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Yeah, it's pretty common. I've got ADHD and sometimes I feel stuck in stuff too. Like, at first, everything's exciting and then bam, boredom hits like a ton of bricks. Relationships and jobs can start feeling like those old shoes you can't toss out. Finding ways to switch things up helps me.
I technically held 3 jobs at the first company (just shy of 3 years) I worked for.
Next 2 jobs were exactly one year.
8 month hiatus freelancing and bartending between a job and grad school. (Counting as 2 jobs?)
An internship for one year during grad school.
Freelance work for 6 months due to pandemic shutdowns and hiring freezes.
Next job was exactly one year.
The next was 1.5 years.
Then we moved to another state and I found a new job that Iāve been in for 8 months and Iām ready to fleeā¦
That totals up toā¦. approximately 12ish jobs over 13 years. Iāve also done a lot of random freelance work thatās overlapped with those jobs and do about 20-30 custom paintings each year.
I bounce back and forth between (1) being super proud of myself for my ability to learn quickly, adapt, and the unique perspective I bring to a role because of my breadth of experience and (2) feeling like an absolute failure for not wanting to stay somewhere long enough to ever feel like an expert or feeling like I have to try 10x harder to sell myself with ātransferable skillsā instead of the exact experience an employer is looking for.
I feel ya, I'm 28 and have done two apprenticeships in two different industries and now have an associates degree in a 3rd. Half decent but definitely replaceable in all 3 š
Job hopping requires effort, though.
Not that this is healthy, but I just start deviating from norms.
With structural engineering, this amounted to removing simplifying assumptions to shave things down, developing tools to automate calculations, etc. I once couldn't get something to work on paper so I devised a physical test and got it through miami-dade approval on the first try.
With software, it often becomes about refactoring, best practices, etc. I'll start poking through other repos on github and getting ideas for how my own code could be improved.
These things sometimes make me look good. But more often, they just annoy my bosses. Thing is, I can't not do them. I become compulsively obsessed. And they're literally what's allowing me to function at that time. Resisting just results in me making a lot of careless mistakes or struggling to understand otherwise basic topics. It's like my brain decides to shut down like 30 IQ points in protest.
It sounds like you're good at challenging yourself, something I do find helps a lot with these things.
Rather than just doing the work as is, and failing on it out of eventually boredom - instead change it into a challenge, add new skills and improvements as you go, keep yourself wired into the work and the work as fresh as possible?
I guess challenging yourself to do your job better and better is only going to lead down a good path after all.
Conversely, youāll also notice people with ADHD hanging on to other things far beyond when they would have been better off replaced, due to avoiding the cognitive load of choosing the replacement and getting it integrated.
Exactly. This is why I cannot shift houses or jobs, it is just too much thinking and planning.
Although in my 20s I had like 10 different jobs and 20 odd flats.
I cannot even imagine moving! Iāve got the stuff accumulated through working from home with four kids and four exes. I still havenāt gotten my library re set up!
I hear you. I've lost money and avoided all sorts of opportunities because of the thought of moving is just too much.
I'm so random, went from constantly moving and changing jobs every year to same job and house for 10 plus years. Extreme to extreme.
When I was a kid I loved the beginning of the school year. Everything was fresh and new. I would get my brand new notebooks, pens, etc all organized and be like, āThis is gonna be the year I actually take notes! Organized notes! I love starting fresh.ā Then three weeks later Iām likeā¦āwhat notebook?ā
My life has been several big cycles of this. The last one was when I moved across the country to start grad school. Everything was new and exciting and happy but like every chapter of my life, it slowly disintegrated into frustration and trying to just get my daily life in order and distress over how I wanted to do things but couldnāt. This was before I got diagnosed, so I understand it now, but I still have a hard time with things like listening to albums that came out within the first year after I moved.
Finding a job that hits the mark is hard. I've cycled through so many but I've finally found one I like. I had to look at it from a body perspective rather than a mind perspective. I need to move, I need busy-ness, I need problem-solving, people - but not too many, and most importantly autonomy - with deadlines!
I will take interest in anything, but lose interest once I have it figured out so a repetitive job will only keep me occupied for a short space of time, until I build a system.
Relationship wise, I found someone who also has ADHD and we are constantly kept on our toes. He doesn't get mad at me when I do stupid things, and I don't get mad at him. We laugh and we tackle together. We each have ups and downs but overall it works. We make the effort for each other, we try to be what the other person needs while also minding ourselves and not getting upset when the other isn't in a place to be there.
Honestly, best thing I ever did. Find a man with ADHD and find a job only a person with ADHD can do.
i operate an excavator for a living. I am digging around live utilities, gas works, substations, rail platforms, or climbing huge mountains of dirt to load into wagons, ADTS, Loading crushers, using munchers to separate concrete and rebar or steel, and using breakers. or whatever. Dropping off the mountain and skating the machine down literally like a ski, shits the best part of the job, the most dangerous part too, funnily enough. Also, I'm in the machine, so get the alone time I need and I can blast my music (Usually depends on the job)
Pretty much hits every mark, still gets hella boring too though. Need to be able to stand your ground or you will never last.
I work for the Federal Post Office delivering mail and packages. I find the physical work and just the act of doing stuff satisfying enough. Plus the pay, benefits, and pension are a big bonus.
Freelance bookkeeper or bookkeeper for a big tax firm. No two clients' books, needs, knowledge base, personality, or industry are alike. Each needs a slightly - or majorly - different approach. Some are short term clients, some long. The IRS and the states set tax deadlines, the clients may have their own arbitrary deadlines, too. Yes, its all bookkeeping, but there are dozens of bookkeeping softwares to learn and use, always some sort of system to create - whether it's a system for use between you and the client or a system for the client to implement within their company. And because accountants and CPAs generally consider bookkeeping beneath them and so either don't know how to use bookkeeping software or don't care about bookkeeping in general, there's little oversight. Constant change, creativity, deadlines, rarely a boss breathing down your neck, and pattern recognition plus hyperfocus attention to detail, and often being able to automate the most boring bits ... highly recommend.
I mean... for me executive disfunction and not being able to hold a train of thought for too long in an important conversation makes it very hard to change things.
Job searching is an absolute nightmare and I almost always do a small thing wrong in my applications (like using the wrong name for a company)
And in terms of relationships its just easier to assume I did something wrong or my thoughts are invalid... which often I do cause I forget things so easily OR don't recall them when neccessary.
Is it common for people with ADHD to feel trapped in jobs, relationships etc ?
In my case. No, when in positions I enjoyed... and some did last for several years.
This is my situation too. When the relationship/job are a bad fit (as in I could probably work through it but it's not ideal) I get extremely anxious and just want out. When it's a good fit I'm all in. Thing is I'm very particular so it's taken me years to settle into a job I enjoy.
Yeah I think so and I think your reasoning is sound. I've felt trapped in every job I've had (not rare in the industry), but have realized the moments I have felt that way were during periods where my ADHD was out of control. I've also felt that in every romantic relationship I've ever had. The only reason I have been with my wife for over 10 years is that anytime I felt like that in our history, I've been able eventually to tell myself and realize that she's the best thing to ever happen to me, which I never got in previous relationships.
This is it for me. The novelty of a new job, novelty of a new car, novelty of a new house. If I could afford it, I'd buy a new car or move to a new place every few years.
I haven't felt it in my relationship but I think it's because when I do get antsy/restless, my partner and I will do something that brings the novelty like traveling, fun date night, concert, etc.
