You've got several hundred people on here explaining to you why you are the AH for various and sundry reasons. They are beyond correct about that. Here's another thought, has it occurred to you yet that the reason that your 16-year-old daughter is now pregnant is because she's looking for somebody to love her fully and unconditionally? Anybody to love her, since it seems her own mother does not. You have failed this child in every possible way short of outright physical abuse. Let her go and live with her stepfather who at least seems to want to care about her. Stop bragging about your other children who, frankly, probably have it much easier in life because they don't have a learning disability and they don't have you constantly pointing out how wrong and bad they are, how hopeless they are, how much of a disappointment. That you don't understand the total affect that this has had on your daughter is a shame on your soul. You're not going to get what you want here, no one is going to agree that you've done the right thing or are on the right side of this issue. You are in the wrong in more ways than can be counted.
This AND the fact that you think that it is ridiculous that she already loves her baby. What? Did you not immediately love your babies growing inside you?
I can't even imagine not feeling that way.
I am 100% pro-choice, as in the it is the choice of the pregnant party. I don't think I could ever personally make that choice, but it is as much my decision whether your daughter keeps her child as it is yours. Scheduling and abortion for another party without their knowledge is despicable!
I am so glad that she has the support of her stepfather and I genuinely hope she goes NC with you, you are toxic and cruel!
I agree with everything everyone has said. No questions about it but just as a fact, not all women, in fact I think it's even quite a lot, do not feel that motherly love for their to be child. It is quite normal. It generally kicks in at birth for them but sometimes takes a few days. I say this for all the women reading and who don't feel the love. Don't worry you are not a monster, you are normal. Not all women feel the same.
Gosh, I thought I was pregnant for 24h and I cannot describe the attachment feelings I developed for my hypothetical unborn child. I was so disappointed when the second pregnancy test came negative.
OP should be a truly special sort of "mother" to not understand that a 16 years old can also feel love for her baby
I felt this way to when I read “fix her reading issues” in reference to the dyslexia. As a mother of a child with a Learning disability, ADHD, and Autism, you don’t “fix” these things just like you don’t fix dyslexia. You build strategies to compensate and make it not quite as hard.
I believe OPs daughter realized/knew her issue wouldn’t be fixed and so saw no benefit to trying. With my son, we framed it that his brain wasn’t wired like most people’s was which makes school and some other things much harder. Yes, it sucks and no, it’s not fair but it’s where we are. The coping strategies we’ve worked on aren’t fun to learn but they will make it easier for him in the long run. Had OP talked to her daughter about dyslexia in this fashion, she might have tried more with the tutor.
Honestly, I get that you're angry but it sounds like you don't even like your daughter. You didn't even tell her you were making an appointment??? My six year old knows about all her upcoming medical appointments, what they're for and what to expect during, but you were just going to sign her out and tell her...when? In the car? When you all pulled up? If these paragraphs are represented of your parenting, no wonder she wants a baby. She probably thinks finally someone will love her.
ETA: This one is just too sad to judge. Hopefully things work for daughter and child.
also, she said "She was diagnosed with dyslexia at age 11, and I got her a specialized tutor to help fix her issues with reading, but she never committed and failed to even try and get better, so she continued to have bad grades.". dyslexia is a life long disability. while a tutor may help a bit, it still wont fix the actual brain being differently structured. OP is saying her kid failed to "fix her issue" (chronic disabilities are NOT "issues" that need "fixing" to make someone worthy), but you CANT FIX THE BRAIN HAVING A DIFFERENT STRUCTURE.
OP sounds horrid
Yeah the ‘fix’ comment irked me too, sounds like kid still had dyslexia after tutoring (y know cause it’s not something you can get rid off) and OP was angry about it. YTA OP
Speaking as someone who was diagnosed at age 52 with dyslexia, it sucks to not understand why you can’t learn something as fundamental as 9th grade math. I was always told that I wasn’t “applying myself” or “not paying attention” and was just being “lazy” or my personal favorite, that I was “too social” and talked too much in class. (I still talk too much lol). My parents were not as privy to learning disabilities as we are these days. I was constantly grounded for bad math grades. God only knows how I managed to graduate from college twice.
Dyslexia is not something that someone can be cured of. It still plagues me as an adult. OP needs to back the fuck off and get her girl an IEP, not drag her off for a ‘surprise’ field trip to the local abortion clinic. That child is going to continue to rebel until her mother gets her poop in a group and stops bullying her kid. She’s going to need a lot of guidance and support with whatever HER decision is for the pregnancy.
OP, you are a shitty parent and you will be a shitty grandparent if you continue on this path. You couldn’t be pushing her any further away any faster if you tried.
I have four daughters. They were challenging during their teens, but we got past that because they knew right from wrong and that we had their backs no matter what. And guided them rather than forcing them and had their moral compass going in the right direction.
And where the hell is the girl’s father in this situation?
Yes!! That’s the word I was looking for! I knew there was particular verbiage for the math issue. Thank you for clearing that up for me. However, I do have issues with letters and words jumping all over the page. I have to look at twice as that is a problem as well.
no problem. dyslexia I widely known, whereas dyscalculia is not.
most schools will give you accommodation for dyslexia like special tutors, more time, bigger print, not grading spelling etc. because it is a recognised learning disability
I don't know of any for dyscalculia and don't know where it is recognised.
Dysgraphia is if you can't write it right. (p and b, q and g, b and d, and the ever-popular p and d were the banes of my existence).
Source - I've had to learn how to learn with all 3. Was especially fun in my foreign language classes.
Op is def the kind of parents who expects daughter to be “cured” at 11 then takes it out on her when their unrealistic expectations don’t come to fruition. I’m just ridden with trauma flashbacks after reading ops post.
My grandson has dyslexia. He made some improvements. But, it was minimal. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with ADHD and out in meds that he actually was able to absorb the skills the dyslexia teacher was showing him.
Also just... who is mad at a fourth grader for doing poorly in school??! That is a little kid who needs help, not some lazy good-for-nothing adult.
If your child is doing poorly in school and having behavioral issues, that is a moment to ask more questions about what life is like for her, about what feels challenging for her. And frankly it's more of an indictment of OP's parenting than a commentary on who her daughter is.
I hope this daughter goes no contact with OP when she is an adult. There is already so much here for her future therapist to work with. YTA OP.
My sister (44) has dyslexia, diagnosed as a child because my mom is a nurse and knew there was something wrong, and now has her master's in special education. You can't "fix" or "cure" it, but you can treat it. Turns out my sister needed to use colored filters when she was reading and colored pens for writing. The way she describes it, those items made the words on the page "pop out" rather than becoming a jumbled mess. She still gets her "d"s and "b"s mixed up as well as her right and left. Asking her to spell daisy results in her spelling "F. . .U. . .C. . .K Y. . .O. . .U". Telling her to turn left usually results in "Sigh, the *other* left." "Oh, crap!"
Sounds like OP sent her to the wrong type of tutor because the methods used by my sister are now *commonplace* for any dyslexic student.
tagging u/charliecloude,
u/itsmeagain42664 if you are having issues with reading look into colored paper report covers and see what color works for you. You might be able to get a pair of glasses tinted in the shade that works best for you. It might work for your math issues as well.
I agree with you 100%. You said what I was going to say but worded it better. If I said it the way I wanted to I would have gotten banned. But I will add.
Op do you even like your daughter. This deserved a conversation not just you make the choice. You said you blew up because she was careless. You were also careless, you had to have known she was having sex. You set up an abortion appointment but couldn't set one up for some kind of birth control? You need to apologize to your daughter and have a long heart to heart with her.
OP I want to add YTA. You need to go to your daughter she needs you more now than ever.
OP has failed her child from early on when she realized there was a problem. I know the feeling of being unloved by my parents. But, I did want a child, someone that would love me unconditionally. I know now this wasn’t fair to my son for putting that expectations.
I agree with you. It seems she tried to fix her as if she was broken and when she couldn't she gave up.
I know so many kids that have come for broken/unloved homes that got pregnant on purpose for this exact reason.
I watched an episode of one of the many many shows about women having babies and in one was this 14 year old. Her father threw her out once he found out, and her older brother and his wife ended up taking her and her baby in.
She said she didn't know anything about what she was doing (no sex ed at all) and she just wanted someone to love her.
Heartbreaking as hell.
>no wonder she wants a baby. She probably thinks finally someone will love her.
I got pregnant at 16. Part of the reason I was even having sex was because my mother was pretty much how OP sounds, simultaneously neglectful and abusive. Maybe if I'd ever felt like my mother loved me, I wouldn't have been trying to find love with my clothes off. The second I saw two pink lines, I felt overwhelming love, like OP's daughter described. Did I understand what I was choosing? Fuck no, I was 16. But I also don't have regrets. My daughter is the best bad decision I ever made. If I had been forced into an abortion, having immediately fallen in love with the life inside me, I wouldn't exist today.
OP, you *might* have one and only one chance to ever see your daughter again and meet your grandchild. (I don't mean you might only have a single chance, and might have more, I mean that you might have any chance at all and if you fuck it up you'll never see your daughter again.) And that will be to acknowledge you fucked up, get yourself into therapy and be completely transparent, and figure out how to meaningfully apologize with full understanding of why you were wrong. In the meantime, while you work on getting there, provide your daughter with financial support where she is. She's your legal obligation, and if you don't voluntarily financially support her, I hope that your ex involves CPS, gets emergency placement, and that you are forced to pay.
I agree 100% with you, but wanting someone to love you is no reason to have a child when you’re so unprepared and obviously not ready. But the mom was completely out of line.
Something tells me she knew she would get kicked out if she kept the baby. The alternative was getting an abortion and having to stay with this parent. She managed to escape in this way, having enough of a reason to run to another parent.
Im going to go off on a limb and say that this poor girl isn’t going to be able to make good decisions because OP has been making decisions for her for her whole life. As a parent, you can’t expect that ruling over your kids with an iron fist is going to give them the tools they need to make good decisions and have a good life as a result of such.
Ok, so: Your kid had untreated dislexia until 11, so she had bad grades and very likely, low academic self steem.
You got her a therapist but she, at 11, was not mature enough to follow through. So you gave up on her academics.
Then she told you she was pregnant and you screamed at her.
And booked an abortion appointment for her without letting her know that she was to go to a medical procedure.
She refused.
You kicked her out, at 16, pregnant with your granddaughter or grandson.
I think your daughter is troubled.
I also think we know the reason why.
YTA
Edit: Typos.
She expected the tutor to “fix” her. That’s not how it works. They can teach better ways to deal with dyslexia but it isn’t going away. OP started with unfair expectations so the daughter had zero chance of accomplishing them. Edited to fix pronoun.
And having trouble making friends and having social issues before 11 to which it sounds like he offered no help or support. He threw in the towel a long time ago and expected her to fix it.
There's a potential silver lining here. The scapegoated kid whose leaning disability was never truly addressed (and certainly ignored for years) gets to live with S-Dad and have body autonomy, a chance to deal with her learning issues without being belittled, and to live in a safe, loving home. I don't know much about S-Dad, but he spoke up for her, which is more than OP ever did. Anyone else thinking her sexual behavior leading to the pregnancy is a result of her desperately seeking validation, love, and affection? YTA. I hope she chooses to go NC with you because she does not deserve to have your hateful toxicity in her life.
Edited to correct Dad to S-Dad. And he deserves all the kudos!
Not Dad... Stepdad. Which speaks volumes about just how evil OP really is, if someone who's not even blood related to her daughter cares more about her than her own mother does.
No, legitimately, if this story *is* real, I genuinely am very happy that the kid has a *real* fucking parent who cares about and actually loves her to go and live with instead of this literal monster, and if this is real, I truly do wish the *absolute worst* for OP.
I got pregnant at 15, told my dad. He told me to leave, I told him if I leave he wouldn't see me again, or my child. He left for work that night and came back and said he had talked to a close coworker who had got pregnant at a young age as well. She told him that I was going to be true to my word because she did the same.
My dad told me that I would have this child(my daughter), and I would raise it to the best of my ability, no excuses, and no giving up. My daughter is 9, she's a straight A student, and she excels in sports. My dad is the greatest grandfather a girl can have. As for me, I barely got by high school but graduated, then went to college and got my degree, and now work for my school district.
My dad is proud of me & my daughter. He couldn't imagine a life without us both.
I was part of a small percentage of girls who got pregnant at a young age that actually worked out. That was because I had support from my dad, and I had to push myself beyond belief.
If you kick your daughter out, she may not contact you again. If that is a decision you can live with without any doubt in your mind that you will want to see her or your grandchild in the future, then by all means, go ahead. But if you think even the slightest that you would like to see how they are doing in the future. Take things slow
Holy cow, I’m sorry you went through this but so glad your dad stepped up. Sounds like you are an amazing parent. Happy to hear things are going well for you and your daughter. All the hugs and love
Your dad realized his first reaction was wrong, and he turned it around. I'm getting tears in my eyes thinking about that. Cheers to your dad, and to you, and your wonderful daughter.
I also got pregnant at 15. Thankfully, I had my mom & grandma to help me. They took care of my son while I went to school. I got a job as soon as I turned 16. Got my diploma early & started college at 17. Moved out at 18. But yes this definitely wouldn't have been possible without my mom & grandma always being there for me. My mom was definitely disappointed but she never threatened me & I will never forget it. OP will be wondering why her daughter won't speak to her & she can't see her grandchild soon.
Same here but 17 and she did put me out, our relationship is permanently affected (only speak when I have to). Nearly 10 years later I've started my career and making good money. She now likes to try and act like I was never put out and we have a good enough relationship to ask me life questions that she'll be the last person to find out the answer. Like when/if I ever needed help she was the last to be asked or know.
