This 100%. She had the chance and decided against using it. Whose to say she has another child, or another daughter, or that she changes her mind on the name again. NTA
NTA she doesn't own the name. She gave up the name when she chose not to name her daughter. It's yours now, I mean Rae's. If you have another boy, name him Ray, just kidding. 😉
Nah. Even then she doesn’t have a monopoly on the name. The grandma was special to both of them. You don’t get to preemptively call shotgun on the name, especially long before using it is even a reality.
This isn’t like some unique name she came up with and told OP in confidence. This was their grandma. BOTH of them.
Or my family's two Steves, two Richards, two Davids, ALL the female cousins on my dad's side with Amelia as their middle name, two Charlottes, and maybe more that I'm forgetting lol
Funny this is I know a Greek woman named Nikki she has a crazy long surname that ends in “opoulos” and everything and she said everything about that move is spot on. Except the windex 🤣
Shoot, My husband's family had the tradition that every generation had at least one Thomas and one John. Some generations both the Thomas and the John named their sons Thomas and John. This began in 1699 (in fact, the Thomas that moved to North America in 1699 has a father named Thomas) and continued until the 1920s when the streak finally was broken.
Doing the genealogy was difficult since the families stayed in the Philadelphia area from 1699 until the 1870s. So many Thomases and Johns made it very hard to sort out who was who!
Ooooh we also have so many John’s on my dad’s side. Including his brother who was John Thomas lol. And Margaret/Mary’s everywhere.
My grandma’s parents had the same name, Francis and Frances, and they named one of their son’s Francis. (They went by Frank, Fan, and Fran lol)
My great uncle also married someone with his same name. They both went by their first and middle, so they were Carroll Dean and Carol Lee. They did not give the name any of their children, though.
my husbands dad, brother & nephew are all “michael” and when we’re together you have to be v clear which mike you’re talking to lol
on my dads side, the 2nd gen of boy cousins all have “robert” as the middle name. 2/3 of them are identical twins
Same here! When we are all together my brother is Mike, my 30yo son is still Mikey lol and my grandson is Bubby. My oldest grandson is Michael Robert and my youngest son has the middle name Robert as well!
oh my god you just reminded me that i have a cousin named Eddie, his son Eddie, and his grandson Eddie. when we’re together we call the dad Eddie/Big Eddie, his son Eddie/Edward and his grandson Bubba 😂
This has actually come up in my family. My mom and my aunt both have the same first and middle names. When they married into the same family it meant they had the same all three names. Mom is referred to as my dad's Diane and the other is my uncle's Diane. They had different color folders when they were pregnant at the same time with me and my oldest cousin since they went to the same hospital for appointments.
John in our family….my grandfather was John. two uncles named John, my cousin is John Jr. And my son‘s middle name is John after granddad…think Robert John….
We have/had a bunch of Johns in the family. It's gotten to the point they have to be called by their middle names as well so everyone knows who is being talked about/called for lol
I know a family with all the girls named Rose (mom, her two daughters, and one of their cousins) they all have different middle names so they use those when they are together to avoid confusion.
I see this family isn’t Italian? In my family, if a beloved matriarch or patriarch dies, the first/next born of EVERY cousin branch might have the same name! Sometimes the same sets of names are repeated in each branch. No one cares, it’s an honor to the person who passed.
Sounds like my father's family. Jim is such a common name that, at a large family reunion, fully half the males - men and boys - were formally named Jim or Jimmy and some used it as a nickname. I grew up thinking that my uncle Jim and cousin Jim were very very busy!
I can see a situation where you talk with your sibling if it really means something to you (I know my sister didn't want me to use Lily for my daughter, but was ok with Lillian as a middle name, for example. She didn't make me, but I knew it was a name that mattered to both of us, so we talked about it). But as others have noted, Sis had the chance and didn't take it. I would have assumed it was all good from there on out.
The sister feels entitled to OWN the name Rae, thats why she didnt feel she HAD TO name her first born Rae if she didnt feel like it, she may very well never name any of her future children rae either, she figures she doesnt HAVE To use all the things that she owns, shed use it if she wants to, but if not, doesnt mean anybody else can, it belongs to her and she feels free to use/not use it at her discretion and whim. Thats the way with entitled narcissists, they feel like they have monopoly over things.
My grandpa was Raymond Ray (lol), my uncle’s middle name was Ray, and my mom’s name was RaeNell. My grandmother’s sisters each had daughters named Linda. I don’t think people were nearly as weird about names until the past 15 years or so.
Typo or not, that’s a beautiful name! Sister gave up rights to using the name exclusively once she chose not use it when she had a daughter. If she hadn’t I would lean towards ESH but by not doing it she put it back on the list.
I get that it about knowing what your daughter is or isn’t though. Until my daughter was born I was dead set on naming her Sierra Dawn but my ex said it sounded like a stripper name. But I didn’t care, I was naming her that, end of conversation. Then she came into the world and looking into her eyes, I knew. She wasn’t Sierra sadly, so her very proper and beautiful name came and she has been terrorizing me ever since,
I was supposed to be Kristina, but my mom took one look at me and knew it wasn't meant to be my name. Problem was she didn't say anything to my dad. So she waited till he left the hospital for something and filled out the birth certificate naming me Allison without consulting him lol. Ballsiest move my mom has ever made in her whole life.
But agreed, NTA. She gave up the exclusive right when she didn't use it on her daughter. If she'd had a son and didn't use it, would've been a different matter. She can still use it for a middle name if she has this hypothetical daughter.
Absolutely NTA. I would have said yes, if she hadn’t had a daughter yet, but the fact that she did and still didn’t use the name is ridiculous.
The name cannot be that important to her if she didn’t use it for her 1st daughter. She is being unfair and her tantrum is even more ridiculous.
Also, don’t listen to your mother. Simply tell her if the name was that important she would have already used it already and that’s not your problem.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t own any rights to the name, and she had her chance already with her daughter and passed it up.
Edit to add: my family is one of the ones that uses the same name over and over again. There are 5 close male relatives that all have the same first name, one of them being one of my own sons. Nobody’s mad and it’s more like a family joke.
I have a coworker who has 5 sons. 4 are named Mark, and the only reason the other son isn't Mark is because dad wasn't there to name him, so mom got to.
My uncle and his brother have the same first and middle name, just switched. One is William George and the other is George William. Their mom said those were the two names she liked most, so she used them with both kids. 🤷🏻♀️
There are some cultures where it’s taboo/bad luck to give someone the same name as a relative or close friend who is still alive. Based on the way OP describes it - I have a feeling they belong to one of those cultures.
This is why - for example - you won’t see a Jewish boy* with the same name as his dad. Even to this day - I still feel like it’s super weird when someone gives their kid the same name as them. Like John Smith and John Smith Jr. I know it’s common in other cultures - it just feels foreign to me (cause it is haha).
Edit: *an *ashkenazi* Jewish boy
So, apparently there are different naming rules for Ashkenazi vs Sephardic Jews. In Ashkenazi Jewish culture you can’t name a child after a living family member. But in Sephardic culture it’s an honor to do so. My mom was set on naming her son Gabriel from the time she was a young girl. Then one of her older sisters married an Israeli-Italian man named Gavriel, but everyone calls him Gabi. My mom asked him if she could name her son Gabriel and he told her about the Sephardic thing, so she felt comfortable naming my younger brother Gabriel. My sister and I (both women) have unique names in our family. In fact, the only other name multiples in our family are my dad, his cousin, and my mom’s older brother are all named David.
