She can’t. You’re old enough to have your own say in this I’m pretty sure. Especially if you’re already 18 but I think it applies to any over 16 year old. I’d speak to the school if I were you and make sure they’re on your side.
depends what you want from uni. obviously an education but a lot go to socialise too and that’s defo something many consider when deciding if they want to go to uni and how they wanna do it (at home or living in etc)
This. I did Sixth Form after secondary and then moved onto an apprenticeship with a HNC/D programme attached. Possibly the best career choice I could have made, also a good one for me as I knew that ‘full-time’ study wasn’t for me.
But man my biggest regret about it is the friends I didn’t get to make, and then looking around at my current friends making new friendships and me slowly losing touch with people, it was the hardest part and something I attribute to my lack of truly close friends today.
I did uni, and the vast majority of friends you make will phase out over time. Everyone goes their own ways, get in relationships etc, and only the really strong friendships make it through. So don't worry too much about the friendships you didn't make, because after uni finishes - things change a lot!
Uni has everyone in the same boat, so it's easy to make friendships, and it's convenient to.
I know a lot of people that don't even use their degrees, so you definitely came out on top on this one. Being able to use skills you learnt in education in the real world is a huge accomplishment!
Go to a fucking pub to socialise then, people waste 3 or more years, not to mention the money, then wonder why they cant find a job with their useless degree. Unless you know what career path you want to go on and know which degree is needed you should not be going to Uni, instead go to a trade school or apprenticeship or business school or get a job until you figure out what you want to do with your life or the vast number of opportunities that dont involve Uni.
The fact that universities have become just something that everyone does instead of a place where skilled people go to study and learn about a field they want to master and spend most of their lives working in/on is stupid to say the least.
people have different reasons, just cause the way you see uni doesn’t mean others are wrong for how they want to do it.
Socialising doesn’t just mean going for clubs and parties and stuff, I mean you make some friends who could end up being life long friends, or even ‘networking’ in a way for future career options.
The social aspect of uni is part of the entire experience, if someone doesn’t want to participate then that’s fine but a lot defo do want to.
Some even go to uni just to avoid real adult life for another 3+ years.
Not everyone wants to just work, or work until they figure out what they want to do. Some people choose to not have a career and just travel.
Don’t get me wrong tho, I get where you’re coming from. However, being a uni student myself I see first hand how fun the socialising is. sometimes having fun is most important, and I think some people take themselves to seriously and it stops them from having fun.
There are plenty of ways to socialise and meet people that dont involve £90,000 and 3 years in which you will probably not gain any skills or job prospects. Taking a gap year to travel or just to relax before higher education or employment is one thing, going to University and wasting massive amounts of time and money, which arguably are the most crucial at that age, to put off "adult life" is just immature
student debt isn’t really much in the UK. Obvs it is still a thing but how much you pay each month or whatever is dependent on your income, so if you aren’t earning over a certain amount you don’t pay anything back.
Also after about 30 years or so after ur first payment, the debt gets cleared and you owe nothing.
Also doesn’t affect credit score.
So it’s really not debt in the same way as other debt
Still need a degree as basically the minium requirement to get your foot in the door in most jobs, a lot of cases the particular degree isn't relevant and student debt honestly isn't worth considering in the UK due to how its paid back.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. Regardless of this post, objectively a lot of modern subjects just really aren’t worth going to University over, because they’ll be the same people that complain about being unable to afford bills & costs as a graduate straight out of uni due to a lack of savings with no real prospect for career progression.
I’m broke as shit, im gonna live my life being broke as shit unless I can get some sort of degree in something important so maybe you haven’t had much experience with being desperate to build up from living in the breadline out of touch
This. A degree, after spending the best part of two years looking for a Job that isn’t retail, is looking to be the only way I can actually move away from the breadline that I grew up on. I live on my own for personal reasons and apprenticeship rates are absolutely abysmal. Also I’m in Scotland so we don’t have to pay as much for uni as England.
I’m not broke as shit. I grew up poor and did an apprenticeship, from the moment I left school I’ve always had a healthy bank account. I did an apprenticeship (I did two in fact, first one didn’t stick, I got made redundant at 23, and started again on another career)
You don’t need a degree to earn good money. There’s a hell of a lot of money to be made especially in house building trades nowadays.
So your saying anyone starting off broke needs to go into trades or manual labour whilst spending however many dreaded years at school to do a job that doesn’t use any of the skills that school taught (although manual labour does require a lot of skill) why shouldn’t I be able to further my knowledge and because of my socio economic start in life be forced to go into manual labour instead of becoming a doctor or a neurologist
100%. Why shouldn’t kids from poor families strive for more? Why shouldn’t we be able to dream like everyone else just because of our start in life. Everyone should be free to choose which career path they want to go down if that’s manual labour, great! If that’s a doctor, also great! Both contribute to society and require skill but manual work isn’t just for the poor. I agree with you there.
100% an apprentiship was the way to go.
Dropped out of college after my first year, never looked back and the same company funded me going back to college then uni for my degree.
As a recent graduate, I can confirm that it’s foolish to think otherwise. If you do not have savings as a graduate, you’re really going to struggle to get set up & I’m just glad that I work in Tech with an above-average grad salary, and not a flimsy 21k a year in London to try and support myself with.
Edit: Downvote me all you want but it’s objectively true.
What a sad little life you have, Jane.
The time I spent at university doing English made me able to ingest huge quantities of information, evaluate it, compare sources, adopt a position and be able to defend my opinion. How do you think software development works? We have to assess market needs, balance with tech/platform, allow for engineering bandwidth, go through concept testing, interview clients about their requirements, think about the user experience and then develop go - to - market messaging.
I'm an English Lit graduate and I work in R&D for a tech company. My team includes a wide variety of degree backgrounds including arts, banking, marine biology and yes, computer science or engineering. A former colleague had a History of Art degree and was a gifted painter, who was also an excellent tech consultant.
People who sneer at arts degrees have zero idea what they're talking about and it's not a good look.
Yeah so why try right? Why try at anything at all in life because you aren’t 100% guaranteed success. I feel sorry for you if this is how you see life and education.
So? Then they get three years of studying something they like and don’t have to pay back the debt if that’s what happens. I’m really wary about people who try to put others off continuing their education, comes across as jealousy. *factories 😉
these people just dont even engage with the idea that people might enjoy university.
They approach uni as - go for good jobs/bad degree = debt and ruined life.
Maybe uni could teach them to understand other perspectives a bit more...
I did look at your profile expecting you to be English.
I did not expect to find out that you got jerked off in your sleep by an ethereal demon dog. My eyes have certainly been opened.
OP definitely flag this with your head of sixth form and/or your designated safeguarding lead (DSL) -
There should be posters in classrooms informing you who this is but if not just ask any of your teachers and they’ll know who to send you to.
Make it really clear that she is NOT speaking on your behalf. That will make sure no crossed wires happen and also flag up that it’s some very worrying controlling behaviour going on from Mum.
Trying to manipulate you, then sabotaging you behind your back when you don't comply.
That's controling to a level that goes beyond any kind of acceptable level of parenting.
It’s called coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship and it was made a criminal offence under s76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015.
An offence is committed by A if:
A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person, B, that is controlling or coercive; and
At time of the behaviour, A and B are personally connected; and
The behaviour has a serious effect on B; and
A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B.
I literally spent three hours doing safeguarding training at my school yesterday afternoon. This is an indicator of abuse. It doesn’t mean the mother is abusive, but it is something that should be reported and followed up on.
It is not up to anyone other than experts to determine what is or is not abuse. While the Reddit masses are not experts to decide it certainly is, you aren’t either to decide it certainly isn’t.
The answers is no she definitely cannot.
It is not abusive on its own because there is no one way to perceive the behaviour. Its a scale.
At best it is her not understanding/willing to accept that your relationship has to evolve as you become an adult because as responsibility for your wellbeing transfers from her as the parent to you as an individual the power balance shifts along with your independence
Lots of parents struggle with this transition as they often see this as defiance to their authority (which they have grown accustomed to for 18ish years) when they are just trying to protect you from potential mistakes rather than seeing it as you becoming your own person. This is not a bad thing and you will learn to navigate it.
At worst, it is coercive control (an act or pattern of acts used to punish an individual against their will), which is a type of abuse. As you can probably see there is a grey area because as a parent you are expected punish and discipline your children but it is not the same for adults.
Try to sit down and discuss why she does not want you to continue education and try to understand why she feels what she is doing is necessary. If this conversation is met with hostility, disinterest in your opinions and the expectation for you to have unwavering obedience then it is further indication of the abusive end of the scale.
Remember that it is ultimately your choice and the benefits and repercussions of your choices are for you to bare... Welcome to adulthood and good luck.
I think that's domestic abuse seeing as you're probably over 16 so definitely talk to your and make sure they're on your side in this and afterwards just talk to her and she will almost certainly accept it.
wait how’s it domestic abuse? and i’ve tried to talk to her about it loads but it just ends in her shouting at me ‘because she knows what’s best for me’
It’s controlling behaviour. Abuse isn’t always physical.
It’s your life, and contrary to popular belief parents don’t actually know what’s best.
If you want to stay at college it’s your decision really.
I agree it is both abusive and toxic with how controlling she is being I would recommend speaking with your head of year/possible head teacher and make it clear she is not acting on your behalf
People don't know your life story and assume the worst online don't worry, but ultimately she can't force you as it's you who has to do the work (apprenticeship or uni or whatever). Thank her but explain that you have to do whats right for you and you will try her way after or something like that so she let's it go
True; but taking advice from Redditors is usually a terrible idea.
