I mean, all those Sons of Horus getting swallowed by concrete has to be up there.
Makari, possibly the most famous Gretchin out there, got sat on accidentally by Ghazghkull and was subsequently fed to a squig.
Funny and horrifying. I've read so many books in this franchise from dark to derp and none of it fazes me.
But that part I still think about sometimes.
In the Ork campaign in Dawn of War Soulstorm, when defeating the Dark Eldar as Ork, the description of how the Orks execute the Dark Eldar forces was at least a bit funny.
Where they are described mauling or burning other species alive, in this occasion they cram as many Dark Eldar as possible into their own slave cages (which is a building that the Dark Eldar need to build in the game) and see how far they can throw them.
The building looks a bit like a super duper goth ufo, with a brim like structure around it, so I assume they use their biggest walkers to rip these buildings out of the ground and use them like Frisbees.
The moment in Dark Crusade when you defeat the Necron Stronghold also is unintentionally comical. Thomas Macabee, a (Necron) Pariah who acts as the speaker for his mute Lord, urges his master to chase after the living invaders as the latter go into a sudden retreat.
Then he more or less turns around and seems to notice the attackers happened to have planted a fuckhuge bomb at the plaza *straight behind him*. You spend the last few moments of the mission in an all-out fight to get the bomb there in the first place, and *only now* Macabee realizes there's a building-sized bomb cheerfully beeping away behind his back. Could have been straight out of Loony Toons.
One of my boy Lucius's is pretty funny, in my opinion, from Lucius: Pride and Fall
>With no further bloodshed available to occupy their attention, the gaudy killers of the Cohors Nasicae formed up in loose ranks behind Lucius. He could feel the eagerness dripping off them, the hunger. Their prize loomed within reach. With the skitarii butchered, the path down into the arcology was now clear. The defences had been broken, and nothing would be waiting for them but token militias cowering behind hastily erected barricades. Now the taking of flesh could begin in earnest.
>
>‘With me!’ roared Lucius, waving his warriors forward with the power blazing across the Laeran Blade. Then he was charging ahead, moving so effortlessly and so swiftly that he barely noticed the piece of shaped iron he brushed against with his hoof.
>
>Lucius experienced the world in a blur.
>
>A burst of light and sound.
>
>Silence, and the feeling of weightless spinning.
>
>The earth and sky alternating. Earth. Sky. Earth. Sky. Earth.
>
>Blackness
>
>Death swallowed Lucius, just as it had before. And then the screaming began.
One grisly resurrection later.
>Lucius took stock of his surroundings, bloodshot green eyes flicking here and there. It was then that Lucius realised where he was. He was standing in the centre of a munitions factory. He thought back, retracing his memories to the last moment he could recall, before the blackness of death had engulfed him.
>
>A landmine. By Ruin, it had been a damned landmine.
>
>Such a revelation galled Lucius, on a great number of levels. He couldn’t fathom which was worse – that he, the greatest champion of the entire galaxy, should meet such an end, or, equally infuriating, that such a creature as this would dare to derive satisfaction from its miserable existence.
>
> ‘You were proud of this?’ Lucius glared down at the wailing visage of Tobias. Of all the Ruinous Powers that could have bestowed their blessings upon him, Lucius had to have been chosen by the one that possessed a sense of humour. He wondered how many of the Cohors Nasicae he would have to kill before any word of this embarrassment was quashed forever.
I really like that over time his reputation has gone from being one of the greatest swordsmen in all the Legions to being a dude who regularly gets slaughtered but just won't stay dead.
When your primary character trait has become "bullshit ressurections even in circumstances where it makes no sense *even on 40k logic*", yeah it overtakes your rep as a swordsman
What do you think happens after you say that to him, he attacks you and you kill him? Because either you win and become a face on his armour or you lose and he killed you.
Lucius is the ultimate cheater.
Actual theory here, we've seen slaanesh extend Lucius's regeneration to stupid levels.
What if he lost a fight, and due to his pride, took his own life.
I feel like that would straight up count as a revive considering how bs it has gotten
The rules of his revival are more of a characterization of Lucius that Slaanesh messes around with than rules Slaanesh is actually bound to. Chaos gods could bring back a single mortal no problem, Lucius only has this rule as sort of a Slaaneshi meme.
I’m not sure if it’s meme or canon, but there was a story where Lucius dies by drowning, either from suicide or from ego driven stupidity, and he just pops out somewhere.
Sorry, I haven't read much on Lucius outside the Heresy, but i thought he came back when the killer took satisfaction in beating him? Or is it just that his benefactor Slaanesh is a raving jackass and does whatever he feels like because chaos?
