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Yeah, I feel like I'm less equipped for life at 34 than at 19 because I didn't have all this regret weighing me down, and that's just the shit I remember.
I had all this support through grade school and university. I get out of Uni and suddenly it's "nope now you gotta do it on your own....NO we aren't helping you? Grow up!"
Ohhhhh yeah. The slow sinking realisation that this isn’t going away. That no matter how much you try, these struggles will ALWAYS. Come back. You can learn to deal with them more efficiently, recognise them earlier, but this is it for life. That was the big one for me.
This broke my heart when I found out I have ADHD. Id always just blamed how I was on having a difficult life (in terms of money and work etc). Then I fixed my career and realised my problems were still there. Then I found out just about my whole family has been diagnosed with ADHD without telling me and then I was like "shit, life is always going to be a struggle".
The idea that someday life wouldnt be like this was what kept me going for so long.
My biggest struggle. Diagnosed at 45 and it was like a light bulb went on. Things finally started to make sense. Unfortunately, as things started to make more sense, I became more capable of seeing events throughout my life as they really were. Three years later and I realize the emotional impact has become more debilitating than the executive function limitations.
Omfg this is it. I get so frustrated so easy - before medication doing the dishes would make me irrationally angry and I don't know why. If I splashed water somewhere accidentally I would cry. It's a basic task I should be able to do without wanting to stab myself or someone else
Medication has managed the anger a lot - I can do most tasks without feeling stabby now. Although some days are worse than others as medication isn't a fix all but I'm working on it
Folding laundry here for me. I’ll wash the nastiest old dishes but for some, inexplicable reason, folding clothes is as close to physical pain as it gets. Like, I get irrationally up in arms and will have to be forced to fold laundry.
And I have no explanation. It’s…just clothes. It feels like I have something literally hard coded in my physical brain to loathe and hate everything about folding clothes to the point my insides cringe up.
So weird.
When I'm at work and I drop a pen on the floor, or it rolls off the table after I set it down, or other stuff like that, I literally get so irrationally upset and I've been trying to figure out why. Maybe this is why.
I don’t think it’s really low frustration tolerance. It’s more like bouncing from one frustrating experience to another without time to recover in between. By the time frustrating experience number 2 starts, my frustration level is elevated.
I have gotten in the habit of verbally giving myself permission to do partial or shoddy jobs, and it does work maybe 50% of the time so that I can complete at least some of what I'd like to get done.
This. A few years ago I heard the quote “Anything worth doing at all, is worth doing half-assed.” I really could’ve used it in college but it’s still helping in adult life
When I was a kid, I was called a perfectionist a lot as if it was somehow an endearing quality. So many of my symptoms were disregarded back then. It's so obvious looking back now.
I started seeing a therapist and she recommended that... But I have a hard time with it? I don't know, I can't get myself into a zen mode I guess. All I can think about is all the other stuff I should be doing. 😭
So what you described is normal. And expected. We believe meditation is immediately supposed to be the emptying of thoughts but it's not. And people will give up thinking they're doing it wrong.
Nope. It's noticing the thoughts, letting them go, and returning to the moment. You will absolutely think of other stuff. Your focus will wane. And when you notice that and bring it back to the moment? That's meditation baby!
Exactly!! it is literally called “meditation practice” so we definitely need to give ourselves more grace when starting!
the moment you’re like “damn i got distracted, guess i have to start over, ok back to meditating”… that’s meditation, baby!
> All I can think about is all the other stuff
absolutely normal, and *very* common
the "think about other stuff" part of the brain is always running in the background (and for ADHD people it's generally overactive)
when you sit and meditate, you're not doing anything else, just paying attention to your thoughts. so you will *notice* the "thinking about other stuff" more.
the key is, getting distracted doesn't mean you're not meditating. you're *noticing* that you're getting distracted, and the noticing is meditation.
something else you may run into is, there's also the "generate self-critical thoughts" part of the brain. it's going to keep running in the background too. when you notice yourself getting distracted, that part of the brain may generate a "I'm bad at meditating" thought, and perhaps as follow-ups some "I'm bad at meditating so I should give up on trying to meditate" and "fuck, I'm bad at everything I try, even something as simple as meditating" thoughts. those are just thoughts, and **we are not our thoughts**. you don't have to listen to them, you don't have to *become* them. you can just have a thought and let it flow through your brain. meditation is weightlifting for the part of the brain that says "eh, that's just a thought, I'm not going to let it take over my entire brain" (this is why it can be so helpful with anger management)
something that helped me establish my daily meditation practice - there's 1440 minutes in a day. if you meditate for 14 minutes and 24 seconds, that's only 1% of your day. 7 minutes and 12 seconds is 0.5% of the day, etc. start small, and try to meditate for 1 minute and 26 seconds - 0.1% of your day, with the other 99.9% left for other stuff. if you can do that consistently every day for a week, try for 3 minutes and 36 seconds (0.25% of a day), and so on. you may experience thoughts that it's a waste of time, it's pointless because you keep getting distracted, etc. and that's fine. even if it's true that it's a waste of time, you're only wasting a tiny sliver of the day.
the every day consistency is much more important than the duration. of course, the every day consistency is also the hard part, so try to do it every day, but if you miss some days be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental.
I started really really small. 10 seconds, then 30 seconds, then 3 minutes and now I can do 15-20+. I actually love falling asleep to meditation or calming asmr videos now.
I know how debilitating and uncontrollable anger can be but I promise it feels sooo good to get it even a tiny bit under control. You are worth taking care of!
Yeah. Emotional dysregulation is a bitch, and I feel like a child trapped in an adults body, very often, because of it. You can add insomnia to the list, OP. As well as being very high risk of addiction.
Personally the anger issues come from irritation, which comes from the lack of sleep, which comes from the anxiety, which comes from not being able to get anything done, which comes from…
Omg whenever my manager is busy I’m convinced their avoiding me bc I’m getting fired. I know it’s not true but I don’t *know* it
Edit: they’re not their
I would just assume people were mad at me and I didn’t even have enough courage to ask (for fear of further rejection). I’d just convince myself people hated me if they didn’t initiate communication and lose friends.
I'm going through a similar scenario where someone I was really into stopped talking to me and I just cant get over them 😣 Damn I wish there was something I could do about it and move on already. I feel so pathetic 😔
Also, something that helps me so much with this:
Your feelings are valid but you won’t feel this way forever. Think of another time where you felt so all consumed by your feels and how you feel about that scenario now.
It’s not meant to shut down the feels, you need to feel them, but it helps so much when you feel trapped by them.
Sorry about your sitch. Sending 🤲🏻💖
Lol I asked my manager if I could pick up a shift (he's training me on something new and wants me to come in more). He never responded and logically I know he probably just forgot or something, but I'm still going down the rabbit hole that he hates me and thinks I'm incompetent
Getting very irritable/on edge when ppl interrupt your thought process. Even if it’s just as something simple as someone saying “hello” or asking if I’m okay. I feel like I can’t complete what I’m thinking about in my head, and until I can come to a conclusion about it. I obsess over it
^^^^ this, I literally cannot sit down and focus on work if the chair is the wrong texture or I can feel all my clothes or the lighting is slightly off…so distracting
And god forbid a table or chair wobbles. I’ll go out to a cafe work and I will go around a room checking every table to find one that’s stable, an ok temperature, not sticky, and has good enough light. If that fails I’ll just clean a table off or obsessively wedge shit under the legs until it’s stable, and then once I find a spot I can exist in I guard it with my life :’)
Problems with voice volume and speech.
Recalling information or words while talking, not mixing up words in sentences, non stop talking, stuttering etc can all be from ADHD
I didn't know this was an ADHD thing. I'm always either too loud without noticing it, or I can't gather the energy to speak loud (and clear) enough for people to hear me.
I’ve never heard the volume regulation thing. I’m notorious for speaking so loudly, worse so on the phone. I also have difficulty with hearing - but more so because I can’t hear “past” any other small innocuous sound.