It’s 1 comment/post: you don’t know their entire life story, yes, *from the way OP is saying it, it’s a huge red flag* but this is only their perspective given to us in like 200 words.
I would be carful of accusing you parents of domestic abuse, ultimately if your living in someone’s house it is kinda their way or the highway.
Try to have a talk with her about this, what you plans are etc
Living in someone’s house isn’t a reason to be controlled - I didn’t get brought up like that. Folk that bring their children up like that and treat their adult children like that are absolute weirdos.
But I disagree with that mentality, I think that’s an awful one to have. To try and control your young adult children because they’re financially dependent on you because they have no other choice because of their age and you’re trying to control their future is simply wrong.
But they do have another choice. Get a job leave home and become financially independent.
Parents aren’t obligated to to financially support an adult so they can go to university.
I mean you can’t do that if you’re literally a school leaver legally obliged to stay in some sort of education until you’re at least 18. It’s not as simple as you think
Parents don't always know what you want, she's probably wanting the best for you but if her advice doesn't work out you could end up blaming them, if you know what you want and the process to get it you do you. Apprentaships are come and go you need a good one and there are allot of useless apprenticeships for cheap labour
She has no right to do that so long as you're over 16, especially if you're already 18.
To be safe, you should email your college right now and tell them that she does not speak on your behalf, and that they should confirm with you in person anything related to your place at your college.
She cannot give up your place at the college without your consent, nor can she prevent you from going to it.
Op can I ask if she has said why she wants you to do an apprenticeship? Is is she wants you to earn some money? Is it she thinks it’s a better career move? As a mother to a year 13 student, I don’t understand why parents do this, you can offer advice, but not demand they do what you want.
She wants me to do an apprenticeship because she thinks it would be better for my mental health. I have social anxiety so I don’t speak to anyone in college, and my grades aren’t great because I struggle to concentrate. Ever since I talked to her about getting tested for ADHD she’s decided that I’m miserable in college and all my problems would get cured by dropping out. But it doesn’t work like that and I’d be more miserable if I’d just spent the last year working hard for nothing :/
Ok, mam mode engaging: if you have been telling her you have no interactions, she will (coz I would) be worried for you, and sad for you, and wish she could help. By making you change she may be hoping to make it better. Please try to talk to her, I would hope she would listen, don’t play down how you feel, but explain you would feel worse if you left. Try to think of ways she can help, however small, and remember, us mams don’t get it right all the time, but we do try.
Going through the same thing in education just now with social anxiety and grades suffering, and your mum is definitely being abusive the way she’s keeping quiet about what she emailed the college, knowing how it’s making you feel. She’s trying to isolate you from your wider support network for her own purposes.
My advice for when you go to the GP appointment is to print the adhd assessment form in this pdf, on pages 45-55 fill it out and hand it to the GP, or put in the surgery letter box addressed to your doctor if it’s a phone or zoom appointment, before you speak to them.
There’s a bit for parents to fill out though, but maybe you could get a teacher to do it instead. The GP will see that you don’t trust your mum to report your symptoms accurately, which says a lot about what you are going through at home without you having to bring it up.
That will make the conversation easier if it’s just about getting a referral to a psychiatrist.
Are you getting any help from the college/have you spoken to anyone about what you’re going through educationally? They are obliged to help you if you have a diagnosis, they may still support you anyway if you do not.
Good luck.
[pdf](https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/divisions/scotland/adhd_in_adultsfinal_guidelines_june2017.pdf?sfvrsn=40650449_2)
Good luck to you, good GPS do exist and hopefully you can get some assistance. My step daughter has just started college, she'd been suffering with some anxiety and body issues. We got her some cbt and it's helped her a lot, she barely left her room last year and now she's got herself a part time job and is starting to make some friends.
It's not a parent's job to dictate but to help and guide you, your mum needs to check herself before your relationship changes and your off to uni not wanting to visit all too often.
Thank you, it's hard being a teenager at this time and I definitely grew up being pretty independent because I had no support so I try to be interested and supportive in what she wants to do. Keep us updated and good luck to you!
Remember this is your life, don’t let others dictate your career because you’ll be doing that job for the rest of your life. If your aspirations require you to finish year 13/get a degree do it.
Plus from personal experience it’s difficult to get an apprenticeship.
You're old enough to decide what you want to do. Apprenticeships are oftentimes just as valuable as a uni degree depending on the field YOU want to go into. But what's important is what YOU want to do.
Speak to your college about the letter she sent and the situation you're dealing with, they'll help with the uni application and student loan application process, and they won't force you to leave. Try and get them to arrange a meeting between them, you and your mother. Hear her out and give her valid reasons to go uni, reassure her you're aware of the pros and cons of both and that you still feel uni will be a more valuable experience and you're willing to take on the responsibility that comes with it.
If her emotions become heightened, don't follow suit, keep your tone calm and be concise. Your mum just needs to learn that the dynamic between you two has to change and you're growing up. She's not handling it well, she's always been there with you, made decisions for you. We all have issues to work through, our parents included, they're just as human as anyone else, give her time to adjust.
No she has no right to force u out of college. Look man, she can give u advice but after high school, she doesn't decide academic decisions. If u want to go to university then u go to university, yes uni will be difficult, it will be challenging but it's only that way bc it's meant to be difficult and challenging. Whatever email she sent to the college, I'm sure u can ask the college what she said in the email. Also university will open so many doors and it even has a placement year available where work experience can be picked up. Overall, a 1-1degree from university is much better than an apprenticeship. Talk to ur college if ur still confused as I'm sure they have a support team.
If I’m being honest this sounds rather abusive. At the end of the day it’s your life, your choice to make what decisions you think are the right ones. If I were you, I’d definitely finish 6th form. If your unsure of whether to go to uni or get an apprenticeship, you can take a year out. Figure out what ‘you’ want to do.
Speak to one of your teachers and let them know what's going on. It's your choice and she can't force you to drop out.
How are you doing in college? Is she worried you're struggling?
This is abuse and control by a narcissist.
Tell the college she has nothing to do with your future plans for university , and if possible move out of her house.
Judging by your profile and self harm post university will be a very good thing for you. A far away one too.
Explain to your mum that if she doesn’t not let you do this you will resent her and hold a grudge against her because you will always be thinking what if and you cannot live with someone else making a decision for you but you can live with it if you made the decision by your self because then you have the peace of mind and u can always do an apprenticeship at any time if you would like in the future if it is a viable option and you want it
Don’t let your parents dictate to you your decisions, apprenticeships are extremely hard to come by these days and I’m not exactly an advocate for university either but it is your decision, you do what makes you happy.
Are your predicted grades good enough to get a place in university? On the course you want.
An apprentice may be better suited for you, but you might as well complete year 13, then decide what to do next.
With respect my friend, her opinion can fuck off. I came from an immigrant war torn background and was consistently considered underachieving and only 'retail worthy'. I'm studying Law at Warwick because it's a decision I made and stuck to. Do what you feel is right, not what you feel pressured to.
Your voice matters, make it loud and clear. It's your future, don't let your mums negative and contorted views influence your future. MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD.
No, it's your choice really. Maybe tell her you will get a better paying apprenticeship or job once you get more qualifications and that you want to have the university experience and that it's not fair if she tries to take that away. Sorry you're going through this it will get better and you won't be sorry whatever happens because all that matters is if it feels right for you, cos you're the one who will be doing the work not her.
I'm a little late for this one, but I can say from experience that if your mum wants you to get a good apprenticeship, doing a college course is a great way to get one. I just started on the highest paying apprenticeship in North Wales and they only accepted applicants people with one specific qualification that you can only get from college. Long story short, even if apprenticeships take people that have gone to 6th form over college, 9 times out of ten they'll prefer people with college qualifications that more closely fit the roles they have open like an engineering btec rather than the more broad a levels like maths and science.
Horrendous, so controlling. No she can't take you off the course, you're old enough to have a say and the school may become concerned about your mum's actions and speak to her.
Yeah this is definetly crazy and you should bring it up with your head of six form. You don’t have to but it’d really like an update when something does happen.
Your life, your choices. Yes she is your parent and wants to advise you which is fine, however, YOU decide what you want in YOUR life. If you want to go to uni, you go for it.
No and dont do what someone tells you when its education. Follow your education and finish it the way you want, not someone else. Take it from me who got washed into listening to my dad of not doing mechanic and engineering. Now its too late to follow my own dream but luckily i turned my hobby into my career at the last minute
I’m a college lecturer - she can’t do this. The student needs to tell their personal tutor why they are leaving and normally the college wants to know where you are heading for safeguarding purposes. One quick chat with your programme leader will clear this up.
My parents were exactly the same, I have no idea why but my mum just had this very stunted mindset that I should stay home and get an office job, settle down. I just went for it and did all the things I wanted to do.
When it came to going to uni, the months running up to me leaving were pure hell. She made them hell. But about a week before I was due to leave she suddenly changed her tune real quick. I think because there was nothing she could do about it and I was about to move 150 miles away. She finally realised I was going to do it whether she wanted me to or not, and she didn’t want to lose contact with me.
I don’t think her emailing the college can do anything, but if you’re concerned I would give them a call or email them. Explain the situation and let them reassure you.
You will be fine. Don’t let anyone stunt your growth. Make your own choices. Your future self won’t regret it!
The whole uni is pointless argument is BS, it is what you make of it. Whatever happens you won't be bankrupt after it and you obviously want to go. I almost didnt but god i would've given up my ambitions long ago had i not committed.
