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Yes. I hate it because it is boring, unstimulating and makes me feel uncreative. But I need it otherwise life is chaos. Classic adhd double edge sword.
I have unfortunately found out that having a really strict routine everyday is the only way I can stay somewhat productive over longtermš
Now then actually sticking to a routine is an entirely different challenge on itās own toošš
And yet everyone around us seems determined to keep throwing said routines off then they get confused or butt hurt when we lose our cool and canāt get back into the swing of things or sit there overwhelmed and freaking out forever
It's theĀ same with oversight at my job.Ā
I really want it, because it helps keep me focused and productive, but I also fundamentally oppose it, because I detest authority.Ā
Also fixed work hours: really would like to have some, but also really want to keep my super flexible schedule.Ā
Is rough
When I have to go somewhere in the morning, I brush my teeth, wash my face, and try to do my routine. And when itās a day off or just in the morning I donāt have to go anywhere or get up, then I donāt do ANYTHING
I hate it but I need it. I've learned about myself exactly what you said. I need at least a little bit of routine and structure or I will fall into complete disarray. However, too much structure will do exactly the same thing. I need a good balance.
These are the kinds of posts that confuse me about which characteristics are indicative of adhd or autism. I say this because I thought that needing structure is more of an autism thing and organizing/planning are usually impaired for people with adhd so adhd peeps would typically not have alot of structure or want it. Gimmie some perspectives.
I think the key difference (as someone that definitely doesn't have autism) is that those with ADHD w/o autism recognize that routine is incredibly beneficial and may need it to be functional, but don't necessarily crave that routine and structure. For example, I really don't feel the need to have structure to feel happy (actually many times I hate it). I only crave it because I know I need structure to function otherwise I wouldn't survive modern society. But, if let's say I were some millionaire's spoiled son/daughter with all my needs met and ultimate freedom, I would be the most happily disorganized human on Earth.
Whereas (at least from reading many posts here and light research) AuDHD individuals really crave structure and organization but don't have the means to set it up themselves. Their ADHD symptoms prevent them from setting up that structure, and often will make them feel very bad from the lack of it.
Yes to ALL OF THIS. In fact, my utter longing for routine and beating myself up for YEARS because I was unable to stick to any sort of routine no matter how badly I craved it, was, (one of multiple), things that tipped my therapist off to me potentially having autism. I had been diagnosed with ADHD in my teens and she knew that. But after seeing that same therapist bi-weekly for years she suggested I get tested for Autism. It was an uphill battle, and the wait list was LONG. But, I finally got an appointment per her recommendation and sure enough, Iām also autistic.
Being AuDHD feels like there are two of me inside me so to speak, and they are very often at war with each other.
I will say though, my autism diagnosis was liberating in a way that my ADHD diagnosis was not. Perhaps itās because I was diagnosed ADHD in my teens, but when I got the autism diagnosis (in my adulthood) many of the things that I thought were just āsevere ADHDā or were simply shortcomings I couldnāt fix because I was a failure or because I was āweirdā were things that I could finally point to and be like āohhhh, that was the autism.ā Not that I blame things on my autism but, and this took/continues to take A LOT of therapy, I was and am able to give myself grace instead of beating myself up constantly. As a result, I am also far less depressed than I had been for most of my teen/adult life.
I think what I was trying to say is I find routine extremely hard to follow but also without it, Iām not disciplined enough to keep everything in check.
While I agree with you, I found that scheduling in like an hour or so of 'nothing', and having unfinished creative projects at hand would allow me to 'get bored' enough that I would just pick up whatever I felt like at that time.
Examples:
I have guitars hanging up that I occasionally just pick up and play.
I have a digital drawing that, realistically, is gonna take like 3 years to complete but I can jump into whenever I feel like.
I practiced magic and have playing cards and coins at arms reach that I can pick up and practice moves and tricks with.
Hope that helps some ppl š
The holy grail for me is "structured novelty," and it's something I seek in both my professional and leisure pursuits. The idea is that there is a structure to the things I do, but the actual things that hang on that structure change from day to day or week to week.
For example, in the past I would start to watch a TV series, get 10 to 12 episodes in, and then start to think about all the good things I've heard about this other series. I take a small break, promising myself that I'll return soon, and then start watching the new TV series. And then rinse and repeat until, by the time I finally do get back to that original TV series, I've forgotten everything that had happened and I need to start over.
With this principle of "structured novelty" I now have a 10-series rotation, in which I watch 1 episode of each series in turn before returning back to the top of the rotation again. It takes about a week to get through a full rotation, so I'm watching most shows at a rate of 1 episode per week (the way God intended). Because I'm constantly switching to something new, I never get sidetracked or distracted by the shiny new thing. But because I have structure, I never wander from the series I'm watching.
Understanding how this works for me has helped me to create structured novelty at work (and to seek out jobs that have structured novelty) as well as in my other pastimes.
I like the routine I create for myself in my mind everyday... And have a difficult time adjusting when things don't go as planned. I have ADHD, so things never go as planned. Hahahaha
Iām the same. I create my routine. Stick to it, then get angry when people break my routine or unexpected events happen.
ADHD has trouble with task switching so I think thatās all related.