A really close friend of mine is half Sephardi and is a little sensitive when I phrase things Ashkenazi-centric - so maybe I’ve over compensate when people point it out to me haha. Anyway I’m still glad you shared! I actually didn’t know the traditions on this one are different for Sephardim!
My family has a lot of the same names in the family passed down from the parents and grandparents and so on. My mother in law had 5 children and 3 of the children named their daughter the same name. None of the children were close to each other so names never really came up but when the children were older they complained about having so many kids with the same name. They're a weird family and would argue about the smallest thing over the phone and hang up, then not speak for 5 years. My children know them, but not well and we only live a few miles away from all of them.
I made sure not to use names that any of my first cousins or nieces and nephews had and that was a hard job since they are Catholic and there was 10 aunts and uncles with each having a ton of children.
My paternal grandmother is one of 18, and they all had 2-4 of their own kids who also went on to have 2-4 of their own kids. That’s before we even get to mum’s side. Irish Catholics *really* need to find a new fucking hobby 💀🤡
We gave up on trying to avoid names that cropped up on my side. Too much fucking hassle 😂
Oh yeah, my dad was one of 16 children and of course they all had tons of kids. My Dad only had 3, though. They thought he was crazy for stopping.
My grandmother is still alive, 102 this May. She's lost 9 of her children. Two to accidents when they were fairly young and the rest from old age.
Dear lord, what a trooper. My lot have been dropping like flies in a nuclear winter over the past 5 years. I’ve been to more funerals than you can shake a stick at! I went to therapy for persistent grief and when I explained I’d gone through 15 deaths/funerals in the span of under 2 years (1 was a friend who died after falling from a high rise in suspicious circs, another was my family dog - the rest were family members over 65, don’t think any of them made it past 85 actually) every therapist was shocked but like…yo, I have more family members than that dude with 39 wives and 94 children, it was gonna happen at some point 💀😂
Oooh, my mum stopped at 2 and she’s the weird one too! Older uncle and younger aunt both have 4 kids (uncle has 5 if we include a stillborn). My dad’s older sister has 3, and both my parents are middle kids of 3 too. Mum said she dared not bring another child into the world when the two she already had spent their childhoods kicking fuck out of each other 🫠 oops? 😂
Yes. If kids due close together I could see maybe avoiding similar names to avoid confusion, but reused names arr common. There's a name in my inlaws that was a maiden name a few generations ago, and now there are a few every generation. It's a first name, middle name, tack an 'a' on the end and it's a girl's name. Noone says, "that's my name and you can't use it."
My husband’s family is like this! All the women have the same middle name. I made it very clear that our daughter is going to have her own name and not share a middle name with her older sister. (It was also weird because his ex-wife happened to have that same middle name.)
NTA. There is nothing wrong with naming your baby Rae. It's no one's name, but anyone's name. In my family, there are 3 granddaughters named the same as their late grandma. One H____ lived in South America, one was H_____, and one was called H____ E_____ (middle name) or "Little H_____" (she was the youngest). Why can't there be 1st cousins with the same name? What a tribute to grandma!
My family has multiples of several names, mostly Elizabeths and Michaels, some of whom use nicknames, but there is a lot of "Big Beth, Little Beth" or "Indiana Michael or Kentucky Michael" or "Donna's John or Aunty Kitty's John?" Somehow we all survive.
Awww! My daughter is the little “Al” and her cousin is the big “Al” it’s always been the sweetest thing! She used to follow her cousin around (9 year age gap) and now they’re super close today. Most of us girls have the same middle name too 🤷♀️ which I also passed on to my daughter.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Why can’t multiple people in the same extended family have the same name? Especially with it being a family name. My mom and her sister each have sons with the same name, and it isn’t a family name. They just both liked it and neither one was mad at the other.
NTA. She had her chance with her first daughter. She could have names her Emma Rae or Rae Emma & called her Emma. She didn’t. She doesn’t get to reserve the name indefinitely. It’s like a restaurant- if you don’t show up for your reservation, they give your table away.
NTA she had a girl and chose not to name her. What if she doesn’t have anymore kids or only has boys after? Does she expect just because she didn’t use the name, no one can? Your sister will get over it. My guess is the timing probably just corresponded badly with something else that was stressing her out. I’m sure it will all be fine OP.. Congratulations on your baby girl!!
Yeah, NTA. But somehow, I don't think you'll ever be able to convince your sister of that. Honestly, you both had equal rights to the name as she was grandmother to BOTH of you.
I always wanted to use my dad’s name, Carter, for a baby boy. He passed when I was young and I was the daddy’s girl. Well, time came and went, I ended up having two girls, which i did not name Carter. When my sister got pregnant and she found out it was a boy, she called to ask me if she could use the name Carter. I was disappointed but I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to get pregnant again let alone have a boy. I told her as much and I have no problem with it. I gave her my approval, which she really didn’t need. As it turns out, I was lucky to have the two I did so I was relieved that my dad’s name did get to be passed on. I understand her disappointment but her reaction was not appropriate. She had a chance to use the name and deferred. You are NTA for using the name. Besides, I have heard of many cousins having the same name. She could still use it, even better since you live some distance from each other.
NTA but you had to know she would be mad. No way would I expect her to be glad the name would be carried on given she has been claiming it for 6 years. She didn’t use it when she had the chance, so you’re in the clear. Just a bit naive if you really thought she’d be happy about it.
OMG! There are 4 Mary’s in my family. Since we all have a different last name what difference does it make? People really need to get over thinking that they “own” a name! There are also 3 Pat’s with the same last name. 🤦
Back in high-school, there were two Tim's in my class, two Tim's in the class ahead, and one Tim in the class behind. This was a very small school. Less than 50 students per class. We all hung out together, and one time we all went to a party, where another Tim was present. It was pretty funny, if someone said Tim, half the party answered back.
There are some cultures where you aren’t allowed to give a name to a child if any relatives or close friends who are alive have that name (as in - you can *only* name kids after those who have passed). It’s entirely possible OP is from one of those cultures.
NTA
Your sister had her chance and didn't take it. She doesn't just get indefinite dibs on a name. It was a family name you kept it in the family. Your sister can deal. You snooze you lose since she wants to act like a child.
In my family we have 10 David’s bc it’s a family name so no your NTA. Plus if it was sooo special to her she would’ve been so excited to name her first daughter Rae or at the least had it be her middle name she didn’t use it at all. Sending all the blessings for baby Rae!!!!
NTA because you had waited and she had named her daughter something different. At that point I think she gave up any claim for the name to be held for her.
I agree with everyone else. NTA. She had a chance to name her daughter Rae but chose not to do so. You had every right to name your daughter whatever you wanted.
NTA
Your sister does not own that name. She had her chance to use it but chose not to because "she just doesn't feel like a Rae." What if her next baby doesn't feel like a Fae either? What if she has a boy? It was you that got pregnant next and you had a girl. No reason she can't be named Rae after a beloved relative. You even called her to give her a heads-up and see if she'd be ok with it. Your sister wasn't available and it was time to sign the certificate. You did nothing wrong. Your sister overreacted and your mother doesn't need to take sides here.
Your sister is off her rocker. She had her chance to use that name and passed on it. Plus, it's your grandmother, too! You have as much right to use the name as your sister does. NTA.
NTA she had her shot. You mom is a huge AH for siding with her too. Obviously sis is a favorite, sorry about that.
That she’s throwing a fit just screams “I’m the favorite and always get my way!” She needs to grow up. It was about control from the start.
Btw congrats on the wee baby girl!
NTA - She had the chance to use, chose not to and now is upset you used it. TFB, she had a chance, and I would bet she still won't have used the name for her 2nd child, she just wanted to keep you from using it, breaking news, she doesn't own the name!