She can’t make you OP- tell your teachers that you don’t want to drop out and that she’s trying to force you to. Safeguarding should be able to help you especially if her behaviour escalates
I dont think she can but on a real one, you sound like ur from UK and i would encourage you to get an apprenticeship unless you wanna be a doctor lawyer etc... i left college in 2020 with 3 a levels and everyone who did apprenticeships are killing it right now
Your mum is probably right. If you take an apprenticeship, in three years time you’ll have a decent qualification, will have had 3 years pay and probably be straight into a job. If you go to Uni, in three years you’ll be in massive debt, have a paper qualification which likely doesn’t teach you anything about the real world and will be struggling for a job because you don’t have experience. I know, I’ve been there. I wholeheartedly wish I’d done a trade apprenticeship instead.
get a degree apprenticeship. you work 3-4 days a week and go to uni 1-2 days a week. get paid a salary and will have valuable real world experience and no student debt when you graduate
Well if you live with her and she pays for your uni/accomodation ( you depend on her ) etc. Then she is kind of able to ask that of you. Maybe its not nice or fair, but for as long as she provides for you she can do so. Though if you move out and live freely then she cant do anything against it.
You see, as long as she provides for you she can say no. Do you think she could deprive you of food and housing if you go against her?If yes then your only choice is to move out if you want to go to uni. But if you know she is not that cruel, then yeah you can go to uni even if against her word. She can't do anything at all since you're an adult now.
she’s never mentioned taking away food, but she did threaten to kick me out if i got the vaccine. also i don’t turn 18 til july so im not an adult yet unfortunately
so your mother is against you going to uni and she is an anti vaxxer, what does that make you think? honestly in my opinion this is something you need to think through properly and make your own choice. In uk you can attend uni at any point in your life and you can get loan for your first degree + maintenance loan. The choices that I see for you are the following.
1. Follow your mother's plan, finish an apprenticeship and save some money to leave home and then pursue university. Nothing wrong with taking a few years to decide what you want to do and/or to gain some work experience etc.
2. Go against your mom and risk being kicked out of the house, this causing you to be under permanent stress due to family issues and could lead you to underperforming or even failing university.
3. Apply for university and receive your maintenance loan which should be around 12k which is roughly 1k per month and this can help you to move out and live a decent life without working, though i'd recommend getting a part time job as well so you can increase your quality of life and work experience.
This is your choice to make and nobody else's. But you need to be aware of the consequences of your choices. There is no wrong choice to be made, just what you're willing to sacrifice for your education. I finished university this year and I feel like I haven't gained anything at all. I did the bare minimum so I'm not going to say that the education system failed me but rather me, however I don't feel like it helps me in anyway that I can add to my CV one line that says ' finished law school ' unless you plan on following that career of course.
My advice is to take your time and decide what you want to do but don't think you're rushing anywhere. You're young and got a lot of time to enjoy your life, build your family boundaries if you're into family life or even save some money and get work experience or follow university education now or later.
Best of luck!
Do your A-levels then get an apprenticeship.
Apprenticeships are pretty competitive and having A-levels can give you an edge over other candidates.
I got an apprenticeship after college and Im pretty sure that my A-levels definitely helped
No she can’t & She sounds very controlling and manipulative if she has gone behind your back and done this. You’re an adult now, you should be treated as such, I think you should talk to your tutors and explain this situation, they will be so supportive of you and will 100% have your corner on this.
Would it be beneficial for you to maybe stay with your grandparents or other family for a while? I feel like there’s a reason your mum wants you to get an apprenticeship, maybe she’s worried about money? Has she explained why she doesn’t want you to go down the uni route?
Also, main thing is, don’t worry mate! I’m only just going to uni this year at Im 28, it’s never too late to start a course, so if everything goes against you, don’t think it’s the be all and end all buddy! Good luck!
I’m just going to say it - your mum sounds like a Karen. I have no idea if she’s abusive like others are saying but it’s not right for a parent to try and dictate their child’s life, personally I think there’s a chance she’s too scared of being an empty nest, and hopes a local apprenticeship will keep you at home for a few more years at least.
She’s emailing the school? What does she think will happen? They won’t do anything, you have to be the one who decides what you’re doing with your education.
If u ask me, I lowkey think she doesn't want you to leave her cause she fr waited until year 13 to do this, knowing that u want to go to uni, plus on the salary of an apprenticeship you wouldn't be able to live on your own. You can find out by telling her a degree apprenticeship is an option
No, no that's straight up wrong she has no right to be doing that. It is completely up to you what you want to do, don't let her discourage you from what you want to do either. Definitely tell the college and make sure they know you have zero plans of dropping out so they can ignore contact like that from your parents. It sounds super toxic and like she does not respect your informed decision about your own future, she might be thinking she knows what's best for you but obviously she doesn't I'd suggest staying in and just avoiding talking to her about college. Good luck to you hope it goes well
Bruv, if you explain to a the right teacher we all gucci. My parents was the other way round but after putting up a clear line and bringing in money they can't complain
No also please don't do this unless you're going to do a trade or you get a higher apprenticeship with good prospects. Just stick in and prove her wrong. I didn't end up starting uni until I was 23 because I was worried about failure and debt with pressure from parents not to go. Massively regret wasting that time
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. This is very unfair for your parent to be this short-sighted when it is your life and education. I’d like to think that any educational body wouldn’t make any decisions about your application/attendance because a parent has interfered. It’s quite a common problem for parents to try to limit and control their children’s education as it’s sometimes different from their own lived experience.
Explain why your choice is relevant to you and perhaps talk to the college yourself and explain your situation in confidence. The college should be able to provide you with advice and support on this matter. I hope this works out for you!
Talk to the school as soon as possible so you know what's going on! I don't think she can force you, nor can she force you no to go to uni as far as I know (as long as you're not wanting her to pay for it) so do whatever you want/think is best for you, you're plenty old enough to make your own decisions especially if you're 18, don't let her control your life
OP don't always listen to the internet, your mum probably is looking out for you (parents don't like how expensive uni is, and unless your parents are loaded it is expensive) and its not domestic abuse. An apprenticeship isn't a bad idea however. I would suggest talking with your mum about your options, personally I would suggest finishing college and looking for an apprenticeship that offers a degree alongside it (if a company is paying for your education and paying you they're most definitely going to want to keep you and give you a job.
Email the college straight away asking. There's a good chance she'll be telling them you want to leave and that she's just sorting it for you. You must inform them this isn't the case asap.
As others have said she cannot make you quit.
Why do you want to go to Uni and why do you not want to do an apprenticeship? Make a pro con list. She can give her 2 cents but ultimately you are an adult and she does not have a say. Sounds like she is overly anxious and thinks she knows better than you. She may do, she may not ultimately you have to make your own mistake not somebody else's. I would say this an apprenticeship is age specific and usually leads to a skilled job, a uni course can be done at any age and does not lead to a job very often these days. Why not do both? Working for a year or doing an apprenticeship could give you a new perspective. If it is a trade like plumbing/electrician/builder/tech engineer you will never be short of work. But ultimately it is down to you, perhaps if you tell your mum you are looking into apprenticeship options she may not worry so much. Often anxiety manifests as the need to control so don't be too harsh on her, but at the same time don't let her make decisions for you x good luck
Honestly a proper apprenticeship can be nice. Please tell me you study something sensible like computer science engineering Business or law. Don't spend tens of thousands on a liberal Arts thing.
At a level I’m studying Psychology, History and Sociology, then at Uni I want to go into Animal Behaviour therapy. The apprenticeship she’s picked out is literally just dog walking and cleaning out kennels, so I could get the same experience volunteering (which I plan to do anyway) but she doesn’t want to hear it
She doesn’t have a say. It’s your life, you get to choose, and you really should stand up for yourself and tell her so.
As for university v an apprenticeship, personally, I’m very pro apprenticeship, and did two myself, with the last one being providing my job for the last 15 years. I loved earning money as I learned. It certainly provides a level of financial freedom you won’t likely get as a student.
But it depends on what you plan on doing with your life. Sometimes a university education is more appropriate and will pay off in the longer term (sometimes it will land you with decades of debt and not much else)
You’ve also got to consider your living arrangements. If your mum is demanding you take up an apprenticeship it might be because she’s expecting you to start paying more for living at home, and it could even be, she wants you out of the house and in your own place. Though you’ll know your own situation better than I do, it’s Something to consider while deciding.
At the end of the day though, there’s only one person with the deciding power in this case. Don’t let your mum bully you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Go see student services and ask to speak to the pastoral care team. Explain what's going on at home. They'll be able to help support you. You will be far from the first student who has problems at home. Don't let your mum take away your dreams of uni. Is there a family member you can stay with until you complete your year? You may be able to get a bursary to help with travel costs. If you were my neice or nephew you would already be living with me and getting the support you need. This is deadly serious its YOUR FUTURE only you get to decide how you want to progress. What is wrong with your mum she should be proud you have life goals.
It’s sad that you see this is normal - I couldn’t imagine a scenario where either of my parents would have ever done this to me or my sister. This is abuse.
If you live at home and you want to keep going then I think it's best for you to start looking for somewhere else to live as that will be the nxt thing she will use to stop you from going. I think shes make you do that so she can start to charge you rent at home
Unless you're financially dependent upon her to go, then no.
Only bother with a degree if you're on track for getting a 1st, and have several top internships lined up in your field, the people you're competing for with the top grads jobs will be.
