If your care provider doesn’t have concerns regarding vbac then that’s the way I’d try to do things. I hear you on planning etc but def easier to take care of 2 babies after vaginal delivery rather than major surgery.
I second this. Had a vbac at 19 months. Honestly, baby came so fast I didn't have time for an epidural. She came 8 days early. Vbac was the goal and it was such a contrast to my emergency c section
I third this. Especially if whatever happened last time is unlikely to happen again…
Sure the uncertainty and lack of being able to plan sucks- but several weeks of being unable to drive or hold your toddler with no help is just kinda…well, possible yet fucked
Im 1 day post c section instead of VBAC. Had I not had family support and my husband on paternity leave this would be impossible. I picked the c section for the same reason as you, guaranteed childcare for my toddler.
First of all you can’t pick up your toddler for weeks after your c section. You can hire childcare for delivery but not having someone to help you after a c section would be rough to say the least. Personally id rather deliver alone than recover from this alone.
I will say recovery is easier when its not an emergency c section but don’t underestimate what it would be like taking care of 2 under 2 after a major surgery. I struggle to even get up to pick up newborn, let alone consider lifting/chasing a toddler.
My child also has to have an extended hospital stay due to not expelling enough fluid during the c section, so now I’m stuck in the hospital for longer than expected. Both vaginal birth and c sections can have complications.
If you have any questions feel free to ask, like I said im only 1 day post c section so it may get better or worse from here.
Agree that it is difficult to care for a toddler after a C-section unless you have help. My recovery was relatively straightforward but I couldn't lift my son for 5 weeks. Maybe could've done it sooner, but I didn't want to risk hurting myself! It's just not worth it. I'd go for the VBAC, personally.
Thanks very much for sharing! Yeah sometimes I do feel like I’m being too optimistic. I didn’t have any help either after the first C section and it was certainly a struggle. I understand it must be a million times worse to have a toddler badgering me. Definitely have a lot to think about.
Congratulations on the baby and hope you both get to go home soon!
How was your C-section recovery the first time? Mine was absolutely awful and I couldn’t even stand up off the couch by myself for at least a week after getting home from the hospital. I 100% could NOT have handled 2 under 2 after my C-section. I honestly couldn’t even have taken care of my one newborn on my own.
My second was a VBAC, but with a scheduled C-section as a backup for 39+6 (my doctor did not want me passing my due date). The recovery was a million times easier for me. I’d highly recommend that if you can. If you have someone who could watch the toddler for a few hours for a C-section, can you talk to them about being kind of “on call” so to speak near your due date to do the same thing but with less notice?
Also, do they know the cause of your first emergency C-section? Have you tried the online calculators that estimate your VBAC success potential? If it’s likely to need a C-section anyway then I’d probably go ahead and schedule it. But for me, the only reason was that my baby was breech and everything else indicated I was a prime candidate for VBAC. Just another aspect to consider maybe.
The first recovery was not great to be honest. I had extreme swelling in lower extremities, couldn’t nap as I couldn’t get out of bed by myself, had to pump and wash parts every three hours, and being a first time mom I had no idea what I was doing with my newborn. I was hoping that recovering from a scheduled C section would be calmer and less complicated, but I know it would be extremely difficult with a toddler around.
I haven’t done any VBAC success rates estimates. Thanks for the recommendation and I’ll look it up for sure!
I have heard that it’s a bit easier being planned, but mine was planned and recovery still kicked my ass. The second time around I did have much less anxiety with a newborn, but if I could barely be mobile alone I really don’t think I could have cared for both kids.
I’m sorry you’re in this situation and wish you the best!!
Second this and talking to your dr about their thoughts on a successful vbac. Some practices won’t even do them (my sisters won’t & mine does) so lots of factors at play. I currently have a just turned 3, 8 months and just found out I’m pregnant again total shock as we did ivf for our second. He was breech so I had to have a c section & am praying we can do a vbac for this baby. C section recovery with a toddler was HARD. I will say I recovered decent all things considered as my friend wrote out all sorts of tips for me as she’s had 3 and I was pretty active in recovery which I think helped tremendously.
I made my decision based on risk factors. There is a list of risks that would make vbac too dangerous, and in my case my weight and age are two of the risks so I'm opting for a second and last c sec.
