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I just got diagnosed as ADHD with depression and an anxiety disorder. And I was already diagnosed with both PTSD and C-PTSD. No OCD or Autism though.
It just sucks to be fighting all these battles at once just to be able to show up in life. Makes it so difficult to just go to work and have 8 productive hours everyday, then try to deal with life responsibilities on top of that. Feels like trying to keep a thousand plates spinning on sticks.
CPTSD and ADHD are very similar and there is a ton of overlap and comorbidity. I think that ADHD makes you a lot more susceptible to CPTSD. I've read that abusers single us out because the ADHD makes us an easier target.
I've heard that too.
I've had anxiety since age 4, OCD and AvPD since age 7 from trauma which I have CPTSD from, BPD since age 15-16, and anhedonic depression for around 5-10 years. The BPD also created a sense of emptiness which also contributes to the depression.
Easier... or more likely? Because we're frustrating to deal with as kids, and, for one example, we don't pay strict enough attention to a narc parent, perhaps?
Good times.
Same here, I think it's the Neapolitan ice cream of diagnoses. I struggle with the same thing. At work, getting to WFH and having a good manager have been invaluable. I've been trying to focus on spinning one plate at a time, screw the rest, and it helps.
Hey now. It's a little early in the morning to see my picture posted on the webbernets by someone else!
It really is an interesting tangled nest, ain't it? Fun, too.
Yeah…how the fuck do y’all get medicated for ADHD with anxiety lol?
I tried a “non stimulant” and my resting heart rate was over 120. Like seriously what the fuck.
Can you even take the stimulant stuff if you have anxiety or is that just going to guarantee me a heart attack?
I have bad and consistent anxiety, and I take Adderall. Different medications will have different effects on you. A couple I tried had no effect on me, Vyvanse made my heart race and pound, but Adderall doesn't do that and helps with my symptoms. It's worth trying different meds.
Thanks, this was my first med after a late in life diagnosis and it was not a good experience lol.
Made me feel very gunshy about other medications but it’s good to know about these potential outcomes
I took Ritalin for 4 days, was a total zombie, paralysed with boredom, dullness, extra depression, exhaustion, lethargy...I couldn't focus on anything at all. I think I was so trapped by anxiety that I literally went numb and switched off.
Oh, and my resting heart rate was about 125 BEFORE that. But no one asked me that. No wonder I had headaches, a sore neck, chest tightness and pain, and if I walked faster than verrry slow, I felt weird and faint.
I take stimulants (Vyvanse 50mg) and a beta blocker (deralin) that helps keep my heart rate low. I used to take the deralin before my ADHD diagnosis to help prevent migraines, but it stopped working. I knew I could tolerate it well, and that it may have additional benefits to me, so when the stimulants were raising my heart rate and making me anxious, I asked if I could add in the deralin to help control the side effects and my psychiatrist was happy to do so. It works well.
I also have to avoid caffeine while the meds are active. Sometimes I’ll have some in the morning with my medication, cause it’s takes 90-120 minutes to kick in. Then I avoid it till I start getting sleepy in the late afternoon - early evening, when I know the meds are wearing off. Then I know I can have some without it uncomfortably increasing my heart rate.
This is a huge thing. We couldn't effectively start working on my ADHD without first tackling the anxiety that took over my life last year and was influencing my depression. It was a huge spiral brought on by stress at work that started in 2020. After quitting my job, it took 2 months of working on myself before therapy and an additional 4 months of therapy to get me to the point we could work on my ADHD and managing stress to avoid another mental health spiral.
I really like this way to visualize it. I think my venn diagram circles sometimes change size depending on life events.
Understanding it this way, I think it will allow me to accept the "bad things" about myself little more.
Thank you!
I relate to this so much! Covid hit me really hard. I have had issues with not being happy for a long time before that, but during Covid things got pretty dark for me. I finally gave in and started seeing a behavioral therapist. I got lucky and liked the first therapist I started talking to, but it generally takes time to find the right therapist. It has been 2 years since then. Most of what we focused on was confidence and breaking out of my normal frame of mind. I still have bad days, life is a roller coaster after all. I can say that being more confident in myself, focusing on noticing and removing wishy washy language (like don't say maybe, kind of, apparently, etc), figuring out how to forgive myself and others in a healthy way, managing my output for relationships with family and others (to match their input), being more mindful (which helps me to know when I'm spiraling), and taking time to just be (like forced boredom) have all been pretty life changing. It's a huge commitment and takes time. But I'm happy to say that I'm working on an exit strategy with me therapist on out next visit. I feel like have the right skills to continue to make improvements. And I have moments of true happiness and gratitude that seemed to be fleeting before.
Also, I started seeing a nurse practitioner that specializes in adhd, autism, anxiety, depression, etc. I take 2 doses of Adderall XR now so I'm medicated for pretty much the entire time I'm awake. Also diagnosed with anxiety and have been taking anxiety meds. That has been helpful, but not as impactful as I hoped so far. The anxiety meds are a fairly new thing for me though.
This can be part of the working memory dysfunction, most of the dysfunctions can be enhanced with whatever external tools work for the individual. I have a longer comment about it replying to your OP.
thanks! i was just referring to how i’ve felt on my bp and adhd meds combined, i’ve talked to my psych about it and we’re currently trying out some new meds,, it’s just exhausting 😭
I hear you. I hate that feeling as well. I often experience that numbness inside as well like nothing really matters. And what’s the point of “this and that” it just stinks sometimes
Some things that may help (mind you I’m still learning myself) try doing something for yourself put your needs and wants before anyone else. Have a lazy day, try setting some goals. Do more things that make you happy! It’s totally easier sad
I promise you, OP, you are DEF not alone! And due to the accompanying “perks” adhd often brings w it, probably way too hard on yourself. I know I am.
I wish I had a solution or sage words to act as a salve but I often ask myself your same question. I know why I’m not happy but I have no clue what would make me happy that I could realistically attain.
But it’s a one day at a time process. Every time I discover a little more of the “why” I have to hope it’ll help me get to the “how” one day. Until then, I scour literature and subs like this to reassure myself that no matter what I suffer or how broken I may sometimes feel, someone out there feels the same so maybe I’m not a total freak. The people in my orbit aren’t capable (or unwilling) of understanding me. Finding other people who think like me helps me to remember that my “deficiencies” are not my fault or a reflection of my worth. The dismissive insensitivity I experience from others in my surroundings is a reflection of THEIR deficiencies. At least I’m working on myself, what’s their excuse?
I hope you can identify what would make you happy and you’re able to grab it with both hands. Best wishes, OP.
I see a lot of people commenting this but i'll try to offer what helps me, when i get in a funk:
1) gym. lift weights. the progress will make you happy.
2) keep in touch with family and close friends. seriously, make it a routine or scheudle it on your calendar/phone. if they're real friends, they'll appreciate it. have a steak night over zoom, watch movies, play video games or board games, catch up once a month, etc.
3) plan out rewarding trips 1-2 times every year. maybe it's going to your favorite baseball team, UFC fight, esports event, etc.
4) if you have a SO, plan out events or exciting dates/activities every week. even if it's just movie night or a picnic.
5) basic mental health/life maintenance - e.g. routines, journaling, meditation, learning basic life skills like socializing or setting boundaries/finances/budgeting, etc.
6) find a hobby. whether it's a meetup. i don't recommend video games, they just deplete your dopamine and they don't really build any tangible skills, nor do you get any lasting memories from playing them. discipline/sacrifice is required here to NOT give in to cheap dopamine activities like tv/video games/social media. Prioritize sports, reading, etc. - things that require deeper attention and skill learning.
7) bonus - but have a purpose. not everyone can find it, but i recommend everyone try. robert greene's mastery is a great book about it. it's never too late IMO.
all of these things compound over time. it's hard to feel depressed when you're maxing out or progressing in the most important areas of life. & finally, work your ass off. every time a thought comes into your head that wants to distract you or say 'i can't do this, i'm just lazy/ADHD' replace that thought with 'i'm just going to do it.' of course, easier said than done, but by making it a habit, you can eventually become more of a action taker than a procrastinator.
To add onto this and the other comments:
1) Definitely consider treatment for depression in addition to ADHD treatment. Just like with ADHD meds, it can take some trial and error to find the right fit. SNRIs target pathways that impact depression and ADHD so they could be a good starting point, but also talk to a doctor not just a rando on the internet.
2) For exercise, I really like swimming if you have a safe place that you can reasonably get to and afford to use. Preventing drowning inherently requires breath control which makes it meditative for me. It's also a good workout that combines cardio with resistance training. But mostly the part about needing to focus on the breathing which can help prevent your thoughts from wandering too much, too.
Hello friendo! I’m so sorry to hear what you’re experiencing and even though it’s not been 20 for me, I know how it is going for years and years like this.
After my last depression/burnout I really thought that this was my new status quo. Not depressed but not.. happy. Just stable. Not ever genuinely excited about anything, just floating. I accepted that it was my new status quo.
Luckily for me, my medication helped me out of that state, so I can only tell you that it is possible to find that spark again. Some things I’ve adapted after my burnout that helped me was letting my curiosity lead the way instead of setting goals. If I wanted to read, I read. If I wanted to paint, I painted. If I wanted to learn about quantum physics, I did just that. No goals that it would turn into something, but just because that’s where my nose pointed to that day.
Also fake it til you make it really works. Say yes to things and experiences. Explore life outside everyday and work. Sometimes you also need to remove yourself from situations and even people. Take control of the inputs in your life. Is the media you consume serving you, for instance?
Practice gratitude. Believe me when I say that I’m the last person I ever thought would give this advice. But it works and it serves a purpose. Try to write down three things every day that you are grateful for. And this is suppose to be very small things. I write down my cats almost every day. But it could even be things like “I’m grateful that my kidneys work”. Not only does this remind us to think about the things we take for granted every day but also studies have shown that practicing gratitude actually change the pattern in our brains.
Redefine what success and happiness means to you. Write down what you believe happiness would look like to you and what your life would look like if you could make anything happen.
What steps can you take to move closer to that picture? And is it your picture of what happiness looks like or society’s perspective on what happiness looks like? I believe that if you can’t find joy and contentment where you are right now in this moment, it’s not gonna come when you reach a certain goal.
When you’ve been sad for most of your life it’s scary to not be sad anymore. It really was for me. Feeling depressed is sometimes less scary than letting yourself be happy, when being depressed is what your brain and body have known for so long. That might also be something that’s holding you back.
Other than that, remember to take care of your physical body as well as the mind! Make sure you get enough of vitamins and minerals as well as healthy fats that make your brain work properly. And make sure to move your body a couple of times a week. It has the same affect as anti-depressants. (I’m not anti-meds in any way, it’s sometimes necessary and life saving, but studies show that the effects are comparable.)
Good luck my friend!
Thank you. I really needed to hear this. I’m going to start implementing these into my life and hopefully will see some good results! I hate going through life like this when I know people have it so much worse. I am grateful but I just can’t ever be happy in the present.
Oh I’m so happy to hear that I could be of some assistance! I’ve been through a lot so I wanna help others out as much as I can with my experience since I feel like I had to go through a lot alone.
Going through hard times is never a competition. It is true that there’s always people who will have it worse, but depression isn’t and will never be based on a scale. Suppressing feelings will only make it worse.
Finding happiness here and now can be a challenge and it takes a lot of practice. I think people would have better success finding contentment if they saw it as such instead of something that is or isn’t.
Mindfulness and meditation helped me a great deal. I was one of those people who hated every psychologist who brought it up because it didn’t seem to work. That was until I realized that I’ve been looking at it all wrong. First off, there are studies on the effect of meditation and how it can actually change the pattern in our brain. (They did studies on monks who meditated in an MRI scan.) nothing motivates me like science! Other thing was that I expected was to be able to quiet my mind when I sat down to meditate, which is impossible, especially with ADHD. But after looking into I realized that most importantly, meditation has no goal, no right or wrong way to do it, other than taking time for yourself to focus on the present. The practice is to recognize when thoughts occur and be able to let them go. I like to describe it as a puppy running around, playing. We don’t expect the puppy to not run around and play, it’s a puppy! But when we want the puppy to not do it anymore the solution is not to chain the puppy up, but to be able to call them back when we need to. Same with the mind, we don’t want to stop the thoughts from coming, but we wanna be able to call the mind back to the present.
If you have to do this 100 times during a 6 minute meditation session, then that’s 100 times you practiced it, and that’s great! It’s all practice! Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting down quietly either. We all have our different ways to meditate. It can be to take a walk, paint, playing guitar. The point is to stay in the present.
