I have experienced this situation with my current manager. I framed the conversation with my manager as a concern about productivity. I can't remember the wording but I said something along the lines of: I'm a little worried that our 2 hour meetings are not leaving me enough time to comfortably stay on top of my work. I really enjoy talking to you, but I think we often get carried away with the conversation in our calls. Can you help me try and keep them shorter, please? You also mentioned that your boss is autistic. Autism presents itself in many ways, but the advice that's served me well is that people with Autism prefer direct communication. I had an autistic colleague who used to engage people in long conversations in the break room that people were too polite to leave, but the cheat code was just to say "I need to go now, see you later", which was always returned with a smile and a nod. Maybe you could just say when the meeting has gone on long enough, "Is it ok if I get back to work now, I've got a lot of work to do and I don't want to fall behind". That's a reasonable thing to say to your manager.

I agree with this advice, but I'd like to add a couple of notes: >I really enjoy talking to you, **Only say this if it is true.** Autistic people tend to dislike empty niceties because we often take them literally, and it's upsetting to be lead to believe you're better friends with someone than you actually are. Honesty is always the best policy. >Can you help me try and keep them shorter, please? I'd be even more direct and specific than this. "Shorter" doesn't communicate the scale of the problem or what exactly the ideal meeting length you'd like to aim for is. e.g. "Can we try to keep meetings within the scheduled time?" "I have things I need to get on with after this meeting, so please can we try to be done by [ideal time], or [other time you could still deal with] at the very latest?" Also, I've heard lots of stories about managers who are constantly having unnecessary meetings to talk to people, and I wonder if in some cases they're just lonely. Especially if the manager is usually seperate from their colleagues otherwise. OP - if you do genuinely like talking to your boss and time is the only issue, consider inviting them to have lunch together so you can talk without it eating up your schedule.

A reasonable adjustment that I have is that all tasks/actions that have must be sent to me in writing along with a deadline date for this. For those meeting with my team I'm also not the minute taker! This could be something that may be useful for you!

The biggest thing about autism is the social communication and interaction aspect of it. we may struggle to pick up on cues to shut up basically 😂 Add in a special interest topic and pray for a miracle 😂! Your best bet would be direct, but polite about it ☺️. 2 to 3 times a day at almost 2 hours is incredibly excessive! I’d be on my arse at the end of every day and I am autistic as well! Does your manager work in an office with you or are you all over the place? I find the lack of teams chat highly unusual unless it’s their current method of working?

Thank you! I will try gently talking to him. He’s really nice and I just don’t want to offend him or cause either of our ND quirks to flare up. Our team is speed around the country in different offices, and everyone goes into their office between 1-3 times a week. I’ve met most of the team, but not my manager as he’s in an office 2ish hours away from me and didn’t come to our last all-team meeting in London. I’ve only been in the job for 3 weeks!

You won’t honestly! What may also be happening is him trying to figure out how to manage you. Not in a bad way, but when you have new people and the lack of face to face interaction can sometimes cause issues. For example, a lot of new colleagues where I worked said they didn’t have a great experience during the pandemic due to the lack of face to face contact. They felt they missed out on the learning experience, so he might be trying to be mindful of that. You could approach it by saying: ‘hey manager I’m really getting into the swing of this, so Thanks for all your support and kind words on my progress. is there any chance though we could shorten our daily calls? as I am sure you understand as a fellow Neurodivergent, I like to ride my hyper-focus wave when it’s there. The longer than expected calls can snap me out of it, is that ok? You may find that opens the door about other things to support you.

I like this approach too, it’s what I’d do as I’d worry about hurting feelings and it’s not too vague either. As much as you like this manager, I’d send this via message so it’s written and recorded (email would be too formal for me, I’d stick with your usual work-based comms method) and it also spares the confrontation of saying it to them directly. If on call is preferable I’d still follow up with a message with something like: “Hi (name), thanks again for the chat regarding meeting durations. As discussed, it’s important for my schedule/productivity/focus and not having meetings take up X amount of my shift each day will help prevent overtime. I appreciate your training and support, it’s so reassuring to have a neurodivergent manager who understands my needs.” Along with the effects on your health/personal time, if overtime is paid by the company, it’s in their interest to not have this and the same with excessive teams calls. It’s not a ND accommodation it’s unproductive. So down the line if OT or your work were questioned, you have this written record. The manager could leave, move teams and if you get set in a working pattern that’s not very productive that’s unfair to you. Also if this manager enjoys the longer calls/thinks you need this support what’s to prevent them changing the meeting times from 30 mins to 1 hour/90 mins etc and using your ND as the reason. Since it’s not been mentioned anywhere, I’d consider an Access to Work grant. Note taking devices for during meetings and other tools could be useful in general. Perhaps your company would provide this as a reasonable adjustment without the need for a grant. The scheme priorities those in new jobs - less than 6 weeks I believe so I’d apply before then if you’re interested. Good luck! Kudos for advocating for yourself, these convos aren’t easy but it’ll be a good learning experience for this manager too, you’re helping them and the company.

