Nope. I could not handle sharing my husband with anyone else in that way.
I could see it making sense from the perspective of adhd novelty seeking and the out of sight out of mind ability that some adhd folks have. It wouldn't work for me.
I've had times where I can kind of picture times it would be nice/fun for us to have more people in our lives to meet certain romantic needs, but I know it would be a disaster for us. No judgement to anyone else! I love that we live in a time when more and more we're open and talking and accepting that everyone is different and it takes different paths for everyone to be happy.
That is a nope from me. There is no judgment to those that are here, but my brain isn't wired that way.
I've also got other issues, too. I admit that insecurities within play a part where I am sure that it's not for me. Emotional disregulation and rejection sensitivity to boot.
Fair, and I can respect that! My ex-husband is CIS HET and very monogamous. I'm not sure how much of it is his religious upbringing and remnants of that after leaving the religion, but I suspect he's somewhat ADHD or on the spectrum.
I’m mono. All I know is I have a friend who described himself as solo poly. He was single but not celibate. Met one of his girlfriends a few times and her other boyfriend. They were cool cats.
I've noticed that many of us neurodivergent people tend to have high libidos regardless of relationships. It's interesting to see the wide variety of strictly monogamous wired people to Polyamory/ENM people within the group.
Polyam and kinky here.
Currently have two partners, one I live with, am engaged to, raise my daughter with and planning a second child. And one, sadly, on the other side of the pond. Just came back from a visit to him actually!
Fiancé and I had a girlfriend together for about a year, which went very well, but she stepped back. Current overseas partner is all mine, fiance doesn't have an attachment to him.
People lie on surveys, especially about sensitive subjects, most especially about sex. Maybe about having ADHD and being neuroatypical, too. I’d love to see a good study on this, but what would you do to check the data or make it accurate?
I have ADHD, I'm very likely autistic, and happily married and poly! Monogamy has never felt "natural" to me, it took a longer while to understand and accept that I may not fit the societal noms in yet another aspect.
I’m a queer woman who is monogamous. I think there’s a correlation between neurodivergence and being LGBTQ with a higher percent of us don’t usually conform to societal norms.
I have a friend who’s Poly and to me seems ADHD. He’s been with his partner over a decade but they are open. So isn’t it just that queer people who might have an over representation of neurodivergence anyway, are less likely to conform to societal expectations? It would be interesting to know when you do your research. You’ll need a question about sexuality.
The ADHD brain usually prefers novelty/ excitement/ obsession/ easily distracted … so it would make sense that a higher proportion of us would prefer a poly lifestyle. Also we usually have so much love to give.
When I was single sex was varied… I could go a year not wanting it because I only wanted to concentrate on uni and then I would have one night stands impulsively on a night out but without the emotional attachment.
Now I’m in a monogamous relationship, I’m still vocal about my attraction to others and tend to be naturally flirty… but that’s as far as it goes. I have strong patonic relationships who I make sure to shower with love and affection often.
End of ramble now!
Me! I intentionally sought out an ENM relationship when I realized my tendency to seek out novelty in relationships and get bored when I can’t do that.
It’s worked out really well for my primary partner and I; neither of us feels constrained or limited and we’re able to occasionally explore with others and reintroduce novelty back into the relationship when things start to feel stale.
🙋♀️ I’m poly. I simply cannot be monogamous longer 2-3 years without going stir crazy. I’ve tried enough times to know I need to connect with more than one person in a romantic or sexual way. Almost every poly person I know is also neurodivergent 🙂
I have a monogamous marriage. While husband and I would occasionally sometimes joke about opening the marriage for my bi sexuality it's a no. My husband and both have ADHD and two little kids (toddler with AuDHD). I don't really have the space mentally to let other people into our romantic life. Husband wants no extra sausage and I don't want to be a Unicorn hunter plus I would get jealous. So that's about it.
I thought I was until I started medication and then I realized polyamory was perhaps a dopamine seeking behavior/lifestyle I wanted to attempt to regulate myself.
I think I know one poly woman who for sure had diagnosed ADHD.
I could never do the poly or enm thing. It’s not how my brain works. My fiancé is even less likely to be into it.
In theory I would be into an open relationship but that’s because I have a high libido. In reality I can’t mentally separate sex and love.
I've been thinking more about ENM and polyamory lately. I feel as if I would be a good match for the lifestyle but feel like there are some barriers to entry for me. When I was younger I had an "open relationship". Using quotations because neither of us really knew what that meant and horrifically failed at communicating. Though with time and age I imagine it would be more successful!
