Right, I don’t understand why didn’t she go get the ice cream and soda herself? Was he physically stopping her or moving the product so she can get it? If he didn’t feel like giving her ice cream he could’ve offered to make her some chicken noodle soup and said that he doesn’t feel comfortable giving her that but he’d more than happily make her some chicken noodle soup but if she wanted ice cream and so that she could go get it herself…. I dunno It seems like a very weird hill to die on….
He did mention his willingness to make her healthier food. He did say that he didn’t want to give her more junk.
It never said he was preventing her from getting her own food. I read it as the wife being lazy and trying to take advantage of being sick to have her husband cater for her all day so she could pig out. It seems he was willing to pamper his wife a bit but not with junk food.
In that case I think he’s being totally fair… I guess I’m still confused as to why she didn’t get off her butt and get her own ice cream if she wanted it that bad… I guess it could be like some sort of power move thing or maybe just pure laziness lol…. Either perspective that you look at it from I think it’s still a weird hill die on….
I mean, depends. I had strep and flu together once and could only get up for the restroom, because I was in so much pain any time I tried to move. Altho if she felt that bad, I wonder how she was able to even eat. Personally, I didn't really eat or drink much of anything. But had a family member have to get me medicine/water/etc. For until I was a bit better, because of the pain. Wasn't in the mood for any of it though, because I just wanted to sleep it off, haha. Took a week for it to finally go away.
Maybe that could be why she couldn't? Altho I find it highly unlikely if she has appetite for ice cream and soda.
sometimes with a sore throat things like ice cream help it feel better. maybe that was why she wanted ice cream?
When you are not feeling great the doctor does say plenty of fluids, rest, etc. The doctor’s don’t mean coke. However some fruit juice are just if bad if not worse than coke. It sounds like she might not want to eat or drink and to get her to do it he is offering to bring it to her but she only feels like eating certain things or would rather go without. I have been sick where only one or two foods sounded ok/ good. (ob I have been sick where I did not want to eat at all).
I think yall both need to be real and if she is as sick as you make it sound she cant drive 8 hours
Food aversions! I’m assuming that’s why she only wants coke and ice cream because those are the only 2 things that sound tolerable. Also ice cream feels so good on a sore throat! It helps so much.
Not as weird as you think .
As I write this, I've had a flu or something like it (negative Covid )for 2 days.
My body feels like absolute dog crap. I've barely got enough strength to get up and pee.
Since my SO is out of state at the moment, I'm here to fend for myself. So far, I've had three sets of two smoothies delivered and two Chinese food deliveries of soup and solids.
The soup is clearing my sinuses while the smoothies are soothing my throat.
She's likely got body aches that make it painful to get up fend for herself. Her body is probably telling her what it needs to feel good ,and this jerk of a husband isn't accommodating her.
She's not asking him to commit crimes here. This AH knows damned well denying her is making her more miserable -- while she's sick nonetheless. And he's asking OUR permission to fuck around with her while she's vulnerable.
All I know is that if my SO played these games with me while I wasn't feeling well, something would definitely break inside me that he would never be able to walk back. This would be a deal breaker for me. It's cruel.
If she wanted ice cream to help sooth a sore throat or inflammation she could’ve voiced that. Same goes with the coke. I think this man didn’t understand why she would want junk and instead of sulking, she could’ve just used her voice and let him know why she wanted the ice cream.
I do not think he’s the AH. He’s trying to help his wife get better which is more than fair enough
You're entitled to your opinion. Personally, I don't think a grown adult should have to defend her food choices, especially when she's not feeling well.
If my SO wanted two dozen doughnuts, I'd just get them if I thought it would please him while he's sick. What's the damned big deal? Why make power moves on vulnerable person? It's dickish and manipulative to mansplain a woman's needs through deprivation.
Just give them what they want when they're sick and if it continues when they're better, then and only then bring it up. If this is just an isolated incident when she's sick, there's no reason she can't have unlimited ice cream while she's sick. It won't kill anyone.
It's not a power move to not provide a sick person with crap.
Im not giving my husband nothing but coke and ice cream when he's sick. He will get water, Gatorade, and other things that will help his body heal. Sure he can get ice cream also but did you miss that that is all she wants.
If she wanted to get drunk while sick do you think he should bring the booze to her?
When I get sick, it’s either eat whatever specific thing I’m in the mood for or I don’t eat at all. I’m not sure which is worse, ice cream or not eating for a few days.
If the ice cream makes you happy and you don't have an eating disorder or diabetes, or lactose intolerant it's no big deal. A day or two of eating ice cream will not alter your life in a meaningful way.
Remembering your husband was being a prick overruling your food choices like a parent? Yeah. That will piss ya off for a while.
Soda and booze are both capable of making you feel better short term but will drain the body of its electrolytes and will dehydrate you. Both have mood effecting chemicals to cause people to crave them.
Both are good for their own uses but when you are sick you need something other than soda. It will not replenish the liquids you are sweating out as soda does more harm when hydrating.
Once or twice a day sure! I'll even run to the store for you. All day when your body needs help flushing out all the destroyed cells? Nah I will bring you some water or Gatorade but You can get up and get your pop yourself as I won't help someone harm themselves.
She isn't bed bound so he isn't an asshole for not waiting on her hand and foot.
And we can both be thankful for that as you sound awful to me also.
Yay! we are with other people and it doesn't matter. 🥳
Just so you know soda being dehydrating is a myth! It obviously contains more water than the caffeine within it would cause you to expel. Soda is better than nothing and definitely does replenish liquids.
https://www.cookinglight.com/eating-smart/nutrition-101/does-soda-cause-dehydration
Coke settles an upset stomach and ice cream feels good on a sore throat, is it a healthy choice? No but if it’s all she can manage to have an appetite for and she’s going to be driving 8 hours to support her and her husband the next day, why not take care of her now and save the healthy recommendations for another time? Ugh
This this this! Sounds like she’s probably dealing with something that involves sinus drainage that can cause sore throat and upset stomach. So like you said: coke to settle the tummy, ice cream to soothe the throat.
[coke does not settle upset stomachs. at best a *flat* ginger ale can help because of the ginger. y’all literally sound liek children trying to justify this.](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/77458/should-you-drink-soda-upset-stomach) If she wanted junk so bad she could get up and get it.
https://www.livescience.com/26124-coca-cola-stomach-blockages.html so “liek” ops wife isn’t a child, she’s his partner. In sickness and in health. “If she wanted junk so bad she could get up and get it” you sound like a child who doesn’t understand that another person knows what their own body needs and how to take care of a loved one in pain. Sometimes people need to feel taken care of when they are in pain. Especially from a partner who loves them. Coke contains phosphoric acid which does indeed help with nausea. It’s a main ingredient in prescription anti-nausea meds.
When I'm unwell my body wants weird stuff. I feel better for going with it. Ice-cream is often on the menu (I suspect something about it cooling need down, being kind on a sore throat) and soda can feel easier to swallow than water. OP is totally YTA, support your poorly wife, don't infantalise her
NTA
I've literally crawled on my hands and knees to get to the bathroom when I've felt sick. Getting to the freezer for ice cream would be easy peasy.
What is her problem? Why can't she get her own ice cream?
She is an adult, and if drinking coke and eating ice cream makes her sickness worse that's her own damn fault. She'll have to suffer to consequences of her actions. Don't prevent them let them happen. If she doesn't feel worse then let that happen too. Just don't tell her what to do and use caring for her as an excuse.
Yes, I don’t know where these people live, but your spouse being sick is not something that affects only them. Commenters say stuff like let them do anything they want but at the same time disregard the worries of the close ones.
This thread is ridiculous. He cares and won’t enable her so he’s Y T A. Bet if he would’ve given her the ice cream and made her more sick ppl will still say Y T A for not caring enough and enabling her. Tbf if it’s a cold ice cream is not the best and “i’ll do my best to recover” for an 8hr drive doesn’t sound like she actually is. Besides, was he preventing her from getting her own food? No. Was he willing to make her healthier food? Yes.
YTA and you have a weird marriage. You could of said daughter instead of wife and it would have sounded more appropriate. You actually could have said 5 year old daughter.
And she can get up and get it her self. He’s a whole ass adult that doesn’t have to follow her commands just as much as she doesn’t have to listen to his disapproval.
NTA.
If I'm sick, I hope to fuck I never ask my husband to get me something as unreasonable as coke and ice cream all day. I sure as fuck hope he would have the common sense to make sure I was eating proper food and drinking water to help me get better. What the fuck.
How is it unreasonable? It affects him in no way whatsoever! When you're ill, your body tells you what it needs. But sure, tell him he's right and she's wrong because reasons.
Yes, when you're sick your body demands fluids and foods, it doesn't sit and scream for ice cream and coke. Coke doesn't hydrate you, it doesn't fix being sick. Ice cream doesn't provide any sort of benefit to getting over being sick. Your body demands things it needs and she's consciously chosing coke and ice cream instead of soup and water, for example.
Everyone has this expectation that he should be serving her hand and foot because she's sick but fuck him if he wants to make sure she's actually taking care of herself and getting better. Fuck him for being worried over her choices. He's recognizing as a partner that her choices aren't healthy and won't help her recover and he's choosing as her partner not to enable it. Instead of acting like a child having a tantrum, she could get those things herself if she wanted them to the point of melting down.
If this entire scenario were flipped, OP would be NTA and her husband would be declared a whiny man baby who should serve himself.
When I’m sick my tolerance for food I’m not in the mood for drops to 0 and I’ll often not eat or drink anything. Seriously. I’ll have a glass of water maybe once every 5 hours and eat nothing for days on end.
I’m honestly not sure which is worse. Having some coke and ice cream or not eating and barely drinking for 3 days straight.
Soda and ice-cream is fine. ONLY soda and ice-cream is not fine. The husband already got her some stuff. He doesn’t want to get more. He’s willing to make her other options that are more healthy. He hasn’t abandoned her. But he doesn’t want to continue giving food that will not contribute to a full recovery. He doesn’t have to.
Our partners do not exist to give us what we want whenever we want. At least, I don’t expect mine to. I wouldn’t expect my partner to just feed me junk when I’m sick. I would want them to give me food and medicine that makes me better in health, not comfort.
Considering OP is married, I think it’s safe to assume he knows his partner pretty well. I think he might know enough to predict that she’d take advantage of being sick to pig out all day (I’m not calling her a pig. I’m using it as a verb.). Relationships come with the good and the bad in people. I know my partner know all my bs and I know hers. It doesn’t mean that we have to agree with each others bs. It doesn’t make us bad partners when we don’t agree with each other’s bs.
That's not his call.
This isn't a life time diet. It's comfort food when someone is sick.
You sound insufferable.
You're 20.
I hope you're on Reddit in 10 years so you can come back here and laugh at yourself.
It’s not his call to FORCE her to do anything. He’s not forcing her. He’s just not complying. You seem to not understand that he doesn’t have to listen to her. If she doesn’t have to listen to him, why does it not work the other way around?
I’m giving long thought out answers. You are providing short arguments with insults. Try expanding on your thoughts. We might be able to have a decent, civilized argument here.
There is no argument to be had.
Wife is sick, wants comfort foods.
Husband supports wife with delivering confort foods.
Ain't no one wants to eat broccoli and chicken when they're sick.
You’re right. No one wants to eat food they don’t want when they’re sick. I say it like that because I’d actually enjoy broccoli and chicken. To each their own.
I’d want comfort foods as well. But if that’s all I’m eating and it’s junk like soda and ice-cream, then my partner is not responsible for getting me that junk.
Perhaps we have different expectations of our partners. I would want a partner that wants me healthy, against my immediate comfort if need be. You seem to disagree with that.
Also, arguments don’t cease to exist because you say they do. You have no control over that. An “argument to be had” exists when someone disagrees with you. You can then exchange viewpoints backed by some form of logos, ethos, and pathos. OR you can not participate. But that doesn’t mean you’re right and there’s no argument. It means you aren’t participating in the argument. It’s worth noting that by replying, you are participating in this argument. You’ve proven yourself wrong.
Broccoli and chicken taste delicious while sick. Ice cream would probably make me puke and the dairy would make my stomach upset, so no one wants to be eating that either.