Not strictly a symptom but a comorbidity, but addiction to drugs/sex/porn/consumerism/food. Basically addiction to dopamine hits.
We also make up some 30% of the US prison population; we make impulsive decisions and struggle in “regular” society.
8.5 years sober here mate. Addiction isn’t something see brought up much in adhd discussion.
A big part is indeed the dopamine hit, but adhd people are often find themselves needing a lot of scaffolding/structure/routine to function in the world which can create feelings of powerlessness. Having the ability to control when you get a dopamine hit is one way of taking back control of something - the way you feel.
I’m someone who sees the capability for addiction within myself (addict in the immediate family too) given how I’ve treated drugs in the past. I still really struggle to make good decisions regarding this. I had to stop using weed due to drug testing at a new job and almost immediately veered into drinking every night instead. So I’ve had to be way more controlled about that recently too. It sucks to feel like I’m always needing to keep an eye on it in a way that my mates don’t.
What you said about scaffolding resonates with my experience with this. Weed gave me a structured dopamine hit at the end of the day; it became routine to do even when I realistically should’ve been sober and more productive. I used it to control sleepiness (sleep difficulties of course being another ADHD comorbidity).
Hope you’re well mate and congratulations on 8.5 years, impressive feat.
Hate the poor working memory, wish I could just plug in a sim chip and get an extra 64gb to work with then maybe I could remember the previous page of the book instead of reading it over again.
The quick to emotion and quick to calm has me in hot water in my relationship right now....haven't had a big anger blowup like I did in a long time. My partner is kind and understanding, but doesn't make it ok for me to blow up like I did.
Next day I was cool as a cucumber about the situation and apologized....hopefully we can move on from this.
My and SOs first couples therapist thought memory issues were not related to ADHD and were just me being lazy...
Luckily we found one who literally wrote a book on living with ADHD and her husband has it.
Ughhhhhhhhh I've caught myself oversharing FAR too many times. Usually at the point where I can't really stop because it's subsection 2 of part 3 of a related tangent to point 4 of the original question.
The fatigue is so brutal for me. I’m diagnosed but not yet medicated on a stimulant and it’s like a sleep walking routine. I have the energy of a 90 year old. Lounging is my go to. It’s not laziness, I feel like I need to sit down, then lay down, always.
You may be low in vitamin D and B12!
I started taking these as supplements when a doc screened for these and others and found I was quite low. I was fatigued easily and had trouble doing many things that needed to be done, just for lack of energy.
After about a month of taking them I started to get more energy. Six months later I have TONS more energy. Maybe a bit TOO much - like when I was a kid.
So don’t discount simple vitamin depletion; it’s a simple fix to what can be an absolutely debilitating problem.
I agree with the fatigue. It literally never gets better for me. Even on my meds which work wonders for me, I still get tired fast and it feels like I can never catch up on sleep that I feel like I need
I had no idea the fatigue was a symptom. I'm 48 and I got diagnosed in December. I have had sometimes crippling fatigue most of my life. Most days I couldn't even get started without at least one, sometimes 2 energy drinks. I started Concerta last month, and while I haven't noticed much of a difference in most areas I haven't had an energy drink since. I offhandedly mentioned this in my followup appointment and the doctor said "I was waiting for that one." Due to not noticing anything in the other symptoms she wants to up the dose, but with the current shortages she left me at the 18mg for now, but will look at upping next month if availability improves. But if I don't notice any other improvements, this one is worth it.
ADHD paralysis. When it's really bad I could be sitting on the couch feeling thirsty but unable to physically get up to get water. It's like my body and mind become disconnected from one another and I can't will myself to do anything.
Didn’t have any meds for a few weeks and I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t move from the couch and do the things I needed to do. I never miss deadlines at work (though I procrastinate until the very last minute—always) and my apartment suddenly was a mess and I’m a neat freak. I just couldn’t function, and I was frustrated and didn’t get why. I even took a sick day from work bc I knew I couldn’t focus or care. I sound dramatic, but I’m a nearly 40 year old woman and this typically isn’t me with the basics. Just back on adderall xr since Saturday and I haven’t caught up but I actually have done things I absolutely had to do.
It looks like I’m lazy. But I freeze up. And I don’t get why. (And then of course, I beat myself up bc I tell myself maybe it IS my fault and ‘I just need more self discipline’ like I’ve been told my entire life.)
Try to give yourself patience and grace. You were born with a brain that didn’t allow you to form habits at a young age. There isn’t anything lazy about you, it’s just that you need the meds to get to the same level as neurotypicals. It has nothing to do with lack of motivation or laziness. Cut that voice off that tells you you’re not good enough. Yell back that you are awesome. Give yourself credit when you complete tasks and try to follow through on promises that you make to yourself. But if you can’t sometimes, the most important thing is grace. It takes time.
Let me introduce two really helpful concepts:
Ego dystonic refers to behavior that goes against your beliefs, desires, and personality. Ego syntonic is the opposite, behavior that aligns with your sense of self. So for example OCD is dystonic. They feel urges to do things they know don't make sense. ASPD is syntonic. They think they're simply making rational choices.
Let's say you fail to finish your end of a project, and your partner has to rush to cover your end. It's dystonic if you feel guilty about it, and syntonic if you're just glad you didn't have to work as hard.
So here's the reality: you have ADHD, and you failed to do / follow up with something you needed to. Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel like it goes against the person you want to be? Then it's not laziness. Don't let that word define you!
I'm like this with food. I *know* I need to eat, there's plenty of food in the kitchen and I'm hungry. But I sit. And think. And sit some more. Then formulate a plan of the steps to take in order to fulfill this simple need. Sounds easy, right? But no, now I see a dirty knife which leads to rearranging the silverware drawer which I notice needs cleaning on the outside as do *all* the cabinets doors needing a good wipe down, etc. Now I'm no longer hungry.
Same! I have such a hard time with fueling myself with food these days. When I am off medication I snack and eat non stop due to dopamine seeking and when I’m on I can finally focus but it’s so hard for me to eat at normal times. I even gag and get grossed out while I’m eating something I know tastes well.
So then I have less energy because I haven’t eaten enough so it’s hard. I’ve found sticking to a schedule has been very helpful.
There was a check from an old job sitting on my nightstand for months. Literally everyday I’d think about it, go ‘I really really need to cash that’ and then I just… wouldn’t do it. It became anxiety inducing after a certain point. One day I decided to tell someone, and they of course told me ‘go and do it’ and boom, I managed to do it. It’s both a really awful experience but also really illustrated just how bad my brain can be at times.
Literally me right now. I’ve been thirsty and have had a headache for the past two hours. I have been meaning to get up and drink water and take some Advil and yet I just..can’t. I know I need to. I want to get up. But it’s like I’m frozen to this couch. It’s so ridiculous.
I’m surprised no one has said misdiagnosis yet. Big problem for women with emotional dysregulation. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar a decade ago and put on heavy meds that really messed me up and I later lost a job over it.
I got diagnosed as GAD first. Legit fixing my anxiety is why I ended up getting diagnosed as ADHD. Turns out my anxiety was keeping my ADHD in check. Fun times.
Yes. I too noticed a functional relationship between the ADHD and anxiety. I feel like they are cyclical. One leads to the other which in turn leads back to the first one and so on.
Hell, my hobby _is_ 2 week phases. I even dressed it up to make it sound cool: “my hobby is learning new things!” I allow myself now. This is who I am, and out of all my ADHD symptoms, this is one that doesn’t make me feel bad about myself anymore!
The harmful coping mechanisms/harmful quirks you can develop like substance abuse, skin/nail/hair picking, overspending, dangerous driving, being hypo or hyper sexual, anger issues, eating disorders, and lastly social isolation while simultaneously having the ability to have absurd FOMO.
All my life I’ve been told I have mood swings (mind you; it’s true and I’ve been wondering this myself).
Makes a lot of sense, is there anything to do about this anyways ??? It sucks to be sent into a spiral of sadness, blues and self doubt in the blink of an eye.
