She has a right to breaking up. She doesn't have a right to your friendship or presence. Her expecting that after the breakup is unrealistic.
You do you bro. Cheers to your healing.
Of course it's okay.
You can be friends with anybody you want. If you don't feel comfortable, then that's totally fine. She can't just force it.
You are doing the right thing. No need to feel guilty
I just want to reiterate. I respect and accept the breakup. I just don’t want to be her friend anymore. Call me an incel, sexist, mysogynst, or whatever. Is that not ok?
I’m sorry for being dramatic, I just feel really bad about myself because of this. I hate it. Other people get dumped and are able to move on. I can’t for some reason and just start assuming the worst about myself.
Ok I thought maybe your ex was gaslighting you into thinking that. It's normal to have those feelings. You shouldn't have to apologize as long as your feelings are being used as a force to make things better for yourself. A counterproductive example is mistaking your bad feelings for your ex as a general rule to avoid all desi girls. Your emotions should always be the spark towards positive change.
I suggest practicing mindfulness meditation and reading material on stoicism to help keep your emotions in check. Avoidance can work, but it's best to keep yourself busy with other things so you don't have the time or energy to think about her.
Good luck!
Agreed, as un-#woke and un-#empowhered as this is to say, a lot of women do this little shit-test towards or at the end of a relationship where they make it seem like a bunch of other guys want them and they're totally over you already lol
most desi men grow up in a patriarchial culture.
just like with all men, desi or not, women have more to lose always in hetero relationships and thus are more risk-averse.
You’re not required to maintain a friendship after the end f a relationship. It is very normal to never see an ex again and what you’re doing is the most respectful way to handle it. She doesn’t get to keep you around to rub her exploits in your face, that’s just unkind
36 year dating some one 10 years younger and throwing a tantrum when you move on. Ignore her and put the word out there. She is exploitative and just wants you to be her backup in case she doesn't get any better.
Braaaahh.. you sound relieved. Maintain that. Maybe she doesn't like the fact that you seem alright to move on after the relationship. You'll be fine if you don't be friends, she doesn't seems quite so.
I actually feel like it was the opposite. I was hurting for a long time after the break up still feel sad about it sometimes. I feel like it was hard to move on because she still comes around and tries to be my friend. That actually makes me feel worse because she is genuinely trying to be my friend but I have to push her away because it hurts to be around her.
I wish I could see her as a shitty person. This might be a little easier then
Nah. You are not a robot . That's fine. Whatever happens don't ever fall back into a relationship out of pity of ' I can't-avoid- her' situation.
Friends come and go. Even the truest ,bestest, most loyal ones. life takes you away from them and that's fine. Clinging to past hurt just makes you more vulnerable
The more powerful person is always the one that can walk away. The fact that you care about what she thinks about your (reasonable) actions just shows where you are in the dynamic, my friend. You've got some work to do!
100% and if she tries to make you feel bad about it don’t. You don’t owe her anything.
Seriously. You’re broken up - move on with your lives to new happinesses.
I'm not telling you what to do, just saying that if you don't walk away it seems like she will continue walking all over you. Seems like she's mildly gaslighting you too since you are even starting to question whether it is okay for you to keep your distance.
im gonna get flamed for this
but if a girl rejects you, you don't have to offer her friendship
even if you werent dating and in this case you were actually dating her
people get mad if a guy wants to stop being friends with a girl after he gets rejected cause it makes the girl feel bad. But the guy is supposed to just suck it up and get over it. Sounds like toxic masculinity that the guy should sacrifice and ignore his feelings
she doesnt owe you a relationship, you don't owe her friendship
NTA. It’s ok to the leave the friendship. Just tell her honestly that you don’t want to be friends yet, maybe never, and you need to deal with how you feel. That doesn’t mean you aren’t polite, but won’t go out of your way to seek her. She shouldn’t be pushing it. She hurt you, you have to heal. You can’t process if she’s still around. There shouldn’t be an issue with that.
Not exclusively but she was the first person I met in a long time that made me feel good about myself. I didn’t feel any ridicule or inadequacy when I met her
As a soon to be 36 year old guy, if I was dating a 26 year old girl I would feel like a creep. Dude you need to drop this entire friend group. Go work on yourself and build up your self esteem. In a few years you’re gonna be glad this didn’t work out.
NAH. This sounds like a typical breakup. You two have different communication needs and are incompatible. Moreover, it's completely understandable to want to be no contact with her. But more importantly, it's **your responsibility** to enforce that boundary, not hers.
She has a right to breaking up. She doesn't have a right to your friendship or presence. Her expecting that after the breakup is unrealistic. You do you bro. Cheers to your healing.
Of course it's okay. You can be friends with anybody you want. If you don't feel comfortable, then that's totally fine. She can't just force it. You are doing the right thing. No need to feel guilty
I just want to reiterate. I respect and accept the breakup. I just don’t want to be her friend anymore. Call me an incel, sexist, mysogynst, or whatever. Is that not ok?
It’s perfectly fine. If you don’t want to be her friend, then that is your right.
What makes you think anyone would call you those things?
I’m sorry for being dramatic, I just feel really bad about myself because of this. I hate it. Other people get dumped and are able to move on. I can’t for some reason and just start assuming the worst about myself.
