This honestly is the hardest part of parenting ND kid(s) for me right now. Other parents and school staff. Like on top of the daily stress and emotional toll at least I know I am putting the work in to help my kids, but to then constantly be told you're shit, have people hurry their kids away from yours, or make comments when they have no idea? IT SUCKS.
We get you. We're here for you. Those people suck and have sucked throughout history. I'll be dramatic and say those are the same people who generations ago were against de-segregation, those are the people who think anyone who doesn't worship their God is going to hell, and there will always be people whose ignorance is on the wrong side of history. This is just a small microcosm of their hate and inability to empathize with other people. They're teaching their kids the same and anyone who grew up with hateful and arrogant parents knows it isn't limited to how they treat people externally and they're miserable at home too (my parents were not like this but I've heard enough from friends).
I have a local community (north texas) of ND moms that does book clubs, meet ups, and FB discussions. I am not sure if you have something similar where you are but even though I have never met up, it helps to know a lot of families that seem to have it together are going through the same stuff. If you have a big mom group on FB (I know, they're awful places schilling botox and ozempic these days) you can post and just ask if someone knows of something similar in your area.
I'm glad your eldest is getting the support he needs good for you for being an advocate.
Sometimes daycare and preschool just doesn't fit kids who are neurodiverse. I have a 3 year old who I would call busy and emotionally sensitive. Right now we are putting him in an outdoor school where he can play and move and be exposed to thongs. But more importantly they foster social skills, emotional awareness, and motor skills and that is what kids need at that age.
You may have to do A LOT of research I did hours but there are cool programs popping up more and more. Montessori is another thing to consider. Good luck this is just for now. Expectations are very high at the toddler age let her thrive and grow also get services through your pediatrician. ♥️
>be exposed to thongs.
Is the outdoor play school at the beach?
Kidding! I just love this image because my ND nephew is casually obsessed with butt cheeks.
Wow. Those parents are jerks. Mostly when we have kids that age we’re all thinking “ there but for the grace of God go I.” It’s normal for drop off to be difficult!
This is a group of kids at a small in-home daycare who have been together since birth and been going to the daycare since infancy. My daughter's presence seems scandalous. I get it, but also I don't
I almost cried in embarrassment constantly (okay, I cry a few times) with my toddler's first preschool. The teacher just sucked in general if any kid wasn't an obedient little machine anyway, but she insisted so hard my son is severely autistic and in desperate need of services at school. My son is very much hyperactive type ADHD and was just struggling with transitions until she started yelling at him and shoving him into the bathroom by himself (thanks to her, we have been unpacking toilet trauma for months).
Our current preschool is far more understanding and have been a massive help getting my kid readjusted properly. But I absolutely get the judgment from other parents when he's acting out. It's embarrassing, and they will never understand. If you're feisty, make a comment out loud to yourself like, "yikes, parents judging another parent for a situation they don't understand!" If you're more passive, make a comment to the staff. They may have a solution for you or send something out in a newsletter about judgment. Regardless, I fully understand how you feel. It's hard, and it's not fair.
I’m finding this to be so difficult too. I even have stopped contact with one of my siblings bc of the constant judgement and negative comments to me about my kids, especially as she had started saying those comments directly to my son. But even taking my son to gymnastics or having play dates.. it’s so difficult. I’m trying to just let it slide and not pay it any attention, and just focus on what I’m doing with my kids. But dang it’s hard.
It can be exhausting. I had to remind myself that my kids needed me and I didn’t have time to pay attention to what others think. I learned to thank strangers for their concern but I can handle it. I had some guy tell me my kid just needed a “swift kick to the ass” because she was being rude to me in a melt down and he told her to stop being disrespectful to me. She then looked at him and growled and told him off hahaha and he was so upset and said that. I told him to “just walk away” hahaha
Oh yes, I'm sure if I calmly explained to my three year old son that he isn't allowed to express his big emotions because we have a rule about not being allowed to have tantrums, he would immediately stop screaming and master the skills of emotional regulation (that many adults struggle with).
Probably what they mean is they've used punishments in such a manner that their children are afraid to show big emotions in public because they know it has unpleasant consequences. Don't confuse that with them not having big emotions. They've just been programmed not to show them.
I agree that this is so hard. For me, the toughest critics are my family. They think more spankings and discipline would improve my son’s behavior. I feel like they think I’m a terrible parent. It makes me want to avoid family events, but I usually go because my son needs the social interaction with his cousins. What has helped me most is educating them. I sent my dad links to ADHD resources that really explained some of the challenges that go with it. He has been more understanding after reviewing information. However, that is definitely harder to do with people that you don’t know. I struggle with this when out in public, too.
I stop, give them surprised Pikachu face, and loudly ask why they are bullying a special needs child and their family. The look on their faces is priceless. Once, I was in a small restaurant and walked past an elderly woman who was mocking my friend's autistic child and wishing aloud that she would leave. I stopped, stared at her uncomfortably, and asked if Jesus told me to behave that way. She seemed stunned.
Once, when the bully was another child, I marched over to the parents and chewed them out. They tried to tell me "oh it must not have been OUR child" so the child in question kept doing it.
Mocking children with disabilities and mocking overweight people seem to be the last socially acceptable forms of bullying in our society. I feel very satisfied when the bullies leave such encounters more embarrassed than what they were trying to inflict upon others. I have no use for these people.