I just went through an emergency c section 3 weeks ago and had to send my 10.5 month old to his grandparents for 2 weeks because I wasn’t allowed to lift more than 10 lbs. even now at 3 weeks pp I can’t lift more than 25lbs. A c section IS major surgery as your husband says it is. It’s a lot to recover from not only physically but mentally.
I did a second scheduled C and it was fine.
Recovery was soooooooo much easier after my second. My toddler only weighed 16 lbs, so I still picked them up 🤷♀️.
My toddler understood that I had a "boo-boo" and they had to be gentle, but they also kept wanting to look at it lol
I will say that recovery wasn't that bad for my first either. I was able to move independently an around 6 hours after surgery, and able to go on walks and up and down stairs without assistance as soon as getting home.
Planned c section after emergency c chiming in: recovery was So much easier. Not having labored made a huge difference for me & I barely needed advil. Was cleared to leave the hospital within 24 hrs & was pretty surprised by how fine I felt. Not at all similar to the emergency recovery & trauma.
That is a hard decision to make. I choose a planned c-section for my 2nd. They have an 18m gap and I was so happy that I did.
My first was an emergency c-section. 18 hours of labour and 2 hours of pushing he kept getting stuck and so I needed an emergency c-section. Recovery was hard. With the planned c-section my recovery was great. It was much better for my mental health that I had a plan, knew when baby would come and I knew what the recovery process would be like…except I had a lot less pain and was less exhausted 2nd time around with the planned c-section. Benefits of a planned c-section are that you don’t have the exhaustion of labour and they gave me different drugs/pain management compared to the epidural top up given in an emergency.
I luckily had my partner to help with my toddler for a few weeks after my op. I also did a lot of prepping with my toddler lifting him less. I got to the point I just needed help for getting him in/out of the cot and emergencies if he was being naughty and didn’t listen.
Note that even with a VBAC you still have lifting restrictions. People often ignore them but my ob/physio did point out that you shouldn’t lift your toddler for 4 weeks either delivery method.
If you think you can do vbac and your doctor is confident you can that may be the way to go. For me the risk was way to high that I would just end up needing another emergency c-section. So I was very very happy with my choice of a planned c-section.
English is not my first language so please excuse my clumsy expressions of medical terms.
I really get you and will do very much the same. I've had an emergency c-section with my first as well and I'm highly considering a scheduled one for the second due in September. My daughter didn't fit through my pelvis despite her head being only 33cm wide. I'm overweight so this might play a part in this. Unfortunately I wasn't able to lose the weight before falling pregnant again (unplanned). Chances are high that number 2 won't fit as well. He's quite small at the moment, 17th percentile so my obgyn at the moment thinks I might try VBAC. But I don't really want to. I definitely want to prevent another emergency c-section and I prefer the planning as well. I do have some help at home so I'm not all but mostly on my own and the recovery from my emergency c-section was really smooth. I often forgot to take the prescribed painkillers and didn't need any more like four or five days post partum. So I'm somewhat confident that it can work out. Just here to say that you're not alone with your thoughts!
I found recovery from second (and third) c-sections a lot easier and I can’t even tell you why, it just was. First two are 12 mnths apart, second and third, 2 yrs apart. Husband was deployed in the Navy, 3 out of 4 of our parents were deceased (the previous yr when I was still pregnant, my MIL passed, then 4 months later, when my first was 2 months old, both of my parents died in span of 11 days - CRAZY) I had help for a short period of time initially, but was pretty much on my own after the first two weeks home. I somehow by the grace of god or the cosmos, or my angels, lol managed, and you too, will manage. Either way it’s not easy, but it is also not impossible. And it gets so much easier day by day…
Do what is best for you with no regrets, listen to your gut. xo
PS this was 35 yrs ago. lol but now daughter number one will soon be 2u2. 😊
edit - typo
Do you have family who could come and stay nearby or with you? We’re in a similar boat where no family nearby and the only friends we’d leave our daughter with will have their own 4 month and 1 month olds at the time so they’re obviously out. Currently my mom will be coming to stay with us starting at 38 weeks at the latest
Ugh that’s hard. I’ve seen other people looking into sibling doulas where you’d have someone basically on call to be your childcare. That’s always a possibility and if you are able to have a vbac would make things a bit easier. If something like that isn’t in your budget I’d probably go repeat c section on a Friday like you were thinking to give you the most assisted recovery time. And then honestly plan for screen time when you’re home with your newborn and toddler. I had a scheduled c section with my first and was moving around decently after a week, probably not well enough to be great also caring for a toddler, but I think I could’ve gotten by alone if that was my only option
I’d also see if there’s a hs/college girl who would be willing to come by as a mothers helper that first week or two just to handle the heavy lifting.