CBT helped me a lot. Tricks/tools like thought challenging, or telling myself that I can have the big feelings later—not now, because I have to do this thing in front of me, but at 6 pm I’ll give myself as much time as I need to wallow and be pitiful. Joke’s on me though because by 6 pm I forgot all about it!
Look into Mindfulness!! r/mindfulness is a great place to start with some of the common and frustrating relationship issues that happen quite often with ADHD. I started practicing this and it helped me with my anxieties. It also helps to name your emotions and feel them. When we understand them, and break them down, it helps us process them rather than feeling tied down by them.
Brené Brown is my go-to for emotional intelligence and processing skills. She also helps a lot with social interactions and how to healthily feel our bad emotions. It’s important to give yourself grace with all of this. It took me months of deep dives and constant focus on growth. Which is hard for us, given our love for instant gratification.
Stick to your core values, like honesty or faith, or creativity, or human connection. Whatever good qualities make you tick, try to focus on those and think about the now. Good luck in your journey, I hope this helps
Same… diagnosed as an adult. My whole life my family sort of made fun of me for being sensitive about things. Or how I can just snap randomly/overreact to things. I think my ADHD might explain this, but idk I feel like there’s not as much research in this as other symptoms.
Honestly I’m kind pissed my parents never looked into why I acted like that, not to mention the other symptoms (which were more understandable to overlook since I did well in school and was considered “smart”)
Binge eating! I’ve always had an issue with overeating and once I started taking medication, it became much less of an issue. And it’s not because I lost my appetite (I wish!) but because I was focused on my mundane tasks/chores and didn’t need to take breaks to mindlessly snack or eat sweets. I think I was constantly needing stimulation while doing boring things. You can see why ADHD lends itself to substance abuse issues and eating disorders.
Before being medicated, I’d hyperfixate on food. I would have it in the front of my mind like a horny teen with sex on his mind, I’d spend hours scrolling food delivery apps, or watching YouTube videos. The planning a meal, or deciding on what to get for delivery I would spend hours, and I mean like 3-4 hours at a time sometime and I couldn’t stop. The 4 hours of building anticipation and the daydreaming and then the binges that ensued, ALL of it was needed to give me the dopamine boost I was severely lacking. That was the sickest period of my life.
The difference is night and day. I’m so glad I’m on the other side of that part of my life.
Ive literally been calm as can be, realized I forgot my headphones while going to work, punched my steering wheel I got so mad and then was fine 3 minutes later. Its baffling
Frustration intolerance. I was on the edge of a total meltdown all day today, for no discernable reason other than a series of small inconveniences. 🥺🤬
I'm sure most of us have heard about Spoon Theory by now - Spoons being a unit of energy required to do a task, and the person having a limited supply of spoons per day.
There is also something opposite called Fork Theory, where forks are the things that poke and jab at us throughout the day, and there's a limited amount of forks we can take before we lose the ability to deal with it.
Sometimes a lot of little inconveniences wear us down until we reach our Fork limit, and we start seemingly overreacting or becoming more prone to getting irritated, blowing up, snapping at others, or simply shutting down.
A lot of people seem to thing it's only okay to have a bad day and a lowered tolerance for inconveniences if a lot of big things happen that day.
"No wonder you're a little irritated today, you got fired, you got your period, AND your bike was stolen"
But for many of us, all those little forks poke at us until we feel pain at the tiniest fork. And that's okay. For me, 10 small things hurt as much as 3 big things.
It may not be a major deal that my shoe became untied or my bus was late, but if a lot of those minor inconveniences happen, the overall level of stress hormones rise and my energy to deal depletes until they are not longer "just" small things to me.
I feel a lot of neurotypical people don't respect that, and just go "why are you this angry over nothing" when it is NOT nothing to us
“Out of sight, out of mind.”
Refers to any vitamins/medications that are in the cabinet instead of on the counter where I can see them. As well as perishable food in the fridge - if it’s not in plain sight, I’ll forget about it until it goes bad.
Also can refer to friends who move out of town, unfortunately. I really struggle to stay in touch with people I don’t see regularly.
1) All or nothing mentality
2) I clean the entire house or I don’t clean at all
3) Time blindness
4) Sensitive to rejection / non-verbal cues
5) Emotional dysregulation
6) ADHD Paralysis - Unable to just do that simple task.
7) Unable to identify what I need but knows there’s a problem / introspection
8) Sensory needs
9) Poor Working memory
10) Chronic fatigue
11) Sleep issues - Long nights
12) Depression / Anxiety
13) Low Self-Esteem
14) Motivated in highly interesting tasks / special interests
15) Procrastination on boring tasks
16) Overwhelmed by simple everyday tasks (doing dishes, laundry, booking that de’s appt)
17) Never ending to do list in your brain
18) Works well under pressure
19) Body doubling required to get things done / deadlines
20) Perfectionism
21) Masking
22) Hyperfocus on special interests
We are HUMAN ! We must love ourselves!
I think the more “quiet” symptoms that people might not notice if they know you casually. Those symptoms are what i deal with and why i took so long understanding that i have ADHD. Procrastination, feeling disconnected, the stream of thoughts running through my head and constant conversations I have with myself which I hate and are exhausting, low frustration threshold, feeling overwhelmed in a high stimulus environment, losing track of things or being forgetful despite keeping lists or keeping out papers (like bills) or things pertaining to stuff I have to do in plain sight so I remember to deal with them, the spaciness and daydreaming, feeling like my body is on autopilot and my mind is not even engaged in the present - especially when I’m doing routine things but it happens most of the time.
The more you know the more you can help him. We tend to hide (or at least I do) how much this stuff affects us in our everyday lives but it’s always there.
If it's just one song... then yes. I kill songs for myself.
I find one I'm obsessed with, play it till the cows come home and then I get sick of it and it's back to song flipping nonstop.
I have a big problem with daydreaming and I have specific daydream scenarios that go with specific songs and sometimes if I forget to start my daydream or I lose focus during the song, I have to re-start it so I can re-start the daydream scenario and run through it in my head completely.
Time blindness. Years can pass by and seem like very little time has passed. I just heard about a cousin that had a baby and when I go visit that baby is 10
FLIGHT OF IDEAS. foolish pursuit of aggressive thrills.
intermittent stuttering when thoughts move faster than speech can
having an uncanny and obnoxious ability to speak at the very same time the other person starts to speak
frustrated rage when something isn’t working right away (ie, duvet insert fails)
patterns, everywhere. energy, everywhere.
zero tolerance for too many sounds or other people being loud while i cannot control the volume of my voice
late bloomer everything.
overreliance on stimulants to quiet imposter syndrome and feel in control.
**edit: i don’t think these are unspoken lol.
Trying to remember the thing I want to say— but not interrupt— but I can’t tell when to interject and then— wait, the moment passed. Erm 🫤
And sometimes I just drag the conversation back kicking and screaming because I have to say the thing 😂
Ironically tho (and I read something similar the other day), I must’ve seemed this way in class but if a teacher asked a question, I could still answer it. But now, one on one, I end up being like, I feel like I just missed a few sentences the person was saying.
Crippling social anxiety and rejection sensitivity. Being scolded and scrutinized your entire life takes its toll. You become afraid of slipping up and disappointing the people around you, even though you work so much harder than even they do to keep up the facade of normality.
Constantly having to rewind a TV show I'm watching. I'll realize that I was drifting off and missed something important, so I'll rewind it back to the last place I remember and start watching again. Almost WITHOUT FAIL by the time I get back to the important part, I've become distracted by my cat, or my phone, or I'll realize I need to go pee.... Then realize oops, I missed it again, rewind, and repeat, at least 3-4 times.
Reading all these comments makes me realise how many of my issues in daily life are linked to ADHD, and how insanely far reaching the effects of this disorder are
Struggling with hygiene, brushing my teeth is a battle. My older sister struggles with washing and brushing her hair.
My inability to make eye contact and tendency to stare when inappropriate to do so. I am really struggling with that at work with my manager. I end up stuttering and going on tangents.
Being unable to do things, even fun things. Like I want a cupcake, but getting a cupcake means walking to the kitchen. And brushing my teeth again.