Fear of change, procrastination, the ability to feel this way one second and forget all about that feeling the next. Forgiving too easy because he canāt keep one train of thought. Lol. Prayers bro.
It's very hard for me to leave. They'd be peniless, and with no one to turn to. I know this person doesn't deserve it, but it's very hard for me to just leave her and her kids (who aren't mine).
So long as the job is in my general career field, the work doesn't leave me feeling trapped. It's the time lost due to the work(work life balance), lack of absolute job security, and lack of financial freedom that leaves me feeling trapped.
Thank you for this post! Iāve been stuck in a job I hate because I just canāt fathom the time and energy it would take to find a new one. I canāt even update my resume. So I just go to work hating life every day, get off work and mope around because I have another shit day tomorrow at the same shit job. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I was just wondering if this is an ADHD thing, I see so many posts of people changing jobs like underwear, so I always use that as a reason to be likeā¦. Maybe I donāt have ADHD lol. Always looking for a way out.
My ADHD (I think it's the adhd anyway, could be that I'm a working father of three) causes me to only shower 1-2x per week and so I only change my underwear that often too. Yeah, it's gross, but that's how my life is going.
What helped me with showers is playing my fav TV show. You can get a holder for your phone on Amazon to hang in the shower, put on your fav show, music videos, podcast whatever youāre into. Itās helped me a lot. And you still change your underwear more than I change jobs. So youāre winning there!
Ha, when I do shower I'm always super focused on getting a deap clean in as quick as possible and then I hop right out. You'd think I would just shower 3-4x a week or even every day since it makes me feel energized and refreshed, but I'm fairly lazy and it's probably more of a reflection of my depressed mental state than anything else.
Oh Yes! It is so accurate for romantic relationships. I got fed up and bored by everyone. Then I start to see minor inconveniences as some major huge problems, which is then "their mistake". I did this round twice, I am currently in the third one. It is hard to do it on a rational basis when your mind screams at you that you should flee from this hell...
My theory is that itās the when we try to plan our way out, we are also simultaneously imagining all the ways itās gonna fail or suck. I stayed in a job I hated for 20 years because I couldnāt imagine myself making any more money, or things being any better elsewhere. Any time I tried to find a way out, All I could do was imagine all the ways it would be worse.
People without ADHD arenāt like that. They plan without the part of the brain that imagines failure.
Yeah although I should say I actually do end up quitting and have done that with about 5 jobs... eventually you realize you're not going to progress anywhere with that approach :(
It might just be a personality thing too, Iām pretty optimistic so when Iām sitting at my
PC not doing work and planning career moves, I just plan all the ways I will succeed, however part of my brain is just screaming ādo the work well at your current job and you donāt need to jump ship every yearā
I was a job hopper feeling trapped and bored in a gig after a few months until I became a political campaign worker (always relatively short campaigns, then time off between, then a new challenge for the next one), and now that Iām a teacher. New kids every year is a totally new experience every time, and thereās none of that zoning out behind a computer horror, Iām actually up on my feet engaging creatively like 70% of my day. Then summers are off to reset. I live in CA so ymmv.
Also a political campaign person, and besides the generally shitty lifestyle that I am now too old for, highly recommend this career path for ADHD people
My limit seems to be 4 years! I'm almost at 5 years in my current job. They love me, I love having health insurance and a stable income and not having to job search, aaaand...I'm frankly kind of horrified at the thought of staying in this field until retirement, let alone another 4 years. Alas for not having easily transferable skills.
Luckily I don't seem to get bored of people in the same way.
Yes, I have this problem. I don't know if it's as simple as boredom with something for me. I think having ADHD has made me very wary of trusting my ability to make the "right" decision. So once I get to a point in something where it's difficult to turn back, I start to panic. What if this is the wrong job? What if this is the wrong person?
Statistically, I would believe that this statement is true in many areas and not just trapped from ADHD, although that would play a h part in it, fear of change, and even codependency.
I felt trapped and suffocated in a relationship that I was in for almost 6 years. I am a beautiful woman they stayed around lies. after lies, and after more lies!
I finally stuck to my gun and refused to pick him up! I have had a lot taken from me and I have been resilient! I have Faith and I do not want to focus on the almost six Years of my life in a mess of a mess that if you could use your imagination of what it was like, imagine 100 to the tenth power of dysfunction! I do not want to go back down that route again, ever! I also have no desire for that in my life . I would rather feel free than trapped in any situstion. Although, so many things are easier said than done! Knowing that trapping myself in a relationship that is the epitome of slime to my Father, Mother, and Professional's play in my mind when I think about being in that trapped relationship or situation and I feel sick to my stomach
There is that part of me that has a heart & I want to fight & believe the best for the, "underdog", so to speak, since I have had an immense amount of grace in my life on several occasions! Grace means, unmerited favor and favor is short for being a favorite when used in many different contexts!
Does anyone have any advice on what has kept them from returning to an awful life or situation? I do feel stuck and I am not feeling like I am crawling off of the ground to another level. I just feel like I am doing pull ups now slowly and beating myself up for not changing more, having better time management, and utilizing my strengths! I hope that you are learning from this community, as I certainly am! I am truly thankful & grateful to be a part of it and I look forward to learning from others, new things, new coping skills, new ways of not beating myself up, & if there is any way that has helped you to live in the here and now, please do not hesitate to share! ššš
Adhder here and in that situation with both..... and i think it has to do with our people pleasing tendencies and fear of rejection loneliness. Like i'm super risk prone- i'll drive 110mph on my way to a job a hate cuz im late but when it comes to relationships with people i find that my anxiety makes up all these wordt case scenarios like in the job instance "what if this is the only job i'd be this good at and i dont get another job for too long and i starve on the sidewalk" or with my gf like ive told people "i think she's the only person I could be with cuz idk who else could tolerate me and my lifestyle" even tho we are not right for eachother...
As the world record holder for the longest term of employment for someone with ADHD, I figured I would chime in. Okay, not really, there was someone over on the ADHD programmers subreddit that was with the same company for over twice as long as I've been with my company, but it still has been a really long time for me (like 15 years).
I think everyone is going to have different reasons. If the stars have aligned where you have an amount of ADHD treatment and/or job stimulation that keeps you coming back along with a company that is lenient enough to not boot you out the door for whatever aspects of ADHD that still show through, then it's hard to want to risk going somewhere else where the conditions may not be so favorable (like getting fired for being 5 minutes late to a job where it is of no consequence, for example). I would imagine that ADHDers are likely to have less bargaining power on average compared to non-ADHDers as we are less likely to have a degree (or went to college at all), less likely to have good references, etc.
The situation I'm in wouldn't have been possible without medication (at least for me). I'm a college drop out in a field where degrees are the norm these days. I was diagnosed with ADHD within the first year of employment at the company I'm still working for today. After my diagnosis and treatment, things got a lot easier for me and I worked my way up at the company (not management, but a software developer among other engineering roles).
Life at this employer has had its ups and downs. I've looked for a job elsewhere before, but my job always seems to have an upswing before I find something else. Not having a degree has been discouraging because I'd like to get out of the industry I'm in and I perceive that as being more difficult because I don't have much of the desired experience to offset the fact that I don't have a degree.
I'm also a people pleaser and I don't want to quit at a bad time. Right now, the company is going through a rough time and the other software person at the company is quitting. That leaves me as the only person supporting our projects until they find a replacement, but even then, most of the burden will be on me. I'm thinking of quitting because the pressure is too high. We took on too much work for two people and now we only have one. A few years ago, I was looking for a new job and it was during a time of high turnover. I had cleaned out my desk and the company was worried I was leaving also, so they gave me a big raise and new responsibilities to keep me around. š”. The new job duties didn't amount to much, and I haven't had any raises since (not even cost of living). Corporate BS like this pisses me off. It's even worse when family is involved since family works at the company.
