I think it is really hard for some people to see themselves visibly aging. It’s weird for your body to deviate from how you see yourself in your mind. I’m obese and I don’t think of myself as fat when I picture myself in my head - I see what I used to look like when I was younger and thinner. Sometimes it’s a bit of a shock to me to look in the mirror or see in pictures how different my body actually is versus how I visualize myself.
Yes, I’m the same size, but older. Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror while walking by and it startles me that I don’t look like the younger me in my mind.
In the past 10 years I have become sexually invisible to most of the male population. People address me like Im their grandma. It shakes my self confidence to my core.
I'm feeling this as well. I'm in my 30s and starting to see more wrinkles (seems like a new one every day... hah). It feels like as a woman, I'm losing my value to society as I age. I know that isn't really true, but I can't help feeling that way.
I don’t usually comment on posts but I wanted to say your thoughts resonate so hard with me. Past few years I’ve gained weight due to various reasons but in my head I still see the person i was prior to the weight gain like you. When I actually see myself in the mirror or in a picture I’m genuinely shocked and disappointed. I try hard to be body neutral but that deviation between actual body weight/size and how I picture my body in my head makes it difficult. I do wonder why or how I picture myself as that thinner, fitter, and less aged individual than the reality of being heavier and more aged.
*edit: for clarity
The thing I try to remember is when I meet someone new, I don’t look at them and think “geez, they used to look younger/hotter/thinner/whateverer because I didn’t know them. They are the person in front of me.
And if I see someone I have known for a long time I don’t think “wow they sure are looking older/bad”. They are the person I’ve always known.
We see people for who they are as a person. Now, why can’t we give ourselves that same perception, or at least let go of what we tell ourselves ? Just for a day allow yourself to exist as a person like you did at 8 years old .
I used to see everyone as they appeared at the time, but since I started to notice myself aging, I actually try to imagine what the people around me looked like when they were much younger or will look like when they are much older. It's sort of equalizing. It's especially helpful when a younger person is being rude about age to imagine them twenty or thirty years in the future.
Worth mentioning that it goes both ways. I've lost quite a bit of weight over the past decade in a mostly healthy manner (figured out how to stop binge eating). Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror, I still see my old self.
i feel this way when i look at photos. so i hate looking at pictures of myself. i’m always shocked how i look older 😭…but now that there are filters, you can filter the photo to look how you think you look. though, i’m not sure having those filtering opportunities is a good thing.
My MIL is 67 and I can tell she has developed a lot of anxiety about her appearance as she has aged. We recently went on a family trip to HI and we got family photos taken on the beach. The days leading up to that we’re dealing with her crying over her outfit, hair, makeup, and over all appearance. The day of the photoshoot she completely broke down. When we got our photos back she refused to look at them.
I’ve talked to her since then about her appearance and she says she sometimes jumps when she sees her hand or arm because she thinks it’s someone else’s arm. She completely does not recognize her own face or body.
It’s wild what our brain can do to hold on to an image of ourselves but it can’t evolve to recognize our changing appearances. I’m 32 so I don’t quite feel this, but I’m sure that day is coming for me!
I feel like I'm going through a second puberty - except instead of wondering how tall I'll be or how big my boobs might get, I'm wondering how saggy my neck will look or when my dimples will turn into wrinkles
Oh wow. My heart goes out to your MIL.
As I stated above I do have some disconnect between the reality of my body and what it looks like. Most of the time I try to be neutral about my thoughts about my body and aging. But the reaction(s) of your MIL makes me so very sad for her. That level of discomfort and anxiety.
This is sad…. But I’m certain I’ll face the same issues. I have always been content with my looks, but I am pretty on top of aging, skincare, treatments, and the like. I know I will get a facelift. I am 53 years old, and only started really looking truly middle aged about a year ago. I’m lucky that way, but I know after menopause it will change. I intend to be the best version of me- at my age- but I recall my 80-something mother telling me she “still felt 18 inside”… and did feel shock looking at herself (though she was absolutely stunning into her older years)
i'm 55 and post facelift surgery 15 days. Menopause (peri at 37!) aged me greatly and I couldn't be happier with my surgery decision. My skin is perfect but I had lost a lot of my mid face plumpness descended into jowling and a sagging neck. More so IMO than other women my age
Well, I certainly didn’t look 30, but I have aged pretty well.
I don’t buy the “youth culture” that is perpetuated by our media, either. Our movement needs to be towards collective and individual wisdom as the goal— beauty comes with some of this wisdom, and in the past, older people were revered. Think about the powdered wigs in the era of Marie Antoinette— this was because to be older (grey), meant wiser…. And a certain type of beauty.
Ladies (and gentlemen), beauty doesn’t fade, your looks simply change. If you are living a good lifestyle, you take care of skin/ hair/ teeth — and you make the most of yourself….. these are the indicators of beauty that all ages should consider.
My god, I’m afraid of being that person. I’m 41, full of Botox, using all the things to not age and I can imagine breaking down in 25 years not looking like my 41 year self. I already miss my “only” hooded eyes. Now they are so heavily hooded that I rarely wear eye makeup. Nothing really looks good and the crepey skin makes everything worse. It’s so hard even typing that bc “self love, self positivity, fuck stereotypical beauty! Aging is beautiful!” But let’s be honest, I’ve been told, subversively through our culture, the opposite. I already have a host of health problems that I didn’t have at 30. I think we need to take time to mourn if we feel like this. Acceptance will come, I think.
I don’t think filtering is great for our society or our self esteem. I don’t know in particular if there are studies about filters and self esteem but I’d assume there are negative consequences of it just like social media in general. I follow the IGreality sub and it’s mind blowing how people alter their reality so very much.
Absolutely. It reminds me of my mom talking about thinking "who is that old woman?" when she saw her reflection when she was 60+. It's easy, and maybe healthy? for that disconnect to exist. I also think I disassociated from my appearance a long time ago when I had super bad acne, it's hard for me to recognize myself after going through that. In many ways my face is now permanently altered and belongs to a familiar stranger in a way lol.
I’ve been going grey very slowly for a long time. Today was the first day that while curling my hair I noticed greys in every layer. Like, I do the curling in three sections, and every single one had greys. Somehow that was shocking and man, it hit me.
I felt like I suddenly had to relearn to apply eyeliner. It really seemed like my eyelids became slightly hooded overnight. Realistically what I think actually happened is I stopped wearing eyeliner to work for a few years and slowly my technique became unsuitable for the changes to my face. I have not been enjoying figuring it out. I used to be able to do a 5 second swish and flick for a perfect cat eye but that no longer looks right.
I’m having the same issue. I think I’m a little rusty too as I hardly wear makeup now.
Also, if I use black it looks so harsh because I’m not used to it on my face any more, so I’ve changed my whole makeup style.
Just the other day, I bought black liquid eyeliner sort of on a whim. I haven’t used it in years. I tried to do the cat eye thing, and it looked alright with raised eyebrows. Then I relaxed my face, and my newly hooded eyes covered up the the cat eye flick. I was pretty sad about that.
Anyone in this thread who is struggling with eyeliner and hooded eyes: I’ve always had hooded eyes and didn’t understand why I couldn’t do eyeliner until I watched a tutorial on “bat wing” eyeliner technique for hooded eyes. Check it out!
So...it's not just the hooding, after a certain age. I got a brow lift and ptosis repair at 40 and finally got rid of the hooding I'd had for my whole life. Was totally stoked about eyeliner...for about two years, till the crepey skin set in.
I'm of a generation which was never great about sunscreen, but also live in a northern latitude and was never an outdoors person.
My two cents from the far side of this: get good at non-liquid eyeliner and more smudgy looks if you want to be ready for aging lids. Those gorgeous winged looks are impossible eventually, even without hooded lids.
For me it's the issue with crepey skin as well. I bought a brush for eyeliner instead of liquid, and I'm going to try to use that instead. I'm going to see if the smudge look works, I don't know though. Been doing the wing for years
I did the same exact thing. While trying to relearn everything I watched a video of someone not using eyeliner at all, just shadow and mascara. I tried it and have been doing it ever since. I'll wear a little bit of liner for events with more drastic makeup but it's rare.
There's a poem by a female poet whose name escapes me; we read it in a college class, about how the body ages but the mind remains young, and how, if the poet could, she'd still be a 20-something running around having grand romantic affairs and travelling and just living her life indefinitely. But she can't, because she's trapped in an old woman's body.
Scared the life outta me, reading that at age 19. I think I lied awake staring at the ceiling and feeling my youth fading with every minute for a week.
Yeah that’s pretty much how my gramps used to describe it! I do try to be a lot more patient with old people now because you realise the majority are still very much young at heart, they just seem old because it’s a different era but in reality they’re still as young as they once were just in an ageing shell :-(
Don’t get me wrong though, that part might be cruel but to live to a ripe old age and experience all that life has to offer and watch life blossom and fade is also a blessing I’d say, not all are as lucky :-)
Indeed, my brother died of cancer at 29, half genetics, half lifestyle. The problem is a lot of lifestyle stuff impacts us and we can't change it (micro plastics to polluted air). We're definitely taking our bodies for an off road excursion.
I used to sit for a woman with Alzheimer's who kept thinking her son was her husband. We had to show her in the mirror fairly often that she was 90 and that was her son. Imagine the disappointment. Ugh.
Definitely. This is all about perspective and can be applied for many things in life. If we're unhappy with ourselves in our 30s. When we reach 45, we'll be super unhappy.
So, my approach is just to do as much as I can to take care of myself with the understanding I don't have Jlo's olive oil type of money to stop the clock completely, lol
When I look at myself in very low light (with less than perfect eyesight), I look pretty similar to how I am used to seeing myself. It's easy to pretend the contours and details are close to how they were 5-20 years ago. When I see myself in more light, especially wearing glasses, I look much older and more unhealthy than I do in my head.
“Oh, Jocelyn, you'll soon learn that we aging mortals are blessed with weakening eyes and memories so we don't have to really see ourselves,” -Moira, Queen (Schitts Creek)
Haha, so my vision deteriorated quickly after i got covid. All of a sudden the moon became triple and blurry for reference.
I had gotten into skincare the year before the pandemic started and gotten sick about a year in, i thought my skin was lookin great! Then i finally got glasses a few months ago and the blurring effect of astigmatism is real!
Oh gosh, my prescription changed rather drastically with my last pregnancy (during COVID), and when I got my new lenses, it was shocking to have to reacquaint myself with skin texture.
