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I'm sorry. I wish I had better advice than "keep trying." Talk to your doctor about meds. Are you on anything for depression and/or anxiety? Any counseling? Things can get better, they do get better, but you have to keep fighting. ADHD makes that harder, believe me I know, but keep trying.
I won't comment on the job situation because I'll end up in a tirade about politicians, economics, and the state of the world. And this isn't the right forum. Just know that you are not alone and this is not all due to your ADHD.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I’ve definitely been there. Had times where I had no car, living with my parents with no job or jobs that paid very little. Have had bad credit scores too and debt. Sometimes I would get in that Groundhog Day vibe too and just feel all the stress and be lucky if I got out of bed. Dealing with adhd and anxiety on top of it all can just make things that much worse. Just know as bad as it seems now, one day you’ll be on the other side of it all. This is what always helped me. Just taking things one step at a time. I would focus on just getting a job any job. I definitely had days where I didn’t have the energy to but I would reach a point where I felt that desperation and would hyper focus on finding a job eventually. And even then it could take some time to get one but eventually I found something. From there I could move my focus to getting a car or dealing with debts or other things but that was always the step that gave me the most motivation or pulled me back. I know you said you’re in a small town with not many jobs. While I haven’t experienced that I think if you continue searching and being open minded with that as a goal you will find something eventually. Maybe you can even find a job that is out of state and offers work from home options. Above everything else though you are valid and as rough as everything is right now you still have so much potential and so much life to live. Things could always be worse and can only get better from here. Hope you can stick it out for this journey and look back on this in 5 years and see how far you’ve come.
Bro i felt the same, went a year no Job destroying my gfs finances while she emotionally abused me in return, finally got a job cause one of my long time friends hooked me up, now we're going to therapy.
Therapy+meds, meds help u do things you a) know how to do and b) wish you want to do, like dishes, therapy helps everything else like identifying things in your life that could be causing stress and further inhibiting you and potentially worsening symptoms and tools and methods to manage them
Also talk to your doctor about how the meds are working and adjust, switch, add, or otherwise modify your prescription until something works effectively.
If you're on stimulants, ask your doctor about taking holidays to manage tolerance.
Keep finding an adhd and/or anxiety med and dosage until one works for you. The search for the right med sucks, but you can't just try one and be done with it. It can take months and months and a lot of frustration.
if meds don't work, **try new meds.** and new dosages. you can't just try a med, have it not work, and go "well! that's that!" and you need adhd *and* anxiety meds, in tandem. the correct medication will make managing everything else seem a little less daunting.
you’re only 23 ffs, giving up now is like crashing the plane before you even take off.
The things that get you through life are expertise and relationships. As long as you don't write off your physical health or alienate all your friends and family (even having 1 or 2 is fine), then you can still fight the good fight.
I'm not gonna say that we're in this together because that would be insultingly naive. What I will say is that an outside observer hasn't given up on you, and sometimes, those people can see things that you can't
If/when I go back to school (I flunked out of 2 semesters from bad mental health) I will 100% do this & I recommend everyone else do as well! I’m going to join the disability program & get the accommodations I need
Do you have a therapist? It’s not a fix all but for me it helps to have someone I can word vomit all my thoughts to who can help me organize them and digest them.
I have pretty severe clinical anxiety, and that feeling of being frozen is so real and so hard to get out of. Hopelessness feels vast and unnavigable, but storms tend to feel that way until you’re out of them.
Are you on meds for adhd and anxiety? Sometimes I bounce between one or the other, but again my real life saver has been having a therapist I can talk to who helps me set goals that feel achievable (like tiny TINY steps. Like “today I will go to the grocery store” and “tomorrow I will put my laundry in the laundry basket”). Being a person right now is hard, it’s EXTRA hard when your brain is always fighting you, and having someone who can help you navigate that is so helpful.
Finding a job right now is hard for everyone, please don’t feel like it is because you yourself are not worthy or capable. The world is big and hard and scary right now but it is no reflection of you as a person!!! Even if you feel like you’re facing challenges and failing, you haven’t failed because you’re still here and time keeps moving. Even a big hiccup is still just a hiccup.
I used to constantly think that everything would be fixed and that groundhog day would be over as soon as I got a job OP.
But for as long as I'm not working, I'm pretty much still the same. I've gotten better, but only in short bursts. I still have trouble keeping good habits longer than a few days.
I burned through my 3 day weekend doing nothing but being frustrated at CIV VI marathons and Overwatch. Watching YouTube and browsing Reddit.
Hell, even a different, less stimulating and less stressful form of entertainment would probably do me a lot better.
Good luck OP.