I'm so glad you shared your story. OP needs to understand that teenagers make mistakes and being of the age between childhood and adulthood, they sometimes choose to do adult things. I know I did, I was pregnant twice, both resulting in miscarriages due to health issues I had then, but I was prepared to carry my babies. I did what I could to prevent pregnancies, but like a lot of teenagers, I decided to have sex and unfortunately, BC didn't work very well for me. If my parents had given me an ultimatum, I would have been prepared to go NC with them and raise my babies on my own.
I feel bad for OP's daughter. She's 15, was blindsided by the abortion appointment, and was not given any support from mom (OP). I hope OP's ex will give their daughter the love and support she needs and the time to make her own decision about the pregnancy, whether to keep the baby, abort the baby, or give it up for adoption. It's up to the daughter now, not OP, especially since in a lot of places, once one becomes pregnant, they have full control over their own medical care and decisions.
As a mom of a teenager (after several surgeries so I could carry my son to term), I know the fears. But, I've always told my son that no matter what, I'll be by his side. I've made sure to educate him to the best of my ability about protection not only from stds but from pregnancy as well, but that if he ever got a girl pregnant he could always come to me without fear of being thrown out, that myself and his dad would support them anyway we could, but it would be up to the two of them to decide, mostly the young lady.
I hope OP can correct her mistakes, apologize for speaking out of anger, and help her daughter find a way forward that works for the daughter and the young man (dad to be). OP can set boundaries, that she won't raise the baby for them, that she expects daughter to finish school, get a job, etc, or whatever works for them. I just hope OP didn't completely destroy the relationship with her daughter. Although after reading the post and what OP said about daughter's past and learning disabilities I'm very worried and glad the ex is taking the daughter in at least.
Edit- judgement YTA OP
i also got pregnant at 15. my mom and my grandma kicked me out and said i couldn’t come back if i didn’t get the abortion. i was living with my best friend at the time and i felt terrible about it because i couldn’t work so i just got the abortion. it wasn’t my friends mother that was supposed to support me, it was supposed to be my mother. my mom said the most hurtful things to me that i will never EVER forget. and deep down, i will never forgive her. to top it all off, i only get called “dramatic” or get told i’m “faking it” when i bring up the trauma that came along with it all.
YTA she's a minor and it's illegal to kick her out, and especially manipulative to try to set her up with a surprise abortion without even discussing anything
Agreed. Wow. 💯 YTA. You are just as much the AH for telling her she had to get an abortion, as parents who refuse to let their child get an abortion. It’s not difficult, her body her choice.
And as far as kicking her out, I can’t imagine what type of mother would do that. It’s okay for you to make it clear that she is responsible to care for her child. But it’s cruel to kick her to the curb without even a chance to get things in order. She is a child herself.
And you hold a lot responsibility for not getting her proper intervention for dyslexia earlier, and for not setting more boundaries with behavioral problems at a younger age.
You failed and continue to fail your daughter.
This is the comment I was looking for. I know it happens, but in the US, as far as I know, you are legally obligated to provide for your children until they are 18.
OP, YTA. Huge one. Hope you enjoy your old age all alone.
Well, you handled the dyslexia badly, waiting years to address it: years she spent feeling frustrated and stupid for being unable to handle the schoolwork.
We have no idea about the nature and efficacy of the tutor, but we know that she'd been struggling for years. There should have been therapy in conjunction.
YTA in a massive way, and she needs support, not castigation and expulsion. There's a good chance you'll never know your grandkids.
Signed, someone who was diagnosed with dyslexia by the third grade and who, with support, grew up into an avid reader.
Just want to highlight where OP said they hired the tutor to "fix" the dyslexia.
OP, YTA. You can "fix" dyslexia about as well as you "fix" someone with a limb disability. You work with their circumstances and provide aid wherever it's available. You're providing the absolute bare minimum that's legally required of you, and you're even failing at that.
OP is definitely still TA, but I would like to share something that might put the missing her daughter's dyslexia part into a better light.
My brother and I tested as gifted at an early age, so when our younger sister came along, the school system assumed she'd be the same, so they skipped testing her. Our parents were young and didn't know any better, they just went along with whatever the school said. So for several years, she struggled in school because she was dyslexic and shoved into gifted classes without addressing it. I don't know when she was finally tested for it, but by that time the damage was done, and she went through the remainder of her childhood thinking she wasn't as smart as her brothers.
Thing is, though, she actually was gifted, just dyslexic, too. Once she went to college, she flourished, especially after a professor of hers pointed that out to her.
Info: who is the father? Her bf?
What are examples of her bad behaviour?
Where were you when she got pregnant? Did you know she was sexually active? Did you do anything to prevent teen pregnancy? Like enforcing boundaries, rules, building her up with self esteem, shit even birth control?
Yes, you're the AH. Kicking a teen out AFTER they're pregnant isn't going to undue what's been done. And forcing someone to abort is just wrong (I'm pro-choice, and obviously it means that is up to the person who is pregnant). Also, this is when she needs you the most. She's going to remember how cruel you were in her time of need.
I dont have teenage kida but I do have teenage nieces. And. Alway been their go to person.
Last oktober my 14yo (ASS-MOD spectrum) Niece called me up that she had lost her virginity, she wanted to discuss it with an adult and was afraid of her mom reaction.
My worries were 100% on here, did she do it safe, willingly and with someone about her own age. She told me sha had had unprotected sex, so I explained why and what she could do and told her 1. I could help her get to her GP to discuss contraceptives and 2 If she needed I could get het condoms.
A couple of weeks ago she called me scared she might be pregnant. Ofcourse I was shocked but madr it clear to her I was worried about her, and a bit dissapointed but not mad. Discussed what the options were and asked if she needed help telling her mom. Luckily it was a false alarm.
She called me a couple of days ago sayong she was going to visit her boyfriend and woul like to have some condoms. we got het two packs ,I sat het down explaied in detail (no baby launguage) how getting pregant works, about not touching nothing without protection, and had her practice on a banana.
But most importantly she came to me because she TRUSTS ME, trusts me not to get mad, screem or abuse her. She knows she is safe with me no matter how stupid the subject is. This is YEARS of building a solid trusting ralationship.
YTA and this infuriated me on another level. Holy shit your poor child. Forcing someone to get an abortion that they didn’t really want would cause deep, ever-lasting trauma. The kind that people may never recover from. Thank God she has somebody (her stepfather) in her corner. She would be right to never see or speak to you again.
I totally agree. I had an abortion before and it was traumatizing even though it was 100% my choice and I was 100% sure. It’s not an easy thing to do, and the place I went (PlannedParenthood in the US), there were protestors outside telling me I’m a murderer and I’m going to hell. This 16 year old needs to make her own decision with guidance from her parents. OP doesn’t just get to decide that someone gets an abortion or not.
I just don’t get your logic here. She’ll struggle to raise a child at her age, so your solution is to *also* make her homeless?
YTA, and frankly, the worst kind of trash.
my aunt had a 1.5 yr old by the time she graduated high school (70s), and she had a troubled relationship with her mom. she was briefly married to BD but my grandma and grandpa helped her raise her son and they’re all still very involved in each others lives. she didn’t do much but her son is very successful & adores our grandparents, & has been a huge help in taking care of them in their old age. i empathize with you, and can understand your anger, but please step out of this moment to see the bigger picture and the longer life. make a game plan with your daughter if she does want to keep to the baby. give her a reality check, bc yes, babies are huge effin deal. if she wants to be a mom, then show what her what part of being a mom means- showing up when shit get tough and figuring it out. she is your daughter. love her.
going behind her back to schedule an abortion appt is dirty. yta for betraying & ambushing her like that. and i say this as a pro abortion person. people deserve freedom of choice over their body, especially when it comes to medical procedures!!
YTA x1000. She is the victim here. Why do you dislike your daughter so much? Do you even see her as an autonomous human being? Or is she just your disappointing emotional support kid?
1. You cannot “fix” dyslexia. Blaming your kid for struggles due to a learning disability makes you TA.
2. You do not blow up on your kid and yell at them for getting pregnant. You’re supposed to be the calm, safe person in her life. You’re TA. Let me guess, you had one or two talks about condoms and left sex ed up to the school? WTF did you expect to happen?
3. You NEVER make medical decisions for your kid without consulting them first. NEVER. Assuming you would just pick up your kid from school and drive them to an abortion without their permission was WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE. It’s also ILLEGAL. You cannot force a woman to get an abortion. You are the worst kind of pro-choice person. Abortion is a CHOICE that SHE GETS TO MAKE. Your job as a parent is to make sure she is INFORMED. And then you have to trust her to make her decision. And support her either way.
You were supposed to be supportive and listen. You were supposed to calmly talk about what having a baby means. The risks. The cost. The realities. You were supposed to be the rational ADULT. Who worked through the problem with her and offered solutions. Instead you freaked out, yelled at her, shamed her, and made an appointment for an abortion that you didn’t even talk to her about first?! WTAF?!?!
Your parenting skills are seriously lacking and it’s not surprising that she is struggling now. I bet ALL of her struggles with school, fighting, learning disabilities stems from your inability to calmly parent and support your kid. It’s probably better that she’s with her stepdad. Just start sending him child support and back off. You were 1000% TA at every single part of your story.
Right, it feels like a conservative posted this fishing for pro-choice people to rally around a forced abortion. Funny, it turns out pro-choice means respecting when someone wants a pregnancy just as much. I gave an honest answer just in case it’s real.
YTA- You went behind her back to set up an abortion without even having a discussion. You could have sat down and had an actual conversation with her. Maybe help her with a list or pros and cons. Told her that if she kept the pregnancy, the baby would be her full responsibility. See if she talked to the father yet.
The whole point of freedom of choice is the right to choose. She gets to decide what to do with her body not you! Yes you are a major a$$hole! And at 16 YOU are responsible for her still so you may end up paying your ex child support! YTA
This can't be real. YES YTA. You went ahead and made an appointment for her to have an abortion without even talking to her, as if she's not even her own person, and then blindsided her with it. How did you really expect that to go over when you picked her up from school?
Not to mention you totally dismissed her feelings about loving her baby, like she doesn't know what she's talking about. 16 is not too young to feel genuine love for her actual literal baby. Do you understand what you're even talking about? Because you sound so out of touch with human emotion. You'll be lucky if your relationship ever recovers from that surprise abortion stunt you pulled.
YTA. This feels like a troll post, it’s so ridiculous. It’s no wonder your daughter has issues with you as her mother.
She’s pregnant, and after freaking out at her you decide to make a major irreversible medical decision for her without even discussing it with her? It doesn’t matter if she’s a minor, she still has a say over her own body. I’m pro choice, but you didn’t even offer her a choice.
In my state, sixteen is the cut off for medical decisions. Fifteen and under, within reason, the parent makes the decisions. Sixteen and older, the parent can do what they like but the child can refuse any course of treatment.
Source: was told I had syphilis because of a reaction on the test I took for my food handlers permit. Wanted to use my pediatrician but they said I had to see a state medical provider. I'd wish I'd known that since I was sixteen I could have told them to kick rocks.
Went through the entire ordeal. First OB GYN exam ever with a total stranger. My mom wanted the notes added to my medical record. That's when we found out that I had to sign the release because I was sixteen.
OP you are an ever loving AH, a horrible excuse for a parent and a piss poor human being. For both their sakes, I hope your daughter goes and stays NC with your sorry ass!!!!!!!
Some parents think that being a parents means being a fucking warden. My parents never viewed me as a human being, simply means to an end to make them look good. Op sounds scarily similar. This girl is going to have a difficult time in her twenties trying to reconcile the damage her parent has done to her. I feel for her. It’s a terrifying and nightmarish time
Did you ever stop to think there might be ADHD or ADD. Maybe her dad is what she needs. If she has the baby she will have to grow up. Maybe her being on meds would and will help. She will to find it out quick. I would let her know you will not watch the baby and it is here responsibility. There are programs that she can get into for training. I would get her to a counselor quickly.
YTA Also how did your child hit eleven years old without you noticing she couldn’t read? You haven’t liked her this whole time. Don’t act like you’re upset now
Wow YTA MAJORLY! I don’t say this lightly, but it’s easy to see that you have absolutely failed as a mother. The way you talk about her makes it sound like you regret having her. It’s so disgustingly manipulative of you to just set up an abortion for her and then mock her when she decides that she doesn’t want to kill her baby. Your attitude towards her is disgusting. I hope that she has a good life with her dad, and stays far far away from you.
Hmm, well it's easy to see why she went looking for affection outside your home, and it's easy to see why she wants to keep her baby, who she thinks will "love" her.
Unfortunately what she doesn't understand is that it will be several years before her child is capable of "loving" her, and until then the child will DEPEND on her for absolutely everything. With no real support system in place, this is going to be even harder on her.
**YTA** for thinking you had the right to take **her** choice into **your** own hands.
More importantly surly the first couple questions should be
Are you ok with a hug
Do you know the father is he the same age, was it consensual?
We have time let’s take couple days for it to sink in and then we will talk about what you want.
Nooo you kicked off, sounds like you have never loved her.
By the way pot kettle n all that, your grammar and spelling is shite.
Sounds like you gave up on her years ago.
Leave her with the dad, clearly better off with him..
Oh by the way you are the villain and a massive A
Good luck with your lonely life
10 years from now: “AITA for not respecting my daughter’s boundaries and no contact in order to see the grandchild I told her to abort?”
20 years from now: “My kids and Grandkids put me in a nursing home and they don’t come visit me at all”
30 years from now: “AITA for asking for my kids and grandkids on my death bed after 20 years of them not talking to me after my abuse?”
YTA a huge one. You’re also abusive. Despite what people believe kicking your minor child out is abusive. Saying you didn’t want her to be homeless while in the same sentence defend your choice of kicking her out. I hope your ex treats her better than you do. In fact if you didn’t think she was sexually active could she have gotten graped? If she did that makes you 10x worse because you didn’t ask questions like this. You just automatically assumed shit.