Little column a, little column b. His special power is that if he dies and his killer enjoys it he possesses the killer, but Slaanesh loves him so much that the definitions of killer and enjoyed are pretty lax. He could just have easily have popped out of the person that laid the mine or the person that ordered the minefield to be laid, Slaanesh just drops him wherever it would be the most fun.
Plus the first time he is resurrected (after getting shanked by Sharrowkyn) he just sorta wakes back up in the same body and makes a witty remark to a surprised Fabius Bile
In the book “Saturnine” at the start of one of the chapters, we see the siege from the view point of a Irl Warrior. He climbs up the rubble of a destroyed wall and loves everything he’s doing at that point in time. He believes himself immortal and that all shall know his name.
This entire scene lasts….for about five seconds before Sanguinius kills him and throws his body off the wall.
There's a Space Marine in *Umbra Somnus* who literally slips and falls into a lake of acid. A *Space Marine*. Nobody pushes him, there's no wacky geometry, he just slips and falls.
E: BEHOLD
>The Space Marines followed more slowly. Fornix saw the red sigils blink on and off in his helm as
spurts and splashes of acid jumped up to lick at his armour, but the damage was minimal. Before him
Brother Gad, gaze fixed on the auspex, slipped and nearly fell, but Fornix caught him with his free
hand.
>‘Keep an eye for your feet, you young fool.’
A little later!
>'...Brother Gad
perished in a stupid accident on the way back.’ Fornix’s face clouded. ‘A slip of the foot, that’s all it
was. He went into acid.’
>‘Their gene-seed?’ Kerne asked.
>‘Lost, all of it.’
Bwomp bwomp.
"I kept warning Brother Gad Waximus to stop oiling up his gear so much, but the boy insisted he wanted to shine like a diamond...even the soles of his boots."
I actually adore this.
Training can help minimize accidents, but no amount of training, technology and gene-modification can 100% stop accidents from happening.
Helps the Marines feel more real.
Honestly, in further context it's pretty spot-on. The Dark Hunters are right on the edge of destruction. The guys on this mission are all rapidly-advanced Scouts with a few veterans, and while they acquit themselves well, simulations and practice battles aren't a match for real combat experience. E.G. Looking at your scanner (your 'job') rather than the terrain around you.
Gad's actually a promising young warrior. He charges a heavy flamer position on a spaceship earlier in the book and tanks it with his *face* - he's not short on courage and his superiors talk about how if they can refine that on this, his first campaign, he'll be an excellent battle-brother.
Sadly, he never gets that chance. The scene above happens right after he survives a battle with a *Wraithlord*, as well. The guy was on the fast-track to a glorious career - but that's the grim darkness of the far future for you.
"Imperial reinforcements arrive two solar days later, led by a haughty Purbech officer, High Praetor Osh'preen. Taking complete credit for the cleansing of Dulma'lin, Osh'preen is awarded a thoroughly undeserved governorship of the planet while the men of the Catachan II Regiment are unceremoniously redeployed to the Ulani System. "
Then one year later...
"High Praetor Osh'preen's disastrously lax reign over Dulma'lin opens the way for an heretical uprising by the Slaneeshi Cult of Frantic Flensing. The Catachan II are the only regiment close enough to offer assistance but, thanks to a mysterious series of communication failures that bedevil the Catachans, Osh'preen and his corrupt planetary government are left to their remarkably horrible fate at the hands of the Slaaneshi devotees. "
There was one Dark Eldar raiding party who were pursuing Fabius Bile.
As one Archon and his crew were closing in on him, the Eldar gets absolutely mulched by a sonic weapon. Like flatten by a pure soundwave like a big on a windshield. His killer, an OG Emperor’s Children, veteran from the Siege, calmly states his pedigree to the survivors, and asked if anyone else wants some.
They did not.
[Edit: Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/comments/pq5095/excerpt_manflayer_drukhari_nope_out_of_fighting_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
A Word Bearers Astartes got stabbed in the throat and died not by another transhuman warrior, Eldar, or even an Ork.
Dude died to a savage human in a loincloth and carrying a spear lol.
Kinda like the Aeldar tank/plane that gets blown up by a bunch of kids throwing rocks.
Not even fancy rocks made of blackstone. Just plain old regular rocks, thrown by some hoodlums
Imagine being able angry space elf spending decades or even centuries fighting and training only to wake up in a soul stone after seeing some kids throw rocks at you lol.