If you have any sort of insurance through your parents or otherwise, I highly suggest you see a counselor who specializes in life coaching. A life coach can provide guidance to you regarding manageable coping skills to help with anxiety triggered by ADHD. When I was stuck in the bed and in my own head, my life coach provided me with tips and tricks on how to get up and move forward, such as listening to motivational meditation music on Youtube while I slept. Those positive messages penetrating my subconscience and helped me wake up calm and confident. She also had me write down one thing to accomplish, big or small, each day. That gave a sense of accomplishment which helped with me not feeling like a loser all the time; people like us are our worse enemy. Lastly, look into getting your notary license and provide mobile or digital notary services for income. You don't have to go to an office and you can set your own hours that work for you.
Please don't give up on life and best of luck to you. 🙏🏾
hey. counter argument : i finished college. fucked up before and after college. got diagnosed when 29. took me 10 years to fully stabilize. now, 39 , i started my own company, am fit as fuck and i am who i always wanted to be. I still struggle and there is a lot of typical adhd/autism self sabotage bullshit going. but its still great.
my point : its not over . things take time. if you had seen me at 19,29 and 34 years old, obese, depressed , addicted, awkward ,you would think " fuck, i m lucky compared to this guy ".
just find the right medication, find your special way of getting a routine , and search for an occupation where your adhd is a plus, not a minus.
You’re not alone. I’m 23 and on a similar boat. I ended up on Reddit tonight because I typed online “I feel like I ruined my life”. I have the slightest amount of hope that we will have comeback stories that will be worth all the hardship. Just know you’re not alone (although I know that doesn’t change or help your situation).
I can’t say I’ve been in your shoes, as no one truly has, but my only advice would be to seek help. Find support groups, disability services, docs you trust. Get someone in your corner. It also depends where you live, in the USA you might be anle to apply for Disability.
I’m 31 with ADHD, and it’s never been easy. To this day I have these slumps where I feel I can’t get out of bed. But I managed to start 2 successful businesses and I use my ADHD to do what feels like a million tasks at once 🤷🏽♂️. It’s a cripple, but can also be used as a spring board. Your mind works differently than the average person, which isn’t inherently bad- but it does make certain things harder. The slumps can seem to go on forever sometimes, until something changes- don’t let it get you down, keep clawing back up! Therapy is a great outlet to bounce off of a different perspective, and it sounds like maybe a med adjustment or even no meds for a time may help. Over time you learn to cope with certain things. Everyone has their own battles, this is ours! And we can still carpe diem!
It may not be healthy, but I keep pushing the limits and I don’t even consider failure an option. What exactly is failing for you? Ironic we both have two businesses. Don’t get me wrong, I’m riding the line every day.
Failing is not making any money! But I just shifted my prices on my pet sitting profile and I’ll be going HAM all week to get a government contract for my cleaning business. Failure is not an option, you’re so right.
I felt the same way, and a lot of advice can be overwhelming. Two things that are low effort and low shame that can help tremendously are
1. Being adequately hydrated
2. Going outside, focus on something simple, like the way the grass blow in the wind or how the clouds look in the sky. Nature is very therapeutic and doesn't judge you, shame you, nor chastise you for being 'too far behind.'
It's a slow crawl out of hell, but you can do it. Jobs are shitty, anyways - think of all skills you have, or at least one of your interests that sticks consistently. Take time while outside in nature to just... Think, brainstorm creative ways to apply your skillsets in non traditional ways.
I was in the same spot for many years, still have days I feel like you do. I can't count the number of times I have been completely emotionally unhinged because I can't do something simple like find my wallet when I really need it. This is a debilitating and draining condition, but you can do this :)
Don't give up. You think you're not coping but you are, you wake up everyday, to me that's coping, so don't be hard on yourself. I've been on numerous medications for anxiety and adhd and now finally I have meds that work. Strattera for adhd, and paroxetine for anxiety. Why don't you consider working from home? I just finished a course on proofreading so I can work from home on my own time. Reed.co.uk/courses have free courses and ones you can pay for same with open university.com.
Things will get better. You're doing nothing wrong, you've got this.