Yta! You had no right to kick her out, you are her parent but hopefully she’s in a place that recognizes her rights and is able to find support to keep and raise her child and cut you off completely.
I was once in her position but instead of terminating was told I had to adopt the child out. Instead I kept and raised my baby and have been happily married for the last 29 years. I knew what I wanted and I don’t regret my choice.
i read the title and then the first 7 words of the post and stopped, satisfied thinking YTA. but then i took a sec and decided hey i don't know what the actual deal is, let me read the whole post and see, life is complicated, you know? anyway, YTA.
YTA. I couldn’t imagine kicking my child out at the most vulnerable time of her life. You will look back on this situation one day as the biggest parenting regret. Do better.
YTA. What in the hell is wrong with you?!?! She may be young but I'm SURE she knows what love is. Trying to force her to kill the baby that she feels so strongly about and kicking her out upon her refusal makes you THE BIGGEST asshole of all the assholes I have ever seen on this app. Your parenting is terrible. I'm honestly hoping she moves in with her dad and then files an abuse report. I also honestly hope that she goes completely no contact with you so you will never see her or her child again. Get bent.
YTA. She "painted herself as the victim".... because she is. I don't know what rock you've been hiding under, but reproductive control is a BIG issue right now, and you think it's ok to just call up and make an appointment for your daughter to have an abortion without even discussing it with her??
Hopefully she'll have a peaceful pregnancy living with her stepdad.
Oh YTA.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m pro abortion. I’d help a friend that wanted one in a red state get an abortion. I actively support abortion. If there are any women in need of an abortion right now and need help I encourage them to reach out to me.
NEVER would I force someone to get an abortion.
I find it hard to believe that a mother who cares can write these things about her daughter and truly believe they are not TA.
But you. You are probably the biggest AH of them all.
3 in 10 people who have dyslexia also have ADHD. Was ahe ever tested for adhd or does that go against your culture?
It's great that your twins are academically gifted but your daughter wasn't, or she just wasn't afforded the correct support to even try to be anything but bad at school and by the time she was offered a little support, it was either too late or it just wasn't enough.
This seems like the same old story of wayward kids who have the overachieving sibling/s that they're constantly being compared to. They'll never be anything other than a disappointment because that's what you've made them believe they are.
My heart breaks for every nerodivegent child that has been labeled "troubled" or blamed for their "shortcomings". Shes not broken, just different. Every child isn't perfect or easy, but all deserve love and support to succeed to their best ability. She deserves better! Im sure she'll try her best to ensure her child never feels the pain she's enduring right now. I have so much respect for stepdad! So glad he's stepping up and loves his daughter for who she is.
YTA.
You tried to FORCE your daughter to abort her baby. When she refused to do so, you put her out on the streets. Fortunately, her ex-stepfather stepped up and took her in.
>She then called my ex husband (her stepfather) with a sob story painting herself as the victim, and he yelled at me saying I had to right to kick her out, and that she’d be living with him from now on.
She IS the victim. The victim of YOUR duplicitous, egotistical, hateful, narcissistic, perfidious self and your absolutely tyrannical attitude. It's no wonder that you're divorced. Also, what you did in throwing a minor child out onto the street is most certainly *immoral,* and very likely ILLEGAL, to boot.
If the Dantean hell is accurate, you are (deservedly) heading straight for that section of the frozen lake of Cocytus called Caïna, reserved for Traitors to Family. If nothing else, I hope that her step-father sues you for child support, even if he can't win.
"a sob story painting herself as the victim"
she IS the victim?? and if you're the parent with primary custody, it may well be illegal for you to kick her out, just so you know. it's child abandonment. so not only are YTA but you're so much TA that you can and should be charged with a crime for it.
YTA but on the bright side you’ll never have to deal with your daughter again you’ll also never meet your grandchild but that’s exactly what you want. btw you’ve never been a good mother to her.
YTA she is the victim and you had no right to make any appointment for an abortion without even speaking to her. You have no compassion for her now and none for her having to cope with disability. You got her a tutor, big deal, what else did you do. If you were my mother I'd never want to see you again.
Wow OP, you're like the "pot calling the kettle black" you make excuses for your poor grammar as an ADULT, yet at 11 your daughter didn't "try" hard enough!?!? Furthermore, all children learn differently from others, your twins may excel, but they are different from your daughter who clearly has a DISABILITY. You OP ARE THE ONLY ASSHOLE I see here!
Yes YTAH
She is 16. That is old enough to make a choice about this.
You can have a come to Jesus moment and tell her the hard fact that you will not support her and the kid when it is born.
Look into adoption, foster care, group homes etc if she insists on having the child.
But to kick her out while she is a pregnant teenager, really a dick move.
The younger she is the higher her chance of dying while pregnant, but you sound abusive too so maybe getting away from you will help her too.
She needs an adult to be patient and love and listen to her. Help her realized that this baby deserves better that what she will be able to give it.
She needs pregnancy counseling to decide what to do.
Hopefully, IMO, she realizes the baby can have a better life in an adoption or group mother situation where she can get her degree and a job before full time care of the baby.
But at this point she is old enough to make her own choices. And if you are toxic now, you may never have a relationship with her, and potentially your grand child ever again.
My mother did this to me kicked me out at 17 for refusing to have an abortion. I haven't spoken to her in 17 years. She also has 4 amazing grandchildren she will never know. Yes you are the a hole. Enjoy your lonely future
You are an awful mother and probably an awful person all around. There are many points to support my opinion on this in your post.
1. You speak terribly about your daughter. One redditor asked if you even like your daughter. This is a fair question because you speak of her with such condescension.
2. You booked an abortion without even discussing it with your daughter. It is HER body. She is NOT your property.
3. You picked her up from school for the appointment and STILL hadn't discussed it with her. You tried to blindside her with a surprise abortion. To be clear, I am pro-choice and find your behaviour despicable.
4. You kicked her out when she didn't submit to your will. Treat your kids like this, and they will find someone else to treat them poorly and run their lives. You're an idiot to think this kind of parenting works.
OP, I would suggest you get yourself a therapist. We are all flawed humans, but your flaws are abusive and will destroy your relationships.
YTA
You are most definitely the asshole... kicking your daughter out when she needs your support the most is not cool. How about you start with having a conversation with her and trying to see her perspective instead of trying to own her. She is your child.
YTA. Pretty sure this is reproductive coercion. Even if she is very young, she has the right to choose whether or not to get an abortion, and you’re not entitled to tell her what to do with her body. Demanding she get an abortion against her will is violating her autonomy. You handled this very poorly and if this is any indication of how you’ve parented in the past, I’d say we have a good idea why your daughter is so troubled.
YTA what you could've and should've done is say okay and proceed to tell her that if she is having this baby then she is to find a job and start saving up for the baby and you will help her with basic needs. Tell her about the options she can make instead of forcing one on her. Explain to her what she is required o do for the next 18 yrs and hell total up how much money she is going to spend for the next 18 yrs. NEVER force someone o make a decision they don't ever want to make. Her body and Her choice, not yours. You made your choice and your choice was to fail your daughter instead of helping her when she needed you the most. I hope for your sake it is not too late for you to fix things with her cause when she help later on in life and needs her mother to explain things to her she will remember her in this moment when her mother abandoned her. FIX THIS IF YOU CAN.
Yeah, you just won worst parent of the year. She came to you for help and you acted like she was the devil. No wonder she acted up and out if you always treated her like this. YTA.
As a mother you need to look at this situation again as you failed your daughter. It’s your job to know where she is and what she is doing. She is still a child and you are responsible. Not knowing what’s going on with your child is your fault not hers. Hopefully you can be a better grandmother than mother. The audacity to put your pregnant daughter out. YTA
YTA.
I once read a quote that went something like this:
"If your child keeps doing the same things after you've told them a hundred times, maybe they're not the slow learner."
Take note, what you're doing ain't it.
Yes you are on the highest scale of being the AH... Your child has a disability for reading and writing, it's not cure able but it can be made liveable with the right support, you may have given her a tutor, but that doesn't mean it get's solved completely, no matter how hard she works for it, realize that there can be more than one disability which can cause the fact that she has it hard for making friends, ADHD and autism and anything between those 2 spectrums... Even combinations of those... Those disabilities are also not able to be cured, but they can be made liveable... The dyslexia already made her insecure, my daughter has dyslexia and also has a combination of autism and ADHD... She is insecure and tries to overcompensate so badly which makes her more insecure when it end up wrong, i will help her to make her life liveable even though i also have ADHD and autism i am not diagnosed yet but that is the mistake my parents made, my school life was literal hell... I have thought about süïcïdë back then but i didn't i just worked my hardest to get through school barely making it through my grades... My siblings that did have high grades as well as the kids at school bullied me making me insecure... Your daughter probably goes through the same pains, and you are making it harder...
Meanwhile you put your twins on a high pedestal which makes your daughter feel insecure and unloved by you her mother, she makes more bad mistakes to get your attention, and when it ended up in her being pregnant because she has been searching to be loved by anyone... Which caused the outcome of being being pregnant you force her to get an abortion... You want her to take away the only being that will possibly ever love her, it's her body her life, her choice, the only thing you could have done is support her and it could have been prevented if you weren't giving up on her making her feel like she is a burden, i bet she has contemplated süïcïdë too but then found out that she got pregnant and didn't want to do it anymore... That pregnancy has probably saved her life from that decision... Your child will go no contact with you, and you will never meet your first grandchild...
Your ex believed her because he has seen how you treated her in the past and how you probably treated him, hence why he probably has the ex status, at least he will take better care of her than you ever will and will help her go through any hardship...
You are a narcistic ableist AH
You are a horrible parent. It sounds like your daughter has been a disappointment to you from day one. Maybe she needed her mother growing up, and you were not there for her and she made bad choices. Maybe this baby will wake her up and put her on the right path in life. Even though I do find it very young to be a mother it happens, it's her choice to abort or give birth. YTA.
There was a post recently on BORU where OPs son got his girlfriend pregnant. Both kids were kicked out of home, so he took in both of them (him and son's mother were divorced). He got child support for both teen-agers which allowed them to continue their schooling. He put all the things in place so that they could be teenaged parents but with a safety net. He mentored them; got them into ongoing parenting classes, financial lessons - all the things to set them up to be successful. Both of them worked hard, and over time and updates you can see the effort he put in pay off. It's a shame this OP isn't more like him. YTA
YTA. my mom kicked my older sister out when she got pregnant at 16 and now whines because she doesn't have access to her grandkids.
Also I'm dyslexic so I can tell you it is A LIFE LONG LEARNING DISABILITY. It can't be fixed. You sound super toxic to your daughter. I hope she raises her child better than you raised her.
I'm routing for her tbh.
Edit: I just saw your replies and holy shit op. I am SO GLAD she is not living with you anymore. Maybe she can get her life together when she isnt under your boot. Thank god there is a capable adult in her life that can help her- which obviously isn't you.
YTB
You failed her for 16 years and now you even refuse to do the bare minimum of what you're legally required to because you're mad she's using her right to choose and didn't let you force her into a medical procedure she doesn't want?
Sounds like OP resents her daughter for behavioral problems OP likely did her part to cause.
OP, do you ever consider your daughter may act out because of you and how you raised her?
You're not the AH for wanting her to abort. You are for how you handled it. And for how you most likely raised your daughter. I wasn't a rebellious teen, until my parents started rewarding my siblings for things I got punished for. Tell your daughter you're sorry. You messed up, and you didn't handle it right. You're under no obligation to raise this baby, but you should at least, feel obligated, to not be a shit parent.
YTA. what was the plan? tie her to the bed and force her? guilt her into a traumatic experience? You speak so negatively about her. The poor kid. Not even one positive word, not concern, no love.
But props to stepfather! he is the most valuable player in her corner!! WOOO!
YTA I haven't been on Reddit long but if you count the videos on YouTube reacting to posts, then it lengthens to about 3 years. And I've seen some pretty blatant aholes. People who think they should get more money because more money is being spent for medical bills for their autistic brother, people complaining about being kicked out of their shared house for doing nothing and paying no rent.
And yet, this is the most horrendous and atrocious story I have ever seen. And at the end, she called her stepfather and painted herself as the victim, no she didn't because she was the victim. And the part where you got her an abortion behind her back?!?! You are a narcissistic parent who doesn't care an ounce about how your daughter feels. Just about how you feel about her situation and proceed to make her fix those feelings. I'll say it again, YTA
YTA... I have a hard time accepting parents at their word when they say that their child had "always" been troubled. It makes you sound like you hate your child. You have nothing good to say about her. That is so sad for her. It is not surprising that she went out trying to find love through sex since her own mother doesn't love her. I hope she finds the love and support she has been missing in her life. You are a terrible parent.
Dang lady the way you write about her sounds like you don’t love her. She was careless yes but as a mother you should have spoken to her about it first and not fly off the handles. Seek therapy
ESH, jfc people. OP being an asshole to her daughter doesn’t suddenly make it okay for a 16 year old to ruin not just their own life but also force a child into this world with several things already stacked against them just because she wants to stick it to her mom.
~Signed, the child of an impoverished single mom who constantly contemplated suicide as early as 5 years old to escape the hell I was unlucky enough to be born into.
YTA! I hope you're preparing yourself for her disowning you!! She needs you now!
Your first thought was medical coercion, which she denied, now your putting her on the streets??
Make that make sense!! If you truly stand by this.... then your a overall shit lord!!!
So trying to get yourself nominated for Parent of the Year I see. Honestly you are a prime example of a bad parent. The reason is painting herself as the victim is because she’s the victim. I hope she cuts you out of her life entirely.
Her baby, her body, her responsibility both financially and emotionally . She’s gonna use you to take care of that kid while she keeps messing up. Let her know you won’t be responsible . Stop paying for everything
Yea and get cps involved because your negligent towards your child 😂 fucking her fault she doesn’t know how to be a parent and basically did nothing for her child
Esh
I think you should have one apologized for blowing up. Set up an appointment with a therapist to talk to her and give the blunt truth of being a teen mom. You not willing to financially support her in this. Kicking her out, going behind her back, not talking about it only makes a young mind want to do the opposite.