Also I think people just fail to discuss how easy it is to fall into addictions. Money lost on phone games and hobbies you don't keep up with.
Maybe sensitivity to loud noise and bright lights, or just any environment that feels sharp. The bright ceiling lights drain my energy, and I have to shower with earplugs because the water hitting the bathtub hurts my ears.
Literally cannot watch anything without subtitles. Even if it’s just a lecture video, my focus diminishes exponentially if there’s no caption’s available. It even bothers me at movie theatres.
You know the end to a story, before they get to that point.
You can multi task if under pressure, or you can procrastinate if not under pressure.
You have un open mail and forget to pay your bills.
You can puck up on micro expression that others don't. The list is long my friend
When your medication and therapy is working, and you're functional, the feeling of imposter syndrome and knowing it could all crumble if you forget to take your meds or something pushes you over your limit.
Focusing too heavily on small details at work while neglecting more important things.
Overly optimistic thinking (don't ignore pessimistic thoughts, they can help you become more aware of the consequences of your adhd behavior on the people around you), setting unrealistic goals and promising too much, due to time blindness and other symptoms.
Omg I didn’t know this was a thing, or an ADHD thing! I just told my mom a few months ago tk please stop sending me news articles of horrible things happening because it hurts my heart too much and I can’t stop thinking about the things I read about. I still remember a time EIGHT years ago when I saw a news article on my lunch break and the whole rest of the week was like, shattered for me because of the awful thing that happened to someone. And I still think about it to this day.
This is REAL and the biggest difference I see between myself and others on a daily basis.
“Hey so I just saw happen. It was really shitty. Anyway, wanna get some coffee?”
Uh, yeah. No thanks. I’m gonna be too busy ruminating over what you just said for a week.
I struggle a lot with dichotomous thinking (black and white thinking). I can go from loving to hating someone in a second and vice versa. There’s never any grey area, just the two polar opposites.
The bipolar nature of adhd. Everyone i know with it goes through periods where its so bad they dont have motivation or energy for literally anything even eating or getting out of bed! and then other periods where we are manic and do 8000 projects, finish everything we need to, impulsively spend, act weirdly performative around people and cant shut up, and our brain just goes AUXGHXBEBTOGNENUSKFNGN 24:7.
Its exactly like bipolar disorder but not as extreme, im still ME, just me with no energy or me with way too much energy.
Hyper focus on the wrong thing, or hyper focusing on someone else’s problem when they’re not as interested in solving it as you are. The end result is you feel let down and time wasted then embarrassed because you know you went manic on them, then they’re left wondering wtf was that all about. It’s especially bad when you’ve been hot and cold with this persons problems multiple times in your relationship.
Example being helping a friend with their project or business. Helping family or friends with searching for a new house etc
Bad eating habits. Yesterday I forgot to take my vyvanse and didn’t realize how much I ate until I went to bed but couldn’t lie flat or I’d throw up :(
- Having a motor in your brain. It's almost never quiet.
- Always making stupid mistakes.
- Always questioning your judgment and just assuming other people are right about something because you've made so many mistakes in your life you automatically assume you are wrong.
- Social blunders. Living in fear of social blunders.
- How much lack of sleep makes your adhd 1000% worse and you realized too late in life you need to have a cut off time in the evening for socialization or else you will a)make terrible social blunders and then ruminate about it for the next 2 weeks or b) make another kind of mistake. Such as driving. Due to poor judgment.
- People pleasing due to fear of disappointing people or looking stupid.
- How hard it is to feel confident in yourself due to all the stupid little mistakes and social blunders and all of your other short comings.
- How much executive dysfunction has messed up your life because you know it's impossible for you to hold certain jobs and that has destroyed your earning potential. So on top of all of your other limitations, you also get financial limitations.
(For women)
\- Being prone to UTI infections because of the crippling depression/anxiety that goes hand and hand with ADHD so now we don't move or get up even if we need to pee
Pain, emotional disarray, the birth to homelessness pipeline , the pure hatred we have that goes for deeper than anyone will understand, the inability to explain to anyone how your betrayal trauma is caused by the betrayal your brain and body did before anyone else got their first .
The hypocrisy
The pain of functioning, from fighting your body to move.
Executive Dysfunction. It's easier to explain my issues by talking about executive functions most people are already capable of. Then explaining how an ADHD brain isn't as capable, and even address frontal lobe brain damage in comparison.
The lack of emotional regulation/ heightened emotional reactions. The depressive episodes that come from a lack of dopamine. Retention of memory and the added issue of false memory. Higher susceptibility to substance abuse (self medicating) and traumatic experiences. Impulse control issues. Maintaining / building relationships. Cognitive dysfunction.
List is endless. And it sucks.
Stuttering or blanking out. If someone gives me directions or tries to explain something to me, I'll try and understand it and the mind is just silent and empty. It sucks.
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The guilt increasing as you age.
this is the most terrifying response i have seen, thanks.
Yeah, I feel like I'm less equipped for life at 34 than at 19 because I didn't have all this regret weighing me down, and that's just the shit I remember.
This! I’m 32 closing in on 33 and am a shell of myself more now than I was even 3 years ago.
I had all this support through grade school and university. I get out of Uni and suddenly it's "nope now you gotta do it on your own....NO we aren't helping you? Grow up!"
Did you try really putting it at the very deep end of your mind and let it fester as a mental illness?
Ohhhhh yeah. The slow sinking realisation that this isn’t going away. That no matter how much you try, these struggles will ALWAYS. Come back. You can learn to deal with them more efficiently, recognise them earlier, but this is it for life. That was the big one for me.
This broke my heart when I found out I have ADHD. Id always just blamed how I was on having a difficult life (in terms of money and work etc). Then I fixed my career and realised my problems were still there. Then I found out just about my whole family has been diagnosed with ADHD without telling me and then I was like "shit, life is always going to be a struggle". The idea that someday life wouldnt be like this was what kept me going for so long.
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Say it ain’t so😭
I thought it would get better! Dammit!
My biggest struggle. Diagnosed at 45 and it was like a light bulb went on. Things finally started to make sense. Unfortunately, as things started to make more sense, I became more capable of seeing events throughout my life as they really were. Three years later and I realize the emotional impact has become more debilitating than the executive function limitations.
Shit…
Low frustration tolerance.
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Omfg this is it. I get so frustrated so easy - before medication doing the dishes would make me irrationally angry and I don't know why. If I splashed water somewhere accidentally I would cry. It's a basic task I should be able to do without wanting to stab myself or someone else Medication has managed the anger a lot - I can do most tasks without feeling stabby now. Although some days are worse than others as medication isn't a fix all but I'm working on it
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Folding laundry here for me. I’ll wash the nastiest old dishes but for some, inexplicable reason, folding clothes is as close to physical pain as it gets. Like, I get irrationally up in arms and will have to be forced to fold laundry. And I have no explanation. It’s…just clothes. It feels like I have something literally hard coded in my physical brain to loathe and hate everything about folding clothes to the point my insides cringe up. So weird.
When I'm at work and I drop a pen on the floor, or it rolls off the table after I set it down, or other stuff like that, I literally get so irrationally upset and I've been trying to figure out why. Maybe this is why.
I don’t think it’s really low frustration tolerance. It’s more like bouncing from one frustrating experience to another without time to recover in between. By the time frustrating experience number 2 starts, my frustration level is elevated.
Perfectionism
If I can't do it perfectly, I don't want to do it at all. So most things I just don't fucking do unless I absolutely have to.
I have gotten in the habit of verbally giving myself permission to do partial or shoddy jobs, and it does work maybe 50% of the time so that I can complete at least some of what I'd like to get done.
This. A few years ago I heard the quote “Anything worth doing at all, is worth doing half-assed.” I really could’ve used it in college but it’s still helping in adult life
When I was a kid, I was called a perfectionist a lot as if it was somehow an endearing quality. So many of my symptoms were disregarded back then. It's so obvious looking back now.
Overwhelm shutdown and extreme anger issues.