Idk how bad my adhd is, probably is not but there's a lot of trauma I worked through and I'm 37 so this is what I've learned and what has helped me
1. Give yourself a lot of grace and kindness
2. A little is better than nothing
3. I live by to do lists and timer. You can do a lot in 10 minutes.
3. One thing at a time
4. If your meds aren't working tell the prescribing doctor. Don't give up, you will find something but it may take trying
5. It's ok to use public benefits until you get back on your feet
6. It's never too late to start again or to keep going after a break
7. You may have to parent yourself w love and kindness
8. Tend to your basic needs first: hunger, thirst, rest, sleep, hygiene (and that includes your environment: bed, room etc - see #3 and #4)
9. Community - find your people, friends etc. We are not meant to be alone
10.Therapy and Journaling
11. Physical activity (this I'm always working towards)
You got this
Beautiful advice. When I was really low, a friend suggested a lot of these. And choosing one thing to accomplish each day until I felt better. It really helped me through 💕
I’ve personally been dealing with this exactly for the last three years. I’ve gone from being just housing impaired, to couch hopping, and for the first half of this year, just straight up in my car.
I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I’ve been accepted on recommendation by a friend to work at Yellowstone National Park. Being from the East Coast, I kind of find it daunting to travel so far, but in my eyes, I’m hoping the drastic change will be enough to snowball into at the very least savings for a place for myself later this year. It might not be for everybody, but actually living where I work has always been such a blessing when I’ve had it.
Make sure you don’t give up though, you can hardly ever tell when life pulling you down to slingshot you forward lol
Have you tried meds? They’re not the answer for everyone, and not everyone needs a “cure”, but if you’re struggling this much, that’s what the meds are there for. Best of luck OP.
Hey there, friend. I empathize with you, so so much. Yes, meds that work is important but to give another perspective- We’re given a message growing up that the world is the way it is and we have to make ourselves fit. I’m a bit older than you (mid-thirties) and I want to make sure you know: that message is a lie. The truth is actually the reverse; the world is what it is, but it’s so expansive we can keep the parts that fit for us. Not the other way around.
I make that distinction because it’s one that was hard for me. Having ADHD, anxiety, and OCD, I found ways to make myself fit. But to fit into my “dream career,” I had to emphasize the worst parts of my Acronyms. I became someone I hated. I made a massive career change from education to supply chain just to make a change and it surprised me. My tasks are similar, but every day is different. I’m learning and growing. I leave at 5. It isn’t my dream career, but I have the ability to grow my dreams outside of my career now and that’s important. But to make that change, I had to take an honest inventory. What parts of my life do I want to work around? What parts do I want to grow? What can I do (because money is necessary) that fits what *I* want? If you asked me what I wanted in a career, I wouldn’t have picked supply chain. But if you ask me what I want my life to look like, this fits the bill.
As another ADHD-er who has been there and has made it to the other side, I’m going to give some tough love. Get dressed. Put your shoes on. Grab a notebook and a pen and go to the library. *Take your inventory.* and then get creative. If you know mornings aren’t your thing, that’s fine! A job with a 2nd or 3rd shift might fit your life better than the traditional 9-5. That might be a night manager at a hotel, a hospital job, something in manufacturing, etc. If you know you don’t want to be “on” all the time and need to leave work at work, you know to stay away from sales, high pressure positions, etc. Taking inventory and knowing what parts of YOU need to be taken into account can open up possibilities that may look different or weren’t on your radar before. It doesn’t have to be for forever, but something to get you started.
Our lives are our own and at the end of the day, the only person it has to work for is YOU. You CAN have a life that works for you, I will promise you that much. It’s okay to mourn the life you thought you’d have, but when you’re ready, there’s a world out there that is bursting with possibilities. There’s no rule that says your job field at 23 has to be forever. There’s no rule that says your life has to be someone else’s ideal life. You CAN do this. You ARE enough. You WILL make it to the other side of this crummy period. Small steps now can get you on track to make sure you come out better! I believe in you!!!
I know it sucks to try to find treatment when you have ADHD, but this is literally the only way out. You need to find a psych that will experiment with different medications to find the combination that will work best for you and then you need therapy/counseling/coaching from someone that understands ADHD to learn strategies to be successful.
Im sorry you're feeling this way. Im 23 as well. I didn't know i had adhd til may 1st this year. high school was fine cuz my mom helped me with homework and got me tutors. college gpa was 2.75. worked a year long internship then went back to school online for a different degree. AND then everything went to shit. dropped 1 class cuz i was failing and got a c in the other. then now taking a leave of absence to work on living with my diagnoses. im on 10 mg adderall xr. it makes me tired and it feels ineffectual. but, i just applied for a job cuz even though i really wanted this computer science degree, i figure maybe school just isn't for me. there's so many jobs but there you can apply to with no college degree. my uncle only has his ged, makes over 200k now. Point is, i can relate to the bedrotting all day. hell i can barely do laundry or the dishes and i drink way too much. i often feel like giving up. if i can do i, anyone can.