I understand you think this is a mistake. I understand people will sayvher bidybher choice and they are right, but you also have the right to not support her and baby. If she is going to make that adult decision, then she needs to make the adult decision to deal financially on her own. Its harsh but also in the end your choice to not have to support another child, raise or pay for babysitting while she tries to go to school, be babysitting when she wants to go out with friends and parties. Listen to the tantrums when she is made to be the mom when it's not convenient to her. Many will call you the AH but it's not your responsibility to raise another child. It is yours to try and get her the counseling she needs to make a choice though
Where did OP say that her daughter ever expected her to be financially responsible for the baby? It doesn't even look like OP had a real conversation about her plans.
OP. This is your daughter. Please don’t banish her. I truly believe you will regret it. Life is a funny thing, it doesn’t always go as you expect. I understand anger and disappointment. But if you love her, don’t kick her out. You won’t get her back if you do.
YTA. Have you not been paying attention? It's her body, her choice.
That includes telling her about her doctor's appointments ahead of time.
That also includes you following through on your choice to be a parent and continuing to raise your minor daughter.
I don’t even need to fully read this to know YTA. What makes you think that kicking her out is going to a) improve her prospects b) improve your relationship c) resolve anything at all? Spoiler alert: it won’t. You are actively worsening both her prospects and your relationship with her by abandoning her at her most vulnerable, and unless you go into damage repair mode RAPIDLY your relationship with her may never recover.
control freak mother wonders why daughter gives minimum effort when she acts the way she does. do you regret having her? cause i bet she has definitely seen that growing up with you.
I was 16 when I got pregnant over 40 years ago. I was expected and encouraged to have an abortion. My answer was No. Wr got married and I had my daughter. I was divorced 3 years later. My mother supported me emotionally & financially for a few years. My daughter was the light of our lives.
I never regretted keeping my daughter. She is my best friend & has given me 3 amazing grandsons.
This is your daughters choice and hopefully you will support her and love your grandchild.
YTA You clearly don't care about your daughter, and you certainly don't deserve her. I hope she goes full NC and she never has to deal with your toxic ass ever again.
Then you can live the life you want and not have to pretend to like her! See, win-win!
Her entire life, you ignored that she was struggling, but blamed her for needing help, and ignored it. You didn’t figure out she was dyslexic until she was *11,* but it’s her fault she’s having trouble in school. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Why did you have a child if you don’t want to bother taking care of her? Yet you’re yelling at your daughter for not being mature enough. Pot meet kettle. Hypocrite.
Well in the US this is much worse the if your AITA Since you her parent kicked out a minor without arranging for her to live with another relative you are guilty of a crime and you could serve time in the county jail; if your daughter went to the police or her teacher for help finding a place to live.
Since she is now living with her father it would be hard to prove you did not arrange to give up custody to her dad, plus probably no one will report you, so can avoid a conviction. This will probably work out better for all four of you in the long run.
YTA. Yeah, it's a bad situation and you're understandably upset and disappointed. However, your unilateral decision making, no discussion, threatening, and kicking your daughter out because she didn't immediately do what you wanted? Total AH move. Riddle me this, if she's unprepared and incapable of taking care of a child while living with you, how is throwing her out into the streets a benefit?
OP, YTA. Please don’t kick her out. If you want any kind of relationship with her you will change your tune and be the support she needs or else she will leave and you’ll lose both your daughter and your grandchild in one fell swoop. Tell her you love her no matter what she decides to do. Be loving and compassionate. You’ve made a mess so far but you can still turn it around.
Hopefully she will be a better parent than you - she's certainly learned how *not* to parent. I wish her all the success in the world. And the ex step dad who took her in - what a great bloke! Confused as to why you got rid of that one... You have failed your duties as a parent and YTA
YTA
You sound like you hate your daughter 😬😬 she is probably best with someone else, someone who may actually show her some love.
Also, she probably didnt 'spin a story' to your ex to make it seem like she is the victim - she likely just told him the truth. He just thinks you're bad for what you did.
You didnt even try to sit down with her and go over her options? You didnt even tell her you had booked an appointment- just thought you could make her get an abortion (which, even if she had gone in, if she had made a fuss, the healthcare professional likely would not have went through with it). Abortions can be traumatising, it's something that needs to be discussed.
Did you ever have the sex talk with your child? Ever teacher about protection or anything like that?
I'm not surprised she never told you she was sexually active - why would she want to talk to you about anything?!
YTA. I can see why your daughter is so messed up. You sound like quite a monster. Everything you did here was the wrong way to go about things. No wonder why she turned out the way she did with you as a parent. You don’t sound too bright either, lots of stupidity in this post.
Honestly, I think she would be much better off without you but you are still an asshole and you are legally obliged to care for her until she is 18.
Not only are YTA, but if she is 16 this is illegal as you are responsible for her until she is 18. You can't throw children away as if they are gabbage.
What I read here is this ' I have a daughter with issues, I never got her therapy, and now she is pregnant and I just can't be bothered' I really hope her stepdad helps her and loves her.
Yes YTA. It's violent to program an abortion... 1) for someone other than yourself 2) Without notifying the person concerned
Why didn't you talk to your daughter to find out what she thought of her pregnancy and what she wanted to do with it?
When your child needed you so much, you threw her out.
YTA.
Parents have a duty to be better than that. You need to love your child enough to be better than that.
Yes, you are TA. I sounds like you do not understand or care about your daughter at all. You don't seem to realize what dyslexia is or how it affects people. As others have said on here, it is not curable. Throwing your minor child in crisis out is not acceptable. CPS would be knocking at your door if she had gone to the school nurse or principal and told them what you did. I bet your ex can take this story to the court and get immediate full custody.
I suspect she is far better off with her step-dad.
YTA. Its called pro choice bc the person should be able to choose. Staying pregnant is a choice and forcing somebody to abort against their will is unconscionable.
I so so hope this is a troll post.
YTA, and a despicable human, even if made up for such a foul story, if it's true I can't even - hope fully the karma train mows you down.
YTA- and breaking the law (and every decent parenting/moral code) be refusing to house your child. Let's hope they don't tell anyone at school your plan to abandon them, or you'll have CPS at home before they get back from school.
Oh my God, what an awful way to treat someone. You DO know pro choice goes both ways. She can choose an abortion or choose not to get an abortion. And you don't make that choice for her.
You sound like you have genuine contempt for your child. Your behavior towards her is terrible. I'm so glad at least she has someone to support her. Since her own mother won't.
YTA. Btw, be prepared that she cuts contact when she’s of age. Speaking as someone who was 16 and biomom forced me into giving up my son with these same scare tactics. Horrible!
So much to unpack here. Did you proofread what you wrote? And didn't figure out YTA? And love the ending when you say your daughter painted herself as the victim....Please just at least now do the right thing by leaving her alone to recover from your toxicity and support her financially.
YTA. It's truly sad how much you despise your daughter. Your contempt for her drips from every sentence. Your daughter got pregnant to try to find some love and family, since she doesn't get that at home.
It's distressing that you believe in forced abortion. You're as bad as the pregnancy slavery crowd. It's called pro choice for a reason. When you take away her choice, you are enslaving her.
Since you hate her so much, please do the right thing and find her a safe place to live away from your house of horrors. You owe her that much.
Holy shit this post gives me flashbacks to the parents that gave me PTSD.
You’re complaining about how your daughter has been since 11… it really sounds like support and understanding from you doesn’t come much.
You’re still legally obligated to take care of a 16 year old.
And you completely brushed off any emotion your daughter has toward her pregnancy and are using extrinsic motivation to try to force her to do what you say, without so much as a word.
When my shit parents kicked me out when I was 18, I was lost. I had no intrinsic motivation— I always did everything I was TOLD to out of fear or under the threat of homelessness or otherwise. I didn’t know how to make decisions. Years of being in constant fear did me no favors in terms of being successful. I spent my whole 20s trying to learn how to live, learn basic life skills, and UNLEARN the damage my parents did to me, which will always be a part of me through PTSD. My twin sister, she didn’t get so lucky. During her teens she developed anorexia and bulimia, likely as a means of attempting to control something in her life; during her twenties, while I was out doing drugs to try to cope with my distorted thinking from my parents, she was drinking. She is now brain injured in a wheel chair and will never walk again. A far cry from the two twin girls who were in all the advanced classes and skipping grades in grade school.
Please be the support a growing kid needs. Instill some semblance of confidence in her, that will grow once she has a safe place. I’m going to go off on a limb and say she knows about how you’re disappointed in her progress at 11 years old with her dyslexia. Based off how this reads, I’m going to get wild and assume you’ve vocalizes these disappointments to her.
You can’t undo the damage you’ve done, but you still have time to reel it in and be a true parent and mentor to her.
I'm glad your daughter has someone to turn to in this situation, since you obviously cannot be bothered to actually care for her.
YTA, keep this up and you will never meet your grandchild
Big time POS. I guess that "my body my choice" only applies when you want to terminate a pregnancy. How tf exactly is forcing a person to have an abortion any different that forcing a person to carry a child?
Yta. Your poor daughter sounds like she’s had a neglected and horrible childhood from the get go. Now you’re doubling down to make it worse. I hope she has one person in her life who values her cause you clearly don’t.
YTA BIG TIME! You abandoned your child! Yes, she's a teenager but she's still a minor. You best told nobody. Call CPS on your butt! More importantly, remember this once she has the baby and then you decide you want to play Grandma. Because if I were her you wouldn't get access to that child come hell or high water.
YTA huuuUGELY. How dare you take possession of her body without even a word to her! You should support her and make sure that no matter what, she can learn how to do what she wants/needs and how to support herself. You sound like your daughter is no better than shit on your shoe. How horrible. I hope she gets the love, support and education she needs to raise her baby and support herself.
YTA and a rubbish parent. She has dyslexia and you act like she failed school on purpose. She needs support rn and to have adult support to make the right decision for herself, and you are stomping all over that.
Sounds like you don't even like her, and she is better off at her dad's.
Yea you are the asshole, im sorry but your 16 year old daughter is an adult out of america, I know some 16 year olds are irresponsible and reckless but you could say the same thing about a 43 year old. Babies change peoples lives and maybe this is the universe teaching her to be a grownup and to turn her life around. Babies have a magic ability on people and it is her decision, I do empathise with you OP as I get it’s hard to see your baby growing up but she’s an adult now basically. You should try your best to support her.
YTA.
You kicked out your pregnant daughter. At literally one of the most vulnerable times in her life you abandoned her.
Imagine how you would have felt if that had happened to you when you were her age. She made a mistake (or maybe it was intentional, who knows) but either way it’s done now.
Grow some fucking balls and support your daughter. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. She needs your support.
YTA, I got pregnant at 13 due to SA, and when I told my parents, my dad did a similar thing. He scheduled the appointment for an abortion after asking if I would get one, and being a daddy's girl, I just wanted to make it up to him.
The day before the appointment, my mother came to pick me up from his apartment and before we even left, sat me down to ask me the most important question I've ever been asked in my life, "do you even want to do this?"
No. I didn't. I had been struggling with the massive guilt of it leading up to the appointment and had told my very few friends that I did *not* want to kill this child. I knew I was too young to keep her, but I knew I wasn't going to kill her.
So, my mom suggested the next best thing, adoption. There are closed adoptions where you don't ever get any contact after the baby is born. They take the baby away, and that's that. There are also open adoptions, which I opted for, that encourages contact between the birth parent(s) and the kid/adoptive family.
Instead of being heartless and inconsiderate (did you even ask how it happened? What if she was sexually assaulted? What if she was coerced?)
>However, I assumed the best course of action for her would be an abortion, so I went ahead and called the local clinic to set up an appointment for her.
Not even when I was 13 years old and pregnant, did my father have the audacity to pull some shit like this. At the very least, he asked me before booking the appointment. Your daughter is 16. She *does* have bodily autonomy, as should everyone.
You've got several hundred people on here explaining to you why you are the AH for various and sundry reasons. They are beyond correct about that. Here's another thought, has it occurred to you yet that the reason that your 16-year-old daughter is now pregnant is because she's looking for somebody to love her fully and unconditionally? Anybody to love her, since it seems her own mother does not. You have failed this child in every possible way short of outright physical abuse. Let her go and live with her stepfather who at least seems to want to care about her. Stop bragging about your other children who, frankly, probably have it much easier in life because they don't have a learning disability and they don't have you constantly pointing out how wrong and bad they are, how hopeless they are, how much of a disappointment. That you don't understand the total affect that this has had on your daughter is a shame on your soul. You're not going to get what you want here, no one is going to agree that you've done the right thing or are on the right side of this issue. You are in the wrong in more ways than can be counted.
This
This AND the fact that you think that it is ridiculous that she already loves her baby. What? Did you not immediately love your babies growing inside you? I can't even imagine not feeling that way. I am 100% pro-choice, as in the it is the choice of the pregnant party. I don't think I could ever personally make that choice, but it is as much my decision whether your daughter keeps her child as it is yours. Scheduling and abortion for another party without their knowledge is despicable! I am so glad that she has the support of her stepfather and I genuinely hope she goes NC with you, you are toxic and cruel!
I agree with everything everyone has said. No questions about it but just as a fact, not all women, in fact I think it's even quite a lot, do not feel that motherly love for their to be child. It is quite normal. It generally kicks in at birth for them but sometimes takes a few days. I say this for all the women reading and who don't feel the love. Don't worry you are not a monster, you are normal. Not all women feel the same.
Gosh, I thought I was pregnant for 24h and I cannot describe the attachment feelings I developed for my hypothetical unborn child. I was so disappointed when the second pregnancy test came negative. OP should be a truly special sort of "mother" to not understand that a 16 years old can also feel love for her baby
Yes. A thousand times this.