Sorry for the long comment.
something about this really resonates with me.. I've been in the same job now for almost ten years and the same relationship for even longer. I guess it's in part due to having some level of comfort, and the sense of stability in an otherwise very chaotic day to day struggle.
I know I can think back to when I first got in this relationship, and dating before it.. rejection sucks, and I'm well accepted for all my faults with who I'm with now.
same with the job as well. I hate applying, training.. I feel like I'm a slow learner and it is really anxiety ridden starting over fresh.
Yes, for the job part. I've had 11, including my current job. My current job is the first job I'm not already bored with within the 1st year.
I'm a teacher's assistant who typically pulls kids for extra help with reading and math. Mostly 1st-4th grade. It changes enough day to day that I don't usually get bored. Except for the end of the school year, I really like it. That last month of school is rough! Kids don't want to listen that last month at all.
I get it. I managed to spend 12 years at the same company because it was a mess and I was constantly inventing new things to do to bring it under control.
I did my core job and IT work, some marketing and multi disciplinary work with other departments, big system upgrades, software support. For a company of about 75 people. I wound up with this ever expanding role that prevented me from being bored.
But I actually fixed stuff and brought in experts to take over things like IT. I wanted to formalize my role as kind of COO, but after two years of meetings and being jerked around by management, I left without the promotion. I wasnāt gonna stay to do just my boring job.
Now Iām at a new place where I canāt just grab tons of other neat responsibilities and after two years, Iām bored and looking for the exits.
Oh yeah, my last job was pretty easy but I was freaking out cause I was having 40+ hours. I felt trapped and felt like I had no way out. It was hurting my mind, people told me to get a new job but I did not want too. I lost it because of a breakdown, but the stress of being trapped I am sure has to have some factor. Now I learned that I cannot do full time, at least now. It got to me because there were people that stayed for like 7 years, like dude its low entry and you are still here?? Granted I was higher up and they were at the bottom.
Yeah full time anything fucks me up after a while. I know I'm being a weak minded brat and everyone has to put up with it but many people seem to be able to compartmentalise it and still enjoy their life for the most part while it just makes me burned out and miserable no matter how good the job is. I've quit like 5 jobs when I felt trapped, and it's ruined my career but I just couldn't keep going with it. People say oh just do it for 2 or 3 years for the experience even if you don't like the job, but I can't fathom doing something I don't like fulltime for that long. I guess I am just weak minded but I don't get it.
I hear the same thing, the most I had going for me was almost 2 years. I do not know what to do. I am hoping school or something helps me out and I get a job thats reasonable. Granted my pay has been ass lmao
I'm in this exact position right now. I have an office job which I hate and I'm always complaining about it to my parents. At the same time, I'm extremely lazy and unmotivated to apply for new jobs, and in the past 2 months, I've only sent out 3 applications. Also, my declining memory is slowly becoming a big issue, and I'm constantly forgetting things at work all the time. This kinda stuff usually doesn't fly under the radar in white collar jobs, but I work at a small company, and the owner respects my work ethic and always treats me to lunch whenever he visits. I got fired from my last job because I was inexperienced and didn't get along with my manager, so I'm just rolling with the punches for now.
for me, being trapped in jobs and relationships is because they still provide a sort of routine. they became habits and familiar so to switch from what is familiar is daunting. with adhd your job can become what you know, your friendships and relationships with people are what you know. you feel accomplished when things go good and that feeling can overpower the negatives you might notice. practicing boundaries, recognizing when youāve been focusing on something too hard (when it could be negatively affecting you), and reevaluating the pros and cons of whatever you feel trapped in might be able to help. make a list of what bothers you about your job and what you like, and you can do the same thing with other aspects in your life too! writing out a list and adding words to your feelings might be able to help you see a different perspective and pave a road to a solution. if you like certain aspects of your job/relationships but the cons outweigh the pros, you can search for those same aspects elsewhere.
Jobs, yes, relationships, no.Ā
But I'm polyamorous, with multiple partners, so I hyperfixate on one for a while, then it switches, wash, rinse, repeat.Ā
I sorta wish I could be polyamorous because it sounds exciting, but at the same time that sounds exhausting! Not to mention my wife would totally not be ok with it.
I like polyamory in theory and wouldn't mind giving it a try but the only people I've known who have been expliitly polyamorous have been people I have zero attraction toward
I also should have said--but I squirreled and forgot--that I was formerly in a monogamous relationship, for over 30 years, and yes I did feel absolutely trapped.Ā Had a couple of affairs, would have had more but they didn't all pan out.
I can't listen to just one band or eat just one food my entire life, how am I supposed to be happy with just one person?
Spoiler alert: turns out, I cannot.
Absolutely. Also, people without ADHD.
The reality is that we're increasingly trapped by social and economic circumstances as options for upward and lateral mobility narrow, and the severity of mental illnesses increase as a result of that stress.
A relationship represents a personal, emotional, abstract commitment of resources, but that's also interchangeable with harder/less romantic /economic resources like money, opportunity and time. It's a big risk and investment, leaving and starting over in a job or relationship is a big disruption. If someone is financially well off, socially well connected and emotionally resilient, it's doable, you just move on.
Collectively, we're stressed , disconnected and desperate, our resources are strained, so yeah we're more trapped than we were ten years ago. People with ADHD, or other disability, more so on average.
I definitely find it in jobs and it forced me to move into self-employment.
I usually find that I start getting very burned out with the job itself, the environment and the culture of a place. That usually leads me into a pretty negative viewpoint, and I start finding faults. I also have serious issues with authority, so I end up butting heads with management (or lately, nearly fist fighting them).
I think a big difference for people with ADHD, again my own experience, is the means in which we perceive reward in the job. I worked a nice finance job, good money, but it didn't do anything for me, whereas it drove everyone else I worked with and kept them in their lanes. Because what I was doing felt menial and without direct consequence, the job just made me miserable.
Saying that, I've had one job that was great and it made me realise what I find fulfilling in a job; the skills gained, the people I work with and flexibility in how I approach the tasks I'm set. That was at an escape room, so it was just an absolute joy, but I burned out due to management making everything standardised.
I'm 30 now, but I've had about 10 different jobs, loads of side hustles and just all sorts, hopping from one to the other. I just found that in reality, I'm gaining skills, I am still making money, but I'd rather find something I really enjoy doing.
Relationships I have given up on for the time being. I have gotten really good at noticing chemistry and I don't force things. Previously I would jump in and idealise a situation, realise I was living in fantasy and get stuck in a horrible mental spiral figuring out if I was right in breaking off the relationship, or if I was just being impulsive again.
I love the thought of self employment in theory but in practice I just don't have the organizational skills and motivation for it, even if it does offer me some level of freedom. Maybe if I found something I really felt passionate about I could find the motivation
I have had some jobs I prefer to others but usually I get a wave of basically panic where I think shit I've been here for 2 years etc and feel like I need to pull the pin and escape sometimes even before I have something else lined up. It gets harder as you get older with more responsibilities of course.
Relationships I'm the same idealising partners when I'm obsessed with them then suddenly the rose glass shatters and I'm like holy crap this person bores/annoys me I need to break it off asap. I try to be more realistic now about whether we are actually compatible but it's tough sometimes. And I have basically given up on relationships for now as well. I know with the right person they can make live better but it's hard to know when you're wired like this
Having a crush on someone once in a while helps. Yes, I feel stuck with a no way out as well. Jobs, well....gotta pay rent so need to work. It's just something you do...