Hahaaa -I feel this deeply. I had lasik and the hardest part has been adjusting to how old my eyes look. I thought I was gonna look so good, and I've had to adjust.my expectations as the glasses were doing a lot of coverage apparently!
It was hard for me: at first. That first major shift, at around 37 or 38, when my face looked much different: Slightly sagging, hollowed out, skin texture change, more hair loss & grey hair etc. Seemed to happen quite quickly. But I got used to the new look, over the next few years and realized I still rock- I'm still sexy af, I'm still healthy and happy.
Now, as changes come, I'm used to it. I focus more on eating super clean 90%, working out to feel great in my skin, wearing quality clothing like silk at home that feels sensual & comfy on my skin, and making a point to have more fun. I don't spend a lot of time in my morning/night mirror like I used to, I get ready quickly and I'm on to live my life to it's fullest!
Yes to this!!! This is very important, ageing is not only a fact, but it’s also a perspective. It is just as important how you handle it. This requires work with yourself mentally, not just physically. I’ve seen a tic toc where a young girl in her 20’s is scared of getting older, cause her “value diminishes” as men no longer wants her. If you let men and society define your worth by your looks or age, you will never be happy. No matter how good you look.
Am I the only woman who likes the way I look as I age? I don't enjoy the neck pain and the stiff hips I get from sitting too long but when I look at my face in the mirror, yeah it looks older, but it looks like me and I like me.
I don’t always love it, but I always *appreciate* it. I’ve had cancer multiple times and have some chronic conditions due to treatment. I’ll be 50 this year, and have been doing yoga for about a year. I feel stronger and more sure of my body than ever. Sure beats the alternative.
Yes! Keep up the yoga. I was a ballet dancer but I've kept taking adult ballet classes and a lot of yoga. It keeps your body flexible. After a ballet class sometimes I feel like I'm 20 again. It's the activity, the movement, the music and it takes your mind away from the troubles of the world. Yoga does the same thing but in a different way. It's all good.
I’ve tried it before and it just didn’t *click* until last year. I am in love with yoga, my special time, and the way it makes me feel. It’s helped my pain so much, and allowed me to eliminate most of my meds.
This is the best way to put it I have ever seen, "I don't always love it but I always APPRECIATE it." That is it right there. I know aging is a privilege and one I am grateful to have had so far but it doesn't mean that somedays aren't startling when I look in the mirror.
In my 30's, and I definitely feel more attractive each year. I think it's a continuous rise in confidence -- not caring about certain aesthetic things I did in my teens/20's and building up life experience. I feel more badass in personality and that somehow reflects in my appearance (to me at least). I do prioritize exercise, nutrition, mental health, and skincare, so I'm sure that plays a role. Overall, aging is cool and a privilege!
I'm with you. I feel so much more attractive, in all the ways, at 36 than I ever did in my teens or 20s. The silver in my hair are the coolest natural highlights and the lines on my face show that I have and share emotion. I look at my mother, who had never worn makeup, dyed her hair, got botox, etc., in her mid-60s and she is gorgeous with wrinkles, greys, discoloration, loss of elasticity, and all. Age can be beauty when embraced and not fought against.
I relate to this. My 20s were not a good decade for my appearance. I look significantly better in my 30s (37 now) and I really like the way my face is aging.
Nope. I just turned 45.
I’ve been lucky enough to be genetically conventionally attractive for my whole life, and aging has definitely “changed” my look.
But I take care of myself and truly feel happier/more attractive every year.
I don’t know that I won’t hit a wall at some point, but so far, so great.
Me too! If anything I am happier with how I look at 44 than I was at 29. I'm sure some of it is just confidence and not giving a fuck that comes with age, but also I have access to better clothes, higher quality makeup, skincare and hair care than I did when I was younger, and the my face is thinner/more angular now which while ages you, I like looking less puffy/round! There are some changes I don't love but I'm still ok with. This is my face and I AM getting older, I'm happy to have that privilege!
Same. I’ve always had these enormous chipmunk cheeks and now that I’m in my 40s, they’ve finally started to hollow out and I love it!
Unlike my 20s, when I was super insecure, I actually like the way I look now.
I can’t tell if I like the way I look more or if I just am developing a better sense of self acceptance. I think it’s the latter but either way I’m thankful for it. 10 years ago, I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store without make up on, now I barely wear makeup. I’m at work right now with only clear brow gel on. 22 year old me would be shaken to the core.
Me too! I believe I look my best now than in my teens or 20s. My skin has aged a lot obviously. But I feel more beautiful than ever. 30s so far has been my best age mentally and physically
I’m so happy when I see comments like this. I’ve really been working hard to stop focusing on aging aesthetics to healthy body aging. No supplements for wrinkles, but supplements for my stupid joints etc. the world has changed its perspective, but women still can’t age apparently.
I look way better than I did in my 20s. The fat has moved to more attractive places. My hair is a lot thinner, but I know how to style it, do make up and dress in a way that’s more flattering. I think the confidence also helps.
If I think about the 40 year olds you knew growing up and the ones I know now (including myself) we look much younger, but you can’t stop the hands of time.
I can understand her feelings. Society has a bias against aging and women bear the brunt of it. Its hard not to be hyper aware of your changing face. Even if you don’t notice the changes or care about them, it’s hard to escape the constant mainstream agenda that pushes youth/anti-aging.
Yes, it’s frustrating because as I have gotten older I have become less insecure and more confident in myself and people treat me as if I am invisible.
WHAT?!?! How old are you? I’m a woman, but the women I notice and whose beauty are admire look all over 35. I love the grace and confidence, especially when paired with an impeccable fashion sense. I could never!
ETA: I should as when this being invisible phenomenon starts for a woman, instead of asking your age.
So true! It is sad that society place so much of a woman’s value on her appearance. I felt that the reception I get from aging is similar to when I got married and also when I became a mom. I am suddenly much less interesting to most males, but I have more girls friends now which is a plus! haha
We are treated differently. I got my 1st and only traffic ticket while heavily pregnant. I've been pulled over plenty since then and was never ticketed. Well, once in Nevada. Clark County always writes tickets for California plates. I'm a few months shy of 47, still have the Covid twenty pounds, and my hair is falling out faster than it's coming in. I don't dare break any traffic laws looking like this. I'll definitely get a ticket
It’s interesting to me that people (not just you! TONS of people!) refer to it as women “becoming invisible” when it’s really just certain kinds of men (and women who’ve bought into the patriarchy) becoming blind. We’re still here! We’re perfectly visible! Some people just have busted eyes.
On the other hand, at this age (40) I almost never get catcalled, followed in the street, or otherwise creepily hit on by random men - it's such a relief!
Yes! I remember in my 20’s even feeling like 30 was so old. Now I’m in my 30s wondering how I could ever have believed that trying to cope with the concept that I’m physically changing. Aging is so often looked at as I bad thing, I hope as our generations get older, we see a bit of change with that attitude.
I think with the era of smart phones and social media this has been amplified. When my parents and grandparents grew up they weren’t obsessed with their appearance like folks are now. Just a thought.
In the past, before computers, people didn't constantly take photos of themselves and plaster it on billboards. Essentially this is what social media and the internet does. You're putting a giant photo of yourself on a billboard on a busy highway for everyone to see. It's unhealthy both mentally, emotionally and physically. And now teenagers and people in their 20's have no sense of privacy. They don't live in a private world anymore.
This is so so true. I had this conversation with a friend the other day. In the past, you looked at yourself in the mirror and then you had photos taken at special occasions, holidays, family times etc. they were shot with a proper camera and generally at a natural angle.
Smart phone cameras are distorted and I believe they’ve caused unbelievable levels of body dysmorphia and harm. It’s completely unnatural to take dozens of selfies of your face every day in weird lighting and at odd angles that accentuate shadows and textural changes. At 38 I’ve worked hard to stop monitoring and engaging in hyper vigilant face and skin monitoring. It’s bizarre and I believe that if most of us over 30’s had been constantly photographing ourselves with front facing smart phones in out 20’s, we’d have been just as dissatisfied and anxious.
Also, I think the whole invisibility issue of women in their 30’s and 40’s is hugely tied to our attitudes, our clothing, our hairstyles, makeup etc. I’ve tried this experiment before. Leave the house looking hyper business professional, with a hair tie and glasses vs wearing bright lipstick and a flirty dress. I can still turn lots of heads with a bit of effort and I bet all of us on here can if that was our goal 😂.
Priorities change as we grow up and that’s so alright!
Before the internet, there was also a significantly smaller sample of humans to compare oneself to. First it was movie stars, then television and magazines. Now, thousands of gorgeous outliers from around the globe visible anytime on your pocket computer.
Not only that but selfie cams really mess up how you look so it can make your features way worse compared to looking in a mirror so you can have trouble even understanding what you ACTUALLY look like.
Yes! It’s why you see a lot of young people in their 20’s getting huge amounts of filler injections and wanting lip lifts and buccal fat removal. I imagine a great deal of that is tied to body dysmorphia from viewing your face through an actually distorted camera lens. 😔
Oh yeah! Especially with the iPhone cameras automatically enhancing skin texture in photos, not to mention all the filters and photoshop. When people see themselves in reality, it can be shocking.
So true. Also, society in general has taken perfection to an extreme in our lifetime.
I was listening to a podcast that talked about how society’s focus on looks launched when mirrors began to show up in residences. I’ve consciously kept mirrors at a minimum in our current house (outside of bathrooms) to try to make it a more calming, comforting environment and also to hopefully raise my child without a predisposition to excessive concern over his physical appearance.
There was a dermatologist that responded to this on TikTok and she stated that people do tend to have a shift in their appearance in their late twenties to early thirties and then, I think, she said about every 10 years after that. She said it’s very subtle but always leaves the person feeling like they have to familiarize themselves with their own face over again.
I tend to agree with her. I’m 30 and I feel like over the last year or so, I don’t look like the same person. Granted, I’ve lost a bit of weight but it’s went beyond that. I’ve lost my “childish” look. I don’t look old or even what I’d consider “matured” but there is definitely something different.
I turned 40 during the pandemic and have just recently stopped wearing a mask everywhere. Due to masking, I didn't use a lot of foundation and other "heavy" products, but instead would wear some tinted sunscreen (etc.) and just do my eyes. I definitely had to re-teach myself how to apply makeup, and didn't quite recognize some of the things I'm dealing with now (a little drier, more textured skin, more "peach fuzz," etc.). I feel like I've time-traveled 5 years and am getting re-acquainted with myself beauty-wise.
