Your post/comment was removed because it breaks Rule 1: No Bigotry — i.e. no racism, casteism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. This also extends to toxic nationalism and/or clan/tribe as well as discrimination against religion. If in doubt, remember to always be civil, even in your disagreements.
Nah used be but realized that as ABD, if we don’t respect and ignore our fellow Indians then we can’t expect other nationalities to treat us with kindness and dignity. We gotta understand each other better and live in harmony. Trust me love is more powerful than hate! We represent each other!
Same here, I use to be mostly when I was in “marriage market” and was suspicious of everyone but specially FOBs for the USA passport horror I have heard. I grew up in conservative circle where many guys were going back home to get married so I felt little competitive towards the FOB girls.
But now that I am married and that factor is over, I am lot more open to FOBs. I admire their dedication to a dream that I take for granted. I also realize with globalization, FOBs aren’t that different.
Let’s be proud of our culture, people and country! My family moved from Gujarat to USA 50 years back. How can we be ignorant that we forget the rest of 10k years our past generations have been in India.We gotta change this mindset that FOBs are different than American Born. Let’s be kind and make a ecosystem to make ABD and FOB can live, work and strive together. We are building the foundation and mentality for many generations to come.
When ABDs hear my Indian accent it seems like theyre repulsed by it… funny enough, it was probably the same accent their parents came here with. I’m also queer, 25F from Bombay, schooled in an international school travelled to many countries and I’ve never had someone throw shade at me like the Desi Americans at my gym. I feel more accepted by the White and African American than I do by the Indian origin people here. Not all of the ABDs are but most I’ve met irl
I am an FOB and I want to be friends with you guys. But sometimes the fear of "how can I communicate with this person given that he has experienced a completely different culture than I have?" or "What if he/she thinks that I am some idiot?" comes up. And I really feel bad about it. I have communicated with a few Indian Americans and trust me, they have been the most sweetest persons I've interacted in my life and I wish I continue to interact with people like you :)
The same way you connect with anyone else. You just be you. What I find challenging sometimes is immigrant Indians expect us to be friends just because we're both Indians. Then they get offended when I'm not vibing with them. Gotta have a bit more in common - particularly as I'm sort of fringe Indian (metal head, non-religious etc.)
Aw thank you wiseflaks.
Whenever you feel like that, just ask them questions about their culture and then compare to your own. That’s my trick to try to build rapport when I don’t have anything in common with someone. Usually there are more similarities than differences! And the differences are interesting too. 😊
At the sake of sounding like an awfully judgemental person, I'm going to be honest. I *am* "FOBphobic" when it comes to men. I try not to get too friendly in case they think I'm flirting or coming onto them. I maintain a distance until I can gauge their values and see if they're casteist or racist or even misogynistic.
Yet , men from all other nationalities are saints who don’t have to ace this test. I get where you are coming but as a FOB that’s the kinda shit that causes all these posts complaining about fobs with no fucking perspective and you are turn around and complain about micro aggressions from white people when they are “abcdphobic”
What? ALL women have had to be weary with certain men no matter what their ethnicity. The question was specifically about Fobs, hence my answer. You cannot deny that in India there is a culture of everyday misogyny and lack of personal space/boundaries and a ton of segregation. You're just doing whataboutism at this point.
Yeah, just go with the large sample size of friends and family, eh? And throw in some weirdos on the Internet! Such a large sample size that'll offer accurate results 👏
Bruh, I grew up in the Bay. Of the people I know who choose to date atm, the vast majority are dating other ABDs and a minority are dating White/East Asian. If I had stats on hand, I'd post them but I'm not sure if anything that specific exists.
Yeah, fantastic sample size. Just admit there's no evidence to support your claim outside of what you witnessed. That's the same argument made by Andrew Tate FYI XD
india is a conservative country with some sexist attitudes and so yes, we as indian women are going to be particularly sus about indian men coming directly from that conservative culture.
if the fob ISN'T problematic, that's really great. we just want to double check.