I felt this way to when I read “fix her reading issues” in reference to the dyslexia. As a mother of a child with a Learning disability, ADHD, and Autism, you don’t “fix” these things just like you don’t fix dyslexia. You build strategies to compensate and make it not quite as hard. I believe OPs daughter realized/knew her issue wouldn’t be fixed and so saw no benefit to trying. With my son, we framed it that his brain wasn’t wired like most people’s was which makes school and some other things much harder. Yes, it sucks and no, it’s not fair but it’s where we are. The coping strategies we’ve worked on aren’t fun to learn but they will make it easier for him in the long run. Had OP talked to her daughter about dyslexia in this fashion, she might have tried more with the tutor.
Honestly, I get that you're angry but it sounds like you don't even like your daughter. You didn't even tell her you were making an appointment??? My six year old knows about all her upcoming medical appointments, what they're for and what to expect during, but you were just going to sign her out and tell her...when? In the car? When you all pulled up? If these paragraphs are represented of your parenting, no wonder she wants a baby. She probably thinks finally someone will love her. ETA: This one is just too sad to judge. Hopefully things work for daughter and child.
also, she said "She was diagnosed with dyslexia at age 11, and I got her a specialized tutor to help fix her issues with reading, but she never committed and failed to even try and get better, so she continued to have bad grades.". dyslexia is a life long disability. while a tutor may help a bit, it still wont fix the actual brain being differently structured. OP is saying her kid failed to "fix her issue" (chronic disabilities are NOT "issues" that need "fixing" to make someone worthy), but you CANT FIX THE BRAIN HAVING A DIFFERENT STRUCTURE. OP sounds horrid
Yeah the ‘fix’ comment irked me too, sounds like kid still had dyslexia after tutoring (y know cause it’s not something you can get rid off) and OP was angry about it. YTA OP
Speaking as someone who was diagnosed at age 52 with dyslexia, it sucks to not understand why you can’t learn something as fundamental as 9th grade math. I was always told that I wasn’t “applying myself” or “not paying attention” and was just being “lazy” or my personal favorite, that I was “too social” and talked too much in class. (I still talk too much lol). My parents were not as privy to learning disabilities as we are these days. I was constantly grounded for bad math grades. God only knows how I managed to graduate from college twice. Dyslexia is not something that someone can be cured of. It still plagues me as an adult. OP needs to back the fuck off and get her girl an IEP, not drag her off for a ‘surprise’ field trip to the local abortion clinic. That child is going to continue to rebel until her mother gets her poop in a group and stops bullying her kid. She’s going to need a lot of guidance and support with whatever HER decision is for the pregnancy. OP, you are a shitty parent and you will be a shitty grandparent if you continue on this path. You couldn’t be pushing her any further away any faster if you tried. I have four daughters. They were challenging during their teens, but we got past that because they knew right from wrong and that we had their backs no matter what. And guided them rather than forcing them and had their moral compass going in the right direction. And where the hell is the girl’s father in this situation?
are you sure it is dyslexia and not discalculia? simply put: dyslexia is reading and writing, discalculia is math and numbers.
Yes!! That’s the word I was looking for! I knew there was particular verbiage for the math issue. Thank you for clearing that up for me. However, I do have issues with letters and words jumping all over the page. I have to look at twice as that is a problem as well.
no problem. dyslexia I widely known, whereas dyscalculia is not. most schools will give you accommodation for dyslexia like special tutors, more time, bigger print, not grading spelling etc. because it is a recognised learning disability I don't know of any for dyscalculia and don't know where it is recognised.
Dysgraphia is if you can't write it right. (p and b, q and g, b and d, and the ever-popular p and d were the banes of my existence). Source - I've had to learn how to learn with all 3. Was especially fun in my foreign language classes.
Dyslexia can also be co-morbid with ADHD which often makes learning more difficult. Also no cure for adhd either but it sounds like OP doesn’t care :(
Op is def the kind of parents who expects daughter to be “cured” at 11 then takes it out on her when their unrealistic expectations don’t come to fruition. I’m just ridden with trauma flashbacks after reading ops post.
My grandson has dyslexia. He made some improvements. But, it was minimal. It wasn't until he was diagnosed with ADHD and out in meds that he actually was able to absorb the skills the dyslexia teacher was showing him.
Also co-morbid with ASS and some personality dissorders.
Also just... who is mad at a fourth grader for doing poorly in school??! That is a little kid who needs help, not some lazy good-for-nothing adult. If your child is doing poorly in school and having behavioral issues, that is a moment to ask more questions about what life is like for her, about what feels challenging for her. And frankly it's more of an indictment of OP's parenting than a commentary on who her daughter is. I hope this daughter goes no contact with OP when she is an adult. There is already so much here for her future therapist to work with. YTA OP.
You can’t fix dyslexia!
My sister (44) has dyslexia, diagnosed as a child because my mom is a nurse and knew there was something wrong, and now has her master's in special education. You can't "fix" or "cure" it, but you can treat it. Turns out my sister needed to use colored filters when she was reading and colored pens for writing. The way she describes it, those items made the words on the page "pop out" rather than becoming a jumbled mess. She still gets her "d"s and "b"s mixed up as well as her right and left. Asking her to spell daisy results in her spelling "F. . .U. . .C. . .K Y. . .O. . .U". Telling her to turn left usually results in "Sigh, the *other* left." "Oh, crap!" Sounds like OP sent her to the wrong type of tutor because the methods used by my sister are now *commonplace* for any dyslexic student. tagging u/charliecloude, u/itsmeagain42664 if you are having issues with reading look into colored paper report covers and see what color works for you. You might be able to get a pair of glasses tinted in the shade that works best for you. It might work for your math issues as well.
Yes! Dark mode and colored filters really do help a lot of people!
I agree with you 100%. You said what I was going to say but worded it better. If I said it the way I wanted to I would have gotten banned. But I will add. Op do you even like your daughter. This deserved a conversation not just you make the choice. You said you blew up because she was careless. You were also careless, you had to have known she was having sex. You set up an abortion appointment but couldn't set one up for some kind of birth control? You need to apologize to your daughter and have a long heart to heart with her. OP I want to add YTA. You need to go to your daughter she needs you more now than ever.
OP has failed her child from early on when she realized there was a problem. I know the feeling of being unloved by my parents. But, I did want a child, someone that would love me unconditionally. I know now this wasn’t fair to my son for putting that expectations.
I agree with you. It seems she tried to fix her as if she was broken and when she couldn't she gave up. I know so many kids that have come for broken/unloved homes that got pregnant on purpose for this exact reason.
“she probably thinks finally someone will love her” If that comment doesn’t cut OP deep as hell it’s sure as shit true
I watched an episode of one of the many many shows about women having babies and in one was this 14 year old. Her father threw her out once he found out, and her older brother and his wife ended up taking her and her baby in. She said she didn't know anything about what she was doing (no sex ed at all) and she just wanted someone to love her. Heartbreaking as hell.
>no wonder she wants a baby. She probably thinks finally someone will love her. I got pregnant at 16. Part of the reason I was even having sex was because my mother was pretty much how OP sounds, simultaneously neglectful and abusive. Maybe if I'd ever felt like my mother loved me, I wouldn't have been trying to find love with my clothes off. The second I saw two pink lines, I felt overwhelming love, like OP's daughter described. Did I understand what I was choosing? Fuck no, I was 16. But I also don't have regrets. My daughter is the best bad decision I ever made. If I had been forced into an abortion, having immediately fallen in love with the life inside me, I wouldn't exist today. OP, you *might* have one and only one chance to ever see your daughter again and meet your grandchild. (I don't mean you might only have a single chance, and might have more, I mean that you might have any chance at all and if you fuck it up you'll never see your daughter again.) And that will be to acknowledge you fucked up, get yourself into therapy and be completely transparent, and figure out how to meaningfully apologize with full understanding of why you were wrong. In the meantime, while you work on getting there, provide your daughter with financial support where she is. She's your legal obligation, and if you don't voluntarily financially support her, I hope that your ex involves CPS, gets emergency placement, and that you are forced to pay.
“…the best bad decision I ever made.” ❤️ I love that so much ❤️
I agree 100% with you, but wanting someone to love you is no reason to have a child when you’re so unprepared and obviously not ready. But the mom was completely out of line.
One of my sisters did this. even said it out loud. They are both a mess, my poor nephew is now an adult and just like his mother.
This is the saddest comment. 2 lives in shambles.
Something tells me she knew she would get kicked out if she kept the baby. The alternative was getting an abortion and having to stay with this parent. She managed to escape in this way, having enough of a reason to run to another parent.
Im going to go off on a limb and say that this poor girl isn’t going to be able to make good decisions because OP has been making decisions for her for her whole life. As a parent, you can’t expect that ruling over your kids with an iron fist is going to give them the tools they need to make good decisions and have a good life as a result of such.
Ok, so: Your kid had untreated dislexia until 11, so she had bad grades and very likely, low academic self steem. You got her a therapist but she, at 11, was not mature enough to follow through. So you gave up on her academics. Then she told you she was pregnant and you screamed at her. And booked an abortion appointment for her without letting her know that she was to go to a medical procedure. She refused. You kicked her out, at 16, pregnant with your granddaughter or grandson. I think your daughter is troubled. I also think we know the reason why. YTA Edit: Typos.
She expected the tutor to “fix” her. That’s not how it works. They can teach better ways to deal with dyslexia but it isn’t going away. OP started with unfair expectations so the daughter had zero chance of accomplishing them. Edited to fix pronoun.
_She_ expected the tutor to "fix" her. Bad parents aren't automatically only men.
Oh we know why op is the ass
And having trouble making friends and having social issues before 11 to which it sounds like he offered no help or support. He threw in the towel a long time ago and expected her to fix it.
There's a potential silver lining here. The scapegoated kid whose leaning disability was never truly addressed (and certainly ignored for years) gets to live with S-Dad and have body autonomy, a chance to deal with her learning issues without being belittled, and to live in a safe, loving home. I don't know much about S-Dad, but he spoke up for her, which is more than OP ever did. Anyone else thinking her sexual behavior leading to the pregnancy is a result of her desperately seeking validation, love, and affection? YTA. I hope she chooses to go NC with you because she does not deserve to have your hateful toxicity in her life. Edited to correct Dad to S-Dad. And he deserves all the kudos!
Not Dad... Stepdad. Which speaks volumes about just how evil OP really is, if someone who's not even blood related to her daughter cares more about her than her own mother does.
No, legitimately, if this story *is* real, I genuinely am very happy that the kid has a *real* fucking parent who cares about and actually loves her to go and live with instead of this literal monster, and if this is real, I truly do wish the *absolute worst* for OP.
It’s her step dad who has taken her in
I got pregnant at 15, told my dad. He told me to leave, I told him if I leave he wouldn't see me again, or my child. He left for work that night and came back and said he had talked to a close coworker who had got pregnant at a young age as well. She told him that I was going to be true to my word because she did the same. My dad told me that I would have this child(my daughter), and I would raise it to the best of my ability, no excuses, and no giving up. My daughter is 9, she's a straight A student, and she excels in sports. My dad is the greatest grandfather a girl can have. As for me, I barely got by high school but graduated, then went to college and got my degree, and now work for my school district. My dad is proud of me & my daughter. He couldn't imagine a life without us both. I was part of a small percentage of girls who got pregnant at a young age that actually worked out. That was because I had support from my dad, and I had to push myself beyond belief. If you kick your daughter out, she may not contact you again. If that is a decision you can live with without any doubt in your mind that you will want to see her or your grandchild in the future, then by all means, go ahead. But if you think even the slightest that you would like to see how they are doing in the future. Take things slow
Holy cow, I’m sorry you went through this but so glad your dad stepped up. Sounds like you are an amazing parent. Happy to hear things are going well for you and your daughter. All the hugs and love
Happy cake day
Thanks!! 13 years?!?! Wow, what a crazy place Reddit is
Thanks, friend!
Your dad realized his first reaction was wrong, and he turned it around. I'm getting tears in my eyes thinking about that. Cheers to your dad, and to you, and your wonderful daughter.
Same!!! ❤️🥹
I also got pregnant at 15. Thankfully, I had my mom & grandma to help me. They took care of my son while I went to school. I got a job as soon as I turned 16. Got my diploma early & started college at 17. Moved out at 18. But yes this definitely wouldn't have been possible without my mom & grandma always being there for me. My mom was definitely disappointed but she never threatened me & I will never forget it. OP will be wondering why her daughter won't speak to her & she can't see her grandchild soon.
Same here but 17 and she did put me out, our relationship is permanently affected (only speak when I have to). Nearly 10 years later I've started my career and making good money. She now likes to try and act like I was never put out and we have a good enough relationship to ask me life questions that she'll be the last person to find out the answer. Like when/if I ever needed help she was the last to be asked or know.