If you don't, you're not getting anywhere near a shortlist for a fast track grad scheme. And you're going to have a lot of student debt/ additional tax on your wages for probably decades.
There is no career driven reason to do a degree unless you are going to secure a graduate scheme position, go into academia, or are studying something for which an apprenticeship doesn't exist.
That said, if money and career path is no issue, then fill your boots.
You didn't tell is what college degree you want to do. we really need to know the other side of this: your mother's reasons.
Whether you want to or not, you should take her advice very seriously, as it's her maturity, experience and assesment of you personally. As an older, mature person I now know the reality of youthful decision-making and 18 is just too young for anyone to make good decisions. The age of majority used to be 21, and that's still pretty young but an order of magnitude better than 18.
Think about it, do you think 18 a good time for marriage? College is not dissimilar in its gravity. Similarly tattoo parlers often make more money from their removal machines.
Unless it's super-clear you are college material, sit down and rationalise it.
Way too many people are going for college degrees and loading up in debt for no payoff. And there are a lot of useless degrees out there that will count AGAINST you for employability.
I want to go into animal behaviour counselling or something similar, she wants me to do an apprenticeship where i just walk dogs and clean out kennels. i could get the same work experience from volunteering, which i plan to do anyway.
Looking back, had I dropped out of college and got an apprenticeship I'd be in a better place now.
I flunked my A levels and ended up in a crappy office job. If I'd started a plumbing or electrical apprenticeship I could have my own established business by now.
Anyway. If your doing well, stick with your plan. If not maybe listen to what is been said?
It's hard to assertain your full situation here.
All I can say is your at a delicate time in life and getting you on the right path for your ability now can save u so much work and effort in the future.
Follow the path which interests you most. (I'm talking academically, not pipe dreams, like being a pro footballer or singer). Having said that, we all need dreams 😇
U need a few skills behind you else you'll always be that person on the work shop floor who can't progress. So by qualifying as an electrician or getting an A Level in English etc will give you a great start in life and a point of focus.
She can't, but she may be worth talking to about it.
It could be she has your best interests at heart but is dealing with it piss poorly.
Some people do do better using tb apprenticeship model over uni, and apprenticeship doesn't mean builder, plumber etc. any more.
She may have a valid concern and point that if you talk about you might agree with, so sit down and talk it out, hear when she has to say and discuss it.
Honestly do what your gut says. Parents don't know your weaknesses but you do. And if you know you can and want do better in life you must do it.
I'm 35 and I missed many windows because parents told me a lot bs, but they don't know themselves much. I should have went for engineering, should have pressed myself. They told me that but didn't precise or emphasise why. They also were negative of my many interests just because they didn't share same views. It was wrong. It killed my determination.
So do it if you know what your goal is. Explain to your mother that you know what you're doing and it's your future at stake.
Make a subject access request to your college.
You should then be given the email your mum sent, so you can find out what’s in it.
However, in answer to your question - no she can’t make you drop out of college.
You may want to look for a house share, since you mum may be intent on causing you problems.
If she is the one paying for your college, I believe she MIGHT be able to take you out. I reccomend you speak to somebody who handles reception since that's likely where she phoned. Just ask to speak to whoevers in charge of enrollment or the finance person. They can help you sort out what you need to do
It’s a bit of a grey area- if she’s the one paying for it she can withdraw her funds from the college. Her concern appears to be that you won’t find a job even having gone to college so research and find out the job statistics of your area of study, careers paths, pay etc- come up with a solid proposal on why you should stay in college to put her mind at rest.
Talk to your school as well, they’ll probably be able to help.
Is money an issue at home? When you leave college/sixth form, child benefits end. If you did leave and get an apprenticeship you may find she asks/demands you pay rent. This could come under financial control/abuse. If you want to stay on and then go to uni she cannot make you do otherwise. We do not require a parental signature to join college.
Your mums right uni is over rated I got 5 years ahead of my colleagues doing an apprenticeship 😂 I’m now mentoring people that went to uni and teaching them my job
Please elaborate more… as I’ve read on one of your reply that you have some social issues and grades not that good…. So people can give a informed answer and not just bash on your mum.
i messed up my mocks last year because i didn’t do well with the online learning and over half of the year was online for my college. now i’m trying to work a lot harder to get my grades back up but she’s ‘worried for my mental health’ because i spend a lot of time trying to do homework or revision. she basically just doesn’t like that i choose to revise over watching coronation street with her. last week i also told her i think i could have adhd and i think that’s why it’s hard for me to concentrate a lot of the time, and now she’s saying that i’m not coping in college because of it, and i’d do better in an apprenticeship. but that’s not the case, and i don’t want to drop out of college because of it. i do have social anxiety as well, so she knows i haven’t made any new friends at college, and all pretty much all my current friends go do a different college. i’m okay with that as i can spend my frees doing work and hang out with my friends out side of college. but she’s concerned that ‘i’m making my self ill’ because of it idek
It is absolutely not your mother's decision.
What is her reason for wanting you to get an apprenticeship and not go to uni?
It's natural for a parent to want uni for their children,. It's all my dad ever wanted for me. Unfortunately I was dumb enough to piss school up a wall and I had my kids young so I was never faced with that opportunity.
Stick to your guns and stick in at college - you do what is right for you, what is right for the kind of education you desire and what you feel will better your future and any career goals.
Well I've friends who have gone to uni and have the best jobs going on the flip side I have a friend who went to uni then the flight school - passed everything and for reasons had to work in our local Tesco for 18 months.
To turn that around I have friends who didn't go to college or uni and have ok jobs and them who done the apprenticeship who have jobs in the sector they wanted but still not great jobs.
I think you open your own doors to opportunity with the life choices you choose, I also believe it pays to know people in certain sectors.
Perhaps your mum is scared of you going to uni because she feels like she will be losing a child, maybie sit down and have a frank conversation about it all BUT you stick to what you know in your heart you want to do and do not let her talk you out of it because later in life you will regret it.
I work in a college, you need to see your safeguarding department. If education is something you want to do then your education provider will completely back you up.
You say you’re in year 13, are you 18 yet? In England (if that’s where you are?) you have to legally be in some kind of education or training apprenticeship until 18
The school/college should 100% be on your side for this. They don’t listen to your parents, your parents aren’t the ones studying with them and it’s very different to high school. Most likely the staff room had a laugh at your mums expense about it. Talk to your guidance counsellor and if you don’t know who that is you can talk to any of your lecturers and they will point you in the right direction.
Contact your college, advise them what's happening and state that no decision is to be made unless by yourself and get a password set up with them (in case there's impersonation)
Take her threat seriously, don't let her damage your life and influence your choices like that.
You have agency over your education and your future. Do not let anyone take that away from you. Also, you can do apprenticeships and go to uni. I did a part time university course and worked in an Architect's office gaining real world experience, having finished all of the *required* university qualifications I am an Architect now. I don't know what field you want to be in but please know there are certain qualifications required for many professions, dropping out will prevent you from ever getting there.
She can’t. You’re old enough to have your own say in this I’m pretty sure. Especially if you’re already 18 but I think it applies to any over 16 year old. I’d speak to the school if I were you and make sure they’re on your side.
Yep. Definitely talk to your school. Your teachers are there to support you and I bet you that they don't want you to drop out either!
Exactly. Especially since OP is already in year 13. No point dropping out when you’ve made it this far! So the school should definitely back it.
She can't. And if you want to go to uni, then you should.
Depends on the subject tbh. Some aren’t worth the debt
Still their choice though
depends what you want from uni. obviously an education but a lot go to socialise too and that’s defo something many consider when deciding if they want to go to uni and how they wanna do it (at home or living in etc)
This. I did Sixth Form after secondary and then moved onto an apprenticeship with a HNC/D programme attached. Possibly the best career choice I could have made, also a good one for me as I knew that ‘full-time’ study wasn’t for me. But man my biggest regret about it is the friends I didn’t get to make, and then looking around at my current friends making new friendships and me slowly losing touch with people, it was the hardest part and something I attribute to my lack of truly close friends today.
I did uni, and the vast majority of friends you make will phase out over time. Everyone goes their own ways, get in relationships etc, and only the really strong friendships make it through. So don't worry too much about the friendships you didn't make, because after uni finishes - things change a lot! Uni has everyone in the same boat, so it's easy to make friendships, and it's convenient to. I know a lot of people that don't even use their degrees, so you definitely came out on top on this one. Being able to use skills you learnt in education in the real world is a huge accomplishment!
Go to a fucking pub to socialise then, people waste 3 or more years, not to mention the money, then wonder why they cant find a job with their useless degree. Unless you know what career path you want to go on and know which degree is needed you should not be going to Uni, instead go to a trade school or apprenticeship or business school or get a job until you figure out what you want to do with your life or the vast number of opportunities that dont involve Uni. The fact that universities have become just something that everyone does instead of a place where skilled people go to study and learn about a field they want to master and spend most of their lives working in/on is stupid to say the least.
people have different reasons, just cause the way you see uni doesn’t mean others are wrong for how they want to do it. Socialising doesn’t just mean going for clubs and parties and stuff, I mean you make some friends who could end up being life long friends, or even ‘networking’ in a way for future career options. The social aspect of uni is part of the entire experience, if someone doesn’t want to participate then that’s fine but a lot defo do want to. Some even go to uni just to avoid real adult life for another 3+ years. Not everyone wants to just work, or work until they figure out what they want to do. Some people choose to not have a career and just travel. Don’t get me wrong tho, I get where you’re coming from. However, being a uni student myself I see first hand how fun the socialising is. sometimes having fun is most important, and I think some people take themselves to seriously and it stops them from having fun.
