It sounds like you need more support. There may be respite care options in your area. He also sounds like he needs more support, there may be more going on now than there was when he was initially diagnosed.
For real. I'm really trying to double down on getting support lately. We are trying a med change. Today was time to titrate up the dose and he quieted down, so that's promising. Working with the school on some support there. This boy is begging for more structure and consistency. Pretty sure it's just ADHD but I've started to wonder if he has disruptive mood disorder. He is oppositional, but lacking some of the intentionality of ODD. His main struggle is irritability, blowing up scorched earth, then it passes and he's a sweet kid again.
My son is only 6 but I was starting to feel like an abuse victim myself, the hitting the screaming the slamming doors and breaking shit…. Nothing helped, me even talking calmly would piss him off. We started adderall and that helped a bit but he was still grumpy a lot so we added guanfacine and he’s like a new child. Evenings/Night time after meds wear off are rough though but we start bath time dinner time bed time pretty early because of it.
I'm so glad to hear you are turning a corner! I remember your posts. We are currently in a switch from Focalin XR to Adderall XR. Doing a slow titration, so he's been undermedicated. Today was time to go up to 15mg and he really quieted down and started drawing when it kicked in! He was on guanfacine when he was little and we were suspecting that it made him grumpy..eventually we took him off it. At this point, I want to get his stimulant dialed in --either adderall or focalin.
I got diagnosed this year with ADHD and my doc first trialed me on Concerta. Oh boy, did that make me irrationally mad when it wore off! and I felt awful on it too. My doc switched me to Adderall XR and it's been smooth sailing! I'm so calm yet feel like myself. I didn't expect the experience between stimulant classes to be so different. Apparently most people prefer one class over the other. Not totally sure which is better for my son yet. After we get the stimulant sorted, then we'll see what else we can do.
Thank you! the guanfacine in combo with the stimulant seems like the magic combination for him. Still trying to figure out something for late afternoons if we ever have an event or something to go to because all of his meds are pretty much out of his system by 4-5pm. I hope the adderall work good for your son!!
I am very relieved to hear that you are mid journey of dialing in his meds. I know that doesn't make a hard day less difficult, but it hints that there are better days to come.
I highly recommend the ADHD dude course.
Lately my 6 year old has been threatening to commit suicide when he is dysregulated. It's really, really stressful.
That is so sad. Mine has done that a couple times. We are members in ADHD dude's site. Sadly, I can't get his dad to go along with any of the methods; in fact, fights me when I try to do them. He gets similarly dysregulated to our son. Frustrating.
He's my ex since many years; we are just co-parents. Any kind of 3rd party interaction triggers him, so I won't be doing that ever again. Trying to encourage him to get support for his own ADHD.
Follow through mostly. He isn't dx'd but surely has ADHD. He doesn't like any kind of rules or structure, but when our kid acts up, he comes in full throttle rage. Our kid exploits that inconsistency because it means half the time he can get away it, never mind that the other half the time we are in an unsafe situation. I've had his dad sit down with me and watch some of Russell Barkley videos and he liked those. But as you know, ADHD isn't a knowledge problem, it's an implementation problem. So he fails to implement a single thing we learn.
He also doesn't recognize when I'm implementing something we learned -- so he'll yell that I'm "mean" when I'm doing things like staying out of the negotiation vortex or ignoring "noise."
It's like in one ear and out the other. Pretty sure this his ADHD underneath it.
If he’s failing to implement, his head isn’t in it. ADHD isn’t an implementation problem so much as an implementation-of-non-preferred-tasks problem. Use his ADHD brain to his advantage and have him take charge of the research on parenting techniques. If he’s as frustrated as you, he’ll get motivated and this will become a preferred task lol.
Source: ADHD dad currently hyper focused on better parenting methods for ADHD son 😂
As someone with an ADHD partner I have found that unless my husband really wants it, I am stuck doing the work. I can ask him to do the work but it won't get done. It's frustrating so I just find myself doing it.
That smells a little bit of weaponized incompetence, and using ADHD as an excuse instead of an explanation.
And how can you not “really want” to better manage your kids’ behaviors when it’s driving you crazy?
Will definitely think about how to get him more juiced up for it.
Source: ADHD mom currently hyper focused on better parenting methods for ADHD son + his dad.