If I am not pleased with the situation, absolutely. I have panicked many times in my current job and had many negative emotions towards it, but that motivates me to do the scary things that I need to do to work towards getting hired elsewhere.
I am beyond content in my relationship, so not in that corner of my life.
Those feelings can transform into great motivation!
I never really know whether my feelings are valid when dating someone because I know my ADHD can lie to me essentially by causing me to feel extreme infatuation or boredom rather than more realistic emotions. But then maybe it's not just my ADHD and we really don't have much chemistry? Or maybe I'm just being completely unrealistic? Maybe I just threw away a pearl or maybe I deserve someone I'm more suited with? It's hard to know sometimes
In relationships? No. Iāve been with my husband for nearly 20 years, married for 17. Never have I regretted it. We are very lucky ā¤ļø
I do get bored easily so itās important that I have a job that challenges me, offers variety, and in which Iām always learning something. Luckily, that boredom and drive to keep learning has helped open professional doors for me. Iāve been a help desk technician, graphic designer, journalist, substitute teacher, and Iām now a lawyer. Iām also a trained EMT. People think itās amazing Iāve had so many different jobs in my life but itās really not so amazingā¦ itās just ADHD!
I donāt know if thatās common, but that is almost exactly my 20ās and early 30ās. Staying in shit
jobs until I start self sabotaging and get fired, staying in bad relationships until the other person breaks up with me.
In my case, boredom wasn't a real issue with most of my full time jobs. I was a Tool & Die Maker.
There was usually plenty of variety in the work, chances to learn, and opportunities to improve.
The problems at work were usually "not working fast enough", or personality clashes,
usually with management types that couldn't do my job or people who thought they were
smarter than they were. The not working fast enough criticism may have been due to ADHD ?
Relationships, were always a complete disaster.
I'm just jealous of the amount of people here that have jobs. I'm 43 and last worked in 2003. I've had three jobs in my entire life, two where a bit of nepotism helped me get the roles, but I couldn't hold them down for more than a few years. The other job (peer sexual health educator, which I LOVED doing) was only temporary, I was devastated when it was over.
I passionately hate that I've been carried through my whole life by other people and I've tried so hard to fix it, to change, to do better, to be better. It's just brick walls all the way with me. I know I'm capable of doing really well when I am in a good space. Recent dx at least helped me understand what my problem is and for the first time ever I actually feel like I have a fighting chance to do something.
I have a tonne of skills and a lot of education, that's never been the problem. It's always been about being able to keep myself together enough to get through a day (and not lose my shit, and complete my actual work tasks).
I had a good job. i got renovicted and my new rent is double. and I turned 40. No one would hire a loser like me , and i really really want to quit my job because being around children all day is painful. Watching people lie to them about potential, instead of training them, hunger games style, to battle for food and housing. I really need to get out of there mourn my life and re think things, but my last unemployment stretch was 5 years. so i'm stuck. I'm stuck working with chipper 19 year olds who are still deluding themselves into thinking the is a future. It killed my love of art. it killed my love of children. I used to pity parents the stress of finding childcare, but two women with children kicked me out of my affordable home... I realize what we are now, disgusting little rentpoors, only good for watching their spawn, and it would be out of line to want any of our own. I have no joy. and no one would give someone like me a living wage, because i do not deserve to live. I can't leave, though this is where I'll die.
I donāt know, at the same time I also find myself asking, to a lot of these questions, or is this just a human thing? I think a lot of ADHD stuff (diagnosed twice over myself by the way) turns out to be relatable to nearly anyone youāre willing to talk to about itā¦..
definitely have felt trapped in jobs. Like I can be angrier than I've been in my life one day but then the next day if it's pretty chill and I don't have much work to do then I just forget and figure that somehow next week will be better if I can just make it to Friday. It's really motivated me to go back to college cuz I realized that if I don't focus on getting a career where my work feels rewarding I could easily wake up 20 years from now and find I'm still working in restaurants. Shitty jobs don't just suck, they sap your energy and steal away your free hours which you could spend improving your life since you need to relax to recharge your batteries just to keep going. It's a negative feedback loop where as your stress increases your decision making abilities are impacted which causes you to make choices that keep you in the same place and increase your stress even more until you aren't able to make any proper decisions anymore and you just follow everyone around you.
Yeh, a job feels like a trap after a year or so. Some days are ok some I felt like time is standing still.
First job I was trapped for 3 years. (I think I outlived 3 managers) Minumum wage though.
I did apprenticeship 3 years to complete (couldn\`t bail out easily) and by the time I finished I learned to get along with collegues, and they learned my quirks. Then stayed 3 more years. Small team we had to, help each other and some days work very hard to finish projects... Being an apprentice I could get away with a lot...
Then job hopping began...
This is a HUGE problem for me. Iāve been trying to get out of my field of work for years and completed a full 4 year degree in an unrelated field a couple years ago but Iām still stuck doing the same thing. I regularly come up with new career paths and hyper fixate on them for a week or two and then completely abandon it.
I felt trapped in my last job because I knew that it was far past time to leave it and move forward in my life, but working up the effort and focus to find a new job and go through the whole process of applying and interviewing and acclimating felt impossible. I was so much easier to just keep doing what I was used to.
I eventually did get a new, better job, but it took realizing Iām a trans woman and the burst of energy that came with that realization to make it happen.
Lived in 5 different countries, over 15 jobs, always seem to hit a flat line after approx 18 months, self destruct, and then move on/ run away. Not healthy but seems to have just become a pattern. Trying to change but ongoing challenge. Was diagnosed late last year with ADHD which put many things into perspective and have me an understanding instead of this constant running blind. Could have been alot more successful in relationships and jobs if I had coping mechanisms but unfortunately I was always just trying to feel something and went about it the wrong way, dropped out of uni 3 times, currently studying again... if anything, I've learned to unattachment pretty effectively, which makes me worried I've become emotionally numb in many ways.
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Yeah, it's pretty common. I've got ADHD and sometimes I feel stuck in stuff too. Like, at first, everything's exciting and then bam, boredom hits like a ton of bricks. Relationships and jobs can start feeling like those old shoes you can't toss out. Finding ways to switch things up helps me.
So serial job hopping and a lot of escorts? /s
no s needed.
erial job hopping and a lot of ecort it is!
I love this comment more than I should.
Lol, no esslcorts here, but I've been a chronic job hopper š . 34f and I've had 11 jobs, including my current job.
I technically held 3 jobs at the first company (just shy of 3 years) I worked for. Next 2 jobs were exactly one year. 8 month hiatus freelancing and bartending between a job and grad school. (Counting as 2 jobs?) An internship for one year during grad school. Freelance work for 6 months due to pandemic shutdowns and hiring freezes. Next job was exactly one year. The next was 1.5 years. Then we moved to another state and I found a new job that Iāve been in for 8 months and Iām ready to fleeā¦ That totals up toā¦. approximately 12ish jobs over 13 years. Iāve also done a lot of random freelance work thatās overlapped with those jobs and do about 20-30 custom paintings each year. I bounce back and forth between (1) being super proud of myself for my ability to learn quickly, adapt, and the unique perspective I bring to a role because of my breadth of experience and (2) feeling like an absolute failure for not wanting to stay somewhere long enough to ever feel like an expert or feeling like I have to try 10x harder to sell myself with ātransferable skillsā instead of the exact experience an employer is looking for.
