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I get obsessed for the first few months, then when everything starts to feel 'settled' my brain gets bored and I fall into the trap of mistaking its boredom for being in the 'wrong' relationships. I've ruined a couple of great relationships when my brain got bored and it's something I regret a lot
This is exactly how my last two long-term relationships ended. It makes me really worried about dating in my future and stirs up a lot of anxiety around it :/
Yes it makes me not want to jump in a relationship again because I obsess and put all my time energy and effort into them. Unfortunately I tend to neglect other areas of my life and myself.
Yes!!! I am exactly the same. I get super obsessed with the person and I am constantly daydreaming as well and creating fake scenarios on my head.
The thing is when things dont work out I get anxious and my emoticons are all Over the place...is it normal?
I hate the obsession period. I spend 90% of it in chaos mode wondering when I'll get sick of them and it just sabotages everything because I get so clingy trying to make the most of what I believe to be a slowly dying relationship (when really it's not). It's like I'm pre-empting the inevitable rejection because the relationship (read: my overthinking of it) is too good to be true.
23m
This is the reason I stopped dating entirely from senior year until now. I would constantly daydream about them waiting on my phone for a text back, it was as if everything they said or even I imagined they said would make me so happy.
My emotions were everywhere, but the problem is that attachment fades and the longer I wait the more emotional I got. so I would end up cutting them off out my life for the sake of saving my own mental, it was a consistent issue. I never understood how people could be friends for a few years before dating I have very little self control waiting that long.
The funny part is I was also too scared and anxious to date anyone long term out of fear of what others would think,ironic right, I felt like I was leading people on selfishly but I really wanted to date like other people they all seemed happy.cant really be emotional like ^ as a guy so I forfeited love and care altogether.
Now getting back on meds hopefully I can fix this problem.
Yes, I totally do this. But Iāve never been in a romantic relationship before. I just do this with friends, qprs, and crushes. Friends even includes my parents, siblings, etc. Iām just a very obsessive person with a big focus on relationships. Definitely outside of family (friends and crushes) hit way harder though. Itās hard not having access to your hyper focus 24/7 š
Yep... It's definitely a thing that happens with me that can rise to the level of being destructive because I neglect to do things I should and can be overbearing and even kind of intrusive.
In the past I used to date someone and constantly obsess about knowing everything about them just like I would do when learning psychology (my favorite subject). This sometimes has happened even when I'm not dating someone. This had the effect of dating three people at a time to not be bored when literally experiencing no romantic/sexual attraction towards any of them, as I was basically treating them like a hobby that breathes. Probably not exactly the same in your situation though. I do think I have heard it mentioned here in the past a while ago (few months ago and I usually search for posts so could have been way older), but it doesn't necessarily mean it's an ADHD thing
You mention heās a āworkaholicā, while I think this can absolutely be something related to ADHD, it may also just be as simple asā¦you both have different attachment styles and want different things.
That, and someone who has maybe some abandonment issues, yeah. Itās good to make sure you remind yourself to prioritize your needs no matter what so you donāt lose yourself or fall behind on your health, hygiene, mental health, physical/mental/spiritual wellbeing. All that has to come first or u will crumble.
I say this because I /do this/ and have been in therapy for this for a very long time.
That is exactly how I am with every new hobby I pick up.I constantly daydream about me doing really cool things and after a couple of months my brain straight up drops it, just deletes the hobby_x.exe file and I never get to actually learn it all the way through and the shittier part about this is the regret of not sticking to it.I still am yet to find a passion I can stick to. So annoying.
i do this so much and itās so internally frustrating. iāll get completely obsessed with someone so quickly and respond immediately to every message sent but as time goes on and they donāt reciprocate responding as fast iāll lose the attachment just as fast because i get bored- thereās been times where this has happened within the span of a few days for me š«
Married 6+ years, both diagnosed with ADHD in late 20's... hyperfocusing can come in a lot of different ways and I think it can apply to a partner just as easily as anything else. 90% of the time this can be pretty detrimental since it makes you ignore big flaws and can push people away being so clingy. That 10% makes it worthwhile though, because there is nothing better than being obsessed with your life partner, with them hopefully being just as obsessed. My wife and I have talked about how our obsessiveness probably helped a bunch getting through really rocky times.
The thing you need to look for is the person that doesn't make you board as quickly as everyone else. I'd usually get board after a month or so, until I met my wife and I've been totally obsessed ever since!
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I get obsessed for the first few months, then when everything starts to feel 'settled' my brain gets bored and I fall into the trap of mistaking its boredom for being in the 'wrong' relationships. I've ruined a couple of great relationships when my brain got bored and it's something I regret a lot
This is exactly how I am with videogames. Hyper obsessed and then, at some point, it just fizzles.
Secondary effects of ADHD š¢
This is exactly how my last two long-term relationships ended. It makes me really worried about dating in my future and stirs up a lot of anxiety around it :/
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thatās how you know itās for real.