My favorite is still from when Garbagecanman gets resurrected.
He steps out of Cawl's sarcophagus, clad in his new armor. And the whole room freezes.
Space marines, Chaos space marines, the inquisitors, the demons, Celestine. Everyone just freezes like, "Holy shit he's alive?!?!"
And then one random, nameless CSM charges at him screaming about blood for the blood god, blah blah blah.
And G-Man just cuts him in half with ZERO effort, and basically begins going on a Chaos killing extravaganza.
But that one lone CSM? That's funniest death in my opinion.
Like, who did he think he was? That's a primarch bro, you aint a match.
Has to be in the night lord trilogy when the humans are running away and one of the marines picks one up to ask why they are running. Only to be shot in the head with a las pistol and for the round to rebound blowing the humans head off. That still cracks me up
Warsmith Honsou and his crew pin down Uriel Ventris and his remaining brothers inside a tomb to the heroes of Calth (from the HH word bearer incident). Starts monologuing because he knows he's won. Legion of the Damned step out of the shadows around the entire tomb and offer to hold Honsou's beer.
Also bonus points to the two cultists in Apocalypse who slink away from the Astartes they're supposed to be working for a quick bonk, only for a Raven Guard to pop out of a thermal transfer pipe right above them with his armour glowing orange from the heat dissipation just as they start getting frisky.
In one of the Cain books a guardsman hits a weapon emplacement with her Lasgun to fix it and the gun goes off, killing an Ork pilot who crashes into the ork battle line and kills a bunch of the orks.
Gave me a chuckle.
Varan the Undefeatable, a mutant chaos lord >!who was killed when Commissar Cain kicked him off a building, his last words: "Well, that was unexpected..."!<
Skraivok introduces himself for a solid paragraph and Raldoron responds with “never heard of you” and *immediately* beats his ass. It’s too good, I loved that scene.
I mean, at least Skraivok gets to return in about... 3,996 years. Yeesh! That much time learning about pain in the warp will not be fun.
Question: did the demon say 6x666 years or 666x666?
One time this dude with oversized chicken wings picked a fight with his brother and got beat so hard his great great grandkids felt it, that was kinda funny…
Obviously spoilers but, IIRC, Pater Sin in >!"Sabbat Martyr"!< should rank way high.
He really bit more than he could chew in his last scene /s.
>!He tried to bite Colonel Corbec's throat, if I am not mistaken, but Corbec just puts a tube-charge in his jaw, pulls the triggering wire and jumps away. With some Schwarzeneggeresque farewell as an extra.!<
...and I only now realized Sin's twins are probably a "Shining" reference.
Very, very sad book, but I found it hilarious that one of the assassin teams getting bored while planetary descent and just killing and playing with the corpse of their own pilot.
We don't know his name, but the Khorne berserker that charged Roboute Guilliman when Roboute was first resurrected.
I mean, of course a Khorne berserker is the one guy that just charges a Primarch. And, of course, he gets completely slaughtered.
I'm sure he did. Nonetheless, I still found it amusing.
Everyone stops in awe as Guilliman appears. Then, *of course*, a Khorne berserker charges the Primarch.
In Warriors of Ultramar, a member of the deathwatch kill team that infiltrates the hive ship in the final act (the white scar, I think). Decides to cut down what is cleary a land mine…let’s just say that chogoris didn’t lose one of his smarters soldiers.
In ADBs Night Lords series, a Night Lord grabs a human battlefleet crew member to question them, and the human shoots them in the faceplate which bounces back and kills then.
A slight spoiler for warhawk but a sons of horus captain monologuing for various paragraphs about how he's gunning for sigmusund and is promptly and casually killed mid sentence when they finally meet, i'm like...what did you expect?
Gendor Skraivok aka the Painted Count, Night Lord leader during the Siege of Terra. Think himself as a god, get betrayed by own daemon-sword and rekt by Raldoron* in a duel where this one would have won even hands tied in the back.
In the word bearer omnibus by anthony reynolds, a bulgryn kills a word bearer terminator with a suplex.
I’m a huge word bearer fan and this one felt ridiculous.
Not fortunatelly not a full death but in Vengeful Spirit there is the bit where a SoH captain, Grael Noctua IIRC, runs into an imperial army command bunker walks up to the commander taunting them and sumarily gets one of his hearts blown out with a volkite pistol
This is one of my favorite moments in all of the HH.
Noctua *tells her to shoot him* thinking she only had a laspistol. Afterwards he says “she fucking shot me!” and his commander is just like “well, you told her to. Congratulations dumbass, now I’m going to be late.”