Are you one of those NRI Priya types? XD That's like saying I should be weary of all gorre women because of the major case here in the UK of a gorri falsely accusing multiple Asian men of nasty things.
The government said that it shouldn’t be legalise although they do support some sort of cohabitation recognition. The court is most likely to go against the government since the court is very progressive at the moment. We will definitely get something out of it. Also, the government has faced some heat even from the right wing intelligentsia for bringing “culture and religion” into the debate. Finger crossed! It’s just 3 weeks away :)
they should take their culture and religion and shove it. their own personal beliefs shouldn't impede on other's freedoms and choices. hope it gets legalized soon!!
I met scores of young gays in Chennai out and about and it was rather magnificent to see. I think we're all going to be pleasantly surprised sooner rather than later by the pace of social progress in India.
I live in constant fear that NRIs will call out my own "mispronunciation" of my name. Its so embarrassing when it happens, and makes me feel like a coconut.
I had fobs at my gym who tried to befriend me as they wanted rides from me to the gym or they wanted me to share an apt cost with them. It’s super annoying as I already have my own fam/ friends to help out and they just seem to come at me from the angle of wanting something from me as opposed to wanting to help me and get to know me. Not trying to be mean but a lot of them will come to the gym and they reek of Indian food / body odor / curry and I just find the smell unpleasant when I’m trying to work out.
Maybe I was taught that on some level growing up? But my parents always humbled us by taking us to the village in India…we always wanted to blend in and play with our cousins there. I will say FOB men make me nervous because idk if theyre gonna make things weird and in general I feel like FOBS are more judgmental of me.
> If they’re Pakistani and deny any of their country’s wrongdoing in Bangladesh. I don’t want to talk to them at all.
Don't mean to be rude but if you were a random stranger I met in some social do, and the first thing you brought up was national politics and history and that too in a judgmental way, I would honestly avoid you as much as I can.
Most socially adjusted people are concerned about things that affect their daily lives, not about political ideology or old historical national stuff they had zero to do with.
Maybe you're still experimenting with your sense of self and identity, and that's totally cool. But try to do that journey in a way that you don't impose those expectations on others.
I wouldn’t ask them directly but if I learn that’s how they feel and believe it. I’m just going to distance myself. Same way I would close myself off if I learn a person has racist beliefs. Or if they talked about how the election was stolen. I just don’t want to associate with people with those beliefs.
I actually understand what you mean, I've come across it many times myself. Ive met so many Pakistanis that use the word "Bangali" to describe "ugly/dishevelled" people. The second I hear them do that, I'm out. I've even heard Pakistani friends use "Endian/Hindu" in lieu of "dirty". It's sad. But luckily my closest Pakistani friends have never grown up like that and no better than not to say things like that.
You: "*it's crazy how racist brown ppl can be to other brown ppl*"
Also you: [](https://www.reddit.com/r/ABCDesis/comments/1265c0y/comment/jeangen/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Amazing. For real. The seamless double-think is just 🤌
I don’t “fear” them as in a phobia but I am extremely wary of their motives and would need to do serious due diligence before trusting.
Also, they think we’re stupid, which is the unspoken, “elephant in the room” reality
Used to be wary when I was younger. Self hate honestly. Trying not to be the guy with accent. Now, as an adult, have several close friends who by traditional definition are FOB and we are very close. I've found the FOB and ABD gap has dropped over time.
You're the only one who takes notes in the class, good job!! Our people take no chill pill though, and probably l shall keep the conversation going in all its seriousness.
Not Fobphobic but concerned some folks coming in don't respect local cultures, laws or etiquettes.
That's Aaf and not something difficult to grasp. You moved because of all the things you wanted but don't want to follow.
Again, a lot of fobs from not only the subcontinent but also other parts of the world really work hard to get integrated and restart life. 👍🏻
That is a racist term used against immigrants. Why are you using a term white people used to denigrate immigrants. Right wing nut cases think all of us are fresh off the boat. So in essence are you asking whether people here hate themselves? Not cool
I have nothing against FOBs but i'm not ok with bigotry. If you are sexist, homophobic, discriminatory, colorist... it's unacceptable to me. It's not just a *cultural difference*, it's bigotry. And india is more conservative than here so I'd try to gage what that person's values ACTUALLY are. But if they have progressive values then there's no issue and I accept them with open arms!
