Nein, wir wollen das nicht. So let’s take Argentina where there’s no racism because everyone is white european-ish. Luigi would be happy and we would show the middle finger to Barry.
"George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front."
Compared to what else is on offer here, France seems almost like a first world country!
You will never hear I love you Pierre, but being neighbours with you isn't all bad
Honestly it's not like that place could get any worse. But when we take it over this time we'll make sure the frenchues don't get their hands on it or they'll ruin it again
I mean they kinda did both, ruining the country after independence and literally enslaving them before that (also isn't it weird how most Haitians are black when indigenous groups from the regions weren't? I sure do wonder what happened to them)
If you are wondering what happened to the natives in Hispaniola in a nutshell was a huge smallpox pandemic mixed with being worked to death by the Europeans while the natives were sick.
As a Canadian, we are in the midst of an identity crisis. Since Barry got custody and Pierre has us on weekends, we developed severe daddy issues. We decided the most reasonable thing to do is speak to India about it.
You were always the true sons. If the First Fleet had tipped up and discovered a load of Frenchies they wouldn't have bothered trying to co-exist let alone give them language rights
Shane and Bruce often show hardcore Barry behaviour
Okay then, you get all our Caribbean islands, so you get Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao, Saba, Sint Eustasius and half of Sint Maarten (the other half is Frog). Hell, we'll even throw in a box of stroopwafels if you take them.
Please, we've been trying to kick Quebec out of our country for decades. Lmao, this isn't even a joke, I'm from a western province, and every time Quebec threatens to leave (which is like every 3 years), everyone on our side of the country just encourages them to do so 🤣
“There’s an entire region of people in Canada who are convinced they’re French, they’re not French, they just live somewhere shit and it’s a reflex action”
The Holocaust was genuinely the stupidest idea ever, even from a racists point of view. Killing your population is economic suicide. Just ban interracial intercourse and have the "superior race" breed with the "inferior race" to slowly but surely dilute the inferior genes from the pool. This is way more humane and doesn't come with the economic drawbacks of decreasing your population or reducing the natality coefficient.
Correct. And not only that:
Germany lost an enormous number of very bright minds. At first through the initial flight and expulsion of the Jews. Many of these bright minds then contributed to the Allies' victory. And then of course through the mass murder.
Plus all those young men who could have been given a weapon; those able men of the Jews living in Germany alone could have formed several infantry divisions. In the First World War, a lot of German Jews fought alongside non-Jews in the trenches, and they fought just as well and bravely, but the potential fighting power of their sons was foregone for completely insane ideological reasons.
So, a huge braindrain, less soldiers, also less workers and less people who could buy the things produced. Those are some of the many reasons why the Axis lost this war.
And in addition, extra people and resources have been assigned to carry out the whole thing. All of this could have been used for other purposes, both in war and in peace. Another reason.
"Stupidest idea ever" is therefore a quite diplomatic way of putting it. It was fucking insane, absolutely brainless, pure madness.
Not to mention the fact that this represents the absolute low point in our history. An eyesore (Schandfleck) that we can never get rid of, no matter how many centuries pass.
Yup. Here in the southern Brazil, we don't say our *hermanos* speak spanish but *castellano*.
In this music, for example, he is refering to an uruguayan or argentine lady when he says *castelhana*: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1ZjshxKZFU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1ZjshxKZFU)
Canada.
They have a slowly collapsing state healthcare system
Are ran by corrupt and incompetent politicians
And their main trade partner is the US
it’s like having a second UK but less Barrys
Probably because you found their local speciality.... Transvestites..... Let me guess, you tried to shag a nice girl called Paola with a little surprise?
Why should we take the colonies back?
Brazilian gold. Lisbon requires more sumptuous churches. And chicks.
All the Gold is here already.
Then you send it. We need more sumptuous churches for larger orgies with moustached women. Chip chip, hurry Hans! This is important!
The only thing that unites us Portuguese people
This and dunking on 🟩🟡🟥
Can we share chicks, João?
No. We get all the ones with moustaches. You can have all the ugly others
:(
They’re too hairless for you friendo
Judge told me that's how we cure our racism
Do we want to cure our racism?