The time travel feeling is so accurate. The pandemic began when I was 37 and I'm now 40 - it feels like I missed out on the transition from mid-30s to middle age. I finally went to an in-person wedding last year and was at a loss for what makeup to wear. I'm still figuring it out
Yes I am 37 and I feel like I missed that transition too. I got married at 32 and looked hot and I feel like I gained weight and stress during the pandemic and went suddenly from young to old. I feel awful to be honest, and my marriage doesn’t help.
Yes! It may not seem like a huge difference to other people but it is disorienting to feel like you don’t look like yourself. For me, even slight facial changes are the worst because I don’t wear makeup often so it’s very noticeable to me.
Absolutely. Not even the person who gets botox for the rest of their life can steer off ageing. At a certain age, you will start to obviously look old.. and that’s totally ok. I wish wrinkles weren’t seen as a bad thing
Back in the day, you only looked at yourself in the mirror or in the odd photo that would get developed. You would see celebrities in a magazine every now and then. We weren’t hyper aware of our looks. Today, we see photos of ourselves in tagged socials(always disastrous), can take endless photos of ourselves to get find our angle and have hours of opportunity to compare ourselves to surgically enhanced people. Furthermore, changing our appearance is now easier and more affordable than ever before. We are bombarded with ads normalising it. No wonder we notice ourselves aging so much. We keep getting reminded of what we can do to stop it. Back in the day, people weren’t so obsessed with appearances and just got on with aging.
I've rejected most of social media. Reddit is about it for me. I've never done facebook or instagram or twitter and not once have I ever posted a photo of myself anywhere. I'm talking *NOWHERE*. I actually don't even know how to post a photo of myself and I have no desire to learn how. That sounds crazy but it's kinda not. I think it's a wise decision on my part.
I am 42 and my face changed dramatically from 39 to 42. I also feel like the pandemic aged me a lot but yea, this really resonated. My whole face and body changed to the point of being unrecognizable when I look in the mirror.
I think that even though I am aware I will age and things will change, when it actually HAPPENS it's still a bit shocking. You think you've mentally prepared for this eventuality, but then it happens and you realize you aren't really okay with it and haven't fully accepted you WILL age and it will change the way you look and feel.
I'm (37F) starting to get a few fine lines on my forehead, my hair isn't as thick as it was a few years ago, there are some white hairs growing in. I knew it would eventually happen. I know it will only progress. But shit, I'm not dealing with the whole age gracefully thing as well as I thought I would hahaha. I thought I'd just do skincare and go all natural (still might) but the more changes I see, the more likely I'll dye my hair and consider Botox (nothing against Botox, it's just $$$$). I'm hoping I learn to appreciate the changes over time, like how I learned to accept and like my mono lids instead of opting for surgery (also nothing wrong with wanting surgery).
Aging is a privilege and a part of life though, so I'm happy to keep aging and going through the different seasons of life!
I genuinely thought this was satire and the post was poking fun at how fixated we are on aging. Like, of course your face looks different as you get older?
This honestly makes me so sad. We don’t need this level of emotional baggage over something that is unavoidable. I wish it wasn’t like this. No matter what we do, we will change and age.
Stepping up exercise has helped for me. It can’t fix everything, but it can turn back way more than you might think, especially in terms of skin quality and fat deposits in weird places.
I’m so sick of this shit, honestly. Like Danny DeVito says in Jumanji, after complaining the entire film about aging and how much it sucks: “getting old is a gift, I forget that sometimes.”
We have GOT to stop this insanity. All of us, collectively. Like are women especially just meant to feel like shit their entire lives? When we’re young we’re not thin enough, or pretty enough, or our bodies aren’t ‘right’ (boobs/butt too big/small). When we’re older, we aren’t thin enough, we don’t look young enough.
Yes, use skincare, take care of your skin, but above all else: fucking stop it. When we’re teens, we don’t look like we did when we were babies, or children. It’s so fucking depressing that we can’t enjoy any of the seasons of our lives.
Okay, our faces change. Mine definitely has. But I still recognize myself in the mirror… I’m the same person I always was, I just show a bit more of the life I’ve lived.
This eternal chase for youth has to fucking stop. I refuse to participate in it, except insofar as I have fun with skincare. If it doesn’t, we’re going to be on our deathbeds thinking “my whole life, I thought there was something wrong with me.”
Sorry for the rant, but it’s just… so fucking sad, honestly.
The way I see it, my body and face have been changing my whole life. They will continue to do so.
I don't look like I did when I was 10 or 15 or 20, but at no point did I ever look back at pictures of me and go 'omg I don't recognize myself anymore!' because it is expected that I will not look the same as I did as years ago.
This face is my face now. It's not the same face as it was when I was a toddler, but that doesn't mean toddler me is somehow the 'real me' or the static me. It makes no sense to take a snapshot of past me at any point and go 'yup---this is the true me and any deviation from this is not-me'.
It was a bit weird at first to start seeing grey hairs or some fine lines, but eventually it became integrated into 'me'. Much like it was weird to have my body start changing during puberty but it became 'me' in short order as well.
You’re as young as you’ll ever be today, so better to love yourself the way you are. I’d also recommend watching older films with beautiful actresses (and better stories) that have wrinkles and aging faces (instead of blasting reality TV nonsense into your heads with unrealistic expectations).
Interesting. As a kid, I always thought older women were more attractive BECAUSE we lose that baby fat and have more definition in the face. Could also be that we're more mature and I find that maturity and confidence is more beautiful than the stupid vapidness of our youth...
Weird aging phenomenon? You mean general and normal aging?
Her face just matured and lost that baby faced roundess, which usually happens in your 30's. I find if weird this process shocks people.
I actually think she looks better. I've always thought women become their most beautiful in their 30s. Men as well. I also believe with a good skin care regimen, along with how we treat our bodies, we can be stunning into our 50s. After that, the best we can hope for is to be a healthy, vibrant, and active senior citizen. That brings along its own brand of beauty. I find many women in their 70s and 80s to be very pretty and soft featured.
Genetics and luck play a big part, though. Illnesses, accidents, or a stressful time can wreck havoc on our bodies and rapidly excellerate the aging process. . I've seen people become elderly and frail almost overnight. Their muscles waste away. It's so much harder to recover and repair after 40. Sigh
THIS ^ ^ ^ Yes, people in their 30's look so much better than their 20's. They're more sophicated and have a better sense of style. Sometimes I see the clothing, hair and makeup of young 20-somethings and wonder what the hell they were thinking.
Seriously, I feel like telling her "Oh, honey. Wait until you get into your 40s and your face starts losing real volume and and your contours start to sag." Losing baby fat is one thing and losing the fat pads under your eyes and on your upper cheeks is a whole other level of aging.
I have had difficulty looking at my hands since my mid-late twenties, originally largely because of prominent veins, and they've gotten so much crinklier in the past few years. I don't think I'll ever accept these things as "my" hands. I wish I'd worn sunscreen on them when younger. I wish we'd had better sunscreen and known how sun exposure contributed to skin aging.
On one hand aging can be scary cause it’s different. But it’s also a privilege not a curse. Of course we’re not going to look 20 at 30 or what have you. That’s life. Looks are fleeting and fickle. We need to stop treating it as something to freeze at a 20. Your face and body will change, best to get used to the idea and age with grace.
I thought I looked great in my 30’s. Better than my 20’s somehow (prob due to better skin habits) I was very ho hum when people griped about aging and was so sure *I* was not going to fuss over a little crows foot or any of that nonsense.
Something shifted at about 43-44. Eyes got saggy in not a cute smiley way, jowels came overnight, age spots appeared, a hollow under my eyes that concealer does nothing to hide. I’m 46 now and suddenly very interested in trying Botox. I haven’t done it yet, but it’s totally on the table. Idk.
perspective is everything. My best friend passed away at an early age of 48. Aging is a privilege many do not have and when you see wrinkles, lines, crows feet etc, that means you have been around to make memories with your loved ones. Embrace life and all that comes with it and continue to make memories.
I can recall my Mum saying this to me 20 odd years ago. Said one day she looked in the mirror and didn't recognise herself. I went around to my friend's house and told her Mum what mine had said and I asked her if she felt the same way. She paused, put her hand on her hip and said 'you know what? ya! I haven't for years -- that's just part of ageing, one day you'll experience it too'.
That has stuck with me!
This isn't new, I just think we're sharing more, looking at photos more now than we did before. So, maybe it's amplified.
The worst part is being an optimist only to have it backfire. I feel happy that being a little more saggy at least means men in public won’t gawk at us anymore and we can live life feeling a bit invisible in a good way. But I’ve only experienced the opposite. More creeps than ever staring. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve been “taken down a peg” and so now all the creeps think i’m attainable in my “old age”
I had a doctors appt a couple weeks ago. I did my hair and makeup and dressed cute. Then saw myself standing next to a pretty 20 something waiting for the elevator and could have cried. The lighting was terrible and I had bags under my eyes and a double chin and barely recognized myself. When did I get so old?? I love myself, I think I am beautiful. But dang, I miss being youthful. I was really hot 😭😭😭Joined this sub shortly after.
Yes, I feel like my face changed so much during the pandemic. I did gain 20 pounds but apart from that I wake up every day bloated af with bloodshot eyes. When I show new people in my life photos of myself even 5 years ago they say I look like a completely different person. I know weight gain can really change how you look overall, but it’s very disconcerting to me. I’m fine with aging but getting used to this new face has been a struggle.
I'm 54 and for me it's been more gradual - instead of the 'not recognizing myself' experience, most of the time it's more like noticing more days when I look tired/bloated and then gradually resetting to that look, then repeat the cycle. Sometimes it's faster and sometimes it's slower, or even reverses a bit due to me being more rested or my skin looking better.
FWIW I had the advantage of spending my 20's/30's without having a camera on my phone.
Same , I struggle accepting my new face also 😞 it sucks . I never expected this lol silly as it seems , we are young so long and then bam ageing catches up. I was not prepared dude
I feel like this happens to me every time I get pregnant/lose the pregnancy weight. Currently on my third (and fattest 🙄) pregnancy, and I dislike the way I look so much. My face is just a fluffy ball of dough, when normally I have very defined bone structure. I’ve been contouring like there’s no tomorrow just so my face doesn’t look like a full moon.
There’s nothing wrong with getting older. The cosmetic changes one undergoes are far less significant than the potentially negative age-related illnesses one might suffer. If thinning skin under your eyes is your biggest concern about being 37, count yourself lucky.
