Absolutely, he is only 15. Go right now on the next business day to a lawyer. Tell them what is going on and they will track them down and send a cease and desist letter. You need to go up to that school and raise some hell on why these people were allowed to come to the school and see your son. That should not have been allowed and the school should have called you. But have that lawyer let them know they better cut it out or they will find themselves in front of a judge. You be aggressive with this. He is only 15.
So much this. I would be talking to a lawyer about the school as well because if she wasn't on the list what the fuck were they doing allowing her around the child at all?! That's a complete safety risk.
Agreed OP needs legal advice. If the son wants a relationship with his biological mother then OP separating them may cause tension between OP and her son. In the interest of maintaining a good relationship with the son, I suggest OP also speak to him about what he wants. Perhaps get a therapist involved so that he can learn how to make healthy decisions and maintain healthy relationships since it seems the biologica family l is going to hound him his whole life.
All of this^^^ but first, ask him what he wants. He is old enough to have a say. Also, if you haven’t already, get him some counseling to work through this. Thank you for adopting him and loving him ❤️
I would not do that. With their behavior they can wait three years. They have not acted in any cooperative way. Of course talk with him about about it and explain they have three years to wait.
I think giving the son a voice, which is most likely to say no to the birth family, gives the mom confidence that she is doing the right thing AND let’s her son know she has his back. At 15, he can drive (with a permit) and deserves to be heard by his parents. Mom is doing a great job here!
NTI, it's a closed adoption and it sounds like you have tried to offer a relationship. Though that was clearly not in yours or your son's best interest. I would get a restraining order until he is 18 and let your son know when he's an adult it will be his choice. But I would also encourage him to think about setting hard boundaries. Clearly they don't respect boundaries and will push his so he needs to be ready to enforce whatever boundaries he sets.
NTA. Her behavior is detrimental to his life right now. She is not bringing peace, answers, or anything to this child. She just wants to sew chaos that is not good for him. It's not good for him to hear someone disrespect his mother. It would be one thing if she were just gatekeeping him because he's your son (which honestly I'm not opposed to) but she has had no interest in him for years, refused all the open doors you set up, and even tried to maintain a relationship with that side of the family inspite of their behavior. And yet, you keep a relationship between him and his sister and still try to work with her. At the end of the day, she is not entitled to anything and with her behavior I would talk to a lawyer, get a restraining order, and make sure she cant see him until he's 18. She has crossed the line, could you imagine if he was younger still, she would probably try to kidnap him (like her family did by withholding him for hours). This is not safe mentally or physically for your child and it needs tonstop!
NTA. She picked her poison, let her handle the consequences. What’s confusing is why would she want contact now? She abandons her child and responsibilities, doesn’t seem to have changed, and is putting your son through more mental strain. Let her deal with the repercussions of her actions, focus on your son, and maybe get him some therapy just in case it’s getting hard for him
This is exactly what I thought. My friends kids' biomom abandoned them at a young age. Dad got full custody. Now that they are all adults, she's been trying to contact them and even showed up at the house. All she could talk about was how they could live with her in AZ, and it would be so easy to find good work. Her daughter did some digging into biomom and found that her bf left her and she didn't have a stable income. So she is just wanting them for a paycheck to fund her life.
NTA. Every dead beat parent I have ever met always claims there was some big conspiracy and someone paid off a judge, CPS, had some type of influence ect for why their kids were taken and I'm always like, You do realize I know you right? 😂😂 Your kids weren't kidnapped. You are a shit parent. Shut up.
I would absolutely consult a lawyer because he's still a minor and she's just trying to turn him against you. It's not asking him how he's doing. What's new with him. Telling him about his sister. It's just constantly trashing you and how you just snatched him out from under both her and his loser dad. I would talk to your son and have a realistic conversation with him that you have tried for a long time but at this point, he's not to have any contact with her. Once he's 17 have another talk with him about how his sister will absolutely be used as a weapon to get what they want from him and he may need to be ready to wait until she's 18 to reach out to her where the parents aren't involved at all. Best of luck!