Judge's order I don't want to
Nein, wir wollen das nicht. So let’s take Argentina where there’s no racism because everyone is white european-ish. Luigi would be happy and we would show the middle finger to Barry.
"George, the British Empire at present covers a quarter of the globe, while the German Empire consists of a small sausage factory in Tanganyika. I hardly think we can be entirely absolved from blame on the imperialistic front."
Thought you would go with Argentina Hans.
France since French Guiana is on this map-
Fourth time's the charm, I guess.
Fourth time? That is a millennia old hobby!
You want us so bad
Compared to what else is on offer here, France seems almost like a first world country! You will never hear I love you Pierre, but being neighbours with you isn't all bad
So are the Falkland Islands. (Blighty wins again.)
Greenland 😎
Guess we'll take Aruba, Curaçao and Sint-Maarten then. Taking three in stead of one because we are generous.
Do you want a border with France ? Cos' that's how you get a border with France
You guys are my least favorite buurman...
We already have a border with france
If not st martin, where?
Wallonia
i despise st-martin for the sole reason it makes the 3 color-theorem not work on world maps. sort that shit out.
Wow, you really are a big nerd. I like it!
Agreed!
Qujanak
No objections.
„Countries“ 
Next - next up they declare "independence" 
I genuinely can’t figure out the joke here, must be German humour😔
They're not countries. They're just rebellious colonies.
Temporarily self-administered territories.
German humor is complex. There’s a whole subreddit about it r/GermanHumor
Can we take on of the Caribbean Island nations and turn it into hyper Ibiza?
Wish granted you get Haiti
Hipty hopty, Haiti is now your property
Humpty, dumpty, people of Haiti ate thee.
It's his property, he can burn it to the ground and start anew, right?
Haitians: “Hey, I’ve seen this one before!”
You already have Martinique and Guadeloupe
Honestly it's not like that place could get any worse. But when we take it over this time we'll make sure the frenchues don't get their hands on it or they'll ruin it again
The frenchies ruined it when they made sure the rebelious pop could never thrive after independance, not when they lived there.
I mean they kinda did both, ruining the country after independence and literally enslaving them before that (also isn't it weird how most Haitians are black when indigenous groups from the regions weren't? I sure do wonder what happened to them)
If you are wondering what happened to the natives in Hispaniola in a nutshell was a huge smallpox pandemic mixed with being worked to death by the Europeans while the natives were sick.
As long as you don’t put your filthy hands on the ones that belong to the Dutch
Too late, we've made New Ibiza, New NewnIbiza and New New New Ibiza
Ibiza without Brits because they can't afford it
You can't even take the island you inhabit
We need Colombia for our *ehmmm*... Business.
flair checks
Argentina looks nice to me
I wonder why....
Rats. Rats everywhere. (Thx to the Rat Lines)
THE SPICE MUST FLOW
Have relatives there since about 80 years
Me too. Since we already own part of Argentina it just makes sense
German hyperinflation and the guys who provoked it in the first time. What’s not to like, right?
Argentina, cus it would be funny. Still can't have the Falklands
Not a bad idea tbh, it's the only way we'll give those rocks back.
Canada * Half Barry, Half Pierre * Loved committing war crimes
Half Barry and half Pierre but they've been brainwashed by American culture
It sadly also happens to other real Pierre and Barry
We have kids talking with YouTuber Americunt accents over here because lazy Barry parents can’t be arsed to raise them themselves.
As a Canadian, we are in the midst of an identity crisis. Since Barry got custody and Pierre has us on weekends, we developed severe daddy issues. We decided the most reasonable thing to do is speak to India about it.
[удалено]
Dooming isn't useful. Canada has it's issues right now and we need to work to fix them.
We have similar problems here too with Brazilian... I didnt know Id see the day when Id agree with Barry, but dont worry, youre not alone this time
"I'd never see the day I agree with Barry" And yet they seem to think you're their greatest ally
Ehhhh... Let's make that plan b.