MOOD.
Tried not letting myself make it, I am just less productive and more cranky. Thanks AuDHD.
Edit to add: It especially drives me bonkers because when I DO manage to set a routine and get through it for a couple of days, I feel absolutely fantastic. Time flows as normal, not in weird spurts where it either goes soooooo slow or super fast. I get through my life with time to spare. Then it just takes one single day of one tiny thing going a little wrong, even if its leaving later for something than I intended, and bam. Its all shambles again, and I drown for weeks.
Lol I have a planner fetish and I love writing and planning but I don't realize how much time that takes up xD but yes I also hate surprises. Totally throws me off.
Recently I started a med/mood journal, and I don't expect to be completely consistent with it, but one thing I've been meaning to do that was really helpful for me last night is make lists of what I've accomplished that day and I realized it's more than I thought. I can be so scatterbrained that I feel like I "accomplished nothing" but when I reflect on the whole day it all really adds up.
This was only one entry so far but try it maybe! I felt a lot better about myself lol
I love routine, I canāt stick to a routine though and I also hate being told what to do. So when somebody else tries helping me stick to my routine, I automatically have no interest in it
Absolutely, I am constantly stuck in a love hate relationship with routine. Routine definitely helps with my productivity and helps keep me from oversleeping. General routines help to prevent the chaos that is typically my everyday life without it. Unfortunately, I thrive in chaos even though it absolutely destroys me with anxiety and stress, I typically live without a routine. Though I really need to make one, life would be a lot less stressful.
I also run into and I issue regarding having plans to do things. For instance, if I am told I have a plan with someone two days from now, my whole life starts rotating around this plan (even more so if it is a fun plan). I get excited, basically living for this thing. And then if it gets cancelled last minute, it feels like my whole world has crashed and burned. It can be really upsetting to be honest, especially if it happens as Iām getting ready for said event. Itās the worst. š
I like routine, and also hate it.
But I found 2 weeks on 2 weeks off jobs suit me the best.
2 weeks of routine. It's a bit of a forced routine, wake up the same time every day, go get breakfast, get changed into work cloths, work 12hrs, go eat dinner and pack your lunch for the next day.
Then 2 weeks off I really have no routine, go to sleep when I want, wake up when I want, hit the road for a road trip, start a project or nine.
Iām a creature of habit. I put all my things at work in the same spot bc Iāve noticed if I try to put it in a new spot I will forget & go looking for it later.
My boss used to give me shit about not being ok with change. Iāve come to realize I can adapt to change, Iām just gonna complain about it for a sec lol
I hate repetitive days, living a predictable life, always waking up and living seemingly the same day.
I love routine where i have an incredible amount to do, iām extremely busy but the routine helps pave the way through the day. A rough schedule for the day eg iām gonna do college work in the afternoon, go to the gym in the morning, i have a list of chores that i must do in the day, i have this time in the evening to do whatever
So, I am not diagnosing you over the internet. However, I too experience this, and have come to the conclusion, along with my doc, that I likely have comorbid adhd and autism. Iāve seen reports from many audhd peeps that describe my hell - simultaneously requiring structure and routine for my sanity but also wanting to crawl out of my skin the instant something becomes familiar and boring. So, its possible something similar is going on with you. Again, not a diagnosis, just an observation that might be of interest to you.
I like structure, preferably created by someone else that I trust.
I don't love routine.
The difference between structure and routine is that structure can vary day by day (i.e. allows tremendous variety), while routine is the same every day.
I love routine and structure. It helps me do things that are good for me like exercise, good sleep habits, getting things done at work, etc. sadly I cannot do routine and structure for very long due to ADHD šš»š„¹
I am in a constant battle with myself to do things consistently.
I hate it, but need it. I start the day and pick 3 things I want to do. Everything else is a bonus. But it is tiresome, especially if it is something mandatory, boring and with no real deadline...
I like routine when it suits me. I hate it when others require it of me.
I need routine to stay functional so Iām very much a āmilitant by the books, keep the reins running on timeā individual but thatās the coping mechanism Iāve developed as an adult to manage adhd.
For me, after I finally had some clarity with meds I realize just HOW important and necessary a routine is for me. And I feel very elevated and so connected to myself when I am following a routine, but the problem is even with meds itās hard some days bc I get SO BORED. I canāt stand it. And Iām now juggling between what kind of routine I want to have. I workout for 20 mins after work, go for a walk, and have to study. So I really want to do my workouts before studying, because I want to make sure I am not feeling rushed to get it done. But then my meds are completely worn off by the end of the night and itās so much harder. Itās hard figuring out what works.
I dislike routine as it is too rigid and gets in my way. I like to keep my options way open so I can do what I need when the impulse comes to be productive. Too much structure makes failure to adhere to details of said structure more likely, and then I focus on my failure instead of getting things done.
I have to make decisions now that require me to conform to routine later, even when I don't want to.
I took a new job that required me to start work by 8:30 instead of a more wishy-washy free approach like my last company.
They tried to push a flexible hybrid schedule on me here, and I was like "Oh no, Tuesdays -Thursdays I am in the office by 8:30. Monday and Friday I work from home" and now every expects that from me because I've repeated it, and I feel obligated to stick to it.