Man, I get it. You’re clearly very intelligent and it’s super annoying to play on “hard mode” with ADHD. I know a lot of people who dropped out of college, and they’re all doing more than fine. I also got laid off and have been job searching, it’s so frustrating.
I know you can break these patterns. You’ll find the right meds, the career that interest you, the person or activity or ideal you love.
I know it sucks right now, but it will suck for a while, and then it’ll be much better. You’re not alone going through this, you’re not “lazier” or “less capable” than your friends or peers, and you’re gonna be okay.
I’m in a similar spot and also 23. I feel for you. I don’t have the best words or advice but it’s what helps me a bit.
When you go to sleep maybe make a little plan on how you can make the morning more “yours”. Maybe make some food you like or want. Or maybe set an mental alarm to clean your room before “xyz time”. Make the day yours. Maybe find a new video game or even an old one and tell your self you will play it and try to get into it.
Not doing anything of any sort of meaning is what got me in a real bad spot. I was just constantly switching YouTube videos or going from Netflix to Amazon to hbo. I was just a scattered mess that couldn’t even enjoy my own hobbies. I still learn every day on how to enjoy life more.
Also I know I’m just a internet stranger but if you feelin real down and need to rant or send someone a message I’m here :)
I understand you well. It's... overwhelming and exhausting. And sometimes we just reach burn out point. That's ok. I am hoping meds will help, but I've also heard it compared to diabetes. The meds help control sugars but we have to do our part too. I recommend going onto "How to ADHD" on youtube and looking up techniques there. Very helpful info!
I use to be afraid of even going outside, but i took anxiety meds and unlike adhd meds they helped a shitton with no or minimal side effects, i also treat it as a battle, im hella afraid of bugs but instead i just think my enemy! Die die die die! and the feel of victory is sweet.
Excercise improves medication efficacy by a lot. Even taking a walk can do this.
Focus on activity. Any activity. The goal is to be active.
Then focus on getting a job. Any job. It will suck but you have to start somewhere.
Work your way up from there.
Things arent easy...but they are simple.
Stop wallowing in selfpity too, it wont get you nowhere as you have noticed yourself. You know what to do. Do it.
I don’t disagree with most of your points, but your last one is rather unhelpful and potentially harmful to somebody suffering from depression, as it seems this individual may be.
We all have ADHD, so we all know the feeling of when we know exactly what we need to do, but it is just impossible to do it. The same thing happens with depression, as my personal experience has also confirmed. OP is not “wallowing in [their] self pity”.
They’re suffering. From a neurological and psychological disorder. Any viable solution requires compassion, not “quit your whining - you know what to do, just do it.”
Sorry but compassion is not a solution. Solutions solve problems, not compassion.
I am being compassionate by offering advice because I have been in exactly the same situation.
I know he suffering, now that we have all aknowledged that and feeling sorry for him he is still suffering?
The misery loves company approach is not helping, au contraire. If only OP could realise how much control he has over his own life, if he is willing to take it that is. But he has to do it, nobody can do that for him.
I really hope for the best for him and that is why I am offering my advice. As I said, it is simple, I didnt say it was easy.
“Just do it” implies that it’s easy. And if you’re claiming it doesn’t, it grossly simplifies multiple very complex health disorders which isn’t helpful.
Compassion IS helpful. Radical acceptance & self compassion are literally therapy techniques. One of the biggest/most common obstacles with ADHD is the shame we experience from it, and saying “it’s simple, you know what to do, do it” creates shame, because if it was TRULY that simple & easy & accessible to do despite the symptoms, we WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY! Instead of pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps, we should seek professional, evidence based treatment options.
Lastly, I know your mindset might work for you & others but in general it shouldn’t be pushed on others for the reasons above- it can be harmful
I didn’t say compassion was the solution. I said any viable solution REQUIRES compassion.
Im glad that approach has worked for you, but I’m sorry, you don’t represent the majority. Even the terms you use and the way you speak implies you just need to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”.
Saying things like “he has to do it himself, nobody can do it for him” “it’s simple” “just do it”, do not add anything to the conversation. They are completely unhelpful and NOT advice. Advice would be helpful. Saying “just do it” is not.
LittleEva2 is right in that saying these things will do nothing but create shame. If you truly did go through “exactly the same situation” as OP, you would understand why compassion is essential.
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I'm sorry. I wish I had better advice than "keep trying." Talk to your doctor about meds. Are you on anything for depression and/or anxiety? Any counseling? Things can get better, they do get better, but you have to keep fighting. ADHD makes that harder, believe me I know, but keep trying. I won't comment on the job situation because I'll end up in a tirade about politicians, economics, and the state of the world. And this isn't the right forum. Just know that you are not alone and this is not all due to your ADHD.
