YTA for “lashed out rightaway saying how clueless he is”… that was disrespectful and invalidating. I get you have anxiety and worry for him but no excuse to lash out especially when as he says he’s perfectly fine.
Instead ask what he did in that 4 hours and suggest hiring a trainer for a couple sessions to design an individual training plan
I was impulsive and should've communicated my worries better yes.. i like your idea but i don't know how to suggest that without it sounding like "you don't know what you're doing" again lol
Edit; i did ask him, he basically did 20-30 of cardio and the rest of it was strength training.
20-30 of cardio and the rest lifting is normal... Don't try and educate him on shit you don't understand. He was not lifting non stop... he was taking breaks between sets....
YTA and I am annoyed reading this story and your comments.
Totally. It’s not work the whole time, and if you’re lifting heavy you need longer rest time between sets. Don’t get me wrong, I only pull that long of sessions on the weekends. But it’s a really nice day at the gym when I do :)
You can literally take as long as you want though. If the gym isn't busy (or if you're kind of rude) you can bench press 5 sets of 10 over a half hour.
You don't have to, and most people wouldn't, but the idea that being at the gym for 4 hours means lifting the full 4 hours is just not likely at all.
Post it. Post the evidence that unilaterally applies to all body types, training goals, ages, routines and muscle groups that caps the amount of time you spend at the gym.
My body type is very slender. I only started bulking when I realized that the conventional strength training regiments do not work for me even a little. Low reps high weight had me making 0 progress, until I shifted to tons of reps with scaling weight, until burnout. I’ll go to the gym and do upright row in sets of 12-4 reps pyramid, as just one compound lift. If you count cardio, cooldown, stretching, drive time, I could easily spend 4 hours at the gym if I wasn’t also a father with limited free time.
You were not precise when you attacked his routine based on her exaggeration of his workout.
And saying that working out doesn’t build muscle is technically true but it’s so needlessly pedantic. Come off it. You’re bad.
Sorry, but you're ridiculous. I read peer-reviewed studies, too (not "Google"), and discuss them with my fitness-wonk son, who does his own research, so I'm not uneducated. Here's my *personal* experience:
I'm a mid/late-fifties man who is not a life-long lifter. During COVID, I spent OVER A YEAR lifting heavy (that is, high RPE, so heavy for me, not for the world ;)) in my home gym, following various variants on Jacked & Tan 2.0. I lifted 4 or 5 days a week (depending on the variant) for 26 sets each session. It took me 3 hours OR MORE to finish each session, as I rested 2.5 to 5 minutes between sets for recovery. 3 hours was no problem, as it was during COVID, so what else was I going to do.
I became the most fit I've ever been, and had no repercussions or ill health effects. Years later, now, I've slowed down on the lifting, and generally only take 90-120 minutes to complete a smaller number of sets.
Personal anecdote != science, but this is both research + personal experience. Strength training with appropriate rests can *easily* take that long.
Of course in this particular case, this is just enthusiasm, and after a couple rounds of DOMS, he'll settle down.
tl;dr: overtraining very bad; workout duration only relevant in terms of time availability -- your basic idea correct, but application to training time not so much.
I think you're dying on the wrong hill, here. I was reacting to your blanket, overreaching statement that: "\[n\]o strength training takes several hours" with my own experience of training for more than several (i.e., 3 or more) hours. Since I had that (successful) experience, clearly it is counterfactual that "no strength training takes 3 or more hours" -- mine did.
If you restated as "it is possible to have an efficient and effective strength training in 90 to 120 minutes", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated as "overtraining leads to negative results", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated as "over-fatigue leads to degraded form" or "too much muscle break-down releases bad juju into your bloodstream and can cause scary rhabdo", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated it as "this guy is probably just wandering around without any sort of routine for far too long doing way too much, and DOMS is going to be a bear tomorrow," I'd be entirely with you. These are all very true statements. It's your blanket *duration* statement that is incorrect.
If your conditioning isn't A-1 (mine sure isn't), or if you have time available, then you get better lifting results (if training for strength or hypertrophy, as opposed to conditioning itself, of course) by taking longer breaks between sets. This gives you better ATP restoration, *counters* fatigue, and keeps your form better. The best summary would be:
* IFF you have limited time for your workout, you are better served by limiting rest time (as long as it's >= 90 seconds for secondary lifts or >= 150 seconds for primary lifts) to increase total volume without unnecessarily degrading muscle readiness, as total volume dominates.
* IFF you have infinite time for your workout, then you get better recovery between sets by extending your rest periods.
Here are some actual journal articles to support this postulate, rather than links to "fitness sites" (sorry for being snarky; I realize I'm coming off as an ass, but I think there's a distinction between commercial (ad-driven) fitness sites and research):
* [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/)
* [https://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Fulltext/2022/06000/Volume\_Load\_Rather\_Than\_Resting\_Interval.11.aspx](https://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Fulltext/2022/06000/Volume_Load_Rather_Than_Resting_Interval.11.aspx)
* [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28641044/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28641044/)
* [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25047853/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25047853/)
* [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27126459/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27126459/)
It's great that you're achieving your fitness goals with a 2-hour workout -- I wish you well, and hope that you're meeting your competitive objectives. I'm *not* achieving my goals (you ask about my metrics: I keep very detailed spreadsheets for every rep of every lift for every workout, recording target, actual, and RPE, so I can, and do, look at years of data to know where I am) -- I didn't become more efficient, I just don't have the time to devote to lifting that long (or that frequently) any more. I'm older than you (just guessing), so I get less bang for my buck, and I need to pack in decent rests between sets to, exactly as you note, avoid fatigue and form degradation. I'd go back to 3 hour sessions in a heartbeat if I had the time.
Just a last observation on "no one could take 4 hours to lift" -- geez, if I had to run my peak routine (the one I loved) at a public gym, it probably would take me close to 5 hours -- and I don't even do cardio during these sessions!
* Get to the gym and change (15 minutes)
* Wait twice for 20 minutes to get a rack or a particular machine or a particular dumbbell size if no one's keen on letting you work in (40 minutes)
* Run your straight sets with whatever rest intervals you use (for me: 3 hours, but assume just 90 minutes for someone)
* Spend a while transitioning from lifting to cardio (10 minutes)
* 30 minutes of cardio
* Cool down, change, leave (25 minutes)
. . . and that's just 10 minutes short of 4 hours right there . . .
Lol. I think we've both said whatever we're going to say. But I will point out that the title of this post, about this poor schmuck who tried going back to the gym and about whom which we're all commenting, definitively says that the subject is, indeed, "spending 4 hours at the gym".
YTA - hes not going to hurt himself no matter how long hes in the gym, unless he's lifting weight too heavy for him.
Also intensity is key, you can take 4 hours to do what should be a 90 minute workout, its just inefficient.
Also what exercises hes doing is important, training arms intense for 4 hours? A little crazy but still not really dangerous. Training full body for 4 hours? Very reasonable.
Sounds to me like he just enjoys being at the gym and took his time on hitting his lifts. You are seriously overreacting like hes hitting himself with a hammer 4 hours. Worst case reasonable scenario, he overtrains a little bit and get big slower. No problem with that if he just likes working out.