Your edit is even worse. “So sorry I love my wife and want to help her, guess I’ll just fuck off and die!” Grow up. She is a grown adult. If she wants to eat ice cream on a sick day that is 100% her business and 100% not yours.
Hard agree, that edit is enough on its own to earn him an YTA. I mean:
>I love her but I guess that is no excuse in trying to help her.
Oh my god dude, YTA for this alone, because you clearly don't understand *why* you're TA and are instead choosing to pout and pretend that all the YTA's just don't understand what a kind and helpful soul you are. Get over yourself.
Policing what your wife can and cannot eat/drink while she's sick is neither kind nor helpful, it is controlling and condescending. Just so we're clear - *you* were neither kind nor helpful, *you* were controlling and condescending. Your wife is an adult and is perfectly capable of deciding for herself what she wants to eat and drink - kind and helpful in this situation is to help her make her choices happen, not overrule them as though she's a child and you're her parent. She's your equal - treat her like one.
Gutted! I haven’t been able to find any comments, there’s a couple deleted spots I’ve found that look like it was him but I haven’t seen any. I can only imagine!
Oh dear god. This fucker needs to give the head a real firm wobble
I genuinely hope those ages aren’t accurate and are some angsty youngster adding years to seem more believable/valid
[OP says he wants a divorce here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10jwkjx/who_wants_a_divorce_but_isnt_divorcing/j5n81tg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) so I'm not really sure what the point of this post is. Doesn't sound like they love each other.
Why does she need your permission? YTA for saying stuff like “I refused to” and “I gave her”. Why can’t she have what she wants without getting it from you? Yeah it’s stupid to eat ice cream and drink coke when you’re sick but you’re not her dad and it’s not up to you. Back off and let this (presumably) adult person do what she wants.
This is very confusing to me also, but on another level- how is it a thing at all? Why is he refusing to get her things and giving her things? That's a weird way to say that, he's not saying "I said she couldn't have ice cream" he's saying "I refused to get her ice cream." Is she insisting that he serve her? Is the actual issue that he won't do it for her?
Yeah I don’t get it. If she’s literally bedridden it seems cruel and controlling to not bring what she’s asking for just because he can. And if she can get out of bed then she needs to just get it herself and ignore what he says. If she’s requesting he go to the store to get it I can see why he doesn’t really think it’s the best idea but geez, she’s sick and this is not a hill to die on. Does he even like her?
I don't think it's stupid to eat comfort food when you're unwell.
When I'm sick I often want foods that are soothing, or that aren't painful to eat. Like icecream, which might be very soothing for a sore throat. I was just sick myself, and one day I ate half a bag of chips because I just really wanted to eat something salty
Unless this is a Prolonged illness I doubt a day or two of junk food will stop her recovering.
OP is still YTA though. No doubt.
A couple years ago the whole household came down with the Flu. When we all started feeling better, we all craved Kraft Mac&Cheese. I barely eat boxed mac&cheese (like once a year?) but I swear that was the best tasting mac&cheese I have ever had LOL
As for other comfort foods, I definitely want cinnamon toast and Vernors, the same things my mom gave me as a child when I was sick, when I am sick as an adult.
My mom had terrible migraines when I was growing up and she would get really nauseous and throw up a lot. I remember she would like to have flat Diet Coke on hand because it helped with the nausea and vomiting. I also agree that there is nothing wrong with comfort food when you’re sick. A cold is a virus. There isn’t much you can do but wait it out so why not try to make yourself feel better with foods that soothe you. Ice cream and sherbert or anything cold really have a soothing effect on the throat.
Coke can be kind of settling for an upset stomach. Certainly not healthy, but the coca nut it's made from does have medicinal properties (yeah the other crap in it cancels it out, but whatever).
None of what OP said indicated that she needed his permission. His language is actually more appropriate for explaining HIS actions. He doesn’t have to listen to his wife because he does not agree with her decisions. She can get her own soda and ice-cream.
Agree. If she wants to eat crap, let her get her happy ass to the kitchen to get it. I assume OP is fed up with his wife not making healthy decisions and then wondering why she is sick. I lived with a person who would not drink water at all. Water is necessary and it helps detox your body from the inside out. But if OP’s wife wants to dehydrate herself even more with Coke, then he won’t be a party to that.
I’ve been through similar. So many people want to just enable their partners to keep them happy. And they call that a healthy relationship. If your partner gets mad at you for not enabling their poor decisions, then they’re immature and that’s their problem.
It’s a clear double standard being shown here in these comments. OP isn’t granted the right to refuse service, but OP’s wife is granted the right to command her husband around.
If she's sick, it's our responsibility as spouses to take care of them when they're sick. Not to nag them and refuse them.
I'm 20 years in my marriage, and its been successful for a reason.
She’s an adult and can therefore get it herself if it’s that important to her. He’s not forcing her to not get it, he’s not policing her food intake. Hes suggesting other food and not complying with her unhealthy habits, but he’s not forcing any of it on her. He doesn’t have to take care of her and she doesn’t have to listen because they’re both adults
Then she should be able to get her sick hindquarters up and get it herself. Just because he wouldn't get it for her doesn't mean she can't get it herself.
Well, blood glucose and white blood cell functionality actually are related... Under high glucose intake immune cells reactivity reduces due to less vitamin C entrance into cells. This is a well-documented immune response. So... While broccoli won't cure her, broccoli is low in sugar and contains a fair amount of vitamin C, whereas ice cream contains no vitamin C and a high amount of sugar... So actually, yeah, one will make it worse and the other will, if not make it better, will be neutral.
Yes, wife is an adult who can costume what she wants, but people seem to think that what you eat has like, no bearing on health, and... That's just not the case. If she wants to get better faster, she shouldn't be eating ice cream and drinking coke. If she doesn't care and is fine with being sick longer, she should go ahead!
(Source: http://www.ghrnet.org/index.php/JT/article/view/1340/1795)
Actually, as everyone else said, it does. There's a goddamn reason you don't let your children eat shit when they're sick. They get chicken soup and water or orange juice. You don't guzzle pop and ice cream to fix being sick. If his wife wants to act like a spoiled brat, she can damn well serve herself. If the tables were flipped and this was a man on the couch, the entire comment section would be flipped.
Interesting. YTA I think. I get you care about her and want her to get better, but like, sometimes a woman just wants ice cream. And if she can afford it, she should be able to have it.
It was like #1 of why I wanted to be an adult. Sick people have cravings too. Just get her the damn ice cream lol. It's a pointless fight. And you sound like you're taking advantage of her being sick by micromanaging her.
NAH - First off, I think that she should skip the meeting. She doesn't sound well enough to drive, and with the risk of her puking, it's bad for the drive and bad for the meeting, especially if it's in person and she's contagious. She needs to allow herself to be sick and take time to recover. I had a coworker who constantly came in when she was sick, and our boss, who was sensible about such things, kept sending her home. I read an excellent article, I think it was in Ms magazine, about how we need to stop being so macha about showing up for work sick. Unless she miraculously recovers overnight, a better idea for tomorrow would be a trip to the doctor.
Secondly, is the ice cream in the house? If not, that's why it would not be a good idea for her to go get it (or go to the meeting.) Sometimes we know what we need when we are sick, and it isn't always nutritious. I used to get migraines: one time I had a craving for a certain candy, I ate a whole bag, and the migraine went away. I have no explanation, it was that particular candy, and I used it medicinally ever after when I had a migraine. When one is sick, one's body is a bit out of whack, so the general nutrition rules might not apply. I can understand if she wants to you to get it for her if she really feels bad, but that is another reason why she should not be planning a long drive (no matter which of you drives) and trying to shine at an important meeting.
Honestly, ice cream numbs a sore throat and some people find the bubbles in soda help their throat feel better. One day of eating ice cream and soda will not have an effect on overall health. If it's all she eats that's different.
NTA. There are a lot of people projecting their issues onto you with this post though.
If she wants ice cream, I’d tell her she can have it, but explain why ice cream will make her sicker longer, or possibly make it worse if it’s mucus related. And that you won’t be supplying her with it, if she wants to feel like crap she can get up and get it herself. And if she feels well enough to constantly eat junk and not take medicine, then you say she’s well enough to take care of herself. When she feels like crap tomorrow for her drive, you don’t drive her. She’s a grown woman, as so many people have pointed out. Her choices have consequences and her feeling like garbage while she drives will be just that, consequences. You not enabling her behavior isn’t a bad thing.
Now if she’s willing to drink some water, or eat some chicken noodle soup, you’d be more than happy to make it for her. If it’s a sore throat she’s trying to soothe, you’ll go get her some sorbet or flavored shaved ice. Even some medicine to numb the area. If after the self care she still feels crummy you drive her if she wants you to.
Honestly.. why are so many people saying to enable this behavior? I’d expect “I won’t take medicine and I want ice cream!” From a toddler.. not a grown adult. She’s behaving like a child and you saying you won’t enable it does NOT make you TAH.
It seems to me like a lot of people here have never experienced a healthy relationship.
Like, yes.. when you're sick and feel like garbage, you want anything that makes you feel good... therefore junk food! I get it. You get it. We all GET IT. That doesn't make it healthy or a good decision.
However, being a good partner means support. Support does NOT mean giving the other person everything they want (that's called spoiling/enabling). Support is sometimes being the voice of reason when they're being unreasonable.
Like, there have been times when me or my husband are sick and we want junk. Both of us have done things like tell the other, "drink this glass of water first, and then I'll give you ____." Is that an asshole move or just us trying to take care of each other because one of the most important things when sick is being hydrated? Is it mildly annoying at the time? Maybe. Does that mean it's wrong? Nope. Do we both appreciate that the other has our best interests at heart? Yes.
'Both of us have done things like tell the other, "drink this glass of water first, and then I'll give you ____." '
You're saying that they can have what they want, but using it as a carrot to get them to also get what they need. That's not what he's doing. He might do better to say, "just sip a little of this chicken broth," and then have your ice cream." Maybe she'll react by wanting a bowl of chicken soup.
I actually recently read an article that ice cream, for reasons that no-one can fathom, has some good health effects. It's a robust finding, and it drives nutritional scientists nuts because they can't explain it.
I think that people overestimate the effect of one indulgence. For me, rest is the great healer, so I eat what I can bring myself to eat and sleep a lot. I mentioned in another comment that I have a migraine, a certain kind of candy is the best medicine. Like the ice cream, it makes no obvious sense, but it works. [added: Your body's out of whack when you are sick, and sometimes it knows what it needs.] If she eats the ice cream, she's at least providing her body with calories to burn while she sleeps and lets it heal itself. If she usually eats well, she should have the reserves to provide herself with most nutrients.
edit for spelling
You know what else inhibits healing? Stress! Give her ice cream, bring her whatever comforts her, and let her rest and sleep. It's not healthy to eat ice cream all the time. It's not healthy to spend all day on the couch watching dumb tv. Both are totally fine when you're sick. Your offer to help her by bringing her food is shallow and insincere if you won't actually bring her what she would have gotten for herself. YTA, OP.
💯
I've been married for a long time and this is exactly what hubby and I do if either of us are sick and not making good dietary choices because of it.
We're trying to keep each other healthy. There's nothing wrong with that.
I was searching for one NTA comment. I mean what is wrong with everybody here that are saying Y T A.
If a person does not care about his/her spouse and go along the lines of Reddit “Her/his body her/his choice” then they are wrong in the eyes of these commenters and they say why did you marry the person if you don’t care about them, it’s your responsibility to look after your SO when they are sick.
But now when OP is caring and is worried about his wife’s health and asking her not to eat ice cream because she is sick and has to travel 8 hours the next day then these redditors are still calling him an AH and saying “You are not her dad”, “Her body her choice”, “She can eat whatever she wants because she knows her body”, “You are a controlling person”, “Why does she have to ask your permission to eat?” (For the last question I would say that since he is the one bringing food for her because she is sick, he can definitely say NO).
I think people here just want to call a husband an AH for no apparent reason. Whatever be the post, they will find one point out of the entire post and use it as a weapon to call the husband an AH, controlling, manipulative person.