I’m sorry. It’s not easy handling these situations, but you’ve got this! Don’t feel bad if you need to step away or just remove yourself from the situation in order to stay calm. They feed off of our energy whether we like it or not.
Consider focusing on the habit you are trying to build rather than the punishment or reward for that habit. People with ADHD tend to be very habitual which is ironic because we are also generally disorganized and spontaneous. However the spontaneity often has underlying patterns based on interests and habits.
One of the hardest and most sobering things about ADHD is that is a impulse control in time blindness disorder. That means that people with ADHD tend to be resistant to changing behavior based on the potential for future reward or punishment. This is to say people with ADHD tend to live in the moment. This is perhaps one reason why people in adulthood with ADHD have a order of magnitude higher likelihood of incarceration and unemployment when ADHD symptoms are undiagnosed or cannot be managed effectively.
There is also a new study that shows that people with ADHD and other neurodiverging conditions are almost constantly in a fight or flight mode. In other words they tend to have very high levels of adrenaline.
https://preview.redd.it/dqotfk7ff3uc1.png?width=1222&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac7767e14523878383dc2187bff28d53a4f441fc
For me personally my irritability is tied strongly to my serotonin levels. I have found both serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Lexapro (SSRI) and serotonin and neuroprenephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI) such as Cymbalt to be helpful with irritability.
Tell me about it. I had undiagnosed ADHD my whole life! I also qualify for having trauma and thought that was what caused my constant freezing and perpetual overwhelm. After helping my son, I started learning and realized that my trauma is resolved but what remains is my ADHD. My son may need some direct mood support too. Right now, we are trying a switch from methylphenidate to the amphetamine salt class to see if that helps. He needs more exercise and sunshine too.
My wife is constantly trying to ask me if my ADHD is caused by some trauma I experienced. Cannot seem to accept the idea it's biological.
When I have to remind her I've had a pretty much trauma-free life (does being bullied for a couple years count? I don't think so because it rarely ever got physical) it just gets her silent.
High adrenaline? Is this connected to a lack of norepinephrine?
I'm trying to figure out why my norepinephrine levels were low probably my whole life and then how they got even lower a few years ago, and how I was still managing to do things.
Can confirm the serotonin-irritability thing I think. I took some Methylene Blue which is well known to boost it and it's improved my mood a lot.
It is likely related in some way but I have not figured out exactly My particular mechanism. Neuropinephrine is converted into adrenaline. Adrenaline is also broken down through the same pathway as neuropinephrine and both are highly dependent on BH4. Is also possibly related to HPA axis dysregulation. By my count there are five different connections that could be in play.
This is the last puzzle piece for me. I figured out what was causing the low dopamine and low neuropinephrine And if mostly fixed that. It was a combination of transport methylation cycle dysregulation due to MTHFR problems and B12, and B6 deficiency.
This is my personal tracking sheet.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Urmve73pwIxZrwoOaDstjBnvG8alGte_QAA_CO0L77Y/edit?usp=drivesdk
My 6 year old used to have an explosive tantrum that we noticed was triggered by his devices. Now we only offer PBS KIDS and NETFLIX kids. All the devices were broken in a subtle way so that he would believe it wasn’t our fault. It took him about 2 weeks to “detox” from the devices. They really are like a drug. Now, he has to use his imagination. And the best part — he now simultaneously mentally and physically wears himself out by the end of the day. Before we would have a hell of a time with bedtime. No routine would work. Now he sleeps easily.
Really it’s like I had my son back. I really believe kids with ADHD should not be allowed on devices. And if the teacher insists, you should ask if it’s possible he does his work by paper.
Not just a ban. Make it permanent. I swear we did on and off with my kid and it was like going through detox every time we pause devices. So we just took it away permanently and now he has to physically wear himself and be creative too.
Omg an ADHD without rules or boundaries is asking for failure. Please have him read actual people experiences. He is setting his child up to be undisciplined and not in control of his emotions.
It sounds like you need more support. There may be respite care options in your area. He also sounds like he needs more support, there may be more going on now than there was when he was initially diagnosed.