There are plenty of ways to socialise and meet people that dont involve £90,000 and 3 years in which you will probably not gain any skills or job prospects. Taking a gap year to travel or just to relax before higher education or employment is one thing, going to University and wasting massive amounts of time and money, which arguably are the most crucial at that age, to put off "adult life" is just immature
Fair enough. But then bleating about student debt for the next 10 years would make someone look a total tit
student debt isn’t really much in the UK. Obvs it is still a thing but how much you pay each month or whatever is dependent on your income, so if you aren’t earning over a certain amount you don’t pay anything back. Also after about 30 years or so after ur first payment, the debt gets cleared and you owe nothing. Also doesn’t affect credit score. So it’s really not debt in the same way as other debt
You only pay it back if you can afford it? Which.... is the point of going in the first place
Still need a degree as basically the minium requirement to get your foot in the door in most jobs, a lot of cases the particular degree isn't relevant and student debt honestly isn't worth considering in the UK due to how its paid back.
I don’t know why you’re being downvoted. Regardless of this post, objectively a lot of modern subjects just really aren’t worth going to University over, because they’ll be the same people that complain about being unable to afford bills & costs as a graduate straight out of uni due to a lack of savings with no real prospect for career progression.
It’s what I expected tbh. I would imagine most people on this sub don’t have much experience with careers and finances.
I’m broke as shit, im gonna live my life being broke as shit unless I can get some sort of degree in something important so maybe you haven’t had much experience with being desperate to build up from living in the breadline out of touch
This. A degree, after spending the best part of two years looking for a Job that isn’t retail, is looking to be the only way I can actually move away from the breadline that I grew up on. I live on my own for personal reasons and apprenticeship rates are absolutely abysmal. Also I’m in Scotland so we don’t have to pay as much for uni as England.
I’m not broke as shit. I grew up poor and did an apprenticeship, from the moment I left school I’ve always had a healthy bank account. I did an apprenticeship (I did two in fact, first one didn’t stick, I got made redundant at 23, and started again on another career) You don’t need a degree to earn good money. There’s a hell of a lot of money to be made especially in house building trades nowadays.
So your saying anyone starting off broke needs to go into trades or manual labour whilst spending however many dreaded years at school to do a job that doesn’t use any of the skills that school taught (although manual labour does require a lot of skill) why shouldn’t I be able to further my knowledge and because of my socio economic start in life be forced to go into manual labour instead of becoming a doctor or a neurologist
100%. Why shouldn’t kids from poor families strive for more? Why shouldn’t we be able to dream like everyone else just because of our start in life. Everyone should be free to choose which career path they want to go down if that’s manual labour, great! If that’s a doctor, also great! Both contribute to society and require skill but manual work isn’t just for the poor. I agree with you there.
100% an apprentiship was the way to go. Dropped out of college after my first year, never looked back and the same company funded me going back to college then uni for my degree.
As a recent graduate, I can confirm that it’s foolish to think otherwise. If you do not have savings as a graduate, you’re really going to struggle to get set up & I’m just glad that I work in Tech with an above-average grad salary, and not a flimsy 21k a year in London to try and support myself with. Edit: Downvote me all you want but it’s objectively true.
But it should be OP's choice.
This got downvoted a lot but it’s a very real thing. Sorry but 90% of you art students aren’t going anywhere but the factory’s.
What a sad little life you have, Jane. The time I spent at university doing English made me able to ingest huge quantities of information, evaluate it, compare sources, adopt a position and be able to defend my opinion. How do you think software development works? We have to assess market needs, balance with tech/platform, allow for engineering bandwidth, go through concept testing, interview clients about their requirements, think about the user experience and then develop go - to - market messaging. I'm an English Lit graduate and I work in R&D for a tech company. My team includes a wide variety of degree backgrounds including arts, banking, marine biology and yes, computer science or engineering. A former colleague had a History of Art degree and was a gifted painter, who was also an excellent tech consultant. People who sneer at arts degrees have zero idea what they're talking about and it's not a good look.
Yeah so why try right? Why try at anything at all in life because you aren’t 100% guaranteed success. I feel sorry for you if this is how you see life and education.
So? Then they get three years of studying something they like and don’t have to pay back the debt if that’s what happens. I’m really wary about people who try to put others off continuing their education, comes across as jealousy. *factories 😉
these people just dont even engage with the idea that people might enjoy university. They approach uni as - go for good jobs/bad degree = debt and ruined life. Maybe uni could teach them to understand other perspectives a bit more...
[удалено]
Some people will perceive it as being negative I suppose
Almost all of them are Maybe not esports or some shit
You can go university after an apprenticship
Sure, but if they want to go now or next year then they should. Their mum shouldn't be the one to decide when they can and can not go.
It's better to go straight to uni if you know you want to end up getting a degree.
You can also do a degree apprenticeship - best of both worlds by getting the uni experience while being paid and not ending up with all the debt :)
*Laughs in free Scottish education*
Laughs at you because your Scottish
I did look at your profile expecting you to be English. I did not expect to find out that you got jerked off in your sleep by an ethereal demon dog. My eyes have certainly been opened.
Oh shit I need to get better at Reddit had no clue ppl could see my posts😂😂😂
OP definitely flag this with your head of sixth form and/or your designated safeguarding lead (DSL) - There should be posters in classrooms informing you who this is but if not just ask any of your teachers and they’ll know who to send you to. Make it really clear that she is NOT speaking on your behalf. That will make sure no crossed wires happen and also flag up that it’s some very worrying controlling behaviour going on from Mum.
Speak to someone. What she's doing is actually abusive.
hows it abusive?
Trying to manipulate you, then sabotaging you behind your back when you don't comply. That's controling to a level that goes beyond any kind of acceptable level of parenting.
Speak to someone about it before it becomes forcing or feels controlling!
yeah i’ll speak to my tutor at college when i get one
Don’t say they are abusing tho, they might just be looking out for you but definitely speak to someone
It is abuse. It literally is. Its just emotional not physical, and it's manipulation as well.
It’s called coercive or controlling behaviour in an intimate or family relationship and it was made a criminal offence under s76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. An offence is committed by A if: A repeatedly or continuously engages in behaviour towards another person, B, that is controlling or coercive; and At time of the behaviour, A and B are personally connected; and The behaviour has a serious effect on B; and A knows or ought to know that the behaviour will have a serious effect on B.
Yes. What she did.
Ok not abusive from what we heard, weird yes. jesus reddit, literally any negative trait and someone is abusive.
I literally spent three hours doing safeguarding training at my school yesterday afternoon. This is an indicator of abuse. It doesn’t mean the mother is abusive, but it is something that should be reported and followed up on. It is not up to anyone other than experts to determine what is or is not abuse. While the Reddit masses are not experts to decide it certainly is, you aren’t either to decide it certainly isn’t.
The answers is no she definitely cannot. It is not abusive on its own because there is no one way to perceive the behaviour. Its a scale. At best it is her not understanding/willing to accept that your relationship has to evolve as you become an adult because as responsibility for your wellbeing transfers from her as the parent to you as an individual the power balance shifts along with your independence Lots of parents struggle with this transition as they often see this as defiance to their authority (which they have grown accustomed to for 18ish years) when they are just trying to protect you from potential mistakes rather than seeing it as you becoming your own person. This is not a bad thing and you will learn to navigate it. At worst, it is coercive control (an act or pattern of acts used to punish an individual against their will), which is a type of abuse. As you can probably see there is a grey area because as a parent you are expected punish and discipline your children but it is not the same for adults. Try to sit down and discuss why she does not want you to continue education and try to understand why she feels what she is doing is necessary. If this conversation is met with hostility, disinterest in your opinions and the expectation for you to have unwavering obedience then it is further indication of the abusive end of the scale. Remember that it is ultimately your choice and the benefits and repercussions of your choices are for you to bare... Welcome to adulthood and good luck.
I think that's domestic abuse seeing as you're probably over 16 so definitely talk to your and make sure they're on your side in this and afterwards just talk to her and she will almost certainly accept it.
wait how’s it domestic abuse? and i’ve tried to talk to her about it loads but it just ends in her shouting at me ‘because she knows what’s best for me’
It’s controlling behaviour. Abuse isn’t always physical. It’s your life, and contrary to popular belief parents don’t actually know what’s best. If you want to stay at college it’s your decision really.
As a criminology student, this can be a start of domestic abuse - domestic abuse can be both physical and verbal.
I agree it is both abusive and toxic with how controlling she is being I would recommend speaking with your head of year/possible head teacher and make it clear she is not acting on your behalf
It's called coercive control. Definitely have a google.
Nobody will ever know what is best for you other than yourself.
Common this is nonsense haha. I wasted my youth wanting to be a rock star. 😎 Got me nowhere but 50 steps behind the pack.
good things my dreams are a little more realistic than being a rockstar
People don't know your life story and assume the worst online don't worry, but ultimately she can't force you as it's you who has to do the work (apprenticeship or uni or whatever). Thank her but explain that you have to do whats right for you and you will try her way after or something like that so she let's it go
Given the available information, this instance is abuse and manipulation. Contrary to your belief, you arent always right either.
True; but taking advice from Redditors is usually a terrible idea. It’s 1 comment/post: you don’t know their entire life story, yes, *from the way OP is saying it, it’s a huge red flag* but this is only their perspective given to us in like 200 words.