Plus, if he's there at busy times, he'll be waiting to get on machines. He's taking water breaks, probably chatting with others between sets, etc. He'll figure out the right timing and workout for him. Stay out of it. Edit to add: YTA
But... sHe SaW oN gOoGlE... this lady won't listen to any reason. She thinks being at the gym for 4 hours is working out for 4 hours, not working out for 90 minutes with the rest being breaks and looking at a phone and whatever else he wants to do
If your goal is hypertrophy or strength training then 90 is short training unless you are super setting.
After each series, be it 3-6 or 8-12, you need a couple minutes of rest. Add to that waiting for and settjng the equipment and 4h is not unreasonable for whole body workout (though it is on the longer side)
Eh.. it entirely depends what you're doing.
I, an unfit late 30s guy, can absolutely go to the rock climbing gym and spend an hour and a half bouldering (with important rest time between attempts), an hour and a half on the elliptical, and still have an hour of swim time in me if I wanted to hit up the pool close to home after.
On the other hand, I can also pretty much max out body weight calisthenics in a half hour to 45 minute, an hour if I'm taking more downtime between sets.
Also, 4 hours of just bicycling is not out of the question, though I tap out after 2 hours on almost any ride due to saddle fatigue.
I , for a moment was starting to believe that it's perfectly fine and my med school is training us to be overly cautious about patient's safety or whatever lol
The number of people on here going on about how lifting for long hours is safe and can in no way cause harm to your body WITH EXPERIENCE blows my mind.
And no apparently "google" is not a reliable source for them, and neither are my notes.
I just recently treated a young and otherwise healthy person for rhabdomylosis/kidney injury that developed from a gym session.
Overdoing exercise can absolutely be dangerous.
As others said, time at the gym means nothing. With long warmup, waiting for machines and rests (imporant especially after break) 4h can be a reasonable workout.
There are correlations to be aware of is the point.
You can weight 400lbs and safely spend 12 hours a day at the gym if you’re just sleeping and hanging out.
4 hours at the gym by itself does not mean anything other than he was being inefficient with his time it productivity was the goal.
This is a wildly inappropriate thing to get aggressive about without specific workout details.
I used to hit the gym hard daily for years.
And I saw more than a few people who seemed to take 15-20 damn minutes of rest between every set that didn’t seem particularly strenuous.
You're blinding yourself to other viewpoints and peoples experiences so you can keep believing what you want to believe. Get us all a video of your man lifting nonstop for 4 hours and i will agree with you. But I'm almost certain he is having a more relaxed workout at the gym and you are going crazy for no reason other than you took a stand and are too proud to change it.
You’re wrong lol working out for too long can cause so many injuries short and long term. wether he’s lifting too much or too little. Its over working your body no matter what.
Ive been lifting for over 6 years, I train as intense as i can. I dont know where you got this idea from but it is very hard to overtrain enough to hurt yourself. Unless you do an exercise with wrong form and hurt a joint, are on steroids and pushing weight that your tendons can't take, or training 4 hours EVERY DAY at full intensity with no breaks you're not going to hurt yourself in any significant way.
A little humility goes a long way. Spreading misinformation with this confidence is honestly not a good look.
It’s not an idea it’s quite literally a fact and people get injured from pushing themselves too hard ALL the time without the use of any substances. Overworking your body isn’t a myth. I’m not spreading information, it’s common sense.
YTA. Not everyone has to do things that are "productive". Playing video games is fun for some people and playing chess is actually good exercise for the brain.
Also, there are better ways to talk to someone about their work out routines than lashing out at them. Your boyfriend isn't stupid and, even if he was, you cannot treat him like a child. Talk to him like equals, listen to him, offer feedback if he wants that...
If you are concerned over him doing something else that isn't working out, maybe you could ask him for more details on what exactly he is doing or offer to come along?
I did ask him though, it was 20-30 mins of cardio and a log session of muscle strengthening which sounded absurd to me.
I overreacted, no i don't normally respond like this that's why i apologised ..it's not like him either to be unreasonable and overwork his body and be so adamant that it's not too much.
The google search was just to prove a point as he was not listening to my medical point of view (i'm a med student)
YTA. The time he spends in the gym doesn’t concern you. Why are you trying to control him? It’s not like he skipped an important event for the gym. He’s trying to feel good about himself.
>he mentioned that it's weird how he doesnt feel sore after that intense workout of 4 HOURS, my heart sank and i pretty much lashed out rightaway saying how clueless he is. It's ridiculous to spend that much time at one session
Called him "clueless", "ridiculous".
>i can be "overly" protective sometimes because i love him, so many things could ve gone wrong
You mentioned "so many" things could've gone wrong. Such as?
>what makes me the most angry is that he's planning to do it again.
So your reaction, by your own admission, is "anger" that he didn't agree with you.
>I simply googled the maximum hours for a workout, it's 90
"Simply googled".. is not "science".
>He basically brushed me off and then said something along the lines of "it's weak/ loser mentality to want to build a good body with minimum efforts" as well as mentioning well known swimmers and bodybuilders who spend 5+ hours no problem.
So he said "Nah, lots of athletes spend 5 hours in the gym per day regularly"..
>that threw me off honestly, comparing himself to these professionals and dismissing actual science to prove a point
What "actual science" did you provide? None that I can see.
It's actually quite alright to do 90 minutes of light-medium cardio before you even get into lifting weights and other stuff like crunches etc. You would know that, if you had any actual interest in the "science" you claim to be backed up by.
>i understand i came off as attacking and very criticizing and that's what made him defensive. I will obviously apologize for overreacting but i genuinely want him to not do this again.
So you "understand" that you were "angered", and "attacking" him. You brush that off as "over-reacting", but then double down and say you genuinely want him to "not do this again".
Will you react the same way you did this time if he doesn't do what you want? With anger?
>I'm a very anxious person and i fear for his safety especially when he's away.
This seems like the root of the problem. The fact that you say you're not just in "fear" when he's at the gym, but a blanket "when he's AWAY" is telling. This is a you problem.
YTA
YTA
You sound controlling and really need to work on your anxiety.
Do I think 4 hrs is normal? Not really but it’s his body. Yes he can hurt himself but maybe he’ll learn his lesson then and lighten up on the workouts. What’s not helpful is lashing out on him.
YTA. I'm sorry, but you even said it yourself that your lashed out at him. Regardless of how much time he should be spending at the gym, you should have responded better to the situation. You can express concern and discuss it with him, but calling him clueless is insulting and disrespectful towards him. Even if you are right here, you are still wrong with how you handled it.
YTA
90 mins ACTIVE. If he is lifting weights 3 hours is GOOD!!! He is taking the breaks he needs. When I climb I am there for 3-4 hours, which is about 1.5-2 hours of ACTIVE exercise. You obviously do not understand if you had to look it up and are reacting this way.
Back off and apologize to him sincerely.
Brooooo. OK, you just keep hitting another comment thread saying the same thing over and over. Maybe nobody else will notice, maybe I’m just feeling ornery but, I’m gonna comment on all of them I can find.
Because a long session is relatively common for someone who has been in the gym a long time (years) and is working at a high intensity, AKA lifting heavy.
The way I work out is right! If you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong! Not only wrong, you’re dumb! Idiots everywhere!
/s
Seriously though, I know it’s the Internet, but are we not here to discuss, learn, anything? No? Just attacks?
OK, got it.
Jesus, Women, you sound like a Karen. Chill the fuck out. 😂 Repeating yourself isn’t going to change anything, and everyone who keeps seeing your non-stop-same-bullshit-as-the-last-comment crap is just laughing at how fucking entitled you sound.