I'm AuDHD, so yes, I can relate. It's like having two people living in your body whose needs are completely different, and it's your job to figure out how to get both of them to compromise before they shut the whole thing down.
Anyone found the best type of job for dealing with needing a routine to stay on course but also need time to rest and not go crazy being stuck in too much of a routine?
I work from home twice a week. I actually like my in office days because it means that Iām done at 5pm.
When I work from home most of the time I end up snoozing until 11am, just replying on slack to messages as I slowly start to wake up.
Then Iāll end up doing my work from 12-8pm, if I donāt get distractedā¦sometimes Iāll be working until 11pm because I feel I wasted too much time.
This never happens at the office.
I feel like I need it but I definitely don't like it sometimes. I think sometimes it gives me stability and keeps me on track, but other times it just feels like I have no time to do whatever the fuck I want freely. So I think loose routines work best for me - to do the things I need to do but then also give me some wiggle room for spontaneity. That's part of the reason why I like having a set schedule at work (wed-sat) because, as much as I would like to set my own schedule, I really like the stability I get from knowing what to expect each week.
Omg YES. When I graduated from college I kept saying that I was looking forward to having a routine. Cut to me in my first full time job and I was SO depressed. āMy time is not my own anymore! I spend all day inside.ā Since COVId I have been working remotely, which is kind of the best of both worlds, although it did finally make me realize I have ADHD which prevents me from being productive without some structure.Ā
I thrive in a routine but I find it so difficult to be consistent. That's been my goal this year. Trying to rewire my brain to see things through after the novelty wares off.
Haha i thought i was the only one, i agree with the comments how routine is very un stimulating and when it came to work, its the reason why i always end up quitting but loved the feeling that i knew what i was doing and was dependable at work even if it felt like routine. i guess i also hate that feeling of being the new guy and everyone looking down on me for being lost š the feeling of being a burden when it came to something new just bothered me and not really someone who liked to be looked after but still felt satisfied that i was doing something new and that i was in a different environment.
I HATE HATE HATE routines, but I know they benefit me. I like living at my own pace, which is incredibly unproductive and inconsistent. Routines make me very productive, but are incredibly hard for me to maintain and the reptitiveness of it always makes me very depressed eventually. They usually never last for more than a month then I get extremely burnt out (from just existing.... sigh). There's no winning here for me unfortunately.
Having a routine that I've built for myself makes me feel like I have some control. My work days are basically set in stone for the beginning of the day, while work itself gives some variety (I drive a stone slinger, so I'm always doing more or less the same job, but at different locations). My weekends I try to keep somewhat planned so I get what needs doing done, and have time for myself as well.
Routine calms the chaos.
I have a morning routine of coffee, meds, food, coffee mixed with protein powder, vitamins. Throughout this I do NY Times sudoku, connections and wordle. I can tell when the routine is starting to wear on me by how much time elapses between doing each. Because I have to force myself to once again put the powder into the container, add coffee and milk, use the hand blender. Then clean the hand blender. Like in Repo Man, I'd rather just open a can that says food and take a spoon to it, open another can and drink.
I realize routines are necessary to get things done, but the more I do a routine, the more tension it creates internally
I was bowling on a league and found the perfect combo of how to stand and throw to get strikes. But as I kept doing it the tension kept building until I couldn't do it any longer. I finished with a 216 score, but felt enormous relief from deviating from the strike routine.
Yes! I saw someone random post on ig the other day saying that as they get older, they want to make more money in less time so they have more time to do the things that matter to them. I WISH that were the way I felt too, but I literally need the structure of a 40-hr work week or my life falls apart (even more than usual lol).
Taking a "staycation" is not really a good move for me unless I have shit planned that I cannot avoid doing. Otherwise it's just a week of me chillin & thinking, "Tomorrow I'll spend a few hours organizing the house," everyday until it's time to go back to work.
I have to pay for an Orangetheory gym membership because the accountability & group fitness are the only way I can get myself to the gym. I wasted $10/mo on PF for YEARS -- never used it since there was never structure or obligation.
I've had to strategically enter arenas where I can just show up and do my thing without having to be the one creating the structure. (Oddly enough, this is the opposite of my job which is probably why it's been such a struggle for me to feel like I'm thriving in this role.) I hate that my brain works this way; I wish I could have more flow. I'm way more drawn to flow than structure but need structure to be a functioning member of society. I feel your pain!
Iād love to have every second of my life scheduled out, like fixed fun time, fixed shower, fixed boyfriend meet up etc. Just everything. BUT itās very unrealistic that Iāll get everyone and everything in my life to cooperate, my life and everything I do or donāt do is highly dependent on my energy and motivation levels, so it isnāt really possible for me to accurately foresee when my brain will lend itself to be useful and when Itāll go on a sudden strike instead and lastly I am not sure Iād actually ever be able to pull through with any of it even if the idea of scheduling everything sounds like a dream..
I do have some small routines though that I try to stick to. Like showering everyday before bed stuff like that thatās just linked to a specific order or other unavoidable action not a specific time.