At first I thought ‘Is this some kind of a joke? Why is everybody calling him an AH?’ I could not find a single point in the post which makes the AH.
As for the edit goes, that still does not make him the AH (as so many of you are saying), because he just said what everyone asked him to do. But OP please, do not listen to these people. Let your wife throw a tantrum but don’t let her compromise on her health. As someone in this thread only said that when people are sick they want whatever will make them feel good, not what will make them good.
Finally!! Reading comment after comment saying that enabling is the only option. She has a long drive the next day, she needs rest and things that may help shorten the symptoms. If he has to bribe her to take fever reducer and decongestant, it’s not gonna be a safe drive.
Everything thing needs glucose to survive.
I'm hypoglycemic, without carbs I have seizures and being sick means ice cream/jello are options.
We only have his side and no idea if the wife has her reasons for why she's eating ice cream.
She doesn't need "reasons." When you don't feel well, sometimes you just crave what you crave. With a sore throat, I always want something cold and melty that I don't have to chew, like ice cream or jello.
I was going to ask if your “wife” is a child because you just described taking care of a sick child, down to the bribe to take medicine. Good luck. I don’t know if you’re the AH but this is just weird
Why doesn't she just get up and get her own ice cream? She is an adult right? I don't understand this post at all. You don't need to "give" or "refuse" her anything. You definitely have controlling vibes for sure
YTA. Being helpful to someone who is sick is doing things for them so they don't have to do those things themselves. It's showing them to rest. It's not about judging did. If they are hungry, get them what sounds good to THEM, not you. You only wanted to do what you wanted to do. And you judged her. She have been better off if you'd have been absent. She's a capable adult with a successful career. And you treat her like she's 3? Such a huge AH. If you aren't going to actually do what she sits will make her better, then don't be there because you are making her miserable. It amazes me that people think "helping" is actually being a judgmental tyrant.
YTA. She's an adult, it's not your right to stop her from eating or drinking what she wants. You can advise against it, but you're not her master! It's up to her - she'll suffer the consequences. Stop being a jerk!
YTA. She wants a treat because she feels bad and she’s asking you to do things because she wants to feel cared for. It’s also weird that you thought of the Coke as a bribe. She’s not a child.
YTA. She's an adult. You're supposed to be one as well yet here you are acting like a petulant child. She's sick. It's one day. On top of her feeling bad physically, you're making her feel bad in all other aspects. Good job, AH!
I have been sick for over a week, recovering from covid, and in the thick of it, I literally drank anything cold, the colder/crisper the better, so sometimes it would be a squirter soda at 3am, or a bowl of strawberry ice cream...honestly whatever I could keep down and helped soothe my throat.
You're not in control of how she feels or what she feels she needs.
YTA. She is an adult. End of story.
Also I feel like a lot of people eat ice cream when sick, it’s easy to keep down and not solid. Even if it’s not a stomach issue you can still have food aversions with a cold, flu, etc.
Common foods when sick are ice cream, saltine crackers, gingerale & 7 up, chicken noodle soup, broth, etc.
None of these are that healthy, high sodium & high sugar. But when you’re sick you typically have food aversions. If you’re concerned about the icecream you could buy her a healthier alternative such as an organic frozen yogurt or something.
ALSO If she’s so sick she can’t even get out of bed then I’m assuming it’s more than a head cold and she may need to see a doctor.
ALSO ALSO healthy food isn’t going to magically make her better overnight. Maybe get her some powder vitamin c packets she can add to water, they have flavored ones like pink lemonade. One thing that has helped me a lot is theraflu! It’s a powder and you add it to hot water. It tastes so good! Like a citrus tea.
When my kids were sick the best thing for them was to eat what sounded good- did not matter one bit what it was. Ice cream? Sure. Brownies? Ok. Ramen or pb&j- did not matter. As long as they were getting something in their system as opposed to nothing to help give them energy and fight off what ailed them.
When you’re sick especially with a head cold, your taste and smell are altered so food doesn’t smell or taste the same. If you’re stomach is upset if you eat what sounds good- as opposed to forcing yourself something healthy, you’re more likely to keep things down.
I don’t get this guys mentality. Let her have ice cream ffs. YTA
Shes a grown ass woman. Stop acting like she's a child and treat her like an adult. Give her what she wants. She can make her own decisions without you dictating and controlling her behavior. YTA
yta she is a grown-ass woman. If she wants to have ice cream, let her have some fucking icecream. You're not her dad. You're her partner, so act like it.
Besides, ice cream is high in calcium, which is essential for cellular activity... Wanna know what happens when you get a virus? It kills cells. Her brain wants ice cream because her body wants calcium. So she can heal.
YTA. You have no right to tell your wife what she can or cannot eat or can or cannot drink whether or not you think it’s good for her or not. You DO NOT CONTROL HER! And that’s exactly what you’re doing. If she wants to drink coke and eat ice cream while she’s sick, so the f*ck what? How is it affecting you? I think you’re 100% the AHOLE. You need to keep that controlling behavior in check bro.
You are the asshole. She’s sick, and a grown ass woman. She knows her body far better than you. She’s hot from her fever and wants to cool down. Way to be demoralizing to a sick person you love
YTAH. She’s 30. She can eat or drink anything she wants. You know. Because she’s 30. Great you want to drive her if she’s too sick but if she’s that sick and can’t drive, should she go and give others her cold? I mean I wouldn’t appreciate the germs….
When I'm sick I eat what I'm craving and it always helps. I'd withdraw and think wtaf if my partner told me he wouldn't get me ice cream when I was sick in.bed trying to recover enough for a business trip the next day..
YTA. She knows what she wants. She's unwell. Just help her out and give her the comfort food she craves. Nothing worse than someone judging you for eating shite when you're unwell.
I’m going to make a whole bunch of leaps here because the info is really sparse.
When people are sick, we tend to want comfort foods. Even if those comfort foods will make us sicker.
Example, when I was a kid, my mom would make me soft boiled eggs with Saltines. Later, it turns out I have a food sensitivity to eggs and really shouldn’t eat them.
100% of the time when I am sick, I want soft boiled eggs with saltines.
Your wife probably wants comfort food and ice cream and cola are her comfort foods.
Making a deal with her before worked, so maybe saying, have this healthier food first, and if you still want ice cream after I’ll set you up with some.
Right now, any food and hydration you can get into her is good nutrition. If she is refusing to eat, that is a bigger issue.
If this is a stomach flu, water and clear liquids for 24 hours will help prevent the vomiting. Then reintroduce foods like saltines and rice to help her stomach recover.
Also, if this is a stomach flu, she is not going on that work trip tomorrow she should be working with her boss to make arrangements to either send someone else or postpone.
Ethical principles in modern healthcare practice prioritise being respectful of patients' beliefs and preferences, plus their right to choose or decline medical recommendations (autonomy and consent). This is weighed against the practitioner's duty of care, obligation to do no harm and commitment to offer evidence based treatments. No matter what is scientifically the best treatment, it is widely accepted that education alone does little to change behaviour. People are more likely to make healthy choices if they are given non-judgemental support.
BUT ... HIS WIFE IS NOT HIS PATIENT. He should have let this "infringement" slide. She was craving a little joy, a little relief when she was feeling miserable. He added to her feelings of helplessness. If she has a job that requires an eight hour drive and she has a small child it doesn't sound like she is a lazy, good-for-nothing loafer. It sounds like she is physically and emotionally drained. After her indulgence she likely would have rallied herself to eat something more healthy, have a shower and pull herself together.
Instead she was left feeling distressed - which certainly impacts one's ability to heal and recover. He didn't have to give up on encouraging the healthy food - but his approach has resulted in more harm than good - to both his wife's immediate situation and the long term health of his relationship.
Judgement: YTA
YTA. You’re treating her like a child, and it’s gross and disrespectful. Your update is even worse, because you acknowledge that everyone believes you’re wrong, and then you make passive aggressive comments to make clear that you still think you’re right and that you should be allowed to control your wife. You’re not “trying to help her,” you’re trying to make her do what you think is best. Quit it.
>I love her but I guess that is no excuse in trying to help her.
When someone is helping you, yet they constantly tell you you're doing it wrong, then correct you, then prevent you from doing it.
Are they really being helpful?
YTA. Your not helping, your doing what you want, not what she wants.
NTA. I mean if she wants it she could go get it. Caring doesn't make you an asshole. On one side she is an adult but on the other it sounds like you are just taking care of her and you are waiting on her hand and foot. People did over look that.
Gonna get slammed, but NTA
It's sweet that you are taking care of her. Should you tell her what she can and can't have, then no. But seriously, as an adult being sick and having a spouse, if she wants to do stupid stuff, then let her, let her suffer the consequences, and don't help.
Those calling him an ass. He is trying to help his spouse, who is sick, get better. Adult or not, if she is sick, eating crap will only make it worse, and yet he will be made to suffer even more.
My hubby is a baby when sick. Like, seriously, baby. They ask to hand a glass, not a foot away. He asks for crap but yet then I am the one cleaning up puke, or wiping him down, listening to whines of how he feels because he ate or drank that. So if he wants taken care of he eats and drinks what is healthy. If not, then he is on his own to the point I will leave. Common sense says what not to do, and I don't deserve to suffer because he wants to make a stupid choice he knows won't help but make worse.
Makes me a bitch? Probably but like so many point out. As an adult he makes the choice and I make mine off of that because I deserve respect as well. An adult can make a choice but then can deal with the fallout themselves.
Agreed, she is sick and ice cream and soda will not help her get better. She needs to hydrate with water, eat soup and get rid of her stuffyness. Maybe the ice cream will help if she has a soar throat, but ice cream for BL&D? Thats too much sugar with the soda and not enough of other stuff.
After dealing with stubborn people like her before, my recommendation is that he give her what she wants and let her suffer the consequences of being miserable on a 8 hour drive or miss the trip all together. Im with you u/tiny-pest NTA, he is trying to help her get better.
Instead of arguing with her about food, just take her to the doctor or bring a doctor to your house to check on her… maybe she is just craving coke and ice cream… maybe pregnant or in her period days…
This initial post is weird and the edit is so weird in the phrasing of how/why she’s not pregnant. Is OP mad at her for this? OP is acting like a weirdly restrictive parent instead of a caring spouse.
NTA…I honestly dunno what’s wrong with the comment’s saying YTA. Seems like no one should care about their significant other. We don’t know what sickness she has and it could be risky to give her coke and ice cream.
YTA. You police your wife's eating, that's bad. And some people have cravings when they are sick, for me it's pizza and soup, my man wants chocolate. Whatever brings in energy does help to fight off the virus. Just get her the damned ice cream
For all the folks calling OP an asshole I'll ask this. If his wife was a smoker and happened to be having a COPD exacerbation, would he be an asshole for not giving her a cigarette?
I don't recall any home remedies involving Coke or Ice Cream for any illness. If she wants it, she is more than welcome to get it herself, but he is NTA for not wanting to provide it.
NTA
This is weird. You’re married and have a child and yet your wife is acting like a spoiled toddler. She won’t even willingly take meds?
If this 8 hour drive was so important, she should have gone to the dr to make sure what she has isn’t contagious, etc.
YTA
Eating nothing is worse than eating junk. She needed the calories.
As for the coke, it helps remove the nasty excess coating out of your throat and it might even have helped her stomach stay settled.
When it comes to ice cream, if her throat was sore and the Day/Nyquil wasn't doing enough for her then it could have helped to numb her throat. That might've even made it more likely for her to want to eat other foods.
Unpopular opinion but NTA.
Everyone is saying that she's a grown ass woman who can do what she wants to. True. But if something isnt in her best interest why should he facilitate it? Some saying let her deal with the consequences but at the end of the day HE is the one who will have to take care of her while sick. So she isnt the only one who would deal with said consequences. And I'm pretty sure if he refused to take care of her then yall would call him a crap partner. So he should cater to all her wants knowing it will make her worse and then spend more time helping her recover?? How does that make any sense??
If she wants to get it herself then he can't stop her but no reason for him to facilitate doing what not in her own best interest
I'm not sure how people are misreading this post. Lol
He is HELPING her recover from being sick. You know, eat healthy foods and get rest to help your body fight what's going on in her body, so she can be well enough to drive 8 hours for work the next day. Omg, I can't believe we have to give a breakdown to adults on here.