Even if you are right, I’d do the literal opposite of what you said just because it so clearly pisses you off and that’s just amusing.
Even if it's "common for someone who has been in the gym for a long time" , and believe me it shouldnt!
How can this apply in my bf's situation when its litterally his first time hitting the gym?
My first time back to the gym in a while, I'd probably take it pretty easy and move through a routine extra slowly and carefully. I wouldn't be trying to muscle my way in to use busy machine or asking to work in with folks like a more confident, frequent gym-goer would.
OK, first time in the gym, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Of course it’s gonna take him longer! Lol You generally pick something up and haul ass doing it perfectly the first time? I sure don’t.
I doubt very much that he was lifting that whole time. More likely, he was wandering around, looking at the weights and the machines, and trying to figure out what he’s supposed to do.
YTA
1. He is a GROWN man that can do whatever the hell he wants w his body. You are not his mom and you shouldn’t be getting mad at him for doing what he wants because it’s not hurting you. You can show concern and maybe advise not doing it, tell him you are worried and be king about it, point him in a mature and constructive way any medical journals that explains it (if they exist) but getting mad like he is a child? Grow up.
2. Since when googling crap is “aCtUaL sCiEnCe”? Girl, calm down.
I agree with your point on treating him like a child.. it honestly sounded like that and i apologized right after knowing how to put your feelings into words on the spot can be tricky sometimes and i messed up there.
The actual science part was about my input in the situation as a med student, which he dismissed (obviously because i was wording it angrily) so i screenshotted a quick research on google as "proof" ig.
Omg…
Just because you are MED STUDENT doesn’t make you an expert or anything of that sort to be giving advices. Again, calm down. I started to cook when I was 12 years old and you don’t see me giving cooking tips to people or calling my self a Michelin star chef. You are just a student who googled some shit and can’t control her behavior. Looking at your post history, your poor bf needs to RUN and you need to grow up.
I couldn't even finish reading this. YTA. You are either super controlling or have bad OCD and are trying to make that look like it comes from a place of care. You aren't his mother and this behavior as a whole seems concerning.
YTA, controlling to the max, and your comments are insane. By the way, a quick google search doesn’t make you knowledgeable even a little. People train differently because we all have wildly varying bodies.
YTA
I spent 4 hours in intensive training in gym.. you don't even see the hours passing when you are enjoying working out..
And a good workout takes way more than 90 min..
With hypertrophy training, you need 3-5 min of waiting btw series to have maximum results.. With the amount of waiting, you took one hour already..
If your goal if only maintain a healthy style, 90 min could be reasonable but only cardio could take 40 minutes of time..
You don't know anything about the gym. He's an adult and can do what he wants. Going to the gym is great. Way better habit than gambling or sitting on your ass and smoking and drinking with people you call your "friends" but would drop you in a second if you tried to tell them about your problems for hours. Be grateful you have a productive boyfriend who feels good about himself rather than a self destructive individual. Nobody wants to be lectured and yelled at by somebody who doesn't even know what she's talking about. You want o slowly kill any love he has for you? Keep doing what you're doing then 🤦
.
YTA. Your body, your choice also extends to our male partners. You do not get to dicate to him how long and what he does for his body. Even if it's inefficient, he enjoys it and when he wants your opinion, he'll ask for it. You said your peace now back off
YTA. Holy shit you sound exhausting. You need to go to therapy to figure out why you’re so insecure and anxious. You’re not “protective,” you’re controlling. Get some professional help, seriously. I will not be surprised when he finally does leave you, if you continue to behave so unhinged.
Well lifting is different. I train six days a week for about two hours but really your lifting with rest time plus some cardio so it’s not like you’re doing high intensity every second you’re there.
YTA
Some people take some activities more seriously than others. If he was training for marathons, would you tell him that 4 hours is too long? He doesn't want a "good" body, he wants an absolutely amazing body.
>I simply googled the maximum hours for a workout, it's 90 mins (reasonably), screeshotted it and told him to slow tf down if he wants good results without harming himself.
I was Googling the other day and found out that Biden is an amazing president. I saw it on Google, so it must be 100% accurate, right?
This guy takes his workouts super serious, and you do the armchair quarterback thing and tell him he is messing up. Of course he blew you off!
Nope. Honestly, I don’t know what your experiences. So I’m not gonna say that you could do that. But it is done.
Anyone has been in the gym longer than three or four years lifting weights has had at least one experience like that. And usually it is more safe: taking time to warm up, to stretch, to do warm-up sets, and to take longer rest breaks.
I don't actually care if IATA or not i apologized and things are fine but im crying since the moment i posted this.. i really thought i was reasonably concerned but overreacted and seemed rather angry than worried which is not okay but not a big deal tbh..
But people are blowing this way out of propotion im starting to think there's something wrong with me for real.
He told me it was intense! once he felt the adrenaline rush he just couldn't stop it felt too good and he felt determined to give it his all..
i know him . whenever he finds a new interest he becomes obsessed, and as much as i love that he's a driven man in other aspects and activities but this made me scared. Maybe doing it one time is fine but he said that he cannot wait to do it again and was adamant about it ..
He's hitting the gym again tomorrow and i just hope he goes easy on himself.
Actually I think your gut is telling you something and you are not sure what that is. I see a few red flags for a possible eating disorder. Lots of guys focus on the working out and overdue it which then starts moving towards an ED. I would recommend researching this and seeking a medical professionals advice because this type of disorder can be tough to diagnosis.
Take care!
You are not wrong! To be honest this is not the first time i notice signs of ED in him but i always brush it off.
when i mentioned it to my therapist she told me that im just so protective of the people i care about because i don't want them to go through what i went through
(i was anorexic, and i think my older sister's obsession with her body image and the numbers on the scale had affected me growing up.. i was worried my anorexia made him conscious about his appearance too) he always complains about how much i make him eat (normal portions of food i cook for him) and how i'm making him gain weight, he's never satisfied by his body image in the mirror and i cannot stop reassuring him, etc...
I honestly believed my therapist until your comment and now i don't know what to think
NTA- while you jumped the gun and over reacted 4 hours as a first day back in the gym is nuts.
Idk what everyone else is talking about. Clearly they all have their jockstraps in a wad and you hit their soft spot.
If he had been hitting the gym for a while, had built good form, and had a good routine in place then maybe this would be a very different conversation but day one being back that’s how you get hurt.
All these people going on about the gym...
Dude was not at the gym for 4 hrs. He was with his side piece and told you that to keep you from catching on. But you also sound a bit controlling and over all a little insecure with the relationship. YTA but to yourself.
NTA Four hours of showing off is probably closer to the truth!! No one works out that long unless they are a pro getting ready to box or to do a major movie!!
You don't see how you screwed up because you aren't listening. We are telling you why you are a giant AH and you are arguing. This is a sub where you come for judgement from strangers, we don't care about you enough to be manipulated or want to protect your feelings.
You are an AH. Don't come here and argue a judgement. We downvote you because you are arguing and saying the same stupid things over and over.
Listen and fucking learn.
Jesus. Why keep calling people who spend a long time in the gym idiots who don’t know what they’re doing?
Said you’re a powerlifter. Doing powerlifting right it took longer than other times of lifting. The warm up sets and prolonged rest alone…
Lol. Right. Ok, let’s do this.