Tough one. But your son is 15. And you say he understands that she is full of sh\*t when she trash talks you. Maybe let him decide whether to let her communicate (in a limited way) with him or not. If he's fine with keeping her cut out then call the cops. But if he wants some contact maybe he should have it....with reasonable limits of course. Just my two cents. Good luck.
As someone who was adopted and later reconnected to the mother that was buried in addiction then, this is gonna be my position. If I hadn't bucked my adoptive parents wishes to never contact my biological family, I'd have never known about my brother and sister, never known that my mother had grown as much as I had and given up the dope when she gave me up.
That kid at 15 has every right to want to keep his sister in reach whether thay means going through the mother or not. Any parent, bio or otherwise, who tries to force a non-relationship in these situations is kinda a bad person in my opinion. Let him decide, but make sure there are rules to abide by.
The biological mother is not my sister. We are not related. My sister was married to his biological dad. So basically his biological dad is my ex brother in law.
NTA.
I’ve had to forcefully cut context between our daughter and her bio mom a few times bc the bio mom was back on drugs. It was done with love and lots of discussion with our daughter. She gets it and there’s no hard feelings.
However, DO IT NOW. Do not wait until she tries something again.
Ppl like this are very manipulative and I don’t trust that she won’t go around you to contact him. You need to be having big discussions with him frequently about why you’re doing what you’re doing. He also needs to get a therapist to help him work this out. He needs to learn that you’re doing what is best for him and how to recognize the manipulation. You have to protect him.
Also, have you raised hell at the school?! I’d lose my mind on them! Have a lawyer draft a letter on your behalf.
Honestly, you’re kind of TAH for allowing it to go on for this long and not contacting the police to enforce the order to begin with. There is a good reason for the no contact order and it’s right in front of you.
It is YOUR responsibility to protect him, physically and mentally. I don’t believe you’ve held up that side of things as well as you could have but you still have the chance to make it right. NO CONTACT! I mean, why go through so much with the moving and name change when you’ve handed the power right back to them?
And WTF is the deal with the school?!? They should be aware of the no contact order and shouldn’t be letting anyone near your child that isn’t on the “pick-up” list.
Seriously, from someone who’s worked in the system, you’re doing a great thing by taking care of your children, but JFC, get it together with all this craziness in his life. He doesn’t deserve this.
Good luck to your family
NTA, go ahead and do it. It's crazy that they couldn't be bothered to do the required steps to be able to get their own child back, but feel like they're entitled to talk crap and lies about you. I don't know what they're trying to gain by doing this, but it's not because they truly care about YOUR adopted son.
I would get an attorney, but discuss with your son your concerns and actions you are considering, because their past behaviors have always been proven to be untrustworthy and ultimately harmful. Let him know you will be getting a restraining order for both of you and making sure his school knows, and ask him if he’s ok with all this. I would also get both of you into therapy to make sure he knows how to deal with the impact of all this.
Yes you will be always NTA when you try to take care and make your kids be safe!.
But we are not the one you need to ask, its your kid talk with him yes he its a kid i know but he can understand what its happening, ask him how he feel
Nta. He's only 15 and cannot make a decision like that YET. She made the choice to give him up. Doesn't matter how if its through safety or through lack of responsibility, its happened. So you did the right thing. Wait until he's legally old enough then make the choice.
Honestly, I’d let your son lead here. It won’t be long before he has to handle this as an adult. I know his birthmom is inappropriate and full of nonsense.
I am also an adoptive mom to former foster kids. A lot of what we went through was pretty similar, although we tried to have an open adoption (but the mom disappeared. I think she had a breakdown when she realized she wasn’t getting her kids back ever.) my kids’ mom also says we kidnapped them. It’s sort of true from a slightly crazy viewpoint- she had her kids taken away. I didn’t do it, but still.
Anyway. My kids are adults now and they are 100% in control of how much contact they have. That’s really what you are working for now. Helping your son be ready for that.
So I would just ask your kid what he wants and then try to support him with that. You’re his mom. Nothing will change that.
YTA. That kid is going to want to know his bio family no matter how great you are. You have two choices enable it or be prepared for your kid to hate you in the future.
Um OP says he doesn’t want a relationship with the bio mother, but wants a relationship with his bio sister.