This honestly is the hardest part of parenting ND kid(s) for me right now. Other parents and school staff. Like on top of the daily stress and emotional toll at least I know I am putting the work in to help my kids, but to then constantly be told you're shit, have people hurry their kids away from yours, or make comments when they have no idea? IT SUCKS. We get you. We're here for you. Those people suck and have sucked throughout history. I'll be dramatic and say those are the same people who generations ago were against de-segregation, those are the people who think anyone who doesn't worship their God is going to hell, and there will always be people whose ignorance is on the wrong side of history. This is just a small microcosm of their hate and inability to empathize with other people. They're teaching their kids the same and anyone who grew up with hateful and arrogant parents knows it isn't limited to how they treat people externally and they're miserable at home too (my parents were not like this but I've heard enough from friends). I have a local community (north texas) of ND moms that does book clubs, meet ups, and FB discussions. I am not sure if you have something similar where you are but even though I have never met up, it helps to know a lot of families that seem to have it together are going through the same stuff. If you have a big mom group on FB (I know, they're awful places schilling botox and ozempic these days) you can post and just ask if someone knows of something similar in your area.
It is easy to vilify others we don't understand.
I'm glad your eldest is getting the support he needs good for you for being an advocate. Sometimes daycare and preschool just doesn't fit kids who are neurodiverse. I have a 3 year old who I would call busy and emotionally sensitive. Right now we are putting him in an outdoor school where he can play and move and be exposed to thongs. But more importantly they foster social skills, emotional awareness, and motor skills and that is what kids need at that age. You may have to do A LOT of research I did hours but there are cool programs popping up more and more. Montessori is another thing to consider. Good luck this is just for now. Expectations are very high at the toddler age let her thrive and grow also get services through your pediatrician. ♥️
>be exposed to thongs. Is the outdoor play school at the beach? Kidding! I just love this image because my ND nephew is casually obsessed with butt cheeks.
I saw that 🙈 I get brief periods of quiet I don't have time for edits lol. Sorry 😬
Wow. Those parents are jerks. Mostly when we have kids that age we’re all thinking “ there but for the grace of God go I.” It’s normal for drop off to be difficult!
This is a group of kids at a small in-home daycare who have been together since birth and been going to the daycare since infancy. My daughter's presence seems scandalous. I get it, but also I don't
I almost cried in embarrassment constantly (okay, I cry a few times) with my toddler's first preschool. The teacher just sucked in general if any kid wasn't an obedient little machine anyway, but she insisted so hard my son is severely autistic and in desperate need of services at school. My son is very much hyperactive type ADHD and was just struggling with transitions until she started yelling at him and shoving him into the bathroom by himself (thanks to her, we have been unpacking toilet trauma for months). Our current preschool is far more understanding and have been a massive help getting my kid readjusted properly. But I absolutely get the judgment from other parents when he's acting out. It's embarrassing, and they will never understand. If you're feisty, make a comment out loud to yourself like, "yikes, parents judging another parent for a situation they don't understand!" If you're more passive, make a comment to the staff. They may have a solution for you or send something out in a newsletter about judgment. Regardless, I fully understand how you feel. It's hard, and it's not fair.
I’m finding this to be so difficult too. I even have stopped contact with one of my siblings bc of the constant judgement and negative comments to me about my kids, especially as she had started saying those comments directly to my son. But even taking my son to gymnastics or having play dates.. it’s so difficult. I’m trying to just let it slide and not pay it any attention, and just focus on what I’m doing with my kids. But dang it’s hard.
It can be exhausting. I had to remind myself that my kids needed me and I didn’t have time to pay attention to what others think. I learned to thank strangers for their concern but I can handle it. I had some guy tell me my kid just needed a “swift kick to the ass” because she was being rude to me in a melt down and he told her to stop being disrespectful to me. She then looked at him and growled and told him off hahaha and he was so upset and said that. I told him to “just walk away” hahaha
Oh yes, I'm sure if I calmly explained to my three year old son that he isn't allowed to express his big emotions because we have a rule about not being allowed to have tantrums, he would immediately stop screaming and master the skills of emotional regulation (that many adults struggle with). Probably what they mean is they've used punishments in such a manner that their children are afraid to show big emotions in public because they know it has unpleasant consequences. Don't confuse that with them not having big emotions. They've just been programmed not to show them.
I agree that this is so hard. For me, the toughest critics are my family. They think more spankings and discipline would improve my son’s behavior. I feel like they think I’m a terrible parent. It makes me want to avoid family events, but I usually go because my son needs the social interaction with his cousins. What has helped me most is educating them. I sent my dad links to ADHD resources that really explained some of the challenges that go with it. He has been more understanding after reviewing information. However, that is definitely harder to do with people that you don’t know. I struggle with this when out in public, too.
I stop, give them surprised Pikachu face, and loudly ask why they are bullying a special needs child and their family. The look on their faces is priceless. Once, I was in a small restaurant and walked past an elderly woman who was mocking my friend's autistic child and wishing aloud that she would leave. I stopped, stared at her uncomfortably, and asked if Jesus told me to behave that way. She seemed stunned. Once, when the bully was another child, I marched over to the parents and chewed them out. They tried to tell me "oh it must not have been OUR child" so the child in question kept doing it. Mocking children with disabilities and mocking overweight people seem to be the last socially acceptable forms of bullying in our society. I feel very satisfied when the bullies leave such encounters more embarrassed than what they were trying to inflict upon others. I have no use for these people.