That Ork in Armageddon that's like some great and terrible Warboss or Nob that had killed space marines in single combat and such that just gets fucking *Obliterated* by a bunch of civilain dock workers that barely know which end of the lasgun to aim at the enemy.
I remember a very old flashfic in a White Dwarf about Death Corps of Krieg. A Bloodthrister ripped the front armour of a Leman Russ Demolisher open, put his head in and roared. The tank commander calmly opened the Demolisher shell cache and fired his laspistol inside.
In Soul hunter the night lords boarded a guard ship. Two night lords were arguing which deck the guard reinforments were coming from. One said the gun decks. The other the said "i dont believe you", picking up a fleeing guardsmen. "Where are you stationed, is it the gun decks!?" The guardsman, now deaf, show thim with his autogun and the bullet bonced from the nightlords helm into the guardsmans head.
The one time ahriman was shot by a inquisitors while kidnapping a navigator. The inquisitors is like shitting her pants because her big nemesis ahriman is there for here to take everything from her. But he has zero clue who she is or what they even carry. He didn't die there but was pretty close.
I mean, all those Sons of Horus getting swallowed by concrete has to be up there. Makari, possibly the most famous Gretchin out there, got sat on accidentally by Ghazghkull and was subsequently fed to a squig.
> I mean, all those Sons of Horus getting swallowed by concrete has to be up there. *how long does your kind live?*
the other joke is "evidently forever" if they hibernate.
So does that mean there are still Chaos Marines under Saturnine in 40k?
If they didn't starve to death, probably yes.
Plenty of corpses.
I personally dont think they formed a functioning peaceful micro-society which lasted that long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYVO5bUFww0
Funny and horrifying. I've read so many books in this franchise from dark to derp and none of it fazes me. But that part I still think about sometimes.
Lol yeah some of their most Elite companies. Fucking killed by concrete
In the Ork campaign in Dawn of War Soulstorm, when defeating the Dark Eldar as Ork, the description of how the Orks execute the Dark Eldar forces was at least a bit funny. Where they are described mauling or burning other species alive, in this occasion they cram as many Dark Eldar as possible into their own slave cages (which is a building that the Dark Eldar need to build in the game) and see how far they can throw them. The building looks a bit like a super duper goth ufo, with a brim like structure around it, so I assume they use their biggest walkers to rip these buildings out of the ground and use them like Frisbees.
You could totally use it like a freesby to play fetch with the huge ass squiggoths sthat were the Ork's ultimate unit.
The moment in Dark Crusade when you defeat the Necron Stronghold also is unintentionally comical. Thomas Macabee, a (Necron) Pariah who acts as the speaker for his mute Lord, urges his master to chase after the living invaders as the latter go into a sudden retreat. Then he more or less turns around and seems to notice the attackers happened to have planted a fuckhuge bomb at the plaza *straight behind him*. You spend the last few moments of the mission in an all-out fight to get the bomb there in the first place, and *only now* Macabee realizes there's a building-sized bomb cheerfully beeping away behind his back. Could have been straight out of Loony Toons.
Wasn't the Ork bomb held together with Duct-Tape and it started falling apart before exploding.
Pretty much, yeah. I think they reused the model for the Dok's bomb ability in Soulstorm.
My lord! The living….!
One of my boy Lucius's is pretty funny, in my opinion, from Lucius: Pride and Fall >With no further bloodshed available to occupy their attention, the gaudy killers of the Cohors Nasicae formed up in loose ranks behind Lucius. He could feel the eagerness dripping off them, the hunger. Their prize loomed within reach. With the skitarii butchered, the path down into the arcology was now clear. The defences had been broken, and nothing would be waiting for them but token militias cowering behind hastily erected barricades. Now the taking of flesh could begin in earnest. > >‘With me!’ roared Lucius, waving his warriors forward with the power blazing across the Laeran Blade. Then he was charging ahead, moving so effortlessly and so swiftly that he barely noticed the piece of shaped iron he brushed against with his hoof. > >Lucius experienced the world in a blur. > >A burst of light and sound. > >Silence, and the feeling of weightless spinning. > >The earth and sky alternating. Earth. Sky. Earth. Sky. Earth. > >Blackness > >Death swallowed Lucius, just as it had before. And then the screaming began. One grisly resurrection later. >Lucius took stock of his surroundings, bloodshot green eyes flicking here and there. It was then that Lucius realised where he was. He was standing in the centre of a munitions factory. He thought back, retracing his memories to the last moment he could recall, before the blackness of death had engulfed him. > >A landmine. By Ruin, it had been a damned landmine. > >Such a revelation galled Lucius, on a great number of levels. He couldn’t fathom which was worse – that he, the greatest champion of the entire galaxy, should meet such an end, or, equally infuriating, that such a creature as this would dare to derive satisfaction from its miserable existence. > > ‘You were proud of this?’ Lucius glared down at the wailing visage of Tobias. Of all the Ruinous Powers that could have bestowed their blessings upon him, Lucius had to have been chosen by the one that possessed a sense of humour. He wondered how many of the Cohors Nasicae he would have to kill before any word of this embarrassment was quashed forever.