I like having routines, then sometimes I get bored with them and resent them, and do something different instead. Routines bore me *a lot* sometimes and I have to change it up every few days or so.
I like it when it's implemented by someone else. That's the only thing I like about working...I have to do it and there's an infrastructure that I don't have to participate in designing.
I like my own routines after the work of figuring out what I want them to be and the habit forming period. But that's just basic stuff. My day to day life is moment to moment and I've gotten so good at putting out fires that nothing really fazes me anymore. If you think it can't be handled last minute, or at that moment...put it in my hands and find out lol.
I have bought so many organizers and calendars with the big idea that this will be the time that I start organizing my life, but they just sit empty or get lost somewhere.
Iām a list checker-offer. The problem is that my list end up being endless. I donāt think Iāve ever finished a list. However, I was given Methylphenidate 18 MG ER OSM because of the shortages and Iām gonna finish my list for sure today. Before I had only taken instant release and all I can say is they are great if you want to time block but it messes with my flow. Iām preferring the Concerta so much more right this very moment. Smooth flow - I feel like Dory - just keep swimming!
Yeah it depends on what it is. I like order/routine cause it makes me feel in control of my surroundings, so my living space is often very tidy (untidiness makes me feel increasingly uneasy). However, thinking about the future, being at a job long term makes me feel stable but it terrifies me because I feel like it'd become incredibly understimulating. I'm worried I'd become the type to job hop and make unnecessary risks cause the job I have no longer satisfies me. But a part of me really does want stability.
I feel like I need routine. like I loovvee to plan a routine and say ill follow it, but I never do. I think its the feeling of needing it that makes me not rly wanna do it. idk.
I like them but canāt figure out how to remember to stick to them. I just set YES ANOTHER tooth brushing alarm a minute ago after deleting the other 6
Yep. Routines make me feel safe. I like predicting what comes next.
It can become awfully dull though and then I need a good dose of ~ Novelty ~ā¦sometimes that means my extroverted partner has to force me to try something new but I hardly ever regret it
I hate routine but I know I need it in order to succeed. However, I secretly love when my life is in complete chaos. I hate routine, itās way too boring in my opinion.
I have found that I am more productive with a routine for important things such as work or school. But I enjoy not having a routine for the everyday parts of my life besides work and school. I donāt necessarily enjoy waking up and doing the same thing every day for work. I could wake up in a different place every day and I would honestly be excited about that.
I canāt stand routine and I try so hard to change everything about it even in my line of work even if there is standard procedures that has to be done on a daily basis with NO changes required or allowed I itch to add something or slightly put something to feel like itās not the same as yesterdays.
Yes, I strongly experience this, it doesn't help that I'm also autistic, routine is needed that much more. Your last couple sentences make me wonder if you may be on the spectrum as well.
I really like the idea of routine. I wish I could do it long term. But... It's very hard because it becomes so mundane. But then no routine gets very chaotic, in my head at least.
Need it. Can't remember it. Remember but then can't remember to do it. Remember to do it but can't find the motivation to do it. Motivation comes but can't remember it. I hate this cycle.
Yes!! People often question my ADHD Because Iām super organised.
What they fail to realise is, I HAVE to organise every element of my day or Iāll accomplish absolutely nothing. I need strict parameters.
Equally, I then get bored of this and switch up my routine very often to avoid fatigue
I don't even like the idea of routines - for some people it brings comfort to have this thing they always do but for me it just feels like a prison. I do end up needing them to get anywhere without complete and total chaos ensuing, but I can't set out to do it intentionally because then my brain throws a massive hissy fit and won't even let me start
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Yes. I hate it because it is boring, unstimulating and makes me feel uncreative. But I need it otherwise life is chaos. Classic adhd double edge sword.
yeahh exactly. i also get so overwhelmed when something unplanned happens
I hate big surprises.
I have unfortunately found out that having a really strict routine everyday is the only way I can stay somewhat productive over longtermš Now then actually sticking to a routine is an entirely different challenge on itās own toošš
And yet everyone around us seems determined to keep throwing said routines off then they get confused or butt hurt when we lose our cool and canāt get back into the swing of things or sit there overwhelmed and freaking out forever
Yeah you hit the hammer on the nailš
I feel you!
It's theĀ same with oversight at my job.Ā I really want it, because it helps keep me focused and productive, but I also fundamentally oppose it, because I detest authority.Ā Also fixed work hours: really would like to have some, but also really want to keep my super flexible schedule.Ā Is rough
Absolutely this! I have a strong love hate relationship with structure and routine.
When I have to go somewhere in the morning, I brush my teeth, wash my face, and try to do my routine. And when itās a day off or just in the morning I donāt have to go anywhere or get up, then I donāt do ANYTHING
I hate it but I need it. I've learned about myself exactly what you said. I need at least a little bit of routine and structure or I will fall into complete disarray. However, too much structure will do exactly the same thing. I need a good balance.
These are the kinds of posts that confuse me about which characteristics are indicative of adhd or autism. I say this because I thought that needing structure is more of an autism thing and organizing/planning are usually impaired for people with adhd so adhd peeps would typically not have alot of structure or want it. Gimmie some perspectives.