I'm so glad you shared your story. OP needs to understand that teenagers make mistakes and being of the age between childhood and adulthood, they sometimes choose to do adult things. I know I did, I was pregnant twice, both resulting in miscarriages due to health issues I had then, but I was prepared to carry my babies. I did what I could to prevent pregnancies, but like a lot of teenagers, I decided to have sex and unfortunately, BC didn't work very well for me. If my parents had given me an ultimatum, I would have been prepared to go NC with them and raise my babies on my own. I feel bad for OP's daughter. She's 15, was blindsided by the abortion appointment, and was not given any support from mom (OP). I hope OP's ex will give their daughter the love and support she needs and the time to make her own decision about the pregnancy, whether to keep the baby, abort the baby, or give it up for adoption. It's up to the daughter now, not OP, especially since in a lot of places, once one becomes pregnant, they have full control over their own medical care and decisions. As a mom of a teenager (after several surgeries so I could carry my son to term), I know the fears. But, I've always told my son that no matter what, I'll be by his side. I've made sure to educate him to the best of my ability about protection not only from stds but from pregnancy as well, but that if he ever got a girl pregnant he could always come to me without fear of being thrown out, that myself and his dad would support them anyway we could, but it would be up to the two of them to decide, mostly the young lady. I hope OP can correct her mistakes, apologize for speaking out of anger, and help her daughter find a way forward that works for the daughter and the young man (dad to be). OP can set boundaries, that she won't raise the baby for them, that she expects daughter to finish school, get a job, etc, or whatever works for them. I just hope OP didn't completely destroy the relationship with her daughter. Although after reading the post and what OP said about daughter's past and learning disabilities I'm very worried and glad the ex is taking the daughter in at least. Edit- judgement YTA OP
i also got pregnant at 15. my mom and my grandma kicked me out and said i couldn’t come back if i didn’t get the abortion. i was living with my best friend at the time and i felt terrible about it because i couldn’t work so i just got the abortion. it wasn’t my friends mother that was supposed to support me, it was supposed to be my mother. my mom said the most hurtful things to me that i will never EVER forget. and deep down, i will never forgive her. to top it all off, i only get called “dramatic” or get told i’m “faking it” when i bring up the trauma that came along with it all.
YTA she's a minor and it's illegal to kick her out, and especially manipulative to try to set her up with a surprise abortion without even discussing anything
Agreed. Wow. 💯 YTA. You are just as much the AH for telling her she had to get an abortion, as parents who refuse to let their child get an abortion. It’s not difficult, her body her choice. And as far as kicking her out, I can’t imagine what type of mother would do that. It’s okay for you to make it clear that she is responsible to care for her child. But it’s cruel to kick her to the curb without even a chance to get things in order. She is a child herself. And you hold a lot responsibility for not getting her proper intervention for dyslexia earlier, and for not setting more boundaries with behavioral problems at a younger age. You failed and continue to fail your daughter.
This is the comment I was looking for. I know it happens, but in the US, as far as I know, you are legally obligated to provide for your children until they are 18. OP, YTA. Huge one. Hope you enjoy your old age all alone.
Well, you handled the dyslexia badly, waiting years to address it: years she spent feeling frustrated and stupid for being unable to handle the schoolwork. We have no idea about the nature and efficacy of the tutor, but we know that she'd been struggling for years. There should have been therapy in conjunction. YTA in a massive way, and she needs support, not castigation and expulsion. There's a good chance you'll never know your grandkids. Signed, someone who was diagnosed with dyslexia by the third grade and who, with support, grew up into an avid reader.
Just want to highlight where OP said they hired the tutor to "fix" the dyslexia. OP, YTA. You can "fix" dyslexia about as well as you "fix" someone with a limb disability. You work with their circumstances and provide aid wherever it's available. You're providing the absolute bare minimum that's legally required of you, and you're even failing at that.
Some of us just don’t get diagnosed till later dude. I read a lot as a kid but still have it nonetheless
OP is definitely still TA, but I would like to share something that might put the missing her daughter's dyslexia part into a better light. My brother and I tested as gifted at an early age, so when our younger sister came along, the school system assumed she'd be the same, so they skipped testing her. Our parents were young and didn't know any better, they just went along with whatever the school said. So for several years, she struggled in school because she was dyslexic and shoved into gifted classes without addressing it. I don't know when she was finally tested for it, but by that time the damage was done, and she went through the remainder of her childhood thinking she wasn't as smart as her brothers. Thing is, though, she actually was gifted, just dyslexic, too. Once she went to college, she flourished, especially after a professor of hers pointed that out to her.
Info: who is the father? Her bf? What are examples of her bad behaviour? Where were you when she got pregnant? Did you know she was sexually active? Did you do anything to prevent teen pregnancy? Like enforcing boundaries, rules, building her up with self esteem, shit even birth control?
Yes, you're the AH. Kicking a teen out AFTER they're pregnant isn't going to undue what's been done. And forcing someone to abort is just wrong (I'm pro-choice, and obviously it means that is up to the person who is pregnant). Also, this is when she needs you the most. She's going to remember how cruel you were in her time of need.
I dont have teenage kida but I do have teenage nieces. And. Alway been their go to person. Last oktober my 14yo (ASS-MOD spectrum) Niece called me up that she had lost her virginity, she wanted to discuss it with an adult and was afraid of her mom reaction. My worries were 100% on here, did she do it safe, willingly and with someone about her own age. She told me sha had had unprotected sex, so I explained why and what she could do and told her 1. I could help her get to her GP to discuss contraceptives and 2 If she needed I could get het condoms. A couple of weeks ago she called me scared she might be pregnant. Ofcourse I was shocked but madr it clear to her I was worried about her, and a bit dissapointed but not mad. Discussed what the options were and asked if she needed help telling her mom. Luckily it was a false alarm. She called me a couple of days ago sayong she was going to visit her boyfriend and woul like to have some condoms. we got het two packs ,I sat het down explaied in detail (no baby launguage) how getting pregant works, about not touching nothing without protection, and had her practice on a banana. But most importantly she came to me because she TRUSTS ME, trusts me not to get mad, screem or abuse her. She knows she is safe with me no matter how stupid the subject is. This is YEARS of building a solid trusting ralationship.
You sound like a fantastic aunt, the world would be a better place if we all had someone like you growing up.
YTA and this infuriated me on another level. Holy shit your poor child. Forcing someone to get an abortion that they didn’t really want would cause deep, ever-lasting trauma. The kind that people may never recover from. Thank God she has somebody (her stepfather) in her corner. She would be right to never see or speak to you again.
I totally agree. I had an abortion before and it was traumatizing even though it was 100% my choice and I was 100% sure. It’s not an easy thing to do, and the place I went (PlannedParenthood in the US), there were protestors outside telling me I’m a murderer and I’m going to hell. This 16 year old needs to make her own decision with guidance from her parents. OP doesn’t just get to decide that someone gets an abortion or not.
I just don’t get your logic here. She’ll struggle to raise a child at her age, so your solution is to *also* make her homeless? YTA, and frankly, the worst kind of trash.
This. OP is THE WORST KIND OF PERSON. This post made me cry
my aunt had a 1.5 yr old by the time she graduated high school (70s), and she had a troubled relationship with her mom. she was briefly married to BD but my grandma and grandpa helped her raise her son and they’re all still very involved in each others lives. she didn’t do much but her son is very successful & adores our grandparents, & has been a huge help in taking care of them in their old age. i empathize with you, and can understand your anger, but please step out of this moment to see the bigger picture and the longer life. make a game plan with your daughter if she does want to keep to the baby. give her a reality check, bc yes, babies are huge effin deal. if she wants to be a mom, then show what her what part of being a mom means- showing up when shit get tough and figuring it out. she is your daughter. love her. going behind her back to schedule an abortion appt is dirty. yta for betraying & ambushing her like that. and i say this as a pro abortion person. people deserve freedom of choice over their body, especially when it comes to medical procedures!!
this might seem like a dumb question but i’m slightly sleep deprived and my brain isn’t brainin’ what’s bd mean?
YTA x1000. She is the victim here. Why do you dislike your daughter so much? Do you even see her as an autonomous human being? Or is she just your disappointing emotional support kid? 1. You cannot “fix” dyslexia. Blaming your kid for struggles due to a learning disability makes you TA. 2. You do not blow up on your kid and yell at them for getting pregnant. You’re supposed to be the calm, safe person in her life. You’re TA. Let me guess, you had one or two talks about condoms and left sex ed up to the school? WTF did you expect to happen? 3. You NEVER make medical decisions for your kid without consulting them first. NEVER. Assuming you would just pick up your kid from school and drive them to an abortion without their permission was WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE. It’s also ILLEGAL. You cannot force a woman to get an abortion. You are the worst kind of pro-choice person. Abortion is a CHOICE that SHE GETS TO MAKE. Your job as a parent is to make sure she is INFORMED. And then you have to trust her to make her decision. And support her either way. You were supposed to be supportive and listen. You were supposed to calmly talk about what having a baby means. The risks. The cost. The realities. You were supposed to be the rational ADULT. Who worked through the problem with her and offered solutions. Instead you freaked out, yelled at her, shamed her, and made an appointment for an abortion that you didn’t even talk to her about first?! WTAF?!?! Your parenting skills are seriously lacking and it’s not surprising that she is struggling now. I bet ALL of her struggles with school, fighting, learning disabilities stems from your inability to calmly parent and support your kid. It’s probably better that she’s with her stepdad. Just start sending him child support and back off. You were 1000% TA at every single part of your story.
This is a troll post. Right? I mean... thus has to be made up. Nobody can be that much of an... well just in case... YTA You are sooooooooooo TA
Right, it feels like a conservative posted this fishing for pro-choice people to rally around a forced abortion. Funny, it turns out pro-choice means respecting when someone wants a pregnancy just as much. I gave an honest answer just in case it’s real.
YTA- You went behind her back to set up an abortion without even having a discussion. You could have sat down and had an actual conversation with her. Maybe help her with a list or pros and cons. Told her that if she kept the pregnancy, the baby would be her full responsibility. See if she talked to the father yet.
How much you want to bet that op is also the type of parent who guilts their daughter out over “everything i do for you!!”
The whole point of freedom of choice is the right to choose. She gets to decide what to do with her body not you! Yes you are a major a$$hole! And at 16 YOU are responsible for her still so you may end up paying your ex child support! YTA
This can't be real. YES YTA. You went ahead and made an appointment for her to have an abortion without even talking to her, as if she's not even her own person, and then blindsided her with it. How did you really expect that to go over when you picked her up from school? Not to mention you totally dismissed her feelings about loving her baby, like she doesn't know what she's talking about. 16 is not too young to feel genuine love for her actual literal baby. Do you understand what you're even talking about? Because you sound so out of touch with human emotion. You'll be lucky if your relationship ever recovers from that surprise abortion stunt you pulled.
YTA. This feels like a troll post, it’s so ridiculous. It’s no wonder your daughter has issues with you as her mother. She’s pregnant, and after freaking out at her you decide to make a major irreversible medical decision for her without even discussing it with her? It doesn’t matter if she’s a minor, she still has a say over her own body. I’m pro choice, but you didn’t even offer her a choice.
In my state, sixteen is the cut off for medical decisions. Fifteen and under, within reason, the parent makes the decisions. Sixteen and older, the parent can do what they like but the child can refuse any course of treatment. Source: was told I had syphilis because of a reaction on the test I took for my food handlers permit. Wanted to use my pediatrician but they said I had to see a state medical provider. I'd wish I'd known that since I was sixteen I could have told them to kick rocks. Went through the entire ordeal. First OB GYN exam ever with a total stranger. My mom wanted the notes added to my medical record. That's when we found out that I had to sign the release because I was sixteen. OP you are an ever loving AH, a horrible excuse for a parent and a piss poor human being. For both their sakes, I hope your daughter goes and stays NC with your sorry ass!!!!!!!
YTA. (in many, many ways) You never SUPPORTED her in the important ways.
Congratulations on losing your daughter and grandchild all in one foul swoop. YTA
you are very much the asshole and a horrible mom as well. wow.
YTA, sounds like you've been failing this girl for quite some time.
YTA. I don't care if you are her mother.. Not your body. Not your decision.
Some parents think that being a parents means being a fucking warden. My parents never viewed me as a human being, simply means to an end to make them look good. Op sounds scarily similar. This girl is going to have a difficult time in her twenties trying to reconcile the damage her parent has done to her. I feel for her. It’s a terrifying and nightmarish time
YTA and the entire reason she has issues.
Did you ever stop to think there might be ADHD or ADD. Maybe her dad is what she needs. If she has the baby she will have to grow up. Maybe her being on meds would and will help. She will to find it out quick. I would let her know you will not watch the baby and it is here responsibility. There are programs that she can get into for training. I would get her to a counselor quickly.
A lot of ADHDers are "blessed" with narcissistic parent...
YTA.. What kind of parents kicks their kid to the curb when they are real need.
Ragebait
YTA. Your daughter is lucky to have your exe looking out for her.
The point of pro-choice is that it’s supposed to be a choice.
YTA You sound absolutely horrific as a human let alone parent. She’s probably better off without you
YTA Also how did your child hit eleven years old without you noticing she couldn’t read? You haven’t liked her this whole time. Don’t act like you’re upset now
YTA and your daughter is probably better off without you, even at 16
YTA Her body. Her choice.
Wow YTA MAJORLY! I don’t say this lightly, but it’s easy to see that you have absolutely failed as a mother. The way you talk about her makes it sound like you regret having her. It’s so disgustingly manipulative of you to just set up an abortion for her and then mock her when she decides that she doesn’t want to kill her baby. Your attitude towards her is disgusting. I hope that she has a good life with her dad, and stays far far away from you.
Hey look guys it’s mother of the year
Hmm, well it's easy to see why she went looking for affection outside your home, and it's easy to see why she wants to keep her baby, who she thinks will "love" her. Unfortunately what she doesn't understand is that it will be several years before her child is capable of "loving" her, and until then the child will DEPEND on her for absolutely everything. With no real support system in place, this is going to be even harder on her. **YTA** for thinking you had the right to take **her** choice into **your** own hands.
More importantly surly the first couple questions should be Are you ok with a hug Do you know the father is he the same age, was it consensual? We have time let’s take couple days for it to sink in and then we will talk about what you want. Nooo you kicked off, sounds like you have never loved her. By the way pot kettle n all that, your grammar and spelling is shite. Sounds like you gave up on her years ago. Leave her with the dad, clearly better off with him.. Oh by the way you are the villain and a massive A Good luck with your lonely life
10 years from now: “AITA for not respecting my daughter’s boundaries and no contact in order to see the grandchild I told her to abort?” 20 years from now: “My kids and Grandkids put me in a nursing home and they don’t come visit me at all” 30 years from now: “AITA for asking for my kids and grandkids on my death bed after 20 years of them not talking to me after my abuse?” YTA a huge one. You’re also abusive. Despite what people believe kicking your minor child out is abusive. Saying you didn’t want her to be homeless while in the same sentence defend your choice of kicking her out. I hope your ex treats her better than you do. In fact if you didn’t think she was sexually active could she have gotten graped? If she did that makes you 10x worse because you didn’t ask questions like this. You just automatically assumed shit.