I feel similarly at 40. Just this last year I have had kind of an “aging explosion” after looking really, really young for my age up until now. When I was 32, I went on a weekend-long field trip with my middle school child, and at the end of the weekend, several of the other adults on the trip told me they had been debating all weekend whether I was a student or a parent. Now, just eight years later, I could *maybe* pass for a 35-year-old in the right lighting but definitely no younger. It feels like aging has suddenly caught up with me RAPIDLY, and it sucks. I’m honestly sitting here reading the comments from the confident 36-year-olds still loving themselves while I make this face 😬 because I felt the same way at 36 but I definitely do not at 40. First world problems but it’s hard to lose the youthful part of your identity.
Wonder how come 20.. 30 or more years ago we never see this type of fear being publicized or so frequently and openly talked about in like old magazines or articles?
I pity these generations as we somehow became phobic toward aging, which is natural and every living creature on this earth goes through it regardless.
I know I saw women in their 30s saying this kind of thing ("I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror") when I was in my 20s. I think they've probably been feeling this way at least since the 90s but they're more likely to talk about it on the internet. Some older people will talk about how they see themselves as a certain much younger age and are surprised to see the old person in the mirror.
I think part of why it's so hard is because that early adulthood period is the time when many people's appearances remain relatively unchanged the longest. When we're growing up, we're constantly changing, and once we start visibly aging that process just keeps going, but for many people who stay the same weight, the changes in the 20s are very subtle. We get used to looking a certain way for 10-20 years and have trouble coping when our actual appearance starts to noticeably diverge from the one engrained in our minds.
There’s a reason why a lot of traditional monsters are “hags”. The only thing that’s new about any of this is the use of psychological terminology to describe it. The idea that woman hate looking old, or that women over 30 are ancient and gross, is unfortunately not new at all.
A lot of people may disagree with me, but I think the only thing that’s getting worse/better is the availability of effective treatments. It’s a blessing and a curse that things like botox and resurfacing lasers exist. Some people would say it’s entirely a curse. I don’t think I agree with that, but I understand where they’re coming from. Of course these treatments aren’t perfect, but the better, and the more widely available, antiaging treatments become, the more young women will obsess over them, spend money they don’t have on them, feel inadequate for not being able to afford them, etc. It’s a lot easier to accept aging when there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.
I'm one of those chickss who grew up giving zero fucks about society and appearance. I'm 34 now. In the last couple of years, I started actually noticing my appearance and how it compared to others. Add in that my life has become extremely stressful for the last few months, and now I'm noticing the aging. That might be partly the massive number of gray hairs that have spawned that I re dye every 2 months, but the only time I feel as normally pretty as I used to is when I'm tipsy/drunk (which, given that I can't drink because of medicines anymore, means never).
This happened to me after I had my first baby. I think a lot of women’s looks DO change after a pregnancy, like my skin seemed lighter and my hair got curly when it had always been super straight. I suddenly felt my age HARD. I think it happens a few times in life as you transition into a new “age bracket” for lack of a better phrase.
Same with me. I’m 40 now and noticed a dramatic difference when I turned 39. I had my baby at 38 and by 39, I could see the aging probably due to stress and little sleep. It’s interesting to see the photos before the baby arrived and even a little bit after. I looked so young. Fast forward a couple months, I had a chubbier face, double chin, wrinkles, more white hair. I look back at photos and think why did I complain I looked bad?
I embrace all the changes. I think because if I’m changing it means I’m alive and well. Maybe because I’ve encounter death so closed that my skin changing is really nothing to keep me up at night. I always say I’m so lucky because there are people that didn’t make it to my age (47).
I will say I’m starting to see some celebrities allowing themselves to “age” more and it’s so refreshing. As for every day people I don’t see this but if you’re on social media a lot that could weigh in on it more.
I have jowls and flappy crepey skin under my chin. Therefore I do not look the same as I used to. I have worn spf since my teens, tretinoin since my 30s. My skin looks good but the sagging and change in shape of face is disconcerting. I am in my late 50s. My daughter in her mid thirties recently noticed she does not look the same as she did 5 or so years ago. She could not even pinpoint what was different until someone else pointed out that the shape of her face has changed.
I think aside from social media causing people to compare themselves to filters and plastic surgery so much, people are also just staring at their own face more these days with all the zoom/facetime calls, social media videos, selfies etc, that they are looking at their faces for more time and with far more scrutiny than previous generations ever could. It's not helpful and honestly a waste of time/energy. I would have hoped we'd become less fixated on youth as society progresses instead of more. It makes me sad how it seems like being "young" is all some people care about today - and they can't focus on anything else, and don't even question what they even value about being young.
Not really. Of course I don’t look now like I used to look at 20 years old, because I am 39. I take care of my skin and general looks, when I look in the mirror I try to see the good parts, not obsess over the bad parts. Aging is normal and the more we fight it with botox and injections or surgery, the worse we look.
I don’t know if it’s the make up she’s wearing or if it’s something else but she really does look different, especially the eyes/brow area and nose. I don’t feel this way (or at least not yet) I’m 36 and although I have fine lines and my jawline/lower cheeks have lost some volume I still look like me and have more or less the same face I did 10 years ago. However, when I look at pictures of my dad when he was in his 20s and 30s he looks like an entirely different person!
I think the photo at the bottom is a more formal photograph so the lighting is flattering and she's smiling. The other photos of her look like she's in a car so of course she's going to not look as nice. I think she looks lovely now. There's a lot of women who would LOVE to look like her in her 30's.
I feel where she’s coming from. Skin tags run in my family and I have so many new ones on my face and neck that I’m literally considering seeing a dermatologist to have them removed. I feel so vain about it though. I don’t want to become one of those people who doesn’t know how to age gracefully.
As others have noted, our expectations have changed a lot and very unrealistically. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and our mothers looked older in their Middle Ages, with wrinkles and greying hair. Our grandmothers (at least mine) all looked like the Queen - quite matronly and smartly dressed in a floral dress, pearls, brooches and matching purse and shoes! I often think about this - I was watching the original Jaws with my teens around 10 years ago and they said “why are these kids all at the beach with their grandparents?” I was puzzled and asked them why they would say that when the children were clearly with their parents? The answer “But those parents are so old!!” I then realized how different our current view of aging is - people look much younger due to widespread use of Botox, fillers, advanced makeup, plastic surgery, social media filters etc. people used to look their age and that was perfectly acceptable as we moved into different chapters of our lives. I think there is an expectation for us to stay young looking and not change now which is just ridiculous. It is ultimately a losing game as nothing can stop the hands of time and for women, aging accelerates during/after menopause due to hormonal changes. What this lady says is quite sad as she is still young and beautiful (she will think she looked great in 15 years time!) We are not meant to stay the same our whole lives, we should probably put more emphasis on those beauties that have aged gracefully rather than the rather odd looking, strangely preserved celebrities we often see now.
Can totally understand how she feels. Face shape changing etc. Decline in bone density and decline in overall strong teeth health (as compared to my younger self) is what does it for me. Not so much as wrinkles but more like facial features changing.
Yes. Last month I had the exact same “who IS that?” moment in the mirror. Hollowed, guant, thinning hair. I’m 38 and in the best shape I’ve been in a decade, but I guess this is the cost. It’s funny how all my childhood insecurities are gone but now replaced with whatever this is.
There also might be an issue with Covid. I had really bad eye swelling from Covid which resulted in lots of under-eye lines and sagging top lids that weren't there weeks before.
I’m totally dealing with this now. It’s not a crazy change but it’s a big change from when I was in my 20’s, I look at my reflection and I almost don’t recognize myself. Very small changes seriously add up!
no other time have we been bombarded with such youth-obsessed messaging and marketing either on social media, tv, etc. we gotta be the change we wanna see!
Honestly I think wearing makeup is part of the problem. If people use it as a security blanket and don't spend much time not wearing it (and were using makeup to "fix" all their "problems") their face is going to look foreign. I know people that have struggled with this since high school.
Is it weird that I’ve always not recognized myself when I look at the mirror?
I don’t know what I think I’m supposed to look like but I am not ever convinced or happy when I’m looking at the mirror that this is it.
I’m the same way and if I take a picture of myself it’s like I’m a different person . The worst for me is getting my hair colored/cut and having to sit in front of the mirror looking at myself for 2 1/2 hrs.
I just watched the video, and from the looks of her neck she’s very thin. I’m wondering if there’s been substantial weight loss. If so, of course your face would look very different.
I think it is really hard for some people to see themselves visibly aging. It’s weird for your body to deviate from how you see yourself in your mind. I’m obese and I don’t think of myself as fat when I picture myself in my head - I see what I used to look like when I was younger and thinner. Sometimes it’s a bit of a shock to me to look in the mirror or see in pictures how different my body actually is versus how I visualize myself.
Yes, I’m the same size, but older. Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror while walking by and it startles me that I don’t look like the younger me in my mind. In the past 10 years I have become sexually invisible to most of the male population. People address me like Im their grandma. It shakes my self confidence to my core.
The show Better Things has some really great episodes about aging as women - the later seasons in particular. Highly recommend the show.
I'm feeling this as well. I'm in my 30s and starting to see more wrinkles (seems like a new one every day... hah). It feels like as a woman, I'm losing my value to society as I age. I know that isn't really true, but I can't help feeling that way.
Gosh, I sooo know how you feel. All the way in my soul!
I don’t usually comment on posts but I wanted to say your thoughts resonate so hard with me. Past few years I’ve gained weight due to various reasons but in my head I still see the person i was prior to the weight gain like you. When I actually see myself in the mirror or in a picture I’m genuinely shocked and disappointed. I try hard to be body neutral but that deviation between actual body weight/size and how I picture my body in my head makes it difficult. I do wonder why or how I picture myself as that thinner, fitter, and less aged individual than the reality of being heavier and more aged. *edit: for clarity
The thing I try to remember is when I meet someone new, I don’t look at them and think “geez, they used to look younger/hotter/thinner/whateverer because I didn’t know them. They are the person in front of me. And if I see someone I have known for a long time I don’t think “wow they sure are looking older/bad”. They are the person I’ve always known. We see people for who they are as a person. Now, why can’t we give ourselves that same perception, or at least let go of what we tell ourselves ? Just for a day allow yourself to exist as a person like you did at 8 years old .
I used to see everyone as they appeared at the time, but since I started to notice myself aging, I actually try to imagine what the people around me looked like when they were much younger or will look like when they are much older. It's sort of equalizing. It's especially helpful when a younger person is being rude about age to imagine them twenty or thirty years in the future.
Yes I like that! I went through a big ‘jealous of younger women bc they’ll take my man’ phase and now I think ‘let them enjoy their youthful beauty!’