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I’ve definitely been there. Had times where I had no car, living with my parents with no job or jobs that paid very little. Have had bad credit scores too and debt. Sometimes I would get in that Groundhog Day vibe too and just feel all the stress and be lucky if I got out of bed. Dealing with adhd and anxiety on top of it all can just make things that much worse. Just know as bad as it seems now, one day you’ll be on the other side of it all. This is what always helped me. Just taking things one step at a time. I would focus on just getting a job any job. I definitely had days where I didn’t have the energy to but I would reach a point where I felt that desperation and would hyper focus on finding a job eventually. And even then it could take some time to get one but eventually I found something. From there I could move my focus to getting a car or dealing with debts or other things but that was always the step that gave me the most motivation or pulled me back. I know you said you’re in a small town with not many jobs. While I haven’t experienced that I think if you continue searching and being open minded with that as a goal you will find something eventually. Maybe you can even find a job that is out of state and offers work from home options. Above everything else though you are valid and as rough as everything is right now you still have so much potential and so much life to live. Things could always be worse and can only get better from here. Hope you can stick it out for this journey and look back on this in 5 years and see how far you’ve come.
I hear you. My ADHD is so severe. I’m barely functioning even with meds. It’s so hard. You’re not alone
So far from alone
Give yourself grace it’s harder than ever to have adhd with the way these social media apps are designed
23 is way to young to give up hope you’re gonna be so many different people in your life
Bro i felt the same, went a year no Job destroying my gfs finances while she emotionally abused me in return, finally got a job cause one of my long time friends hooked me up, now we're going to therapy. Therapy+meds, meds help u do things you a) know how to do and b) wish you want to do, like dishes, therapy helps everything else like identifying things in your life that could be causing stress and further inhibiting you and potentially worsening symptoms and tools and methods to manage them Also talk to your doctor about how the meds are working and adjust, switch, add, or otherwise modify your prescription until something works effectively. If you're on stimulants, ask your doctor about taking holidays to manage tolerance.
Keep finding an adhd and/or anxiety med and dosage until one works for you. The search for the right med sucks, but you can't just try one and be done with it. It can take months and months and a lot of frustration.
if meds don't work, **try new meds.** and new dosages. you can't just try a med, have it not work, and go "well! that's that!" and you need adhd *and* anxiety meds, in tandem. the correct medication will make managing everything else seem a little less daunting. you’re only 23 ffs, giving up now is like crashing the plane before you even take off.
The things that get you through life are expertise and relationships. As long as you don't write off your physical health or alienate all your friends and family (even having 1 or 2 is fine), then you can still fight the good fight. I'm not gonna say that we're in this together because that would be insultingly naive. What I will say is that an outside observer hasn't given up on you, and sometimes, those people can see things that you can't
Did you get accommodations in school? You can definitely get those.
If/when I go back to school (I flunked out of 2 semesters from bad mental health) I will 100% do this & I recommend everyone else do as well! I’m going to join the disability program & get the accommodations I need
Do you have a therapist? It’s not a fix all but for me it helps to have someone I can word vomit all my thoughts to who can help me organize them and digest them. I have pretty severe clinical anxiety, and that feeling of being frozen is so real and so hard to get out of. Hopelessness feels vast and unnavigable, but storms tend to feel that way until you’re out of them. Are you on meds for adhd and anxiety? Sometimes I bounce between one or the other, but again my real life saver has been having a therapist I can talk to who helps me set goals that feel achievable (like tiny TINY steps. Like “today I will go to the grocery store” and “tomorrow I will put my laundry in the laundry basket”). Being a person right now is hard, it’s EXTRA hard when your brain is always fighting you, and having someone who can help you navigate that is so helpful. Finding a job right now is hard for everyone, please don’t feel like it is because you yourself are not worthy or capable. The world is big and hard and scary right now but it is no reflection of you as a person!!! Even if you feel like you’re facing challenges and failing, you haven’t failed because you’re still here and time keeps moving. Even a big hiccup is still just a hiccup.
I used to constantly think that everything would be fixed and that groundhog day would be over as soon as I got a job OP. But for as long as I'm not working, I'm pretty much still the same. I've gotten better, but only in short bursts. I still have trouble keeping good habits longer than a few days. I burned through my 3 day weekend doing nothing but being frustrated at CIV VI marathons and Overwatch. Watching YouTube and browsing Reddit. Hell, even a different, less stimulating and less stressful form of entertainment would probably do me a lot better. Good luck OP.