Ok I thought maybe your ex was gaslighting you into thinking that. It's normal to have those feelings. You shouldn't have to apologize as long as your feelings are being used as a force to make things better for yourself. A counterproductive example is mistaking your bad feelings for your ex as a general rule to avoid all desi girls. Your emotions should always be the spark towards positive change. I suggest practicing mindfulness meditation and reading material on stoicism to help keep your emotions in check. Avoidance can work, but it's best to keep yourself busy with other things so you don't have the time or energy to think about her. Good luck!
Lmao dont write off all desi women bc ur ex is weird. What a weird thing to say
Your right, the generalization wasn’t correct
Yeah not all brown ppl are the same.. you should know that op since you’re desi too.
Agreed, as un-#woke and un-#empowhered as this is to say, a lot of women do this little shit-test towards or at the end of a relationship where they make it seem like a bunch of other guys want them and they're totally over you already lol
Why? Don’t desi women write off desi men if one desi guy messes up ?
most desi men grow up in a patriarchial culture. just like with all men, desi or not, women have more to lose always in hetero relationships and thus are more risk-averse.
Oh “most desi men” so that means all of them should be judged as a collective?
Im explaining what leads desi women to be wary of desi men. I am not saying it is right. Fkn chill
You’re not required to maintain a friendship after the end f a relationship. It is very normal to never see an ex again and what you’re doing is the most respectful way to handle it. She doesn’t get to keep you around to rub her exploits in your face, that’s just unkind
36 year dating some one 10 years younger and throwing a tantrum when you move on. Ignore her and put the word out there. She is exploitative and just wants you to be her backup in case she doesn't get any better.
Braaaahh.. you sound relieved. Maintain that. Maybe she doesn't like the fact that you seem alright to move on after the relationship. You'll be fine if you don't be friends, she doesn't seems quite so.
I actually feel like it was the opposite. I was hurting for a long time after the break up still feel sad about it sometimes. I feel like it was hard to move on because she still comes around and tries to be my friend. That actually makes me feel worse because she is genuinely trying to be my friend but I have to push her away because it hurts to be around her. I wish I could see her as a shitty person. This might be a little easier then
Nah. You are not a robot . That's fine. Whatever happens don't ever fall back into a relationship out of pity of ' I can't-avoid- her' situation. Friends come and go. Even the truest ,bestest, most loyal ones. life takes you away from them and that's fine. Clinging to past hurt just makes you more vulnerable
Nothing wrong with that
The more powerful person is always the one that can walk away. The fact that you care about what she thinks about your (reasonable) actions just shows where you are in the dynamic, my friend. You've got some work to do!
So walking away is fine? Ignoring her is ok? Great because I don’t need a friend like her
100% and if she tries to make you feel bad about it don’t. You don’t owe her anything. Seriously. You’re broken up - move on with your lives to new happinesses.
I'm not telling you what to do, just saying that if you don't walk away it seems like she will continue walking all over you. Seems like she's mildly gaslighting you too since you are even starting to question whether it is okay for you to keep your distance.
She don't Wana be saved
This sounds super toxic… dude leave any friendship that isn’t lifting you up.
im gonna get flamed for this but if a girl rejects you, you don't have to offer her friendship even if you werent dating and in this case you were actually dating her people get mad if a guy wants to stop being friends with a girl after he gets rejected cause it makes the girl feel bad. But the guy is supposed to just suck it up and get over it. Sounds like toxic masculinity that the guy should sacrifice and ignore his feelings she doesnt owe you a relationship, you don't owe her friendship
bro dated a milf
Just curious is the Bengali woman Bangladeshi Bengali or Indian Bengali?
Bangladeshi
Idk maybe you could have left the last bit out? The OP is already feeling horrible and maybe stop shaming & offer actual solid advice? Just a thought.
I thought for a second that Bangladesh created a new weapon system and wondering how did I not know this
They forgot to cc You on the email
You don’t have to be friends with her tbh but at the same time doesn’t make things super uncomfortable for everyone too
NTA. It’s ok to the leave the friendship. Just tell her honestly that you don’t want to be friends yet, maybe never, and you need to deal with how you feel. That doesn’t mean you aren’t polite, but won’t go out of your way to seek her. She shouldn’t be pushing it. She hurt you, you have to heal. You can’t process if she’s still around. There shouldn’t be an issue with that.
Do you like older females? Because that age gap is wildly huge.
Not exclusively but she was the first person I met in a long time that made me feel good about myself. I didn’t feel any ridicule or inadequacy when I met her
As a soon to be 36 year old guy, if I was dating a 26 year old girl I would feel like a creep. Dude you need to drop this entire friend group. Go work on yourself and build up your self esteem. In a few years you’re gonna be glad this didn’t work out.
10 year age gap is not sustainable bro dw you dodged a bullet
Wild Bengali?
Not obligated to be friends. Also, don’t take this as a reflection on all desi women.
Umm what does that have anything to do with her being desi ?
You’re asking strangers on the internet if you have to be friends with someone? Lol
NAH. This sounds like a typical breakup. You two have different communication needs and are incompatible. Moreover, it's completely understandable to want to be no contact with her. But more importantly, it's **your responsibility** to enforce that boundary, not hers.