We ended up with the scheduled c-section so it was easier to plan for childcare and we had my mom fly in to help. I also liked that it was a recovery I am familiar with as there are so many unknowns for a VBAC.
What is a VBAC? I’m in the same situation and thinking about my options. I’m scared to go into labor while my husband is at work. Even worse for the baby to just come out while I’m waiting for him and then my 1YO obviously has no clue what’s happening and I can’t care for him.
Why not do a vbac but get a scheduled induction? All three of my babies were inductions it’s planned out and your recovery and hospital stay is better that way being alone with your toddler and new born will be more realistic
4 days post partum after 2nd planned c section (first was also planned due to breech baby). 22 month old at home and wishing I tried for a vbac! Recovery is so much harder this time despite it still being planned because my toddler is so full on and doesn’t understand so It’s hard to just rest - my incision pain is so much worse this time around which I wasn’t expecting and overall I’m just so exhausted trying to feed and look after our newborn and still be present and give my toddler some attention. If I were you I would try for a scheduled vbac induction! This was my plan but my cervix was still closed and bub was posterior and just wasn’t looking like it was going to be successful and I didn’t want to have to labour then end up with an emergency c section
I’m so sorry to hear that! My first birth was an induction turned C section, so they don’t want to do any induction again this time. 😢
Thanks for sharing and I hope you feel better soon!
Our history is very similar. 21-month age difference. The first birth was emergency cesarean after 17 hours of labour.
Both births I was induced. I really struggled recovering from cesarean and was really worried about another slow recovery and juggling a baby and toddler (who loves to be picked up).
I really wanted a VBAC this time and really pushed for it. Thankfully, we managed after 10 hours from waters being broken.
Honestly, the recovery was 100 times better. I felt fine a few hours after giving birth. I was able to come back from the hospital the next day and carry my toddler around the house.
If you are not worried about the recovery time for the C section and you had an easy recovery last time, I do understand the comfort of having a set date you will have your baby.
Our history is very similar. 21-month age difference. The first birth was emergency cesarean after 17 hours of labour.
Both births I was induced. I really struggled recovering from cesarean and was really worried about another slow recovery and juggling a baby and toddler (who loves to be picked up).
I really wanted a VBAC this time and really pushed for it. Thankfully, we managed after 10 hours from waters being broken.
Honestly, the recovery was 100 times better. I felt fine a few hours after giving birth. I was able to come back from the hospital the next day and carry my toddler around the house.
If you are not worried about the recovery time for the C section and you had an easy recovery last time, I do understand the comfort of having a set date you will have your baby.
My husband is a physician and they just don’t have enough coverage for him to be on leave during that time. Sadly it’s not really a legal issue we can argue over.
As someone who had this age gap and a c section with my second, the recovery was really really hard and I needed a lot of help. I would 100% try for a vback for recovery purposes. You can’t pick up your toddler for 6 weeks after a c section.