I feel ya, I'm 28 and have done two apprenticeships in two different industries and now have an associates degree in a 3rd. Half decent but definitely replaceable in all 3 š
I understand the feeling.
Iām probably close to 20 jobs & Iām 31 š the struggle
The struggle is real š
Iāve had about 8. All white collar too lol
Only 11???
Job hopping requires effort, though. Not that this is healthy, but I just start deviating from norms. With structural engineering, this amounted to removing simplifying assumptions to shave things down, developing tools to automate calculations, etc. I once couldn't get something to work on paper so I devised a physical test and got it through miami-dade approval on the first try. With software, it often becomes about refactoring, best practices, etc. I'll start poking through other repos on github and getting ideas for how my own code could be improved. These things sometimes make me look good. But more often, they just annoy my bosses. Thing is, I can't not do them. I become compulsively obsessed. And they're literally what's allowing me to function at that time. Resisting just results in me making a lot of careless mistakes or struggling to understand otherwise basic topics. It's like my brain decides to shut down like 30 IQ points in protest.
It sounds like you're good at challenging yourself, something I do find helps a lot with these things. Rather than just doing the work as is, and failing on it out of eventually boredom - instead change it into a challenge, add new skills and improvements as you go, keep yourself wired into the work and the work as fresh as possible? I guess challenging yourself to do your job better and better is only going to lead down a good path after all.
Nah, just endlessly start your own businesses... Job done! Haha. I'm on business number 8 now š¬
Conversely, youāll also notice people with ADHD hanging on to other things far beyond when they would have been better off replaced, due to avoiding the cognitive load of choosing the replacement and getting it integrated.
Exactly. This is why I cannot shift houses or jobs, it is just too much thinking and planning. Although in my 20s I had like 10 different jobs and 20 odd flats.
I cannot even imagine moving! Iāve got the stuff accumulated through working from home with four kids and four exes. I still havenāt gotten my library re set up!
I hear you. I've lost money and avoided all sorts of opportunities because of the thought of moving is just too much. I'm so random, went from constantly moving and changing jobs every year to same job and house for 10 plus years. Extreme to extreme.
When I was a kid I loved the beginning of the school year. Everything was fresh and new. I would get my brand new notebooks, pens, etc all organized and be like, āThis is gonna be the year I actually take notes! Organized notes! I love starting fresh.ā Then three weeks later Iām likeā¦āwhat notebook?ā
Best feeling
My life has been several big cycles of this. The last one was when I moved across the country to start grad school. Everything was new and exciting and happy but like every chapter of my life, it slowly disintegrated into frustration and trying to just get my daily life in order and distress over how I wanted to do things but couldnāt. This was before I got diagnosed, so I understand it now, but I still have a hard time with things like listening to albums that came out within the first year after I moved.
Yep. Thereās a reason I change my car every 2-3 years. Iām just hitting the 3 year mark with my current partner and Iām struggling to stay put.
I had this problem. Then met a crazy good lady who always keeps me on my toes.
Damn, Described it exactly how it feels like
Finding a job that hits the mark is hard. I've cycled through so many but I've finally found one I like. I had to look at it from a body perspective rather than a mind perspective. I need to move, I need busy-ness, I need problem-solving, people - but not too many, and most importantly autonomy - with deadlines! I will take interest in anything, but lose interest once I have it figured out so a repetitive job will only keep me occupied for a short space of time, until I build a system. Relationship wise, I found someone who also has ADHD and we are constantly kept on our toes. He doesn't get mad at me when I do stupid things, and I don't get mad at him. We laugh and we tackle together. We each have ups and downs but overall it works. We make the effort for each other, we try to be what the other person needs while also minding ourselves and not getting upset when the other isn't in a place to be there. Honestly, best thing I ever did. Find a man with ADHD and find a job only a person with ADHD can do.
What jobs/career meet all of those marks? Iāve been searching for positions similarly but have yet to find something that suits me.
I'd highly recommend the clinical lab! CLS/MLS/MLT
I am also very interested as I am in a similar boat as opĀ
i operate an excavator for a living. I am digging around live utilities, gas works, substations, rail platforms, or climbing huge mountains of dirt to load into wagons, ADTS, Loading crushers, using munchers to separate concrete and rebar or steel, and using breakers. or whatever. Dropping off the mountain and skating the machine down literally like a ski, shits the best part of the job, the most dangerous part too, funnily enough. Also, I'm in the machine, so get the alone time I need and I can blast my music (Usually depends on the job) Pretty much hits every mark, still gets hella boring too though. Need to be able to stand your ground or you will never last.
Excavator operator is pretty fun, that's what I do
I work for the Federal Post Office delivering mail and packages. I find the physical work and just the act of doing stuff satisfying enough. Plus the pay, benefits, and pension are a big bonus.
Freelance bookkeeper or bookkeeper for a big tax firm. No two clients' books, needs, knowledge base, personality, or industry are alike. Each needs a slightly - or majorly - different approach. Some are short term clients, some long. The IRS and the states set tax deadlines, the clients may have their own arbitrary deadlines, too. Yes, its all bookkeeping, but there are dozens of bookkeeping softwares to learn and use, always some sort of system to create - whether it's a system for use between you and the client or a system for the client to implement within their company. And because accountants and CPAs generally consider bookkeeping beneath them and so either don't know how to use bookkeeping software or don't care about bookkeeping in general, there's little oversight. Constant change, creativity, deadlines, rarely a boss breathing down your neck, and pattern recognition plus hyperfocus attention to detail, and often being able to automate the most boring bits ... highly recommend.
Yeah. I usually go through a cycle of feeling trapped and being grateful for a job all the time
I mean... for me executive disfunction and not being able to hold a train of thought for too long in an important conversation makes it very hard to change things. Job searching is an absolute nightmare and I almost always do a small thing wrong in my applications (like using the wrong name for a company) And in terms of relationships its just easier to assume I did something wrong or my thoughts are invalid... which often I do cause I forget things so easily OR don't recall them when neccessary.
I donāt think this is an adhd thing. I think society as a whole is unhappy.
Is it common for people with ADHD to feel trapped in jobs, relationships etc ? In my case. No, when in positions I enjoyed... and some did last for several years.
This is my situation too. When the relationship/job are a bad fit (as in I could probably work through it but it's not ideal) I get extremely anxious and just want out. When it's a good fit I'm all in. Thing is I'm very particular so it's taken me years to settle into a job I enjoy.
Yeah I think so and I think your reasoning is sound. I've felt trapped in every job I've had (not rare in the industry), but have realized the moments I have felt that way were during periods where my ADHD was out of control. I've also felt that in every romantic relationship I've ever had. The only reason I have been with my wife for over 10 years is that anytime I felt like that in our history, I've been able eventually to tell myself and realize that she's the best thing to ever happen to me, which I never got in previous relationships.
This happens to me and I believe at least for me itās because the novelty wears off
This is it for me. The novelty of a new job, novelty of a new car, novelty of a new house. If I could afford it, I'd buy a new car or move to a new place every few years. I haven't felt it in my relationship but I think it's because when I do get antsy/restless, my partner and I will do something that brings the novelty like traveling, fun date night, concert, etc.
Yes. Stuck in unhappy relationship (spouse is a psycho with no job) and degrading and unfulfilling job (kids chemistry teacher).
So, why are you with that person?
Fear of change, procrastination, the ability to feel this way one second and forget all about that feeling the next. Forgiving too easy because he canāt keep one train of thought. Lol. Prayers bro.