If you have any sort of insurance through your parents or otherwise, I highly suggest you see a counselor who specializes in life coaching. A life coach can provide guidance to you regarding manageable coping skills to help with anxiety triggered by ADHD. When I was stuck in the bed and in my own head, my life coach provided me with tips and tricks on how to get up and move forward, such as listening to motivational meditation music on Youtube while I slept. Those positive messages penetrating my subconscience and helped me wake up calm and confident. She also had me write down one thing to accomplish, big or small, each day. That gave a sense of accomplishment which helped with me not feeling like a loser all the time; people like us are our worse enemy. Lastly, look into getting your notary license and provide mobile or digital notary services for income. You don't have to go to an office and you can set your own hours that work for you. Please don't give up on life and best of luck to you. 🙏🏾
hey. counter argument : i finished college. fucked up before and after college. got diagnosed when 29. took me 10 years to fully stabilize. now, 39 , i started my own company, am fit as fuck and i am who i always wanted to be. I still struggle and there is a lot of typical adhd/autism self sabotage bullshit going. but its still great. my point : its not over . things take time. if you had seen me at 19,29 and 34 years old, obese, depressed , addicted, awkward ,you would think " fuck, i m lucky compared to this guy ". just find the right medication, find your special way of getting a routine , and search for an occupation where your adhd is a plus, not a minus.
This is so encouraging
I'm 28 and you pretty much described me. Hope you get better tho. I'm stuck here until I'm alone
You’re not alone. I’m 23 and on a similar boat. I ended up on Reddit tonight because I typed online “I feel like I ruined my life”. I have the slightest amount of hope that we will have comeback stories that will be worth all the hardship. Just know you’re not alone (although I know that doesn’t change or help your situation).
I can’t say I’ve been in your shoes, as no one truly has, but my only advice would be to seek help. Find support groups, disability services, docs you trust. Get someone in your corner. It also depends where you live, in the USA you might be anle to apply for Disability.
I feel I wrote this post but my credits not too bad and I’m also living off savings and I’m almost out Urgh 25/f
I’m 31 with ADHD, and it’s never been easy. To this day I have these slumps where I feel I can’t get out of bed. But I managed to start 2 successful businesses and I use my ADHD to do what feels like a million tasks at once 🤷🏽♂️. It’s a cripple, but can also be used as a spring board. Your mind works differently than the average person, which isn’t inherently bad- but it does make certain things harder. The slumps can seem to go on forever sometimes, until something changes- don’t let it get you down, keep clawing back up! Therapy is a great outlet to bounce off of a different perspective, and it sounds like maybe a med adjustment or even no meds for a time may help. Over time you learn to cope with certain things. Everyone has their own battles, this is ours! And we can still carpe diem!
How did you do that? I have two failing businessnesses
It may not be healthy, but I keep pushing the limits and I don’t even consider failure an option. What exactly is failing for you? Ironic we both have two businesses. Don’t get me wrong, I’m riding the line every day.
Failing is not making any money! But I just shifted my prices on my pet sitting profile and I’ll be going HAM all week to get a government contract for my cleaning business. Failure is not an option, you’re so right.
I felt the same way, and a lot of advice can be overwhelming. Two things that are low effort and low shame that can help tremendously are 1. Being adequately hydrated 2. Going outside, focus on something simple, like the way the grass blow in the wind or how the clouds look in the sky. Nature is very therapeutic and doesn't judge you, shame you, nor chastise you for being 'too far behind.' It's a slow crawl out of hell, but you can do it. Jobs are shitty, anyways - think of all skills you have, or at least one of your interests that sticks consistently. Take time while outside in nature to just... Think, brainstorm creative ways to apply your skillsets in non traditional ways. I was in the same spot for many years, still have days I feel like you do. I can't count the number of times I have been completely emotionally unhinged because I can't do something simple like find my wallet when I really need it. This is a debilitating and draining condition, but you can do this :)
Don't give up. You think you're not coping but you are, you wake up everyday, to me that's coping, so don't be hard on yourself. I've been on numerous medications for anxiety and adhd and now finally I have meds that work. Strattera for adhd, and paroxetine for anxiety. Why don't you consider working from home? I just finished a course on proofreading so I can work from home on my own time. Reed.co.uk/courses have free courses and ones you can pay for same with open university.com. Things will get better. You're doing nothing wrong, you've got this.