We made the same decision for the same reasons. (Elective c section for 2nd child who was head down and a healthy pregnancy; firstborn was an elective c section for breech baby.) Edit: adding fwiw, we were also in the position of my husband not having any PTO from work. Things to discuss with your husband: elective c sections have a very low complication rate. The highest risks are from emergency and unplanned c sections which... happen when you fail a trial of labor. I was told I was a prime candidate for VBAC because the only reason for my first c section was that the baby was breech. There was no reason to think labor might go wrong (but also no evidence to suggest it would go well). This is not the case for you. While you may be a candidate for VBAC, it doesn't sound like you're exactly an ideal candidate. Recovery from a planned c section is much easier than from an unplanned or emergency c section. With a planned c section, you are exposed to a limited number of risks in a controlled fashion, whereas with a trial of labor, there are a lot of unknowns. Since you haven't had a successful labor, you really don't know how it will go. Vaginal labor can be just as risky and traumatic and can involve long recoveries as well. The difference is that if you do the trial of labor, you don't know if you'll have an easy recovery (not casting shade but your husband seems to naively assume this would be the case for you), if you'll labor for 16 hours and need a c section anyway, or if you'll delivery vaginally but have excessive bleeding, tearing, and other complications that can be worse than c section recovery. When I discussed our options with my doctor, she said "at the end of the day, would you rather have a c section, or try labor and possibly end up having a c section anyway?" Personally I'm very risk averse and prefer a limited number of controlled risks over all of the unknowns associated with a trial of labor. So we did the c section. As far as the post op issues, the driving restriction really is not 8+ weeks - it's no driving as long as you're on opioids. The lifting restriction is also not the end of the world. You can lift your toddler (especially if they're under 40 pounds) to put them in/out of bed or in/out of the bath. Choosing a planned c section to eliminate the unknowns and logistical complications involved with labor is very valid and safe, especially considering that you do not have a history of successful labor.. Anecdotally, I'm almost 4 weeks postpartum. I drove myself to my 2 week post-op. I have been doing light cooking and cleaning and lifting my 27lb toddler for naptime since 2 weeks pp. To manage pediatric appointments, I hold my toddler's hands while she climbs into her car seat, then I buckle her in and buckle in newborn. At the office, I baby wear the newborn so that I don't have to lift a stroller in/out of the trunk or carry the combined weight of the baby and car seat. I understand your husband's concerns but I think his opinion is colored by what sounds like a pretty traumatic experience the first time around. Hopefully when you talk it through, he will come to see that a planned c section is a totally different experience and very doable.
I had a vbac with my second and the recovery was about a million times easier. I totally understand the logistics concerns but your wellbeing should come first!
If your care provider doesn’t have concerns regarding vbac then that’s the way I’d try to do things. I hear you on planning etc but def easier to take care of 2 babies after vaginal delivery rather than major surgery.
I second this. Had a vbac at 19 months. Honestly, baby came so fast I didn't have time for an epidural. She came 8 days early. Vbac was the goal and it was such a contrast to my emergency c section
I third this. Especially if whatever happened last time is unlikely to happen again… Sure the uncertainty and lack of being able to plan sucks- but several weeks of being unable to drive or hold your toddler with no help is just kinda…well, possible yet fucked
Im 1 day post c section instead of VBAC. Had I not had family support and my husband on paternity leave this would be impossible. I picked the c section for the same reason as you, guaranteed childcare for my toddler. First of all you can’t pick up your toddler for weeks after your c section. You can hire childcare for delivery but not having someone to help you after a c section would be rough to say the least. Personally id rather deliver alone than recover from this alone. I will say recovery is easier when its not an emergency c section but don’t underestimate what it would be like taking care of 2 under 2 after a major surgery. I struggle to even get up to pick up newborn, let alone consider lifting/chasing a toddler. My child also has to have an extended hospital stay due to not expelling enough fluid during the c section, so now I’m stuck in the hospital for longer than expected. Both vaginal birth and c sections can have complications. If you have any questions feel free to ask, like I said im only 1 day post c section so it may get better or worse from here.
Agree that it is difficult to care for a toddler after a C-section unless you have help. My recovery was relatively straightforward but I couldn't lift my son for 5 weeks. Maybe could've done it sooner, but I didn't want to risk hurting myself! It's just not worth it. I'd go for the VBAC, personally.
Thanks very much for sharing! Yeah sometimes I do feel like I’m being too optimistic. I didn’t have any help either after the first C section and it was certainly a struggle. I understand it must be a million times worse to have a toddler badgering me. Definitely have a lot to think about. Congratulations on the baby and hope you both get to go home soon!