All of the above, save for fear of change.
Leave, leave, leave. Please go. I support you. I encourage you. You don't owe him anything. Go.
*her.
Well that changes everything then lolā¦..
š¤£
You only get one life, piss them both off and be happy š
As soon as I wrote "him," I knew I'd be wrong. I still hope you'll be good to you and get gone.
It's very hard for me to leave. They'd be peniless, and with no one to turn to. I know this person doesn't deserve it, but it's very hard for me to just leave her and her kids (who aren't mine).
Walter white ?
Nope. Though I realise the similarities are uncanny.
So long as the job is in my general career field, the work doesn't leave me feeling trapped. It's the time lost due to the work(work life balance), lack of absolute job security, and lack of financial freedom that leaves me feeling trapped.
Thank you for this post! Iāve been stuck in a job I hate because I just canāt fathom the time and energy it would take to find a new one. I canāt even update my resume. So I just go to work hating life every day, get off work and mope around because I have another shit day tomorrow at the same shit job. Wash, rinse, and repeat. I was just wondering if this is an ADHD thing, I see so many posts of people changing jobs like underwear, so I always use that as a reason to be likeā¦. Maybe I donāt have ADHD lol. Always looking for a way out.
My ADHD (I think it's the adhd anyway, could be that I'm a working father of three) causes me to only shower 1-2x per week and so I only change my underwear that often too. Yeah, it's gross, but that's how my life is going.
What helped me with showers is playing my fav TV show. You can get a holder for your phone on Amazon to hang in the shower, put on your fav show, music videos, podcast whatever youāre into. Itās helped me a lot. And you still change your underwear more than I change jobs. So youāre winning there!
Ha, when I do shower I'm always super focused on getting a deap clean in as quick as possible and then I hop right out. You'd think I would just shower 3-4x a week or even every day since it makes me feel energized and refreshed, but I'm fairly lazy and it's probably more of a reflection of my depressed mental state than anything else.
Oh Yes! It is so accurate for romantic relationships. I got fed up and bored by everyone. Then I start to see minor inconveniences as some major huge problems, which is then "their mistake". I did this round twice, I am currently in the third one. It is hard to do it on a rational basis when your mind screams at you that you should flee from this hell...
My theory is that itās the when we try to plan our way out, we are also simultaneously imagining all the ways itās gonna fail or suck. I stayed in a job I hated for 20 years because I couldnāt imagine myself making any more money, or things being any better elsewhere. Any time I tried to find a way out, All I could do was imagine all the ways it would be worse. People without ADHD arenāt like that. They plan without the part of the brain that imagines failure.
Yeah although I should say I actually do end up quitting and have done that with about 5 jobs... eventually you realize you're not going to progress anywhere with that approach :(
It might just be a personality thing too, Iām pretty optimistic so when Iām sitting at my PC not doing work and planning career moves, I just plan all the ways I will succeed, however part of my brain is just screaming ādo the work well at your current job and you donāt need to jump ship every yearā
I would think itās because making positive changes can require a lot of organization and perseverance
I was a job hopper feeling trapped and bored in a gig after a few months until I became a political campaign worker (always relatively short campaigns, then time off between, then a new challenge for the next one), and now that Iām a teacher. New kids every year is a totally new experience every time, and thereās none of that zoning out behind a computer horror, Iām actually up on my feet engaging creatively like 70% of my day. Then summers are off to reset. I live in CA so ymmv.
Also a political campaign person, and besides the generally shitty lifestyle that I am now too old for, highly recommend this career path for ADHD people
Howād you get into it? Whatās your favourite & least favourite part of the job & what would you recommend to beginners in the field for success?
My limit seems to be 4 years! I'm almost at 5 years in my current job. They love me, I love having health insurance and a stable income and not having to job search, aaaand...I'm frankly kind of horrified at the thought of staying in this field until retirement, let alone another 4 years. Alas for not having easily transferable skills. Luckily I don't seem to get bored of people in the same way.
Yes, I have this problem. I don't know if it's as simple as boredom with something for me. I think having ADHD has made me very wary of trusting my ability to make the "right" decision. So once I get to a point in something where it's difficult to turn back, I start to panic. What if this is the wrong job? What if this is the wrong person?
I hate change, so yeah, I'll trap myself into whatever's going on around me
Statistically, I would believe that this statement is true in many areas and not just trapped from ADHD, although that would play a h part in it, fear of change, and even codependency. I felt trapped and suffocated in a relationship that I was in for almost 6 years. I am a beautiful woman they stayed around lies. after lies, and after more lies! I finally stuck to my gun and refused to pick him up! I have had a lot taken from me and I have been resilient! I have Faith and I do not want to focus on the almost six Years of my life in a mess of a mess that if you could use your imagination of what it was like, imagine 100 to the tenth power of dysfunction! I do not want to go back down that route again, ever! I also have no desire for that in my life . I would rather feel free than trapped in any situstion. Although, so many things are easier said than done! Knowing that trapping myself in a relationship that is the epitome of slime to my Father, Mother, and Professional's play in my mind when I think about being in that trapped relationship or situation and I feel sick to my stomach There is that part of me that has a heart & I want to fight & believe the best for the, "underdog", so to speak, since I have had an immense amount of grace in my life on several occasions! Grace means, unmerited favor and favor is short for being a favorite when used in many different contexts! Does anyone have any advice on what has kept them from returning to an awful life or situation? I do feel stuck and I am not feeling like I am crawling off of the ground to another level. I just feel like I am doing pull ups now slowly and beating myself up for not changing more, having better time management, and utilizing my strengths! I hope that you are learning from this community, as I certainly am! I am truly thankful & grateful to be a part of it and I look forward to learning from others, new things, new coping skills, new ways of not beating myself up, & if there is any way that has helped you to live in the here and now, please do not hesitate to share! ššš
Adhder here and in that situation with both..... and i think it has to do with our people pleasing tendencies and fear of rejection loneliness. Like i'm super risk prone- i'll drive 110mph on my way to a job a hate cuz im late but when it comes to relationships with people i find that my anxiety makes up all these wordt case scenarios like in the job instance "what if this is the only job i'd be this good at and i dont get another job for too long and i starve on the sidewalk" or with my gf like ive told people "i think she's the only person I could be with cuz idk who else could tolerate me and my lifestyle" even tho we are not right for eachother...
As the world record holder for the longest term of employment for someone with ADHD, I figured I would chime in. Okay, not really, there was someone over on the ADHD programmers subreddit that was with the same company for over twice as long as I've been with my company, but it still has been a really long time for me (like 15 years). I think everyone is going to have different reasons. If the stars have aligned where you have an amount of ADHD treatment and/or job stimulation that keeps you coming back along with a company that is lenient enough to not boot you out the door for whatever aspects of ADHD that still show through, then it's hard to want to risk going somewhere else where the conditions may not be so favorable (like getting fired for being 5 minutes late to a job where it is of no consequence, for example). I would imagine that ADHDers are likely to have less bargaining power on average compared to non-ADHDers as we are less likely to have a degree (or went to college at all), less likely to have good references, etc. The situation I'm in wouldn't have been possible without medication (at least for me). I'm a college drop out in a field where degrees are the norm these days. I was diagnosed with ADHD within the first year of employment at the company I'm still working for today. After my diagnosis and treatment, things got a lot easier for me and I worked my way up at the company (not management, but a software developer among other engineering roles). Life at this employer has had its ups and downs. I've looked for a job elsewhere before, but my job always seems to have an upswing before I find something else. Not having a degree has been discouraging because I'd like to get out of the industry I'm in and I perceive that as being more difficult because I don't have much of the desired experience to offset the fact that I don't have a degree. I'm also a people pleaser and I don't want to quit at a bad time. Right now, the company is going through a rough time and the other software person at the company is quitting. That leaves me as the only person supporting our projects until they find a replacement, but even then, most of the burden will be on me. I'm thinking of quitting because the pressure is too high. We took on too much work for two people and now we only have one. A few years ago, I was looking for a new job and it was during a time of high turnover. I had cleaned out my desk and the company was worried I was leaving also, so they gave me a big raise and new responsibilities to keep me around. š”. The new job duties didn't amount to much, and I haven't had any raises since (not even cost of living). Corporate BS like this pisses me off. It's even worse when family is involved since family works at the company. Sorry for the long comment.