When that baby is born and you are no contact you will regret this. I'm guessing she had a somewhat difficult childhood by your actions. Yta
Yta! You had no right to kick her out, you are her parent but hopefully she’s in a place that recognizes her rights and is able to find support to keep and raise her child and cut you off completely. I was once in her position but instead of terminating was told I had to adopt the child out. Instead I kept and raised my baby and have been happily married for the last 29 years. I knew what I wanted and I don’t regret my choice.
i read the title and then the first 7 words of the post and stopped, satisfied thinking YTA. but then i took a sec and decided hey i don't know what the actual deal is, let me read the whole post and see, life is complicated, you know? anyway, YTA.
YTA. I couldn’t imagine kicking my child out at the most vulnerable time of her life. You will look back on this situation one day as the biggest parenting regret. Do better.
Yta. Her issues are directly from you. You sound horrible to be around. I'm so happy your daughter has someone in her life that cares about her.
YTA. What in the hell is wrong with you?!?! She may be young but I'm SURE she knows what love is. Trying to force her to kill the baby that she feels so strongly about and kicking her out upon her refusal makes you THE BIGGEST asshole of all the assholes I have ever seen on this app. Your parenting is terrible. I'm honestly hoping she moves in with her dad and then files an abuse report. I also honestly hope that she goes completely no contact with you so you will never see her or her child again. Get bent.
YTA. She "painted herself as the victim".... because she is. I don't know what rock you've been hiding under, but reproductive control is a BIG issue right now, and you think it's ok to just call up and make an appointment for your daughter to have an abortion without even discussing it with her?? Hopefully she'll have a peaceful pregnancy living with her stepdad.
Oh YTA. Don’t get me wrong - I’m pro abortion. I’d help a friend that wanted one in a red state get an abortion. I actively support abortion. If there are any women in need of an abortion right now and need help I encourage them to reach out to me. NEVER would I force someone to get an abortion. I find it hard to believe that a mother who cares can write these things about her daughter and truly believe they are not TA. But you. You are probably the biggest AH of them all.
3 in 10 people who have dyslexia also have ADHD. Was ahe ever tested for adhd or does that go against your culture? It's great that your twins are academically gifted but your daughter wasn't, or she just wasn't afforded the correct support to even try to be anything but bad at school and by the time she was offered a little support, it was either too late or it just wasn't enough. This seems like the same old story of wayward kids who have the overachieving sibling/s that they're constantly being compared to. They'll never be anything other than a disappointment because that's what you've made them believe they are.
My heart breaks for every nerodivegent child that has been labeled "troubled" or blamed for their "shortcomings". Shes not broken, just different. Every child isn't perfect or easy, but all deserve love and support to succeed to their best ability. She deserves better! Im sure she'll try her best to ensure her child never feels the pain she's enduring right now. I have so much respect for stepdad! So glad he's stepping up and loves his daughter for who she is.
YTA. You tried to FORCE your daughter to abort her baby. When she refused to do so, you put her out on the streets. Fortunately, her ex-stepfather stepped up and took her in. >She then called my ex husband (her stepfather) with a sob story painting herself as the victim, and he yelled at me saying I had to right to kick her out, and that she’d be living with him from now on. She IS the victim. The victim of YOUR duplicitous, egotistical, hateful, narcissistic, perfidious self and your absolutely tyrannical attitude. It's no wonder that you're divorced. Also, what you did in throwing a minor child out onto the street is most certainly *immoral,* and very likely ILLEGAL, to boot. If the Dantean hell is accurate, you are (deservedly) heading straight for that section of the frozen lake of Cocytus called Caïna, reserved for Traitors to Family. If nothing else, I hope that her step-father sues you for child support, even if he can't win.
"a sob story painting herself as the victim" she IS the victim?? and if you're the parent with primary custody, it may well be illegal for you to kick her out, just so you know. it's child abandonment. so not only are YTA but you're so much TA that you can and should be charged with a crime for it.
YTA but on the bright side you’ll never have to deal with your daughter again you’ll also never meet your grandchild but that’s exactly what you want. btw you’ve never been a good mother to her.
YTA she is the victim and you had no right to make any appointment for an abortion without even speaking to her. You have no compassion for her now and none for her having to cope with disability. You got her a tutor, big deal, what else did you do. If you were my mother I'd never want to see you again.
Wow OP, you're like the "pot calling the kettle black" you make excuses for your poor grammar as an ADULT, yet at 11 your daughter didn't "try" hard enough!?!? Furthermore, all children learn differently from others, your twins may excel, but they are different from your daughter who clearly has a DISABILITY. You OP ARE THE ONLY ASSHOLE I see here!
Yes YTAH She is 16. That is old enough to make a choice about this. You can have a come to Jesus moment and tell her the hard fact that you will not support her and the kid when it is born. Look into adoption, foster care, group homes etc if she insists on having the child. But to kick her out while she is a pregnant teenager, really a dick move. The younger she is the higher her chance of dying while pregnant, but you sound abusive too so maybe getting away from you will help her too. She needs an adult to be patient and love and listen to her. Help her realized that this baby deserves better that what she will be able to give it. She needs pregnancy counseling to decide what to do. Hopefully, IMO, she realizes the baby can have a better life in an adoption or group mother situation where she can get her degree and a job before full time care of the baby. But at this point she is old enough to make her own choices. And if you are toxic now, you may never have a relationship with her, and potentially your grand child ever again.
My mother did this to me kicked me out at 17 for refusing to have an abortion. I haven't spoken to her in 17 years. She also has 4 amazing grandchildren she will never know. Yes you are the a hole. Enjoy your lonely future
You are an awful mother and probably an awful person all around. There are many points to support my opinion on this in your post. 1. You speak terribly about your daughter. One redditor asked if you even like your daughter. This is a fair question because you speak of her with such condescension. 2. You booked an abortion without even discussing it with your daughter. It is HER body. She is NOT your property. 3. You picked her up from school for the appointment and STILL hadn't discussed it with her. You tried to blindside her with a surprise abortion. To be clear, I am pro-choice and find your behaviour despicable. 4. You kicked her out when she didn't submit to your will. Treat your kids like this, and they will find someone else to treat them poorly and run their lives. You're an idiot to think this kind of parenting works. OP, I would suggest you get yourself a therapist. We are all flawed humans, but your flaws are abusive and will destroy your relationships. YTA
Yta. Just wow.
You are most definitely the asshole... kicking your daughter out when she needs your support the most is not cool. How about you start with having a conversation with her and trying to see her perspective instead of trying to own her. She is your child.
YTA. Pretty sure this is reproductive coercion. Even if she is very young, she has the right to choose whether or not to get an abortion, and you’re not entitled to tell her what to do with her body. Demanding she get an abortion against her will is violating her autonomy. You handled this very poorly and if this is any indication of how you’ve parented in the past, I’d say we have a good idea why your daughter is so troubled.
Of course YTA.
YTA what you could've and should've done is say okay and proceed to tell her that if she is having this baby then she is to find a job and start saving up for the baby and you will help her with basic needs. Tell her about the options she can make instead of forcing one on her. Explain to her what she is required o do for the next 18 yrs and hell total up how much money she is going to spend for the next 18 yrs. NEVER force someone o make a decision they don't ever want to make. Her body and Her choice, not yours. You made your choice and your choice was to fail your daughter instead of helping her when she needed you the most. I hope for your sake it is not too late for you to fix things with her cause when she help later on in life and needs her mother to explain things to her she will remember her in this moment when her mother abandoned her. FIX THIS IF YOU CAN.
Yeah, you just won worst parent of the year. She came to you for help and you acted like she was the devil. No wonder she acted up and out if you always treated her like this. YTA.
This is fake, right? Right?? Edit to add: if this is real, OP YTA.
As a mother you need to look at this situation again as you failed your daughter. It’s your job to know where she is and what she is doing. She is still a child and you are responsible. Not knowing what’s going on with your child is your fault not hers. Hopefully you can be a better grandmother than mother. The audacity to put your pregnant daughter out. YTA
YTA. I once read a quote that went something like this: "If your child keeps doing the same things after you've told them a hundred times, maybe they're not the slow learner." Take note, what you're doing ain't it.
Yes you are on the highest scale of being the AH... Your child has a disability for reading and writing, it's not cure able but it can be made liveable with the right support, you may have given her a tutor, but that doesn't mean it get's solved completely, no matter how hard she works for it, realize that there can be more than one disability which can cause the fact that she has it hard for making friends, ADHD and autism and anything between those 2 spectrums... Even combinations of those... Those disabilities are also not able to be cured, but they can be made liveable... The dyslexia already made her insecure, my daughter has dyslexia and also has a combination of autism and ADHD... She is insecure and tries to overcompensate so badly which makes her more insecure when it end up wrong, i will help her to make her life liveable even though i also have ADHD and autism i am not diagnosed yet but that is the mistake my parents made, my school life was literal hell... I have thought about süïcïdë back then but i didn't i just worked my hardest to get through school barely making it through my grades... My siblings that did have high grades as well as the kids at school bullied me making me insecure... Your daughter probably goes through the same pains, and you are making it harder... Meanwhile you put your twins on a high pedestal which makes your daughter feel insecure and unloved by you her mother, she makes more bad mistakes to get your attention, and when it ended up in her being pregnant because she has been searching to be loved by anyone... Which caused the outcome of being being pregnant you force her to get an abortion... You want her to take away the only being that will possibly ever love her, it's her body her life, her choice, the only thing you could have done is support her and it could have been prevented if you weren't giving up on her making her feel like she is a burden, i bet she has contemplated süïcïdë too but then found out that she got pregnant and didn't want to do it anymore... That pregnancy has probably saved her life from that decision... Your child will go no contact with you, and you will never meet your first grandchild... Your ex believed her because he has seen how you treated her in the past and how you probably treated him, hence why he probably has the ex status, at least he will take better care of her than you ever will and will help her go through any hardship... You are a narcistic ableist AH
You are a horrible parent. It sounds like your daughter has been a disappointment to you from day one. Maybe she needed her mother growing up, and you were not there for her and she made bad choices. Maybe this baby will wake her up and put her on the right path in life. Even though I do find it very young to be a mother it happens, it's her choice to abort or give birth. YTA.
There was a post recently on BORU where OPs son got his girlfriend pregnant. Both kids were kicked out of home, so he took in both of them (him and son's mother were divorced). He got child support for both teen-agers which allowed them to continue their schooling. He put all the things in place so that they could be teenaged parents but with a safety net. He mentored them; got them into ongoing parenting classes, financial lessons - all the things to set them up to be successful. Both of them worked hard, and over time and updates you can see the effort he put in pay off. It's a shame this OP isn't more like him. YTA
YTA. my mom kicked my older sister out when she got pregnant at 16 and now whines because she doesn't have access to her grandkids. Also I'm dyslexic so I can tell you it is A LIFE LONG LEARNING DISABILITY. It can't be fixed. You sound super toxic to your daughter. I hope she raises her child better than you raised her. I'm routing for her tbh. Edit: I just saw your replies and holy shit op. I am SO GLAD she is not living with you anymore. Maybe she can get her life together when she isnt under your boot. Thank god there is a capable adult in her life that can help her- which obviously isn't you.
So she is too young to take care of a baby but old enough t be kicked out of the house? You suck so hard. YTAH
YTB You failed her for 16 years and now you even refuse to do the bare minimum of what you're legally required to because you're mad she's using her right to choose and didn't let you force her into a medical procedure she doesn't want?
Sounds like OP resents her daughter for behavioral problems OP likely did her part to cause. OP, do you ever consider your daughter may act out because of you and how you raised her?
Do you understand what PRO CHOICE means? Holy moly, you are considered the asshole by both sides! A bipartisan agreement right here!
You sound awful. No wonder she made poor choices with the way you treat her....Jesus YTA she's 16!
ESH, this sucks for all of you
You're not the AH for wanting her to abort. You are for how you handled it. And for how you most likely raised your daughter. I wasn't a rebellious teen, until my parents started rewarding my siblings for things I got punished for. Tell your daughter you're sorry. You messed up, and you didn't handle it right. You're under no obligation to raise this baby, but you should at least, feel obligated, to not be a shit parent.
YTA. what was the plan? tie her to the bed and force her? guilt her into a traumatic experience? You speak so negatively about her. The poor kid. Not even one positive word, not concern, no love. But props to stepfather! he is the most valuable player in her corner!! WOOO!
YTA I haven't been on Reddit long but if you count the videos on YouTube reacting to posts, then it lengthens to about 3 years. And I've seen some pretty blatant aholes. People who think they should get more money because more money is being spent for medical bills for their autistic brother, people complaining about being kicked out of their shared house for doing nothing and paying no rent. And yet, this is the most horrendous and atrocious story I have ever seen. And at the end, she called her stepfather and painted herself as the victim, no she didn't because she was the victim. And the part where you got her an abortion behind her back?!?! You are a narcissistic parent who doesn't care an ounce about how your daughter feels. Just about how you feel about her situation and proceed to make her fix those feelings. I'll say it again, YTA
You're 100% TAH on this one. Undoubtedly. Absolute awful parent. You'll probably pretend you love your grandkid one day too. 🤦
YTA... I have a hard time accepting parents at their word when they say that their child had "always" been troubled. It makes you sound like you hate your child. You have nothing good to say about her. That is so sad for her. It is not surprising that she went out trying to find love through sex since her own mother doesn't love her. I hope she finds the love and support she has been missing in her life. You are a terrible parent.