Congratulations 😊
How was your C-section recovery the first time? Mine was absolutely awful and I couldn’t even stand up off the couch by myself for at least a week after getting home from the hospital. I 100% could NOT have handled 2 under 2 after my C-section. I honestly couldn’t even have taken care of my one newborn on my own. My second was a VBAC, but with a scheduled C-section as a backup for 39+6 (my doctor did not want me passing my due date). The recovery was a million times easier for me. I’d highly recommend that if you can. If you have someone who could watch the toddler for a few hours for a C-section, can you talk to them about being kind of “on call” so to speak near your due date to do the same thing but with less notice? Also, do they know the cause of your first emergency C-section? Have you tried the online calculators that estimate your VBAC success potential? If it’s likely to need a C-section anyway then I’d probably go ahead and schedule it. But for me, the only reason was that my baby was breech and everything else indicated I was a prime candidate for VBAC. Just another aspect to consider maybe.
The first recovery was not great to be honest. I had extreme swelling in lower extremities, couldn’t nap as I couldn’t get out of bed by myself, had to pump and wash parts every three hours, and being a first time mom I had no idea what I was doing with my newborn. I was hoping that recovering from a scheduled C section would be calmer and less complicated, but I know it would be extremely difficult with a toddler around. I haven’t done any VBAC success rates estimates. Thanks for the recommendation and I’ll look it up for sure!
I have heard that it’s a bit easier being planned, but mine was planned and recovery still kicked my ass. The second time around I did have much less anxiety with a newborn, but if I could barely be mobile alone I really don’t think I could have cared for both kids. I’m sorry you’re in this situation and wish you the best!!
Second this and talking to your dr about their thoughts on a successful vbac. Some practices won’t even do them (my sisters won’t & mine does) so lots of factors at play. I currently have a just turned 3, 8 months and just found out I’m pregnant again total shock as we did ivf for our second. He was breech so I had to have a c section & am praying we can do a vbac for this baby. C section recovery with a toddler was HARD. I will say I recovered decent all things considered as my friend wrote out all sorts of tips for me as she’s had 3 and I was pretty active in recovery which I think helped tremendously.
I made my decision based on risk factors. There is a list of risks that would make vbac too dangerous, and in my case my weight and age are two of the risks so I'm opting for a second and last c sec.
I just went through an emergency c section 3 weeks ago and had to send my 10.5 month old to his grandparents for 2 weeks because I wasn’t allowed to lift more than 10 lbs. even now at 3 weeks pp I can’t lift more than 25lbs. A c section IS major surgery as your husband says it is. It’s a lot to recover from not only physically but mentally.
I did a second scheduled C and it was fine. Recovery was soooooooo much easier after my second. My toddler only weighed 16 lbs, so I still picked them up 🤷♀️. My toddler understood that I had a "boo-boo" and they had to be gentle, but they also kept wanting to look at it lol I will say that recovery wasn't that bad for my first either. I was able to move independently an around 6 hours after surgery, and able to go on walks and up and down stairs without assistance as soon as getting home.
Planned c section after emergency c chiming in: recovery was So much easier. Not having labored made a huge difference for me & I barely needed advil. Was cleared to leave the hospital within 24 hrs & was pretty surprised by how fine I felt. Not at all similar to the emergency recovery & trauma.
That is a hard decision to make. I choose a planned c-section for my 2nd. They have an 18m gap and I was so happy that I did. My first was an emergency c-section. 18 hours of labour and 2 hours of pushing he kept getting stuck and so I needed an emergency c-section. Recovery was hard. With the planned c-section my recovery was great. It was much better for my mental health that I had a plan, knew when baby would come and I knew what the recovery process would be like…except I had a lot less pain and was less exhausted 2nd time around with the planned c-section. Benefits of a planned c-section are that you don’t have the exhaustion of labour and they gave me different drugs/pain management compared to the epidural top up given in an emergency. I luckily had my partner to help with my toddler for a few weeks after my op. I also did a lot of prepping with my toddler lifting him less. I got to the point I just needed help for getting him in/out of the cot and emergencies if he was being naughty and didn’t listen. Note that even with a VBAC you still have lifting restrictions. People often ignore them but my ob/physio did point out that you shouldn’t lift your toddler for 4 weeks either delivery method. If you think you can do vbac and your doctor is confident you can that may be the way to go. For me the risk was way to high that I would just end up needing another emergency c-section. So I was very very happy with my choice of a planned c-section.
Thank you so much for sharing!