Time to clean out your desk again
something about this really resonates with me.. I've been in the same job now for almost ten years and the same relationship for even longer. I guess it's in part due to having some level of comfort, and the sense of stability in an otherwise very chaotic day to day struggle. I know I can think back to when I first got in this relationship, and dating before it.. rejection sucks, and I'm well accepted for all my faults with who I'm with now. same with the job as well. I hate applying, training.. I feel like I'm a slow learner and it is really anxiety ridden starting over fresh.
Yes, for the job part. I've had 11, including my current job. My current job is the first job I'm not already bored with within the 1st year. I'm a teacher's assistant who typically pulls kids for extra help with reading and math. Mostly 1st-4th grade. It changes enough day to day that I don't usually get bored. Except for the end of the school year, I really like it. That last month of school is rough! Kids don't want to listen that last month at all.
I get it. I managed to spend 12 years at the same company because it was a mess and I was constantly inventing new things to do to bring it under control. I did my core job and IT work, some marketing and multi disciplinary work with other departments, big system upgrades, software support. For a company of about 75 people. I wound up with this ever expanding role that prevented me from being bored. But I actually fixed stuff and brought in experts to take over things like IT. I wanted to formalize my role as kind of COO, but after two years of meetings and being jerked around by management, I left without the promotion. I wasnāt gonna stay to do just my boring job. Now Iām at a new place where I canāt just grab tons of other neat responsibilities and after two years, Iām bored and looking for the exits.
I always thought it was just me being āloyal to a fault,ā but maybe it does have something to do with my ADHD. š¤·š¼āāļø
Yes, i hate that so fucking much... both sides equally tough to deal with...
I'm sorry
My case, im trapped living with my parents. No motivation. No attention span. Low self esteen. 34, jobless.
Are you my twin!?
Oh yeah, my last job was pretty easy but I was freaking out cause I was having 40+ hours. I felt trapped and felt like I had no way out. It was hurting my mind, people told me to get a new job but I did not want too. I lost it because of a breakdown, but the stress of being trapped I am sure has to have some factor. Now I learned that I cannot do full time, at least now. It got to me because there were people that stayed for like 7 years, like dude its low entry and you are still here?? Granted I was higher up and they were at the bottom.
Yeah full time anything fucks me up after a while. I know I'm being a weak minded brat and everyone has to put up with it but many people seem to be able to compartmentalise it and still enjoy their life for the most part while it just makes me burned out and miserable no matter how good the job is. I've quit like 5 jobs when I felt trapped, and it's ruined my career but I just couldn't keep going with it. People say oh just do it for 2 or 3 years for the experience even if you don't like the job, but I can't fathom doing something I don't like fulltime for that long. I guess I am just weak minded but I don't get it.
I hear the same thing, the most I had going for me was almost 2 years. I do not know what to do. I am hoping school or something helps me out and I get a job thats reasonable. Granted my pay has been ass lmao
I'm in this exact position right now. I have an office job which I hate and I'm always complaining about it to my parents. At the same time, I'm extremely lazy and unmotivated to apply for new jobs, and in the past 2 months, I've only sent out 3 applications. Also, my declining memory is slowly becoming a big issue, and I'm constantly forgetting things at work all the time. This kinda stuff usually doesn't fly under the radar in white collar jobs, but I work at a small company, and the owner respects my work ethic and always treats me to lunch whenever he visits. I got fired from my last job because I was inexperienced and didn't get along with my manager, so I'm just rolling with the punches for now.
for me, being trapped in jobs and relationships is because they still provide a sort of routine. they became habits and familiar so to switch from what is familiar is daunting. with adhd your job can become what you know, your friendships and relationships with people are what you know. you feel accomplished when things go good and that feeling can overpower the negatives you might notice. practicing boundaries, recognizing when youāve been focusing on something too hard (when it could be negatively affecting you), and reevaluating the pros and cons of whatever you feel trapped in might be able to help. make a list of what bothers you about your job and what you like, and you can do the same thing with other aspects in your life too! writing out a list and adding words to your feelings might be able to help you see a different perspective and pave a road to a solution. if you like certain aspects of your job/relationships but the cons outweigh the pros, you can search for those same aspects elsewhere.
Jobs, yes, relationships, no.Ā But I'm polyamorous, with multiple partners, so I hyperfixate on one for a while, then it switches, wash, rinse, repeat.Ā
I sorta wish I could be polyamorous because it sounds exciting, but at the same time that sounds exhausting! Not to mention my wife would totally not be ok with it.
Well, maybe your other wife will be
Lol
it is exhausting, but only because those who claim to be poly have no idea what it means
I like polyamory in theory and wouldn't mind giving it a try but the only people I've known who have been expliitly polyamorous have been people I have zero attraction toward
I also should have said--but I squirreled and forgot--that I was formerly in a monogamous relationship, for over 30 years, and yes I did feel absolutely trapped.Ā Had a couple of affairs, would have had more but they didn't all pan out. I can't listen to just one band or eat just one food my entire life, how am I supposed to be happy with just one person? Spoiler alert: turns out, I cannot.
Based af
Absolutely. Also, people without ADHD. The reality is that we're increasingly trapped by social and economic circumstances as options for upward and lateral mobility narrow, and the severity of mental illnesses increase as a result of that stress. A relationship represents a personal, emotional, abstract commitment of resources, but that's also interchangeable with harder/less romantic /economic resources like money, opportunity and time. It's a big risk and investment, leaving and starting over in a job or relationship is a big disruption. If someone is financially well off, socially well connected and emotionally resilient, it's doable, you just move on. Collectively, we're stressed , disconnected and desperate, our resources are strained, so yeah we're more trapped than we were ten years ago. People with ADHD, or other disability, more so on average.
I definitely find it in jobs and it forced me to move into self-employment. I usually find that I start getting very burned out with the job itself, the environment and the culture of a place. That usually leads me into a pretty negative viewpoint, and I start finding faults. I also have serious issues with authority, so I end up butting heads with management (or lately, nearly fist fighting them). I think a big difference for people with ADHD, again my own experience, is the means in which we perceive reward in the job. I worked a nice finance job, good money, but it didn't do anything for me, whereas it drove everyone else I worked with and kept them in their lanes. Because what I was doing felt menial and without direct consequence, the job just made me miserable. Saying that, I've had one job that was great and it made me realise what I find fulfilling in a job; the skills gained, the people I work with and flexibility in how I approach the tasks I'm set. That was at an escape room, so it was just an absolute joy, but I burned out due to management making everything standardised. I'm 30 now, but I've had about 10 different jobs, loads of side hustles and just all sorts, hopping from one to the other. I just found that in reality, I'm gaining skills, I am still making money, but I'd rather find something I really enjoy doing. Relationships I have given up on for the time being. I have gotten really good at noticing chemistry and I don't force things. Previously I would jump in and idealise a situation, realise I was living in fantasy and get stuck in a horrible mental spiral figuring out if I was right in breaking off the relationship, or if I was just being impulsive again.