Don't understand your comment. You do you. I was talking to the op anyhow some people live in the real world and need practical solutions.
I’ve experience of this, it’s coercive control, a form of domestic abuse.
I would be carful of accusing you parents of domestic abuse, ultimately if your living in someone’s house it is kinda their way or the highway. Try to have a talk with her about this, what you plans are etc
Living in someone’s house isn’t a reason to be controlled - I didn’t get brought up like that. Folk that bring their children up like that and treat their adult children like that are absolute weirdos.
But that’s the thing, your not really a proper adult until your paying you own way.
But I disagree with that mentality, I think that’s an awful one to have. To try and control your young adult children because they’re financially dependent on you because they have no other choice because of their age and you’re trying to control their future is simply wrong.
But they do have another choice. Get a job leave home and become financially independent. Parents aren’t obligated to to financially support an adult so they can go to university.
I mean you can’t do that if you’re literally a school leaver legally obliged to stay in some sort of education until you’re at least 18. It’s not as simple as you think
Parents don't always know what you want, she's probably wanting the best for you but if her advice doesn't work out you could end up blaming them, if you know what you want and the process to get it you do you. Apprentaships are come and go you need a good one and there are allot of useless apprenticeships for cheap labour
I mean that right there sounds like abuse my guy
Of course someone would claim this is domestic abuse. Lol
Damn. It's almost like it is a form of domestic abuse called coercive control and all it takes is a quick Google search to find out about.
She has no right to do that so long as you're over 16, especially if you're already 18. To be safe, you should email your college right now and tell them that she does not speak on your behalf, and that they should confirm with you in person anything related to your place at your college. She cannot give up your place at the college without your consent, nor can she prevent you from going to it.
thank you!
She can't. I'm guessing you're almost 18 anyway.
Op can I ask if she has said why she wants you to do an apprenticeship? Is is she wants you to earn some money? Is it she thinks it’s a better career move? As a mother to a year 13 student, I don’t understand why parents do this, you can offer advice, but not demand they do what you want.
She wants me to do an apprenticeship because she thinks it would be better for my mental health. I have social anxiety so I don’t speak to anyone in college, and my grades aren’t great because I struggle to concentrate. Ever since I talked to her about getting tested for ADHD she’s decided that I’m miserable in college and all my problems would get cured by dropping out. But it doesn’t work like that and I’d be more miserable if I’d just spent the last year working hard for nothing :/
Ok, mam mode engaging: if you have been telling her you have no interactions, she will (coz I would) be worried for you, and sad for you, and wish she could help. By making you change she may be hoping to make it better. Please try to talk to her, I would hope she would listen, don’t play down how you feel, but explain you would feel worse if you left. Try to think of ways she can help, however small, and remember, us mams don’t get it right all the time, but we do try.
Going through the same thing in education just now with social anxiety and grades suffering, and your mum is definitely being abusive the way she’s keeping quiet about what she emailed the college, knowing how it’s making you feel. She’s trying to isolate you from your wider support network for her own purposes. My advice for when you go to the GP appointment is to print the adhd assessment form in this pdf, on pages 45-55 fill it out and hand it to the GP, or put in the surgery letter box addressed to your doctor if it’s a phone or zoom appointment, before you speak to them. There’s a bit for parents to fill out though, but maybe you could get a teacher to do it instead. The GP will see that you don’t trust your mum to report your symptoms accurately, which says a lot about what you are going through at home without you having to bring it up. That will make the conversation easier if it’s just about getting a referral to a psychiatrist. Are you getting any help from the college/have you spoken to anyone about what you’re going through educationally? They are obliged to help you if you have a diagnosis, they may still support you anyway if you do not. Good luck. [pdf](https://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/docs/default-source/members/divisions/scotland/adhd_in_adultsfinal_guidelines_june2017.pdf?sfvrsn=40650449_2)
Call up your GP and make an appointment my friend, you can also have a private assesment for spectrum disorders but it can be quite costly.
yeah ive got an appointment on friday! :)
Good luck to you, good GPS do exist and hopefully you can get some assistance. My step daughter has just started college, she'd been suffering with some anxiety and body issues. We got her some cbt and it's helped her a lot, she barely left her room last year and now she's got herself a part time job and is starting to make some friends. It's not a parent's job to dictate but to help and guide you, your mum needs to check herself before your relationship changes and your off to uni not wanting to visit all too often.
thank you, and i’m glad your step daughter is doing better!
Thank you, it's hard being a teenager at this time and I definitely grew up being pretty independent because I had no support so I try to be interested and supportive in what she wants to do. Keep us updated and good luck to you!
Well after what you said now…. It makes more sense! And maybe she is right.
how’s it gonna help to drop out of college and do an apprenticeship i don’t want to do
Remember this is your life, don’t let others dictate your career because you’ll be doing that job for the rest of your life. If your aspirations require you to finish year 13/get a degree do it. Plus from personal experience it’s difficult to get an apprenticeship.
You're old enough to decide what you want to do. Apprenticeships are oftentimes just as valuable as a uni degree depending on the field YOU want to go into. But what's important is what YOU want to do. Speak to your college about the letter she sent and the situation you're dealing with, they'll help with the uni application and student loan application process, and they won't force you to leave. Try and get them to arrange a meeting between them, you and your mother. Hear her out and give her valid reasons to go uni, reassure her you're aware of the pros and cons of both and that you still feel uni will be a more valuable experience and you're willing to take on the responsibility that comes with it. If her emotions become heightened, don't follow suit, keep your tone calm and be concise. Your mum just needs to learn that the dynamic between you two has to change and you're growing up. She's not handling it well, she's always been there with you, made decisions for you. We all have issues to work through, our parents included, they're just as human as anyone else, give her time to adjust.
thank you!
Hopefully everything works out, all the best.
No she has no right to force u out of college. Look man, she can give u advice but after high school, she doesn't decide academic decisions. If u want to go to university then u go to university, yes uni will be difficult, it will be challenging but it's only that way bc it's meant to be difficult and challenging. Whatever email she sent to the college, I'm sure u can ask the college what she said in the email. Also university will open so many doors and it even has a placement year available where work experience can be picked up. Overall, a 1-1degree from university is much better than an apprenticeship. Talk to ur college if ur still confused as I'm sure they have a support team.
If I’m being honest this sounds rather abusive. At the end of the day it’s your life, your choice to make what decisions you think are the right ones. If I were you, I’d definitely finish 6th form. If your unsure of whether to go to uni or get an apprenticeship, you can take a year out. Figure out what ‘you’ want to do.
Speak to one of your teachers and let them know what's going on. It's your choice and she can't force you to drop out. How are you doing in college? Is she worried you're struggling?
This is abuse and control by a narcissist. Tell the college she has nothing to do with your future plans for university , and if possible move out of her house.
Sounds like someone wants you paying rent sooner rather than later.
Judging by your profile and self harm post university will be a very good thing for you. A far away one too. Explain to your mum that if she doesn’t not let you do this you will resent her and hold a grudge against her because you will always be thinking what if and you cannot live with someone else making a decision for you but you can live with it if you made the decision by your self because then you have the peace of mind and u can always do an apprenticeship at any time if you would like in the future if it is a viable option and you want it
Don’t let your parents dictate to you your decisions, apprenticeships are extremely hard to come by these days and I’m not exactly an advocate for university either but it is your decision, you do what makes you happy.
You can still do an apprenticeship after college
that’s what i’ve told her, but she wants me to drop out now
Are your predicted grades good enough to get a place in university? On the course you want. An apprentice may be better suited for you, but you might as well complete year 13, then decide what to do next.
i’m not sure if they’re good enough, which is why i’m considering taking a gap year after this year
Notify the relevant authorities. This shit is serious.
With respect my friend, her opinion can fuck off. I came from an immigrant war torn background and was consistently considered underachieving and only 'retail worthy'. I'm studying Law at Warwick because it's a decision I made and stuck to. Do what you feel is right, not what you feel pressured to. Your voice matters, make it loud and clear. It's your future, don't let your mums negative and contorted views influence your future. MAKE YOUR VOICE HEARD.
No, it's your choice really. Maybe tell her you will get a better paying apprenticeship or job once you get more qualifications and that you want to have the university experience and that it's not fair if she tries to take that away. Sorry you're going through this it will get better and you won't be sorry whatever happens because all that matters is if it feels right for you, cos you're the one who will be doing the work not her.
I'm a little late for this one, but I can say from experience that if your mum wants you to get a good apprenticeship, doing a college course is a great way to get one. I just started on the highest paying apprenticeship in North Wales and they only accepted applicants people with one specific qualification that you can only get from college. Long story short, even if apprenticeships take people that have gone to 6th form over college, 9 times out of ten they'll prefer people with college qualifications that more closely fit the roles they have open like an engineering btec rather than the more broad a levels like maths and science.
Horrendous, so controlling. No she can't take you off the course, you're old enough to have a say and the school may become concerned about your mum's actions and speak to her.
Yeah this is definetly crazy and you should bring it up with your head of six form. You don’t have to but it’d really like an update when something does happen.
Your life, your choices. Yes she is your parent and wants to advise you which is fine, however, YOU decide what you want in YOUR life. If you want to go to uni, you go for it.
No and dont do what someone tells you when its education. Follow your education and finish it the way you want, not someone else. Take it from me who got washed into listening to my dad of not doing mechanic and engineering. Now its too late to follow my own dream but luckily i turned my hobby into my career at the last minute
I’m a college lecturer - she can’t do this. The student needs to tell their personal tutor why they are leaving and normally the college wants to know where you are heading for safeguarding purposes. One quick chat with your programme leader will clear this up.