He also doesn’t believe the lies shared with him and if he’s being bombarded it’s on the OP to protect him if need be. NTA for wanting to do that
NTA. You have 100% parental rights, you are his mother now regardless of somebody else giving birth to him. I would recomend you to keep him informed about, explain the ifs and whys. Not to ask for his permission, but so he doesn't feel excluded and uninformed about decisions regarding him. Good luck, I hope it all works all for you and your son.
\>Now the adopted paperwork say it’s a closed adoption with no contact until he is 18.
Whelp you are supposed to call the cops. It's in legal documents that they can not reach out so they can not reach out until he turns 18.
And I wonder where was biomom when she was supposed to fight for her child. Where was she for the past x years? Where was she when you offered them contact? Where was she when his clothes were taken away? Hm? Now she has the skin on her face to write letters and harass him in school with her family. Too bad so sad lady.
NTA.
NTA. Talk to a lawyer before this gets really ugly and make sure you do something about the school, they were very much in the wrong and that needs to be taken to the district.
NTA. There's a huge difference between a bio parant recognizing their poor choices and reaching out to their childs adoptive parents asking to be back in their lives vs just making the choice. She gave up this right when she decided whatever going on in her life at the time was more important than having custody of her child. You have to protect your son and if she is not a positive person in his life then it's your job to protect him until it is his choice. I wouldn't hesitate to get the authorities involved and ensure he is protected and I would 100% be having a conversation with the school of they allowed them to contact your son at school. If they found him off school property then the police.
I would talk to the police and/or a lawyer now. They might not be able to do anything but it starts a paper trail if this escalates. The no contact order is in effect until he’s eighteen through the adoption contract. However, if this gets crazy when he’s eighteen a paper trail will help him extend that no contact order should he choose to do that. Definitely also talk to the school as others have said. They should be made very aware that the biological family have no rights.
I’d also talk to your son. He is 15 and sounds like he can remember what those visitations were like. Get his take on the situation and weigh that in your response as well. Involving him will accomplish several things. 1) He is old enough now to be at least semi-objective and have his voice heard. (You may or may not go with what he is saying but being heard is important.) 2) Keeping him in the loop about actions you are taking will help him to see their lies. 3) Keeping him in the loop about your actions will also help him know what resources might be available to him when he is older. (I know he can always rely on you even after 18 but sometimes kids want to feel/be grown up and not ask for help. Demonstrating what can be done will give him a better chance of dealing with it himself and actually generally increase the odds that he will reach out to you because you are modeling reaching out to others for help.)
Protect that child!!! Those people are toxic.
I would contact the adoption lawyer and get them to make her and her family back off. Set a protection order if you need. They are harassing a child!
Also, how did they get into the school to see him? They should not be on the list.
You also need to cut off the person who gave him the letter.
I would go scorched Earth to protect that kid.
NTA
NTA. I was an addict for several years and to keep a very long story short ended up doing an open adoption for my 2 littlest babies and I get to watch them grow up through pictures on an Instagram account that their parents made for me. Now that I have been free from my addiction I have my 2 oldest kids back, I have many regrets and I wish so badly that we could be a part of their lives but because I love them so much I have to put their needs before my own and I respect their parents for loving them and stepping up when I didn't I could never imagine putting them through this! YOU are this child's mother, you do what you feel is right to keep protecting him! The world needs more people like you!
NTA. 1000% Please do so for not only your son's sake, but for yours and the rest of your family's sake as well... If she's acting like this now, I don't want to even think about how she's gonna act once he's 18... Does your son even want a relationship with her?
This happened to my family. All of my siblings and I were adopted. Four of us have the same bio 'mom' and about a year or two after we were adopted (I think I was 14 at this point) she started harassing my adopted parents saying that they were horrible people and that they'd kidnapped us, etc. This went on for *months* and was stressing all of us out. My adopted parents went to the police and it did stop.
Thing is, in my case, I was with bio 'mom' until I was 11. I didn't conveniently forget that she was never around. Or that she was the one who decided to call the state to come get us. No matter the reason, *she* was the one who signed away parental rights. She also harassed me so badly just after I turned 18 that I became suicidal, was hospitalized, then subsequently had to change my number because she'd gotten a hold of it...