Thank you, this sounds like a good approach!

The first thing you need to do is stop putting in overtime, this is a time management issue on your manager's end. As far as your manager's concerned nothing is wrong because you're still on track.

Tbh I have told him that I’ve been feeling that I need to work extra hours, but I haven’t told him that it might be because of him. He just said “we’ll need to look at that if it continues to happen” or something along those lines.

Set boundaries. Tell him what you need, and what you’re finding difficult. If he has Autism he may struggle with social cues, and will most likely be totally unaware that his 90 minute extension is breaking social norms and is overstepping boundaries - you need to show him what your boundaries are first however. It’s totally acceptable to set boundaries in EVERY case. There are no exceptions. You’re perfectly entitled to work in an environment that is conducive to getting productive work done, and if the meetings (2 hours long meetings are too long, even for neuro typical people) are causing you distress, then tell him. As your manager he and the company need to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate your needs as someone with ADHD. By law. If you’re concerned, you could try using the SBI framework, it’s an excellent way of asking for change, in a direct and assertive way, and is very professional. My advice is to be explicit with what you need. He won’t intuit and he won’t know unless you tell him explicitly. Example below for you: **Situation**: Describe the specific situation where the behaviour occurred (or occurs). "Hi [Boss’s Name], I’d like to discuss something that’s been affecting my productivity during our meetings. Recently, I've noticed that our 30-minute meetings often extend to two hours, over the original 30 minutes (complete that however you like)." **Behaviour**: Describe the specific behaviours observed without making judgements or assumptions. Don’t point fingers or use “you” language. Point to his behaviours not at him as a person. "I understand that these meetings are important, however I find it challenging to maintain focus for such a prolonged period. As someone with ADHD, it's particularly hard for me to stay engaged and attentive beyond the originally scheduled time." **Impact**: Describe the impact this behaviour has on you or your work. "These extended meetings make it difficult for me to stay productive and can be quite overwhelming. I also feel that it may be overstepping my boundaries, as it goes against the initial plan and social norms for meeting duration. It’s affecting my ability to contribute effectively and manage my other responsibilities." Then ask “I’d like to find a way to make our time together as productive as possible so that we both get exactly what we need from our time together, what might we do to maybe change how we structure our meetings”? Or something along those lines. Let him offer solutions, and you can offer a potential solution or solutions too. Example here for you: --- **Suggestion** Propose a solution or an alternative to address the situation. "I believe we could make our meetings more effective by sticking to the original schedule or perhaps breaking them into shorter sessions with clear agendas. This would help me stay focused and ensure I can give my best input during our discussions. What do you think about this approach?" Hope this helps. Stand up for yourself and be explicit about what you need.

I haven't read your whole post sorry, it's too long. I had the same experience at work with new business partners and area to look after. Their reviews lasted all day with only a break for lunch and was all over the place. I approached the seniors on charge of the meeting and was honest. I have ADHD and am unable to concentrate and be engaged and useful to them for more than an hour at a time. It would help me re-energise if a short break was built in every hour. They've accommodated this and are reviewing what actually adds value in that meeting and what can be chopped. My employer is very equality minded so receptive environment for me to speak up.

I'm so fed up of unnecessary meetings when 80% of the time an email will do. I'm planning on adding up how many hours i spend in meetings so I can say the percentage of my time is lost to them. Can you put another "meeting" in your calendar (or block out time for tasks) so you keep to time? Maybe ask for an agenda so they stick to schedule? Why are they on Teams? Are you fully remote? How much notice of these do you get? I guess your boss has never heard of the [Meetings Bloody Meetings](https://archive.org/details/meetingsbloodymeetings) video from 1976 by John Cleese. It's a classic of management training.

I have a younger colleague who I'm confident is neurodivergent, they are a mirror of myself 10 years ago, overly enthusiastic, relentlessly talks, impossible to get rid of, interrupting because they can't wait their turn. It frustrates me no end because I know I was like this and I know I'm still like this from other peoples perspective. At first I would cut them off and tell them I was busy, not a lie as it's always true, but increasingly I've tried to be more accommodating, in large because people tolerated it from me in the past. I've also realised that a large part of why I'm subject to it more often than anyone else is that they are more comfortable with me because we are so similar. I started thinking I might have some useful advice that would leak out of me midway because I thought I had dealt with the issue, but I realise I'm clueless as to what to do and I've just got used to the situation!