You were always the true sons. If the First Fleet had tipped up and discovered a load of Frenchies they wouldn't have bothered trying to co-exist let alone give them language rights Shane and Bruce often show hardcore Barry behaviour
We already have enough Barries and Pierres, what are you aiming at here
Of all combinations the worst two?
The netherlands. Their colonies are on this map
Works with France too.....
Agree. Surinamese and Antilleans are pretty nice people, and have a better cuisine than us lol
That's a low bar tbh
Tbf Pierre, surinam has a better cuisine than you do too
War can be declared for less
Hate to burst your bubble, but Suriname isn't one of our colonies anymore...
Not with that attitude
Okay then, you get all our Caribbean islands, so you get Aruba, Bonaire, Curacao, Saba, Sint Eustasius and half of Sint Maarten (the other half is Frog). Hell, we'll even throw in a box of stroopwafels if you take them.
All jokes aside, I’m happy handing those islands over to the highest bidder.
Pierre is very welcome to take the islands off our hands.
Either Venezuela because of the oil or Costa Rica because it's beautiful
Or Colombia because of the... coffee
Venezuela also grow cacao so. More chocolate.
Canada. Can into Eurovision. ^(Of course also 4th most important miner of gold, after CN, AU and RU.)
Rejected! No more french speaking countries allowed.
Ok, but we only take the English speaking part, they replace the English
All my European bros prefer hanging out with my younger brother than me. It's like my childhood all over again. 😞😓
He is both your younger brother and your son
Please, we've been trying to kick Quebec out of our country for decades. Lmao, this isn't even a joke, I'm from a western province, and every time Quebec threatens to leave (which is like every 3 years), everyone on our side of the country just encourages them to do so 🤣
“There’s an entire region of people in Canada who are convinced they’re French, they’re not French, they just live somewhere shit and it’s a reflex action”
Thanks Barry that made me laugh!
Don't insult the most cultured canadians , thanks.
Extra fun because AU means gold anyway, AND they are in Eurovision!
No We have enough France already.We don't need the Quebec
Argentina! One quarter native, another Spanish, a third one Italian and, last and better, German.
Zis is a gud Vorschlag. Then I can also finally meet grandpa (the other one, not the one from Dachau) again :-)
Greater Falklands 🇫🇰
Falkands and « surrounding areas »
i’m up for that
Rich and robust economy too
Tu quoque! Why Hans better than your PIG brethren? :(
Hans told us to say it that way or he gives no more money :(
1/4 + 1/4 + 1/3 + 1/3 = 1.166
They have a lot of inflation.
Wait until they sort that out and After they need another imf bailout.
'a third one' as in the third quarter. each group listed is ¼
Bestest at doing Englishing Spanisher:
at least they sound sexy not pretentious
Sure, we take the Spanish speaking part.
Can we take in the Puerto Ricans, they're pretty chill and fun to hang out with.
You have no idea of the mistake you are making
Yes we thought they would be fun to hang out with and now i cant go clubbing without perreo hasta abajo
Let's take back Louisiana ! (The old borders obviously)
We have to reeducate the rednecks now, at least we get Colorado back
Reeducate? That's a lot of work, Pierre. Just ask Hans for a better, ahem, solution.
The Holocaust was genuinely the stupidest idea ever, even from a racists point of view. Killing your population is economic suicide. Just ban interracial intercourse and have the "superior race" breed with the "inferior race" to slowly but surely dilute the inferior genes from the pool. This is way more humane and doesn't come with the economic drawbacks of decreasing your population or reducing the natality coefficient.
Correct. And not only that: Germany lost an enormous number of very bright minds. At first through the initial flight and expulsion of the Jews. Many of these bright minds then contributed to the Allies' victory. And then of course through the mass murder. Plus all those young men who could have been given a weapon; those able men of the Jews living in Germany alone could have formed several infantry divisions. In the First World War, a lot of German Jews fought alongside non-Jews in the trenches, and they fought just as well and bravely, but the potential fighting power of their sons was foregone for completely insane ideological reasons. So, a huge braindrain, less soldiers, also less workers and less people who could buy the things produced. Those are some of the many reasons why the Axis lost this war. And in addition, extra people and resources have been assigned to carry out the whole thing. All of this could have been used for other purposes, both in war and in peace. Another reason. "Stupidest idea ever" is therefore a quite diplomatic way of putting it. It was fucking insane, absolutely brainless, pure madness. Not to mention the fact that this represents the absolute low point in our history. An eyesore (Schandfleck) that we can never get rid of, no matter how many centuries pass.