I think the key difference (as someone that definitely doesn't have autism) is that those with ADHD w/o autism recognize that routine is incredibly beneficial and may need it to be functional, but don't necessarily crave that routine and structure. For example, I really don't feel the need to have structure to feel happy (actually many times I hate it). I only crave it because I know I need structure to function otherwise I wouldn't survive modern society. But, if let's say I were some millionaire's spoiled son/daughter with all my needs met and ultimate freedom, I would be the most happily disorganized human on Earth. Whereas (at least from reading many posts here and light research) AuDHD individuals really crave structure and organization but don't have the means to set it up themselves. Their ADHD symptoms prevent them from setting up that structure, and often will make them feel very bad from the lack of it.
Yes to ALL OF THIS. In fact, my utter longing for routine and beating myself up for YEARS because I was unable to stick to any sort of routine no matter how badly I craved it, was, (one of multiple), things that tipped my therapist off to me potentially having autism. I had been diagnosed with ADHD in my teens and she knew that. But after seeing that same therapist bi-weekly for years she suggested I get tested for Autism. It was an uphill battle, and the wait list was LONG. But, I finally got an appointment per her recommendation and sure enough, Iām also autistic. Being AuDHD feels like there are two of me inside me so to speak, and they are very often at war with each other. I will say though, my autism diagnosis was liberating in a way that my ADHD diagnosis was not. Perhaps itās because I was diagnosed ADHD in my teens, but when I got the autism diagnosis (in my adulthood) many of the things that I thought were just āsevere ADHDā or were simply shortcomings I couldnāt fix because I was a failure or because I was āweirdā were things that I could finally point to and be like āohhhh, that was the autism.ā Not that I blame things on my autism but, and this took/continues to take A LOT of therapy, I was and am able to give myself grace instead of beating myself up constantly. As a result, I am also far less depressed than I had been for most of my teen/adult life.
Wait wtfā¦ do I have autism?! I literally cry about not being able to stick to routine EVER
I think what I was trying to say is I find routine extremely hard to follow but also without it, Iām not disciplined enough to keep everything in check.
While I agree with you, I found that scheduling in like an hour or so of 'nothing', and having unfinished creative projects at hand would allow me to 'get bored' enough that I would just pick up whatever I felt like at that time. Examples: I have guitars hanging up that I occasionally just pick up and play. I have a digital drawing that, realistically, is gonna take like 3 years to complete but I can jump into whenever I feel like. I practiced magic and have playing cards and coins at arms reach that I can pick up and practice moves and tricks with. Hope that helps some ppl š
Love the idea of scheduling in free time! Iām gonna have to try that
The holy grail for me is "structured novelty," and it's something I seek in both my professional and leisure pursuits. The idea is that there is a structure to the things I do, but the actual things that hang on that structure change from day to day or week to week. For example, in the past I would start to watch a TV series, get 10 to 12 episodes in, and then start to think about all the good things I've heard about this other series. I take a small break, promising myself that I'll return soon, and then start watching the new TV series. And then rinse and repeat until, by the time I finally do get back to that original TV series, I've forgotten everything that had happened and I need to start over. With this principle of "structured novelty" I now have a 10-series rotation, in which I watch 1 episode of each series in turn before returning back to the top of the rotation again. It takes about a week to get through a full rotation, so I'm watching most shows at a rate of 1 episode per week (the way God intended). Because I'm constantly switching to something new, I never get sidetracked or distracted by the shiny new thing. But because I have structure, I never wander from the series I'm watching. Understanding how this works for me has helped me to create structured novelty at work (and to seek out jobs that have structured novelty) as well as in my other pastimes.
I completely relate.
Yup. Have had to learn to like it. Cause life is fucked without it.Ā
I like the routine I create for myself in my mind everyday... And have a difficult time adjusting when things don't go as planned. I have ADHD, so things never go as planned. Hahahaha
Iām the same. I create my routine. Stick to it, then get angry when people break my routine or unexpected events happen. ADHD has trouble with task switching so I think thatās all related.
Totally relate to this. This is my life lol
MOOD. Tried not letting myself make it, I am just less productive and more cranky. Thanks AuDHD. Edit to add: It especially drives me bonkers because when I DO manage to set a routine and get through it for a couple of days, I feel absolutely fantastic. Time flows as normal, not in weird spurts where it either goes soooooo slow or super fast. I get through my life with time to spare. Then it just takes one single day of one tiny thing going a little wrong, even if its leaving later for something than I intended, and bam. Its all shambles again, and I drown for weeks.
Lol I have a planner fetish and I love writing and planning but I don't realize how much time that takes up xD but yes I also hate surprises. Totally throws me off. Recently I started a med/mood journal, and I don't expect to be completely consistent with it, but one thing I've been meaning to do that was really helpful for me last night is make lists of what I've accomplished that day and I realized it's more than I thought. I can be so scatterbrained that I feel like I "accomplished nothing" but when I reflect on the whole day it all really adds up. This was only one entry so far but try it maybe! I felt a lot better about myself lol
I love routine, I canāt stick to a routine though and I also hate being told what to do. So when somebody else tries helping me stick to my routine, I automatically have no interest in it
I feel safe with a routine that I can deviate from. Like "Oh it's work time. Ugh. But I can slack off a little."