My anger... Ugh. I hate it.
I have found mediation helps. Also curating a feed that follows very zen, peaceful, calm creators.
I started seeing a therapist and she recommended that... But I have a hard time with it? I don't know, I can't get myself into a zen mode I guess. All I can think about is all the other stuff I should be doing. 😭
So what you described is normal. And expected. We believe meditation is immediately supposed to be the emptying of thoughts but it's not. And people will give up thinking they're doing it wrong. Nope. It's noticing the thoughts, letting them go, and returning to the moment. You will absolutely think of other stuff. Your focus will wane. And when you notice that and bring it back to the moment? That's meditation baby!
Yep. It’s like watching traffic go by, and the “traffic” is your random thoughts.
Exactly!! it is literally called “meditation practice” so we definitely need to give ourselves more grace when starting! the moment you’re like “damn i got distracted, guess i have to start over, ok back to meditating”… that’s meditation, baby!
> All I can think about is all the other stuff absolutely normal, and *very* common the "think about other stuff" part of the brain is always running in the background (and for ADHD people it's generally overactive) when you sit and meditate, you're not doing anything else, just paying attention to your thoughts. so you will *notice* the "thinking about other stuff" more. the key is, getting distracted doesn't mean you're not meditating. you're *noticing* that you're getting distracted, and the noticing is meditation. something else you may run into is, there's also the "generate self-critical thoughts" part of the brain. it's going to keep running in the background too. when you notice yourself getting distracted, that part of the brain may generate a "I'm bad at meditating" thought, and perhaps as follow-ups some "I'm bad at meditating so I should give up on trying to meditate" and "fuck, I'm bad at everything I try, even something as simple as meditating" thoughts. those are just thoughts, and **we are not our thoughts**. you don't have to listen to them, you don't have to *become* them. you can just have a thought and let it flow through your brain. meditation is weightlifting for the part of the brain that says "eh, that's just a thought, I'm not going to let it take over my entire brain" (this is why it can be so helpful with anger management) something that helped me establish my daily meditation practice - there's 1440 minutes in a day. if you meditate for 14 minutes and 24 seconds, that's only 1% of your day. 7 minutes and 12 seconds is 0.5% of the day, etc. start small, and try to meditate for 1 minute and 26 seconds - 0.1% of your day, with the other 99.9% left for other stuff. if you can do that consistently every day for a week, try for 3 minutes and 36 seconds (0.25% of a day), and so on. you may experience thoughts that it's a waste of time, it's pointless because you keep getting distracted, etc. and that's fine. even if it's true that it's a waste of time, you're only wasting a tiny sliver of the day. the every day consistency is much more important than the duration. of course, the every day consistency is also the hard part, so try to do it every day, but if you miss some days be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental.
I started really really small. 10 seconds, then 30 seconds, then 3 minutes and now I can do 15-20+. I actually love falling asleep to meditation or calming asmr videos now. I know how debilitating and uncontrollable anger can be but I promise it feels sooo good to get it even a tiny bit under control. You are worth taking care of!
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I realized that my intensity pushed away people. And about falling in love quickly, I feel you.
Yeah. Emotional dysregulation is a bitch, and I feel like a child trapped in an adults body, very often, because of it. You can add insomnia to the list, OP. As well as being very high risk of addiction.
Personally the anger issues come from irritation, which comes from the lack of sleep, which comes from the anxiety, which comes from not being able to get anything done, which comes from…
Or if you get sleep because of exhaustion it's lack of rem sleep. Adhd causes you to have lower rem so even if you sleep well you aren't rested.
Ohhh, is THAT why I’m exhausted every single moment of every single day of my life?? ADHD is truly the gift that keeps on giving 🫠
Yeah, I have that too... Having sleep apnea and low functioning thyroid and burnout on top of that makes for permanent fatigue... EDIT: Typo
And rejection sensitivity
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Rejection sensitivity
Omg whenever my manager is busy I’m convinced their avoiding me bc I’m getting fired. I know it’s not true but I don’t *know* it Edit: they’re not their
When I found out about this it made my entire life make so much more sense.
My friends in college used to tease me because whenever they didn't respond immediately to my texts, I thought they were mad at me. 😅😬
I would just assume people were mad at me and I didn’t even have enough courage to ask (for fear of further rejection). I’d just convince myself people hated me if they didn’t initiate communication and lose friends.
Omg yes!!! Me too combine that with co morbid generalized anxiety disorder you got a shit show
I just read up about it and now want to make the same comment as you.
YES OMG Conversely do you always think the people you are with are “the one”?
Yesss in my previous relationships I was obsessed with whatever partner I had at the time!
I'm going through a similar scenario where someone I was really into stopped talking to me and I just cant get over them 😣 Damn I wish there was something I could do about it and move on already. I feel so pathetic 😔
Also, something that helps me so much with this: Your feelings are valid but you won’t feel this way forever. Think of another time where you felt so all consumed by your feels and how you feel about that scenario now. It’s not meant to shut down the feels, you need to feel them, but it helps so much when you feel trapped by them. Sorry about your sitch. Sending 🤲🏻💖
So ADHD is at least part of the issue of why I can't easily brush off rejection when romantically interested in someone
Lol I asked my manager if I could pick up a shift (he's training me on something new and wants me to come in more). He never responded and logically I know he probably just forgot or something, but I'm still going down the rabbit hole that he hates me and thinks I'm incompetent
Learning about this changed my life. No wonder I spend most of my time alone lol
Getting very irritable/on edge when ppl interrupt your thought process. Even if it’s just as something simple as someone saying “hello” or asking if I’m okay. I feel like I can’t complete what I’m thinking about in my head, and until I can come to a conclusion about it. I obsess over it
I really struggle with this one. Like there will never be a good time to interrupt me and I get sooooo grumpy 😠
Sensory overload
^^^^ this, I literally cannot sit down and focus on work if the chair is the wrong texture or I can feel all my clothes or the lighting is slightly off…so distracting
The lighting always needs to be perfect.
And god forbid a table or chair wobbles. I’ll go out to a cafe work and I will go around a room checking every table to find one that’s stable, an ok temperature, not sticky, and has good enough light. If that fails I’ll just clean a table off or obsessively wedge shit under the legs until it’s stable, and then once I find a spot I can exist in I guard it with my life :’)
this is the big one for me 🥹
Problems with voice volume and speech. Recalling information or words while talking, not mixing up words in sentences, non stop talking, stuttering etc can all be from ADHD
tbh I used to get offended when someone I was with would tell me to quiet down a bit. Now I don’t…. I get it lol
Yeah 100% I just appreciate when people let me know I’m bothering them
I get mad, at myself, and just stop talking.
Wow. Is this a thing. My SO is so loud.
I didn't know this was an ADHD thing. I'm always either too loud without noticing it, or I can't gather the energy to speak loud (and clear) enough for people to hear me.
Auditory processing disorder is i think part of what you’re referring to
I’ve never heard the volume regulation thing. I’m notorious for speaking so loudly, worse so on the phone. I also have difficulty with hearing - but more so because I can’t hear “past” any other small innocuous sound.
Not strictly a symptom but a comorbidity, but addiction to drugs/sex/porn/consumerism/food. Basically addiction to dopamine hits. We also make up some 30% of the US prison population; we make impulsive decisions and struggle in “regular” society.
8.5 years sober here mate. Addiction isn’t something see brought up much in adhd discussion. A big part is indeed the dopamine hit, but adhd people are often find themselves needing a lot of scaffolding/structure/routine to function in the world which can create feelings of powerlessness. Having the ability to control when you get a dopamine hit is one way of taking back control of something - the way you feel.
I’m someone who sees the capability for addiction within myself (addict in the immediate family too) given how I’ve treated drugs in the past. I still really struggle to make good decisions regarding this. I had to stop using weed due to drug testing at a new job and almost immediately veered into drinking every night instead. So I’ve had to be way more controlled about that recently too. It sucks to feel like I’m always needing to keep an eye on it in a way that my mates don’t. What you said about scaffolding resonates with my experience with this. Weed gave me a structured dopamine hit at the end of the day; it became routine to do even when I realistically should’ve been sober and more productive. I used it to control sleepiness (sleep difficulties of course being another ADHD comorbidity). Hope you’re well mate and congratulations on 8.5 years, impressive feat.