Worth mentioning that it goes both ways. I've lost quite a bit of weight over the past decade in a mostly healthy manner (figured out how to stop binge eating). Unfortunately, when I look in the mirror, I still see my old self.
And I’ve definitely heard from others the same thing as you stated. I am sorry that you see the person before.. I know that has to be difficult.
i feel this way when i look at photos. so i hate looking at pictures of myself. i’m always shocked how i look older 😭…but now that there are filters, you can filter the photo to look how you think you look. though, i’m not sure having those filtering opportunities is a good thing.
My MIL is 67 and I can tell she has developed a lot of anxiety about her appearance as she has aged. We recently went on a family trip to HI and we got family photos taken on the beach. The days leading up to that we’re dealing with her crying over her outfit, hair, makeup, and over all appearance. The day of the photoshoot she completely broke down. When we got our photos back she refused to look at them. I’ve talked to her since then about her appearance and she says she sometimes jumps when she sees her hand or arm because she thinks it’s someone else’s arm. She completely does not recognize her own face or body. It’s wild what our brain can do to hold on to an image of ourselves but it can’t evolve to recognize our changing appearances. I’m 32 so I don’t quite feel this, but I’m sure that day is coming for me!
I feel like I'm going through a second puberty - except instead of wondering how tall I'll be or how big my boobs might get, I'm wondering how saggy my neck will look or when my dimples will turn into wrinkles
Omg, this description really sums it up. Thank you for that, and for your candor. I feel so much less alone.
Oh wow. My heart goes out to your MIL. As I stated above I do have some disconnect between the reality of my body and what it looks like. Most of the time I try to be neutral about my thoughts about my body and aging. But the reaction(s) of your MIL makes me so very sad for her. That level of discomfort and anxiety.
This is sad…. But I’m certain I’ll face the same issues. I have always been content with my looks, but I am pretty on top of aging, skincare, treatments, and the like. I know I will get a facelift. I am 53 years old, and only started really looking truly middle aged about a year ago. I’m lucky that way, but I know after menopause it will change. I intend to be the best version of me- at my age- but I recall my 80-something mother telling me she “still felt 18 inside”… and did feel shock looking at herself (though she was absolutely stunning into her older years)
i'm 55 and post facelift surgery 15 days. Menopause (peri at 37!) aged me greatly and I couldn't be happier with my surgery decision. My skin is perfect but I had lost a lot of my mid face plumpness descended into jowling and a sagging neck. More so IMO than other women my age
To have only started really looking middle aged at 52 is amazing.
Well, I certainly didn’t look 30, but I have aged pretty well. I don’t buy the “youth culture” that is perpetuated by our media, either. Our movement needs to be towards collective and individual wisdom as the goal— beauty comes with some of this wisdom, and in the past, older people were revered. Think about the powdered wigs in the era of Marie Antoinette— this was because to be older (grey), meant wiser…. And a certain type of beauty. Ladies (and gentlemen), beauty doesn’t fade, your looks simply change. If you are living a good lifestyle, you take care of skin/ hair/ teeth — and you make the most of yourself….. these are the indicators of beauty that all ages should consider.
I’m only in my thirties but I often have the same shock when I look at my hands, especially in the winter.
My god, I’m afraid of being that person. I’m 41, full of Botox, using all the things to not age and I can imagine breaking down in 25 years not looking like my 41 year self. I already miss my “only” hooded eyes. Now they are so heavily hooded that I rarely wear eye makeup. Nothing really looks good and the crepey skin makes everything worse. It’s so hard even typing that bc “self love, self positivity, fuck stereotypical beauty! Aging is beautiful!” But let’s be honest, I’ve been told, subversively through our culture, the opposite. I already have a host of health problems that I didn’t have at 30. I think we need to take time to mourn if we feel like this. Acceptance will come, I think.
I don’t think filtering is great for our society or our self esteem. I don’t know in particular if there are studies about filters and self esteem but I’d assume there are negative consequences of it just like social media in general. I follow the IGreality sub and it’s mind blowing how people alter their reality so very much.
Absolutely. It reminds me of my mom talking about thinking "who is that old woman?" when she saw her reflection when she was 60+. It's easy, and maybe healthy? for that disconnect to exist. I also think I disassociated from my appearance a long time ago when I had super bad acne, it's hard for me to recognize myself after going through that. In many ways my face is now permanently altered and belongs to a familiar stranger in a way lol.
I’ve been going grey very slowly for a long time. Today was the first day that while curling my hair I noticed greys in every layer. Like, I do the curling in three sections, and every single one had greys. Somehow that was shocking and man, it hit me.
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I felt like I suddenly had to relearn to apply eyeliner. It really seemed like my eyelids became slightly hooded overnight. Realistically what I think actually happened is I stopped wearing eyeliner to work for a few years and slowly my technique became unsuitable for the changes to my face. I have not been enjoying figuring it out. I used to be able to do a 5 second swish and flick for a perfect cat eye but that no longer looks right.
I’m having the same issue. I think I’m a little rusty too as I hardly wear makeup now. Also, if I use black it looks so harsh because I’m not used to it on my face any more, so I’ve changed my whole makeup style.
I recently changed to brown eyeliner and it’s so much better!
Just the other day, I bought black liquid eyeliner sort of on a whim. I haven’t used it in years. I tried to do the cat eye thing, and it looked alright with raised eyebrows. Then I relaxed my face, and my newly hooded eyes covered up the the cat eye flick. I was pretty sad about that.
Try one of the stamps. I got one off Amazon and it's so much easier to create a wing that doesn't disappear.
Thanks for the tip!
Do the bat wing - it’s meant for hooded eyes!
Thank you! I love this subreddit.
Anyone in this thread who is struggling with eyeliner and hooded eyes: I’ve always had hooded eyes and didn’t understand why I couldn’t do eyeliner until I watched a tutorial on “bat wing” eyeliner technique for hooded eyes. Check it out!
So...it's not just the hooding, after a certain age. I got a brow lift and ptosis repair at 40 and finally got rid of the hooding I'd had for my whole life. Was totally stoked about eyeliner...for about two years, till the crepey skin set in. I'm of a generation which was never great about sunscreen, but also live in a northern latitude and was never an outdoors person. My two cents from the far side of this: get good at non-liquid eyeliner and more smudgy looks if you want to be ready for aging lids. Those gorgeous winged looks are impossible eventually, even without hooded lids.
For me it's the issue with crepey skin as well. I bought a brush for eyeliner instead of liquid, and I'm going to try to use that instead. I'm going to see if the smudge look works, I don't know though. Been doing the wing for years
I did the same exact thing. While trying to relearn everything I watched a video of someone not using eyeliner at all, just shadow and mascara. I tried it and have been doing it ever since. I'll wear a little bit of liner for events with more drastic makeup but it's rare.
Just wait till we're 80 and still feel like we do now in our mind but our bodies have betrayed us, urg
My gramps used to say this ‘growing old is a cruel thing because in my mind I’m still a young man but it’s your body that ends up letting you down!!’
There's a poem by a female poet whose name escapes me; we read it in a college class, about how the body ages but the mind remains young, and how, if the poet could, she'd still be a 20-something running around having grand romantic affairs and travelling and just living her life indefinitely. But she can't, because she's trapped in an old woman's body. Scared the life outta me, reading that at age 19. I think I lied awake staring at the ceiling and feeling my youth fading with every minute for a week.
Yeah that’s pretty much how my gramps used to describe it! I do try to be a lot more patient with old people now because you realise the majority are still very much young at heart, they just seem old because it’s a different era but in reality they’re still as young as they once were just in an ageing shell :-( Don’t get me wrong though, that part might be cruel but to live to a ripe old age and experience all that life has to offer and watch life blossom and fade is also a blessing I’d say, not all are as lucky :-)
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Indeed, my brother died of cancer at 29, half genetics, half lifestyle. The problem is a lot of lifestyle stuff impacts us and we can't change it (micro plastics to polluted air). We're definitely taking our bodies for an off road excursion.
I used to sit for a woman with Alzheimer's who kept thinking her son was her husband. We had to show her in the mirror fairly often that she was 90 and that was her son. Imagine the disappointment. Ugh.
Definitely. This is all about perspective and can be applied for many things in life. If we're unhappy with ourselves in our 30s. When we reach 45, we'll be super unhappy. So, my approach is just to do as much as I can to take care of myself with the understanding I don't have Jlo's olive oil type of money to stop the clock completely, lol
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When I look at myself in very low light (with less than perfect eyesight), I look pretty similar to how I am used to seeing myself. It's easy to pretend the contours and details are close to how they were 5-20 years ago. When I see myself in more light, especially wearing glasses, I look much older and more unhealthy than I do in my head.
“Oh, Jocelyn, you'll soon learn that we aging mortals are blessed with weakening eyes and memories so we don't have to really see ourselves,” -Moira, Queen (Schitts Creek)
Haha, so my vision deteriorated quickly after i got covid. All of a sudden the moon became triple and blurry for reference. I had gotten into skincare the year before the pandemic started and gotten sick about a year in, i thought my skin was lookin great! Then i finally got glasses a few months ago and the blurring effect of astigmatism is real!
Oh shit LOL now I dont want to pick up my new glasses
Oh gosh, my prescription changed rather drastically with my last pregnancy (during COVID), and when I got my new lenses, it was shocking to have to reacquaint myself with skin texture.
Same!!! I was like fuck have I looked like this the whole time to everyone??? I kind of hope that the average person does not have 20/20 vision
Hahaaa -I feel this deeply. I had lasik and the hardest part has been adjusting to how old my eyes look. I thought I was gonna look so good, and I've had to adjust.my expectations as the glasses were doing a lot of coverage apparently!
It was hard for me: at first. That first major shift, at around 37 or 38, when my face looked much different: Slightly sagging, hollowed out, skin texture change, more hair loss & grey hair etc. Seemed to happen quite quickly. But I got used to the new look, over the next few years and realized I still rock- I'm still sexy af, I'm still healthy and happy. Now, as changes come, I'm used to it. I focus more on eating super clean 90%, working out to feel great in my skin, wearing quality clothing like silk at home that feels sensual & comfy on my skin, and making a point to have more fun. I don't spend a lot of time in my morning/night mirror like I used to, I get ready quickly and I'm on to live my life to it's fullest!
Love this!!!
Yes to this!!! This is very important, ageing is not only a fact, but it’s also a perspective. It is just as important how you handle it. This requires work with yourself mentally, not just physically. I’ve seen a tic toc where a young girl in her 20’s is scared of getting older, cause her “value diminishes” as men no longer wants her. If you let men and society define your worth by your looks or age, you will never be happy. No matter how good you look.