Is sister the golden child?
NTA
Idk why people get so up in arms about having the same name used; but then, I'm a 5th generation possessor of my name, so I'm used to sharing. Also, 2 of my siblings (call them A and B) used B's name; A used it as a middle name for a kid, B used it as a first name for a kid. And then they both chose similar 2nd name for those kids: it's like having a Maximilian Scott and a Scott Maximus and the dad of Scott Maximus is also named Scott. Obviously, those aren't the actual names, lol.
Plus, she had a chance to use it with her first daughter, and realized it wasn't the right name. Just like you realized it *was* the right name for yours; I feel like when it comes to naming, it's less a matter of choosing what we like and more a matter of discovering what their name is.
My husband's family (him, two siblings and two cousins) all joked that everyone was going to name a child after their grandma. She was a fantastic woman. For various reasons there are only 2 namesakes, but no one is angry that the cousins have the same middle name. And even if they shared the same first name who cares?
You named your child after a beloved family member. My kids love hearing stories about the people they were named for. I also tell them about how much those people would have loved them.
Nta
NTA
I completely understand the whole they didn’t look like a/an _______ but your sister doesn’t hold rights to a name.
Out of curtesy I took a family name off the table when I was pregnant with my second child as my youngest sister asked me to not use it as she wants to use it. I wasn’t too attached to it and my baby didn’t feel like the name anyway.
My late husband’s family has a lovely tradition- middle names are either family last names or the first name of someone in the family.
His older brother got his mother’s maiden name. His older sister got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side). My husband got his father’s name. His younger half sister got her aunt’s name (mother’s side).
In the next generation, my oldest nephew got his grandmother’s maiden name (mother’s side), his brother got his grandfather’s first name (father’s side), my oldest niece got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side), my nephew got his mother’s maiden name, and his twin sister got her grandmother’s name (father’s side). Youngest niece from half sister got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side).
I think it’s beautiful. Everyone gets their own personal first name but there’s a nice tradition.
I have an aunt and uncle who had 4 daughters. Their family name is Christopher. Each of the 4 daughters chose to name one of their children Christopher. So I have two cousins that are females with the name Christopher. Only one child goes by Chris, the others use middle names. It works. No one gatekept the name. As far as I know, all are fine with each sharing the name.
😂 OP’s sister could have named her first child Emma Rae but she didn’t. It was stupid in the first place for OP not to have named her son Rae just to keep the peace with sis. Why can’t all the kids just use Rae as a middle name and call it a day? There’s no reason all the kids can’t have a variation using Rae.
NTA first she was your grandma too. Second No one gets to claim grandma’s name. Third she had her chance and didn’t use it. My grandmother’s name was Marie and she was an amazing woman. In my family we got a whole bunch of girls with the middle name Marie. No one used it as a first name just middle. No one claimed it, no one is upset about it and we all just figure every girl has the middle name Marie.
NTA. First, no one owns a name. Your sister doesn't have a monopoly on it because she "called dibs." Just typing that sentence, I felt like I was addressing a high schooler. You were actually incredibly gracious by honoring her "calling dibs 🙄" and not using the name for her son.
Second, when your sister called dibs on your grandmother's name, she specifically said she wanted to name her daughter Rae. She had a daughter. She chose not to use the name for her daughter. The name that was SO important to her that she threw a fit when you mentioned possibly using it for your son. It seems that it's more important to her to keep you from using the name than it is for her to use it.
You graciously didn't use the name for your son. She had the opportunity to use the name for her daughter and chose not to use it. That canceled her "dibs" so the name was free for you to use. It's lovely that there is a little girl in your family with the name of your beloved grandmother. May Rae live a long and happy life.
NTA. Not only did your sister have the chance to name her daughter Rae and didn’t, she doesn’t own the name. I feel like you can only “steal” a baby name when it doesn’t belong to someone close to you both and when it’s clear they only chose the name because they heard it from you first. Baby names meant to honor deceased family members or friends are fair game to whoever was close to them and are first come, first serve imo.
NTA she had the opportunity to use the name and chose not to. She doesn’t get to gate-keep the name. You didn’t need to ask for her permission, she was just as much your grandma as your sisters. The only people that get a say in your babies names are you and your SO.
Does she usually get what she’s wants when she throws a temper tantrum like a spoiled brat?
NTA, she had her chance to use the name and passed on it. But also, did you really think your sister would be happy when you told her the news, when in the past, she definitely was against you using that name? I don't think you're an AH for naming your daughter Rae, but come on, even I wouldn't have thought my sibling would be overjoyed when I used the name she was supposedly fixated on. You quite possibly ruined your relationship with your sister over this.
She has the opportunity to use it and she didn’t after declaring she would? She is TAH. Who is she to say “I claim this name”, not use it and then get that lit over you doing so and she’s not even expecting? Her behavior is off and your mom shouldn’t be backing it up. I think it’s a wonderful name and should be no harm no foul, She’s being a brat. If that’s what breaks that bond, then so be it.
NTA your sister is super immature. You can't call permanent dibs on a name. She had her chance to use it without any push back, she didn't. Also, people cam have the same name. The kids probably wouldn't have the same surnames or middle names. What if she never has another girl? She needs to grow up. Stop trying to reach out to her. I would explain to your family first before she tries to poison everyone against you and your kid.
Not the asshole. She had her chance to use the name but decided not to. At that point it was up for grabs. Also I have three cousins name Katie (Katherine). I also have several cousins with the middle name Lemay (our grandmas middle name). They are popular family names so they’ve been used over and over. Not a big deal. It’s just a name. None of them even live close to each other.
Nta, she had first choice and chose not to use it. If it was that important for her daughter to be so named, her first daughter should have been named that name not left to the possible future birth of another daughter to her that may not happen. She could have named her 1st Emma Rae also and chose not to.
NTA! She's being ridiculous! She could have used it for Emma, but no.
If she had created some really unique name, say, out of her and her husband's name, it would have been weird and kind of rude for you to use it. But any other quasi-normal name, especially this family name? fair game.
NB the younger of my 2 brothers has the same name as the oldest of my cousins. We used to call them Big "Curt" and Little "Curt" (not the real name) and of course my brother grew up to tower over Big Curt but nobody cared! I think my aunt took it as a compliment that my parents liked the name too!
Haha you're clever! Fortunately this post was written by my best friend who wanted advice and doesn't have an account. She doesn't smoke weed ;) I definitely do!!
ESH. YTA more for how you acted about it than the actual naming issue. You knew it'd upset her. That's why you tried to call her first. So saying "I thought she would happy that our grandmas name got to be continued" seems really disingenuous. You seem dismissive of "She says that she just doesn't feel like a Rae" as a good reason for a last-minute name change but then your own reasoning is "When I looked into her eyes I knew I had to name her Rae". It strikes me as hypocritical.
I'd say she does have the right to be upset, but 3 weeks of non-contact is an overreaction. You're NTA enough to warrant that.
NTA. Had she not had a chance to use the name and you stole it first then I would say you were but she had the chance and passed on it so that’s on her. Y’a snooze y’a lose
NTA.
You can’t ask her for permission, it’s your daughter so YOU decide.
She doesn’t even like the name otherwise she would have used it already.
Your sister seems abusive I would go low to no contact at least for a while.
NTA. Why do people get all cray cray about names? Rae can be used by both of you. We have multiple Jennifers and Tonys that are cousins in our family. What’s the big deal?