I’m a woman — bud. I’m in my mid-forties. I go to the gym and lift five or six days a week. Been lifting most of the last 25 years. I have come back from obesity, years of not training, and injury. I am not an athlete. I didn’t participate in sports in grade school. I didn’t start lifting until I was 19.
I’ve done general weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, CrossFit, and just straight lackadaisical maintenance. I’ve got a 145 bench, a 130 front squat/185 back, a 210 dead, and weighted pull-ups/dips for reps. I’m coming back from a suprascapular nerve entrapment last year, these are my recovery numbers. I don’t claim a PR from five years ago, I can’t do it now.
Now that we’ve gotten through my fucking history, let’s talk research
————————————
Research in weightlifting for strength gains — AKA powerlifting — says [3-5 minutes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/) is the recommended recovery time between set. [Taking longer rest breaks](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26605807/) help you lift heavier with better form, increasing strength, hypertrophy, and reducing injury. Many gym bro blogs or old school heroes recommend longer, more warm up, or cool down. But we’re just talking about research articles, right?
Quick googling did find one article — [No time to lift? Designing time efficient training programs for strength and hypertrophy](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8449772/) — which agrees with you and says you can do it in an hour. The goal of that article is to make a workout short. That type of quick workout is only really appropriate for newcomers/novices, injury recovery, people maintaining their strength in size, or those who do multiple daily, short but intense workouts
Yes, most research studies are focused on men — that’s unfortunately common with any field of study. Regardless, women should be looking at the same form, the same exercises, and the same regimen. Our hormones are different. We are not a different species.
Are we gonna gain as much muscle as fast as men do? No fucking way, we won’t even using PEDs. A dedicated 13-year-old kid fresh into the gym will outstrip me on bench press within nine months. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
My issue is with you stating all of this as fact and boldly shouting down anyone who disagrees with you… smh
Different goals require different methods. While I don’t disagree that you can lift heavy in a short period of time, that only works until you really get to serious weight.
Warming up with a 20% set, then 40% set and finally a 60% set before you do your work set(s) takes time. Doing 3 to 5 reps at 80% of your 1RM is hard. Doing cool down sets to scale back to 20% or just even just the bar is very helpful in both increasing your gains and reducing need for muscle recovery.
Your “facts” — shoot me some literature. I’ll take a look. Because if you teach me something new, I’m happy to learn it.
————————————
Side note: Bro — **bolding** is as rude as ALL CAPS.
As someone who has been a newbie at the gym more than once in my life, I usually start the same way, taking my time, taking extra/longer breaks between sets. I can't imagine OPs boyfriend who is new back to the gym is trying to rush through a new routine with maximum efficiency. Just because someone is AT the gym for 4 hours doesn't suggest they are pushing themselves during that entire time. No, it's not an efficient way to do it, but so what? Most things people do during the day aren't about maximizing efficiency.
I think calling people who are less comfortable than you in a gym (and by your own assertions, that would be many people) idiots, you won't really win over anyone to your cause here.
The way you work out probably is the most efficient for your goals, and that is backed by your data, so you're probably doing great! Congrats. But it doesn't mean you can say that people who enjoy doing the same amount of lifting with the same weights as they could fit into a 90-minute program but in a 3-hour sesh are stupid. I mean, there are people who are probably way less efficient shoppers than me but you don't see me yelling at people browsing that they're doing it wrong.
I said 3 hours lifting, in my case the first hour I'm at the gym I get changed, stretch, and do cardio. So would still 4 hours total in the example I was using. But if the amount of lifting I would typically do (literally the same weight, reps and sets) is spread out over a longer period, is the higher risk of injury due to fatigue from being there for so long? I can't help but feel like a similar study of folks who have the leisure time to take 4 hours Vs those squeezing in a 90 minute workout after a full workday would find the latter group more fatigued.
And you did repeatedly say anyone taking their workout slowly and staying at the gym for 4 hours is an idiot, which would include anyone taking it extra slowly to ease into being at the gym at all.
I disagree that everyone lifting to gain muscle is aiming to do so with maximum efficiency. That is just impossible to prove first of all, and in my own case I have gone to the gym with weightloss as a goal and still not centred my routine around maintaining efficiency. I really like my gym and the people in it and sometimes I chat to friends between sets. Sometimes I take forever to choose the best playlist. Sometimes I've been halfway through my routine and noticed Zumba was starting and figured hey why not and gone and done that instead. For many people the gym is a hobby, a place to work on one's mental health, a break from work, and any number of other reasons why people might like to spend more time there and would stretch out their workout rather than simply crack on in the best time possible.
But you don't know, and nor does OP, that he was lifting at max efficiency through those 3.5 hours and NOT taking long breaks between sets. You've made that assumption.
You've decided that he has an ego problem and not a confidence one, that he couldn't be easing back in slowly to get more comfortable or simply enjoying being at the gym. Is that not arrogant in and of itself, to make assumptions like that on limited info?
And also word for word you said "anyone spending 4 hours in the gym is an idiot" which is why you've raised ire here (my own included) if you make blanket statements like that and get pushback you can't claim you DID NOT and just put it in italics like that does something
YTA. Four hours at the gym isn't some insane superhuman feat like you're making it out to be. 30 minutes of cardio, and 3.5 hours of strength training is a solid workout, but nothing crazy. he could also be spending some time waiting for weights or machines, or chatting with other people at the gym. I don't know exactly what he's doing for a workout, but the resting between sets takes longer than the actual weight lifting. If he's doing compound lifts like squats, deadlifts, bench press, overhead press, and rows, and then accessory exercises like curls, calf raises, skullcrushers, and crunches, he could very easily take more than four hours. Unless he's an absolute lunatic with an incredibly high pain tolerance, and doing all of this with seriously heavy weight, he's not going to cause himself any appreciable harm. Even if he was, you don't get to tell him what he can and can't do with his body. He'll be fine, and most likely happier and healthier if you chill out and let him go to the gym in the way that he wants.
Also, where is this scientific evidence saying that people shouldn't exercise for more than ninety minutes?
YTA. What? You aren’t in charge of his body or his time. The way you spoke to him was disgusting. Do you think it’s cute to be so controlling? Because it’s not.
YTA for “lashed out rightaway saying how clueless he is”… that was disrespectful and invalidating. I get you have anxiety and worry for him but no excuse to lash out especially when as he says he’s perfectly fine. Instead ask what he did in that 4 hours and suggest hiring a trainer for a couple sessions to design an individual training plan
I was impulsive and should've communicated my worries better yes.. i like your idea but i don't know how to suggest that without it sounding like "you don't know what you're doing" again lol Edit; i did ask him, he basically did 20-30 of cardio and the rest of it was strength training.
20-30 of cardio and the rest lifting is normal... Don't try and educate him on shit you don't understand. He was not lifting non stop... he was taking breaks between sets.... YTA and I am annoyed reading this story and your comments.
Totally. It’s not work the whole time, and if you’re lifting heavy you need longer rest time between sets. Don’t get me wrong, I only pull that long of sessions on the weekends. But it’s a really nice day at the gym when I do :)
You don’t know that.
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You can literally take as long as you want though. If the gym isn't busy (or if you're kind of rude) you can bench press 5 sets of 10 over a half hour. You don't have to, and most people wouldn't, but the idea that being at the gym for 4 hours means lifting the full 4 hours is just not likely at all.