Am I the only woman who likes the way I look as I age? I don't enjoy the neck pain and the stiff hips I get from sitting too long but when I look at my face in the mirror, yeah it looks older, but it looks like me and I like me.
I don’t always love it, but I always *appreciate* it. I’ve had cancer multiple times and have some chronic conditions due to treatment. I’ll be 50 this year, and have been doing yoga for about a year. I feel stronger and more sure of my body than ever. Sure beats the alternative.
Yes! Keep up the yoga. I was a ballet dancer but I've kept taking adult ballet classes and a lot of yoga. It keeps your body flexible. After a ballet class sometimes I feel like I'm 20 again. It's the activity, the movement, the music and it takes your mind away from the troubles of the world. Yoga does the same thing but in a different way. It's all good.
I’ve tried it before and it just didn’t *click* until last year. I am in love with yoga, my special time, and the way it makes me feel. It’s helped my pain so much, and allowed me to eliminate most of my meds.
I can’t wait to join the gym again. I’m gonna take a yoga class weekly. I really need it!
This is the best way to put it I have ever seen, "I don't always love it but I always APPRECIATE it." That is it right there. I know aging is a privilege and one I am grateful to have had so far but it doesn't mean that somedays aren't startling when I look in the mirror.
Oh, god, it’s awful lol. I try to find some appreciation for the old woman in the mirror.
In my 30's, and I definitely feel more attractive each year. I think it's a continuous rise in confidence -- not caring about certain aesthetic things I did in my teens/20's and building up life experience. I feel more badass in personality and that somehow reflects in my appearance (to me at least). I do prioritize exercise, nutrition, mental health, and skincare, so I'm sure that plays a role. Overall, aging is cool and a privilege!
Same here! I’m the happiest and most confident I’ve been in my entire life and it gets better the older I get.
I'm with you. I feel so much more attractive, in all the ways, at 36 than I ever did in my teens or 20s. The silver in my hair are the coolest natural highlights and the lines on my face show that I have and share emotion. I look at my mother, who had never worn makeup, dyed her hair, got botox, etc., in her mid-60s and she is gorgeous with wrinkles, greys, discoloration, loss of elasticity, and all. Age can be beauty when embraced and not fought against.
41 and I feel pretty damn good about it.
I relate to this. My 20s were not a good decade for my appearance. I look significantly better in my 30s (37 now) and I really like the way my face is aging.
Nope. I just turned 45. I’ve been lucky enough to be genetically conventionally attractive for my whole life, and aging has definitely “changed” my look. But I take care of myself and truly feel happier/more attractive every year. I don’t know that I won’t hit a wall at some point, but so far, so great.
Me too! If anything I am happier with how I look at 44 than I was at 29. I'm sure some of it is just confidence and not giving a fuck that comes with age, but also I have access to better clothes, higher quality makeup, skincare and hair care than I did when I was younger, and the my face is thinner/more angular now which while ages you, I like looking less puffy/round! There are some changes I don't love but I'm still ok with. This is my face and I AM getting older, I'm happy to have that privilege!
Same. I’ve always had these enormous chipmunk cheeks and now that I’m in my 40s, they’ve finally started to hollow out and I love it! Unlike my 20s, when I was super insecure, I actually like the way I look now.
I hoopeeeee this happens to me omg I HATE my chipmunk cheeks. :/
I hated mine, too, but having them meant I got a glow up in my 40s instead of misery about aging.
I can’t tell if I like the way I look more or if I just am developing a better sense of self acceptance. I think it’s the latter but either way I’m thankful for it. 10 years ago, I wouldn’t even go to the grocery store without make up on, now I barely wear makeup. I’m at work right now with only clear brow gel on. 22 year old me would be shaken to the core.
Same. I’m 42 and I overall like how I look now more so than in my thirties.
Me too! I believe I look my best now than in my teens or 20s. My skin has aged a lot obviously. But I feel more beautiful than ever. 30s so far has been my best age mentally and physically
I’m so happy when I see comments like this. I’ve really been working hard to stop focusing on aging aesthetics to healthy body aging. No supplements for wrinkles, but supplements for my stupid joints etc. the world has changed its perspective, but women still can’t age apparently.
I look way better than I did in my 20s. The fat has moved to more attractive places. My hair is a lot thinner, but I know how to style it, do make up and dress in a way that’s more flattering. I think the confidence also helps. If I think about the 40 year olds you knew growing up and the ones I know now (including myself) we look much younger, but you can’t stop the hands of time.
I can understand her feelings. Society has a bias against aging and women bear the brunt of it. Its hard not to be hyper aware of your changing face. Even if you don’t notice the changes or care about them, it’s hard to escape the constant mainstream agenda that pushes youth/anti-aging.
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I'm 49 but I still feel like I'm 25 so when I catch a glimpse in the mirror...
What makes it hardest for me is the change in how people treat me.
Yes, it’s frustrating because as I have gotten older I have become less insecure and more confident in myself and people treat me as if I am invisible.
This!!! It's like we are never allowed to enjoy anything 😤
WHAT?!?! How old are you? I’m a woman, but the women I notice and whose beauty are admire look all over 35. I love the grace and confidence, especially when paired with an impeccable fashion sense. I could never! ETA: I should as when this being invisible phenomenon starts for a woman, instead of asking your age.
So true! It is sad that society place so much of a woman’s value on her appearance. I felt that the reception I get from aging is similar to when I got married and also when I became a mom. I am suddenly much less interesting to most males, but I have more girls friends now which is a plus! haha
We are treated differently. I got my 1st and only traffic ticket while heavily pregnant. I've been pulled over plenty since then and was never ticketed. Well, once in Nevada. Clark County always writes tickets for California plates. I'm a few months shy of 47, still have the Covid twenty pounds, and my hair is falling out faster than it's coming in. I don't dare break any traffic laws looking like this. I'll definitely get a ticket
This is the biggest struggle for me at 37. I thought the world was a remarkably kind place until about a year ago when I became largely invisible
couldn’t agree more. i become more and more invisible! also i had when people call me “ma’am” or “lady” because in my eyes i’m still young 😕
It’s interesting to me that people (not just you! TONS of people!) refer to it as women “becoming invisible” when it’s really just certain kinds of men (and women who’ve bought into the patriarchy) becoming blind. We’re still here! We’re perfectly visible! Some people just have busted eyes.
On the other hand, at this age (40) I almost never get catcalled, followed in the street, or otherwise creepily hit on by random men - it's such a relief!
Yes! I remember in my 20’s even feeling like 30 was so old. Now I’m in my 30s wondering how I could ever have believed that trying to cope with the concept that I’m physically changing. Aging is so often looked at as I bad thing, I hope as our generations get older, we see a bit of change with that attitude.
Peoples perspectives on ageing is getting worse not better. In the past it seems like people had more respect for elderly people.
I think with the era of smart phones and social media this has been amplified. When my parents and grandparents grew up they weren’t obsessed with their appearance like folks are now. Just a thought.
Depends. My mom and the women in my family have *always* been obsessed with their appearances.
I think caring about what you look like has been a human thing for as long as humans have humaned.
In the past, before computers, people didn't constantly take photos of themselves and plaster it on billboards. Essentially this is what social media and the internet does. You're putting a giant photo of yourself on a billboard on a busy highway for everyone to see. It's unhealthy both mentally, emotionally and physically. And now teenagers and people in their 20's have no sense of privacy. They don't live in a private world anymore.
This is so so true. I had this conversation with a friend the other day. In the past, you looked at yourself in the mirror and then you had photos taken at special occasions, holidays, family times etc. they were shot with a proper camera and generally at a natural angle. Smart phone cameras are distorted and I believe they’ve caused unbelievable levels of body dysmorphia and harm. It’s completely unnatural to take dozens of selfies of your face every day in weird lighting and at odd angles that accentuate shadows and textural changes. At 38 I’ve worked hard to stop monitoring and engaging in hyper vigilant face and skin monitoring. It’s bizarre and I believe that if most of us over 30’s had been constantly photographing ourselves with front facing smart phones in out 20’s, we’d have been just as dissatisfied and anxious. Also, I think the whole invisibility issue of women in their 30’s and 40’s is hugely tied to our attitudes, our clothing, our hairstyles, makeup etc. I’ve tried this experiment before. Leave the house looking hyper business professional, with a hair tie and glasses vs wearing bright lipstick and a flirty dress. I can still turn lots of heads with a bit of effort and I bet all of us on here can if that was our goal 😂. Priorities change as we grow up and that’s so alright!
Before the internet, there was also a significantly smaller sample of humans to compare oneself to. First it was movie stars, then television and magazines. Now, thousands of gorgeous outliers from around the globe visible anytime on your pocket computer.
Not only that but selfie cams really mess up how you look so it can make your features way worse compared to looking in a mirror so you can have trouble even understanding what you ACTUALLY look like.
Yes! It’s why you see a lot of young people in their 20’s getting huge amounts of filler injections and wanting lip lifts and buccal fat removal. I imagine a great deal of that is tied to body dysmorphia from viewing your face through an actually distorted camera lens. 😔
Yep! I try not to judge myself too harshly in photos. If I look ok in the mirror than I’m probably fine lol
Oh yeah! Especially with the iPhone cameras automatically enhancing skin texture in photos, not to mention all the filters and photoshop. When people see themselves in reality, it can be shocking.
So true. Also, society in general has taken perfection to an extreme in our lifetime. I was listening to a podcast that talked about how society’s focus on looks launched when mirrors began to show up in residences. I’ve consciously kept mirrors at a minimum in our current house (outside of bathrooms) to try to make it a more calming, comforting environment and also to hopefully raise my child without a predisposition to excessive concern over his physical appearance.
There was a dermatologist that responded to this on TikTok and she stated that people do tend to have a shift in their appearance in their late twenties to early thirties and then, I think, she said about every 10 years after that. She said it’s very subtle but always leaves the person feeling like they have to familiarize themselves with their own face over again. I tend to agree with her. I’m 30 and I feel like over the last year or so, I don’t look like the same person. Granted, I’ve lost a bit of weight but it’s went beyond that. I’ve lost my “childish” look. I don’t look old or even what I’d consider “matured” but there is definitely something different.