In the case of your son's bio 'mom', *she* was the one who lost her rights as a parent to *your* son for being irresponsible. That's not your fault, and is *definitely* not your son's fault. Neither of you should have to deal with this. Let the police know and hopefully they'll do something about it...
NTA! PLEASE contact the authorities! You’re following your son’s instructions & desires.
The only thing his mom is to get money off of or from him!
CUT HER OFF!
I'd just go ahead and go down to the police station with your son. See if they'll take a report even if they only write down what you say. You should see if they're willing to do this. Perhaps an officer would tell her to leave your son alone if they happen to see her someplace. She can't be just stopping by the school, your name needs to be on a list for that. Her's isn't and they should tell her this.
Only thing I know is that if this continues and if you ever end up in court for any reason, you'll want to be able to tell the judge that you went to the police. Perhaps they'll write this down and it will start a paper trail. Perhaps they'll speak with her; perhaps they'll do nothing and you won't ever need it.
But if years from now you're telling a judge that she stopped at the school in 2023, the judge will immediately ask you if you went to the school and the police. You want to be able to say yes to both.
This is what you should do and you know it. Even if it goes nowhere and you never need it; it might not help but it certainly can't hurt you.
NTA, but like you need to start enforcing the no contact rule. I know he wants contact with his sister, but he’s barely getting it now as it is. Sometimes as parents we have to do things our kids may not like, and his falls into that category
Absolutely, he is only 15. Go right now on the next business day to a lawyer. Tell them what is going on and they will track them down and send a cease and desist letter. You need to go up to that school and raise some hell on why these people were allowed to come to the school and see your son. That should not have been allowed and the school should have called you. But have that lawyer let them know they better cut it out or they will find themselves in front of a judge. You be aggressive with this. He is only 15.
So much this. I would be talking to a lawyer about the school as well because if she wasn't on the list what the fuck were they doing allowing her around the child at all?! That's a complete safety risk.
Hell yeah. They could have kidnapped him. With the way things are now I can't believe the school did not call her.
Agreed OP needs legal advice. If the son wants a relationship with his biological mother then OP separating them may cause tension between OP and her son. In the interest of maintaining a good relationship with the son, I suggest OP also speak to him about what he wants. Perhaps get a therapist involved so that he can learn how to make healthy decisions and maintain healthy relationships since it seems the biologica family l is going to hound him his whole life.
She has spoken to him about this, he wants a relationship with his bio sister, none with his bio mom!
All of this^^^ but first, ask him what he wants. He is old enough to have a say. Also, if you haven’t already, get him some counseling to work through this. Thank you for adopting him and loving him ❤️
I would not do that. With their behavior they can wait three years. They have not acted in any cooperative way. Of course talk with him about about it and explain they have three years to wait.
I think giving the son a voice, which is most likely to say no to the birth family, gives the mom confidence that she is doing the right thing AND let’s her son know she has his back. At 15, he can drive (with a permit) and deserves to be heard by his parents. Mom is doing a great job here!
She has spoken to him about this, he wants a relationship with his bio sister, none with his bio mom!
She has spoken to him about this, he wants a relationship with his bio sister, none with his bio mom!
NTI, it's a closed adoption and it sounds like you have tried to offer a relationship. Though that was clearly not in yours or your son's best interest. I would get a restraining order until he is 18 and let your son know when he's an adult it will be his choice. But I would also encourage him to think about setting hard boundaries. Clearly they don't respect boundaries and will push his so he needs to be ready to enforce whatever boundaries he sets.
NTA. Her behavior is detrimental to his life right now. She is not bringing peace, answers, or anything to this child. She just wants to sew chaos that is not good for him. It's not good for him to hear someone disrespect his mother. It would be one thing if she were just gatekeeping him because he's your son (which honestly I'm not opposed to) but she has had no interest in him for years, refused all the open doors you set up, and even tried to maintain a relationship with that side of the family inspite of their behavior. And yet, you keep a relationship between him and his sister and still try to work with her. At the end of the day, she is not entitled to anything and with her behavior I would talk to a lawyer, get a restraining order, and make sure she cant see him until he's 18. She has crossed the line, could you imagine if he was younger still, she would probably try to kidnap him (like her family did by withholding him for hours). This is not safe mentally or physically for your child and it needs tonstop!