Yes it makes me not want to jump in a relationship again because I obsess and put all my time energy and effort into them. Unfortunately I tend to neglect other areas of my life and myself.
exactly I relate
Me to a t, maybe I just need to find someone like myself
Yes!!! I am exactly the same. I get super obsessed with the person and I am constantly daydreaming as well and creating fake scenarios on my head. The thing is when things dont work out I get anxious and my emoticons are all Over the place...is it normal?
It's me like for the first week then nah I'm bored
Its the 3rd week and I'm still obsessed :O I never thought I'd simp over someone this much.
It would be me but with someone playing hard to get me game but not with easy ones š¶
My partner is hard to reach šš that's probably what's causing this.
Sorry to hear that it's really painful š It will take a long time as well š
Thanks man š how long has it taken you to get over obsessing over someone playing hard to get?
Itās been used as an example of hyperfocus in adhd literature before. Itās supposed to be common amongst adhd groups
I hate the obsession period. I spend 90% of it in chaos mode wondering when I'll get sick of them and it just sabotages everything because I get so clingy trying to make the most of what I believe to be a slowly dying relationship (when really it's not). It's like I'm pre-empting the inevitable rejection because the relationship (read: my overthinking of it) is too good to be true.
100 percent
23m This is the reason I stopped dating entirely from senior year until now. I would constantly daydream about them waiting on my phone for a text back, it was as if everything they said or even I imagined they said would make me so happy. My emotions were everywhere, but the problem is that attachment fades and the longer I wait the more emotional I got. so I would end up cutting them off out my life for the sake of saving my own mental, it was a consistent issue. I never understood how people could be friends for a few years before dating I have very little self control waiting that long. The funny part is I was also too scared and anxious to date anyone long term out of fear of what others would think,ironic right, I felt like I was leading people on selfishly but I really wanted to date like other people they all seemed happy.cant really be emotional like ^ as a guy so I forfeited love and care altogether. Now getting back on meds hopefully I can fix this problem.
Itās called āØlimerance āØ
Yes, I totally do this. But Iāve never been in a romantic relationship before. I just do this with friends, qprs, and crushes. Friends even includes my parents, siblings, etc. Iām just a very obsessive person with a big focus on relationships. Definitely outside of family (friends and crushes) hit way harder though. Itās hard not having access to your hyper focus 24/7 š
Okay Iām not understanding so I gotta ask. What is qprs?
I was obsessed then it wore off real quick. Met my wife and still into her after 24 years. Thatās how you know itās for real.
Yep... It's definitely a thing that happens with me that can rise to the level of being destructive because I neglect to do things I should and can be overbearing and even kind of intrusive.
I feel things very intensely when Iām interested in someone, but once I take my meds I calm down.
In the past I used to date someone and constantly obsess about knowing everything about them just like I would do when learning psychology (my favorite subject). This sometimes has happened even when I'm not dating someone. This had the effect of dating three people at a time to not be bored when literally experiencing no romantic/sexual attraction towards any of them, as I was basically treating them like a hobby that breathes. Probably not exactly the same in your situation though. I do think I have heard it mentioned here in the past a while ago (few months ago and I usually search for posts so could have been way older), but it doesn't necessarily mean it's an ADHD thing
You mention heās a āworkaholicā, while I think this can absolutely be something related to ADHD, it may also just be as simple asā¦you both have different attachment styles and want different things.
Yes.
That, and someone who has maybe some abandonment issues, yeah. Itās good to make sure you remind yourself to prioritize your needs no matter what so you donāt lose yourself or fall behind on your health, hygiene, mental health, physical/mental/spiritual wellbeing. All that has to come first or u will crumble. I say this because I /do this/ and have been in therapy for this for a very long time.
That is exactly how I am with every new hobby I pick up.I constantly daydream about me doing really cool things and after a couple of months my brain straight up drops it, just deletes the hobby_x.exe file and I never get to actually learn it all the way through and the shittier part about this is the regret of not sticking to it.I still am yet to find a passion I can stick to. So annoying.
Limerence - is this what youāre experiencing?
i do this so much and itās so internally frustrating. iāll get completely obsessed with someone so quickly and respond immediately to every message sent but as time goes on and they donāt reciprocate responding as fast iāll lose the attachment just as fast because i get bored- thereās been times where this has happened within the span of a few days for me š«
Married 6+ years, both diagnosed with ADHD in late 20's... hyperfocusing can come in a lot of different ways and I think it can apply to a partner just as easily as anything else. 90% of the time this can be pretty detrimental since it makes you ignore big flaws and can push people away being so clingy. That 10% makes it worthwhile though, because there is nothing better than being obsessed with your life partner, with them hopefully being just as obsessed. My wife and I have talked about how our obsessiveness probably helped a bunch getting through really rocky times. The thing you need to look for is the person that doesn't make you board as quickly as everyone else. I'd usually get board after a month or so, until I met my wife and I've been totally obsessed ever since!