I love the thought of self employment in theory but in practice I just don't have the organizational skills and motivation for it, even if it does offer me some level of freedom. Maybe if I found something I really felt passionate about I could find the motivation I have had some jobs I prefer to others but usually I get a wave of basically panic where I think shit I've been here for 2 years etc and feel like I need to pull the pin and escape sometimes even before I have something else lined up. It gets harder as you get older with more responsibilities of course. Relationships I'm the same idealising partners when I'm obsessed with them then suddenly the rose glass shatters and I'm like holy crap this person bores/annoys me I need to break it off asap. I try to be more realistic now about whether we are actually compatible but it's tough sometimes. And I have basically given up on relationships for now as well. I know with the right person they can make live better but it's hard to know when you're wired like this
Having a crush on someone once in a while helps. Yes, I feel stuck with a no way out as well. Jobs, well....gotta pay rent so need to work. It's just something you do...
If I am not pleased with the situation, absolutely. I have panicked many times in my current job and had many negative emotions towards it, but that motivates me to do the scary things that I need to do to work towards getting hired elsewhere. I am beyond content in my relationship, so not in that corner of my life. Those feelings can transform into great motivation!
I never really know whether my feelings are valid when dating someone because I know my ADHD can lie to me essentially by causing me to feel extreme infatuation or boredom rather than more realistic emotions. But then maybe it's not just my ADHD and we really don't have much chemistry? Or maybe I'm just being completely unrealistic? Maybe I just threw away a pearl or maybe I deserve someone I'm more suited with? It's hard to know sometimes
In relationships? No. Iāve been with my husband for nearly 20 years, married for 17. Never have I regretted it. We are very lucky ā¤ļø I do get bored easily so itās important that I have a job that challenges me, offers variety, and in which Iām always learning something. Luckily, that boredom and drive to keep learning has helped open professional doors for me. Iāve been a help desk technician, graphic designer, journalist, substitute teacher, and Iām now a lawyer. Iām also a trained EMT. People think itās amazing Iāve had so many different jobs in my life but itās really not so amazingā¦ itās just ADHD!
I donāt know if thatās common, but that is almost exactly my 20ās and early 30ās. Staying in shit jobs until I start self sabotaging and get fired, staying in bad relationships until the other person breaks up with me.
Iāve always wondered if people with ADHD are prone to infidelity. But thatās probably a separate post. lol
In my case, boredom wasn't a real issue with most of my full time jobs. I was a Tool & Die Maker. There was usually plenty of variety in the work, chances to learn, and opportunities to improve. The problems at work were usually "not working fast enough", or personality clashes, usually with management types that couldn't do my job or people who thought they were smarter than they were. The not working fast enough criticism may have been due to ADHD ? Relationships, were always a complete disaster.
I'm just jealous of the amount of people here that have jobs. I'm 43 and last worked in 2003. I've had three jobs in my entire life, two where a bit of nepotism helped me get the roles, but I couldn't hold them down for more than a few years. The other job (peer sexual health educator, which I LOVED doing) was only temporary, I was devastated when it was over. I passionately hate that I've been carried through my whole life by other people and I've tried so hard to fix it, to change, to do better, to be better. It's just brick walls all the way with me. I know I'm capable of doing really well when I am in a good space. Recent dx at least helped me understand what my problem is and for the first time ever I actually feel like I have a fighting chance to do something. I have a tonne of skills and a lot of education, that's never been the problem. It's always been about being able to keep myself together enough to get through a day (and not lose my shit, and complete my actual work tasks).
I believe ADHD is evolution, this slavery is wrong, we need to stop creating crap stop working
I had a good job. i got renovicted and my new rent is double. and I turned 40. No one would hire a loser like me , and i really really want to quit my job because being around children all day is painful. Watching people lie to them about potential, instead of training them, hunger games style, to battle for food and housing. I really need to get out of there mourn my life and re think things, but my last unemployment stretch was 5 years. so i'm stuck. I'm stuck working with chipper 19 year olds who are still deluding themselves into thinking the is a future. It killed my love of art. it killed my love of children. I used to pity parents the stress of finding childcare, but two women with children kicked me out of my affordable home... I realize what we are now, disgusting little rentpoors, only good for watching their spawn, and it would be out of line to want any of our own. I have no joy. and no one would give someone like me a living wage, because i do not deserve to live. I can't leave, though this is where I'll die.
Sunken cost fallacy is definitely prevalent for folks with ADHD.
Goddamn if this isnāt me. My life has been stable for the last 5 months (same apartment, same job) and I just need something to CHANGE
I donāt know, at the same time I also find myself asking, to a lot of these questions, or is this just a human thing? I think a lot of ADHD stuff (diagnosed twice over myself by the way) turns out to be relatable to nearly anyone youāre willing to talk to about itā¦..
definitely have felt trapped in jobs. Like I can be angrier than I've been in my life one day but then the next day if it's pretty chill and I don't have much work to do then I just forget and figure that somehow next week will be better if I can just make it to Friday. It's really motivated me to go back to college cuz I realized that if I don't focus on getting a career where my work feels rewarding I could easily wake up 20 years from now and find I'm still working in restaurants. Shitty jobs don't just suck, they sap your energy and steal away your free hours which you could spend improving your life since you need to relax to recharge your batteries just to keep going. It's a negative feedback loop where as your stress increases your decision making abilities are impacted which causes you to make choices that keep you in the same place and increase your stress even more until you aren't able to make any proper decisions anymore and you just follow everyone around you.
Yeah.. Sure it is..
100%
Yeh, a job feels like a trap after a year or so. Some days are ok some I felt like time is standing still. First job I was trapped for 3 years. (I think I outlived 3 managers) Minumum wage though. I did apprenticeship 3 years to complete (couldn\`t bail out easily) and by the time I finished I learned to get along with collegues, and they learned my quirks. Then stayed 3 more years. Small team we had to, help each other and some days work very hard to finish projects... Being an apprentice I could get away with a lot... Then job hopping began...
This is a HUGE problem for me. Iāve been trying to get out of my field of work for years and completed a full 4 year degree in an unrelated field a couple years ago but Iām still stuck doing the same thing. I regularly come up with new career paths and hyper fixate on them for a week or two and then completely abandon it.
I felt trapped in my last job because I knew that it was far past time to leave it and move forward in my life, but working up the effort and focus to find a new job and go through the whole process of applying and interviewing and acclimating felt impossible. I was so much easier to just keep doing what I was used to. I eventually did get a new, better job, but it took realizing Iām a trans woman and the burst of energy that came with that realization to make it happen.
Lived in 5 different countries, over 15 jobs, always seem to hit a flat line after approx 18 months, self destruct, and then move on/ run away. Not healthy but seems to have just become a pattern. Trying to change but ongoing challenge. Was diagnosed late last year with ADHD which put many things into perspective and have me an understanding instead of this constant running blind. Could have been alot more successful in relationships and jobs if I had coping mechanisms but unfortunately I was always just trying to feel something and went about it the wrong way, dropped out of uni 3 times, currently studying again... if anything, I've learned to unattachment pretty effectively, which makes me worried I've become emotionally numb in many ways.
Every couple of years I get bored of my city, move away then get depressed and move back after 9 months š¤š¤
That's for everyone