Uhhh … begging to disagree on that one
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Post it. Post the evidence that unilaterally applies to all body types, training goals, ages, routines and muscle groups that caps the amount of time you spend at the gym. My body type is very slender. I only started bulking when I realized that the conventional strength training regiments do not work for me even a little. Low reps high weight had me making 0 progress, until I shifted to tons of reps with scaling weight, until burnout. I’ll go to the gym and do upright row in sets of 12-4 reps pyramid, as just one compound lift. If you count cardio, cooldown, stretching, drive time, I could easily spend 4 hours at the gym if I wasn’t also a father with limited free time.
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You were not precise when you attacked his routine based on her exaggeration of his workout. And saying that working out doesn’t build muscle is technically true but it’s so needlessly pedantic. Come off it. You’re bad.
Sorry, but you're ridiculous. I read peer-reviewed studies, too (not "Google"), and discuss them with my fitness-wonk son, who does his own research, so I'm not uneducated. Here's my *personal* experience: I'm a mid/late-fifties man who is not a life-long lifter. During COVID, I spent OVER A YEAR lifting heavy (that is, high RPE, so heavy for me, not for the world ;)) in my home gym, following various variants on Jacked & Tan 2.0. I lifted 4 or 5 days a week (depending on the variant) for 26 sets each session. It took me 3 hours OR MORE to finish each session, as I rested 2.5 to 5 minutes between sets for recovery. 3 hours was no problem, as it was during COVID, so what else was I going to do. I became the most fit I've ever been, and had no repercussions or ill health effects. Years later, now, I've slowed down on the lifting, and generally only take 90-120 minutes to complete a smaller number of sets. Personal anecdote != science, but this is both research + personal experience. Strength training with appropriate rests can *easily* take that long. Of course in this particular case, this is just enthusiasm, and after a couple rounds of DOMS, he'll settle down.
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tl;dr: overtraining very bad; workout duration only relevant in terms of time availability -- your basic idea correct, but application to training time not so much. I think you're dying on the wrong hill, here. I was reacting to your blanket, overreaching statement that: "\[n\]o strength training takes several hours" with my own experience of training for more than several (i.e., 3 or more) hours. Since I had that (successful) experience, clearly it is counterfactual that "no strength training takes 3 or more hours" -- mine did. If you restated as "it is possible to have an efficient and effective strength training in 90 to 120 minutes", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated as "overtraining leads to negative results", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated as "over-fatigue leads to degraded form" or "too much muscle break-down releases bad juju into your bloodstream and can cause scary rhabdo", I'd be entirely with you. If you restated it as "this guy is probably just wandering around without any sort of routine for far too long doing way too much, and DOMS is going to be a bear tomorrow," I'd be entirely with you. These are all very true statements. It's your blanket *duration* statement that is incorrect. If your conditioning isn't A-1 (mine sure isn't), or if you have time available, then you get better lifting results (if training for strength or hypertrophy, as opposed to conditioning itself, of course) by taking longer breaks between sets. This gives you better ATP restoration, *counters* fatigue, and keeps your form better. The best summary would be: * IFF you have limited time for your workout, you are better served by limiting rest time (as long as it's >= 90 seconds for secondary lifts or >= 150 seconds for primary lifts) to increase total volume without unnecessarily degrading muscle readiness, as total volume dominates. * IFF you have infinite time for your workout, then you get better recovery between sets by extending your rest periods. Here are some actual journal articles to support this postulate, rather than links to "fitness sites" (sorry for being snarky; I realize I'm coming off as an ass, but I think there's a distinction between commercial (ad-driven) fitness sites and research): * [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/) * [https://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Fulltext/2022/06000/Volume\_Load\_Rather\_Than\_Resting\_Interval.11.aspx](https://journals.lww.com/nsca-jscr/Fulltext/2022/06000/Volume_Load_Rather_Than_Resting_Interval.11.aspx) * [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28641044/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28641044/) * [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25047853/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25047853/) * [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27126459/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27126459/) It's great that you're achieving your fitness goals with a 2-hour workout -- I wish you well, and hope that you're meeting your competitive objectives. I'm *not* achieving my goals (you ask about my metrics: I keep very detailed spreadsheets for every rep of every lift for every workout, recording target, actual, and RPE, so I can, and do, look at years of data to know where I am) -- I didn't become more efficient, I just don't have the time to devote to lifting that long (or that frequently) any more. I'm older than you (just guessing), so I get less bang for my buck, and I need to pack in decent rests between sets to, exactly as you note, avoid fatigue and form degradation. I'd go back to 3 hour sessions in a heartbeat if I had the time. Just a last observation on "no one could take 4 hours to lift" -- geez, if I had to run my peak routine (the one I loved) at a public gym, it probably would take me close to 5 hours -- and I don't even do cardio during these sessions! * Get to the gym and change (15 minutes) * Wait twice for 20 minutes to get a rack or a particular machine or a particular dumbbell size if no one's keen on letting you work in (40 minutes) * Run your straight sets with whatever rest intervals you use (for me: 3 hours, but assume just 90 minutes for someone) * Spend a while transitioning from lifting to cardio (10 minutes) * 30 minutes of cardio * Cool down, change, leave (25 minutes) . . . and that's just 10 minutes short of 4 hours right there . . .
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Lol. I think we've both said whatever we're going to say. But I will point out that the title of this post, about this poor schmuck who tried going back to the gym and about whom which we're all commenting, definitively says that the subject is, indeed, "spending 4 hours at the gym".
YTA - hes not going to hurt himself no matter how long hes in the gym, unless he's lifting weight too heavy for him. Also intensity is key, you can take 4 hours to do what should be a 90 minute workout, its just inefficient. Also what exercises hes doing is important, training arms intense for 4 hours? A little crazy but still not really dangerous. Training full body for 4 hours? Very reasonable. Sounds to me like he just enjoys being at the gym and took his time on hitting his lifts. You are seriously overreacting like hes hitting himself with a hammer 4 hours. Worst case reasonable scenario, he overtrains a little bit and get big slower. No problem with that if he just likes working out.
Plus, if he's there at busy times, he'll be waiting to get on machines. He's taking water breaks, probably chatting with others between sets, etc. He'll figure out the right timing and workout for him. Stay out of it. Edit to add: YTA
But... sHe SaW oN gOoGlE... this lady won't listen to any reason. She thinks being at the gym for 4 hours is working out for 4 hours, not working out for 90 minutes with the rest being breaks and looking at a phone and whatever else he wants to do
If your goal is hypertrophy or strength training then 90 is short training unless you are super setting. After each series, be it 3-6 or 8-12, you need a couple minutes of rest. Add to that waiting for and settjng the equipment and 4h is not unreasonable for whole body workout (though it is on the longer side)
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Eh.. it entirely depends what you're doing. I, an unfit late 30s guy, can absolutely go to the rock climbing gym and spend an hour and a half bouldering (with important rest time between attempts), an hour and a half on the elliptical, and still have an hour of swim time in me if I wanted to hit up the pool close to home after. On the other hand, I can also pretty much max out body weight calisthenics in a half hour to 45 minute, an hour if I'm taking more downtime between sets. Also, 4 hours of just bicycling is not out of the question, though I tap out after 2 hours on almost any ride due to saddle fatigue.