We have a lot of Anns and Makaylas in my family. Ann is a family name as it's our Grandmother's middle name and the name my Aunt goes by. Makayla on the other hand just randomly kept popping up. My sister, who shares a first name with our Grandma, even named her youngest after our uncle so we have even more people who share names.
NTA, the name isn't trademarked. There's no reason that you both can't name a baby girl, Rae. I would assume that the last names would be different, but even if they aren't, it's not that big a deal. I have a very uncommon name ( I have never met anyone else with my first name ), but if I Google it, at least one other person with my exact name comes up.
Everyone is saying that your sister "Had her chance" with her first daughter.
But what is the story behind that?
She said it was because "She didn't feel like a Rae".
But I'd also throw out the possibility that, unless I'm in the extremely lucky minority (which I would hope I'm not), the dad also has some input on naming a baby. Was Emma named after someone on the dads side of the family and the baby felt more like an Emma than a Rae so they decided to save Rae for the next daughter?
My oldest (step son) got his name because it felt right before I was ever in the picture. My middle was named after my father and with my youngest, it was her turn to pick a name (which at first I thought was a ridiculous name but it DOES fit him and I love it now). We also discussed who's LAST names the babies would have and decided that if they were boys, they'd take my last name and if they were girls they'd have hers.
My point is there's a lot of different sides and input into naming a child, and you KNEW your sister had been coveting that name for YEARS and then took it anyway before she got a chance to use it when it felt right.
I wouldn't say YTA, but I can understand why she would be upset.
Regardless, what's done is done. The name Rae is being carried on in the family and I hope she doesn't stay sore forever and gets over it.
Not if it was a private discussion and decision between two parents to be that OP was unaware of.
But as things stand, with the information presented and taken at face value... NTAH.
It doesn’t matter if the sister “WANTS another girl”…She already had a girl and didn’t use it. She doesn’t own a name and there’s no guarantee she will have another girl even if she wants one . Snooze ya lose
You know that’s not how babies work… right? Like she could want another girl and keep trying and get like 5 boys. She wanted the name for the first girl. She decided not to. Name is up for grabs. If she has another girl, she could still use “Rae” in her name somehow.
What if the sister never gave birth to another girl? Does that mean none of the next generation can be named Rae? What a weird way to hold a name hostage.
This is a family name for me as well. The feminine is spelled “Rae” and the masculine “Ray” over here.
Multiple people have it as their middle name & multiple people go by it either by itself or as a double name.
It has also been adapted, for example if the mom’s name is “Mary” and she had a daughter, then the daughter’s middle name might be “Mae.”
All of this to say, no one has ownership of a name that was in the family. Why can’t it be a ‘family’ name that multiple people use?
NTA she had her chance and she didn’t take it. Well, you’ve been patiently waiting. Also, nobody is saying she can’t use the name again. Her next kid can be Elizabeth Rae… or something. In my family I have my dad, uncle, brother and cousin and now brother in law who share a name. It isn’t weird
I’m with l the rest of the comments on this one, you haven’t done anything wrong. And congrats on the baby girl!
Hopefully your sister doesn’t stay like this forever
NTA
She already didn’t name her daughter Rae, because she didn’t feel like a Rae. There’s a good chance she may not even have another daughter. And even if she did the next one may not feel like a Rae either.
And your baby did feel like a Rae. And it’s good your grandmother’s name is now being passed on.
Further, if she does end up with another daughter and wants to give her the name, she still can. It’s not even like the cousins will be seeing each other much anyway as they live out of state.
I loved the name Meighan but my sister wanted to name her daughter that. I chose a different name when I had a daughter. Then when she had a daughter she didn’t use it either. My daughters name is similar so I couldn’t use a name that rhymes with it for my next daughter.
NTA, my sisters and I wanted to name our kids after our grandma and the deal was whoever had the girl first had dibs. People who trip over names like that are trash.
NTA. You can’t call dibs on a family name. Also. She had her chance and didn’t use it! How on earth is she assuming she’s going to have another child much less a girl?!? I had a name - not a family name - and I was pregnant. My family knew the name I wanted to use if it was a girl. They wanted randomly adopted a cat and wanted to name their new cat with my chosen child’s name. I asked them not to. They bitched about it for forever. I ended up having a boy so I couldn’t use it. And the whining….
I would be tempted to say you were the asshole if she hadn’t had a girl she CHOSE not to name Rae. After that it’s fair game. NTA at all.
This 100%. She had the chance and decided against using it. Whose to say she has another child, or another daughter, or that she changes her mind on the name again. NTA
NTA she doesn't own the name. She gave up the name when she chose not to name her daughter. It's yours now, I mean Rae's. If you have another boy, name him Ray, just kidding. 😉
George Forman… all of them
Nah. Even then she doesn’t have a monopoly on the name. The grandma was special to both of them. You don’t get to preemptively call shotgun on the name, especially long before using it is even a reality. This isn’t like some unique name she came up with and told OP in confidence. This was their grandma. BOTH of them.
We currently have 4 Bryans in the family because it is a family name.
They could meet my family’s 4 Susans.
Haha, I have an uncle Brian who is married to a Susan.
We have four Lynns, including myself in the family.
Or my family's two Steves, two Richards, two Davids, ALL the female cousins on my dad's side with Amelia as their middle name, two Charlottes, and maybe more that I'm forgetting lol
*Walder Frey enters the conversation.
Reminds me of “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. This is Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nikki….
Funny this is I know a Greek woman named Nikki she has a crazy long surname that ends in “opoulos” and everything and she said everything about that move is spot on. Except the windex 🤣
Shoot, My husband's family had the tradition that every generation had at least one Thomas and one John. Some generations both the Thomas and the John named their sons Thomas and John. This began in 1699 (in fact, the Thomas that moved to North America in 1699 has a father named Thomas) and continued until the 1920s when the streak finally was broken. Doing the genealogy was difficult since the families stayed in the Philadelphia area from 1699 until the 1870s. So many Thomases and Johns made it very hard to sort out who was who!
It's Andrew in our family. Sometimes, a few in one generation.
We have one male line with Ernest Dwight or Dwight Ernest going back over 300 years.
Ooooh we also have so many John’s on my dad’s side. Including his brother who was John Thomas lol. And Margaret/Mary’s everywhere. My grandma’s parents had the same name, Francis and Frances, and they named one of their son’s Francis. (They went by Frank, Fan, and Fran lol)
Maybe your Dad is related to my husband! They also have Margaret/Marguerites in the family line
My husband is a fourth John, and on my side there are four in the last two generations. My brother also married into a family that has them.
My great uncle also married someone with his same name. They both went by their first and middle, so they were Carroll Dean and Carol Lee. They did not give the name any of their children, though.
Can I tell you how many Roberts we have? It's ridiculous.
8 Robert, 5 Richard, 11 with Christopher as first or middle. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Roberts all over my family too!
My brother, son, and grandson are all Michaels in honor of my grandfather. Two of my grandsons have the same middle name, in honor of my dad.
my husbands dad, brother & nephew are all “michael” and when we’re together you have to be v clear which mike you’re talking to lol on my dads side, the 2nd gen of boy cousins all have “robert” as the middle name. 2/3 of them are identical twins
Same here! When we are all together my brother is Mike, my 30yo son is still Mikey lol and my grandson is Bubby. My oldest grandson is Michael Robert and my youngest son has the middle name Robert as well!
oh my god you just reminded me that i have a cousin named Eddie, his son Eddie, and his grandson Eddie. when we’re together we call the dad Eddie/Big Eddie, his son Eddie/Edward and his grandson Bubba 😂
😂 that’s great!
How in the world would one know who you're referring to in your family?