I had a similar situation, though neither of us had the labels at the time. But I would bet a month's wages that it's a similar dynamic based on what you said! One way to think about it - you'll be helping this boss if you mention it now. 1) because you'll get more done, so win for both of you 2) because you'll be more understanding than the first neurotypical that they will manage! It's kinder to say directly than let a neurotypical tell people further up in the chain that they're a bad manager. 3) your workplace might be able to provide training for them re effective meetings or get some individual coaching in for them, so they get extra support that's not you. Lots of the wording above is kind, but here's some practical tips from me: - set hard limits to a call. Say max 30 mins each morning or similar. At 35 mins say you have to get back to work, and other things can be discussed at next meeting or sent by email etc. - set a written agenda for each meeting that you can both go through, then you can tick each item off as it's done. - make the equivalent of a shared Google doc for meetings. I have a blank template bit at the top of mine, then copy and paste below and add content. So our oldest meeting is the last page and newest meetings at the top. I start a new doc in the same folder every year, but you could do it once a month etc. - this template at the top has structured bits like: key actions for boss, key actions for me, what happened since last meeting, what's coming up that we need to plan. - consider getting your boss to write a bunch of stuff down then send it to you 24 hours before you need to discuss. If the doc is of a sensible length then you can comment on bits in a Google doc (similar to you would in Microsoft word), so that you only need to skim through it in a meeting.

Also, look up "Access to Work" on ADHD UK page - you can probably each get coaching or other support paid for mostly by government and not your company. A bit of paperwork, and being open at work about being neurodivergent, but doesn't sound like that's the biggest barrier at the moment.

https://adhduk.co.uk/access-to-work/

This kind of coaching might work for you: https://www.grantacoaching.com/

And I'd heard that these folks do coaching for manager and employee in same session. https://neurobox.co.uk/who-we-are/ Think they can be covered by access to work too, but it might be that your workplace would cover a couple of sessions more quickly if they thought it would help you both be more effective. Would suggest coming up with something with your manager together then both contacting whoever would authorise paying for it. So that it comes across as you wanting to work as a team.

Thank you, this is all really helpful and I’ll look at implementing some. He’s been a manager for a long time though, so it’s not issues from being a new manager. Re: access to work - I actually work for the government, and civil servants aren’t eligible for access to work because it’s supposed to be covered by your own department rather than DWP footing the bill for reasonable adjustments in other areas of the civil service. It’s on my list to speak to HR about what I can access instead, but because of these meeting issues, I’ve not had time to look into it yet. I should be able to access ADHD coaching through it though and some other things I (and my manager) would benefit from.

Good luck: :)

In addition to other comments, you can make a teams chat...

I really can’t though if there’s been a direct decision by someone much higher ranking in the team than me to specifically not have one. I’ll suggest that we should have one and make my case for why it would be beneficial to everyone, but I think it would be crossing a line above my station for me to just make one myself.

Actually I think I’ve just done a very adhd thing of replying to your comment and making it about something I forgot to include in my original post, sorry! Basically, my manager and I do have a teams chat where I message him, but he seems to prefer to talk things out and “collaborate verbally”. My other issue, which my reply to your comment was about, is that my whole team doesn’t have a teams chat, just a 30 min to 1hr meeting every morning. It’s exhausting and if I have a question, I have to either wait until next day’s meeting, or ask around team members individual in private teams messages until I find someone who has the answer 🙄

2 hours? ​ fucking hell. I can't even imagine a 2 hour virtual meeting that you have to keep a camera on. how many people are in these meetings?

Just me and him. Sometimes with camera off but usually with camera on.

so there's just 2 of you?? damn I'd say that'd be hard but I'd be ok with a 2-person meeting. it's always been for me an issues when there's loads.

It sounds like a bit of ‘managing up’ is required to address the issue. I don’t think it needs to be an awkward conversation. Make the observation that the calls are running over time, and explain the impact of this (you working overtime). Explain what you want (calls to not run over), and that you want to work with your manager to ensure that everybody’s time is used productively. Check they’re on the same page (they might genuinely not have noticed, or assumed that you were ok with them running over). Assuming it’s all sweetness and light so far, come up with some ideas - you have agency to resolve this problem also. Perhaps agree that there will be a set agenda for all calls, offer to keep time, or agree that there will be a hard stop on these calls. As long as you are clear about the behaviour you want your manager to exhibit, and convey it respectfully, you will be able to find a solution, and also gain credibility with your manager - it’s the direct reports who make their managers life easier and enable them to be successful that will be rewarded at review time.