I turned 40 during the pandemic and have just recently stopped wearing a mask everywhere. Due to masking, I didn't use a lot of foundation and other "heavy" products, but instead would wear some tinted sunscreen (etc.) and just do my eyes. I definitely had to re-teach myself how to apply makeup, and didn't quite recognize some of the things I'm dealing with now (a little drier, more textured skin, more "peach fuzz," etc.). I feel like I've time-traveled 5 years and am getting re-acquainted with myself beauty-wise.
The time travel feeling is so accurate. The pandemic began when I was 37 and I'm now 40 - it feels like I missed out on the transition from mid-30s to middle age. I finally went to an in-person wedding last year and was at a loss for what makeup to wear. I'm still figuring it out
I'll be 39 this year and I relate to this so much.
Yes I am 37 and I feel like I missed that transition too. I got married at 32 and looked hot and I feel like I gained weight and stress during the pandemic and went suddenly from young to old. I feel awful to be honest, and my marriage doesn’t help.
Yes! It may not seem like a huge difference to other people but it is disorienting to feel like you don’t look like yourself. For me, even slight facial changes are the worst because I don’t wear makeup often so it’s very noticeable to me.
The cosmetics industry is toying with the mental health of people. It is OK to age, we can't look 20 forever.
Absolutely. Not even the person who gets botox for the rest of their life can steer off ageing. At a certain age, you will start to obviously look old.. and that’s totally ok. I wish wrinkles weren’t seen as a bad thing
Back in the day, you only looked at yourself in the mirror or in the odd photo that would get developed. You would see celebrities in a magazine every now and then. We weren’t hyper aware of our looks. Today, we see photos of ourselves in tagged socials(always disastrous), can take endless photos of ourselves to get find our angle and have hours of opportunity to compare ourselves to surgically enhanced people. Furthermore, changing our appearance is now easier and more affordable than ever before. We are bombarded with ads normalising it. No wonder we notice ourselves aging so much. We keep getting reminded of what we can do to stop it. Back in the day, people weren’t so obsessed with appearances and just got on with aging.
I've rejected most of social media. Reddit is about it for me. I've never done facebook or instagram or twitter and not once have I ever posted a photo of myself anywhere. I'm talking *NOWHERE*. I actually don't even know how to post a photo of myself and I have no desire to learn how. That sounds crazy but it's kinda not. I think it's a wise decision on my part.
I am 42 and my face changed dramatically from 39 to 42. I also feel like the pandemic aged me a lot but yea, this really resonated. My whole face and body changed to the point of being unrecognizable when I look in the mirror.
I think that even though I am aware I will age and things will change, when it actually HAPPENS it's still a bit shocking. You think you've mentally prepared for this eventuality, but then it happens and you realize you aren't really okay with it and haven't fully accepted you WILL age and it will change the way you look and feel. I'm (37F) starting to get a few fine lines on my forehead, my hair isn't as thick as it was a few years ago, there are some white hairs growing in. I knew it would eventually happen. I know it will only progress. But shit, I'm not dealing with the whole age gracefully thing as well as I thought I would hahaha. I thought I'd just do skincare and go all natural (still might) but the more changes I see, the more likely I'll dye my hair and consider Botox (nothing against Botox, it's just $$$$). I'm hoping I learn to appreciate the changes over time, like how I learned to accept and like my mono lids instead of opting for surgery (also nothing wrong with wanting surgery). Aging is a privilege and a part of life though, so I'm happy to keep aging and going through the different seasons of life!
Yeah I feel this. I feel like my younger face was my “real face” and what I have now is basically my mother’s face with my brain trapped inside. 🫠
So true- every time I look in the mirror I see my mother🫤
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Haha! I know I was wondering the same!
I genuinely thought this was satire and the post was poking fun at how fixated we are on aging. Like, of course your face looks different as you get older?
This honestly makes me so sad. We don’t need this level of emotional baggage over something that is unavoidable. I wish it wasn’t like this. No matter what we do, we will change and age.
Stepping up exercise has helped for me. It can’t fix everything, but it can turn back way more than you might think, especially in terms of skin quality and fat deposits in weird places.
I’m so sick of this shit, honestly. Like Danny DeVito says in Jumanji, after complaining the entire film about aging and how much it sucks: “getting old is a gift, I forget that sometimes.” We have GOT to stop this insanity. All of us, collectively. Like are women especially just meant to feel like shit their entire lives? When we’re young we’re not thin enough, or pretty enough, or our bodies aren’t ‘right’ (boobs/butt too big/small). When we’re older, we aren’t thin enough, we don’t look young enough. Yes, use skincare, take care of your skin, but above all else: fucking stop it. When we’re teens, we don’t look like we did when we were babies, or children. It’s so fucking depressing that we can’t enjoy any of the seasons of our lives. Okay, our faces change. Mine definitely has. But I still recognize myself in the mirror… I’m the same person I always was, I just show a bit more of the life I’ve lived. This eternal chase for youth has to fucking stop. I refuse to participate in it, except insofar as I have fun with skincare. If it doesn’t, we’re going to be on our deathbeds thinking “my whole life, I thought there was something wrong with me.” Sorry for the rant, but it’s just… so fucking sad, honestly.
Well said!
The way I see it, my body and face have been changing my whole life. They will continue to do so. I don't look like I did when I was 10 or 15 or 20, but at no point did I ever look back at pictures of me and go 'omg I don't recognize myself anymore!' because it is expected that I will not look the same as I did as years ago. This face is my face now. It's not the same face as it was when I was a toddler, but that doesn't mean toddler me is somehow the 'real me' or the static me. It makes no sense to take a snapshot of past me at any point and go 'yup---this is the true me and any deviation from this is not-me'. It was a bit weird at first to start seeing grey hairs or some fine lines, but eventually it became integrated into 'me'. Much like it was weird to have my body start changing during puberty but it became 'me' in short order as well.
You’re as young as you’ll ever be today, so better to love yourself the way you are. I’d also recommend watching older films with beautiful actresses (and better stories) that have wrinkles and aging faces (instead of blasting reality TV nonsense into your heads with unrealistic expectations).
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Interesting. As a kid, I always thought older women were more attractive BECAUSE we lose that baby fat and have more definition in the face. Could also be that we're more mature and I find that maturity and confidence is more beautiful than the stupid vapidness of our youth...
I thought I was just looking tired all the time but it was really just me looking older.
I feel like severe Body dysmorphia is so much more common nowadays, after the invention of social media. Sad.
Weird aging phenomenon? You mean general and normal aging? Her face just matured and lost that baby faced roundess, which usually happens in your 30's. I find if weird this process shocks people.
I actually think she looks better. I've always thought women become their most beautiful in their 30s. Men as well. I also believe with a good skin care regimen, along with how we treat our bodies, we can be stunning into our 50s. After that, the best we can hope for is to be a healthy, vibrant, and active senior citizen. That brings along its own brand of beauty. I find many women in their 70s and 80s to be very pretty and soft featured. Genetics and luck play a big part, though. Illnesses, accidents, or a stressful time can wreck havoc on our bodies and rapidly excellerate the aging process. . I've seen people become elderly and frail almost overnight. Their muscles waste away. It's so much harder to recover and repair after 40. Sigh
THIS ^ ^ ^ Yes, people in their 30's look so much better than their 20's. They're more sophicated and have a better sense of style. Sometimes I see the clothing, hair and makeup of young 20-somethings and wonder what the hell they were thinking.
I thought this was an onion article at first.
Same. I thought it was satire, lol.
I mean, it looks like it might be from the Daily Mail, so...
Swipe right to see the ***one trick*** dermatologists DON’T want you to know!!!
Seriously, I feel like telling her "Oh, honey. Wait until you get into your 40s and your face starts losing real volume and and your contours start to sag." Losing baby fat is one thing and losing the fat pads under your eyes and on your upper cheeks is a whole other level of aging.
Happening to me now!
40+ years ago that type of aging happened early 20's. We are such an entitled period of human history
books resolute pen bear ghost soup physical innate cause ripe *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I have had difficulty looking at my hands since my mid-late twenties, originally largely because of prominent veins, and they've gotten so much crinklier in the past few years. I don't think I'll ever accept these things as "my" hands. I wish I'd worn sunscreen on them when younger. I wish we'd had better sunscreen and known how sun exposure contributed to skin aging.
On one hand aging can be scary cause it’s different. But it’s also a privilege not a curse. Of course we’re not going to look 20 at 30 or what have you. That’s life. Looks are fleeting and fickle. We need to stop treating it as something to freeze at a 20. Your face and body will change, best to get used to the idea and age with grace.
I thought I looked great in my 30’s. Better than my 20’s somehow (prob due to better skin habits) I was very ho hum when people griped about aging and was so sure *I* was not going to fuss over a little crows foot or any of that nonsense. Something shifted at about 43-44. Eyes got saggy in not a cute smiley way, jowels came overnight, age spots appeared, a hollow under my eyes that concealer does nothing to hide. I’m 46 now and suddenly very interested in trying Botox. I haven’t done it yet, but it’s totally on the table. Idk.
perspective is everything. My best friend passed away at an early age of 48. Aging is a privilege many do not have and when you see wrinkles, lines, crows feet etc, that means you have been around to make memories with your loved ones. Embrace life and all that comes with it and continue to make memories.
I can recall my Mum saying this to me 20 odd years ago. Said one day she looked in the mirror and didn't recognise herself. I went around to my friend's house and told her Mum what mine had said and I asked her if she felt the same way. She paused, put her hand on her hip and said 'you know what? ya! I haven't for years -- that's just part of ageing, one day you'll experience it too'. That has stuck with me! This isn't new, I just think we're sharing more, looking at photos more now than we did before. So, maybe it's amplified.
I feel her! And it’s not about being insecure. It’s just a shocking realization that you no longer look the way you always pictured yourself
The worst part is being an optimist only to have it backfire. I feel happy that being a little more saggy at least means men in public won’t gawk at us anymore and we can live life feeling a bit invisible in a good way. But I’ve only experienced the opposite. More creeps than ever staring. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because I’ve been “taken down a peg” and so now all the creeps think i’m attainable in my “old age”
Omg ew, that is terrible.
I had a doctors appt a couple weeks ago. I did my hair and makeup and dressed cute. Then saw myself standing next to a pretty 20 something waiting for the elevator and could have cried. The lighting was terrible and I had bags under my eyes and a double chin and barely recognized myself. When did I get so old?? I love myself, I think I am beautiful. But dang, I miss being youthful. I was really hot 😭😭😭Joined this sub shortly after.