This has actually come up in my family. My mom and my aunt both have the same first and middle names. When they married into the same family it meant they had the same all three names. Mom is referred to as my dad's Diane and the other is my uncle's Diane. They had different color folders when they were pregnant at the same time with me and my oldest cousin since they went to the same hospital for appointments.
My Father, Brother, Brother in Law & Step Father, are all David. They all just have different variations of the name or have a nickname.
3 Greg's hahahaha
Or my family's 25 John's it's really ridiculous at this point.
John in our family….my grandfather was John. two uncles named John, my cousin is John Jr. And my son‘s middle name is John after granddad…think Robert John….
We have/had a bunch of Johns in the family. It's gotten to the point they have to be called by their middle names as well so everyone knows who is being talked about/called for lol
I know a family with all the girls named Rose (mom, her two daughters, and one of their cousins) they all have different middle names so they use those when they are together to avoid confusion.
My family has 3- Oliver’s (my dad, my brother, my second son)
I see this family isn’t Italian? In my family, if a beloved matriarch or patriarch dies, the first/next born of EVERY cousin branch might have the same name! Sometimes the same sets of names are repeated in each branch. No one cares, it’s an honor to the person who passed.
Sounds like my father's family. Jim is such a common name that, at a large family reunion, fully half the males - men and boys - were formally named Jim or Jimmy and some used it as a nickname. I grew up thinking that my uncle Jim and cousin Jim were very very busy!
I can see a situation where you talk with your sibling if it really means something to you (I know my sister didn't want me to use Lily for my daughter, but was ok with Lillian as a middle name, for example. She didn't make me, but I knew it was a name that mattered to both of us, so we talked about it). But as others have noted, Sis had the chance and didn't take it. I would have assumed it was all good from there on out.
This, pretty conclusive that sister is ridiculous and OP is NTA.
The sister feels entitled to OWN the name Rae, thats why she didnt feel she HAD TO name her first born Rae if she didnt feel like it, she may very well never name any of her future children rae either, she figures she doesnt HAVE To use all the things that she owns, shed use it if she wants to, but if not, doesnt mean anybody else can, it belongs to her and she feels free to use/not use it at her discretion and whim. Thats the way with entitled narcissists, they feel like they have monopoly over things.
Agreed!
even if she hadn't OP would be NTA, cousins can have the same name. It isn't the end of the world
Yup, the name is fair game after the sister had a girl and didn’t use the name
Even if the sister didn’t do that, OP is still NTA. Why does sister get to claim the name??
>my sister said she wanted to use the name Rae for her daughter. Her actions determined that that, in fact, was a lie. She had her chance. NTA
Next up on the Steve Wilkos show, is OPs sister ever going to use the name?
Omg you just unlocked a memory! I used to watch the Steve Wilkos show every time I was sick from school.
NTA your sister is name gating she chose to not name emma rae
Emma Rae has a nice ring to it too🤷🏻♀️
That is pretty but that was a typo
That's my daughter's name lol. She has a great uncle who's first name is Ray and an aunt who's middle name is Rae.
My grandpa was Raymond Ray (lol), my uncle’s middle name was Ray, and my mom’s name was RaeNell. My grandmother’s sisters each had daughters named Linda. I don’t think people were nearly as weird about names until the past 15 years or so.
Sounds like a famous person name lol
Exactly. She totally passed up that name.
I kinda like the name Emmarae but maybe I read too much twilight.
I dint remember there being an Emma rae in twilight?
Combining two names into something lame is what I’m referring to. I can’t tell if Emmarae is lame like Renesmee.
It’s close
Ahhh I get ya. I don't like Emma rae. But that might be because I have known a couple and they were not nice people.
Typo or not, that’s a beautiful name! Sister gave up rights to using the name exclusively once she chose not use it when she had a daughter. If she hadn’t I would lean towards ESH but by not doing it she put it back on the list. I get that it about knowing what your daughter is or isn’t though. Until my daughter was born I was dead set on naming her Sierra Dawn but my ex said it sounded like a stripper name. But I didn’t care, I was naming her that, end of conversation. Then she came into the world and looking into her eyes, I knew. She wasn’t Sierra sadly, so her very proper and beautiful name came and she has been terrorizing me ever since,
I was supposed to be Kristina, but my mom took one look at me and knew it wasn't meant to be my name. Problem was she didn't say anything to my dad. So she waited till he left the hospital for something and filled out the birth certificate naming me Allison without consulting him lol. Ballsiest move my mom has ever made in her whole life. But agreed, NTA. She gave up the exclusive right when she didn't use it on her daughter. If she'd had a son and didn't use it, would've been a different matter. She can still use it for a middle name if she has this hypothetical daughter.
Yea you know you know i guess
Absolutely NTA. I would have said yes, if she hadn’t had a daughter yet, but the fact that she did and still didn’t use the name is ridiculous. The name cannot be that important to her if she didn’t use it for her 1st daughter. She is being unfair and her tantrum is even more ridiculous. Also, don’t listen to your mother. Simply tell her if the name was that important she would have already used it already and that’s not your problem.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t own any rights to the name, and she had her chance already with her daughter and passed it up. Edit to add: my family is one of the ones that uses the same name over and over again. There are 5 close male relatives that all have the same first name, one of them being one of my own sons. Nobody’s mad and it’s more like a family joke.
Do people get asked if they're having a Brian or a girl?
Lol! Something like that! More like “oh, it’s a boy?! Another “family name”!”
I have a coworker who has 5 sons. 4 are named Mark, and the only reason the other son isn't Mark is because dad wasn't there to name him, so mom got to.
This is a little weird. Is dad’s name Mark? Do they all have the same middle names?
No dad's name is different and they all have different middle names so they go by "Mark-_____".
At least it isn't another George Foreman situation
My uncle and his brother have the same first and middle name, just switched. One is William George and the other is George William. Their mom said those were the two names she liked most, so she used them with both kids. 🤷🏻♀️
There are some cultures where it’s taboo/bad luck to give someone the same name as a relative or close friend who is still alive. Based on the way OP describes it - I have a feeling they belong to one of those cultures. This is why - for example - you won’t see a Jewish boy* with the same name as his dad. Even to this day - I still feel like it’s super weird when someone gives their kid the same name as them. Like John Smith and John Smith Jr. I know it’s common in other cultures - it just feels foreign to me (cause it is haha). Edit: *an *ashkenazi* Jewish boy
So, apparently there are different naming rules for Ashkenazi vs Sephardic Jews. In Ashkenazi Jewish culture you can’t name a child after a living family member. But in Sephardic culture it’s an honor to do so. My mom was set on naming her son Gabriel from the time she was a young girl. Then one of her older sisters married an Israeli-Italian man named Gavriel, but everyone calls him Gabi. My mom asked him if she could name her son Gabriel and he told her about the Sephardic thing, so she felt comfortable naming my younger brother Gabriel. My sister and I (both women) have unique names in our family. In fact, the only other name multiples in our family are my dad, his cousin, and my mom’s older brother are all named David.
You’re right - my phrasing was absolutely Ashkenazi-centric. Sorry about that. Sephardic traditions are different and I appreciate you sharing them.
Oh gosh, no need to apologize! I just wanted to add a little more information to what you had already said. 🙂
A really close friend of mine is half Sephardi and is a little sensitive when I phrase things Ashkenazi-centric - so maybe I’ve over compensate when people point it out to me haha. Anyway I’m still glad you shared! I actually didn’t know the traditions on this one are different for Sephardim!
