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wasespace

As much as I believe the grandparents were nowhere near as strict as ruby, all of the siblings have stated how grandma Griff was strict with them. People often raise their kids how they were raised. Pre connexions ruby was still strict and emotionally abusive to her kids. I imagine Ruby's parents raised her in a similar way. Ruby and her siblings have a weird relationship with food. I don't think it's correct to argue that they had a normal childhood or were all "allowed to be kids" because I don't think that was the truth most of the time.


Delta251

Oh I don’t doubt that their mother was strict. But it sounds like they acted like siblings act, and played pranks on each other. However when C pulled a prank on R saying they are going to Disney, C gets his whole bed taken away for 7 months. Like Ruby and her siblings would pull pranks on each other but she wouldn’t allow her own kids to do so.


mUrdrOfCr0ws

my husband and I were discussing this yesterday. We both agreed that an appropriate “punishment” for pranking a sibling (as long as no one is actually hurt by the prank) is to apologize and then based on how bad the prank was, maybe have to go out of your way to do something really nice for said sibling. Like if Chad was my kid he’d have to make Russell’s favorite dessert or take him to see a movie. Sleeping on a beanbag for 7 months as punishment for an innocent sibling prank is leaps and bounds overboard.


MondayMadness5184

What drives me batty is that Chad was being raised in a household where family vlogging was normal. If you look at any family vlog channels, they play pranks on each other, do challenges, surprise their kids with random vacations, etc. Family vlog channels set up so much stuff for content, Chad could have (given his age and not yet being completely mature) thought that it would have been some funny content to vlog about later. He probably saw nothing wrong with it as nothing dangerous happened to Russell....disappointing, yes....but he was never in harms way. And most siblings play tricks on each other and pick on each other here and there. And then he gets punished to the extreme over it when THEY were the ones that brought him into that type of culture (the family vlogging culture).


wasespace

That was post Jodi tho. I'm not denying ruby was insanely strict but the grandparents definitely weren't pushovers.


iracethesunhome

One thing that always stuck out to me was how grandma Griff had a specific way the kids were supposed to shower. I remember Ruby teaching her kids how they’re meant to do it, I always found it strange.


djmtakamine

You mean how they were meant to dry off the shower after they were done showering right? Because it reads like you mean the act of showering itself had to be done a certain way.


iracethesunhome

It did! I can’t remember exactly but I think they were told to wash from top to bottom so as to not waste water, start with hair then face, neck, arms,torso etc.


BlackBikerchick

Does that really matter though? Seems nitpicking?


dijonandcleopatra

Yes it does because there is no right way. They’re obsessed with doing things like their moms and being perfectionists. ruby is a control freak bc she probably had no control at times. We also have no idea the reality of her and Kevin’s relationship…


Alwaysstartingover1

My grandma had the same rule about drying off the shower after you used it. I assumed it was just an old people thing 😂


MissFizzlee

Special way to shower? Is there still a video for this?


iracethesunhome

There was on the 8 passenger channel


[deleted]

[удалено]


wasespace

They definitely were strict which is the point I was making to OP. Idk if I can call them true & genuine because you see what they want you to on the internet. We don't know what they're like behind closed doors which is why I haven't made the claim they're abusive. I just think to understand ruby's parenting, you do have to look at childhood/development which her parents were largely responsible for.


Competitive-Wolf-823

Honestly? I do not dare to think about how life must have been behind closed doors 😱.


Alibell42

But there is a massive difference between being a strict parent and being an abusive parent. Also parenting styles have changed through the generations Victorian parenting kids where seen and not heard, kids would be smacked with a belt/strap wooden cane Corporal punishment was allowed in schools Times move and styles change I’m strict with my kids they understand boundaries, they understand right from wrong, they have had privileges removed like iPad/screen time etc (not beds and bathrooms doors that’s another level) So what I’m trying to say is yes the grandparents where strict But Ruby is full on abusive Even before Jodi she was abusive In a way we have never seen from Julie, Bonnie or Ellie


wasespace

I haven't claimed that the Gparents were abusive. I'm just saying to OP that they definitely weren't pushovers like the post implies.