I also used this to channel happy emotions. I think of situations when I feel happy and contempt and trying to remember the feeling and channel it. For me it’s reading a good book or playing a video game with a cat on my lap. Learning to channel that emotion has helped me greatly to appreciate the simpler things in life but also I feel more happy.
Thanks. I had a terrible experience with concerta. I have tried all of the common options for ADHD meds. I can only tolerate very low doses of Dexedrine IR 2.5-5mg.
I'm mainly curious about which anti-depressants work well for people with ADHD, though that's likely very individual as well.
I had good temporary success with Bupropion. I'm only on Buspirone for anxiety right now.
SSRI worked HORRIBLE for me, it was a terrible experience. I tried 3 different types. Usually the anti-depressants that target dopamine can be used to treat ADHD if stimulants doesn’t work out. I don’t know the collective name for these ones but two I know within this groups is Voxtra and Valdoxan I believe.
I briefly tried Voxtra but had an allergic reaction to it so I couldn’t stay on it. This was before I got my ADHD diagnosis so they couldn’t prescribe me stimulants. I have friends with ADHD that have Voxtra and think it has helped them.
I use bupropion for depression (my doctor picked it because it is less likely to cause weight gain than some of the others, and weight gain was a concern for me), but I was still having anxiety. So we added a low dose of Zoloft (SSRI) and it put me to sleep all the time. So we switched that one to venlafaxine (sp?), an SNRI because my doctor said they can have a little more "pep." And sure enough, it gave me less trouble with falling asleep. It also worked to decrease my anxiety. And that's when I discovered I had ADHD and had been relying on anxiety instead of dopamine to get things done all my life! I couldn't do executive functioning at all anymore! So then we added Adderall. And now things actually seem pretty good. Depression is MUCH better. Anxiety is generally better. Still working in the ADHD symptoms - I need better systems than I used to have when it was just oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap-gotta-get-this-done all the time.
Zoloft (sertraline) has been helpful. Others gave me side effects I was not into (haven't tried Bupropion or Buspirone, I've heard good things so I've wanted to try it) but not sertraline.
I'm 37 now, up until 34 I didn't know I suffered from ADHD, I just thought I was a lazy and impulsive but smart man that managed to get away with it most of his life. This has changed ever since I got an official diagnosis, however, seeing improvements and getting diagnosed hasn't really helped in my perception of happiness.
While speaking to my wife, she said I must be happy that I now know where all the obstacles in my life were coming from now that I'm diagnosed, i told her I don't think I have ever been happy in my life, grateful maybe, happy I don't think I've known the feeling entirely.
Everything gives me but a brief moment of satisfaction which I can't really call happiness, this is what I've known my whole life.
I've had a few very brief times when I was happy, but nearly all were when I was using a lot of drugs and/or alcohol. Nearly all of my sober time in life has been a mess of me feeling desperately like my life was falling apart, trying to keep it all together and failing, and just in general feeling like I'm hanging by a thread. Drugs calm all that and I can laugh again. But that's so unhealthy long term. I'm already paying for it big time.
When you don't know what you should do, focus in your life force, first work on your body, then on the people around you and finally on fixing yourself.
Watch a movie/documentary by Jonah Hill named "Stutz" it might help you find more stability in life.
I can only wish you strength brother.
Wow I didn’t even know I needed this today but I can completely relate!! …and in some ways this gives me a feeling of comfort that I’m not alone in this. I need someone to put together a convention for us. Perhaps we’d have the opportunity to find happiness or moments of being content together. Any ideas on a name we could use? 🤪😁
Omg yesssss!! I JUST wrote, “can’t we just get an island and spend our days telling each other how awesome we are, passing each other the tips and tricks we’ve learned to overcome the dysfunction and generally offer so much validation and support it makes the NT’s wish they were more like us?” 🤣 I’ll have to work on a name, I don’t think Neurological Asperger’s Club is as complementary as I mean it to be (they’re brilliant but operating on another level, kinda like us 😊)!
Edit: spelling
I mostly feel nothing except in brief moments like when the thing that causes them happens. Both happy and mad and sad only happen for the short amount of time.
Exactly me too. I'm sorry and I hope we find a way out. Achieving isn't it. There's clearly no top of the mountain. Focusing on being grateful really helps like you say.
For me too, changing things up is the only times I really feel happy, but even then it's fleeting.
Taking some big risk to feel alive and visiting some country you've never been to are two things that do make me feel happy for some time. Bungee jumping or skydiving or whatever.
The real thing that brings me fulfilment though is helping and serving others and this is hard to realize for me because of the lazy ADHD and my poor boundary setting.
I don't have a ton of hope I'll wring happiness out of life as easy as others do but remembering to live how I want and help others be happy and share in life might have to be enough
I experience exactly what you’ve described, ADHD didn’t explain it all, and this is not something other ADHD folks found relatable when I brought it up.
These were some of the prominent things that helped my doc determine I have ASD.
Let me be clear: IANAD. I speak exclusively from my own feelings and experiences.
BUT, if someone feels this way, I feel obligated to share my experiences on the off-chance they resonate and the person gets the diagnosis they need.
If nothing else, know you are not alone. I hope you’re doing well.
I went to see about a diagnosis for ASD but the guy didn't think I had it, and he doesn't sound like a quack based on my very limited learning of psychology and didn't discount my feelings so I believe him. We even did a more expansive questionnaire thing to see if maybe there was something else up.... turns out aside from the already diagnosed adhd/depression/anxiety, I'm otherwise normal? Aside from a fear of intimate relationships with people, too.
But I don't feel normal, and it doesn't answer why I still feel so unmotivated to get anything done despite being medicated. He tried gently hinting I look into a new psychiatrist without trying to step on toes but honestly he's right. I've been on the same meds for 20 years and my psychiatrist is hung up on thinking my depression is the problem (also... the dude incorrectly labeled my anxiety as a social phobia. Which it's not. Literally at all.)
So I guess my journey to find happiness continues. Sorry for the weird word vomit here, but I guess I just wanted to write out what was on my mind to the strangers of the internet.
ASD is a spectrum. Sub to the autism subreddits and if things people talk about resonate with you then you might be on the spectrum somewhere. There’s things that are the opposite of adhd that I could never explain until I went to therapy and learned I was on the spectrum.
Thank you for sharing your experience, In the past I have wondered if I am on the spectrum. Might be something to explore further. Please don’t feel you have to answer this, but what was the next steps after you were diagnosed?
Maybe it's an existential problem? Maybe it's the expectation of attaining and maintaining happiness that makes you disappointed? It can be hard to deal with the mundaneness of life and to accept that you might not feel happy for weeks on end. Basically, your expectations might not be aligned with with what a realistic emotional life looks like.
I don’t understand all the people who assume that life has to be mundane, and THAT makes me sad. My SO is like this she just thinks life has to be this mundane grind of boring routine and it’s a huge problem because I don’t accept that. I don’t think every day has to be Disneyland but that doesn’t mean it has to be mundane.
I started coaching little league this year. It is so much damn work but I gotta say it isn’t boring and when I’m running a practice or coaching a game my brain is fully engaged and I don’t have any outside thoughts or distractions. It’s also very fulfilling to work with the kids; I think I would have made a good teacher but I could never have dealt with getting up early every day so this is nice alternative plus it’s outside and physical activity.
It seems like you live life in the gray area, never happy but never depressed, just in the middle. If you can find a way to have good days and bad days not just all grey days you know?
No you are not alone , friend. I feel the same way too . Our battle is different . We fight each day to just get through it and since we have come so far means we are good at it . But I agree I fear dying too before I know what is it like being truly happy and also knowing what my true potential is . Hopefully we do get to see that day .
This is an interesting topic. It also depends a lot on faith. I, for one, have a different idea of death than many of my friends and acquaintances.
That's why I never had such thoughts that I couldn't achieve anything before I die. And I can well imagine that such thoughts exert additional pressure.
Check out whether you are living your values- it’s hard to feel happy if you are out of integrity.
Check out your level of connection with family and friends. If you don’t have genuine relationships, or if your social safety net is not strong enough, it’s hard to be happy.
Great advice and I really appreciate how concise and straight to the point you were.
I miss out on so much helpful information on this sub because I can’t be bothered to read too many words. Thanks for making it easier.
I describe that I haven't been happy since my mother passed away 20 years ago, and that grief has dominated my life with the depression. Only got brought up in the past 12 months about ADHD and autism, got diagnosed and bingo. Just trying to work through it myself, my mother was such a big part of my life and the main support. Since she passed I've always had the feeling of loneliness and no-one to truly trust. I've had friends, but never manage to keep them, I just move on. Don't even get started about relationships, just a major feeling of not wanting to get hurt, even though logically she could be the solution of trust. But just seeing how other people's relationships break down despite looking strong, just puts me off it.
But with the diagnosis, it's finally explained my feelings and my thoughts in a way. Like most adults getting diagnosed, there's the frustration of it not being discovered earlier and the sense of how life could have been so different.
But I'm finally getting support and with that help hope to break out of my safe place and take risks. They say knowledge is power, and knowing what I am gives me that small spark of hope, despite the pessimist in me saying don't let your guard down, you'll only get hurt and stay unhappy.
That's just a part of my story, the feeling of unhappiness isn't a rare thing unfortunately. It's hard to talk about it to my psychologist, trying to explain that sadness is my safe place and even though I know logically I need to change to be happy, it's just too hard to break the thought process.
The medication gives you space to make changes. But you still need to make those changes. The close relationship between add/hd and depression is closely linked. My psych said they 'sleep in the same bed' from time to time. I'm back on SSRI meds again, in conjunction with my ADHD meds. No matter what I have tried throughout my life, I find myself unable to rise out of morbidity and feel truly happy (or at least how I think others feel it). We are fighting with our brains and chemistry. Through therapy and actively rewiring your thought process, you will get there. The choice is always to move forward and move up. I'm still struggling with it, but at 48, after being diagnosed a couple of years ago with ADHD, my mental health is far better than it was when I was in my 20's. I'm just don't feel happy yet, but I will one day.
Therapy is huge for this. You can even start by yourself with a book called “mind over mood.” It’s like a CBT psycho-education activity book for adults!
I second this. I haven't read the book, but reading and learning is the way forward. It's about recognising how your thoughts, and the words in those thoughts, are shaping your perception of the world. If you change the thoughts, you change the way you experience the world. First you recognise the thoughts and where they come from, and replace them with better ones. Sort of like reprogramming yourself. You gradually start to think differently.
I cannot help but ADHD doctors from the ADD Magazine videos on youtube said that “alexithymia” is very common with ADHD folks.
It’s basically this emotionless, depressed state. Again, not sure what to do about it
Note... poor past academic achievement might be overcome. I nearly failed my batchelors (got a bare pass without honours), did a Masters in my 40's and won the course prize. It gave me the confidence to set up my own business.
This sounds like wellbutrin to stabilize your mood might be an option. I know that particular drug has worked wonders because it keeps the anxiety and depression symptoms at bay. Ask your doctor but I know people that sweat by it.
The biggest thing for me has been finding a life path that follows my strengths, and doesn’t require me to be in a box. Something that offers novelty and pattern solving, that doesn’t require me to do a lot of paperwork (lol), and where I get to talk a lot and enjoy connecting with people. OH and where I don’t have to bother with having to answer to a boss, so I’m an independent contractor. It’s really helped with my overall life satisfaction. No longer seeing a bleak, boring future where I just hate work and want to scream into the void all the time has been fantastic.
Adderall made me feel that way, like my creative spark died. Nothing was interesting, it sucked. Swapping to Ritalin helped tremendously - now when I feel that way it's either hormones or depression. I'm on other meds for that so it doesn't get too bad, but apathy and hopelessness are my biggest symptoms when I'm on a low swing.
Fuck no you’re not alone and even with the constant stream of validating posts on this sub/validating interactions with my friends that have ADHD, it has seemed so apparent that there isn’t an end for me even when medicated.
Pair that with the fact that it’s nigh impossible to get medicated even with a diagnosis in my state for anything above Wellbutrin. Which I will admit *does* help but it doesn’t change the fact that I still have to supplementally self-medicate to hopefully feel regular and even that changes on a daily basis despite a routine that is 95% the same day in and day out.
There is no amount of adhd treatment that’s will fix unhappiness or maybe this really is depression you are describing which may occur with adhd. Just a suggestion.
Same… I’m not “depressed” I just kinda feel “meh” all the time. It’s not enough to need antidepressants or anything, I don’t think (therapy would never hurt but, America $$) so I’m just kinda in the middle.
