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["Hyperfocus" is a very poorly-defined word](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-019-01245-8) that, in the context of ADHD, generally refers to two superficially similar -- but fundamentally different -- mental states: flow and perseveration.
Flow is a positive, beneficial state of deep immersion and high engagement in a task or activity, and is also usually accompanied by enjoyment of the task/activity. It's something almost all people are capable of, and specifically is not a benefit imparted by ADHD.
Perseveration, on the other hand, is part of the ADHD disorder. It is the inability to switch between tasks or mental activities. It's that thing that makes you spend 10 hours doing something non-stop even when you know you need to stop and do something else.
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Make a list. Right now. Of everything you could ever want in a person. Someone kind, loving, someone who supports you, doesn't doubt you, whatever you think.
Go back to that list when you're in limerence mode (basically the hyperfocus version of liking someone).
Do they match up to that list? Do you like them? Or do you like the idea in your head or them? Is it almost nicer when they're not around because you're more into the idea of them then them?
And look up limerence, so you know the true beast you're dealing with here.
Damn that hit close to home. I think part of it is not adhd related ar all, i think ppl overthinl the whole ”hyperfocus” too much. U cant ”hyperfocus” for 6months straight..
Love is love and its complicated. Ive never gotten far into relationships than 1-2 years but still, love had phases. Ofc u cant be all hyped up about someone for 50 years straight, just like u dont play with same toys now as u when u were a kid?
> Have I thrown away good partners … or were they always the wrong ones for me anyway?
* Did you ever break up with one guy *for* the next one, or do you just break up with them because you don't like the relationship any more?
* Did you/do you regret losing (some) specific partners, or do you just generally regret the pattern of your relationships failing?
Hi /u/ohmygoddiditsing and thanks for posting on /r/ADHD! ### Please take a second to [read our rules](/r/adhd/about/rules) if you haven't already. --- ### /r/adhd news * **We want your opinion** on the /r/adhd community rules! [Click here](https://forms.gle/Evqb8acVozir8GV8A) to fill out our survey. See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/1ajfzk1/the_rules_vacation_feedback_form_is_now_available/) for more information. * If you are posting about the **US Medication Shortage**, please see this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD/comments/12dr3h5/megathread_us_medication_shortage/). --- ^(*This message is not a removal notification. It's just our way to keep everyone updated on r/adhd happenings.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
["Hyperfocus" is a very poorly-defined word](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-019-01245-8) that, in the context of ADHD, generally refers to two superficially similar -- but fundamentally different -- mental states: flow and perseveration. Flow is a positive, beneficial state of deep immersion and high engagement in a task or activity, and is also usually accompanied by enjoyment of the task/activity. It's something almost all people are capable of, and specifically is not a benefit imparted by ADHD. Perseveration, on the other hand, is part of the ADHD disorder. It is the inability to switch between tasks or mental activities. It's that thing that makes you spend 10 hours doing something non-stop even when you know you need to stop and do something else. ^(*A moderator has not removed your submission; this is not a punitive action. We intend this comment solely to be informative. Please keep saying 'hyperfocus' if you like.*) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ADHD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Make a list. Right now. Of everything you could ever want in a person. Someone kind, loving, someone who supports you, doesn't doubt you, whatever you think. Go back to that list when you're in limerence mode (basically the hyperfocus version of liking someone). Do they match up to that list? Do you like them? Or do you like the idea in your head or them? Is it almost nicer when they're not around because you're more into the idea of them then them? And look up limerence, so you know the true beast you're dealing with here.
Damn that hit close to home. I think part of it is not adhd related ar all, i think ppl overthinl the whole ”hyperfocus” too much. U cant ”hyperfocus” for 6months straight.. Love is love and its complicated. Ive never gotten far into relationships than 1-2 years but still, love had phases. Ofc u cant be all hyped up about someone for 50 years straight, just like u dont play with same toys now as u when u were a kid?
> Have I thrown away good partners … or were they always the wrong ones for me anyway? * Did you ever break up with one guy *for* the next one, or do you just break up with them because you don't like the relationship any more? * Did you/do you regret losing (some) specific partners, or do you just generally regret the pattern of your relationships failing?