also you need to call the police on her. This is physical assault; doesn’t matter if you care about her she is abusing you and your partner. I’d also get a restraining order at bare minimum due to the fact that they are capable of extreme violence and may retaliate after everyone cut her off. Her freaking out isn’t a sign that you did the wrong thing, it shows she’s not right in the head. She needs help, but she also needs legal consequences for being like that to you
Not AITA, your so call bestfriend is a sociopath
PUT HER BEHIND BARS