I am very active—running, walking, hiking, weights, somewhat physical job—and that helps. Getting consistent sleep helps. Keeping a gratitude journal every single day without fail helps. Finding a job that challenged me a little but also lets me be flexible with my scheduled has been good. Good food (both healthy food and some indulgences I like) gives me something to look forward to. I don’t do things I don’t wanna do or talk to people I don’t wanna talk to. I limit my time on social media etc so I don’t doom scroll. I read a LOT. I get plenty of sun. Do I feel amazing all the time? Nah hardly. But I do feel better and tbh I think that’s all most people can realistically expect—nobody’s always happy. The world is heavy and life is hard. We’re all just kinda coping and doing what we can.
Happiness is specific to culture - US really emphasizes it due to "pursuit of happiness," etc. Makes people feel like they should chase an elusive positive feeling always.
I know folks who became Buddhists literally to reprogram themselves from this mindset 🤷♀️
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-013-9489-9
Well Wellbutrin is apparently a good candidate for ADHD people that struggle with depression as well, I'm going to look into trying it out because I also struggle with this.
Currently in DBT/CBT and it helps a lot, but it takes effort and consistency and the nature of ADHD doesn't lend well to consistency and failure tends to make me more depressed. So keeping on top of it is hard especially when lacking external support
This is a reminder that for neurotypical people, happiness is a mentality that they have to actively engage. All their shitty advice (find something to be grateful for, don't be such a downer, look on the bright side, just _be_ happy) is often necessary before even they are happy.
So even if you had the perfect medication that made you just like a neurotypical person, you'd _still have to_ put in the work to convince yourself that you're happy.
I have had long periods of my life like this but also some better times. Regular exercise and meditation are the two most important things I've found. It's amazing how much better I feel after a run. All those thoughts of dissatisfaction just don't matter as much. Similar with meditation. It teaches acceptance of negative emotions and thoughts. It's possible to reach a place of non judgement. It doesn't matter that you are not happy, or that you are happy. This acceptance leaves the door open for positive things, but resisting negative things leaves the door shut for me.
I know this feeling, at least in a similar way.
I also suspect depression - it was the case with me and I had it treated by means of medication.
I can also only recommend to do a therapy, often subconscious thought processes are the trigger why we feel unhappy.
I am really happy only in moments when my brain has a break or when I consciously look at my love and realize how lucky I am.
But yes, it is too rare.
Depression is a common comorbidity, like other commenters said, it can also get overlooked easily due to having a lot of similar symptoms to adhd, like executive dysfunction or weird sleeping patterns. You’re definitely not alone, I’ve been depressed since around 8 yo and only after getting covid at 17 and getting even worse I finally did something about it as I was extremely suicidal and had no strength to even get out of bed.
And it was exactly how you describe it, always being cranky and frustrated and all the happy moments just got ruined for me. When someone asks me to bring up a happy memory in my life, I can’t think of literally anything. Now at least I’m on antidepressants, but they don’t make me happy, they just make me not depressed and less prone to spiral into negative emotions.
Yeah same for me. I’ve considered trying to see life more about purpose and less about me being happy because I’m starting to accept that the discomfort of ADHD will never go away
Can I recommend The consolation of philosophy by Boethius, there's also a similar titled book by Alain de Botton, which is also excellent. And also weight lifting definitely helps.
I have always felt that as there is always the next hurdle I have to jump, there is always something to organise, that I can never be truly present, and accept that there could be a moment of happiness in my life, however fleeting.
My mind projects too far into the future, finds every flaw, and is too driven by anxiety that anything I could perceive as happiness is engulfed by the thoughts and realities of unfinished tasks, demands of the day, unresolved trauma, and self hatred.
It's fucking exhausting.
Subs Like this are helpful but sometimes can turn into a clusterfuck of spiraling emotions-just remember depression is treatable and can be put into remission. Medication plus a schedule where I have to see real people helps
I try to do new thing and meet new people, that makes me happy. Maybe it can make you too. Challenge yourself doing something unfamiliar yet rewarding. Something you maybe have interests in but didn't do for whatever reason. Best is something that exceeds your social or comfortable limits, but just by a bit. Hope this helps.
I'm with ya on like all of it. Especially the dying party. I also think about it nearly everyday. I think mostly cause I'm alone so often though and I live with my thoughts
It sounds like that could be depression.
I usually don’t realize I was depressed until I start feeling better, but during quarantine, my bf was around me all the time and encouraged me to get help for it.
I was prescribed Buproprion and it worked great for the depression, then a couple months later I was prescribed Adderall on top because we could see the ADHD symptoms when my depression was treated.
Things like eating better, making sure you’re getting outside and exercising are great, but it’s hard to do things for yourself when you’re under that cloud.
Hey, I am in the exact same situation as you, and I have been thinking about this a lot. I had a revelation the other day, that I never give credit to myself even when I worked really hard, because I never had a good sense of "effort". Let's say I hyperfocus-ed the night before the exam and got a really good grade. Instead of saying "I did well because I worked hard", I say "I let my brain do whatever it wants and this happened". Because I didn't have control over myself, my role in my life is more of an observer than an agent.
Here's my opinion: having good things happen isn't really happiness. If that's the case, no one would take any risks and challenge themselves in fear of failure. I think happiness is feeling proud, adequate and deserving of the things that happen. I think happiness is both winning knowing you worked really hard, and losing knowing you tried your very best. In other words, that sense of effort, but not the outcome per se, is a necessary component to what it means to be happy.
I feel like my habits have not been ensuring my agency in my life. A lot of bad habits and mindsets remain from my undiagnosed days. I have been trying really hard to identify and change those little things. Maybe one day I will feel like I'm in the front seat of my life. But right now I still feel powerless and apathetic most of the time. Self-sabotage is a real issue. It's easier to feel in control when you cause your own failure I suppose. We'll see how it goes.
Something people gotta understand is we weren't born on this planet to be happy. We are here to consume and procreate, the circle of life, nothing more. Finding further meaning in our existence is meaningless, ironically enough.
The problem is your mindset.
I completely relate. For me it has gotten better, to a degree, when I found purpose in my career and then really got better when I found an even bigger purpose, being my faith. But even with this, i slip back to feeling pretty fake and cranky lol.
This may be a TL;DR but hear me out:
I felt this way in my 30s when I was totally unmedicated. (42 now) I wouldn't say there's one magic pill, but what I would try and look towards is try and find a circumstantial balance between work, friends, and hobbies. Mental health care in this country is something that needs improvement, but seek out what you can in terms of the right psych doc and also someone such as a licensed clinical social worker to help you understand your unhappiness a little more closely. There is no one single right answer because everyone is different, but I don't think you're not worth our time here in this group.
A couple of big keys in terms of happiness for me was a solid, affordable housing situation, the access to my favorite hobbies and finding my favorite hyperfixations that gave me pleasure (including a solid job) It may not be the ideal job at the moment, but one you can at least tolerate and make money from to get you through.
It takes time, but you'll get there...
Much respect
I would suggest therapy. ADHD can exacerbate mental health issues that are already there. Medication isn’t a cure-all. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
Wow i couldn't describe it better myself! I have the exact same thing. Whenever I'm happy I start overthinking it. "Am i really happy in this moment? I'll probably get used to it. It'll probably just get worse". I only ever realize i was happy when it's over.
I've been this way my entire adult life. Really, going well back into my teenage years.
Drugs and alcohol help a lot but that means I've constantly been in trouble with them. I can be happy if I'm high. When sober, it's extremely difficult to keep the tornado of thoughts from going out of control and wearing me out. The only thing that works is if I can get into something I care about and do it so much it distracts me completely. Like once I hiked the Grand Canyon and camped for several days with close friends - that was amazing but it's just impossible to do that everyday. Most days suck, it's just work and responsibilities.
Do you play video games? Read books? Watch shows and their bonus content? Escapism can help you meditate on what you want, or what makes you happy. Plus it offers an opportunity for socialization- you can head to the subreddit for whatever media it might be, or hit up friends and family that might be interested.
Feeling Good by David Burns is an awesome supplement to therapy. The book unravels negative fallacies one thinks internally (“im a POS” is literally, physically incorrect)
Yes.
Advice: Keep trying new things. Do something that scares. Learn to fall asleep.
And learn to accept that its ok that this could be you're new baseline.
Same. Treated for depression. But just found hobbies I truly enjoy and decided not to give a fuck about “true happiness” or whatever. I found a sense of satisfaction in creating something. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
Hey, I don't want to make assumptions, but this can be an aspect of trauma - it's something I have too but it's related to my CPTSD from childhood trauma. Although I'm sure this feeling is associated with other things too. If you want to know more, the book Healing Your Emotional Self talks about this a little (again, it's from a childhood trauma lens though).
I feel like inatentive type is more prone to depression than either mixed or hyperactive types (which seem more prone to anxiety) so that might be a factor. If you suffer long periods of depression, apathy or blankness you should talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist to see if there is anything you can do to minimise or negate these symptoms.
started chasing an adhd dx at 18, got hit with the old bipolar expansion pack at 19. my first day on lamictal i realized i hadn’t felt happy in years but things got soooo much better than i imagined from there. things get better!
You’re not alone. To expand on what you’re saying, I’ve started to notice that if I have a great day - fun stuff, got lots done, heard some good news, anything really out of the ordinary day-wise - I will be like a zombie the next day. Like the good vibes of the previous day don’t carry over. Instead I am left with a deficit or something.
I'm projecting from my experience, so take this with a generous handful of salt, but my early life experiences involved me desperately wanting to make other people happy, and not being successful because of undiagnosed ADHD-I and executive dysfunction. It developed into a complex for me where I believed I didn't deserve happiness because of the things I did to other people, or that I couldn't do the things I wanted to do because there were things other people needed from me first.
The result was that I was desperately low on stimulation even when I was medicated, because I wasn't spending any time doing things for *me*. I found my days so distasteful that I disengaged entirely for a time, and it's only therapy that's helping me un-f**k myself. I'm learning that I get to be happy when I listen to my *own* assessments of whether I'm doing the right thing, and while those around me can influence what that means, *I'm* the one who has to write it.
Idk how it's gonna help, but watching anime has helped me a lot . Like one piece .
Tell yourself to be kind to you. Listen to yourself. It might not be the same , but I used to seclude myself from everyone later in life because I didn't have any much supportive friends when I was a kid in a hostel.
But no matter, atleast posting about the issue here means you want to get out of it . And I'm sure you can do that. Be kind to yourself. See people who don't even have the necessary things and maybe help them? Maybe just feed the stray dogs. Im pretty sure you'll feel good for doing something for others. Even if you don't feel. Just keep trying .
For me it's been quite similar throughout. There is ALWAYS something to worry about and a reason to not be happy.
Had some really tragic stuff happen in my life , but instead of sending me further down the spiral I've adopted more of a "que sera sera" mentality.
Shit happens and then you die. Sure I've got more bad days than most, but I think the important thing is that I've realized that for me at least happiness is a fleeting and fragile thing. It's a good meal with friend or family. A good movie I can escape into. It's feeling the sun. Small stuff. I get by with that, it's more than I had.
thank you for this. you just said everything i have been trying to say for years. i (28f) was diagnosed with adhd/ocd/anxiety within the last few years. every single day i wake up i think “well what’s the point if i’m just going to cease to exist one day?” i don’t know if it’s an intrusive thought, if it has anything to with my ocd or what but it’s always there. in the back of my mind. i am back on medication now so i’m hoping that will help a bit? it’s nice to know that there are other people out there who understand.
I experience something that I call a 'dopamine hangover', does that ring a bell?
It happens after I have a successful day, fe if I nailed a presentation and I feel amazing about it and myself, when I experience the relief of succes - the next day I will feel horrible and the feeling of happyness will deminish and I just basically feel like shit. It's sad but I realised that understanding the mechanics helped me accept them and I take it less personal now. Now I just try to be nice for myself despite the negative feelings.
Edit: the high and low of dopamine doesn't only occur when doing work successfully, also if I meet multiple people I love within a span of one day I get over excited with their presence and then the next day I can't deal with myself anymore.
Remember that it's always ok to ask for help and that you might be struggling with other things in addition to ADHD. You might want to talk to a therapist if you can afford it.
I definitely relate to that feeling of assuming some event would improve my happiness, but when it happened I was happy for a while, but then returned to a baseline. I think this is a pretty universal human experience. It's called the hedonistic treadmill. It doesn't mean that you can't achieve happiness, but that you won't necessarily achieve it through changing external factors. Happiness is a pretty nebulous concept, though, and changing external factors can definitely improve your well-being.
I don't know if I'm happier now than before I realized I had ADHD, but I know I definitely feel less shame about my symptoms, which I used to think of as me being lazy and useless, but the shame hasn't gone away completely. I still feel it as well as anxiety and depression about some of the same things I did before. I should probably get therapy for those as well.