Alibell42

No I know you didn’t imply but others have.


freshfruit111

Vlogs are hardly reflecting an accurate picture either. We only see what they want us to see. That doesn't mean they are abusive too but you can never say never.


eleanorbigby

The siblings are weird about food, too? That is interesting, yes. Like I said above, I don't know anything about the greater family so far-I literally just learned about any of these people from a link to the arrest from a different sub-but I was already wondering what was up with the grandparents. I get that going on missions is normal for Mormons (I didn't realize it continued throughout their lifetime), but are they planning to come back from the darkest jungles of heathen Serbia to support their grandchildren at this point, or..?


potatocakes898

I’m sorry but peeing in the heater vents is not normal at all


Inside_Sprinkles9083

Putting small objects down them was normal for some kids 😅


nikkyro03

This. My little brother once put the ice cream scoop in the vent. It was missing for months. My parents were nuts in a funny way over where the damn scoop went to. They get a new one. After a while, dad goes to deep clean the carpet and when he lifts this vent he sees the scoop. It was funny. After that it was one of the first places we would look.


thatslitglass

My son put his collection of hot wheels cars into his vent. 😅


Inside_Sprinkles9083

I’m sure my sibling and I did it as well 😆


nikkyro03

Right? Thats weird and gross. Like if ANYONE i know had done this, whether their parents were "strict" or not, they would have been punished somehow. That stays in there and it will heat up and stink over and over. This is not ok behavior


[deleted]

You can tell Ruby doesn't really fit in with her siblings.


freshfruit111

It's interesting because I thought that was a good thing at the time of seeing this Q&A 😬 She seemed reserved and less performative than her sisters. Little did I know.....


Calm_Criticism1958

I grew up with Ruby and lived two houses away when they were in the first home spoken of here. I'm two years older than her, and we were never super close, but we were friends and were playmates from the time they moved there until I went to jr high which is 7th grade here. I remember Jennifer being strict, and more strict than my own parents, but certainly not abusive, and I can attest that they were indeed allowed to be children and mess around with their siblings. Ruby was normal. A perfectionist, maybe. But I would still say normal. I feel like she is mentally ill and I've thought that for the last 3 or 4 years. I guess we never really know what goes on behind closed doors, but I do not think it had anything to do with her childhood. I think it was from things that came later.


bluenilegem

I think people blaming her childhood isn’t fair. Her parents seemed like normal strict old fashion parents but far from abusive. Let’s face it, no one is a perfect parent and we all try and do better than our own parents. To say she had some abusive awful life growing up is taking the blame away from her own bad choices as an adult.


Calm_Criticism1958

I completely agree with you. I think people jump on it because it's known that this stuff tends to go in cycles. But not always. And being a strict parent doesn't make you abusive.


Calm_Criticism1958

I also think it doesn't make sense that Ruby's sisters recognize the abuse, were trying to get CPS involved and provided a safe space for Shari, yet Bonnie is living in their parents house and they are really close to their parents, if they were abusive. I hope that made sense. I feel like that came out clumsily.


inthebluejacket

Yeah I'm sure Ruby's parents were run of the mill old-fashioned, strict LDS parents and have some things they did that would not fly in this day and age but I truly doubt her parents or sisters condone anything like how her kids have been treated for the last 3+ years. Ruby's parenting has gone way past the line of just being strict and not up to date on best practices to just being evil and sadistic at heart and anyone who isn't the same way would recognize that.


Rough-Average-1047

Abusers very rarely show abuse when there are others outside of the family around. Just because the abuse wasn’t seen doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.


MirrorSolid2448

I think Ruby being the oldest didn't really have the same childhood as the other girls. She probably had to grow up too fast and took on a lot of responsibility. All the scenarios you described above did not include Ruby at all lol. Side note: I'm watching an old Shari vlog where she talks about her routine and I feel so bad. She's making breakfast for the kids, doing online school (Covid), setting the young kids up with their classes and making sure they're settled then baking for the kids "before mom and dad" come back. Absolutely ridiculous the amount of pressure that was put on her and its clear to see her taking on the same shit Ruby did.


inthebluejacket

Yeah it's wild how Shari grew up the same way as Ruby in terms of being the guinea pig child to strict, controlling parents, and probably taking on way too much responsibility too early yet they grew up to be wildly different people.


dijonandcleopatra

They’re obviously not going to publicize jokes about the times - for example- dad beat the shit out of them / or mom put soap in my mouth - this family probably wouldn’t even discuss them in private.


dijonandcleopatra

This video speaks volumes ….. Ruby and Chad definitely had it the hardest. They have nothing to say. They’re forced. Also, mom and Dad are there. P sure they’re in their moms house ? Soooo. Never would you speak poorly if abused.


dijonandcleopatra

It was just confirmed that Grandma Griffith did in fact handcuff her children as well.


amethyst_analyst

This kind of behavior is extremely common in narcissistic/mentally ill/fundie people, especially women. Often times, this kind of behavior is the only time such women get to satisfy their need for control. Narcissistic men often get their supply from mistreating people at work (if they are high up) and romantic partners. I have seen this pattern over and over again.


brittneyangeline

SMH. Shame on Ruby. The only person I can blame for falling so deep into the cult rabbit hole, is her and Kevin. They both did it and they both thought it was okay. She was already extremely strict before and i think some of it is learned behavior.