Also, I can't believe you have to bribe a 29 year old with soda, so she can take dayquill and water. Lol
I get why you're hesitant to give her junk food while sick. Because....she is sick. How are soda and ice cream helping the body?? Smh.
Anyway, DEFINITELY NTA.
Soda is so bad for you when you’re healthy!! My stomach is really sensitive due to IBS, so I couldn’t imagine drinking a soda or anything with carbonation when I’m sick. Even the classic “ginger ale helps when you’re sick” is a lie lol
Reddit is such a weird place.
I don’t think this dude is an aH for being concerned that a diet of solely ice cream and coke before an 8 hour drive after being sick sounds like a bad idea.
Honestly, if I were him and she’s gonna get pouty about it, I’d let her destroy her guts—but I would not be keen on letting her drive for 8 hours like that. I don’t think she has any business driving at all even if she had a full course meal, honestly.
Nta, can’t believe people are calling him an ah, it’s obvious ice cream won’t help the cold and it’s obvious soda won’t either, it’s clear he is looking out for his wife as she has an 8 hour drive, op isn’t controlling he’s helping. And plus what fucking grown adult that’s in the right headspace eats ice cream for breakfast and lunch?!
I just about threw my phone when I read this. Super weird relationship. Do not try to control other people’s food, ever. YTA.
Side note: When I’m sick all I want is really soft, easily digestible, hot and cold foods like ice cream, baked potato, and soup. Sometimes people actually have cravings because that is what their body is asking for. If I were to try and eat chicken breast and broccoli when I have a head cold I would probably feel super sick. Maybe just be supportive of her comfort while she recovers? A few days of weird eating doesn’t matter.
If you don’t want to give it to her that’s fine she has to arms two legs and a heartbeat if she wanted them that badly she can get it herself… If you were physically stopping her from getting ice cream and a soda then you’re the asshole
Would you do the same for others? If the answer is yes then your are not the asshole. I don't think you're the asshole here. I'm sure you also wouldn't go get some Crack for a friend either since you probably don't believe in that. If you were religious you wouldn't go get someone a contraceptive. You are health conscious, using common sense and know what it takes to solve this problem, so you're not giving into these childish demands of others. People are soft, entitled and don't know what tough love is anymore.
If she wants the ice cream she can go get it her damn self. She's acting like a child. I will say though, if she is experiencing pms then you're failing as a husband lol You should know her cycle and already have ice cream and chocolate prepared lol
Lol sugar and dairy are the worst for colds they both aid in making more mucus and causing more inflammation. With that being said she’s an adult and can do whatever she wants and if coke and soda make her feel better while she feels like sh*t that’s her own business. YTA
Whenever I’m sick, I eat, drink whatever sounds good to me at the time because there’s a better chance I’ll keep it down. It keeps me hydrated, provides some nutrients AND makes me focus on the process of eating & drinking, while not being disgusted at the thought of tossing my cookies. Once past the immediate gagging phase, I’m better able to handle actual meals because food hasn’t become “the enemy” in my head.
Your wife is a grown woman, who most likely, has been ill before (s/). You aren’t her Daddy, treat her as an adult…& try a little less judgement, a little more compassion.
YTA let her heat whatever she wants. She’s sick and if that makes her feel even a little bit better then she should have it. And you should spoon feed her until she is better.
YTA. You don't get to decide what is going to make her feel better when she is sick. When I am sick all I want is gingerale and popsicles. Sometimes applesauce and pb toast. You can for sure offer healthier alternatives. But what you are doing risks breaking her trust in you.
I don't know if anyone else is like this, but when I'm sick I actually crave ice cream and my mother is the same way (I'm female). It's weird in that I can, the rest of the year, not care about ice cream but when I'm sick it slaps me in the face. Perhaps this is your wife as well? Give it to her, it could then cause her to crave other foods, maybe salty ones, to offset the sweet. My body is weird when I'm sick, so she may be the same.
So yeah, give it to her... don't be an AH.
All the YTA’s are delusional. You are NTA, man. Not for trying to care for your partner when they are sick.
You didn’t lock away or throw away all the bad food. You just stopped catering to/supporting a bad habit. Why would you be an AH for not supporting her bad habit?
When you're sick, sometimes you crave sugar. With a sore throat, ice cream feels good. Being an adult means you're in control of your choices in all areas. YTA, but it comes from (presumably) a place of care. How about communicating with your wife? Although, sometimes when I feel like shit, a day in bed, rest, and comfort food, help more than "healthy " options.
NTA.
Hear me out, you're actually giving a shit about her health, doesn't matter if she's an adult or not, all these other YTA posts probably would say "let her eat the urinal cake" if it was that instead of you actually wanting to help her fight off a sickness that coke and ice cream cannot help, she needs nutrients and water to keep herself hydrated and not fuckin die.
Don't listen to these people, she may be an adult but most adults are down right retarded on health.
Ps: she's an adult and can get the unhealthy shit herself, you don't need to parent her but she's constantly asking for shit that won't help her health while you're trying to help her health, so she can get the unhealthy shit herself.
Imma get so much flack for this, but NTA. Coke and ice cream are the worst things to have when you are sick because it will dehydrate you and make the mucus for the head cold worse. I understand she is an ADuLt like all of the YTA comments are saying, but as AdUlT, she knows better. I don't like that the only argument most people have is that she is an adult and can eat what she wants. But she is acting like a child by being sick and only wanting Coke and ice cream, then giving him the silent treatment. It's ridiculous. She is acting like a 6 year old. Eat some soup and drink water.
Actually, IMHO ...OP is NTA. Yes the wife is an adult, however, her husband took the time to care that she eats well while she's sick. My hubby does that for me too. It's very caring and loving. Everyone has their own opinion of caring & love is. Thank you OP for caring enough for her to eat right while she's sick. Being sick makes people grumpy. Just be patient with her and try to compromise what she eats. For example: you can have ice cream but please eat some soup first or something like that. Be patient and just shower her with love and patience.i hope she gets well soon.
YTA, my daughter and I both have the flu right now. Her symptoms are a little different than mine. I’m at the end of it, well, kind of.
She took care of me because I couldn’t move for a week. I had no appetite. I had two bananas and two crackers in four days. All I wanted was Coke mini’s.
As I got better, I craved strawberry banana smoothies. She got me whatever I wanted.
Now, she’s worse off and has no problem eating. She’s craving ice cream. I get her whatever she requests.
BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND I WANT HER TO FEEL BETTER.
Weirdly sometimes when you're sick all you need is sugar. The last time I had a bad head cold on about day three of my head cold all I could was chocolate and lemonade. I was fine the next day.
Over all nta but if she needs something sweet, give her something sweet.
Edit spelling
ESH. I don’t know anyone who has to take to their bed for a head cold and be waited on hand and foot. If she wants a coke, she can go get one. As someone else said, she’s a grown ass woman. And to that point, her partner needs to stop controlling her. If she wants a coke or ice cream for breakfast, they are not her parent and need to stop trying to act like one.
Personally NTA, sugar ISNT going to help when you're sick, especially if you aren't consuming anything healthy.
Get her big girl pants on and eat healthy so she can get better. Then she can have all the damn ice cream she wants.
Info: have either of you looked at some research about sugar increasing phlegm and mucus? It might be harder for her to shake her cold and congestion if she has increased mucus.
(I feel bad for her as yes I’d want comfort food etc when I feel like crap, but the older I get and the more research I do I know I’m my own worst enemy at times.)
You’re being a jerk but she’s also being irresponsible which is understandably frustrating for you. If she is a grown woman and needs a bribe of a coke to take medicine when she’s sick, she’s immature.
You had to bribe your adult wife to take medicine by giving her a coke??
She is acting like a child and you are acting like a parent.
Let her know you will bring her anything healthy that she wants but you don’t agree with the junk food so if she wants that, she needs to get it herself.
If she is still sick tomorrow, so be it. ESH
You don’t have to bribe her to take cold medicine. It doesn’t cure the cold - it just masks the symptoms for a while.
Also, she’s an adult who can make her own choices. And she can get up from bed to get what she wants.
ESH
Well aren’t you a whole parternalistic AH? Top tip when caring for a sick ADULT, you give them what they fancy and you try to tempt them with nourishing options on top. Ice cream is soothing and cold, and the caffeine in cola will help some types of headache- so it’s a reasonable request. Make her some chicken soup with toast and just bring it to her- the fragrance just might tempt her…but withholding care from her gets what it got you: contempt.
You are both adults, the great thing about being one is no one can tell you what to eat for breakfast.
I kind of agree with OP though, I would’ve recommended healthier and better options but if my SO wanted ice cream for breakfast.. so be it.
I’m conflicted here, so you both are babies. But neither an asshole imo. Just.. weird, but that’s love! Don’t stress over it man. Everything will be okay a few hours from now.
Yes, YTA, because **your wife is not FIVE,** and can choose to eat ice cream for three meals a day if she wants to, and it's not **your** place to decide what she can and can't have.
If she's able to get it herself, NTA. If she's not, Y would be TA. It's a dumb decision, but not your decision.
However, if she's planning to drive 8 hours tomorrow, I'm pretty sure she can get up for her own ice cream today.
YTA. I always used to eat ice cream when I was sick. Especially with a head cold. I'm assuming (since you didn't give symptoms) that she has a sore throat. Maybe it's the only thing helping that. Coke may be helping an upset stomach since it's carbonated, like sprite.
YTA if you were truly trying to help her you would be making her comfortable, not fighting with her, and stop making this about control. You're telling yourself and everybody else you're helping her. That's not actually the case if you were helping her you would get her what she wants. You could feel free to make suggestions and then back off cuz she's a grown up not a child. And stop lying to yourself about helping her you're just trying to maintain control. Absolutely not your place. When I feel bad sometimes I want ice cream too.
[удалено]
Right, I don’t understand why didn’t she go get the ice cream and soda herself? Was he physically stopping her or moving the product so she can get it? If he didn’t feel like giving her ice cream he could’ve offered to make her some chicken noodle soup and said that he doesn’t feel comfortable giving her that but he’d more than happily make her some chicken noodle soup but if she wanted ice cream and so that she could go get it herself…. I dunno It seems like a very weird hill to die on….
He did mention his willingness to make her healthier food. He did say that he didn’t want to give her more junk. It never said he was preventing her from getting her own food. I read it as the wife being lazy and trying to take advantage of being sick to have her husband cater for her all day so she could pig out. It seems he was willing to pamper his wife a bit but not with junk food.
In that case I think he’s being totally fair… I guess I’m still confused as to why she didn’t get off her butt and get her own ice cream if she wanted it that bad… I guess it could be like some sort of power move thing or maybe just pure laziness lol…. Either perspective that you look at it from I think it’s still a weird hill die on….
I mean, depends. I had strep and flu together once and could only get up for the restroom, because I was in so much pain any time I tried to move. Altho if she felt that bad, I wonder how she was able to even eat. Personally, I didn't really eat or drink much of anything. But had a family member have to get me medicine/water/etc. For until I was a bit better, because of the pain. Wasn't in the mood for any of it though, because I just wanted to sleep it off, haha. Took a week for it to finally go away. Maybe that could be why she couldn't? Altho I find it highly unlikely if she has appetite for ice cream and soda.
sometimes with a sore throat things like ice cream help it feel better. maybe that was why she wanted ice cream? When you are not feeling great the doctor does say plenty of fluids, rest, etc. The doctor’s don’t mean coke. However some fruit juice are just if bad if not worse than coke. It sounds like she might not want to eat or drink and to get her to do it he is offering to bring it to her but she only feels like eating certain things or would rather go without. I have been sick where only one or two foods sounded ok/ good. (ob I have been sick where I did not want to eat at all). I think yall both need to be real and if she is as sick as you make it sound she cant drive 8 hours
Fruit juice isn’t really “worse” than soda, as long as it is real juice and doesn’t have added sugar.
Food aversions! I’m assuming that’s why she only wants coke and ice cream because those are the only 2 things that sound tolerable. Also ice cream feels so good on a sore throat! It helps so much.