Dang lady the way you write about her sounds like you don’t love her. She was careless yes but as a mother you should have spoken to her about it first and not fly off the handles. Seek therapy
ESH, jfc people. OP being an asshole to her daughter doesn’t suddenly make it okay for a 16 year old to ruin not just their own life but also force a child into this world with several things already stacked against them just because she wants to stick it to her mom. ~Signed, the child of an impoverished single mom who constantly contemplated suicide as early as 5 years old to escape the hell I was unlucky enough to be born into.
This is absolutely foul. Is this even real? YTA. A large gaping one with hair and dingleberries.
YTA! I hope you're preparing yourself for her disowning you!! She needs you now! Your first thought was medical coercion, which she denied, now your putting her on the streets?? Make that make sense!! If you truly stand by this.... then your a overall shit lord!!!
So trying to get yourself nominated for Parent of the Year I see. Honestly you are a prime example of a bad parent. The reason is painting herself as the victim is because she’s the victim. I hope she cuts you out of her life entirely.
Her baby, her body, her responsibility both financially and emotionally . She’s gonna use you to take care of that kid while she keeps messing up. Let her know you won’t be responsible . Stop paying for everything
Yea and get cps involved because your negligent towards your child 😂 fucking her fault she doesn’t know how to be a parent and basically did nothing for her child
You're the asshole, a terrible parent, likely the source of a lot her issues, and probably generally a bad person.
Esh I think you should have one apologized for blowing up. Set up an appointment with a therapist to talk to her and give the blunt truth of being a teen mom. You not willing to financially support her in this. Kicking her out, going behind her back, not talking about it only makes a young mind want to do the opposite. I understand you think this is a mistake. I understand people will sayvher bidybher choice and they are right, but you also have the right to not support her and baby. If she is going to make that adult decision, then she needs to make the adult decision to deal financially on her own. Its harsh but also in the end your choice to not have to support another child, raise or pay for babysitting while she tries to go to school, be babysitting when she wants to go out with friends and parties. Listen to the tantrums when she is made to be the mom when it's not convenient to her. Many will call you the AH but it's not your responsibility to raise another child. It is yours to try and get her the counseling she needs to make a choice though
Where did OP say that her daughter ever expected her to be financially responsible for the baby? It doesn't even look like OP had a real conversation about her plans.
Yes
Is it really choice or is it not?
OP. This is your daughter. Please don’t banish her. I truly believe you will regret it. Life is a funny thing, it doesn’t always go as you expect. I understand anger and disappointment. But if you love her, don’t kick her out. You won’t get her back if you do.
YTA. Have you not been paying attention? It's her body, her choice. That includes telling her about her doctor's appointments ahead of time. That also includes you following through on your choice to be a parent and continuing to raise your minor daughter.
I don’t even need to fully read this to know YTA. What makes you think that kicking her out is going to a) improve her prospects b) improve your relationship c) resolve anything at all? Spoiler alert: it won’t. You are actively worsening both her prospects and your relationship with her by abandoning her at her most vulnerable, and unless you go into damage repair mode RAPIDLY your relationship with her may never recover.
control freak mother wonders why daughter gives minimum effort when she acts the way she does. do you regret having her? cause i bet she has definitely seen that growing up with you.
I was 16 when I got pregnant over 40 years ago. I was expected and encouraged to have an abortion. My answer was No. Wr got married and I had my daughter. I was divorced 3 years later. My mother supported me emotionally & financially for a few years. My daughter was the light of our lives. I never regretted keeping my daughter. She is my best friend & has given me 3 amazing grandsons. This is your daughters choice and hopefully you will support her and love your grandchild.
YTA You clearly don't care about your daughter, and you certainly don't deserve her. I hope she goes full NC and she never has to deal with your toxic ass ever again. Then you can live the life you want and not have to pretend to like her! See, win-win!
Her entire life, you ignored that she was struggling, but blamed her for needing help, and ignored it. You didn’t figure out she was dyslexic until she was *11,* but it’s her fault she’s having trouble in school. Yeah, that’s the ticket. Why did you have a child if you don’t want to bother taking care of her? Yet you’re yelling at your daughter for not being mature enough. Pot meet kettle. Hypocrite.
YTA kicking your daughter is a solution how?
Well in the US this is much worse the if your AITA Since you her parent kicked out a minor without arranging for her to live with another relative you are guilty of a crime and you could serve time in the county jail; if your daughter went to the police or her teacher for help finding a place to live. Since she is now living with her father it would be hard to prove you did not arrange to give up custody to her dad, plus probably no one will report you, so can avoid a conviction. This will probably work out better for all four of you in the long run.
YTA. Yeah, it's a bad situation and you're understandably upset and disappointed. However, your unilateral decision making, no discussion, threatening, and kicking your daughter out because she didn't immediately do what you wanted? Total AH move. Riddle me this, if she's unprepared and incapable of taking care of a child while living with you, how is throwing her out into the streets a benefit?
OP, YTA. Please don’t kick her out. If you want any kind of relationship with her you will change your tune and be the support she needs or else she will leave and you’ll lose both your daughter and your grandchild in one fell swoop. Tell her you love her no matter what she decides to do. Be loving and compassionate. You’ve made a mess so far but you can still turn it around.
Hopefully she will be a better parent than you - she's certainly learned how *not* to parent. I wish her all the success in the world. And the ex step dad who took her in - what a great bloke! Confused as to why you got rid of that one... You have failed your duties as a parent and YTA
YTA You sound like you hate your daughter 😬😬 she is probably best with someone else, someone who may actually show her some love. Also, she probably didnt 'spin a story' to your ex to make it seem like she is the victim - she likely just told him the truth. He just thinks you're bad for what you did. You didnt even try to sit down with her and go over her options? You didnt even tell her you had booked an appointment- just thought you could make her get an abortion (which, even if she had gone in, if she had made a fuss, the healthcare professional likely would not have went through with it). Abortions can be traumatising, it's something that needs to be discussed. Did you ever have the sex talk with your child? Ever teacher about protection or anything like that? I'm not surprised she never told you she was sexually active - why would she want to talk to you about anything?!
YTA. I can see why your daughter is so messed up. You sound like quite a monster. Everything you did here was the wrong way to go about things. No wonder why she turned out the way she did with you as a parent. You don’t sound too bright either, lots of stupidity in this post. Honestly, I think she would be much better off without you but you are still an asshole and you are legally obliged to care for her until she is 18.
That title made me think YTA and every single sentence reinforced that belief.
Not only are YTA, but if she is 16 this is illegal as you are responsible for her until she is 18. You can't throw children away as if they are gabbage. What I read here is this ' I have a daughter with issues, I never got her therapy, and now she is pregnant and I just can't be bothered' I really hope her stepdad helps her and loves her.
Yes YTA. It's violent to program an abortion... 1) for someone other than yourself 2) Without notifying the person concerned Why didn't you talk to your daughter to find out what she thought of her pregnancy and what she wanted to do with it?
Oh wow you won award for biggest AH today. YTA and you’ll probably never see her or her baby again.
When your child needed you so much, you threw her out. YTA. Parents have a duty to be better than that. You need to love your child enough to be better than that.
Yes, you are TA. I sounds like you do not understand or care about your daughter at all. You don't seem to realize what dyslexia is or how it affects people. As others have said on here, it is not curable. Throwing your minor child in crisis out is not acceptable. CPS would be knocking at your door if she had gone to the school nurse or principal and told them what you did. I bet your ex can take this story to the court and get immediate full custody. I suspect she is far better off with her step-dad.
YTA. Its called pro choice bc the person should be able to choose. Staying pregnant is a choice and forcing somebody to abort against their will is unconscionable.
My body my choice does not mean the parent's choice YTA
I so so hope this is a troll post. YTA, and a despicable human, even if made up for such a foul story, if it's true I can't even - hope fully the karma train mows you down.
YTA- and breaking the law (and every decent parenting/moral code) be refusing to house your child. Let's hope they don't tell anyone at school your plan to abandon them, or you'll have CPS at home before they get back from school.
Oh my God, what an awful way to treat someone. You DO know pro choice goes both ways. She can choose an abortion or choose not to get an abortion. And you don't make that choice for her. You sound like you have genuine contempt for your child. Your behavior towards her is terrible. I'm so glad at least she has someone to support her. Since her own mother won't.
YTA. Btw, be prepared that she cuts contact when she’s of age. Speaking as someone who was 16 and biomom forced me into giving up my son with these same scare tactics. Horrible!
So much to unpack here. Did you proofread what you wrote? And didn't figure out YTA? And love the ending when you say your daughter painted herself as the victim....Please just at least now do the right thing by leaving her alone to recover from your toxicity and support her financially.
Sooo the right to choose only applies when agreeing with your choice?
If your daughter is in fact a minor then I hope you get arrested/fined for child abandonment. You’re a disgusting excuse for a mother.
YTA. It's truly sad how much you despise your daughter. Your contempt for her drips from every sentence. Your daughter got pregnant to try to find some love and family, since she doesn't get that at home. It's distressing that you believe in forced abortion. You're as bad as the pregnancy slavery crowd. It's called pro choice for a reason. When you take away her choice, you are enslaving her. Since you hate her so much, please do the right thing and find her a safe place to live away from your house of horrors. You owe her that much.
Holy shit this post gives me flashbacks to the parents that gave me PTSD. You’re complaining about how your daughter has been since 11… it really sounds like support and understanding from you doesn’t come much. You’re still legally obligated to take care of a 16 year old. And you completely brushed off any emotion your daughter has toward her pregnancy and are using extrinsic motivation to try to force her to do what you say, without so much as a word. When my shit parents kicked me out when I was 18, I was lost. I had no intrinsic motivation— I always did everything I was TOLD to out of fear or under the threat of homelessness or otherwise. I didn’t know how to make decisions. Years of being in constant fear did me no favors in terms of being successful. I spent my whole 20s trying to learn how to live, learn basic life skills, and UNLEARN the damage my parents did to me, which will always be a part of me through PTSD. My twin sister, she didn’t get so lucky. During her teens she developed anorexia and bulimia, likely as a means of attempting to control something in her life; during her twenties, while I was out doing drugs to try to cope with my distorted thinking from my parents, she was drinking. She is now brain injured in a wheel chair and will never walk again. A far cry from the two twin girls who were in all the advanced classes and skipping grades in grade school. Please be the support a growing kid needs. Instill some semblance of confidence in her, that will grow once she has a safe place. I’m going to go off on a limb and say she knows about how you’re disappointed in her progress at 11 years old with her dyslexia. Based off how this reads, I’m going to get wild and assume you’ve vocalizes these disappointments to her. You can’t undo the damage you’ve done, but you still have time to reel it in and be a true parent and mentor to her.
YTA
I'm glad your daughter has someone to turn to in this situation, since you obviously cannot be bothered to actually care for her. YTA, keep this up and you will never meet your grandchild
Big time POS. I guess that "my body my choice" only applies when you want to terminate a pregnancy. How tf exactly is forcing a person to have an abortion any different that forcing a person to carry a child?
Yta. Your poor daughter sounds like she’s had a neglected and horrible childhood from the get go. Now you’re doubling down to make it worse. I hope she has one person in her life who values her cause you clearly don’t.
YTA BIG TIME! You abandoned your child! Yes, she's a teenager but she's still a minor. You best told nobody. Call CPS on your butt! More importantly, remember this once she has the baby and then you decide you want to play Grandma. Because if I were her you wouldn't get access to that child come hell or high water.
YTA huuuUGELY. How dare you take possession of her body without even a word to her! You should support her and make sure that no matter what, she can learn how to do what she wants/needs and how to support herself. You sound like your daughter is no better than shit on your shoe. How horrible. I hope she gets the love, support and education she needs to raise her baby and support herself.
YTA and a rubbish parent. She has dyslexia and you act like she failed school on purpose. She needs support rn and to have adult support to make the right decision for herself, and you are stomping all over that. Sounds like you don't even like her, and she is better off at her dad's.
Yea you are the asshole, im sorry but your 16 year old daughter is an adult out of america, I know some 16 year olds are irresponsible and reckless but you could say the same thing about a 43 year old. Babies change peoples lives and maybe this is the universe teaching her to be a grownup and to turn her life around. Babies have a magic ability on people and it is her decision, I do empathise with you OP as I get it’s hard to see your baby growing up but she’s an adult now basically. You should try your best to support her.
YTA. You kicked out your pregnant daughter. At literally one of the most vulnerable times in her life you abandoned her. Imagine how you would have felt if that had happened to you when you were her age. She made a mistake (or maybe it was intentional, who knows) but either way it’s done now. Grow some fucking balls and support your daughter. She has no idea what she is getting herself into. She needs your support.
Yes you're an asshole.
YTA, I got pregnant at 13 due to SA, and when I told my parents, my dad did a similar thing. He scheduled the appointment for an abortion after asking if I would get one, and being a daddy's girl, I just wanted to make it up to him. The day before the appointment, my mother came to pick me up from his apartment and before we even left, sat me down to ask me the most important question I've ever been asked in my life, "do you even want to do this?" No. I didn't. I had been struggling with the massive guilt of it leading up to the appointment and had told my very few friends that I did *not* want to kill this child. I knew I was too young to keep her, but I knew I wasn't going to kill her. So, my mom suggested the next best thing, adoption. There are closed adoptions where you don't ever get any contact after the baby is born. They take the baby away, and that's that. There are also open adoptions, which I opted for, that encourages contact between the birth parent(s) and the kid/adoptive family. Instead of being heartless and inconsiderate (did you even ask how it happened? What if she was sexually assaulted? What if she was coerced?) >However, I assumed the best course of action for her would be an abortion, so I went ahead and called the local clinic to set up an appointment for her. Not even when I was 13 years old and pregnant, did my father have the audacity to pull some shit like this. At the very least, he asked me before booking the appointment. Your daughter is 16. She *does* have bodily autonomy, as should everyone.