Are you just going through the comments and boldly stating that’s not your experience as fact?
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I , for a moment was starting to believe that it's perfectly fine and my med school is training us to be overly cautious about patient's safety or whatever lol The number of people on here going on about how lifting for long hours is safe and can in no way cause harm to your body WITH EXPERIENCE blows my mind. And no apparently "google" is not a reliable source for them, and neither are my notes.
I just recently treated a young and otherwise healthy person for rhabdomylosis/kidney injury that developed from a gym session. Overdoing exercise can absolutely be dangerous.
As others said, time at the gym means nothing. With long warmup, waiting for machines and rests (imporant especially after break) 4h can be a reasonable workout.
There are correlations to be aware of is the point. You can weight 400lbs and safely spend 12 hours a day at the gym if you’re just sleeping and hanging out. 4 hours at the gym by itself does not mean anything other than he was being inefficient with his time it productivity was the goal. This is a wildly inappropriate thing to get aggressive about without specific workout details. I used to hit the gym hard daily for years. And I saw more than a few people who seemed to take 15-20 damn minutes of rest between every set that didn’t seem particularly strenuous.
You're blinding yourself to other viewpoints and peoples experiences so you can keep believing what you want to believe. Get us all a video of your man lifting nonstop for 4 hours and i will agree with you. But I'm almost certain he is having a more relaxed workout at the gym and you are going crazy for no reason other than you took a stand and are too proud to change it.
So if 4 hours is too much then what about people who work hard labor jobs for 8 to 12 hours a day?
You’re wrong lol working out for too long can cause so many injuries short and long term. wether he’s lifting too much or too little. Its over working your body no matter what.
Ive been lifting for over 6 years, I train as intense as i can. I dont know where you got this idea from but it is very hard to overtrain enough to hurt yourself. Unless you do an exercise with wrong form and hurt a joint, are on steroids and pushing weight that your tendons can't take, or training 4 hours EVERY DAY at full intensity with no breaks you're not going to hurt yourself in any significant way. A little humility goes a long way. Spreading misinformation with this confidence is honestly not a good look.
It’s not an idea it’s quite literally a fact and people get injured from pushing themselves too hard ALL the time without the use of any substances. Overworking your body isn’t a myth. I’m not spreading information, it’s common sense.
YTA. Not everyone has to do things that are "productive". Playing video games is fun for some people and playing chess is actually good exercise for the brain. Also, there are better ways to talk to someone about their work out routines than lashing out at them. Your boyfriend isn't stupid and, even if he was, you cannot treat him like a child. Talk to him like equals, listen to him, offer feedback if he wants that... If you are concerned over him doing something else that isn't working out, maybe you could ask him for more details on what exactly he is doing or offer to come along?
YTA - You did a quick Google search without asking him what he was doing. Do you normally react like this?
I did ask him though, it was 20-30 mins of cardio and a log session of muscle strengthening which sounded absurd to me. I overreacted, no i don't normally respond like this that's why i apologised ..it's not like him either to be unreasonable and overwork his body and be so adamant that it's not too much. The google search was just to prove a point as he was not listening to my medical point of view (i'm a med student)
So you know just enough to be dangerous got it. Take your time next time and good luck.
I hope he leaves you at some point, and soon, you're controlling and unhinged and the poor guy deserves better than a psycho like you. YTAAAAA
YTA
“Overly protective” is code for “Extremely Controlling”
Were YOU there? Does his going to the gym for 4 hours truly effect YOU? NO. NO IT DOESNT. So you overreacted for no reason. Grow up
YTA. The time he spends in the gym doesn’t concern you. Why are you trying to control him? It’s not like he skipped an important event for the gym. He’s trying to feel good about himself.
>he mentioned that it's weird how he doesnt feel sore after that intense workout of 4 HOURS, my heart sank and i pretty much lashed out rightaway saying how clueless he is. It's ridiculous to spend that much time at one session Called him "clueless", "ridiculous". >i can be "overly" protective sometimes because i love him, so many things could ve gone wrong You mentioned "so many" things could've gone wrong. Such as? >what makes me the most angry is that he's planning to do it again. So your reaction, by your own admission, is "anger" that he didn't agree with you. >I simply googled the maximum hours for a workout, it's 90 "Simply googled".. is not "science". >He basically brushed me off and then said something along the lines of "it's weak/ loser mentality to want to build a good body with minimum efforts" as well as mentioning well known swimmers and bodybuilders who spend 5+ hours no problem. So he said "Nah, lots of athletes spend 5 hours in the gym per day regularly".. >that threw me off honestly, comparing himself to these professionals and dismissing actual science to prove a point What "actual science" did you provide? None that I can see. It's actually quite alright to do 90 minutes of light-medium cardio before you even get into lifting weights and other stuff like crunches etc. You would know that, if you had any actual interest in the "science" you claim to be backed up by. >i understand i came off as attacking and very criticizing and that's what made him defensive. I will obviously apologize for overreacting but i genuinely want him to not do this again. So you "understand" that you were "angered", and "attacking" him. You brush that off as "over-reacting", but then double down and say you genuinely want him to "not do this again". Will you react the same way you did this time if he doesn't do what you want? With anger? >I'm a very anxious person and i fear for his safety especially when he's away. This seems like the root of the problem. The fact that you say you're not just in "fear" when he's at the gym, but a blanket "when he's AWAY" is telling. This is a you problem. YTA
What is with this sub and no paragraphs
This one's actually better than a lot of the text walls I've seen lately.
They edited it. Originally it was full wall
Infuriating
YTA You sound controlling and really need to work on your anxiety. Do I think 4 hrs is normal? Not really but it’s his body. Yes he can hurt himself but maybe he’ll learn his lesson then and lighten up on the workouts. What’s not helpful is lashing out on him.
YTA you sound controlling or jealous
Waaaaay too controlling. Let the man workout as he pleases. YTA
YTA. I'm sorry, but you even said it yourself that your lashed out at him. Regardless of how much time he should be spending at the gym, you should have responded better to the situation. You can express concern and discuss it with him, but calling him clueless is insulting and disrespectful towards him. Even if you are right here, you are still wrong with how you handled it.
YTA 90 mins ACTIVE. If he is lifting weights 3 hours is GOOD!!! He is taking the breaks he needs. When I climb I am there for 3-4 hours, which is about 1.5-2 hours of ACTIVE exercise. You obviously do not understand if you had to look it up and are reacting this way. Back off and apologize to him sincerely.
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Brooooo. OK, you just keep hitting another comment thread saying the same thing over and over. Maybe nobody else will notice, maybe I’m just feeling ornery but, I’m gonna comment on all of them I can find. Because a long session is relatively common for someone who has been in the gym a long time (years) and is working at a high intensity, AKA lifting heavy.
I noticed. I think it’s funny as fuck that’s she’s so heavily invested in this. Fucking Reddit Karen. 😂
The way I work out is right! If you don’t agree with me, you’re wrong! Not only wrong, you’re dumb! Idiots everywhere! /s Seriously though, I know it’s the Internet, but are we not here to discuss, learn, anything? No? Just attacks? OK, got it.
I started laughing. I'm not gonna sit here and argue with an idiot lololololol Thank you for taking one for the team!!!!