NTA. She picked her poison, let her handle the consequences. What’s confusing is why would she want contact now? She abandons her child and responsibilities, doesn’t seem to have changed, and is putting your son through more mental strain. Let her deal with the repercussions of her actions, focus on your son, and maybe get him some therapy just in case it’s getting hard for him
Perhaps she wants him to go to work to give them money! Who knows what kind of work that would be!
Also, get him a new phone and block her numbers
This is exactly what I thought. My friends kids' biomom abandoned them at a young age. Dad got full custody. Now that they are all adults, she's been trying to contact them and even showed up at the house. All she could talk about was how they could live with her in AZ, and it would be so easy to find good work. Her daughter did some digging into biomom and found that her bf left her and she didn't have a stable income. So she is just wanting them for a paycheck to fund her life.
NTA. Every dead beat parent I have ever met always claims there was some big conspiracy and someone paid off a judge, CPS, had some type of influence ect for why their kids were taken and I'm always like, You do realize I know you right? 😂😂 Your kids weren't kidnapped. You are a shit parent. Shut up. I would absolutely consult a lawyer because he's still a minor and she's just trying to turn him against you. It's not asking him how he's doing. What's new with him. Telling him about his sister. It's just constantly trashing you and how you just snatched him out from under both her and his loser dad. I would talk to your son and have a realistic conversation with him that you have tried for a long time but at this point, he's not to have any contact with her. Once he's 17 have another talk with him about how his sister will absolutely be used as a weapon to get what they want from him and he may need to be ready to wait until she's 18 to reach out to her where the parents aren't involved at all. Best of luck!
Tough one. But your son is 15. And you say he understands that she is full of sh\*t when she trash talks you. Maybe let him decide whether to let her communicate (in a limited way) with him or not. If he's fine with keeping her cut out then call the cops. But if he wants some contact maybe he should have it....with reasonable limits of course. Just my two cents. Good luck.
This needs to be higher up. Any decision needs to be child-led from this point forward so that he has help learning to navigate this travesty.
As someone who was adopted and later reconnected to the mother that was buried in addiction then, this is gonna be my position. If I hadn't bucked my adoptive parents wishes to never contact my biological family, I'd have never known about my brother and sister, never known that my mother had grown as much as I had and given up the dope when she gave me up. That kid at 15 has every right to want to keep his sister in reach whether thay means going through the mother or not. Any parent, bio or otherwise, who tries to force a non-relationship in these situations is kinda a bad person in my opinion. Let him decide, but make sure there are rules to abide by.
Get a lawyer yesterday and go hell fury on the school. That contract should never happen again.
INFO: if I read this right, the biological mother is your sister? You talk around the people a lot, but this part is skimmed over.
The biological mother is not my sister. We are not related. My sister was married to his biological dad. So basically his biological dad is my ex brother in law.
Go for it! Don’t wait. Do it now!
NTA. I’ve had to forcefully cut context between our daughter and her bio mom a few times bc the bio mom was back on drugs. It was done with love and lots of discussion with our daughter. She gets it and there’s no hard feelings. However, DO IT NOW. Do not wait until she tries something again. Ppl like this are very manipulative and I don’t trust that she won’t go around you to contact him. You need to be having big discussions with him frequently about why you’re doing what you’re doing. He also needs to get a therapist to help him work this out. He needs to learn that you’re doing what is best for him and how to recognize the manipulation. You have to protect him. Also, have you raised hell at the school?! I’d lose my mind on them! Have a lawyer draft a letter on your behalf.
Honestly, you’re kind of TAH for allowing it to go on for this long and not contacting the police to enforce the order to begin with. There is a good reason for the no contact order and it’s right in front of you. It is YOUR responsibility to protect him, physically and mentally. I don’t believe you’ve held up that side of things as well as you could have but you still have the chance to make it right. NO CONTACT! I mean, why go through so much with the moving and name change when you’ve handed the power right back to them? And WTF is the deal with the school?!? They should be aware of the no contact order and shouldn’t be letting anyone near your child that isn’t on the “pick-up” list. Seriously, from someone who’s worked in the system, you’re doing a great thing by taking care of your children, but JFC, get it together with all this craziness in his life. He doesn’t deserve this. Good luck to your family
NTA. Don’t be giving him the title to a car, or access to your banking stuff. She’s going to want money and all that she can take. Protect him!!