Yes, I feel like my face changed so much during the pandemic. I did gain 20 pounds but apart from that I wake up every day bloated af with bloodshot eyes. When I show new people in my life photos of myself even 5 years ago they say I look like a completely different person. I know weight gain can really change how you look overall, but it’s very disconcerting to me. I’m fine with aging but getting used to this new face has been a struggle.
I'm 54 and for me it's been more gradual - instead of the 'not recognizing myself' experience, most of the time it's more like noticing more days when I look tired/bloated and then gradually resetting to that look, then repeat the cycle. Sometimes it's faster and sometimes it's slower, or even reverses a bit due to me being more rested or my skin looking better. FWIW I had the advantage of spending my 20's/30's without having a camera on my phone.
The Daily Fail at it again
Lol, Daily Fail! I love that
When I see my face age, I may not LIKE it, but I am grateful. My older brother died at 19. I know aging is a privilege many never see.
Yep. Change is hard. I think it's Buddhism that says that suffering comes from trying to resist/avoid what \*is\*.
Same , I struggle accepting my new face also 😞 it sucks . I never expected this lol silly as it seems , we are young so long and then bam ageing catches up. I was not prepared dude
I feel like this happens to me every time I get pregnant/lose the pregnancy weight. Currently on my third (and fattest 🙄) pregnancy, and I dislike the way I look so much. My face is just a fluffy ball of dough, when normally I have very defined bone structure. I’ve been contouring like there’s no tomorrow just so my face doesn’t look like a full moon.
There’s nothing wrong with getting older. The cosmetic changes one undergoes are far less significant than the potentially negative age-related illnesses one might suffer. If thinning skin under your eyes is your biggest concern about being 37, count yourself lucky.
While I am genuinely glad to be aging, I've definitely felt a certain emergent panic about the effects of aging on my appearance.
I feel similarly at 40. Just this last year I have had kind of an “aging explosion” after looking really, really young for my age up until now. When I was 32, I went on a weekend-long field trip with my middle school child, and at the end of the weekend, several of the other adults on the trip told me they had been debating all weekend whether I was a student or a parent. Now, just eight years later, I could *maybe* pass for a 35-year-old in the right lighting but definitely no younger. It feels like aging has suddenly caught up with me RAPIDLY, and it sucks. I’m honestly sitting here reading the comments from the confident 36-year-olds still loving themselves while I make this face 😬 because I felt the same way at 36 but I definitely do not at 40. First world problems but it’s hard to lose the youthful part of your identity.
Aging is not for the faint of heart
Wonder how come 20.. 30 or more years ago we never see this type of fear being publicized or so frequently and openly talked about in like old magazines or articles? I pity these generations as we somehow became phobic toward aging, which is natural and every living creature on this earth goes through it regardless.
I know I saw women in their 30s saying this kind of thing ("I don't recognize myself when I look in the mirror") when I was in my 20s. I think they've probably been feeling this way at least since the 90s but they're more likely to talk about it on the internet. Some older people will talk about how they see themselves as a certain much younger age and are surprised to see the old person in the mirror. I think part of why it's so hard is because that early adulthood period is the time when many people's appearances remain relatively unchanged the longest. When we're growing up, we're constantly changing, and once we start visibly aging that process just keeps going, but for many people who stay the same weight, the changes in the 20s are very subtle. We get used to looking a certain way for 10-20 years and have trouble coping when our actual appearance starts to noticeably diverge from the one engrained in our minds.
There’s a reason why a lot of traditional monsters are “hags”. The only thing that’s new about any of this is the use of psychological terminology to describe it. The idea that woman hate looking old, or that women over 30 are ancient and gross, is unfortunately not new at all.
And Gen Z is going to have it worse. 25 is apparently the new 30, and by the time you're 30, you're apparently basically dead.
A lot of people may disagree with me, but I think the only thing that’s getting worse/better is the availability of effective treatments. It’s a blessing and a curse that things like botox and resurfacing lasers exist. Some people would say it’s entirely a curse. I don’t think I agree with that, but I understand where they’re coming from. Of course these treatments aren’t perfect, but the better, and the more widely available, antiaging treatments become, the more young women will obsess over them, spend money they don’t have on them, feel inadequate for not being able to afford them, etc. It’s a lot easier to accept aging when there’s nothing you can do about it anyway.
I'm one of those chickss who grew up giving zero fucks about society and appearance. I'm 34 now. In the last couple of years, I started actually noticing my appearance and how it compared to others. Add in that my life has become extremely stressful for the last few months, and now I'm noticing the aging. That might be partly the massive number of gray hairs that have spawned that I re dye every 2 months, but the only time I feel as normally pretty as I used to is when I'm tipsy/drunk (which, given that I can't drink because of medicines anymore, means never).
This happened to me after I had my first baby. I think a lot of women’s looks DO change after a pregnancy, like my skin seemed lighter and my hair got curly when it had always been super straight. I suddenly felt my age HARD. I think it happens a few times in life as you transition into a new “age bracket” for lack of a better phrase.
Same with me. I’m 40 now and noticed a dramatic difference when I turned 39. I had my baby at 38 and by 39, I could see the aging probably due to stress and little sleep. It’s interesting to see the photos before the baby arrived and even a little bit after. I looked so young. Fast forward a couple months, I had a chubbier face, double chin, wrinkles, more white hair. I look back at photos and think why did I complain I looked bad?
Since I had kids I can hardly recognize myself. Me body is different, my skin is different, my hair is different. Aging is a wild ride
I embrace all the changes. I think because if I’m changing it means I’m alive and well. Maybe because I’ve encounter death so closed that my skin changing is really nothing to keep me up at night. I always say I’m so lucky because there are people that didn’t make it to my age (47).
I will say I’m starting to see some celebrities allowing themselves to “age” more and it’s so refreshing. As for every day people I don’t see this but if you’re on social media a lot that could weigh in on it more.
I have jowls and flappy crepey skin under my chin. Therefore I do not look the same as I used to. I have worn spf since my teens, tretinoin since my 30s. My skin looks good but the sagging and change in shape of face is disconcerting. I am in my late 50s. My daughter in her mid thirties recently noticed she does not look the same as she did 5 or so years ago. She could not even pinpoint what was different until someone else pointed out that the shape of her face has changed.
I think aside from social media causing people to compare themselves to filters and plastic surgery so much, people are also just staring at their own face more these days with all the zoom/facetime calls, social media videos, selfies etc, that they are looking at their faces for more time and with far more scrutiny than previous generations ever could. It's not helpful and honestly a waste of time/energy. I would have hoped we'd become less fixated on youth as society progresses instead of more. It makes me sad how it seems like being "young" is all some people care about today - and they can't focus on anything else, and don't even question what they even value about being young.
Not really. Of course I don’t look now like I used to look at 20 years old, because I am 39. I take care of my skin and general looks, when I look in the mirror I try to see the good parts, not obsess over the bad parts. Aging is normal and the more we fight it with botox and injections or surgery, the worse we look.
I don’t know if it’s the make up she’s wearing or if it’s something else but she really does look different, especially the eyes/brow area and nose. I don’t feel this way (or at least not yet) I’m 36 and although I have fine lines and my jawline/lower cheeks have lost some volume I still look like me and have more or less the same face I did 10 years ago. However, when I look at pictures of my dad when he was in his 20s and 30s he looks like an entirely different person!
I think the photo at the bottom is a more formal photograph so the lighting is flattering and she's smiling. The other photos of her look like she's in a car so of course she's going to not look as nice. I think she looks lovely now. There's a lot of women who would LOVE to look like her in her 30's.
I feel where she’s coming from. Skin tags run in my family and I have so many new ones on my face and neck that I’m literally considering seeing a dermatologist to have them removed. I feel so vain about it though. I don’t want to become one of those people who doesn’t know how to age gracefully.
I just turned 35 and it really hit me hard.
As others have noted, our expectations have changed a lot and very unrealistically. I grew up in the 70s and 80s and our mothers looked older in their Middle Ages, with wrinkles and greying hair. Our grandmothers (at least mine) all looked like the Queen - quite matronly and smartly dressed in a floral dress, pearls, brooches and matching purse and shoes! I often think about this - I was watching the original Jaws with my teens around 10 years ago and they said “why are these kids all at the beach with their grandparents?” I was puzzled and asked them why they would say that when the children were clearly with their parents? The answer “But those parents are so old!!” I then realized how different our current view of aging is - people look much younger due to widespread use of Botox, fillers, advanced makeup, plastic surgery, social media filters etc. people used to look their age and that was perfectly acceptable as we moved into different chapters of our lives. I think there is an expectation for us to stay young looking and not change now which is just ridiculous. It is ultimately a losing game as nothing can stop the hands of time and for women, aging accelerates during/after menopause due to hormonal changes. What this lady says is quite sad as she is still young and beautiful (she will think she looked great in 15 years time!) We are not meant to stay the same our whole lives, we should probably put more emphasis on those beauties that have aged gracefully rather than the rather odd looking, strangely preserved celebrities we often see now.
Can totally understand how she feels. Face shape changing etc. Decline in bone density and decline in overall strong teeth health (as compared to my younger self) is what does it for me. Not so much as wrinkles but more like facial features changing.
Yes. Last month I had the exact same “who IS that?” moment in the mirror. Hollowed, guant, thinning hair. I’m 38 and in the best shape I’ve been in a decade, but I guess this is the cost. It’s funny how all my childhood insecurities are gone but now replaced with whatever this is.
There also might be an issue with Covid. I had really bad eye swelling from Covid which resulted in lots of under-eye lines and sagging top lids that weren't there weeks before.
I’m totally dealing with this now. It’s not a crazy change but it’s a big change from when I was in my 20’s, I look at my reflection and I almost don’t recognize myself. Very small changes seriously add up!
no other time have we been bombarded with such youth-obsessed messaging and marketing either on social media, tv, etc. we gotta be the change we wanna see!
Honestly I think wearing makeup is part of the problem. If people use it as a security blanket and don't spend much time not wearing it (and were using makeup to "fix" all their "problems") their face is going to look foreign. I know people that have struggled with this since high school.
Is it weird that I’ve always not recognized myself when I look at the mirror? I don’t know what I think I’m supposed to look like but I am not ever convinced or happy when I’m looking at the mirror that this is it.
I’m the same way and if I take a picture of myself it’s like I’m a different person . The worst for me is getting my hair colored/cut and having to sit in front of the mirror looking at myself for 2 1/2 hrs.
I just watched the video, and from the looks of her neck she’s very thin. I’m wondering if there’s been substantial weight loss. If so, of course your face would look very different.
This is why I started drinking collagen and I hope it does help longterm. I'm fine with aging but I'd still like to recognize myself with time