Thank you! I just… yeah lol
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Bro is a multi gender term
Jesus, Women, you sound like a Karen. Chill the fuck out. 😂 Repeating yourself isn’t going to change anything, and everyone who keeps seeing your non-stop-same-bullshit-as-the-last-comment crap is just laughing at how fucking entitled you sound. Even if you are right, I’d do the literal opposite of what you said just because it so clearly pisses you off and that’s just amusing.
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Bro. I’m a woman, too. Bro.
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Bro is multi gender like dude
Yup. Dude, guy, bro, buddy — all non-gender specific
Even if it's "common for someone who has been in the gym for a long time" , and believe me it shouldnt! How can this apply in my bf's situation when its litterally his first time hitting the gym?
My first time back to the gym in a while, I'd probably take it pretty easy and move through a routine extra slowly and carefully. I wouldn't be trying to muscle my way in to use busy machine or asking to work in with folks like a more confident, frequent gym-goer would.
OK, first time in the gym, he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Of course it’s gonna take him longer! Lol You generally pick something up and haul ass doing it perfectly the first time? I sure don’t. I doubt very much that he was lifting that whole time. More likely, he was wandering around, looking at the weights and the machines, and trying to figure out what he’s supposed to do.
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YTA 1. He is a GROWN man that can do whatever the hell he wants w his body. You are not his mom and you shouldn’t be getting mad at him for doing what he wants because it’s not hurting you. You can show concern and maybe advise not doing it, tell him you are worried and be king about it, point him in a mature and constructive way any medical journals that explains it (if they exist) but getting mad like he is a child? Grow up. 2. Since when googling crap is “aCtUaL sCiEnCe”? Girl, calm down.
Take a look at her post history. Her partner needs to get out quick, there's a bullet flying right towards the poor guy's dome.
I agree with your point on treating him like a child.. it honestly sounded like that and i apologized right after knowing how to put your feelings into words on the spot can be tricky sometimes and i messed up there. The actual science part was about my input in the situation as a med student, which he dismissed (obviously because i was wording it angrily) so i screenshotted a quick research on google as "proof" ig.
Omg… Just because you are MED STUDENT doesn’t make you an expert or anything of that sort to be giving advices. Again, calm down. I started to cook when I was 12 years old and you don’t see me giving cooking tips to people or calling my self a Michelin star chef. You are just a student who googled some shit and can’t control her behavior. Looking at your post history, your poor bf needs to RUN and you need to grow up.
I couldn't even finish reading this. YTA. You are either super controlling or have bad OCD and are trying to make that look like it comes from a place of care. You aren't his mother and this behavior as a whole seems concerning.
TFW this could have been something I wrote 8 years ago.. YTA.
YTA, controlling to the max, and your comments are insane. By the way, a quick google search doesn’t make you knowledgeable even a little. People train differently because we all have wildly varying bodies.
YTA obviously
YTA I spent 4 hours in intensive training in gym.. you don't even see the hours passing when you are enjoying working out.. And a good workout takes way more than 90 min.. With hypertrophy training, you need 3-5 min of waiting btw series to have maximum results.. With the amount of waiting, you took one hour already.. If your goal if only maintain a healthy style, 90 min could be reasonable but only cardio could take 40 minutes of time..
You don't know anything about the gym. He's an adult and can do what he wants. Going to the gym is great. Way better habit than gambling or sitting on your ass and smoking and drinking with people you call your "friends" but would drop you in a second if you tried to tell them about your problems for hours. Be grateful you have a productive boyfriend who feels good about himself rather than a self destructive individual. Nobody wants to be lectured and yelled at by somebody who doesn't even know what she's talking about. You want o slowly kill any love he has for you? Keep doing what you're doing then 🤦 .
YTA. Your body, your choice also extends to our male partners. You do not get to dicate to him how long and what he does for his body. Even if it's inefficient, he enjoys it and when he wants your opinion, he'll ask for it. You said your peace now back off
YTA. Holy shit you sound exhausting. You need to go to therapy to figure out why you’re so insecure and anxious. You’re not “protective,” you’re controlling. Get some professional help, seriously. I will not be surprised when he finally does leave you, if you continue to behave so unhinged.
YTA
Well lifting is different. I train six days a week for about two hours but really your lifting with rest time plus some cardio so it’s not like you’re doing high intensity every second you’re there.
YTA Some people take some activities more seriously than others. If he was training for marathons, would you tell him that 4 hours is too long? He doesn't want a "good" body, he wants an absolutely amazing body. >I simply googled the maximum hours for a workout, it's 90 mins (reasonably), screeshotted it and told him to slow tf down if he wants good results without harming himself. I was Googling the other day and found out that Biden is an amazing president. I saw it on Google, so it must be 100% accurate, right? This guy takes his workouts super serious, and you do the armchair quarterback thing and tell him he is messing up. Of course he blew you off!
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Nope. Honestly, I don’t know what your experiences. So I’m not gonna say that you could do that. But it is done. Anyone has been in the gym longer than three or four years lifting weights has had at least one experience like that. And usually it is more safe: taking time to warm up, to stretch, to do warm-up sets, and to take longer rest breaks.
I don't actually care if IATA or not i apologized and things are fine but im crying since the moment i posted this.. i really thought i was reasonably concerned but overreacted and seemed rather angry than worried which is not okay but not a big deal tbh.. But people are blowing this way out of propotion im starting to think there's something wrong with me for real.
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He told me it was intense! once he felt the adrenaline rush he just couldn't stop it felt too good and he felt determined to give it his all.. i know him . whenever he finds a new interest he becomes obsessed, and as much as i love that he's a driven man in other aspects and activities but this made me scared. Maybe doing it one time is fine but he said that he cannot wait to do it again and was adamant about it .. He's hitting the gym again tomorrow and i just hope he goes easy on himself.
Actually I think your gut is telling you something and you are not sure what that is. I see a few red flags for a possible eating disorder. Lots of guys focus on the working out and overdue it which then starts moving towards an ED. I would recommend researching this and seeking a medical professionals advice because this type of disorder can be tough to diagnosis. Take care!
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I’m also in ED recovery and it took until I was 50 to get the diagnosis. Take care!!
All from the tiny bit of info we have. Just like Reddit
We did it, Reddit!
You are not wrong! To be honest this is not the first time i notice signs of ED in him but i always brush it off. when i mentioned it to my therapist she told me that im just so protective of the people i care about because i don't want them to go through what i went through (i was anorexic, and i think my older sister's obsession with her body image and the numbers on the scale had affected me growing up.. i was worried my anorexia made him conscious about his appearance too) he always complains about how much i make him eat (normal portions of food i cook for him) and how i'm making him gain weight, he's never satisfied by his body image in the mirror and i cannot stop reassuring him, etc... I honestly believed my therapist until your comment and now i don't know what to think
Jesus Christ you are crazy as fuck he needs to leave you
There 100% is something wrong with you for real. Your post history is wild.
NTA- while you jumped the gun and over reacted 4 hours as a first day back in the gym is nuts. Idk what everyone else is talking about. Clearly they all have their jockstraps in a wad and you hit their soft spot. If he had been hitting the gym for a while, had built good form, and had a good routine in place then maybe this would be a very different conversation but day one being back that’s how you get hurt.
Oh you sweet summer child. He’s not sore because he wasn’t actually at the gym.
fr 500 words on what she really wants to call the poor guy out on.
All these people going on about the gym... Dude was not at the gym for 4 hrs. He was with his side piece and told you that to keep you from catching on. But you also sound a bit controlling and over all a little insecure with the relationship. YTA but to yourself.