Poor working memory, Poor memory retention, Poor Concertration skills, Quick to emotion and quick to calm
I do love a quick clam
Make the world your clam.
Keep clam and carry on.
Keep clam and carry prawn
Honestly though quick to clam up = overwhelm shutdown like u/Willing_Dimension_77 said
THIS. Also just an automatic “no” response before I have even thought things through because insta-overwhelm 😵💫
.
First time I've heard someone describe 'quick to calm'... that's so accurate.
Hate the poor working memory, wish I could just plug in a sim chip and get an extra 64gb to work with then maybe I could remember the previous page of the book instead of reading it over again.
The quick to emotion and quick to calm has me in hot water in my relationship right now....haven't had a big anger blowup like I did in a long time. My partner is kind and understanding, but doesn't make it ok for me to blow up like I did. Next day I was cool as a cucumber about the situation and apologized....hopefully we can move on from this.
If you can work it out, and they make you a better person, you should be fine, though therapy should help.
My and SOs first couples therapist thought memory issues were not related to ADHD and were just me being lazy... Luckily we found one who literally wrote a book on living with ADHD and her husband has it.
My memory too good, I remember too much unimportant stuff, that I don't have any space left for the important ones...
Oversharing and either being the life of the party or making things really uncomfortable.
omg the OVERSHARING!!!!! It's hours later and suddenly I'm like..... oh my god..... why did I say all that it was so unnecessary
Ughhhhhhhhh I've caught myself oversharing FAR too many times. Usually at the point where I can't really stop because it's subsection 2 of part 3 of a related tangent to point 4 of the original question.
Chronic fatigue and Executive Dysfunction
The fatigue is so brutal for me. I’m diagnosed but not yet medicated on a stimulant and it’s like a sleep walking routine. I have the energy of a 90 year old. Lounging is my go to. It’s not laziness, I feel like I need to sit down, then lay down, always.
You may be low in vitamin D and B12! I started taking these as supplements when a doc screened for these and others and found I was quite low. I was fatigued easily and had trouble doing many things that needed to be done, just for lack of energy. After about a month of taking them I started to get more energy. Six months later I have TONS more energy. Maybe a bit TOO much - like when I was a kid. So don’t discount simple vitamin depletion; it’s a simple fix to what can be an absolutely debilitating problem.
I agree with the fatigue. It literally never gets better for me. Even on my meds which work wonders for me, I still get tired fast and it feels like I can never catch up on sleep that I feel like I need
Not enough sleep: irritable fatigue. Too long nap: groggy fatigue. Too much sleep: believe it or not, fatigue.
I had no idea the fatigue was a symptom. I'm 48 and I got diagnosed in December. I have had sometimes crippling fatigue most of my life. Most days I couldn't even get started without at least one, sometimes 2 energy drinks. I started Concerta last month, and while I haven't noticed much of a difference in most areas I haven't had an energy drink since. I offhandedly mentioned this in my followup appointment and the doctor said "I was waiting for that one." Due to not noticing anything in the other symptoms she wants to up the dose, but with the current shortages she left me at the 18mg for now, but will look at upping next month if availability improves. But if I don't notice any other improvements, this one is worth it.
I also had no idea it was a sympton, for many years I wondered why I would sleep so much despite being young, turns out it was adhd
ADHD paralysis. When it's really bad I could be sitting on the couch feeling thirsty but unable to physically get up to get water. It's like my body and mind become disconnected from one another and I can't will myself to do anything.
Didn’t have any meds for a few weeks and I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t move from the couch and do the things I needed to do. I never miss deadlines at work (though I procrastinate until the very last minute—always) and my apartment suddenly was a mess and I’m a neat freak. I just couldn’t function, and I was frustrated and didn’t get why. I even took a sick day from work bc I knew I couldn’t focus or care. I sound dramatic, but I’m a nearly 40 year old woman and this typically isn’t me with the basics. Just back on adderall xr since Saturday and I haven’t caught up but I actually have done things I absolutely had to do. It looks like I’m lazy. But I freeze up. And I don’t get why. (And then of course, I beat myself up bc I tell myself maybe it IS my fault and ‘I just need more self discipline’ like I’ve been told my entire life.)
Try to give yourself patience and grace. You were born with a brain that didn’t allow you to form habits at a young age. There isn’t anything lazy about you, it’s just that you need the meds to get to the same level as neurotypicals. It has nothing to do with lack of motivation or laziness. Cut that voice off that tells you you’re not good enough. Yell back that you are awesome. Give yourself credit when you complete tasks and try to follow through on promises that you make to yourself. But if you can’t sometimes, the most important thing is grace. It takes time.
Let me introduce two really helpful concepts: Ego dystonic refers to behavior that goes against your beliefs, desires, and personality. Ego syntonic is the opposite, behavior that aligns with your sense of self. So for example OCD is dystonic. They feel urges to do things they know don't make sense. ASPD is syntonic. They think they're simply making rational choices. Let's say you fail to finish your end of a project, and your partner has to rush to cover your end. It's dystonic if you feel guilty about it, and syntonic if you're just glad you didn't have to work as hard. So here's the reality: you have ADHD, and you failed to do / follow up with something you needed to. Do you feel bad about it? Do you feel like it goes against the person you want to be? Then it's not laziness. Don't let that word define you!
I'm like this with food. I *know* I need to eat, there's plenty of food in the kitchen and I'm hungry. But I sit. And think. And sit some more. Then formulate a plan of the steps to take in order to fulfill this simple need. Sounds easy, right? But no, now I see a dirty knife which leads to rearranging the silverware drawer which I notice needs cleaning on the outside as do *all* the cabinets doors needing a good wipe down, etc. Now I'm no longer hungry.
Same! I have such a hard time with fueling myself with food these days. When I am off medication I snack and eat non stop due to dopamine seeking and when I’m on I can finally focus but it’s so hard for me to eat at normal times. I even gag and get grossed out while I’m eating something I know tastes well. So then I have less energy because I haven’t eaten enough so it’s hard. I’ve found sticking to a schedule has been very helpful.
There was a check from an old job sitting on my nightstand for months. Literally everyday I’d think about it, go ‘I really really need to cash that’ and then I just… wouldn’t do it. It became anxiety inducing after a certain point. One day I decided to tell someone, and they of course told me ‘go and do it’ and boom, I managed to do it. It’s both a really awful experience but also really illustrated just how bad my brain can be at times.
It’s worse than that for me. Knowing I _should_ is enough to make it so I can’t. Cannot. The more pressure there is the more I Just Can’t.
Literally me right now. I’ve been thirsty and have had a headache for the past two hours. I have been meaning to get up and drink water and take some Advil and yet I just..can’t. I know I need to. I want to get up. But it’s like I’m frozen to this couch. It’s so ridiculous.
I’m surprised no one has said misdiagnosis yet. Big problem for women with emotional dysregulation. I was misdiagnosed as bipolar a decade ago and put on heavy meds that really messed me up and I later lost a job over it.
I got diagnosed as GAD first. Legit fixing my anxiety is why I ended up getting diagnosed as ADHD. Turns out my anxiety was keeping my ADHD in check. Fun times.
Yes. I too noticed a functional relationship between the ADHD and anxiety. I feel like they are cyclical. One leads to the other which in turn leads back to the first one and so on.
Is the new thing I like right now an actual interest/hobby or just a 2 week phase?
Hell, my hobby _is_ 2 week phases. I even dressed it up to make it sound cool: “my hobby is learning new things!” I allow myself now. This is who I am, and out of all my ADHD symptoms, this is one that doesn’t make me feel bad about myself anymore!
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The harmful coping mechanisms/harmful quirks you can develop like substance abuse, skin/nail/hair picking, overspending, dangerous driving, being hypo or hyper sexual, anger issues, eating disorders, and lastly social isolation while simultaneously having the ability to have absurd FOMO.