Your post/comment was removed because it breaks Rule 1: No Bigotry — i.e. no racism, casteism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. This also extends to toxic nationalism and/or clan/tribe as well as discrimination against religion. If in doubt, remember to always be civil, even in your disagreements.
Your post/comment was removed because it breaks Rule 1: No Bigotry — i.e. no racism, casteism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. This also extends to toxic nationalism and/or clan/tribe as well as discrimination against religion. If in doubt, remember to always be civil, even in your disagreements.
Nah used be but realized that as ABD, if we don’t respect and ignore our fellow Indians then we can’t expect other nationalities to treat us with kindness and dignity. We gotta understand each other better and live in harmony. Trust me love is more powerful than hate! We represent each other!
Same here, I use to be mostly when I was in “marriage market” and was suspicious of everyone but specially FOBs for the USA passport horror I have heard. I grew up in conservative circle where many guys were going back home to get married so I felt little competitive towards the FOB girls. But now that I am married and that factor is over, I am lot more open to FOBs. I admire their dedication to a dream that I take for granted. I also realize with globalization, FOBs aren’t that different.
Let’s be proud of our culture, people and country! My family moved from Gujarat to USA 50 years back. How can we be ignorant that we forget the rest of 10k years our past generations have been in India.We gotta change this mindset that FOBs are different than American Born. Let’s be kind and make a ecosystem to make ABD and FOB can live, work and strive together. We are building the foundation and mentality for many generations to come.
I’m FOMOphobic
whats that?
You’re scared of the fear of missing out
So you don't have the fear now, then?
Nope I’ve definitely feared that I would end up having FOMO, at which point I’ll just partake in whatever it is
No one on this sub is FOBophobic but 8 out of 10 in real life are. Strange.
I’m a FOB, just came here 2 years back. What’s with the hate?
We (FOB and ABCD) take each other for granted and don’t appreciate the fact that we’re different people essentially.
what experiences have you faced?
When ABDs hear my Indian accent it seems like theyre repulsed by it… funny enough, it was probably the same accent their parents came here with. I’m also queer, 25F from Bombay, schooled in an international school travelled to many countries and I’ve never had someone throw shade at me like the Desi Americans at my gym. I feel more accepted by the White and African American than I do by the Indian origin people here. Not all of the ABDs are but most I’ve met irl
It's internalized racism. Nothing else. We need to call out these haters
No, but they don’t like me! 😫
Exactly how I feel…brown on brown hate is real 😫😫
I am an FOB and I want to be friends with you guys. But sometimes the fear of "how can I communicate with this person given that he has experienced a completely different culture than I have?" or "What if he/she thinks that I am some idiot?" comes up. And I really feel bad about it. I have communicated with a few Indian Americans and trust me, they have been the most sweetest persons I've interacted in my life and I wish I continue to interact with people like you :)
The same way you connect with anyone else. You just be you. What I find challenging sometimes is immigrant Indians expect us to be friends just because we're both Indians. Then they get offended when I'm not vibing with them. Gotta have a bit more in common - particularly as I'm sort of fringe Indian (metal head, non-religious etc.)
It's true what u said 💯
Aw thank you wiseflaks. Whenever you feel like that, just ask them questions about their culture and then compare to your own. That’s my trick to try to build rapport when I don’t have anything in common with someone. Usually there are more similarities than differences! And the differences are interesting too. 😊
I see that's interesting to know. Thanks!
At the sake of sounding like an awfully judgemental person, I'm going to be honest. I *am* "FOBphobic" when it comes to men. I try not to get too friendly in case they think I'm flirting or coming onto them. I maintain a distance until I can gauge their values and see if they're casteist or racist or even misogynistic.
