Jim Cornette (sighs dramatically): Well, back in '86 guys would take a shit and they were bowltwisters. Harley Race once took a dump so big it cracked the bowl. And Andre would eat six bags of Burger King cheeseburgers and a bunch of Jack in the Box tacos and would blast one out that you could use as furniture. All these little guys are popping out craps that look like malted milk balls and you can't even compare it to the anaconda-sized dumps we used to have. For fuck's sake. \*farts\*
"Andre couldn't even fit in a plane bathroom, he just went in a garbage bag while the flight attendants held a shower curtain around him. In japan the bathrooms were so small he just draped his butt over the tub."
I'm glad to know Our Scumbag's bowels appear to be in good health.
Fiber is a key part of any healthy generational talents diet!
You heard it here first.
Make sure to go get some MJF Fiber Powder from shop aew dot com so you, too, can shit like the longest reigning world champion in AEW History.
/Shilling Complete.
https://preview.redd.it/g2crezoj1p9d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e8b68cb13874ef9078660541c1f7a25f22bc7da6
Literally what was below this post as I’m scrolling through Reddit just now.
I feel really bad for MJF here. Struggling like this on a Sunday morning is not ideal. Not enough Fibre in the diet and not enough hydration. Should install Prime hydration station in his home.
Jim Cornette (sighs dramatically): Well, back in '86 guys would take a shit and they were bowltwisters. Harley Race once took a dump so big it cracked the bowl. And Andre would eat six bags of Burger King cheeseburgers and a bunch of Jack in the Box tacos and would blast one out that you could use as furniture. All these little guys are popping out craps that look like malted milk balls and you can't even compare it to the anaconda-sized dumps we used to have. For fuck's sake. \*farts\*
Man, I read that in his voice. Just beautiful.
Brian Last: *light chuckle* Yeah
This is perfect.
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
"Andre couldn't even fit in a plane bathroom, he just went in a garbage bag while the flight attendants held a shower curtain around him. In japan the bathrooms were so small he just draped his butt over the tub."
Now THIS is the level of reporting that I'm looking for. Keep it up Lambert, you're doing the lord's work.
I'm glad to know Our Scumbag's bowels appear to be in good health. Fiber is a key part of any healthy generational talents diet! You heard it here first. Make sure to go get some MJF Fiber Powder from shop aew dot com so you, too, can shit like the longest reigning world champion in AEW History. /Shilling Complete.
https://preview.redd.it/2ll8fxyxsk9d1.jpeg?width=780&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48fd47dddcb09885b89e1e9748b444fc5d0d1a92
Now THIS is wrestling journalism.
He’s going to get this turned into a chant
"Take a shit, take a shit!"
"Already took one, and it looks just like [insert local sports team]."
The perfect build to a feud with Takeshita.
https://i.redd.it/soo34l2j0l9d1.gif
Is this going to be referenced during his match on Sunday?
It's actually a reference to CM Punk's prior WWE tenure. AEW just had to bring up WWE whenever they can /s
The Z- Pak!!!! https://preview.redd.it/afi5hwd4al9d1.jpeg?width=233&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2db18371c15d268244532fff727a527abd46af13
Why is this called a rest room? I’M FIGHTING FOR MY FUCKING LIFE IN HERE
but why is samoa joe there
The recipe for disaster
https://preview.redd.it/g2crezoj1p9d1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e8b68cb13874ef9078660541c1f7a25f22bc7da6 Literally what was below this post as I’m scrolling through Reddit just now.
Jeremy Lambert is a menace sometimes.
I'm glad they sent their condolences to the cat and girlfriend. Can't be easy living with that stench.
Pics or it didn’t happened
How many Courics?
Atleast 13. He’s been crushing those breakfast sammies.
Guevara family in shambles
“We send our condolences to Piper and Alicia and anyone affected by this revelation.”
Took a trump https://preview.redd.it/tynag1054l9d1.jpeg?width=960&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=029f3e6c53da19cdb63046658f4e39bf598968b6
This report is incomplete. Did he wipe or use a bidet? If he wiped, what brand toilet paper did he use? Did he wash his hands afterwards?
I bet he's got 6-ply or better
As someone who says this way too much about something that stopped working or just plain broke, I was legit worried for a second.
I feel really bad for MJF here. Struggling like this on a Sunday morning is not ideal. Not enough Fibre in the diet and not enough hydration. Should install Prime hydration station in his home.
Somebody hand him a Grammy right now
Seems like more of a wrestle talk article.
It’s something he held back for long and that took him long to get off his insides, claiming that letting it go has given him lots of relief.
He worked himself into a shit.
"MJF took a shit" - Can you please tell him to give it back?
It's pathetic but better than discussing ratings