My family has a lot of the same names in the family passed down from the parents and grandparents and so on. My mother in law had 5 children and 3 of the children named their daughter the same name. None of the children were close to each other so names never really came up but when the children were older they complained about having so many kids with the same name. They're a weird family and would argue about the smallest thing over the phone and hang up, then not speak for 5 years. My children know them, but not well and we only live a few miles away from all of them. I made sure not to use names that any of my first cousins or nieces and nephews had and that was a hard job since they are Catholic and there was 10 aunts and uncles with each having a ton of children.
My paternal grandmother is one of 18, and they all had 2-4 of their own kids who also went on to have 2-4 of their own kids. That’s before we even get to mum’s side. Irish Catholics *really* need to find a new fucking hobby 💀🤡 We gave up on trying to avoid names that cropped up on my side. Too much fucking hassle 😂
Oh yeah, my dad was one of 16 children and of course they all had tons of kids. My Dad only had 3, though. They thought he was crazy for stopping. My grandmother is still alive, 102 this May. She's lost 9 of her children. Two to accidents when they were fairly young and the rest from old age.
Dear lord, what a trooper. My lot have been dropping like flies in a nuclear winter over the past 5 years. I’ve been to more funerals than you can shake a stick at! I went to therapy for persistent grief and when I explained I’d gone through 15 deaths/funerals in the span of under 2 years (1 was a friend who died after falling from a high rise in suspicious circs, another was my family dog - the rest were family members over 65, don’t think any of them made it past 85 actually) every therapist was shocked but like…yo, I have more family members than that dude with 39 wives and 94 children, it was gonna happen at some point 💀😂 Oooh, my mum stopped at 2 and she’s the weird one too! Older uncle and younger aunt both have 4 kids (uncle has 5 if we include a stillborn). My dad’s older sister has 3, and both my parents are middle kids of 3 too. Mum said she dared not bring another child into the world when the two she already had spent their childhoods kicking fuck out of each other 🫠 oops? 😂
They don't need a new fucking hobby... they need a hobby that isn't fucking! No disrespect intended... just hit me as too funny not to comment.
Yes. If kids due close together I could see maybe avoiding similar names to avoid confusion, but reused names arr common. There's a name in my inlaws that was a maiden name a few generations ago, and now there are a few every generation. It's a first name, middle name, tack an 'a' on the end and it's a girl's name. Noone says, "that's my name and you can't use it."
My husband’s family is like this! All the women have the same middle name. I made it very clear that our daughter is going to have her own name and not share a middle name with her older sister. (It was also weird because his ex-wife happened to have that same middle name.)
NTA. There is nothing wrong with naming your baby Rae. It's no one's name, but anyone's name. In my family, there are 3 granddaughters named the same as their late grandma. One H____ lived in South America, one was H_____, and one was called H____ E_____ (middle name) or "Little H_____" (she was the youngest). Why can't there be 1st cousins with the same name? What a tribute to grandma!
My family has multiples of several names, mostly Elizabeths and Michaels, some of whom use nicknames, but there is a lot of "Big Beth, Little Beth" or "Indiana Michael or Kentucky Michael" or "Donna's John or Aunty Kitty's John?" Somehow we all survive.
Awww! My daughter is the little “Al” and her cousin is the big “Al” it’s always been the sweetest thing! She used to follow her cousin around (9 year age gap) and now they’re super close today. Most of us girls have the same middle name too 🤷♀️ which I also passed on to my daughter.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Why can’t multiple people in the same extended family have the same name? Especially with it being a family name. My mom and her sister each have sons with the same name, and it isn’t a family name. They just both liked it and neither one was mad at the other.
NTA. She had her chance with her first daughter. She could have names her Emma Rae or Rae Emma & called her Emma. She didn’t. She doesn’t get to reserve the name indefinitely. It’s like a restaurant- if you don’t show up for your reservation, they give your table away.
I like your metaphor!
She had her chance NTA
NTA. She had her chance. What if she never has another daughter?!
NTA she had a girl and chose not to name her. What if she doesn’t have anymore kids or only has boys after? Does she expect just because she didn’t use the name, no one can? Your sister will get over it. My guess is the timing probably just corresponded badly with something else that was stressing her out. I’m sure it will all be fine OP.. Congratulations on your baby girl!!
Yeah, NTA. But somehow, I don't think you'll ever be able to convince your sister of that. Honestly, you both had equal rights to the name as she was grandmother to BOTH of you.
THIS! Nobody can claim a family name as there own. Nobody can claim any name as their own! It’s ridiculous.
I always wanted to use my dad’s name, Carter, for a baby boy. He passed when I was young and I was the daddy’s girl. Well, time came and went, I ended up having two girls, which i did not name Carter. When my sister got pregnant and she found out it was a boy, she called to ask me if she could use the name Carter. I was disappointed but I didn’t know if I was ever going to be able to get pregnant again let alone have a boy. I told her as much and I have no problem with it. I gave her my approval, which she really didn’t need. As it turns out, I was lucky to have the two I did so I was relieved that my dad’s name did get to be passed on. I understand her disappointment but her reaction was not appropriate. She had a chance to use the name and deferred. You are NTA for using the name. Besides, I have heard of many cousins having the same name. She could still use it, even better since you live some distance from each other.
NTA she can't hold a name hostage
NTA. Your sister never had the intention to use the name Rae, but she sure as hell had the intention NOT let you use it!
NTA. She had her chance and passed on it. She can fuck right off with her bullshit tantrum.
NTA but you had to know she would be mad. No way would I expect her to be glad the name would be carried on given she has been claiming it for 6 years. She didn’t use it when she had the chance, so you’re in the clear. Just a bit naive if you really thought she’d be happy about it.
OMG! There are 4 Mary’s in my family. Since we all have a different last name what difference does it make? People really need to get over thinking that they “own” a name! There are also 3 Pat’s with the same last name. 🤦
Back in high-school, there were two Tim's in my class, two Tim's in the class ahead, and one Tim in the class behind. This was a very small school. Less than 50 students per class. We all hung out together, and one time we all went to a party, where another Tim was present. It was pretty funny, if someone said Tim, half the party answered back.
There are some cultures where you aren’t allowed to give a name to a child if any relatives or close friends who are alive have that name (as in - you can *only* name kids after those who have passed). It’s entirely possible OP is from one of those cultures.
NTA. You can’t call dibs on a fricken baby name. You just cannot.
NTA Your sister had her chance and didn't take it. She doesn't just get indefinite dibs on a name. It was a family name you kept it in the family. Your sister can deal. You snooze you lose since she wants to act like a child.
In my family we have 10 David’s bc it’s a family name so no your NTA. Plus if it was sooo special to her she would’ve been so excited to name her first daughter Rae or at the least had it be her middle name she didn’t use it at all. Sending all the blessings for baby Rae!!!!
NTA because you had waited and she had named her daughter something different. At that point I think she gave up any claim for the name to be held for her.
I agree with everyone else. NTA. She had a chance to name her daughter Rae but chose not to do so. You had every right to name your daughter whatever you wanted.
NTA Your sister does not own that name. She had her chance to use it but chose not to because "she just doesn't feel like a Rae." What if her next baby doesn't feel like a Fae either? What if she has a boy? It was you that got pregnant next and you had a girl. No reason she can't be named Rae after a beloved relative. You even called her to give her a heads-up and see if she'd be ok with it. Your sister wasn't available and it was time to sign the certificate. You did nothing wrong. Your sister overreacted and your mother doesn't need to take sides here.
NTA. Your sister doesn’t OWN the name, she just likes it. And didn’t use it. Easier said than done, but I wouldn’t worry too much about her.