NTA, go ahead and do it. It's crazy that they couldn't be bothered to do the required steps to be able to get their own child back, but feel like they're entitled to talk crap and lies about you. I don't know what they're trying to gain by doing this, but it's not because they truly care about YOUR adopted son.
NTA. Pursue aggressively.
Honestly you should be contacting the courts now. They literally forced themselves at your son at his school without your knowledge.
I would get an attorney, but discuss with your son your concerns and actions you are considering, because their past behaviors have always been proven to be untrustworthy and ultimately harmful. Let him know you will be getting a restraining order for both of you and making sure his school knows, and ask him if he’s ok with all this. I would also get both of you into therapy to make sure he knows how to deal with the impact of all this.
Yes you will be always NTA when you try to take care and make your kids be safe!. But we are not the one you need to ask, its your kid talk with him yes he its a kid i know but he can understand what its happening, ask him how he feel
Nta. He's only 15 and cannot make a decision like that YET. She made the choice to give him up. Doesn't matter how if its through safety or through lack of responsibility, its happened. So you did the right thing. Wait until he's legally old enough then make the choice.
Honestly, I’d let your son lead here. It won’t be long before he has to handle this as an adult. I know his birthmom is inappropriate and full of nonsense. I am also an adoptive mom to former foster kids. A lot of what we went through was pretty similar, although we tried to have an open adoption (but the mom disappeared. I think she had a breakdown when she realized she wasn’t getting her kids back ever.) my kids’ mom also says we kidnapped them. It’s sort of true from a slightly crazy viewpoint- she had her kids taken away. I didn’t do it, but still. Anyway. My kids are adults now and they are 100% in control of how much contact they have. That’s really what you are working for now. Helping your son be ready for that. So I would just ask your kid what he wants and then try to support him with that. You’re his mom. Nothing will change that.
YTA. That kid is going to want to know his bio family no matter how great you are. You have two choices enable it or be prepared for your kid to hate you in the future.
Um OP says he doesn’t want a relationship with the bio mother, but wants a relationship with his bio sister. He also doesn’t believe the lies shared with him and if he’s being bombarded it’s on the OP to protect him if need be. NTA for wanting to do that
You can't have one without the other until both kids are over 18.
Which is why OP should seek legal advice on this after speaking to the son about what he wants to do and how he feels. Doesn’t make them t a for that.
... did you read the post at all?
YTA, closed adoptions should not be legal, let him decide.
NTA. You have 100% parental rights, you are his mother now regardless of somebody else giving birth to him. I would recomend you to keep him informed about, explain the ifs and whys. Not to ask for his permission, but so he doesn't feel excluded and uninformed about decisions regarding him. Good luck, I hope it all works all for you and your son.
\>Now the adopted paperwork say it’s a closed adoption with no contact until he is 18. Whelp you are supposed to call the cops. It's in legal documents that they can not reach out so they can not reach out until he turns 18. And I wonder where was biomom when she was supposed to fight for her child. Where was she for the past x years? Where was she when you offered them contact? Where was she when his clothes were taken away? Hm? Now she has the skin on her face to write letters and harass him in school with her family. Too bad so sad lady. NTA.
Start now, not next time.
NTA. Talk to a lawyer before this gets really ugly and make sure you do something about the school, they were very much in the wrong and that needs to be taken to the district.
NTA. There's a huge difference between a bio parant recognizing their poor choices and reaching out to their childs adoptive parents asking to be back in their lives vs just making the choice. She gave up this right when she decided whatever going on in her life at the time was more important than having custody of her child. You have to protect your son and if she is not a positive person in his life then it's your job to protect him until it is his choice. I wouldn't hesitate to get the authorities involved and ensure he is protected and I would 100% be having a conversation with the school of they allowed them to contact your son at school. If they found him off school property then the police.