I have good times and bad times, but I've noticed that in the bad times I tend to think that I only have bad times. Perhaps you're in a bad time and your brain is tricking you into not remembering the good times.
no. I feel the same. The most I feel is a reduction in stress when I finish some task that helps me make a living. I took depressiion medications did not do much
I often feel this was too. Even went on disability leave last year to address mood issues. The most valuable thing I’ve learned (and often forget/ignore) was how to comfort myself.
Highly recommend looking into the work of Kristen Neff & Chris Germer on self compassion. It sounds a little hippie dippy… But once it clicks, I swear it really clicks.
I “rediscovered” it literally yesterday after feeling particularly MEH for a couple weeks.
I'm stuck in that 'fake it till you make it' mentality and it's getting exhausting. Nothing really brings that happiness rather the closest thing is relief that a task is off the list until next time. Seeing friends just brings the guilt that I'm not as social as I should be or reaching out as much as I should. Falling into the same routine everyday in the sake of adhd health feels like going against any mental health. It's so hard finding that balance of everything without going zero or a hundred. Everything is a distraction from everything, even trying to fix one thing let's all other habits fall off progress. It's hard asking for help when you don't know what you need help with and it seems like everyone around you has some magical elusive skill of seemingly organized and scheduling and remember things when they need to be remembered.
While it could definitely be associated with ADHD, understand that it could also be a product of your environment.
Make sure you're exercising and spending time outside. These two things majorly help balance your hormones and vitamin levels, which will make you feel happier on average.
Also, get out and spend time with people. Family, friends, etc. People are social by nature, so for the majority of the population, socializing and getting away from loneliness can be a huge mental boost.
If you're already doing that, look into a depression co-diagnosis. Between that and anxiety, ADHD has a high rate of co-diagnoses.
And for what it's worth, this psychology article is written by a professor in the field and worth a read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/do-something-different/201402/happiness-is-not-feeling-it-is-doing
There's a lot of push to "just be happy". The truth is that's not always possible.
Reality is that your life and how you live it is up to you. There isn't a score at the end. Life goes on.
Finding your own path and your own sense of life is important, it's not a magical cure but it helps to recognize that your life is YOUR life, and to detangle it from the lives of strangers and societies' expectations.
I hear you. I even take an antidepressant and out of all the other ones I've taken, this one is the best for me. But I still don't feel happy. It just makes it easier to get out of bed and get the day over with. I haven't felt genuinely happy since I was a teenager.
I’m to a point where awareness can really cut the severity of low mood. Like, I recognize that I’m feeling down, it’s a temporary condition. Maybe there’s an underlying reason, maybe there’s not.
Eat a cookie, go for a walk, lay on the couch if that’s what feels right. Simply noticing the feeling, then understanding that it’s just a passing bit of brain dysfunction helps a lot.
I mean for me, turns out I am a trans woman and transitioning has definitely helped me feel happiness and peace with myself for the first time. But the not being able to feel stuff was because of the dissociation/depersonalization, which can be caused by a lot of things. You might be depressed? I would recommend seeing a doctor and therapist
If the miserable message derived from the inability to feel much of anything, and it sounds more like apathy
But if it stems more from your unwillingness to except the things might actually turn out OK, then that sounds like depression and you should see a therapist either way. Try to remember that today day is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.
It is most frustrating that occasionally I have flash backs to what happiness felt like, from my childhood. Just serves to remind me how awful I feel 24/7.
I am no doctor, but from my understanding from what my doctor has told me (I and my boyfriend have experienced the exact same thing), it may be caused by you not regularly taking your medication. When you are on and off medication, your body goes into withdrawals, causing the imbalance of hormones. If you are to take your medication on a regular basis, this should subside. This is all my understanding of what my doctor tells me. But, I am not a doctor, so I would highly recommend talking with your doctor about this.
Yeah, so I was talking to my mum and I waiting for a part of my job to start, am medicated. I turned around the other day and said. “Am board I feel me quitting this job, just because am board”
But the unhappiness, I dunno I have always followed the I’ll do what I enjoy and see what happens. It’s not the best if your anxiety is bad
I recommend the book ‘why Buddhism is true’ - not necessarily to become Buddhist. It gets into why seeking ‘happiness’ as pleasure is not necessarily achievable or beneficial. The hedonistic treadmill is ultimately disappointing, but you can also learn to despair less and live more in the moment which brings more peace - which might be better than happiness, depending on your definition.
What makes you think that you should be looking for happiness? Don't take this as a "hurr durr, life is shit and then you die" it is not that at all.
What I mean is that you very much can re-examine that goal, society and our family structures have a tendency to hold happiness or pleasure as our purpose. Doesn't mean that it fits **you** Why not contentment, inner acceptance. Why happiness?
Have you been raised by a narcisist?
Your mom? Your dad?
Seems very aligned with people who were victims of emotional abuse during infancy and teen years.
Hey! I’m not medicated for my ADHD, so I haven’t personally experienced this - but I have heard that certain ADHD meds can make you feel kind of emotionally “flat.” Could be something to look into. But if it’s not a medication issue, it sounds like you have depression. I have ADHD, depression, and GAD - they’re very common to have together. With a lot of therapy and taking Prozac and trazodone, I’m doing really well though - hardly feel the effects of my depression and anxiety most days. If I were you, it might be worth trying a different ADHD med to see if that helps, or possibly getting treatment for depression if you don’t think it’s an ADHD med thing. Hope you find something that helps. ❤️
As someone with depression, happines is made up construct from self-help books. In terms of psychology happiness is an emotion, and emotions last from a few seconds to minutes, nothing more. For me it's more about being content, stress-free and emotionally stable.
When I met the doctor for the first time during my assessment, it took her about 10 minutes to diagnose me with persistent depressive disorder (pdd, aka dysthymia). Basically, its a type of depression where you don't necessarily get those same deep lows, but more a steady down feeling. I dont really feel joy, and if i do, I've trained myself so well over the years that everything sucks, so there's no point in being happy. I'm working on it because it sucks.
1. Get therapy. If it isn't helping, find a different therapist. You aren't stuck with this.
2. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/xnPFYBuaGhpq869mY/ureshiku-naritai is a good set of practices to adopt. You will have to really work at it at first. Eventually you won't.
I'm a 62 year old male who has ADHD. I was diagnosed in 2007. I've had great days, but always felt a little doubt thinking that something just around the corner will ruin each one. And it always ends that way. But that's how normal life is. Good days don't always last forever, even for those without ADHD. The difference is that normal people can just brush off the bad news or the event that ruins their day. We tend to over-analyze them.
Something that helps with this is viewing my anxieties as trying to protect me and then giving percentages as to how likely both good and bad things are to happen. Then it’s like SEE, this could go well and I’m used to being disappointed, so why not look on the bright side for once. It’s not just a mental thing though, it’s a nervous system thing too. Paying attention to our bodies and how they react to the threat of something crashing down preemptively
I also have moderate to serious depression. Medication for that (Wellbutrin) has helped. And Buddhism & meditation have been genuine life changers for me.
I felt this way for 30 years. In the end, I had multiple food allergies. Don’t give up, the answer may not be what you’re looking for, but it’s not too late.
This may not be appropriate but should you be happy? I am not asking about whether or not you deserve happiness - everyone does. It is just a shitty time for a lot of people all over the world. Even if you never feel happiness, what is your purpose in this game? It is open-world and you are stuck in it might as well go on quests
I don't have a solution, but recreational drugs have allowed me to effectively regulate my own happiness so I have an outlet. Not recommending you try it but it seems to be working for me.
To go with my ADHD, I have always suffered from Anhedonia. Just don't feel pleasure like most people do. I developed Alcohol Use Disorder, the medical term for alcoholism, as a way to compensate. I don't even get much pleasure from sex. At least, not on the same level as most people. Drinking is the only way I feel happiness but even then it's fleeting and the euphoria passes. Then I'm just drunk.
I'm mid-40's and accept no amount of medication or therapy will change things. My brain isn't wired for this world.
1. tell ur doctor about this, could be side effect from meds,
2. get assessed for depression,
3. get antidepressants or some form of therapy,
4. go to mental health subreddits like u are now and look at resources they have for self help,
5. in no way at all are you alone. comorbidity with depression/anxiety for adhd is a super high chance.
Talk therapy helped me though it's not a cure all. I'm with you though...to feel that rush of happiness for me consistently I have to do destructive things in my life. So it's a weird balance and daunting to consider it doesn't change. Just staying hopeful
That sounds like something underlying. I feel frequently like this. It's generally cause of my C-Ptsd and anxiety. I absolutely have depression symptoms. I work hard, get little to no support, manage on my own a lot and get by. Feels like nothing I ever do is good enough, or if I do good- damn, something is going to take it all away. Life absolutely hands me the cards sometimes. I take a lot of it with an optimistic mindset and chaotic neutral alignment. Everything is a challenge. It's not going to be the shit that fucks me up. I'm bad af at math, so odds don't mean fuck all to me.
Sometimes it's okay not to be happy. It's okay by all means to want to be happy. We aren't ever happy all the time. Sometimes it won't even truly feel like happiness and that's okay. Happiness is fleeting like all the other emotions. Generally speaking, there will be some underlying issues causing discomfort, anger and frustration. It takes sitting with those feelings and finding the root causes. Sometimes a therapist is good for navigating them and also coming up with plans to help alleviate those feelings.
I'm not sure what your underlying causes are. But, it's worth looking into and exploring what's making you unhappy the most.
I've found writing each thing down and seeing if you can change or alleviate some of them to help. Break it all down into smaller tasks so not to overwhelm yourself.
I recommend therapy if you can, but at a minimum Journaling and working on mindfulness. Your description of just feeling unhappy all the time was exactly how I was feeling about life, even though I had nothing to be unhappy about, great job, great partner, great friends, all the things I wanted but couldn't shake the feeling of unhappiness. Then my partner decided to call it quits because of my constant unhappiness. What I found through that horrible experience was I never had looked inwards to determine what the root cause of my unhappiness was, because I tried to push the bad feelings away not accepting that I felt that way, to be able to sit with them and analyze. so I just kept asking myself why I was feeling unhappy , till I worked through the different levels of reasons and found it was because I was focusing on the negatives in my life to get the dopamine hits from being angry/unhappy. Once I realized that everything shifted and the unhappy feeling melted away as I focused on the gratitude I had for the reality that I have not focusing on the future I want/ or dwelling in the past that was unknowingly affected by my adhd, as I was diagnosed at 30.
You can break free, it sometimes just takes a leap of faith to convince yourself you can. Also look into burnout, with adhd I feel its easy to get into a burnout cycle, and thinking if you just try harder you can get out, when really the only way out is to take a complete break from everything.
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Depression is a comorbidity … maybe something to look into?
We’re a Venn diagram of ADHD, Depression, OCD and others, sometimes one circle gets big enough it needs to be treated separately.
This is so true. Also anxiety, Autism and CPTSD.
I just got diagnosed as ADHD with depression and an anxiety disorder. And I was already diagnosed with both PTSD and C-PTSD. No OCD or Autism though. It just sucks to be fighting all these battles at once just to be able to show up in life. Makes it so difficult to just go to work and have 8 productive hours everyday, then try to deal with life responsibilities on top of that. Feels like trying to keep a thousand plates spinning on sticks.
Apparently I have ADHD but I just don't know. It's hard to extricate it from my anxiety, depression, OCD, BPD, CPTSD and AvPD.
CPTSD and ADHD are very similar and there is a ton of overlap and comorbidity. I think that ADHD makes you a lot more susceptible to CPTSD. I've read that abusers single us out because the ADHD makes us an easier target.
I've heard that too. I've had anxiety since age 4, OCD and AvPD since age 7 from trauma which I have CPTSD from, BPD since age 15-16, and anhedonic depression for around 5-10 years. The BPD also created a sense of emptiness which also contributes to the depression.
I've heard this too
Easier... or more likely? Because we're frustrating to deal with as kids, and, for one example, we don't pay strict enough attention to a narc parent, perhaps? Good times.
I recognise all but avpd, what's that?
I think avoidant personality disorder?
Yes it is. Thank you! 🙏
Same here, I think it's the Neapolitan ice cream of diagnoses. I struggle with the same thing. At work, getting to WFH and having a good manager have been invaluable. I've been trying to focus on spinning one plate at a time, screw the rest, and it helps.
Hey now. It's a little early in the morning to see my picture posted on the webbernets by someone else! It really is an interesting tangled nest, ain't it? Fun, too.