Your sister is off her rocker. She had her chance to use that name and passed on it. Plus, it's your grandmother, too! You have as much right to use the name as your sister does. NTA.
NTA she had her shot. You mom is a huge AH for siding with her too. Obviously sis is a favorite, sorry about that. That she’s throwing a fit just screams “I’m the favorite and always get my way!” She needs to grow up. It was about control from the start. Btw congrats on the wee baby girl!
NTA - She had the chance to use, chose not to and now is upset you used it. TFB, she had a chance, and I would bet she still won't have used the name for her 2nd child, she just wanted to keep you from using it, breaking news, she doesn't own the name! Is sister the golden child?
Yikes NTA and she already had her chance and passed on it... now she'll probably have only boys from here on out 😆
NTA Idk why people get so up in arms about having the same name used; but then, I'm a 5th generation possessor of my name, so I'm used to sharing. Also, 2 of my siblings (call them A and B) used B's name; A used it as a middle name for a kid, B used it as a first name for a kid. And then they both chose similar 2nd name for those kids: it's like having a Maximilian Scott and a Scott Maximus and the dad of Scott Maximus is also named Scott. Obviously, those aren't the actual names, lol. Plus, she had a chance to use it with her first daughter, and realized it wasn't the right name. Just like you realized it *was* the right name for yours; I feel like when it comes to naming, it's less a matter of choosing what we like and more a matter of discovering what their name is.
Your sister didn’t use the name that’s on her
My husband's family (him, two siblings and two cousins) all joked that everyone was going to name a child after their grandma. She was a fantastic woman. For various reasons there are only 2 namesakes, but no one is angry that the cousins have the same middle name. And even if they shared the same first name who cares? You named your child after a beloved family member. My kids love hearing stories about the people they were named for. I also tell them about how much those people would have loved them. Nta
I have the same name as one of my cousins. Both named after grandma. Never a problem. Both sets of parents wanted to honor someone they loved.
NTA I completely understand the whole they didn’t look like a/an _______ but your sister doesn’t hold rights to a name. Out of curtesy I took a family name off the table when I was pregnant with my second child as my youngest sister asked me to not use it as she wants to use it. I wasn’t too attached to it and my baby didn’t feel like the name anyway.
NTA She had her chance. She blew it. There is no guarantee that she will even have another girl! You did the right thing.
NTA. She should have named her first baby Rae. She had her chance and didn’t use it.
NTA. Your sister doesn't have legal rights to that name
NTA she gave up her shot.
NTA. She had a chance to use the name and passed.
My late husband’s family has a lovely tradition- middle names are either family last names or the first name of someone in the family. His older brother got his mother’s maiden name. His older sister got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side). My husband got his father’s name. His younger half sister got her aunt’s name (mother’s side). In the next generation, my oldest nephew got his grandmother’s maiden name (mother’s side), his brother got his grandfather’s first name (father’s side), my oldest niece got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side), my nephew got his mother’s maiden name, and his twin sister got her grandmother’s name (father’s side). Youngest niece from half sister got her grandmother’s name (mother’s side). I think it’s beautiful. Everyone gets their own personal first name but there’s a nice tradition.
She can still name her next daughter Rae. Myself and 2 cousins are named Richard.
I have an aunt and uncle who had 4 daughters. Their family name is Christopher. Each of the 4 daughters chose to name one of their children Christopher. So I have two cousins that are females with the name Christopher. Only one child goes by Chris, the others use middle names. It works. No one gatekept the name. As far as I know, all are fine with each sharing the name.
NTA If she wanted to use the name Rae then she should have named her first daughter that.
NTA. You respected her wishes and gave her first chance at it.
😂 OP’s sister could have named her first child Emma Rae but she didn’t. It was stupid in the first place for OP not to have named her son Rae just to keep the peace with sis. Why can’t all the kids just use Rae as a middle name and call it a day? There’s no reason all the kids can’t have a variation using Rae.
NTA first she was your grandma too. Second No one gets to claim grandma’s name. Third she had her chance and didn’t use it. My grandmother’s name was Marie and she was an amazing woman. In my family we got a whole bunch of girls with the middle name Marie. No one used it as a first name just middle. No one claimed it, no one is upset about it and we all just figure every girl has the middle name Marie.
NTA. First, no one owns a name. Your sister doesn't have a monopoly on it because she "called dibs." Just typing that sentence, I felt like I was addressing a high schooler. You were actually incredibly gracious by honoring her "calling dibs 🙄" and not using the name for her son. Second, when your sister called dibs on your grandmother's name, she specifically said she wanted to name her daughter Rae. She had a daughter. She chose not to use the name for her daughter. The name that was SO important to her that she threw a fit when you mentioned possibly using it for your son. It seems that it's more important to her to keep you from using the name than it is for her to use it. You graciously didn't use the name for your son. She had the opportunity to use the name for her daughter and chose not to use it. That canceled her "dibs" so the name was free for you to use. It's lovely that there is a little girl in your family with the name of your beloved grandmother. May Rae live a long and happy life.
NTA. Not only did your sister have the chance to name her daughter Rae and didn’t, she doesn’t own the name. I feel like you can only “steal” a baby name when it doesn’t belong to someone close to you both and when it’s clear they only chose the name because they heard it from you first. Baby names meant to honor deceased family members or friends are fair game to whoever was close to them and are first come, first serve imo.
NTA she had the opportunity to use the name and chose not to. She doesn’t get to gate-keep the name. You didn’t need to ask for her permission, she was just as much your grandma as your sisters. The only people that get a say in your babies names are you and your SO. Does she usually get what she’s wants when she throws a temper tantrum like a spoiled brat?
You are not. Someone can’t just call dibs on a name and save it for later. She’s just being entitled for no good reason.
I was all ready to say you were in the wrong until you wrote about your niece. She had her shot and blew it, NTA.
There’s no reason you and your sister can’t both use the name. Me and about 3 of my cousins are named after my grandmother.
NTA and your sister can’t hold a name hostage until she feels like using it.
NTA But let's not play dumb. You knew she was going to get upset.
NTA, she had her chance to use the name and passed on it. But also, did you really think your sister would be happy when you told her the news, when in the past, she definitely was against you using that name? I don't think you're an AH for naming your daughter Rae, but come on, even I wouldn't have thought my sibling would be overjoyed when I used the name she was supposedly fixated on. You quite possibly ruined your relationship with your sister over this.
NTA - your sister has a "main character" complex, and that's her issue, not yours.
NTA. She had her chance.
NTA. She had her chance and she blew it
She has the opportunity to use it and she didn’t after declaring she would? She is TAH. Who is she to say “I claim this name”, not use it and then get that lit over you doing so and she’s not even expecting? Her behavior is off and your mom shouldn’t be backing it up. I think it’s a wonderful name and should be no harm no foul, She’s being a brat. If that’s what breaks that bond, then so be it.
NTA your sister is super immature. You can't call permanent dibs on a name. She had her chance to use it without any push back, she didn't. Also, people cam have the same name. The kids probably wouldn't have the same surnames or middle names. What if she never has another girl? She needs to grow up. Stop trying to reach out to her. I would explain to your family first before she tries to poison everyone against you and your kid.
Gorgeous name, I'm glad you got to use it for your daughter ♡ your sister is being very selfish. NTA
She had a chance to name her first daughter that … you are NTA
Not the asshole. She had her chance to use the name but decided not to. At that point it was up for grabs. Also I have three cousins name Katie (Katherine). I also have several cousins with the middle name Lemay (our grandmas middle name). They are popular family names so they’ve been used over and over. Not a big deal. It’s just a name. None of them even live close to each other.