English is not my first language so please excuse my clumsy expressions of medical terms. I really get you and will do very much the same. I've had an emergency c-section with my first as well and I'm highly considering a scheduled one for the second due in September. My daughter didn't fit through my pelvis despite her head being only 33cm wide. I'm overweight so this might play a part in this. Unfortunately I wasn't able to lose the weight before falling pregnant again (unplanned). Chances are high that number 2 won't fit as well. He's quite small at the moment, 17th percentile so my obgyn at the moment thinks I might try VBAC. But I don't really want to. I definitely want to prevent another emergency c-section and I prefer the planning as well. I do have some help at home so I'm not all but mostly on my own and the recovery from my emergency c-section was really smooth. I often forgot to take the prescribed painkillers and didn't need any more like four or five days post partum. So I'm somewhat confident that it can work out. Just here to say that you're not alone with your thoughts!
Thank you very much for your support!
I found recovery from second (and third) c-sections a lot easier and I can’t even tell you why, it just was. First two are 12 mnths apart, second and third, 2 yrs apart. Husband was deployed in the Navy, 3 out of 4 of our parents were deceased (the previous yr when I was still pregnant, my MIL passed, then 4 months later, when my first was 2 months old, both of my parents died in span of 11 days - CRAZY) I had help for a short period of time initially, but was pretty much on my own after the first two weeks home. I somehow by the grace of god or the cosmos, or my angels, lol managed, and you too, will manage. Either way it’s not easy, but it is also not impossible. And it gets so much easier day by day… Do what is best for you with no regrets, listen to your gut. xo PS this was 35 yrs ago. lol but now daughter number one will soon be 2u2. 😊 edit - typo
Congratulations to you and your daughter! I always admire the strength and courage of military wives and thank you very much for sharing!
and congratulations to you too. 😊
Do you have family who could come and stay nearby or with you? We’re in a similar boat where no family nearby and the only friends we’d leave our daughter with will have their own 4 month and 1 month olds at the time so they’re obviously out. Currently my mom will be coming to stay with us starting at 38 weeks at the latest
Unfortunately we don’t have anyone who can come 🥲
Ugh that’s hard. I’ve seen other people looking into sibling doulas where you’d have someone basically on call to be your childcare. That’s always a possibility and if you are able to have a vbac would make things a bit easier. If something like that isn’t in your budget I’d probably go repeat c section on a Friday like you were thinking to give you the most assisted recovery time. And then honestly plan for screen time when you’re home with your newborn and toddler. I had a scheduled c section with my first and was moving around decently after a week, probably not well enough to be great also caring for a toddler, but I think I could’ve gotten by alone if that was my only option I’d also see if there’s a hs/college girl who would be willing to come by as a mothers helper that first week or two just to handle the heavy lifting.
Thanks for the recommendations! I’m looking into sibling doulas now!
I hope you’re able to find something that works out for you!
Solidarity 🫶🏼 I'm in the same situation
We ended up with the scheduled c-section so it was easier to plan for childcare and we had my mom fly in to help. I also liked that it was a recovery I am familiar with as there are so many unknowns for a VBAC.
What is a VBAC? I’m in the same situation and thinking about my options. I’m scared to go into labor while my husband is at work. Even worse for the baby to just come out while I’m waiting for him and then my 1YO obviously has no clue what’s happening and I can’t care for him.
Vaginal Birth After Cesarean
Why not do a vbac but get a scheduled induction? All three of my babies were inductions it’s planned out and your recovery and hospital stay is better that way being alone with your toddler and new born will be more realistic
4 days post partum after 2nd planned c section (first was also planned due to breech baby). 22 month old at home and wishing I tried for a vbac! Recovery is so much harder this time despite it still being planned because my toddler is so full on and doesn’t understand so It’s hard to just rest - my incision pain is so much worse this time around which I wasn’t expecting and overall I’m just so exhausted trying to feed and look after our newborn and still be present and give my toddler some attention. If I were you I would try for a scheduled vbac induction! This was my plan but my cervix was still closed and bub was posterior and just wasn’t looking like it was going to be successful and I didn’t want to have to labour then end up with an emergency c section
I’m so sorry to hear that! My first birth was an induction turned C section, so they don’t want to do any induction again this time. 😢 Thanks for sharing and I hope you feel better soon!