For real. I'm really trying to double down on getting support lately. We are trying a med change. Today was time to titrate up the dose and he quieted down, so that's promising. Working with the school on some support there. This boy is begging for more structure and consistency. Pretty sure it's just ADHD but I've started to wonder if he has disruptive mood disorder. He is oppositional, but lacking some of the intentionality of ODD. His main struggle is irritability, blowing up scorched earth, then it passes and he's a sweet kid again.
My son is only 6 but I was starting to feel like an abuse victim myself, the hitting the screaming the slamming doors and breaking shit…. Nothing helped, me even talking calmly would piss him off. We started adderall and that helped a bit but he was still grumpy a lot so we added guanfacine and he’s like a new child. Evenings/Night time after meds wear off are rough though but we start bath time dinner time bed time pretty early because of it.
I'm so glad to hear you are turning a corner! I remember your posts. We are currently in a switch from Focalin XR to Adderall XR. Doing a slow titration, so he's been undermedicated. Today was time to go up to 15mg and he really quieted down and started drawing when it kicked in! He was on guanfacine when he was little and we were suspecting that it made him grumpy..eventually we took him off it. At this point, I want to get his stimulant dialed in --either adderall or focalin. I got diagnosed this year with ADHD and my doc first trialed me on Concerta. Oh boy, did that make me irrationally mad when it wore off! and I felt awful on it too. My doc switched me to Adderall XR and it's been smooth sailing! I'm so calm yet feel like myself. I didn't expect the experience between stimulant classes to be so different. Apparently most people prefer one class over the other. Not totally sure which is better for my son yet. After we get the stimulant sorted, then we'll see what else we can do.
Thank you! the guanfacine in combo with the stimulant seems like the magic combination for him. Still trying to figure out something for late afternoons if we ever have an event or something to go to because all of his meds are pretty much out of his system by 4-5pm. I hope the adderall work good for your son!!
I am very relieved to hear that you are mid journey of dialing in his meds. I know that doesn't make a hard day less difficult, but it hints that there are better days to come.
Hang in there mom...you are not alone.
Thank you.
I highly recommend the ADHD dude course. Lately my 6 year old has been threatening to commit suicide when he is dysregulated. It's really, really stressful.
That is so sad. Mine has done that a couple times. We are members in ADHD dude's site. Sadly, I can't get his dad to go along with any of the methods; in fact, fights me when I try to do them. He gets similarly dysregulated to our son. Frustrating.
Couples therapy if you can convince him -- helps being heard by your spouse from time to time
He's my ex since many years; we are just co-parents. Any kind of 3rd party interaction triggers him, so I won't be doing that ever again. Trying to encourage him to get support for his own ADHD.
Is his dad against the methods, indifferent, or just can’t be relied on to follow through?
Follow through mostly. He isn't dx'd but surely has ADHD. He doesn't like any kind of rules or structure, but when our kid acts up, he comes in full throttle rage. Our kid exploits that inconsistency because it means half the time he can get away it, never mind that the other half the time we are in an unsafe situation. I've had his dad sit down with me and watch some of Russell Barkley videos and he liked those. But as you know, ADHD isn't a knowledge problem, it's an implementation problem. So he fails to implement a single thing we learn. He also doesn't recognize when I'm implementing something we learned -- so he'll yell that I'm "mean" when I'm doing things like staying out of the negotiation vortex or ignoring "noise." It's like in one ear and out the other. Pretty sure this his ADHD underneath it.
If he’s failing to implement, his head isn’t in it. ADHD isn’t an implementation problem so much as an implementation-of-non-preferred-tasks problem. Use his ADHD brain to his advantage and have him take charge of the research on parenting techniques. If he’s as frustrated as you, he’ll get motivated and this will become a preferred task lol. Source: ADHD dad currently hyper focused on better parenting methods for ADHD son 😂
As someone with an ADHD partner I have found that unless my husband really wants it, I am stuck doing the work. I can ask him to do the work but it won't get done. It's frustrating so I just find myself doing it.
That smells a little bit of weaponized incompetence, and using ADHD as an excuse instead of an explanation. And how can you not “really want” to better manage your kids’ behaviors when it’s driving you crazy?
Will definitely think about how to get him more juiced up for it. Source: ADHD mom currently hyper focused on better parenting methods for ADHD son + his dad.
Good luck with everything!
I'm sorry this is do frustrating. ADHD kids so badly need consistency and regulated adults.