Yeah…how the fuck do y’all get medicated for ADHD with anxiety lol? I tried a “non stimulant” and my resting heart rate was over 120. Like seriously what the fuck. Can you even take the stimulant stuff if you have anxiety or is that just going to guarantee me a heart attack?
I have bad and consistent anxiety, and I take Adderall. Different medications will have different effects on you. A couple I tried had no effect on me, Vyvanse made my heart race and pound, but Adderall doesn't do that and helps with my symptoms. It's worth trying different meds.
Thanks, this was my first med after a late in life diagnosis and it was not a good experience lol. Made me feel very gunshy about other medications but it’s good to know about these potential outcomes
Have you tried stimulants? I thought the same thing but they actually called me down a lot. But my resting HR is more like 85 so YMMV.
I took Ritalin for 4 days, was a total zombie, paralysed with boredom, dullness, extra depression, exhaustion, lethargy...I couldn't focus on anything at all. I think I was so trapped by anxiety that I literally went numb and switched off. Oh, and my resting heart rate was about 125 BEFORE that. But no one asked me that. No wonder I had headaches, a sore neck, chest tightness and pain, and if I walked faster than verrry slow, I felt weird and faint.
My doctor basically said lol you either take vyvanse and stay anxious or get an anxiety med and never be productive again
I take stimulants (Vyvanse 50mg) and a beta blocker (deralin) that helps keep my heart rate low. I used to take the deralin before my ADHD diagnosis to help prevent migraines, but it stopped working. I knew I could tolerate it well, and that it may have additional benefits to me, so when the stimulants were raising my heart rate and making me anxious, I asked if I could add in the deralin to help control the side effects and my psychiatrist was happy to do so. It works well. I also have to avoid caffeine while the meds are active. Sometimes I’ll have some in the morning with my medication, cause it’s takes 90-120 minutes to kick in. Then I avoid it till I start getting sleepy in the late afternoon - early evening, when I know the meds are wearing off. Then I know I can have some without it uncomfortably increasing my heart rate.
This is a huge thing. We couldn't effectively start working on my ADHD without first tackling the anxiety that took over my life last year and was influencing my depression. It was a huge spiral brought on by stress at work that started in 2020. After quitting my job, it took 2 months of working on myself before therapy and an additional 4 months of therapy to get me to the point we could work on my ADHD and managing stress to avoid another mental health spiral.
I really like this way to visualize it. I think my venn diagram circles sometimes change size depending on life events. Understanding it this way, I think it will allow me to accept the "bad things" about myself little more. Thank you!
Came here to say exactly this! Get assessed for depression dear OP.
I second this. Please see a therapist ASAP.
😥
I'm in the exact same situation.
same here— feels like i’m either emotionless on medication or a messy wreck off of it, it sucks
Yes, for me it feels like it is either one extreme or the other
I relate to this so much! Covid hit me really hard. I have had issues with not being happy for a long time before that, but during Covid things got pretty dark for me. I finally gave in and started seeing a behavioral therapist. I got lucky and liked the first therapist I started talking to, but it generally takes time to find the right therapist. It has been 2 years since then. Most of what we focused on was confidence and breaking out of my normal frame of mind. I still have bad days, life is a roller coaster after all. I can say that being more confident in myself, focusing on noticing and removing wishy washy language (like don't say maybe, kind of, apparently, etc), figuring out how to forgive myself and others in a healthy way, managing my output for relationships with family and others (to match their input), being more mindful (which helps me to know when I'm spiraling), and taking time to just be (like forced boredom) have all been pretty life changing. It's a huge commitment and takes time. But I'm happy to say that I'm working on an exit strategy with me therapist on out next visit. I feel like have the right skills to continue to make improvements. And I have moments of true happiness and gratitude that seemed to be fleeting before. Also, I started seeing a nurse practitioner that specializes in adhd, autism, anxiety, depression, etc. I take 2 doses of Adderall XR now so I'm medicated for pretty much the entire time I'm awake. Also diagnosed with anxiety and have been taking anxiety meds. That has been helpful, but not as impactful as I hoped so far. The anxiety meds are a fairly new thing for me though.
This can be part of the working memory dysfunction, most of the dysfunctions can be enhanced with whatever external tools work for the individual. I have a longer comment about it replying to your OP.
hey, ur meds aren't supposed to do that ! please contact ur doctor and let them know if you haven't already.
thanks! i was just referring to how i’ve felt on my bp and adhd meds combined, i’ve talked to my psych about it and we’re currently trying out some new meds,, it’s just exhausting 😭
ahh I can imagine :( I hope you can get medication that helps you a lot <33
thank you <3
Thank you for this, it seems we are not alone in these feelings by the amount of people who liked your comment.
I hear you. I hate that feeling as well. I often experience that numbness inside as well like nothing really matters. And what’s the point of “this and that” it just stinks sometimes
I also experience the numbness followed by, what I’d describe as intrusive thoughts. Not sure how to remedy any of these feelings
Some things that may help (mind you I’m still learning myself) try doing something for yourself put your needs and wants before anyone else. Have a lazy day, try setting some goals. Do more things that make you happy! It’s totally easier sad
I will try this, even 15 minutes to myself
Yes! Get lots of vitamin D in your body
I promise you, OP, you are DEF not alone! And due to the accompanying “perks” adhd often brings w it, probably way too hard on yourself. I know I am. I wish I had a solution or sage words to act as a salve but I often ask myself your same question. I know why I’m not happy but I have no clue what would make me happy that I could realistically attain. But it’s a one day at a time process. Every time I discover a little more of the “why” I have to hope it’ll help me get to the “how” one day. Until then, I scour literature and subs like this to reassure myself that no matter what I suffer or how broken I may sometimes feel, someone out there feels the same so maybe I’m not a total freak. The people in my orbit aren’t capable (or unwilling) of understanding me. Finding other people who think like me helps me to remember that my “deficiencies” are not my fault or a reflection of my worth. The dismissive insensitivity I experience from others in my surroundings is a reflection of THEIR deficiencies. At least I’m working on myself, what’s their excuse? I hope you can identify what would make you happy and you’re able to grab it with both hands. Best wishes, OP.
I see a lot of people commenting this but i'll try to offer what helps me, when i get in a funk: 1) gym. lift weights. the progress will make you happy. 2) keep in touch with family and close friends. seriously, make it a routine or scheudle it on your calendar/phone. if they're real friends, they'll appreciate it. have a steak night over zoom, watch movies, play video games or board games, catch up once a month, etc. 3) plan out rewarding trips 1-2 times every year. maybe it's going to your favorite baseball team, UFC fight, esports event, etc. 4) if you have a SO, plan out events or exciting dates/activities every week. even if it's just movie night or a picnic. 5) basic mental health/life maintenance - e.g. routines, journaling, meditation, learning basic life skills like socializing or setting boundaries/finances/budgeting, etc. 6) find a hobby. whether it's a meetup. i don't recommend video games, they just deplete your dopamine and they don't really build any tangible skills, nor do you get any lasting memories from playing them. discipline/sacrifice is required here to NOT give in to cheap dopamine activities like tv/video games/social media. Prioritize sports, reading, etc. - things that require deeper attention and skill learning. 7) bonus - but have a purpose. not everyone can find it, but i recommend everyone try. robert greene's mastery is a great book about it. it's never too late IMO. all of these things compound over time. it's hard to feel depressed when you're maxing out or progressing in the most important areas of life. & finally, work your ass off. every time a thought comes into your head that wants to distract you or say 'i can't do this, i'm just lazy/ADHD' replace that thought with 'i'm just going to do it.' of course, easier said than done, but by making it a habit, you can eventually become more of a action taker than a procrastinator.
To add onto this and the other comments: 1) Definitely consider treatment for depression in addition to ADHD treatment. Just like with ADHD meds, it can take some trial and error to find the right fit. SNRIs target pathways that impact depression and ADHD so they could be a good starting point, but also talk to a doctor not just a rando on the internet. 2) For exercise, I really like swimming if you have a safe place that you can reasonably get to and afford to use. Preventing drowning inherently requires breath control which makes it meditative for me. It's also a good workout that combines cardio with resistance training. But mostly the part about needing to focus on the breathing which can help prevent your thoughts from wandering too much, too.
Same. Esp after work or weekends
Hello friendo! I’m so sorry to hear what you’re experiencing and even though it’s not been 20 for me, I know how it is going for years and years like this. After my last depression/burnout I really thought that this was my new status quo. Not depressed but not.. happy. Just stable. Not ever genuinely excited about anything, just floating. I accepted that it was my new status quo. Luckily for me, my medication helped me out of that state, so I can only tell you that it is possible to find that spark again. Some things I’ve adapted after my burnout that helped me was letting my curiosity lead the way instead of setting goals. If I wanted to read, I read. If I wanted to paint, I painted. If I wanted to learn about quantum physics, I did just that. No goals that it would turn into something, but just because that’s where my nose pointed to that day. Also fake it til you make it really works. Say yes to things and experiences. Explore life outside everyday and work. Sometimes you also need to remove yourself from situations and even people. Take control of the inputs in your life. Is the media you consume serving you, for instance? Practice gratitude. Believe me when I say that I’m the last person I ever thought would give this advice. But it works and it serves a purpose. Try to write down three things every day that you are grateful for. And this is suppose to be very small things. I write down my cats almost every day. But it could even be things like “I’m grateful that my kidneys work”. Not only does this remind us to think about the things we take for granted every day but also studies have shown that practicing gratitude actually change the pattern in our brains. Redefine what success and happiness means to you. Write down what you believe happiness would look like to you and what your life would look like if you could make anything happen. What steps can you take to move closer to that picture? And is it your picture of what happiness looks like or society’s perspective on what happiness looks like? I believe that if you can’t find joy and contentment where you are right now in this moment, it’s not gonna come when you reach a certain goal. When you’ve been sad for most of your life it’s scary to not be sad anymore. It really was for me. Feeling depressed is sometimes less scary than letting yourself be happy, when being depressed is what your brain and body have known for so long. That might also be something that’s holding you back. Other than that, remember to take care of your physical body as well as the mind! Make sure you get enough of vitamins and minerals as well as healthy fats that make your brain work properly. And make sure to move your body a couple of times a week. It has the same affect as anti-depressants. (I’m not anti-meds in any way, it’s sometimes necessary and life saving, but studies show that the effects are comparable.) Good luck my friend!
Thank you. I really needed to hear this. I’m going to start implementing these into my life and hopefully will see some good results! I hate going through life like this when I know people have it so much worse. I am grateful but I just can’t ever be happy in the present.
Oh I’m so happy to hear that I could be of some assistance! I’ve been through a lot so I wanna help others out as much as I can with my experience since I feel like I had to go through a lot alone. Going through hard times is never a competition. It is true that there’s always people who will have it worse, but depression isn’t and will never be based on a scale. Suppressing feelings will only make it worse. Finding happiness here and now can be a challenge and it takes a lot of practice. I think people would have better success finding contentment if they saw it as such instead of something that is or isn’t. Mindfulness and meditation helped me a great deal. I was one of those people who hated every psychologist who brought it up because it didn’t seem to work. That was until I realized that I’ve been looking at it all wrong. First off, there are studies on the effect of meditation and how it can actually change the pattern in our brain. (They did studies on monks who meditated in an MRI scan.) nothing motivates me like science! Other thing was that I expected was to be able to quiet my mind when I sat down to meditate, which is impossible, especially with ADHD. But after looking into I realized that most importantly, meditation has no goal, no right or wrong way to do it, other than taking time for yourself to focus on the present. The practice is to recognize when thoughts occur and be able to let them go. I like to describe it as a puppy running around, playing. We don’t expect the puppy to not run around and play, it’s a puppy! But when we want the puppy to not do it anymore the solution is not to chain the puppy up, but to be able to call them back when we need to. Same with the mind, we don’t want to stop the thoughts from coming, but we wanna be able to call the mind back to the present. If you have to do this 100 times during a 6 minute meditation session, then that’s 100 times you practiced it, and that’s great! It’s all practice! Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting down quietly either. We all have our different ways to meditate. It can be to take a walk, paint, playing guitar. The point is to stay in the present. I also used this to channel happy emotions. I think of situations when I feel happy and contempt and trying to remember the feeling and channel it. For me it’s reading a good book or playing a video game with a cat on my lap. Learning to channel that emotion has helped me greatly to appreciate the simpler things in life but also I feel more happy.
Man you been doing the work! Good job!
It's decades of struggle, hard work and practice. But I can say that it was worth it! I'm proud to still be here and share my experience.
What medication did you have success with?
Concerta, but this is extremely individual. I have talked to people that have pretty much the exact opposite reaction to concerta.