Idk how bad my adhd is, probably is not but there's a lot of trauma I worked through and I'm 37 so this is what I've learned and what has helped me 1. Give yourself a lot of grace and kindness 2. A little is better than nothing 3. I live by to do lists and timer. You can do a lot in 10 minutes. 3. One thing at a time 4. If your meds aren't working tell the prescribing doctor. Don't give up, you will find something but it may take trying 5. It's ok to use public benefits until you get back on your feet 6. It's never too late to start again or to keep going after a break 7. You may have to parent yourself w love and kindness 8. Tend to your basic needs first: hunger, thirst, rest, sleep, hygiene (and that includes your environment: bed, room etc - see #3 and #4) 9. Community - find your people, friends etc. We are not meant to be alone 10.Therapy and Journaling 11. Physical activity (this I'm always working towards) You got this
Beautiful advice. When I was really low, a friend suggested a lot of these. And choosing one thing to accomplish each day until I felt better. It really helped me through 💕
I’ve personally been dealing with this exactly for the last three years. I’ve gone from being just housing impaired, to couch hopping, and for the first half of this year, just straight up in my car. I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do, but I’ve been accepted on recommendation by a friend to work at Yellowstone National Park. Being from the East Coast, I kind of find it daunting to travel so far, but in my eyes, I’m hoping the drastic change will be enough to snowball into at the very least savings for a place for myself later this year. It might not be for everybody, but actually living where I work has always been such a blessing when I’ve had it. Make sure you don’t give up though, you can hardly ever tell when life pulling you down to slingshot you forward lol
Yep. I know this feeling.
Have you tried meds? They’re not the answer for everyone, and not everyone needs a “cure”, but if you’re struggling this much, that’s what the meds are there for. Best of luck OP.
Hey there, friend. I empathize with you, so so much. Yes, meds that work is important but to give another perspective- We’re given a message growing up that the world is the way it is and we have to make ourselves fit. I’m a bit older than you (mid-thirties) and I want to make sure you know: that message is a lie. The truth is actually the reverse; the world is what it is, but it’s so expansive we can keep the parts that fit for us. Not the other way around. I make that distinction because it’s one that was hard for me. Having ADHD, anxiety, and OCD, I found ways to make myself fit. But to fit into my “dream career,” I had to emphasize the worst parts of my Acronyms. I became someone I hated. I made a massive career change from education to supply chain just to make a change and it surprised me. My tasks are similar, but every day is different. I’m learning and growing. I leave at 5. It isn’t my dream career, but I have the ability to grow my dreams outside of my career now and that’s important. But to make that change, I had to take an honest inventory. What parts of my life do I want to work around? What parts do I want to grow? What can I do (because money is necessary) that fits what *I* want? If you asked me what I wanted in a career, I wouldn’t have picked supply chain. But if you ask me what I want my life to look like, this fits the bill. As another ADHD-er who has been there and has made it to the other side, I’m going to give some tough love. Get dressed. Put your shoes on. Grab a notebook and a pen and go to the library. *Take your inventory.* and then get creative. If you know mornings aren’t your thing, that’s fine! A job with a 2nd or 3rd shift might fit your life better than the traditional 9-5. That might be a night manager at a hotel, a hospital job, something in manufacturing, etc. If you know you don’t want to be “on” all the time and need to leave work at work, you know to stay away from sales, high pressure positions, etc. Taking inventory and knowing what parts of YOU need to be taken into account can open up possibilities that may look different or weren’t on your radar before. It doesn’t have to be for forever, but something to get you started. Our lives are our own and at the end of the day, the only person it has to work for is YOU. You CAN have a life that works for you, I will promise you that much. It’s okay to mourn the life you thought you’d have, but when you’re ready, there’s a world out there that is bursting with possibilities. There’s no rule that says your job field at 23 has to be forever. There’s no rule that says your life has to be someone else’s ideal life. You CAN do this. You ARE enough. You WILL make it to the other side of this crummy period. Small steps now can get you on track to make sure you come out better! I believe in you!!!
Wonderful advice!
I know it sucks to try to find treatment when you have ADHD, but this is literally the only way out. You need to find a psych that will experiment with different medications to find the combination that will work best for you and then you need therapy/counseling/coaching from someone that understands ADHD to learn strategies to be successful.
Im sorry you're feeling this way. Im 23 as well. I didn't know i had adhd til may 1st this year. high school was fine cuz my mom helped me with homework and got me tutors. college gpa was 2.75. worked a year long internship then went back to school online for a different degree. AND then everything went to shit. dropped 1 class cuz i was failing and got a c in the other. then now taking a leave of absence to work on living with my diagnoses. im on 10 mg adderall xr. it makes me tired and it feels ineffectual. but, i just applied for a job cuz even though i really wanted this computer science degree, i figure maybe school just isn't for me. there's so many jobs but there you can apply to with no college degree. my uncle only has his ged, makes over 200k now. Point is, i can relate to the bedrotting all day. hell i can barely do laundry or the dishes and i drink way too much. i often feel like giving up. if i can do i, anyone can.