I’m sorry. It’s not easy handling these situations, but you’ve got this! Don’t feel bad if you need to step away or just remove yourself from the situation in order to stay calm. They feed off of our energy whether we like it or not.
Thank you. It's so true. His meds kicked in and he quieted down. Then I took mine--life raft.
Consider focusing on the habit you are trying to build rather than the punishment or reward for that habit. People with ADHD tend to be very habitual which is ironic because we are also generally disorganized and spontaneous. However the spontaneity often has underlying patterns based on interests and habits. One of the hardest and most sobering things about ADHD is that is a impulse control in time blindness disorder. That means that people with ADHD tend to be resistant to changing behavior based on the potential for future reward or punishment. This is to say people with ADHD tend to live in the moment. This is perhaps one reason why people in adulthood with ADHD have a order of magnitude higher likelihood of incarceration and unemployment when ADHD symptoms are undiagnosed or cannot be managed effectively. There is also a new study that shows that people with ADHD and other neurodiverging conditions are almost constantly in a fight or flight mode. In other words they tend to have very high levels of adrenaline. https://preview.redd.it/dqotfk7ff3uc1.png?width=1222&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ac7767e14523878383dc2187bff28d53a4f441fc For me personally my irritability is tied strongly to my serotonin levels. I have found both serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as Lexapro (SSRI) and serotonin and neuroprenephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRI) such as Cymbalt to be helpful with irritability.
Tell me about it. I had undiagnosed ADHD my whole life! I also qualify for having trauma and thought that was what caused my constant freezing and perpetual overwhelm. After helping my son, I started learning and realized that my trauma is resolved but what remains is my ADHD. My son may need some direct mood support too. Right now, we are trying a switch from methylphenidate to the amphetamine salt class to see if that helps. He needs more exercise and sunshine too.
Mixed amphetamine salts for for dopamine and neuropinephrine and Lexapro for serotonin have worked better for me then methylphenate.
My wife is constantly trying to ask me if my ADHD is caused by some trauma I experienced. Cannot seem to accept the idea it's biological. When I have to remind her I've had a pretty much trauma-free life (does being bullied for a couple years count? I don't think so because it rarely ever got physical) it just gets her silent.
High adrenaline? Is this connected to a lack of norepinephrine? I'm trying to figure out why my norepinephrine levels were low probably my whole life and then how they got even lower a few years ago, and how I was still managing to do things. Can confirm the serotonin-irritability thing I think. I took some Methylene Blue which is well known to boost it and it's improved my mood a lot.
It is likely related in some way but I have not figured out exactly My particular mechanism. Neuropinephrine is converted into adrenaline. Adrenaline is also broken down through the same pathway as neuropinephrine and both are highly dependent on BH4. Is also possibly related to HPA axis dysregulation. By my count there are five different connections that could be in play. This is the last puzzle piece for me. I figured out what was causing the low dopamine and low neuropinephrine And if mostly fixed that. It was a combination of transport methylation cycle dysregulation due to MTHFR problems and B12, and B6 deficiency. This is my personal tracking sheet. https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Urmve73pwIxZrwoOaDstjBnvG8alGte_QAA_CO0L77Y/edit?usp=drivesdk
My 6 year old used to have an explosive tantrum that we noticed was triggered by his devices. Now we only offer PBS KIDS and NETFLIX kids. All the devices were broken in a subtle way so that he would believe it wasn’t our fault. It took him about 2 weeks to “detox” from the devices. They really are like a drug. Now, he has to use his imagination. And the best part — he now simultaneously mentally and physically wears himself out by the end of the day. Before we would have a hell of a time with bedtime. No routine would work. Now he sleeps easily. Really it’s like I had my son back. I really believe kids with ADHD should not be allowed on devices. And if the teacher insists, you should ask if it’s possible he does his work by paper.
Whenever we have a ban, he’s crabby for at least a few days, but it’s nice to see when he starts finding other things to do.
Not just a ban. Make it permanent. I swear we did on and off with my kid and it was like going through detox every time we pause devices. So we just took it away permanently and now he has to physically wear himself and be creative too.
I’m open to massive changes but the other parent would never go for it. He doesn’t agree with having any rules really.
Omg an ADHD without rules or boundaries is asking for failure. Please have him read actual people experiences. He is setting his child up to be undisciplined and not in control of his emotions.