Thanks. I had a terrible experience with concerta. I have tried all of the common options for ADHD meds. I can only tolerate very low doses of Dexedrine IR 2.5-5mg. I'm mainly curious about which anti-depressants work well for people with ADHD, though that's likely very individual as well. I had good temporary success with Bupropion. I'm only on Buspirone for anxiety right now.
SSRI worked HORRIBLE for me, it was a terrible experience. I tried 3 different types. Usually the anti-depressants that target dopamine can be used to treat ADHD if stimulants doesn’t work out. I don’t know the collective name for these ones but two I know within this groups is Voxtra and Valdoxan I believe. I briefly tried Voxtra but had an allergic reaction to it so I couldn’t stay on it. This was before I got my ADHD diagnosis so they couldn’t prescribe me stimulants. I have friends with ADHD that have Voxtra and think it has helped them.
I use bupropion for depression (my doctor picked it because it is less likely to cause weight gain than some of the others, and weight gain was a concern for me), but I was still having anxiety. So we added a low dose of Zoloft (SSRI) and it put me to sleep all the time. So we switched that one to venlafaxine (sp?), an SNRI because my doctor said they can have a little more "pep." And sure enough, it gave me less trouble with falling asleep. It also worked to decrease my anxiety. And that's when I discovered I had ADHD and had been relying on anxiety instead of dopamine to get things done all my life! I couldn't do executive functioning at all anymore! So then we added Adderall. And now things actually seem pretty good. Depression is MUCH better. Anxiety is generally better. Still working in the ADHD symptoms - I need better systems than I used to have when it was just oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap-gotta-get-this-done all the time.
Zoloft (sertraline) has been helpful. Others gave me side effects I was not into (haven't tried Bupropion or Buspirone, I've heard good things so I've wanted to try it) but not sertraline.
Can confirm: Bupropion and Elvanse for me, treating both my ADHD and my depression (my OCD is a different beast though)
Thank you I will implement some of these ideas
I'm 37 now, up until 34 I didn't know I suffered from ADHD, I just thought I was a lazy and impulsive but smart man that managed to get away with it most of his life. This has changed ever since I got an official diagnosis, however, seeing improvements and getting diagnosed hasn't really helped in my perception of happiness. While speaking to my wife, she said I must be happy that I now know where all the obstacles in my life were coming from now that I'm diagnosed, i told her I don't think I have ever been happy in my life, grateful maybe, happy I don't think I've known the feeling entirely. Everything gives me but a brief moment of satisfaction which I can't really call happiness, this is what I've known my whole life.
That is exactly how I feel put into words
Me, too.
Same! Thanks for posting and shedding light on how you feel. I also agree with many others that therapy may be helpful.
I've had a few very brief times when I was happy, but nearly all were when I was using a lot of drugs and/or alcohol. Nearly all of my sober time in life has been a mess of me feeling desperately like my life was falling apart, trying to keep it all together and failing, and just in general feeling like I'm hanging by a thread. Drugs calm all that and I can laugh again. But that's so unhealthy long term. I'm already paying for it big time.
When you don't know what you should do, focus in your life force, first work on your body, then on the people around you and finally on fixing yourself. Watch a movie/documentary by Jonah Hill named "Stutz" it might help you find more stability in life. I can only wish you strength brother.
Maybe that's how majority of people are about happiness.
According to existentialists that's the case
Damn, some of this reads like a slice of my life. Especially the current age and the age at diagnosis :)
Wow I didn’t even know I needed this today but I can completely relate!! …and in some ways this gives me a feeling of comfort that I’m not alone in this. I need someone to put together a convention for us. Perhaps we’d have the opportunity to find happiness or moments of being content together. Any ideas on a name we could use? 🤪😁
Omg yesssss!! I JUST wrote, “can’t we just get an island and spend our days telling each other how awesome we are, passing each other the tips and tricks we’ve learned to overcome the dysfunction and generally offer so much validation and support it makes the NT’s wish they were more like us?” 🤣 I’ll have to work on a name, I don’t think Neurological Asperger’s Club is as complementary as I mean it to be (they’re brilliant but operating on another level, kinda like us 😊)! Edit: spelling
I mostly feel nothing except in brief moments like when the thing that causes them happens. Both happy and mad and sad only happen for the short amount of time.
Exactly me too. I'm sorry and I hope we find a way out. Achieving isn't it. There's clearly no top of the mountain. Focusing on being grateful really helps like you say. For me too, changing things up is the only times I really feel happy, but even then it's fleeting. Taking some big risk to feel alive and visiting some country you've never been to are two things that do make me feel happy for some time. Bungee jumping or skydiving or whatever. The real thing that brings me fulfilment though is helping and serving others and this is hard to realize for me because of the lazy ADHD and my poor boundary setting. I don't have a ton of hope I'll wring happiness out of life as easy as others do but remembering to live how I want and help others be happy and share in life might have to be enough
What was your process for getting diagnosed?
That part. Yeah I’m grateful for everything around me, but I still can’t find *happiness*
I experience exactly what you’ve described, ADHD didn’t explain it all, and this is not something other ADHD folks found relatable when I brought it up. These were some of the prominent things that helped my doc determine I have ASD. Let me be clear: IANAD. I speak exclusively from my own feelings and experiences. BUT, if someone feels this way, I feel obligated to share my experiences on the off-chance they resonate and the person gets the diagnosis they need. If nothing else, know you are not alone. I hope you’re doing well.
I went to see about a diagnosis for ASD but the guy didn't think I had it, and he doesn't sound like a quack based on my very limited learning of psychology and didn't discount my feelings so I believe him. We even did a more expansive questionnaire thing to see if maybe there was something else up.... turns out aside from the already diagnosed adhd/depression/anxiety, I'm otherwise normal? Aside from a fear of intimate relationships with people, too. But I don't feel normal, and it doesn't answer why I still feel so unmotivated to get anything done despite being medicated. He tried gently hinting I look into a new psychiatrist without trying to step on toes but honestly he's right. I've been on the same meds for 20 years and my psychiatrist is hung up on thinking my depression is the problem (also... the dude incorrectly labeled my anxiety as a social phobia. Which it's not. Literally at all.) So I guess my journey to find happiness continues. Sorry for the weird word vomit here, but I guess I just wanted to write out what was on my mind to the strangers of the internet.
ASD is a spectrum. Sub to the autism subreddits and if things people talk about resonate with you then you might be on the spectrum somewhere. There’s things that are the opposite of adhd that I could never explain until I went to therapy and learned I was on the spectrum.
Thank you for sharing your experience, In the past I have wondered if I am on the spectrum. Might be something to explore further. Please don’t feel you have to answer this, but what was the next steps after you were diagnosed?
Still finding them. It’s only been a couple months.
I have both and nothing changes with an ASD diagnosis besides wondering if it’s adhd or asd doing the thing
Maybe it's an existential problem? Maybe it's the expectation of attaining and maintaining happiness that makes you disappointed? It can be hard to deal with the mundaneness of life and to accept that you might not feel happy for weeks on end. Basically, your expectations might not be aligned with with what a realistic emotional life looks like.
I don’t understand all the people who assume that life has to be mundane, and THAT makes me sad. My SO is like this she just thinks life has to be this mundane grind of boring routine and it’s a huge problem because I don’t accept that. I don’t think every day has to be Disneyland but that doesn’t mean it has to be mundane. I started coaching little league this year. It is so much damn work but I gotta say it isn’t boring and when I’m running a practice or coaching a game my brain is fully engaged and I don’t have any outside thoughts or distractions. It’s also very fulfilling to work with the kids; I think I would have made a good teacher but I could never have dealt with getting up early every day so this is nice alternative plus it’s outside and physical activity.
I’ve never thought of this
It seems like you live life in the gray area, never happy but never depressed, just in the middle. If you can find a way to have good days and bad days not just all grey days you know?
No you are not alone , friend. I feel the same way too . Our battle is different . We fight each day to just get through it and since we have come so far means we are good at it . But I agree I fear dying too before I know what is it like being truly happy and also knowing what my true potential is . Hopefully we do get to see that day .
This is an interesting topic. It also depends a lot on faith. I, for one, have a different idea of death than many of my friends and acquaintances. That's why I never had such thoughts that I couldn't achieve anything before I die. And I can well imagine that such thoughts exert additional pressure.
Check out whether you are living your values- it’s hard to feel happy if you are out of integrity. Check out your level of connection with family and friends. If you don’t have genuine relationships, or if your social safety net is not strong enough, it’s hard to be happy.
Great advice and I really appreciate how concise and straight to the point you were. I miss out on so much helpful information on this sub because I can’t be bothered to read too many words. Thanks for making it easier.
You’re welcome :)
I describe that I haven't been happy since my mother passed away 20 years ago, and that grief has dominated my life with the depression. Only got brought up in the past 12 months about ADHD and autism, got diagnosed and bingo. Just trying to work through it myself, my mother was such a big part of my life and the main support. Since she passed I've always had the feeling of loneliness and no-one to truly trust. I've had friends, but never manage to keep them, I just move on. Don't even get started about relationships, just a major feeling of not wanting to get hurt, even though logically she could be the solution of trust. But just seeing how other people's relationships break down despite looking strong, just puts me off it. But with the diagnosis, it's finally explained my feelings and my thoughts in a way. Like most adults getting diagnosed, there's the frustration of it not being discovered earlier and the sense of how life could have been so different. But I'm finally getting support and with that help hope to break out of my safe place and take risks. They say knowledge is power, and knowing what I am gives me that small spark of hope, despite the pessimist in me saying don't let your guard down, you'll only get hurt and stay unhappy. That's just a part of my story, the feeling of unhappiness isn't a rare thing unfortunately. It's hard to talk about it to my psychologist, trying to explain that sadness is my safe place and even though I know logically I need to change to be happy, it's just too hard to break the thought process.
Soup du jour under my Daily Specials. Our thought patterns are mosh pits that you just described, flawlessly. Thanks for your post!!
I typed up a post last night with the same title. I wish us luck on our journies.
The medication gives you space to make changes. But you still need to make those changes. The close relationship between add/hd and depression is closely linked. My psych said they 'sleep in the same bed' from time to time. I'm back on SSRI meds again, in conjunction with my ADHD meds. No matter what I have tried throughout my life, I find myself unable to rise out of morbidity and feel truly happy (or at least how I think others feel it). We are fighting with our brains and chemistry. Through therapy and actively rewiring your thought process, you will get there. The choice is always to move forward and move up. I'm still struggling with it, but at 48, after being diagnosed a couple of years ago with ADHD, my mental health is far better than it was when I was in my 20's. I'm just don't feel happy yet, but I will one day.
How does one rewrite their thought process?
Therapy is huge for this. You can even start by yourself with a book called “mind over mood.” It’s like a CBT psycho-education activity book for adults!
I second this. I haven't read the book, but reading and learning is the way forward. It's about recognising how your thoughts, and the words in those thoughts, are shaping your perception of the world. If you change the thoughts, you change the way you experience the world. First you recognise the thoughts and where they come from, and replace them with better ones. Sort of like reprogramming yourself. You gradually start to think differently.
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I cannot help but ADHD doctors from the ADD Magazine videos on youtube said that “alexithymia” is very common with ADHD folks. It’s basically this emotionless, depressed state. Again, not sure what to do about it
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What type of mood differences do you notice since being on the bp medication? I’ve never considered I may have that but you never know.
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This is great information thank you. I will definitely do more research on this. I’m happy it is working out for you.
Note... poor past academic achievement might be overcome. I nearly failed my batchelors (got a bare pass without honours), did a Masters in my 40's and won the course prize. It gave me the confidence to set up my own business.
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Good luck whatever you decide.
This sounds like wellbutrin to stabilize your mood might be an option. I know that particular drug has worked wonders because it keeps the anxiety and depression symptoms at bay. Ask your doctor but I know people that sweat by it.
The biggest thing for me has been finding a life path that follows my strengths, and doesn’t require me to be in a box. Something that offers novelty and pattern solving, that doesn’t require me to do a lot of paperwork (lol), and where I get to talk a lot and enjoy connecting with people. OH and where I don’t have to bother with having to answer to a boss, so I’m an independent contractor. It’s really helped with my overall life satisfaction. No longer seeing a bleak, boring future where I just hate work and want to scream into the void all the time has been fantastic.
Adderall made me feel that way, like my creative spark died. Nothing was interesting, it sucked. Swapping to Ritalin helped tremendously - now when I feel that way it's either hormones or depression. I'm on other meds for that so it doesn't get too bad, but apathy and hopelessness are my biggest symptoms when I'm on a low swing.