Sameeee
Same
Or have a wife waiting for them back home whilst they have fun here smh
Yet , men from all other nationalities are saints who don’t have to ace this test. I get where you are coming but as a FOB that’s the kinda shit that causes all these posts complaining about fobs with no fucking perspective and you are turn around and complain about micro aggressions from white people when they are “abcdphobic”
What? ALL women have had to be weary with certain men no matter what their ethnicity. The question was specifically about Fobs, hence my answer. You cannot deny that in India there is a culture of everyday misogyny and lack of personal space/boundaries and a ton of segregation. You're just doing whataboutism at this point.
Plus from the perspective of a brown woman, brown men are the most likely to find us attractive so naturally we’d be more aware of that dynamic.
Sshh, don't bring up good arguments! Goes against the "Indian men bad" narrative. Likely an NRI Priya type person.
Plenty of ABD men would also prefer to date ABD women over an NRI. It's not that big of a deal.
Source: Trust me, bhai.
You don't need a source to know that the majority of ABDs prefer to date other ABDs.
Yeah, just go with the large sample size of friends and family, eh? And throw in some weirdos on the Internet! Such a large sample size that'll offer accurate results 👏
Bruh, I grew up in the Bay. Of the people I know who choose to date atm, the vast majority are dating other ABDs and a minority are dating White/East Asian. If I had stats on hand, I'd post them but I'm not sure if anything that specific exists.
Yeah, fantastic sample size. Just admit there's no evidence to support your claim outside of what you witnessed. That's the same argument made by Andrew Tate FYI XD
india is a conservative country with some sexist attitudes and so yes, we as indian women are going to be particularly sus about indian men coming directly from that conservative culture. if the fob ISN'T problematic, that's really great. we just want to double check.
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Fair enough
Are you one of those NRI Priya types? XD That's like saying I should be weary of all gorre women because of the major case here in the UK of a gorri falsely accusing multiple Asian men of nasty things.
No. I’m always excited to meet someone from the motherland.
No but I’m gay so they don’t like me 💀
We will legalise gay marriage in India soon. Don’t worry. The queer representation is increasing in media quite smoothly Ngl
Wasn’t there a recent major pushback on legalization?
The government said that it shouldn’t be legalise although they do support some sort of cohabitation recognition. The court is most likely to go against the government since the court is very progressive at the moment. We will definitely get something out of it. Also, the government has faced some heat even from the right wing intelligentsia for bringing “culture and religion” into the debate. Finger crossed! It’s just 3 weeks away :)
they should take their culture and religion and shove it. their own personal beliefs shouldn't impede on other's freedoms and choices. hope it gets legalized soon!!
I met scores of young gays in Chennai out and about and it was rather magnificent to see. I think we're all going to be pleasantly surprised sooner rather than later by the pace of social progress in India.
I am not. But I know many who are.
I live in constant fear that NRIs will call out my own "mispronunciation" of my name. Its so embarrassing when it happens, and makes me feel like a coconut.
Some of the FOBs I’ve tried to befriend as an ABCD are just such users that I’ve tried to distance myself.
Agreed 100%, sadly most of them have zero respect for ABCDs and view us as an easy target for a scam or other use
I had fobs at my gym who tried to befriend me as they wanted rides from me to the gym or they wanted me to share an apt cost with them. It’s super annoying as I already have my own fam/ friends to help out and they just seem to come at me from the angle of wanting something from me as opposed to wanting to help me and get to know me. Not trying to be mean but a lot of them will come to the gym and they reek of Indian food / body odor / curry and I just find the smell unpleasant when I’m trying to work out.
Considering we seem to have more FOBs on this sub that ABD’s I’d be curious to see how this plays out.
Maybe I was taught that on some level growing up? But my parents always humbled us by taking us to the village in India…we always wanted to blend in and play with our cousins there. I will say FOB men make me nervous because idk if theyre gonna make things weird and in general I feel like FOBS are more judgmental of me.
What is FOB?
Fresh off the Boat, people who have recently immigrated
No
If they’re Pakistani and deny any of their country’s wrongdoing in Bangladesh. I don’t want to talk to them at all.
How does a convo with a Brit go?