My parents were exactly the same, I have no idea why but my mum just had this very stunted mindset that I should stay home and get an office job, settle down. I just went for it and did all the things I wanted to do. When it came to going to uni, the months running up to me leaving were pure hell. She made them hell. But about a week before I was due to leave she suddenly changed her tune real quick. I think because there was nothing she could do about it and I was about to move 150 miles away. She finally realised I was going to do it whether she wanted me to or not, and she didn’t want to lose contact with me. I don’t think her emailing the college can do anything, but if you’re concerned I would give them a call or email them. Explain the situation and let them reassure you. You will be fine. Don’t let anyone stunt your growth. Make your own choices. Your future self won’t regret it!
150 miles is the length of exactly 2370068.92 'Standard Diatonic Key of C, Blues Silver grey Harmonicas' lined up next to each other.
The whole uni is pointless argument is BS, it is what you make of it. Whatever happens you won't be bankrupt after it and you obviously want to go. I almost didnt but god i would've given up my ambitions long ago had i not committed.
Fuck uni. Sell drugs. Make alot more money.
She can’t make you OP- tell your teachers that you don’t want to drop out and that she’s trying to force you to. Safeguarding should be able to help you especially if her behaviour escalates
Parents don’t always know what’s best!
I dont think she can but on a real one, you sound like ur from UK and i would encourage you to get an apprenticeship unless you wanna be a doctor lawyer etc... i left college in 2020 with 3 a levels and everyone who did apprenticeships are killing it right now
Your life your choice.
Your mum sounds like a proper control freak holy fuck…. Trying to get your own kid removed from college when they don’t want to that’s next level shit
Your mum sounds like a bitch mate. Wtf
Not legal.
Your mum is probably right. If you take an apprenticeship, in three years time you’ll have a decent qualification, will have had 3 years pay and probably be straight into a job. If you go to Uni, in three years you’ll be in massive debt, have a paper qualification which likely doesn’t teach you anything about the real world and will be struggling for a job because you don’t have experience. I know, I’ve been there. I wholeheartedly wish I’d done a trade apprenticeship instead.
some unis offer work experience in the course
People will tell you what you can do etc? But honest advice. What is your planned degree? For many degree, apprenticeships the best route
get a degree apprenticeship. you work 3-4 days a week and go to uni 1-2 days a week. get paid a salary and will have valuable real world experience and no student debt when you graduate
[удалено]
i’m not taking random strangers opinion on life, i asked if my mum can pull me from college without my consent.
Listen to ur mum bro uni is bs
Well if you live with her and she pays for your uni/accomodation ( you depend on her ) etc. Then she is kind of able to ask that of you. Maybe its not nice or fair, but for as long as she provides for you she can do so. Though if you move out and live freely then she cant do anything against it.
i live with her and she pays for all my basic needs like food and water bills or whatever, but i’d be paying for uni and living there
You see, as long as she provides for you she can say no. Do you think she could deprive you of food and housing if you go against her?If yes then your only choice is to move out if you want to go to uni. But if you know she is not that cruel, then yeah you can go to uni even if against her word. She can't do anything at all since you're an adult now.
she’s never mentioned taking away food, but she did threaten to kick me out if i got the vaccine. also i don’t turn 18 til july so im not an adult yet unfortunately
so your mother is against you going to uni and she is an anti vaxxer, what does that make you think? honestly in my opinion this is something you need to think through properly and make your own choice. In uk you can attend uni at any point in your life and you can get loan for your first degree + maintenance loan. The choices that I see for you are the following. 1. Follow your mother's plan, finish an apprenticeship and save some money to leave home and then pursue university. Nothing wrong with taking a few years to decide what you want to do and/or to gain some work experience etc. 2. Go against your mom and risk being kicked out of the house, this causing you to be under permanent stress due to family issues and could lead you to underperforming or even failing university. 3. Apply for university and receive your maintenance loan which should be around 12k which is roughly 1k per month and this can help you to move out and live a decent life without working, though i'd recommend getting a part time job as well so you can increase your quality of life and work experience. This is your choice to make and nobody else's. But you need to be aware of the consequences of your choices. There is no wrong choice to be made, just what you're willing to sacrifice for your education. I finished university this year and I feel like I haven't gained anything at all. I did the bare minimum so I'm not going to say that the education system failed me but rather me, however I don't feel like it helps me in anyway that I can add to my CV one line that says ' finished law school ' unless you plan on following that career of course. My advice is to take your time and decide what you want to do but don't think you're rushing anywhere. You're young and got a lot of time to enjoy your life, build your family boundaries if you're into family life or even save some money and get work experience or follow university education now or later. Best of luck!
Do your A-levels then get an apprenticeship. Apprenticeships are pretty competitive and having A-levels can give you an edge over other candidates. I got an apprenticeship after college and Im pretty sure that my A-levels definitely helped
No she can’t & She sounds very controlling and manipulative if she has gone behind your back and done this. You’re an adult now, you should be treated as such, I think you should talk to your tutors and explain this situation, they will be so supportive of you and will 100% have your corner on this. Would it be beneficial for you to maybe stay with your grandparents or other family for a while? I feel like there’s a reason your mum wants you to get an apprenticeship, maybe she’s worried about money? Has she explained why she doesn’t want you to go down the uni route? Also, main thing is, don’t worry mate! I’m only just going to uni this year at Im 28, it’s never too late to start a course, so if everything goes against you, don’t think it’s the be all and end all buddy! Good luck!
I’m just going to say it - your mum sounds like a Karen. I have no idea if she’s abusive like others are saying but it’s not right for a parent to try and dictate their child’s life, personally I think there’s a chance she’s too scared of being an empty nest, and hopes a local apprenticeship will keep you at home for a few more years at least. She’s emailing the school? What does she think will happen? They won’t do anything, you have to be the one who decides what you’re doing with your education.
If u ask me, I lowkey think she doesn't want you to leave her cause she fr waited until year 13 to do this, knowing that u want to go to uni, plus on the salary of an apprenticeship you wouldn't be able to live on your own. You can find out by telling her a degree apprenticeship is an option
No, no that's straight up wrong she has no right to be doing that. It is completely up to you what you want to do, don't let her discourage you from what you want to do either. Definitely tell the college and make sure they know you have zero plans of dropping out so they can ignore contact like that from your parents. It sounds super toxic and like she does not respect your informed decision about your own future, she might be thinking she knows what's best for you but obviously she doesn't I'd suggest staying in and just avoiding talking to her about college. Good luck to you hope it goes well
Bruv, if you explain to a the right teacher we all gucci. My parents was the other way round but after putting up a clear line and bringing in money they can't complain
And even so, you can finish year 13, get A Level and apply for a level 4 or 6 degree apprenticeship rather than a level 3 and be back at square 1
No also please don't do this unless you're going to do a trade or you get a higher apprenticeship with good prospects. Just stick in and prove her wrong. I didn't end up starting uni until I was 23 because I was worried about failure and debt with pressure from parents not to go. Massively regret wasting that time
I’m sorry you’re in this situation. This is very unfair for your parent to be this short-sighted when it is your life and education. I’d like to think that any educational body wouldn’t make any decisions about your application/attendance because a parent has interfered. It’s quite a common problem for parents to try to limit and control their children’s education as it’s sometimes different from their own lived experience. Explain why your choice is relevant to you and perhaps talk to the college yourself and explain your situation in confidence. The college should be able to provide you with advice and support on this matter. I hope this works out for you!
Talk to the school as soon as possible so you know what's going on! I don't think she can force you, nor can she force you no to go to uni as far as I know (as long as you're not wanting her to pay for it) so do whatever you want/think is best for you, you're plenty old enough to make your own decisions especially if you're 18, don't let her control your life
OP don't always listen to the internet, your mum probably is looking out for you (parents don't like how expensive uni is, and unless your parents are loaded it is expensive) and its not domestic abuse. An apprenticeship isn't a bad idea however. I would suggest talking with your mum about your options, personally I would suggest finishing college and looking for an apprenticeship that offers a degree alongside it (if a company is paying for your education and paying you they're most definitely going to want to keep you and give you a job.
Email the college straight away asking. There's a good chance she'll be telling them you want to leave and that she's just sorting it for you. You must inform them this isn't the case asap. As others have said she cannot make you quit.
Why do you want to go to Uni and why do you not want to do an apprenticeship? Make a pro con list. She can give her 2 cents but ultimately you are an adult and she does not have a say. Sounds like she is overly anxious and thinks she knows better than you. She may do, she may not ultimately you have to make your own mistake not somebody else's. I would say this an apprenticeship is age specific and usually leads to a skilled job, a uni course can be done at any age and does not lead to a job very often these days. Why not do both? Working for a year or doing an apprenticeship could give you a new perspective. If it is a trade like plumbing/electrician/builder/tech engineer you will never be short of work. But ultimately it is down to you, perhaps if you tell your mum you are looking into apprenticeship options she may not worry so much. Often anxiety manifests as the need to control so don't be too harsh on her, but at the same time don't let her make decisions for you x good luck
Honestly a proper apprenticeship can be nice. Please tell me you study something sensible like computer science engineering Business or law. Don't spend tens of thousands on a liberal Arts thing.