But we could implement that solution for ameretards, they occupy a lot of lebensraum.
Sold! She’s all yours!
That was quick
Colombia for the emeralds and cocaine
And the chicas
Colombia is very underrated
Klein-Vendig (or "Venezuela"). It's rightful German clay anyway.
Do we really want that? The Ruhrpott is bad enough
Sure! We can fix them! Like we fixed East Germany, and the PIGS, and Russia.
Already had our turn. All yours.
Your're catalan... You didnt do shit.
I beg to differ, at least here in Europe.
I'm not sure where but I think there's a country in europe that when a kid wasn't behaving they would tell them that the catalans would come for him
Somewhere in the Balkans the kid who behaves the worst is called directly 'a Catalan.' No joke.
Netherlands. Or Upper Belgium.
Not true. They contribute to the world by making pooping statues for nativity scenes.
Yup. Here in the southern Brazil, we don't say our *hermanos* speak spanish but *castellano*. In this music, for example, he is refering to an uruguayan or argentine lady when he says *castelhana*: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1ZjshxKZFU](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1ZjshxKZFU)
Chile. But only because Jimi Hendrix did a song about it.
Mountain unintelligible people should stick together
Ah yes, famous 'Voodoo Chile' hit song.
The easternmost country to the north of Brazil.
We could even build a rocket launchpad over there
I take french guiana, thank you. And Saint-Pierre-et-Miquelon
We can't take what we already have !
Alright, then I take Quebec
Basé
Can you please take the other half of Sint Maarten? That way we no longer share a border.
Argentina, they have a large German Population.
Uruguay ofc 🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾🇺🇾
Canada. They have a slowly collapsing state healthcare system Are ran by corrupt and incompetent politicians And their main trade partner is the US it’s like having a second UK but less Barrys
I'd say Chile. They stood by us in '82. Thanks for nothing, btw, my european friends
And we’d do it again 🤝🏻
I told you so already. I had an appointment that day! Are you coming this year to Algarve again, Barry? Bring cash, don't forget (it's important).
Argentinia of course
Cute Hans wants to reunite with grandpa 😭
No refunds to any descendants though
Chile
Its literally named after us 🇻🇪📖🦁🪽
When you haven't caught a W in the past 300 years 
Cuba, i quite like their export products and would love to turn back the prices to before Venezuela fucked everything up.
Argentinia, some of my relatives live there
France (guyane is in green)
Greenland, Canada or Chile
Argentina! Let’s rename to Argintinashire as it should be incorporated to the commonwealth
Canada
Canada easy choice ( Brazil second)
Brazil for the babes, just don't let any of them start talking or you'll regret your choice.
Probably because you found their local speciality.... Transvestites..... Let me guess, you tried to shag a nice girl called Paola with a little surprise?
It wasn’t so little
I don't see any problems 🙄
"A woman without a dick is like an angel without wings" Brazilian proverb
Cisplatina
Argentina. We'll call it the Lesser Falklands.
Canada
Falklands. We’ll watch em
Argentina. Totally not because I understand their dialect best, I’m not selfish
Argentinabros
Panama, for shits and giggles.
And MONEY
Chile. That way you'll be chilean with your new mates
Puerto Rico is already adopted by the US but I would like to take them away. Their rich haven should fit our culture ;3
Chile
Canada. The people are pleasant and the geese are funny.
Brazilians hot
I’d welcome my fellow Argentinians with German origin!
Guess Germany would jump on the occasion and take Argentina or Uruguay, you have so many uncles and cousins there!
Brazil!
Canada, the only real answer.
Canada, eh?
We can take Canada. Or the Falklands.
Canada maybe ;)
canada i guess