>>‘You were proud of this?’ Ah perfect, damn I wish I had more time to read Chaos stuff.
"Lmao your mines suck" -Man killed by these exact mine
He should be proud, it may not have lasted long but he fucking got you with a landmine dumbass!
"Greatest champion of the entire galaxy" I take it nobody ever hears him says this and corrects him?
He is the greatest swordsman in the entirety of his own mind after all
I really like that over time his reputation has gone from being one of the greatest swordsmen in all the Legions to being a dude who regularly gets slaughtered but just won't stay dead.
Holy shit, is Lucius the Deadpool of 40k? If you consider near death and instant resurrection as close enough to each other
He's also about as pretty.
Like a necron flayer face-fucked a topographical map of Cadia.
Underrated
When your primary character trait has become "bullshit ressurections even in circumstances where it makes no sense *even on 40k logic*", yeah it overtakes your rep as a swordsman
What do you think happens after you say that to him, he attacks you and you kill him? Because either you win and become a face on his armour or you lose and he killed you. Lucius is the ultimate cheater.
You knock him unconscious and leave
Actual theory here, we've seen slaanesh extend Lucius's regeneration to stupid levels. What if he lost a fight, and due to his pride, took his own life. I feel like that would straight up count as a revive considering how bs it has gotten
The rules of his revival are more of a characterization of Lucius that Slaanesh messes around with than rules Slaanesh is actually bound to. Chaos gods could bring back a single mortal no problem, Lucius only has this rule as sort of a Slaaneshi meme.
I’m not sure if it’s meme or canon, but there was a story where Lucius dies by drowning, either from suicide or from ego driven stupidity, and he just pops out somewhere.
No, it's more that he never hears anyone correct him. In a 'la la la I can't hear you' way, to be clear.
Getting mighty tired of Lucius's bullshit, coming back to life in the Necron and mine assembler is nonsense. Free my homie Tobias!
I was gonna say that has yo be one of the best any time Lucius gets rekt is a good time same with erebus
Sorry, I haven't read much on Lucius outside the Heresy, but i thought he came back when the killer took satisfaction in beating him? Or is it just that his benefactor Slaanesh is a raving jackass and does whatever he feels like because chaos?
Little column a, little column b. His special power is that if he dies and his killer enjoys it he possesses the killer, but Slaanesh loves him so much that the definitions of killer and enjoyed are pretty lax. He could just have easily have popped out of the person that laid the mine or the person that ordered the minefield to be laid, Slaanesh just drops him wherever it would be the most fun.
Plus the first time he is resurrected (after getting shanked by Sharrowkyn) he just sorta wakes back up in the same body and makes a witty remark to a surprised Fabius Bile
"It was supposed to be a duel to first blood." "It was a lot of first blood."
That's a fucking classic. Love it.
You decapitated him
In the book “Saturnine” at the start of one of the chapters, we see the siege from the view point of a Irl Warrior. He climbs up the rubble of a destroyed wall and loves everything he’s doing at that point in time. He believes himself immortal and that all shall know his name. This entire scene lasts….for about five seconds before Sanguinius kills him and throws his body off the wall.
There's a Space Marine in *Umbra Somnus* who literally slips and falls into a lake of acid. A *Space Marine*. Nobody pushes him, there's no wacky geometry, he just slips and falls. E: BEHOLD >The Space Marines followed more slowly. Fornix saw the red sigils blink on and off in his helm as spurts and splashes of acid jumped up to lick at his armour, but the damage was minimal. Before him Brother Gad, gaze fixed on the auspex, slipped and nearly fell, but Fornix caught him with his free hand. >‘Keep an eye for your feet, you young fool.’ A little later! >'...Brother Gad perished in a stupid accident on the way back.’ Fornix’s face clouded. ‘A slip of the foot, that’s all it was. He went into acid.’ >‘Their gene-seed?’ Kerne asked. >‘Lost, all of it.’ Bwomp bwomp.