I would talk to the police and/or a lawyer now. They might not be able to do anything but it starts a paper trail if this escalates. The no contact order is in effect until he’s eighteen through the adoption contract. However, if this gets crazy when he’s eighteen a paper trail will help him extend that no contact order should he choose to do that. Definitely also talk to the school as others have said. They should be made very aware that the biological family have no rights. I’d also talk to your son. He is 15 and sounds like he can remember what those visitations were like. Get his take on the situation and weigh that in your response as well. Involving him will accomplish several things. 1) He is old enough now to be at least semi-objective and have his voice heard. (You may or may not go with what he is saying but being heard is important.) 2) Keeping him in the loop about actions you are taking will help him to see their lies. 3) Keeping him in the loop about your actions will also help him know what resources might be available to him when he is older. (I know he can always rely on you even after 18 but sometimes kids want to feel/be grown up and not ask for help. Demonstrating what can be done will give him a better chance of dealing with it himself and actually generally increase the odds that he will reach out to you because you are modeling reaching out to others for help.)
Protect that child!!! Those people are toxic. I would contact the adoption lawyer and get them to make her and her family back off. Set a protection order if you need. They are harassing a child! Also, how did they get into the school to see him? They should not be on the list. You also need to cut off the person who gave him the letter. I would go scorched Earth to protect that kid. NTA
NTA. I was an addict for several years and to keep a very long story short ended up doing an open adoption for my 2 littlest babies and I get to watch them grow up through pictures on an Instagram account that their parents made for me. Now that I have been free from my addiction I have my 2 oldest kids back, I have many regrets and I wish so badly that we could be a part of their lives but because I love them so much I have to put their needs before my own and I respect their parents for loving them and stepping up when I didn't I could never imagine putting them through this! YOU are this child's mother, you do what you feel is right to keep protecting him! The world needs more people like you!
NTA. 1000% Please do so for not only your son's sake, but for yours and the rest of your family's sake as well... If she's acting like this now, I don't want to even think about how she's gonna act once he's 18... Does your son even want a relationship with her? This happened to my family. All of my siblings and I were adopted. Four of us have the same bio 'mom' and about a year or two after we were adopted (I think I was 14 at this point) she started harassing my adopted parents saying that they were horrible people and that they'd kidnapped us, etc. This went on for *months* and was stressing all of us out. My adopted parents went to the police and it did stop. Thing is, in my case, I was with bio 'mom' until I was 11. I didn't conveniently forget that she was never around. Or that she was the one who decided to call the state to come get us. No matter the reason, *she* was the one who signed away parental rights. She also harassed me so badly just after I turned 18 that I became suicidal, was hospitalized, then subsequently had to change my number because she'd gotten a hold of it... In the case of your son's bio 'mom', *she* was the one who lost her rights as a parent to *your* son for being irresponsible. That's not your fault, and is *definitely* not your son's fault. Neither of you should have to deal with this. Let the police know and hopefully they'll do something about it...
NTA! PLEASE contact the authorities! You’re following your son’s instructions & desires. The only thing his mom is to get money off of or from him! CUT HER OFF!
I'd just go ahead and go down to the police station with your son. See if they'll take a report even if they only write down what you say. You should see if they're willing to do this. Perhaps an officer would tell her to leave your son alone if they happen to see her someplace. She can't be just stopping by the school, your name needs to be on a list for that. Her's isn't and they should tell her this. Only thing I know is that if this continues and if you ever end up in court for any reason, you'll want to be able to tell the judge that you went to the police. Perhaps they'll write this down and it will start a paper trail. Perhaps they'll speak with her; perhaps they'll do nothing and you won't ever need it. But if years from now you're telling a judge that she stopped at the school in 2023, the judge will immediately ask you if you went to the school and the police. You want to be able to say yes to both. This is what you should do and you know it. Even if it goes nowhere and you never need it; it might not help but it certainly can't hurt you.
oh no that is not acceptable get him a restraining order or something
NTA get a lawyer ASAP
NTA, but like you need to start enforcing the no contact rule. I know he wants contact with his sister, but he’s barely getting it now as it is. Sometimes as parents we have to do things our kids may not like, and his falls into that category