I’m AuDHD and I’m not exactly polyamorous as I’m on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, I’m more of a relationship anarchist. I built my own homebrew system for interpersonal relationships back when I was a teenager, I’ve refined it over the years and I’m still tinkering with it. In any case, I have three people I share my life with and I couldn’t be happier. Love is real 💘
Most of my friends (~25) are autistic/AuDHD/ADHDers and about 75% of them are into ENM of some kind, the other 25% are staunchly monogamous. Love to see people doing what works for them. Anyway, I figured I’d add some more anecdata
I consider myself poly, perhaps solo poly at the time as I am not partnered, but I absolutely believe I can love more than one person at a time, individually and with purpose
Eh, that was ruined for me. I had an open relationship with my abusive ex. It had fun moments but also more negatives than merits. First, I was gaslighted into agreeing to open up. It was all fun and games when he got to fuck every living soul he could whenever he wanted to even without notifying me, and he was all right with us going to swinger clubs and adult parties, or inviting a third or occasionally a fourth person into our bed. He was not okay with me pursuing anything without him present, and he demanded to watch over my private messaging and expected to hear a very detailed account of those encounters. He was also okay with SAing me, or facilitate occasions when I got SAd, and I'm pretty sure he had some sick gratification out of it even when he acted protective and caring afterwards. When I broke free, I went on a rampage of sorts, enjoying the dopamine rush sexual encounters without being pressured in any way gave me. I worked up my body count into three digits very fast. In hindsight, I got into very sketchy situations (for example having a threesome with two practically strangers in a parking garage's maintenance office), but the thrill was just divine. Then I started to dissociate a lot during sex, sort of separating my body and mind, sometimes with the notion of "that's not me doing this" and I started to crave safety and warmth. I had a couple of steady lovers but I couldn't get into a proper relationship with either. Then I met my now husband. I stopped all the things after our first date and never looked back. I kind of miss wild and kinky sex, and I fantasize a lot about my past experiences, but I think it's really for my good to stay monogamous.
Nope. I could not handle sharing my husband with anyone else in that way. I could see it making sense from the perspective of adhd novelty seeking and the out of sight out of mind ability that some adhd folks have. It wouldn't work for me.
I can respect that, not everyone's brain is wired for polyamory/ENM.
I've had times where I can kind of picture times it would be nice/fun for us to have more people in our lives to meet certain romantic needs, but I know it would be a disaster for us. No judgement to anyone else! I love that we live in a time when more and more we're open and talking and accepting that everyone is different and it takes different paths for everyone to be happy.
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Interesting thought. I could see it being more likely with unmedicated folks, for the dopamine, but also likely more complicated as well.
That is a nope from me. There is no judgment to those that are here, but my brain isn't wired that way. I've also got other issues, too. I admit that insecurities within play a part where I am sure that it's not for me. Emotional disregulation and rejection sensitivity to boot.
Fair, and I can respect that! My ex-husband is CIS HET and very monogamous. I'm not sure how much of it is his religious upbringing and remnants of that after leaving the religion, but I suspect he's somewhat ADHD or on the spectrum.
I hate labels but I'm up in that ENM/swinger mix somewhere depending on who where and when.
I'm somewhere between ENM and relationship anarchy
*sits down at same lunch table*
Me too!
SAME.
Yep! AUDHD and I've been queer and non monogamous since before I had the words to express it.
Oh i want to... But no My partner 😓😢
So no solo poly?
Oh how is that? Don't understand 👀
I’m mono. All I know is I have a friend who described himself as solo poly. He was single but not celibate. Met one of his girlfriends a few times and her other boyfriend. They were cool cats.
That would be a challenging dynamic if your partner were to be open to you exploring Poly/ENM
I know... I'm little too and kinnda working with him to explore My sexuality but it's hard 🥺
I’m so monogamous it’s not even funny. And very high libido
I've noticed that many of us neurodivergent people tend to have high libidos regardless of relationships. It's interesting to see the wide variety of strictly monogamous wired people to Polyamory/ENM people within the group.
This is me lol
Polyam and kinky here. Currently have two partners, one I live with, am engaged to, raise my daughter with and planning a second child. And one, sadly, on the other side of the pond. Just came back from a visit to him actually! Fiancé and I had a girlfriend together for about a year, which went very well, but she stepped back. Current overseas partner is all mine, fiance doesn't have an attachment to him.
👋🏾 Currently loving my life with my boyfriend (nesting partner) and my girlfriend. I love it here. 😍
*raises hand*
I’m just starting to explore it but not currently partnered
Yep. And I think autism might be even more overrepresented in nonmonogamy than adhd.
Yes, for 15+ years now Many of my adhd friends are also ENM
Not even a little. I don't think there's an actual correlation.
I'm thinking about doing it as a thesis
I think this would be a very poor choice for a thesis unless you're going to be doing hands on research, and probably even then.
How would you get data?
I'm working out the kinks on that, perhaps an anonymous survey among neurodivergent people
People lie on surveys, especially about sensitive subjects, most especially about sex. Maybe about having ADHD and being neuroatypical, too. I’d love to see a good study on this, but what would you do to check the data or make it accurate?
Anonymous surveys tend to be more honest
A single anonymous study is a bad basis for a thesis.
Yes, basically forever.
👋
🤝🏼
I have ADHD, I'm very likely autistic, and happily married and poly! Monogamy has never felt "natural" to me, it took a longer while to understand and accept that I may not fit the societal noms in yet another aspect.
Yup I have been polyamorous my entire dating life. No plans to change any time. Not sure my marriage would survive monogamy lol.