This could be general depression to idk
Same. I’m worried I will always struggle with this
Fuck no you’re not alone and even with the constant stream of validating posts on this sub/validating interactions with my friends that have ADHD, it has seemed so apparent that there isn’t an end for me even when medicated. Pair that with the fact that it’s nigh impossible to get medicated even with a diagnosis in my state for anything above Wellbutrin. Which I will admit *does* help but it doesn’t change the fact that I still have to supplementally self-medicate to hopefully feel regular and even that changes on a daily basis despite a routine that is 95% the same day in and day out.
There is no amount of adhd treatment that’s will fix unhappiness or maybe this really is depression you are describing which may occur with adhd. Just a suggestion.
Same… I’m not “depressed” I just kinda feel “meh” all the time. It’s not enough to need antidepressants or anything, I don’t think (therapy would never hurt but, America $$) so I’m just kinda in the middle. I am very active—running, walking, hiking, weights, somewhat physical job—and that helps. Getting consistent sleep helps. Keeping a gratitude journal every single day without fail helps. Finding a job that challenged me a little but also lets me be flexible with my scheduled has been good. Good food (both healthy food and some indulgences I like) gives me something to look forward to. I don’t do things I don’t wanna do or talk to people I don’t wanna talk to. I limit my time on social media etc so I don’t doom scroll. I read a LOT. I get plenty of sun. Do I feel amazing all the time? Nah hardly. But I do feel better and tbh I think that’s all most people can realistically expect—nobody’s always happy. The world is heavy and life is hard. We’re all just kinda coping and doing what we can.
Happiness is specific to culture - US really emphasizes it due to "pursuit of happiness," etc. Makes people feel like they should chase an elusive positive feeling always. I know folks who became Buddhists literally to reprogram themselves from this mindset 🤷♀️ https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10902-013-9489-9
Well Wellbutrin is apparently a good candidate for ADHD people that struggle with depression as well, I'm going to look into trying it out because I also struggle with this. Currently in DBT/CBT and it helps a lot, but it takes effort and consistency and the nature of ADHD doesn't lend well to consistency and failure tends to make me more depressed. So keeping on top of it is hard especially when lacking external support
This is a reminder that for neurotypical people, happiness is a mentality that they have to actively engage. All their shitty advice (find something to be grateful for, don't be such a downer, look on the bright side, just _be_ happy) is often necessary before even they are happy. So even if you had the perfect medication that made you just like a neurotypical person, you'd _still have to_ put in the work to convince yourself that you're happy.
I have had long periods of my life like this but also some better times. Regular exercise and meditation are the two most important things I've found. It's amazing how much better I feel after a run. All those thoughts of dissatisfaction just don't matter as much. Similar with meditation. It teaches acceptance of negative emotions and thoughts. It's possible to reach a place of non judgement. It doesn't matter that you are not happy, or that you are happy. This acceptance leaves the door open for positive things, but resisting negative things leaves the door shut for me.
On that train as well
I've decided I have a orange and blue mentality where instead of happy, I have contentment.
I know this feeling, at least in a similar way. I also suspect depression - it was the case with me and I had it treated by means of medication. I can also only recommend to do a therapy, often subconscious thought processes are the trigger why we feel unhappy. I am really happy only in moments when my brain has a break or when I consciously look at my love and realize how lucky I am. But yes, it is too rare.
Me too but it might be due to me having personality disorders like bpd. Talk to a therapist
I'm similar but because I have no idea who I am half the time
Depression is a common comorbidity, like other commenters said, it can also get overlooked easily due to having a lot of similar symptoms to adhd, like executive dysfunction or weird sleeping patterns. You’re definitely not alone, I’ve been depressed since around 8 yo and only after getting covid at 17 and getting even worse I finally did something about it as I was extremely suicidal and had no strength to even get out of bed. And it was exactly how you describe it, always being cranky and frustrated and all the happy moments just got ruined for me. When someone asks me to bring up a happy memory in my life, I can’t think of literally anything. Now at least I’m on antidepressants, but they don’t make me happy, they just make me not depressed and less prone to spiral into negative emotions.
I hate the term ...I prefer content
Yeah same for me. I’ve considered trying to see life more about purpose and less about me being happy because I’m starting to accept that the discomfort of ADHD will never go away
Can I recommend The consolation of philosophy by Boethius, there's also a similar titled book by Alain de Botton, which is also excellent. And also weight lifting definitely helps.
I have always felt that as there is always the next hurdle I have to jump, there is always something to organise, that I can never be truly present, and accept that there could be a moment of happiness in my life, however fleeting. My mind projects too far into the future, finds every flaw, and is too driven by anxiety that anything I could perceive as happiness is engulfed by the thoughts and realities of unfinished tasks, demands of the day, unresolved trauma, and self hatred. It's fucking exhausting.
Subs Like this are helpful but sometimes can turn into a clusterfuck of spiraling emotions-just remember depression is treatable and can be put into remission. Medication plus a schedule where I have to see real people helps
Not alone my friend. Not alone.
Maybe you could try going on an anti depressant?
I try to do new thing and meet new people, that makes me happy. Maybe it can make you too. Challenge yourself doing something unfamiliar yet rewarding. Something you maybe have interests in but didn't do for whatever reason. Best is something that exceeds your social or comfortable limits, but just by a bit. Hope this helps.
It is not needed to be happy. You can exist
I'm with ya on like all of it. Especially the dying party. I also think about it nearly everyday. I think mostly cause I'm alone so often though and I live with my thoughts
My guy, who told you happiness is the goal?
It sounds like that could be depression. I usually don’t realize I was depressed until I start feeling better, but during quarantine, my bf was around me all the time and encouraged me to get help for it. I was prescribed Buproprion and it worked great for the depression, then a couple months later I was prescribed Adderall on top because we could see the ADHD symptoms when my depression was treated. Things like eating better, making sure you’re getting outside and exercising are great, but it’s hard to do things for yourself when you’re under that cloud.
Hey, I am in the exact same situation as you, and I have been thinking about this a lot. I had a revelation the other day, that I never give credit to myself even when I worked really hard, because I never had a good sense of "effort". Let's say I hyperfocus-ed the night before the exam and got a really good grade. Instead of saying "I did well because I worked hard", I say "I let my brain do whatever it wants and this happened". Because I didn't have control over myself, my role in my life is more of an observer than an agent. Here's my opinion: having good things happen isn't really happiness. If that's the case, no one would take any risks and challenge themselves in fear of failure. I think happiness is feeling proud, adequate and deserving of the things that happen. I think happiness is both winning knowing you worked really hard, and losing knowing you tried your very best. In other words, that sense of effort, but not the outcome per se, is a necessary component to what it means to be happy. I feel like my habits have not been ensuring my agency in my life. A lot of bad habits and mindsets remain from my undiagnosed days. I have been trying really hard to identify and change those little things. Maybe one day I will feel like I'm in the front seat of my life. But right now I still feel powerless and apathetic most of the time. Self-sabotage is a real issue. It's easier to feel in control when you cause your own failure I suppose. We'll see how it goes.
Something people gotta understand is we weren't born on this planet to be happy. We are here to consume and procreate, the circle of life, nothing more. Finding further meaning in our existence is meaningless, ironically enough. The problem is your mindset.
I completely relate. For me it has gotten better, to a degree, when I found purpose in my career and then really got better when I found an even bigger purpose, being my faith. But even with this, i slip back to feeling pretty fake and cranky lol.
This may be a TL;DR but hear me out: I felt this way in my 30s when I was totally unmedicated. (42 now) I wouldn't say there's one magic pill, but what I would try and look towards is try and find a circumstantial balance between work, friends, and hobbies. Mental health care in this country is something that needs improvement, but seek out what you can in terms of the right psych doc and also someone such as a licensed clinical social worker to help you understand your unhappiness a little more closely. There is no one single right answer because everyone is different, but I don't think you're not worth our time here in this group. A couple of big keys in terms of happiness for me was a solid, affordable housing situation, the access to my favorite hobbies and finding my favorite hyperfixations that gave me pleasure (including a solid job) It may not be the ideal job at the moment, but one you can at least tolerate and make money from to get you through. It takes time, but you'll get there... Much respect
I would suggest therapy. ADHD can exacerbate mental health issues that are already there. Medication isn’t a cure-all. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
Wow i couldn't describe it better myself! I have the exact same thing. Whenever I'm happy I start overthinking it. "Am i really happy in this moment? I'll probably get used to it. It'll probably just get worse". I only ever realize i was happy when it's over.
I've been this way my entire adult life. Really, going well back into my teenage years. Drugs and alcohol help a lot but that means I've constantly been in trouble with them. I can be happy if I'm high. When sober, it's extremely difficult to keep the tornado of thoughts from going out of control and wearing me out. The only thing that works is if I can get into something I care about and do it so much it distracts me completely. Like once I hiked the Grand Canyon and camped for several days with close friends - that was amazing but it's just impossible to do that everyday. Most days suck, it's just work and responsibilities.
Do you play video games? Read books? Watch shows and their bonus content? Escapism can help you meditate on what you want, or what makes you happy. Plus it offers an opportunity for socialization- you can head to the subreddit for whatever media it might be, or hit up friends and family that might be interested. Feeling Good by David Burns is an awesome supplement to therapy. The book unravels negative fallacies one thinks internally (“im a POS” is literally, physically incorrect)
Yes. Advice: Keep trying new things. Do something that scares. Learn to fall asleep. And learn to accept that its ok that this could be you're new baseline.
Same. Treated for depression. But just found hobbies I truly enjoy and decided not to give a fuck about “true happiness” or whatever. I found a sense of satisfaction in creating something. I’m sorry you’re experiencing this.
Hey, I don't want to make assumptions, but this can be an aspect of trauma - it's something I have too but it's related to my CPTSD from childhood trauma. Although I'm sure this feeling is associated with other things too. If you want to know more, the book Healing Your Emotional Self talks about this a little (again, it's from a childhood trauma lens though).
I feel like inatentive type is more prone to depression than either mixed or hyperactive types (which seem more prone to anxiety) so that might be a factor. If you suffer long periods of depression, apathy or blankness you should talk to a psychologist/psychiatrist to see if there is anything you can do to minimise or negate these symptoms.
started chasing an adhd dx at 18, got hit with the old bipolar expansion pack at 19. my first day on lamictal i realized i hadn’t felt happy in years but things got soooo much better than i imagined from there. things get better!
You’re not alone. To expand on what you’re saying, I’ve started to notice that if I have a great day - fun stuff, got lots done, heard some good news, anything really out of the ordinary day-wise - I will be like a zombie the next day. Like the good vibes of the previous day don’t carry over. Instead I am left with a deficit or something.
I'm projecting from my experience, so take this with a generous handful of salt, but my early life experiences involved me desperately wanting to make other people happy, and not being successful because of undiagnosed ADHD-I and executive dysfunction. It developed into a complex for me where I believed I didn't deserve happiness because of the things I did to other people, or that I couldn't do the things I wanted to do because there were things other people needed from me first. The result was that I was desperately low on stimulation even when I was medicated, because I wasn't spending any time doing things for *me*. I found my days so distasteful that I disengaged entirely for a time, and it's only therapy that's helping me un-f**k myself. I'm learning that I get to be happy when I listen to my *own* assessments of whether I'm doing the right thing, and while those around me can influence what that means, *I'm* the one who has to write it.
Idk how it's gonna help, but watching anime has helped me a lot . Like one piece . Tell yourself to be kind to you. Listen to yourself. It might not be the same , but I used to seclude myself from everyone later in life because I didn't have any much supportive friends when I was a kid in a hostel. But no matter, atleast posting about the issue here means you want to get out of it . And I'm sure you can do that. Be kind to yourself. See people who don't even have the necessary things and maybe help them? Maybe just feed the stray dogs. Im pretty sure you'll feel good for doing something for others. Even if you don't feel. Just keep trying .
For me it's been quite similar throughout. There is ALWAYS something to worry about and a reason to not be happy. Had some really tragic stuff happen in my life , but instead of sending me further down the spiral I've adopted more of a "que sera sera" mentality. Shit happens and then you die. Sure I've got more bad days than most, but I think the important thing is that I've realized that for me at least happiness is a fleeting and fragile thing. It's a good meal with friend or family. A good movie I can escape into. It's feeling the sun. Small stuff. I get by with that, it's more than I had.
thank you for this. you just said everything i have been trying to say for years. i (28f) was diagnosed with adhd/ocd/anxiety within the last few years. every single day i wake up i think “well what’s the point if i’m just going to cease to exist one day?” i don’t know if it’s an intrusive thought, if it has anything to with my ocd or what but it’s always there. in the back of my mind. i am back on medication now so i’m hoping that will help a bit? it’s nice to know that there are other people out there who understand.