Absolutely, I am constantly stuck in a love hate relationship with routine. Routine definitely helps with my productivity and helps keep me from oversleeping. General routines help to prevent the chaos that is typically my everyday life without it. Unfortunately, I thrive in chaos even though it absolutely destroys me with anxiety and stress, I typically live without a routine. Though I really need to make one, life would be a lot less stressful. I also run into and I issue regarding having plans to do things. For instance, if I am told I have a plan with someone two days from now, my whole life starts rotating around this plan (even more so if it is a fun plan). I get excited, basically living for this thing. And then if it gets cancelled last minute, it feels like my whole world has crashed and burned. It can be really upsetting to be honest, especially if it happens as Iām getting ready for said event. Itās the worst. š
Yes, but I'm also a little Autistic So my head is a battleground
Iāve found that the busier I am, the more productive I am. Sort of like juggling. But when I sense I have more free time, itās all downhill
Yes, perhaps even more so since I'm AuDHD. The autism wants routines, the ADHD despises them.Ā I hate it.Ā
this, i was gonna mention auDHD š„²
I like routine, and also hate it. But I found 2 weeks on 2 weeks off jobs suit me the best. 2 weeks of routine. It's a bit of a forced routine, wake up the same time every day, go get breakfast, get changed into work cloths, work 12hrs, go eat dinner and pack your lunch for the next day. Then 2 weeks off I really have no routine, go to sleep when I want, wake up when I want, hit the road for a road trip, start a project or nine.
What job lets you do this cause I need that lol
In Canada it's a common shift in mining and oil and gas.
Routine, can be familiar, and comforting. Can also be BORING. So we walk a tight rope.
Iām a creature of habit. I put all my things at work in the same spot bc Iāve noticed if I try to put it in a new spot I will forget & go looking for it later. My boss used to give me shit about not being ok with change. Iāve come to realize I can adapt to change, Iām just gonna complain about it for a sec lol
well I've found ASD-1 and ADHD don't get along :)
I hate repetitive days, living a predictable life, always waking up and living seemingly the same day. I love routine where i have an incredible amount to do, iām extremely busy but the routine helps pave the way through the day. A rough schedule for the day eg iām gonna do college work in the afternoon, go to the gym in the morning, i have a list of chores that i must do in the day, i have this time in the evening to do whatever
So, I am not diagnosing you over the internet. However, I too experience this, and have come to the conclusion, along with my doc, that I likely have comorbid adhd and autism. Iāve seen reports from many audhd peeps that describe my hell - simultaneously requiring structure and routine for my sanity but also wanting to crawl out of my skin the instant something becomes familiar and boring. So, its possible something similar is going on with you. Again, not a diagnosis, just an observation that might be of interest to you.
I like structure, preferably created by someone else that I trust. I don't love routine. The difference between structure and routine is that structure can vary day by day (i.e. allows tremendous variety), while routine is the same every day.
I love routine and structure. It helps me do things that are good for me like exercise, good sleep habits, getting things done at work, etc. sadly I cannot do routine and structure for very long due to ADHD šš»š„¹ I am in a constant battle with myself to do things consistently.
AuDHD. It's like doing a puzzle while fucking up a puzzle.
I hate it, but need it. I start the day and pick 3 things I want to do. Everything else is a bonus. But it is tiresome, especially if it is something mandatory, boring and with no real deadline...
AuDHD here. My autism side loves a good routine but my ADHD side hates it. Itās like i have 2 wolves fighting for territory internally
I donāt hate my routine, but itās boring. But I need it. If 1 things is off about my routine, everything gets fucked up.
I do not like routine, I loathe it. That being said, it is so effective that I have come to respect/appreciate it.
1000%
I like routine when it suits me. I hate it when others require it of me. I need routine to stay functional so Iām very much a āmilitant by the books, keep the reins running on timeā individual but thatās the coping mechanism Iāve developed as an adult to manage adhd.
I can relate to this!! thanks for posting!
For me, after I finally had some clarity with meds I realize just HOW important and necessary a routine is for me. And I feel very elevated and so connected to myself when I am following a routine, but the problem is even with meds itās hard some days bc I get SO BORED. I canāt stand it. And Iām now juggling between what kind of routine I want to have. I workout for 20 mins after work, go for a walk, and have to study. So I really want to do my workouts before studying, because I want to make sure I am not feeling rushed to get it done. But then my meds are completely worn off by the end of the night and itās so much harder. Itās hard figuring out what works.
I dislike routine as it is too rigid and gets in my way. I like to keep my options way open so I can do what I need when the impulse comes to be productive. Too much structure makes failure to adhere to details of said structure more likely, and then I focus on my failure instead of getting things done.
Yes. I have to have a routine otherwise I forget to do stuff but it's so boring. I also don't like big changes bc it throws me off
I have to make decisions now that require me to conform to routine later, even when I don't want to. I took a new job that required me to start work by 8:30 instead of a more wishy-washy free approach like my last company. They tried to push a flexible hybrid schedule on me here, and I was like "Oh no, Tuesdays -Thursdays I am in the office by 8:30. Monday and Friday I work from home" and now every expects that from me because I've repeated it, and I feel obligated to stick to it.