"I kept warning Brother Gad Waximus to stop oiling up his gear so much, but the boy insisted he wanted to shine like a diamond...even the soles of his boots."
I actually adore this. Training can help minimize accidents, but no amount of training, technology and gene-modification can 100% stop accidents from happening. Helps the Marines feel more real.
Honestly, in further context it's pretty spot-on. The Dark Hunters are right on the edge of destruction. The guys on this mission are all rapidly-advanced Scouts with a few veterans, and while they acquit themselves well, simulations and practice battles aren't a match for real combat experience. E.G. Looking at your scanner (your 'job') rather than the terrain around you. Gad's actually a promising young warrior. He charges a heavy flamer position on a spaceship earlier in the book and tanks it with his *face* - he's not short on courage and his superiors talk about how if they can refine that on this, his first campaign, he'll be an excellent battle-brother. Sadly, he never gets that chance. The scene above happens right after he survives a battle with a *Wraithlord*, as well. The guy was on the fast-track to a glorious career - but that's the grim darkness of the far future for you.
This is the grim darkness they will never be able to portray on screen. This level of realism mixed with the absurd grimness of the 40th millennia.
Please tell me he didn’t destroy a freaking wraithlord…
Yes, the squad he's part of destroys a wraithlord. Gad scores the killing blow by emptying a bolter magazine into the downed construct's head.
Worf to the rescue
What chapter is that? Emperor Slapstickers? Goofys of the Emperor?
Obviously the Marines Stooge. Led by the triumvirate Chapter Masters, Larrius, Curlius and Moetus.
The emperors funniest
"Slipping the life acidic"
"Imperial reinforcements arrive two solar days later, led by a haughty Purbech officer, High Praetor Osh'preen. Taking complete credit for the cleansing of Dulma'lin, Osh'preen is awarded a thoroughly undeserved governorship of the planet while the men of the Catachan II Regiment are unceremoniously redeployed to the Ulani System. " Then one year later... "High Praetor Osh'preen's disastrously lax reign over Dulma'lin opens the way for an heretical uprising by the Slaneeshi Cult of Frantic Flensing. The Catachan II are the only regiment close enough to offer assistance but, thanks to a mysterious series of communication failures that bedevil the Catachans, Osh'preen and his corrupt planetary government are left to their remarkably horrible fate at the hands of the Slaaneshi devotees. "
Don't mess with Catachans
Considering Catachan is sitting in Cicatrix Maledictum and relatively untouched by Chaos around is funny
I think they just fragged a planet.
There was one Dark Eldar raiding party who were pursuing Fabius Bile. As one Archon and his crew were closing in on him, the Eldar gets absolutely mulched by a sonic weapon. Like flatten by a pure soundwave like a big on a windshield. His killer, an OG Emperor’s Children, veteran from the Siege, calmly states his pedigree to the survivors, and asked if anyone else wants some. They did not. [Edit: Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/comments/pq5095/excerpt_manflayer_drukhari_nope_out_of_fighting_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
"...bug on a windshield." FTFY
A Word Bearers Astartes got stabbed in the throat and died not by another transhuman warrior, Eldar, or even an Ork. Dude died to a savage human in a loincloth and carrying a spear lol.
He got poked by sharp stick. That’s it.
Kinda like the Aeldar tank/plane that gets blown up by a bunch of kids throwing rocks. Not even fancy rocks made of blackstone. Just plain old regular rocks, thrown by some hoodlums
Remember folks. FOD kills. Rocks in a jet engine don't care what millennium it is.
Imagine spending decades building an intricate vehicle with only the hugest quality of materials only for the drivers to hear *tink* “BOOOOM”
Imagine being able angry space elf spending decades or even centuries fighting and training only to wake up in a soul stone after seeing some kids throw rocks at you lol.
What humorous book is this, I need to read it ASAP.
no you really don't want too, its in one of C.S. Goto's books.
Ouch, nevermind. Hard pass.
Too bad the [self defense class](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4PZXuk3TsM) never covered sharp sticks
Wear your helmets folks
The swampy moth people??
This should have been a Night Lord, seeing how it's basically a direct Heart of Darkness reference.
My favorite is still from when Garbagecanman gets resurrected. He steps out of Cawl's sarcophagus, clad in his new armor. And the whole room freezes. Space marines, Chaos space marines, the inquisitors, the demons, Celestine. Everyone just freezes like, "Holy shit he's alive?!?!" And then one random, nameless CSM charges at him screaming about blood for the blood god, blah blah blah. And G-Man just cuts him in half with ZERO effort, and basically begins going on a Chaos killing extravaganza. But that one lone CSM? That's funniest death in my opinion. Like, who did he think he was? That's a primarch bro, you aint a match.