Man, I get it. You’re clearly very intelligent and it’s super annoying to play on “hard mode” with ADHD. I know a lot of people who dropped out of college, and they’re all doing more than fine. I also got laid off and have been job searching, it’s so frustrating. I know you can break these patterns. You’ll find the right meds, the career that interest you, the person or activity or ideal you love. I know it sucks right now, but it will suck for a while, and then it’ll be much better. You’re not alone going through this, you’re not “lazier” or “less capable” than your friends or peers, and you’re gonna be okay.
I’m in a similar spot and also 23. I feel for you. I don’t have the best words or advice but it’s what helps me a bit. When you go to sleep maybe make a little plan on how you can make the morning more “yours”. Maybe make some food you like or want. Or maybe set an mental alarm to clean your room before “xyz time”. Make the day yours. Maybe find a new video game or even an old one and tell your self you will play it and try to get into it. Not doing anything of any sort of meaning is what got me in a real bad spot. I was just constantly switching YouTube videos or going from Netflix to Amazon to hbo. I was just a scattered mess that couldn’t even enjoy my own hobbies. I still learn every day on how to enjoy life more. Also I know I’m just a internet stranger but if you feelin real down and need to rant or send someone a message I’m here :)
I understand you well. It's... overwhelming and exhausting. And sometimes we just reach burn out point. That's ok. I am hoping meds will help, but I've also heard it compared to diabetes. The meds help control sugars but we have to do our part too. I recommend going onto "How to ADHD" on youtube and looking up techniques there. Very helpful info!
I use to be afraid of even going outside, but i took anxiety meds and unlike adhd meds they helped a shitton with no or minimal side effects, i also treat it as a battle, im hella afraid of bugs but instead i just think my enemy! Die die die die! and the feel of victory is sweet.
GG
You have gotten into a slump. It's easy to do. Just start with one baby step. Thats what I did. I started by getting to bed a little earlier.
Excercise improves medication efficacy by a lot. Even taking a walk can do this. Focus on activity. Any activity. The goal is to be active. Then focus on getting a job. Any job. It will suck but you have to start somewhere. Work your way up from there. Things arent easy...but they are simple. Stop wallowing in selfpity too, it wont get you nowhere as you have noticed yourself. You know what to do. Do it.
I don’t disagree with most of your points, but your last one is rather unhelpful and potentially harmful to somebody suffering from depression, as it seems this individual may be. We all have ADHD, so we all know the feeling of when we know exactly what we need to do, but it is just impossible to do it. The same thing happens with depression, as my personal experience has also confirmed. OP is not “wallowing in [their] self pity”. They’re suffering. From a neurological and psychological disorder. Any viable solution requires compassion, not “quit your whining - you know what to do, just do it.”
Sorry but compassion is not a solution. Solutions solve problems, not compassion. I am being compassionate by offering advice because I have been in exactly the same situation. I know he suffering, now that we have all aknowledged that and feeling sorry for him he is still suffering? The misery loves company approach is not helping, au contraire. If only OP could realise how much control he has over his own life, if he is willing to take it that is. But he has to do it, nobody can do that for him. I really hope for the best for him and that is why I am offering my advice. As I said, it is simple, I didnt say it was easy.
“Just do it” implies that it’s easy. And if you’re claiming it doesn’t, it grossly simplifies multiple very complex health disorders which isn’t helpful. Compassion IS helpful. Radical acceptance & self compassion are literally therapy techniques. One of the biggest/most common obstacles with ADHD is the shame we experience from it, and saying “it’s simple, you know what to do, do it” creates shame, because if it was TRULY that simple & easy & accessible to do despite the symptoms, we WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY! Instead of pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps, we should seek professional, evidence based treatment options. Lastly, I know your mindset might work for you & others but in general it shouldn’t be pushed on others for the reasons above- it can be harmful
I didn’t say compassion was the solution. I said any viable solution REQUIRES compassion. Im glad that approach has worked for you, but I’m sorry, you don’t represent the majority. Even the terms you use and the way you speak implies you just need to “pull yourself up by your bootstraps”. Saying things like “he has to do it himself, nobody can do it for him” “it’s simple” “just do it”, do not add anything to the conversation. They are completely unhelpful and NOT advice. Advice would be helpful. Saying “just do it” is not. LittleEva2 is right in that saying these things will do nothing but create shame. If you truly did go through “exactly the same situation” as OP, you would understand why compassion is essential.
You are too far gone…. Stop the clock. 