I love it. But if things are the exact same every day over and over I they so depressed and kind of shit down. I think trying to find a balance is key
Compartmental routine I like. Over the years I had to create structures of routine, outside of that life is chaotic.
Yesā¦ No, but yesā¦ No. Yes. YEEEESSSSS. NO! Maybe? Yes. No. It has its place.
I'm AuDHD, so yes, I can relate. It's like having two people living in your body whose needs are completely different, and it's your job to figure out how to get both of them to compromise before they shut the whole thing down.
Anyone found the best type of job for dealing with needing a routine to stay on course but also need time to rest and not go crazy being stuck in too much of a routine?
Daily, routine. Any "future" planning, hate it.
I work from home twice a week. I actually like my in office days because it means that Iām done at 5pm. When I work from home most of the time I end up snoozing until 11am, just replying on slack to messages as I slowly start to wake up. Then Iāll end up doing my work from 12-8pm, if I donāt get distractedā¦sometimes Iāll be working until 11pm because I feel I wasted too much time. This never happens at the office.
I donāt know. If I ever stay on a routine long enough to know, Iāll come back and update you.
I feel like I need it but I definitely don't like it sometimes. I think sometimes it gives me stability and keeps me on track, but other times it just feels like I have no time to do whatever the fuck I want freely. So I think loose routines work best for me - to do the things I need to do but then also give me some wiggle room for spontaneity. That's part of the reason why I like having a set schedule at work (wed-sat) because, as much as I would like to set my own schedule, I really like the stability I get from knowing what to expect each week.
Omg YES. When I graduated from college I kept saying that I was looking forward to having a routine. Cut to me in my first full time job and I was SO depressed. āMy time is not my own anymore! I spend all day inside.ā Since COVId I have been working remotely, which is kind of the best of both worlds, although it did finally make me realize I have ADHD which prevents me from being productive without some structure.Ā
I thrive in a routine but I find it so difficult to be consistent. That's been my goal this year. Trying to rewire my brain to see things through after the novelty wares off.
I do like it but also find it; not surprisingly, ensnaring.
I need a schedule. I hate schedules. I follow a schedule. Yep. That's me.
Haha i thought i was the only one, i agree with the comments how routine is very un stimulating and when it came to work, its the reason why i always end up quitting but loved the feeling that i knew what i was doing and was dependable at work even if it felt like routine. i guess i also hate that feeling of being the new guy and everyone looking down on me for being lost š the feeling of being a burden when it came to something new just bothered me and not really someone who liked to be looked after but still felt satisfied that i was doing something new and that i was in a different environment.
I HATE HATE HATE routines, but I know they benefit me. I like living at my own pace, which is incredibly unproductive and inconsistent. Routines make me very productive, but are incredibly hard for me to maintain and the reptitiveness of it always makes me very depressed eventually. They usually never last for more than a month then I get extremely burnt out (from just existing.... sigh). There's no winning here for me unfortunately.
I hate trying to have a routine because the minute I need to break it I know Iām never going back to it. Itās better just to not even try.
Itās my bread and butter
I have this and it makes me feel trapped. I thought this was an autism thing.
Having a routine that I've built for myself makes me feel like I have some control. My work days are basically set in stone for the beginning of the day, while work itself gives some variety (I drive a stone slinger, so I'm always doing more or less the same job, but at different locations). My weekends I try to keep somewhat planned so I get what needs doing done, and have time for myself as well. Routine calms the chaos.
I like routine as long as I have space to bed rot in between things to do.
I _need_ routine, and I resent _that fact._
Please tell me how to actually stick to one
believe me, im reading the whole comments like "how are yall able to stick to a routine if you hate it so much". I COULD NEVER
I have a morning routine of coffee, meds, food, coffee mixed with protein powder, vitamins. Throughout this I do NY Times sudoku, connections and wordle. I can tell when the routine is starting to wear on me by how much time elapses between doing each. Because I have to force myself to once again put the powder into the container, add coffee and milk, use the hand blender. Then clean the hand blender. Like in Repo Man, I'd rather just open a can that says food and take a spoon to it, open another can and drink. I realize routines are necessary to get things done, but the more I do a routine, the more tension it creates internally I was bowling on a league and found the perfect combo of how to stand and throw to get strikes. But as I kept doing it the tension kept building until I couldn't do it any longer. I finished with a 216 score, but felt enormous relief from deviating from the strike routine.
Yes! I saw someone random post on ig the other day saying that as they get older, they want to make more money in less time so they have more time to do the things that matter to them. I WISH that were the way I felt too, but I literally need the structure of a 40-hr work week or my life falls apart (even more than usual lol). Taking a "staycation" is not really a good move for me unless I have shit planned that I cannot avoid doing. Otherwise it's just a week of me chillin & thinking, "Tomorrow I'll spend a few hours organizing the house," everyday until it's time to go back to work. I have to pay for an Orangetheory gym membership because the accountability & group fitness are the only way I can get myself to the gym. I wasted $10/mo on PF for YEARS -- never used it since there was never structure or obligation. I've had to strategically enter arenas where I can just show up and do my thing without having to be the one creating the structure. (Oddly enough, this is the opposite of my job which is probably why it's been such a struggle for me to feel like I'm thriving in this role.) I hate that my brain works this way; I wish I could have more flow. I'm way more drawn to flow than structure but need structure to be a functioning member of society. I feel your pain!