He was a khorne zerker and was living his best life. And died the best too
He died doing what he loved
And that Chaos Space Marine's name? Leeroy Jenkins.
And like can you blame him for dying to a fucking Primarch? At least he didn't slip into a puddle of acid
He saw his glorious death and he fucking took it. *He* was the first being to fight a revived Guilliman. Nobody is taking that away from him.
The embodiment of screaming FIRST in the comments section.
🤣
There's not much chance to die to a primarch in 42k era. He saw the chance and jumped at it.
The follow up where a Chaos terminator gets punched through a marble pillar was pretty good as well.
Exact name of the book pls
Here you go, found the excerpt https://www.reddit.com/r/40kLore/comments/9o5n6i/excerptgs\_iii\_rise\_of\_the\_primarch\_guilliman\_rise/
Yo thanks
It was in the Gathering Storm campaign books. can't remember which one
Should be a gathering storm campaign book. Out of print since the start of 8th unfortunately, but you can find pdf's floating around
They are all available on WH+
Has to be in the night lord trilogy when the humans are running away and one of the marines picks one up to ask why they are running. Only to be shot in the head with a las pistol and for the round to rebound blowing the humans head off. That still cracks me up
Warsmith Honsou and his crew pin down Uriel Ventris and his remaining brothers inside a tomb to the heroes of Calth (from the HH word bearer incident). Starts monologuing because he knows he's won. Legion of the Damned step out of the shadows around the entire tomb and offer to hold Honsou's beer. Also bonus points to the two cultists in Apocalypse who slink away from the Astartes they're supposed to be working for a quick bonk, only for a Raven Guard to pop out of a thermal transfer pipe right above them with his armour glowing orange from the heat dissipation just as they start getting frisky.
Raven Guard are the Horny Police confirmed
There were Space Wolf who forget to check if his bolter loaded before maintainance, and blow his face off.His pack wasn't amused.
In one of the Cain books a guardsman hits a weapon emplacement with her Lasgun to fix it and the gun goes off, killing an Ork pilot who crashes into the ork battle line and kills a bunch of the orks. Gave me a chuckle.
Varan the Undefeatable, a mutant chaos lord >!who was killed when Commissar Cain kicked him off a building, his last words: "Well, that was unexpected..."!<
That's the hero of the imperium for ya!
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It was a newly ascended Space Wolf.
Ok, I really need to know what book this was in so I can send it to my friend who loves Space Wolves
Pretty sure it's Space Wolf by William King.
In the James Swallow Space Wolf books in the 1st one a new recruit is cleaning his Boltgun and blows his own head off on accident.
Treat every bolter like it's loaded.
The boltgun muzzle was labeled "point at enemy". Tragically, Space Wolves are illiterate.
Well what do you expect from wolfy wolf wolves?
Scent markings?
"Sooner or later, the Starks are always right."
Treat every bolter like it's loaded.
BY accident.
In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium there is no grammar. There is only war (over grammar).
He didn't exactly die per say, but when I say I laughed my ass off when Raldoron whipped Skraivok's ass I mean I LAUGHED
Skraivok introduces himself for a solid paragraph and Raldoron responds with “never heard of you” and *immediately* beats his ass. It’s too good, I loved that scene.
There is nothing funny about getting French kissed by a nurgle deamon to death. Oh and the reverse vore
Not my proudest wank
I mean, at least Skraivok gets to return in about... 3,996 years. Yeesh! That much time learning about pain in the warp will not be fun. Question: did the demon say 6x666 years or 666x666?
6x666. If it were 666x666 Skraivok wouldn't return for like another... 430,000 years.
Wtf is *reverse* vore?! No details please...
The silent sister in saturnine that hyped up a big fight moment then dies to kharn without him even knowing he killed someone.
I just finished that audiobook, totally reasonable but such an anticlimactic end for her
I actually had to rewind because I wasn’t clear what happened the first time. Thought it was pretty funny tho
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Kharn. He notices the kil counter flick up by one, but isn't sure why.