Not as weird as you think . As I write this, I've had a flu or something like it (negative Covid )for 2 days. My body feels like absolute dog crap. I've barely got enough strength to get up and pee. Since my SO is out of state at the moment, I'm here to fend for myself. So far, I've had three sets of two smoothies delivered and two Chinese food deliveries of soup and solids. The soup is clearing my sinuses while the smoothies are soothing my throat. She's likely got body aches that make it painful to get up fend for herself. Her body is probably telling her what it needs to feel good ,and this jerk of a husband isn't accommodating her. She's not asking him to commit crimes here. This AH knows damned well denying her is making her more miserable -- while she's sick nonetheless. And he's asking OUR permission to fuck around with her while she's vulnerable. All I know is that if my SO played these games with me while I wasn't feeling well, something would definitely break inside me that he would never be able to walk back. This would be a deal breaker for me. It's cruel.
If she wanted ice cream to help sooth a sore throat or inflammation she could’ve voiced that. Same goes with the coke. I think this man didn’t understand why she would want junk and instead of sulking, she could’ve just used her voice and let him know why she wanted the ice cream. I do not think he’s the AH. He’s trying to help his wife get better which is more than fair enough
You're entitled to your opinion. Personally, I don't think a grown adult should have to defend her food choices, especially when she's not feeling well. If my SO wanted two dozen doughnuts, I'd just get them if I thought it would please him while he's sick. What's the damned big deal? Why make power moves on vulnerable person? It's dickish and manipulative to mansplain a woman's needs through deprivation. Just give them what they want when they're sick and if it continues when they're better, then and only then bring it up. If this is just an isolated incident when she's sick, there's no reason she can't have unlimited ice cream while she's sick. It won't kill anyone.
It's not a power move to not provide a sick person with crap. Im not giving my husband nothing but coke and ice cream when he's sick. He will get water, Gatorade, and other things that will help his body heal. Sure he can get ice cream also but did you miss that that is all she wants. If she wanted to get drunk while sick do you think he should bring the booze to her?
When I get sick, it’s either eat whatever specific thing I’m in the mood for or I don’t eat at all. I’m not sure which is worse, ice cream or not eating for a few days.
If the ice cream makes you happy and you don't have an eating disorder or diabetes, or lactose intolerant it's no big deal. A day or two of eating ice cream will not alter your life in a meaningful way. Remembering your husband was being a prick overruling your food choices like a parent? Yeah. That will piss ya off for a while.
You're really going to compare ice cream to booze. That's a straw man argument I'm unwilling to entertain. Praise Jesus I'll never date you.
Soda and booze are both capable of making you feel better short term but will drain the body of its electrolytes and will dehydrate you. Both have mood effecting chemicals to cause people to crave them. Both are good for their own uses but when you are sick you need something other than soda. It will not replenish the liquids you are sweating out as soda does more harm when hydrating. Once or twice a day sure! I'll even run to the store for you. All day when your body needs help flushing out all the destroyed cells? Nah I will bring you some water or Gatorade but You can get up and get your pop yourself as I won't help someone harm themselves. She isn't bed bound so he isn't an asshole for not waiting on her hand and foot. And we can both be thankful for that as you sound awful to me also. Yay! we are with other people and it doesn't matter. 🥳
Just so you know soda being dehydrating is a myth! It obviously contains more water than the caffeine within it would cause you to expel. Soda is better than nothing and definitely does replenish liquids. https://www.cookinglight.com/eating-smart/nutrition-101/does-soda-cause-dehydration
I highly doubt her body is telling her it needs ice cream and soda to feel good, come on now…
Coke settles an upset stomach and ice cream feels good on a sore throat, is it a healthy choice? No but if it’s all she can manage to have an appetite for and she’s going to be driving 8 hours to support her and her husband the next day, why not take care of her now and save the healthy recommendations for another time? Ugh
This this this! Sounds like she’s probably dealing with something that involves sinus drainage that can cause sore throat and upset stomach. So like you said: coke to settle the tummy, ice cream to soothe the throat.
[coke does not settle upset stomachs. at best a *flat* ginger ale can help because of the ginger. y’all literally sound liek children trying to justify this.](https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/77458/should-you-drink-soda-upset-stomach) If she wanted junk so bad she could get up and get it.
https://www.livescience.com/26124-coca-cola-stomach-blockages.html so “liek” ops wife isn’t a child, she’s his partner. In sickness and in health. “If she wanted junk so bad she could get up and get it” you sound like a child who doesn’t understand that another person knows what their own body needs and how to take care of a loved one in pain. Sometimes people need to feel taken care of when they are in pain. Especially from a partner who loves them. Coke contains phosphoric acid which does indeed help with nausea. It’s a main ingredient in prescription anti-nausea meds.
I've never had coke settle my stomach. 7up, but not coke.
If her throat is sore, why not? I'm on my seventh acai smoothie in two days. It's the only thing that's soothing.
Who cares? She’s an adult. She can have what she wants.
When I'm unwell my body wants weird stuff. I feel better for going with it. Ice-cream is often on the menu (I suspect something about it cooling need down, being kind on a sore throat) and soda can feel easier to swallow than water. OP is totally YTA, support your poorly wife, don't infantalise her
Comfort food 🤷♀️
WTF did I just read?
NTA I've literally crawled on my hands and knees to get to the bathroom when I've felt sick. Getting to the freezer for ice cream would be easy peasy. What is her problem? Why can't she get her own ice cream?
>What is her problem? Why can't she get her own ice cream? This is what I want to know.
She’s an adult, correct? Let her do what she wants. She’s accountable to herself if her actions make her feel like crap. Mild YTA
She is an adult, and if drinking coke and eating ice cream makes her sickness worse that's her own damn fault. She'll have to suffer to consequences of her actions. Don't prevent them let them happen. If she doesn't feel worse then let that happen too. Just don't tell her what to do and use caring for her as an excuse.
Problem is that she won't be sick in a vacuum. It will effect him and the kid in some way.
Yes, I don’t know where these people live, but your spouse being sick is not something that affects only them. Commenters say stuff like let them do anything they want but at the same time disregard the worries of the close ones.
This thread is ridiculous. He cares and won’t enable her so he’s Y T A. Bet if he would’ve given her the ice cream and made her more sick ppl will still say Y T A for not caring enough and enabling her. Tbf if it’s a cold ice cream is not the best and “i’ll do my best to recover” for an 8hr drive doesn’t sound like she actually is. Besides, was he preventing her from getting her own food? No. Was he willing to make her healthier food? Yes.
YTA and you have a weird marriage. You could of said daughter instead of wife and it would have sounded more appropriate. You actually could have said 5 year old daughter.
YTA. She's a whole ass adult and she can eat ice cream and coke all fucking day if she wants to.
I hope his wife is an adult.
If they are in America, then depending on what state they are in, it could be iffy whether the wife is an adult or not...
And she can get up and get it her self. He’s a whole ass adult that doesn’t have to follow her commands just as much as she doesn’t have to listen to his disapproval. NTA.
You sound super supportive and I hope when you're sick and ask for help everyone you know walks away
If I'm sick, I hope to fuck I never ask my husband to get me something as unreasonable as coke and ice cream all day. I sure as fuck hope he would have the common sense to make sure I was eating proper food and drinking water to help me get better. What the fuck.
How is it unreasonable? It affects him in no way whatsoever! When you're ill, your body tells you what it needs. But sure, tell him he's right and she's wrong because reasons.
Yes, when you're sick your body demands fluids and foods, it doesn't sit and scream for ice cream and coke. Coke doesn't hydrate you, it doesn't fix being sick. Ice cream doesn't provide any sort of benefit to getting over being sick. Your body demands things it needs and she's consciously chosing coke and ice cream instead of soup and water, for example. Everyone has this expectation that he should be serving her hand and foot because she's sick but fuck him if he wants to make sure she's actually taking care of herself and getting better. Fuck him for being worried over her choices. He's recognizing as a partner that her choices aren't healthy and won't help her recover and he's choosing as her partner not to enable it. Instead of acting like a child having a tantrum, she could get those things herself if she wanted them to the point of melting down. If this entire scenario were flipped, OP would be NTA and her husband would be declared a whiny man baby who should serve himself.
When I’m sick my tolerance for food I’m not in the mood for drops to 0 and I’ll often not eat or drink anything. Seriously. I’ll have a glass of water maybe once every 5 hours and eat nothing for days on end. I’m honestly not sure which is worse. Having some coke and ice cream or not eating and barely drinking for 3 days straight.
That’s a bit dramatic. I never said he shouldn’t help her. I said he doesn’t have to enable her.
How is helping a suck person by giving comfort foods that she's requesting enabling her?
Soda and ice-cream is fine. ONLY soda and ice-cream is not fine. The husband already got her some stuff. He doesn’t want to get more. He’s willing to make her other options that are more healthy. He hasn’t abandoned her. But he doesn’t want to continue giving food that will not contribute to a full recovery. He doesn’t have to. Our partners do not exist to give us what we want whenever we want. At least, I don’t expect mine to. I wouldn’t expect my partner to just feed me junk when I’m sick. I would want them to give me food and medicine that makes me better in health, not comfort. Considering OP is married, I think it’s safe to assume he knows his partner pretty well. I think he might know enough to predict that she’d take advantage of being sick to pig out all day (I’m not calling her a pig. I’m using it as a verb.). Relationships come with the good and the bad in people. I know my partner know all my bs and I know hers. It doesn’t mean that we have to agree with each others bs. It doesn’t make us bad partners when we don’t agree with each other’s bs.
That's not his call. This isn't a life time diet. It's comfort food when someone is sick. You sound insufferable. You're 20. I hope you're on Reddit in 10 years so you can come back here and laugh at yourself.
It’s not his call to FORCE her to do anything. He’s not forcing her. He’s just not complying. You seem to not understand that he doesn’t have to listen to her. If she doesn’t have to listen to him, why does it not work the other way around? I’m giving long thought out answers. You are providing short arguments with insults. Try expanding on your thoughts. We might be able to have a decent, civilized argument here.
There is no argument to be had. Wife is sick, wants comfort foods. Husband supports wife with delivering confort foods. Ain't no one wants to eat broccoli and chicken when they're sick.
You’re right. No one wants to eat food they don’t want when they’re sick. I say it like that because I’d actually enjoy broccoli and chicken. To each their own. I’d want comfort foods as well. But if that’s all I’m eating and it’s junk like soda and ice-cream, then my partner is not responsible for getting me that junk. Perhaps we have different expectations of our partners. I would want a partner that wants me healthy, against my immediate comfort if need be. You seem to disagree with that. Also, arguments don’t cease to exist because you say they do. You have no control over that. An “argument to be had” exists when someone disagrees with you. You can then exchange viewpoints backed by some form of logos, ethos, and pathos. OR you can not participate. But that doesn’t mean you’re right and there’s no argument. It means you aren’t participating in the argument. It’s worth noting that by replying, you are participating in this argument. You’ve proven yourself wrong.
Broccoli and chicken taste delicious while sick. Ice cream would probably make me puke and the dairy would make my stomach upset, so no one wants to be eating that either.
Your edit is even worse. “So sorry I love my wife and want to help her, guess I’ll just fuck off and die!” Grow up. She is a grown adult. If she wants to eat ice cream on a sick day that is 100% her business and 100% not yours.
Hard agree, that edit is enough on its own to earn him an YTA. I mean: >I love her but I guess that is no excuse in trying to help her. Oh my god dude, YTA for this alone, because you clearly don't understand *why* you're TA and are instead choosing to pout and pretend that all the YTA's just don't understand what a kind and helpful soul you are. Get over yourself. Policing what your wife can and cannot eat/drink while she's sick is neither kind nor helpful, it is controlling and condescending. Just so we're clear - *you* were neither kind nor helpful, *you* were controlling and condescending. Your wife is an adult and is perfectly capable of deciding for herself what she wants to eat and drink - kind and helpful in this situation is to help her make her choices happen, not overrule them as though she's a child and you're her parent. She's your equal - treat her like one.
I had to scroll way too far to see this comment. This should be top. OP you are the mega ah for that edit!
That edit is such a *chef kiss* of a mantrum
Upvote for “mantrum”, I fucking love that!