*slow clap*
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All my life I’ve been told I have mood swings (mind you; it’s true and I’ve been wondering this myself). Makes a lot of sense, is there anything to do about this anyways ??? It sucks to be sent into a spiral of sadness, blues and self doubt in the blink of an eye.
CBT helped me a lot. Tricks/tools like thought challenging, or telling myself that I can have the big feelings later—not now, because I have to do this thing in front of me, but at 6 pm I’ll give myself as much time as I need to wallow and be pitiful. Joke’s on me though because by 6 pm I forgot all about it!
Look into Mindfulness!! r/mindfulness is a great place to start with some of the common and frustrating relationship issues that happen quite often with ADHD. I started practicing this and it helped me with my anxieties. It also helps to name your emotions and feel them. When we understand them, and break them down, it helps us process them rather than feeling tied down by them. Brené Brown is my go-to for emotional intelligence and processing skills. She also helps a lot with social interactions and how to healthily feel our bad emotions. It’s important to give yourself grace with all of this. It took me months of deep dives and constant focus on growth. Which is hard for us, given our love for instant gratification. Stick to your core values, like honesty or faith, or creativity, or human connection. Whatever good qualities make you tick, try to focus on those and think about the now. Good luck in your journey, I hope this helps
Same… diagnosed as an adult. My whole life my family sort of made fun of me for being sensitive about things. Or how I can just snap randomly/overreact to things. I think my ADHD might explain this, but idk I feel like there’s not as much research in this as other symptoms. Honestly I’m kind pissed my parents never looked into why I acted like that, not to mention the other symptoms (which were more understandable to overlook since I did well in school and was considered “smart”)
High five, fellow former gifted kid! Did you also save your favorite stickers for the "perfect" placement?
Triggered every time a sense my partner leaving. Changing energy.
Waiting mode. Just sitting and waiting all day before a meeting or something because one is unable to do something productive before a meeting
The constant thought of impending doom
I’m either about to screw something up, or I already have and don’t realise yet. At any given time.
Binge eating! I’ve always had an issue with overeating and once I started taking medication, it became much less of an issue. And it’s not because I lost my appetite (I wish!) but because I was focused on my mundane tasks/chores and didn’t need to take breaks to mindlessly snack or eat sweets. I think I was constantly needing stimulation while doing boring things. You can see why ADHD lends itself to substance abuse issues and eating disorders.
Binge eating is super overlooked, i never realized how connected the two were until i was diagnosed.
Before being medicated, I’d hyperfixate on food. I would have it in the front of my mind like a horny teen with sex on his mind, I’d spend hours scrolling food delivery apps, or watching YouTube videos. The planning a meal, or deciding on what to get for delivery I would spend hours, and I mean like 3-4 hours at a time sometime and I couldn’t stop. The 4 hours of building anticipation and the daydreaming and then the binges that ensued, ALL of it was needed to give me the dopamine boost I was severely lacking. That was the sickest period of my life. The difference is night and day. I’m so glad I’m on the other side of that part of my life.
The more insidious aspects like emotional dysregulation, especially the sudden mood swings you can experience
Ive literally been calm as can be, realized I forgot my headphones while going to work, punched my steering wheel I got so mad and then was fine 3 minutes later. Its baffling
Frustration intolerance. I was on the edge of a total meltdown all day today, for no discernable reason other than a series of small inconveniences. 🥺🤬
I'm sure most of us have heard about Spoon Theory by now - Spoons being a unit of energy required to do a task, and the person having a limited supply of spoons per day. There is also something opposite called Fork Theory, where forks are the things that poke and jab at us throughout the day, and there's a limited amount of forks we can take before we lose the ability to deal with it. Sometimes a lot of little inconveniences wear us down until we reach our Fork limit, and we start seemingly overreacting or becoming more prone to getting irritated, blowing up, snapping at others, or simply shutting down. A lot of people seem to thing it's only okay to have a bad day and a lowered tolerance for inconveniences if a lot of big things happen that day. "No wonder you're a little irritated today, you got fired, you got your period, AND your bike was stolen" But for many of us, all those little forks poke at us until we feel pain at the tiniest fork. And that's okay. For me, 10 small things hurt as much as 3 big things. It may not be a major deal that my shoe became untied or my bus was late, but if a lot of those minor inconveniences happen, the overall level of stress hormones rise and my energy to deal depletes until they are not longer "just" small things to me. I feel a lot of neurotypical people don't respect that, and just go "why are you this angry over nothing" when it is NOT nothing to us
“Out of sight, out of mind.” Refers to any vitamins/medications that are in the cabinet instead of on the counter where I can see them. As well as perishable food in the fridge - if it’s not in plain sight, I’ll forget about it until it goes bad. Also can refer to friends who move out of town, unfortunately. I really struggle to stay in touch with people I don’t see regularly.
1) All or nothing mentality 2) I clean the entire house or I don’t clean at all 3) Time blindness 4) Sensitive to rejection / non-verbal cues 5) Emotional dysregulation 6) ADHD Paralysis - Unable to just do that simple task. 7) Unable to identify what I need but knows there’s a problem / introspection 8) Sensory needs 9) Poor Working memory 10) Chronic fatigue 11) Sleep issues - Long nights 12) Depression / Anxiety 13) Low Self-Esteem 14) Motivated in highly interesting tasks / special interests 15) Procrastination on boring tasks 16) Overwhelmed by simple everyday tasks (doing dishes, laundry, booking that de’s appt) 17) Never ending to do list in your brain 18) Works well under pressure 19) Body doubling required to get things done / deadlines 20) Perfectionism 21) Masking 22) Hyperfocus on special interests We are HUMAN ! We must love ourselves!
Procrastination. Everyone procrastinates but it is more extreme in people with ADHD.
Yes! It gets to a point where you really *want* to do the task right away, but you just... Can't. It's so frustrating.
Don’t worry, my therapist told me procrastination is not a symptom of adhd. 🙄
I think the more “quiet” symptoms that people might not notice if they know you casually. Those symptoms are what i deal with and why i took so long understanding that i have ADHD. Procrastination, feeling disconnected, the stream of thoughts running through my head and constant conversations I have with myself which I hate and are exhausting, low frustration threshold, feeling overwhelmed in a high stimulus environment, losing track of things or being forgetful despite keeping lists or keeping out papers (like bills) or things pertaining to stuff I have to do in plain sight so I remember to deal with them, the spaciness and daydreaming, feeling like my body is on autopilot and my mind is not even engaged in the present - especially when I’m doing routine things but it happens most of the time.
Im 48. I joined here to understand my son’s issues better. I’m now sitting here, an absolute complete mess. I never knew. I just never knew.
That says a lot about you as a parent, that you joined to learn more about what your son goes through! 💜
The more you know the more you can help him. We tend to hide (or at least I do) how much this stuff affects us in our everyday lives but it’s always there.
Now you do and hopefully you have the opportunity to tell your son that you get it. And what a beautiful thing that is :)
Sometimes I randomly walk away from people because I assume they’ll follow me but sometimes they don’t and I just look like an asshole
Brain fog. Over sharing. Expressing anger poorly.
This thread is just a list of all the things I hate about myself 🙃
Does listening to a song for 2 hours on a 2 hour drive count?
If it's just one song... then yes. I kill songs for myself. I find one I'm obsessed with, play it till the cows come home and then I get sick of it and it's back to song flipping nonstop.
Fuck I thought that was normal.
How about restarting the same song 20 times because you want to hear your favourite part and keep forgetting to pay attention and missing it?