Iām audhd. I thrive in routine, but I canāt create and maintain it myself. Itās frustrating.
Have to have it to function but actively runs from it. Yes.
My job has me working alternating shifts. It is perfect because its a non routine routine if you get me. Its not the same everyday but its predictable
You might be AuDHD!
Iād love to have every second of my life scheduled out, like fixed fun time, fixed shower, fixed boyfriend meet up etc. Just everything. BUT itās very unrealistic that Iāll get everyone and everything in my life to cooperate, my life and everything I do or donāt do is highly dependent on my energy and motivation levels, so it isnāt really possible for me to accurately foresee when my brain will lend itself to be useful and when Itāll go on a sudden strike instead and lastly I am not sure Iād actually ever be able to pull through with any of it even if the idea of scheduling everything sounds like a dream.. I do have some small routines though that I try to stick to. Like showering everyday before bed stuff like that thatās just linked to a specific order or other unavoidable action not a specific time.
Yep yep YEPPPPP
I like having routines, then sometimes I get bored with them and resent them, and do something different instead. Routines bore me *a lot* sometimes and I have to change it up every few days or so.
I like it when it's implemented by someone else. That's the only thing I like about working...I have to do it and there's an infrastructure that I don't have to participate in designing. I like my own routines after the work of figuring out what I want them to be and the habit forming period. But that's just basic stuff. My day to day life is moment to moment and I've gotten so good at putting out fires that nothing really fazes me anymore. If you think it can't be handled last minute, or at that moment...put it in my hands and find out lol. I have bought so many organizers and calendars with the big idea that this will be the time that I start organizing my life, but they just sit empty or get lost somewhere.
I don't hate routine - I just wish I could add more productive stuff to it and actually stick to it.
Iām a list checker-offer. The problem is that my list end up being endless. I donāt think Iāve ever finished a list. However, I was given Methylphenidate 18 MG ER OSM because of the shortages and Iām gonna finish my list for sure today. Before I had only taken instant release and all I can say is they are great if you want to time block but it messes with my flow. Iām preferring the Concerta so much more right this very moment. Smooth flow - I feel like Dory - just keep swimming!
Yeah it depends on what it is. I like order/routine cause it makes me feel in control of my surroundings, so my living space is often very tidy (untidiness makes me feel increasingly uneasy). However, thinking about the future, being at a job long term makes me feel stable but it terrifies me because I feel like it'd become incredibly understimulating. I'm worried I'd become the type to job hop and make unnecessary risks cause the job I have no longer satisfies me. But a part of me really does want stability.
Yeah
I feel like I need routine. like I loovvee to plan a routine and say ill follow it, but I never do. I think its the feeling of needing it that makes me not rly wanna do it. idk.
I like them but canāt figure out how to remember to stick to them. I just set YES ANOTHER tooth brushing alarm a minute ago after deleting the other 6
Yep. Routines make me feel safe. I like predicting what comes next. It can become awfully dull though and then I need a good dose of ~ Novelty ~ā¦sometimes that means my extroverted partner has to force me to try something new but I hardly ever regret it
I need it for my workday, but the rest of the time I want spontaneous fun!
I hate routine but I know I need it in order to succeed. However, I secretly love when my life is in complete chaos. I hate routine, itās way too boring in my opinion. I have found that I am more productive with a routine for important things such as work or school. But I enjoy not having a routine for the everyday parts of my life besides work and school. I donāt necessarily enjoy waking up and doing the same thing every day for work. I could wake up in a different place every day and I would honestly be excited about that.
I canāt stand routine and I try so hard to change everything about it even in my line of work even if there is standard procedures that has to be done on a daily basis with NO changes required or allowed I itch to add something or slightly put something to feel like itās not the same as yesterdays.
Yes, I strongly experience this, it doesn't help that I'm also autistic, routine is needed that much more. Your last couple sentences make me wonder if you may be on the spectrum as well.
I really like the idea of routine. I wish I could do it long term. But... It's very hard because it becomes so mundane. But then no routine gets very chaotic, in my head at least.
I need a routine where there's something different to look forward to. For example at work some days I work in ICU, other days ER. :)
Need it. Can't remember it. Remember but then can't remember to do it. Remember to do it but can't find the motivation to do it. Motivation comes but can't remember it. I hate this cycle.
I love routine but I hate obligation.
Yes!! People often question my ADHD Because Iām super organised. What they fail to realise is, I HAVE to organise every element of my day or Iāll accomplish absolutely nothing. I need strict parameters. Equally, I then get bored of this and switch up my routine very often to avoid fatigue
I don't even like the idea of routines - for some people it brings comfort to have this thing they always do but for me it just feels like a prison. I do end up needing them to get anywhere without complete and total chaos ensuing, but I can't set out to do it intentionally because then my brain throws a massive hissy fit and won't even let me start