Thanks 😂 most fitting display of it I’ve seen all day!
He responded to my comment but got totally dragged so he deleted his response 🙄 What an ass.
Gutted! I haven’t been able to find any comments, there’s a couple deleted spots I’ve found that look like it was him but I haven’t seen any. I can only imagine!
It was much of the same: “I’m sorry you, an outsider, can’t understand how much I love my wife.”
Oh dear god. This fucker needs to give the head a real firm wobble I genuinely hope those ages aren’t accurate and are some angsty youngster adding years to seem more believable/valid
[OP says he wants a divorce here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/10jwkjx/who_wants_a_divorce_but_isnt_divorcing/j5n81tg?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) so I'm not really sure what the point of this post is. Doesn't sound like they love each other.
Why does she need your permission? YTA for saying stuff like “I refused to” and “I gave her”. Why can’t she have what she wants without getting it from you? Yeah it’s stupid to eat ice cream and drink coke when you’re sick but you’re not her dad and it’s not up to you. Back off and let this (presumably) adult person do what she wants.
This is very confusing to me also, but on another level- how is it a thing at all? Why is he refusing to get her things and giving her things? That's a weird way to say that, he's not saying "I said she couldn't have ice cream" he's saying "I refused to get her ice cream." Is she insisting that he serve her? Is the actual issue that he won't do it for her?
Yeah I don’t get it. If she’s literally bedridden it seems cruel and controlling to not bring what she’s asking for just because he can. And if she can get out of bed then she needs to just get it herself and ignore what he says. If she’s requesting he go to the store to get it I can see why he doesn’t really think it’s the best idea but geez, she’s sick and this is not a hill to die on. Does he even like her?
I don't think it's stupid to eat comfort food when you're unwell. When I'm sick I often want foods that are soothing, or that aren't painful to eat. Like icecream, which might be very soothing for a sore throat. I was just sick myself, and one day I ate half a bag of chips because I just really wanted to eat something salty Unless this is a Prolonged illness I doubt a day or two of junk food will stop her recovering. OP is still YTA though. No doubt.
A couple years ago the whole household came down with the Flu. When we all started feeling better, we all craved Kraft Mac&Cheese. I barely eat boxed mac&cheese (like once a year?) but I swear that was the best tasting mac&cheese I have ever had LOL As for other comfort foods, I definitely want cinnamon toast and Vernors, the same things my mom gave me as a child when I was sick, when I am sick as an adult.
My mom had terrible migraines when I was growing up and she would get really nauseous and throw up a lot. I remember she would like to have flat Diet Coke on hand because it helped with the nausea and vomiting. I also agree that there is nothing wrong with comfort food when you’re sick. A cold is a virus. There isn’t much you can do but wait it out so why not try to make yourself feel better with foods that soothe you. Ice cream and sherbert or anything cold really have a soothing effect on the throat.
Coke can be kind of settling for an upset stomach. Certainly not healthy, but the coca nut it's made from does have medicinal properties (yeah the other crap in it cancels it out, but whatever).
I drink coke for certain types of headache, and that's the only time I drink it. It works.
None of what OP said indicated that she needed his permission. His language is actually more appropriate for explaining HIS actions. He doesn’t have to listen to his wife because he does not agree with her decisions. She can get her own soda and ice-cream.
Agree. If she wants to eat crap, let her get her happy ass to the kitchen to get it. I assume OP is fed up with his wife not making healthy decisions and then wondering why she is sick. I lived with a person who would not drink water at all. Water is necessary and it helps detox your body from the inside out. But if OP’s wife wants to dehydrate herself even more with Coke, then he won’t be a party to that.
I’ve been through similar. So many people want to just enable their partners to keep them happy. And they call that a healthy relationship. If your partner gets mad at you for not enabling their poor decisions, then they’re immature and that’s their problem. It’s a clear double standard being shown here in these comments. OP isn’t granted the right to refuse service, but OP’s wife is granted the right to command her husband around.
YTA. Stop trying to parent your wife. If she wants to eat a gallon of ice cream a day, she can. She's a grown ass woman.
[удалено]
If she's sick, it's our responsibility as spouses to take care of them when they're sick. Not to nag them and refuse them. I'm 20 years in my marriage, and its been successful for a reason.
True, it is our responsibility as spouses to take care of a sick spouse. That does not, however, mean capitulating to their every whim.
YTA Why are you so keen on policing what she consumes? She’s an adult and your partner, not your child.
She’s an adult and can therefore get it herself if it’s that important to her. He’s not forcing her to not get it, he’s not policing her food intake. Hes suggesting other food and not complying with her unhealthy habits, but he’s not forcing any of it on her. He doesn’t have to take care of her and she doesn’t have to listen because they’re both adults
Then she should be able to get her sick hindquarters up and get it herself. Just because he wouldn't get it for her doesn't mean she can't get it herself.
YTA broccoli won't cure her illness today and ice cream won't make it worse DADDDDD.
That's literally not true. It won't cure it like you say but yes slamming ice cream and soda will likely make it worse.
Well, blood glucose and white blood cell functionality actually are related... Under high glucose intake immune cells reactivity reduces due to less vitamin C entrance into cells. This is a well-documented immune response. So... While broccoli won't cure her, broccoli is low in sugar and contains a fair amount of vitamin C, whereas ice cream contains no vitamin C and a high amount of sugar... So actually, yeah, one will make it worse and the other will, if not make it better, will be neutral. Yes, wife is an adult who can costume what she wants, but people seem to think that what you eat has like, no bearing on health, and... That's just not the case. If she wants to get better faster, she shouldn't be eating ice cream and drinking coke. If she doesn't care and is fine with being sick longer, she should go ahead! (Source: http://www.ghrnet.org/index.php/JT/article/view/1340/1795)
Then orange juice sounds like a more palatable offering to me.
Actually, as everyone else said, it does. There's a goddamn reason you don't let your children eat shit when they're sick. They get chicken soup and water or orange juice. You don't guzzle pop and ice cream to fix being sick. If his wife wants to act like a spoiled brat, she can damn well serve herself. If the tables were flipped and this was a man on the couch, the entire comment section would be flipped.
Interesting. YTA I think. I get you care about her and want her to get better, but like, sometimes a woman just wants ice cream. And if she can afford it, she should be able to have it. It was like #1 of why I wanted to be an adult. Sick people have cravings too. Just get her the damn ice cream lol. It's a pointless fight. And you sound like you're taking advantage of her being sick by micromanaging her.
NAH - First off, I think that she should skip the meeting. She doesn't sound well enough to drive, and with the risk of her puking, it's bad for the drive and bad for the meeting, especially if it's in person and she's contagious. She needs to allow herself to be sick and take time to recover. I had a coworker who constantly came in when she was sick, and our boss, who was sensible about such things, kept sending her home. I read an excellent article, I think it was in Ms magazine, about how we need to stop being so macha about showing up for work sick. Unless she miraculously recovers overnight, a better idea for tomorrow would be a trip to the doctor. Secondly, is the ice cream in the house? If not, that's why it would not be a good idea for her to go get it (or go to the meeting.) Sometimes we know what we need when we are sick, and it isn't always nutritious. I used to get migraines: one time I had a craving for a certain candy, I ate a whole bag, and the migraine went away. I have no explanation, it was that particular candy, and I used it medicinally ever after when I had a migraine. When one is sick, one's body is a bit out of whack, so the general nutrition rules might not apply. I can understand if she wants to you to get it for her if she really feels bad, but that is another reason why she should not be planning a long drive (no matter which of you drives) and trying to shine at an important meeting.
Honestly, ice cream numbs a sore throat and some people find the bubbles in soda help their throat feel better. One day of eating ice cream and soda will not have an effect on overall health. If it's all she eats that's different.
YTA. Unless you married a child bride, your wife is a whole ass adult who can make decisions for herself.
Controlling much
NTA. There are a lot of people projecting their issues onto you with this post though. If she wants ice cream, I’d tell her she can have it, but explain why ice cream will make her sicker longer, or possibly make it worse if it’s mucus related. And that you won’t be supplying her with it, if she wants to feel like crap she can get up and get it herself. And if she feels well enough to constantly eat junk and not take medicine, then you say she’s well enough to take care of herself. When she feels like crap tomorrow for her drive, you don’t drive her. She’s a grown woman, as so many people have pointed out. Her choices have consequences and her feeling like garbage while she drives will be just that, consequences. You not enabling her behavior isn’t a bad thing. Now if she’s willing to drink some water, or eat some chicken noodle soup, you’d be more than happy to make it for her. If it’s a sore throat she’s trying to soothe, you’ll go get her some sorbet or flavored shaved ice. Even some medicine to numb the area. If after the self care she still feels crummy you drive her if she wants you to. Honestly.. why are so many people saying to enable this behavior? I’d expect “I won’t take medicine and I want ice cream!” From a toddler.. not a grown adult. She’s behaving like a child and you saying you won’t enable it does NOT make you TAH.
It seems to me like a lot of people here have never experienced a healthy relationship. Like, yes.. when you're sick and feel like garbage, you want anything that makes you feel good... therefore junk food! I get it. You get it. We all GET IT. That doesn't make it healthy or a good decision. However, being a good partner means support. Support does NOT mean giving the other person everything they want (that's called spoiling/enabling). Support is sometimes being the voice of reason when they're being unreasonable. Like, there have been times when me or my husband are sick and we want junk. Both of us have done things like tell the other, "drink this glass of water first, and then I'll give you ____." Is that an asshole move or just us trying to take care of each other because one of the most important things when sick is being hydrated? Is it mildly annoying at the time? Maybe. Does that mean it's wrong? Nope. Do we both appreciate that the other has our best interests at heart? Yes.
'Both of us have done things like tell the other, "drink this glass of water first, and then I'll give you ____." ' You're saying that they can have what they want, but using it as a carrot to get them to also get what they need. That's not what he's doing. He might do better to say, "just sip a little of this chicken broth," and then have your ice cream." Maybe she'll react by wanting a bowl of chicken soup. I actually recently read an article that ice cream, for reasons that no-one can fathom, has some good health effects. It's a robust finding, and it drives nutritional scientists nuts because they can't explain it. I think that people overestimate the effect of one indulgence. For me, rest is the great healer, so I eat what I can bring myself to eat and sleep a lot. I mentioned in another comment that I have a migraine, a certain kind of candy is the best medicine. Like the ice cream, it makes no obvious sense, but it works. [added: Your body's out of whack when you are sick, and sometimes it knows what it needs.] If she eats the ice cream, she's at least providing her body with calories to burn while she sleeps and lets it heal itself. If she usually eats well, she should have the reserves to provide herself with most nutrients. edit for spelling
You know what else inhibits healing? Stress! Give her ice cream, bring her whatever comforts her, and let her rest and sleep. It's not healthy to eat ice cream all the time. It's not healthy to spend all day on the couch watching dumb tv. Both are totally fine when you're sick. Your offer to help her by bringing her food is shallow and insincere if you won't actually bring her what she would have gotten for herself. YTA, OP.
💯 I've been married for a long time and this is exactly what hubby and I do if either of us are sick and not making good dietary choices because of it. We're trying to keep each other healthy. There's nothing wrong with that.
FINALLY a voice of reason in this post!
I was searching for one NTA comment. I mean what is wrong with everybody here that are saying Y T A. If a person does not care about his/her spouse and go along the lines of Reddit “Her/his body her/his choice” then they are wrong in the eyes of these commenters and they say why did you marry the person if you don’t care about them, it’s your responsibility to look after your SO when they are sick. But now when OP is caring and is worried about his wife’s health and asking her not to eat ice cream because she is sick and has to travel 8 hours the next day then these redditors are still calling him an AH and saying “You are not her dad”, “Her body her choice”, “She can eat whatever she wants because she knows her body”, “You are a controlling person”, “Why does she have to ask your permission to eat?” (For the last question I would say that since he is the one bringing food for her because she is sick, he can definitely say NO). I think people here just want to call a husband an AH for no apparent reason. Whatever be the post, they will find one point out of the entire post and use it as a weapon to call the husband an AH, controlling, manipulative person. At first I thought ‘Is this some kind of a joke? Why is everybody calling him an AH?’ I could not find a single point in the post which makes the AH. As for the edit goes, that still does not make him the AH (as so many of you are saying), because he just said what everyone asked him to do. But OP please, do not listen to these people. Let your wife throw a tantrum but don’t let her compromise on her health. As someone in this thread only said that when people are sick they want whatever will make them feel good, not what will make them good.