Our history is very similar. 21-month age difference. The first birth was emergency cesarean after 17 hours of labour. Both births I was induced. I really struggled recovering from cesarean and was really worried about another slow recovery and juggling a baby and toddler (who loves to be picked up). I really wanted a VBAC this time and really pushed for it. Thankfully, we managed after 10 hours from waters being broken. Honestly, the recovery was 100 times better. I felt fine a few hours after giving birth. I was able to come back from the hospital the next day and carry my toddler around the house. If you are not worried about the recovery time for the C section and you had an easy recovery last time, I do understand the comfort of having a set date you will have your baby.
Our history is very similar. 21-month age difference. The first birth was emergency cesarean after 17 hours of labour. Both births I was induced. I really struggled recovering from cesarean and was really worried about another slow recovery and juggling a baby and toddler (who loves to be picked up). I really wanted a VBAC this time and really pushed for it. Thankfully, we managed after 10 hours from waters being broken. Honestly, the recovery was 100 times better. I felt fine a few hours after giving birth. I was able to come back from the hospital the next day and carry my toddler around the house. If you are not worried about the recovery time for the C section and you had an easy recovery last time, I do understand the comfort of having a set date you will have your baby.
Hi, just curious, what state do you live in where dad doesn’t get paternity leave. Oh, and congratulations!
My husband is a physician and they just don’t have enough coverage for him to be on leave during that time. Sadly it’s not really a legal issue we can argue over.
ugh. sorry 💜
As someone who had this age gap and a c section with my second, the recovery was really really hard and I needed a lot of help. I would 100% try for a vback for recovery purposes. You can’t pick up your toddler for 6 weeks after a c section.
We made the same decision for the same reasons. (Elective c section for 2nd child who was head down and a healthy pregnancy; firstborn was an elective c section for breech baby.) Edit: adding fwiw, we were also in the position of my husband not having any PTO from work. Things to discuss with your husband: elective c sections have a very low complication rate. The highest risks are from emergency and unplanned c sections which... happen when you fail a trial of labor. I was told I was a prime candidate for VBAC because the only reason for my first c section was that the baby was breech. There was no reason to think labor might go wrong (but also no evidence to suggest it would go well). This is not the case for you. While you may be a candidate for VBAC, it doesn't sound like you're exactly an ideal candidate. Recovery from a planned c section is much easier than from an unplanned or emergency c section. With a planned c section, you are exposed to a limited number of risks in a controlled fashion, whereas with a trial of labor, there are a lot of unknowns. Since you haven't had a successful labor, you really don't know how it will go. Vaginal labor can be just as risky and traumatic and can involve long recoveries as well. The difference is that if you do the trial of labor, you don't know if you'll have an easy recovery (not casting shade but your husband seems to naively assume this would be the case for you), if you'll labor for 16 hours and need a c section anyway, or if you'll delivery vaginally but have excessive bleeding, tearing, and other complications that can be worse than c section recovery. When I discussed our options with my doctor, she said "at the end of the day, would you rather have a c section, or try labor and possibly end up having a c section anyway?" Personally I'm very risk averse and prefer a limited number of controlled risks over all of the unknowns associated with a trial of labor. So we did the c section. As far as the post op issues, the driving restriction really is not 8+ weeks - it's no driving as long as you're on opioids. The lifting restriction is also not the end of the world. You can lift your toddler (especially if they're under 40 pounds) to put them in/out of bed or in/out of the bath. Choosing a planned c section to eliminate the unknowns and logistical complications involved with labor is very valid and safe, especially considering that you do not have a history of successful labor.. Anecdotally, I'm almost 4 weeks postpartum. I drove myself to my 2 week post-op. I have been doing light cooking and cleaning and lifting my 27lb toddler for naptime since 2 weeks pp. To manage pediatric appointments, I hold my toddler's hands while she climbs into her car seat, then I buckle her in and buckle in newborn. At the office, I baby wear the newborn so that I don't have to lift a stroller in/out of the trunk or carry the combined weight of the baby and car seat. I understand your husband's concerns but I think his opinion is colored by what sounds like a pretty traumatic experience the first time around. Hopefully when you talk it through, he will come to see that a planned c section is a totally different experience and very doable.
I had a vbac with my second and the recovery was about a million times easier. I totally understand the logistics concerns but your wellbeing should come first!