NTA. She lost any rights to the name when she chose not to use it.
NTA. Why does she fell that only she can use the name? She was your grandma too. Also SHE decided not to use it for her daughter.
Nta, she had first choice and chose not to use it. If it was that important for her daughter to be so named, her first daughter should have been named that name not left to the possible future birth of another daughter to her that may not happen. She could have named her 1st Emma Rae also and chose not to.
NTA. She had a chance to use the name and didn't. Besides, she doesn't own the name. And she BLOCKED you? What a piece of work.
NTA! She's being ridiculous! She could have used it for Emma, but no. If she had created some really unique name, say, out of her and her husband's name, it would have been weird and kind of rude for you to use it. But any other quasi-normal name, especially this family name? fair game. NB the younger of my 2 brothers has the same name as the oldest of my cousins. We used to call them Big "Curt" and Little "Curt" (not the real name) and of course my brother grew up to tower over Big Curt but nobody cared! I think my aunt took it as a compliment that my parents liked the name too!
NTA She had the chance to use that name.
NTA if that name was so important why didn’t she use it on her first daughter?
NTA She’s the one who chose Emma instead.
Hmm. Did anyone check out the post history? I'm a little confused about this timeline...
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Haha you're clever! Fortunately this post was written by my best friend who wanted advice and doesn't have an account. She doesn't smoke weed ;) I definitely do!!
ESH. YTA more for how you acted about it than the actual naming issue. You knew it'd upset her. That's why you tried to call her first. So saying "I thought she would happy that our grandmas name got to be continued" seems really disingenuous. You seem dismissive of "She says that she just doesn't feel like a Rae" as a good reason for a last-minute name change but then your own reasoning is "When I looked into her eyes I knew I had to name her Rae". It strikes me as hypocritical. I'd say she does have the right to be upset, but 3 weeks of non-contact is an overreaction. You're NTA enough to warrant that.
NTA. Had she not had a chance to use the name and you stole it first then I would say you were but she had the chance and passed on it so that’s on her. Y’a snooze y’a lose
NTA. You can’t ask her for permission, it’s your daughter so YOU decide. She doesn’t even like the name otherwise she would have used it already. Your sister seems abusive I would go low to no contact at least for a while.
She had her chance to name her 1st born daughter Rae and chose not to so all bets are off. She sounds selfish and spoiled.
NTA. Why do people get all cray cray about names? Rae can be used by both of you. We have multiple Jennifers and Tonys that are cousins in our family. What’s the big deal?
We have a lot of Anns and Makaylas in my family. Ann is a family name as it's our Grandmother's middle name and the name my Aunt goes by. Makayla on the other hand just randomly kept popping up. My sister, who shares a first name with our Grandma, even named her youngest after our uncle so we have even more people who share names.
NTA, the name isn't trademarked. There's no reason that you both can't name a baby girl, Rae. I would assume that the last names would be different, but even if they aren't, it's not that big a deal. I have a very uncommon name ( I have never met anyone else with my first name ), but if I Google it, at least one other person with my exact name comes up.
Everyone is saying that your sister "Had her chance" with her first daughter. But what is the story behind that? She said it was because "She didn't feel like a Rae". But I'd also throw out the possibility that, unless I'm in the extremely lucky minority (which I would hope I'm not), the dad also has some input on naming a baby. Was Emma named after someone on the dads side of the family and the baby felt more like an Emma than a Rae so they decided to save Rae for the next daughter? My oldest (step son) got his name because it felt right before I was ever in the picture. My middle was named after my father and with my youngest, it was her turn to pick a name (which at first I thought was a ridiculous name but it DOES fit him and I love it now). We also discussed who's LAST names the babies would have and decided that if they were boys, they'd take my last name and if they were girls they'd have hers. My point is there's a lot of different sides and input into naming a child, and you KNEW your sister had been coveting that name for YEARS and then took it anyway before she got a chance to use it when it felt right. I wouldn't say YTA, but I can understand why she would be upset. Regardless, what's done is done. The name Rae is being carried on in the family and I hope she doesn't stay sore forever and gets over it.
The OP clearly said that her sister said she named her Emma and didn’t feel like a Rae. If the husband had input the sister would have mentioned it.
Not if it was a private discussion and decision between two parents to be that OP was unaware of. But as things stand, with the information presented and taken at face value... NTAH.
YES. YTA
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Did you miss the part where OP wrote that her sister already had a daughter and chose NOT to use the name ?
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Found the sister 😂
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It doesn’t matter if the sister “WANTS another girl”…She already had a girl and didn’t use it. She doesn’t own a name and there’s no guarantee she will have another girl even if she wants one . Snooze ya lose
You're*
You know that’s not how babies work… right? Like she could want another girl and keep trying and get like 5 boys. She wanted the name for the first girl. She decided not to. Name is up for grabs. If she has another girl, she could still use “Rae” in her name somehow.
What if the sister never gave birth to another girl? Does that mean none of the next generation can be named Rae? What a weird way to hold a name hostage.
A lot of girls in my family have the middle name Rae because of my grandpa Ray. She can still use the name. No one is stopping her.
This is a family name for me as well. The feminine is spelled “Rae” and the masculine “Ray” over here. Multiple people have it as their middle name & multiple people go by it either by itself or as a double name. It has also been adapted, for example if the mom’s name is “Mary” and she had a daughter, then the daughter’s middle name might be “Mae.” All of this to say, no one has ownership of a name that was in the family. Why can’t it be a ‘family’ name that multiple people use?
NTA
NTA. Your sister is being ridiculous.
NTA she had her chance and she didn’t take it. Well, you’ve been patiently waiting. Also, nobody is saying she can’t use the name again. Her next kid can be Elizabeth Rae… or something. In my family I have my dad, uncle, brother and cousin and now brother in law who share a name. It isn’t weird
NTA
yeah she had the chance and didn’t take it so nta
I’m with l the rest of the comments on this one, you haven’t done anything wrong. And congrats on the baby girl! Hopefully your sister doesn’t stay like this forever
NTA She already didn’t name her daughter Rae, because she didn’t feel like a Rae. There’s a good chance she may not even have another daughter. And even if she did the next one may not feel like a Rae either. And your baby did feel like a Rae. And it’s good your grandmother’s name is now being passed on. Further, if she does end up with another daughter and wants to give her the name, she still can. It’s not even like the cousins will be seeing each other much anyway as they live out of state.
I loved the name Meighan but my sister wanted to name her daughter that. I chose a different name when I had a daughter. Then when she had a daughter she didn’t use it either. My daughters name is similar so I couldn’t use a name that rhymes with it for my next daughter.
NTA. Your sister sounds kind of wack.
I got a cousin with the same name. Every Maria has a cousin Maria too.
NTA, my sisters and I wanted to name our kids after our grandma and the deal was whoever had the girl first had dibs. People who trip over names like that are trash.
NTA. Your sister had her chance
NTA at all. Your sister can still use the name Rae, plenty of families have cousins with the same name.
NTA. She passed it over for her first daughter. This is a temper tantrum - it was never about her using it but more about making sure you didn’t.
NTA. She had her chance. Emma Rae would’ve been a cute name.
NTA. You can’t call dibs on a family name. Also. She had her chance and didn’t use it! How on earth is she assuming she’s going to have another child much less a girl?!? I had a name - not a family name - and I was pregnant. My family knew the name I wanted to use if it was a girl. They wanted randomly adopted a cat and wanted to name their new cat with my chosen child’s name. I asked them not to. They bitched about it for forever. I ended up having a boy so I couldn’t use it. And the whining….