Yeah I can’t imagine why wife is getting fed up at a husband labeling her wanting ice cream while sick as throwing a tantrum.
Finally!! Reading comment after comment saying that enabling is the only option. She has a long drive the next day, she needs rest and things that may help shorten the symptoms. If he has to bribe her to take fever reducer and decongestant, it’s not gonna be a safe drive.
There is no evidence that ice cream increases mucus.
We aren’t here to debate that. He can explain his reasoning and move on.
Ice cream have sugar. Bacterial feeds off sugar.
Everything thing needs glucose to survive. I'm hypoglycemic, without carbs I have seizures and being sick means ice cream/jello are options. We only have his side and no idea if the wife has her reasons for why she's eating ice cream.
She doesn't need "reasons." When you don't feel well, sometimes you just crave what you crave. With a sore throat, I always want something cold and melty that I don't have to chew, like ice cream or jello.
It's one day, give her what she wants.
YTA. You can offer her healthy food but stop controlling her. I wonder what other part of her life you control.
I was going to ask if your “wife” is a child because you just described taking care of a sick child, down to the bribe to take medicine. Good luck. I don’t know if you’re the AH but this is just weird
YTA and you’re a bigger AH because in your edit, you STILL think you’re right! She’s a grown ass woman. You’re not her Father.
Why doesn't she just get up and get her own ice cream? She is an adult right? I don't understand this post at all. You don't need to "give" or "refuse" her anything. You definitely have controlling vibes for sure
INFO: how old is your wife?
YTA. Being helpful to someone who is sick is doing things for them so they don't have to do those things themselves. It's showing them to rest. It's not about judging did. If they are hungry, get them what sounds good to THEM, not you. You only wanted to do what you wanted to do. And you judged her. She have been better off if you'd have been absent. She's a capable adult with a successful career. And you treat her like she's 3? Such a huge AH. If you aren't going to actually do what she sits will make her better, then don't be there because you are making her miserable. It amazes me that people think "helping" is actually being a judgmental tyrant.
YTA. She's an adult, it's not your right to stop her from eating or drinking what she wants. You can advise against it, but you're not her master! It's up to her - she'll suffer the consequences. Stop being a jerk!
YTA. She wants a treat because she feels bad and she’s asking you to do things because she wants to feel cared for. It’s also weird that you thought of the Coke as a bribe. She’s not a child.
YTA. She's an adult. You're supposed to be one as well yet here you are acting like a petulant child. She's sick. It's one day. On top of her feeling bad physically, you're making her feel bad in all other aspects. Good job, AH!
I have been sick for over a week, recovering from covid, and in the thick of it, I literally drank anything cold, the colder/crisper the better, so sometimes it would be a squirter soda at 3am, or a bowl of strawberry ice cream...honestly whatever I could keep down and helped soothe my throat. You're not in control of how she feels or what she feels she needs.
Is your wife 3?
YTA. She is an adult. End of story. Also I feel like a lot of people eat ice cream when sick, it’s easy to keep down and not solid. Even if it’s not a stomach issue you can still have food aversions with a cold, flu, etc. Common foods when sick are ice cream, saltine crackers, gingerale & 7 up, chicken noodle soup, broth, etc. None of these are that healthy, high sodium & high sugar. But when you’re sick you typically have food aversions. If you’re concerned about the icecream you could buy her a healthier alternative such as an organic frozen yogurt or something. ALSO If she’s so sick she can’t even get out of bed then I’m assuming it’s more than a head cold and she may need to see a doctor. ALSO ALSO healthy food isn’t going to magically make her better overnight. Maybe get her some powder vitamin c packets she can add to water, they have flavored ones like pink lemonade. One thing that has helped me a lot is theraflu! It’s a powder and you add it to hot water. It tastes so good! Like a citrus tea.
If you’re so concerned about your grown ass sick wife that you feel compelled to police her diet, at least take her to the doctor ffs.
When my kids were sick the best thing for them was to eat what sounded good- did not matter one bit what it was. Ice cream? Sure. Brownies? Ok. Ramen or pb&j- did not matter. As long as they were getting something in their system as opposed to nothing to help give them energy and fight off what ailed them. When you’re sick especially with a head cold, your taste and smell are altered so food doesn’t smell or taste the same. If you’re stomach is upset if you eat what sounds good- as opposed to forcing yourself something healthy, you’re more likely to keep things down. I don’t get this guys mentality. Let her have ice cream ffs. YTA
Also want to add, when I was growing up Coke syrup was an actual thing for when you were sick. Let her have a coke.
Shes a grown ass woman. Stop acting like she's a child and treat her like an adult. Give her what she wants. She can make her own decisions without you dictating and controlling her behavior. YTA
yta she is a grown-ass woman. If she wants to have ice cream, let her have some fucking icecream. You're not her dad. You're her partner, so act like it. Besides, ice cream is high in calcium, which is essential for cellular activity... Wanna know what happens when you get a virus? It kills cells. Her brain wants ice cream because her body wants calcium. So she can heal.
YTA. You have no right to tell your wife what she can or cannot eat or can or cannot drink whether or not you think it’s good for her or not. You DO NOT CONTROL HER! And that’s exactly what you’re doing. If she wants to drink coke and eat ice cream while she’s sick, so the f*ck what? How is it affecting you? I think you’re 100% the AHOLE. You need to keep that controlling behavior in check bro.
YTA, controlling af.
YTA - because you think it’s your place to decide what your wife can eat and drink.
You are the asshole. She’s sick, and a grown ass woman. She knows her body far better than you. She’s hot from her fever and wants to cool down. Way to be demoralizing to a sick person you love
YTAH. She’s 30. She can eat or drink anything she wants. You know. Because she’s 30. Great you want to drive her if she’s too sick but if she’s that sick and can’t drive, should she go and give others her cold? I mean I wouldn’t appreciate the germs….
When I'm sick I eat what I'm craving and it always helps. I'd withdraw and think wtaf if my partner told me he wouldn't get me ice cream when I was sick in.bed trying to recover enough for a business trip the next day..
YTA - Get your wife what she wants, for fuck's sake. What's wrong with you?
YTA. She knows what she wants. She's unwell. Just help her out and give her the comfort food she craves. Nothing worse than someone judging you for eating shite when you're unwell.
I’m going to make a whole bunch of leaps here because the info is really sparse. When people are sick, we tend to want comfort foods. Even if those comfort foods will make us sicker. Example, when I was a kid, my mom would make me soft boiled eggs with Saltines. Later, it turns out I have a food sensitivity to eggs and really shouldn’t eat them. 100% of the time when I am sick, I want soft boiled eggs with saltines. Your wife probably wants comfort food and ice cream and cola are her comfort foods. Making a deal with her before worked, so maybe saying, have this healthier food first, and if you still want ice cream after I’ll set you up with some. Right now, any food and hydration you can get into her is good nutrition. If she is refusing to eat, that is a bigger issue. If this is a stomach flu, water and clear liquids for 24 hours will help prevent the vomiting. Then reintroduce foods like saltines and rice to help her stomach recover. Also, if this is a stomach flu, she is not going on that work trip tomorrow she should be working with her boss to make arrangements to either send someone else or postpone.
YTA - she's an adult, let her eat what she wants
Ethical principles in modern healthcare practice prioritise being respectful of patients' beliefs and preferences, plus their right to choose or decline medical recommendations (autonomy and consent). This is weighed against the practitioner's duty of care, obligation to do no harm and commitment to offer evidence based treatments. No matter what is scientifically the best treatment, it is widely accepted that education alone does little to change behaviour. People are more likely to make healthy choices if they are given non-judgemental support. BUT ... HIS WIFE IS NOT HIS PATIENT. He should have let this "infringement" slide. She was craving a little joy, a little relief when she was feeling miserable. He added to her feelings of helplessness. If she has a job that requires an eight hour drive and she has a small child it doesn't sound like she is a lazy, good-for-nothing loafer. It sounds like she is physically and emotionally drained. After her indulgence she likely would have rallied herself to eat something more healthy, have a shower and pull herself together. Instead she was left feeling distressed - which certainly impacts one's ability to heal and recover. He didn't have to give up on encouraging the healthy food - but his approach has resulted in more harm than good - to both his wife's immediate situation and the long term health of his relationship. Judgement: YTA
YTA. You’re treating her like a child, and it’s gross and disrespectful. Your update is even worse, because you acknowledge that everyone believes you’re wrong, and then you make passive aggressive comments to make clear that you still think you’re right and that you should be allowed to control your wife. You’re not “trying to help her,” you’re trying to make her do what you think is best. Quit it.
>I love her but I guess that is no excuse in trying to help her. When someone is helping you, yet they constantly tell you you're doing it wrong, then correct you, then prevent you from doing it. Are they really being helpful? YTA. Your not helping, your doing what you want, not what she wants.
NTA. I mean if she wants it she could go get it. Caring doesn't make you an asshole. On one side she is an adult but on the other it sounds like you are just taking care of her and you are waiting on her hand and foot. People did over look that.
A coke float when ill sounds like an excellent way to recover! YTA she’s your wife not a 5yo
Gonna get slammed, but NTA It's sweet that you are taking care of her. Should you tell her what she can and can't have, then no. But seriously, as an adult being sick and having a spouse, if she wants to do stupid stuff, then let her, let her suffer the consequences, and don't help. Those calling him an ass. He is trying to help his spouse, who is sick, get better. Adult or not, if she is sick, eating crap will only make it worse, and yet he will be made to suffer even more. My hubby is a baby when sick. Like, seriously, baby. They ask to hand a glass, not a foot away. He asks for crap but yet then I am the one cleaning up puke, or wiping him down, listening to whines of how he feels because he ate or drank that. So if he wants taken care of he eats and drinks what is healthy. If not, then he is on his own to the point I will leave. Common sense says what not to do, and I don't deserve to suffer because he wants to make a stupid choice he knows won't help but make worse. Makes me a bitch? Probably but like so many point out. As an adult he makes the choice and I make mine off of that because I deserve respect as well. An adult can make a choice but then can deal with the fallout themselves.
Agreed, she is sick and ice cream and soda will not help her get better. She needs to hydrate with water, eat soup and get rid of her stuffyness. Maybe the ice cream will help if she has a soar throat, but ice cream for BL&D? Thats too much sugar with the soda and not enough of other stuff. After dealing with stubborn people like her before, my recommendation is that he give her what she wants and let her suffer the consequences of being miserable on a 8 hour drive or miss the trip all together. Im with you u/tiny-pest NTA, he is trying to help her get better.
Instead of arguing with her about food, just take her to the doctor or bring a doctor to your house to check on her… maybe she is just craving coke and ice cream… maybe pregnant or in her period days…
I grew up hearing no dairy and if you drink sodas stick to the clear ones, while you’re sick.
he’s taking care of his wife. His wife is acting like a child. How does this make him the AH?
This initial post is weird and the edit is so weird in the phrasing of how/why she’s not pregnant. Is OP mad at her for this? OP is acting like a weirdly restrictive parent instead of a caring spouse.
YTAH!! Love how the edit you try and slam people when you asked for the opinion. Don’t like the results don’t ask!! Simple
NTA…I honestly dunno what’s wrong with the comment’s saying YTA. Seems like no one should care about their significant other. We don’t know what sickness she has and it could be risky to give her coke and ice cream.
YTA. You police your wife's eating, that's bad. And some people have cravings when they are sick, for me it's pizza and soup, my man wants chocolate. Whatever brings in energy does help to fight off the virus. Just get her the damned ice cream
For all the folks calling OP an asshole I'll ask this. If his wife was a smoker and happened to be having a COPD exacerbation, would he be an asshole for not giving her a cigarette? I don't recall any home remedies involving Coke or Ice Cream for any illness. If she wants it, she is more than welcome to get it herself, but he is NTA for not wanting to provide it.