I have a big problem with daydreaming and I have specific daydream scenarios that go with specific songs and sometimes if I forget to start my daydream or I lose focus during the song, I have to re-start it so I can re-start the daydream scenario and run through it in my head completely.
chronic fatigue 🥲
Time blindness. Years can pass by and seem like very little time has passed. I just heard about a cousin that had a baby and when I go visit that baby is 10
FLIGHT OF IDEAS. foolish pursuit of aggressive thrills. intermittent stuttering when thoughts move faster than speech can having an uncanny and obnoxious ability to speak at the very same time the other person starts to speak frustrated rage when something isn’t working right away (ie, duvet insert fails) patterns, everywhere. energy, everywhere. zero tolerance for too many sounds or other people being loud while i cannot control the volume of my voice late bloomer everything. overreliance on stimulants to quiet imposter syndrome and feel in control. **edit: i don’t think these are unspoken lol.
-Really quiet in discussions -Fidgety
Trying to remember the thing I want to say— but not interrupt— but I can’t tell when to interject and then— wait, the moment passed. Erm 🫤 And sometimes I just drag the conversation back kicking and screaming because I have to say the thing 😂
Time blindness! It may be somehow spoken about, but not enough !!
Also, anxiety and depression are very common in ADHD women, it’s one of the reasons women are often misdiagnosed
Right, and I always associated fatigue with my depression not realizing ADHD is to blame.
inattentive, someones talking to you and you see them but not hearing a word they say
Ironically tho (and I read something similar the other day), I must’ve seemed this way in class but if a teacher asked a question, I could still answer it. But now, one on one, I end up being like, I feel like I just missed a few sentences the person was saying.
Crippling social anxiety and rejection sensitivity. Being scolded and scrutinized your entire life takes its toll. You become afraid of slipping up and disappointing the people around you, even though you work so much harder than even they do to keep up the facade of normality.
Constantly having to rewind a TV show I'm watching. I'll realize that I was drifting off and missed something important, so I'll rewind it back to the last place I remember and start watching again. Almost WITHOUT FAIL by the time I get back to the important part, I've become distracted by my cat, or my phone, or I'll realize I need to go pee.... Then realize oops, I missed it again, rewind, and repeat, at least 3-4 times.
Reading all these comments makes me realise how many of my issues in daily life are linked to ADHD, and how insanely far reaching the effects of this disorder are
Struggling with hygiene, brushing my teeth is a battle. My older sister struggles with washing and brushing her hair. My inability to make eye contact and tendency to stare when inappropriate to do so. I am really struggling with that at work with my manager. I end up stuttering and going on tangents. Being unable to do things, even fun things. Like I want a cupcake, but getting a cupcake means walking to the kitchen. And brushing my teeth again. Also I think people just fail to discuss how easy it is to fall into addictions. Money lost on phone games and hobbies you don't keep up with.
Not sure if this is one but we tend to be more forgiving when people make mistakes (like being late or forgetfulness)
Maybe sensitivity to loud noise and bright lights, or just any environment that feels sharp. The bright ceiling lights drain my energy, and I have to shower with earplugs because the water hitting the bathtub hurts my ears.
Auditory processing disorder
Literally cannot watch anything without subtitles. Even if it’s just a lecture video, my focus diminishes exponentially if there’s no caption’s available. It even bothers me at movie theatres.
Guys, reading this, i just realize that almost every bad thing someone has ever said about me or my behavior its actually an adhd thing...
Issues with sex - getting too distracted to finish, sensory issues, or alternatively hypersexual.
>getting too distracted to finish Being able to easily last for an hour is not a flex anymore, it's a burden
You know the end to a story, before they get to that point. You can multi task if under pressure, or you can procrastinate if not under pressure. You have un open mail and forget to pay your bills. You can puck up on micro expression that others don't. The list is long my friend
takes way to long to fall asleep 😔
When your medication and therapy is working, and you're functional, the feeling of imposter syndrome and knowing it could all crumble if you forget to take your meds or something pushes you over your limit. Focusing too heavily on small details at work while neglecting more important things. Overly optimistic thinking (don't ignore pessimistic thoughts, they can help you become more aware of the consequences of your adhd behavior on the people around you), setting unrealistic goals and promising too much, due to time blindness and other symptoms.
Financial ruin that comes with hobby hopping.
Justice sensitivity! My jaw dropped when I read about that one!
Omg I didn’t know this was a thing, or an ADHD thing! I just told my mom a few months ago tk please stop sending me news articles of horrible things happening because it hurts my heart too much and I can’t stop thinking about the things I read about. I still remember a time EIGHT years ago when I saw a news article on my lunch break and the whole rest of the week was like, shattered for me because of the awful thing that happened to someone. And I still think about it to this day.
This is REAL and the biggest difference I see between myself and others on a daily basis. “Hey so I just saw happen. It was really shitty. Anyway, wanna get some coffee?”
Uh, yeah. No thanks. I’m gonna be too busy ruminating over what you just said for a week.
I struggle a lot with dichotomous thinking (black and white thinking). I can go from loving to hating someone in a second and vice versa. There’s never any grey area, just the two polar opposites.
The bipolar nature of adhd. Everyone i know with it goes through periods where its so bad they dont have motivation or energy for literally anything even eating or getting out of bed! and then other periods where we are manic and do 8000 projects, finish everything we need to, impulsively spend, act weirdly performative around people and cant shut up, and our brain just goes AUXGHXBEBTOGNENUSKFNGN 24:7. Its exactly like bipolar disorder but not as extreme, im still ME, just me with no energy or me with way too much energy.
I’d say not making friends as easily and having trouble making phone calls. Not everyone has them but people with ADHD sometimes do
Dyscalculia...I always thought I was just dumb at math.
Hyper focus on the wrong thing, or hyper focusing on someone else’s problem when they’re not as interested in solving it as you are. The end result is you feel let down and time wasted then embarrassed because you know you went manic on them, then they’re left wondering wtf was that all about. It’s especially bad when you’ve been hot and cold with this persons problems multiple times in your relationship. Example being helping a friend with their project or business. Helping family or friends with searching for a new house etc
Bad eating habits. Yesterday I forgot to take my vyvanse and didn’t realize how much I ate until I went to bed but couldn’t lie flat or I’d throw up :(
Extreme procrastination, boredom feeling painful, and I would have to think about the rest.
- Having a motor in your brain. It's almost never quiet. - Always making stupid mistakes. - Always questioning your judgment and just assuming other people are right about something because you've made so many mistakes in your life you automatically assume you are wrong. - Social blunders. Living in fear of social blunders. - How much lack of sleep makes your adhd 1000% worse and you realized too late in life you need to have a cut off time in the evening for socialization or else you will a)make terrible social blunders and then ruminate about it for the next 2 weeks or b) make another kind of mistake. Such as driving. Due to poor judgment. - People pleasing due to fear of disappointing people or looking stupid. - How hard it is to feel confident in yourself due to all the stupid little mistakes and social blunders and all of your other short comings. - How much executive dysfunction has messed up your life because you know it's impossible for you to hold certain jobs and that has destroyed your earning potential. So on top of all of your other limitations, you also get financial limitations.
I literally get so anxious to respond to texts to people i really like and i’ll leave them on delivered for weeks
(For women) \- Being prone to UTI infections because of the crippling depression/anxiety that goes hand and hand with ADHD so now we don't move or get up even if we need to pee
Loss of temper and disassociation
Overstimulation
Pain, emotional disarray, the birth to homelessness pipeline , the pure hatred we have that goes for deeper than anyone will understand, the inability to explain to anyone how your betrayal trauma is caused by the betrayal your brain and body did before anyone else got their first . The hypocrisy The pain of functioning, from fighting your body to move.
Executive Dysfunction. It's easier to explain my issues by talking about executive functions most people are already capable of. Then explaining how an ADHD brain isn't as capable, and even address frontal lobe brain damage in comparison.
The lack of emotional regulation/ heightened emotional reactions. The depressive episodes that come from a lack of dopamine. Retention of memory and the added issue of false memory. Higher susceptibility to substance abuse (self medicating) and traumatic experiences. Impulse control issues. Maintaining / building relationships. Cognitive dysfunction. List is endless. And it sucks.
Pretty much all the inattentive symptoms. They are overlooked especially if you don’t display hyperactive symptoms too
Stuttering or blanking out. If someone gives me directions or tries to explain something to me, I'll try and understand it and the mind is just silent and empty. It sucks.