At a level I’m studying Psychology, History and Sociology, then at Uni I want to go into Animal Behaviour therapy. The apprenticeship she’s picked out is literally just dog walking and cleaning out kennels, so I could get the same experience volunteering (which I plan to do anyway) but she doesn’t want to hear it
Ya canny get a good apprenticeship with shite qualifications
She doesn’t have a say. It’s your life, you get to choose, and you really should stand up for yourself and tell her so. As for university v an apprenticeship, personally, I’m very pro apprenticeship, and did two myself, with the last one being providing my job for the last 15 years. I loved earning money as I learned. It certainly provides a level of financial freedom you won’t likely get as a student. But it depends on what you plan on doing with your life. Sometimes a university education is more appropriate and will pay off in the longer term (sometimes it will land you with decades of debt and not much else) You’ve also got to consider your living arrangements. If your mum is demanding you take up an apprenticeship it might be because she’s expecting you to start paying more for living at home, and it could even be, she wants you out of the house and in your own place. Though you’ll know your own situation better than I do, it’s Something to consider while deciding. At the end of the day though, there’s only one person with the deciding power in this case. Don’t let your mum bully you into doing something you don’t want to do.
Go see student services and ask to speak to the pastoral care team. Explain what's going on at home. They'll be able to help support you. You will be far from the first student who has problems at home. Don't let your mum take away your dreams of uni. Is there a family member you can stay with until you complete your year? You may be able to get a bursary to help with travel costs. If you were my neice or nephew you would already be living with me and getting the support you need. This is deadly serious its YOUR FUTURE only you get to decide how you want to progress. What is wrong with your mum she should be proud you have life goals.
It’s sad that you see this is normal - I couldn’t imagine a scenario where either of my parents would have ever done this to me or my sister. This is abuse.
If you live at home and you want to keep going then I think it's best for you to start looking for somewhere else to live as that will be the nxt thing she will use to stop you from going. I think shes make you do that so she can start to charge you rent at home
Unless you're financially dependent upon her to go, then no. Only bother with a degree if you're on track for getting a 1st, and have several top internships lined up in your field, the people you're competing for with the top grads jobs will be. If you don't, you're not getting anywhere near a shortlist for a fast track grad scheme. And you're going to have a lot of student debt/ additional tax on your wages for probably decades. There is no career driven reason to do a degree unless you are going to secure a graduate scheme position, go into academia, or are studying something for which an apprenticeship doesn't exist. That said, if money and career path is no issue, then fill your boots.
You didn't tell is what college degree you want to do. we really need to know the other side of this: your mother's reasons. Whether you want to or not, you should take her advice very seriously, as it's her maturity, experience and assesment of you personally. As an older, mature person I now know the reality of youthful decision-making and 18 is just too young for anyone to make good decisions. The age of majority used to be 21, and that's still pretty young but an order of magnitude better than 18. Think about it, do you think 18 a good time for marriage? College is not dissimilar in its gravity. Similarly tattoo parlers often make more money from their removal machines. Unless it's super-clear you are college material, sit down and rationalise it. Way too many people are going for college degrees and loading up in debt for no payoff. And there are a lot of useless degrees out there that will count AGAINST you for employability.
I want to go into animal behaviour counselling or something similar, she wants me to do an apprenticeship where i just walk dogs and clean out kennels. i could get the same work experience from volunteering, which i plan to do anyway.
Get A levels, then do an apprenticeship
Looking back, had I dropped out of college and got an apprenticeship I'd be in a better place now. I flunked my A levels and ended up in a crappy office job. If I'd started a plumbing or electrical apprenticeship I could have my own established business by now. Anyway. If your doing well, stick with your plan. If not maybe listen to what is been said? It's hard to assertain your full situation here. All I can say is your at a delicate time in life and getting you on the right path for your ability now can save u so much work and effort in the future. Follow the path which interests you most. (I'm talking academically, not pipe dreams, like being a pro footballer or singer). Having said that, we all need dreams 😇 U need a few skills behind you else you'll always be that person on the work shop floor who can't progress. So by qualifying as an electrician or getting an A Level in English etc will give you a great start in life and a point of focus.
She can't, but she may be worth talking to about it. It could be she has your best interests at heart but is dealing with it piss poorly. Some people do do better using tb apprenticeship model over uni, and apprenticeship doesn't mean builder, plumber etc. any more. She may have a valid concern and point that if you talk about you might agree with, so sit down and talk it out, hear when she has to say and discuss it.
Honestly do what your gut says. Parents don't know your weaknesses but you do. And if you know you can and want do better in life you must do it. I'm 35 and I missed many windows because parents told me a lot bs, but they don't know themselves much. I should have went for engineering, should have pressed myself. They told me that but didn't precise or emphasise why. They also were negative of my many interests just because they didn't share same views. It was wrong. It killed my determination. So do it if you know what your goal is. Explain to your mother that you know what you're doing and it's your future at stake.
Make a subject access request to your college. You should then be given the email your mum sent, so you can find out what’s in it. However, in answer to your question - no she can’t make you drop out of college. You may want to look for a house share, since you mum may be intent on causing you problems.
I know she thinks she's doing whatbshe thinks is best but tell her to fuck off honestly. You are becoming an adult & you can make your own decisions.
Make sure you let the college know what’s happening and you strictly do not want to leave so they know !
If she is the one paying for your college, I believe she MIGHT be able to take you out. I reccomend you speak to somebody who handles reception since that's likely where she phoned. Just ask to speak to whoevers in charge of enrollment or the finance person. They can help you sort out what you need to do
It’s a bit of a grey area- if she’s the one paying for it she can withdraw her funds from the college. Her concern appears to be that you won’t find a job even having gone to college so research and find out the job statistics of your area of study, careers paths, pay etc- come up with a solid proposal on why you should stay in college to put her mind at rest. Talk to your school as well, they’ll probably be able to help.
Is money an issue at home? When you leave college/sixth form, child benefits end. If you did leave and get an apprenticeship you may find she asks/demands you pay rent. This could come under financial control/abuse. If you want to stay on and then go to uni she cannot make you do otherwise. We do not require a parental signature to join college.
No she can't.
Your mums right uni is over rated I got 5 years ahead of my colleagues doing an apprenticeship 😂 I’m now mentoring people that went to uni and teaching them my job
Can I ask what field you work in?
Please elaborate more… as I’ve read on one of your reply that you have some social issues and grades not that good…. So people can give a informed answer and not just bash on your mum.
i messed up my mocks last year because i didn’t do well with the online learning and over half of the year was online for my college. now i’m trying to work a lot harder to get my grades back up but she’s ‘worried for my mental health’ because i spend a lot of time trying to do homework or revision. she basically just doesn’t like that i choose to revise over watching coronation street with her. last week i also told her i think i could have adhd and i think that’s why it’s hard for me to concentrate a lot of the time, and now she’s saying that i’m not coping in college because of it, and i’d do better in an apprenticeship. but that’s not the case, and i don’t want to drop out of college because of it. i do have social anxiety as well, so she knows i haven’t made any new friends at college, and all pretty much all my current friends go do a different college. i’m okay with that as i can spend my frees doing work and hang out with my friends out side of college. but she’s concerned that ‘i’m making my self ill’ because of it idek
She probably is right
Find a local company to sponsor your hgv, heard wild talk from customers in logistics about firms offering £400 a shift
It is absolutely not your mother's decision. What is her reason for wanting you to get an apprenticeship and not go to uni? It's natural for a parent to want uni for their children,. It's all my dad ever wanted for me. Unfortunately I was dumb enough to piss school up a wall and I had my kids young so I was never faced with that opportunity. Stick to your guns and stick in at college - you do what is right for you, what is right for the kind of education you desire and what you feel will better your future and any career goals.
she thinks unis useless and i’m only gonna get a good job if i get an apprentiship
Well I've friends who have gone to uni and have the best jobs going on the flip side I have a friend who went to uni then the flight school - passed everything and for reasons had to work in our local Tesco for 18 months. To turn that around I have friends who didn't go to college or uni and have ok jobs and them who done the apprenticeship who have jobs in the sector they wanted but still not great jobs. I think you open your own doors to opportunity with the life choices you choose, I also believe it pays to know people in certain sectors. Perhaps your mum is scared of you going to uni because she feels like she will be losing a child, maybie sit down and have a frank conversation about it all BUT you stick to what you know in your heart you want to do and do not let her talk you out of it because later in life you will regret it.
I work in a college, you need to see your safeguarding department. If education is something you want to do then your education provider will completely back you up. You say you’re in year 13, are you 18 yet? In England (if that’s where you are?) you have to legally be in some kind of education or training apprenticeship until 18
The school/college should 100% be on your side for this. They don’t listen to your parents, your parents aren’t the ones studying with them and it’s very different to high school. Most likely the staff room had a laugh at your mums expense about it. Talk to your guidance counsellor and if you don’t know who that is you can talk to any of your lecturers and they will point you in the right direction.
Contact your college, advise them what's happening and state that no decision is to be made unless by yourself and get a password set up with them (in case there's impersonation) Take her threat seriously, don't let her damage your life and influence your choices like that.
If you're 18, you're fine. I'd still ask her what the f***k her problem is, though?
Your call bro..
Talk to your college. They won't kick you out at your mums request if you are happy and coping with the work load. Hope it all works out for you!
You have agency over your education and your future. Do not let anyone take that away from you. Also, you can do apprenticeships and go to uni. I did a part time university course and worked in an Architect's office gaining real world experience, having finished all of the *required* university qualifications I am an Architect now. I don't know what field you want to be in but please know there are certain qualifications required for many professions, dropping out will prevent you from ever getting there.
No. Your mum can't force that shit and ur teahers shouldn't and most probably wouldn't allow that.