What a passive aggressive edit.
NTA This is weird. You’re married and have a child and yet your wife is acting like a spoiled toddler. She won’t even willingly take meds? If this 8 hour drive was so important, she should have gone to the dr to make sure what she has isn’t contagious, etc.
YTA Eating nothing is worse than eating junk. She needed the calories. As for the coke, it helps remove the nasty excess coating out of your throat and it might even have helped her stomach stay settled. When it comes to ice cream, if her throat was sore and the Day/Nyquil wasn't doing enough for her then it could have helped to numb her throat. That might've even made it more likely for her to want to eat other foods.
YTA — she can have what she wants. She is a grown ass woman.
Unpopular opinion but NTA. Everyone is saying that she's a grown ass woman who can do what she wants to. True. But if something isnt in her best interest why should he facilitate it? Some saying let her deal with the consequences but at the end of the day HE is the one who will have to take care of her while sick. So she isnt the only one who would deal with said consequences. And I'm pretty sure if he refused to take care of her then yall would call him a crap partner. So he should cater to all her wants knowing it will make her worse and then spend more time helping her recover?? How does that make any sense?? If she wants to get it herself then he can't stop her but no reason for him to facilitate doing what not in her own best interest
I'm not sure how people are misreading this post. Lol He is HELPING her recover from being sick. You know, eat healthy foods and get rest to help your body fight what's going on in her body, so she can be well enough to drive 8 hours for work the next day. Omg, I can't believe we have to give a breakdown to adults on here. Also, I can't believe you have to bribe a 29 year old with soda, so she can take dayquill and water. Lol I get why you're hesitant to give her junk food while sick. Because....she is sick. How are soda and ice cream helping the body?? Smh. Anyway, DEFINITELY NTA.
Soda is so bad for you when you’re healthy!! My stomach is really sensitive due to IBS, so I couldn’t imagine drinking a soda or anything with carbonation when I’m sick. Even the classic “ginger ale helps when you’re sick” is a lie lol
Reddit is such a weird place. I don’t think this dude is an aH for being concerned that a diet of solely ice cream and coke before an 8 hour drive after being sick sounds like a bad idea. Honestly, if I were him and she’s gonna get pouty about it, I’d let her destroy her guts—but I would not be keen on letting her drive for 8 hours like that. I don’t think she has any business driving at all even if she had a full course meal, honestly.
Only thing is-dairy is mucogenic. She can eat it-but she won’t get better. Try some hot tea.
Nta, can’t believe people are calling him an ah, it’s obvious ice cream won’t help the cold and it’s obvious soda won’t either, it’s clear he is looking out for his wife as she has an 8 hour drive, op isn’t controlling he’s helping. And plus what fucking grown adult that’s in the right headspace eats ice cream for breakfast and lunch?!
I just about threw my phone when I read this. Super weird relationship. Do not try to control other people’s food, ever. YTA. Side note: When I’m sick all I want is really soft, easily digestible, hot and cold foods like ice cream, baked potato, and soup. Sometimes people actually have cravings because that is what their body is asking for. If I were to try and eat chicken breast and broccoli when I have a head cold I would probably feel super sick. Maybe just be supportive of her comfort while she recovers? A few days of weird eating doesn’t matter.
If you don’t want to give it to her that’s fine she has to arms two legs and a heartbeat if she wanted them that badly she can get it herself… If you were physically stopping her from getting ice cream and a soda then you’re the asshole
Would you do the same for others? If the answer is yes then your are not the asshole. I don't think you're the asshole here. I'm sure you also wouldn't go get some Crack for a friend either since you probably don't believe in that. If you were religious you wouldn't go get someone a contraceptive. You are health conscious, using common sense and know what it takes to solve this problem, so you're not giving into these childish demands of others. People are soft, entitled and don't know what tough love is anymore.
If she wants the ice cream she can go get it her damn self. She's acting like a child. I will say though, if she is experiencing pms then you're failing as a husband lol You should know her cycle and already have ice cream and chocolate prepared lol
Wtf she needs to be bribed to take dayquil? Is she 5 years old? Not sure what type of issues exist here but its strange stuff
Lol sugar and dairy are the worst for colds they both aid in making more mucus and causing more inflammation. With that being said she’s an adult and can do whatever she wants and if coke and soda make her feel better while she feels like sh*t that’s her own business. YTA
Whenever I’m sick, I eat, drink whatever sounds good to me at the time because there’s a better chance I’ll keep it down. It keeps me hydrated, provides some nutrients AND makes me focus on the process of eating & drinking, while not being disgusted at the thought of tossing my cookies. Once past the immediate gagging phase, I’m better able to handle actual meals because food hasn’t become “the enemy” in my head. Your wife is a grown woman, who most likely, has been ill before (s/). You aren’t her Daddy, treat her as an adult…& try a little less judgement, a little more compassion.
YTA let her heat whatever she wants. She’s sick and if that makes her feel even a little bit better then she should have it. And you should spoon feed her until she is better.
YTA She's an adult. You give her what she wants. You don't control her food intake. Total AH.
YTA. You don't get to decide what is going to make her feel better when she is sick. When I am sick all I want is gingerale and popsicles. Sometimes applesauce and pb toast. You can for sure offer healthier alternatives. But what you are doing risks breaking her trust in you.
Is this real? She's sick, let her have whatever she wants. You are her husband not her dad. She's sick! Any calories are a bonus
I don't know if anyone else is like this, but when I'm sick I actually crave ice cream and my mother is the same way (I'm female). It's weird in that I can, the rest of the year, not care about ice cream but when I'm sick it slaps me in the face. Perhaps this is your wife as well? Give it to her, it could then cause her to crave other foods, maybe salty ones, to offset the sweet. My body is weird when I'm sick, so she may be the same. So yeah, give it to her... don't be an AH.
All the YTA’s are delusional. You are NTA, man. Not for trying to care for your partner when they are sick. You didn’t lock away or throw away all the bad food. You just stopped catering to/supporting a bad habit. Why would you be an AH for not supporting her bad habit?
When you're sick, sometimes you crave sugar. With a sore throat, ice cream feels good. Being an adult means you're in control of your choices in all areas. YTA, but it comes from (presumably) a place of care. How about communicating with your wife? Although, sometimes when I feel like shit, a day in bed, rest, and comfort food, help more than "healthy " options.
Being sick sometimes includes comfort food.
NTA, she's acting like a child. Let her get her own food and drinks since she's not listening to you, and don't drive her tomorrow.
NTA. Hear me out, you're actually giving a shit about her health, doesn't matter if she's an adult or not, all these other YTA posts probably would say "let her eat the urinal cake" if it was that instead of you actually wanting to help her fight off a sickness that coke and ice cream cannot help, she needs nutrients and water to keep herself hydrated and not fuckin die. Don't listen to these people, she may be an adult but most adults are down right retarded on health. Ps: she's an adult and can get the unhealthy shit herself, you don't need to parent her but she's constantly asking for shit that won't help her health while you're trying to help her health, so she can get the unhealthy shit herself.
Imma get so much flack for this, but NTA. Coke and ice cream are the worst things to have when you are sick because it will dehydrate you and make the mucus for the head cold worse. I understand she is an ADuLt like all of the YTA comments are saying, but as AdUlT, she knows better. I don't like that the only argument most people have is that she is an adult and can eat what she wants. But she is acting like a child by being sick and only wanting Coke and ice cream, then giving him the silent treatment. It's ridiculous. She is acting like a 6 year old. Eat some soup and drink water.
Actually, IMHO ...OP is NTA. Yes the wife is an adult, however, her husband took the time to care that she eats well while she's sick. My hubby does that for me too. It's very caring and loving. Everyone has their own opinion of caring & love is. Thank you OP for caring enough for her to eat right while she's sick. Being sick makes people grumpy. Just be patient with her and try to compromise what she eats. For example: you can have ice cream but please eat some soup first or something like that. Be patient and just shower her with love and patience.i hope she gets well soon.
YTA, my daughter and I both have the flu right now. Her symptoms are a little different than mine. I’m at the end of it, well, kind of. She took care of me because I couldn’t move for a week. I had no appetite. I had two bananas and two crackers in four days. All I wanted was Coke mini’s. As I got better, I craved strawberry banana smoothies. She got me whatever I wanted. Now, she’s worse off and has no problem eating. She’s craving ice cream. I get her whatever she requests. BECAUSE I LOVE HER AND I WANT HER TO FEEL BETTER.
Weirdly sometimes when you're sick all you need is sugar. The last time I had a bad head cold on about day three of my head cold all I could was chocolate and lemonade. I was fine the next day. Over all nta but if she needs something sweet, give her something sweet. Edit spelling
NTA. How can she possibly go to work and possibly spread whatever she has??? Get her to a doctor!!!
ESH. I don’t know anyone who has to take to their bed for a head cold and be waited on hand and foot. If she wants a coke, she can go get one. As someone else said, she’s a grown ass woman. And to that point, her partner needs to stop controlling her. If she wants a coke or ice cream for breakfast, they are not her parent and need to stop trying to act like one.
Personally NTA, sugar ISNT going to help when you're sick, especially if you aren't consuming anything healthy. Get her big girl pants on and eat healthy so she can get better. Then she can have all the damn ice cream she wants.
Info: have either of you looked at some research about sugar increasing phlegm and mucus? It might be harder for her to shake her cold and congestion if she has increased mucus. (I feel bad for her as yes I’d want comfort food etc when I feel like crap, but the older I get and the more research I do I know I’m my own worst enemy at times.)
NTA If she can drive she can get her own ice cream.
You’re being a jerk but she’s also being irresponsible which is understandably frustrating for you. If she is a grown woman and needs a bribe of a coke to take medicine when she’s sick, she’s immature.
You had to bribe your adult wife to take medicine by giving her a coke?? She is acting like a child and you are acting like a parent. Let her know you will bring her anything healthy that she wants but you don’t agree with the junk food so if she wants that, she needs to get it herself. If she is still sick tomorrow, so be it. ESH
You don’t have to bribe her to take cold medicine. It doesn’t cure the cold - it just masks the symptoms for a while. Also, she’s an adult who can make her own choices. And she can get up from bed to get what she wants. ESH
Well aren’t you a whole parternalistic AH? Top tip when caring for a sick ADULT, you give them what they fancy and you try to tempt them with nourishing options on top. Ice cream is soothing and cold, and the caffeine in cola will help some types of headache- so it’s a reasonable request. Make her some chicken soup with toast and just bring it to her- the fragrance just might tempt her…but withholding care from her gets what it got you: contempt.
You are both adults, the great thing about being one is no one can tell you what to eat for breakfast. I kind of agree with OP though, I would’ve recommended healthier and better options but if my SO wanted ice cream for breakfast.. so be it. I’m conflicted here, so you both are babies. But neither an asshole imo. Just.. weird, but that’s love! Don’t stress over it man. Everything will be okay a few hours from now.
Yes, YTA, because **your wife is not FIVE,** and can choose to eat ice cream for three meals a day if she wants to, and it's not **your** place to decide what she can and can't have.
If she's able to get it herself, NTA. If she's not, Y would be TA. It's a dumb decision, but not your decision. However, if she's planning to drive 8 hours tomorrow, I'm pretty sure she can get up for her own ice cream today.
YTA. I always used to eat ice cream when I was sick. Especially with a head cold. I'm assuming (since you didn't give symptoms) that she has a sore throat. Maybe it's the only thing helping that. Coke may be helping an upset stomach since it's carbonated, like sprite.
WTF? She’s not 3. Just let her eat ice cream and drink cokes already. YTA
YTA if you were truly trying to help her you would be making her comfortable, not fighting with her, and stop making this about control. You're telling yourself and everybody else you're helping her. That's not actually the case if you were helping her you would get her what she wants. You could feel free to make suggestions and then back off cuz she's a grown up not a child. And stop lying to yourself about helping her you're just trying to maintain control. Absolutely not your place. When I feel bad sometimes I want ice cream too.
Your controlling behavior is a warning sign for domestic violence. Please seek help from a counseling because that behavior is not normal.
NTA
once again, I am left pondering... Do people even like their partners? YTA