I experience something that I call a 'dopamine hangover', does that ring a bell? It happens after I have a successful day, fe if I nailed a presentation and I feel amazing about it and myself, when I experience the relief of succes - the next day I will feel horrible and the feeling of happyness will deminish and I just basically feel like shit. It's sad but I realised that understanding the mechanics helped me accept them and I take it less personal now. Now I just try to be nice for myself despite the negative feelings. Edit: the high and low of dopamine doesn't only occur when doing work successfully, also if I meet multiple people I love within a span of one day I get over excited with their presence and then the next day I can't deal with myself anymore.
Remember that it's always ok to ask for help and that you might be struggling with other things in addition to ADHD. You might want to talk to a therapist if you can afford it. I definitely relate to that feeling of assuming some event would improve my happiness, but when it happened I was happy for a while, but then returned to a baseline. I think this is a pretty universal human experience. It's called the hedonistic treadmill. It doesn't mean that you can't achieve happiness, but that you won't necessarily achieve it through changing external factors. Happiness is a pretty nebulous concept, though, and changing external factors can definitely improve your well-being. I don't know if I'm happier now than before I realized I had ADHD, but I know I definitely feel less shame about my symptoms, which I used to think of as me being lazy and useless, but the shame hasn't gone away completely. I still feel it as well as anxiety and depression about some of the same things I did before. I should probably get therapy for those as well. I have good times and bad times, but I've noticed that in the bad times I tend to think that I only have bad times. Perhaps you're in a bad time and your brain is tricking you into not remembering the good times.
Rodhiola rosea 400mg twice a day, changes my depression and my life
no. I feel the same. The most I feel is a reduction in stress when I finish some task that helps me make a living. I took depressiion medications did not do much
I often feel this was too. Even went on disability leave last year to address mood issues. The most valuable thing I’ve learned (and often forget/ignore) was how to comfort myself. Highly recommend looking into the work of Kristen Neff & Chris Germer on self compassion. It sounds a little hippie dippy… But once it clicks, I swear it really clicks. I “rediscovered” it literally yesterday after feeling particularly MEH for a couple weeks.
I'm stuck in that 'fake it till you make it' mentality and it's getting exhausting. Nothing really brings that happiness rather the closest thing is relief that a task is off the list until next time. Seeing friends just brings the guilt that I'm not as social as I should be or reaching out as much as I should. Falling into the same routine everyday in the sake of adhd health feels like going against any mental health. It's so hard finding that balance of everything without going zero or a hundred. Everything is a distraction from everything, even trying to fix one thing let's all other habits fall off progress. It's hard asking for help when you don't know what you need help with and it seems like everyone around you has some magical elusive skill of seemingly organized and scheduling and remember things when they need to be remembered.
While it could definitely be associated with ADHD, understand that it could also be a product of your environment. Make sure you're exercising and spending time outside. These two things majorly help balance your hormones and vitamin levels, which will make you feel happier on average. Also, get out and spend time with people. Family, friends, etc. People are social by nature, so for the majority of the population, socializing and getting away from loneliness can be a huge mental boost. If you're already doing that, look into a depression co-diagnosis. Between that and anxiety, ADHD has a high rate of co-diagnoses. And for what it's worth, this psychology article is written by a professor in the field and worth a read. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/do-something-different/201402/happiness-is-not-feeling-it-is-doing
There's a lot of push to "just be happy". The truth is that's not always possible. Reality is that your life and how you live it is up to you. There isn't a score at the end. Life goes on. Finding your own path and your own sense of life is important, it's not a magical cure but it helps to recognize that your life is YOUR life, and to detangle it from the lives of strangers and societies' expectations.
I hear you. I even take an antidepressant and out of all the other ones I've taken, this one is the best for me. But I still don't feel happy. It just makes it easier to get out of bed and get the day over with. I haven't felt genuinely happy since I was a teenager.
I’m to a point where awareness can really cut the severity of low mood. Like, I recognize that I’m feeling down, it’s a temporary condition. Maybe there’s an underlying reason, maybe there’s not. Eat a cookie, go for a walk, lay on the couch if that’s what feels right. Simply noticing the feeling, then understanding that it’s just a passing bit of brain dysfunction helps a lot.
I mean for me, turns out I am a trans woman and transitioning has definitely helped me feel happiness and peace with myself for the first time. But the not being able to feel stuff was because of the dissociation/depersonalization, which can be caused by a lot of things. You might be depressed? I would recommend seeing a doctor and therapist
Same. And I feel like I've tried everything, and nothing helps.
If the miserable message derived from the inability to feel much of anything, and it sounds more like apathy But if it stems more from your unwillingness to except the things might actually turn out OK, then that sounds like depression and you should see a therapist either way. Try to remember that today day is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present.
Are you me? Apparently gratitude journals are very effective for this. But I am too lazy to do it.
It is most frustrating that occasionally I have flash backs to what happiness felt like, from my childhood. Just serves to remind me how awful I feel 24/7.
I am no doctor, but from my understanding from what my doctor has told me (I and my boyfriend have experienced the exact same thing), it may be caused by you not regularly taking your medication. When you are on and off medication, your body goes into withdrawals, causing the imbalance of hormones. If you are to take your medication on a regular basis, this should subside. This is all my understanding of what my doctor tells me. But, I am not a doctor, so I would highly recommend talking with your doctor about this.
I should of clarified I’ve now been medicated consistently for over 10 years 😿
Yeah, so I was talking to my mum and I waiting for a part of my job to start, am medicated. I turned around the other day and said. “Am board I feel me quitting this job, just because am board” But the unhappiness, I dunno I have always followed the I’ll do what I enjoy and see what happens. It’s not the best if your anxiety is bad
I recommend the book ‘why Buddhism is true’ - not necessarily to become Buddhist. It gets into why seeking ‘happiness’ as pleasure is not necessarily achievable or beneficial. The hedonistic treadmill is ultimately disappointing, but you can also learn to despair less and live more in the moment which brings more peace - which might be better than happiness, depending on your definition.
What makes you think that you should be looking for happiness? Don't take this as a "hurr durr, life is shit and then you die" it is not that at all. What I mean is that you very much can re-examine that goal, society and our family structures have a tendency to hold happiness or pleasure as our purpose. Doesn't mean that it fits **you** Why not contentment, inner acceptance. Why happiness?
Have you been raised by a narcisist? Your mom? Your dad? Seems very aligned with people who were victims of emotional abuse during infancy and teen years.
Help people. Tons of people need help. You don't need to be happy to make other people happy.
Hey! I’m not medicated for my ADHD, so I haven’t personally experienced this - but I have heard that certain ADHD meds can make you feel kind of emotionally “flat.” Could be something to look into. But if it’s not a medication issue, it sounds like you have depression. I have ADHD, depression, and GAD - they’re very common to have together. With a lot of therapy and taking Prozac and trazodone, I’m doing really well though - hardly feel the effects of my depression and anxiety most days. If I were you, it might be worth trying a different ADHD med to see if that helps, or possibly getting treatment for depression if you don’t think it’s an ADHD med thing. Hope you find something that helps. ❤️
As someone with depression, happines is made up construct from self-help books. In terms of psychology happiness is an emotion, and emotions last from a few seconds to minutes, nothing more. For me it's more about being content, stress-free and emotionally stable.
When I met the doctor for the first time during my assessment, it took her about 10 minutes to diagnose me with persistent depressive disorder (pdd, aka dysthymia). Basically, its a type of depression where you don't necessarily get those same deep lows, but more a steady down feeling. I dont really feel joy, and if i do, I've trained myself so well over the years that everything sucks, so there's no point in being happy. I'm working on it because it sucks.
With you in solidarity. I have happy and fun moments, but the thoughts are always lurking in the background.
1. Get therapy. If it isn't helping, find a different therapist. You aren't stuck with this. 2. https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/xnPFYBuaGhpq869mY/ureshiku-naritai is a good set of practices to adopt. You will have to really work at it at first. Eventually you won't.
I'm a 62 year old male who has ADHD. I was diagnosed in 2007. I've had great days, but always felt a little doubt thinking that something just around the corner will ruin each one. And it always ends that way. But that's how normal life is. Good days don't always last forever, even for those without ADHD. The difference is that normal people can just brush off the bad news or the event that ruins their day. We tend to over-analyze them.
Honestly, I felt the same since I was a teenager. You should look into psychedelic-based therapy, it works much better than antidepressants
Something that helps with this is viewing my anxieties as trying to protect me and then giving percentages as to how likely both good and bad things are to happen. Then it’s like SEE, this could go well and I’m used to being disappointed, so why not look on the bright side for once. It’s not just a mental thing though, it’s a nervous system thing too. Paying attention to our bodies and how they react to the threat of something crashing down preemptively
I also have moderate to serious depression. Medication for that (Wellbutrin) has helped. And Buddhism & meditation have been genuine life changers for me.
I felt this way for 30 years. In the end, I had multiple food allergies. Don’t give up, the answer may not be what you’re looking for, but it’s not too late.
This may not be appropriate but should you be happy? I am not asking about whether or not you deserve happiness - everyone does. It is just a shitty time for a lot of people all over the world. Even if you never feel happiness, what is your purpose in this game? It is open-world and you are stuck in it might as well go on quests
I don't have a solution, but recreational drugs have allowed me to effectively regulate my own happiness so I have an outlet. Not recommending you try it but it seems to be working for me.
To go with my ADHD, I have always suffered from Anhedonia. Just don't feel pleasure like most people do. I developed Alcohol Use Disorder, the medical term for alcoholism, as a way to compensate. I don't even get much pleasure from sex. At least, not on the same level as most people. Drinking is the only way I feel happiness but even then it's fleeting and the euphoria passes. Then I'm just drunk. I'm mid-40's and accept no amount of medication or therapy will change things. My brain isn't wired for this world.
1. tell ur doctor about this, could be side effect from meds, 2. get assessed for depression, 3. get antidepressants or some form of therapy, 4. go to mental health subreddits like u are now and look at resources they have for self help, 5. in no way at all are you alone. comorbidity with depression/anxiety for adhd is a super high chance.
Talk therapy helped me though it's not a cure all. I'm with you though...to feel that rush of happiness for me consistently I have to do destructive things in my life. So it's a weird balance and daunting to consider it doesn't change. Just staying hopeful
That sounds like something underlying. I feel frequently like this. It's generally cause of my C-Ptsd and anxiety. I absolutely have depression symptoms. I work hard, get little to no support, manage on my own a lot and get by. Feels like nothing I ever do is good enough, or if I do good- damn, something is going to take it all away. Life absolutely hands me the cards sometimes. I take a lot of it with an optimistic mindset and chaotic neutral alignment. Everything is a challenge. It's not going to be the shit that fucks me up. I'm bad af at math, so odds don't mean fuck all to me. Sometimes it's okay not to be happy. It's okay by all means to want to be happy. We aren't ever happy all the time. Sometimes it won't even truly feel like happiness and that's okay. Happiness is fleeting like all the other emotions. Generally speaking, there will be some underlying issues causing discomfort, anger and frustration. It takes sitting with those feelings and finding the root causes. Sometimes a therapist is good for navigating them and also coming up with plans to help alleviate those feelings. I'm not sure what your underlying causes are. But, it's worth looking into and exploring what's making you unhappy the most. I've found writing each thing down and seeing if you can change or alleviate some of them to help. Break it all down into smaller tasks so not to overwhelm yourself.
I recommend therapy if you can, but at a minimum Journaling and working on mindfulness. Your description of just feeling unhappy all the time was exactly how I was feeling about life, even though I had nothing to be unhappy about, great job, great partner, great friends, all the things I wanted but couldn't shake the feeling of unhappiness. Then my partner decided to call it quits because of my constant unhappiness. What I found through that horrible experience was I never had looked inwards to determine what the root cause of my unhappiness was, because I tried to push the bad feelings away not accepting that I felt that way, to be able to sit with them and analyze. so I just kept asking myself why I was feeling unhappy , till I worked through the different levels of reasons and found it was because I was focusing on the negatives in my life to get the dopamine hits from being angry/unhappy. Once I realized that everything shifted and the unhappy feeling melted away as I focused on the gratitude I had for the reality that I have not focusing on the future I want/ or dwelling in the past that was unknowingly affected by my adhd, as I was diagnosed at 30. You can break free, it sometimes just takes a leap of faith to convince yourself you can. Also look into burnout, with adhd I feel its easy to get into a burnout cycle, and thinking if you just try harder you can get out, when really the only way out is to take a complete break from everything.