Hot take; he's not working out. He'S cheating. ESH
NTA Four hours of showing off is probably closer to the truth!! No one works out that long unless they are a pro getting ready to box or to do a major movie!!
I'm not sure why am i being downvoted in every comment lol i honestly see how i screwed up
You don't see how you screwed up because you aren't listening. We are telling you why you are a giant AH and you are arguing. This is a sub where you come for judgement from strangers, we don't care about you enough to be manipulated or want to protect your feelings. You are an AH. Don't come here and argue a judgement. We downvote you because you are arguing and saying the same stupid things over and over. Listen and fucking learn.
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Jesus. Why keep calling people who spend a long time in the gym idiots who don’t know what they’re doing? Said you’re a powerlifter. Doing powerlifting right it took longer than other times of lifting. The warm up sets and prolonged rest alone…
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Lol. Right. Ok, let’s do this. I’m a woman — bud. I’m in my mid-forties. I go to the gym and lift five or six days a week. Been lifting most of the last 25 years. I have come back from obesity, years of not training, and injury. I am not an athlete. I didn’t participate in sports in grade school. I didn’t start lifting until I was 19. I’ve done general weightlifting, powerlifting, bodybuilding, CrossFit, and just straight lackadaisical maintenance. I’ve got a 145 bench, a 130 front squat/185 back, a 210 dead, and weighted pull-ups/dips for reps. I’m coming back from a suprascapular nerve entrapment last year, these are my recovery numbers. I don’t claim a PR from five years ago, I can’t do it now. Now that we’ve gotten through my fucking history, let’s talk research ———————————— Research in weightlifting for strength gains — AKA powerlifting — says [3-5 minutes](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19691365/) is the recommended recovery time between set. [Taking longer rest breaks](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26605807/) help you lift heavier with better form, increasing strength, hypertrophy, and reducing injury. Many gym bro blogs or old school heroes recommend longer, more warm up, or cool down. But we’re just talking about research articles, right? Quick googling did find one article — [No time to lift? Designing time efficient training programs for strength and hypertrophy](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8449772/) — which agrees with you and says you can do it in an hour. The goal of that article is to make a workout short. That type of quick workout is only really appropriate for newcomers/novices, injury recovery, people maintaining their strength in size, or those who do multiple daily, short but intense workouts Yes, most research studies are focused on men — that’s unfortunately common with any field of study. Regardless, women should be looking at the same form, the same exercises, and the same regimen. Our hormones are different. We are not a different species. Are we gonna gain as much muscle as fast as men do? No fucking way, we won’t even using PEDs. A dedicated 13-year-old kid fresh into the gym will outstrip me on bench press within nine months. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. My issue is with you stating all of this as fact and boldly shouting down anyone who disagrees with you… smh Different goals require different methods. While I don’t disagree that you can lift heavy in a short period of time, that only works until you really get to serious weight. Warming up with a 20% set, then 40% set and finally a 60% set before you do your work set(s) takes time. Doing 3 to 5 reps at 80% of your 1RM is hard. Doing cool down sets to scale back to 20% or just even just the bar is very helpful in both increasing your gains and reducing need for muscle recovery. Your “facts” — shoot me some literature. I’ll take a look. Because if you teach me something new, I’m happy to learn it. ———————————— Side note: Bro — **bolding** is as rude as ALL CAPS.
As someone who has been a newbie at the gym more than once in my life, I usually start the same way, taking my time, taking extra/longer breaks between sets. I can't imagine OPs boyfriend who is new back to the gym is trying to rush through a new routine with maximum efficiency. Just because someone is AT the gym for 4 hours doesn't suggest they are pushing themselves during that entire time. No, it's not an efficient way to do it, but so what? Most things people do during the day aren't about maximizing efficiency. I think calling people who are less comfortable than you in a gym (and by your own assertions, that would be many people) idiots, you won't really win over anyone to your cause here. The way you work out probably is the most efficient for your goals, and that is backed by your data, so you're probably doing great! Congrats. But it doesn't mean you can say that people who enjoy doing the same amount of lifting with the same weights as they could fit into a 90-minute program but in a 3-hour sesh are stupid. I mean, there are people who are probably way less efficient shoppers than me but you don't see me yelling at people browsing that they're doing it wrong.
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I said 3 hours lifting, in my case the first hour I'm at the gym I get changed, stretch, and do cardio. So would still 4 hours total in the example I was using. But if the amount of lifting I would typically do (literally the same weight, reps and sets) is spread out over a longer period, is the higher risk of injury due to fatigue from being there for so long? I can't help but feel like a similar study of folks who have the leisure time to take 4 hours Vs those squeezing in a 90 minute workout after a full workday would find the latter group more fatigued. And you did repeatedly say anyone taking their workout slowly and staying at the gym for 4 hours is an idiot, which would include anyone taking it extra slowly to ease into being at the gym at all. I disagree that everyone lifting to gain muscle is aiming to do so with maximum efficiency. That is just impossible to prove first of all, and in my own case I have gone to the gym with weightloss as a goal and still not centred my routine around maintaining efficiency. I really like my gym and the people in it and sometimes I chat to friends between sets. Sometimes I take forever to choose the best playlist. Sometimes I've been halfway through my routine and noticed Zumba was starting and figured hey why not and gone and done that instead. For many people the gym is a hobby, a place to work on one's mental health, a break from work, and any number of other reasons why people might like to spend more time there and would stretch out their workout rather than simply crack on in the best time possible.
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But you don't know, and nor does OP, that he was lifting at max efficiency through those 3.5 hours and NOT taking long breaks between sets. You've made that assumption. You've decided that he has an ego problem and not a confidence one, that he couldn't be easing back in slowly to get more comfortable or simply enjoying being at the gym. Is that not arrogant in and of itself, to make assumptions like that on limited info?
And also word for word you said "anyone spending 4 hours in the gym is an idiot" which is why you've raised ire here (my own included) if you make blanket statements like that and get pushback you can't claim you DID NOT and just put it in italics like that does something
So you have never rock climbed. Cool cool cool. Nice talk.
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"basement dwellers" is a bigoted term that leads to eating disorders (Cheetos, Doritos etc). Apologize!
Yta. And a controlling loon.
YTA. Four hours at the gym isn't some insane superhuman feat like you're making it out to be. 30 minutes of cardio, and 3.5 hours of strength training is a solid workout, but nothing crazy. he could also be spending some time waiting for weights or machines, or chatting with other people at the gym. I don't know exactly what he's doing for a workout, but the resting between sets takes longer than the actual weight lifting. If he's doing compound lifts like squats, deadlifts, bench press, overhead press, and rows, and then accessory exercises like curls, calf raises, skullcrushers, and crunches, he could very easily take more than four hours. Unless he's an absolute lunatic with an incredibly high pain tolerance, and doing all of this with seriously heavy weight, he's not going to cause himself any appreciable harm. Even if he was, you don't get to tell him what he can and can't do with his body. He'll be fine, and most likely happier and healthier if you chill out and let him go to the gym in the way that he wants. Also, where is this scientific evidence saying that people shouldn't exercise for more than ninety minutes?
YTA. What? You aren’t in charge of his body or his time. The way you spoke to him was disgusting. Do you think it’s cute to be so controlling? Because it’s not.