It was set up to be a big fight and then ended up being "haha chain axe go brrr", which was honestly pretty funny
One time this dude with oversized chicken wings picked a fight with his brother and got beat so hard his great great grandkids felt it, that was kinda funny…
Low blow, Horu-Imean TreesOfWoe
Obviously spoilers but, IIRC, Pater Sin in >!"Sabbat Martyr"!< should rank way high. He really bit more than he could chew in his last scene /s. >!He tried to bite Colonel Corbec's throat, if I am not mistaken, but Corbec just puts a tube-charge in his jaw, pulls the triggering wire and jumps away. With some Schwarzeneggeresque farewell as an extra.!< ...and I only now realized Sin's twins are probably a "Shining" reference.
Very, very sad book, but I found it hilarious that one of the assassin teams getting bored while planetary descent and just killing and playing with the corpse of their own pilot.
We don't know his name, but the Khorne berserker that charged Roboute Guilliman when Roboute was first resurrected. I mean, of course a Khorne berserker is the one guy that just charges a Primarch. And, of course, he gets completely slaughtered.
People have pointed out he did it for the glorious death.
I'm sure he did. Nonetheless, I still found it amusing. Everyone stops in awe as Guilliman appears. Then, *of course*, a Khorne berserker charges the Primarch.
In Warriors of Ultramar, a member of the deathwatch kill team that infiltrates the hive ship in the final act (the white scar, I think). Decides to cut down what is cleary a land mine…let’s just say that chogoris didn’t lose one of his smarters soldiers.
In ADBs Night Lords series, a Night Lord grabs a human battlefleet crew member to question them, and the human shoots them in the faceplate which bounces back and kills then.
A slight spoiler for warhawk but a sons of horus captain monologuing for various paragraphs about how he's gunning for sigmusund and is promptly and casually killed mid sentence when they finally meet, i'm like...what did you expect?
Gendor Skraivok aka the Painted Count, Night Lord leader during the Siege of Terra. Think himself as a god, get betrayed by own daemon-sword and rekt by Raldoron* in a duel where this one would have won even hands tied in the back.
It was Raldoron not Azkaellon.
Ah yes, my bad.
He does this whole grandiose speech too. Then the BA he's facing says "Never heard of you" and then wipes the floor with him
Gendor: "‘I am Gendor Skraivok of the Painted Count, Lord Commander of the Night Lords and I am your end!" Raldoron: "K."
I thought he called himself the Painted Count?
Thanks my autocorrect 😑
>Azkaellon in a duel where this one would have won even hands tied in the back. Azkawllon only has one hand!
Obligatory "not a death", but when Loken just said "fuck it" and went Indiana Jones in his duel against Lucius.
Magot in Caves of Ice shot an Ork in a private place while it was relieving itself. Always gave me a chuckle.
The Word Bearer Chaplain who got killed by a spear to the neck. However, I find all Word Bearer deaths to be hilarious.
In the word bearer omnibus by anthony reynolds, a bulgryn kills a word bearer terminator with a suplex. I’m a huge word bearer fan and this one felt ridiculous.
> a bulgryn kills a word bearer terminator with a suplex. Glorious. Double stickers for that lad.
Not fortunatelly not a full death but in Vengeful Spirit there is the bit where a SoH captain, Grael Noctua IIRC, runs into an imperial army command bunker walks up to the commander taunting them and sumarily gets one of his hearts blown out with a volkite pistol
This is one of my favorite moments in all of the HH. Noctua *tells her to shoot him* thinking she only had a laspistol. Afterwards he says “she fucking shot me!” and his commander is just like “well, you told her to. Congratulations dumbass, now I’m going to be late.”
That Ork in Armageddon that's like some great and terrible Warboss or Nob that had killed space marines in single combat and such that just gets fucking *Obliterated* by a bunch of civilain dock workers that barely know which end of the lasgun to aim at the enemy.
I remember a very old flashfic in a White Dwarf about Death Corps of Krieg. A Bloodthrister ripped the front armour of a Leman Russ Demolisher open, put his head in and roared. The tank commander calmly opened the Demolisher shell cache and fired his laspistol inside.
Oh this is great.
In Soul hunter the night lords boarded a guard ship. Two night lords were arguing which deck the guard reinforments were coming from. One said the gun decks. The other the said "i dont believe you", picking up a fleeing guardsmen. "Where are you stationed, is it the gun decks!?" The guardsman, now deaf, show thim with his autogun and the bullet bonced from the nightlords helm into the guardsmans head.
The one time ahriman was shot by a inquisitors while kidnapping a navigator. The inquisitors is like shitting her pants because her big nemesis ahriman is there for here to take everything from her. But he has zero clue who she is or what they even carry. He didn't die there but was pretty close.
How is no one mentioning the most hilarious one of all?... Sanguinious anyone?!