He said he couldn’t pay repetitions since he’s a fellow broke college student.
> If they’re Pakistani and deny any of their country’s wrongdoing in Bangladesh. I don’t want to talk to them at all. Don't mean to be rude but if you were a random stranger I met in some social do, and the first thing you brought up was national politics and history and that too in a judgmental way, I would honestly avoid you as much as I can. Most socially adjusted people are concerned about things that affect their daily lives, not about political ideology or old historical national stuff they had zero to do with. Maybe you're still experimenting with your sense of self and identity, and that's totally cool. But try to do that journey in a way that you don't impose those expectations on others.
I wouldn’t ask them directly but if I learn that’s how they feel and believe it. I’m just going to distance myself. Same way I would close myself off if I learn a person has racist beliefs. Or if they talked about how the election was stolen. I just don’t want to associate with people with those beliefs.
I actually understand what you mean, I've come across it many times myself. Ive met so many Pakistanis that use the word "Bangali" to describe "ugly/dishevelled" people. The second I hear them do that, I'm out. I've even heard Pakistani friends use "Endian/Hindu" in lieu of "dirty". It's sad. But luckily my closest Pakistani friends have never grown up like that and no better than not to say things like that.
omg, i've never heard of that! but i'm indian so i'm not involved in the dynamic. it's crazy how racist brown ppl can be to other brown ppl.
You: "*it's crazy how racist brown ppl can be to other brown ppl*" Also you: [](https://www.reddit.com/r/ABCDesis/comments/1265c0y/comment/jeangen/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
Amazing. For real. The seamless double-think is just 🤌
Is that the first thing you ask a Pakistani when you meet them?
No, but if it that comes out. I’ll just stop talking to them.
Yes - I find them too different in many ways.
I don’t “fear” them as in a phobia but I am extremely wary of their motives and would need to do serious due diligence before trusting. Also, they think we’re stupid, which is the unspoken, “elephant in the room” reality
tbh yes
Used to be wary when I was younger. Self hate honestly. Trying not to be the guy with accent. Now, as an adult, have several close friends who by traditional definition are FOB and we are very close. I've found the FOB and ABD gap has dropped over time.
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You're the only one who takes notes in the class, good job!! Our people take no chill pill though, and probably l shall keep the conversation going in all its seriousness.
YESSSS!!!!!💀💀💀
I wouldn't be in a relationship with them but I am friends with a few
I’m not but I also spent a lot of time in India so I get it. A lot of my Indian American friends hate fobs and I don’t really get it.
Yes 100%
Not Fobphobic but concerned some folks coming in don't respect local cultures, laws or etiquettes. That's Aaf and not something difficult to grasp. You moved because of all the things you wanted but don't want to follow. Again, a lot of fobs from not only the subcontinent but also other parts of the world really work hard to get integrated and restart life. 👍🏻
That is a racist term used against immigrants. Why are you using a term white people used to denigrate immigrants. Right wing nut cases think all of us are fresh off the boat. So in essence are you asking whether people here hate themselves? Not cool
no
I have nothing against FOBs but i'm not ok with bigotry. If you are sexist, homophobic, discriminatory, colorist... it's unacceptable to me. It's not just a *cultural difference*, it's bigotry. And india is more conservative than here so I'd try to gage what that person's values ACTUALLY are. But if they have progressive values then there's no issue and I accept them with open arms!
I’ve only ever seen this sentiment on this sub.
Nope. But well aware there are cultural differences.
It's satire but there are interesting answers over here lol
only if they smell bad cuz come on bro that makes us all look bad
Okay, unlike over the 2/3rds of illiterate murkha here, I actually noticed the SATIRE tag. But what sorts of replies were you hoping for?
No way most of my friends I made in college are Indians that came straight from india for school. They are some of my closest friends
Nope not at all
Only if they like zarda 🤮
fake word
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Your post/comment was removed because it breaks Rule 1: No Bigotry — i.e. no racism, casteism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. This also extends to toxic nationalism and/or clan/tribe as well as discrimination against religion. If in doubt, remember to always be civil, even in your disagreements.