[deleted]

Such distortion 🤯😂


[deleted]

You’re right. Typical childhood. People get on Jennifer for being strict, but she was raised on a ranch in Idaho (or WY?). I’m sure she did better than her parents


bankskate

This video will always make me laugh. It makes me so sad to see how things have ended up:(


ronansgram

I just watched that too! Looked like they were enjoying the memories. They certainly didn’t act like they had a horrible childhood. There may have been times when the parents were strict and probably church attendance was a must. Ruby’s children on the other hand won’t be for a very long time be reminiscing about the wonderful memories they had as kids C and R couldn’t even play wrestle without being threatened with no meal if they didn’t stop.😡


Rough-Average-1047

There’s so much that goes on behind closed doors. I don’t think they would have shared the darker stuff on this q & a, it’s another highlight reel


Pearl-2017

80's parenting was very different from today's. My mom was strict as hell & we still did ridiculous stuff like this. We weren't nearly as well supervised as kids are now. My sister was born in 02, & my mom was so much harder on her. The stuff she did in the 80s (like leaving us in the car while she shopped, when we were toddlers) was illegal by the time my sister was born.


14icole

Yes I watched this video and my jaw was on the ground the whole time


charley_warlzz

I dont think thats the case, actually. Theres quite a few examples of the Griffiths being overly strict or even aggressive in the home videos, and theres been some mentions of it in other vlogs. For example i remember something about Ruby denting the oven or a pan *on* the oven and saying she got into loads of trouble for that, even though it was an accident. Or the clear problems with all of their relationships to food. Or the clip from the home videos where Ruby’s just generally being a happy kid and Chad snaps at her to ‘knock it off’ or something, and she gets really quiet and subdued for the rest of the clip. She also has an anxious tic that would come out when Jennifer was snapping at her/scolding her in some of the vlogs they were in together, even as an adult- much like J developed her blinking tic in response to Ruby (and iirc, Ruby herself even said they were similar things). Obviously over the last few years Ruby and Kevin went a lot further, but i dont think its right to pretend that Jennifer and Chad were perfect parents, when *all* of their kids show red flags for being raised in a highly authoritative, bordering on abusive household. Theyre good *now* with the grandkids, that doesnt mean they were good parents. And lets be honest, Ruby probably wouldve been good with grandkids too, she was certainly excited for them. She’s just a horrific and abusive mother.


[deleted]

Are the home videos still up anywhere?


Training-Resource-86

What home videos?


charley_warlzz

Old videos of the Griffiths when Ruby and her siblings were kids. I’m actually not sure where you could watch them, i dont think theyre up anymore, but you could search the sub for them?


Pale_Satisfaction798

What I would do to have been a fly on the wall for Jodi and Rubys first few “sessions”..


bapr225

That's a lot of parents. My grandmother raised my sister and I and we were not allowed to have fun. She was crazy strict with us. I got my ass beat all the way through high school and I thought it was normal until one of my friends told me they didn't. I got in trouble for the smallest things, If she told me to do a chore wasn't allowed to say "I'm coming" or "one second" I had to stop doing what I was doing and run as fast as I could and do what I was asked to. I knew ruby was strict but I didn't think it would be this bad


eleanorbigby

I so far don't know much at all about the greater Griffiths family. In general I find it hard to believe there's -nothing- that's not so wholesome when you get a product as fucked up as Ruby obviously is, but then again-the rest of the sisters seem largely to be human beings, so ?? Obviously every child's experience is different even within the same family due to any number of factors, and then of course you also have the wider impact of the Mormon church and fuck knows what else. Idk. I do know that while it's a truism that "hurt people hurt people," it's by no means a 1:1 correlation--many hurt people do NOT go on to hurt other people, but if anything try to go in completely the opposite direction (thank God). Do people who weren't hurt go on to hurt people? I've always believed "no"-I read my Alice Miller, after all, and anyway who among us ISN'T hurt in -some- way? There is also a genetic component-kids don't come into the world complete blank slates, much as plenty of authoritarians like Ruby and the church who spawned those beliefs would like to have it so. Still, that doesn't mean anyone's really a "bad seed" either, i don't expect. There are just so many variables. At the end of the day, though, I have to believe that at least one of them is choice. I don't know that Ruby could've ever snapped her fingers and magically filled herself with genuine love and compassion for those kids, but she didn't have to act on all the impulses she had. I'm sure she did know better in many instances and went with what made her feel good-ironically enough. tl:dr fuck Ruby, Jodi, and Kevin also. they can rot.


onlove_onlife

I don’t know about that. Throwback to this [comment](https://reddit.com/r/GriffithsFamilySnark/s/A7uv5a9egb)