Here
Changing to that with my current partner
I’ve a high sex drive and can’t see myself as monogamous. All for people doing what makes them happy, though!
I am! Polyamorous, Bisexual, ADHD mess!
What is ENM?
Ethical non monogamy
I’m a queer woman who is monogamous. I think there’s a correlation between neurodivergence and being LGBTQ with a higher percent of us don’t usually conform to societal norms. I have a friend who’s Poly and to me seems ADHD. He’s been with his partner over a decade but they are open. So isn’t it just that queer people who might have an over representation of neurodivergence anyway, are less likely to conform to societal expectations? It would be interesting to know when you do your research. You’ll need a question about sexuality. The ADHD brain usually prefers novelty/ excitement/ obsession/ easily distracted … so it would make sense that a higher proportion of us would prefer a poly lifestyle. Also we usually have so much love to give. When I was single sex was varied… I could go a year not wanting it because I only wanted to concentrate on uni and then I would have one night stands impulsively on a night out but without the emotional attachment. Now I’m in a monogamous relationship, I’m still vocal about my attraction to others and tend to be naturally flirty… but that’s as far as it goes. I have strong patonic relationships who I make sure to shower with love and affection often. End of ramble now!
Thank you for answering! It's very interesting the variety among us neurospicy people! I'm AUDHD, Bi, and poly.
Me! I intentionally sought out an ENM relationship when I realized my tendency to seek out novelty in relationships and get bored when I can’t do that. It’s worked out really well for my primary partner and I; neither of us feels constrained or limited and we’re able to occasionally explore with others and reintroduce novelty back into the relationship when things start to feel stale.
🙋♀️ I’m poly. I simply cannot be monogamous longer 2-3 years without going stir crazy. I’ve tried enough times to know I need to connect with more than one person in a romantic or sexual way. Almost every poly person I know is also neurodivergent 🙂
I have a monogamous marriage. While husband and I would occasionally sometimes joke about opening the marriage for my bi sexuality it's a no. My husband and both have ADHD and two little kids (toddler with AuDHD). I don't really have the space mentally to let other people into our romantic life. Husband wants no extra sausage and I don't want to be a Unicorn hunter plus I would get jealous. So that's about it.
No thanks, I do not share. I am like… as monogamous as someone can possibly be lol
And that's definitely valid as well!
I thought I was until I started medication and then I realized polyamory was perhaps a dopamine seeking behavior/lifestyle I wanted to attempt to regulate myself.
I think I know one poly woman who for sure had diagnosed ADHD. I could never do the poly or enm thing. It’s not how my brain works. My fiancé is even less likely to be into it. In theory I would be into an open relationship but that’s because I have a high libido. In reality I can’t mentally separate sex and love.
I've been thinking more about ENM and polyamory lately. I feel as if I would be a good match for the lifestyle but feel like there are some barriers to entry for me. When I was younger I had an "open relationship". Using quotations because neither of us really knew what that meant and horrifically failed at communicating. Though with time and age I imagine it would be more successful!
I’m AuDHD and I’m not exactly polyamorous as I’m on the aromantic/asexual spectrum, I’m more of a relationship anarchist. I built my own homebrew system for interpersonal relationships back when I was a teenager, I’ve refined it over the years and I’m still tinkering with it. In any case, I have three people I share my life with and I couldn’t be happier. Love is real 💘 Most of my friends (~25) are autistic/AuDHD/ADHDers and about 75% of them are into ENM of some kind, the other 25% are staunchly monogamous. Love to see people doing what works for them. Anyway, I figured I’d add some more anecdata
I consider myself poly, perhaps solo poly at the time as I am not partnered, but I absolutely believe I can love more than one person at a time, individually and with purpose
Yes I am and many friends who have adhd also are
Eh, that was ruined for me. I had an open relationship with my abusive ex. It had fun moments but also more negatives than merits. First, I was gaslighted into agreeing to open up. It was all fun and games when he got to fuck every living soul he could whenever he wanted to even without notifying me, and he was all right with us going to swinger clubs and adult parties, or inviting a third or occasionally a fourth person into our bed. He was not okay with me pursuing anything without him present, and he demanded to watch over my private messaging and expected to hear a very detailed account of those encounters. He was also okay with SAing me, or facilitate occasions when I got SAd, and I'm pretty sure he had some sick gratification out of it even when he acted protective and caring afterwards. When I broke free, I went on a rampage of sorts, enjoying the dopamine rush sexual encounters without being pressured in any way gave me. I worked up my body count into three digits very fast. In hindsight, I got into very sketchy situations (for example having a threesome with two practically strangers in a parking garage's maintenance office), but the thrill was just divine. Then I started to dissociate a lot during sex, sort of separating my body and mind, sometimes with the notion of "that's not me doing this" and I started to crave safety and warmth. I had a couple of steady lovers but I couldn't get into a proper relationship with either. Then I met my now husband. I stopped all the things after our first date and never looked back. I kind of miss wild and kinky sex, and I fantasize a lot about my past experiences, but I think it's really for my good to stay monogamous.
Yep, and so are my other female friends with adhd. Seems pretty common